#Polle says: DON'T YOU DARE

[phantom-shell]

I miss having a functioning tablet pen, I drew this with a mouse and a horrid vision in mind

[gaasublarb]

Second Poll

[doctor-cerium]

THIS IS IMPORTANT

[wheresurboytonighthelookslikeenj]

ok me being a littol hater for valentine's day part 1.

the phoenix couldve been so good man i am actually so sad and mad about it like the verses and the pre chorus and the bridge are so cool but the chorus, specifically the end, is stupid and somehow ruins the experience for me >:(

"I'm gonna change you like a remix/Then I'll raise you like a phoenix"

i don't get the hype. it sounds kind of stupid and the reason why is that it's phrased like a bad simile. see the point of a simile creates a more vivid image and a better understanding of the description, right? without the further context behind the song the words "i'm gonna change you" have a very ambiguous meaning and you'd assume by comparing it to something it would clarify things. but the specific way of phrasing and rhythm of the line "change you, like a remix" makes it seem like they went with the first comparison they went with, thus sounding shallow and meaningless, and that's where the stupidity comes from.

but the worst part is that it isn't shallow and meaningless; the phoenix is the first track in save rock and roll which was the first album after the 4-year hiatus--it was fob's reset album, straying from the sound they were known for and coming back with something new; the lyric refers to "remixing" their sound and "being reborn" like a phoenix after the hiatus. so it isn't a lack of meaning at all, it's the specific phrasing that gives the impression of a lack of meaning.

[thekimspoblog]

Apparently I've been CANCELED on witchcraft Tumblr because my use of the term "voodoo doll" is racist. And like... yes? But also oh my god shut up Tumblrina! All majick is a hodgepodge of practices derivative of whatever culture the practitioner pulled from. So when an angsty white american goth girl sits on her floor, draws a pentagram, and chants google-translated Latin, the effigy she created in likeness of her love interest isn't called a "spirit doll" or whatever the politically correct term is, now is it? Cultural appropriation: a thing I didn't invent.

Are people ignorant of the actual history of voodoo? Sure. Here's the wikipedia page for Marie Laveau; a lot of the stuff which fell under the umbrella of her practicing her religion was actually useful shit, like delivering babies, making medicine and generally being a community leader. If anything, I'm just disappointed the rumors of her poisoning slave owners have been greatly exaggerated.

But you know I've been doing this witchcraft thing for a while now, and let me tell you what I've figured out. Research doesn't really matter all that much.

All that matters is your intent, and mine was to bring hellfire down on GOP members in a way legally untraceable back to me. I'm not saying it's impossible to be racist while wishing death on white supremacists. I'm saying raise your hand if you actually care.

Because no matter what, the effect is the same. Jack and shit.

And if I'm wrong, may your superiorly authentic majick strike me down.

[hypnagogics]

before you read ▪︎ loose continuation to THIS

ultra loser!ellie x teasing(slightly sadistic tbh)!reader. reads fine as a standalone!! no fr sex, but still nsfw!!! loads of teasing, ellie's shy and flustered (also gave her glasses and piercings muahahah AND HAPPY TRAIL MENTION YAYYY), reader's a little insistent (but it's ok), mentions of masturbation, discussion of sex, REALLY horny making out at the end lol, heavy petting, they almost do it, tiny abby cameo, buildup AS PER USUAL YALL KNOW THE DRILL, kinda cliffhanger ending (its on purpose HAHA), different layout bc i cheated n looked at the poll oops...NGL TS HAD ME SWEATINGGG WRITING IT LMFAO don't think i have ever written something more horny....ok enjoy! + 2.2k wc

apparently both of you missed the professor's class cancellation email on this fateful day… other students showed up too, but they left quickly after seeing it was empty. ellie stayed to catch up on some work, enjoying the silence and typing away on her laptop, which looked like one of those beefy gaming computers.

covered in stickers and the keys changing color, you thought it was interesting she'd lug that thing around campus with her, instead of opting for something light and sleek. and now that leaves you. you had no other plans for the day, and had already mentally prepared yourself for this class, totally unaware it was canceled.

you realized it wasn't a bad idea to copy ellie, and catch up on some of your own work. however you were more intrigued by her, to be totally honest with yourself.

watching her from a distance, she captivated you. she never seemed to notice your stares, too absorbed in her thoughts. you watched her type, efficiently and quickly, pausing only to push her glasses further up her nose with her slim fingers.

the truth is, she's hot. but no one was hearing you out on that, unfortunately. they'd say to you, “what a loser! i don't think i've ever heard her talk.”

you felt overwhelmed by the urge to strike up a real conversation with her—more that simple greetings or coursework questions— and it was the perfect opportunity to do just that. so you got up, sat yourself down in the empty spot right next to her, and put on the most charming grin you could muster up. she abruptly snapped out of her focus, almost flinching at your presence.

“hey! you're ellie, right? whatcha working on?” you got close to her to see, being met with a bunch of hieroglyphic-looking strings of symbols on the screen. woah, smarty-pants. “um, it's just…some project, i dunno. how d’you know my name?”

she finally looked at you, her eyes round, wider than the ufo saucer stickers on the back of her computer. they were so green, the hazel ring reminded you of a polished agate stone. the scattered freckles on her face were so pretty too, you'd never been close enough to her to really take notice. she nervously scanned your features, blotches of pink blush decorating the apples of her plump cheeks.

she was so cute, and noticing her evident shyness flipped a switch inside you, what if you messed with her a little?

you shrugged at her, “just seen you around. you're so mysterious.” you lilt, manipulating your tone to make it smoother on the ears, even containing hints of seduction if you dared.

she blushed a deeper raspberry shade and looked down at her hands, fidgeting with her rings. she was somehow getting more attractive by the second, your heart felt like it was about to burst.

“am i? never thought of it that way, you're funny.” she mumbles, her antsiness obvious. but you didn't wish to let up so soon, you were having a lot more fun flustering her than you'd ever care to admit, even wanting to see just how far you could push her.

“ooh, i love your rings. where did you get em?” “just…places. why are you asking me so many questions?” you sighed and rolled your eyes, “well, ellie. we both don't have anything else to do, gotta pass the time somehow. i wanna talk with you, is that okay?” she took a deep breath and nodded, visibly relaxing. she stretched out her arm to get rid of the tabs on her computer, close it, and put it in her bag, which is when you got a look at her forearm tattoo.

“also i'm obsessed with your tattoo, you have no idea how cool you are, how are girls not all over you?” you question, taking her wrist in your hands and examining the tattoo's intricate line work, tracing your fingertips over the pigment in her skin.

you heard her breathing change in tempo, quickening ever so slightly. but she didn't move her arm away, and let you continue. she took a second to respond. “um. thanks, i guess. i don't really know what you mean.” her voice cracked when she said the last part, igniting a flame inside you, one that you didn't know existed.

your mind wandered, you began wondering what she sounds like when she whimpers. was she really so starved of human contact you could mold her like putty, just with your fingers and tongue? you wanted to find out so badly, wanted to hear how she'd cry your name out if you fucked her into oblivion. was she a squirter or a creamer? you hoped to the heavens above you'd get to find out someday. maybe it was too much to fantasize like this, considering you formally met just now, but you weren't hurting anyone if it all never left the confines of your mind.

you were lucky you hid your own arousal well, nothing out of the ordinary showed on your face whatsoever. ellie wasn't so lucky—to her dismay, but to your delight—everything played out on her delicate features so clearly, it was nothing short of delectable. 

your eyes bore into hers, the intensity of the eye contact making her shiver, and attempt to break it. “ellie, ellie, ellie, may i call you els?” you didn't wait for an answer, and continued, “do you have a girlfriend?” you pouted your lips at her, feigning sadness as if her response was something you didn't already infer.

she was stuttering now, stumbling over her words, making less and less sense as the conversation went on. she was anxiously bouncing her leg, you could see her chest rising and falling, and her face had turned a lovely crimson color, it was so strong, the flush had spread down her neck and reached her ears, making her piercings stand out. good lord. 

“ahem- no, i don't have a girlfriend. actually never have, shocking i know.” she chuckles at her self-deprecating joke, and while her smile was enough to light up a room, you wanted to slap the doubt out of her. or rather, fuck it out of her. 

you exhaled loudly, “hahh, well isn't that a shame. you're so pretty, i'll just have to snatch you up for myself then.” she swallowed audibly, greatly taken aback. “sorry, what?” “oh, don't you know how much people love losers like you? tsk tsk tsk, you're so much hotter than you realize, i mean it, els. look at you! you've got these piercings, this tattoo, you're smarter than this whole class combined, seriously.” 

she just gaped at you, unable to process what she was hearing. no one had ever talked to her like this, it was only something she read about. and coming from you? this ethereal person who starred in all of her most intimate fantasies? she rubbed her eyes roughly, convinced she was hallucinating. her mouth opened and closed dumbly, her voice box failing to produce any sound. but you were affecting her so much, especially because she lusted after you to an extent she could only take to the grave.

flashes of her midnight escapades flickered in her mind, of her shoving her hand down her pants like an animal in heat, orgasming so intensely she'd black out, abusing her hole with nothing but images of you playing in her mind, and your name on her tongue. her cheeks burned with the embarrassment of her wild actions, and she shook her head to clear the thoughts away. 

you groaned and leaned back in your own seat, exclaiming, “god i'm so bored. and pent up, fuck. it's been so long since i had sex…” that was true. in any other situation you'd never say something like that aloud, but because you were alone with the clueless idiot you wanted so carnally, you let it slip. 

“...maybe you should take care of that.” you heard her cough out, her voice coming out strangled. “i could. but that's boring.” you opened your eyes again and smirked devilishly her way, poor girl looked like she was about to go on a trip with the ferryman. 

you grabbed her hand, examining it some more, commenting, “you play guitar, don't you? guitarists are very good with their hands, i will say.” you played with her hand, pressing it into a fist, then extending her middle and ring finger. gosh, what's gotten into you? “i bet you're sooo good.” 

you've never seen a person look more flustered than she did right now in this moment. her voice was impossibly quiet, barely above a whisper, “cut it out.” “okay, fine.”

some beats of silence passed, but a thought crossed your mind. if she really hated this interaction that much, she could have got up and left eons ago, yet she stayed here and endured it all. hmm. you blurted out, “els, have you kissed anyone before?” 

and again she stayed silent, even after you waited patiently for an answer. she kept looking away, her jaw tense. 

you decided to quit the teasing just for a moment, and speak to her gently, genuinely. you shifted to sit a little closer to her and asked, “do you want to?” her gaze locked onto your mouth, she licked her lips, then muttered, “if you're really offering and not just fucking with me, sure-” 

your patience broke and you didn't wait for her to finish her sentence before swiftly leaning forward and connecting your lips with hers, relishing the tiny gasp she made as soon as you did it. she tasted like a dream.

after a split second she kissed you back, it was inexperienced and clumsy, fueled by adrenaline, but she got into a rhythm soon enough. you took the lead and deepened the kiss, absent-mindedly tugging on her bottom lip with your teeth, coaxing eager whimpers out of her, pure music to your ears.

you succumbed to the sensations and increased the pace, your tongue dancing against hers. you felt her hands fumble by your waist, and she pulled you closer to her. your hands clawed at her chest, the beautiful symphony of panting, the wet smacking of your lips colliding, and her uncontrolled moans filled the empty room.

she gripped your waist so tightly, fingertips surely leaving small marks in their wake, you couldn't wait to find them later, and you shamelessly felt up her chest, your thumbs finding her nipples—perky, hard, and poking out through her thin shirt. you caressed and rubbed and squeezed, feeling her jolt under your magical touch.

she was fully whining now. spilling needy, high-pitched sounds, this was better than you could've ever imagined. neither one of you breaking the kiss for even a second, your hand trailed lower and landed on her stomach, slipping under the bottom of her shirt. you felt her defined abs tensing, and the whisper of a happy trail—now it was your turn to moan.

she got even louder and her kisses got sloppier, and you were about to venture inside her waistband before a sudden sound startled you both. 

your phone vibrated aggressively, and with great effort you separated yourself from ellie, long strings of spit connecting you to her still.

she whimpered from the loss of contact, chasing your lips, then huffing and quietly groaning while you took out your phone, her hands not letting go of your waist. when you checked it, it was a message from your friend, abby, just saying: URGENT. COME HERE NOW. ASAP.

fuck her. fuck her and her timing, was all you could think. really, now? you wanted to kill her.

trying to slow your breathing and racing heart, you explained apologetically, “ugh, it's urgent. im so, so sorry ellie, i gotta go.” she stared at you, speechless, but nodded meekly, reluctantly retracting her arms. you didn't want to leave, and stayed gazing at her for a little longer, and brushed a loose strand of soft hair out of her face. what a cutie, she looked all disheveled and dazed. you were about to look for a paper to scribble down your number to keep in touch, until your phone buzzed again, and started ringing with abby's repeated attempts to get ahold of you. couldn't she wait a minute?

you gave ellie one last devastated look, getting up and rushing out of the classroom before abby called you another seventeen times. 

ellie was left in the classroom, reeling from the encounter and what it had turned into. she was utterly bewildered at the events that transpired, her blood rushing in her ears, mind spinning, lips still puffy, glasses fogged over, hands trembling, and of course a sticky, uncomfortable damp spot in her boxers. she leaned forward to rest her head on the desk in front of her on top of crossed arms, to take a moment to cool down before escaping back to her place. 

