#ROCK DOSE TEARS YO

[nastybuckybarnes]

In a Heartbeat  -  Five

Pairing: Fireman!Bucky X Reader

Summary: You’ve always been careful with your heart. With your condition, you don’t exactly have any other choice. The last time you let someone in, you paid the price. A price you don’t plan on paying again. Until Bucky comes in and shatters your carefully crafted world.

Warnings: Language, Fluff, Smut (18+), 

Word Count: 3.7K

A/n: hi I hope you enjoy this! So I’m thinking this will probably have two more parts and maybe an epilogue. I’m very very excited. Also my carpal tunnel has been hurting a lot lately so I haven’t been able to write much, plus I've been super tired. I hope to post more regularly and update stuff more often but I make no promises. Anyway, Enjoy!

Series Masterlist

~*~

“Going somewhere, Barnes?” The brunet smiles, raking a hand through his damp hair.

“Hell yeah, I am. I’ve got a date with the most gorgeous woman in the world.” Steve chuckles, shaking his head at his friend.

“Barnes doesn’t stink. What's he planning?” Sam asks, eyeing the way the brunet towel-dries his hair as he gathers his things.

Showering at the firehouse is something he likes to avoid at all costs. But smelling like sweat and fire before meeting you for another date? That’s ten times worse.

“Shut up, Sam.”

“He’s just jealous that no one wants to go out with him,” a female voice calls.

The men look to the doorway, smiles growing as they see Natasha standing there.

“What are you doing here?” Bucky asks, eyeing the cupcake in her hand.

“I come bearing gifts. Some better than others.” She steps aside and you smile from where she was standing, a Tupperware of cupcakes in your hands.

“Hey, (Y/n)!” Steve calls. You wave weakly at him, smiling nervously as you walk over to the table where he sits.

“Hey, doll. What are you doing here?” Bucky asks, eyes devouring your figure.

“Hi. Nat said she was popping by so I thought I’d go with her. Save you the drive over to my place, too.” You look at Bucky as you say the last part, smiling timidly at the grin on his face.

He walks over to you and leans down, pressing a soft kiss to your lips while his arm wraps around your waist.

You pull away when Sam whistles, giggling softly and shaking your head.

“I uh... I brought some cupcakes for you and the guys. Nat said I should leave them for her but I thought you guys might want some.”

Sam and Clint are diving for the container before you’ve even finished speaking, and you can’t help but laugh at their eagerness.

Bucky moves to stand behind you, his chin on your shoulder and his arms wrapped around your waist.

“You okay?” He asks softly. You nod, bringing your hands up to rest on his.

He knows how you get around his friends, nervous that they won’t accept you. When he introduced you to them for the first time you’d had to excuse yourself to take nearly a double dose of your pills.

“We can head out right away. I just need to grab my things.” You nod your understanding and he presses a soft kiss to your cheek before letting go of you.

“Well if you’re trying to win us over, it worked. These cupcakes are amazing, (Y/n).” You smile at Clint then over at Nat who gives you a knowing look.

The drive over was filled with you panicking and freaking out, hoping that they didn’t hate the cupcakes or think you were weird for making them.

“If Nat kept these to herself I think I’d die,” Sam says, interrupting your thoughts.

“These are the leftovers from our Halloween party. I’m not gonna eat them all and I don’t think it’s healthy for Nat and James to share two dozen cupcakes between the two of them.” Bucky pinches your butt and you yelp, swatting his hand away.

“I could’ve devoured those in ten minutes.” You nod, smacking his chest. “That’s what I’m worried about. There’s only room for one of us to have a heart problem in this relationship.”

Steve chokes on his cupcake and Nat cackles, shaking her head at you.

In the time that you and Bucky have been together, your confidence has grown so much, and for that Nat is very grateful.

“It’s okay to laugh,” you say, noticing the way Clint and Sam are staring at Bucky. The brunet shakes his head, hugging you tightly and chuckling into your hair.

“Always a comedian, huh?” You shrug, “one of us has to be funny.” Sam laughs then, Clint snorting while Steve coughs the cupcake out of his lungs.

“Alright. Enough of that. Let’s get going.”

You bid goodbye to everyone and walk with Bucky to his truck, smiling when he starts driving.

“So you’re my girl then?” He asks after a while, a smile on his face.

“I thought it was obvious after our first date,” you reply coyly, heart skipping a beat as you remember everything that took place.

Since then you’ve had your fair share of make-out sessions, each ending in him pulling away with the excuse of wanting to wait.

He chuckles softly, eyes on you for a long moment.

“Well, I just never know. Don’t want to assume anything.” You hum, pondering this for a moment.

“Have you been ‘playing the field’ then? Waiting ‘till we’re a real item to put yourself off the market?” You’re half-teasing, but he can hear the nervousness beneath your words.

“No way. With a sweet thing like you by my side, I’d never even dream of someone else, even if we weren’t official.” You feel reassured and relax into the seat.

“Where are we headed?” You ask after a moment, realizing you don’t know what his date plans are for tonight.

“Well, I figured since it’s the start of the weekend, we could have a delicious dinner of Italian bread, tomato spread, cheese, vegetables, and meat. Maybe top it off with some gourmet pureed milk with fresh vanilla, frozen to the perfect temperature.”

You blink at this then shake your head. “Pizza and ice cream?”

“Pizza and ice cream.”

~*~

You’re cuddled up next to him on his couch, head tucked on his shoulder and legs thrown over his lap. He’s got his metal hand on your knees and his flesh around your shoulders, holding you close to his body while the two of you watch the movie.

You’re tracing tiny patterns on the back of his metal hand, marvelling at how warm the material is beneath your touch.

Your fingers gradually make their way up until you’re drawing on his forearm.

He shifts slightly, hand resting on your hip and tugging you up until you’re seated on his lap. The position is nice, but not the one you want to be in, so you quickly shift to straddle his lap.

His eyes snap up to your face, beautiful blues capturing your gaze and looking straight into your soul.

“Hi,” he murmurs, tongue darting out to wet his lips. Your fingers find their way to his hair, combing through and nails gently scraping against his scalp.

“Hi,” you reply, voice just as soft as his.

Something in the atmosphere changes at that moment, the two of you taking note of it at the same time. The tension grows swiftly between the two of you as you each glance at the other’s lips.

“It’s been over a month,” you whisper, lips just hardly brushing over his. He nods, hands gripping your hips tightly as he pulls you hard against him, forcing you to feel the outline of his hardening cock.  

“It has. And you haven’t run away screaming yet so I must be doing something right.” You chuckle, lips pressing gentle kisses to his neck. “If tonight goes well, I don’t think I’ll ever run away.” He groans and his hips thrust upwards, making you gasp.

“A-are you sure?” He asks, genuinely concerned as he pulls back.

“I don’t wanna hurt you... and I don’t wanna get your heart going too fast.” You smile softly at him, cupping his cheeks in your hands.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything, James. I want you. And if my heart gets too high, we’ll put my pills on the nightstand. I just want you. Please.” He lets out a big breath and you sigh, pushing off of his lap and scooting away from him until you’re at the opposite end of the couch.

“Babydoll, I didn’t say no. I’m just worried.” You say nothing. Instead, you keep your arms crossed over your chest and stare at the TV screen.

“C’mon doll. You’re not gonna be mad at me for caring about your heart, are ya?” You look over at him finally and sigh.

“It’s my heart, James. And if I wanna risk my health to have sex with you, that's my choice.” He chuckles and shakes his head, crawling over to you. His hands are on your body then, flipping you so you’re laying with your back against the arm of the couch. He climbs between your legs and grinds his hips against yours.

“If your heart needs a break you tell me, okay? I don’t care if I’m about to cum, you stop me and you take your pills. Your health is more important than anything to me.” You nod, eyelids fluttering closed as he grinds against you again.

“Do you promise? I won’t do anything unless you promise to tell me if it’s too much.” Yo open your eyes when he stops moving, hands coming up to his shoulders.

“I promise I’ll tell you if I need to take a breather, okay?” He nods, happy with your answer, then dives down to press a searing kiss to your lips.

The passion behind it is like nothing you’ve felt before, and you’re startled for a moment before kissing him back just as forcefully.

He grinds his length against your core through your clothes and you moan softly against his lips.

His tongue darts into your mouth, getting re-acquainted with every inch while his flesh hand shoves your shirt up just enough for some skin-to-skin contact.

You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him down harder against you and rocking your hips up to meet his.

“You gonna let me eat you out?” The way the words fall breathlessly from his kiss-swollen lips makes you moan, nodding desperately. He chuckles softly, mouth making a wet trail down your neck.

His fingers come to the neckline of your shirt and, with little effort, he tears the fabric straight down the middle.

The blatant display of strength has you wiggling your hips in a pathetic attempt to alleviate the growing tension between your thighs.

His fingers dart behind your back, unclasping your bra expertly and tossing it aside.

Lips wrap around your nipple, tongue darting out for a moment before he nips at it with his teeth.

Your back arches up into his touch and he uses that to his advantage, groping your other breast and pinching at your nipple.

He pulls away after a moment, eyes dark and focused on your face while his hand slides up to rest on your throat, fingers pressing against your pulse point. You roll your eyes but he seems determined to make sure you’re not overworking yourself.

“Just checking,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to your lips quickly before climbing down your body. He tugs your pants down, panties coming with them, and lays on his stomach between your legs.

You bring one hand up to cover your face, heart skipping a beat as he places kiss after kiss on your inner thighs.

“Relax for me, doll. Lemme treat you right.” You nod, taking deep breaths to try and calm down while he brings your thighs over his shoulders.

His tongue darts out and licks you from entrance to clit, sending sparks shooting from your core to your toes.

He repeats the action a few times before focusing on your clit, tongue swirling and massaging over the bundle of nerves. Your thighs clench around his head and your heels dig into his back.

“F-fuck.” You’re surprised at how quickly he gets you to the edge, but you pay it no mind for now. Instead, you bask in the feeling of his mouth on your core and his beard scratching your thighs.

Your hands grab at his hair, pulling him in while your hips buck up off the couch.

Mouth open in a silent scream of bliss, you convulse. Your thighs tremble atop his shoulders and your hands nearly rip his hair from his head, but he doesn't mind. No, if anything the pain spurs him on.

It isn’t until you give an intentional tug on his hair that he lets up, eyes finding yours as he slowly lowers your legs and sits back on his haunches.

His hands rub gently over your thighs while you catch your breath, his tongue darting out to lick his lips.

“You okay?” He asks, concern lacing his voice.

You nod, heart beating fast but not nearly fast enough to be concerning.

“Do you wanna take this to the bedroom?” He’s genuinely wondering if you want to continue and you find yourself smiling softly at him.

“Yeah, I really really do.” He nods, a smile spreading on his handsome face before he scoops you up in his arms and carries you into his bedroom.

He’s so gentle in his movements, carefully placing you on the bed, kissing every inch of skin he can reach.

He only stays with you for a moment before standing up and darting out of the room. You prop yourself up on your elbows in confusion, waiting nervously for him to come back.

When he does you feel your heart warm.

He’s got your pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

“Just in case. So you don’t have to go far.” He sets them down on the bedside table then stands sheepishly beside the bed, cheeks pink. You crawl up onto your knees, grab the collar of his shirt, and yank him down onto the bed with you.

He collapses on top of you, catching himself at the very last second with his metal arm. Your lips find his in a kiss that's all teeth and tongue.

“Take off your clothes,” you whisper against his lips, fingers toying with his belt buckle.

He pulls back and yanks his shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor in a quick flash. Before he can come back, you’re tracing your fingers gently over his chest, eyes finding the angry red scarring on his shoulder.

His eyes are focused on your face as you trace over the scars with feather-light fingers, a frown tugging on the corners of your mouth.

“What?” He asks, worried that you’re disgusted with him.

“Do they hurt?” Your voice is a hushed whisper, almost as if you’re afraid of breaking the atmosphere of the dark room.

“Sometimes. But I deal with it.” You shake your head and look up at him, tears glistening in your eyes. “You shouldn’t have to.” His arms snake around your waist and he pulls you tight against his chest.

“We all have things that we shouldn’t have to deal with but we deal with them. I’m no exception.” You lean your head against his shoulder and press soft kisses to the place where metal meets flesh.

His fingers dance along your spine for a few minutes before he pulls away. You tilt your head back to look at him just as he leans down. His lips find yours, moulding against them so gingerly and expressing things that words could never.

Your arms wrap around his neck as he slowly leads you to lay down on the bed. Your legs come up around his waist, squeezing his waist and holding him tightly.

“You gonna fuck me?” The words slip out before you can stop them, but the growl that rumbles in his chest is enough for you to feel no regrets.

He leans back on his haunches and nearly tears his belt in half in his haste to get it off. His jeans are pushed off next, boxers coming with them until he’s naked before you.

You relax on your back as he leans over you, his hands coming to rest on either side of your head. You hold his biceps as he spreads your thighs with his knees.

“M’gonna treat you so well, darlin’.”

You nod, mouth dropping open in a gasp as he slides his hot length through your dripping folds.

He repeats the action a few times, coating himself in your slick before positioning the tip right at your entrance.

His eyes are locked on yours, holding your gaze as he slowly pushes into you, fire alight in his eyes at the choked moan that leaves your lips.

You finally manage to tear your eyes from his, staring down at where he’s pushing inch upon inch of his thick cock into your tight cunt.

