#Psychopathic Nutjobs doing terrible
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none-shall-caricature-me · 8 months ago
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Fear and Hunger is such an awesome game that only hardcore channels cover because most famous players cater either to children, more sensitive folks or to the pussy 'omigosh how DARE a game depict realistic brutality and sexual violence even though it DOESN'T glorify it in the least' crowd. Yes, some people are legit uncomfy with that stuff and that's totally fine (even though I personally will NOT be discussing media with those types. Too easy to spook them), but the nutjob crowd on social media would've thrown a hissy fit over this game. What a shame.
Also, it's honestly pathetic how some people say the game 'trivialises' or is 'problematic' in its depiction of frequent sexual violence / nudity. As someone who lives in a country where rape horror stories are well - known (India), I'll provide an explanation to y'all. The dungeons and historical war setting are the core of this story. Historically and even nowadays, prisons are chock - full of depravity. Warfare and famine enable the shittiest among us to dominate the social order. When it's universally accepted that awful people in positions of power WILL murder, torture, pillage in such situations - how come sexual assault is out of the question for such an uncaring mind ? Face reality, both 'normal' and less - triggering - for - sheltered - USAmericans forms of violence, AND sexual violence have been and ARE distressingly common in the settings this game depicts. It's not problematic, it's just the truth. The devs, streamers, any content ratings website gives you ample warning about these elemnts. If you can't handle it that's a YOU thing. This story is for those people who CAN handle it.
Also the violence and gore are perfectly historically accurate too. You get a hopelessly infected limb, even nowadays ? It gets amputated. You don't have a safe medical facility around to assist ? It gets amputated painfully without anaesthesia. People used to easily die of what today are laughably small wounds, because they got infected. Germ theory didn't exist. Starvation was widespread. Betraying your fellows to terrible fates to save yourself is a timeless viable strategy - we privileged asses can't complain about it cuz we've never had to face those terrors. It is in fact ABNORMAL to not resort to cannibalism or deceit to survive in terrible conditions with no way out. You'd have to be suicidal, too good for this world, a rabid religious fanatic or psychopathic to not do so. I am none of those, and nor are 99.99 % of you.
And about sexual content in general - there's a reason soldiers / mercenaries and prostitutes have often gone together. Warfare is stressful and you're constantly hoping you won't be the next one to die or get captured / wounded. Sex is a great stress reliever and literally the opposite of death. I'm not saying prostitution networks can't be exploitative. But it makes sense why high - anxiety professions are big users of these services.
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mrneighbourlove · 5 years ago
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Shadow Hunt: Ch 1. Setting up the Players
Clara sat back quietly onto the seat of the psychiatrist’s chair, taking slow deep breathes as instructed by her doctor. Work had been dragging on her, and with the anniversary of most of her friends’ deaths at the hand of the being known as Vul’kar tomorrow, she was feeling incredibly depressed.  “Can I have another pillow?”
“Of course.” Doctor Kai Neighbour gave a light smile as he got up to select another pillow from his cupboard. Doctor Neighbour had only been working as a professional for six months, but he was the leading psychologist in Hyrule. Sure, this only came about due to most of his predecessors being killed in wars, or having traveled to Danjur to seek asylum from all the death, but Doctor Neighbour was absolutely dedicated to helping all walks of life in Hyrule. No matter if they Moblins, Hylians, or Lorleidians, he wanted to be a neighbour to them, someone they could trust. Everyone had difficulties after all. Handing Clara the pillow, Doctor Neighbour took his seat with easy care. “More comfortable?”
“Yes. Thank you.” Clara relaxed with a few more breathes. “Doctor Neighbour. It’s been getting more stressful. The days are going by harder and harder knowing that my friends are all gone. I don’t know why I’m still sad about this.”
Doctor Neighbour gave a light nod of his head. He too lost people he cared for during the eclipse. “Grief is something that might never go away. Its hold on us being an overbearing force in our lives. We have to accept that, and we have to know that its normal to still feel sad. To be numb to your friends’ deaths wouldn’t be good now. You know in your heart that you care for them, and they’ll be with you.”
“But what do I do now? If it’s not going to go away, how do I cope with it?”
“Do you have any friends that survived the eclipse?”
“Yes… but…”
Doctor Neighbour made sure to not fully interrupt her as she spoke, clueing in at the appropriate time. “Anyone to go to? Old or new friends?”
“I was in a chess league with Prince Ralnor as a teenager. But he’s so busy helping the king. And I heard he’s married and has a child.”
Her psychologist could only smile, and softly clapped his hands together. “Our worries come from a place of possibilities, but possibilities we never achieve due to the worry of only the worst outcomes. And we won’t ever achieve the positive outcomes if we don’t take the chance to reach out to them.”
Clara was still somewhere in the middle of assurance and worry. “Are you sure he wouldn’t tell me off?”
“Clara. I’m sure if you took a deep breath, take that confidence I know you have, and knock on his front door, he’d be more than happy to play a game of chess and catch up with you.”
Clara appreciated her doctor’s positivity. His never give up thinking and to always try made her feel better now. “Alright. If you think that’s what it takes.”
“I’ll even write a note making it mandatory.” Doctor Neighbour smiled another on of his soft smiles.
The meeting lasted half an hour, and after talking about work and saying goodbye, Clara took her bags and walked up to the castle palace. When a guard asked what her business was, she simply showed the doctors note. She couldn’t believe it actually came down to that. Making her way through the palace with a guard escort, she took a deep breath, and searched deep for her confidence. With a steady smile, she knocked on Ralnor’s door.
“Ukuri! Let papa answer the door!” The moment that girl started to hobble around, Ralnor knew she’d be a handful. Picking his daughter up, he quickly placed her back in a crib. “Stay there.”
When the Prince answered the door, Clara was surprised by how much he had grown. They hadn’t seen each other in plenty of years. He still had that long golden hair like his mother though. She instinctively brushed the hair out of her face. “Hello Prince Ralnor. I’m not sure if you remember me. But we used to play chess together.”
“Clara.” Ralnor mimicked her hair gesture with his finger. “You still do that thing with your hair when you’re worried.”
“Oh gosh. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Its been ages, hasn’t it? What have you been up to all these years?”
“Well, I started using my teaching degree and ran a chess club for students, as well as anyone in Castle Town who was interested.”
“I heard. In the Brazzer Corner.”
“Yes. Its…. Its all gone now.”
Ralnor didn’t show a lot of emotion, but he understood it and picked up on it well in others. Clara was clearly hurt by the destruction Vul’kar rained upon Hyrule. Her presence here most likely meant she was looking for a friend. Her nervousness deduced this may have been a last resort. Shyness perhaps? The prince didn’t see why he couldn’t give her his time. He did remember how she was one of the few Hylians to be kind to him without an ulterior motive. “Would you like to come in Clara? I have some water if you’d like.”
Clara wasn’t one to hide her emotions. The fact she was actually let in felt incredibly gratifying. “Thank you. That would be very kind.” She took notice of the little one in the pen, reaching up. “Oh my goodness. She’s adorable.”
Ralnor finished pouring the glasses of water, looking proudly at his daughter. “Yes, she is. My little Ukuri, pride and joy of my life. She has her mother’s charms.”
“I’m sure she’s lovely.”
Ralnor took out an old, but richly engraved wooden chess piece collection, carefully setting it on the table. “Would you like to play? For old times sake?”
Clara felt her heart flutter, excited to play chess with an old friend. “I would. I’m sure you haven’t gotten rusty.”
“Not at all. It’s my favourite hobby.”
“Well, I’m sure your daughter can be a good referee.”
Taking their seats, the two of them played a long, yet fun game of chess, slowly catching up over lost time. Clara carefully moved her bishop to take Ralnor’s rook. “So, how did you and your wife meet?”
“My father always did want Covarog to have a Gerudo wife. Cass disagreed heavily with being forced into any relationship, even with a crown Gerudo prince. To appease my father, I proposed a relationship instead. With time…” Ralnor calculated his move and moved his knight into position. “… we formed an organic love with one another.”
“That’s very sweet Ralnor. I told you that you were likeable years ago.”
“It’s all about confidence now, isn’t it?”
“I suppose it is.” Clara moved her rook into place. “Check.”
Ralnor’s lips curled into a light smile as he moved his king into a specific space. Clara took a pawn with her queen. With this move however, Ralnor slipped his knight into place. “Check…” He watched Clara scan the board. Ralnor placed all his pieces perfectly. And she was so close to winning to. How’d she miss that? “… and mate.”
