#Plus I think ask blogs are a really fun way to tell people info and lore about your au. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

briarborealisart · 1 year ago

Note

tell me about your favorite characters (or ocs if you’d like) 👀👀👀

this post is going to be long so: oc info under the cut! i guess this is a good time to tell anyone who doesnt know me from other sites that i have a bunch of various ocs in my brain always. fun fact: originally this blog was going to be my art and oc blog! hence: briarborealisart. unfortunately the allure of fandom reblogs Got Me and now my blog is a deeply disorganized folder of Interests rather than me putting anything of my own out there LOL. maybe i should make an oc sideblog or smth but i feel like i wouldnt keep up with it </3

OK SO I HAVE A NUMBER OF OCS FROM DIFFERENT WORLDS. i'll go in order of world age (mostly---i don't remember the exact chronology) and stick to my main oca. anyone who i tag as a collaborator/co-author also has ocs that interact with mine and did a great amount of the worldbuilding and u should check them out hehehehe!!

WHOOPSVERSE

whoopsverse is a world jointly created by some friends and i (@natyune-art, @catatonickeeper and alythea). it's an epic fantasy and it is also falling apart actively lore-wise because we all became Adults With Jobs who had some creative differences regarding what we wanted for the roleplay SO its kind of a free for all rn. BUT IT IS SO DEAR TO ME. it started out as an offshoot of the google plus roleplay community World of Alengra by derbybubblefish but it quickly became its own thing. i technically have a billion and a half ocs from this world but most of them are defunct/shelved for now (read: dead)

my two most active ocs from whoopsverse are vas and kiska

vasushri jilpa nuriya, aka vas, is a mortal girl who keeps getting reincarnated with the same voidkin attached to her soul. voidkin are minor gods who are born from the void, a nebulous sea of chaos. they are goopy fellas and can latch onto mortal souls to give them innate void magic. void magic involves portaling, hammerspace, and in rare occasions, shapeshifting into a voidkin. vas has the rare shapeshifting bond.

kiska, aka the godkiller, aka tempest, is a once-mortal woman, now immortal, who is blessed by the death god with immortality and great power. in return, she is to wander the earth exterminating rogue immortals. she's like a very specialized grim reaper.

kiska frequently runs into vas in her many incarnations and adopts her.

PROJECT STARSTRUCK

@ask-projectstarstruck (mine and @doeblossom 's poor abandoned baby) is an ask blog set in a world much like our own, except that magic exists! it takes place in a fictional college and follows two (or three? 👀) students. blog spoilers to follow!! (also, the concept existed before and continues to exist outside of the ask blog, lol). MY two (most active) ocs in there are austral and boreal

austral lucis is a college student at the university of lenton springs! she's a business major and communications minor who graduated valedictorian of her high school class, and got a full ride scholarship to this ivy league college not too far from her home. she's a huge stick in the mud and very VERY type A. her story revolves around learning how to be her own person instead of doing what everyone expects/wants of her. her college roommate is callista aka elise, @doeblossom 's oc!

boreal lucis is dead. no, really! she's a ghost, and austral's twin sister. through an uncanny twist of fate, or maybe magic, when boreal was stillborn her life force attached to austral, and her ghost grew up with her. austral is the only person who can see her, and ghosts/hauntings aren't really well researched in the world of project starstruck, so... austral has defaulted to pretending she doesn't exist, so that people don't think she's crazy. boreal is a silly goofy guy, because you've got to have some way to entertain yourself when the only other person who knows you exist pretends she doesn't. boreal's story is ALSO about learning to become her own person, but this time a lot more literally.

boreal is very protective of austral, the both of them having grown up with a mother that was very demanding and dismissive of austral's emotional needs. austral would prefer not to talk about it.

SILLY SUPERHERO STORY

THIS ONE IS ALLLLL ME BABEY. i read so much of the Alernate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers tag on ao3 that i haaaaaaaad to make my own. since this is all me i have a bajillion ocs in this world.

here i'll just copy and paste over from my discord (these descriptions might not be super accurate since they were written a long time ago)

ok core cast

19 year old spiderman kinnie mc, a vigilante named leon wright. became a vigilante after his existing powers mysteriously evolved (this Doesn't Happen to other people)

15-16 year old dani wright, leon's little sister, found out leon was a vigilante and promised to snitch on him if he didn't let her join him

17-18 year old stereotypical tech/hacker/guy in the chair guy named mick simmons, technically a supervillain because he keeps committing minor cyberterrorism. his only parent was a supervillain who got arrested when he was like 14. he met leon online after hacking his animal jam account. so far he's the only one whose codename ive made and it's discord

18-20 yo main villain, kammie stoll, a deranged and unhinged cartoonishly evil young woman who leon is a MASSIVE simp for, and she is in love...with DESTRUCTION!!! NYEHEHEH

a registered dad-aged hero, brendan powell, so stressed about the fact that these kids are out here fighting, desperately trying to be a positive role model for/adopt them

a dad-aged villain, grant stoll, kammie's bio dad, they have a great relationship /gen, he is also trying to adopt all the kids because he respects their gusto and thinks they'd be great friends for his daughter

the wright parents, phoebe and cyrus; one of them knows about their kids vigilante stuff, the other is oblivious (havent decided which is which). theyre separated but friendly and have a rivalry going on about who the kids like more

the hero hq secretary, sandra flores, who has a power that "lets her type really fast" but actually its just legitimately a superspeed power and shes so cool and rad. she just lets people think she's Normal

milo pryce, mick and leon's third roommate that they picked up off of craigslist or smth because they couldnt afford an apt on their own salaries. he's pretty normal (or is he?) and just a background civilian (or IS he?) except that he's a doomsday prepper with a serious hoarding problem, but only in his room. very meticulous otherwise

and, of course, the REAL big bad evil guy: clarisse simmons, mick's supervillain mom. she's a very mysterious force for most of the story until the THIRD ACT TURN WHERE ITS REVEALED SHES BEEN THE MASTERMIND THE WHOLE TIME! or... something like that

THE WEAVER'S APPRENTICE

story MAINLY driven by @natyune-art featuring witches, betrayal, and mystery!! my character in there is named dijah

khadijah, aka khadi or dijah, is a witch. in this world, witches can see the strings of fate that surround a person and view, interpret, and/or manipulate those strings. dijah wanders the world as kind of a rogue, wandering from town to town with nothing tying her down anywhere. that is, until she arrives at a town where a string of kidnappings finally catches up to her location. a bartender she made sort-of friends with is the next to go missing, and she immediately decides to start investigating. while she's in town, she also meets auryn, a traveling performer like herself. he's extremely suspicious, but she has no real evidence that he's behind the kidnappings, especially when he agrees to help her with her investigation. drama! intrigue! romance! horror! whimsy! they have it all!!!

THE OWL HOUSE

most recently and most clearly the subject of my brainrot, @doeblossom peer pressured me to make an owl house self insert oc and BOY DID I. ITS SO FUN. in addition to being besties with toh!doe, she ALSO has interactions with @mothsha 's toh oc myrna, and @blimate 's toh oc wynter. her name is sol

solstice finch is a teen prodigy. she graduated hexside at 15 years old under the potion track, and ended up succeeded in the emperor's coven tryouts, which she had entered by accident. she quickly made her way through the coven scout ranks and at 16 is a coven official a la kikimora. she's besties with doe and hunter :) her mentor WAS lilith, but after The Season One Finale... they don't talk for a while haha. I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT HER BUT I'LL KEEP IT BRIEF: sol is THE silliest little guy. she's also basically a cat, we swear. shortly after hollow mind she defects from the coven and that's when she ends up meeting myrna and re-meeting wynter.

AND THATS IT. THATS EVERYONE THAT I CAN BE BOTHERED WITH RN. I FEEL LIKE IM MISSING SOME KEY FELLERS BUT WHAT CAN BE SAID. IM LATE FOR MOVIE NIGHT I JUST CHECKED THE TIME. GOTTA GO!

#briarborealisart #briarsocs #tmi tuesday

12 notes · View notes

transformersunity · 2 years ago

Text

hey there, long time no see <3

tl;dr of the MANY words i am about to say: i have plans to present unity in the form of a wiki + video essay(s), though these may take a while to come to fruition. if you could read the whole thing thank you i love you i think i say good words.

SO. HI. ITS BEEN A WHILE. a lot of things have happened to me which includes like. yknow. dropping out of college and a special interest change, but here i am! thinking about unity! and, truly, i've never stopped thinking about unity at any point . but i think im finally at a point in which i have ideas that are concrete enough to share PLUS. y'all are overdue for an update on what's going on. so sorry.

so as the tl;dr already spoiled, i have plans to create a wiki for TFU and (a) video essay(s). the wiki will hold any and all information on unity, like character bios, vocab, etc., while the video essay(s) will be an explanation of what the plot of tfu would've been. which is a weird thing to type and read with my own eyes, the past tense of it.

its weird reading some of my older thoughts where i seem to really think that there was a possibility that unity could be a webcomic in any way shape or form. because i dont think it ever was a real possibility nor will it ever be a possibility. i dont say that solemnly at all, i say it just as a realistic matter of fact. because i dont know who else needs to hear this, but people who make huge, impressive projects by themselves or with little help are the exception and most definitely not the standard. and i think its unhealthy in a lot of ways to expect that level of work ethic from yourself, especially if you're like me and chronically ill, neurodivergent, mentally ill, etc.

i think i would've grown to hate unity if i had pushed for it to become a webcomic. instead, i'm actually really excited to work on it more and present in this format that's gonna be more accessible and way easier and fun for me to work on. and i dont feel any shame in like. idfk taking "the easy way out" i dont care !!!! what matters is im making shit and having fun and being happy while doing it.

ANYWAYS. it will still be quite a while until y'all see anything, i think at the earliest you may see it at the end of this year/early next year, but time will tell! i do have a long list of health issues and irl problems that impact my ability to work on stuff like this, but given that this is a lot less work than yknow. WORKING ON A WEBCOMIC. i hope it wont be too long until i can tell y'all that i've made progress :]

in the mean time, i've updated some of this blogs info and i'm gonna clear out the inbox to leave room for new asks. i might answer a few if i feel that i can talk about stuff w/o major spoilers (given that i'd still like to surprise y'all with some plot points and characters yknow <3). but if y'all have any questions or curiosities about what i've discussed here, or anything at all, definitely send them in, and i'll try to not leave you hanging for three years :)

#stars speaks #idk if thats my talk tag but if it isnt god dammit ill just go and change the other talk tags

5 notes · View notes

awsugar · 5 years ago

Photo

hello! if you follow me you’ve probably seen me mentioning this and it is finally here! recently i realized that i’ve really missed inter-fandom activities and events; stuff that brings us all together, so i decided i would take it upon myself to do something like that. my friends and i recently did a little secret santa-style playlist exchange and i thought that would be really fun to do on a larger scale plus i thought it would be nice to maybe get people’s minds off the current state of the world. so here we are!

something i’ve noticed about mcr fans is that obviously we all love mcr but outside of mcr we all have very different tastes in music, so this is a cool way to find something new you may have not heard or given a chance before! this is also a great way to make new friends in the community! additionally, i’m limiting this to mcr fans so that it doesn’t get out of hand bc i am doing this all by myself.

please read the whole post before signing up. i have a hard time being brief but i’ll do my best to get to the point.

the basic idea is just like secret santa. you will receive an email with the name and url of the person you are to make a playlist for and you will have about a week to do so. someone will also have your name and make you a playlist.

signups will end on saturday the 9th at noon and assignments will be emailed out saturday night or sunday at the latest if we have a lot of participants.

playlists will go live and be sent to your recipient on friday the 15th.

if too many people sign up i’m not sure i’ll be able to do this but i’m going to ATTEMPT to message everyone involved on wednesday the 13th to make sure they are on track and still plan to make and send their playlist by friday. if i can get this done and you tell me you won’t have it ready or you don’t respond within 24 hours i will assume you’ve dropped out and i will get someone else to make an extra playlist.

there is a section on the signup form asking if you are willing to make a second playlist on short notice in the event that someone drops out like i mentioned above. this is totally optional, it’s just so i know who i can contact to make another playlist if it comes down to that.

related to the above point, if you don’t receive your playlist by the afternoon of the 16th, let me know and i will contact one of those people to make you one. everyone will get a playlist!!

this event is open to anyone. i explain this in the signup form but in order to make sure everyone is comfortable with who they are making a playlist for i will be splitting the signups into groups of minors and adults so we don’t have 16 year olds making playlists for people in their 20s and vice versa.

this is also explained in the form but i’m limiting this to making your playlist on spotify, apple music, or youtube. i’ll be splitting the groups up again to reflect this so that everyone is able to listen to the playlist made for them. i’ve put a lot of thought into this and i really want it to go smoothly lol.

i’ll be running it from this blog. any questions you have can be sent here and i’ll be posting reminders or updates here if there are any. i’ll also be posting a masterlist of playlists here but you are not required to follow me! i’m an adult so if you’re uncomfortable following for that reason or literally anything else don’t worry you can still take part in this!

any posts i make about this or questions i answer will be tagged ‘quarantine playlist exchange’ so feel free to check that tag for any other info

as i mentioned above i’ll be posting a masterlist of the playlists a day or two after the playlists are sent out to their recipients. if you don’t want yours in the master post that’s totally fine but whenever your playlist is done feel free to send me a link and i’ll add it to the draft of the post.

songs by mcr or related artists are ok! but try to make the bulk of your playlist other stuff.

i’m gonna go with a 10 song minimum but you are welcome to make your playlist as long as you like.

please reblog this post so we can get a lot of people in on this! :)

i think that’s everything i can think of right now. message me with any and all questions that you have and i will do my best to answer them for you. please use this google form to sign up and i look forward to seeing the playlists that you guys make!