There’s a brief moment of panic when you wonder if you’ll be able to take him fully.

“Look at that,” he murmurs, lips brushing gently over your temple. “Fuck, you feel so good... so nice...” You tilt your head back, relaxing further into the mattress as he bottoms out, hips flush against yours.

Your breathing hard, eyes shut and hands holding his biceps tightly as you adjust to his impressive size, the intrusion so foreign after so long.

“You okay?” He asks gently, voice laced with concern. You nod, taking a moment to actually check in with yourself. Your heart is beating fairly quickly, but it’s nothing you can’t handle.

“I-I’m okay. Can you...?” You trail off but he gets the idea, pulling his hips back only to press them forward. You moan softly, nails biting into the sensitive skin of his right arm and he hisses at the pain, snapping his hips forward harder and finding a steady pace.

Your head digs into the mattress, pleasure bubbling up and filling up the space inside of you with sparks as his cock hits the spot inside of you that makes your toes curl.

“Fuck... right there... fuck...”

He assaults your neck with rough kisses, his beard scratching at the sensitive skin and adding to the intense feeling of euphoria like gasoline to a fire.

Each thrust of his hips pushes you closer and closer to the edge, and your heart picks up speed as your climax approaches.

His metal hand pushes its way between your bodies down to where the two of you are connected, immediately working your clit and successfully pushing you into your climax.

Your entire body ignites, every nerve on fire and every cell up in flames. It rolls over you in wave after wave, drowning the rest of your senses so that all you can focus on is the feeling of him between your legs, pushing you headfirst into the most intense orgasm of your life.

The feeling of your walls clenching around his cock brings him rushing to his own release, hips faltering as he tries to maintain his composure and fuck the two of you through your highs.

He cums in hot bursts, painting your walls white and filling you with his seed. Your chest heaves, breaths coming in hard and fast in both an attempt to get oxygen and slow your heart, and also come down from your high.

Bucky pushes himself off of you upon hearing your laboured breaths and after one glance at your heaving chest, he’s pulling out of you and reaching over to grab your pills and the glass of water.

He balances them both in one hand and helps you sit up carefully, handing you the small bottle and then the glass of water.

You take your pills as quickly as you can, avoiding his eyes until your heart stops racing, and even then you don’t look up.

“Hey, look at me,” he whispers, taking the objects from your hands and setting them back on the table.

You slowly do, eyes glossy with tears as you bring your knees up and hug them to your chest.

“What’s wrong? Why the tears?” You shake your head, closing your eyes tightly and taking a few deep breaths.

“I ruin everything,” you whisper softly, pressing your forehead to your knees as tears drip down your cheeks.

He’s quiet for a long while, trying to figure out what’s making you say something so ridiculous.

“What... why would you say that, sweet girl?” You shake your head, sniffling.

“My stupid heart ruins everything. We were having a moment and I-” “Hey, you listen to me.” The urgency in his voice has you looking up instinctively, but you find nothing but softness on his face.

“Your heart is anything but stupid, okay? Your heart is amazing and it makes you who you are. I couldn’t care less if you have to stop and take your pills every time we have sex. If you wanna have sex again. I mean, I enjoyed it and I hope you did too, but if you didn’t that's okay, but maybe let me try again so that you can enjoy it more. But if you don’t want to that's totally fine, I don’t want you to feel pressured into having sex with me again if you don’t want to.” He stops himself and shakes his head, sighing heavily.

“What I'm trying to say, is that you could quite literally stop me as I'm about to blow my fricken load and take your pills and I wouldn’t be upset. We could be fighting, and if you need to take your pills it’s all behind us. Just because your heart needs a little help doesn’t make it any less important, okay? I will always put your health above anything.” You let out a shaky breath then nod, new tears welling up in your eyes at his words.

“Oh no. No more tears, doll.” You shake your head, a teary smile spreading on your face.

“You’re the nicest man I’ve ever met. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.” He’s got you wrapped in his arms in an instant, metal arm tight around your back and flesh hand holding the back of your head gingerly.

“Oh, darlin’...” His own eyes prickle with tears as he presses his lips to your shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, pulling back after a moment and giggling softly.

“Don’t be. This is how I want things to be. I want us to be able to cry and laugh right after sex. It’s how we should be. And I’m so happy that you’re comfortable with me.”

You sniffle and nod, fingers toying with his metal hand.

“How about we go take a shower then get nice and cuddled up in bed? I’ve been meaning to catch up on some of that show you introduced me to.” Your eyebrows raise and he chuckles.

“How’s that sound, pretty girl?” You nod, a small smile on your face. “It sounds perfect.”

[worksofthedaemon]

Salt & Lime

Reno x Reader mini-fic

It was supposed to be a drabble.... and now it’s not, sorry *Shrugs* So I don’t know if I’m 100% happy, BUT I had a whole lotta fun writing this. I was chatting in a FFVII fandom group chat about the Turk’s drinks of choice, and most of us were in agreement that Reno is a fan of tequila.  And I guess thats where this came from!  Theres also a healthy dose of canon Rude crushing on Tifa ok sorry 

I hope you enjoy uwu

In the growing late Friday evening, a pleasant buzz filled the air in Seventh Heaven. Tifa was hard at work behind the bar; serving the regular punters, managing the riff-raff, brandishing gloved fists at the troublemakers, and barely a moment to polish glassware in between. 

Rude looked silently on from his seat at the end of the bar, giving him a clear view of the door, so he could monitor those coming and going, with a pleasant bonus of the dark haired girl behind the bar. The latter of which he was too proud to admit. Reno, however, saw right through his facade - and boy did he like to tease his partner. The second-in-command Turk sat adjacent to Rude, back to the door, leaning heavily on one elbow propped up on the bar. Shirt uneven and mostly unbuttoned, a stark contrast to Rude’s sharp appearance, who even after hours, maintained a straight tie and regularly checked his cuff-links.

Reno poorly hid his smirk behind his beer as he took a gulp from the bottle. He followed Rude’s gaze, masked by the shades he wore, as Tifa collected the empties on the bar and walked away with a customer service smile. Reno cleared his throat, and Rude snapped back to attention, averting his now chagrined expression away from his partner, catching a nervous cough in his gloved hand. 

Chuckling, Reno reached out to harmlessly jab his partners shoulder. “Yo, ease up. Your secret’s safe with me. Although…” Reno trailed off, glancing at Tifa, now serving the other patrons. “It won’t be much of a secret anymore if you keep being so goddamn obvious.” 

Rude refused to meet his partner’s eyes. “Don’t be absurd. I have nothi-”, 

“You gotta make a move sooner or later though. This tension is killing me, man.” Reno pretended not to hear, as he continued to lecture Rude about his crush. “Just call her over and ask her out - I’ll do it for you! Hey, Tif! Rude wants to-”

Rude immediately clapped a hand over Reno’s mouth before he could do any more damage, however, Tifa had already heard her name amidst the commotion and had turned her attention to the two of them, a perplexed look on her face.

“Did you guys need something?” She asked, hands on her hips. 

Rude dropped his hand from the other Turk’s mouth, revealing the annoying grin hidden there, and cleared his throat. “My apologies.”

Before she could turn away, Reno said, “My partner here was just going to order another round, and offer you a drink. Ain’t that right, Rude?”

Rude sighed, pulling his card from his breast pocket and placed it on the bar before Tifa. “That’s correct.”

Tifa paused, glancing between the two of them, before shrugging and collecting the card. “Why the hell not? Another single malt on the rocks and a house beer, coming right up.”, she declared, waltzing away. Basking in the awkward exchange he had caused, Reno drained the last drops of his beer and spun the bottle on the bar top. Rude looked like he was going to chide him, but instead he diverted his attention with a sidelong glance at the door. It was his turn to smirk.

“Time to practise what you preach.”

Puzzled, Reno glanced over his shoulder to see who had entered the bar. 

You strolled into Seventh Heaven, looking forward to that glass of wine that had been on your mind since you left work. Working repairs and maintenance at the weapon store wasn’t exactly a strenuous job, but it was a tedious and mentally draining one. Especially since, recently, the number of monsters spotted in the outskirts of the slums had been increasing as of late. Naturally, that meant more work for you. Not to mention the newly nested drakes in the warehouses. Business was booming, your pockets were heavy from the bonus you received, but it sure was tiring, and more than warranted a trip to your local bar after a long week of being hunched over gun grease and blow torches. 

Tifa met you with a bright smile and a wave as you approached, already reaching for the wine glasses hanging above to prepare your usual. You returned her smile, adding a two finger salute. It was then you registered the familiar shock of red hair from the corner of your eye. As usual, the same pair of Turks were seated at the far left side of the bar. They had been coming in for the past couple of months, though weren’t exactly sure why. Your best guess was that they weren’t under a watchful eye while down in the slums, no one to keep tabs on them while off duty. You were acquainted with them, occasionally chatted to them in passing when you ordered your drink. Well, chatted to the redhead at least. His partner was more akin to a chiselled statue than a man, and spoke as openly as one. Reno, on the other hand, over compensated for Rude’s lack of small talk. You had learned each of their names from Tifa, and Reno had coaxed your own from you after your third encounter at the bar. On the condition that he bought you a drink, of course. Typically, you didn’t like company, you preferred your own space, some time to clear your head after work. Nevertheless, you weren’t completely opposed to Reno’s efforts to socialise, and he was very easy on the eye.

Upon reaching the bar, you threw your phone down on top of it, shortly joined by the finger-less gloves you proceeded to tear from your hands. Tifa placed a glass of wine down in front of you, pursing her lips while she waited for you to take a sip. She never charged you for your drinks, since you did a lot of weapon repairs for them as a favour. You weren’t exactly a member of Avalanche, but you were friends with them, and did what you could to help out in a way you knew how without being directly involved. In return, Tifa waved your bar tab and hooked you up with a place at Stargazer Heights to stay. 

You picked up the glass, closing your eyes for a moment and savoured the crisp, oaky aromas that rose from the glass contents. Bringing the glass to your lips and taking a generous mouthful, you swallowed slowly, nodding your approval.

“Wow, Tifa, I’m impressed! Where did you steal this?” You accused, jokingly. 

Tifa clapped her hands together and laughed lightly. “It came from Wall Market!” She leaned forward slightly and cupped a hand over her mouth, adding with a whisper, “A crate of it fell from the Don’s cargo.”

You raised your eyebrows and gasped in exaggerated surprise. “Oh my, what a shame! Well, I suppose we’ll have to make the most of it, huh?”

From the opposite end of the bar, you caught sight of Reno, clearly listening in to your conversation. He was jabbing Rude in the ribs with an elbow and no doubt saying something cringe-worthy, as Rude’s reaction was to pinch the bridge of his nose,his lips forming a thin, disapproving frown. 

“Has Rude made a move yet?” You chided, playfully.

Tifa ‘tsked’ and rolled her eyes. “No, just the usual pleasantries. Can’t say the same for him though. He’s up to no good...” She made no gesture but it was clear that the ‘him’ implied Reno.

You smiled, knowingly. Reno loved to get under his partner’s skin, listening to them converse for a mere five minutes was enough to discern that much. You had neglected to admit that you liked Reno and hadn’t mentioned it to a soul. He was a Turk, and that was a huge problem. As far as first impressions go, you were seemingly cold towards people, so it was easy enough to shrug him off at first. However, that did not deter Reno, and he persistently flirted with you. You had picked up on it around a month ago. Not that you minded, but you knew for a fact you couldn’t get involved with a Turk. Despite this, you certainly couldn’t stop your mind from wandering to some particularly daring places.

“Well, I’ll go take my regular spot.” You stated, mentally shoving your forbidden thoughts to a vault in your mind. Sweeping up your phone and gloves from the bar top as you turned to go, you paused, twisting back towards Tifa, swilling the wine in your glass and adding, “I’ll be back for more of this, it’s amazing.”

Tifa simply nodded with acknowledgement, and went back to serving the Turks. Turning, you caught Reno’s eye, who was giving you a once over. You weren’t dressed-up in the slightest. Although, rocking your work clothes, you supposed the combat pants and cropped shirt you wore gave him a decent view of your defined shape. You couldn’t hide the half smile that twitched at the corner of your lips before walking over to your usual seat.

Reno watched as you sauntered over to a seat at the round table near the window, your back to the jukebox. Absentmindedly, he rubbed the knuckle of his thumb over his bottom lip in contemplation.

Tifa had returned with their drinks, and she hesitated when placing the bottle down in front of Reno, regarding the red haired Turk seemingly deep in thought. She tilted her head, blinking down at him, then peered over at where you had gone to take a seat. Tifa swallowed a giggle as Reno brought his attention back down to earth. 

“And just what exactly are you scheming?��� Tifa examined him with a grin filled with scrutiny. 

Rude stared into his glass, tipping it this way and that so the singular ice cube knocked around the inside of the tumbler. He shook his head. “Nothing good.”

As if to reinforce his statement, Reno fished out his card, and held it out for Tifa to take. “Keep hold of this. Say, Tifa, what’s your best tequila?”

Thunk. The dart missed the triple twenty zone by a thread, resulting instead with a measly twenty. Rolling your eyes, you plucked the darts from the board and chalked your score. Just gotta beat Wedge, you thought, readying your next throw. Behind you, the clinking of glass settling on the table behind you caused you to divert your focus, the dart slipping from your fingertips sooner than anticipated. You stared begrudgingly as it struck the centre of the ‘0’ in twenty. 