“holy shit.” 

im horny🧍‍♂️just like ellie after that. as soon as she got home, u best believe she came so hard she saw literal angels and deities LMFAOO (this is my favorite thing ive ever written gawdDAYUM)

yall who wanted more, hope this suffices as a continuation! @stonerzdaze420692 @womenlvrrr

[daddy-issues-99]

Venom x Reader Smut

In my last poll y'all voted for a Venom fanfic and I got the message 😏

Plot: you want to shower but feel uncomfortable with Venom watching you and iykyk

Afab reader, shower sex, size kink, biting, blood, fingering, praise, a little degration, aftercare

The last few days had been pure hell. Nothing but conflict and a new roommate.

You sat curled up on your couch, knees held tight to your chest. You were so tired. You had been on alert for what seemed like days. All you wanted to do was shower and go to bed.

If only it were that simple. Everything you did was met with a deep voice inside your head. Every action, statement, movement; everything.

No way were you gonna try and shower with this thing looking at you and commenting on your every move.

You let out a sigh. You were so tired you didn't even care anymore. "Where are you going?"

"I'm talking a shower." "Finally, your thoughts were becoming annoying." This was gonna be a nightmare. You walked to the bathroom slowly discarding your clothes as you went leaving you just in your bra and panties when you got to the bathroom.

"You are a nice shape. I would rip you apart." He said as you turned on the shower. "You are such a fucking perv." You moved your hands to the hem of your panties wanting to take them off only to stand their blushing. You felt so exposed.

"Well?" He asked wondering why you just stood there. "You're making me nervous. This is to embarrassing." You said bringing your hands to cover your face.

As soon as your hands left your sides two black tendrils quickly pulled your underwear down. Before you could even react he had done the same to your bra, throwing them to the side.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" You yelled trying to cover your exposed figure.

"I am in your head. I am apart of you. I have already seen every part of your body." You just stood there baffled. "Don't be embarrassed, your look lovely. Go on, I won't judge darling."

You blushed at the comment. His voice made it even harder to remain neutral.

You carefully stepped into the shower and closed the door behind you. You let out an instant sigh of relief the minute the hot water made contact with your skin.

"You are relaxed." He stated in a matter of fact tone. "This is the most relaxed I've felt in days." You said rinsing shampoo out of your hair. "Why? You have no reason to be stressed." "I'm stressed because of you jackass!" You yelled with sarcasm in your voice.

In an instant you were pinned up against the shower wall as black tendrils fell into the floor forming a large figure with large teeth and bright white eyes. Small tendrils keeping the two of you conneced. His hand quickly went to your throat making sure you couldn't move.

"How dare you. I have given you an amazing opportunity and you insult me. You don't deserve my partnership." He said tightening his grip around your throat causing you to hold your thighs together.

He slowly looked down to see your thighs held tightly together. His face contorted into a wide smile. "Something you find amusing pet?" He asked squeezing your throat causing you to let out a small moan.

"Such a pathetic thing. Can't even answer a question." "I-Im not pathetic." You said trying to talk with his hand squeeze your airway. "Oh really? You say you hate me and yet your arousal is showing my darling." "I'm- I'm not-" "You can't hide how you truly feel. I'm a part of you. I can feel every sensation you do. Every thought that goes througg your head I see. Now tell me my darling, what do you want?"

"You."

"Good girl."

Venom leaned down to your neck leaving a trail of small bite marks just enough so it would draw blood which he happily licked up with his long tounge.

"This is going to hurt." He said before opening his jaw as wide as possible and biting your shoulder, his teeth sinking into your flesh. You screamed only for his free hand to quickly cover your mouth.

He licked up the blood and leaned back to see his work. "This mark will forever symbolize that You. Are. Mine. Do you understand?" You quickly nodded you head as a tear ran down your cheek. "Good."

With that the remaining tendrils still attached to your body quickly healed the bite leaving only the scars from his teeth.

"Please" "Please what?" He asked towering over you once more "Please touch me!" You whined.

"So desperate. I think you'll like this." With that he directed your head down to where his tendrils formed into a large cock. Your eyes widened in shock. "V, how is that gonna fit?"

"We'll just need a little extra help." His hand moved down to your clit rubbing slow painful circles. You head fell into his chest as you let out breathy moans.

"Look at you, so desperate for me. Pathetic." He let out a low laugh continuing his assault on your clit. "I-Im not-" You cried out and buried your head back in his chest, gripping his shoulders as he quickly inserted one of his large fingers inside you.

"You were saying?" He said contorting his face into a smirk. "Mm fuck you." "Oh I intend to. Or shall I stop?" He said as he began to pull away from you. "No! I-I'm sorry just please touch me!" "As you wish."

He continued his pace as he added another finger. Every thrust was pure bliss and you could feel your orgasm building. "Cum for me pet." Venom quickened his pace hitting your cervix with the tips of his fingers. You cringed thinking what his cock would do.

The knot in your stomach finally came undone with Venom thrusting in and out of you as fast as he could letting you ride out your high.

You opened your mouth letting out a loud moan only to be silenced when a long tounge filled your mouth,going down your throat giving you a makeshift kiss triggering your gag reflex.

"You did wonderful my pet. " Venom pulled his fingers out bringing his hand down to his cock. He rubbed your juices on his cock as a makeshift lube to try to prevent as much pain as possible.

Venom listed you by your waist as you quickly wrapped your legs around his torso holding yourself close to him. He pushed you back up against the shower aligning his cock between your folds rubbing the tip at your entrance.

You let out a whimper. "Don't worry. You will be okay. If it's to much you can bite down on my shoulder." With that he slowly began to lower you down onto his cock. You screamed instantly biting down onto his shoulder trying to silence your screams. Venom didn't even respond.

He stopped when you had taken in as much as you could, still leaving some of his cock exposed. "Your so tight. Smaller than I thought." You didn't respond. Venom pressed you harder up against the wall and brought a hand up to brush through your hair. "You will be okay my darling."

He intertwined his hand in your hair slowly pulling your head back to look up at him. A tear ran down your cheek which he gently brushed off with his thumb. "Don't worry. If you need me to stop I will." He brought his forehead to rest against yours as you adjusted to his size.

After a moment you gave a small nod indicating that he could move. His thrusts were slow, only moving a few inches. At first it was painful but after a while it became pleasurable. You whined and buried your have in the crook of his neck.

He continued his thrusts slowly quickening his pace pushing himself as far in as he could. You quickly became a moaning mess, whispering curses of pleasure.

"Look at you. So needy, so pathetic. I love it." He roughly thrusted into you. "Say it." He said, his teeth gritted. "I'm pathetic! I'm nothing I'm pathetic!"

"Good girl." You buried your face in his neck, hiding the blush covering your face.

Venom continued his thrusts all concerns of being gentle thrown out the window. This was pure lust. Rough, sloppy thrusts. Every one hitting your sweet spot. You rolled your hips forward giving your clit more friction.

"V, I'm close." "Cum for me, cum on my cock. Prove I'm the only being who could ever bring you this much pleasure." Your gripped his shoulders as he quickened his thrusts, holding onto your hips tight enough to leave a bruise.

The knot in your stomach came undone. You screamed in pure pleasure as Venom continued his pace allowing you to ride out your high. Venom soon followed coating your walls with ropes of cum.

Venom pulled out of you setting you back down on your feet. You fell limp and Venom quickly wrapped his arms around you as you rested your head against his chest.

Venom shifted you so the shower watter was hitting your back. He grabbed the washcloth and some soap and began to gently wipe away the thin layer of sweat that had formed. He continued cleaning you off making sure to get every part of you and carefully rinced you off.

He turned off the focet and picked you up bridal style resting you on your sink. He grabbed a towel and wrapped in around you drying you off. He wrapped the towel around you and grabbed a hairbrush, slowly brushing your hair sending shivers down your spine.

You rested your head against his chest lazily trying to keep you eyes open. Venom gently caressed your hair whispering sweet nothings.

He picked you up, holding you close to his chest as you absentmindedly played with the hem of the towel. He gently placed you down on the bed giving you one final kiss as he slowly absorbed back into your body.

"I love you V." "I love you to my darling." With that a tendil quickly formed from your hip and pulled the blanket over you as you drifted off to sleep.

[doyoulikethissong-poll]

Faithless - Insomnia 1995

"Insomnia" was released as the second single off of Faithless' debut album Reverence (1996), and became one of their most successful songs. It has, dare I say, one of the most famous drops of its era.

It was originally released in 1995 and reached number 27 on the UK Singles Chart, topping the UK Dance Chart in the process. "Insomnia" reached number one in Finland, Norway and Switzerland. Additionally, it managed to climb into the Top 10 also in Austria, Belgium (number 2), Denmark, France, Germany (number 2), Iceland, Ireland, Scotland, and Sweden, as well as on the Eurochart Hot 100, where it hit number 3. Reverence reached number 26 on the UK Albums Chart. The single also reached the top spot on the RPM Dance Chart in Canada and the Billboard Dance Club Songs in the US, number 16 in Australia and number 39 in New Zealand. After Maxi Jazz's death in December 2022, "Insomnia" charted at number four on the UK Singles Downloads Chart.

MTV Dance placed "Insomnia" at number 22 in their list of "The 100 Biggest 90's Dance Anthems Of All Time" in November 2011. It was voted by Mixmag readers as the fifth "Greatest Dance Record of All Time" in 2013. It was certified triple platinum by the British Phonographic Industry (BPI) in 2023.

Faithless member Rollo is the brother of singer-songwriter Dido, featured on poll #120.

"Insomnia" received a total of 43,9% yes votes. :'(

[good-realtor-bad-realtor-dynamic]

Taken from these posts: (1) (2 and 4) (3) (5)

And I mean this right here is just fucking legendary.

Match 17 (Loser's One)

[wondeurwall]

AUTHOR'S NOTE. based on the poll: nsfw that won by a landslide, as expected AKSNDJSKb!!! i'll post the sfw soon. i'm currently sitting on 9k with this fic & i don't think i'm close to being done yet omg 😵‍💫 not sure how many more previews i'll post of it – i'll play by ear. or, if it's something y'all still would like, then i'll be more than happy to do it, but i think they'll be much shorter going forward!! 💕💕

AND good luck to anyone pulling for zayne's banner & for anyone trying the new oracle of stars event... i want to try pulling for rafayel's, at the very least, since they all look related to the myths 😭 for the lore, I'LL BE BROKE!!!

TAGS/WARNINGS: 🔞 mdni, fem!reader, porn with plot because i said so, cunnilingus

He drops to his knees, keeps his arms slung over your legs, trapping you at the edge of the bed. His face is in front of your pussy, the heat of his breath makes you quiver.

“Eyes on me, pretty girl,” he says.

And, you do exactly that. Rafayel’s gaze has the full moon in there, the light unblinking and brilliant, like a parallel of the sun during the day. It dares you to flinch the longer you look. But, you keep staring, find that it doesn’t hurt and, instead, the light feels familiar. 

You hear the waves, tides along the shore and grains of sand being pulled into the water. It happens briefly. Holding your breath, the salt of the sea comes to you like it does in your dreams, a little more vivid each time you fall asleep. 

The same images of him fill your vision. Why?

You release the breath, then blink, feeling the heaviness in your chest and the lump in your throat again. It’s a back-and-forth reel of him and Rafayel, different realities converging to a single point in time – and, your lips are trembling. With the heat of Rafayel’s body seeping into you and the recollection of the sea, the moment tastes and sounds like a memory.

No. It’s more than that. 

You look at Rafayel, and everything feels less like a dream and more like a memory.

You’re about to call his name, but it’s quickly ripped out of your lips in an airy moan. The flat of his tongue glides up your slit once. Then, he’s doing it again, dipping the tip into your hole and curling between your folds as he moves up to gather your cum. Taking as much as he can, he swallows the taste of you, eyes fluttering closed as he savors it. 

It’s the way he does that – makes you believe this isn’t the first time, like he isn’t a stranger to this side of you. So, you’re drifting back into your head (only barely now, because the pleasure is intense, hot and needy) and it’s as if pieces of a puzzle come together in the span of a millisecond and you’re lucid enough to arrive to what seems like an impossible reason: it’s not the first. 

You can’t shake off this feeling. 

Your pupils dilate, oxygen completely dried from your lungs when you see the pleasure on his face. To you, Rafayel is reliving something he’s missed. Something that’s been denied from him for so, so long and he’s finally grasped onto it, and he looks like he’s found the secret to walking on air. 

The ache in your chest is overwhelmed by the ache in your pussy. You whine, the glow in his eyes too dizzying. It does nothing more than guide you closer to hysteria. Your hips jerk forward, begging.  

Blood rushes through his cock, straining beneath his pants as a deep rumble comes from within his chest. He’s diving back into your cunt for more before you can catch your breath. 

You lie there, unable to close your legs. His arms keep them bent and tucked securely between his biceps and forearms, the strength of him nothing you can even attempt to win against. It comes to you as no surprise – he’s not human after all. Your mouth parts, a light sheen of saliva over your lips. Shallow, quick breaths keep you grounded as you watch through glassy eyes how Rafayel devours your pussy like a starved man. 

He pulls back slightly, staring – he hones in on your little bud. You hold your breath when he presses a kiss to your clit, slow and gentle, before he traps it between his lips and sucks, humming as he does.

“Raf – Rafayel,” you gasp, the vibrations coupled with his sucking makes your thighs vibrate, has you seeing tiny white stars. He sucks your clit harder, and your voice gets caught at the edge of your throat. 