#my chemical romance #gerard way #mikey way #frank iero #ray toro #my post #quarantine playlist exchange

431 notes · View notes

verobatto · 4 years ago

Text

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Wrong Words

(13x14)

Hi there! I will talk in this meta about miscommunication, but mostly, about how Dean can't use the right words with CAS, which had been always our struggle as fans hahaahhaa.

Let's start this!

Fire and Fear

At the beginning of episode 13x14 'Good Intentions' we have Jack being manipulated by Zachary . The angel uses the fear to try to get some info from Jack's head.

Fear is the same tool Michael will use to try to break Dean, but it won't work just like I'd doesn't work with Jack.

Another interesting dialogue piece that shows us what Chuck appearance will mean in season 14 and 15 is the following...

CASTIEL: I wanted you to see the natural world before… before it was spoiled. Humans have good intentions, but… they never truly appreciated the gift they were given. Left to their own devices, humans… they would destroy everything.

This is fake Castiel in Jack's head and it's the way writers link AU!Michael with Chuck. It's the same thing like say HUMANS DON'T PLAY THEIR ROLES AS THEY SHOULD. DOESN'T FOLLOW THE PLAN. It will be the final plot of season 15. It speaks about how Michael and Chuck see the free will as something dangerous and destructive for their plans.

Two Hearts and the Wrong Words

The hearts of Gog and Magog was the fake ingredient Donnie asked for the spell.

DEAN: Okay, so we’re supposed to find these guys and cut out their hearts? How?

The symbolism of cutting hearts are linked to the incoming Destiel break up that will start in season 14 and then will find its climax in season 15.

When Donatello mentions that it will be dangerous... This is what happens...

CASTIEL: Then I’ll do it.

DEAN: I’ll go with you.

Dean won't let nothing bad happen to his angel. That's a fact that repeats all along in this season. Dean trying to protect Cas from danger. Dean going with him everywhere. Dean trying to get a bullet for his angel, as we will hear from him in Scoobynatural.

Then... The wrong words...

Pay attention to this dialogue here...

DEAN: How are you holdin’ up, Cas?

CASTIEL: I’m fine.

DEAN: No, I just mean with, you know, everything you’ve been through. And… I know you really wanna find Lucifer.

Dean is trying to find out how Cas feels, this is a very nice gesture from him, but also, he is worried about how CAS could feel after being kidnapped, he just wants to talk about that, because it's a heavy weight he carries, the guilt of not seeing Asmodeus was playing him. So he feels he failed him. Plus the fact that Cas had been dead, knowing that had been a blast in Dean's life... But at the same time, Dean tries to avoid that topic which is, the elephant in the room. But CAS will direct his answer to that elephant...

CASTIEL: No, it’s not that. It’s about… well, it is that, but it’s also I… Dean I was—I was dead.

DEAN: Temporarily.

Here is again Dean trying to avoid the topic as if it never happened or if as it was nothing. Is his way to avoid it, to keep going. Because the memory of it is too painful. And because it's still a knife in his heart. It's part of his most horrible fears. To lose Castiel again, unbearable. So, it's better not give it too much attention. 'Temporally' as 'It was nothing, it was just for a few days, we are fine, don't talk about it.'

But Castiel insists...

CASTIEL: And I have to believe I was brought back for a reason.

Gif set credit @subbydean

Cas feels that he came back and nothing had changed. Because they didn't speak about it. Because he doesn't know if Dean missed him. He knows Sam and Dean need him for battle. But, he has to find something else in this. There's something else. And he feels maybe is Dean the one who has to say it. Something. Something that gives him a more deep meaning. But Dean can't speak about it. Dean can't recall the pain. Dean can't express what is in his heart... So he shifts the backpack, avoids eye contact and lies, he just go with his usual avoiding self, and gives the "FAMILY NEEDED YOU" NEED vs WANT again. WE instead of I/Me.

DEAN: You were. Okay, Jack brought you back because we needed you back.

CASTIEL: Right. And how have I repaid him? I promised his mother that I would protect him, but now he’s trapped in that place while Lucifer is here, who’s… I mean, he’s getting stronger and more powerful by the day. And if Michael really is coming, maybe I was brought back to help prepare.

Castiel doesn't find a propose in Dean's words, doesn't find what he's looking for from him. The 'Right' is dated with disappoinment in his eyes, with sadness, looking at the man he loves. The unrequited love strikes again. So he changes to Jack, if Jack needs him, he will be there. Soldier Mode and the mission and the promise to Kelly come to his rescue. Castiel changes to soldier mode again.

DEAN: Prepare for what?

CASTIEL: War. War is what Michael does.

If there's nothing else there for him, then there's his mission. The war. That will be his porpoise. And Dean's words will be what Cas will have in his mind the rest of the season.

DEAN: Well, then we do what we do. Whatever it takes.

After this, we have their fight with Gog and Magog, but first, let's see this dialogue over here, it seems something fun and married couple thing, but it has a very deep meaning, according to what we were talking about so far.

DEAN: Well, Enochian’s kinda tough. Maybe you got a word wrong.

CASTIEL: I don’t get “words wrong.”’

Castiel says this with annoyance. Why? Because he tries to transmit a second message behind his words. How could Cas use his first language wrong? It's impossible. But is not impossible to Dean to use his wrong words even using his first language. Cas knows Dean didn't say what Castiel needed to hear from him. I don't get my words wrong, but you do. I always say what is in my heart, you don't.

We had some fan service when Gog and Magog called Dean and Cas beautiful.

'They are equally pretty.'

Is something all the fandom knows hahahhahaa.

Another foreshadow and Castiel soldier mode

When Michael decides to bring Jack with Mary, Mary recognizes why he did it.

MARY: He’s not gonna hurt you, Jack. He’s gonna hurt me. Why do you think he brought you here? So that we would meet, so that we would talk. And then when he comes back, if you don’t do what he wants, he’s going to kill me.

This is what Michael will try with Dean too. Once Michael will left Dean's body in 14x02, as an attempt to make him believe he was free, with his family. Giving him fake hopes, that's the way Michael will try to really break him. That's why he did this with Jack.

Do you remember when Dean used his wrong words with Castiel and he switched into soldier mode??

SAM: What are you doing?

[CASTIEL walks down the hallway towards where DONATELLO is. SAM and DEAN follow him.]

CASTIEL: What I have to.

He will fried Donnie's brains to get some info, after the boys tell him Donatello doesn't have a soul and after Donnie used a spell that almost drowned Dean. (Dean drowning was another foreshadow for his possesion, is how he described to Sam how felt to be possesed the first time.)

CASTIEL: I’m sorry, but I’m not going to let you or anyone hurt the people I love. Not again.

Castiel's reaction was drastic after Donnie attacked Dean. He didn't do this after knowing Donni had attacked Sam, even if Sam is parto of THE PEOPLE CAS LOVE. But his violent reaction is linked directly to Dean almost drowing.

DEAN: Yeah, but who gets to make that choice? You? What exactly gives you the right?

CASTIEL: Nothing. I took it. And if I hadn’t acted, we would still be sitting around and talking about what to do next. We would be wasting time. And it’s time we don’t have, Dean. I told you, war is coming. War. And I did what soldiers do. Now we needed the spell to open the rift, and I got it.

The words whatever it takes is resonating in Cas' head. He is focused again, as a soldier should be, focused in war, in the mission. Dean allowed that.

To Conclude:

This episode showed us a couple of more foreshadows for Michael!Dean but it also talked about the 'wrong words' and 'misscommunication'.

How the wrong words made Cas to turn into his soldier mode, and that's the mode will last until the end of the season.

Hope you like this meta! See you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you wanna be added or removed from this list just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from season 13 here you have the links:

Vol. XCIII, XCIV, XCV, XCVI, XCVII, XCVIII, XCIX, C.

Buenos Aires, February 20th 2020, 2:30 PM

32 notes · View notes

illfoandillfie · 5 years ago

Text

5 Simple Rules for a Successful Fake Relationship: The Proposal

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summery: Your's and Ben's agents approach you about pretending to date in order to boost interest in your new movie.

Warnings: Nothing for this chapter other than some swearing maybe? Things may get a little spicy in later chapters though.

Words: 5843

AN: This fic was written for El @laedymoon for her 1K celebration! I took the trope 'fake dating' and this was the result! Honestly fake dating is one my my fave tropes and I've been wanting to try my hand at it for a while so this was so much fun to write! Originally it was meant to be a one shot but when have I ever been good at sticking to plans lmao? Instead it'll probably end up as a three or four part series, maybe with an epilogue as well, who knows.

I’d also like to point out I started writing this months before we got those photos of Ben and Olivia so this was in no way inspired by anyone’s theories about whether or not their relationship is a PR stunt and I’m not particularly interested in that kind of talk.

Taglist: @laedymoon @dtfrogertaylor @ezmina98 @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @supersonicfreddie

You’d known fake celebrity relationships were a thing that happened, you just never expected to be approached about one. But, here you were, sat next to Ben in an office usually reserved for producers meetings, a slight frown on his face as he listened to your agents explain how beneficial it would be if the public believed you were a couple. “It’ll be good for the movie,” your agent, Mary, said matter-of-factly, “Studies show that if people – particularly women ages 15 – 45, the exact demographic we’re targeting – believe a real romance sprouted during the course of filming a movie, they are 78% more likely to see the movie. Plus, your names in the tabloids mean more exposure for both of you which means more offers in future, no matter how well this movie does in the box office. It’s all about being seen, people knowing your names.” “Are you serious?” Ben asked slowly, glancing to you, as if trying to determine your reaction. “Look, Ben, obviously we can’t force you or Y/N to do this,” his agent, Peter, introduced to you moments before, said, “the movie has already started filming and everyone appreciates your opinions, so saying no isn’t going to affect your jobs. But,” he paused, making sure the words were getting through to you both, “we strongly recommend you consider it. There are enough pros to make it worthwhile and it would only have to last until a week or two after the premiere. We can give you the rest of the day to think it over and make your decisions, but we will require an answer by tomorrow morning. If you agree, we can discuss terms and get everything in order to run the first story early next week.”

You and Ben left, tempted to laugh at the strangeness of your morning. “Think I need a coffee after that. You wanna come over to my trailer for a cup?” “Yeah, okay, sounds good,” you followed him quietly for a moment, thinking over the conversation you’d just been part of, “What do you think?” “About what? Coffee? You know I love it,” “Not coffee, the whole pretending to date thing,” “Oh that,” you could almost hear his eyes roll. “You don’t think it’s worth it?” He paused. “Saying no won’t hurt my feelings,” you nudged his shoulder, hoping to ease his obvious discomfort, “it is a weird situation.” “Weird is an understatement. And weren’t you with that Luke guy, what would he say about it?” “He’ll say nothing since we’re not seeing each other anymore,” “Wait, what?” “Yeah that lasted like three dates and went nowhere, I haven’t seen him in weeks.” “Oh, sorry.” You shrugged, “What’s there to be sorry for, he was boring. Anyway, we were talking about you and me.” “Right, that.” Ben opened the door to his trailer and waved you inside, following you over the threshold, “What do you think about it?” “I’m not opposed to it. We already spend a lot of our time pretending to date anyway.” Ben chuckled as he flicked the small kettle on, grabbing your two mugs and the instant coffee. “Plus it would be good to get our names out there a bit more. And we're friends, right?” After the weeks of pre-production costume fittings and script read-throughs you certainly thought you were friends and hoped Ben did too. “Of course we’re friends doofus,” “Thanks dweeb. But that means it'll be fun getting to hang out and stuff.” “So, wait, you think it’s a good idea?” “Well it can’t hurt, can it?” Ben frowned, forehead creased, “Don’t you think it’s all a bit, well, daft? As if us dating, real or not, would really have an impact on the movie, I think that’s bullshit. Plus, y’know, the work we’d have to put in to making it seem real or whatever. That’s just inviting extra stress into our lives and extra work which it doesn’t sound like we’d be getting paid for. Acting’s fun but I don’t want to spend every waking moment doing it.” “Well it wouldn’t be every waking moment would it? Just the ones when they had photographers around. They’ll get a few photos of us leaving set holding hands or out having dinner together and spin it into a big romantic story and all we’d have to do is hold hands and have dinner. And you can’t call bullshit when they had actual statistics to back them up.” “It sounds like you’re trying to convince me.” “No, if you don’t want to I don’t mind, but I also don’t see anything wrong with it. And I think you should actually think about it instead of writing it off instantly.” “So if I said I was into it, you’d want to?” You shrugged, “Yeah. I want this movie to do well, I want this job to go somewhere. And if I have to date you to make that happen I will. That sounded better in my head. I just mean that I’m happy to pretend to date you, even if I wouldn’t in real life, no offence.” “I’m a little offended,” he chuckled, “but really can’t argue with that can I?” “If you’re not comfortable with it, say so and we’ll tell them no,” Ben paused, staring at you as he considered what you’d said, quiet for so long you were sure he was going to say he wasn’t interested. You were about to put him out of his misery and tell him you didn’t want to anymore when he spoke up. “They did say it would be good for the movie and out careers,” “Someone’s coming around,” you sing-songed, taking the mug he offered you. “Alright, I admit, maybe not as awful an idea as I first thought. There are…some pros anyway. And I guess we can hear the terms and then make up our minds properly.” “Aww, looks like I got myself a boyfriend,”

