#Posting my art thats been sitting in my gallery for months

[bananaede]

I died uploading these

[memedokies]

(almost) every anon ask since fall 2016

if u havent noticed i am BAD at answering asks so here’s a Big Dump of most of the asks i’ve gotten in the past few months

ps; i’ve excluded pokemon suggestions bc i plan on getting to them at some point

Hihihi!!! What brushes do you use in fire alpaca??  i dont do much in firealpaca (esp not lately lol) but when i did use it a lot i just used the fill bucket and the standard/default brush to fill in gaps n such lol! i dont really draw in it, i used flash/adobe animate for the lineart and just fill in color in firealpaca :3

when did you start animating?   uhh when i was around 11 or 12 when i started digital art i guess? i just used photoshop for the longest time then got flash when i was like 15 or so

 How did you get flash?  i got the creative cloud dealie, its technically required for my school :—-0 

 hello!! what are you majoring in in vcu?? im thinking about going there for college  im in communication arts! omg cool lmk if u come here ill tell u where to get the best bubble tea

 how many fps do you use for your wiggly animations? i work at 24 fps in flash on twos but just end up using photoshop’s 0 second frame delay/ “no delay”?

 Hey love your animations! What do you animate with?  adobe animate 2017! (previously flash) 

You mentioned a YouTube channel but I can’t seem to find a link to it? Do you post processes on there? https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCovvoZxlQjFaIA7A3w_94Zw theres not much atm but i plan on posting a lot more, including process/speedpaints! 

i really like your art style gosh darn!!! everythings so fluid and stylized and nice aaa (also ur animations are goals) do u have any tips for someone still developing their artstyle????  WAH TYSM!!!!! compile art you already like and incorporate aspects from their styles into yours, BUT dont limit urself to one style! if u like something then try it out! do straight up copies (as PRACTICE, DONT CLAIM IT as your own ofc) of stuff you like to see how they work and what you’re clicking with. spending time on fundamentals is MEGA helpful so keep going back to that too! USE REFERENCES!!! draw …from ur soul…what makes u ..FEEL good

 how do you make that burn effect on your lineart? it makes it your pieces look sharper and even more interesting, it’s super cool!!  when i used to use flash for lineart and firealpaca for coloring a lot, setting the lineart layer on BURN with the coloring layer seeping a lil past the lineart would get this effect automatically 

(like on the whiskers. u can see it gets a brighter brown(?) and the warmer yellow on the ears)

but since then i’ve been using sai+photoshop more so i just do it manually! i’ll use this funny pic of me and my cat as an example lol

^i select the lineart/everything i want the funky color around

^slam that INCREMENT button a couple times

^make a new layer under the lineart

^fill that puppo with ur preferred color! something brighter works best, or even straight up white

that’ll give you something like this

then i open it in photoshop

and i mess with the pink line layer’s blending mode..color burn usually does the trick but depending on the Look you’re going for, saturation, multiply and overlay have some similar effects that look cool. 

i also usually get rid of the outermost edge of pink line that’s visible around the lineart, just so it looks a little cleaner? to do that you just select around your lineart, increment/expand selection, and delete/erase in the selection of the pink line layer

uhh yeah! lmk if anyone needs clarification on this, i have some other #TIPS on makin ur art look crusty and funky so…lemme know if you’re interested :—3

What do you use to animate? And, a more specific question, how do you make transparent animated gifs? adobe animate 2017! (previously flash) i export my animation from flash as a png sequence then open it in photoshop, where the background will be transparent and save it as a gif from there nyaaa

if anyone needs more clarification lmk and i’ll make a proper walkthrough :-0

 Hello!! Ur art is rlly pretty and so inspirational and nice to look at!! 💗💗 I was wonderin’ if ya had any tips on choosing shapes for characters? Like, when you draw shapes for a certain character, it looks rlly like it fits with the character’s personality n stuff!! ( e.g: Your Love Live! drawings!! The characters look so good in your style.) I’ve always admired how u did that n was hoping for some tips maybe?? Anyways, have a good day!!💛💖💟💜💝💞💖 HOOGA!! TYSM!!! and YEA you basically guessed it, i mainly just think about the character’s personality and translate that into a shape or Pheeling… 

especially for anime characters i look at the Very Subtle differences in the character’s original design..or possibly canon implications…for example kotori has slightly different eyes (it also says on her wiki page she has soft droopy eyes!) so i make sure to incorporate that Detãile

 anime wiki pages that have details like that is nice, for love live they have cute lil “charm points” which is really cool n helpful! listening to how a character is described in their world can give clues to what differentiates them which you can make more clear in your design

taking into account each characters context is good too, what they do/hobby/personality and how that could affect their appearance/posture/attitude

