#Photon Breaker Zechs | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

toasttz · 6 years ago

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Photon Breaker Zechs: Through the Window

Chapter 2: Video games are best enjoyed with your friends. After composing myself from my initial shock, I realized I was able to call up the familiar menus and interfaces as I saw them in-game. A swipe of my hand and a little willpower would call up my inventory, status menu, skill tree, and anything else I could normally access at button prompt. Once I was aware of this, I tried to find the “Log Off” or “Exit Game” option but was unable to call up that one submenu despite having all others at my disposal. Silently cursing, I called up my friend list and saw a few active profiles – namely that of Deegal. If Dieter was playing, then I would at least be in good company to figure out the situation. If he was outside the game, perhaps he could give me valuable insight for how I would get out of this mess or, if he too were suddenly in a similar situation, we could at least bask in a shared misery. I tapped his name in my list and saw he was in Strattburg as well. Which was good, as this new body felt awkward, like I was standing on stilts that I couldn't remove, as they were now my own legs. I had made my avatar as tall as a Loppo could possibly be – not counting his... my... ears I believe the game told me I was about 6'10”, or about 8 inches taller than I was in the real world. This made my gait clumsy and awkward, so I wasn't in any rush to go bolting out of the village on some half-baked effort to find him. Then the options came up: Message, Voice Chat... Wait, voice chat? How would that even work without a headset or a mic, I pondered. Either way, it would at least work to grab his attention and I could think of something else. I pressed the option and heard a strange ringing sound, like a telephone I could hear but not see had begun to ring for him. After waiting for what felt like a small eternity, but was really just a few seconds, I heard the other side answer. “Hi?” I heard a... weirdly feminine voice chime in answer. “Uh, Dieter?” I hesitated. “Jake,” the woman's voice confirmed. At this point, the only thought that ran through my mind was, Hell with it. I'm just gonna roll with this. “Can you come over here? We have some things we need to discuss,” I tried to play it off like I was in control of the situation, even though it was apparent to all involved I totally wasn't. “Okay,” the woman's voice replied, “But there's one thing...” “What's that?” I pried, beginning to walk down the main street of Strattburg, moving my eyes from side to side as I went. “Where are you?!” they snapped. That confirmed it for me – female voice or no, that was Dieter's usual level of patience. I recalled he had made a female avatar and, while the idea repulsed me in every way humanly possible, I had to conclude that his vocal chords were now physically different, much as my legs were now. “We're both in Strattburg, so we can easily meet up,” I said, as reassuringly as I could. Just as the words left my mouth, my eye took note of a player character with green text over her – the color the player's text would appear to those on one's friend list. “Deegal”. That was her... or rather, him. “How do you know that?!” he barked. “Dieter, I can see you. Turn around,” I explained. He turned around, revealing his avatar as I recall him building her – a ludicrously voluptuous Floof clan woman, barely passing for PG-13 with a karate gi that seemed to desperately strain against physics and logic to stay covering her body. Like Neeku, she had pointed, animal ears atop her head and a bushy tail waving behind her – which I would later learn wagged when Dieter was excited about something – with brown hair and bright eyes. The fact that this form was easy on the eyes made me want to throw up a little. It made sense, of course. No anime-inspired MMO would make characters less than at least conventionally attractiveness. I recall I gave my own avatar ridiculously huge, flowing golden blond hair as a joke before it immediately was concealed below the bucket helmet that all Bunkers began with. Around this time, I noticed someone had been following me and with a quick glance I was able to identify it as Seamus. It wasn't hard, not only did the green nametag prove it, but also that, unlike Dieter and myself, he made himself a human avatar and then went to great pains to make it look as much like his actual real-world self as the system allowed for, though with some embellishments all his own. I silently wished he hadn't added the weird, whispy mustache to his avatar. It was creepy and unsettling but I didn't have the heart to say so at the moment. I nodded to him, a gesture he returned as we all seemed to arrive at the same conclusion. “Well, why didn't you tell me sooner?!” Dieter grumbled as he approached us. The call, once we stopped focusing on it, seemed to hang itself up. What a courteous invisible phone line. “I was trying to,” I returned with a half-truth. As if I had any idea what the hell was going on in the first place, “It seems we're all of the same opinion,” I trailed off, unable or unwilling to state the obvious. We made an odd trio, a modestly short, immodestly-dressed Floof woman, a towering giant made up of plate-mail to the point where my sex and species were, frankly, irrelevant, and a dark-haired anime protagonist with a long, flowing white coat and the mustache one would associate with wanted posters. We really could've passed as a trio of estranged characters from an anime. “Oh, hey, Dieter! It looks like you’re here, too! Fancy that!” He beamed with entirely too much enthusiasm granted our current situation, “I woke up from a cheese poof nap and here I am. I don’t think I’m dreaming, am I?” “No, Seamus, I don't think so,” Dieter frowned dramatically at his junior. Dieter always complained of Seamus's high-pitched voice, but I just didn't have it in me to tell him that was actually deeper now than it had been in years prior. Not that I think he'd believe that assertion anyways... “Oh boy! Does this mean you’re going to call me by my actual name from now on?!” Seamus beamed, pulling his hands up to his chest in surprise and elation. “Don't count on it, Zechs!” Dieter grinned, baring fangs, “Anyways, do you guys have any idea why or what we’re doing here?” Before I could posit my theory about Satan being alive and well in the world, or monkey's paw wishes, or gypsy curses, I was headed off by a newfound intruder, “Isn’t it obvious? You play the game,” a woman, clad in a flowy, purple robe approached us. “And... who might you be...?” I became incredibly aware of the weight of the warhammer slung over my back and felt a need to have it ready, just in case. Something about her just never did sit right with me, but I maintained my stance. “I’m the administrator of Slidelands. It is by my power that you’re here now, as you are,” she explained simply. The three of us stood opposite her, at a loss for words. I could think of nothing else but to beg for whatever she had done to be undone but before I could even get that far, it was Seamus, or rather his avatar, Zechs, who spoke first. “Whoo-hoo! Thank you! I love Slidelands, and now you need us to save the world or fight some great evil, or take on a nearly impossible quest, right?” he whooped with joy. It was everything in my power not to deck him for that. Dieter seemed to share my frustrations, but I held my silence, hoping that some good news would come of this exchange. The strange woman grinned slyly at us, “See? I knew it, ever since I met you, that you’d be perfect for my purposes,” She reached out, patting Zechs's shoulder, which would later cause Dieter to joke about it being 'the first time a girl touched him' but I awaited her answer with baited breath, “No, my dear Zechs, your task before you that I wish you to complete is to conquer this world. Defeat all others with your group and realize your potential as your titles as No-Life Kings,” I was visibly crestfallen – or would have been had my helmet not hidden my face – as I let out a sigh. Ultimately, all that told me was that we were screwed and she lacked either the will or ability to set things to right if we didn't cooperate with her sick little game. “That’s pretty flowery language,” Dieter observed, making a rude gesture with his off-hand. “That's hardly the problem here,” I growled, barely above a whisper. Come to think of it, I doubt anyone heard it outside my helmet... “It’s critical to your mission. Death has no hold over you now, not that you were paragons of life anyways,” the admin smirked in a truly obnoxious fashion. She held the power in this struggle and knew it too, the smug snake. I grit my teeth in response, willfully ignoring the inherent futility. Dieter folded his (her? Never mind. Not thinking about that anymore.) arms across his chest, “Is that so?” “I guess you’ll have to see!” she again grinned at us, “In any case, I hope you’ll enjoy and explore my world, and eventually, fulfill my task,” She then, without warning, faded from view, becoming little more than a hologram before vanishing completely. So that was our challenge. We were being asked to complete an MMORPG. She might as well have handed us a spade and asked us to count the grains of sand on a beach. Online games are, by design, endless. They are designed to be unbeatable, not because you'll hit a wall at the opposite end, but because you'll never run out of doors and hallways. As I said before, Slidelands has undergone over 15 major expansions and add-ons not to mention smaller bugfixes and minor content upgrades. Even if a player soldiered through the enormous swaths of content – or simply cherry picked their favorite bits and focused primarily on the story quests – the difficulty eventually begins to scale on a logarithmic basis, meaning no amount of grinding will ever be enough to satisfy the difficulty demands of the next steps. In short, you either undergo, frankly, ungodly amounts of side content, spending enormous amounts of your life doing quests that are, by and large, unnecessary, or you get hard denied by the obscenely high numbers of late game content. Most players simply reach a saturation point and drop off, stop paying their monthly fees, and allow their accounts to be soft-locked by the administration until they either pick it up again or delete it from their hard drives. Telling me to “beat an MMORPG” is akin to telling me to tear down Mt. Everest with a shovel. Doable only in theory. My theory-crafting train of thought was derailed when Zechs pumped both fists skyward and shouted, “Well! Time for us to explore, you guys!” His boundless optimism would be admirable, were it not so misplaced. Dieter mumbled something incoherent, prompting Zechs to ask him what was wrong. “I… don’t know how really to play this game,” he confessed. “You serious?” I was incredulous, “But you spent like four hours on it before, didn’t you?” “Well, yeah, but I spent most of that time actually making my character. I only actually played the real game for about twenty minutes. Well, twenty minutes after I finished the tutorial. I know how to use items and all, but I’ve seen combat tutorials online, and I am not ready to say I would wager my life on the byzantine, comprehensively dense pile that is Slidelands combat,” Dieter had a bad habit of stuffing 20 dollar words into 10 cent conversations, but it was a welcome change from the 2-bits one was more liable to receive in an MMO. But I digress. Placing an armored hand to the helmet-equivalent of my chin, I said, “Well, I guess the best way to understand it is to undergo it yourself, then!” “Hey, yeah, we can go out into the forests,” Zechs suggested, “You can level up and learn the ropes. We’ll be nearby and there’s nothing that could possibly hurt us there. Well, not hurt me. There are still elite critters who can give you a hard time, there, Jake,” I shot him a look, but I doubt the meaning found its mark as he just grinned in response. “Fine, fine, I suppose, if I’m going to be stuck here for the time being, I may as well get the low-down from the “expert” here. First things first, though, I, uh...” Dieter trailed off again, looking awkward for a moment. Again, Zechs had to prompt the follow-up, “I…uh, need to powder my nose, or whatever!” “Is that it, why didn’t you just say so? There’s one over there. Although, it’s cool. Why didn’t you just say you needed to go?” Zechs managed between his hysteric laughter. “Because dude or no, I’m not going to out and say I need to take a crap to you, Zechs,” Dieter demanded, then hurried off, clearly not perfectly in control of his new frame. “We have to use the bathroom in an MMO?” I pondered aloud. “Well, since we're in the game world now, I guess we still need to do those things. Y'know, like eat and sleep,” Zechs returned, “What are you gonna do with all those layers of armor when nature calls, anyway?” “Hardly seems like your concern,” I growled, “Moreover, I can just open the interface and unequip anything, as needed. Though I suppose since I can fiddle with the latches, I could do it the old school way,” I reasoned, best as I could. It's not that Zechs's logic was wrong. It's more that I just couldn't put my head around this 'world' being 'real'. As far as I was concerned, this world was a game, a 'fake' world that somehow impeded me from returning to the 'real' world. We stood idly. Or, rather, Zechs leaned against a fence and I practiced walking in my new body by pacing, trying to adapt to just how bizarre it felt to suddenly be as tall as I was. I had been the same height since I was 13 years old – to suddenly have 18 years of muscle memory pulled out from under me was quite a shock. “Sure is takin' her sweet time,” Zechs observed. “His time,” I corrected his nomenclature, aware of how much triggering that would cause, should it have been broadcast in the server's public chat feed. But honestly, I couldn't say I would've cared, as I tended to mute that when this was all just a game. “Looks like a duck, quacks like a duck...” Zechs giggled. “Eww. Gross. Barf,” I replied, “I'm putting a moratorium on that line of thought right now,” As I was practicing my steps, I felt one leg fail to connect and I went face-first to the ground. I sighed deeply as I glanced up towards a densely wooded area, just behind a nearby tent. I then witnessed Dieter walk into the bushes and... offer up a prayer to the porcelain god there. Well, never getting that image out of my head, no matter how hard I try. I pushed myself to my feet and walked back to Zechs, pretending I hadn't just seen that as Dieter quickly jogged back to us. “Okay, okay, I’m good, let’s go,” Dieter said, looking quite flustered. Zechs nodded and I offered Dieter an unheeded glance of pity. We ventured into the first forested zone outside the town, where Dieter had briefly started doing some simple quests and got to level 3 before losing interest in the game. Dieter was a Jetter, a class that specialized in speed and attack at the expense of all other stats, and it suited his impatient, impulsive personality type quite well. Explaining to Dieter the Three Rings Theory of party formation was just a waste of breath, as he would just rush all of his problems and hope that the limited sustain talents of the class could carry him. Not that Zechs was any better, but at least the Breaker wore medium-class armors and therefore could soak hits better. But what do I know, I'm just the party tank. I suppose now is the time to explain Slidelands and her namesake. Imagine a slider puzzle, made up of square pieces that can be rearranged to form a picture. That's how the map of the game looks, when taken as a whole. The game is made up of moving 'pieces' that follow set rotations, linked by warp gates at the extreme edges of each. On each tile are a series of zones, broken up into towns (safe zones), field zones (like the forest, where monsters spawn), dungeon zones (small, self-contained areas full of monsters and loot), and raid zones (essentially, super dungeons). If it sounds like this game has entirely too many systems crowbarred into it... well... you're right. Once in the forest, Dieter set to work, randomly punching and kicking critters, screaming his attack names like a man possessed. Or perhaps, a woman possessed by a man, I guess? I chose to ignore him in order to check a theory he caused me to consider. That, instead of using an interface, we could use our abilities by simple verbal command. Zechs and I tried this a little while Dieter sent furry bodies sailing through the air. I found a spot in the menu called 'Journal' I had previously ignored while playing the game where I could focus my thought on it and they would manifest as text memos. I thought about making a memo about it, but reconsidered when I realized it might come off as redundant. “So, uh, guys, I see some squares in my vision,” Dieter shouted over to us, “Whenever I do attacks they fill in. They seem to erase themselves after a few seconds, though?” “Oh, those?” I looked up from my memo, “Those are your Art Cells,” “And what are those...?” Zechs raised a hand to emphasize his point and began to explain, not unlike a college professor, “It’s a way that the developers found to halt the excessively fast attacks of the Jetter. In vanilla Slidelands, the Jetter’s actions were limited only by the action speed of the user. Because of this, people would overdose on coffee, ritalin, and sometimes… other things, in order to increase their reaction speeds and solo even the strongest known raid bosses. To counter this, the 1.1 patch replaced the Jetter’s action set with the Art Cells, forcing them to pause every so often and wait for further attacks,” “So, I got nerfed then?” Dieter balked. I rolled my eyes. Only he would view something that stopped players from actively breaking their finger bones as 'I got nerfed'. “Well, not really? This was back like… twelve years ago? I doubt you would’ve cared back then,” Zechs nervously grinned with a shrug. Dieter then went back to punching the squirrels as I briefly removed my gauntlets using the interface. “What're you doing, Jake?” Zechs pried. I silently grabbed a fistful of grass from the forest floor and let the blades cascade into the breeze as they wafted by. “I couldn't do this when it was a game,” I observed, seeing small amounts of the chlorophyll stain the white fur of my paw-like hand, “Weird,” “Uh, are you getting existential or something?” Zechs was clearly uncomfortable with this. I sighed. My attempts at parsing this world piece by piece was soundly defeated by someone who simply chose to embrace a world with no real accountability like a manchild. “Uh, guys? I found this weird monster statue. It also has a weird exclamation point over it,” Dieter shouted over to us. “Monster statue?” I wondered, sliding through some of the in-game menus in front of me over to the in-game encyclopedia, a disgustingly comprehensive guide to anything one is liable to encounter in the game. After using the search function, I found it. “Ah. Here it is. It must be a Master Statue. Given location, probably the World-Devouring Ogre subclass,” Oh, right, subclasses. Those are yet another means by which to customize your characters. You can level them up to your heart's content, but you can only have one active at a time – thereby only receive the stat bonuses of one at a time. Broadly speaking, these fall into one of four families: crafting, collection, combat, and hobbyist. Crafting classes, like blacksmith and seamstress, create useful tools, weapons, armors, and other things adventurers can immediately put to use. Collection subclasses, like miner and woodcutter, are for the gathering of raw materials. Since raw materials will be used in recipes well into the endgame sections, there is always a demand for their services. Combat subclasses, like the World-Devouring Ogre and Vampire, supplement combat talents and can even grant additional combat skills. And hobbyist classes, like Beekeeper and Qwibon Rider, each have unique abilities all their own. “Are you sure?” Dieter called back. “Yeah, dude,” I returned, re-equipping my gauntlets, “You like massive damage dealing, this subclass’ll give you