Spinning on your heel, you registered the unexpected sight of Reno settling into a chair at your table, placing a bottle and two shot glasses upon it. The expression he wore was a smug one.

You met his eyes with a leer, holding his gaze for a moment. His implied offer was more appealing to you than you cared to admit. You debated just flat out refusing, but instead, tentatively returning your attention back to the dart board and raised your hand for another throw. Reno rested his chin on an upturned palm, glazing over your dismissive attitude at his unspoken proposition. 

“Come on, just a few drinks. Indulge me.” 

You sighed, heavily. “And what do I owe you if I do?” You threw a dart. Double eighteen.

The Turk innocently raised his hands. “Oh please, I’m not that kinda guy.”

You arched a brow.

Reno looked offended. “Don’t give me that look. I can be an asshole, but not that kind of asshole.” He gestured to the shot glasses with a curt head tilt. 

You shot a quick glance at the bar, where Tifa stood watching the scene play out. Rude averted his gaze, pretending to straighten his tie. You stood for a moment, curling your lip. Decidedly, you stepped up to the dart board to retrieve the two darts, along with another set from the pocket next to the scoreboard, and returned to your table. Reno’s grin widened when you took a seat nearest to his. You placed the newly acquired set of darts down in front of him, and grabbed the bottle he had placed on the table. 

“Tequila, huh.” You commented, skimming the label.

Reno lifted a dart with his index finger, balancing it on the tip. “To your liking, I hope?”

You shrug. “I’m partial to tequila.” You placed the bottle down. “Sure. I’ll drink with you. On one condition.”

The Turk raised his brow, interest piqued.

You flick the dart up from where it balanced on Reno’s finger and snatched it out of the air, brandishing the point at him. “Beat me at a game of darts, fewest throws to three-o-one. Then we’ll drink.”

Reno appeared to be calculating your offer. He poked at a shot glass. “Sure you don’t want a warm up drink?” You snorted. “And have you beat because your aim is off? Don’t shoot yourself in foot, hotshot.”

He threw his head back, “Ha! Take me for a light-weight? I can assure ya, you’ll be the one crawling to keep up once we get into this.” He shook the bottle for emphasis. 

You shook your head, a confident grin on your face. “You should not underestimate me.”

“Oh trust me, I don’t.” Reno affirmed, rising from his seat, hand pushing away from the table.

 Dart still in hand, you clasped your free hand over his and slammed the dart point first between the splayed fingers of Reno’s hand and into the weathered wood of the table. “Not so fast.” You picked up your wine glass, a few drops at the bottom, and held it out to him. “Go get me another wine first.”

Reno held your gaze as he took the wine glass from you, his hand lingering on yours for an extra breath. “Yes, ma’am.”

Waiting until the Turk left the table and got to the bar, you expelled a breath you didn’t realise you’d been holding. What am I doing?! A thought in your brain flared out as you went to reset the scores, wiping the board clean. You couldn’t deny the excitement you felt at the opportunity for a challenge, yet you also couldn’t help but wonder if you were stepping on dangerous ground. He’s a Turk! Your thoughts needle your conscience once more. You brushed your hair back from your face and inhaled a deep breath. “Let’s just have some fun for once.” You muttered under your breath.

Reno returned, full glass in hand, and a fresh bottle of beer for himself. He placed the drinks down, and collected the darts up off the table. “Ladies first.” he announced, gesturing with mock courtesy.

You stepped over to the jukebox, cranking the volume slightly as ‘Fight On’ began to play. You levelled Reno with an icy stare. “Game on, bitch.”

Six darts in and you were tied. Both your own and Reno’s scores sat at 240. His throws had followed yours to the millimetre, his unwavering concentration taking you by surprise. Two more throws could call the round, and despite the casual nature of the game, the competitive pressure had you on edge. 

“Your throw, sweet heart.” Reno leaned against the jukebox, sipping his beer.

You stepped up to the hockey, lined up your throw, and shot; One.

Reno scoffed,“Yikes, playing it safe there. I thought you were going to go hard on me.”

You reached for your wine, taking a sip and meeting Reno’s nonchalant gaze over the brim. You hated how much you loved his cocky demeanour, but kept up your cool facade. 

“All I need is that triple. You should be shaking in your boots, Turk.”

Much to your disappointment, he didn’t seemed phased as you lined up your next shot. You sucked in a sharp breath, held it. Sights on the triple twenty. In the split second you exhale and loose the dart, you glanced over in Reno’s direction to see if his poker face had faltered. Big mistake. He was staring directly at you, eyes hooded and lips slightly parted. The image of him relaxed there against the jukebox, wearing a deadly expression that caused your heart to lurch and your breath to hitch. Your eyes widened slightly at the placement of the dart in the board and you froze in disbelief. Double twenty.

Sauntering over to you with a swaggering gait, Reno leaned in close enough for you to feel the loose strands of his hair tickle your ear, whispering “Oops, my bad.” 

Standing frozen with your back to him, you failed to note his conniving smile.

“You wanna take that last shot or are you going to forfeit to me?”

Visibly grimacing, you ignored his jape and took your last shot. Double ten. You retrieved your darts without a word. Reno finished up with two shots as you looked on in disdain, a triple nineteen followed by a double two, winning by one less dart. Not once did he drop his composure or appear nervous. 

“You’re a dirty player, you know that?” You opined, though if challenged you weren’t really sure how to back up that statement. 

Reno feigned shock. “I have no idea what you’re implying, but I won fair and square. Unless… you just really wanted that drink, so you let me win.” 

“I would never let you win.” You snapped, and Reno raised a brow. You paused. “But I definitely deserve that tequila now.”

He seemed to comply with your statement. “Alright, alright, but let’s take this outside. I need a smoke, and you could probably use some air to cool off.” 

You had to bite on your tongue in order to prevent a retort.

Outside, you were in fact thankful for the cool night air on your apparently hot skin. You leaned over the railing while Reno proceeded to light up a cigarette, inhaling a few puffs before setting it down in the ashtray. The smoke wasn’t completely unpleasant, as you caught a passive taste of the menthol that laced it.

Tifa kindly brought your drinks outside, and you both settled into the seats at the small table on the veranda.The redhead reached for the bottle but you snapped it up before he could lay a finger on it, and you inwardly berated yourself for being so fickle. The wine was really hitting you differently tonight. Sure, you were sassy, but this seemed to coat you with a few extra bristles - or maybe it was the circumstances in which you found yourself in, you couldn’t say. 

You poured the shots and set the bottle down. You lifted your glass without so much as checking to see if Reno had picked up his, when suddenly he raised a finger to your lips. 

“Nah-ah, you can’t just drink it, you’ve got to go all in.” He scolded, taking your shot from you and reaching to a condiment on the table, beside which was a lime wedge resting upon a black napkin. 

You chuckled, grinning sheepishly. “Right, because I’m not salty enough?” 

The smile Reno gave you in return this time was a light hearted one. “Alright, salt, shot, lime. Got it?”

Rolling your eyes, you said “Yeah yeah, I know the drill.”

Reno scooted his chair closer, holding the salt shaker. He brought his free hand up and licked the base of his thumb before tipping the salt on the slightly glistening skin.

Your stomach felt as if it did a small flip at the sight of this gesture, meaningless as it was, but it was enough to cause you to shudder with a feeling you didn’t want to give voice to. You did the same with your own hand, vaguely noticing the mirth slipping into Reno’s smile as he poured the salt onto your hand. Placing the shaker down and picking up your shots, you raised them between the two of you, pronouncing a simultaneous ‘cheers’.

In one fluid and unanticipated motion, Reno caught your hand, bringing it boldly to his lips and lapped the salt from your skin, a deviousness in his eyes as he winked at you and drained his shot. All you could do was gawp, so stunned by his audacity that you simply watched as he dipped his thumb in the salt on his own hand, and brought the same hand to cup your face, thumb poised on your lips.

Tentatively, you darted your tongue out, allowing it to caress his thumb and taste the sharpness of the salt. Reno’s stare locked onto the movement, and you grasped the opportunity to break his composure. You gently closed your lips around the tip of his thumb, and sucked the remaining salt off with a slight pop. The raw desire that pooled in Reno’s eyes in that moment was satisfying enough for you to warrant it as revenge, his hand dropping without him registering. You knocked back your own shot, enjoying the warmth of the alcohol as it spread through your chest from within. 

You held out your hand with an upturned palm, a confident request falling from your tongue. “My lime, please.”

Reno’s piercing blue eyes seemed to penetrate your own, as his lips parted into a smile, revealing the lime wedge clenched between his teeth. Oh, fuck m- However, your intruding thoughts were thrown to the wind as you jumped from your seat, reaching for Reno’s jaw with your already outstretched hand and crashing your lips into his. The Turk tugged at the waistband of your pants to bring you closer, planting your free hand on his exposed chest to prevent you from falling into him, your tongue fighting with his as it withdrew the lime. The juice of the lime tangy and sweet, mixing with the scent of the lingering cigarette smoke, bittersweet and somehow sinful. 

You parted from the kiss abruptly, nipping his lip a little before standing back and wiping the juice from your lips. Reno reached up with the napkin to remove the lime from his mouth, his smug grin dripping with mirth. 

Now that your mind had a chance to catch up with what had just transpired, you felt an angry blush blooming on your cheeks. This gave Reno more satisfaction than you willingly wanted to give, though the growing desire in his eyes didn’t go unnoticed, and this ignited something else in you.

“Yo, no need to go shy on me now, y/n. Maybe you need another shot to take the edge off?” Reno suggested, leaning back in his seat, looking very pleased with himself.

“Oh shut the fuck up and kiss me asshole,” you asserted, roughly grabbing the colllar of his suit and forcing him up and out his chair, pressing him against the wall of Seventh Heaven. Not a single part of him resisted, his arms wrapping around you and pulling your body against his own, his left hand snaking up into your hair and the other grasping at the curve of your hip. Faster than you can comprehend, Reno had pushed off the wall and flipped you around so you were now pinned against it. The kisses were hot, angry and desperate, as you allowed the self restraint to slip away and submit to carnal desires.

Reno broke the kiss, momentarily satiated. He withdrew his hand from your hair and traced his finger along your jaw to stop under your chin, tilting your head up.

He shook his head a little in disbelief. “Well I gotta be honest, did not expect my night to turn out quite like this.”

“Likewise,” you huffed, then swiftly pushed Renos' body from yours. He stumbled a little, shooting you a questioning look.

“I want a rematch!” You demanded, shaking your fist and marching back into the bar.

[ghostmartyr]

how a life can move from the darkness [1/?]

Yo.

This wasn’t at all how I planned doing this, but who needs plans, really?

This is the first part of a fic not intentionally designed to be separated into parts. It’s unedited, somewhat long, and very indulgent.

What it contains:

Two drug addicts meet in group and decide to be roommates to make their living situation slightly less weird. From there we do the slow burn found family dance mixed in with the struggles and agonies of recovery.

High octane awkward Eren and Historia brotp. Pure gen, pure disaster.

EMA feels of the brand where Eren doesn’t make out with either of them, but if he did, you wouldn’t, like, be shocked? The One True Threesome energy stops at the gen door, but it’s there.

Ymir is there (though not yet; slow burn in all walks of genre), and she and Historia have emotions, and it’s complicated, and they’re morons. The parts where they make out on a countertop haven’t been written yet, but it’s very clear that if they could, that’s all they’d spend their lives doing.

And before I ruin mobile users lives, uh. I worked really hard on all of this, even though I never reached the editing stage, so if you wanna comment if you like any of it, that would be rad.

With that, off to the races.

Eren hated going to meetings. He hated the squeaky floors. He hated the creak all of the chairs made when someone sat down. Or moved. He hated the steadily more concerned looks the group leader, Petra, sent him when he stopped opening his mouth during. He hated listening to all the horrible things everyone had done to the people they loved. He hated knowing he had done worse.

He hated the look on his mom’s face when he didn’t go.

He hated that it made him think of pills. Over a month after rehab, over a month of several meetings a week, and every time someone had an emotion near him, he wished he could go back to being high.

He kept hearing that was normal.

The itch under his hands, the loud thump of his heart, the violent mood swings. The nightmares. All normal. Everything that had got him hooked was a normal part of the recovery process.

“My name’s Eren, and I’m an addict,” he said at meetings. Sometimes he’d try, just in case there was something to it. Sometimes he talked about his mom and the missing lock from his door and how much he missed—living alone. He’d grown out of having his mother hover over him, and that was a normal thing to feel frustration about. Even though he deserved it.

Normal.

What he never said at group anymore was, “My name’s Eren, and I’m a murderer.”

That was less normal, and it made everyone uncomfortable. They were all thieves and liars. Some of them had watched people die. One person was there every single session, gnawing his fingernails down to bloody stubs, because he knew what it was like to watch the light leave someone’s eyes when they were gone for good. That was when he knew he had to get clean.

That was when Eren had decided to get high.

No one liked to think about what it was like to be the cause.

He’d gone to therapy for it, before everyone had agreed that rehab was the more necessary treatment. He’d yelled a lot. The therapist said that he shouldn’t be so hard on himself over an accident, and he’d yelled more and stopped going.

He didn’t yell at meetings. When people yelled at meetings, it bounced back around the gym. Like one of the basketballs in the locked cage in the corner. It made Eren’s ears ring and a scream that had nothing to do with words would build up in his chest until he tasted blood in his mouth.