 YEAH its really fun to figure out certain characteristics and make it evident in their appearance! or. idk thats just what i do lol. hopefully this helps!

Have you ever seen the anime jojos bizarre adventure? alas i have not..i have some friends whom are into it so i’ll prob end up watching it sometime lol

sorry if this is obvious but!! are you the creator of Fork and Knife: Food Fighters?? your gif of fork is super cute btw!! yes i am!! wah tysm!!

Hey my little sister found your animation on an online art gallery and she really loved it! omg cool, thanks so much!!

Your style is so lovely!! OHG thanks!

your blog is so precious i love it a lot! your art is so cute too ^u^ waa thanks!!

Your art and animations art really cool! Keep up the good work! You are amazing!! aahg thank you!! :’333

 your art is fuckening amazing hh broe…tysm

 Oh my gee, I used to follow you on Deviant Art, and now here I am, finding you on accident. You’re still as talented as ever. =w= b hUIOpugh deviantart, my homeland..my origin.. thank you!!!

- O mg I love your art! 💕💕💕 thank you!! heart emojis!!! 💖💖💖

- your art and animations give me so much inspiration, thank you! everything about your style is so fun and it cheers me up omg this validates my top tier goal in life, im so glad!! thank you SO much!

Your style is so charming and adorable ;__; thank you!!

ur art is so gross in the best way possible this is the biggest compliment ive gotten thank u so much. i love making gross squishy awful drawings

IM SO HAPPY I FOUND YOU!!!! IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR AGES!!!!!!!!! I LIVE FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL ART!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! BHOLY CRAP THANK YOU!!!

 your art style is very cute ! 🌱 oohg thanks!! thanks for the little sprout emoji, i love her

GOOD ART!!!! good art good art good art EVERYWHERE I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHGG THANK YUO

how do ya draw such cutely its driving me nuts Nuts NUTS !!! I LOVE SPARKLES AND BRIGHT COLORS AND FUNNY ANIMALS..its my lifeblood..thank u.. 

You’re a really rad artist! I’m Glad there’s some cool artists that are local! Have a good time at VCU! oh wow thanks!! 

Ur shapes r so good thanks i LOVE a nice wholesome shape!

I rlly like ur art style my dude thanks!! 

hi! just wanted to let u know that you’re wonderful and i wish u well in everything u do this is making me bVERY HAPPY THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

 Im love You!! IM L OVE YIOU

that meowth boy is so good. i love him as he is my son THANK YUO i too, love meowth a Lot

 I love how your art is basically lines and curves, it’s very cute oo thanks! 

i love your art style so much!! it’s so zesty? i cant think of a better word to describe but its like. zesty & refreshing & rly rly cool !!! THATS A BEAUTIFUL ADJECTIVE I LOVE IT thank u so much!!!

You seem like you would watch Osomatsu-san. I could see you drawin dem bois in you hella rad art style. osomatsu was the wildest ride of my life. tho i dont think i could physically be able to sit down and draw them seriously ever… 

 Pls make more angry cat comics theyr so halarious plllls 👀 more are on the way!!!!!!

Have you done a meet the artist i sketched one when the meme was still poppin..is it too late lol? maybe i’ll still do it

[computerguideworld-blog]

How a Computer Genius Bakes the Perfect Loaf of Bread

New Post has been published on https://computerguideto.com/must-see/how-a-computer-genius-bakes-the-perfect-loaf-of-bread/

How a Computer Genius Bakes the Perfect Loaf of Bread

You were chief technology officer at Microsoft; you have degrees in math, physics and economics; you hold hundreds of patents; youre a prolific author in both scientific and popular publications; what made you turn to food? I was interested in food before I was interested in any of those other things: Everybody is! I just never moved on. After I retired from Microsoft, I was cooking more, and I kinda thought there should be a big book I could get that would really tell me all about the latest techniques. Ultimately, I discovered there was no such book, and so I had to write it.