There’s a pause before you’re moaning like a broken record.

You force your hands to mask your face, rallying enough strength to quiet down because you’re falling, losing yourself so fast, and you have no idea how to wrap your head around the pleasure that’s already building back up.

There’s a disapproving click from the man between your legs.

“Stop,” he says, voice deepening to a near growl. It surprises you – this tone, along with that look in his eyes, half-lidded, clouded with desire, like a predator ready to pounce at its prey – and you feel a greater level of ecstasy being injected into you and it knocks against the sensitive, heavy knot in your stomach.

His demand is never quite like this. It feels… good. 

Rafayel loosens the hold on one of your legs to snatch your hands away from your face, “I need to hear you, baby, or I’ll stop.”

Breath bated, you can’t help but stare at him, utterly dazed by the moonlight that hangs over his head just like it does in his eyes. 

Lovestruck. Only a second passes before you realize how far you’ve fallen, how desperate you are to see more of this version because there’s no use in denying that you’re among the reasons – if not the reason – he’ll take charge. It’s a stark contrast to the light-hearted and comical side he usually shows. There’s a certain attractiveness to it, the willingness inside of him to take care of you with this authority. 

He asks, “Won’t you be a good girl and listen to me?”

God, you’re so wet right now.

You forget how to breathe, feeling like you’ve evolved in a bottomless nothing. His grip on your hands is firm, yet not so much that it shackles you. He’s still gentle. Nodding your head is all you can manage. He finds it cute. Rafayel brushes his mouth over your palm and around your hand to the first knuckle. He smiles. 

And, you melt. Of course, you do. Craving to be good for him, to be the good girl like he says you can be – that you are – you clutch onto the bed sheets instead, let your mouth babble this time.

When he’s sure you won’t do it again, he goes back to your clit, giving the attention it deserves as he keeps his eyes on you. He plants a kiss to your throbbing bud again. And again. And then again. It gets stickier there, messy with your cum and arousal and his saliva; stretchy, gooey strings that reconnect his lips to your pussy.

© 2024 wondeurwall ☆ all rights reserved. please don't repost as your own, modify or translate on here or on other platforms. reblogs & likes are appreciated! ♡

[xinganhao]

🪶 dead poets society!hhu x reader.

i heard the hip-hop unit asked you to join the dead poet's society! ✶ part of my svt university milestone event

⤿ hip-hop unit as members of a poetry society, choose-your-own romance (🙂), poetry references. more content + poll for special chapter under the cut. ♡⸝⸝ prompt from @taeraegyat! + a special shoutout to @biniaiahs, who helped me come up with the plot. that's #oomf <3

SEUNGCHEOL'S WRITE-UP.

i think i still see love as something that's built from the ground up. something you work on, something that can be encompassing and grand. even then, i'd be a fool to think it won't inevitably end. all good things do. (much like this club, though that's a sentiment for another essay.) the fact that it will all eventually crumble doesn't make it any less worth pursuing. and so we build our empires, brick by brick, in hopes that we can have everything our heart desires. that same night when i told you about what i want, i think i could have been clearer. i want everything, yes. but more than that, i want you.

WONWOO'S WRITE-UP.

we need people to live. that seems like a simple, cardinal truth— an echo of 'no man's an island'. it's not always easy to accept, though. i think that's how i've spent most of my days. don't get me wrong. being alone ≠ being lonely. i've always been fine with myself, fine by myself. but love is like a cat curled up in a patch of sunlight. oh-so comfortable in taking its time, coming and going whenever it pleases. much like you. you're a bit unfair, because you've made me less lonely. because now, i don't want to be alone when i can be with you.

MINGYU'S WRITE-UP.

i have a page bookmarked on my google chrome. 'funny, random & weird holidays'. i told you once before that i'm always looking to celebrate something, because that's just the point of living! to find small but certain happiness in our day to day! otherwise, life gets tedious and tiring. so can i be blamed for wanting to mark 'international joke day'? (july 1, by the way.) i think it's a bit of a coping mechanism, really. maybe on 'say something nice day' or 'richter scale day', you'll finally look my way. maybe if it weren't just a random thursday, you'd finally feel what i've always felt for you.

VERNON'S WRITE-UP.

this isn't the best version of me yet. i know that for a fact. there's a lot more that i can still be and i'm sure the same stands for you. on my end: i can probably be funnier, cooler. i could be more honest, too. the closest i've come to the truth is when i slipped and i said i needed to see you. not want; need. i like to believe that in a couple of years, i'll be the type of guy who can sweep you off your feet. i don't expect you to wait. it's just a quiet, blind hope— that i may one day be deserving, if i ever dared to ask.

[batsythoughts]

As per the results of the poll, here is Yandere! Jason Todd with baby trapping! These are all going to be written as AFAB

Warnings: Possessive tendencies, manipulative behavior and actions, dubious consent (technically all will be), forced pregnancy (obviously), I don't really know what else to put. Let me know if there is more I should add

Smut under the cut. Minors please do not interact with this post

You and Jason had been going out for about 7 months when the whole thought had formed in his head

You had said that you and some coworkers were going to a bar nearby to get some bonding time away from work

Jason, being the loving and caring boyfriend, offered to go and make sure none of you had too much to drink

He mostly wanted to go and make sure your coworkers are good enough people for you to spend time with

Your time was precious to the both of you, and he didn't want it to be wasted on anyone who wasn't going to be good for you

You both got to the bar before your coworkers, so Jason left you to get the first round of drinks while he quickly went to the bathroom

It didn't take him more than 8 minutes before he came back out

He stopped in his tracks as he saw some guy standing beside you as he attempted to flirt with you

Jason could see you trying to politely end the conversation from where he was. Why you think of flirting back when you had him to take care of you like you deserved?

Jason came walking over and wrapped his arm around your waist. Innocently leaning in to place a kiss behind your ear while asking who your new 'friend' was

The guy looks Jason up and down with a scoff as he pushes off the bar. Making a comment you leading him on and he would wait for when you changed your mind under his breath while walking away

Jason glared at him as he held you closer. Gently guiding you to a booth in the corner after your coworkers finally showed up

Jason didn't pay attention to the conversation as he stared the guy down from the other side of the bar

The grip on his glass gets tighter as he watched this guy talk with his buddies while gesturing in your direction

Jason smirked as he made eye contact with the guy, enjoying the terrified look on his face

Tilting your head to face Jason, he leaned in for a deep kiss. Drawing out the action for a few seconds before pulling away to glance back at the guy. Proud of himself when the guy looks away and stops talking

You lightly push Jason while saying not to do that in public

But the bashful smile on your face when he looks back at your face tells him that you enjoyed it just as much as he did

Your coworkers laugh while joking about getting that kind of affection from their significant others

The rest of the evening goes by quickly with a couple of drinks in everyone's system as 10 o'clock comes rolling around

Jason gently guides you back into your shared apartment, his hands resting on your hips to keep you from stumbling

He carefully changed you into your sleepwear before making you drink a glass of water and have a small snack before putting you to bed

After making sure you were sound asleep, Jason goes to the bathroom to begin his nightly routine

His blood boils as he thinks about what that guy had said to you

How dare anyone think that you would ever be available again when you had Jason? He was the one that was going to be with you until the end of your lives!

He tried to think of a way that could make it clear that you were Jason's and he was your's till death do you part

He begins to pull his vitamins out of the medicine cabinet while he brushed his teeth. A low groan sounding from him as a few different medications fall out by accident

He begins to put each of them back in their space when his hands stop as he stares at one specific medicine

Your birth control pills

He looked them over as he noticed you still had half a month left until you would need a refill. Hell, it looked like your doctor would need to write you a new prescription when this was gone

The gears in his head turned as he had an idea formed in his head

After all, no contraceptive is truly able to prevent pregnancy entirely

Looking back into the bedroom through the bathroom door, Jason watched for a moment as you slept

He knew that the two of you would be together for a long time to come. You were the one that he was planning to settle down and have a family with, and he was certain you felt the same way.

Would it really be so bad if he just made the process go by just a bit quicker than agreed upon?

Finishing up in the bathroom, Jason changed into new underwear and a tank top before slipping into bed

Wrapping his arms around you, he lightly kissed your cheek as he whispered that he would make sure everyone knew you were his

The next couple of days went by normally as Jason slowly began to get his plan set into motion

He got a few placebo birth control packs that looked basically similar to the ones that you had

When you called in to get the refill and the new prescription, he offered to go and get it for you so you didn't have to worry about it after you got off of work

When he went to grab it, he began to go over the explanation for the new packaging in his head for when you did get home that night

He smiled when he got back and expertly opened the box and switching out the real birth control with the placebos he had gotten for you

Jason put the box back together as he threw the birth control in the trash to take it out so you wouldn't find it by accident

When you got home, Jason went up to you to give you a loving kiss as he began to ask about your day

He listens with interest as you tell him about all the drama that had happened with all your coworkers

At one point you did look at him while asking if he remembered to get your pills

He grinned while saying he did. Pretending to remember the pharmacist had said that the brand of birth control had changed looks but it should still work just as well

Jason begins to get into your space while placing kisses and nips at the skin of your neck as you stand in the kitchen to figure out what to do for dinner

You laugh while leaning into his touch, asking him what had gotten into him so suddenly

Jason smiled as his hands roamed down your body, resting on your stomach for a moment before beginning to undo the buttons of your pants

"Can't a guy just want his beautiful girl? I just want to show just how much I love you."

The truth though was that he was already getting excited of the thought of you becoming pregnant in the next few months

Jason could barely contain himself as he celebrated the last night you were on the birth control by fucking it out of you

Jason still had to be patient with his process as he waited for the medicine to make its way out of your bloodstream entirely

He did research to figure out ways to try and make a successful pregnancy happen: positions to try, making healthier foods to prepare your body for the changes, symptoms to look for after the attempt of trying

Each time you called in a refill, Jason would go and 'pick it up' for you so you didn't worry about it

After about four months, Jason finally decided it would be a good time to finally begin to putting the last part of his plan into action

He had been tracking your cycle thoroughly over the past months, so he knew which night that you were ovulating

He had put together a small movie night while also ordering some of your favorite take out before starting his strategy

He even drew a small bubble bath for you to soak in after you got off of work while he got everything set up for the night

As you were in the bathroom, Jason double checked everything to make sure that it would work out in his favor, hopefully

With the both of you in comfortable clothing, the TV plays the movies that he had picked out to help set the mood

You laugh while eating the food he got, occasionally sharing bites of the others food

Jason's lips would land on your skin every once in awhile as he begins getting excited for what was going to happen in the next few hours

When the food was gone, Jason went to the kitchen area again as he threw the trash away and the silverware in the sink

He let out a deep breath to compose himself as he looked over at you. His heart racing as he gently palms his growing erection before going back to the couch

He let the movie continue in the background as he gently rubbed his hand over your thigh

He smiled as he watched the screen to try and hold out for a bit longer before going on with his plan

Eventually his eagerness outweighs his patience as his hand slides up your thigh

Jason gently nudges your cheek with his nose. Smiling when you look at him before he begins to kiss you

The small sigh that comes from you strokes at Jason's ego as his fingers slip past the waistband of both your pants and underwear

His fingers circle your clit carefully as he continues to kiss you lovingly

His gentle actions get slightly more confident as he gladly takes in the soft moans that you let out

Jason pulls away from your lips as he feels your thighs begin to tense up, smiling to himself as he draws out the first of many orgasms for the night

He rest his head against yours as he slowly moved his fingers down as be used them to fuck you through your orgasm and into the next one

"That's a good girl. You gonna keep taking what I give you like the good girl I know you are?"

Jason expertly pulls two more orgasms from you before he finally let's up. Kissing you gently before guiding you to the bedroom to get on with his plan

He eagerly tugged of your clothes before laying you down on the bed. Staring you down as he stripped his own clothes off

Opening the nightstand drawer, Jason reached in and pulled out a box of condoms

Jason opened it before cursing while tossing it back into the drawer

You sit up slightly while asking him what was wrong

He said he forgot to restock on condoms since the last time you all got intimate

It wasn't a complete lie though. He had known that he ran out the last time, but he had planned to run out for this moment before he had to restart the process again with the next box

He took a few deep breaths while saying it would be fine and he could go calm down with a shower and then you both could continue with the movie night when he was done

Your chest heaved slightly as you looked at him from the bed. Looking him over while thinking over your options.

"It's just one night. I'm sure it will be alright to not use a condom one time."

Jason smiled as he double checked, even though he knew the answer would stay the same

You were his special love after all. Always so eager to please him no matter the situation it would put you in

Or in this case, the situation he would be putting in you starting tonight

He didn't give you a chance to rethink the decision before climbing onto the bed

Grabbing one of the pillows, he flipped you over and placed it under your stomach

This was a normal position for Jason to put you in, he always did when he was feeling extra intense that night

How thankful he was that he didn't have to worry about explaining why he was doing it tonight

He had read somewhere in his research that it could increase the chances of getting pregnant and how he was so hopeful it would work

Jason rests one hand on your thigh while the other goes to your back while gently pushing you into the bed

He carefully pushed into you with a deep sigh, his nails digging into your skin at the feeling of you clenching around his cock

Jason starts out by slowly pulling out halfway before sinking all the way back in. Keeping that pace with a low moan as he lightly pulled you to him with each thrust

He didn't want you to get overstimulated so quickly into the night by simply railing you into the mattress

Despite how good Jason was feeling, he couldn't help but feel that something was already off

Looking towards your face, he quickly noticed you biting the fabric of the pillow your head was resting on

Oh, that wouldn't do at all

The hand on your back slid up to reach around and grasp at your throat. Softly tilting your head up as he leaned onto your back to whisper in your ear

"I thought you were being my good girl tonight. Cause last I checked, good girls don't try hiding the noises they make."

