#Pleasd ignore I just needed to post this to process some emotions

[no-dream-girl]

Posting my deceased cat lady because I love her so so so so so much and am still healing from the pain her passing left in my heart after one and a half year.

Im so sorry that I wasnt able to check up on you the way you deserved it on your last few weeks here w us because of my mental health issues.

Im so sorry and I feel sick whenever I think about the pain you must have gone through and Im blaming myself all the time that I couldnt have done better.

Im so sorry I wasnt able to hold you in my arms when you passed as I always wished I could do.

Im so sorry that you had to go through all this pain.

Sometimes I wake up at night and cant breath because the pain of losing you sits heavily on my chest as I remember your last moments.

In the beginning I felt a sense of incredulity that I was able to get over your death so rapidly. But as time went by I realized my mind and body just numbed myself to protect myself. I miss you so badly I never missed anyone that much.

Your fluffy and cozy fur and the way you purred when I'd scratch up and down your spine.

Your sweet ears and adorable snout that I loved to kiss.

Your dumb lil paws.

The way you reacted when you were outside in the snow for the first time.

The way you would hunt for the dogs that sometimes my moms friends came with to us.

The way you'd watch me take a bath and would want to drink the water out of it which I would have to hold you back from.

The way you'd hunt for my feet whenever I went to bed.

The way you'd wake me up. If Id lay on my chest you'd walk up my back and sit there purring and trying to eat my hair. If Id lay on my back you'd walk up my chest, kneading my boobs, getting your nails caught in them sometimes.

The way you would run to the balcony when you heard it being opened to chill outside and watch the world do its things.

The way you'd chirp on birds outside the windows. You were so excited, I loved it!

The way you'd like to carefully walk out to the hallway on the stairs and check out the space when a visitor was about to take the elevator up as we waited at the door for them.

Once you got lost in the hallway and confused our apartment with our neighbour ones that lives above us. We thought you were missing but on the next day the neighbour told us you hid underneath her bath tube 😰 lil scared bean ❤️

There are so many other memories...That I will hold deeply in my heart. From the first moment I saw your head looking out of my father's sleeve, looking at you from my bunk bed when I went to sleep the first night and you were down there, so smol, looking up to me, not being able to go up there as I was too excited to wake up the next day to be able to spend time with you. To the moment where you realized that you ass got to big for you to fit underneath my moms bed 😂

But as I pass our memories will dissolve forever. It wont matter anymore I guess.

❤️Ily❤️