The book you had to write became Modernist Cuisine, an incredibly in-depth, scientific guide to basically all of cooking published in 2011. Why did you decide to focus on baking with your new book, Modernist Bread? Bread is one of the oldest foods of mankind. Its also a complicated food. You can eat a peach right off the tree, but bread is nothing like the grain its made from. Long before they knew how it worked, our ancestors figured out what to do. I wanted to go back using all the scientific techniques we have today and figure out if thats the best way to do things.

So what did you find out? One thing is that kneading is a fraud, at least as its normally described. It does not do what everybody says it does; its optional. There are all these no-knead bread recipes, but most books just sort of ignore that. What develops the gluten in bread is the flour just sitting with water. You can make the process happen faster if you knead, and it can affect the final texture of the bread, but its not necessary to the process.

Another thing we learned is that whole-wheat bread and whole-wheat flour is not any healthier for you than white bread and white flour. Its so different than what everybody knows that people think Im joking when I say it, but its definitely true. We also found that its difficult to get decent rye flour in the U.S. and as a result we dont get very good rye bread here. In Europe, they have better rye bread because they grind the flour in a special way, more finely.

Did you discover any techniques home bakers can easily use? The best way to make a crusty bread is to bake it in a cast-iron potbut use black cast-iron: The fancy enameled ones dont work as well. And the best way to cut your bread at home is with an electric carving knife, like people use on the turkey at Thanksgiving. The biggest thing is we try to explain how simple baking bread can be and how people shouldnt be afraid to make it at home. The fact is, bread is really quite forgiving, and with a good beginners recipe, you can get started.

The press release for Modernist Bread says that you and your more than 200 recipe testers used more than 19 tons of flour baking more than 36,000 loaves in more than 1,600 experiments over more than four years. Who ate all that bread? Mostly the people at our lab. There are about 100 people who work at our lab (not all on this project, of course), and they all got a lot of bread.

You come from a science background but also studied at Ecole de Cuisine La Varenne in France, which is very much dedicated to cooking as an art. How can the two approaches work together? Theres a wealth of knowledge that chefs and bakers have developed over the years thats still very valuable. They empirically discovered lots and lots of things without really knowing how it works. All the dishes and flavors that come from that, thats really important stuff. Other things, though, they say you do this for this reason, and sometimes thats not true, or you actually do it for a different reason. Thats also why we totally respect the methods of science and believe you should be able to test all your ideas and make sure theyre true, but at the same time, we also love the history and tradition of cooking and the debt we owe to all the chefs that have developed all this over all these years.

All three of your books take a very science-based approach to cooking, running hundreds of experiments on various techniques and ingredients to figure out what works best. Why dont you think more chefs do this? Theres a tremendous amount of tradition involved with cooking. I think if you actually understand how to do something, you have to understand why it works. In fairness, if you just follow a recipe, you dont need to know why it works. If youre happy with that, great. My book comes in for people who are curious about why it works, and if you want to create something new.

How did you first learn to cook? When I was about 9 years old, I discovered the library had a cookbook section, and I was fascinated. So I told Mom I was gonna cook Thanksgiving dinner all by myself. And I did it. I do a lot better at it these days, but that put me on the path to wanting to learn how to cook.

What does your home kitchen look like? A bit like the lab kitchen. To be honest, I dont think theres any equipment in there that would be in a normal home kitchen! I have a Thirode stove from France, two combi ovens, two French deck ovens for making bread, a huge cold-smoker, a sous-vide vacuum packer and a bunch of sous vide machines.

What are your favorite things to cook? My single favorite thing to do is barbecue. I was lucky enough to compete once in the world championship of barbecue with a team who would go on to win. It was no thanks to me, as the rookie on the team, but it was really fun to do. I also make a lot of French classics, so Im kind of all over the map.

