#Playing flute at church tomorrow and am Unsure how I’m going to do in a church setting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

awfullybigwardrobe44 · 6 days

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Constantly in this weird mood where I’m just waiting for God to give me a sign that I’m forgiven because I can’t tell if it’s just my OCD or if I actually have gone over the deep end somehow. I’m not doing compulsions to try to figure it out, so that’s Good, but it just puts me at God’s mercy for whether or not I feel like I can come to Him and believe I’m saved

#And that’s the point of this all I guess #Re: the article I literally wrote and got published #But it’s now been almost a week since the Bad #And I haven’t known if THAT was #1. Evidence I’m not saved #2. Me sinning myself past repentance a la John Piper #3. Evidence that I’m sinning willfully (therefore see point number 1)#Haven’t felt like I was able to connect with God in a week basically #Feels weird #Playing flute at church tomorrow and am Unsure how I’m going to do in a church setting #Will likely just tune it all out and go about business as usual #All the while not knowing if I can still go to God or not #Like I feel like I need something #I don’t feel like my assurance is just going to come back after that #Sometimes it goes away for like a week and comes back and then I feel ok #But this time I don’t know if that’s going to happen #So I need God to talk to me TLDR #My journey

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