“Wow. You beat me.”
“Well, I should after years of practice. Not a child anymore now.”
“And without mothers help too. I’m sure Zelda would be proud.”
“Well, she did pay a lot for those lessons.” Ralnor shook Clara’s hand in good sportsmanship. “Good game Clara.”
“Good game Ralnor. I do hope we can do this again.”
Ralnor carefully put his chest board away, with all the pieces placed in cushioning. “I do as well. With all the recent events in the past few years, it has been difficult to find some quiet time for one’s self.”
His daughter cried out to him, wanting attention. Going over to her crib, Ralnor picked Ukuri and rocked her back and forth in his arms against his shoulder. “Really though, it was good to see you again Clara. I should really feed her and get her to bed. Not too awake myself either.”
“I understand. I’m sure that you have a private school in mind, but I’d be honoured to teach Ukuri when she’s old enough to start taking school. That is, if you’d ever think of enlisting your children into public schooling.”
“That’s something my wife and I would have to discuss; however, I will consider it as an option Clara. Do have a goodnight getting home. Would you like an armed escort?”
“Oh, please, that’s not needed. I should be fine getting home on my own, thank you.” Clara gave Ralnor a soft hug, surprising the prince. “Thank you for sharing the evening with me.”
“It’s no problem at all. Good day now Clara.”
The young women waved goodbye and took her time getting home. The sun set slowly onto the country of Hyrule. The reconstruction of castle town had been slow, but most of that was due to the city expansion plan. Building the area much larger than before, as well as having defences around the city and castle for greater protection. Two times the city was battered by destruction in the last few decades, so architects under the orders of the King and Queen wanted to make sure that the city could be organized effectively for a large population under evacuation quickly.
Her new house was right next to what would become a moat canal. The area had to have its construction completed before filling it with water that connected from the river. Going through her bag, she looked for her key. Every house on the block needed a key. For some reason, King Ganondorf was obsessed with the rule all new houses needed keys. “Stupid little silver- where are- there we go.”
Opening the door, she took a deep breath. Her house was oddly cool walking in. Setting her bag down, she took a sharp right into her kitchen. It was a small house, with narrow 90-degree angles. Grabbing her cupboard door, Clara heard her cat bounce up the stairs as she looked inside decide what she’d have one her late-night sandwich. The creaking of her steps gave it away, as well as a light purr.
Grabbing the kitty kibble, she poured some out for her cat to eat. Clara was ready for bed, so after eating her sandwich, she threw her clothing off and walked up the steps. More 90-degree turns up tight corners, she took a direct left at the steps, entering her bedroom. At least she was able to afford a nice big bed. Part of her wondered why she got a queen-sized bed if she never had anyone with her in it.
Crawling into bed, Clara relaxed, feeling the heavy blanket over her body. Her head turned slightly to hear her door creaking open. From this angle on her bed, she couldn’t see her cat come in. Closing her eyes, she tried to get comfortable. That was when she felt some weight beside her, pressing into the sheets. “Molly?”
Turning her head towards where the weight was, she saw only her closet. It was dark, but when she looked down, Clara thought she saw the imprint of a hand on her sheet. That was when she felt a shift at the edge of her bed. And it was subtle, but as she turned her head, she saw the blanket slightly move, a shape getting closer to her. Her brain was firing like crazy. Clara couldn’t help it, but a reaction of her unconscious curiosity got the better of her, and her eyes looked down at under her blanket.
In front of her was a man in thick, black latex all around his body, bar a tiny zipper keeping the mouth closed. She could only see the man’s eyes looking into hers. They were full of ill intent. Psychopathy. As she let out a scream, the figure reached out with a black hand covered in blood for her neck. He pinned her naked stomach with his knee as he started to choke her.
Carla felt her oxygen being choked out as the latex man choked the life from her. Reaching for a night candle, she smashed the candle stick against his head. The man let go of her temporally, allowing Clara to get up. Before she could get off the bed fully, she felt her back spike in pain with the sound of a sickening slice across her back. Clara gasped as she fell to the floor. Getting out the door, she looked across the hall to the bathroom, where she found her cat Molly, gutted and left smashed in the door.
“No. Please, take what ever valuables I have. Please don’t kill me!”
She turned to see the man crawling towards her, like a beast on all his hands and feet. His head never bobbed, entirely focused on her struggle. He was a gimp, his body tight and black as death. Raising the sickle in his right hand, Clara couldn’t stop him from stabbing into her leg. With a twist of his wrist, the maniac curved the sickle, and cut Clara’s right leg completely off from the kneecap. She whimpered, trying to scream when he crawled on top of her, holding his bloody hand over her mouth. His other hand trailed her naked body, the cold against her skin. Clara felt terror like nothing she ever felt in her life until now. She whimpered loudly when she felt a tongue trail the back of her neck. The man got a taste of fear, and was satisfied. Her terror was replaced by simple, effective, and life ending pain when the maniac took his sickle, and from between her legs, cleaved upwards on her body.
It was a slow end as Clara couldn’t even scream, overcome by shock and agony. She barely felt her body dragged to her window, the killer still crouching low as he dragged her mangled body. As her insides fell out, her mouth barely made an audible help, seeking sanctuary with her friends.
~
A man was walking in the cold morning of castle town. He had a morning routine every day. Run around the full area of the town square, go through the alleys, down to the empty moat, up the tall stair way, then back to his house. As he ran through the moat, he felt something drop on his head. It wasn’t supposed to rain was it? Looking up, he saw a nightmare come to life. Crows gathered around the body of a mutilated woman hanging from her bedroom window by her intestines. He screamed with absolute terror; his legs frozen with fear by the sight.
~
Ralnor received a knock at the door from a guard. He was preparing Ukuri for breakfast when he was interrupted by loud knocks. Grumpy he was interrupted, he opened his door in a huff and a cold face. “I’m very busy right now, so what-”
Ralnor stopped when he saw how pale the soldier was. “S-s-sir. I’m so, so sorry.”
The prince felt an awful feeling in his gut. “What is it soldier?”
“There was an incident down in the town. That friend of yours that was here yesterday. She’s…” The soldier could barely get her sentence out. Ralnor already calculated the dreaded words that would come next from the reaction of the women in front of him, but he still wished she didn’t speak them. “She’s dead my prince.”
Ralnor clenched his fist. Why? Why did this happen? “Get one of my sisters to look after my daughter. And give me Clara’s address.”
“Sir. I don’t think you want to see her…”
Ralnor gripped the soldier by the collar, glaring deep into their eyes. “I didn’t hesitate in giving my order. Now you shouldn’t hesitate in carrying it out.”
The soldier gulped, but the fear in her eyes didn’t waver. “… Very well. Prepare yourself Prince Ralnor…”
Ralnor received the address and quickly made his way down. Townsfolk surrounded the house, with local guards keeping people out. There were a few people crying from the agony of the news, and one investigator came out, puking into a bush. The prince hopped of his horse and showed his royal identification. “Let me through. I won’t ask twice.”
The investigators looked at each other, wondering if he had the authority to propose such orders, but there were no arguments. “We’re all taking a break. We moved the body from the window onto the bed, but warning my prince… it’s graphic in there.”
Ralnor slowly made his way in. Blood was smeared on the door way and trailing down the walls. The prince’s eyes followed the first blood trail to the kitchen. The freezer, kept cold by Zora ice, had bloody hands prints all over it. Opening the door, Ralnor flinched at the sight of a poor beaten in cat with a human heart stuffed in its mouth. Whoever did this wanted to take his time, send a message. Be some sort of sick artist. The cat’s wounds were horrific. It most likely suffered for a while, which meant the killer had time to kill it before Clara arrived home, and to do this with her heart, he had the time to be creative after her death.
Closing the fridge, Ralnor turned to go up to the steps. Making the first turn right, his mind raced seeing Clara’s leg against the wall. Pausing, Ralnor turned right again to the upper hall. His eyes rested on the massive pool of blood, mixed with other bodily fluids.  The carpet was stained, a darkness that would have to be utterly ripped from the foundation. Choosing to go right, he saw fur and blood smearing against the bathroom door. That must have been the point of origin of the cat’s death. Walking to the bathroom, Ralnor took note how clean it was compared to the rest of the house, save a little pile near the door. Looking at the toilet, he noticed some blood stains on the toilet seat. Taking a gander inside the toilet, there was wet blood. Did the killer wash his hands inside the toilet bowl?