Modernist Bread is a six-volume set that weighs in at over 50 pounds, has more than 2,500 pages in total and retails for more than $600. Who is the intended audience? Our books are for people who are passionate and curious about cooking. If youre not passionate, youre not gonna pick up a 2,600-page book. On the other hand, if you are passionate and curious, we will tell you things about bread that I dont think youll find anywhere else in the world. If youre a home baker, we have a lot of easy recipes, but we also want to include professionalsrestaurant chefs who might want to add house-made bread to their menus, as well as small-scale professional bakers.

What are your favorite places to eat in your home of Seattle? I love Nishino, Monsoon and Loulay. Theres also fantastic Chinese and Mediterranean food here. Were blessed with a lot of great food.

Which topic will the next book in the Modernist series cover? Right now, Im still on the book tour, so the next few months are definitely for promoting the book we have. Then well start thinking about what to do next. But there will absolutely be another book!

What are you working on right now outside the food world? I do research on asteroids, on dinosaurs. I take a lot of photographsI have a gallery in Vegas where we sell photos of food. I also have been making a couple of new microscopes and cameras to take pictures of things that arent possible with current equipment. Im a busy guy.

Modernist Bread will be released Nov. 7. You can follow Myhrvolds ongoing culinary experiments at modernistcuisine.com.

Interview has been condensed and edited.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com

[designdisruptionma-blog]

Peter Liversidge - 1st Live Blog

I am writing this blog during the Peter Liversidge Exhibition Talk at PCA - 08/11/17

(This means that it will appear out of sync on the timeline of blogs, unless I can find another way to post this separately)

My expectations for this before it starts; after the Simon Morrisey (Curator) talk about the ‘We the People...’ exhibition, I am intrigued to see what it is that drives Peter not only for this work that he exhibited, but also in the other work that he has created.

Peter writes proposals for work on a typewriter - after graduating in 1996 computers were too expensive, so brought a Olivetti Lettera 35i - a portable aluminium bodied typewriter - sitting at his kitchen table writing proposals that then became the actual artwork. 

I love the idea of starting the process with something as tactile as a typewriter, the way the keys have a large depression, and the paper is left with a physical impression on the page along with the ink.

Proposals are eventually realised in different mediums later. The proposal is the work and isn't the work. Peter adds a lovely element to his work by trying to let it exist out of his control at as many stages as possible, from the people who frame his proposals, all the way to the way the audience engages in the work, takes it home or letting the conversations surrounding his work take place somewhere he never gets to hear them. This also allows the work to exist outside the gallery space it occupies as well.

All projects are published in an order as per the book that is created - for example - Proposal 15 “I propose we should all walk together.” - Thats it. This book determines the order they are also hung, the frame maker determines the pieces that are given coloured glass and it doesn't need to make sense.

The work is how you read them, but sometimes they are very specific, for example, the Kate Mcgarry, Neon Face, 2017. Neon face is the least amount of effort to make a signifier, smiley face. 

Costa Coffee cup holder, titled ‘mask’ 2013, Black Bronze.

Its clearly not an african mask, but the black bronze finish is natural to Byzantine, coloured by being under the ground for hundreds of years. This cup holder is fake in all its representations as a mask. But yet looks like a mask.

When at the Edinburgh Festival witnessed a lot of empty flag poles, liked the idea of placing something as menial as a ‘Hello’ on a flag, and it tells you nothing more, assumptions made and a feeling of secrecy ensues.

‘At this point and no other’ we are just seeing a photograph of the work, it is placed in Connecticut so we are not experiencing it, originated there and now in New York,

The importance of Context: with all of Peters work he drives down to the details of not only how he will create the work, but forming the idea is often the start of the experience for the audience as well. Where the work ends up is important, and this is shown with his sticker exhibition ‘Will History Be Kind, 2009′ - stickers that were printed and placed around Miami, New York and Kabul, Afghanistan.

“History will be kind for I intend to write it” - heard this quote from Winston Churchill and felt that it was arrogant and so created the sticker ‘Will History Be Kind’ - its place in Miami takes on a different meaning to the placement in Kabul, Afghanistan.

Free Signs: when you drive past someones property and there is a sign that states ‘Free’ - the items with it are free, but Peter decided to take the sign instead, but then in doing so it meant that people who had stuff outside, could be prosecuted for fly tipping, so made signs to replace the ones he took.