To emphasize his point, Jason pulled out before harshly pulling you back to meet his hips

The startled whine you let out vibrated under his hand made Jason smirk as he placed a condescending kiss to your cheek

"Just like that. Now don't make me have to tell you to be good again."

With that, Jason leaned back up while resting both hands on your hips

This time he used his grip to pull your hips back to meet his, never once speeding up on the original pace he set

He let out a light groan when he felt you push against his pelvis each time he pulled you back to him

Jason could tell you were getting closer to another orgasm by the way your walls started to clamp down on his cock

He slipped a hand down to rub your clit in small circles. His own need to find release rising steadily as he rocks his hips against yours

Jason bit his lip as he pushed his hips flush to yours as he finally came. Your own orgasm following close behind as let out a soft cry

Normally, Jason would bask in the after haze of both of your orgasms, but tonight was different

Tonight he was on a mission as he slowly began grinding against you

Jason shushed your whines as you said it was too much

He leaned back down kiss along your neck as he let out a small moan at how you still were spasming on his cock

"Come one, baby. You got one more in ya. Just one more tonight. Come on, baby. For me, please."

Lord, how could you say no to such a reasonable request from your dear boyfriend?

Soon, 'one more' turned turned into a two hour session with Jason coming inside you 5 more times

He littered kisses along your neck as he gently rolled you onto your back. Mumbling praise of how well you did for him while slowly standing up

Going to the kitchen and bathroom, Jason made sure to have you drink some water before wiping you down with a warm cloth

He smiled while watching you fall asleep from the intensity of your love making session

He was extra gentle in the area of your crotch so he wouldn't wipe every bit of his cum

He knew both of you were clean so the only thing to worry about was the night he would eventually get you pregnant

Jason kissed the crown of your head while whispering that he would help you with a shower in the morning before making you breakfast as a reward

Jason made sure to pay extra attention to your behaviors over the next couple of weeks

You didn't show any regular signs that you were pregnant with what he had looked up in all his research

The only thing that matched was the fact you would get headaches when you got home from work, but that wasn't too unusual from the normal

It was over a month since that night and Jason was worried that he would have to wait another couple of months to try again

He was currently finishing up making some spaghetti for dinner as you sat on the couch while on the phone with one of your relatives

He quickly called out saying that it was ready while you smiled at him with a small nod

He watched as you stood up as your voice trailed off while trying to say good bye

Jason's heart plummeted as he watched you drop your phone and fall to the ground

He rushed over while checking you over for any injuries from the fall

You blinked up at him while taking a few deep breaths as you regain your bearings

Jason quickly grabs your phone while saying you would call back later before hanging up

He quickly helped you get up while saying you were going to the doctor to get checked out

His mind raced as he helped you to the car and began driving to the nearest walk-in clinic from your apartment building

He worried profusely as he quickly got you checked into the waiting room

He paced in the exam room as the two of you waited for the doctor to come and check on you

When she finally arrived, Jason and you both explained what had happened in detail while she listened to every worry

She quickly suggested that you do a quick blood and urine tests to see if they couldn't figure out what could be wrong

Jason held your hand when you gave the vial of blood and waited outside the bathroom door in case you would need him

The two of you sat in the room as you both wondered what could be wrong with you with genuine concern

When the doctor came back in, you both stared at her as she sat down in her chair with a smile

"We did a few quick test and found what caused the fainting spell. You're pregnant."

She continues to go on about how you probably had low iron due to the new life growing inside of you

Jason gave a breathless laugh as his mind finally calmed down

He had actually done it. You were pregnant with only one try from him

You quickly stammered out that you were on birth control and that it should be almost impossible for you to be pregnant with how religiously you took the medicine

The doctor shifts while saying that while it unlikely to get pregnant, it wasn't impossible even with so many precautions on either sides part

She quickly began giving the two of you the options that could be taken for carrying to term or a few other clinics that could help with a termination and mediation you would need for either option

Jason had to hold his tongue at the suggested of an abortion. He couldn't scare you into this by saying that was not happening before you thought about it.

Besides, he knew you would come to the right decision in the end no matter what you said at this moment

He held your hand while asking what you wanted to do with the whole baby situation

You were silent for a minute as you bite your lip. Squeezing his hand while looking into his eyes before giving a small nod with a shaky 'okay'

Jason smiled as he returned your nod while looking back at the doctor while listening to all her suggestions on the medicines you would be put on to getting in touch with a couple of OBGYNs for who you would want to be the doctor you would have for the baby

Jason felt over the moon while driving back to the apartment. One hand resting on your thigh as he thought of the next few months that would come

He made sure to keep you steady while getting you back to the apartment

He began talking about some things you would need to do for when the baby would arrive as he reheated the spaghetti

He looked up to look at you to see you aren't in the room anymore

He waited as you came out from the bathroom with 'birth control' packet he had picked up just last week

He watched as you threw it in the trash with a huff before looking at him again with a smile

Jason returned it as he leaned in for a kiss while rubbing his hand over your stomach

He quickly pulled away to kneel down on the ground while lifting your shirt up

You laugh while asking what he was doing

He smiled up at you before placing a soft kiss just above your bellybutton

"Kissing the two most important people in my life."

He wouldn't forget the small twinkle in your eyes as you looked down at him

He got back on his feet before getting you a plate of spaghetti to eat. Adamant that you needed to eat everything to properly feed the baby as well

The night continues on with small chatter of plans for a nursery and telling everyone the big news

Jason couldn't help the proud smile on his face as the night continued on

He had done it. You would now have a reminder that you were meant to be with him for the rest of your life. That now every guy knows they couldn't ever stand a chance of being with you like Jason was.

He gently kissed you again while wondering if you would potentially get on birth control again after the baby was born

Oh well, it's not like 'accidents' can't simply repeat themselves later on in life

The next few weeks, Jason slowly gets to share all the information that he researched with you with the excuse of looking it up after finding out you were pregnant

He had even started to buy those corny parent shirts online and wore them any chance he got

He would smile every time you both went out and older couples would always congratulate the two of you if they happened to notice

He was so happy when your bump finally began to show. He would always have at least one hand on you at all times

He moment he felt a kick for the first time, hearts appeared in his eyes as he looked at you in awe

The best thing to happen in public was one day you were just grabbing a few things at the store for snacks along with a couple of onesies that Jason thought were absolutely adorable

You were getting to the six month mark so it was beginning to get a bit harder for you to lean down like you once had

He was wait for you to decide which can of fruit you were going to have he grab when he looked down the aisle

Jason immediately recognized the guy from that night in the bar looking at you with a smirk on his face

The smirk quickly fell when he meets Jason's cold glare

You didn't even notice the attention as you pointed to a can on the very bottom at the back

Jason didn't miss a beat as he leans down to grab the can for you. Placing a soft kiss on your bump as he stood again

Jason wrapped his arm around you as you began to walk down the aisle to see if there was anything else you needed

Jason continues to glare the guy down with his own smirk. Bringing his hand up to drag his thumb over his neck

The guy became startled as he rushed out of the aisle from the clear threat from your 'protective' boyfriend

Jason smiled as you continued to guide him through the last few aisles before going to check out

This would definitely be one of his personal favorite moments that happened in public during this pregnancy

Because it was just proof that you were always going to be his for as long as you both breathe

[throwaway-yandere]

FLAWLESS (Yandere!Various Genshin/Reader)

A/n: This is a complete interactive fic w/ CGs! There’s an HP system and 4 possible endings (yandere!Scaramouche, Alhaitham, Kaveh, and Kazuha). This is my final fanfic and I really put my best effort into drawing and writing this. Have fun!!! Your choices matter so read the evidences properly and try not to get a bad ending hahaha. (Pls answer this poll after and feel free to send me memes about who you got hAHHAHA)

Unreliable Synopsis: (Danganronpa!Genshin AU) If this is your last dance as an idol, then you do not want it. No. You’ll make the real criminal sing instead.

CW: yandere themes, blood, murders (well duh ansy–), and brief mentions of suicide.

Kazuha frowned. "For (L/n) (Y/n), this whole ordeal must seem like a flawless crime."

"They don't know the murder weapon, the suspects— no nothing." Kaveh sighed.

Alhaitham interjected. "Indeed, but the real questions will begin in a moment."

Words punctured the air in nameless accusations. Each time people enter this room, only distrust looms acting both as a safety blanket and suffocating plastic. You stared at the people left. One, two, three, four, five... You clenched your fist, and all those fingers pointed back at you. 

The sixth. 

There are only six survivors left.

"Say, (L/n) (Y/n)." Your Akademiyan companions stared at you as Kunikuzushi’s smirk could practically be heard in his voice. "Where were you at the time of the murder?"

You gulped.

The Teyvat Akademiya. Home only to the most renowned student of their craft. The faculty carefully picks out select groups of students to be their new freshmen- and it can only be counted by hand how many had declined such a generous offer. It was a government state university, but it was also a golden ticket to knowing people from high places.  

Each student was known for contributing something in their fields of interest. In fact, both your adoptive siblings were alumni of this prestigious school. Your brother Aether was a famous "adventurer" (as he loved to call himself instead of an artifact-obsessed archeologist) whereas your sister Lumine was a remarkable swordswoman with a straight-edged track record. Even your older friends, Dainsleif, and a certain glasses-wearing individual you had forgotten the name of were graduates and now boast incredible resumes befitting of an Akademiyan. Each alumnus you've met wasn't someone any person with a head on their shoulders would dare disrespect. 

But that was not the reason for your schoolmates’ evident intimidation.

“Allow them a moment to process,” Alhaitham scoffed. “The Body Discovery Announcement was approximately 2 hours ago. It’s challenging for individuals from the entertainment industry such as them to comprehend complicated matters in a few seconds.”

“I would’ve fainted at your rare attempt at empathy if it wasn't obviously pointed,” Kaveh scoffed before turning to you with a soft stare. “(Y/n), don’t listen to these two, I’m sure we can find out if you’re innocent or not later.”

You gave a short nod of assent.

Tragically, murders had become the norm for college students like yourself. No one has flinched at Kaveh’s grim mention of a suspect lurking by and none had the insanity to deny what had occurred.

It began when you first woke up in one of the Akademiya's classrooms. You stirred awake on a desk near Shikanoin Heizou, the "Detective Prince". He was a famous figure, so you instantly believed him when he said you were both hauled into this location against your will. You were enthused by his infectious desire to uncover whatever was behind the “kidnapping” you found yourselves in. He told you not to worry, that despite the barred windows and inaccessible exits, you'd both "probably" find a way out.  As you both wandered around the area, you found fourteen other students (some familiar faces, some not as much). For a brief moment of hope, everyone thought escape was possible. 

That was until a certain cold-eyed puppet entered the scene.

A heartless puppet you’re sure was waiting for everyone just under that elevator.

“Is… Is this everyone?” You asked like a mouse, frightened as your eyes darted for any hints of twinned cyan hair. Nothing about your recent behavior had gone unnoticed.

Senior Faruzan is missing…

Yoimiya frowned, grabbing your hand for comfort. “(Y/n)…”

Kunikuzushi scoffed. “Enough of this dumb ohhh boohoo exhibit. Let’s go.”

The most mysterious of the bunch left for the stairs immediately, punching the button on the elevator to its ground floor. Yoimiya huffed, muttering complaints about Kuni’s behavior while the three other men followed her silently. No one took the stairs two at a time and walked at a snail’s pace. A clear indication that no one wanted this to occur. 

And just like in the previous cases, Kazuha’s eyes were on you the entire time but spoke nothing of this behavior.

The elevator door opened. You looked at the camera above it. If the Shogun's words are to be trusted, then the outside world is watching your every move like reality TV.

If that's the case, might as well give them a show.

Kunikuzushi stepped aside, royally ushering everyone— and specifically YOU— in.

“Idols first.”

Everyone entered the trial room. If the mood from earlier was tense, it is worse now that you’re inside. Stepping into the cold room makes the situation all the more real.

There is an execution waiting to happen, but without a hint if it’ll be “us” or “them”. Every bright person inside the room here had previously partaken in 4 of these court sessions by force. Since no one can exit the premises nor contact the outside world, the only key out was to kill and avoid getting caught. 5 people had attempted to commit murder, and considering how you’re still breathing, none of the “blackened” had succeeded in getting their way.

How… How did it come to this? 

You enrolled in the Akademiya in hopes that you'd also find the subtle clues as to why Aether went missing, this wasn't in your plan.

Getting roped into this killing “game” was on no one’s to-do list. You received an invitation to enroll in the Akademiya because of your stark idol career, although your siblings being famous alumni may have greatly increased your chances of receiving that privilege. You would’ve thrown that paper into the fire if you knew you’d get dizzy upon arriving in the Akademiya and will wake up in such a heartbreaking dilemma. Hearing from a grapevine, you discovered that Kaveh was invited for his architectural drafts, Kazuha for his poems and a bit of swordsmanship in his repertoire, Yoimiya for her firework shows, and Kunikuzushi?… You don’t know. But you are wholly aware as to why Alhaitham is here as your senior— you were there when he opened his letter after all.