that. Go for it!” I looked back down to my memo-to-self as I jotted down my observations. “Wow, look at them go,” Zechs admired, evidently watching Dieter's battle against low-level fauna with great interest. I hummed a reply, wondering vaguely if our memos could be seen by other players. Last thing I'd want was for some passers-by to read that I had been sucked into a game and assume I was crazy. “Up and down and up and down and...” Zechs chanted rhythmically for a time. “Uh-huh,” I managed. “It's like watching gelatin bounce!” he sputtered and salivated. “Yeah, well, I would assume... Wait, gelatin?” That was what commanded me to look up at the fight again, as Dieter was dancing furiously against a crimson-colored critter. I then watched on as it sunk its teeth into Dieter's arm and I saw a green bar sink slowly downward and change to an equally-red color as the monster in question. “The hell?” I whispered. I watched as he activated some buff or the other, punching the critter out of the air and throwing it back as it unleashed a mortifying scream. “Dieter! That cry! That’s a roaming boss! Oooh, I was afraid of this!” Zechs exclaimed, running towards our companion, “Don't worry, we'll help you!” A boss? Surely Zechs had misspoke. Could boss-tier monsters spawn in the very first field zone?! I briefly pondered just how sadistic the devs of Fairy Land were in their design philosophy, but then I remembered these were the people who sent a giant crab riding atop a giant turtle after Neeku and I for sitting in the shade for too long, and I quickly pursued after Zechs. When I caught up, I bent down, halting his advance, “No, no. He's... he's got this. I think,” He and I took a step back to watch what would happen next. What unfurled next was a truly impressive and acrobatic display of combat prowess. Not hindered at all by his new physique, Dieter deftly dodged and dished out damage with deadly devastating decisiveness. I was legitimately impressed. At one point, it seemed like he had the monster on the ropes and would force it to retreat – many monsters in the game were actually given pretty advanced AI routines to dynamically react to how a battle was going – but Dieter would not grant it the opportunity. He brutally grabbed it out of the air and began squeezing the life out of the thing by crumpling it into a ball as it was originally a piece of furry origami art. And, much to my horror, stuffed the thing in his mouth and ate the damned thing. I don't know if it's the fact that the taste of paper triggers my gag reflex or if I was just too stunned to even comprehend this, but I just stood there, stunned at the display. Dieter then turned to us, a crazed bloodlust burning in his eyes as he unleashed a fell and terrible howl, throwing his head back like a wolf. Just in time for his oversized chest to follow-through and bash him in his own face, throwing him head-first to the floor below. “Whoa,” I heard Zechs admire, barely above a whisper. I sighed and walked over to my stunned companion and glanced down at him. He blinked a few times, presumably trying to shake the haze off, as he groaned, “C-can you help me up?” he weakly offered. “Got a bite to eat and you think you could take me on?” I chuckled, then gestured with my free hand to the area on my helmet where my mouth would otherwise have been, “Oh, you got some Critter in your teeth,” I heard him mumble his reply, “Oh, good. I could still take you. I'm level 75 now!” “Oh, well, that’s good.” I nodded as I called up my menu before my hand and flipped a few settings, “However, still, let me put my profile on public,” Windowz, Proton Bunker, Level 237. “Oh. Wait, levels in the hundreds? What the heck is up with that?!” he grunted, in a way not entirely dissimilar from how I had reacted to the same realization. Zechs walked closer to us to explain, “This is a MMORPG, and one of the worst about grind. Of course this game is going to have a stupidly high level cap. In fact, in the fifteen years that Slidelands has been up and running, no one has hit the level cap. Ever,” I didn't have it in me to mention I heard previously heard rumors about the game's level cap going up with each expansion, either, so I simply assisted Dieter in getting to his feet and helpfully said, “Here, let’s get you back to town,” Not long after, we sat down in the biggest tavern of the first town. I was skimming menus still as we found a table and sat down together. I admit I was only half-paying attention as Zechs and Dieter engaged into a conversation about the latter's recent stat point gain and his wanting advice on where to distribute them. Like there was any doubt, since the min-maxing scrub was already following a meta build I had heard of – where the Neutron and Jetter had insane power/speed builds that had surprising amounts of self-sustain. It struck me as absurd that he'd follow a guide and then suddenly stop midway in. In the back of my head, I could hear Neeku's condescension of “But... but the meta!!” I chuckled when the thought crossed my mind. My focus returned midway into the discussion with Zechs gawking, “So, you're telling me that you made a nearly perfect min-maxed character without trying to do so?” “I guess?” Diegal shrugged. “Wow, man, just, wow,” Zechs shook his head in disbelief. “Like you have room to talk,” I scoffed, “Your build is a Photon Breaker, a middling all-rounder 'Tron alongside a middling all-rounder front line combat class. Face it, Zechs, you're a jack of all trades, master of none,” The Photon Breaker lacked major, crippling weaknesses, which made it noob-friendly and a 'safe' choice for the noncommittal sort. “So? What's your build then?” Deegal challenged. I sighed, pressing the tips of my gloved fingers together before my helmet. I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off, “Dude, you seriously need to take off your helmet. At least in here. You can't be a big, scary space marine guy all the time!” I sighed again. I guessed he couldn't see my nonverbal cues and figured he might have had a point. I yanked the bucket off my head and shook my sweaty hair free as it carelessly tumbled down around my head. As I mentioned earlier, my hairline in the real world was... unsatisfactory. So as a bit of an in-joke, I gave my character a ludicrously massive pompadour worth of blond hair that flared a bit in the front, in traditional anime-esque fashion. Deegal made a strange face at me, perhaps surprised I was playing a loppo race, but allowed me to speak, “I, Jake,” I deliberately hammed up my delivery, “am a Proton Bunker. Proton is a physically inclined 'Tron, while Bunker is the epitome of defensive field control and enemy direction. I ensure that enemies focus on me and me alone,” He nodded wordlessly at me, but seemed a bit startled by something. He knew I played a tank, so I guess it was the loppo thing. Weird. “Here are your orders, sirs and madams,” the waitress stepped over to our table. She smiled at me, almost apologetically, as she spoke, “The, erm, meatball sandwich for you, sir Loppo,” “Indeed,” I chirped merrily, “Excellent!” I was excited at the prospect, having not eaten at all this day and, frankly, I figured fake food could tide me over until I figured out what was going on. Right up until the blinding, searing agony surged through my entire being with a force that felt as if a heavy weight boxer had just checked my solar plexus. Every iota of willpower in my entire being had to be forced to a singular point in the back of my throat to stop myself from vomiting what contents may have been in my stomach prior. I spat out the sandwich in a mixture of feral terror and mortal shock. What the hell had just happened?! I cursed and sputtered desperately. I think I managed to get some words out, but couldn't swear to it at the time. Zechs shrugged and grinned nervously, “W-well, buddy, I didn't want to tell you this, but Loppo, your rabbitman race, are all strictly vegetarian. They can't digest meat, like at all,” I struggled to recover my breathing as Dieter riotously cackled at me, “Hey, can you get my friend a new sandwich, with... Hmm. Kale, pickles, oh, lots of pickles, lettuce, and tomatoes? Oh, and some carrots on the side, too?” I barked something obscene under my breath that, in retrospect, shouldn't be transcribed here. As if I need to explain further, I don't care for bitter tastes or certain textures – of which the above order falls neatly under. The only reason I didn't say more was because I stopped to run my tongue along the tops of my teeth. In the front were pronounced, sharp teeth for cutting. Next to them in the human jaw would be canines – designed for tearing. But in place of them were flattened teeth, like a vegetable-eating species would have. I was unsettled by this, to say the least. The waitress was uneasy, simply giving us an, “Okay,” before pulling something from her pocket, “Oh, and before I forget. I was told to give this to you.” She then handed Diegal an envelope. Out of reflex, I shot her a nasty glare, indicating that her presence was no longer welcomed at our table. I then extended the same to the laughing hyena-bitch who sat opposite me. I must have said something, as Diegal fired at me, “Don't hate me, hate yourself for opting for a vegetarian race. I'll be taking your sandwich, now, too,” As he slid the plate across the way. “You wanna fight?” I whispered, as I felt Zechs grab my shoulder, clearly telling me to knock it off. I knew he was right but in that moment, I was pretty mad, to put it gently. “Who's it from?” Zechs cut me off. “Does it matter?” Dieter shrugged carelessly. I snatched the letter from him and opened it forcefully. I scanned it for a second before reading it aloud, “Dear Zechs, Windowz and Deegal, My apologies for earlier. I didn't realize I hadn't installed proper toiletries for you before. Hopefully, everything is fine and dandy now that the latest patch-mancy has been implemented. Well, I wish you luck and hope for your success, Sincerely, Administrator Catalina Ur-Grafzou,” As I finished I thought back to what I saw and decided to take jab back at my dear friend, with the opening now presenting itself, “Wait, toiletries weren't implemented before? What the heck? Was everything right before, Dieter?” I saw the color drain from his face, “Uh, sure?” he offered, biting into my sandwich anew, “Why do you ask?” “Oh,” I hummed, “No reason. It just seemed odd she'd send us a message for that if everything was fine before, but whatev—Ohgodammit.” The waitress returned, having taken Dieter's faux-order seriously. I swear to whatever demon rules over this world, the NPCs were just as stupid when I was trapped with them than when I skipped their dialog with the Escape key. I said some... words one really should not say to someone in a service industry job to make her leave. The weird part about it was... I think I made the NPC cry? I told myself it was a trick of the lighting. Nothing that rock-stupid would happen in this world. My appetite completely destroyed by what just happened and my enthusiasm a distant memory, I put my mug to my mouth to the good old reliable taste of city tap water. Well, it tasted like the tap water of the town I lived in. I stopped halfway. This is all fake anyway, so who really cares? I reasoned. Diegal and Zechs continued talking but I had stopped listening. It was immature and stupid and I should've let it go, but I sat there and stewed in my anger instead. Setting my cup down, I interceded into their conversation, “Anyways, enough of this stupidity, let's get out there. We need to get ourselves up to snuff so we can complete this dumb quest thrust on us,” I went to stand, only to see the damned waitress was back again, but this time to hand me a bill. God damn NPCs... I fished for the coins, dropped them and cursed the brainless AI one last time for good measure. Afterward, we were heading back to the Forest of Beginnings. Putting my helmet back on and getting to move around freely helped me burn off some of the stress – in addition to the primitive catharsis that was smashing monsters who we hopelessly outclassed in single blows. I must say, it made me feel pretty cool to know I'd come such a long ways in a short time, for what it was worth. However, the resounding gong of falling hammer blows came to a stand-still – in fact, all three of us did – when we heard a sudden cry: “He-e-elp!!!” “Did you all hear that?” Dieter cried out. “It's coming from ahead of us, by about a mile,” Zechs reasoned with startling levels of precision. Dieter seemed to think so too, as he shot back, “That's pretty impressive. How did you figure that out so quickly?” “Oh,” Zechs sheepishly grinned, “I took ten levels in the Stalker subclass, and I can track anyone I've ever messaged, and that's coming from one of my friends.” Dieter and I awkwardly exchanged glances as I offered a shrug, “All the more reason to help. Let's go!” I brandished my hammer and shield, as something occurred to me. An odd bug I discovered in the game due to my particular build. And it didn't take long for my friends to notice it either. “Uh, Jake, man? You're, um, how do I put this... You're running backwards,” my floof companion offered. “I know. Because I can't move that fast forward. My armor load is too high for my weight bearing, and so my walking speed is cut in half. You could give me a five minute head start and you'd probably still beat me in the hundred yard dash as I am now. However, movement speed doesn't factor into defensive evasive maneuvers, so...” I trailed off. I learned the trick while goofing around, finding my back-step dodge command, which was technically on a 1-second cooldown, moved my avatar faster than walking forward. Weird ninja-solutions to these kinds of problems were lauded by Fairy Land developers and, thus, usually were not patched out. He seemed satisfied with my explanation, “I see, then. Well, don't hit any trees.” I swiftly explained a talisman I used for 360 vision. While the game was viewed 3rd-person style, wearing certain equipment would have secondary effects and bucket helms would shadow the world behind my character as a means of expanded role playing. The talisman in question was a reward for tank classes who reached certain level thresholds and did a particular questline. But it worked for my needs. Which is good, as we soon ran into a complication in our impromptu search-n-rescue mission. There, at a lake somewhere near the forest's center (where subsequently stronger monsters tended to gather) was a Boss monster. Zechs broke the awkward silence, “Oh, geez. I didn't realize it was the new moon,” There before us, center of the lake was a truly impressive sight to behold: from the waist up, one could be forgiven for mistaking it for a 30 foot tall woman, blessed by her creator with an unnaturally acute beauty and an otherwise-inviting smile and posture. The devs even rendered her a belly button, which barely floated above the waterline. However, there was no mistaking the lower half for what it was – a terrifying amalgamation of aquatic animal body parts. Where hips should have been was the body of a cuttlefish or a particularly sponge-like snail, with tentacles extending every which way not unlike a squid. Around the water's edge were smaller, cuttlefish-squid monsters, called Lesser Omens, patrolling nearby. When Dieter demanded to know what the lunar phase had to do with anything, Zechs shouted back, “That's because that's the only time that this monster, the Neptunine Omen, appears. Be on your guard, Dieter!” “Yeah, yeah, I've seen enough weird Japanese porn to know what to expect if I fail,” Dieter, in a bout of infinite class, responded coolly. Surrounded by the Lesser Omens, there stood a lone adventurer: a Squerran female who looked to be some sort of mage-class based on her ill-fitting, baggy robes that made her already-petite frame look even smaller. My natural instinct was to protect her first, but if we broke rank and got swarmed, we wouldn't be doing her any help at all, so I motioned for Zechs to stay close as we advanced. I dropped my hammer down atop a Lesser Omen as Zechs stayed by my side, slashing wildly at the slimy little piles. I figured we could stay in standard 3-Ring formation and force the upper hand by weeding out the smaller ones faster than the big mama could generate them. Dieter, of course, had other plans. She leaped over us, sailing into direct contact. Zechs briefly reached his free hand out, as if to call for him, but I motioned for him to... let it unfold. There was no use in trying to stop him now. “Dude, if she dies, there goes my chance!” my short friend hissed at my side. “It was funny the first time. Now it's just creepy, man,” I shot back. I had to admit, his surprise attack gambit caught the boss off-guard, so I saluted Dieter somewhat for taking initiative. Or, rather, I did up until one of the tendrils grabbed him around his midsection and began slamming him to the ground, much akin to the old Saturday morning cartoon slapstick sketches I used to watch. I admit it: I smiled a little. “I'll help you!” The Squerran girl suddenly started, “I call upon the Gnosis of the Soldonna! Tiny Puttirim!” I glanced over just in time to see a tiny, cherubic angel figure appear and began shooting small jolts of lightning into the horde. This served to provoke every last one of them – including ones that I had previously focused on me – as they dog-piled onto the poor thing. As I looked back to see Dieter's health (unsurprisingly in the red) ticking downward, as he unleashed a roar, fell and terrible, as he proceeded to tear the tentacle from its original owner and began bashing the lessers into oblivion. I was a bit at a loss as I watched the scene unfold. Just then, I heard the boss's low laugh echo again and looked her way, just in time for Zechs to take to the air, slashing wildly. Before I knew it, he had pureed a hole straight through her, dropping the boss where she floated. “WHOO-HOO! Oh, yeah, Dieter! Good job on distracting her so I could finish her off!” Zechs cheered wildly. “What?” I heard Dieter barely mumble. “You think you won? Lady Neptune will devour your... guts,” the barely-hanging-in-there boss gurgled. Feeling the day's mounting frustrations and my own helplessness mounting up, I whipped out my hammer and proceeded to exert all those feelings all over the boss's skull, quickly demolishing it into a semi-consistent pudding-like mixture. “My heroes,” The Squrran mage teased as she approached us. Zechs took it to the mug like a champ with a big grin, “No worries, there, Errin. Say, how have you been?” She shook her head, “Not terribly good, I'm afraid. At first, I was enjoying myself being so immersed into the game, as I was collected quite a bit of excellent data, and then... I realized I couldn't get out. Is this what they call losing touch with reality?” “Dude, who is this?” I asked, leaning down closer to Zechs. “Oh, my apologies. I am Dr. Erin Sanderson. You may call me Erri or Errin, too, if you prefer,” She introduced herself politely. I was considering why the name rang a bell, but Dieter beat me to it. “Really?! You know Erin Sanderson?” he growled. “Is that a problem?” Zechs squeaked. “She only wrote the most inflammatory documents on the internet, only after that one guy who wrote the hilariously incendiary 'Everything you like is shit' trollpost,” I had heard of her. I had actually even watched a couple of her ZoomTube videos where she talked about social systems in games. Sure, I disagreed with her take that every game needed social elements crammed into them, but I didn't find her all that offensive. Compared to how my day had been so far, I considered her a step up. “Yes, well, please, forgive Seamus, or Zechs. He was quite a gentleman to help me before as he did, and now. He has been invaluable to my research into online interactions, and now, what with this bizarre happenings before me, I'm sure his help will be invaluable once more,” “Now, you need to fill me in,” I offered. I wanted to hear the other side too, just to be sure I didn't step into a minefield. “I'll tell you when we get back to town. I need some new clothes. I got squid slime all over these ones,” Dieter wrinkled his nose in distaste. Which was fine by me. I was already exhausted after the day we'd had.