Text based work: Hello Sign that turns on when walking into a room. Thats all it is.

One of my favourite pieces from this talk was ‘The rules for Iceland’ - took a book from the Senate when in Washington and it was a list of rules for how you should act when visiting. Took this idea of taking rules from other places and combining them into a set of rules for somewhere entirely unrelated for where they were intended, textualising them into another environment. First one is you have to shower to enter a swimming pool, turned into ‘you have to shower before entering Iceland.’ One band had a rule about always dressing as a monk, no sharp objects is another one. 4000 posters were created and distributed all over the island - part of the experience, but completely made up. How people engage with the rules is completely out of Peters control.

**realisation that I have been writing proposals in my notes for the last five years but never doing anything with them because I take them too literal.

Great story about fake snow in New York...creating fake snow for the opening night of a gallery, in the middle of summer, but had the unexpected outcome of news reporters, reporting on a crash down the road, wondering what this snow was that appeared in the middle of summer. Again, an unexpected twist that isn't intended, but can only happen if Peter creates work that is free to travel or be explored in any way.

Tang Museum in Saratoga - 2013: Blood bank setup by red cross where people just came in and gave blood. That was the exhibition. The people giving blood, participate in the work. More blood was given in 6 weeks than 6 months. This was just a way into the museum, but they got a copy of the proposal, which meant they received the work. I found that this resonated with me the most as I believe that it highlights how art can cross over from not only the artists idea to the audience being engaged, but can then go further by helping to address a need within society. Its a beautiful thought to have that someone has received blood that potentially saved there life, that was donated as part of an artists installation. For me this highlights that Art can perform multiple functions whilst still maintaining the original intention of being an experience of the artists creativity or artistic expression.

The Bridge: Opening of Turbine Hall, Tate Modern, 2016. 500 singers from 24 different choirs, all singing in unison, to test the acoustics. Met with the plasterers, electrician, curators, directors, staff canteen, met with everyone associated with the opening of the Tate. Even an elderly lady who had never visited before. Turbine Hall was formerly a power station. Lady who attended had a personal connection as husband had been an engineer at the power station and had died two years prior. The question raised was how does the work connect to the building, and vice versa. Had to test with singing into the wall - found out that there is a 7 second reverb from the wall in the main hall.

Nutmeg Essence: found out that there was a history of people carving nutmeg, I believe he said in Massachusetts, so added nutmeg essence to the water that the fire brigade used when putting out fires, so for a 6 week period there was a smell of nutmeg in the air anytime they were called upon. 

Postal Carrier, The Aldrich, CT: Scherrell Miller, postal worker - Making the Postal lady the curator and part of the exhibition. Posted objects from London to the Aldrich and the lady at the local post office would receive it and then hand deliver it to the gallery and place onto the shelf, the control is then out of his hands. Had actually posted a piece of toast to his cousin as an 11 year old. Funny how this has come back around in his work. Scherell totally owned this in the end displaying the work completely differently to how Peter would have done it.

Anyone involved in Peters work is invited in advance. Interesting how this work becomes from the people, not professionals, and not about Peter or his ego.

Interesting that he took jobs when moving to London that he knew he didn't have to think in them, allowing him to work as an artist outside of it. This is what I have had to do by helping with carpentry. He had a sense of being an outsider as an artist - wondering is this good enough. The most important question is actually; why are you doing this?

He wants to be an outsider in his work and never wants to have a signature style, wanting to be as interested in his work as his audience will be. If others have to, he should too. 

Plymouth work motivation:

1300 black sanitation workers - Glenn Ligon, 

Completely different way of working for Peter - taking place in the old Council house - Civic Centre, in Plymouth as Part of Simon Morriseys ‘We the People’ Exhibition. Book that had 750 phrases, public come in and choose a phrase to go onto a sign, it gets painted and then turned into a protest board, members of the public are then allowed to take it away - the work is now the conversation that is exchanged from this point on. This is the part that Peter is not even aware of, as people talk to themselves, or the sign painters talk amongst themselves, or painters talk to the public. Altogether the phrases come from primary school children to elderly people. A lot of people went through the book looking for political statements. When considering what people chose you wonder where does it live now. Has a degree of separation from the work, he cannot worry whether people take a sign or not. Favourite sign is ‘I like proper art’ - so relevant as piece within this exhibition.

