#Polyamorousmood original post

[polyamorousmood]

I think this is a great example of how there can be conflict even when you do everything right -- and how the conflict can be overcome and resolved.

Polyamory usually does work the same as monogamy in the ways @chilipowder9 described in that yeah you're just trying to show you care and its incredibly possible to do that with more than one person (you already are if you have parents, siblings, and/or friends in your life!). But while there are several other differences, for me this is one of the bigger ones. The assumed prioritization gets a little fucky-wucky.

And if you're doing it right, 98% of the time it won't be an issue, but occasionally stuff like all that above comes up. And its okay to be upset about it, especially in a crisis like that, but the more you can accept the dual truths that you can make it through things alone and that you have other people to lean on if you really want, the easier it'll be. For everyone involved. (As an aside, holiday dinners are a big, non-crisis time this comes up, so have a plan for those, too.)

And this can come up other times. Caring for sick family can make your romantic partner de-prioritize you, for instance. But polyamory really raises your chances of having to deal with it at any given time.

hello!!

what makes a throuple harder than other poly relationships? is it not just a three-person polycule? do people seriously try to force throuples? why not just "oh A and B are dating and B loves C and it just so happens to work out that A also loves C and WAOW how cool! C loves A too! crazy!" like??? is this actually a problem???? people try to force this???? what????????

I think a large part of people's discomfort come with some of the problems common in unicorn hunting 🦄 . Which is to say, yeah, trying to force a triad, or force it to be a closed tried. Some people have also had bad experiences with breakups -- if you break up with one but want to keep dating the other, its pretty easy for that to spiral into something very messy one way or the other. And then there's this belief that there's gonna be One True Couple 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 and A Third Wheel 🛞🚴.

Which like, all these things are possible. But there are a lot of people on this bitch of an Earth and I think stranger things have happened than *checks notes* exactly three people being happy loving each other. 🤷

[polyamorousmood]

All the senators conspiring to kill Ceaser sounds like there'd be a lot of romantic tension. Almost like.... they were.... ployamorous.

[polyamorousmood]

So I'd like you to meet my partners. This is the broken, this is the beaten, and this is the damned.

[polyamorousmood]

Would you ask for rain without clouds? For music without rhythm? Get into d&d.

one of my favorite posts ever on r/polyamory boiled down to "how do I find poly people who aren't into d&d?"

[polyamorousmood]

*takes drag off a cigarette* I'm getting the team back together for one last job *pulls out 6 identical rings* A happily ever after

[polyamorousmood]

"I couldn't do polyamory, I would be sooo jealous!!"

My good bitch, jealousy ain't even close to the worst part. Poly people be out here getting ghosted on dating apps even though you're already married. Think before you speak.

[polyamorousmood]

"How do you deal with jealousy?" Like, a lot of ways, but also sometimes you just feel it and move on.

I feel jealous when a street cat goes up to someone else instead of me, doesn't mean I carry around cat treats in an effort to prevent random cats from ever picking someone else 🤷‍♀️

[polyamorousmood]

This week on "Things That Aren't About Polyamory to Anyone but Me"...

Sometimes I’m talking to a friend and I’m like oh I KNOW that the timeline where we are married in is incredibly close to this one. If a butterfly had clapped its asscheeks somewhere ten years ago we would be making out right now.

[polyamorousmood]

Idk what budding poly person needs to hear this, but if you need to break up with your partner because they're strictly monog, you're not a bad person and it doesn't mean your love for them isn't real

[polyamorousmood]

What if "If you love them, set them free" but you DON'T break up with them about it tho👀

[polyamorousmood]

how to be a REAL polyam. I honestly can't stand people who call themselves polyamorous but won't do this one basic thing 🙄🙄:

Kiss me

[polyamorousmood]

When I say "polyamory isn't for everyone!" I dont mean it objectively sucks and some people can suck it up well enough to call it their life. I fucking love it here.

No, I'm simply begging a certain type of person not to poison my dating pool...

[polyamorousmood]

today in "things that aren't about polyamory to anyone but me"

[polyamorousmood]

For every "But how could you manage [X example of competing priorities]!!" that people have about polyamory, I'm here to tell you there IS a monog version of that problem.

Let's come out swinging with "but this person will always love/prioritize the other one more!!" being not actually that fundamentally different from dating a single parent who will always put their kid first. Different type of relationship, sure. But someone else's needs will still always come before yours, including limiting when, how, and how much you can date.

[polyamorousmood]

You only have to be mono if your partner calls "dibs" otherwise you're poly by default

[polyamorousmood]