#Photon Breaker Zechs #Comedy #Fantasy #Action #Adventure #MMORPG

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dietaku · 6 years ago

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Rose-Tinted Holo-shades

Excuse my romanticism, I have been drowning in Italodisco and synthpop over these past few days. Also, yes, I am working on Photon Breaker Zechs once more. I appreciate everyone’s patience with me.

As I sat submerged in the synthetic tunes of yesteryear, rose-tinted holo-shades cover my mind as I dwell on what could have been.

A future of pleather, vinyl, seamless plastic and the promise of a future among the stars; endless opportunity and the green and black of Apple-II monitors. Sleek white metal star ships fleeing the ordinary to search the reaches beyond for adventure.

Roused by the chime of a tiny tablet thousands of times stronger than the computers I dream of, it occurs to me.

Perhaps this was the promise; the future I would make, and the journeys, perhaps not among the stars, would still be as fantastic and wondrous...

#poetry #written poetry #random thoughts #Photon Breaker Zechs

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dietaku · 6 years ago

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Beast Farm Theme

A piece of fluff for the upcoming chapter. An old acquaintance of Jake’s reappears, a super-fan of the old monster-raising cartoon, Beast Farm. I make no apologies for how hokey the actual theme is, as it’s a children’s song. And I’m trying to evoke that magical time in the ‘90s where children’s TV had very....eclectic choices made with their theme songs.

“With a plot revolving around twins Drew and Sue as they built a home for themselves in a world of fantastic beasts, they worked hard to till the land and tame the wild beasts they came across. As the series progressed, they sought to ultimately free the land from the dependence on the corrupting power of the mystic Obsidian Cogs, and their mysterious distributor, the Sable Joker. Sadly, Beast Farm only received two seasons, with a resulting series of spin-off video games with a heavy focus on monster raising and farm-work. While somewhat obscure, there is a rabid fanbase, with games released even recently.”

Beast Farm Theme

Yeah!

Out of the Blue

No Clue!

Dropped into the World of Beasts

Flies Drew and Sue

Ready to See adventure with Me! And! YOU!

Farming! Planting!

Don't let that Horniper sting!

A whole world of adventures

as we rush forward, arm in arm!

Get ready for BEAST FARM!

#worldbuilding #written poetry #imaginary songs #fiction #fantasy #Photon Breaker Zechs

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dietaku · 6 years ago

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Slidelands Extra 20

Here’s a little sneak-peak into the upcoming chapter; the industrious Keeper class. You better bee-lieve it!

Keeper

Type: Beastmaster

Role: Tank/ Mob Elimination

Available Weapons: Spears, Harpoons

Available Armors: Wax, Exotic, Beast

“Am I my brother's keeper?” No? Well, as a Keeper, you are the keeper of your party. An unconventional class that rivals the Ishtar Theurge for unsettling in-game models, it's also known as the “Surinam Bee-Toad,” for how it delivers its beasts. This is due in part, to, unlike other summons-based classes, like the Beckoner or the Qwibon Knight, the Keeper cultivates the offspring of the Saturn Bee that burrowed into the Keeper's body and undergoes a symbiotic relationship with the Keeper, as the Keeper protects the tiny bee queen, while the Bee's children feeds and offers their services to the Keeper. The crux of the Keeper's abilities stem around their bee troops, which can be used for attack, defense, and also to draw enemy attention away from the party. This requires honey stocks, though, so the Cultivate skill is the linchpin of the Keeper's toolkit, using this to gather honey from the surrounding environment. Should this provide unsustainable, the Keeper can also direct the troops to pollinate the area, increasing the rate of honey collection, with later expansions even causing the local area to flower with new plant life as the Keeper's bees get to work. In addition, the Keeper can also use their bees to harry enemies with stinging and droning, harassing them with status as the Keeper themselves attacks them.

With all these advantages the Keeper also has its own share of downsides. With the huge range of the Keeper, it also lacks the actual defensive power of other Tank classes, relying on status and range to belie this defense, along with their Honey Manna skill to heal themselves. On top of this, with their reliance on honey, they often take time to get properly set up and ready to take on many enemies. With that being said, once the local area is pollinated and honey is coming in, they are a terrifying force to deal with, with the strongest of Seekers and Razers needed to counter their hordes of tiny fuzzy minions.

Known Keeper Skills

Cultivate Honey

Pollinate

Bee Legion

Honey Manna

Droning Boom

Venom Peltast

Imperial Dance Gala

Bee Flower Festival

#Adventure #fiction #fantasy #worldbuilding #mmorpg #Photon Breaker Zechs

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dietaku · 6 years ago

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Slidelands Extra 12

Today, our entry into the Class Encyclopedia takes a look into the Hexer, an unusual Support class favored by the Pan’Tou Pandora. Enjoy!

Hexer

Type: Magical (Class: Mystic)

Role: Support/ Debuff

Available Weapons: Curse Dolls, Knives, Needles

Available Armors: Cursed, Vestments, Cloth

Everyone has hatred deep within their hearts. The difference between the Hexer and others, is that the Hexer lives for hatred, using it to empower their magic and hurl bad luck and misfortune at those that cross them. The Hexer's skills are largely based around inhibiting and limiting their enemies, forcing them into positions of weakness, as opposed to uplifting themselves or their allies. To this end, in a party, it is best to have another Support alongside a Hexer, as they lack all but the most modest healing skills, with their most prominent healing skill being Schadenfreude, which heals the target in proportion to the damage they deal to other characters. Another aspect of note is the Hexer also has much higher than average Stamina for a mage, which alongside their unusually heavy armor is perfect, as many of their skills are short range, allowing them to be in the thick of combat where they can accumulate Hatred, their class' secondary resource. Hatred is similar to Aggro for monsters and indeed, Hexers will concentrate their auto-skills on enemies with the highest Hatred However, this is also important as many of their attack skills such as Dharma Dartboard and Masochism Maser expend Hatred, alleviating them of this weakness.

Hexers, being as unusual as they are, own their share of weaknesses, namely their need to be in short range to be most effective, which even with their higher than average defenses, are still much weaker than even the faster evasion front line fighters such as the Jetter or Speed-Focus Breaker. On top of this, their focus of debuffing opponents is useful, but very few immediately see the applications, and many new to the game or not as deep into the nuances of Slidelands' combat see the class as 'useless', leading to it having a stigma of sorts. That being said, those who DO understand, or those who entered Babel-On and encountered Armored Divine Beast Becheum, understand why Hexers are an option.

Known Hexer Skills:

Infant's Grip

Cardboard Armor

Febrile Spirit

Black Cat Mirror

Dharma Dartboard

Masochism Maser

Schadenfreude

#worldbuilding #Adventure #fiction #fantasy #Photon Breaker Zechs

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dietaku · 6 years ago

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Slidelands Extra 18

My apologies for the lack of activity here in the past few weeks. Things have just piled on top of me, and I wanted to make sure I focused on the Writing Prompt I was given. Now that that’s been released, I’m slowly working on Chapter 7, along with some of my own writing projects. In the meantime, here’s the Class Encyclopedia Entry to the Mixer, the second music-based class, used by Currant of the Marmalade Gang. Please Enjoy!

Mixer

Type: Magical (Class: Music)

Role: Support/Flex

Available Weapons: Turntables, Vocoders, Stereos

Available Armors: Cloth, Silk, Exotic, Strider Boots

Music is truly wonderful, isn't it? The Player exemplifies this, using their tunes to bolster their allies. The Mixer takes this a step further, using their records to form new tunes and either boost their allies' capabilities, but also to attack their enemies and lower their capabilities. This gives them a flexibility the Player lacks, able to assault enemies, even at extreme ranges with such skills as Earworm and Pop Muzik. This is all derived from their Core Skill, Mix Tape, which allows them to meld the tunes on various records to create a new tune, and a unique effect. There are effectively hundreds of thousands of tunes, and the best bit about this is, the vast majority of them are nods to other tunes in the game, with the observant able to find ways to recreate their favorite songs.

This is both a blessing and a curse, as one needs to find the right combination of records to recreate effects, and records are an expended ammunition for the turntable weapons. This weakness is offset by long effect times, which combined with the Mixer's high mobility, able to equip the rare Strider class of boots, they can zip across battlefields easily, tagging those allies who need an extra boost or those enemies proving difficult.

Known Mixer Skills:

Mix Tape

Earworm

Pop Muzik

Mondegreen

Autotune Abomination

Vapor [A E S T H E T I C]

#fantasy #fiction #worldbuilding #Adventure #mmorpg #Photon Breaker Zechs

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dietaku · 6 years ago

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Slidelands Extra 13

Chapter 6 is proceeding briskly, but I also want to give you all your further insights into Slidelands! To this end, here is the Player class, exemplified by PotatoCanon1171, the resident expert of the game.

Player

Type: Magical (Class: Music)

Role: Support/ Buff

Available Weapons: Trumpets, Flutes, Guitars

Available Armors: Cloth, Silk, Polyester

Music is one of the most beautiful inventions of Humanity. Half science, half art, it is an mysterious anomaly that all cultures share, and is unique to humans in Nature. With the power of magic, then this ineffable quality takes on a whole new dimension of power. It is this power the Player utilizes, wielding magic like the Breaker wields swords or the Seeker wields mystic power. Using this strength, the Player wields vast flexibility, improving the parameters of their allies, and even healing them in a pinch. In addition, the benefits the Player provides are often with long active times. While not as long as the Beckoner, they nevertheless provide sustainability not seen by other classes.

That being said, the Player is not a class without weaknesses. The Player's stats are quite modest, and its solo attack capabilities are almost nonexistent, with the Brown Tone and Skittering Scat being their most prominent Skills. Indeed, they often are paired with Threshers as the two classes synergize well together, with the Thresher shoring up the Player's lack of offensive skills while the Player can provide options the Thresher lacks.

Known Player Skills:

Big Shot's Anthem

Paradise Road Ragtime

Melody of Mother

Country-Blues Calamity

Skittering Scat

Brown Tone

#Adventure #worldbuilding #fiction #fantasy #Photon Breaker Zechs

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dietaku · 6 years ago

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Slidelands Extra 15

Another Day, another Class Encyclopedia Entry. Today’s entry is the magical Seeker class, employed by the inscrutable Dennis.

Seeker

Type: Magic (Class: Mystic)

Role: Support/ Flex

Available Weapons: Wands, Curse Dolls, Scrolls

Available Armors: Cursed, Vestments, Cloth

In all MMORPGs, there are three archetypes: the Swordsman, the armored Knight ,and the long-ranged Magician chucking fireballs like it's going out of style. The Seeker is the Magician to the Breaker and the Bunker's Swordsman and Knight respectively. Wielding the mystic power of magic without the chains of divine patrons to back them or impede their research or actions. This is also part of their inherent search as a class; to find the secrets of divine immortality and steal them for themselves. It is for this reason the class is called Seeker, and not because the story of the class is obtuse and not very well-thought out, like a section of the community posits. Much like the flashy costumes available to the class, the Seeker skill-set is broad and flashy, able to support one's team with healing and buffs or strike down opponents with bursts of power, wind, ice lightning, water, earth and the like. In addition to Spirit costs and action speed, each spell will also either grant or spend a separate resource dubbed 'Mes'. This is extremely important, as if one gathers ten Mes, then the core skill of the Seeker opens up to you after level 20; Divine Corpus, which massively boosts Spirit regeneration and Magic Attack and Defense. Indeed, the most infamous subclass of the game, Ishtar Theurge, is intertwined with the Seeker. This subclass is either utterly abominable or utterly hilarious depending on who you talk to, as the class utilizes highly vulgar body horror, shifting the caster's body into new and unusual forms, expanding and contorting in ways that are at best only nominally human. The Ishtar Theurge does expand the options of the Seeker as it allows one to substitute HP for Mes. This comes alongside a passive HP regeneration skill, and this allows the Seeker many more options.