The “mascot” is yet to make her entrance. So, as “obedient” students, you’ve uncomfortably shuffled to the places you were meant to stand. Bile rose inside your throat as you looked at the last five students excluding yourself circling the room— with Faruzan’s crossed-out portrait to your right while Kamisato Ayaka’s on your left. It would appear that most of the dead students were on your side and the closest breathing person next to you was Kunikuzushi, who was two photographs away.

Alhaitham, Amber, Tighnari, Ajax, Albedo, Kamisato Ayaka, You, Faruzan, Xiao, "Kunikuzushi", Kaveh, Cyno, Yoimiya, Layla, Yunjin, Kaedehara Kazuha, and Shikanoin Heizou.

The deceased faces had been crossed out in bright violet paint, a nauseatingly unsubtle reminder that only six remained. Yet, the one that was meant to sit towering above was missing.

“… Where’s The Shogun?” Kazuha asked.

“Ah, so you do have a voice. And here I was about to call you a cricket. I thought our poet lost his words, considering how the previous trial ended,” Kunikuzushi mocked, rolling his eyes. “Just wait and see.”

You sighed, hoping it was quiet enough for Kuni not to have heard it. 

The last trial broke everyone’s spirits and sense of camaraderie the most. Before trials, the puppet gives everyone an incentive to kill. In the Ayaka-Heizou murder case, each student was given a videotape that raised more questions than answers. Yours was a clip of Lumine, your fellow theater actors, and idol mates congratulating you for your enrollment before it cuts off to a scene of your home burned to cinders. As for Ayaka, hers was a short-lived message of her older brother asking her to come visit the clan for Thoma’s upcoming birthday— before it cuts to a gruesome scene of her brother fatally wounded on their living room floor. 

“Find out what happens once you graduate!”... and then the tape ends.

Whoever was the mastermind behind this killing, you had to admit, they were an expert in psychological torture. And unfortunately for everyone, Ayaka was a smart individual— killing the most trustworthy student, Heizou, to cover her tracks better. She put up quite the fight in manipulating everyone to think that you and Kaveh were possible culprits.

You even got into an argument with the calmest person around. Kazuha was “convinced” that Ayaka was right, which led to you two entering an incredibly heated argument that left him depressed with his rejected apology. You were on "good terms" with him before, that being he would always offer to cook food and accompany you often. 

… Perhaps that was a good thing. Discreetly, you thought he strangely knew you to a degree that makes you far from comfortable. It still bugs you how he knew you all too well and yet you know nothing about him other than his aspirations: traditional Inazuman poetry writing with a bit of karuta on the side.

Maybe he used to be a big fan of yours? Even so, the foundation of your music, choreography, and persona was weaved through a tapestry of feel-good lies. And yet, he was wise enough to speak your true thoughts before you even hesitated to voice them in your cheery idol tone. 

But that’s not the issue right now. 

The issue on your plate was that you had no evidence to prove your innocence except for the list of school rules on your E-Handbook because you were convinced someone will kill you during the investigation.

You laughed to yourself bitterly. Might as well review those rules now.

You opened the E-Handbook.

As per “school rules”, there are regulations to be had in a murder game, but none stick to you as these three. Rule #10 and #7: A class trial will commence after three or more students have discovered a corpse, and a Body Discovery Announcement will play as soon as it occurs. However, a trial will be held if and only if every survivor is present; failure to do so will result in class “expulsion.” 

And the last rule that never left your mind was Rule #8: If the guilty party is exposed during the class trial, they alone will be executed.

By the end of Trial #4, she did not receive a proper execution. Ayaka was compelled to restore her honor and raised her sword to…

…

… You couldn’t hate her for it. Even though you were close friends with Heizou, you couldn’t hate any of your fellow students. They all had family, hopes, and visions for the future. Each one here was "a fledgling barely out of the nest." You couldn’t deny that you would’ve done the same.

"Since the Shogun isn't here yet, let's get a headstart," Kaveh gripped the court fence, eyeing everyone with a nervous stare and stiff posture. "What's your alibis?"

Nobody raised their voice initially. You cast a pitying glance toward Kaveh. When it comes to your closest friendships, he comes in second only to Heizou. As someone who had seen the horrors of the media which is essentially a mirror of the world's social issues, Kaveh's one of the few decent individuals left on the planet, in your opinion. In moments of quiet, you, Kaveh, and Faruzan used to chat together, with Heizou periodically interrupting to share his findings regarding everyone's entrapment.

Considering how Kaveh is your last true friend left, you volunteered yourself.

"I never left my room," you spoke audibly depressed, no longer caring that you appeared un-idol-like. "And I refused entry as well. I heard a couple of angry knocks at 9:37 p.m., but I didn't open my door for anyone."

You looked at Kazuha, hurt and accusingly.

You'd never forget how Kazuha called you a murderer. That intense argument made up 30% of Heizou's class trial. He lost his composure and called you a "dishonorable monster". The whole back-and-forth was very much unlike him. After the trial, neither of you talked– and you never left your room unless it was to get something to eat without anyone in sight.

If he was the one who killed Faruzan because he can’t get to you, then you’ll…

"9:37 eh? You got a watch now?" Kunikuzushi pointed at your wrist.

You snapped out of your aggression and nodded, which made him break out in a fit of laughter. 

"HAHAHA!!!" Kunikuzushi grinned, wide. "Learned your lesson, huh?!"

You scoffed, but your ego was humbled and your heart sank at his harsh words. 

Everyone in the room nearly lost their lives because of your time-blindness. It's precisely what made Kazuha suspicious of your motives. You were always unsure of the time, hence, you didn't have the most watertight alibi compared to Ayaka. Before you entered your room to lock yourself, Alhaitham blocked the door with his shoe and handed you his spare wristwatch. He was the last person you saw before your self-isolation.

"Good," Alhaitham said. "And you, Kunikuzushi?"

"Are we going to ignore that angry knocking thing?" Kaveh rightfully asked.

"Let's complete the first task first," Alhaitham answered. "Let's follow the circle; it's (Y/n), then Kunikuzushi, Kaveh, Yoimiya, Kazuha, then I."

"Conveniently putting yourself last," Kunikuzushi snarled. "But whatever. I was napping in my dorm. Woke up when I heard footsteps outside and decided to investigate. The discovery alarm rang off when I entered the nurse's office the second time."

Kaveh fell silent, his face pale.

"I… never went to m dorm that night"

"Oh?" You and Yoimiya curiously said in unison.

"I-I was with Alhaitham, patrolling!!!" Kaveh defended; his arms in the air. "I swear on my life, I was with him! We're probably the footsteps Kuni heard."

He spoke as if it was a good thing with his mouth, but he was whispering that it wasn’t with his eyes.

"Can't be certain," Kunikuzushi threw in a quick grumble and snapped his fingers. “But I think that's probably the case.”

"That makes sense. I mean, if Kuni was telling the truth then that just means there's more chance it's just those two hopping around. Oh, and I was actually on the second floor at the time. I was in the recreational room cause I wanted to get tokens for the cute little Shogun Stall.'' If Kuni’s side comment lasted a month, then Yoimiya's would be a year– but her good cheer is just what everyone needed to alleviate the tension.

"I wasn't in my dorm room either," Kazuha said. "I was in the cafeteria. I couldn't sleep so I decided to fry fish."

"True, I think. When I checked the cafeteria a knife was missing from the shelf."

"We’ll keep your fact-checking in mind, Miss Naganohara." 

No soul was sure if Alhaitham was being genuine about it except for you. And the answer was yes, he was being warily appreciative. Admittedly, you don’t know any of these people before this killing game started, except for one person…

Alhaitham looked away, conscious of how you looked at him.

In all fairness, Alhaitham was closer to Lumine than you and Aether, and he wasn’t your favorite neighbor either. As a kid, he was the type who would leave in the middle of hide-and-seek simply because the ordeal wasn’t “stimulating” to his developing intellect. He had a habit of causing uncomfortable situations just to “observe” your reactions with an emotionless stare. Alhaitham had once given you a sumeru rose with a startling grasshopper to see how you would behave, and the worst part is that everyone knows he did these without malice. His grandmother had to force a sorry out of him for your tears to dry. “He probably has a crush on you, you know how boys are,” was the excuse the old lady tried, but your twin siblings were quick to shut that thought down. You and he were simply oil and water, nothing more, nothing less.

But there were times you two got along. When you aired out loud sentiments regarding how stuffy his room must be, you snatched the book he was reading and dashed up the nearest tree. Despite his grumbling reservations, he was thankful that you taught him how to climb that afternoon. That was the first you saw him smile wider than usual and offered to narrate the book you stole: The Little Prince. 

However, that version of Alhaitham you’ve come to love remains awol amidst this killing game.

"As for my whereabouts: Kaveh is correct. He and I were patrolling just the first floor and exchanging conversation. Neither of us could sleep. We started at 9:15 and ended abruptly at 11:05, when we, along with Kunikuzushi, found–"

"The body." Kunikuzushi finished.

"Yes," Alhaitham said.

Kunikuzushi smirked. From your perspective, the worst part about this was not Kunikuzushi’s inappropriate smugness, but the look in his eyes that mirrored what Heizou used to have— what your good friend used to be. The light in his eyes, his more forward demeanor, the way he crossed his arms and snapped his fingers– it was as if he was copying him. 

Mocking him.

You hate Kunikuzushi. You detest just how much you don’t know why he’s in the Akademiya or anything else about him other than his first name. You loathe how he had made it his job to be the antagonist of every damn class trial. You hate how he looks at you as though you’re beneath him. You despise how much he is willing to withhold vital information till the very end.

Kunikuzushi is like a commedia dell’arte stock character. A Scaramouche. An unreliable servant. You can’t trust a man who said he was moved by your acting in all your filmography only to act like he wants nothing more than to crush your spirits once lives were at stake.

After listening to everyone’s alibis, your intuition screamed from something deep within a place you had begun to trust after experiencing these trials:

Out of six survivors, FOUR of them are hiding something.

“Is everyone present?”

Before you could speak up, a low and refined woman’s voice stole everyone’s attention. All turned to gaze at the long synthetic-haired lady with a katana by her side. She returned the stares with an unfathomable coldness as she strutted to her throne, the silk of her grand kimono touching the floor. 

There she is. The lone audience and judge. The puppet: the Almighty Raiden Shogun. Undoubtedly made of metal and not flesh. Xiao had learned that firsthand when he sacrificed his life in an honorable duel against the captor— but seeking freedom by force was of no use when she herself is capable of the murders she wished to witness.

“Very well. We shall begin.”

“W-Wait, hold up, ma'am!”

The last vaguely extroverted cheerleader raised her hand; her bravery to interrupt the Shogun was acknowledged.

“... Can I share my E-Handbook data with (Y/n)?” She asked, high-pitched.

The medical and criminological technology of this era eluded everyone. Trapped inside the Akademiya with no phones or any signal to the outside world, each student only has their E-Handbook to rely on. It contains information the owner investigated regarding murders and records testimonies made by their peers. A handbook is only “handy” for both people who were hoping to survive and those who were hoping to twist the facts. 

And that offer is exactly what you need.

“You see– they didn’t leave their room during the investigation period– probably worried that the killer might be after them next and they kinda turned into a hikikomori for the past few days. I’m kinda worried they wouldn’t be able to defend themselves on this trial so… So, uh… Pretty please?” The blonde girl smiled nervously.

The Raiden Shogun stared, calculating.

“I shall allow it.”

“Thank you so much!” Yoimiya tapped her E-Handbook as fast as she could, more eager than you were in watching the loading screen fill up.

(SYSTEM: RECEIVING NAGANOHARA YOIMIYA’S E-HANDBOOK DATA…)

(SYSTEM: TRANSFER COMPLETE.)

You smiled at Yoimiya but it came out crooked and jaded. She didn’t complain that you weren’t at your top form today, but she did send you a loud “Do your best!” in her native tongue.

The Shogun walked to the throne and took her seat.

“Now then, let the class trial begin.”

Out like a bolt of lightning, the doors behind you were completely shut with metal bars in her flick of a wrist. In her twisted form of justice, she hammered the circular surface with her gavel.

“Court is now in session.”

(SYSTEM: TAP HERE TO CONTINUE)

[bethanydelleman]

It was the favourite wish of his mother, as well as of hers. While in their cradles we planned the union

Honestly, the more I think about Lady Catherine and why she holds on to her hope that her daughter Anne will marry Darcy (and the more I read people saying she's a delusional narcissist), the more I think it's about grief. And the more I find it odd that grief is so little mentioned when it comes to Lady Catherine within the fandom because it's right there.

Her sister is dead. Her first and only daughter is named after her sister, not herself. She and her sister had a fond wish of seeing their children together. Of course Lady Catherine's world falls apart when Darcy is going to marry Elizabeth, this was her last connection to a beloved sister. I'm going to headcanon from now on that Ladies Anne and Catherine were inseparable, identical twins.

Why can't a ridiculous and snobby character have grief? Why can't we believe that Lady Anne and Lady Catherine were close sisters and good friends? Elizabeth dislikes Lady Catherine, so in turn readers seem to assume that everyone hated her. Even her own sister! (Same thing happens to Caroline, Charles hates her don't you know) How could she love and be loved when she dared to insult our heroine?! If Darcy can have grief over the death of his father, why can his aunt not have grief over the death of her sister?

Anyway, don't mind me. I'm so tired of reading over and over that Lady Catherine was delusional. I'm just going to keep humanizing and sympathizing with minor Austen characters over here. Carry on.