The next morning you found out what you were in for if you did agree to it. Once again both of your agents were waiting in the office but this time a third person was with them when you arrived. “Y/N, Ben, take a seat. This is Barry, he’s a representative from Paramount Pictures.” Barry, with his salt and pepper hair and well cut suit, leaned forward in his seat to shake Ben’s hand and then yours with a pleasant greeting. “Well,” Mary spoke up, “have you made a decision?” Ben looked to you before he spoke, “It’s a tentative yes from both of us. We’d like to hear a bit more about it before we fully agree but, so far, it sounds okay.” “Glad to have you on board,” Barry said, reaching into his bag and pulling out a manila folder full of paper. “In that case, the terms,” Peter said, glancing around to make sure everyone was ready, “If you do agree, we’ll need you to sign some paperwork stating you understand your obligations and all that, so take a copy of these,” he took two small stapled documents from Barry, handing you each one, before passing another to Mary, “just so everyone has all the info at hand.” “Are these the terms?” “Yes. Don’t worry, we’ll explain, but it’s all laid out in there if you need clarification.” “There’s more pages than I was expecting,” Ben said, already sounding like it was becoming too much work to worry about. “You don’t have to worry about the last few pages, it’s mostly just legalese. Essentially, you’ll be required to act like a couple in public. That’s really all there is to it, though contractually it’s a little more complex.” “What does that mean?” “We just need you both to agree to perform specific relationship type moments that we can sell. For instance, Y/N, we will need you to be spotted by paparazzi leaving Ben’s apartment a couple of times. Or vice versa. It is the 21st century afterall.” “You mean like a walk of shame?” you asked, glancing at the paper in your hand. “That’s not the official term on the contract but it’s more or less correct. You’ll need to change clothes, make it look like you stayed the night even if you didn’t really.” “Wouldn’t it be more traditional to wear the previous day’s gear?” “Perhaps but if you’re in the same clothes as the day before the paparazzi can’t sell the photos as easily because they can’t prove they were taken on different days. We want to make these photos easy to sell and easy to circulate. To that end, some paparazzi and gossip blogs will be tipped off by the studio and hopefully word will spread as the buzz around you gets stronger.” “There will also be required dates, of course. At least one of them needs to take place at the French restaurant Boucher because they have a partnership with the studio. There is also a clause about an argument, provided people become interested in your relationship and we keep it going all the way to the premiere.” “Wait, an argument?” Ben flipped through his papers, trying to find the right section. “You just have to be caught arguing, or at least looking like you’re angry and about to fight, just so we can sell the whole trouble in paradise storyline.” “People like conflict,” Mary shrugged, “Otherwise all we need is the two of you to act like a couple in public, maybe a few social media posts, from now until a week after the theatre release. After that you’re free to ‘break up’, though you will also need to sign a non-disclosure agreement which will stop you from talking about it for a few years. We’ll organise a few magazines and gossip sites to run stories about the split and, depending on how the public react to your story, may later run some Ben and Y/N, back together question mark type pieces, entirely fabricated of course.” “You will attend the premiere together and, obviously, do press together. We will tell reporters not to ask about your personal lives, so no one suspects the relationship to be fake, though a few questions may slip through. Though we don’t expect this movie to earn any award nominations since it’s not being marketing for any there may be some later down the track. In that case we may ask you to extend your relationship long enough to attend the ceremonies together, provided you aren’t working on other projects at the time.” “The only other requirements are that, a few times a week you allow yourselves to be seen in public. Hand holding, kissing, really sell the whole fallen in love thing. That’s it really.” “And we can’t even tell our families?” “One leak is all it would take to have this revealed. You tell your mum who accidentally lets slip to the neighbour who sells it to a magazine. And if it’s revealed it could be harmful when it comes to box office numbers, which is the exact opposite of what we want. But enough of these have been done so that we know how to manage them, and all you have to do is keep quiet about it and act like you’re in love. Easy. Are you both on board?” Barry, who’d been quiet throughout the meeting, leaned forward expectantly. You already knew what to say, "I’m in if Ben is,” Ben chewed his lip as he skimmed over the paper in his hands again. He sighed and raised his eyes to where Barry sat, waiting. “I don’t know I-” You’d seen it coming, his answer. Really it wasn’t much of a surprise. Ben didn’t strike you as the sort of person to go in for schemes like this and he’d been hesitant from the second it was suggested. You heard him sigh again as his gaze landed on you and you wondered if he thought less of you for wanting to be part of it. “Okay. I’m in.” You were a little stunned by his change of heart but you were the only one. Everyone else in the room seemed relieved and a little frantic, Barry reaching back into his bag, Mary and Peter talking over each other to assure you both that you’d made the right choice. “Glad to hear that, Ben,” Barry was saying as he pulled out another folder of documents, “Now, we’ll need you to both to sign here.”

After shooting was done for the day you accompanied Ben to a small pub for a drink. Mary and Peter had left the meeting on their phones making hurried calls to get photos of the two of you leaving the set together. You’d jumped a little as Ben grabbed your hand before realising why his fingers were linked through your own. It was warm and he didn’t let you go until you reached the pub, the snap of cameras audible as you walked down the street. You found a booth while Ben headed to the bar, returning a little later with a drink in each hand. “One G and T for my girlfriend,” he laughed as he put the drink in front of you and slid into the seat opposite. “Y’know if you told me last week that I’d have had a boyfriend before we finished filming and that it was you, I would have laughed.” “God me too. Our jobs are so bizarre. Literally what other profession would encourage you to pretend to date?” You laughed and pulled out the papers you’d been given that morning, “And who’d have thought there’d be so many contractual requirements.” “We should add our own set of rules. Like just so we’re clear about what we’d be uncomfortable doing or whatever.” “Safewords?” “Get your mind out of the gutter. Christ, you fake ask a girl out and suddenly all she can think about is sex.” “My mind was in the gutter long before we were set up.” He let out a huff of laughter and shook his head, reaching for his glass. “I know what you mean though. We should definitely define some things,” you grabbed your bag and began digging through it for a pen. When you found it, you turned the papers over giving you a blank canvas to work on, “Firstly sex.” “Should have known,” “May as well start with the big one. Rule 1: No Sex. Completely off the table.” you took a sip of your drink as you began jotting it down. “Your wank game strong?” The conversation was interrupted as you choked on your drink, finally recovering enough to splutter, “excuse me?” “Well it sounds like we might be together for a while. Can’t go on any tinder dates or anything since that would look like cheating. You sure you can last that long? “100 per cent.” “Alright, if you’re sure. Rule one, no sex.” You finished writing it down, rolling your eyes, “What about PDAs? We have to do some but is there anything you’d be uncomfortable with?” “I’m not really one for like public make out sessions,” “Thank god, me neither.” “Okay, good. What about cuddling and that kind of thing. Man this is weird to talk about,” “Yeah, is a bit. I can do some cuddling in public but y'know, nothing too much. Hugs are fine, an arm around my shoulders is fine. Holding hands is obviously okay.” “What about an arm around the waist?” “Hmmm….maybe. Yeah, I think I’d be okay with that. But your hand never goes below my lower back. I will have no arse grabs or pinches or hands in my back pocket.” “Wasn’t planning on that but good to know. Does cuddling include lap sitting?” “Absolutely not.” “Okay, strong boundaries, I respect that. You going to write all that down?” “Rule 2: PDAs kept respectable and to a minimum. And rule 3: hands above the belt at all times. What about our families and friends?” you asked as you made notes on acceptable PDAs, “chances are we’re going to have to deal with them at some point since they’re going to think it’s real.” “Okay, um, how about…no meeting anyone unless there’s a reason like a family gathering you’d be expected to bring a partner to. And if that does come up we can work out a game plan then.” “Make sense. Rule 4: No families unless no escape.”

By the time you left the pub, your list of rules tucked into your bag, it was quite late. “Hey, you wanna crash at mine tonight?” Ben asked, “we can text Peter and Mary, let them know so they can organise paparazzi for the morning.” “Tonight? I don’t have a toothbrush or a change of clothes or anything.” “We’ll pop into a shop and buy you a new toothbrush, should probably get you one for my place anyway since apparently you’ll be staying over more than once. And I’m sure I’ve got something you can sleep in.” “And tomorrow? Can’t wear this again in case we get photographed.” “I’ll give you something and then I’ll drop you home in the morning,” he shrugged. “I guess that would work,” “C’mon, it’ll be like a sleepover. Stay up late and talk about boys, have things devolve into a sexy pillow fight, sleepover stuff.” “And you say my mind lives in the gutter.” “That’s not a no,” “Alright, I’ll crash at yours. Closer to here than mine is anyway.” “Awesome,” he grinned at you, “c’mon, this way….babe?” “Didn’t sound so convincing there, Ben,” you snorted. “You should have used a pet name then, instead of my actual one. And I was just testing the waters, what’d you think?” “Babe’s okay. As long as we don’t get into weirdly cutesie things like turtle dove or snookums.” “You don’t want me to call you snookums? How about cuddle bunny? Pumpkin pie?” “Oh fuck off,” “Think you mean fuck off honey bear.” “Rule 5: Standard pet names only!”

As much as he clearly enjoyed teasing you, Ben made sure you had a good time with him. He took your hand again but it was only so he could pull you into the warmth of a small Chinese restaurant. It was one he seemed to regularly visit judging by the way the man at the counter knew Ben’s order straight away. He seemed a little surprised when Ben asked to add extra dishes, eyes darting to your entwined hands, and then back to Ben’s face, but he said nothing, just cheerily gave Ben the new price. “What was that about?” you asked as you walked the last block to Ben’s door, each of you carrying a bag, his full of food and yours supplies from the grocery store, “the look he gave you when he saw me?” “Oh, that’s nothing. I used to go to that place a lot with my ex and then we broke up and I kept going on my own cause it’s close and it’s fucking good food. But, um, they know me pretty well and I guess it’s been a while since I took a girl there.” “Well I’m flattered that you chose me to be part of this touching moment,” you laughed and followed Ben to his front door, taking the second bag from him so he could pull his keys from his pocket and let you in. You’d never been inside Ben’s place before so you let him lead you down the hallway towards the kitchen, taking charge of pulling everything from the bags as Ben got out plates and cutlery. “Oh shit, hang on gotta text Mary and Peter,” You took over dividing up the food as Ben dug his phone out of his pocket. A few seconds after he’d sent the message and put his phone down a ding made him snatch it back up again. “Peter says there’ll be someone here to snap us while we leave. They want us to kiss if possible. Guess it’s really started then,” “Guess so. Can I ask one thing?” “Sure,” he said it slowly, almost nervously. “Why’d you change your mind about this? I thought for sure you’d say no.” “Oh, that. I don’t know, I guess I figured it wouldn’t hurt, especially if it was going to benefit the movie. C’mon, don’t want this to go cold,” You weren't sure you believed him but you let him shrug off the question as you picked up your plate and followed him into the living room. The next couple of hours were spent eating and watching trashy reality tv shows, making jokes at their expense. You and Ben kept talking long after the show ended, until he realised how late it was getting. “Better turn in otherwise I won’t get up in the morning,” he laughed. “Yeah, probably a good plan,” you stretched out on the couch, placing a cushion under your head. “C’mon, I’ll show you to your room.” “You mean I’m not sleeping on the couch?” “Oh my god you’re a dork,” he threw another cushion at you, “I have a spare room you can use.” “Well I didn’t know that,” you laughed as you pushed yourself to your feet, following him back down the hallway towards a closed door you hadn’t noticed before. “Nah, you’re all good. It’s honestly mostly used by my friend Joe when he’s travelling over this way. There’re clean sheets in the linen press in the bathroom which is the next door on the right, and extra blankets in the cupboard just there. Also watch the blinds if you try to close them, they can be a little stiff. If there’s anything else you need let me know, my bedroom is at the end of the hall, near the living room.” “Some PJs would be good, if it’s no trouble.” “Oh right, yeah of course, give me a second.” You dropped your bag in a corner of the room and then popped into the bathroom to grab some sheets. Ben came back with an old t-shirt and some flannel pants. “These are mine so they’ll probably be a bit big but they’ll be fine for the night. And they’ll look good for the camera in the morning.” “Thanks,” “That everything?” “Think so, night Ben,” “Night, snookums.” “Rule five mister,” Ben just laughed, pulling your door shut behind him.

Waking up in Ben’s spare room was mildly confusing. The bed faced a different direction than yours did, the blinds blocked out too much of the morning light, and the sheets felt different. But the previous night came back to you and then the reason you were staying at Ben’s did too. It made you too nervous to go back to sleep, too restless to stay there, so you got up and stumbled to the door, opening it just in time to see Ben leaving the bathroom. “Morning,” he groaned with half shut eyes and sleep mussed hair, “you want a coffee?” “Please. Thanks.” He yawned, acknowledging your answer with a nod and left the bathroom to you. When you were done you found him in the kitchen with a steaming mug of coffee in his hands and a second on the bench in front of him. You took it gratefully, letting the warm caffeine wake you up.” “Breakfast? I can offer you toast or cereal unless you wanna wait for pancakes to cook.” You shook your head, “Don’t normally eat breakfast,” Ben looked aghast, “You know breakfast’s important, right?” “Shhh, lemme wake up before you start lecturing me,” Ben smiled into his own mug, falling silent until you’d downed half your drink, “You good now? Alert?” “Close enough. Please don’t tell me about breakfast though.” “I wasn’t going to. There was another text from Peter this morning.” “What’d it say?” “Well, a photographer will be here around nine-ish ready for us, but they said he’ll stay for as long as we take.” “Okay.” “And, um, he was very careful in how he worded it, but they want us to look like we fucked. Also I told them I’d take you home so there may be someone waiting for us there too, he never got back to me on it.” “Shit, okay. Umm, guess I’ll just wear this then?” you indicated the pyjamas you’d borrowed, “might lose the pants though, help sell it a bit more.” “Yeah, guess so,” Ben cleared his throat and took a sip of coffee, his eyes firmly fixed over your shoulder. “What time is is?” “Uhhhh,” he glanced at the oven, “Twenty past eight.” “God I haven’t been up this early on a weekend in months.” “Not one for farmers markets or anything then?” “Not really. Much prefer lying in bed doing nothing.” “Me too,” “We’re meant for each other,” you laughed, “did you want to have a shower or anything?” “Nah, you can if you want though,” “Might as well wait until I get home. But I am gonna clean my teeth, especially if we have to kiss.” “Maybe mess up your hair too, make it look like you didn’t sleep much.” “Well how could I when you’re such a good lover,” “I know you’re joking but if anyone asks, I’m incredible. You came like three times.” “Did I now?” “Of course.” “Good thing no one’s gonna ask then, don’t think I’m great at lying.” “You’re an actress, Y/N. Besides, it’s not really a lie, I am that good. You just haven’t experienced it personally.” You poked your tongue out at Ben as you stood and headed towards the bathroom again but you did as he’d suggested and messed your hair up as much as you could.

