#Rangergirl IF YOU WROTE THIS OUT I WOULD LOVE THAT

[familyofpaladins]

@rangergirl3 the rest of your message was so SWEET <3<3 ily. i’m actually probably going to make a seperate post for each of these because they’ll probably get long. 

Let’s start with 8 (Keith gets poisoned by Alien Race that they are trying to ally with as part of some test).

Aahhhh this is a good one.

Alright so this one takes place during that time that Shiro is gone, and Keith is the ‘leader’ (I don’t think (???) it’s really important whether or not his in black at this point, but it has been kinda decided that he’s suppose to be the leader now). So they go to this planet that has just barely managed to keep the Galra at bay, and has potential resources that could help team Voltron, so they are meeting with the leaders of the planet to discuss an alliance. 

When they get down to the planet, they have a brief meeting, but then the Leaders ask to speak with Voltron’s Leader alone. And because they’ve kinda named Keith as Leader, he goes (They all have a 5 second silent debate about whether or not it should be Allura or Keith, but they said it was the leader of VOLTRON, so they chose Keith).

So Keith goes into a separate room with these leaders, and the Main Leader starts talking with him about how important Loyalty is to their species, and how they want to make sure that Voltron won’t turn on them like the Empire did. The species is fairly friendly if a little stiff and cold sometimes to strangers, but she (the Leader) offers Keith a drink, and he would honestly rather not, but he thinks it would be rude to refuse it so he drinks it. It doesn’t taste great, but it’s better than nunvil, so he manages to keep a straight face while drinking it.

All the while the Leader is still talking about how they want to make sure that their allies are loyal and “- a crew must be loyal to each other, or there is no chance of loyalty to their ‘allies’ and to have a loyal crew, you must have a loyal leader.” Keith gets a slightly ominous feeling from her words as she stares at him. “In order to make sure the we can trust potential allies, we put their leader through a test.” 

Keith doesn’t really like the sound of this, but he’s also very willing to do it, because this alliance could be very helpful in stopping the galra, and he already kinda messed up in leading the others so he wants to make sure this goes right, and if he has to pass some test then he’ll do it. 

(Keith) “Alright, so what is this “Test” and when does it start?”

(Leader) “Oh it has already begun.”

Oh great, Keith thinks, it’s some behavioral thing to see how he interacts with the rest of them, and he’s probably already blown it-

(Leader) “To show your loyalty to your crew, you must be willing to put their lives ahead of you own in order to protect them.”

Keith jumps up at this point, because if understand’s what she’s saying then that means his team his family is in danger and he will NOT sit for that, and demands to know what they’ve done with his friends. He would get up in the person’s face but he’s got the guards guns pointing at him, and it doesn’t do any good if he gets shot before he finds out what happened to his team. 

The Leader is still sitting calmly and continues, saying that his team isn’t in any danger. Yet. “You have a poison in your system that will get more and more painful until you die in three days time. There is an antidote, but you cannot take the antidote until you have left the planet” (they were planning on spending a little less than three days on the planet with them).”If you take the antidote before that time or tell any of your crew what is happening, it will show that you don’t value their lives, and we will not ally ourselves to people we cannot trust to hold our secrets or who are selfish and would put their own lives higher than those of the people under their care. And if that were to happen we would have to disspose of you and your crew as we cannot trust you to keep the secrets of Our planet that you’ve seen.”

Keith is filled with so many different emotions he doesn’t even know how to react, it appears that his friends aren’t in immediate danger, but their lives were literally just threatened if he says anything or tries to save himself, he’s also been  at some point poisoned with out him know- the drink when he came in, that’s what did it. Quiznak he should have refused. He’s angry relieved and angry again and mostly confused, what was the point of all this. 

He does end up yelling a little and says that they better not hurt his friends. She says they will be fine as long as he endures the poison. He’s handed the antidote (in a bottle or something) and asks why it’s being given now, and why not just keep it until they get ready to leave. She says it serves as a temptation, and they want to see if he will endure the pain even though the cure is right there so that his friends stay safe. He asks what if they figure out something is wrong on their own. She tells him that he must act normal, for if they find out he’s been poisoned, it has the same effect as telling them. 

Keith is pissed at the whole situation, but seeing as how he’s already poisoned there’s not much he can do, so he has to go along with it. He thinks he can start to feel the effects of the poison now (it’s like a very mild pain in his stomach like something he ate didn’t agree with him). 