With the ability to wield both offensive and support magic, the Seeker has a lot going for it, but like all classes it has its weaknesses. The class is incredibly slow, relying on its long range to compensate. In addition, much like other mages, their HP and defenses are much lower than other classes, even with Ishtar Theurge, they can barely compare to Hexer in terms of survivability. Despite these hefty penalties, the Seeker is always a welcome addition to almost all parties as their ability to flex on DPS or Support makes them invaluable allies.

#Adventure #worldbuilding #fantasy #fiction #Photon Breaker Zechs

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dietaku · 6 years ago

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Slidelands Extra 14

Today, we explore the Dozer class, used by the Grandmaster of the Knigths of Alb, Raymond. This also marks the full canonization of Through the Window, a sister story started by Toasttz. Go read his stuff, it’s pretty great.

Dozer

Type: Melee

Role: DPS/Linebreaker

Available Weapons: Greatswords, Axes, Hammers

Available Armors: Chain, Scale, Plate

Ending a fight in a single attack. Ignoring an opponent's blows in order to swathe the surrounding area in destruction. This is the essence of the Dozer, a stalwart vanguard sent to break an opponent in single acts. To this end, the Dozer's core skill, Unyielding Spirit, is essential. This powerful ability is the linchpin of the Dozer's moveset, as it provides what Slidelands dubs 'Inner Focus' but what most would know by the name super-armor. This is necessary, as the Dozer 's attacks often possess long windups, making the inability to be interrupted essential. This also allows Dozer attacks to be much larger in potency and range than comparable classes. It is for this reason that many view the Dozer as a better tank than many actual Tank classes, as it can mow down enemies and little can stop their rampage. Indeed, the top Tank class in Slidelands at the time of Photon Breaker Zechs beginning was the ProDoDoZoa, or Proton Dozer Dual Wielding Greatsword Zorren build.

Despite this immense strength, the Dozer's weaknesses are apparent, even to those that sing its praises. The class is, even with the most optimal build, extremely slow, and not very mobile, relying on long-range skills to make up for this deficiency. To this end, those who wish to battle them tend to rely on this lack of mobility and some enterprising Jetters and Drifters utilize their own Unyielding Spirit against them, stringing together attacks for truly ludicrous amounts of damage from long attack strings. In spite of this, though, the Dozer remains popular, with a simple to learn skill-set and apparent power.

Known Dozer Skills:

Inner Aegis

Fighting Roar

Revenge Wail

Earthsplitter

Quake Cleaver

Mountclearer

#worldbuilding #fiction #fantasy #Adventure #Photon Breaker Zechs

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dietaku · 6 years ago

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Chapter 5: Video Games are for Sharing Happy Memories

“Wait, what was I supposed to go find?” I demanded,” And what in the ever-loving SNAFU just happened, anyways?”

“I'm not sure why you're asking me that. I wasn't even there,” Princess Catalina countered, as I slumped with despair,” Still, your instincts were better than you imagined, as I can explain, in a way what happened.”

“Oh?” Errin asked, crossing her arms.

“Yes. Even though I wasn't there, I still acted as the fulcrum for your spirit journey.Your dear boy, Jun here, is the key to all this. As a Rancher, a class dedicated to harvesting the natural bounty of the world, he is not a strong combatant. Instead, Jun possesses a useful trait, Friend to All Nature, which sets his opponents' aggression to zero unless he actively attacks a combatant. Jun also possesses a knack for alchemy, allowing him to craft bomb attack items.While you all were battling Nezha and the Prisoner, he attached several such bombs to the pair and defeated them all while they were solely focused on you. Why would they focus on him? He didn't attack them....up until his bombs detonated and defeated them. While you were engrossed in your battle, succumbing to despair, Jun worked with calm and collected manner, producing success.”

“I...see,” I said, looking down at Jun as he grinned at me expectantly, as I patted him on the head,” That still doesn't explain what I supposed to look for.”

“That I cannot say. Even with my talents and gifts, I am not omniscient as I am,” Catalina admitted,” Although, you must've discovered something?”

“Well, I did find my character's mother,” I mumbled.

“Your mother,” Catalina explained.

“What? No! My mom is nice, but she's nothing like that woman! Besides, my mom isn't in this game,” I protested, as Catalina chuckled, shaking her head,” Fine, then! I'll prove to you all! I'll find her and prove my point!”

I stomped off into the streets of Grafzou, recalling the directions I traveled in my dream, as I found the run-down house I left what seemed like an eternity before. Chattering noises rang out as I paused with a flood of emotions washing over me, while I stewed in confusion and anger.

“No, this isn't my home. This is just a place in the game,” I growled, as the chattering stopped and a Floof woman slowly walked out. Still beautiful, with her willowy form, blonde mane and tail just as I recalled her, including her ruined left arm. I spied the faintest traces of worry upon her face, even as she lit up when she spied me.

“Deegal?” she asked, as my eyes welled with tears

“Yeah, Mom, it's me,” It's nice to see you.” I mumbled, as she embraced me tightly.

“It's so good to see you! It's been what, ten years since you wandered off? I'm glad you had the good sense to take after your father. Now, what are you doing nowadays?” she asked. She and I chatted for several hours, as I settled comfortably into the conversation. As our talk went on, more and more details of Deegal's life became known to me, and the two of us laughed and joked between each other even as the shadows drew over us from the fading sun and the streetlights flared to life outside.

“Mama?” called behind me, as I turned to see Jun hesitantly entering the house.

“Deegal, who is—Oh, I see,” my mother smiled as she motioned Jun to sit beside us,” I never pegged you for the motherly type. Who's the father?”

“I don't know,” I admitted. I can't very well tell her the real way we bonded.

She shook her head, “ If I had a nickel for each time I heard that. Still,” she grinned, as she disappeared into the nearby kitchen, returning with a basket of fried tofu and several bottles of sake,” My little Deegal came home, and brought me a grandson. We ought to celebrate!”

Soon enough, we were surrounded by a crowd of other Floof women, and an impromptu party arose. Jun was the star of the gathering as the others all fawned over him and he happily basked in the attention.

“Aaaaw, he's such a little cutie! You better be careful, Deegal. Otherwise, he's going to get snatched up, just like my Jiang was,” a brunette Floof my mind identified as Yinli, called.

“Is that the excuse he gave you? He's down on the south end these days fooling around with a Zorren girl,” another called, who my mind filled in as Meilin.

“That silt-pounding Qwibon-fondler! I'll be back!” Yinli growled, stomping off, as Jun waved.

“You know, though, that reminds me,” Meilin mentioned,” Yinli's husband isn't the only one on the south end these days. I heard that Pai O is in town again.”

The entire party fell silent for a moment, as I looked around in confusion.

“Who?”

“One of Hu Shian's chosen handmaidens. She knows the secrets that can make us of the Floof Clan stronger,” my mother explained,” Deegal, why don't you remember that? I know I told you about them.”

“Oh, I'm sorry. A lot's happened lately,” I muttered, as he others tittered at my foolishness. The party lasted well into the night, before I settled down, exhausted, happy and confused.

“All these memories, none of them mine, and yet, I'm ecstatic. What the hell is even going on with me?” I wondered, as Jun snored beside me. Abandoning my pensive mood, I settled down, and drifted off the sleep. The next day, Jun and I said our farewells, finding Errin not far outside, as she and I exchanged worried looks.

“You too, then?” she asked, as I nodded.

“My mind is filling with memories not my own, like I'm stepping into Deegal's life, even if she was just a character I made,” I mumbled, as Errin nodded.

“Last night, I found my character's father, and discovered I had a knack for brewing. I've barely ever cooked, but apparently I can craft beer rather competently,” she replied.

I shook my head,” What's all this mean?”

“I don't know. This does imply that perhaps....No, that's not possible,” Errin muttered, “That would imply that this world, this game, isn't actually a game....”

I said nothing, as we both nodded, and strode back to the castle. There, amid the crowds, stood Princess Catalina, as she smirked as she spied our approach.

“Did you find your answers?” she asked.

“No, but I have to ask you. All this,” I waved around me,” This isn't a game, is it?”

Catalina smiled,” Do you think it is?”

“I can't say anymore. After I came back from my dream quest, I've been wracked with memories not my own, like I'm stepping into someone else's life,” I muttered, as Catalina's smile widened.

She patted me on the shoulder,” Don't feel bad. Everyone has experiences they can't place. That's the nature of being alive.”

Errin piped up,” It's more than that. I've never cooked anything more complex than a grilled cheese sandwich in my life, and yet a few hours ago, I met my father, and now I discovered that I'm a brewer? When did all this happen? I'm an academic and psychologist!”

“If you desire answers, then seek out the Three Great Societies, then. They have the answers you seek,” Catalina smiled.

“Three Great Societies? Where are they?” I asked.

“They are present in several locations across the world, but the best place for you to find them is the city of Treisgen,” Catalina replied,” Be wary, though, you need to travel across the Veeya Strwam.”

“Veeya Stream?”

“A series of plates running along a circular path about Mt. Kunlun. If you follow the flow of the Stream, then you ought to get to Treisgen in less than a day,” Catalina explained. I nodded, as Errin piped up.

“And will this take us back to Caaztfahl?” she queried. Immediately, I understood; it would be much easier if we could reunite with Zechs, Jake and the others.

Catalina smirked,” You want to return to your home, I take it? Worry not, Treisgen is on the same side of Mt. Kunlun as Caaztfahl, It will be simple to get back from there.”

“Right. Fine. We'll be back. Till then, you better stay where we can find you,” I replied.

“Did you just threaten me, the princess of he kingdom of Grafzou?” Catalina snorted.

I shook my head,” No threat, just a promise.”

Walking off, Errin nudged me,” That wasn't much of a reassurance., Dieter.”

“I know, but I want to be in charge for a change,” I muttered, stewing in my thoughts as I ran into a tall figure. Well, ran into was the wrong phrase, more like she appeared out of nowhere and I tripped into her trying to get out of the way.

“Watch it, you! You're a daughter of Hu Shian and you're as graceful as a drunken Taurigante. Take more effort into yourself!” she growled, as I looked over the woman I ran into. A tall Floof woman who seemed eerily familiar. With her auburn hair, bright eyes and unusually luxurious tail, she almost reminded me of....

“Pai Zuri?” I asked, as she snorted.

“Of course a cow like you would know my little sister. I suppose you've sought me out after she worked you over? Giving you the little kid treatment? Well, rest assured, if you want something, I'm not going to baby-talk you or give you any post-coital snuggles. You're in the deep silt now, Baby Bird,” she replied, as realization swept over me.

“You're Pai O, right?”

“What a perceptive little cow you are, Baby Bird,” Pai O leered, looming over me. Her being six inches taller than me didn't help,” So, you want my tutelage, then?”

“I-I-I never said, anything abo--”

“Cease your mewling, follow me,” she growled, beckoning for me to follow her. I looked at Errin and Jun pleadingly, before I sighed, following behind her. She arrived at an empty warehouse, one of the many sketchy buildings in the outer sections of Grafzou I completely ignored on my way in. Turning to face me, she looked over me with an dispassionate stare.

“You want greater power? Are you sure? This will be incredibly painful,” she asked.

I looked at her blankly, I never asked for anything, “I don't know--”

“You're right, you don't,” she retorted, circling around me before roughly grabbing my tail as she raised it, massaging its base. A white sun of agony dawned in my mind and my entire body shuddered with pain. I whimpered, and promptly passed out. Waking up as the agonizing heat roiled over me, I staggered to my feet, as I noticed a curious weight on my backside. Looking backwards, I realized I was now the proud owner of four more tails.

“You still alive?” Pai O called as I stared at her.

“What did you even do?”

“I opened one of your chakras, awakening some of the divine blood in your body. Now you possess part of the strength of our ancestor. You see, my dear baby bird, this is the power of Alluring Tail Whirlwind. Just as our divine ancestor could wield their tails as you wield your hands, so too will you be blessed now,” O explained, as I looked her over quizzically.

“You only have one tail. Why aren't you so endowed?” I demanded, as she cackled.

“I don't want to talk about endowments with a cow like you, but I'll let you discover that for yourself,” she called, just in time for my Spirit dropped into the red. My backside burned painfully, and I squeaked as the weight on my butt lightened. Blinking through the tears, I found my tail was now all alone once more.

“Alluring Tail Whirlwind consumes huge amounts of Spirit to maintain. We lack the full divinity of our ancestor, after all. So, it's not a skill you ought to use all the time. Still, in a pinch, it can be a life-saver,” Pai O explained. I nodded, as I heard a gasp. I slowly turned around, spying Jun wide-eyed at my predicament.

“Mom! What'd you do to her?” he demanded, assuming a stance I recognized as my own, as he lunged with a barrage of sweeping punches, which Pai O avoided with ease. Grabbing his fist, Pai O's other hand whipped out, clutching his face as she pecked him on the forehead. Jun staggered back, his face a flustered crimson.

“I like your spunk, Kid. Still, you're ten years too early to confront me with a challenge like that. Still, keep training, and maybe one day, you will,” she winked at him, as I staggered to interpose myself between Jun and this erstwhile teacher.

“Okay, that's enough of that, Pai O,” I challenged,” Now you've given this skill, so beat it.”

She rose, looming over with a sneer,” If that is your wish. Know this, though. I am called by my people who cry out for salvation. You and your karma are sad indeed. I'm sure you and I will meet again, Baby Bird.”

With this cryptic parting, she walked out of the warehouse, as I helped Jun to his feet.

“T-thank you,” he muttered, as I arched a brow.

“You can speak English now?”

“I could speak English before, but I need to concentrate to do so. My head gets fuzzy when I try to speak normally, and what comes out of my mouth isn't what I mean. Well, it's what I mean, but it comes out in a different language. This has happened ever since that Zechs man approached me.”

“I see,” I muttered. Staggering out of the warehouse, with Jun helping me along, Errin eyed us with a half-smile.

“I assume you gained something new? The other woman just walked off with a nasty frown on her face,” Errin replied, as I shrugged.

“We'll see,” I said, as Errin cocked her head.

“Oh? I want to see what she taught you,” she called.

I shook my head,” Maybe later. Jun, where do we need to go to get to the Veeya Stream?”

He pointed off to the west as I spied a gigantic shadow looming in the clouds near the horizon,” We head that way. There'll be a town over there where we can join the Veeya Stream. We'll also need to get you two Qwibons.”

“Wait, he can speak English? What have you done to him?” Errin uncrossed her arms in shock.

“Mom didn't do anything to me. I-I just.....felt it would be easier this way,” Jun winced, hefting me as I patted him on the head.

“It's okay. I can walk myself. Now, why you lead the way?” I asked, as he nodded happily.

Following him, past the fields of scattered palm trees covering swaying grasslands, as he crossed ever closer to the gigantic shadow at the horizon ahead of us.

