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audi0med1c · 2 months

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Lucky✨

In honor of Halsey’s beautifully soul-bearing new single (especially the emotionally raw stripped version), I couldn’t resist making a quick visual for my AU fic…the first half of this song perfectly pairs with my latest chapter of my Clexa celebrity AU, “High Infidelity”- where we follow Lexa through the rest of awards season following her botched gesture for Clarke🥺

🚨(Abbreviated thread of SOME of the images from these chapter and the ending scene, click link to read in full👇🏻) 🚨 -big shoutout to my creative assistant and esp my personal Lexa tattoo artist @darkomen-carey for doing all my photoshops🫶🏼

In the soft light of Costia's bedroom, the giddy blonde lays back on her bed in a grey t-shirt and silky cheetah sleep shorts, tossing her hands up over her head, watching as her guest climbs onto the bed after her in just black panties and a white tank top.

Looking down, Lexa can still chart the constellations in her eyes, as Costia's looking up at Lexa with complete adoration from underneath, not a thought in her head that doesn't revolve around how natural this feels and how obsessed she is with the way Lexa examines her with hungry eyes before settling atop her hips to straddle her.

"Hi Babylove" She coos, settling her hands on Lexa's hips.

Lexa smiles, and her sigh relaxes her weight completely over the girl beneath her as she leans forward, gripping Costia’s wrists to put them back overhead on the pillow as she kisses her, breathing into it, drawing long inhales in through her nose as her lips press and suck at those she's anxiously waited to taste all day.

The physical touch is grounding, because her nerves have only grown worse all week, approaching tomorrow. It's taken all of her self-control to not respond to Clarke over the weeks, no matter how much she wanted to.

Because no matter what she does, she can't shake the images of Clarke so visibly enamored with every small touch, every glance, every moment of care and comfortability between her and Luna in that gallery.

The gallery she bought for Clarke.

What would Clarke even have done if she HAD seen her?

No matter, it would have been infinitely worse, to have suffered the embarrassment of Clarke seeing her there, of Luna seeing her there. God for RAVEN to have seen her there.

No. She's glad she left. She knew it was a stupid idea in the first place.

Maybe this is really both of our chances to start over.

"Babylove" the girl hums, breaking their lips apart with a turn of her head.

Costia had felt the slow shift, the excessive pressure behind the kiss that tells her Lexa's thoughts are far away, that the brunette is using the physical outlet to escape whatever emotions are building within. In a moment that had started so soft and unalloyed mere seconds ago now weighed down on top of them like a boulder because Lexa knows that Costia had grown too good at reading her, and wanted to avoid this conversation, or any for that matter.

Lexa, though, tries to resume their makeout, seeking back the lips that had just pulled away. When Costia flips her face back and forth to deny Lexa her mouth, the brunette shamelessly whimpers, equally frustrated as she is desperate for release, burying her face into the girl's neck.

"Hey....what is it?" She strokes the sides of Lexa's head, and immediately the girl on to of her drops her head.

They both know the answer.

"It's just dinner..." The blonde says gently as Lexa sits back up, still straddling her hips, "Since when can't you work a crowd?"

The silence says the obvious, but Costia voices it regardless.

"You're nervous to see her."

Lexa fidgets atop the blonde, but before she can slide off, Costia braces her hips to keep her in place.

"Don't." She urges, "Don't shut down on me."

But Lexa's fighting hard to do just that. She didn't come over to talk. Not tonight. The past month had been the perfect mix of work and interviews and events and parties and lots of NOT talking with Costia.

Not talking seemed better because the last time they did really talk, Lexa informed her about the texting that had started back up with her ex - despite its innocence.

Last time they talked she disclosed her intentions to attend Clarke's showcase, and even though the blonde smiled sweetly through obvious pain, assuring her it was okay, it was bending the truth too far. Because she still didn't know what any of it meant anyways, but she couldn't hide the truth from Costia. But what even was the real truth anyways?

"Lexa."

The soft utterance of her name loosens the knot forming in her gut momentarily, that voice that quells her cyclone of spiraling thoughts and the blonde gently pulls her down but she braces herself with her elbows on either side of Costia's head.

With their noses inches away, the younger girl tilts her head up just enough to nuzzle her nose across Lexa's.

"Tell me what's going on in there." She coaxes.

Lexa lets her eyes drop closed and breathes in the scent of vanilla and cinnamon, still clinging to the girl's skin from her shower before Lexa arrived. She focuses on the loose grasp Costia's hands keep on the sides of her torso, the stillness of her hips, resisting any urge to rock against the weight pressing down onto her when they both know what Lexa came over for.

Lexa's exhale is laden with defeat, but she nuzzles her nose right back, then rests her forehead against the blonde's.

"One of these days you'll regret meeting me."

The words hang like an omen.

Costia responds by tilting up to meet Lexa's lips in a kiss so delicate, so tender, that Lexa is once again dragged into a riptide of emotions where she can't figure out which direction to swim in.

"Never." Breathes the blonde, barely separating to utter against her lips, "I could never."

The ensuing kisses escalate in desperation, in such a way that Costia again pulls back, stopping.

"You're doing it again." She says.

Lexa stares back blankly, confused.

"You switched off."

Frustrated, Lexa huffs and rolls off the blonde's body, hanging her legs off the edge of the bed.

"You think I can't tell?" Her fingers trace the tops of Lexa's shoulders, meekly kneeling behind her as the brunette sits up facing away.

"Fine, I won't kiss you then." Lexa shrugs off Costia's touch and stands, fetching her sweatpants to step into.

"So we are right into the defensiveness."

Lexa exhales in a devastatingly sad tone, "I'm here, Cos...." Pulling up her sweatpants, "Whatever there is that's left of me... is here. I'm sorry if that's not enough for you."