That didn’t help much. It brought back to mind cramped cars and more hysterical screams and flashing lights and his father’s hand in his hair and tears that felt like fire and burnt flesh and he hadn’t taken anything in over a month he couldn’t be floating this far from his body and group was over.

Group was over.

He could hear Petra announce it.

It echoed less the third time he heard it.

He wasn’t the last one to stand up. The chairs all screeched together, but standing wasn’t something any of them wanted to do. He wasn’t a great participant, but he could at least listen. Their lives all sucked. No one was in a rush to go back to the real world. Except maybe the tall freckled guy. Marco. He was mastering his recovery, and all set to head back to grad school any day now. His worst problem was fearing that it would all go away when he went back. Eren hoped it didn’t. Marco had lost it trying to support his sick grandparents, dosing himself with anything to make it through the day. He wasn’t a bad guy. He was the kind of guy the rest of them mugged for drug money.

Eren wandered over to the vending machines, where the refreshment table was set out. Petra brought cookies most weeks. She told him she baked to keep from getting baked. One of the guys in group had laughed so hard that he wet himself, and no one was that surprised to hear from his buddy that he was back in rehab.

Petra’s cookies were terrible. Eren made himself eat them. She smiled when he did, and the ritual put something in his stomach. He had trouble eating before meetings. He was supposed to be talking about that. He wasn’t, because it all came back to murder and discomfort and…

His mother told him he needed to try.

She was right. He hated that, too. He hated it so much that he stopped in the middle of breaking his teeth on Petra’s stone-hard chocolate chip cookies and stared at the wall wishing he could have his meds back before he thought about something stupid like killing her too.

Drugs. His drugs. Not meds. When they were meds, they were always someone else’s. He was never supposed to be on anything except painkillers for his broken leg.

Petra had told him on their first meeting—had taken him aside and put her hand on his shoulder—more gently than she had any reason to be, that she wished they worked on broken hearts too.

He hadn’t been planning to go to the second. She said that, and he did.

He hated meetings.

He chewed through the rest of his cookie mechanically, trying not to let it show on his face that swallowing felt like swallowing a hundred tiny pebbles, and trying not to think about bright eyes chattering about dinosaurs and digestive strategies.

The first went okay.

The second had hatred wrapping around his throat like a vice of fire, and the table he was grabbing shook enough to rattle the rock cookies against their plate. Petra brought her real plates for them. They were loud and unbearable under the massive ticking clock stapled to the wall and he wanted to hurt things.

It was not the time for the tiny blonde girl who sat across from him every week to walk over and say hello. It was not the time for anyone to be saying hello to him, when he already had one body on his ledger and that hadn’t been enough to stop him from getting into fights and watching the blood spill, and fuck he needed something to stop this.

Something said, quietly, “Do you want to share an apartment?”

The table stopped rattling. The clock above it didn’t stop ticking.

Eren stared blankly at the girl. “What?”

The same dead eyes he saw in his mother’s bathroom mirror before he smashed it stared back at him, missing any hint that something strange had just been said so completely that he wondered if he had taken something and was now obliviously tripping into oblivion.

“My sister won’t let me live by myself. I need a roommate.”

Eren was still staring. His mom would say he was being rude. Another thing she was right about, but guilt was preoccupied with too many other things. “Have we talked before?” he asked.

He didn’t think she ever spoke in group. He saw her there almost every time, and some days they’d make eye contact and keep it because they always ended up sitting across from each other. They were both so dead inside that it wasn’t creepy. Eren thought that might be the other way around, but his eyes needed something to stay stuck on when he didn’t feel like talking, and she never said a word about it.

“No,” she said, “but you said last week that living with your mother wasn’t going well.”

Eren had taken his hands off the table. “It isn’t,” he said.

“You don’t need to pay rent if you don’t want to.”

Eren was twice the girl’s size. There was no reason to worry about her succeeding in harvesting his organs. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to wonder about it. “I have money,” he said. Defensively. He couldn’t work some of the jobs he wanted to anymore, but he wasn’t broke. Yet.

“That’s fine too. I just need a roommate.”

Eren was tired, he hated everything, and if he had a home he could go back to without pain, he would be going back to it. He looked at the girl. She was still tiny. A tiny, breakable drug addict. “You were there the day I said I killed someone, right?”

His voice broke in the wrong places, making him sound wrecked instead of threatening.

The girl nodded.

“Yes,” she said, before adding, the way his mom remarked on the weather these days when they were alone in the kitchen and no one was speaking, “I killed my father too.”

The clock was ticking too loud to think time had stopped. Or even slowed. If anything, it was speeding up. Eren reached for another cookie. He couldn’t make himself take it. His fingers were too heavy. He dropped his hand back to his side before he sweat all over Petra’s hard work.

“Oh,” he said. Maybe out loud.

His heart was beating too hard again. Several people were still loitering by the chairs. No one was walking over to the refreshment table. The people who went to meetings and got along with each other went out to coffee. Or invited each other over for lunch. The leftovers were not going to think Petra’s cookies were worth interrupting the weird, staring children who didn’t want to be here.

The weird, staring children who weren’t trusted out in the world on their own. Because they murdered people and did drugs.

“When can I move in?”

----

Her name was Historia. If anyone asked, they were sponsoring each other. Specifically, if Petra, Eren’s mother, or Historia’s sister asked, they were firmly united in their journey through continued sobriety, and weren’t leaving home so they could run away and do more drugs. They were mature, responsible adults, and being able to live in their own space would make them less likely to kill again.

Eren hadn’t meant to say that out loud when he and Historia were practicing their lines. They agreed to leave it out of the final cut.

The final cut never seemed to end. His mom was relieved that he had a friend, but the suddenness of Historia’s introduction and their decision to move in together set off the same alarm bells that landed him in rehab. Historia’s base personality didn’t help. His mom was used to him being unhinged, but seeing it in someone else just brought in the question of which drugs were involved. She’d insisted on speaking to Historia’s sister, and if Eren had anything breakable left in his room, he probably would have gone after it. He wasn’t sure if he was a child or a prisoner in her eyes.

Or just her last remaining family.

That line of thought put him down a very bad road, so he didn’t engage. After the fifth dent in his wall.

Historia’s sister Frieda, in comparison, was easy. She took one glance at Eren, said, “isn’t that a familiar look,” and told them both that she was keeping a key. She wouldn’t go out of her way to bother them, but she would show up without asking. She would be their final, invisible roommate.

Historia said Frieda was a social worker. Eren didn’t think he had a feeling about that, but anything that made her more comfortable measuring him up was probably a positive in all of this.

They were not allowed to be in the room when his mom talked to Frieda. He and Historia spent an hour staring at peeling wallpaper in the living room. Interspersed with thoughts on how their family members would get along. They died off fast. Eren hadn’t known Frieda long, but she was better put together than any of them combined, and it showed.

Even if he’d caught the same shadows his mom had when she looked at Historia.

After a harrowing conversation with his mother pushing for someone to help him pack up his things (someone someone someone like he didn’t know exactly who she meant), he was set to go. He asked Historia if she was okay being his someone, even though she was tiny and not anyone’s choice for a moving buddy, and that kept his mom from digging her heels in too deep.

“They are still your friends, Eren,” she’d said. Volume worked with her to make the point, and for once Eren hadn’t had a smart answer to fire back.

He didn’t know if his mom knew the exact number of the ignored texts and calls on his phone, but he did know Historia was the only person who’d willingly stepped into his house since he destroyed everything.

Not thinking about that was a symptom of treatment. He wasn’t going to improve if he kept dwelling on the negatives.

He wasn’t sure if the lying had come with the drug habit or after, but if he ever met himself in a dark alley, he’d add another body to his count. One without all the guilt.

Moving into the new apartment was weird, and he told Historia so. It only had two bedrooms, but it was gigantic, and even though he knew that Historia had lived there once before, the space was completely scrubbed of any personal touches. It was like being in a hotel. Historia said maid service would do that. She was not joking.

Eren couldn’t figure out if he was stable enough or dead enough to adjust to the concept of strangers regularly cleaning his room, but Historia was a stranger to start with, so he didn’t have much of a leg to stand on anyway.

The giant area rugs kept the echoes to a minimum, and there were no ticking clocks that he could hear. There was also much less white than he’d expected, walking around Frieda’s place. He didn’t want to ask if that was because it made her think of hospitals too. Historia answered any and all questions honestly, and it made him want to return the favor.

Petra would be delighted.

---

“How bad is it if I punch the walls?”

Historia was lying on the floor. She spent every day trying to lock herself in her room, then lost and stepped out into the main room with a textbook under her arm. There was a chance she really read them. It still reminded him of past someones pointedly flipping a page and not looking at him when he committed such heinous crimes as finishing off the wrong brand of cereal.

Eren’s chest hurt along with his scraped hands.

“It depends,” Historia said, resting her chin in the middle of the pages. “Breaking your hand might count as drug-seeking behavior.”

He hadn’t thought of that. He should have. He should have had any thought at all that stopped him from wanting to scream at the top of his lungs and letting the swell of rage take over until hitting things sounded like a good idea.

His head joined the pain party. He wanted his pills.

“I was more concerned about the walls,” he said.

Historia shrugged. “The walls are easier to fix than we are. Money works on them.”

Eren couldn’t think of anything to say to that. He thought he wanted to laugh. He walked over to the couch and sat on it, putting a step between him and staring listlessly at the ceiling. He was still being a pathetic bastard, but he was finding speed bumps. They were easier to hit out of his mom’s house.

He had no idea if Historia was finding any. He was probably supposed to, if they were taking the sponsor thing seriously, but he wasn’t sure if they had anything to say about everything without bringing up patricide. That was a loaded first topic. The walls could use a break.

“What are you studying?”

“Veterinary medicine.”

“Cool.” He wanted to lie down. He could not lie down. “You want to be a vet?”

“Things are dying around me all the time anyway,” Historia said. She turned a page.

Some roommates had chore wheels. Maybe they needed a conversation wheel. Only they’d need someone else to build it so they had topics besides drugs and death. Eren gave it a shot without one. “Most vets just say they like animals.”

He didn’t know why that was the wrong thing to say. He had never been good at this. But that look wasn’t the look small talk was supposed to bring out. Historia looked like Armin that time they got lost at a theme park—

Eren really wanted to lie down.

“I like animals,” Historia said. The words came out like pulled teeth. She looked at him. “What do you like, Eren?”

Eren stiffened. At the tip of his tongue should have been something about fightingdrugsarminmikasa. A joke or a truth. Something about the ceilings they kept staring at instead of going outside and doing something with the rest of the world. Something.

There should have been something.

Maybe that was why it was the wrong thing to say. Historia couldn’t remember what it was like to like things, either.

---

Eren still had two of his jobs. He wasn’t sure how. He would have fired him. He was supervising rock climbers while he was high. Never outside the building, since his manager wanted to be sure he was recovered from… His manager wanted to be sure his body was in peak condition when he went with the free climbers. His manager had saved lives, and now Eren peed in a cup and they didn’t talk about it.

Keeping his other job was less surprising, because his clients didn’t have to worry so much about his mental stability. They just needed someone to train with.

That used to cover broader categories. Then he had a flashback over breaking his sparring partner’s nose and. And. Now he mostly stuck to advertising running.

It shouldn’t have been a challenge to change that on the website, but every click brought him closer to the guy who set it up for him, who had made this possible past just word of mouth, and just because Historia let him scream himself hoarse in the bathroom didn’t mean it was where he wanted to be with his life, but every single time…

His best friend. Not just some guy. His best friend.

Armin.

Eren lost a step to his pace. Reiner, huffing behind him and swearing, didn’t notice. Eren had met him in rehab, and Reiner had kept his number. He’d been even worse off than Eren, and when he started coming out of it, he spent all of his time trying to get his body back. Pushups when he was supposed to be sleeping, pull-ups on parts of the building that weren’t designed for it.

He’d done amateur MMA. Like Eren.

Reiner was going to make it back to that if he had anything to say about it.

Running wasn’t the magic bullet for emotional release that fighting was, but it got Eren outside, people were still paying him to kick their asses into high gear, and when they asked him where he’d been, they weren’t looking for a real answer.

Eren ran up the hill, Reiner trying to close in behind him. No one had put him through physical therapy while he was indulging his drug habit. Eren had seen clips. They should have fought before they forgot how to be sober. It would’ve been fun.

Now he thought about punching anyone but himself and all he could feel was warm blood pooling around his freezing hands.

His shoe hit a rock.

This was where he was supposed to call his sponsor.

He was running. For work.

The trail summit wasn’t far off. Reiner sounded like he needed a break anyway. They could stop, and he could tell Historia he was having a rough day. Like he didn’t go home and put that on full display every single time it happened. Every single day.

He called a halt too soon. He didn’t know if that meant he had been running too fast or if he’d spaced out again, and Reiner’s heaving breaths didn’t point any helpful fingers. He walked over to the bench that looked over the hill and started his stretches against it. He wasn’t hiding pulling out his phone. He wouldn’t lie if Reiner caught him with it. He just didn’t need to call attention to it.

He checked over his shoulder. Reiner was taking in the view and the overfriendly bird pecking at his shoe. The wildlife here had learned that humans meant food. The Parks and Rec department’s disagreement didn’t have much of an effect on that. Reiner was reaching an empty hand down for the critter to investigate.

Eren couldn’t tell if Reiner enjoyed nature or thought part of his recovery had to be learning to enjoy nature. Everyone he hung out with these days was stuck in a cycle of healthy behavior whether they were into it or not.