So they all leave the room, when the others ask what happened in the room they tell them that they were discussing trust between the two groups and that they will continue their negotiations the next morning. 

So now Keith has to keep this from them when really all he wants to do is get his team off this planet as soon as possible, because he’s not sure he wants to team up with a group of people that test the other’s loyalty by poisoning them, but he can’t outright suggest that, because that has the Consequences to it. 

So they spend the night and morning there and the pain has gone from very mild to it feels like his insides are all twisted and his muscles are swore all over like he’s been on the training deck for 8 hours straight. There’s a couple times where he loses his face a little at the pain and the team have been starting to notice something up with him. but they don’t know what’s wrong. They try to ask him whats wrong, but he says its fine, and for a split second they think it looks like he might be panicking a little, but it’s gone before they’re sure, and decide to let it go.

They spend a lot of time going over negotiations but the species is hard to handle and Allura doesn’t understand why they are being so slow in accepting this, and is close to saying they just leave, because if these people don’t want to ally with them fine. But, ... they would be very helpful in the fight, so it’s important that they stay. Keith tells her that it’s her decision, if she feels that they really need these people for allies they’ll stay, but if they will be fine with out them, then they can go home anytime. (Again Keith wants them all off this planet, but does understand the importance of this alliance.) 

Allura keeps trying, but nothing seems to work so after spending over two days there, she decides that they aren’t getting anywhere and that they should leave before wasting anymore time here. Keith is so relieved because now there’s just so much PAIN, it feels like he’s being stabbed with knives that are both made of ice and red hot, and honestly he’s not entirely sure how he’s standing at the moment. 

But as they’re about to leave, the aliens stop them and tell them they can’t go yet, because they haven’t completed the loyalty test yet. Allura and the others are confused as to what this test is, but now Keith is imbetween them and the aliens (He’s so CLOSE to getting them out of here, he is NOT going to let these guys hurt his friends! He will fight them off if he has to) and is in position to fight them, and the others are confused to his reaction because it had seemed that he had been fine with them (in reality it was just Keith doing his best not to anger the aliens so they wouldn’t hurt them) and now he’s ready to fight and demands to know why they can’t leave. he did everything they said!

Turns out that the test they told him wasn’t the full test. The antidote isn’t actually the antidote. Normally the leader given the poison passes out completely after about 30 hours (Keith at this point is running at around 52) (but it still kills you at 72 hours) and then the rest of the test is for the crew to find the ingredients and make the cure for their leader, this way they know that not only is the captain loyal to their crew, the crew is loyal to the captain. 

(this alien race really aren’t bad guys, they just have a VERY messed up system of testing loyalties, and normally no one gets hurt, except for the jerks who actually are selfish and leave the planet (along with their crew) and take the antidote only to die because it didn’t actually cure them)

The team is FURIOUS because one of their own was hurt and they didn’t even know it and these people DARED to hurt him as part of some stupid test, and only now just tell them that they only have like 20 hours to find and make this cure or else Keith’s going to DIE. They’re mad at the aliens for doing this, mad at Keith for not telling them (even though they do understand after they calm down a little) and really mad at themselves for not seeing it sooner that Keith really wasn’t doing too well. 

Keith is still prepared to fight these guys, because with the pain in this head, it hasn’t quite sunk in that his team isn’t actually in danger, only he is, he still wants them all off this planet as soon as possible. ANd he’s angry and scared and protective and in so much PAIN, that he can’t even speak with out screaming. Buuut he does eventually pass out right there, and so starts everyone else’s part in the Loyalty test. And they REALLY need to hurry because they only have like 20 hours left and normally the crew gets more time (the aliens really didn’t expect Keith to stay on his feet that long). 

So the team splits up, most go out to find the ingredients to make it, and one or two stay with Keith because (despite their explanation) they are NOT no way in the history of the universe are they leaving Keith alone with them. 

So the rest of the fic is just a race against the clock to save Keith as they get all these stupid ingredients, and save Keith. 

After they do so, they leave the planet, and they might come back to finish negotiations and  maybe they won’t because Voltron doesn’t like people who poison their potential allies even if it is normally a well meaning test. 