“What is that, anyways, Jun?”

“That shadow ahead of us? That's Mount Kunlun, the stairway to the gods,” he answered, as I slowly looked up. The mountain's peak disappeared into the cloudy gloom of the sky above and even that disappeared into the sky above.

“I see. You're being metaphorical, though, right? There's no way there's a mountain can reach up to Heaven, can there?” Errin asked, as Jun shook his head.

“You get to the top, you can meet the gods. To do so is dangerous, though. All sorts of scary monsters and divine beasts dwell on its slopes. Even strong people like Mom and Miss Errin would die up there. Please don't try it,” he asked softly, as I nodded absentmindedly.

“Oh, yeah, sure, of course,” I muttered,

Jun then paused, waving ahead of him,” We're here.”

“Huh?”

Before us sprawled a small town bustling with activity. Traders hawked their wares, people happily talking, and even several fights breaking out. The most striking feature, though, was that an animal accompanied every single person I spied in the crowds.

“What's with all this?” I asked, looking around, as Jun grinned.

“This is one of the four cardinal towns of the Veeya Stream, Ponesant. I also suppose I should show you all this,” Jun explained, whistling loudly, as a large beast lumbered up to him excitedly. I leaped out of the way, as this beast clambered besides Jun, on its hind feet clearly excited to be called. Looking it over, I lacked words to explain this bizarre animal. Like a maniac's vision of a kangaroo expressed with his only description of the animal through some twisted telephone game, it loomed over me with wide eyes, a narrow muzzle like an opossum, tall ears like a rabbit, a sleek body covered in brilliant blue fur, and a tufted tail like a flamboyant skunk. It looked me over excitedly, grabbing my shoulders with smaller front paws as it nuzzled my face with a pink nose, before sitting obediently beside Jun as he snapped.

“What is that thing?”

“That's a Qwibon, isn't it?” Errin asked.

Jun nodded,” That's right. How did you know?”

“Jake told me about therm. He used one to travel to the plains of Abenon with Potato and myself. He told me there was a quest to get your own,” Errin answered,”I assume this is what you're taking us to do?”

He nodded,” That was my plan. You need some way to travel across the Veeya Stream, and you can only do so if you possess a riding animal. The easiest one to get is a Qwibon, although there are dozens more.”

“Oh?” I grinned deviously,”Jun, are there any platinum gem riding animals?”

Jun nodded,” There are, but you really ought to get your Qwibon first, Mom.”

I ignored him, trotting over to the marketplace,” I'd like to purchase the most expensive riding animal!”

The clerk nearest to me, a towering Phomet man, cleared his throat, “Of course, ma'am. Do you have your license?”

“My what?”

His caprine face lowered to my level, looking me in the eyes coolly, “Your riding license, ma'am. You can't ride a Qwibon or any other riding animal without acquiring your license. Don't worry. Approach the clerk on the opposite end with the green flag. You can earn your license there,” he called, as I glowered, before nodding.

“So, this is the way of things, huh? Bureaucracy?” I wondered as I trotted over to the directed desk, where a bored Phomet woman doodled on a writing pad, at odds with her counterpart due to her humanoid face.

“Are those two even the same species? Honestly, she reminds me of Potato more than him,” I thought. As I looked her over, she realized I stood beside her, stowing her drawings swiftly in her desk.

“Welcome! I assume you're here to acquire your riding license?” she beamed,

“Y-yes,” I frowned,” as I looked back from the first clerk back to her, “Will this take long?”

“Oh, no! All I need to do is read your credentials,” she said, staring at me for a moment, abefore scribbling hurriedly on a paper and handing it to me,” Take this to the clerk across the room you were just at.

“Ah, good, you have the paper,” the first clerk called, as he took the paper.

“So, I can get a riding animal now?” I asked excitedly.

He shook his head,” Not yet. You need to take this paper back to the clerk across the way.”

“Very well,” I sighed. Such busywork was the norm in many RPGs, so it stood to reason such chores would arise. However, when the female clerk handed me yet another paper, my patience wore thin.

“What am I even doing? Why can't I just do all this paperwork all at once?” I demanded, as she snickered.

“Because the paperwork can only be done at each respective desk,” she answered,” How else would you do it?”

I bit my tongue as I fumed inwardly at this impudence. Continuing along on this farce, I passed along each desk again and again, each time, passing along papers, signing papers, crossing Ts and dotting Is. After an hour of this farce, the male Phomet nodded, as he looked over me with an appraising look.

“It seems everything is in order,” he nodded,” Here is your license.”

He pushed forward a small card towards me on the table, which I grabbed greedily,” Niow, if you wish to continue, you can enter that door to get your Qwibon--”

I snorted,” Thanks, but no thanks. I'm off to get a far better ride.”

“But, you need to--” the clerk sputtered, as I trotted off, back into the hustle of the city outside. Spying a sign denoting the platinum gem mount shop, I looked over the options, as a single beast caught my eye.

“It's not as expensive as I wanted, only 2,500 gems. Still, this guy is far stronger than the typical Qwibons I'm seeing,” I mused, as I purchased it. Immediately, a figure towered over. A muscular mountain of a man towered over me. A giant with listening green skin, legs ending in hooves like dinner plates, and a large horse head stared down at me. What surprised me most, was the second, human face situated on the middle of its chest.

“I am Divine Beast Centaur, the least of the speed gods. Are you my master?” it boomed in a soothing voice, as I nodded, a silly grin spreading across my face.

“That's right. I need to go as fast as possible. Can you do this for me?”

Centaur snorted,” I am the fastest being on the surface. There is nothing I cannot overrun.”

“Awwright! Let's go!” I beamed, as he hefted me onto his shoulders, walking off into the main plaza in wide strides. I waved as I spied Jun and Errin, now with her own Qwibon; a stout mare with muted orange fur.

“What even is that?” Errin gawked, as Jun clapped with excitement.

“That's a premium beast! You have to use gems to get that one! Wow!” he gasped, as I nodded.

“Enough gawking, let's go!” I yelled triumphantly, as the others agreed. Loping along the city's streets, we passed along the main avenues into a large flattened stone valley rumbling with some unseen force.. The floor of this gorge was unnaturally flat, and I soon understood why. As Centaur stepped onto it surface, we shot forward, as I gathered why the others spoke of the Veeya Stream as they did.

The entire valley moved forward on its own.

We now charged ahead on a natural escalator of sorts, as I whooped with exhilaration Scattered groups of other adventurers surrounded us, as they raced along with us, and a silly grin spread across my face as I basked in the glory of the speed, the sun, and the wind rushing through my hair. My elation was short-lived, however, as a new whining drone, different in pitch from the rumbling drone of the Veeya Stream itself, as a wave of riders on granny bicycles surged ahead. Narrowly avoiding this oncoming wave of humans, I angrily shouted,” Watch it, you goons!”

“Shove it, you spotty bint! We're the Marmalade Gang and we own the Veeya Stream!” one roared back at me, as I fumed.

“Who do those bozos think they are?” I grumbled, as Jun's voice rose up from background whine.

“There's three others coming up behind us!” he cried, as I spun around. Behind s roared a gigantic vehicle, the size of a small house, soaring along on the road on a giant tricycle setup. Looking it over in shock, I spied two heralds rushing along beside this massive trike, one a garish dark-skinned human man dressed in bright greens and surfing along on a hovering board, while the other, a gray-skinned snub nosed giant, presumably a Zorren human, loped along on a majestic Qwibon buck armored to the gills with bright silver plate.

“HOOO BOY! LOOKIT THIS! Some fool in our way. Whaddya say, Chutney? We gonna double-team this twat?” the surfer called, as Chutney, the rider on the Qwibon, snorted.

“She's not even worth the trouble, Currant. Have at her,” he growled, as the rider on the giant trike, a lean man wearing a plethora of black leather, merely smirked.

“Go ahead, Currant, uphold the honor of the Marmalade Gang,” he boomed.

“Awwright, you heard Boss Marmalade! Know we're the Marmalade Gang, girlies! The Veeya Stream is our playground, and anyone, ANYONE who crosses us knows to vamoose! We'll run even our own grandmas down!” Currant cackled

“Sod off, you skater freaks!” I yelled, as Errin stared at me incredulously.

Marmalade, seated pompously on his giant trike, laughed uproariously, as he waved lazily at his subordinates.

“Do as you will,” he called.

“YEAH! Time to AMP THIS SUMBITCH UP!” Currant roared with delight, producing a small LP record, and spinning it onto a turntable trapped to his thigh. The valley rang with the new din of atonal music as a whir of electronic beeps, boops, and synthesized instruments assaulted my ears. The extra little knife twist to this ambush was that, deep down, I really liked electronic music. It was like being attacked by an old friend. As I cupped my hands over my ears, I desperately scanned the valley for any potential vector of attack, but none came.

“Flippin' disc jockey,” I wheezed, lunging forward into the air with an open hand as the lethal wave of Brutal Shrike Dance raced downstream at him, as he jumped over it without issue.

“Izzat it?” he leered, resuming his scratch session as a crash erupted behind the trio and bicycles and riders crashed about like a bizarre rain.

“Currant, Chutney, there are attackers behind us!” they cried, before smashing the walls of the valley as Chutney jerked about, spying a trio of riders on a pair of brilliant purple Qwibons.

“Is that...No, how could they be behind us? That can't be Zechs, Jake and Potato,” I mouthed, but sure it enough it was.

“HEY! WE FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH YOU! WE'VE BEEN ON THE VEEYA STREAM FOR TWO DAYS!” Zechs shouted, waving.

“Yeah—Waitasecond, that's Divine Beast Centaur, Dieter.... How'd you get that?” Jake asked quizzically.

“Oh, I, y'know, bought him,” I replied nonchalantly.

“But he's a premium be—Oooooooh, you bloody bimbo! I'll wring those gems from you yet!” Jake roared, as Zechs laughed, patting him on the shoulder.

“Now, now, there's no reason to get ma--” he managed, before unceremoniously unseated by Chutney with a sweep of his lance. Zechs tumbled wordlessly off the Qwibon, and was soon out of sight, assuredly dead.

“ZECHS!” Potato cried, and in that moment, I'm not unsure what possessed me to do so, but I jumped off Centaur's back, soaring through the air and landing on the trike with a flourish.

“Okay, you suppository-guzzling sewage-mongers, I'll be smashing you all now, so you better get ready!” I hissed, as Marmalade laughed, rising to his feet, as he extended a hand to me.

“Now that I get a good look at you, you're not a half-bad looker. The name's Marmalade. This entire land is mine. You got yerself quite a fierce spirit! You'll be a fine addition to my gang. What do you say, Babe?” he smirked, as I stepped back. Something within my chest burned with unusual warmth and I felt my breaths shorten as my knees shook like jelly. What sort of magic was he using against me?

“Oh dear,” Errin sighed, shaking her head,”I never expected to have THIS be an attack I'd see in this game.”

“What do you mean?” Jun inquired.

“Well, Jun,” Errin chose her words carefully,” Most girls get used to such attacks by exposure or by being warned beforehand to such things; their friends telling them or warnings from their mothers. However, Deegal never was told, I suppose.”

“Told about what?”

Errin kneaded her brow,” That man. He's a bad boy in a leather jacket riding a motorcycle. He's the worst opponent for....someone like Deegal.”

“Oh!” Jun looked over,” How can you tell he's bad? Is that a Beckoner ability?”

“Oh, Jun, never change,” Errin smiled, as Jun gave her a grin, still not quite understanding.

As Errin and Jun bantered, I stepped back, unsure of how to respond, which only further emboldened Marmalade, as he slowly stepped towards me.

“Baby, I've been waiting for a girl like you to come round

To make my engine roar, let my spirit sound

I'll even let you outrun your cares, shore to shore

So, open up your heart, I'll treat you nice, and

after wards, we'll get some steak and rice,” he finished, flashing me a roguish grin, as I looked away, whatever plans I formed, flustered right out of my hormone-addled mind.

“I-I-I,” I sputtered, as one of Errin's angels tapped my shoulder, before shot out of the sky by Marmalade as he hefted a gigantic autopistol.

“Don't interfere,” he growled, as a wail eclipsed even Currant's din.

“This world is filled with easy lies to blind you

Life is a brilliant pastime, all flash and no substance

The truth is, the firecracker flash they parade, is you

Your life isn't mere kindling, but a roaring flame

Light your own beacon to follow. Your. Dreams,” the breaking voice roared, as even Currant and Chutney paused their assaults upon Jake and Potato, a newcomer roaring beside them. His coat fluttering like an embattled victory flag, Zechs gaudily shouted the opening refrain to the theme song of Slidelands, as he drove a shining silver motorbike beside Jake's Qwibon.

“The Zechs Warrior KENZAN!” He yelled triumphantly.

“WHAT?” Jake called.

“The Zechs Warrior arrives,” Zechs grumbled.

“That's what I thought.”

“Round two, “ Zechs called triumphantly, narrowing his gaze towards Chutney,, cut short as Marmalade leveled his pistol at the newcomer, firing wildly. I stared as Zechs wove around the wild shots more adroitly than I imagined possible.

“You feel anything for THAT rider?” Errin called, half-sarcastically, as I shook my head.

“No. Because I know it's an idiot. I'm over it. I'm over ALL of this,” I yelled, turning my attention to Marmalade,” Let's do this, ya doofus!”

He merely laughed,” Oh, my sweet, sweet angel, you cannot harm one such as I. Even with your fists raised, all you can do is shower me with the kiss of your skin.”

I growled, pummeling him with punches and kicks, as his mocking cackle grew.

“I told you, my dear,” he sneered, his skin shimmering with a metallic sheen,” I am a Proton Cruiser, No damage can reach me as my body is armored with flesh, steel and my iron will. You may hammer me with blows of Flesh, but you cannot pierce my armor.”

I stole a glance back at Jake and Zechs as they clashed with Currant and Chutney, as Errin cried with fury as she summoned numerous angels to aid our allies. It seemed, though, no such aid would arrive on my end.

“Are you afraid? Afraid of me and my lieutenants? You needn't be worried. I'll be gentle to you,” he smirked. I shuddered with fright, How could I even handle such a foe?

“You don't frighten me. I'll show you, I'll show you yet,” I growled, as I lunged forward with a Screaming Jetter Kick, landing the blow cleanly to his gut. He gasped, stepping back in pain, before rising with a cackle. His body shimmered with metallic light as a sheath of form-fitting armor covered his body.

“I told you. Your attacks won't do anything to me. Now, just give up. I won't hurt you,”he crooned, as I stepped back, but found myself at the edge of the trike's chassis. Swallowing, I furrowed my brow, and focused my power into my tail as I recalled the feeling Pai O lent to me with her terse lesson. I grasped my hands in a bizarre mudra unconsciously, Immediately, my backside burned with power and I blinked through a dawn of pain as my tail divided into numerous additional appendages.

“Ohoooo, what a lovely display. What are you going to do with all that extra backside?”

“Kick yours to the curb, you creeper! Alluring Tail Whirlwind!” I hissed, barraging Marmalade with a maelstrom of assaults utilizing both arms, legs and tails. This beatdown continued for several seconds of cathartic, mindless violence, but as soon as it came, I felt my body lose its vigor and I collapsed back, hurtling off the trike. As I fell towards the earth, I sighed.