As Ralnor walked out and opened the bedroom door, his analysis of the situation was forgotten immediately. He didn’t see the corpse of a random stranger, or even someone who worked for his family. He saw his friend. Clara laid on the bed, her body split open down the middle down up to just above her belly button. Her left breast had been cut open, where her heart was removed. The guts that had fallen out were stabbed into the wall in shape of a symbol Ralnor couldn’t make out. Her intestines were removed from her body by the investigators, but Ralnor could tell she was hung by them. The look in her eyes and face, the fear, shook Ralnor to his core. She died terrified.
Ralnor bit his lips in fury. Who would do this to her? Why would anyone do this? They killed her like a monster. She didn’t deserve this fate. Clara was a teacher; she never would have hurt anyone. By the gods, why did this happen under his watch? He should have insisted that she had a guard escort her. No. The killer was waiting inside. Her fate was sealed with or without Ralnor’s assistance. His teeth broke the skin of his lips, and blood dripped. Wiping his mouth, Ralnor shook subtly. After being powerless as a child to stop Kanisa from being kidnapped, after being a puppet to Vul’kar, letting that demon posses his body, and being so sick of the hidden depravity that made Hyrule stink, the Prince had enough. His friend’s death would not stand.
“Clara. I’m so sorry this happened to you. But I swear to you, I will look for who did this. I will find them no matter where they have hidden. I will make them suffer more than you ever did. And then I will kill them.”
_________________________________________
Next Ch. 
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nonbinarysasukes · 5 years ago
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ah if you’re still answering the ask meme would mind doing either itachi or kakashi? sorry I couldn’t pick so your choice!
Absolutely! Thank you for the ask!
(I’ll admit, I closed my eyes and stabbed my finger at the screen ‘cause I couldn’t pick either and I was lazy to do both XD)
Ended up choosing - Itachi Uchiha! Enjoy ^^
First impression:
A psychopath, an utter and complete nutjob, and an A-grade dickwad. I absolutely despised this guy down to the core; not only did he ruin Sasuke’s life, but he’s still out there ruining other people’s lives for no good reason. I hate characters who have no damn motives except to fuck up shit, and let’s be real, that’s what Itachi seemed like at first. Plus, if he was supposed to be ‘hot’... they didn’t exactly score there. He just looks really tired! I mean, damn, force this boy to take a nap before you let him go be a terrorist!
Impression now: 
Mixed. As. Fuck.
The Bad First ‘Cause It Has More Than The Good: I didn’t buy into that martyr bull-crap that Kishi pulled, and the portrayal of Itachi as oh so loyal to Konoha honestly pissed me off because he was always shown to be “right” in his ideals! That’s just glorifying a fucked-up system which wished to eliminate the clan which had helped found that system - if that’s not Uchiha-phobia, I don’t know what is. Even Itachi being a fucked-up, entitled bastard with no purpose other than ruining people’s lives, despite my hatred for those types of characters, would have not hurt my eyes so much to see. He also did not need to torture Sasuke for three days - it’s simply not necessary. Dude, you killed the kid’s family and told him he was nothing to you, what else do you want to do to make him hate you? I understand that Itachi just wanted to project all Sasuke’s rage onto him, but that “I will atone by having my baby brother taint his hands with my blood” bull was shit I can’t really get behind. He was also too much of a pacifist and that suicide shit he pulled at 4? Getting into ANBU at 13? Yes, he’s a prodigy, I get it, but that’s just... not realistic, even for a ninja setting. HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO MURDER YOUR WHOLE CLAN, MOST OF WHOM HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE THAN YOU, IN ONE NIGHT AT 13? That’s just stupid and unrealistic. Boo you, Kishi.
The Good: Itachi really, truly loved Sasuke. That brotherly love was the only bond that ever mattered to Itachi apart from his family. In fact, Sasuke is the only thing that ever even mattered to Itachi after (and excluding their parents, before) the massacre. That scene before the Edo Tensei on Itachi was released actually had me crying because fuck, I stan this lovely, messed-up, broken brotherly bond *messy sobbing*... 
His silly tastes (the cat ears, the dango etc.) make him more human in my eyes, though there is not that much I really do like about Itachi, other than his bond with Sasuke. He wasn’t properly fleshed out as a person, and this does not give me much scope to answer what I like about him! I found him quite boring and bland and too martyr-ish at the end of Naruto - Shisui plays the martyr enough, Itachi. CHILL THE FUCK OUT. 
tl;dr: IDGAF about canon Itachi but I love Sasuke having a brother who will spoil him rotten and pamper him and literally kill anyone who looks at him wrong... I will actually die for Itachi and Sasuke’s bond...
Favorite moment: Cooking the eggs for Sasuke XD His resolve to make it perfect for his baby bro is so cute! 
Idea for a story: Oof... I got nothing here’s something I came up with on the fly
I MEAN! What if Itachi were a double agent loyal to his own clan and the coup, and helped them all escape (excluding Sasuke because they still needed a spy in the village)?
Unpopular opinion: Itachi is terribly written. His morals and ideas fluctuate and he becomes boring and bland at the end. There is no proper development of Itachi at all...
Favorite relationship: Other than Sasuke... I’m gonna say Kisame, because I like their dynamic (don’t ship them though, the age gap is more than uncomfortable). I also like his friendship with Izumi, it’s very cute... though again, I don’t ship it (because ItaDei XD)
Favorite headcanon: Itachi is really, really terrible at math. If you ask him what is 1 + 1, he’ll take five minutes before asking you hopefully, “11?”
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magioftheseas · 6 years ago
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Staying Together as We Fall Apart
Summary: Komaeda's plan failed. It failed spectacularly and horrendously and there’s no recovering from it. Hinata Hajime ruined everything. And he really, really doesn't understand how things turned out this way. There's only one thing he's sure about. That he's glad Komaeda survived.
Rating: T+
Warnings: Blood, implied/threatened violence, mental instability and breakdowns, and panic attacks.
Notes: YAAAAAAA CHAPTER 5 FIC WHERE KOMAEDA LIVES FOR KOMAEDA DAAAAAY. It’s not very happy. I was also like requested this like, uh, five years ago. And have been working/procrastinating ever since. Yeah. This was a long time coming. But when I checked it it was like so close to done that I was just “what the hell” and finished it up. Yeah. Please enjoy. Or suffer. Everyone else already is.
***Alternate Ao3 Link***
Commission? Donate?
Will this ending be one of despair or one of hope?
It’s not like I’ll be around to see it, but, more than anything I want...
At some point, he grew numb to the burning agony all across his body. He just laid in silence in darkness, breathing heavily through his nose as the tape’s underside grew moist and slimy rather than sticky against his open mouth. Any moment he could shut his eyes tight and drift into painful darkness, but he resolutely stared upwards towards the ceiling and the hanging spear.
There can’t be anything but a brilliantly hopeful ending from this, right? That’s right... That’s right.
He’s going to die here. It shouldn’t matter.
But there was going to be a brilliantly hopeful ending at the end. It hurt now—it really, really hurt—but once it was all over, there’d be nothing but hope. Nothingness and hope.
So hurry up already, he can’t help but think, tiredly and irritably. Worthless despairs—how long are you idiots going to make me wait? Come over here right away—hurry up—
Hinata-kun...
“K-Komaeda?!”
Komaeda’s fluttering gaze shot open wide as he turned. Standing in the entryway, stiff and staring down with nothing short of unremarkable, completely expectable horror on his plain, plain features was Hinata-kun.
Komaeda’s grip on the spear slipped as both he and Hinata screamed.
--
“Guys?! GUYS?! Y-You’re here?!”
There was music playing, but they still somehow picked up on that exclamation.
“Hinata...?!” Souda gasped as Kuzuryuu cursed. “Hinata, where ARE ya? I-Is that nutjob...?!”
“H-Hold on...!” Hinata shouts and none of them could see him even as they looked around. “I... I’m on my way, just...!”
That was around when the fire started.
--
“S-Shit! Fuck! Guys! GUYS!”
“Hinata-san—! K-Komaeda-san?!”
“Hold on! We’ll do something about these flames!”
“Just—try to stay safe. Both of you.”
“H...Hurry...!”
This was absolutely incredible. This was amazing! This was, was...!