“How do I look?” you ask Ben when you were done. “Gorgeous,” he said, eyes raking over every inch of your appearance from the ruffled hair to the hint of panda eyes you’d manufactured with your eyeshadow to the slightly unbuttoned flannel shirt and missing pants. “But do I look like I’ve been thoroughly fucked?” “Oh, right, umm, yes I think so,” “You do? I feel like theres something missing.” You darted back into the bathroom to look in the mirror again, “Oh! I know. Might be taking it a bit far though.” “What is it?” Ben asked, following you and watching you in the mirror. “What if you gave me a hickey?” “Y/N, I-” “Yeah, I know, that’s a weird thing to ask. Don’t worry, I think we’ll be fine without it.” Ben’s cheeks puffed up with air that he slowly let escape his lips, “no, you’re right, if I’d really slept with you last night I would have marked you up a bit. A hickey will definitely make it look more authentic.” “It’s not totally inappropriate for me to ask?” “No, no, we have to make it look legit, it’s a good suggestion. Here, I’ll uhh,” he stepped in close, one hand tentatively winding around your waist to pull you back against him, the other moving to push your hair aside. His breath was hot as he leaned into your neck. You saw him glance at your reflection, eyebrows slightly furrowed, but then his lips were on your skin, sucking at you until a bruise formed. Your own breath quickened with the contact but you knew it was just because he’d found a particularly sensitive spot and it had been a while since anyone had handled you like that. It was still just Ben and it was still part of your jobs. But all the same you let your eyes slip shut and hummed at how nice it felt. You were almost disappointed when it was over. Ben stood there for a moment, head bent over your neck, long enough to take a deep breath, but then he seemed to collect himself, taking a quick step back. “Will that do?” “It’s great Ben, really ties the whole look together.” Ben returned your smile but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, “Good. Good. Okay then, I’ll umm, what time is it?” “Just after nine,” you said, glancing at your phone, “wonder if the photographer is here yet.” “I think I will jump in for that shower actually, by the time I’m done he definitely will be.” “Okay,” “Make yourself comfortable though, watch some TV or something.” “Alright. Thanks for being so cool about all this. I know you’re a little sceptical about the benefits and everything.” “It’s fine, Y/N, no need for any of that.” He smiled again as you left the bathroom and the door shut behind you, but it still seemed off.

You settled onto the couch to flick TV channels, pausing at a breakfast news show and then at some kids cartoon you didn’t recognise, only stopping when Ben entered the room, clean and dressed. “Hey, I was wondering,” you said, turning towards him, “should I give you a hickey as well?” “No,” You were a little taken aback by how quickly he’d answered. “I mean, I think that’d be overkill. Keep it up our sleeves for next time, yeah?” “Okay, yeah, sure,” “Is he there?” “I think so.” Ben walked towards the window and twitched the curtain aside just enough to peek out, “Yeah, looks like him. Big camera pointing at my front door.” “Okay,” your heart began to beat a little faster, “show time then,” “Show time.” Ben nodded as he turned back to you. “Do we have a plan? I kinda wish I had a script right about now,” Ben laughed a little and you thought he seemed more himself, “I think you should go out first so they can get a good clean shot and then I come out after, maybe with my hand on your back?” “Sounds good,” “Okay, umm, I’ll lock the door and when I turn around you kiss me and then I’ll open the passenger door for you and we’ll drive to your place.” “Don’t bother opening my door. I’m not big into that kind of gesture, plus I think if we were actually being caught by the paparazzi, we’d be getting into the car as quick as possible. Maybe throw a look his way like you aren’t happy about being photographed just so it doesn’t seem too staged.” “Okay, no opening doors, noted.” You shrugged, “I just think it’s a bit old fashioned and unnecessary,” “I’ll keep that in mind for our dates. You ready to do this?” You nodded and stood up, leading the way to the front door. Ben collected his keys and wallet and placed a hand on the lower part of your back, your signal to open the door and step outside. “Kinda wish I had pants on,” you said softly, “It’s a bit brisk,” Ben chuckled as he followed you out, “We’ll put the heating on in the car for you,” he turned to lock the door. You watched him, fingers gripping the key a little tighter than he perhaps normally would, and as soon as he began to turn back around you were moving towards him, one hand thrown around his neck, the other in his hair as your pressed your lips to his. His hand found your back again, pulling you in close as he kissed you back fiercely, as if he were unwilling to let you go after such a good night together, the kiss of a man falling in love. For half a second you forgot it was an act. And then he was gone, his nose brushing yours briefly before there was space between you. You felt a little dazed with Ben looking at you so softly but you took a deep breath and reality came back to you. With another breath your turned and headed towards the car, able to hear the rapid click click click of the camera. You shot a look towards the noise and then got into the car, Ben hopping into the driver’s seat about a second later.

“You’re a good actor,” you said before silence could settle between you, “I already knew that, of course, but the kiss was really good. Almost completely believable.” “As long as it’s believable enough in the photos,” “I’m sure it will be. I think we pulled it off.” Ben nodded, “Yeah. You still chilly?” “Little bit,” He reached over and twisted one of the dials blindly, warm air suddenly washing over your goosebump covered legs, “better?” “So much, thanks.” “I think he might be following us,” “You did tell them we were going to mine, s’pose he’ll be trying to grab a couple of shots of us there.” “Yeah, probably.” “Should we come up with another game plan? Maybe you walk me to my door, we stand there talking for a bit, saying goodbye. I stay and watch you leave before I go inside.” “Perfect. Is another kiss part of the goodbye?” “Careful Ben, you sound almost like you want to kiss me,” you laughed, “but yes, think it needs to be.”

It went completely according to plan. By the time you were getting out of the car the photographer had pulled up outside your house, his camera sticking out the window of his car so he didn’t miss his shot. The camera clicked as Ben took your hand and you led him to your door. “Well, guess that’s it for today. I did have fun with you last night, even if it wasn’t the kind of fun everyone else will think it was.” “Yeah, me too. Happy to have you stay anytime you want to be photographed again. Maybe we’ll get you some PJs that can live at mine though.” “Probably for the best. If this goes well I can see them wanting us to do it again soon.” “Oh definitely. They’ll probably have notes for us so we can get an even better performance next time. You ready to wow them with another kiss?” “Lay it on me, babe,” “Anything you want, snookums,” You groaned but before you could protest too much Ben was kissing you again, softer than before, no longer trying to convince you to stay, just trying to prolong the moment before the goodbye. It left you a little breathless as he cupped your cheek, leaving his hand there when he pulled away. As you opened your eyes you saw him bite his lip and then he leaned in to leave you with a final chaste peck before his fingers slipped from your skin and he was walking away. You let out a long exhale as you watched him go, waving as the car took off. Once you were alone inside, the door firmly shut behind you, you laughed at how ridiculous the whole arrangement was. But at least Ben was a good kisser. Not too firm, not too wet, just the right amount of tongue. Believable enough to give you butterflies.

#my writing #my fics #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #ahhhh #this was fun #i hope ya'll like it

318 notes · View notes

skiller0dani · 4 years ago

Text

Heather | Zagene

M A S T E R L I S T YouTube Masterlist

angst requests info

I’ve always been really selective of what I write about. But I’m done doing that lol. I’m going to write about what I want to write about, and if people don’t like it then they can go to another blog.

And today I feel like writing something kinda sad about one of my favorite YouTube ships. Zagene, or Zach and Eugene from The Try Guys. There’s something so pure about how opposite they are. Also I love that Eugene “hates” hugs but like always is hugging Zach?? And just being cuddly towards him??? but sure, Eugene “doesn’t like” hugs.

also I got inspired obvi by the song “Heather” so Zach’s imaginary girlfriend is named Heather. I couldn’t use Maggie, I love her and Zach together too much.

Eugene didn’t hate her, he just wanted to.

Honestly she was sweet, she was kind, and funny, and it was all his damned fault. He had helped Zach polish his Tinder profile after days of Zach’s endless begging. Eugene didn’t even know how deep his feelings ran until after Zach and Heather got together. He was the master at hiding his emotions, even from himself it would seem. Heather was quirky, wore penguin socks to work, once shaved her head just for fun, she was so perfect for him. They were both tiny, odd, and were much kinder than this world deserved.

Eugene did not hate Heather, no matter how badly he wanted to.

He wanted to hate her. He wanted to hate her when he saw her press her lips to Zach’s. He wanted to hate her when Zach shed his jacket to lay softly over her shoulders when the wind picked up. Eugene wanted to hate her, but mostly because of the way Zach lit up whenever she was around. He wanted to be the one making Zach come alive, he wanted to be the most important person in Zach’s life. Eugene is completely aware how incredibly selfish that is but he can’t help himself, he wants Zach all to himself. He wanted to hate Heather, but he didn’t. How could he hate someone who was always so unfailingly kind to him? If anything, Eugene hates himself for letting it go this far. He should have dealt with this stupid crush on Zach the first second he noticed it, but he didn’t. He let it fester and grow until it felt like a wound infected with flowers. Something that should be horrible, but isn’t. That almost makes it more horrible.

Zach walked into the office that cursed day with the brightest smile upon his face. He waltzed right over to his standing desk and ignored the questioning gaze Eugene was giving him, he looked happier than he usually did. Eugene couldn’t help but ask.

“What the hell are you smiling about?” He scowled, but Zach didn’t seem to notice.

“Well good morning to you too sunshine.” Zach teased, the corners of his eyes still wrinkled with that faint smile. It bugged Eugene immensely. What on Earth had Zach in such a good mood today? He turned back to his desk, trying to ignore the smaller man sitting to his left, but it nagged at him for most of the day, like an annoying itch under his skin. Eugene tried to concentrate on his work, but every time Zach’s phone screen lit up, it caught his attention. Who was Zach talking to so much? Then came the question that sent everything in Eugene’s mind spiraling downwards.

“Hey Zach, how was your date?” It was Keith who asked, and Eugene’s throat went try in an instant. Date? Eugene looked at Zach in subtle interest, watching Zach’s face crack into that beautiful smile once more. “Great, I’m seeing her again after work.” Ned and Keith congratulated him, and asked who would be the new Mayor of ‘Singleville’. Eugene couldn’t focus on anything other than the news that Zach has found somebody. Zach, his Zach, has found somebody? Who the hell even is she? She’s probably awful, it won’t last long. Guilt flashed through Eugene at the selfish thoughts plaguing his mind, but his heart yearned for Zach painfully.

Eugene managed to ignore Zach and the new girlfriend for the remainder of the day, that is until she was meeting him right after work. As in meeting him at the office, and unfortunately meeting the other Try Guys as well. Eugene included.

The first thing he noticed was that annoyingly, she was absolutely beautiful. Her eyes gleamed when she looked at Zach, her hand searching for him in some way, eventually grasping at his hand. “Hi, uh I’m Heather.” She greeted nervously upon looking at Eugene. She seemed put together when she spoke to Keith and Ned, but Eugene was far more intimidating to approach then the other two. Plus the deep set glare Eugene had on his face didn’t make him feel any more approachable. Zach shot him a pleading look, a ‘please don’t scare her away’ look.

Eugene promptly ignored him. He was trying to scare her away.

“Eugene.” He said coldly, his handshake brief as he towered above her. She really was tiny, even Zach towered over her. She couldn’t have been taller than 5,0″. Zach pressed a soft kiss to her cheek before shooting Eugene another look after excusing himself to gather his things. Poor Heather stood trembling in Eugene’s presence, and found herself inching closer to Keith and Ned. But Eugene was someone really important to Zach, so she wanted to know him. Even if Eugene didn’t want to know her. “S-So how long have you known Zach?”

Eugene was hoping she wasn’t talking to him, but when he looked over at her their eyes met.

“Longer than you.” Eugene snapped. He couldn’t help himself, it felt like they were competing for Zach’s attention. Eugene was going to win.

“Oh don’t mind him, he doesn’t really like strangers.” Ned laughed nervously, Eugene was closed off to people he didn’t know so that was no surprise, but he was being extra bristly today and nobody knew why. Well, nobody except for maybe Keith- who’d had a hunch about where Eugene’s heart was located and Eugene’s less than welcoming attitude towards Zach’s girlfriend was all the confirmation he needed. Heather steeled her frazzled nerves and faced Eugene again.

“Zach speaks very highly of you, he says you’re an extremely talented film director.” She says and Eugene feels disarmed for a moment. Zach has told her about him? What else has Zach said?

“He embellishes my skills. I’ve had a lot of work on the projects I’ve directed.”