“Well, I'm probably going to die again. At least I won't get molested,” I sighed, as my body jerked in midair. Looking up, I saw Jake reaching out, grabbing my tail.

“Gotcha!” he cried, tossing me onto the back of his Qwibon.

“I can't find any way to defeat this guy! His body is sheathed in some sort of unbreakable armor!” I called, as Potato stared at him for a moment.

“Ah, that would do it, he's a Cruiser. Cruisers gain massive benefits to armor and defense, even able to just cut damage taken. Thus, I think it's clear what we need to do.”

“Utilize armor-ignoring absolute attacks?” Jake asked, as Potato nodded half-heartedly.

“Well, yes, but before that, we ought to deal with those two,” Potato pointed to Currant and Chutney.

“Oh, yes, deal with us, pip-pip!” Currant mocked, spinning a new LP into his player as a new droning burst of music erupted. Spurred on, Chutney charged us, as Jake narrowly avoided the other Qwibon's charge. The pair engaged in a tense back and forth as Jake and Chutney traded blows. Hopping off Jake's mount and joining Potato, I glanced about the battlefield as Potato played a song on a small harmonica, and my vigor returned.

“Second Wind Scat,” they called,” Now about this Cruiser. Do you have Vacuum Fist or Kestrel Blow?”

I shook my head,” No, I don't. I don't have anything of the sort. All those skills have lower than average base damage!”

“That's the entire point, Deegal! You deal almost direct damage to your target's HP! That's how you defeat highly armored opponents. You can't overcome armor merely with large damage! You're no Drifter!”

“I'm no what?”

“Drifter,” Potato repeated,” It's a DPS gun-wielding class.”

“Oh! I thought youmean something more like cowboys shooting alien dinosaurs. I....Hold on,” I muttered, bringing up my skill menu, scouring over the list available techniques as I tried my best to ameliorate this serious shortcoming.

Potato snorted,” Are you actually looking this up right now? In the middle of the battle?”

“What do you want me to do? We're in the middle of a battle, and I can't do anything!” I cried, violently shaking Potato as they squeaked indignantly.

“S-STOP IT! I DON'T LIKE BEING TOUCHED!” they pleaded, as my eyes flared and I began poking their cheeks cruelly.

“Then what do you want from me, you nag?” I sneered, as our Qwibon whinnied, leaping out of the way of Chutney's continued assaults, tossing us both off her back. We shrieked as we clung together desperately shielding ourselves against the danger of the oncoming ground. Without thinking, I flared my strength throughout my form and we rose back into the air, rolling unceremoniously back onto Marmalade's trike.

“Oh, so, look, Destiny returns us together, and look! Even a Phomet lass joins us,” Marmalade grinned, as I shoved Potato off of me.

“Yeah, so what?” I growled, standing up, as Potato shrunk behind me.

“You can't harm me, and your little friends are powerless against my boys. Just give up and let yourselves become more riders on my endless wave.”

I looked back at Potato as she nodded,” Marmalade. If you asked me normally, I might've said yes. You're not a bad guy, I'd like to think. However, you just don't know how to take a hint, so let me be as clear as I can be,” I growled, rushing forward, lashing out with my hand as Marmalade leveled his monstrous hand-cannon at me. I was quicker, and my palm slammed into his side, blasting his body with concussive force. Hurled back by my blow, I grabbed Potato with my free hand as I alighted back onto Centaur's waiting back. For his part, Marmalade collapsed to his feet, more surprised than hurt, although I grinned at my handiwork. His shimmering mystic protection crumbled under my blow, and Potato shook me excitedly.

“His magic plate is broken! We can win this!” she cried, as Chutney and Currant, both alerted to their boss' status, jumped beside him.

“Like that'll happen! That'd require you to get close enough t'do so!” Currant mocked, as Chutney grinned, chanting, as a series of large lances materialized around him. Zechs sighed, turning to Jake.

“Jake Man, I got a question for you,” he boomed in his affectation.

“What's up?”

“Do you trust me?”

Jake paused, before raising his fist to Zechs,” Sure, man. I can't see why not, now.”

“Great. Then let's do this! Our combination attack! Breaker Boost!” Zechs roared, as his body suffused with a brilliant glow.

“Wait, what even is that?” I asked, turning to Potato as her eyes sprarkled with awe.

“T-that's the Breaker Boost. That's supposed to be the core ability of the Breaker, a team move that gives you and one other ally a massive stat boost and a powerful attack technique. The trouble is, the attack requires a full minute to charge, and with the reliance on close proximity to your target, then the effects you wish can be easily discerned. Granted, Breaker is versatile enough without it to be viable, anyways, but--” Potato began as I cut her off.

“Enough, Potato. Can this beat those three?”

Potato shrugged,” Maybe? I've never actually seen it in action.”

Predicting Jake and Zechs' intentions, Currant and Chutney began preparing for the inevitable reprisal, as Marmalade chanted, his body shimmered with his rebuilt armor.

“Oi, Boss-man, how long till you can rebuild your Steel Aegis?” Currant called, as Marmalade grunted with effort.

“It'll be another minute,” he growled, as Chutney turned to the others hesitantly.

“I-I'm not sure we have that long,” he called, as Zechs and Jake seethed with immense energies.

“BRILLIANT!” Zechs roared, BOOST BREAK!”

Jake and Zechs surged forward, twin comets of destruction as they launched forward, hammering the trio with a single blow each, hurling their quarry into the air.

“I-IMPOSSIBLE! A BREAKER BOOST?! WE LET THEM GET OFF A BREAKER BOO-” Marmalade howled, as his body ballooned with destructive force, and the trio exploded spectacularly above us.

“Well, we just killed a man,” Potato mused, looking on in awe, as I shrugged.

“They were adventurers. They just went to the resurrection temple,” I replied, as Potato nodded, returning her attention back to the explosion as it surged ahead.

“Should we--” I asked as we both flew back,hurl;ed back by the explosion as we tumbled off the Veeya Stream. I looked up, finding myself int front of an archway labeled ,”Welcome to Treisgen.”

“Oh, good,” I sighed.

We arrived, at last.

#Adventure #fantasy #fiction #mmorpg #Photon Breaker Zechs

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dietaku · 6 years ago

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Slidelands Extra 17

This entry in the Class Encyclopedia is the Cruiser, a highly mobile motorized Tank class, used by Marmalade, a rival guild leader.

Cruiser

Type: Ranged

Role: Tank/ Linebreaker

Available Weapons: Pistols, Rifles, Flamethrowers

Available Armors: Leather, Plate, Cursed

The long open road, the open sky, the roar of engines and the inherent need to outrace the light of the dying Sun. This is the Cruiser, a highly mobile Tank class analogous to the Harrier in its mobility and offensive nature. Unlike the Bunker and Grappler, who rely on reacting to enemy movements and countering, the Cruiser is of a mind to defend their fellows by forcing all enemy attention upon them, dealing as much damage for as long in order to do so. Combined with their long range weapons and the ability to ride certain 'machine' class mounts in battle, they are often paired with Drifters for their ability to harass enemies at long range. Combined with their ability to shield themselves using Mystic Plate, the Core Ability of the Cruiser, which shifts damage to the Cruiser's Spirit, giving them greater sustainability and also the fan community nickname of 'Battle-Cruiser', which Faerie Land took and ran with, with the Washington Treaty debuff the Cruiser gained in the Jade Tides of Sheng expansion, decreasing all incoming damage by 40%.

Memes aside, the Cruiser is also possesses numerous shortfalls. It lacks any real way of healing itself, relying heavily on its Mystic Plate to stay in the fight. Ironically, this means Supports like the Hexer or Seeker can threaten the Cruiser by directly attacking its Spirit supplies, even if this means they will come under fire. Still, if given proper support or subclass assistance, then the Cruiser can prove their worth, driving literal wedges through their opposition.

Known Cruiser Skills

Mystic Plate

Bat Out of Hell

Washington Treaty

Hellbent for the Highway

Rebel Rouser

Iron Rain

Chrome Killer

Explosive Rider

#Adventure #fiction #fantasy #worldbuilding #mmorpg #Photon Breaker Zechs

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dietaku · 6 years ago

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Slidelands Extra 16

Today, we explore the Superstar class, a misunderstood Tank class used by the streaming sensation and Big Sis to the Knights of Alb, UniPopcorn.

Superstar

Type: Melee

Role: Tank/Army Leader

Available Weapons: Swords, Razor Swords, Great Swords

Available Armors: Glam, Leather, Cursed

Everyone yearns to be in charge. Even those who scoff at the idea of leading a group, secretly yearn for the authority and charisma to do so. This is the core of the Superstar class, an oft-maligned class as its niche is very specific but if within that niche, extremely powerful. You see, the Superstar is at its most basic, a standard Tank, with the ability to accumulate Aggro to deflect attention from their allies. However, if compared in a vacuum to the Bunker or Grappler, then it comes up short. It lacks the defensive power of the Bunker or the ability to direct enemy movements like the Grappler. However, to place the Supestar in a vacuum is denying it its most powerful tool. The Core Skill of the Superstar, Cult of Personality, provides a stat boost along with slight HP regeneration for each allied character in the battle with the Superstar. This doesn't seem like much when paired or teamed up with 2-3 people, but when inside a Raid Dungeon with 10+ people, it become upwards of +90% to stats, which is highly useful. On top of this, the Cult of Personality bonus also counts double against Roaming and above classes of boss monster. This quality as a leader of armies and slayer of monsters lends those who favor the class a certain degree of arrogance, as they see themselves as born leaders, not helped by the theatric nature of many of the Superstar's skills. Indeed, some see this as a feature rather than a bug, like UniPopcorn, the leader of the legendary Knights of Alb, a rather popular streaming guild.

With that being said, apart from their reliance on allies to boost their strengths, the Superstar is also lacking in its action speed, with many of its skill possessing long animations, making them require more healing than other Tanks. To ameliorate this, their passive health regeneration and their higher than average HP helps, but this, along with their bizarre niche made them unpopular. Little, did many foresee, though, that the Superstar was actually a test case for Faerie Land's future plans....

Known Superstar Skills:

Cult of Personality

Heaven on their Minds

Dazzling Hero

Twelve Labors

Camelot

Shining Blade Dance

Titan Slayer Stroke

Ouranic Maiming

#Adventure #fiction #fantasy #worldbuilding #mmorpg #Photon Breaker Zechs

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dietaku · 6 years ago

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Chapter 6: Video Games Have the Deepest Lore

I’ve been wanting to do this chapter for a while, so I hope you enjoy it! Also, Adventures of Hourai High is not only real, it’s perhaps my favorite SNES jRPG. It’s definitely worth checking out!

I stood up, dusting myself off, as I spied the quiet hamlet we tumbled into. A quaint village lay before us, with three large buildings standing before us. As I looked back at my friends, Zechs groaned.

“I landed on my keys,” he whimpered, removing his shades as he staggered to his feet. Jake loomed over him, arms crossed, as he helped Errin and Potato up.

“Zechs, about that motorbike, is that the ChromeBuster?” he asked, as Zechs nodded.

“Yup!” he beamed.

“Zechs,” Jake sighed, uncrossing his arms just to knead his brow,”WHY are you using a real cash item like the ChromeBuster?”

“B-because I liked the aesthetic. Plus, I got a special on the items, and I got the platinum gems, and...Oh crap, I shouldn't have told you that,” Zechs muttered, as Jake loomed over him.

“Zechs, did you have platinum gems, and you didn't tell us?” Jake asked pointedly.

“Um...Yes?”

“And you forced me to work for more?” I joined in, as Zechs stepped back from us.

“W-Well, I didn't want to spend my hundred thou on stuff for the guild. That was for me,” he protested, as Jake, Potato and I looked at each other, then back to him. Only Errin and Jun, patting each other down and laughing at their good fortune for surviving, didn't join in the unspoken judgment of our Breaker.

Jake then kneaded his brow once more, and said some incredibly rude things to Zechs, which naturally drew Jun's attention.

“Ms. Errin, what does it mean to F*** a goat like the dirty W*** you are, you cantankerous C***?” he asked, as Errin shook her head rapidly.

“Good boys shouldn't use those words,” she said, as he nodded gravely, understanding the temerity of Zechs' transgression. I sighed, shaking my head.

“Does this mean I don't need to 'earn' my keep now?” I asked tersely, as Jake shoot his head.

“No, this one will, though,” Jake growled, pulling Zechs up by the scuffs of his coat.

“Please, no! I wouldn't survive working with my body!” he wailed, as Jake laughed cruelly.

“Oh, don't worry, you'll earn your keep from here,” Jake pointed cruelly down to Zechs' backside as he went white with fear.

“Y-You don't mean--”

“Oh, for the love of---I mean your wallet, you dingus!” Jake corrected, as Zechs sighed with relief. I ignored the continuing banter as I looked up. Before me sprawled a large city square, hemmed in by three large objects. Before me rose a dense forest of fir trees, and bizarre reddish shrubs I couldn't put a name to. The lone path inside this dense bramble marked the spot as the meeting site of the Wardens of Nature. To its left loomed a Gothic castle, made all the more spooky by its apparent emptiness. Despite seemingly abandoned, the masonry looked in god repair, and even several of the gargoyles were patched with fresh cement. The welcome mat before the castle gate denoted it the home of the Soldiers of Virtue. To my right stood a dilapidated stone building. With crumbling walls, hoary bronze gates and two wizened lion statues guarding its doors, the sad plaque emblazoned on the gate identified the site as the meeting place of the Scholars of Wisdom..

“So, this is what the princess meant by the three Great Societies, I suppose,” I mused, as the others caught up with me,” Did you all know about this?”

Jake and Potato nodded, while Zechs shrugged, and Errin and Jun looked at each other quizzically.

“Of course I knew about Treisegen. I was honestly wondering when we were going to end up here. Potato and are both Soldiers of Virtue. What Society are you part of, Zechs? Jake asked, as Zechs coughed.

“Well, I, uh, y'know...The thing is, I'm very busy, and....I never joined any,” Zechs admitted, not looking at him.

“Well, you are today. You're gonna join the Soldiers of Virtue! Where are you headed, then, Dieter?”

I tapped my chin,” I'm not too wild on the Soldiers of Virtue or Scholars of Wisdom. I guess I'll settle for the Wardens of Nature.”

“I suppose I ought to join the Scholars of Wisdom,” Errin said, as Jun trotted behind her,” And I suppose Jun is coming with me?”

“Yes, I want to learn,” he grinned, as I chuckled, tousling his hair.

“You listen to Ms. Errin, okay?” I told him, as he excitedly nodded, trotting off as I waved.

“We'll let you get situated, and we can plan further tonight,” Jake called, as I gave him a thumbs up. Trotting off onto the path into the woods, I soon found myself in a small clearing, where a skinny bald man lounged on a tall rock before me. He was notable partially for his seat, but what really drew my attention was his striking garb; his modesty held by a furry tiger loincloth.

“Oi, you here to join up?” he asked, as I nodded.

“You know, this place is, like, serious and stuff, it's not just a place for orgies and the like,” he called, as I shot him a glare.

“What was that for?”

“Oh, nothing,” he waved off my retort,” Just most Floof Clanners who join clique up and just want to spend all their time together rather than partaking in Nature's sweet mysteries.”