(this post is in reference to this poll)

[lizzieisright]

hey hurt/comfort idea:

soo what about the reader and abby being best friends for years and reader always had a crush on abby. they go to a party and abby introduces her new gf to u. she always liked her but thought reader didn’t (always a bit horny around reader, but they know eachother since childhood so abby mistakes readers flirting as being flirty like friends) so reader gets absolutely hartbroken, drinks till she passes out but abby takes care of her ofc. abbys gf is always with her tho so it just hurts even more.

she avoids abby till the next frat prty or smth (maybe it’s college!au) and then they hook up, abby can’t remember cause she’s too drunk and is back w her gf

very messy but i hope u get the idea :P

(also to make it more hurtful make abby mean while she’s drunk bc she’s going through a rough time but isn’t telling anyone)

It took me so long, I'm so sorry

Palestine: what can you do

I've changed a few things (they don't hook up) because I can't deal with cheating, and I couldn't decide on what ending I wanted so there's a poll in the end.

Tags: Modern AU, childhood friends, Angst, pining and unrequited love, of course.

_______________

Abby is a fucking God, and you come to this conclusion when you're 11 and she helps you with your stupid assignment.

When you're both 14 you start to understand that what you feel for her is not, in fact, an admiration. 

You come to this conclusion when you sit in her bedroom and she jokes about teaching you how to kiss because you're a loser and you agree - and yeah, the kiss is a mess, but now you both know that you want to kiss girls. And you want to kiss one girl in particular, but Abby is your best friend and you won’t do anything that will lead to losing her.

Being a God means Abby is out of your reach and you have to live with your stupid feelings.

You're jealous of every boy who jokes around her to get her attention.

You're jealous of every girl who dares to look at her a little too long.

Abby is popular and she starts dating and it breaks your heart every time, and you can't look at other people because all your gods look like Abby.

"Why don't you go on a date?" Abby asks once when you're 16 and you're eating pizza in your bedroom, watching another marvel movie. "I think Jen likes you."

"I don't want to." What would be the point if the only person you want to date won't ever look at you this way?

"Why? Don't you get horny like the rest of us mortals?"

The worst part of being in love with your popular best friend is that she recently lost her virginity and she can't shut up about sex because she is excited about it.

"I have my hand, Abby." You roll your eyes at her.

"But it feels better when the other person does it." Abby winks and puts her hand on your thigh. "It's better, isn't it?" She rubs your thigh and your breath hitches. She looks at you, playful, and goes a little up on your thigh, and your face burns.

"You belong in horny jail, Anderson." You laugh, but don't move her hand: if you move it she'll call you a chicken, but she is a chicken enough herself to not move it further.

And she doesn't.

You live your life peacefully, dealing with your feelings as best as you can.

Then college starts and you're too busy to think about Abby 24/7 and you feel like it gets easier. Like you can breathe around her and you almost don't feel pain when she talks about her sex life.

Almost.

You know it's easy to deal with because all those girls in her bed are temporary while you're in Abby's life forever, and not because your feelings suddenly fainted. Abby likes to sleep around, she is a flirt even with you - a lot, actually, she thinks she can get away with a lot by saying she is touch-starved and then her hands wander off somewhere they're not supposed to be, and you let her, because you'll take whatever you can.

So you go through Abby's fuckboy phase with ease, because sex talk is way better than feelings talk.

A few years pass and suddenly the feelings talk starts, and you're slowly dying inside, because Abby likes someone. Abby talks about how nervous she is around her, she is always on her phone texting her, she is always busy when you want to spend time with her.

You hate this girl with all you have, because she takes Abby away, she takes everything away - Abby is not touchy anymore, she only hugs you briefly when you see her, she is not listening to you half of the time, too caught up in her fantasies.

You hope her girl is a bitch and an asshole and toxic so you can talk Abby out of it, but then Abby tells you she is going to introduce you at the party and you cry yourself to sleep that night.

"How do I look?"

"Like you need Jesus." You say honestly because Abby in the muscle tee and a pair of cargo pants makes you ache.

"Yeah?" Abby looks at you through the mirror with that fucking smirk she knows you like. "Am I fuckable?"

"We both know you prefer to be on the other end of that word, Anderson." You roll your eyes and put your shoes on only to straighten up to Abby's face way too close. She looks you up and down.

"You're very fuckable though."

"Fuck off." You huff and open the door of her apartment, hoping she won't tease you for being flustered. "Let's go before Manny gets so drunk you'll have to carry him. Again."

You spent the night in dread of meeting Abby's girl, dreaming of seeing her red flags or something to have a real reason to hate her to Abby's face, but then Abby lights up and she excuses herself to go and meet her girl, while you try so hard to not throw up from your nerves.

The girl is gorgeous.

"This is (y/n)." Abby motions at you and you smile politely. "This is Mia."

"I'm so happy to meet you." Mia smiles and she looks kind and genuine and fuck, you can't hate her. There's no jealousy in her, no fake smiles, no tense body language. "Abby loves you so much."

You swallow hard.

"I put up with so much of her shit, she doesn't have a choice." You joke and Mia laughs.

Mia is funny and cute and you understand why Abby likes her, because it's impossible not to. Mia is a type of girl that you'd think of as a bitch because she is popular, therefore arrogant, but when you get to know her she is a total sweetheart who'd help you find a way to your class if she notices you're lost.

This is hard.

This is going to break you.

You can't cope with this. You can't cope with seeing Abby's gentle gaze on Mia, with her careful touch and constant care. So you excuse yourself and go to the bar to get drunk, as if you can drown your feelings by dragging them to the bottom of the bottle. You dance and you drink, you dance and you drink and repeat it five other times until all long islands make you feel sick and you can't walk by yourself anymore. You're an independent woman and you refuse to ask for help, but when you can't order a taxi for the fifth time because your eyes are so blurry, Mia comes to you and holds you by your elbow.

"We will take you home, okay?" She says kindly and you feel your lips tremble. We.

"Jus- can you c'll a taxi f'me?" You slur, but you feel Abby's hand on your waist as she supports you. "Don't wanna ruin your night."

"You're not ruining anything." Mia says cheerfully and orders a taxi when Abby gives her your address. "Happens to the best of us."

The drive home makes you super dizzy and Abby has to put her hand between your head and the car door because you hit it all the time. The moment the car stops and Abby goes around to help you get on your legs, you throw up on the ground and it's a miracle you don't get everyone's shoes dirty.

Abby decides to carry you to your place and you can't shut up even for a second.

"I'm s'sorry guys. Not a good first impression. I really like you, Mia. You look kind. Like a grandma. In a good way, I'm sorry." Mia giggles. "Your laugh is very cute. It's cute, right Abby?"

"Yeah." Abby agrees quietly and what you don't know is that for her your drunken rant was way cuter than her girlfriend's laugh.

"Yeah. You look great together, I'm s'happy for you Abby. Haven't seen her that nervous because of a girl in years, can you imagine, Mia? You make this asshole nervous." You're chuckling sadly, you want to cry because you don't make Abby nervous.

No, you just embarrass her in front of her girlfriend because you're so pathetically in love you can't deal with it and drink half of the bar until you forget how to walk on your own.

Abby helps you change and Mia gives you water. She makes sure there is fresh air in your room and she tucks your blanket, and you close your eyes to hide your tears because Mia is so nice. She is a dream girl and Abby is so happy and there is no space for you anymore.

Because Mia took your place in that forever equation.

On the next day you text your apologies to both Abby and Mia (she followed you on instagram and asked you how you felt) and you can't deal with this. It hurts so much because you love Abby so much and you want her to be happy but it seems like the price of it is going to be your heart.

So you start avoiding her as best as possible, and what is more sad - it's not even that hard. Abby is always with Mia, fuck, Mia even asks you to come with them to hang out, which you always find an excuse not to. Library, fever, other plans, other plans again, sorry, paper is due tomorrow, my aunt is in town (she is not). Anything to not meet with them.

You still see Abby during classes and you give each other life updates, but it's been weeks since you actually hung out and you accept the reality that yes, there's no place for you in Abby's life anymore.

You cry every fucking night.

Then Abby suddenly remembers you exist and she asks you if you want to hang out, just the two of you, because she misses you. You miss her too and you agree.

You regret it the moment she cuddles you in front of her tv. She has a girlfriend now, why is she so touchy again? Did something happen with Mia that Abby came to you?

"Is everything okay with Mia?"

"Yeah, she is great." Abby says and buries her nose in your neck.

No. You can't deal with this.

So you start avoiding Abby at all costs after this - you can't shake the feeling that this is cheating, because for you Abby's touch has never been platonic, no. And it never felt platonic either, it was always giving you hope because Abby was flirting and touching the way friends don't touch each other. Maybe one day she'd finally give you a chance, you thought, but this day never came.

It is another party a month and half later - yay, Abby and Mia have been together for two months now! - and you don't know if Abby is going to come, but you hope she doesn't. You know she knows something is up and she will want her answers if she meets you.

But you have fun. You play games, you drink, you dance, you get flirted with and you forget about your pain just to get so drunk again you can't help but go outside to find a place to cry in peace.

You miss Abby, you miss her because she is a part of you and yes, you're in love with her, but she also your best fucking friend and you hate yourself for being in love with her, because it ruins your life. It has been ruining your life since you were fourteen and actually understood what you felt, but now it was getting serious.

"(Y/n)?"

Fuck.

You wipe your tears and look at Abby who is standing right in front of you.

"Hi." You squeak and she drops on the knees to look at you.

"Did something happen? Why are you crying?"

"I'm just sad. Don't worry." You try to smile but Abby's frown makes you cry more. "I'm going home anyway, so you can enjoy the party."

"What the hell are you saying? I'm not leaving you."

She should. She should leave you and not complicate it further.

Abby calls a taxi and you chuckle in your head - If you had a nickel for every time Abby was taking your drunk ass home, you'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

You tell her as much because the meme is funny and you try to be positive.

Abby helps you out of the car and this time you don't throw up.

"You know, last time I totally embarrassed myself in front of Mia." You chuckle and make your way upstairs with Abby's arm around your waist. "She is cute, I'm so happy for you."

Abby chuckles and leads you inside your apartment, but between the two of you she is mostly sober and she has some questions, and she wants her answers. You know this too, so when you sit on your sofa you feel like all your shields are crumbling: you’re giving up on hiding this from her. If this is the end, so be it.

"You've been avoiding me." Abby says quietly, looking you in your eyes like she is just a little bit mad. 

"Yeah, I know." You admit with a chuckle. "You have a girlfriend now, it's so cool. When was the last time you liked someone like that? Back in school?"

"So you've been avoiding me on purpose." 

"I don't think you can avoid someone accidentally, Abby.” You say, not holding back your venom. “Anyway, I’m so happy for you.”

“Why are you avoiding me?” Abby moves closer to you  and you swallow your tears because there’s nowhere to run.

“Because it’s easier.” You shrug. “I just want you to be happy, okay? Does Mia make you happy?”

“Yeah.” Abby admits and you start crying again: it hurts so fucking much. 

“Good. It’s good. I’m happy for you.” You sniffle and Abby huffs, annoyed.

“Stop saying that. Stop avoiding my questions.”

Inside you all hell breaks loose.

“I love you, okay?” You finally burst. “I love you, and it hurts so fucking bad and I can’t fucking see you with her or know that you’re with her! What do you want me to do? What would you do if you were me? I can’t- I can’t-” You throw your hands desperately and bite your lip, too angry with this whole situation.

“I love you too.” Abby says, confused.

“No, no Abby, you don’t understand.” You’re quiet and angry, almost spitting every word out. “I’m in love with you. I’m not jealous as a friend, Abby. I’m jealous because I want to be in her place, okay? Fuck, I wanted to be in your every girl’s place since you started dating girls!” 

There is silence. You thought it would be terrifying - this silence - but right now you feel nothing except how dizzy your head is. You feel empty and there's no tears anymore. Abby stares at you in shock, her fists clenched, and you chuckle cynically. 

“So can I continue avoiding you now or should I suffer more?”

“Fuck, (y/n)..” Abby sighs and rubs her forehead, going over her face with her palm. “Fuck. Don't do this to me.”

“Well.” You huff, annoyed. “Not like I have a fucking choice, Anderson.”

Abby throws her head back and stares at the ceiling while you do the same, trying to keep your drunk ass stable. You feel like eternity passes before Abby speaks again, and it is strangely comforting, having your best friend here with you, in this boat of pain, and sharing it with her. 

“All these years. All these years we could have been together.” Abby sounds like she is mourning. 

You thought your heart broke when you met Mia? Forget it, it's broken now.

You sob, howl almost, and Abby is suddenly holding you in her arms, placing kisses to your hair. Her heart can't handle seeing you cry, never could - yes, she tried to move on with Mia, and it worked partially, but all her effort went to shit just now. You're the most precious girl to her and nothing can change it. Abby swallows and braces herself, suddenly making a decision in her head, all her anxiety about what is a right thing to do gone. 

“You know what? Fuck it. Fuck all that time we've missed. I'm not letting you go now.” Abby says in your ear and you sob even more violently. “Come on, baby, I'm here. Let me see your face.”

You can't believe it. You can't even process it: is it your drunken dream? Are you hallucinating? It would definitely not be the first time. But you look up at Abby and she gently wipes your tears and there’s so much love and hurt in her eyes it’s hard not to break into another sobbing fit. 