He looked down at his phone. He brought up his messages to Historia before he could read the number of unread texts from other someones. Armin. …Mikasa. He thought they’d added a digit. He wasn’t going to check. The curiosity bred hope, and the memories behind that led to wrath and busted walls.

He looked at his phone.

It is Tuesday morning and I want drugs.

Nice.

He couldn’t come up with a good way to say it. A way that sounded like he was making some progress instead of straddling a fence. But he’d promised his mom he’d try. He’d promised himself he’d try. The person who didn’t try was a thieving jackass, and he wasn’t going back to that. So he sent the bad text.

Historia messaged him back.

That’s unusual?

Eren held his phone under his head’s shadow. To read the words better.

They didn’t change. They weren’t joined by any more, either.

He closed his eyes. Opened them.

He sent her a picture of the bird Reiner had coaxed onto his shoulder.

They both sucked at this.

[next]

[ameryth74]

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Two letter words:

There are 107 acceptable 2-letter words listed in the Official Scrabble Players Dictionary, 6th Edition and the Official Tournament and Club Word List:

AA, AB, AD, AE, AG, AH, AI, AL, AM, AN, AR, AS, AT, AW, AX, AY, BA, BE, BI, BO, BY, DA, DE, DO, ED, EF, EH, EL, EM, EN, ER, ES, ET, EW, EX, FA, FE, GI, GO, HA, HE, HI, HO, ID, IF, IN, IS, IT, JO, JU, JY, JZ, KA, KI, KO, LA, LI, LO, MA, ME, MI, MM, MO, MU, MY, NA, NE, NO, NU, OD, OE, OF, OH, OI, OK, OM, ON, OP, OR, OS, OW, OX, PA, PE, PI, PO, QI, RE, SH, SI, SO, TA, TE, TI, TO, UH, UM, UN, UP, US, UT, WE, WO, XI, XU, YA, YE, YO, ZA

Two letter contractions: I’m, I’d

Four letter verbs:

abet, abut, abye/aby, ache, alit, ally, ante, arch, aver, avow (10).

baby,  bach, back, bade, baff, bail, bait, bake, bald, bale, balk, ball, band, bang, bank, bant, barb, bard, bare, barf, bark, base, bash, bask, bate, bath, bauk, bawl, bead, beam, bean, bear,    beat, beck, bede, beef, been, beep, bell, belt, bend, bent, bere, best, bias, bide(archaic usage), biff, bike, bilk, bill, bind, bird, birl, birr, bite, bitt, blab, blat, blaw, bled, blet, blew, blip, blob, blot, blow, blub, blue, blur, boak, boat, bode, body, boff(vulgar usage), boil, boke, bomb, bond, bone, bong, bonk, boob, book, boom, boot, bore, born, boss, boun, bowl, brad, brag, bray, bred, brew, brim, buck, buff, bulk, bull, bump, bung, bunk, bunt, buoy, burl, burn, burp, burr, bury, bush, busk, buss, bust, busy, butt, buzz (117).

ca-ca, cage, cake, calk, call, calm, came, camp, cane, cant, card, care, carp, cart, case, cash, cast, cave, cede, cere, chap, char, chat, chaw, chid, chin, chip, chop, chow, chug, chum, cite, clad, clam, clap, claw, clay, clew, clip, clog, clop, clot, cloy, club, clue, coal, coat, coax, cock, code, coif, coil, coin, coke, comb, come, comp, cone, conk, conn, cook, cool, coop, cope, copy, cord, core, cork, corn, cosh, cost, coup, cove, cowl, crab, cram, crap, crew, crib, crop, crow, cube, cuff, cull, curb, curd, cure, curl, curr, cuss (90).

dado, daff, damn, damp, dang, dare, dark, darn, dart, dash, date, daub, dawn, daze, deal, deck, deed, deem, defy, deke, dele, demo, dent, deny, dial, dice, died, diet, dike, dine, ding, ding, dint, dirk, disc, dish, disk, diss, dive, dock, doff, dole, dome, done, doom, dope, dose, doss, dote, dove, down, doze, drab, drag, draw, dray, dree, drew, drip, drop, drub, drug, drum, duck, duel, duet, dull, dumb, dump, dung, dunk, dupe, dusk, dust, dyke (75).

earn, ease, echo, eddy, edge, edit, emit, envy, espy, etch, even, exit (12).

face, fade, fail, fake, fall, fame, fard, fare, farm, fart, fash, fast, fate, fawn, faze, fear, feed, feel, fell, felt, fend, fess, fete, feud, file, fill, film, find, fine, fink, fire, firm, fish, fist, fizz, flag, flap, flat, flaw, flay, fled, flee, flew, flex, flip, flit, flog, flop, flow, flub, flux, foal, foam, foil, foin, fold, fond, fool, foot, ford, fork, form, foul, fowl, frag, frap, fray, free, fret, frig, frit, fuel, full, fume, fund, funk, furl, fuse, fuss, futz, fuze, fuzz (82).

gaff, gage, gain, gait, gall, game, gang, gaol, gape, garb, gash, gasp, gast(obsolete), gate, gaum(US), gave, gawk, gawp, gaze, gear, geld, gibe, gift, gild, gill, gimp, gird, girt, give, glad(archaic), glom, glow, glue, glug, glut, gnar, gnaw, go by, go on, goad, golf, gone, gong, goof, gore, gown, grab, gray, grew, grey, grid, grin, grip, grit, grow, grub, gulf, gull, gulp, gush, gust, gybe, gyre, gyve (64).

hack, haft, hail, hale, halo, halt, hand, hang, hare, hark, harm, harp, hash, hasp, hast, hate, hath(archaic), haul, have, hawk, haze, head, heal, heap, hear, heat, heed, heel, heft, held, helm, help, hent(obsolete), herd, hewn, hide, hike, hill, hint, hire, hiss, hive, hoax, hock, hoke(slang), hold, hole, home, hone, honk, hood, hoof, hook, hoop, hoot, hope, horn, hose, host, hove, howl, huff, hulk, hull, hump, hung, hunt, hurl, hurt, hush, husk, hymn, hype, hypo (74).

idle, inch, iris, iron, isle, itch (6).

jack, jade, jail, jape, jazz, jeep, jeer, jell, jerk, jest, jibe, jilt, jink, jinx, jive, join, joke, jolt, josh, juke, jump, junk (22).

kayo, keek(Scots), keel, keen, keep, kept, kern, kick, kill, kiln, kilt, kink, kiss, kite, knap, knew, knit, knot, know (19).

lace, lack, laid, lain, lair, lake, lamb, lame, land, lard, lark, lase, lash, last, lath, laud, lave, laze, lazy, lead, leaf, leak, lean, leap, lech, leer, left, lend, lens, lent, levy, lick, lift, like, lilt, limb, lime, limn, limp, line, link, lisp, list, live, load, loaf, loan, lock, loft, loll, long, look, loom, loop, loot, lope, lord, lose, lost, loup(Scots), lour, lout, love, lube, luck, luff, luge, lull, lump, lure, lurk, lust, lute, lyse (74).

mace, made, mail, maim, make, mall, malt, mark, marl, mart, mash, mask, mass, mast, mate, maul, maze, mean, meet, meld, mell, melt, mend, meow, mesh, mess, mete, mewl, miff, milk, mill, mime, mind, mine, mint, mire, miss, mist, moan, moat, mock, moil, mold, molt, moon, moor, moot, mope, moss, move, muck, muff, mull, mump, muse, mush, muss, must, mute (59).

nail, name, near, neck, need, nest, nick, nigh, nill(obsolete), nock, nose, nosh, note, nuke, null, numb (16).

obey, ogle, oink, okay, omen, omit, ooze, open, oust, over (10).

pace, pack, page, pain, pair, pale, pall, palm, pang, pant, pare, park, part, pash(Austral), pass, pave, pawn, peak, peal, peck, peek, peel, peen, peep, peer, pelt, pend, perk, perm, pick, pike, pile, pill, pimp, pine, ping, pink, pipe, piss(vulgar), pith, pity, plan, plat, play, plod, plop, plot, plow, plug, pock, poke, pole, poll, pond, pool, pore, port, pose, post, pour, pout, pray, pree, prep, prey, prim, prod, prog, prop, puff, puke, pule, pull, pulp, pump, punt, purl, purr, push, putt (80).

quad, quip, quit, quiz (4).

race, rack, raft, rage, raid, rail, rain, rake, ramp, rang, rank, rant, rape, rase, rasp, rate, rave, raze, razz, read, ream, reap, rear, reck, redd(dialect), rede(archaic), redo, reed, reef, reek, reel, rein, rely, rend, rent, rest, re-up, rice, rick, ride, riff, rift, rile, rill, rime(archaic)/rhyme, ring, riot, rise, risk, rive, roam, roar, robe, rock, rode, roil, rolf, roll, romp, roof, rook, room, root, rope, rose, rout, rove, ruck, ruff, ruin, rule, rush, rust (73).

sack, said, sail, sale, salt, sand, sass, sate, save, sawn, scab, scam, scan, scar, scat, scud, scum, seal, seam, sear, seat, seed, seek, seel, seem, seen, seep, sell, send, sent, sewn, shag, sham, shed, shim, shin, ship, shit, shoe, shog, shoo, shop, shot, show, shun, shut, sick, side, sift, sigh, sign, silk, silt, sing, sink, sire, site, size, skew, skid, skim, skin, skip, slab, slag, slam, slap, slat, slay, sled, slew, slid, slim, slip, slit, slog, slop, slot, slow, slub, slue, slug, slum, slur, smut, snag, snap, snip, snow, snub, snug, soak, soap, soar, sock, soil, sold, sole, solo, soot, sorb, sort, soup, sour, sown, spae(scottish), spam, span, spar, spat, spay, spec, sped, spew, spin, spit, spot, spud, spur, spurn, stab, stag, star, stay, stem, step, stet, stew, stir, stop, stow, stub, stud, stun, suck, suds, suit, sulk, sung, sunk, surf, swab, swag, swam, swan(brit), swap, swat, sway, swig, swim, swob, swop(brit)/swap, swot, swum, sync (155).

tabu, tack, tail, take, talc, talk, tame, tamp, tang, tank, tape, tare, task, taut, taxi, team, tear, teem, tell, tend, tent, term, test, text, thaw, thin, thud, tick, tide, tidy, tier, tiff, tile, till, tilt, time, tine, ting, tint, tire, toil, toke, told, tole, toll, tomb, tone, tong, took, tool, toot, tope, tore, torn, toss, tote, tour, tout, tram, trap, tree, trek, trim, trip, trod, trot, trow(archaic), true, tube, tuck, tuft, tune, turf, turn, tusk, twig(Brit), twin, twit, type (79).

undo, urge (2).

vade, vail(archaic), vamp, vary, veal, veer, veil, vein, vend, vent, vest, veto, vide, view, vine, visa, vise, void, vote (19).

wade, waft, wage, wail, wait, wake, wale, walk, wall, wane, want, ward, ware(archaic), warm, warn, warp, wash, waul, wave, wawl, wean, wear, weed, ween, weep, weet, weld, well, welt, wend, went, wept, were, wert(archaic), wham, whap, whet, whid(Scottish), whip, whir, whiz, whop, wick, wile, will, wilt, wind, wine, wing, wink, wipe, wire, wise, wish, wisp, wist, wite, wive, woke, wolf, wont, wood, woof, word, wore, work, worm, worn, wove, wrap, writ(archaic) (71).

x-ray (1).

yack, yank, yard, yarn, yaup, yawn, yawp, yean, yell, yelp, yerk, yeuk, yock, yoke, yowl, yo-yo(informal), yuck (17).

zero, zest, zinc, zing, zone, zonk, zoom (7).

IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT

(yes there are 28 ITs)

[the-trash-elf]

Visitation

[Mentions: @live-in-grey​]

“..yo you got fucked, girl.. Like.. bad messed..”

Lissmac’s voice carried over the room. A cell. A stone cold box under the mountains to contain her from her vices. Her cravings. And the things she would do - things she had done - to obtain them. And now that voice felt surreal. Hours prior selling her the chemicals that had released and imprisoned her all at once.

Allisae remained curled in a sobbing ball. Her ears had not yet ceased their dull ringing, coupled with the pain set to the front of her skull. The air hung thick with the stench of vomit and alcohol. A prison of mind to match the one containing her body at this time.

“Ye know it never gets much betta. Can guarantee that. You just chase the high but.. never gets better.” Lissmac noted, her words echoed in the cell even if her voice remained soft. Allie cracked her eyes open, staring to the Gnome with a blank expression.

“Ya know I dosed.. still do. Numbs it, dig? Makes it.. fade. And that's fuckin great.. betta than anythin..” The Gnome passed off a humorless chuckle. “But.. Next thing ya know.. yer not escapin.. yer..” She gestured to the cell. “Trapped.. in yaself. And ya watchin tha world go by. Bars on ya eyes.”

Lissmac leaned aside a bit to rest her back to the wall, just beyond the bars of the partition. “Ya know it wasn't always this way fo ya..”

Allisae blinked at the Gnome, silent. She could hear her words rattling in her head, fusing with her own thoughts and melting into her.

“Lemme guess... 'not fair' right? Given a shit draw.. fuck em.. fuck everyone.. Only reason ye listening to me right now? Ya think I'm gunna give ya some more Haze.” She lifted a hand to rest on the closest bar, gripping it. “But.. I know there's more in there.”