I crossed my arms,” I've no interest all that. Show me what you got.”

He grinned,” That's what I like to hear. Follow me.”

Leading me through the forest along a small path, he stopped as the forest opened up around a large pool of...

“Mud?” I asked, scanning the clearing. Before me was a pit of bubbling gray emitting a pungent odor. Feeling dizzy just being around this bubbling pit, the man sighed.

“Oh, it's no good. No good, no sirree,” He grumbled.

“What's no good?”

As if to answer his question the mud rumbled, and a large beast rose out of the mud, a gigantic, squat beast with dark fur. It yawned, revealing broad, flat teeth from its grand, bulbous maw.

“A Hippopotomuds,” the man warned,” It moved into the mud beds since the last time we initiated a new member. You better rough it up to get it out of here.”

“I suppose,” I frowned, rolling up my sleeves as I strode forward. My fist swirled with the chill of air sucking away; the skill I learned in my battle with Marmalade.

“FIRST ATTACK! VACUUM FIST,” I roared, hitting the beast cleanly with my skill. I felt my skill reverberate through my foe's thick body, as it lazily looked up at me, and smacked me away with its large head.

“Ugh, I guess this means I was correct after all. Vaccum Fist really is useless after all. Take that, Jake!” I grimaced, jumping to my feet and back into the battle. “SCREAMING JETTER KICK,” I hissed, battering the muddy monster with explosive kicks. Alighting back on my feet from my tempestuous fusillade of strikes, I clenched my fist. Now, this is the end, baddy! BRUTAL SHRIKE DA--! I managed as my fist lurched back, as if hitting an invisible barrier,” BRUTAL SHRIKE DA--. BRUTAL SHRIKE DA--! WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING?” I wailed, as I looked through my vision at my Art Cells, now completely filled with arrows. In my haste, I completely forgot about the limitations of Art Cells.

“You okay?” the man called, as I snorted.

“This is nothing,” I smirked, dong my best to hide my worry. Art Cells degenerated after ten seconds, and I currently possessed nine. To do my most basic skill, Screaming Jetter Kick, required two. Making the next twenty seconds the most critical to my well-being The Hippopotomuds rose from the mud, and snorted, its glare zeroing on me, as it slowly stomped forward, shaking its large head menacingly. Leaping aside did little as its snout caught me, hurling me into a tree. Using the momentum, I jumped back into action, only to be batted aside.

“Perhaps boasting about this wasn't the best thing,” I muttered, stabbing myself in the chest with Kindly Jab. Thankful my team skills didn't require any Art Cells, I looked up at my Art Cell Line, just in time to see two open up. Grinning manically, I leaped forward with a madman, sweeping forward with my kick.

“SCREAMING. JETTER. KICK,” I keened, slamming my kick into the beast as it groaned in pain. Slowly rising, it shuffled off, as I stood victorious.

“Yeah, you better run!” I called, turning to the man,” So, what's with this mud, anyways?”

“Oh, you just need to bathe in the mud. That way you'll receive Nature's blessing upon you.”

“And this isn't anything weird?”

He laughed,” Oh, no, not weird at all!”

I sighed with relief and looked over the steaming cauldron of mud for a moment, before removing my gi and shoes as I turned back around, finding the man casually watching me.

“...What are you doing?” I asked testily.

“Just ensuring you're actually entering the mud properly. You really ought to wear as little as possible,” he opined, as I snorted. I wasn't removing my bindings and fundoshi.

“Whatever, weirdo,” I grumbled, slipping into the mud.

“My name is actually Gribbs. I'm the guide to the Wardens. Now, relax and enjoy your initiation, newbie,” he cackled, disappearing into the brush. As I settled into the mud, I sighed, enjoying the warmth on my bare skin as I sighed contentedly. Despite the odd smell, the mud felt nice and the pleasant morning sun shone pleasantly upon me. Slipping deeper into the mud, I felt more and more lightheaded, as the sunbeams danced and visions shone before my eyes. A pair of women stood over me, arguing with each other, shoving each other back and forth, one an auburn haired Floof with an impressive set of tails, while the other I recognized as Ayin He, the War Goddess. The pair shrieked at one another in a language I couldn't make out, before they disappeared as swiftly as they appeared. In their stead, I saw the auburn haired Floof woman once more, surrounded by adoring human women adorned in beautiful silk gowns. They were soon replaced by an ever increasing procession of Floof men and women, which finally ended in a man and woman who included Deegal's mother. The others disappeared, and Deegal's mother revealed a small bundle from behind her, as the two looked despondent. Eventually, the man left, leaving the woman in her own despair. However, just as she too left, a flash of sunlight hit the small bundle, and a tiny arm rose up, from its depths grasping at her. Realizing what happened, Deegal's mother scooped up the bundle crying tears of joy, and I realized what it all meant.

I was that bundle. Oh, God. Does this mean.....

Before I could continue this train of thought, new visions assaulted me; a tower in the center of a bustling nation, with happy, contented people, only to be swept aside by waves of flame and descending angels. Those who survived were branded with painful reminders of this transgression, as the Earth itself was slowly scoured. Then, ten stars alighted in the sky, and as quickly as it began, this apocalypse ended. Further visions haunted me, from a distinguished Loppo woman garbed in silver and red robes descending to a city of pagodas and fearful Pan'Tou. Then, at last, a single Loppo fell from the moon gracefully, to a grand city with a castle and a sprawling city, which I recognized as Grafzou.

“So, this is it, then. I'm just a magnet for bad luck, then. First I can't even be born correctly, and now this Loppo man from before. It seems there is no rest for me,” I thought,” Well, excpt maybe Jun. He's a good boy.”

I floated in this pleasant fugue for what seemed like hours before I blinked in the evening sun, as I felt the mud shift beside me. Rising to my full height, I gasped when I saw my neighbor. Beside me sat Dennis, grinning at me sleepily.

“Why do you always show up whenever I pass out?” I demanded, as Dennis tapped her cheek thoughtfully.

“I dunno! Why do you keep passing out around me?” she asked, nonchalantly.

I snorted,” Whatever, what do you want, anyways?”

“How rude! I'm a Warden of Nature, too! I just saw you in the pool of initiation, and I thought I'd join you,” she smiled, flashing a ring on her finger.

“What's with that ring?”

“Oh, this?” she smiled,” This is the Eternal Communion Ring you gave me, to symbolize our union.”

“Our what?” I asked.

“Our Union. When you were celebrating your adulthood with Pai Zuri, you and I enjoyed some time together, and it was then you told me,” I'm sorry you've been alone. You're really pretty when you smile, I'll be there with you. Forever.” You then gave me this ring as a symbol of this promise. I decided to let you have some time to yourself. I'm a kind wife, you see,” she smiled, as I blanched,” Oh, do you want to be the wife, then?”

“I...No,” I sighed. I didn't recall anything about that night, save my attempts to sing Qwest. I know, I know, it was cliche choice, but if I didn't sing “Don't Stop Doubting” badly, then who would? Still, this just raised more questions than it answered, and my concern must;ve showed on my face, as worry crossed over her face, as she fidgeted with her hands hurriedly.

“So...Are you denying it?” she ventured, as I shook my head slowly.

“No. I won't take back that if I did tell you that. Do whatever you want. I-I just don't remember, is all,” I mumbled. If I did tell her that, then who was I to back out now? That was the way my arents taught me, so I'd stick to my word, even if I regretted whatever drunken promises I made. Donning my clothes as I climbed out of the pool, they quickly slipped off my skin,” W-what the hell?”

Dennis giggled, pointing at my shoulder, now covered in a faint green swirling tattoo. Sure enough such flourishes covered my body as I looked myself over.

“Those are Nature Seals, the mark of initiation into the Wardens of Nature. To have those upon your body counts as clothing. You can only be garbed with very special and specific clothing,” she replied, as my heart sank.

“And how do I remove these, then?”

“You have to be fully initiated into the Wardens of Nature. Then they'll disappear.”

“Oh,” I sighed. Looking over my gear, I found only one armor was compatible with the Nature Seals: Aharel's Maidservant String. I groaned inwardly as I donned the slinky garment, Looking myself over, It seemed everything was in order, even if I suspected I was barely R-rated. Dennis looked me over with a small smirk, before tossing her blue cloak over herself.

“h, it's easy for you. You have a cloak,” I growled, as she tossed it off.

“What does it matter? We're here in the Wardens of Nature. No one will arrest us, and it's not like I'll catch cold. I'm an Ishtar Theurge. Why bother with the judgment of others? You're strong and beautiful, so take comfort in that,” she shrugged.

“D-do you really mean that?” I whispered.

“Of course! You and I are linked now. I would never lie to you,” she smiled, as I paused, thinking on her words.

“She's right. We're only with other Wardens here. Besides, what does it matter what others think? I'm the strongest among my party, anyways! I should enjoy this new freedom!” I thought. My epiphany must've shown on my face as Dennis brightened as well.

“C'mon, I want to see more of this place,” I motioned for her, rushing off into the woods. She and I ran through the woods, coming across numerous other Wardens as they contemplated Nature, planted trees or enjoyed the sun through the boughs of the trees. After frolicking, we finally sat down on a grassy hill and listened to Gribbs speak to several other Wardens below us.

“Nature itself has no morals, merely accepting what is. It is for this reason alone that we must preserve it. Humanity has its morals and values, and that is fine, but the only moral Nature teaches us is Life is sacred and must be preserved. This of course means other lives must end, but that is the beauty of Nature, to see that those with Will, Luck and Strength live. So, Life and the pursuit of its continuation is the one Virtue we espouse. All others are your own personal goals, and will be accepted as Nature accepts all, but do not confuse your own values with that of Nature's Will,” he warned, droning on and on about such philosophical points. As the sun dipped beneath the horizon, I left the woods alongside Dennis, as I found the others camping around a small fire.

“Oh, wow, Dieter. I didn't know it was my birthday,” Zechs called, looking up as I paused, unsure what he meant. Dennis giggled, and as his meaning dawned on me, I growled back at him loudly.

“Momma, why are you dressed like you're gong to the beach?” Jun asked, as I knelt down and tousled his hair.

“I had to do some things today near some mud pits. I didn't want to get my clothes dirty, I explained, as I scowled.

“I wanna t'go to the beach, too,” he grumbled.

I patted him on the head,” When we're done here, we can go to the beach.”

“You promise?”

I beamed,” I promise!”

“Oooooh, who is this?” Dennis asked, sidling up beside me.

“I'm Jun. I'm a Rancher. Who are you?” He asked bluntly.

“She's a friend of mine, Jun. I want you to be her friend, too, okay?”

He nodded, rummaging through his pocket, before revealing a glass rose he handed to Dennis.

“A Porcelain Rose! You can only find those in the Subterranean Depths! Thank you, you're quire the gentleman,” she patted him on the head as he chuckled proudly.

“Once again, the little kid gets all the attention,” Zechs grumbled.

“Well, then, what did you learn from your time with the Soldiers of Virtue?” I asked.

Zechs shrugged,” Not much. I was taken to their inner sanctum and told about their history. Then I saw the mausoleum of their four founders, and saw their mummies. You'd never guess it, but they were these weird Qwibon-man things. And they all had extremely radical names, too, like Thomas, George, John and Benjamin.”

“Things were different back during the Green Age, Zechs. Lots of things were different,” Jake stated sagaciously, as Errin looked up from her soup, clearly impressed.

“Oh? That's very impressive that you know all that,” she called, as Jake shrugged.

“I just know that since I read all the fluff text for items and quests. Unlike these two,” he scowled, pointing at Zechs and myself.

“Hey! I have things I gotta do! I don't care what dead guy decided to mix mushrooms and Healing Herbs together to make potions,” I countered, as Jake shook his head.

“Then what have you learned?” he asked.

I paused, choosing my words as I spoke,” I...I realized we may not be in a game. This may be entirely real.”

“Bullshit,” Jake spat,” Entirely bullshit. How can this be real? This isn't the real world, and all this magic, these gods and demons? How can any of this be real?”

“Yes,I know! It's crazy, but, Jake, listen! I've seen things. I've met Deegal's mother, and I honestly think this may be a real world all its own. There's too many little things that tell me this! The trash on the street, the way people talk to us, the fact that they have bathrooms! Do you even REMEMBER a game that has bathrooms coded in?”

“Adventures of Hourai High has bathrooms,” Zechs pointed out.

“I....Yeah, you're right. Still! I think this is bigger than we initially thoguth,” I said, as Jake arched a brow.

“Then what do you suggest?”

“I dunno. I guess revisit Princess Catalina. She's the reason we headed this way ourselves,” I muttered, as Errin nodded.

“I'm beginning to feel the same way as Dieter. I noticed in my time here I've begun to recall things I would never -could never- know. Yet, I do. What does this all mean? I searched for answers during my time with the Scholars of Wisdom, but alas, nothing has come up,” she sighed,” In any case, I need to get up early, so I'll be turning in soon. Good Night.”

With that, Errin waved, and began unrolling her bedroll, as Jake nodded,” She raises a good point. I'll see you all tomorrow.”

With that, Jake, Zechs and the others wandered off to their own corners of the small clearing, collapsing asleep in their bedrolls, as Potato and I sat alone around the embers of the fire.

“So...You gonna explain to me why Jake things you're a guy?” I asked finally.

Potato looked up, removing her large top hat,“You're a guy. You wouldn't understand.”

“Oh? Go ahead, try me.”

Potato coughed, her voice becoming a fluty tone,”When I met Jake, he was a weakling who had no sense of the game or its mechanics. In spite of this, he tried his very best and never gave up, even when death looked him square in the eye. Because of this, He....He...I wanted to help him. I made a new character and everything, and even crafted this new persona as 'One of the guys' to help him, all because I loved seeing him sparkle so, growing and learning. All this for m, this is nothing. I love numbers and I love games. I'm a programmer in real life. I make websites and the like. Figuring out the underlying logic of Slidelands was simple. However, Jake didn't see it like that. He saw it as a world, and that's why I want to help him...”

“Because you want it to actually be a real world, don't you?”

Potato covered her face as her cheeks grew a deep crimson,” Y-yes, but there's other reasons.”

“O-oh. Oh God,” I snickered,” You-you actually like him, don't you?”

“See!” she squeaked, covering her face,” You don't understand! I told you!”

“Now, now,” I patted her on the back,” It's cool. I getcha.”

“Why are you so buddy-buddy with me, anyways, then? You trying to seduce him, too?” she whispered.

I snorted,” No. Absolutely not. Jake is a friend, and that's where that ends. However, you seem nice enough, and hey, it's cool you opened up to me like you did. If you need a wingma—erm, wingwoman, then I'll help you out!”

Potato wiped her eyes,”Thank you. I appreciate that. I guess I ought to have known a DPS like you would get it.”

“I—Huh?” I asked, as Potato giggled, waving as she too wandered off to bed. I sighed, tossing out my bedroll, as both Jun and Dennis sidled beside me. I fell asleep sandwiched between two squirming Floofs as I swiftly fell asleep.

I spent the next few days learning the ways of the Wardens of Nature, meditating in the woods, picking berries and listening to Gribbs' rambling diatribes about the aspects of Nature and the underlying sense of it all. No new epiphanies came to me during this time, but after performing a an afternoon of yoga, Gribbs approached me.