**Interesting moment when Peter passes his phone around in order for everyone to see a sign that was deleted. He gives out his passcode so people can see the photo.

I posed the question “does Peter think that there was a missed opportunity here to use this level of engagement to actually protest real current messages?”. His response is that he and I cannot be a voice on issues, it was placed into the public, it took place in the council house, it created engagement - he respects my opposing view, and I respect his open and honest answer - however - and I say this from a place less informed than Peter - do we not owe a debt to that child laid dying in the street in China to do what we can to help (this is a reference to Peter Singers Ted talk: The How and Why of Effective Altruism). Workers were paid to paint the signs, an old building gave space to the exhibition. Are we as a society given such privileges that we can look past moments to help in the name of ART - in believing that we have engaged people, have we engaged anything with consequence or meaning, influence or with the ability to affect change. I am trying to convince myself this summary speaks more to where my mind set lies at the start of this masters, and less of a reflection of this particular exhibition. Interestingly the defensive attitude of those who were part of the exhibition and not Peter himself, only confirmed my belief that this was a chance to attach some kind of call to action or message to the work, to utilise the engagement created. I will follow this up with a separate blog post outlining where my mindset is with this.

I found Peter engaging, his work inspirational, and approach both simplistic and steeped in depth. He certainly creates work that I look at and have every creatives worst nightmare of wishing I had thought of it.

Thank you Peter for an informative and motivational talk.

Peters Website: http://www.peterliversidge.com

Images in this blog are the result of a google search, but replicate those used within this presentation. I take no credit for them.

[atlanxic]

the final post of my current material for this au: zexal edition!

mizael majors in paleontology because when they were young they heard that dinosaur bones inspired dragon myths, and thought that was the coolest thing. they're minoring in art history and kind of pretentious about it.

durbe is majoring in art history and aims to curate a museum or art gallery. him & mizael often have the same classes. they're casual friends, and study together. they have a relationship for a few months towards the end of first year. they end up deciding its not working out, part because durbe is projecting an old crush and part because mizael is aro. they stay friends. if anything the brief period of intimacy makes them better friends.

alit is majoring in.. i forget what it's called but like, the study of bodies and fitness. he's been boxing since he was a kid, and now he teaches younger kids on the weekend. he also competes sometimes. everyone knows he's got a career in it ahead of him whether he gets his degree or not, but he's still a diligent student, if a bit distractable.

shark is obviously studying marine biology. he's really passionate about it but kind of an awkward edge lord and has trouble making friends with his classmates. eventually the other people in his program realize he's not so much malicious as awkward.

gilag is a straight up history major, specializing in folk lore. he's known in his program for his surprisingly cute art style. i'm tempted to say he makes rent drawing furry porn, but when he draws for himself it's mostly cute stuff.

vector is a theatre kid in the worst kind of way. uses his talents for evil. it takes his classmates half a year to catch on.

rio is a chemistry major but she got in on a sports scholarship. she's on the basketball team but a lot of other teams want her.

the barians are mostly in second year when yuuma starts uni. he's a theatre kid too. largely because i want the arc v theatre crew to interact with them and vector.

kaito might be in physics? science of light etc

kotori wants to be an elementary school teacher. she also takes a lot of literature classes

iv is also theatre, but more on the backstage/props end of things than the stage end. (that said i don't actually want to think about vector and iv interacting)

iii is also archeology. v is in physics, aiming to work at nasa eventually.

vector and yuuma get paired in a project thats meant to help the 1st years familiarize w the program by working with 2nd years. they're supposed to put on a short presentation and vector changes the script at the last minute in an attempt to fuck w yuuma, but yuuma is fantastic at improv an excells anyway. they get the best mark out of anyone, prof oblivious to shenanigans. yuuma goes up to vector after they get off stage and vector expects to get slapped but yuuma hugs him & is like,

"that was great, how'd you come up with it!!" vector can't decide if he hates yuuma or has a crush. they become friends. everyone who knows them doesn't understand how yuuma puts up with him but they take most of his sabotage as humour and enjoy it

vector also is Gay. chaotic evil twink. i want to have a complicated terrible vector/shark subplot honestly.