The Gnome leaned in, peering to the elf staring back at her. “You hate this, don't ya?”

Allie blinked again, but another tear dripped down her face to meet it’s end on the stone floor below.

“Hate every fuckin minute..” Lissmac resumed. “Me too, ya know.. me too. S'what no one understands. What it be like ta hate every fuckin minute, fo days, fo months, fo years.. ya forget what it feels like ta feel good. Ya think I gave ya that drug cuz I wanted ya ta get high? Hooked? I gave it cuz ya gotta live or die.. cuz ya can't be told ta live, eitha..”

Allie remained entirely silent, only staring at her. These words were the loudest thing she had heard in days, in spite of them being spoken in such a soft tone.

“I know that shit..from myself, yo.. Ya gotta be allowed ta die, and choose ta live.. s'tha only way.. Ya know I had a lass.. not too long ago. I loved her.. I thought.. ya know.. got betta. I even kicked tha drugs, ya know.. which sucks when you is a runna.. lemme tell ya. Surrounded by tha product..  But she made me happy. She made me think 'yo maybe.. it's gunna be aight now'..”

Allie finally lifted her voice, cracked at first from her dry throat hoarse from the screaming not long prior. “....she leave?”

“Course, Allie. Cuz m'broken. Like you.” Lissmac replied with no hesitation, her tone sincere yet still gentle. “And tha world? Don't give a fuck bout broken people. So.. ya gotta give a fuck bout yoself. We're dyin, you an I. Dead fuckin women walkin. Every day we wake up is a fuckin defiance and I ain't.. done defyin yet.”

Liss moved her hand from the bars down to her pack, patting the hood of the satchel to draw the elf’s attentions toward it. “So I'll give ya a fuckin choice.. and no judgement. I ain't gunna put no pressure, I ain't high enough ta be yo keeper.. I'll walk in there right now, hook you up with Haze, let you smoke and dope and numb out.. Or...” She lifted her hand up to rest in her lap. “Ye can tell me what happened that made you this. Ya can tell me what stings, ta this day..”

Allie closed her eyes, curling up a bit more on herself. "You'll give me Haze?" Her voice sounded far from hopeful. Hunger prickled at each word, the memories of that bliss cultivating a desire in every cell of her body.

“Much as ya want, Allie. Ya gotta be tha one ta make a choice in tha end.. no one can make it fo ya.”

“I hate them..” Allie hissed through tightening jaw.

“Who?”

“...my.. everyone..”

“Everyone is a bullshit pass and ya know it.. There's a name in there.. A face.. Tell me.”

“.....Why?..”

Lissmac leaned in a bit toward the cell, teal eyes catching the dim lantern to stand out from her features. “Cuz it's killin ya, Allie.”

“So?”

“I told you, so. I told you why. But you still got tha choice ta say..or ta take Haze an forget.”

Allie felt her eyes close, the names and faces flipping through her mind as pages of a book. A book she refused to read through, telling stories of bitter memories too blackened by her own resentment. But many of those pages hosted similiar pieces. The stories repeating again and again, page by page.

“Kialaa and Tylrion Moonwhisper..” She finally noted.

“Mom an dad?” Liss hid her surprise, keeping herself focused on the elf.

Allie closed her eyes tighter, gritting her teeth. Another tear traced across her nose, falling free to patter with its twin to the stones. "..why didn't they want me, Liss?"

“I dunno, Allie.. I can't say what sick shit goes on in tha minds of people..”

Allie remained soft spoken, close to a whimper. "..I'm worthless.."

“Cuz they told ya?”

“Didn't have to.. they didn't want me.. no one does.. I'm a fuckin.. burden..”

“Ain't we all, Allie? Way I hear it... a woman went ape shit cuz someone read a book and tried ta stab some of ya..”

Allie ticked her jaw, her teeth tight against each other to the point of aching. She hissed the name to follow. “Elenata.. I trusted her, you know.. I told her I loved her..”

Lissmac cut her off at that train of thought. “And maybe it was all horse shit. Maybe it was not. Maybe.. if ya looked at it from a cynical point of view.. we are all fucked up. Bad, dude. Bad. We're all users and freaks and fuckin hedonists and outcasts..” She lifted a hand to aim two fingers and thumb in the shape of a handgun to her own temple. “Dude, I'm a Gnome with no future who slings chems ta people down on their luck with the hope they get hooked enough ta come back. Folks have sold their lives ta me. Folks have offered their clothes, their wives, their fuckin KIDS.. and I dose em..”

“Why?” Allie inquired, her voice flat.

“Cuz I'm a sick, fuckin broken, fuckin twisted mistake. Like you.”

Allisae actually, oddly, cracked a small smile. "So that's it then.. we're all just fucked.."

“Yep. But.. once ya accept that shit? It hurts less.. all of this.. it just hurts so much fuckin less. Then ya don't need tha drugs as much. Colors return. And maybe some fuckin day years from now..”

The Gnome scooted a bit forward, resting a hand to the bars to allow her face to fall into the lantern light. “You'll smile.” She leaned back again to the wall. “This is a crazy world. Weird shit can happen.”

“Yeah..” Allie regarded with a forlorn tone.

“Want tha Haze?” Liss spoke up after a shortened pause.

“...no thanks, Liss... not tonight..” came the elf’s reply, her own tone defeated yet shaping to something at least. Pain, discordance, hopelessness. But she was still alive. That much was evident. And she wanted to, for whatever reason, remember that fact right now.

“Good call.” Liss rocked to her feet, rising and turning to face the bars. “Now.. You get some sleep, okay? Get off tha fuckin floor yer in ya own vomit..”

Allie slowly staggered to hands and knees before rising to her full height.

Lissmac watched her sway for a moment’s passing. A moment in which she absorbed the woman’s nuances. Her slight tremors, her ragged breathing, every twitch and twist of her fingers.

“....please don't give up, okay?” Lissmac finally spoke, free of her usual vocal inflection. A voice almost alien to the Gnome. “Please?”

Allisae blinked at the Gnome. “I'll.. try..”

“All we can do, yo.” Liss replied, back to her usual affect. “G'night, killa.”

“Night, Liss..” Allie turned, moving to the bed in her cell. She’d have nothing to do now but wait for the Doctor to take her to the hospital. Nothing to do but think. She was abandoned. She was hated. She was sick. She was worthless.

And she was alive. Still.

Alive.

[hoodoo12]

Can I make a request ? I was looking for a fan fiction of surgeon rick with a women soldier and she get wounded in the war and is taken to his tent and he fixes her up and they mess around.

Happy to oblige! Surgeon Rick is an interesting one . . .

NSFW, Surgeon Rick/reader, some stuff that is not recommended in a medical setting, swearing

⁂

“YOU’RE GOING TO THINK YOU CAN’T BREATHE, BUT YOU CAN!  KEEP BREATHING!” Rick shouted.

His fingers were wrapped tight in your hair. He was lucky you had hair to hold; you kept your brunette locks longer than a man’s but shorter than was required for a woman. He  was yanking, yanking it with a different kind of intent than when the two of you were occupied in different circumstances, but with a force that told you he didn’t care.  He shoved the your head under the faucet, under the full-force cold water, and twisted your head until your face was up and taking the brunt of the spray.

“KEEP BREATHING!”

You struggled, feeling like you were drowning, but Rick managed to grapple your hands and keep his own big grip around your thinner wrists, preventing you from covering your injury or pushing him away.  Rick also used his weight against your hips and backside to keep you in place against the sink.

Goddamn cheap foreign shit!  Goddamn inferior junk, the barrel practically fucking disintegrating!  And now you might have a scar to match the one that crossed your lips, and be blind.

FUCKING BLIND.

No depth perception? That’s a discharge. Period.

Rick’s own breath came in short pants, and he held your head under the tap for you didn’t know how long.  Eventually, though, he jerked you back up.

“Let me see you!” he barked, not caring that his voice cracked in concern.

Released and gasping for air, you turned around and stood very still with your eyes closed.

Rick pushed your sodden hair back roughly off your forehead.  You could almost feel the intensity of his gaze as he examined the skin on the right side of your face.  No longer under the stream of water, it was starting to burn and you could feel that it was abraded.

“Open your eyes!”

You complied, and you could see the look of relief that crossed Rick’s face. Your vision was slightly blurry, here was no hemorrhage in your right eye, no unbearable squinting or tearing to indicate a corneal abrasion.

Rick was a doctor. A surgeon, pressed into service.. He didn’t cheer, but let out an unsteady breath.

“Just some tattooing,” he said thankfully.  “A little bit of contact wounding too, from the combustibles, but nothing really damaged.”

You nodded, and gingerly wiped the water off your face, wincing as your fingertips made contact with the abrasions on the skin around your eye. Your fingers came away bloody; without water washing it away blood seeped from you.

Rick watched this for a moment, before turning away sharply to dig through the supply cart against the wall. Without returning to your side, he threw a handful of bandaging material at you. You were able to catch it, barely. After the rough handling and the uncharacteristic tone of concern for you in his voice, you were a little surprised by his abrupt change in demeanor.

“Rick . . .?” you asked tentatively.

He snarled wordlessly at you in reply, then started cleaning up the area. By the way he slammed drawers, it was obvious he was still raging.

With a sigh, you hopped up onto the examination table and began dabbing at your face with a gauze pad. It hurt, and it was starting to feel like the side of your face was on fire. You grit your teeth but hissed through them at the pain.

That made Rick spin back around to you. The aura of concern was still gone. The look on his face and in his stance was a combination of angry and eager, instead. In three steps he was back at your side, between your legs.

“Give me that!” he spit, nimbly picking the gauze out of your hands.

He began cleaning your face. He wasn’t particularly gentle, but you tried hard not to wince or pull away.

Through eyes watering from the pain, you tried to watch his face.

There was a hard set to it. A scowl that occasional slipped with a lift of his upper lip, to show his teeth. His nostrils flared with each intake of breath. His eyes were sharp, scanning the wounds he was cleaning, until they flicked into your gaze.

“What?!”

You shrugged your left shoulder. “I was just wondering if you’re upset you don’t get to suture anything.”

Rick almost grinned at your tease. He caught himself, however, and managed to reply, “No. I was trying to calculate drug doses for the pain killers you’re going to need. Gotta give you enough to make you comfortable, but not enough to get you addicted.”

“This is just a skin wound,” you said, raising your hand to touch it. The area around your eye was starting to feel soft and swollen.

“Stop touching it!” he ordered.

Your fingers jumped away from your face again. They were still bloody.

Looking up at him, you took note that his eyes were locked on your fingertips. In a move that startled him, you locked your legs around his thin waist.

“Narcotics made me nauseous. But I bet Doctor Sanchez can come up with something to take away my pain,” you said thoughtfully, while grinning suggestively.

You could tell he wanted to get out of your grasp and shove you away, but you could also feel the heat coming off his body, the continued quick rise and fall of his chest, and the faint impression of an erection behind the fly of his pants. He licked his lips and in an explosive movement, grabbed you.

Before you could react, he licked the side of your face, where you’d been wounded.

Pain erupted. Involuntarily you tried to get away, but his grip was too tight.

“What the fuck, Rick?!” you exclaimed.

New tears flooded your eyes and your face was on fire again. You tried to raise a hand to it, like before, and he slapped your hand away. Now there was a new blaze inside you; one of growing fury.

“What the fuck?” you repeated. “I can’t touch my own face, but you can fucking lick me?!”

Rick stretched and grabbed the curtain near the bed, giving it a swift yank to enclose the small area, to create a separation from the rest of the room. A fascimile of privacy, here in the med bay.

“You’ll be going on antibiotics,” he replied mildly, as if that explained away everything. “Now take off your pants, or I’ll do it again.”

That smoldering anger in your belly made a dramatic shift to arousal. Doctor Sanchez may have some shitty bedside manner, and his methods may be unconventional, but you couldn’t help but go along with him. In seconds your pants were down and laying in a heap on the floor. He made an impatient motion with his hand, and you hopped back up onto the examination table, so close to the edge it was uncomfortable and percarious. You held yourself up by just the tips of your toes on the step.

Rick stepped between your thighs again, looking you over critically.

“No narcotics, huh . . .” he muttered to himself, and without another word to you, dropped to a crouch and shoved his face in your pussy.

You immediately fell prone on the table with a cry. He lapped relentlessly at you, with seemingly no regard for how awkward the position was for you with no support for your legs. You held onto the sides of the table in a death grip. You felt like you were going to fall, even if you rocked your pelvis and legs upward, and Rick, apparently sensing your intention, slipped his arms around your hips and held you in place.

The juxtaposition of the extreme stimulation he forced upon your pussy and the unsteadiness of the position you were in warred with each other. You cried out from both pleasure and worry, and Rick paused half a second to look up your body and grin.

Doctor Sanchez was a mildly sadistic asshole. He knew exactly what he was doing, making you feel like you were going to fall but also not wanting to readjust where you were laying because you knew, you knew, that if you scooted to a more secure spot he’d just stop.

So you balanced as best you could and let him have his way with you.

His tongue pushed inside you, and when it didn’t, he applied steady pressure from his chin on your entrance while it circled your clit. You were helpless, your legs trembled in the effort it took to balance, and you couldn’t grab his head or anything because of the grip you had on the table. The only thing you could control were the sounds you made, but he was quickly wresting even that from you.