This was complete and utter despair. From the roaring flames to the rope that had been torn off to the hanging spear that Hinata had dragged him out from under.
Hinata was coughing from the smoke. But Hinata was still jostling him, trying to drag him further as Komaeda regarded him blankly.
“U-Urgh... H... Hang in there... Komaeda...”
Komaeda could’ve laughed if the sound wasn’t muffled and if it didn’t hurt to breathe so bad. Hinata is cursing over and over and rather violently, he shoves his tie over Komaeda’s nose. It doesn’t do much, it just makes it hurt more, but Hinata is trembling.
Hinata hisses suddenly. His shaking gets worse. His grip tightens and it’s worse than the blinding agony of his hand.
“K-Komaeda... Komaeda...”
Due to the flames, they’re trapped. For one brief, terrifying moment, Hinata seems as though he’s about to pass out from the smoke.
But through sheer force of will or something—something else, Hinata manages to stay alert until the sprinklers finally, finally go off.
And at that point, nothing else matters at all. Not even in the slightest. There’s not even any point in staying awake anymore.
“Komaeda...? H-Hey, Komaeda...! No, just... Just keep your eyes open...! Please!”
Hinata sounds so upset that Komaeda squeezes his eyes shut out of spite.
I should be the one crying right now.
It’s such a pitiful, vile thought. And the warmth of Hinata’s desperate embrace, the frantic brushes of his hand against his hair are all the worse for it.
I could die of humiliation right now. I wish I did.
“Hinata—! HINATA!!!”
“Guys! H-Hurry! I—I don’t know how much longer he’s going to last—please!!”
God. This is the fucking worst.
--
The others arrive. They see the state he’s in. Sonia screams. Kuzuryuu is the one who directs Hinata how to remove the knife embedded in his hand. That makes Komaeda scream, Hinata soothes him clumsily, apologizing softly, and, through his blurring vision—Komaeda can almost swear that someone is looking down upon him so coldly.
He wonders if it’s the traitor or someone else.
“Please... Take me back...” Once the tape’s removed, all he can do is beg like the worthless dog he is. “T-Take me back... I don’t... I-I don’t... I don’t...!”
“Don’t squirm so much, you asshole!”
“Please... Please...!”
“Komaeda, please! Calm down!”
“Just let me go back! Let me go!”
“K-Komaeda—!”
It hurts. It hurts so much. Aha. Haha. The person who’s looking down on me—
As he passes out, the only thing he’s sure about is that it’s not Hinata Hajime.
--
After that, well... Monokuma had seemed a little disappointed but who the hell cared. They managed to get Komaeda Nagito to the hospital, and after that, Hinata found himself in a painful position, too.
“Ow!”
“Uh, sorry.” Kuzuryuu does look really apologetic, clicking his tongue with a tense sigh as he tried cleaning the wound at least a little gentler. It still stung and had Hinata wincing as Kuzuryuu mumbled, near inaudibly, “I’m not exactly Tsumiki...”
“These don’t look that serious though,” Souda notes as he bandages his arm. “You can get some really nasty burns—but you uh, got real lucky, Hinata.”
“Lucky, huh,” Hinata mused.
Of course, Souda and Kuzuryuu both soured immediately. Souda in particular just let out a long, aggravated groan.
“Seriously what the hell even happened to that guy? Did someone seriously torture him or did that freak do all that shit to himself? Why did a fire get set off? What was with the bomb shit?! I told ya—we should’ve just kept him tied up from the start!”
“What I wanted to know,” Kuzuryuu murmured, low and deathly cold, “is why that fucker wanted to go back into the building so badly when he was...like that...”
“He was just crazy!” Souda exclaimed. “Since when does ANYTHING that asshole does make a lick of sense?!”
“I don’t think so...” Hinata spoke up suddenly and slowly. “Komaeda seemed...hysterical about something. I’ve never seen him get like that except when he had the Despair Fever. Surely he had a motive for pulling off a stunt that complicated and...if he really injured himself like that...”
Was he really trying to get himself killed? For what? Was he hoping we’d think he was murdered? That... Something’s off about all this...
“We can interrogate him later,” Kuzuryuu huffed. “For now, we’re letting Monokuma treat that idiot and then...”
“We’re getting out of here,” Souda finished, firm and final. “Even if we have to drag that psychopath after us on a chain leash.”
“Did you have to be so weirdly specific?” Kuzuryuu asked, flustering him.
“I-It was just the first thing that came to mind for some reason! Don’t ask questions! Don’t look so deeply into it either!”
Hinata, smiling a bit at the banter, faltered soon after.
...Something’s really, really off about all this.
--
“Hinata-san, I’m so sorry! If I had just realized sooner that the bombs were fake...!”
“Sonia,” Hinata put up his hands between the two of them, smile strained. “None of this is in any way your fault.”
“Ugh.” Owari’s nose wrinkled in distaste as she took in his bandages arms and face. “You look terrible, though. At least the bandages look about right. But if they get undone, I’ll fix ‘em later, alright?”
“Thanks, Owari,” he replied, nodding. His smile twists all the same. “But, really, I’m fine. So you don’t need to worry about me.”
Annoyingly, the one I’m worried about is...
“...That guy...how is he doing?”
Owari’s face soured immediately and even Sonia’s mood seemed to plummet. Incredibly, Sonia took a deep breath, demurely folded her hands, and she answered.
“Komaeda-san should survive.” Owari scoffed, but Sonia admirably went on. “But his injuries were...of course...much more serious than yours so he’s not...ready to take visitors quite yet.”
Hinata nodded as Owari rolled her eyes.
“Who the hell even cares?” she complained, loudly. “With how that asshole had us running around like idiots, this is just what he deserves.”
Sonia flinched, as did he.
“Look,” he said. “I’m pissed, too, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. He was tortured, Owari.”
“He coulda did that shit to himself,” Owari pointed out. “It’s pretty likely, ain’t it? Komaeda’s definitely crazy enough to do that.”
“...Then does that not make the situation even more disturbing?” Sonia asked quietly. “Komaeda-san is...extreme but...this was...so extreme.”
“Is it really that hard to believe?” Owari shot back. “He’s crazy. That’s all there is to it.”
Sonia had nothing to say to that, but Hinata thought it over, irritated.
No... Even for Komaeda, this was...
“Still, we don’t know the whole story,” he said. “Until then, let’s just...refrain for now. Haven’t the past few days been exhausting enough?”
Owari stills, and she falters, and she nodded.
“Yeah,” she replied, softly and gruffly. “Fair enough, Hinata.”
It’s then, that he remembers, and can’t help but ask.
“By the way...where’s Nanami?” Hinata wondered if she was just playing games. The lodge had been miraculously fixed and it wasn’t like there was much else but wait around while Komaeda recovered. He wouldn’t be surprised, even if he very bitterly envied her, too, if that were the case.
“She’s standing guard,” Owari said. “For that guy. Just in case someone actually was trying to kill him, or so she said...”
Well, never mind that. Hinata couldn’t help but be irritated with himself for thinking otherwise.
“Hinata-san...” Sonia very carefully touches his shoulder. “You should get some rest. Do you want to rest here or back at your cabin? I do not mind accompanying you.”
“Me neither,” Owari added. “It’s not like I have anything better to do.”
“You can help Nanami-san guard Komaeda-san,” Sonia pointed out. And she rolled her eyes hard.
“I don’t have anything better to do.”
That irritation flared up even more.
“Actually,” Hinata cut in with a bit more force than necessary. “I’ll just...use one of the beds here. It’s no big deal and... I’m not in the mood to walk all the way back. You two can just...go.”
The way he spoke didn’t seem to have much in the way in room to argue, but that was just fine. Owari nodded like it wasn’t even a problem, and Sonia complied ever politely.
“Feel free to use the buzzer if you need anything,” she said. “Kuzuryuu-san already agreed to stay here just as he had before.”
Before...that’s right, this isn’t the first time Komaeda’s had to fight for his life in this stupid hospital...
Thinking that...really annoyed him so much more.
“Thanks, Sonia.”
--
Trying to get to sleep was decidedly an absolute pain in the ass. Even with the painkillers and bandages, there was hardly a position he could find that didn’t press into his wounds and cause them to ache. Stupid fire. Stupid Komaeda. Stupid culprit behind all this who very well and very easily could have also been Komaeda. Fucking Komaeda.