“I've been in love with you since we were seventeen.” Abby smiles at you and you shakily smile back. “I’m sorry it came to this. But I'm here now.”

“I love you.” You say feverishly and Abby's restraint breaks.

She kisses you hungrily, practically devouring you, and you're weak, so you return her kiss and press into her, soaking in her warmth and strength. Abby is solid and tender, she holds you like she cares and you cling to her for a moment.

But then you remember yourself and push Abby away, shaking your head.

“No. You're better than this. You're not going to betray Mia like this. I'm not going to let you, Abby. We're not doing this,” You motion between yourself and her. “Behind your girlfriend's back. And I'm also fucking drunk.”

Abby chuckles and kisses your forehead. 

“Come on, I'll help you get into your bed.”

Everything else after is a blur as Abby helps you change and covers you with your blanket, and you fall asleep. You can't wait for the morning to come.

****

[ajortga]

the forgotten letter

pairing: tara carpenter x fem reader

a/n- ahh guys it's finally here! probably one of the longest word count story i've done with around 6k words, but yes! for the people who voted on my poll, i did both angst and happy ending<3. i hope you enjoy!

thank you for 100 followers, i guess this is a special!

-

You think you loved Tara for as long as you could remember.

Well, years later, you think you loved her ever since you laid eyes on her, if you knew what love meant.

It was like a click, a connection, the kind of love you didn't even know was real out of movies.

But it was, it all was when you met Tara.

You had met her in second grade, well, you could say a year after. How could you forget that every day, you were on the swings, and the only reason was to be able to see Tara eating at the same table with her lunch box without being caught staring. You always looked at the sky when she turned, sometimes you would make eye contact and she'd give you the sweetest smile that made you kick your feet and giggle till you fell asleep with a smile on your face two nights in a row.

You were always a shy soul when it came to making conversations with strangers, especially someone as beautiful as Tara, with her wavy, long hair that seemed to always be perfect. A little messy? You wouldn't dare to say that, one small messy hair is like realizing how it complimented the girl you thought was perfect enough. Her dark brown eyes seemed to have stars in them, you loved stars. 

The first time you made an interaction, it was the same procedure, lunch-time bell rings, your classmates squeal, you all run out, and you make your way to the second swing that was next to the lunch tables. Then you'd wait and wait, till you saw her, then you'd swing, even though you weren't very good, you only got a foot high at most times. 

Usually, when you would swing, your friends would be there, but when you told them about Tara, and how you said, "I think she's very very very pretty." They all laughed, saying "ewwwwww.." They kind of left you by yourself on the swings from then forward.

You were sad, but that didn't stop you from always looking at her. 

Tara noticed, you were staring at your feet, swinging lowly and she felt bad, she didn't like strangers, but she always saw you, it was like you were friends. So she abandoned her lunch box and walked over to you. 

"Hi.. Do you want me to help swing you? My sissy Sam taught me some ways so you could swing higher! I can push you if you want!"

You looked up at her mouth open as they quickly turned into a wide smile, Tara thought it was cute. 

"Yes please! I-I don't know how to swing very high.."

She giggled, shaking her head as she approached closer behind you, where the handles were, "I know, every day you are here and every time, I see you swing and swing! But your friends.. They aren't here. Are they absent?"

You shook your head, a little pout showing, "No.. They.." You didn't know what to say, and as much as you wanted to lie.. You couldn't to this girl that made you smile. "I come here and see you every day, and I always want to talk to you, but I feel weird and not comfy when I try talking to people I don't know very well. My mommy says it's called being shy. I think you are very pretty. My friends don't like when people say that. They say it's yucky. So now I'm a little lonely."

Tara looked surprised, but it quickly turned into a small smile, tilting her head, "You think I'm pretty?"

You nod your head up and down, "I think you are very pretty, I see these stars in your eyes that no one else has, I think it's cool."

She smiles, happily, "I think you're very pretty too! Wow! I never been called pretty! Thank you! Wow!"

You turn to her and give her a smile you never knew existed, it looked so happy, "Thank you!"

"My name is Tara by the way. Tara Carpenter!"

"I'm Y/N! Y/N Y/L/N! That name fits you.. Tara.. I don't think I'll remember that.." (That was a lie, you memorized it by the time you got home and asked your mom to write it on your notebook..) "I think I'll have to call you a shorter name.. Like.. Cheese!" 

She makes a small grimace, but it looked so cute, "Cheese? You're funny!"

You both giggled as you give her a cheeky grin, "I think we'll be really good friends."

"Me too," She says with a soft voice, pushing you on the swings, higher than  you could ever imagine. You could see the clouds and felt like you could touch them, but most of all, you could see her name in the sky. 

"Tara Carpenter," You whispered to yourself with a squeal as Tara pushed you higher.

- - 

In 6th grade, your parents had a big fight that made your eyes go wide, making you hide under your bed as you clawed at your ears, silently sobbing. Sure they fought and it could be bad, but this one was different, it was worse, screaming, crying, your walls shaking and random things being thrown. You found out that they got divorced.

Then at that night, you grabbed your phone and opened your window with tears in your eyes, going to Tara's house, running as fast as you could move.

You climbed up the ladder that Tara had shown you and crawled to her room on top of the house, knocking quietly on her window, sniffling.

A long moment later, you could see her shadow as she opened it, rubbing her eyes as she looked at you, "Y/N?"

Then, she looked up at your face, the only light was from her lamp and the moonlight, finally seeing your tear stained cheeks and crying eyes.

"You're crying," She says, concern flooding through her features as she pulled you inside and onto her bed. 

She sat next to you as you stared at her stuffed animal.

"Not too much.." You murmur, tears daring to fall down again.

"Why?"

Should you tell her something that has been going on for almost your whole life?..

"My parents fought today.. Oh Tara.. It was terrifying.. There was screaming, crying, I heard so many things being thrown and I tried everything.. It just w-wouldn't stop.. They.. I.. They..." You sniffle, your mouth opening to let out soft cries, she knew what happened, your mom and dad weren't together anymore.

Something in Tara broke, she couldn't see you cry. Seeing you cry made her eyes water, especially someone like you.

She wrapped her arms around you and pulled you closer, making you sob against her chest, rubbing circles behind your back, something she learned in the past. 

"It's all going to be okay. I'm here. I won't ever leave you."

Your lip trembles, looking up at her, "Do you really promise?"

She can see it in your eyes, fear. You don't want her to leave you. 

"I promise."

You nod against her chest, turning away from her so your back is facing her stomach as she hugs you.

A moment passes before you turn to her again, she could see something swimming underneath those eyes, uncertainty. 

"Do you really promise? Y-You're all I have."

Tara can feel her heart squeeze as she nods, nuzzling your nose. "I really promise."

You nod, "I trust you. I always trust you." You whisper, sniffling as you hug her, your nose buried against her chest as you cry, cries turning more muffled as she can sense your beginning to fall asleep. You never heard, but as you slept, she kissed your forehead quickly, whispering a small, "Love you."

- -

When Tara was 15, her parents divorced like yours, and both her dad and sister left her. She didn't know what she felt.

She was upset, she cried in her bed for months.. 

But then, she felt angry. Angry at her dad, her sister, at the world. 

It was a turn of events for her and it caused her to shut everyone out. Everyone. 

Including you.

She didn't want to take any anger out on you, she would never be angry you. But she always felt like if she talked to someone she cared deeply about, like you, she would snap.

But she never thought abandoning you would hurt you as much as she thought.

At first, it was when she saw you in the halls, and you saw her, but as soon as she met your eyes, she would turn a corner, seeing your waving hand fall limp to your sides. She felt bad. But it would get easier, and it did.. But she always felt that small feeling of guilt eating at her.

It happened multiple times, but you thought she just couldn't see you.

Then it was in the classes you shared when she wouldn't talk to you. 

You usually would talk to her, but whenever she wouldn't talk to you first, you would think she's busy.

But she never turned to you with a joke, a conversation, not even a glance when you saw.

You sat alone at lunch, you sat alone at dinner too, maybe be greeted with your dad if he was drinking.

No more good morning, goodnight, or any texts from Tara.

You tried approaching her, but every time you'd lock eyes, she'd give you this stare that made your gut twist and walk the other way.

You couldn't help but cry, you felt betrayed, everything was crumbling. You had lost the one person that you cared so so deeply about, the person you desperately wanted to be by your side for the rest of your life.

It was hard to get any sleep, because most of the time, you'd be staring at the ceiling, waiting for a goodnight text that would never come. The goodnight text that let you fall asleep as quickly as you shut your eyes.

And you thought that it was because of you, she didn't want to see you ever again. 

You cried, every single night till you passed out from exhaustion. 

Little did Tara know, that there was a letter on the side of your desk, the fresh ink marking it's words on the paper beginning to see the seasons change, beginning to grow as time went on.

The letter you were going to give Tara confessing your love.

The letter that you spent day and night on. 

The letter that was now untouched for months, left on the side of your desk.

The letter, filled with your words of adoration, never being able to experience a reaction, because you never gave to her.

You felt numb, you didn't know what to feel, but you felt abandoned, it hurt so much, it hurt harder than a piercing knife in the heart.

Tara noticed you began to avoid her, began to finally accept it.

You never truly accepted it, you would say you just lost hope, 3 years had passed so quickly.

In class, when she'd turn to you, you never turned back.

When she would sit at the spot you both sat at, she would see your shadow sitting on the chair, untouched and cold.

Sometimes she'd see you at the park, just sitting on a picnic towel and writing in your journal.

Under the tree you both would always sit,

Never having the guts to approach you.

She would say you seemed peaceful, but you weren't. Because whenever she saw your face, it's like your sweet persona was gone and faded, the vibrant colors you used to have was long gone.

Replaced with eyebags, tired eyes, and hair that was always covered by headphones or a hoodie.

Tara never knew why her leaving you left a big mark on your heart, you two were just friends. Right?

She tried to stop thinking about why, but she couldn't help it, you popped up in her head on nights she couldn't go to bed so easily.

- -

Tara was looking at the stars one night, just staring, the moonlight glistening on her cheeks.

She thought of you. She thought back to second grade, words that were ages ago. She could hear your tiny voice.

"I see these stars in your eyes that no one else has, I think it's cool."

She then realized she made a huge mistake, why didn't she think of it before?

Her leaving you was like you being abandoned again, she left you in the dark when she said she would never abandon you. But she left just like your parents.. She left just like how her parents did..

She promised that night you had ran to her. She promised that she would never leave you, and you weren't the person who trusted people often. 

But you trusted her. You knew that she wouldn't leave you.

You thought she wouldn't leave you.

She was the first person you thought of when you were afraid, because she was really all you had.

"Do you really promise? Y-You're all I have."

She remembers those words she said that night, her voice running around her mind, saying the words, "I promise."

She remembers you telling her your parents divorced, she remembers you telling her that when you were with your mom, she was never home, you never had a holiday to spend with your family. Most days alone, and when you met Tara, she always let you come for the holidays.

She was all you had, and you were faithful in what she told you. But she abandoned you, just like everybody in your life had did. She had did something she never wanted to be in the first place. She was so mad that she was left by her family, even when her mom was still with her, that she didn't realize that she did the one thing she wanted so badly not to be.

Abandoned, you were abandoned when she was all you had.

She knew she had to do what was right, she thought distancing herself would work. But it made you worse. She had to fix it.

- -

You were sitting at the park, same place, with your journal, your tote bag in the other, listening to god knows what. 

(You were listening to "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron..)

Tara was going to finally approach you.

Something in her gut told her something was wrong, something was going to be wrong. But she sighed, just brushing it off and thinking that it would be you possibly never forgiving her.

She sat next to you, making your head turn from the small thump next to you.

Your eyes were shocked, mouth agape, whispering the only word she could make up.

"Tara.."

She bit her lip, but instead of smiling at her, you didn't say anything, looking at her with a small scowl and turned your head back to your journal, exhaling an angry huff.

She frowned, looking at you, reaching for your shoulder.

"Look.. Y/N-"

"-Save it Tara." You snapped, making her flinch.

"Y/N, please."

You make a long sigh, turning to her. "Tara I really don't have time for this. You shouldn't be being here right now. You can't be here today! You shouldn't be!"

She looked confused but she kept going, "Look I-I'm sorry. For leaving you."

You turned to her again, at this point she could read your gaze, you were angry, you were upset, most of all behind those eyes, you were hurt.

"You can't just leave me for 3 years and come back to apologize thinking I'll forgive you just like that! You're out of my life for so long and come back like nothing has happened."

She exhaled, "Let me just speak! I-I've learned from then and I'm trying to apologize!"

You stopped her, "I don't want you apologizing for this damage that has caused my life to crumble and has already been dealt with.."

She interrupted you, "I know! But I was dealing with so much! M-my parents divorced and I thought letting you go would be best.. Please, I'm trying! Can't we just go back to what we had and forget what has happened?"

You were hurt, tears brimming at your eyes, "You don't understand! Are you forgetting that you left me? YOU left me Tara! And you didn't bother to even tell me or apologize when you left. I was depressed okay? And it was because of you! Every single damn day for three years I was never able to sleep properly because I would think that you would finally text me one night and wish me a goodnight! You were all I had! When my parents divorced I didn't leave you!"

At this point, when your mouth opened, soft cries were being heard, "You were all I had.." You repeat, sniffling, "You promised me you wouldn't leave and that's just what you did."