You tried mightily to not make much noise--there was only a sheet of fabric separating you from anyone who might be passing by the door--but apparently Rick needed to have command over that too, because he locked his mouth solely on your clit and sucked hard.

Electricity shot through you, making your body arch as all your muscles tightened and a loud wordless exclamation spew from your mouth.

Just before you managed to actually tumble into an orgasm, however, Rick stopped.

He stood up abruptly and left you dangling, figuratively as well as literally. The sudden lack of physical support snapped you out of the euphoric haze you’d been in, and you were stunned. You also scrambled to keep on the table instead, to not fall off.

Nonchalantly, Rick wiped his face with one of the gauze squares he’d procured for you.

“What the hell--what the fuck, Rick?” you said for the third time. You were much less outraged than previously. More surprised and confused.

“You forgot about your face, didn’t you?” he shot back. “You didn’t want a narcotic.”

You gaped at him. He turned and half opened the curtain again. Knowing him and his next intention, you hastened to find and pull on your pants again. When you were mostly decent, Rick pushed the curtain fully open, exposing the examination table to the room.

You scowled. He ignored your displeasure and returned to cleaning your face. It still hurt, but you sat stoicly as he swabbed it and applied a light dressing. He watched himself work dispassionately without meeting your eyes.

When he finished, he nodded to himself, told you he’d write you a prescription for the antibiotics, and that you could get out.

You pushed yourself off the table and stood close to him, looking upward.

“You said you didn’t want to give me anything that’ll get me addicted,” you said. “Maybe, though, I’m addicted to you.”

Like before, Doctor Sanchez almost smiled. This time the expression almost made it to his eyes.

“Get out of here,” he told you, with more amusement and less irritation.

You gave him a mock salute as you headed out. 

“And come back here tonight, soldier!” he called after you. “That bandaging will need changed, and you might need another dose of pain-killer!”

You flashed him a grin that made half your face hurt as you left. “Oh, I know I will!”

fin

[yesbiffwritesthings]

“don’t get your hopes up too high”: An Exhaustively Curated 2018 Playlist

So, since time immemorial I have been putting together year-end playlists and for a long time they were pretty sloppy affairs overall.  Last year, I decided to make up some kind of formula for putting these playlists together.  Basically what it comes down to is, from every new album I listen to, released in the given year, I pick one song.  No repeating artists because that gets to be too much (although featured acts aren’t subject to this rule).  When deciding what releases are going to get my attention, aside from my own personal tastes (skews toward alt. rock and punk a lot of the time) and releases from longtime favorites (this year we saw releases from Metric, and Animal Collective, as well as a long-awaited A Perfect Circle album, and even a Spotify single from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs), I try to get give more of my time to queer artists (and this year there were TONS of queer acts releasing great music--Adult Mom, Laura Jane Grace & the Devouring Mothers, Janelle Monae, Snail Mail, SOPHIE, etc. etc. etc. hallelujah).  I also try to make an effort broaden my musical worldview by making time for artists that operate within genres I don’t always naturally gravitate towards.  This was a great year to get back into hip-hop (Rico Nasty, Cardi B, Tierra Whack, Black Panther OST) after not really vibing with some of the directions it has taken in the past ten or so years.  I have also tried to include a track by every band I saw in 2018, providing they actually released something in 2018 and it is available on Spotify (strong apologies to Partner, Bully, Shellshagg, Kimya Dawson, Rozwell Kid, Los Campesinos, the incomparable Liz Phair, and the legendary Fleetwood Mac--y’all didn’t release anything this year).  I give myself until the end of January of the following year to finalize my expansive, year-end playlist, and here we are.  This years playlist is over 15 hours long--almost long enough to put on while you’re doing all that laundry you've been putting off.  I hope you enjoy.

Full list of songs:

The 1975 - “Love it if We Made it”, from A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships

Ab-Soul - “Bloody Waters” [ft. Anderson .Paak], from _Black Panther _OST Adult Mom - “Drive Me Home”, from Soft Spots Amanda Palmer - “Mr. Weinstein Will See You Now” [ft. Jasmine Power], from “Mr. Weinstein Will See You Now” single Amen Dunes - “Miki Dora”, from Freedom American Pleasure Club - “New Years Eve”, from A Whole Fucking Lifetime of This Animal Collective - “Jake & Me”, from Tangerine Reef Anna Burch - “Quit the Curse”, from Quit the Curse Anna Calvi - “Don’t Beat the Girl Out of My Boy”, from Hunter Antarctigo Vespucci - “Not Yours”, from Love in the Time of E-Mail Arctic Monkeys - “Four Out of Five”, from Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino Ariana Grande - “No Tears Left to Cry”, from Sweetener Ava Luna - “Centerline”, from Moon 2

The Bascinets - “Jangle Bee”, from 378 Vol. 1 EP Bat Fangs - “Bad Astrology”, from Bad Astrology Beach House - “Last Ride”, from 7 Bear Hands - “Back Seat Driver”, from “Back Seat Driver” single Bettye LaVette - “What Was it You Wanted” [ft. Trombone Shorty], [Bob Dylan cover], from Things Have Changed Big Freedia - “Karaoke” [ft. Lizzo], from 3rd Ward Bounce Billie Eilish - “When the Party’s Over”, from “When the Party’s Over” single Black Belt Eagle Scout - “Soft Stud”, from Mother of My Children Bleachers - “Alfie’s Song (Not So Typical Love Song)”, from Love, Simon OST Blood Orange - “Charcoal Baby”, from Negro Swan Bob Dylan - “He’s Funny That Way” [Gene Austin cover], from Universal Love: Wedding Songs Reimagined Booji Boys - “Locked (Barely Open)”, from Unknown Pleathers EP Boygenius - “Bite the Hand”, from Boygenius EP Brandi Carlile - “Every Time I Hear That Song”, from By the Way, I Forgive You The Breeders - “Walking With a Killer”, from All Nerve  Bristletongue - “Thistle Among Roses”, from Femme Florale EP Brockhampton - “Thug Life”, from Iridescence

Camp Cope - “The Opener”, from How to Socialise & Make Friends Cardi B - “Ring” [ft. Kehlani], from Invasion of Privacy Caroline Rose - “Bikini”, from Loner Caroline Says - “Cool Jerk”, from No Fool Like an Old Fool The Carters - “Apeshit”, from Everything is Love Cat Power - “Wanderer”, from Wanderer Celine Dion - “Ashes”, from Deadpool 2 OST Chai - “Fried”, from Pink Chance the Rapper - “My Own Thing” [ft. Big Purp], from “My Own Thing” single Childish Gambino - “This is America”, from “This is America” single Christine & the Queens - “Girlfriend” [ft. Dâm-Funk], from Chris Chvrches - “Get Out”, from Love is Dead Closer - “This Year”, from All This Will Be Cloud Nothings - “So Right, So Clean”, from Last Building Burning Company of Thieves - “Window”, from Better Together EP Comrade Question - “Never Change”, from Four Seasons Con Connections - “Low, Low, Low”, from Foreign Affairs Control Top - “Type A”, from “Type A” single Courtney Barnett - “Charity”, from Tell Me How You Really Feel Cupcakke - “Total”, from Ephorize

Damn the Witch Siren - “I Don’t Want to Say I’m Sorry”, from Red Magic Daphne & Celeste - “You & I Alone”, from Daphne & Celeste Save the World Dashboard Confessional - “We Fight”, from Crooked Shadows David Byrne - “Everybody’s Coming to My House”, from American Utopia Death Cab For Cutie - “Gold Rush”, from Thank You For Today The Decemberists - “I’ll Be Your Girl”, from I’ll Be Your Girl” A Delicate Motor - “Do For Self”, from Fellover My Own didi - “Haru”, from Like Memory Foam Dilly Dally - “Bad Biology”, from Heaven Dirty Projectors - “I Found it in U”, from Lamp Lit Prose Django Django - “Beam Me Up, from Marble Skies Downtown Boys - “Fotos y Recuerdos” [Selena cover], from “Fotos y Recuerdos” single Drake - “In My Feelings”, from Scorpion Dream Wife - “Spend the Night”, from Dream Wife DRAM - “WWYD?”, from That’s a Girl’s Name EP Drinks - “Pink Or Die”, from Hippo Lite

El Perro Del Mar - “We Are History”, from We Are History EP EMA - “Dark Shadows”, from Outtakes From Exile EP Empath - “The Eye”, from Liberating Guilt & Fear EP Empress Of - “Love For Me”, from Us Ezra Furman - "Suck the Blood From My Wound", from Transangelic Exodus

Father John Misty - "Disappointing Diamonds Are the Rarest of Them All", from God's Favorite Customer Fatoumata Diawara - "Nterini", from Fenfo (Something to Say) Fields & Planes - "Alice", from Press First Aid Kit - "It's a Shame", from Ruins Fischerspooner - "Discreet", from Sir  Flasher - "Business Unusual", from Constant Image Florence & the Machine - "Hunger", from High As Hope Frank Ocean - "Moon River" [Audrey Hepburn cover], from "Moon River" single Franz Ferdinand - "The Academy Award", from Always Ascending The Frights - "Over It", from Hypochondriac Fucked Up - "Tell Me What You See", from Dose Your Dreams

Gabby's World - "Winter, Withdraw", from Beast On Beast Gerard Way - "Baby You're a Haunted House", from "Baby You're a Haunted House" single Gia Margaret - "Smoke", from There's Always Glimmer Girlpool - "Picturesong", from "Picturesong" single The Go! Team - "The Answer's No--Now What's the Question?", from Semicircle Goodbye Honolulu - "Lorry Can't Love", from More Honey Goat Girl - "The Man With No Heart Or Brain", from Goat Girl Greta Van Fleet - "When the Curtain Falls", from Anthem of the Peaceful Army Gymshorts - "Ding Dong Ditch", from Knock Knock

H.E.R. - "Lord is Coming", from I Used to Know Her: Part Two EP harunemuri **- "sekaiwotorikaeshiteokure", from harutosyura Hatchie - "Sure", from Sugar & Spice EP Hinds - "To the Morning Light", from I Don't Run The HIRS Collective - "Not For You" [Moor Mother remix], from Friends, Lovers, Favorites Hop Along - "Not Abel", from Bark Your Head Off, Dog Hovvdy - "Late", from Cranberry Hozier - "Nina Cried Power" [ft. Mavis Staples], from Nina Cried Power EP

Iceage - "Take it All", from Beyondless  Idles - "Smaritans", from Joy As an Act of Rebellion Illuminati Hotties - "The Rules", from Kiss Yr Frenemies Interpol - "If You Really Love Nothing", from Marauder The Interrupters - "Gave You Everything", from Fight the Good Fight Iron & Wine - "Milkweed", from Weed Garden EP

Jack White - "Over & Over & Over", from Boarding House Reach Janelle Monae - "Pynk" [ft. Grimes], from Dirty Computer Japanese Breakfast - "Dreams" [The Cranberries cover], from Spotify Singles Jay Rock - "Redemption" [ft. SZA], from Redemption Jeff Rosenstock - "Let Them Win", from POST- Jenn Champion - "O.M.G. (I'm All Over It)", from Single Rider Jenny Hval - "Spells", from The Long Sleep EP Jorja Smith - "I Am", from Black Panther OST Joyce Manor - "Fighting Kangaroo", from Million Dollars to Kill Me Juice WRLD - "Lucid Dreams", from Goodbye & Good Riddance Julia Holter - "Turn the Light On", from Aviary Juliana Hatfield - "A Little More Love" [Olivia Newton-John cover], from Juliana Hatfield Sings Olivia Newton-John  Jupiter & Okwess - "Ekombe", from Kin Sonic

Kacey Musgraves - "Space Cowboy", from Golden Hour Karen O - "YO! MY SAINT" [ft. Michael Kiwanuka], from "YO! MY SAINT" single Kendrick Lamar - "All the Stars" [ft SZA], from Black Panther OST Kero Kero Bonito - "Time Today", from Time 'n' Place Kesha - "I Need a Woman to Love" [Janis Joplin cover], from Universal Love: Wedding Songs Reimagined  Khalid - "Love Lies" [ft. Normani], from Love, Simon OST King Princess - "Pussy is God", from "Pussy is God" single Kimbra - "Right Direction", from Primal Heart Kississippi **- "Adrift", from Sunset Blush Krimewatch - "The Big Picture", from Krimewatch Kurt Vile - "Check Baby", from Bottle it In

Lala Lala - "I Get Cut", from The Lamb Laura Jane Grace & the Devouring Mothers - "Reality Bites", from Bought to Rot Laura Stevenson - "Maker of Things", from "The Mystic & the Master" single Lauren Ruth Ward - "Well, Hell", from Well, Hell Leikeli47 - "Top Down", from Acrylic Leon Bridges - "Bet Ain't Worth the Hand", from Good Thing  Loma - "Relay Runner", from Loma Long Neck - "Elizabeth", from Will This Do? Lord Huron - "Wait By the River", from Vide Noir Low - "Rome (Always in the Dark)", from Double Negative  Lowpines - "Parasite", from In Silver Halides Lucius - "Woman", from Nudes Lucy Dacus - "Timefighter", from Historian Lykke Li - “Jaguars in the Air”, from So Sad, So Sexy