He didn’t have a great dream, either. Everything was burning, even his feet, and Komaeda wouldn’t stop laughing, laughing, laughing as Monokuma batted Hinata around like a ball of yarn. He woke up, groggy and pained and even more irritated.
And in one of the other beds, Nanami slept so serenely he wanted to scream. He did, in fact, muffle said scream against a pillow. And Nanami stirred awake.
“Hinata...kun...?”
“It’s nothing.” The words come out like a croak. What Hinata wouldn’t give right now to choke on a frog. “So you’re...taking a break from guarding, Nanami...?”
“Mm...” Nanami pushed herself up, rubbing at her eye with a soft yawn. “Kuzuryuu-kun’s guarding. So is...Monomi, I think.”
“I see,” Hinata replied.
“Ah, Komaeda-kun should be awake and available to visitors in a bit,” Nanami went on to say. “He’ll be...hungry, I think. Should I bring him something?”
“He has IVs in, doesn’t he?” Hinata muttered. “So he’s not being starved this time.”
“I suppose that’s true,” she agreed.
He couldn’t help but get more annoyed, and he shoved himself up.
“Nanami,” he said. “How long ago did you and Kuzuryuu switch?”
“Um...” She squeezed her eyes tight, trying to think. “A few...hours...? Three...or five? I dunno. I’ve been asleep for most of that time, I think.”
“There’s a clock, Nanami.”
“Oh... So there is.” Nanami blinked at the clock Hinata had gestured toward, and she nodded. “Yep. Five hours. I napped for a while, huh.”
Hinata stepped out of the bed, running fingers through his hair.
“Are you gonna go?” she asked, blinking those pink doe eyes at him next. “I mean, I should go, I think...since I agreed to guard him first...”
“Nanami,” he said, sighing. “It’s not like I have anything better to do when I can’t get any amount of decent sleep like this.”
She blinked once. Twice. And then, her head tilted. “I suppose that’s true.”
He supposed.
--
“And you’re sure you’re alright?”
“Yes, really.”
“...Hm.”
“Kuzuryuu, really.”
Kuzuryuu sighed, but he nodded all the same, patting Hinata’s shoulder. It doesn’t hurt. Not really. But he can’t help but remember how he supported Komaeda’s surprisingly slight frame on that shoulder.
Kuzuryuu is on his way soon after that, leaving Hinata just waiting there, outside the door, with the light still on, signaling an operation in progress. And so, Hinata sits down, and he waits.
And waits.
And waits.
--
He’s not sure how long it is. He wasn’t keeping track, not really.
(But if he did, he’d guess it had been about 4 hours, 52 minutes, 29 seconds, and 13 milliseconds. But that’d just be a guess. Just a guess.)
The doors open, and Monokuma waddles out. He pretends to look as surprised as he is quite disgustingly delighted.
“Hinata-kun! How nice of you to visit your dear, dear friend!”
“How is he?” he asked, voice gruff. “Did you kill him?”
“Moi? Of course not! I’m a bear of my word!” Monokuma exclaimed, giving a dreamy, flushed smile. “To disappoint you is such easy despair... But at the same time, it’s too easy. I might as well fulfill my words and wait for you to disappoint yourselves.”
“That’s nonsensical,” Hinata huffed. “How long will it be before Komaeda can take visitors?”
“Oh, you can go in there now!” Monokuma said. “There’s no need to wait! Just dive right in! He was up for a while anyway. All while I was working on him! Creepy, huh?”
He wasn’t even surprised, be it at Komaeda in general or at Monokuma’s usual audacity.
“...He’s going to be in a bad mood, then,” Hinata muttered, guessing. “Is he in pain?”
“Despairing agony, Hinata-kun! What else would you expect from your darling headmaster?” Monokuma blinked at him, all spinning flowers and sparkles. He winked, and it wasn’t any better. “But he’s beary, beary stubbornly alive. I can’t help but be beary impressed!”
This was getting difficult to...tolerate.
“I’m going to see him, then.”
“Heh?! So soon?! Gosh, you boys really are impatient, huh? So ready to get down and dirty!” Monokuma panted. Then he giggled, vibrating with delight. “You’re such a good friend, Hinata-kun! No, even closer than a friend, perhaps... A soulmate?!”
Souda said something like this. He takes it even less seriously now because it’s Komaeda, for fuck’s sake.
“Are you going to get out of the way or do I have to walk around?” he asked snappily. Monokuma stiffened, and then twirled out of the way.
“I’ll forgive you now, but never speak to your headmaster like that again!” He brandished sharp claws with a sharper gleam in his beady little eye. “Or else!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Hinata muttered and didn’t even look at him as he opened the door and let himself in.
Then and there, it’s like a weight dropped onto his shoulders, leaving him struggling to do something as simple as swallow.
“...O... Oi... Komaeda...?”
--
He hadn’t gotten an answer at first. Komaeda wasn’t even looking at him. Komaeda was still lying down on the hospital bed, wrapped in bandages, gaze on the window. It was...reminiscent to when this had been Kuzuryuu in what felt like so, so long ago. But even then, Komaeda looks so much smaller, so much frailer, than even Kuzuryuu.
Hinata steps forward, and the weight on his shoulders shifts and threatens to shatter him in a moment’s notice if he’s not too careful.
“Komaeda.”
Nothing.
“Komaeda.”
Still nothing.
“Komaeda,” Hinata growled. “I know you can hear me, so just...answer already. For fuck’s sake.”
“Forgive me,” Komaeda said so airily. “I didn’t think I was listening to anything important.”
God, what a jackass.
“Komaeda, we need to talk.”
Komaeda still wasn’t looking at him.
“Komaeda...” His voice rose. “Oi...!”
“You’re so noisy,” Komaeda cut in dryly. “You can’t even give me time to gather my thoughts? My, my, for a reserve, you’re especially careless.”
Hinata flinched, and he slumped.
“...how are you feeling?” he asked lamely. “You...lost a lot of blood...”
“You don’t say,” Komaeda replied dully, still staring out the window. Hinata could almost see that unimpressed face reflected in the glass. “Any other stellar observations, reserve-san?”
Hinata grits his teeth.
“That situation,” he growled. “Who did that to you? The others said...that you left a video claiming that you’d expose the traitor. Well? Who is it? Or was that another lie?”
“Who knows,” Komaeda said so simply it infuriated him even more.
Is he even taking this seriously?! And after he got tortured!
...tortured...
Hinata’s eyes swept over him again, taking in those bandages...those slender limbs with protruding bone...
He can’t imagine how much it would’ve hurt. The burns were a minor anguish but for Komaeda, who got smoke into those open wounds... It must have been searing agony.
Warily, Hinata drew closer.
“Komaeda... Come on,” he said, raising his hands. “You... You have to explain at least some things.”
Finally, Komaeda looked at him. He looked at him...like he was a fucking idiot.
“No,” Komaeda said. “I don’t. It doesn’t matter.”
The hell it doesn’t.
“That’s for me to decide,” Hinata said, tensing. “Either way, I’m not going to let you wiggle out of this. With everything you’ve fucking done, I demand at least some kind of explanation.”
“What if I don’t comply?” Komaeda asked, blinking at him almost innocently. “What are you going to do? Torture me?”
And just like that, Komaeda’s eyes lit up with bright mania.
“I’m sure Kuzuryuu-kun knows a few methods! Ooh, maybe Sonia-san would know some as well? I’m sure Souda-kun can get pretty creative if he puts his mind to it. Maybe Owari-san can hold my head under water?” Komaeda’s lilt dropped to a low jeer just as Hinata began to see red. “Hey, Hinata-kun, what kind of games do you think Nanami-san would like to play—?”
Hinata’s features latched onto his robe as he was yanked up to eye-level, the other scowled with the ugliest of glares.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Hinata hissed, practically spitting into his face. “What have we done?”
Komaeda blinks at him.
“What have you done,” he repeats, less like a question and more like a deadpan. “What have you done—oh goodness, surely you aren’t seriously asking me that?”
“Yes!” Hinata shouted, bluntly and furiously. “Because I’d REALLY like to know! It’s one thing for you to treat me with disdain for being talentless—but it’s another thing for you to treat everyone else with just so much...malice! Don’t... Don’t tell me this is still all about your bullshit with the idea of hope...!”
“Yes, that’s exactly what it is,” Komaeda says without missing a beat. He meets his burning glare with flippancy. “It’s because of hope. I was going to bring upon the ultimate hope. And you got in my way, Hinata-kun. Isn’t that so inconsiderate of you?”