[vector] he's the worst boy I've ever seen i have to seduce him

vector spends two months asking around about shark to figure out a persona to build to date him. takes an elective he has no interest in and sits beside shark, eventually asks him to tutor him. things go more or less according to plan, they go on a few dates. like to the aquarium, to the nice cafe downtown where Dennis works, etc. eventually vector shows his true colours and shark gets his heart broken and its a mess.

and then rio beats him up. he ends up missing a performance he'd been practicing for for months due to a broken arm. yuuma is his understudy and does a great job of it. vector resents this immensely and lets it show but they stay friends anyway.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i feel upset today because there is a continual expectation for me to put myself out for other people and get next to nothing in return as they ask for everything. and if i ask for something, it just goes ignored. 

i’m tired of my work being devalued. i’m tired of people just taking it for granted and using it to their own benefit. i felt nothing but anxiety and animosity at the last show our group put on because i was knowingly bullied on more than one occasion by another member and then forced to put on a show with them - and was even questioned why i might pull out my art. 

i was going to perform at this event. but as the weeks passed i realized i was putting in more work than anyone else and when i asked for certain things, they were ignored or put off. and yet there was an expectation for me to complete something for them ‘asap’. this made performing for the first time really devalued. like sure, i worked hard to create the event but why? what was the purpose of this? it was never to bring anyone together, it was never to showcase anything but the organizers themselves and the lack of good promotion means the likelihood of selling something at a venue not known for after hours shows and not joining our marketing is pretty low. 

i am 27 years old now. i have no fucking desire to put on shitty teen shows that are half assed thrown together with a bunch of my friends. thats not what this is about for me - it lacks a certain amount of organization and class. it lacks a curation in performers. i thought i might be the worst one - and that’d be okay. they cant all be winners. but now it’s just open mic - and if i really wanted to perform at a open mic, i’d go to a real one. if i’m going to do a large amount of the work - outside of meeting with the owner one time and putting up 5 flyers on street poles - i want the results to be worth the work i put in. and IMO it’s not. it’s mediocre and thrown together. 

and i feel a personal insult about this because of how much work i put intothe group itself. ive dedicated time on a semi regular basis to all the admin work, the promotion, keeping social media active, posting new submissions, fielding a majority of the questions and i’m not asking for praise - i’m asking for people to respect the work i’ve done. don’t come in and draw on it with magic marker and tell me its acceptable quality when theres folks painting in oils. i dedicated time to create an entity that could be used and harnessed; i ask for the quality of our output to match whats already there. 

and i think it’s asinine that i would hve to argue doing better than average. if this is just a hobby or random activity for you - fine. it’s not serious. you’re not serious. none of this matters. but it was presented as serious. it was presented as a showcase of people’s craft. there is no effort into making it somewhere one would wnt to be. we’re all going for the ~decor. we print posters because we want to see our name on a poster in the street - not becuse we’re really advertising an event. it was acceptable that the only people in attendance would be the performers and a few of their friends. acceptable!! that’s an unsuccessful house party, in my opinion. 

you know whats missing  locally? proper use of social media to network between people. it’s impossible to find other artists in the area unless you scour through obscure hashtags. but yet theres dozens and dozens if not hundreds of artists in the local area. this means you get stuck in one influence and within that influence you may be chastised for going against the “norm” of their influence. instead of new ideas being welcomed, they’re constantly turned down or argued against. 

i’ve met all of the people i know through facebook and instagram in my art world. thats a very powerful tool.i know models who only book through instagram. and ive had arguements about the use of hashtags. as if theyre not relevant. 