“He also said you were stoic.” She smiled when she saw a crack in Eugene’s armor. She may not know how intense Eugene’s feelings for Zach are but she can certainly see that Zach is a soft spot for Eugene. She figures it’s in a brotherly way- and she finds that endearing. She’s wrong, but Eugene won’t tell her that. Heather opens her mouth to say something else but when Zach emerges with a large backpack slung over his shoulder- Eugene’s eyebrows pinch together in concern.

“Let me-”

“Eugene you don’t have to.”

“Your back is going to hurt.” Eugene insists as he takes Zach’s bag and car keys, his eyes only briefly glancing towards Heather. Zach watches with heated cheeks as Eugene hauls his bag out to the car, “why didn’t you tell me Eugene has such a soft spot for you?” Heather asks with a small smile.

Confusion is the first thing that crosses Zach’s mind.

“He doesn’t?” Zach questions with a laugh but Heather merely raises a brow at him.

“Oh he so does, he wanted nothing to do with me until I started talking about you.” She said and another blush roared across Zach’s pale cheeks. He drapes an arm over her shoulder with a nervous shrug. But when he sees Eugene sitting on the porch steps outside, he pulls away from Heather.

Eugene hears the door creak open, and he already knows who it is by the scent of Zach’s cologne. He never wears cologne. He probably wore it for Heather. “You okay ‘Gene?” That was a nickname Eugene detested at first, but now he doesn’t mind it. Only when Zach says it- he snaps at anyone else who says it.

“Mhm.” Eugene offers a glance over his shoulder, but Zach doesn’t move. Eugene feels his heart splintering with every worried look Zach gives him, he could never tell Zach why he was so upset. Sorry I’ve been in love with you for the last 3 years, so that’s why I hate your girlfriend, except I don’t really hate her because she’s actually not that bad!

Zach sits next to Eugene and bumps their shoulders together. “You’re retreating back into yourself again.” It’s safer that way. Eugene wants to say, but he doesn’t. Instead he merely offers nothing more than a shrug, he needs to stop being selfish and just let Zach be happy even if it’s not with him. Eugene feels nauseated in Zach’s presence, he feels like Zach is cheating on him. He knows how ridiculous that sounds, but thinking of him with Heather, makes Eugene positively sick to his stomach. The anger rising inside Eugene is going to erupt from him any second now, why wont Zach just leave him alone?

“Eugene whatever it is-”

“It’s you Zach! Why the hell do you talk about me so damn much? There’s no reason your fucking girlfriend should know so much about me already.” Eugene snaps angrily, his face twisting as he glares over at Zach. The normal smile on Zach’s face has melted away, “I’m sorry- I didn’t know-”

“No you did know you just didn’t care. You’re selfish Zach and you don’t think about anyone except for yourself. Now get your stupid girlfriend and leave me the hell alone.” Eugene nearly yells, the pain in his heart overwhelming him. He doesn’t dare glance at Zach, even when he hears a sniffle come from him, not even when Zach stands and hastily turns back inside, not when the door slams shut behind him. Zach was crying. Eugene made him cry. Eugene drops his head to his hands, feeling tears pushing into his own eyes.

Nothing felt the same after Eugene’s angry outburst, and the last thing Eugene wanted to do was change the dynamic of his and Zach’s friendship. But everything felt different now. He didn’t know if he should talk to Zach about it or...apologize? Zach didn’t seem very keen on talking to Eugene anyway. Heather swung by the office more often, and despite what happened with Zach she still smiled at Eugene. She still brought him coffee when she brought everyone else coffee, she still told him ‘good afternoon’. She was still so damn nice.

Damn her.

It was late, and Zach was trying to get some work done, he found himself in the office but his back was starting to scream in pain. The stiffness in his neck had spread far down the length of his spine, and he winced in pain as he stood and stretched. Zach couldn’t stop thinking about what Eugene said, how angry he was. Zach wanted to know what was wrong, and he knew 100% it wasn’t because he told Heather about Eugene. It still hurt to hear the hurtful things Eugene said, but something else is bothering him and he was lashing out.

“Oh hey babe.” Zach greeted after hearing his Vampire Weekend ringtone. Heather was silent, in all honesty Zach wasn’t sure how interested he even was in her. Sure she was beautiful, funny, kind, and the sex was okay but the entire relationship lacked that spark. It lacked that butterflies in your stomach moment, when Zach kissed Heather he felt no fireworks going off, no weak in the knees. It just felt like a kiss, and he knew he couldn’t keep this up forever. He has no idea why he asked her out in the first place.

“Can we talk?” This question should make him nervous, but it doesn’t.

Zach leans against the wall, the pain in his spine becoming unbearable by the second. “Sure.” He winces, Heather doesn’t mention it if she hears him.

“I like you Zach, but I can tell you don’t like me. Because of Eugene.” Zach’s eyebrows furrow, because of Eugene?

“What do you mean?” He asks in confusion, and it honestly breaks her heart that Zach doesn’t deny the fact that he doesn’t like her.

“I have no idea how you haven’t noticed your obvious crush on Eugene.” The second the words leave her lips, Zach’s entire world seems to stop. Zach doesn’t have a crush on Eugene, does he?

“Look it really isn’t a big deal to me, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” Heather says and she doesn’t sound angry, or even hurt but Zach knows she probably is. “Uh yeah okay.” Is all he can think to say, does he have a crush on Eugene?

Zach feels like he should be more bothered by the fact that Heather just broke up with him but as soon as he hangs up the call, his back pain goes sky high. Zach collapses against the couch, his legs going numb from the pain. Zach reaches for his phone but groans, he can’t call Heather for help obviously and Keith and Ned are on double date night with their wives.

That leaves only Eugene.

As soon as Eugene hears the pain in Zach’s voice, and the gentle plea he’s out his apartment door. When he reaches the office, Zach is still on the floor, propped against the couch as he writhes in pain. Neither of them say anything as Eugene kneels down to take Zach’s hands, and neither of them address the spark that shoots through them at the feel of skin on skin. Neither of them talk about the fight, neither of them talk about the fact that Zach leaned into Eugene’s chest more naturally then he would have liked. Eugene scoops Zach into his arms, and he ignores how nice it feels to be the one Zach called for help, to be the one Zach wanted to take care of him.

No neither of them talk about the obvious feelings stirring in both of their chests.

They don’t talk about it, but they should.

#zagene #zagene angst #the try guys #zach and eugene #zagene imagine #youtube imagine #angst

16 notes · View notes

movieguy50 · 3 years ago

Text

Hey everyone,

I just want to give everyone a quick update as to what's going on with the scams or what's called operation drain and run out of the 200 that were arrested the other day most have been released must have been very forthcoming and giving information some of them have been detained further pending for their interview and or their charges are going to be dropped or reduced law enforcement agencies have confirmed that there are some more smaller cell operations of this type going on here in the United States and in Canada they are now getting in with the Canadian authorities to help with the investigation up there I can't tell you that 75 of the 200 people arrested the other day were members of Tumblr so basically yes they were right under our nose and we did not know it but I knew it.

I can also tell you that information from this point forward is going to be very slim because they are wanting to Big Cheese the people that are actually masterminding all this and they're going to have to start being careful what information they let out and that's totally acceptable to me I totally understand that and they did say the other thing about passing the info. on to you guys as much as they can. They said that I have been a big help in this there's been a few other people that have come forward they've also been assisting and helping out but I still need some more help so anything y'all got if it if it means you got scammed don't worry about being embarrassed you're not going to be judged or you're not going to be treated like shit just because you fell for it.

So now if you've noticed that I changed the format of my blog it makes it look like it's in a daily or weekly episodic TV show it's still called a slice of my world but it's also episode 1-18 this is starting to become a daily or actually it should say it bi-weekly thing of me posting and I have enjoyed it don't get me wrong but the title of this is called oh how things have changed and it's basically going to be a lot of difficult reading from this point forward but stuff that once you read it you'll understand why it has been so difficult I I'm going to Chronicle the night of January 20th of last year through the morning hours of January 21st which is what I considered the moment my life changed forever.

So we begin on January 20th 2020 I had to go to work I walked 4 miles to go to work because I didn't have a vehicle anymore and we were living in a motel so I had to you know make sure one of us is working until a lot of times where I was staying even hard for me to get a ride. So I work the 3:30 to close shift which basically meant I left between anywhere from between 12:30 and 1:00 in the morning I worked at a movie theater which by the way was probably the best job I had ever had in my life I I love that place I would love to go back to another one like it. So basically I got off work about 12:30 that night and normally I would have a ride to work on Monday nights this week it wasn't possible because of something that happened at the theater the manager got behind on his paperwork on and couldn't get out on time like he normally does I had to go to the store that night because we didn't have very much food so I went to store I got about 2 or 3 nights worth of food with enough till I get to my day off from work to go to the store and get more. That was a common occurrence so by the time I got done with the store and got home about 2:30 in the morning my wife was asleep she had been sick for about a month before this which now I have directly linked into being one of the first cases of COVID-19 in the united states'.

I came home and like I said she was asleep and I gave her a kiss like I usually do sometimes it wakes her up sometimes it doesn't this time it woke her up we start talking for a little bit I went outside and I did my usual ritual I go outside and smoke a little weed you know kind of relaxed a little bit for about 20-30 minutes yeah I went inside and cooked dinner now for a little background my wife had been sick for a while she had a heart attack November 8th in 2018 and then she had a stroke Easter Sunday of 2019 a stroke that she refused to go get taken care of even though I begged her and had other people beg her to go to the hospital she would not do it when she had the heart attack the doctor was not able to fix all the blockages to her heart because some of the arteries were too small so he told me privately that if she had another heart attack she wouldn't survive it I knew that I told her that about 3 months later so she knew but on this night I never had any dream or knowing that 2 hours after I got home from work she would be dead she had a massive heart attack I was just getting ready to start cooking dinner when she started really screaming about chest pain and I've never heard her go off like she did and even though I called 911 it still took the damn people 20 minutes to get out there otherwise I still think she'd be alive but then again maybe not so to try to make a long story short they would not let me ride in the ambulance with her to the hospital she was still coherent but when they did the ekg in the room where we were staying at I could tell the guy's eyes that she wasn't going to be much longer and I think the reason why they told me I couldn't ride with them was because for the same Theory I think that they didn't want my last memory of her to be of her fighting for her life and dying and I am thankful for that because I've had horrible nightmares about this whole thing and so after I made all the notifications and everything that day I went back to work two days later and I was told I could stay out as long as I needed to they were really really super awesome and amazing to me hell they were even responsible for giving me the money to get my wife buried because they donated money they put a pool in together to help me. The thing about it was is I don't know what upset me more the fact that I wish there was something more I could have done or the fact that I had to have a fucking cop show up to my door to tell me that she was gone even though I had already known it. So when I went back to work two days later it was very very hard because she used to work there too and she used to work at the podium on the weekends where she took the tickets and everything and told people where the theaters were and everything else and I wasn't there for 2 hours and I just doubled over it was just like a big flood of emotion but I made it that night but the hard part was with the weekends because those were the nights that she worked the most everybody loved my wife it worked up there and so I mean I didn't feel like I was so alone then the pandemic came I lost my job I lost my place where I was staying I had to go to my sister-in-law's house which was the biggest mistake of my life cuz I really found out what kind of people they were plus that's when I developed a curiosity for methamphetamine and then I met the bitch from hell not even 2 months later and keep in mind she was just supposed to be a companion we weren't like going to be boyfriend girlfriend cuz I still way too broke up about my wife's death that's all I wanted cuz I couldn't stand being lonely anymore just like I can't stand it now but she got me hooked on meth and I say she got me hooked because she kept bringing it around me knowing that I found something new that I really liked and I didn't ask her to bring it around I could have said no but this has to do with that 28 day period from June to July where she was drugging me putting the dope in my food in my drinks that's why I blame her.

Then after my ex got murdered at a house party I lost my sister-in-law and nephew and then my step daughter called me one day two weeks before Christmas to tell me that she lost her fiance her baby's daddy after he had a heart attack from A congenital heart defect that he had for 6 years the only bright spot of 2020 was my step daughter had a daughter of her own and that to this day that baby is my love bug

As where I'm at right now I'm going to be homeless by next weekend again unless I can come up with $250-300 dollars by Friday night it doesn't look like it's going to happen folks unless I can get some donations and get them quick I am taking donations right now if you can help I don't care if it's 5 10 15 20 $25 whatever it is it will help I don't expect nobody to give me the money all at once cuz I know a lot of people don't have that kind of money right now so just little donations will help right now I had to actually go to Walmart today and steal food God I hate myself for doing it I didn't get caught but still my conscience was getting the best of me for much of the evening I got enough food here to last me for 2 or 3 days if I end up getting to stay here but like I said it's not looking very good at this point I've tried local resources I've tried all kinds of Charities help and all they want you to do is hurry up and wait and I ain't got that kind of time and I told him that so I I'm asking for any help that anyone could give if I don't get if I can get at least $250 out of 400 I can go get me a motel room for the week and I'll get me by until I can come back here when my roommate comes back cuz then he'll have the money for the rent and everything else so I can come back here so I just need to really get by for a week I have not had any dope in nine days I'm going crazy but I need a place to live first before I can be doing that shit so I'll just have to deal with it if you want to help I'll give you my cash app I will put it at the end of this post for everybody so the last 18 months has not been fun I went to six suicide of Temps and I just been existing when before I had it all anyway so that's basically going to end this episode of a slice of my world I'm sorry if this was such a downer for a lot of people but you know I the more and more I feel like I tell my story easier everyday gets for me cuz I don't feel like I'm burying myself with all the emotion and having to keep it bottled up anyway I will talk to you y'all whenever I talk to you I may be on Hiatus for a little bit because I won't have a phone here after tomorrow unless I go someplace that has Wi-Fi and depending on my living situation I mean like I said I'm I'm hoping and praying somebody will be able to help out by donating a little bit of money to me so I can keep a place over my head somehow someway anyway y'all. I love you take care of yourself and I'll see you on the other side

Cashtag $jojo091069

PayPal

Venmo

Google pay

Message for those tags I left blank as I don't know them by heart yet

Love,. Sean

1 note · View note

jootsmcgoots · 4 years ago

Text

MBC Selfshipping Prompts #1: First Dates (Risotto Nero)

WOO BOY so Haley started a weekly Selfship Prompt event over at MBC, and I wanted to write it out! And so I did.