“Inconsiderate?! What even the—?!”
There was a loud, resounding thud as the back of Komaeda’s skull cracked from Hinata shoving him into the wall. And somehow, that sound had Hinata cutting himself off immediately, his grip loosening as Komaeda’s eyes fluttered open and shut blearily, dizzily from the impact.
After a moment of Hinata still with shock at himself, Komaeda finally groaned, whining.
“T-That... That really hurt, Hinata-kun....!”
Hinata yanked himself back, heart thumping hard against his ribcage, hands trembling as he clenched them into tight, painful fists.
“S... Sorry... S-Sorry, I didn’t mean to...”
“If you were any rougher, I could have gotten a concussion. I could have died,” Komaeda pauses while gingerly rubbing the back of his head, and his gaze flickers upwards to meet widened hazels. “Is that what you were planning? Were you going to have everyone think I died from these other injuries?”
“NO!” Hinata shouted, and then quieted. “N-No... No, it was just an accident... I’m sorry, I just... I’m not...”
I’m not really that kind of person, right?! I wouldn’t do that—right? But all this time, I thought I had a talent when in reality...
“Oh, don’t be so melodramatic,” Komaeda scoffed. “I wouldn’t let myself get murdered by a mere reserve student. I was just in the middle of telling you that plan wouldn’t have worked.”
“Let... Let’s not talk about this...” Hinata says, swallowing, and then remembering. “The traitor. You said you were going to expose the traitor. Who was it?”
Komaeda’s mouth shut.
“You did all that bomb scare nonsense to lure out whoever the traitor was—and according to the others, you left a message saying that...” Shaking his head, Hinata pushed forward. “Who are they? Who the hell have you been doing all this for? Were they the reason I found you like...?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Komaeda finally answered. “It doesn’t matter at all, Hinata-kun.”
“The HELL it doesn’t!” Hinata exclaimed incredulously.
“It doesn’t.” Komaeda didn’t even blink. “It really, really doesn’t.”
“Komaeda,” Hinata hisses. “I don’t care if it does—I demand to know.”
“Because it’s the demands of a reserve course student matter to me now?” Komaeda asks, narrowing his eyes into something sharp. “You don’t even deserve to lick dirt off my shoe, Hinata-kun.”
“Screw you—I TRIED to understand you, I really did!” Hinata yelled, voice rising higher and higher. “I listened to you—I put up with you for hours! I didn’t have to! I didn’t even want to!”
Komaeda gave him a look that made him flinch. Still, he refused to back down.
“That was your choice,” Komaeda simply said with a shake of his head. “In no way did I ask for it.”
“Except you did,” Hinata hissed. “Don’t lie to me so shamelessly, you asshole. I remember you asking me to listen to you. Which I did up until the point you proved it was all just a waste of my time.”
“Ooh, you really believe that’s what happened? Goodness, Hinata-kun, I can’t believe I had it so wrong!” The saccharine of his tone just oozed with sarcasm. Komaeda’s sugary sweet smile soon dropped, now cold and unimpressed. “Even if that were remotely accurate to what happened, you still shouldn’t expect repayment for your wasted time. That’s disgustingly conceited and entitled.”
“I’m not asking for repayment!” Hinata exclaimed, furious. “I just want some DAMN answers!”
“Why?” Komaeda asks, and then demands, “Why?! Why does it even matter to you?! Hinata-kun, I already said—!”
“You said you were sure I had an amazing talent,” Hinata said, cutting him off. “You said you’d sacrifice yourself for everyone else. You said you didn’t want to die without someone loving you. And guess what, Komaeda?” His tone dropped into something severely low, and bitterly cold. “All of that—you took back. So forgive me if I don’t give much thought to the bullshit you’ve already said.”
It’s maybe the third time he’s seen Komaeda at a loss for words. It’s probably the second time that Komaeda’s sincerely been at a loss of words. With the way Komaeda stares back at him, stricken, wide-eyed and mouth ajar with shock before opening and closing uselessly—Hinata finds he doesn’t doubt this face at all.
And, despite everything, that makes guilt gnaw at him. And how stupid is that? He didn’t say anything wrong, right? It’s Komaeda’s fault for being such a liar, isn’t it? Komaeda’s always trying to trick everyone—he needs to be put in his place.
...what place is that?
Hinata’s shoulders slump as he lets out a heavy, heavy sigh.
“I just...” He says, the words dragging out before he sighs again. “I just don’t understand any of this. Even compared to what you’ve already done—this whole thing just... It’s completely insane.”
Komaeda’s mouth firmly shuts. But his lips are trembling. His eyes are even glimmering. Hinata immediately perks up with surprise.
He looks like he wants to cry.
That can’t be right.
“I... I just want some explanation for all this. There has to be a reason for it. Please...” When did he start pleading? “Komaeda, was the information in that handbook you found really just about me?”
Komaeda blinks at him, giving no other visible reaction. He doesn’t look close to tears anymore, but Hinata wasn’t sure if that was an improvement. Komaeda just stares and stares like the words didn’t even register until,
“What do you think, Hinata-kun?”
“I think—no, I’m sure you lied about that.” He’s absolutely positive now. And suddenly, vague pieces are clicking into place even if he’s sure he has nowhere near the whole picture. “There was more information in there than just my profile. There’s... There’s stuff in there about everyone, isn’t there?”
Komaeda doesn’t answer. He presses.
“It’s not just me you got irritable with after you read that thing. It was with everyone. You—you got so cruel,” Hinata trembles a bit, and asks, “What about us did you learn to make you act like that towards us? What did we do?”
“Oh, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says, with dull interest. “You’re getting pale. Are you alright?”
“You’re avoiding the question.”
Komaeda avoids his stare. Instead, he asks, quietly, “Were you like this when Nanami-san found you by the Final Dead Room?”
“I—!” Realization immediately smacked him hard in the face, and his eyes went from wide to sharply narrowed in suspicion. “How the hell do you know about that?”
“Lucky guess!” Komaeda chirps with so much cheer that Hinata wanted to punch his face in. Again, there was that innocent smile on his lips—and again, Komaeda’s lashes lowered over a soft, disingenuous gaze. “I’m glad the two of you had that moment.”
“That—! That has nothing to do with anything right now!” Hinata practically shouted.
“And this interrogation of yours is getting increasingly meaningless, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda said easily, still so insufferably calmly. “So, I figure, if you’re going to waste my time...”
“Then what the hell was up with that torture scene?!” Hinata demanded impatiently. “Did you really do all that shit on your own?!”
“If I just say yes, will you drop the matter?” Komaeda asks, almost childishly.
“Why would you do something like that to yourself?!”
“As a form of self-flagellation, maybe?” Komaeda says it like he’s guessing. “Or purification? I could’ve been trying to exorcise a demon. It just got a little messy.”
“With your blood?!”
“Was it my blood?”
“It was definitely your blood!”
“Are you sure?”
“What else could it have been?!”
“Hmm...”
“Komaeda, you’re not taking this seriously!”
“Nope.” Komaeda’s wide, bright smile was absolutely shameless. “And you shouldn’t either. Do you want to know why?”
Hinata, helplessly flustered and frustrated to the point of tears, could only humor him. “Why?”
“Because I did in fact plan everything. Everything that happened, from the fake bomb scare to the state you found me in—it was all part of my plan. And you know what else?” Komaeda didn’t even wait for his response, and instead shrieked, “My plan failed! It failed spectacularly and horrendously and there’s no recovering from it! I failed, Hinata-kun, I failed at everything I wanted to accomplish because of you! You, Hinata Hajime—you ruined EVERYTHING!!”
Hinata actually did flinch back.
“You ruined everything,” Komaeda repeated, breathlessly like almost he couldn’t believe it while the darkness in his eyes swirled and swirled into something tumultuous. “You ruined everything, Hinata-kun—you truly are the Ultimate Despair...”
“All I did was save you,” Hinata heard himself replying, and he sounded weak and pitiful. “What even the hell? You’re accusing me of causing despair from something like that? You wanted to die that badly? You wanted to die like that? If you really feel that way... If you really, truly felt that way...”
“Hi...” Komaeda blinks, irises still unsettled but also blank and dazed. Hinata saw his own hands reach for him—“Hinata-kun...?”