She felt bad, the walls you put up to get away from her were all falling apart, she saw the little girl that she knew once before. The little girl she saw that night your parents divorced when they both left you. She felt all this guilt that has built up when she ignored you beginning to swarm in her chest, she felt horrible.

"I'm sorry. I don't even know who I was.." She whispered, looking at your shaking figure.

You turned to her, your tears flowing down, like the three years to stop them wasn't enough.

"Tara just s-stop! I-I'm just getting over you after this long and I can't have you here again. N-not today."

She looked at you, aghast, eyes wide, "What?"

You cover your face, hands sliding down to stop, "Yes Tara! I loved you! I fucking loved you and the day I was going to tell you, you left! YOU left me!" You screamed, angry, betrayed, sentence ending with a cry.

She was stunned. You loved her.. You loved Tara. And she thought that when she loved you, pushing you away could make her forget her feelings, making sure you were safe, but she caused this.

You didn't wait for her to respond, shuffling through your tote bag and grabbing up a crumpled piece of paper, slamming it in her hand before you got up and left, the gush of wind hitting her hair as she stared at her hand in horror, not knowing what to do.

- - night

Tara sat in her room, staring at the ceiling, hair draped all over her bed as the only light was from her lamp, only adding a light orange hue to her room.

She felt bad, she should've known that she never should've left you. She should've thought about how you were going to feel like. It made her want to cry.

As much as she's staring, she notices the crumpled up paper you gave her. She wasn't even sure what it was, maybe that's why she was so scared of opening it.

She grabs it from the side of her night stand and slowly uncrumples it, revealing a letter.

From you 3 years ago.

-

Dear Tara,

We've been friends for so long and I remember when you first came up to me in second grade because you noticed my friends weren't playing with me like they usually do everyday. To be honest, I never told you but for some reason, years ago, I remember staring at you every day while you ate lunch because you seemed so sweet and I wanted to approach you so badly. It's weird that myself in second grade would even do that. But you should know the only reason why I sat on the swings, every, single, day was because I wanted to see you. That's the first time we've ever met and I'm so blessed for that day because now, you're my best friend. Everyday I'm so happy to have you to be the reason I get to smile and have a shoulder to cry on or rest on. I've been wanting to tell you this for so long, but I remember feeling a strange feeling in my chest when I first confessed my problems at home with my parents and felt your soft hands touch mine to comfort me. 

It was so so weird. Love always seemed like something I might never have because I found it to be gross. But when I met you, I felt like love wasn't so bad anymore. That day, I remember feeling this warmness in my cheeks when you hugged me, I remember feeling something I don't feel for people often. I felt trust. That's when I knew I was falling in love with you. you've been there every step of the way and I don't know where I'd be without you. Tara, I want to write to you that I love you. I've been falling ever since on nights where I got yelled at and came to your house crying, when you invited me over for Christmas with your family because I didn't have a home I wanted to go to, I love you because you're Tara and it's so hard to explain. but at the same time it isn't. I don't think I met someone as loving, understanding, and caring as you, I've seen you as someone who can light up a room. Even on my bad days, you somehow manage to make me smile, not many people can do that for a person like me.

My mother was planning to move to Canada in like 3 years, she said 3 years later in April, but she said it was up to me. And I told her we had to wait just a little longer because I wanted to give this letter to you and see what you said. I think I won't leave this place because it stores all our memories, like at the coffee shops or the tree we sit down at every morning of Saturday. I'm not leaving because you're the only person that is making me stay. I would've been long gone if you weren't here. But meeting you has caused me to look forward to something to everyday. To someone. I don't think I've ever been so happy to you know, just walk to your house randomly and pop out under your bed and see your scared reaction. But, Tara Carpenter, I love you. I don't even think these words can even explain the kind of comfort, or need that I feel when you're by my side. I hope that these words can help you realize how much you've taken a toll on my life, and possibly, one day I can be by your side for the rest of my life.

All my love,

Y/N/Y/L/N

&lt;;33

-

Tara covered her mouth, trying to cover a cry, which came out muffled. Your words. Her betrayal. She left you before you could even tell her. 

She thought of your face in her thoughts, she thought of seeing the letter fall out of your hands when she ignored you on every day she could ever see you. 

She thought of you crumpling it with broken sobs and throwing it on your desk.

She thought of the letter you were going to give her, the letter that was supposed to be given, but never was.

The forgotten letter beginning to age.

And noticed, it was all ruffled and there were marks of fallen, long old tears on it, seeing how the ink smudged from the tears.

The letter fell, tears falling from her eyes and streaming down her face.

It must've been so long ago. But it felt like yesterday. Even though it was 3 years ago.

She could've changed the slightest thought of her mind the day she began to ignore you.

If she did, everything would've been right. She could picture her holding hands with you, cuddling at night with your favorite movie playing in the background. You two would've been in desperate, everlasting, love. If her parents didn't divorce, she could see you, in your usual wavy hair with a ribbon tied from the back with your half up half down, the smooth letter laying in your arms, running up to her. She could picture the way you smiled, the way your silly smile made her smile back with a tinted blush on her cheeks. She could picture the way she would jump up and down and say she loved you too.

Everything would've been perfect.

If she didn't leave you in the first place.

Instead, she was left with your letter, crumpled, not smooth, wrinkled, seeing the way the letter couldn't bear to be left anymore. 

Tara fell asleep that night, broken, feeling horrible for the way you must've felt, with the crinkled letter in her hand. 

- -

The next morning, Tara was at the park, she could see a train station up ahead, New York's local train station that she would take when she had to travel.

Tara was sitting under the tree you always sat at with her. The tree that held so many memories, the way when spring would hit, the white flowers would fall on the green grass when you two would be together. The way the tree's flowers began to wilt when you began to sit alone, like the friendship that began to wilt. 

She waited, you sat at this tree every single day, but why weren't you coming? She waited, looking up at the flowers, they weren't very white anymore, the fallen flowers a little orange from being dried. It was spring, it was April, the flowers should've been whiter, but they weren't as bright. What a metaphor and sign it was for her. But still, they were as pretty as ever. 

She bit her lip, sighing, grabbing the letter you wrote her again, reading it again. Then before she could read it again, as she looked up, she could see..

You? 

You were at the train station, you held a luggage, looked packed, with your hair down, usually ribbon in your hair, waiting to enter the train.

Her eyes widened, and it came to her, everything made sense, her thoughts unfolding, everything like magic was happening. 

She remembered something, something..

She quickly read the letter she was reading, then her eyes expanded with fear.

Then she remembered, it was 3 years since she left you, and it was April.

"My mother was planning to move to Canada in like 3 years, she said 3 years later in April, but she said it was up to me. And I told her we had to wait just a little longer because I wanted to give this letter to you and see what you said. I think I won't leave this place because it stores all our memories, like at the coffee shops or the tree we sit down at every morning of Saturday. I'm not leaving because you're the only person that is making me stay."

- -

happy ending

"Fuck!" Tara cried, grabbing the letter as she ran after you.

It couldn't be too late, it couldn't have been today! 

As she ran, her legs taking her as far as they could, she could hear your voice in her mind,

"You shouldn't be being here right now. You can't be here today! You shouldn't be!"

She should've known you were going to leave, she should've seen last night! Is that why you were so afraid to see her when she came up to you? Because you knew you were going to be gone the next day? And she was going to keep you from leaving? Because you didn't have the heart to really tell her why she couldn't have talked to you?

It all made sense.

Tara sobbed as tears fell like a thunderstorm,  running and seeing the train doors open, there were at least 10 people in front of you waiting to get on, it made her more desperate, running after you.

She screamed your name, she was so close but yet so far away, why can't the people move slower? 

Tara lost her father and sister, she couldn't lose you. She can't. She needed to apologize, she never got to say her true apology.

She was almost there, and you were so close to entering the train, making her run up the stairs as fast as she could, panting and losing her breath.

The day was beginning to lose hope, there was only a few more people who needed to get on before it closed, before you did. 

She saw your figure, your pretty face, not focusing on the tired eye bags as she got up the stairs, running to the train.

Tara screamed your name as loud as she could, making you turn, and her grabbing your arm, pulling you and your luggage out of the train, seeing it start to roll away.

 She was panting hard, you turning to see her, your eyes full of fear, confusion, and most of all, a wave of.. Hope?

For some reason, it took her a while to catch her breath, but before you could say something, she hugged you, tightly.

The arms of you wrapped around her stomach, she felt you melt in her arms, burying your face against her chest, as she embraced you, the letter you wrote falling to the floor.

Tara cried as you both hugged, whispering in a slight broken voice, "I'm sorry Y-Y/N.."

You were crying too, softly as you hugged her, "I know.. It's okay. We're okay.." 

She kept talking, she felt horrible, "I-I left you when you needed me.. I was the only person you relied on a-and I left because I w-wasn't thinking about how you felt.. I thought t-that if I c-could push you away, these feelings I-I felt would go away and I wouldn't take m-my anger out on you for my parents divorcing.. I'm s-so s-sorry.." The girl's scent comforted you, reminding you of your past, making you hug her more.

Tara could hear you hiccupping on cries as she twisted your hair, "I didn't even k-know you needed me that much, you s-should've told me you were planning to leave."

You looked up at her, you were crying horribly, she swept bangs away from your face to see your tired, broken face that has been building up these past 3 years.

"I-I thought you didn't want to see me anymore.. I thought you didn't need me.. I-I thought you left because you hated me.. or didn't care about me anymore.. I couldn't bear to think about you breaking your promise.. I thought you abandoned me.. I was s-so hurt that I j-just did all these things that weren't me.. I tried to avoid you.. I couldn't sleep or eat.. I was s-so scared because I had no one.." You said, voice barely a whisper, raw and full of hurt.

Tara's eyes widened a little, a wave of strong guilt hitting her, as she shushed you.. "No Y/N.. Of course not.. I never hated you.. I-I loved you and I couldn't bear to think that I would take my anger out that you never caused on you.. S-so I avoided you and didn't think about how m-much it would affect you. I'm sorry.." Tara said again, voice cracking.

You nodded against her chest, sniffling as Tara saw the tears fall again, wiping them.

"I love you," she whispered, "I always had."

She saw your eyes slightly sparkle, that sparkle that she thought she'd never see, the sparkle that disappeared that day she left.

Her hands reached to grab the letter she dropped, showing it to you, "Let's try to restart, okay?"

You were still crying, but managed to make a small smile formed as you nodded, "Tara, I love you. I've loved you for so long, I've loved you when I realized that you were the one person that I could finally trust, a word that I thought that might never happened, but it did because o-of you. C-can we maybe.. Just.."

She pulled you a little closer, grinning just a little as she nodded her head before you could finish, "Yes."

Then she kissed you softly, it was like everything had never happened, she could feel the way you hugged her, the way the wilted flowers were going to flourish again, the letter that was forgotten, finally given.

"Do you really promise you won't leave me?.."

You both locked eyes when pulling away, Tara held up a pinky. 

"I don't break pinky promises."

You take her pinky and link it with yours, hugging her again.

"I trust you."

Every bad thing that happened between you two was long forgotten.

- -

angst ending

Tara's eyes widened with fear, seeing you with a packed luggage, your figure entering the train, you couldn't.. Not today..

"Fuck!" She cried, the train was not to far, she could still make it.

She screamed your name, all the feelings towards you she felt spilling out from her scream as she ran after you. 

She ran, ran ran ran, running out of breath as her shoes crumpled on dry leaves and grass, crying.

"No! You can't be! Y/N! Please!" She screamed, but her voice was muffled, you couldn't hear her. 

Tara was so close, yet so far as she kept running, getting closer, an apology of cries coming out.

The train got closer and closer as she finally saw you, screaming your name.

You finally turned around, knowing the voice all to well as you turned to see her. 

Then the train doors closed, your eyes only being seen through the window as she cried out your name, shaking her head in disbelief, her eyes filled with regret and tears.

You looked at her, like you couldn't believe she was here, you thought you'd never see her again as your hand reached up to touch the window, your touch ghosting on her face as she could hear you mouth out her name.. "Tara.." Then she could sense the sense of shame on your face, sorrow.

"Please.. It's not too late.." She sobbed, her voice going in the crevices of the doors.

Then the train began to move, as she saw you getting farther and farther away, your hand on the window as she saw you mouth the words, "I'm sorry."

She ran after the train, but knew deep down, she wasn't going to make it. She wasn't going to see you again, the train leaving her sight as she cried, regretting the days she ignored you, regretting the way she made you think that she didn't ever care. She abandoned someone when knowing, years ago, she was once the girl who promised to protect them and never leave her side.

She knew that you had left, all those memories you two had created were left with her now. She knew that you weren't going to come back.

She never even got to say goodbye. She never got to say sorry. She never got to tell you she loved you, she loved you all of these years. She never knew where you would be. She would never know if you two would ever meet again. 

The only sound she could hear was the wind blowing in her hair, blowing the muffled sounds of you two laughing and giggling, what you two once were, what you two could've been, it was just too late. You would just be a memory for her, a memory she could never forgive herself for. A broken memory she knew she caused. The memory was broken but she also knew, long season months ago, she broken your promised heart.

I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you.

Take me back to the night we met.

Tara thought back to the day you two met, the day you became friends. The day that led to you falling to her years later. The day that led to her falling for you, then pushing you away.

The day that led to this.

If she could see your face one last time and kiss you, everything would be okay.

Tara knew that she was just too late, seeing the train long gone, tears in her eyes as she let out a choking sob, the letter falling out of her hand, long forgotten.