"It always is." The girl assures, staying in her position on the bed for now, "But I can tell when you shut the lights off, when you switch to autopilot..." Lexa's face tries to protest but the blonde continues, "I don't just want this..." Her hand motions around Lexa's body, "I want YOU, Lexa. I've told you if you just need sex you've always had my blessing to go get that elsewhere."

Lexa paces around Costia's room, her mind actively fighting against her, not wanting to think about anything right now. The bubble is bursting and she's not ready for it.

"So what...?" Costia insists, noticing the girl's walls going up, "What's the plan here Lexa? Because everyone is scared of being hurt." She wants the brunette to look at her but she won't, and she strains to keep her voice from sharpening, "You act like having feelings is some weakness, some...'thing'... that's gonna destroy you if you let them in."

Because they might.

Lexa's pacing stops when she braces against the dresser on the far wall, just barely able to look at the girl in bed through the reflection of the mirror in front of her.

Costia's tone softens as she cocks her head, "So what'll it be? You gonna just stop caring? About everyone?"

Lexa's jaw stays rigid, her voice scratchy, "Not everyone." She finally turns around to face the girl in bed, "Not you."

Costia's head falls to the other side, and with a playful roll of her eyes, slides off the bed to step towards Lexa, who accepts her into embrace.

"Don't quote your show at me." She can't hold in her giggle, but it gets the desired outcome, as Lexa's lips stretch into a smile, "You care about more than just me...always the dramatics with you babylove..."

"You started it..." Lexa grins.

She plants a peck on Lexa's lips and tucks strands of hair behind her ear, and runs her hands down over her shoulders.

"I need you to stop beating yourself up for things you are allowed to feel."

Lexa, with hesitation, "So eager to push me back to her are you...?"

Costia frowns, "I didn't say I had to LIKE how you feel about her..."

The actress wraps her hands around the blonde's tiny waist.

"I'm here Cos, with you."

"Not really." She argues back, "You're elsewhere. I see it."

"What do you want? I'm trying Cos..." Lexa mildly snaps, and goes to drop her hands, to step away but Costia holds her firmly in place against the dresser, "We've been out to places a bunch..." Lexa notes, "I haven't been to a bar or club or so much as messaged anyone else in how long?"

"I never asked you to do that..."

"You got to come with me to all those afterparties...was that not a step forward?"

Costia subtly shakes her head, "I didn't know you were keeping count."

"Keeping count of what?"

"Of boxes you think you have to check to prove something to me."

Lexa manages to break free and walk back to the bed, scooting all the way back against the headboard with a sigh, while Costia stays leaning on the dresser.

"Lex...this past month has been amazing. I'm not asking for more. I'm just asking you be honest with me." She takes a deep breath before continuing, "Ever since you told me about the texting, about the showcase...I know those didn't go the way you hoped...no matter how you tried to downplay it."

Lexa winces hearing the words.

"I don't doubt how you feel about me, but you don't need to pretend you DON'T still feel things for her. Even if she doesn't deserve it in my opinion."

Lexa, looking over to her, "Cos it's not like-"

"Let me finish."

Costia walks over to stand at the foot of the bed.

"I don't want her to hurt you, again. I don't want her to even get the CHANCE to ever put you through what she did ever again…."

Lexa sees the sincerity, the protectiveness, the possessiveness.

"But I..." Her voice hitches, and Costia looks down in an attempt to control her now quivering bottom lip, "I don't want to be the one standing here with you only because you couldn't have what you really wanted..." She clears her throat, and fixes her jaw, looking Lexa directly in the eyes, "So...maybe it's good that she'll be there tomorrow."

Lexa's chest practically caves in at the sight in front of her. At the girl who least deserved to be caught up in her mess, who she did everything to keep from letting her into such mess.

The past month she thought was the best they could have hoped for, in moving them along towards something, anything beyond their late-night batsignal beginnings. She meant what she said to Anya - she wants to do right by her. She WANTS to be the person Costia believes her capable of being.

And Clarke.... Clarke can feel guilty about the showcase, but she can't deny what Lexa saw with her own eyes in that gallery.

She SAW IT.

Whatever feelings Clarke may or may not still harbor for her, her ex showed no intentions of letting it affect Luna's roots spreading into the soil of her life. So why should Lexa let it stop Costia's?

Lexa slides open her legs and pats the space between them, beckoning the girl onto the bed, which she does, crawling across the mattress and turning to sit in front of Lexa, leaning back into her chest as arms wrap tightly around her.

"We are what we are." She says, nuzzling into Costia's hair, "And I like what we are. I don't want it to change. Not yet."

Costia leans into the touch, letting herself be held together while her insides crumble, knowing if there's any true hope for them, she has to weather this storm. She's helpless against the hurricane that is Clarke Griffin that's surely on a path to blow in and do whatever amount of damage to Lexa, to them, to everything she's worked so hard healing in the girl holding her.

She's been sharing Lexa ever since she met her, maybe this wouldn't be that much different...?

"She's had plenty of chances." Lexa tries to assure her, "She didn't take them."

Costia shakes her head, but Lexa only tightens her hold.

"Hey..." The brunette plants several kisses where the girl's neck meets her shoulder, "You brought me back to life. YOU did that."

Costia twists in her lap, and Lexa cradles her sideways as the blonde pulls her in for a kiss filled with trepidation of what tomorrow might bring.

The pair sits for some time in a comfortable silence, in each other's embrace leaned against the headboard, content letting the night not lead to where it was originally intended.

"Go pick a record to put on."

#clexa fanfic #angsty #exes to lovers #RIP Lostia #accidentally made costia my favorite part of this story #Was proud of how smooth the TS references felt in this chapter #Don’t worry I’m just as committed to Costia’s happy ending as Clexa’s

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