His thumbs barely brush against the tender pulse in his throat. Hinata feels just how thin that neck is as his finger wrap around it. He remembers Owari’s grip—and he sees that there are still bruises on the pale skin here. Owari’s fingers were—just a little thicker than his own...
“Hinata-kun...” Komaeda seems completely calm now. His voice doesn’t even shake, and he meets his stare evenly, defiantly. “Hinata-kun.”
Hinata’s completely still. He doesn’t squeeze, and he doesn’t pull away. It’s like he’s gone completely frozen and his brain just...stopped.
“Hinata-kun, I’ll scream,” Komaeda says, hissing with promise.
Hinata yanks himself away with a strangled gasp, his heel just slipping underneath him and making him crash harshly onto his back against cold, hard tiles.
It hurts.
He’s shaking all over. It hurts.
His breathing is rushed and harsh but it feels like he’s the one choking. It hurts.
His vision blurs—it hurts.
Everything seems to be shutting down—it hurts!
He’s panicking. He only barely hears Komaeda’s dull, uninterested drone overhead.
“Oh, Hinata-kun’s having an attack.”
It hurts. Hinata’s struggling to scream.
“Hinata-kun, your face is turning purple.”
His face is damp with tears and sweat, and his nails are scraping and scrambling against tiles as he tries and fails to push himself up. It hurts. Help.
“Hinata-kun.”
Help.
“Hinata-kun.”
Please help.
“Hinata-kun...”
PLEASE HELP ME!!!
“Hinata-kun.” A cold, almost skeletal hand closes around his from where it’s fruitlessly reaching. It squeezes, and with a choked-up sob, Hinata squeezes back. “Breathe.”
It’s difficult. It’s difficult, but he manages.
“In and out, Hinata-kun. It’ll be troubling if you suffocate now and I get blamed for it, you know?”
Hinata breathes. He nearly chokes.
“How careless and selfish can you be, I wonder? Reserve course students shouldn’t be this troubling. You really are a disappointment.”
Hinata nearly tightens his grip on that hand—but he takes in another breath, and he breathes. In, and out, in, and out, in—
“Ah, Hinata-kun, you’re really starting to hurt me. Do you want me to be with two bad hands? How heartless of you. You’re really...”
“Shut...!” Hinata gasps, swallows, and then pulls himself up. His vision spins for a minute but he shakes his head, and he musters up a tearful glare at Komaeda’s straight-lipped, unimpressed face. “Just shut the hell up, Komaeda.”
Komaeda is, of course, unmoved. “Do you still need my hand, Hinata-kun? Because I need it, too.”
Hinata releases him with a scowl. He yanks his own hand back as though it’d been burned, and it was tingling. He rubbed at it, and groans.
(He wouldn’t admit this now or ever, but before he let him go, there was a solid few seconds where he hesitated. Where he hadn’t wanted to let go—and even the part of him that would’ve acknowledged that, would’ve been quick to wave it away with a case of fear. He only ever approached Komaeda due to fear once he learned the truth. That’s all there was to it. Right? Right.)
“I’m really not going to get anything out of you, am I?” Hinata asks, low and almost despondent. “I’m...just wasting my time.”
“He does learn!” Komaeda exclaims with awe and mock-surprise, hands pressed together “Oh, Hinata-kun, you finally understand! After how long?”
Hinata glowered, but it soon faltered as his gaze fell to Komaeda’s hands—to all the bandages wrapped around his right. When his gaze lowered even more, he almost let out a hiss at realizing that the way Komaeda was sitting caused the robe to ride up, exposing his bandaged thighs. He can’t begin to imagine how wretched the scars would be.
That is, if Komaeda survived that much longer. That is, if Komaeda didn’t try something like this again and succeed.
How can you smile like that when like this? If—if this is really your own doing... Then...why? Why would you want to die like this? If the spear hadn’t gotten stuck, you would’ve been impaled, too, and there’s no way you would’ve survived—
“...Komaeda... Does it hurt?”
“Your grip had been rather tight, but it’s fine now,” Komaeda says, and he smiles. “No worries.”
“That’s...” Hinata hesitated. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh?” Komaeda asks with a tilt of his head. Hinata’s stare drops—or it would have, had his eyes not gotten caught on all the tubes taped to those long, skinny arms. He swallows, but Komaeda goes on without a care. “What is it you meant, Hinata-kun?”
“Those injuries...” he mumbled. “Do they still hurt? I... It looked really bad when I found you... Most people would’ve died from blood loss, but you...”
You really inflicted all that on yourself...?
“It’s not as agonizing as before—but maybe that’s the pain medication, or maybe that part of my brain shut down. I’m not sure!” Komaeda’s so cheerful as he exclaims that. “It doesn’t matter—they’re not going to kill me, after all.”
“They could have...” Hinata swallowed. “If I hadn’t shown up when I did... You could’ve...”
“That doesn’t matter,” Komaeda said simply. “I’m still alive, aren’t I?”
Despite the brightness of the smile, despite the wideness of that grin—there was no doubting the stony resentment underlying those words.
Still...
“Yeah,” Hinata just agreed with a cold, cold nod. “Yeah, you are. Thank god.”
--
He ends up leaving without another word. He had his answers—not enough of them, but he had some. Honestly that was more than he even expected.
He feels exhausted. So beyond exhausted, but he has to keep guard.
“Hinata-kun...? Uu...”
He’s really not in the mood so he just ignores Monomi and her pitiful stare.
“U... Um...” She hiccups. “It must have been awful...so, so awful... But thank goodness the two of you survived... I’m so glad...”
“No thanks to you,” he huffed. She flinched. “It’s because of you that we’re on this damn island in the first place. Hell, it’s because of you that we don’t remember and what we don’t remember is what...”
...what Komaeda’s so angry about...what could that possibly be? What did he find out?
He has half a mind to go break into Komaeda’s cottage for more clues, but when he thinks about how Komaeda looked ready to cry, he feels almost disgustingly ashamed with himself.
Even though it’s that guy—even though he did all of this... Even though there’s no way someone like him would ever care...
Except. Komaeda had let him hold his hand. Komaeda told him to breathe. Even if it was just to avoid the trouble, he did that, too.
He was the first one to offer him a hand, but also the one who started the killings. He helped them during the trials, but he needlessly confused and aggravated them, too. He had smiled at him so openly, so innocently—and he had looked down upon him as if he were nothing more than filth.
Someone like that—who we all hated and thought several times over we’d be better off without—wanted to die so badly.
Just how the hell had things gone so wrong?
He wanted to cry, too.
I won’t let him die. The thought is almost fervent. I’m never going to let him die. No matter what I have to do—I won’t ever just let Komaeda die. Not until he’s answered for all he’s done. But—even then, I... I don’t...
Hinata buried his face into his knees.
“H-Hinata-kun?”
“Upupupu, such delicious despair!” He hears the bounce of Monokuma’s arrival. He hears Monokuma’s panting. “Like a siren’s call!”
“Eek! What are you doing?!” Monomi shrieked. “L... Leave him alone! Isn’t this enough?!”
“Ohhh? What’s pissed your diaper, baby sister?”
“S... Shut up!”
“Ohhhhh?”
He can’t be bothered to care about the mascots bickering. Even when he hears Monomi yelp from having her ears pulled. Monokuma terrorizes her as always and he’s just tired of all of it. The only thing that mildly concerns him is the fact that their ridiculous back and forth could wake up Komaeda.
If Komaeda was even sleeping at all.
Maybe...I should’ve waited...? Aha. Haha. What the hell, me? It’s not like Komaeda would appreciate that—he called you Ultimate Despair just for saving him.
Ultimate. Despair.
Hinata jolted up. Monokuma was still kicking Monomi, but he did get their attention.
“I remember hearing about the World Destroyers, the Future Foundation,” he finds himself rambling. “But—has there ever been anything called the Ultimate Despair?”
The crimson of Monokuma’s eye gleamed, and Monomi recoiled so violently.
“W-Why are you asking that, Hinata-kun?!”
“Yes, Hinata-kun,” Monokuma said, so cheerfully calm. “Whyever do you ask?”
Hinata opened his mouth and then he shut it.
It’s not just Komaeda’s mad ramblings... Ultimate Despair... He called me that—for a reason.
“It’s something I remembered dreaming about.” The lie tastes like nothing. “That’s all.”
“Sounds like quite the despairing nightmare, hmm?” Monokuma asks. “Goodness! They grow up so fast!”