The Men - "Come to Me", from Drift Meshell Ndegeocello - "Smooth Operator" [Sade cover], from Ventriloquism Metric - "Dressed to Suppress", from Art of Doubt MGMT - "One Thing Left to Try", from Little Dark Age Middle Kids - "Edge of Town", from Lost Friends Mister Moon - "Plastic", from Codes EP Mitski - "Nobody", from Be the Cowboy Mountain Man - "AGT", from Magic Ship Mourn - "Candle Man", from Sorpresa Familia Muncie Girls - "Jeremy", from Fixed Ideals Mungbean - "Wednesday", from "Wednesday/Aimed at You" single

Natalie Prass - "The Fire", from The Future & The Past Neko Case - "Gumball Blue", from Hell-On Night Flowers - "Head On", from Wild Notion Noble Vices - "Wheelhouses", from "Wheelhouses" single Noname - “With You", from Room 25 Nothing - "Us/We/Are", from Dance On the Blacktop Now, Now - "Window", from Saved

Ohmme - "Icon", from Parts The Ophelias - "Lover's Creep", from Almost Ought - "Disgraced in America", from Room Inside the World Ovlov - "Stick", from TRU

Palm - "Swimmer", from Rock Island Parquet Courts - "Normalisation", from Wide Awake! Peach Kelli Pop - "Parasomnia", from Gentle Leader Peggy Gou - "It Makes You Forget (Itgehane)" [edit], from "It Makes You Forget (Itgehane)" single A Perfect Circle - "So Long & Thanks For All the Fish", from Eat the Elephant Petal - "Stardust", from Magic Gone Phoebe Bridgers - "Friday I'm in Love" [The Cure cover], from Spotify Singles Pinky Pinky - "Robber", from Hot Tears  Poppy - "Play Destroy" [ft. Grimes], from Am I a Girl? Preoccupations - "Espionage", from New Material Princess Chelsea - "I Love My Boyfriend", from The Loneliest Girl Protomartyr - "Wheel of Fortune" [ft. Kelley Deal], from Consolation EP

Q-Tip and Demi Lovato - "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" [Elton John cover], from Revamp

Radattack - "Rock & Roll Party Queen", from "Rock & Roll Party Queen" single Rainbow Kitten Surprise - "Hide", from How to: Friend, Love, Freefall Remember Sports - "Making it Right", from Slow Buzz Rico Nasty - "Oreo", from Nasty Robert Delong - "Favorite Color is Blue" [ft. K-Flay], from See You in the Future EP Robyn - "Missing U", from Honey Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - "Exclusive Grave", from Hope Downs Ron Gallo - "Really Nice Guys", from Really Nice Guys EP Rosalia - "Di Mi Nombre", from El Mal Querer Saintseneca -  ” Good Hand", from Pillar of Na Say Lou Lou - "All Love to Me", from Immortelle Screaming Females - "Deeply", from All at Once Shame - "Concrete", from Songs of Praise Shannon & the Clams - "The Boy", from Onion Shannon Shaw - "Golden Frames", from Shannon in Nashville Shilpa Ray - "Shoot This Dying Horse", from Nihilism The Sidekicks - "Twin's Twist", from Happiness Hours SiR - "Summer in November", from November Skating Polly - "Free Will at Ease", from The Make it All Show Sleep - "Marijuanaut's Theme", from The Sciences Slothrust - "For Robin", from The Pact Smashing Pumpkins - "Silver Sometimes (Ghosts)", from Shiny & Oh So Bright, Vol. 1: No Past, No Future, No Sun Snail Mail - "Pristine", from Lush Snarls - "Lonely", from Snarls EP SOB X RBE - "Paramedic!", from Black Panther OST Soccer Mommy - "Cool", from Clean SOPHIE - "Immaterial", from Oil of Every Pearl's Un-Insides Souther - "Enough", from Blume EP Spiritualized - "On the Sunshine", from And Nothing Hurt SSION - "1980-99" [ft. Patty Schemel and Sky Ferreira], from O St. Vincent - "Los Ageless" [piano version], from Mass Education Stef Chura - "Degrees", from "Degrees/Sour Honey" single Sunflower Bean - "Burn It", from Twentytwo in Blue Superchunk - "Erasure" [ft. Stephin Merritt and Waxahatchee], from What a Time to Be Alive  Superorganism - "Night Time", from Superorganism Swearin' - "Big Change", from Fall Into the Sun

Tanya Tagaq - "Run to the Hills" [ft. Damian Abraham] [Iron Maiden cover], from "Run to the Hills" single Tanlines - "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", from Presents EP Teenage Wrist - "Dweeb", from Chrome Neon Jesus They Might Be Giants - "Let's Get This Over With", from I Like Fun Third Eye Blind - "In the Fade" [Queens of the Stone Age cover], from Thanks For Everything EP Thumpers - "Tenor", from Life All In EP Tierra Whack - "Fuck Off", from Whack World Titus Andronicus - "Above the Bodega (Local Business)", from A Productive Cough Tom Misch - "Isn't She Lovely" [Stevie Wonder cover], from Geography Tomberlin - "You Are Here", from At Weddings Toto - "Hash Pipe" [Weezer cover], from "Hash Pipe" single Tracyanne & Danny - "It Can't Be Love Unless it Hurts", from Tracyanne & Danny  TT - "Take One", from LoveLaws tune-yards - "Colonizer", from i can feel you creep into my private life Turtlenecked - "Knocked Down By Another Ghost", from High Scores of the Heart TV Girl - "King of Echo Park", from Death of a Party Girl Twin Shadow - "Saturdays" [ft. Haim], from Caer

U.S. Girls - "Rage of Plastics", from In a Poem Unlimited Ultra Beauty - "Pegasuss", from Ultra Beauty EP Unknown Mortal Orchestra - "Hunnybee", from Sex & Food

Vacation - "Action Road", from Mouth Sounds #2699 The Vaccines - "Surfing in the Sky", from Combat Sports Valerie June - "Mad About the Girl", from Universal Love: Wedding Songs Reimagined

Waxahatchee - "Takes So Much", from Great Thunder EP Weaves - "Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)", from "Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)" single The Weeknd - "Wasted Times", from My Dear Melancholy EP Weezer - "Africa" [Toto cover], from "Africa" single Westerman  - "Albatross", from Ark EP Wished Bone - "Ohio", from Cellar Belly The Wombats - "Dip You in Honey", from Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life  Wussy - "Cake", from What Heaven is Like Wye Oak - "I Know It's Real", from The Louder I Call the Faster it Runs

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Thirteen" [Big Star cover], from Spotify Singles Young Fathers - "Fee Fi", from Cocoa Sugar Young Guv - "Ain't Fallin' in Luv Again", from 2 Sad 2 Funk Yowler - "WTFK", from Black Dog in My Path Yungblud - "I Love You, Will You Marry Me", from 21st Century Liability

https://open.spotify.com/user/barfwalker/playlist/7mCLnG6CZG1yB4q8uhzcys?si=Ip-Lka-0TOWCWRLMXGZ26w

[entoman-created-by-the-tallgreys]

Over Kill ???

Ok, Yo look at agenda 21 - 

as I was reading up on the gray’s I notice the agenda 21 ( not in the book ) 

why do thay need tungsten round’s, for a Human ??? or even a gray ( alien ) 

you can kill a short gray with a rock to the head and a tall  - most of them don’t want to fight - it’s 50 - 50 % 

My Theory  thay might be going to war with each other 

aka a dragon war - why else would you need a Rod for god weapon, ion cannon's and mass army’s, stock pileing mass weapons’ and a shit ton of ammo, ??? 

NOT  To wipe out human’s - 

we human’s are weak, all you need is a bullet out of a .45 Cal and where dead 

most people die from there bad diet alone - 

It’ just a theory but the dragon kin might be going to war with there own kind - 

the weapon’s are crazy over kill for just a mere

and a Reptilian can tear a human in haft like you can tear cotton candy 

this dose not sound like a way, aimed at human’s but them Self’s 

reptilian’s are a Superiorly strong life form 

i’m not going to say there Is not going to be some chaos aimed at humanity but 

Dude look at the mother fucking weapon’s 

this shit Is Crazy over Powering for any human, 

Seriously Over kill 

This might be a dragon war - 

[anxiousauthor89]

Looks Like A Suicide

Shock waves filled the entire floor. All murmuring sounds from busy workers had ceased. It even seemed that the beeping from the vital machine had stopped. Blinking hard, and rubbing her ears hard, Trinity felt like she was in the twilight zone. Realizing how much attention they were drawing to themselves, Judith broke the ice. “Hi. I’m Judith. Your dads wife. Come on in the room so we can talk in private.” Trinity began to notice she was the only one surprised. No longer smiling she stood by the door as her father held his head down and headed towards her room. Her mom stayed behind, waiting for Alexander to catch up. Before either of them could say a word Trinity loudly said “Ooooh so yall know I had a sibling and never said anything? Why yall dont look shocked?! Just wait til I tell Melodie, yall are so wrong!” Elijah and Judith looked at each other, not knowing which one of them should slap her in the mouth first. Little girl. Sit yo raggedy behind down. We are here because of you! You got some nerve tryna fuss AT US! Right now nobody needs to explain a dogg on thing to you! And what you gon tell your sister? Huh?” Judith dropped her purse and began taking steps toward Trinity with her fist balled up.”That you had a baby and said nothing?! That is why you acting upset right?” her mother said getting in her face. “Cuz we kept something from you? Right? You have no room to talk. So watch your mouth before I snatch your lips up so hard you wont speak another word or lick anotha lolipop! What you think other folk should do, you ought to try it.” A shove to the chest sat Trinity down. “Im sorry mama....you right....daddy Im sorry..” she said feeling bad. Alexander stood at the door looking scared. “Sit down son. And Trinity shut up with them sad im sorrys and wash your hands your fingers are bleeding.” Making eye contact to agree neither one of them would say a word about how they met, Trinity pushed the baby crib to her mother and washed her hands. She was smart enough to make it quick because she needed to hear this talk between her parents and Alexander. Taking a deep breath Elijah placed his hand on his sons shoulder. “We wanted you baby. We always wanted you.” Judith spoke first. “Yea son we really did. Your mother, Lanette was her name, she told me she aborted you.... You see... Me and Judith had a bad fight, I got drunk and ended up sleeping with her. I went right back to Judith and told her what I had done, and she took me back. Told me she forgave me. I had a feeling Lanette was pregnant. So I checked on her a month later. And indeed she was pregnant. I was honest and told her I want you. Im not running away.” He held Alexanders hand as he wept hearing the story. “And I was willing to help with you. I was ready to love you just like Elijah wanted me to.” Judith sighed as she rocked and kissed her new grand baby. “But she wanted me son.” He looked deep into the eyes that he recognized as his own. “She wanted me to leave my wife and I didn’t want to. So she told me she never wanted to see me again.” Taking a black hand towel from his back pocket Elijah wiped the tears that were on the rim of each eye. “The day before she killed her self, she called us and said she aborted you.  I waited a year to hear from her and she told me she killed my child. I was so mad I told her to go to hell. I told her if she called me again I would kill her...she over dosed that night. Me and Judith saw it on the news the next day. I didn’t know anyone related to her so I prayed and let it be.” Finally free of the secret Elijah breathed in relief. “Just know we wanted you baby, and we still do.” Judith smiled. “My mama killed herself..? She didn’t want me? Alexander stood up pacing. “I was raised by white people that told me she was a refugee from a different country....they said they saved me from poverty...but thats a lie...” Confused at the bizzare story that was so far from true, Elijah said “No son. She was on drugs. A hooker. And could drink more moonshine then the factory up north could make. She lived in poverty because she chose to.” Reaching to grab Alexander, Elijah reassured him “I wanted to give you a better life. This is my daughter Trinity.” Pretending to be a stranger Trinity waved. “She can tell you how good I treat them I wanted to do the same for you but I...” “But you trusted the drug addict...” Alexander angrily snapped. “She told you she aborted me and you believed her! Why? You should have tried harder! You just took her word and went on with your life! And I am following her foot steps and didnt even know it! How do you think I get my cash? I trick for it! I get drunk and forget!” He stood there confessing things he had never said before. Speechless and heartbroken, Elijah had no words of comfort. “Dont say nothing. I know what to do.” Alexander quickly walked out slamming the door. Shaking his head Elijah sat down beside Judith. “Its ok baby, he will come around.” she kissed his cheek. “Yea i know. He just needs a little air. In the mean time let me see Miss Peanut. Paw paw baby yes she is.” He smiled big at the sight of the new born. As the grandparents laughed and made noises at the baby girl Trinity sat there silent. Trying to process everything. “Blankets are recommended and dont forget to burp her! You guys are going home!” A male doctor came in happily. “Going home?” The family said in unison. “Yea! I mean..unless you wanna stay here!” The doctor jokingly said. “Put your clothes on and your wheelchair will be here to roll you outside shortly.” He said leaving them all in a daze. “Hurry up Trin. I wanna get home before its too late.” her mom replied after the instructions. Putting her clothes on in the bathroom, she tried to eaves drop but couldnt hear much. A loud pop came from downstairs and she laughed. “oh my Lord that lunch lady stay dropping the trays.” All ready to go, the wheel chair arrived and she was on her way out the door. They reached the ER exit and were surprised to see a crowd of people surrounding a red Monte Carlo in the parking lot. “Oooh no we dont do drama we better hurry up.” Judith picked up her pace. “What happened?” Trinity asked a nurse that looked distraught. The crowd moved out of the way so the police could get through. Opening the car door, they spoke over the radio and Alexander fell out. “Black male, long hair....looks like a suicide...”