Mind you, this uses my self-insert, Niko, so it’s going to be using that name and female pronouns. This work got away from me, so it ended up being 2422 words (even when I meant for this to be less than 2k words......lmaooo...)

I will get around to posting my reader inserts soon, but not yet LOL I’ll get around to it when I get around to it. This blog is still very much a WIP because I still need to re-reblog a LOT of content from the old blog.

But for now, this is what I’m writing and I wanted to post it up. I may write another for Mista, but we’ll see (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

So as the title implies, this is the first of the prompts, and it’s “First Dates”.

Niko let out a yawn as she sleepily looked out at the busy street. Her eyes scanned the droves of people walking around, trying to scope out her target. Dark eyes blinked as she studied the faces of men nearing her, trying to determine if they were the one she was looking for. When they passed by her, she shrugged internally.

Her phone’s clock read 10:47 AM. She knew they agreed to meet around 11, but it never hurt to be early. “And anyways, better to be early than late, right? Right.” She still couldn’t help getting bored easily, and the anxiety and tension building in her chest continued to rise as the seconds passed.

“Calm down, calm down,” she thought to herself, “It’s just a date; you’ve been on dates before! Just treat it like you’re just hanging out with a friend.” Niko let out the breath she was holding and took her phone out, idly browsing it in order to distract herself. “Plus, it’s Mimi’s brother. There’s no way he’d be the bad kind of sort. She wouldn’t set us up if she thought we weren’t going to get along.”

Still, she had to admit she was surprised when her friend made the suggestion and arrangements. Niko recalled as her friend more or less pushed the aquarium tickets into her hand and snatched her phone to punch in her brother’s contact info.

“It’ll be nice, I promise! He’s a really great guy, and I think you two will hit it off!” Mimi flashed the smaller woman a grin. “Plus, he needs to get out more often.”

Niko’s mouth formed a slight line as she remembered how she had asked her friend for a photo of her date, but Mimi’s grin only grew with amusement.

“Oh, don’t worry about that! You’ll know when you see him.”

A noise of annoyance escaped Niko’s throat. “Dude, what does that even mean?” Her brow creased as she tried to think on what that could have meant, but quickly gave up, deciding it was too much effort. Her eyes absentmindedly left her phone screen to scope out her surroundings again.

Except her eyes bugged out as they fell on a large, foreboding man in dark clothing who towered over most if not all of the other people walking along. Whether by his size or presence, people seemed to naturally get out of his way as he continued making his way down the street. Everything about him exuded a quiet kind of power, from the way he walked, his stern expression, his hulking, muscular frame…

Though she remained completely stock-still, Niko shook her head inwardly. “No, no, maybe it’s not him! Maybe it’s just your regular, big, muscular, scary-lookin’ dude with fucking black sclera and red eyes, just walkin’ down the street for a stroll! All decked out in black and has the kinda expression that says, ‘hey so if you piss me off, I’m going to rip your limbs off’! Totally normal! Yeah! Hahaha!”

However, despite the thousands of thoughts going through her head at miles a minute, Niko knew. Now she understood what Mimi had meant by “You’ll know.” When the man stopped in front of her, it was undeniable that this man was indeed her date.

She could feel red eyes roving over her, studying her. If looks could kill, Niko felt like she would have been smote where she stood from the intensity of his stare alone.

Risotto’s unblinking crimson stare studied the woman before him. She certainly matched the picture and profile his sister had given him. Petite and girlish stature, short black hair that swept to the right, glasses, gold studs in her lobes, everything matched. He noted how she was sporting a mint green frog backpack, just like she’d specified she would so that he could recognize her easier. How thoughtful of her to suggest that in the first place. He couldn’t deny that he appreciated the consideration.

He was an observant man and was well-aware of his perception skills. After all, it was an invaluable skill in his line of work. However even without his sharp senses, there was no missing the look of surprise, awe, and slight fear in his date’s flabbergasted visage. Her eyes were wide, brows raised to the sky and jaw slack, lips seeming to form the beginnings of “Oh my god.”

Risotto let out a nearly imperceptible huff of amusement. His sister was right; this woman’s face hid nothing. He couldn’t help but smile a little at that candidness.

Introductions were short and awkward, but they served their purposes. Once acquainted, the pair could proceed with their date. Their itinerary was rather basic, just go to an aquarium and get some food together. Simple enough.

However, conversation was rather sparse as they made their way to their destination. Without any prior knowledge or known common ground, Niko was unsure of what to talk about, and Risotto was a taciturn individual by nature.

He didn’t dislike the small talk that she was trying to make, asking him things like what he did, what his hobbies were, but it required him to think carefully about his responses. It wasn’t exactly appropriate to vent about how little you were being paid to kill people on a first date.

What were you even supposed to talk about on a first meeting like this anyways? It had been far too long since he had tried connecting with someone new, let alone someone not affiliated with Passione. Though Risotto’s face remained as placid as ever, worry and nerves began bubbling beneath the surface as he picked up on the traces of worry and discomfort on his date’s face, and he wracked his brain for more to say.

He wasn’t alone, though; Niko hardly ever met people like this, usually having some common ground with new conversational partners. Here, she had absolutely no idea. Inwardly, she cursed Mimi for putting them in this awkward situation, wishing a thousand poxes on her friend’s house.

=====

“Eh? You set them up on a date?”

“Yup!” Mimi replied cheerily.

“And it’s a blind date, you said? And she doesn’t know what he looks like?”

Mimi hummed an affirmative as she snuggled up against her boyfriend’s shoulder, black nails clacking against her phone screen as she browsed. Though Kakyoin’s eyes hadn’t left the screen and he had continued dutifully chaining combos, his brows raised in surprise as he made a considering noise.

“Oh dear. She’s in for quite the surprise then.” As the victory logo flashed on screen, he leaned down and planted a kiss on her forehead and smiled warmly at Mimi.

“That’s evil. I love it.”

=====

Arriving to the aquarium was a relief and a salvation to Niko. At least now they could busy themselves with an activity, and that would give them something to do together. Slowly, their conversation became less stiff and stilted, as Niko began prattling off about the various exhibits they toured together. Bit by bit, she continued to come out of her shell as she pulled him from room to room, and by noontime she was babbling nonstop about the penguin feeding exhibit they had just been at.

“…and god, they were just so damned cute!” Her eyes glittered at the memory. “Fun fact, did you know that there was this one penguin that fell in love with an anime character? I’m not kidding!” Niko nodded as Risotto tilted his head at that statement. “Yeah, yeah! His name was Grape-kun and he uh…” Her words petered out, and her expression turned sheepish.

Risotto raised a brow, unsure of why she stopped. “Is something wrong?”

Niko fidgeted in silence for a moment before answering. “I…I just kinda realized that I’ve been dragging you from place to place, and I’ve just been rambling non-stop. It’s – it’s not that…it’s okay if you’re just not one for talking. I totally get that!” she said, waving her hands in front of her before wringing them worriedly. “I just wanna make sure you’re having fun too. Like, I just hope I’m not talking over you or only doing the things I wanna do, y’know?”

She looked up at him to meet his stare. Embarrassment was racking up by the second, and as she was going to open her mouth, he spoke.

“I’ve been enjoying myself.”

Relief flooded her senses. Niko smiled at him as she registered his words, her expression relaxing into something much brighter. He couldn’t help but mirror the expression, even though the corners of his mouth had barely turned upwards.

She clapped her hands together as a thought seemed to dawn on her.

“I know! Was there anything in particular that you wanted to do? Anything here that you were looking forward to?”

At that, Risotto’s eyes widened just the tiniest bit, but Niko had caught it. “There is, isn’t there?” she probed with a mischievous grin. “C’mon, tell me! I’m sure it’ll be nice.”

He averted his eyes, and she chuckled good-naturedly at his sudden shyness. “C’mooon, tell me! We already came all the way out here, so if there was something you wanted to do, let’s go and do it!”

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t turn away from her expression, bright and shining like the sun, with no escape. Risotto let out a mumble, still unable to look her directly in the eye.

“Mm? What was that?” Niko tilted her ear towards him.

“…the manta rays.” He repeated himself, barely louder.

She made the connection in seconds. “Oh! The petting pool with the manta rays!” Niko threw him a grin as he nodded. “Yeah, I gotcha! Let’s go!” And at that, she immediately set off before stopping short and looking behind her, waiting for him. “Come on! It gets really crowded, so let’s head on over.”

The petting pool was a popular exhibit, and it was already full of people, children and adults alike, all fawning over the adorable manta rays that practically jumped out of the water for a petting. Though his face remained as stony as ever, the sparkles in Risotto’s eyes exposed his excitement as the sounds of splashing drew nearer and nearer.

Niko let out a giggle. How cute.

However, he just stood there, staring out at the pool that was so close yet so far. Maybe he felt put off by the number of people there.

Taking matters into her own hands, Niko tried to lead them closer to the pool, but found that the droves of people who were already there difficult to navigate. She managed to bypass a few of them, but soon found it hard to actually get near the exhibit. Her lips curled to the side in annoyance as she tried to think about how to get to the exhibit.

Then, she felt someone take her hand. Niko looked up in surprise to see Risotto by her side, taking her hand gently as he began to wade through the crowd with her in tow, people parting as a hulking 6’8” man strode over to the manta ray pool. No one there decided that it was worth getting in his way, especially as he occasionally let out quiet, polite “excuse me, pardon me”s as he made his way over.

As Niko followed him through the crowd, she had a thought. Throughout the date, he hadn’t tried to make contact with her at all. Now that she thought about it, he had kept a respectful distance from her the entire time.

She let that fact wash over her as they approached the pool. Manta rays were swimming serenely through the clear water, occasionally breaking the surface of the water, excited for more pets.

Risotto had already dipped his hands into the cold water, gently stroking the creature as it passed by. A soft smile graced his features, dimples forming on his cheeks.

The sight was something Niko wanted to commit to memory.

Noticing that she had yet to join him, he removed his hand from the pool to look at his date. What he was met with was a soft, nearly reverent look on her face, dust blushing her cheeks. Upon realizing that he was looking directly at her, Niko gave him an awkward grin, hastily kneeling down with him to start babbling about how cute the rays were.

“…sorry.”

That cut her ramble short. “Huh? About what?”

“I should have asked first.”

His heart was thrumming in his chest as he searched her expression for any change. She looked confused for the barest of seconds before realization lit her features.

“Oh. Oh! That!” Niko quickly took her hand out of the pool, but thought better of shaking her hands in front of her like she usually did. “No, no – don’t worry about that!” She laughed, the sound causing a tentative warmth to blossom in his chest. “I really didn’t mind. It was…it was nice.” She emphasized her point with a shy but honest smile that caused the warmth in his chest to go into full bloom.

His eyes softened at her gentle expression, the soft look on her face looking like the most natural thing in the world. Risotto grunted an affirmative, finding words to be difficult.

As they walked away from the petting pool and dried off their hands, Niko spoke up.

“You know…to be honest, I wasn’t so sure about this. It’s been awhile since I’ve gone on a date, and this was my first blind date. I was ready to kill Mimi!” she admitted with a laugh, miming strangling motions. “No offense.”

“None taken.” His chuckle was nearly inaudible, but she didn’t miss the amusement in his voice.

Her smile grew wide, toothy and easy. “But this was nice. Real nice.”

“It was.” Risotto returned the smile, however subtle the change in his expression was. “I’ll admit this was…an experience. But I enjoyed it.”

At that, Niko laughed lightly and reached out to take his hand. Risotto noted the hesitation in her actions, the pause lasting no longer than a second. But in the end, he could feel his hand in hers, warm and comforting, like that was where it belonged.

He smiled at the feeling.

“Let’s go get lunch?” she asked, tilting her head at him.

His hand tightened around hers, just so.

“Let’s.”

As they walked towards their destination, they discussed restaurants, going over their options and bantering all the way there, the sound of her laughter echoing down the street.

#my self insert #Niko #self insert #self insert prompts #first dates #Risotto Nero #Vento Aureo #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #modern AU #aquariums #my writing #SFW #fluff #fluffy #risotto x niko

21 notes · View notes

bittybattybunny · 4 years ago

Note

You know what? This has been on the back of my mind for awhile, but PLEASE EITHER POST A LINK TO YOU GOING OF ABOUT YOUR SOUL EATER WORLD BUILDING HEADCANONS, OR RAMBLE AWAY HERE BECAUSE I WANT TO HEAR YOU TALK, ESPECIALLY SINCE PART OF ME WANTS TO KNOW WHY YOU LOVE THE TRASH SWORD!!!!!!???????

KLFSJKFJKDSFKFD

THIS

THIS IS NOT THE ASK I AS EXPECTING TO GET

UMM

UUHHH

I DONT HAVE IT ANYWHERE ONLINE ABOUT WHY I LOVE HIM UM

I NEVER

THOUGHT SOMEONE WOULD ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW??? UM UM IDK IF I CAN PUT IT ALL IN LIKE ONE POST??? IT'S UM

well, I have a lot of headcanons but the long-short is I just think he’s neat.