The hell does that even mean? No. Honestly. I don’t fucking care. I have enough on my plate trying to figure out Komaeda. I know for a damn fact that Monokuma takes joy in frustrating and infuriating others.
“I-It’s just a nightmare,” Monomi whimpered. “J-Just an awful, awful nightmare...”
“Hush, Monomi!” Monokuma stomped on her harshly. “Don’t interrupt this very important conversation!”
What Komaeda said was significant—Monokuma likely knows the truth behind it... But I shouldn’t trust him to tell me anything. Not for a second.
“What’s so important about it?” he finds himself asking anyway, but he keeps up his guard.
“Weeeeeell,” Monokuma sing-songs, and that red eye gleams brightly and maliciously. So much so that it’s almost blinding. “If you really want to knoooooow, I can just tell you outriiiiiiight.”
“N-No...!” Monomi’s gasp is barely above a whisper.
Of course I know it won’t be that easy, Hinata thought dully. If it were—that would be boring.
...
...
...boring?
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
Where the hell—did that even come from?
He feels cold. But he wonders if that’s a trick of the mind, if he really feels anything.
“Actually.” He barely even hears himself right now. “Never mind. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Oh?” Monokuma tilts his head. “What’s up with that face?”
What face? I don’t feel anything.
“Hinata-kun...?” Monomi pushes herself up weakly. “U-Um... Um...?”
“It’s nothing,” he said. “Nothing at all. Both of you exhaust me. You...”
Bore me.
“Annoy me. So I’m done.”
“Huuuuh? Hinata-kun?”
“Hi...nata-kun...?”
Hinata opens the door to Komaeda’s room, and he slams it shut so that it’s between him and them. After that, it’s quiet. He can’t hear anything, anything at all—except a soft sigh. Softer shifts.
Blinking, Hinata turns to Komaeda, sleeping after all. He looks peaceful. Serene. Even when covered in those bandages. Hinata feels his lips twist, but he’s not quite sure what they twist into.
Komaeda...you really do cause a lot of problems, don’t you? But at least you’re still here. That’s all that matters.
He strides forward, idly brushing Komaeda’s hair back, watching him sleep on. Like this, he really does look so innocent. The ivory strands are finer than they look. Funny, that.
Hinata inhales. Exhales. He feels...strange. So strange. He’s not sure if he feels like himself or not.
Things just feel—strange.
It’s late. Something’s flickering. It’s strange, it’s strange, it’s strange.
Tomorrow—we’re going to get to the bottom of everything. Tomorrow... Komaeda will still be here and he’ll help us, whether he wants to or not.
Cupping Komaeda’s face, his thumb runs over that swollen lower lip.
We’ll get out of here all together. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
That must bring you such despair. And it’s okay. It’s okay. As long as you’re still here.
Hinata kneeled down, laying his head on the bed where Komaeda slept without a care. It really was funny. Like this, the two of them matched with their bandages. They were similar.
Tomorrow... We’ll all be together. You, me, and everyone else. I’m sure of it.
With that, his eyes fell shut and the world unraveled just a little further. With Komaeda’s bandaged hand in his, he didn’t feel anything else.
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conundrumestate · 6 years ago
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My Perspective|| Lilith|| Final Trial|| Re: Alcides, Max, Adonis, Llywelyn
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“We could do that, but like I said, even if we went back to a time before the estate was in full throttle the people you knew wouldn’t be the same.  There would no doubt be small differences.  If we had more time to perfect that there may be other options, but as it stands now I’m sorry but I can’t simply bring the dead back to life.”
When Max gets irritated with the fact that they’re all still here Lilith nods her head. 
“I do intend to let all of you leave here alive.  You don’t need to worry about your safety, unless you feel someone here is going to stab you in the back later.  I however have no more desire to have anymore lives lost.  There are just a few things that I wanted to ask you myself once you were all done with your own questions.”
Lilith clapped her hands with joy once Llywelyn better explained the situation. 
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“Yes, yes, exactly like that.  Hopefully that was better than I could’ve explained it but… as for your own question.  We realize we can change the world, that’s our intention honestly.  Cassius is more so on the side of trying to prevent the world from falling into destruction from fools that ignore it’s problems.  The earth is the only habitable home we have after all, space is an option but it’s not meant for humans.  Therefore we were sure that we wanted to make changes that kept the world habitable and safe.  Climate change, epidemics, nuclear war, all wouldn’t be a problem if we could go back in time and prevent it from ever getting to those problematic levels.  That is, effectively, the hope of our research.”
Lilith laughed once again as Adnois spoke. 
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“You know what’s funny, in another world out there maybe you were the one who ran this research and I was the one who was asking you the same questions.  But that’s not the point is it?  I already know I’m not a ‘good’ person in the traditional sense.  I’ve lied to you all and had you murder one another, you can call me a psychopath if you wish, even if I were to gain some prestige from this there would be some kind of dark legacy about me.  I am simply a scientist that wants to change the world, what you paint me as won’t change the status of my work, just the ethics behind them.”
She raised an eyebrow at Adonis at his somewhat expected remarks. 
“That’s a little underwhelming don’t you think?  What if there were things that could be learned from other worlds?  To stay trapped in just one out of infinite worlds seems… uneducated.  But hey, that’s your choice."  
She enjoyed the back and forth, discussion of points about the world and of the estate.  Even if many of their comments were a jab at her sanity or ethics.
Alcides however always had a point to twist her heart around in some way.  How was she supposed to give an honest answer with him getting all sappy like this?
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"All revolutionary science is dangerous and controversial at the start, what I’m doing is no different than what might’ve seemed crazy in the past.  You should understand more than anyone here that if you could go back and prevent your past from leading to where it did you’d do it wouldn’t you?  To perhaps not make the mistakes you had?  Isn’t that something that everyone yearns for?”
A story of a dad queen, king, and lover all for the sake of a continued prosperity.  There were certainly parallels here to be sure, and Lilith sighed before turning her head away from Alcides.
“Stories like that can be twisted and altered in anyway to see fit.  If your point is that it’s not worth it to end the lives of innocent to better the world then your words are falling upon ears that’ve heard that argument time and time again.  Inevitably, people will suffer whether or not the good or bad folks in this world get what they do or don’t deserve.  So why not just set the playing field right forever?  A few innocents lost now, but an eternity of perfection.  That balance seems more than fair in my eyes.”
When Alcides insisted that maybe she was living a lie however her brow furrowed and both of her hands balled into fists.  
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“I am not living a lie!  How dare you even suggest something like that!" 
A fury ignited in her chest as she slammed her fist into the podium.
"I never once suggested that this was painless!  I am going to change lives!  I’m going to make the world a better place!  There’s no lie about it, that’s the truth!  That’s what I’ve been yearning for."  
She was so infuriated that she slapped Alcides’ hand away once it was presented to her.  But there was some wild unhappiness and sorrow that was pulling on her heart.
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"That’s what you don’t understand, why don’t you understand that I can change things?  All those dumb mistakes of the past?  Gone, they won’t happen again.  Why are you all so against that idea?  I know all of you have regrets, dark secrets, pasts that you’d rather be rewritten than chain your conscious for the rest of your life!  Why are you so happy with that?  I don’t understand I just…”
She shakes her head, while gripping the top of her hat.  Everything seemed so conflicted to them, but it was so clear, wasn’t it obvious? Didn’t they want to have a life that was perfectly and without regrets?  After wiping away the fragments of her tears.
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“Die?  What are you going to kill me?  Get revenge for all that I’ve done?  Or perhaps you’d like to see me tried for crimes and end up behind bars?  Yes that would be the 'life’ to live I’m sure.  Along with getting the scorn and dark whispers from my former coworkers and my family.  'Oh that Lilith, I heard she got her coworkers killed.  Figures she’d end up in jail .’ or 'You know your aunt Lilith?  She nearly got me killed as a kid and apparently ran a murder-game in a strange old house.  Don’t be like aunt Lilith kids she was a nutjob.'  What a life that I couldn’t possibly wait to go back to Alcides!”
She was just so tired and exhausted from trying to explain it to everyone.  Why wouldn’t they look at things from her perspective?  Sure things were terrible but were they honestly as bad as they wanted it to be?  Or did they just want to let out all their anger out on her?
“You can honor them, you can bring their last words to their loved ones, you can do all that.  But in my heart, I know what I’ll achieve will bring them more joy and honor than simple parting words ever could.  That’s what I’m trying to achieve.”
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