i’m tired of questioning what i know. tht honestly gives me the most anxiety. and its not like im tired of questioning what i do - its healthy to question your actions - but what i know and believe makes me feel unsure of myself and the skills i have. i have had experience working in the creative industries since i was 17, freelancing. and i have a wide variety of skills in graphic design, retouching photos, photography of models & landscapes & products, glamour modeling & product modeling (of which i’ve done for dozens of photographers in the local area), web design & blogging + knowlege of e-commerce platforms, wordpress, seo, promotion & marketing both online & offline, i’ve sold crafts online for almost four years and switched my primary creative tool from artisan crafts to trditional & figure art that i studied & practiced extensively for over two years, i have skills in copywriting & journalism, i have a handle on the basic laws of creative works & how they can be used, basic knowledge in building & selling a brand, communicating with clients & customers (of which i’ve had no complaints in regards to my communication - ive had complaints about shipping because post offices are not so nice), creating organized file systems which can be used by multiple people -- i have paid my dues. i am still growing, absolutely. i am not the best at any of the above things i listed. i could be even better. i could spend two hours today on one of these skills and be better than i am right now. i can always be better.

but just because i can be better doesnt take away from what i know now, what i have learned, what i have studied - like i took the time to study and read up on research and marketing & promotion techniques. a good portion of my first shop was spent reading about how to sell stuff, not so much making stuff to sell. as i did not realize at the time how much work went into being successful online. and i did not realize until my shop closed how i had taken that skill for granted - because i had done all that work & effort, it was able to pull in a few sales a month with little to no effort now. if i worked harder, maybe i couldve been even better. 

i also (un)willingly have worked full time as an artist and only an artist for at least two years. this is the “luxury” ive been allowed in  life even though i am the definition of starving artist. i didnt have it as a part time job or hobby - it was something i did every single day and i marketed & promoted for hours a day. an acquaintance of mine upon hearing of my mental state now told me that i had gone so hard for so long - and i kind of appreciated that he saw that on the outside. that someone could see that i actully did work incredibly hard. that i was dedicated.. that i AM dedicated. 

i’m not saying any of this makes me better thn anyone else or knowing more - it just means i’m experienced. i am very very experienced in not only practicing a craft but marketing that craft to sell, displaying that craft in it’s best light, knowing the best places to sell. i also work in quality over quantity. i am not interested in doing 9  - 10 shows a year. i’m not interested in shitting out  5 - 7 paintings at a time. it means before i touch anything to paper or canvas or wood - i’ve thought about it. i’ve really, really thought about it. i didnt just sit down and throw paint on the canvas. i couldve been thinking of this image for days before i do it. or the craft itself - my bone jewelry came because i absolutely neded to make a necklace out of fish bones i found and they needed vials attached. why? i dont know. but it just needed to be. 

when i started the group, i asked about names. i didnt choose a name or dictate the name. i was given a suggestion by someone i actually dont like at all and was given a reson for why he felt it was a good suggestion and i agreed because business-wise it was a good suggestion. i respected that he hd different ideas and experiences that shaped that suggestion that i did not have. i learned through it that i should expand my reach - both in my personal creative life and my ‘business’ creative life. 

my ~partner was disappointed i wasn’t going to perform. i could tell it was frustrating and dissappointing to him because i think he thought it wouldve been good for me and that i would hopefully find something in it that would bring me something. and through his disappointment he told me that it wasn’t totally right to drop out of something you planned to do or that peopl expected you to be at.

but i’d like to turn that around - my partner is someone who also puts himself out for others on a regular basis. and for a long, long, long time he was fucked around and fucked over by many people. an old friend came to his door and asked to borrow money and he allowed him to despite knowing he might be a drug addict now. he had no obligation to this person but it was like since he was asked, he should. and i think if he lerned to say no, or learned to walk away from an unhealthy situation, he would be happier as well. i’ve learned first hand the benefit of walking away from something toxic. and you will feel misplaced guilt for a bit, i feel some guilt now but it’s for the best. 

i try to think how i can change my perspective on it but i cannot. i wold not walk down the street if this was held in the local gallery, nevermind 20km away. like once i took myself out as a performer i realized i wouldnt even want to go. i dont want to see anyone perform but my partner; who will already be subdued because of the venue. ive been completely taken out of the organization of the event - despite having been continually involved in the promotion and a few conversations since the lst one where i said i didnt want to keep doing this. so ive deleted my advertisement efforts online andi’m just halting any further promotion on my part of this event. i’m 97% sure i’m personally not even going to go. i no longer ant to see half of the people there on a personal level so it’s not even worth going to to hang out and i dont care about displaying my art.