Um alright so since you specifically asked tho about Excalibur I can ramble a lil on my thoughts on him??

Alright buckle up; I have no idea how long this will get. Please understand I have been a member of the soul eater fandom since yen plus started translating it into English.

I do not really interact with the fandom (not really sure why I never did/do. I guess it’s just cuz when I got into the fandom I didn’t really have access to fandom spaces and by the time I did I wasn’t really sure about it.)

however, I have cosplayed as both Eurka Frog (and I met Todd Haberkorn!!! I chased him to an elevator and threw a fanart at him and then ran away. I did get him to sign a piece the next day. he’s super nice. I am very distressed I missed a chance to get a signed piece by Troy Baker and I really cannot express how upset I am by this. Like honest to god I am so upset. I had been in line I was ready I was so pumped-- and then my friend was like hey let's go he has a thing tomorrow you can do it then and like an idiot, I did and guess what wasn’t the next day? a troy baker signing. Sighs. He’s not been at any cons I've attended since so I’m so disheartened I will never get my annoying sword autograph) As well as Maka Albarn (IDK if I posted photos or not but I think it’s on my cosplay blog or on twitter)

Anyhow onto Excalibur and why I think he’s a pretty neat character.

We’re going into a read more cuz this is LONGGGGGG

Also Obviously I am going into spoiler territory

I pull info from both the anime and manga when it comes to my personal SE HCs. This is more evident in my Shinigami-Sama/Kishin headcanons but I’ll save those for another post if there’s actually an interest in it (as well as my Chrona is a Genie hc. that one is a shorter HC but yeah.) My friends who’ve sat and listened to me (and my sister who knows the show but isn't invested like I am. Like fun fact is even tho I don't do much fanart; anytime I see soul eater cosplayers or merch I like to get it.) say I’m pretty convincing so lol.

So Excalibur as a whole is set up to be this hella annoying, talks over you, egotistical, member of the great old ones, warlord of anger, most powerful weapon.

(ﺧ益ﺨ)

in both the anime and manga he’s shown to always seem to stick to the same points when he talks. His legend begins in the 12th-century blah blah.

And his ridiculous list to become his meister.

Which set him up to be as you put “trash sword”

But I think it actually helps open something up.

So I, myself am a rambler when I’m nervous or excited. I will reiterate points when I’m frightened or upset (for my I tend to ramble on stupid factoids like octopus or my chronic illness)

And I kinda see this in Excalibur. Not a nervousness per se but that he’s purposely putting up a barrier between him and others.

He’s lonely.

He’s willing to cut down on the list of requirements for Kid and Black Star. Even with Ox he was asking to be taken. And He did partner with Hiro for a time.

He’s been in that cave for a long time. Since Asura pretty much.

How does a weapon who can pair to anyone and is as powerful as he is get shoved into a rock and left there just because he’s “annoying”

This always bugged me.

More so when we get moments later on when he’s like chatting with Death or Kid and he’s actually really serious. Like there’s no pretense, no interrupting. Like yes he does slightly interrupt when they aren’t listening or say something dumb but for the most part you see a completely different side to him.

This is what cemented in my head the fact the whole “annoying” bit is an act he does. He’s capable of emotions. He shows attachment to things like his legend.

Specifically that bit always made me think he really misses King Arthur. Like why else would he always fixate on that? like his legend begins sure but there’s more to it right? he never talks about his time with Shinigami and the old ones. Only his legend and then how he was such a wild child. but it lacks substance. The guy is over 800 years old there should be more he can ramble about.

So here’s where my headcanon takes a weird turn

but I think Excalibur.

Is the sorcerer Merlin.

A man born with a Grigori Soul and the ability to use magic. It’s shown Eibon and Excalibur tended to not get along. and Eibon based the demon weapons on Excalibur but wouldn’t tell him.

Excalibur isn’t counted as a demon weapon. he’s a holy sword.

There is no other record of a weapon like this.

I think Merlin, in an attempt to help his dear friend Arthur with his battles, turned himself into a powerful weapon to aide him. He’s an old one with the power of Madness of Anger. Anger can take many forms including possessive love. Wouldn’t it make sense for someone who knows they are strong to do everything they can for their loved one? I know I’ve been angry enough to kill for the ones I love. Like nothing makes me angrier than someone hurting someone i care about.

I think he was heartbroken to outlive the king. Clearly he doesn’t age and is super focused on the 12th century. I think it really hurt him.

Moving to another point

he’s selfish. Egotistical. but i think it’s another front. Like yes he has some pride obviously. But all his stories involve other people. Shouting fool at anyone who who deems worthy of the name.

People won’t care if you get hurt if you’re a dick.

You can’t get hurt if you aren’t close to people.

If not evidenced by my AHIT oc Eclipse and my baby Kai; I’m a sucker for self sacrificing in the name of love because you don’t see yourself worthy or love. (this is more self projecting than anything but I’m not gonna unpack that here)

I think Excalibur is the same way. he demands to walk in front of people. he wants to be the center of attention. But he won’t get close to others. He’ll take the burden on of being annoying and strong so people focus on him and others can sneak around.

So to sum up my personal headcanons:

Excalibur is a sorcerer named Merlin who had a powerful grigori soul and turned himself into a weapon to aide the man he was close to (and yes I’m 100% suggesting he had romantic feelings for Arthur. but Arthur was for Guinevere so he stood to the side and let them be) He plays up being an asshole because he doesn’t want to lose another person since he outlived Arthur.

Also i didn’t clarify the reason I say he has a grigori soul is due to the facts we know about them. Wings, Halo, purifying, rare. these traits are shared by Excalibur when he’s wielded. I think it’s a pretty cut and dry reason for why I say this ya know?

So Why do I like him?

I think he’s a character who gets written off as a joke superficially but when you sit and reread the manga or rewatch the anime and pay close attention to him; there’s actually a lot there to unpack and enjoy. I think he’s a deep character who puts up a front to protect himself but slowly warms up (I mean heck he’s clearly running around by the end of the manga. and people aren’t screaming)

So thanks for coming to my ted talk I love Excalibur and I don’t care if I’m the only one who does.

Also if curious, my fanstory “Fuller” which has my oc Mira and Excalibur as the main focus actually takes place post Manga and stuff.

Um I guess tho if you want to hear my two cents on anything else soul eater you can ask too I have a bunch of other theories like how Kishin are actually a race not just demonic souls and how soul types show there’s more in the world than we get shown (like look at Free. He’s an immortal werewolf. what’s up with that? and Maka had a Genie hunter during a resonance which means those exist and then there’s teh thing with witches and then blair is a weird existence and just. look. I have a lot of feelings for this even tho I don’t post much on it.)

I just love soul eater okay

#bun rambles #soul eater #excalibur #long post #ummm you asked i answered??? i hope you got what you wanted????#i mean theres clearly more to my hcs like Morganne the witch and her relationship to exclaibur #plus why he looks like a stupid thing #but yeah it was already really long so

14 notes · View notes

a-dumdum · 4 years ago

Note

can I please request a matchup? I’m a short and rather slim and femme girl. I’m kind of a wimp and prone to getting hurt so I typically like either tough or caring people. I’m good with any gender/class. I love angsty people with securely huge hearts. I’m sort of the mom/little sister friend- a mix of the two. I’m quiet but very talkative when talking about things I’m passionate about! I have short blonde hair and brown eyes as well. plus my zodiac sign is cancer! hope that’s enough info !!

I’m so sorry! I forgot I had this blog. I just remembered. I don’t know how long it’s been since you sent this in, but I hope it wasn’t that long.

Anyway, I match you with...

FUMIKAGE TOKOYAMI

Tokoyami isn’t that tall or buff himself, so people that are taller than him sometimes makes him insecure. He loves that your around his height, because he’s so used to Sero and Kaminari using him as a headrest.

You aren’t one of the strongest, but Tokoyami definitely is. He and Dark Shadow are always willing to stand up for you, even though sometimes that can get a little dangerous.

Tokoyami cares about you more than anyone else, don’t tell dark shadow and he gets angry every time someone tries to pick on you or hurt you. You are the light of his life, and if his emotions get out of control, he has the capability to kill someone if you got severely hurt.

Of course, that’s never happened, but it is something that you two have to look out for.

Angst? This kid is the embodiment of angst, do you see the way he acts? Tokoyami somehow has the ability to make any minor inconvenience sound like the worst thing thats ever happened, and sometime you get concerned.

One time he started talking about loss and regret, not paying attention sooner, and you start to think that he just lost someone very close to him, but it turns out he just ran out of milk and should've noticed he was running out sooner.

You being the mom-friend/little sister-friend is very stress relieving for him. Most of his classmates are little children who don’t know how to behave properly. You always come to his defense when Kaminari tries to lean on him, or when Bakugou makes fun of him for his “revelry in the dark” thing.

You both are very quiet, so he enjoys just being able to sit and relax with you, not worrying about anything.

But, on the flip side, he also loves sitting on his bed with you in hid lap, going on and on about whatever your passionate about while he plays with your hair.

He listens to every word you say, paying attention to the tiniest detail, and it almost makes you cry when he brings up something so minor in detail that you don’t even remember saying it.

He’s also the best at gift-giving, because he’s so acute to details. Anything that you express minor interest in, such at gazing at something for a couple seconds too long, he will put it in the back of his mind for future reference.

He’s not the most cuddly person, but Dark Shadow is. If there’s ever a time when you sleep over in Tokoyami’s room and he’s asleep before you, Dark Shadow always talks to you.

Sometimes it gets really annoying, especially when your trying to sleep and he’s chatting your ear off, but you know he means well. He always realizes eventually and lets to sleep.

You also end up in a lot of group hugs with Tokoyami and Dark Shadow.

A couple people in your class really ship you two, including Mina, Hagakure, Uraraka, and Aoyama. Dark Shadow is absolutely your number one fan.

You couldn’t count on both yours and Tokoyami’s hans about how many cliche situations Dark Shadow has put you in, like tripping you so he catches you, or tricking him to talk about how much he loves you when you’re just around the corner.

I think this one is a bit longer than the others, but I just had a couple ideas. At first I wasn’t sure who to pick, but the longer I thought about, Tokoyami just fit. If you think I did it wrong, you can just ask, and I’ll redo it. I hope you enjoy it!

2 notes · View notes

patchdotexe · 5 years ago

Note

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

#leo chirps #leos reply #system shit #i dont think i covered EVERYTHING #and im not sure how coherent this is #but i tried! :D #Anonymous #ask #pat.txt

9 notes · View notes

blue-cat-blues · 6 years ago

Note

hey mun! i was wondering if you had any advice for people who want to start their own RP blog, anything would help! also any characters from TAWOG you'd recommend, personal preference or just people you wanna see is good!

((Really? You want my advice? Ok! Well, I started by just jumping in to rping, so I think the best way to learn is just to do it, but I think I have some things I can tell you due to doing this for a little over 3 years now. I don’t know how original my advice will be though. First thing I found out is that people are going to want to see a rules page and about page. A rules page will tell people what kind of behavior is tolerated on your blog, some common rules are, whether or not you accept NSFW asks or threads, how selective you are (open to anyone, mutuals only, etc.), if you accept M!a’s (Magic anons), if you accept OC’s (Original characters.), and your stance on godmodding (other people controlling your character.) This is your blog so feel free to put any rules you want on there. You deserve to feel comfortable rping, its supposed to be fun. An about page will tell people about your character, because sometimes people haven’t seen the show/movie/video game/whatever that your character is from and needs some background info. A few more things that I’ve picked up is that more people will rp with you if you have icons for your character, it’s also helpful because you don’t have to describe facial expressions. Promo’s are a good way to get the word out, so I would recommend making one of those, it doesn’t have to be fancy. Plus, don’t be afraid to send people in character asks or ask to plot a thread with someone, they’ll usually appreciate it. (I’m still working on this one myself, tbh.)

In terms of characters I would like to see, really any of them, even the ones that I play (My Gumball would appreciate a Darwin to chat with and vice versa.) The TAWOG rpers seem to be disappearing lately and I don’t know why. There is one exception to this however, there are a million and one Rob blogs out there. Now, I’m not going to tell you not to play as him, if you really want to then I’m not going to stop you, I get it, he’s a great character, I even have a Rob blog that I never use. I’m just telling you, there’s a lot of competition if you play as him.))

#ooc

1 note · View note

soomlns-blog · 6 years ago

Text

hello ! i’m meg, i’m 19, use she/her pronouns and live in est. sorry this intro is mad late, i’ve come down with something but we’re going airplane tell you about soomin anyways !!! the fourth link on my blog is a stats tab, and it’s nearly finished so feel free to check that out --- and finally, you can read some more info on soomin under the cut ! if you’d like to plot, which i hope you do, feel free to im me or hmu on d*scord @ i want everyone to raw taemin#0420 ( don’t judge me ) !!!