And now that everyone is safe, they ask Keith why he didn’t try to tell them or take the antidote in secret somehow, and Keith tells them that he didn’t want to risk getting any of them hurt because of him, and that he’d much rather endure the pain than lose anyone else he cares about. Then cue the massive group hug that everyone gives him. :D

This would be alot of angst of Keith trying to manage the ever growing pain because HE Will NOT lose anyone else he cares about no matter what. (also he totally kinda panicked when he woke up, because he thought he failed and that his team was going to be killed, and very nearly punched Lance when trying to get up so he could save them. Also a group hung right then and there as well because they were all so relieved that their antidote worked and he’s alive!)

Found family fluff and Keith angst :D my favorite things

[rangergirl3]

I'm going to write more!

My mind yesterday as I sat down, opened up a Youtube Epic Music playlist...

AND TYPED OUT A STORY OVER 12,000 WORDS over the course of 10 hours

YES

THAT’S RIGHT

RANGERGIRL IS WRITING AGAIN!!!

:D :D :D :D 

Because gosh dang it all I LIKE IT :-)

I’m POSTING IT ON AO3 today! I’ll post links here once I get the first chapter up but yeah...ya’ll gonna have a new Keith angst/whump/gen/hurt/comfort/feels one-shot to read for the New Year.

:-)

As usual, I have a lot I want to say - so I’ll just put it under this line so it doesn’t eat up your feed. :-)

Over this past year, I’ve really struggled with a lot of things. Discovery of past trauma, realizing neither of my parents are willing to take the time to address the issues at hand, and a lot of medical issues - both physical, mental, and emotional - hit critical mass. Even though I’m surrounded by good friends, and you all have been so kind here whenever I post about the stuff going on in my life, I still felt very, very self-concious when it came to just about anything. The way I look, the way I sound, the stuff I write.

I went through ups and downs, but overall, I really struggled to like what I wrote. I kept trying to write things, one-shots or ideas, but was always really self-critical.

Typical background noise as I try to write pretty much anything:

I’ve done this before, It’s all so predictable, what if someone points out I’m just repeating myself, shit, I don’t want to put this out there, there’s just too much going on in my life right now, and I already feel like I’ve been saying the same thing over and over, and I don’t want to embarrass myself, I should just keep this to myself, it’s not like it’s new material, or anything really worth reading -

And sometimes, it is okay to just write something for you. 

But one of the things I’m experiencing about depression and anxiety and self-doubt is that it eats away at me, and there’s no limit to where it can reach.

I’m on meds and in therapy, and I know I’m going to get through this, but I’d be lying if I said it was easy. It’s not. It’s got valleys and mountains and sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe right. I know I can handle it, but it’s not like I can just snap my fingers, think a happy thought, and the panic attack is over. 

Usually I have to get to a quiet place, sit down, distract myself with music, or an audiobook. Depending on how bad it gets I’ll either pull myself out of it quickly or I’ll end up crying a lot later on in day when I’m able to unwind.

And this is not a ‘oh, sniff sniff, one tear falls and I’m done’ kind of crying. My nose turns red, I use about a whole box of Kleenex, and it takes me time to calm back down. 

Still, on really bad days, I don’t like to look at myself in the mirror. I try not to say too much because I don’t like how I sound, and I ask myself how anything I do is worthwhile, or special.

And it’s okay to go through hard times - it’s part of life. It’s not fun, and frankly I would love to get off the crazy part of the rollarcoaster sometimes, but honestly - I am glad to be alive. 

I shouldn’t be, but I am. 

And if that means bad days as well as good ones, I’ll take it.

So...what does this huge rambling post have to do with me starting to write again?

Basically it’s this:

It doesn’t have to be perfect.

I knew it, all this time, but it’s one thing to know it and another thing to believe it. 

I’m still working on believing it (consistently) myself, but that may take time.

But in the meantime, it’s okay for the story not to be perfect, or even be the story you originally meant to write. It’s okay if you write more of the ‘same’ stuff that you like.

If I look at the stories I write, they boil down to a very simple (and to me sometimes predicatable) formula. On my bad days, that feels ‘boring’ to me. I wish I could do things differently because who wants to read the same thing time and time again? 

But then I realized: I do. I do want to see this ‘simple formula’ in books, movies, everywhere possible. It’s not boring to me, even if it may strike other people as such.

And since I spent ten hours straight on this fic I’m going to post and loved every minute of it, it’s clear I want to see it to.

So here goes. 

Here’s to a New Year - it’s sure to be full of ups and downs, but I intend to have a lot of fun all the same.