KANG SOOMIN.

kang soomin came into the world in seoul in 1994. his father, kang dongsung, an heir to his own father’s well built business and his mother, guk soori, was nothing more than a karaoke hostess his father had met while getting drunk with friends. born to an unwed couple in korea in the 90′s, it was safe to say soomin’s early life wasn’t easy.

dongsung’s parents frowned upon the birth of a child out of wedlock, soomin’s grandfather wanted nothing to do with such a child. felt it was best hidden. dongsung didn’t often go against his father’s wishes. this time was no different, despite him having some feelings towards soori he told her he could have nothing to do with her any longer, and nothing to do with their child.

soori didn’t mind much. sure, she’d cared for dongsung, but she hadn’t exactly expected a man she’d met at the karaoke bar to be responsible for his child, let alone a kang. she knew she wasn’t going to end up his wife and be some high society mistress. thus she let it roll off her shoulders, and even knowing it’d be hard, she had her child on her own. that’s where soomin comes into the picture.

born guk soomin to a single mother, despite things being rough for them, he was a happy child. always bright, always smiling. his mother worked several jobs to keep food on the table, caring for not only her son but her sister who seemed incapable of doing so herself. when soomin did get to spend time with his mother, the normally happy child was even more so elated. he loved his mother more than anything else.

a kind, caring woman, she taught soomin to be giving. to be loving. to be respectful. she raised him until he was nearly nine years old, but life got in the way. or perhaps, that isn’t the right phrasing. death is what got in the way, after all. a few months before soomin’s ninth birthday, his aunt picked him from school. it was unusual to say the least. despite her mooching off of his mother, soomin hardly saw his aunt.

unfortunately, it wasn’t because she’d missed her dear nephew. she came bearing bad news --- news soomin didn’t think he’d ever have to hear. his mother was dead. soomin was too young to understand all the technicalities and the sciences behind her death, but he wasn’t too young to understand what had caused it. guk soori had worked herself to death. she’d done it for her family. for him.

soomin’s aunt was the only family he truly had left, but she wasn’t interested in raising a child. after all, she could hardly care for herself, let alone a nine year old with a broken heart. that’s how soomin ended up at the kang’s door. his father had since been married, and to a woman with a child. while soomin grew up with his mother alone, his father cared for someone else’s kid.

at the time, soomin didn’t quite grasp that. however, he did grasp that he was second to this child in every way. his father cared more for his step-child than his own flesh and blood. only taking soomin under his wing to prevent it being spread that his off-spring was put in the system. for soomin’s ninth birthday, he got a gift he’d never wanted. he became a kang.

soomin went from having nothing but a loving mother to having everything but. however, his education improved, his clothing, his warmth and he ate more as a kang than he ever had as a guk. soomin missed a lot of things about his mother, her gentleness, her family name, her. but he put on a brave face, soomin learned young that no one cared about how he was really feeling. it was best to always smile. to never burden.

the one thing soomin did get to keep, was soccer. he’d played on his local team when he was with his mother and now he was playing on a bigger team at a larger school, and he was good. his skills improved fast and he found soccer connected him more to his old life than anything else. it became his passion quite quickly as you can imagine.

soomin discovered in his teenage years, soccer wasn’t his only passion. it wasn’t business, though his father intended to make it business --- no, it was boys. the pretty boy in his history class, the soccer captain, his father’s assistant. he was passionate about men, but he knew his father wasn’t. in fact, his father pushed him towards several of his business partners daughters, and soomin ? complied.

another thing he learned young ? he didn’t have the privelage to be gay. so he stayed silent, loved boys in quiet. and outwardly ? to the world ? he was heterosexual. it pleased his father, one of the only things soomin did that could please him. so soomin figured it wasn’t so bad of a trade off, right ? as soomin got older, he only learned to hide his sexuality more. not only was his father not keen on homosexuality, but his teammates weren’t either. he was told by everyone who he should love, and he listened.

despite this, soomin remained the same happy-go-lucky guy he’d always been. smiling all the time, being kind and caring. deep down he was affected, but as he’d learned, he couldn’t burden others. he was the shoulder to cry on, not the one who cried. though this made him appear fake at times, it was only ever out of the goodness of his heart.

as soomin got older he continued his passion for soccer, attending a school well-versed in sports. however, he still majored in business. if you asked his father ? his current stint as a professional soccer player wouldn’t last long, and he’d be back at the kang business before everyone knew it. funnily enough, his teammates thought the same thing.

despite being very talented, soomin’s teammates saw him as someone whose father bought his way. it wasn’t true, not even slightly, but being a kang came with not only harshness in his home, but outside of it too. his father wasn’t exactly a great guy, and he was keen on paying the way for soomin’s step sibling. soomin always understood why they though that of him, and never got angry over their harsh teasing.

soomin is a great guy all in all, despite his rough past. though he does date women while having no feelings for them, everything else he does is rooted only in kindness instead of selfishness. he’s very giving and involves himself with several charities. his dad didn’t like this either, saying the kang’s didn’t become rich by giving away their money. however, soomin knew what it was like to have nothing --- he loved giving back.

though soomin could never seem to please his father, he remained confident. one of his worst traits was his pride, and perhaps it was built up to hide his many insecurities, but regardless. he could certainly present as a bit cocky from time to time, but nothing rich people weren’t used to seeing. when you have all that wealth ? it usually goes to your head a bit. of course, his father doesn’t quite care how cocky he is. he sees him as unfit to run the family business, as an embarrassment to the kangs.

as far as personality goes, soomin is an amazing person despite his flaws. he’s generous and empathetic, and there for those who need him. he’s a bit of a people pleaser, perhaps too much so, but it only makes him seem that much more gentle and that much more lovable. he’s also pretty energetic and adventurous, he loves trying new things and having fun. he’s essentially a human golden retriever ( in a non-furry way ).

i think that’s all i’ve got for now ! i hope you love soomin because my big baby definitelty deserves it ! thanks for reading !

CONNECTIONS.

first friend ----- the first person soomin got close to when he came to live with his father and was introduced to this new world of rich kid culture. ( 1 slot open )

first kiss ( girl ) ----- his first kiss with a girl. probably was... bad ? neither of them talk about it anymore. could be really good friends now or something ? we can plot it out more. ( 1 slot open )

first kiss ( boy ) ----- really cemented for soomin that he was gay. was definitely a secret, and is something soomin may even act as if never happened ( certainly does if it’s mentioned around others ). ( 1 slot open )

ex-boyfriend ----- someone he dated, but it didn’t work out either because it just couldn’t or because the sneaking around and soomin pretending to be so heterosexual just pushed them away. we could have fun with it ! ( 1 slot open )

beards ----- any of the girls he’s dated to appease his father and/or the public ? we’d have to talk about it in more detail but they could be a current girlfriend or an ex, and it could make for a fun plot too. ( 2 to 3 slots open )

best-friend ----- obvious plot here. just a ride or die friend, they’re really close. tell each other almost everything. when one is single, the other joins them as a plus one. that kind’ve amazing best-friendship ! ( 1 slot open )

step-sibling ----- the child of the woman his father married. no blood-relation, but they certainly act like siblings. they bicker all the time, but at the end of the day despite their differences and his sibling being much more ... bratty, soomin would do anything for them. they’re the only person he even really considers family. ( 1 slot open )

#( * ooc ) ━━━━━ ❝ 𝐏𝐔𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐂 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓.#bourgeois:intro #this is rlly late but here it is !!! love me !!!

2 notes · View notes

vacationcalendar · 3 years ago

Text

7/19/21

Alright bitch, welcome back. Holy shit I make sitting down to blog look fucking impossible don’t I. Alright alright, let’s keep it pg-13 if we can..

I set an alarm for 10am to go off every day that just says BLOG TIME. I’d preferably like to get banging out words onto the page a little bit BEFORE that. It’s a powerful “awakening” activity in my experience, and I should be using that to my advantage. I also want to take as much time as I can on this project, especially if it’s psuedo-replacing a 40hr/week job. The earlier I get started the less I have to worry about what time it is when I’m done. My procrastination on day 2 has cost me the entirety of a sunny day. Well, it’s 2:30 now; so I imagine by the time I wrap this up I’ll have missed peek sun time. But who’s to say?

I’m starting to get that sense of dread again. That feeling I sometimes get when I can see hard plans lining my calendar far too densely populated for my liking. Big dentist appointment tomorrow. Day after that is a wash as far as I’m concerned. Even if my mouth miraculously heals in time to actually enjoy my Wednesday, I can already guarantee the psychic wounds of enduring an hours long, 600$-ish sit under the drill will take at least a couple extended sets of the fitful rest to recover from. Then I leave on Thursday to begin a full weeklong family vacation. And in that week I’ll have to figure out how to keep fucking blogging, or this thing is gonna stall out on the train tracks 100%. Do I have to explain that to you? I mean you get it; you know I’m right about that. I’m a naturally cowardly, sinful guy. I have to build up inertia on any remotely dutiful or healthy task, or I simply cannot keep it up...

So the next 3 days are all going to test my ability to actually sit here and write something. I’m really not going to want to, even though I want for literally nothing else right now. The only thing I want to do more than this creative process is to simply not exist at all. And it’s all compounded by these blasted plans. Fuck these plans. These are the dastardly plans that just cannot get canceled. They’re too high impact, and “good”(?). So then the fact that these blogs are also a “plan” just piles it up too high for me seemingly. It is quite clearly, objectively, not too much to handle. But I cannot help the fact that I feel claustrophobic. I just do. The strategy can’t be to NOT feel that way, it can’t be preventative. It has to deal with the feeling somehow. Hmmm... it’s tricky. To me, in this moment, as I’m typing this, it feels tricky. I honestly think that by the time I’m finished typing here, it WON’T feel so tricky. I’m certainly hoping that’s the case.

Ok new track: Part of why I procrastinated so long today was pretty simple. I was hungover. I was hungover and I didn’t know what to talk about. Instead of going to be thinking about my usual faire, I was just thinking I feel like shit; I hope I don’t throw up. So I woke up late, slow, and with zero thoughts bouncing around my head. So I just watched LCS footage and read twitter, and by the time I got up and made coffee (mandatory for the blog. Blogging without coffee sounds insane. What would you ponderously sip between sentences? Water? How would that even work?) and sat down to write, I had squeezed out another full hour of procrastination. Now I won’t be hungover again for a while. This was a special occasion of sorts. Another one of my dreaded “plans.” Fuck’s sake. It was a 2nd meet up of Olivia’s peeps for drinks. It was penciled in after the first hang so that we could include everybody that didn’t make it the first time. Perfectly reasonable idea. And the first time sitting and drinking was so much fun that I sort of figured I was obligated to, pay my dues I suppose, for this second meet-up that sounded significantly less fun. But it was perfectly enjoyable. It had the energy of a hangout that could happen every single week like a sitcom. Very easy, probably more drinking than one could maintain if it were a weekly occurrence, but not too much. I don’t know where I’m going with this. Just record keeping, I guess?

Anyways, this morning was not the le morning that I can usually anticipate. So circumstances withstanding PLUS the procrastination ended up pushing the writing well past 3pm. These next 3 days (and the next 8 days after that, holy shit) are also going to mesh quite poorly with this sloppy, laissez-faire approach to getting this done. So I’m worried about it. Look, I want to do this, but I absolutely don’t want to have to worry about it. Is that asking too much? And obviously I can do this without worrying about it, in theory. But I do not believe in myself, ok? I don’t. I’m telling you that right now. I want to cancel everything and just do this when I fucking get around to it. And, well; here’s the kicker. I didn’t mention this yet, and I probably should have. Once I get back from this GD vacation, my hiatus between jobs will officially be past a full month. I can hear the timer ticking in my head. I am in charge of how much sand I put in this particular hourglass. My mother will fully disagree with me there. I mean, I’m about to spend 8 days with someone who ask me every single day “so have you gotten your new job yet?”

You’re thinking, ‘Max, it’s not just impractical to ask a question with such a clear answer more than once without waiting for any circumstances to change, it flat out does not make any sense at all!’ I agree. We are on the exact same page guy. But you are missing the fact that “it doesn’t hurt to think about it. And maybe you can look online on your phone while you’re here trying to enjoy a vacation.”

Parents are weird. This feeling I’m describing is so relatable to some people. And other people just can’t parse it at all. There are a tiny handful of people in your life that will exist in totality literally forever. I mean one of you will die first, but for that person who died, the other people existed THE ENTIRE TIME. Minus like pre-birth and stuff, but that’s semantics. They are inevitable. They can travel all over the spectrum of human emotion vis-a-vi your relationship, but 99.9% of the grades will result in your staying completely still in your relationship to them. He sucks, but he’s my dad. He’s my dad, he’s fine. He’s my dad, I love him My dad’s the best! These father/son relationships all virtually fill up the exact same liminal space as far as I can tell. The way far ends of the bell curve are where it ever seems to yield different results. My dad is my best friend! One day I will kill my father, and I will finally be free of him. Let’s set those aside for this cross-section (vocab?). Every other relationship ship under the bell curve carries this seeming inevitability to it. These relationships seems like they get “finished” in a way. We know the personality of our parents so completely (and they have stopped changing/growing as people at a certain point), that we don’t actually have to go to them to learn about them. You don’t have to ask them questions or inquire about their opinions, because you can successfully deduce the answer using simple math. But THEN, you have to talk to them still, because they are close to you and want to learn about YOU, because you are still an incomplete puzzle. I don’t know, I just think the part of the parent/child dynamic where you have to share info with a parent even though the conversation has already been “solved;” the formality of it. The chore of it. That’s what it is. It’s chores. We know how chores are going to go, but until you actually do them, there’s this disorder. But instead of a dishwasher it’s a human being, that doesn’t “get” CRT. And if I can’t fucking convince my mother that my 28,000$ in savings will be able to tide me over for more than a week while I actually take a legitimate run at feeling fulfilled in my LIFE, convincing her to dismantle the foundation of our nation’s socio-economic structures in order to save our species from annihilation seems, I don’t know, tough.

Ok, I think I’m done. That took about an hour. I don’t think that’s bad at all. Am I still scared about tomorrow’s blog and therefore the rest of my life as I know it? Yes. Of course.

But at least you’ll be there with me when I get there. Take care bud, eat a good dinner tonight.

Love you

0 notes