“You've done well, but now is the time for you to prove yourself. You must face the guardian of the forest, Humbaba.”

“He doesn't sound so tough. I'll take care of this,” I smirked, as Dennis trotted beside me.

“I'm not so sure, Deegal! Humbaba is a Divine Beast, tasked by Aleph Lamed to terrorize Humanity since antiquity! He won't be so easily cowed!” she pleaded.

“What do you suggest, then?” I arched my brow. What strange advice would she offer me? She rummaged in her cloak before producing a small pouch, offering it to me,” This is a small charm I made. It will boost your Luck.”

I took the amulet, not wishing to tell her my Luck was among my higher attributes,” Thank you. I'll wear it for you.”

I tied the amulet to my waist straps and trotted along behind Gribbs as Dennis waved me off We traveled together for an indeterminate time, as the Sun hid behind the boughs above us, with just flecks of light falling through the rare spaces in that dense armor from the sky. We walked along, till reaching a clearing, where Gribbs stepped aside. I blinked in the bright light, as I stepped back in fright. Before me sat a gigantic man-thing. He possessed the body and limbs of a human, but he was easily as tall as a two story house, and his head was that of a glowering lion, mane and all. Immediately spotting me as I jumped back, his attention turned to the pair of us as he shifted to face us.

“Gribbs, who is this you bring to me? Another play-thing to torture?”

“Master Humbaba, this is the latest supplicant to our order. I merely ask that you test her, to see if she is worthy of our order's inner secrets,” Gribbs asked, as Humbaba laughed. Standing, he loomed over even the treeline, as he looked down as me, his breath now hot and smoky.

“Small child, you stand before me a supplicant, then? Yet you also are a demigod, one of Hu Shian's despicable children. I will enjoy this,” he sneered, as he roared, a flash of flame and roaring steam spewing towards me. Leaping out of the way, I danced from Tree to tree as his offensive continued, sweeping his arm along, smashing over the trees. I hopped above his trundling barricade of flesh, running along its length until delivering a hearty Vacuum Fist to his cheek.

“GOTCHA!” I cheered, as Humbaba groaned in pain, before snatching me out of the air. Squeezing me in one hand, he gloated with a rumbling chuckle as his grip about me tightened.

“Little demigod, even with the divinity your bloodline gives you, you are nothing compared to me! I was granted seven terrors to array myself against you and all the other humans! Just skitter off to the rest of your disgusting race!”

“N-no,” I wheezed, as I felt my muscles and bones squeezed, bones cracking, muscles screaming out in pain. In this moment, my mind blanked, and I Bit his finger harshly. He howled in pain, loosening his grip as I let the flaring call of World Ogre's Mask overtake me.

“I dunno where you get off just mocking me like that, but I won't stand it,” I hissed, as I felt the pain of Alluring Tail Whirlwind. I stepped towards the giant with but one thought running through my mind; to destroy this monster utterly. He paused, stepping back himself as he flexed his fingers towards me.

“An impressive display, but your disgusting magic means nothing to me! Die in your own mind,” he cried, as a flash of flame covered me. Ignoring this torrent of heat, my temper flared. Lunging forward with several of my tails, I felt my power surge ever higher as “World Ogre Cleaver” flashed on my action menu. Whatever magic he employed cracked before him as spectral blades materialized about my tails, as he stepped back once more.

“What. Is. THIS? Destruction of Magic? Only a god could achieve such a feat! I-Lady Ayin,” he gasped, as I screwed up my face, my tails firing forward, slashing him with cruel slashes. He collapsed to his knees before me.

“Lady Ayin, I apologize. I didn't realize you were reborn. Please forgive this impudent slave,” he grovelled. I blinked, and my Rage dissipated like the fog on a sunny day. I scanned my menu and found my health barely at half.

“But World Ogre Mask only triggers if I'm at critical levels? What happened?” I thought, before realizing Humbaba still lay prostrate before me,” Ah, well, you are forgiven. Now, do I pass your test?”

“Huh? Oh, yes. You pass, of course,” Humbaba rose,” Gribbs give this one the lessons. I must return to the Cedar Forests. If Lady Ayin has returned, then her temple must be rebuilt.”

“Oh. Very well, then,” I called, turning to Gribbs as he looked at me with both awe and surprise.

“Very well, then, come along,” he motioned, as I trotted along behind him.

“Do you know why we gave you the Nature Seals when you first joined us?” he asked.

“No, what was that all about?”

“We bury our initiates in mud as their first task as symbolic of how, much a like a seed, they are beginning their journeys towards understanding. Then, we expose you all to the flames and danger of Humbaba in order to force you to grow. All those who cannot make it, well...” Gribbs looks away..

“You had them killed?”

Gribbs sighed,” Nature can be cruel, but fair. We like to think we're adopting her methods. With that, though.” He whispered a series of hushed syllables, and the tattoos along my body vanished.

“You don't mean,” I cried.

“Yes, you are free to wear clothes again, as a full Warden of Nature,” Gribbs declared, nodding, as I cheered. Donning my old gi, I spun about triumphantly, rushing towards the exit as Dennis perked up at my arrival.

“Oh! You made it! I mean, I knew you would, but....Well,” She mumbled, as I laughed.

“It wasn't anything,” I guffawed, putting Humbaba's strange surrender out of mind,” Now, c'mon, let's get the others.”

As we returned to the forum, we found ourselves alone, save for other Player Characters milling about. Meditating as a way to pass the time and raise my Holiness Skill, which raises my Spirit, I soon fell asleep, as a presence loomed over me, before I blinked awake, finding Jake and Zechs standing over me.

“I didn't figure you'd be goofing off so early in the day,”Jake mused, as I leaped to my feet.

“I was training! Meditating to raise my Spirit!” I countered.

“Yeah, sure. You drooling on yourself while meditating is a thing, too, right?” Zechs observed, as I shot him a glare.

“What do you guys want, anyways?” I asked, wiping my mouth.

“We just got Zechs initiated into the Soldiers of Virtue. If you want to continue elsewhere, then we can,” Jake explained.

“I was initiated early this morning. It's just the Grandmaster who had to go on and on with the prayers, benedictions, and rites for hours and hours on end aft—OWOWOWOW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?” Zechs complained, as Jake slapped him upside the head with an armored hand.

“Those 'prayers and benedictions' were to extol you to further glory! Something you should've took to heart,” Jake growled. Before Zechs could reply, Jun bounded over him, crashing him to the floor as he rushed to my side, proudly presenting me with a diploma.

“Look! Look! I'm official now! I'm a smart!” he beamed, as I looked over the paper.

“This certifies Jun as a proper and rightful Scholar of Wisdom, fully certified to explore and plum the depths of all mysteries of this world and others. Wow, congratulations,” I patted him on the head, as Errin chuckled, walking up beside us.

“Indeed, despite his lack of schooling, his sense of logic and deductive reasoning are exemplary. Now, we're both licensed as Scholars What do we do now?” Errin asked.

“We need to get back to Grafzou. I need to talk to Princess Catalina and see for myself if my theory is correct,” I said.

“Oh?” Jake asked.

“Yes. I need to find out for myself if this really is a game or not,” I said.

Jake snorted,” There's no need. This is obviously a game.”

“But if you want to get from here back to Grafzou, then I recommend going along the Air Line bridge,” Potato interrupted, hopping down from a nearby tree,” It won't remove the need to travel along the Veeya Stream entirely, but it will cut off a good portion of the way, making it quicker. There's something else I remember is important, but....I can't recall what, though.”

“Well, then that settles it. Let's take this Air Line Bridge,” I declared as the others followed along,” One thing, though, where is it?”

Potato coughed politely, and took the lead, leading us off from the courtyard through a path to the east, crossing over a forested trail that weaved its way through the rocks and crags of the uneven terrain, painted with the falling leaves of the nearby trees. We traveled silently in this way for some times, as we came along a long narrow bridge made of woven metallic ropes seemingly pulled straight up from the ground itself. Walking along the platform of the bridge hesitantly as it vaulted at a steep grade up, I found, despite its narrow construction, it was of solid construction, and I soon forgot my dears, enjoying the view, all until the clouds about us parted and I spotted a lone figure before us.

“Oh. Now, I remember, “ Potato breathed.

“What? What is it?” I demanded.

Potato raised her trumpet,” This is the thing I was worried about.”

“What?”

“Ricky Raccoon,” she hissed.

“WHAT?” I demanded flatly as the figure approaching us came into focus. A roughly humanoid figure trotted forward, dressed in leather pantaloons and flamboyant red vests, covered in dark grey fur with a raccoon head, about as tall as Jun.

“Oh! Oh! OOOH! A bevy of beauties approaches me on my bridge! Well, I must've been a good boy in my last life! Oh, wait, I wasn't!” he cackled, as Jake sighed.

“What's your deal, little man?”

“I'm Ricky Raccoon, a Divine Beast formed by dear Lady Bet Mem! This bridge is my charge and I must charge those how travel along it! Now, if you want to, then I'll take one of your ladies, if you please,” he grinned maniacally, as I snorted.

“No chance,” I growled, as I rushed forward. As I shot ahead, I swung at his face. However, as my fist brushed his fur, he melted out of my sight, as I felt someone patting my backside.

“Mm, excellent, excellent. I prefer Loppo girls, but no one can deny the classics,” he chortled, as I spun about, slapping his hand as he wove out of sight again, dancing on the railing.

“NO ONE CAN HIT ME! NO ONE CAN HIT ME! NO ONE! WHOA-” he mocked, as Jake swung his hammer wildly at the weaving trickster,” You almost had me!”

“You slippery eel!” Jake roared, prompting only further laughter from Ricky Raccoon.

“Jake, keep calm! He's using an auto-evade skill, we can't just charge in blindly,” Potato called, as Jake fumed so badly, steam rose from his breathing slits.

“ABSOLUTE BATTLEFIELD MURDEROUS INTENT!” He roared, as a wash of killing intent flooded the air like a tsunami of solidified bad feeling, sending shivers down my spin, as Ricky Raccoon Leaped into the air.

“YOU! You did it! You did it! But, you have to know!, YOU CAAAAAAAN'T STOP THE RICKY!” He sang in a calliopean tenor. I grabbed my ears instinctively as the blast of the singing sent me flying backwards off the bridge. Hanging on the railing desperately, his pitch rose to an atonal wail, as I winced, grabbing my ears without thinking, and realized my mistake as I fell. Whistling through the air, I blacked out, presumably falling to my doom.

I awoke with Jun and Dennis hovering over me, as the pair sighed.

“Did we lose?” I croaked, as Dennis nodded slowly.

“We all got tossed off the bridge by that monster's bad singing,” she sighed, as I rose. I found we were in a simply furnished inn room, as Jun and Dennis rushed to my side.

“We're in the village of Feite right now, a small hamlet parallel to the Air Line. According to the locals we can get back on the Air Line if we cross northwest, but...As we are, there's no much we can do,” Dennis sighed.

“Oh?”

“Yes. I have no way to attack an auto-evading foe, and it seems like you don't, either,” Dennis frowned, as I nodded. I had no clue that such a benefit was even possible.

“Can you do anything about it, Jun?” I asked, as he shook his head.

“Rancher is a utility class. I can buff you all, but attacking isn't much I can do. Especially with that much Air energy around. Most of my attack Skills are Earth-based,” he said,” Sorry.”

“Potato, Jake, Errin and Zechs, seem to have a plan, though,” Dennis offered, as we found our fiends around a table on the first level, with Zechs lifting a bizarre sword. Its hilt was nothing special, but its blade was that of a meter stick.

“Now, Zechs, be careful, this weapon is incredibly dangerous,” Jake warned,” It will apply Sure Hit to all your skills, so if you use Area of Effect attacks, you WILL hit everyone within the area.”

“No need to worry, all my best skills are single target. Now, time to test this guy out! What is this sword's name, anyways?” Zechs asked, testing its balance.

“The Absolute Metric--”

“No matter. I'll call it the Frank Glabzarios,” Zechs interrupted, as Jake pursed his lips.

“Why did you ask if you were just gonna ignore me?” Jake demanded, as Zechs raised his sword, as the jar of cookies on the far shelf shot into his hands.

“OH BOY!” Zechs grinned, as he turned to me,” Oh, Dieter!”

“Hi--” I managed, as Zechs appeared before me, massaging my chest roughly, before warping back to his seat,” W-WHAT WAS THAT?”

“Nice, really nice,” Zechs grinned, as Jun nearly fell over out of shock.

“WHAT THE HELL, ZECHS?” Jake roared, as Errin shook her head, chuckling.

“I'm not sure what you expected, Jake,” Potato offered, sipping her tea.

“ZECHS, H-HE JUST MOVED THE WAY RICKY DID,” I squeaked, as Potato shook her head.

“Zechs didn't move. You did. This weapon, the Frank Glabzarios, applies Sure Hit, so if something is targeted, it will be hit by the user,” she explained.

“It's the Absolute Metric,” Jake sighed.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I will be sure to use this weapon for great morality, just like the Grandmaster told me!” Zechs cried

“He said to use your power to protect others, not...grope people. Goddammit, Zechs,” Jake sighed, as Zechs teleported out of his seat and to the door.

“I'll be off training. See you all later!” Zechs called.

“We better follow him. Who knows what he's going to do with that much power,” Jake sighed, as Errin and Potato followed him out the door.

“Are you hurt? Do you need anything?” Dennis cooed, as I waved her off.

“I don't need anything. Just...I need warning from stupid stuff like that,” I sighed, as I followed the others outside.

The next few hours saw Zechs abusing space and time, as he warped about the small hamlet. Jun remained spooked as Zechs zipped about him. I secretly suspected he was doing it on purpose, but I didn't voice my opinions. Eventually, Zechs tired of his tomfoolery.

“Okay, okay, I think I got a hand for the Frank Glabzarios-”

“Absolute Metric,” Called Jake.

“Whatever. LET'S GO!” He cried, as we followed behind. Soon we fond ourselves back onto the Air Line, and before long, back against Ricky.

“You're back. Will you give me my toll?” he leered, as Zechs laughed.

“Hardly, you mutt! I'm gonna flay you alive so we don't have to listen to your singing! Seriously, it was like listening to a drowning cat on a blackboard!” he taunted, as Ricky paused. A bloody aura enveloped him, as Zechs reached for the Frank Glabzarios' hilt, as a cracking sound rang out and he winced.

“Zechs, what was that?” Jake asked.

“Promise to not get mad?” He asked.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?”

“THE FRANK GLABZARIOS BROKE, OKAY?” Zechs cried.

“YOU IDIOT! That was our one shot at beating this guy It took me three hours to make that sword!” Jake roared, wringing Zechs by the neck, as Ricky leaped forward, lunging and removing their heads with a clean sweep of his paw.

“YOU INSULTED MY SINGING! YOU'LL WATER MY BRIDGE WITH YOUR BLOOD!” He screamed, as I scampered backwards, falling over my feet as Errin, Dennis and Jun all fell prey to Ricky's attack, before he slowly turned to me.

“Now, where were we? Oh! Oh! Oh! What do you think of my sing--” he managed as a boom roared out across the bridge as he collapsed to the floor with a smoking hole through his torso.

Out of the fog a new figure stepped forward. Dressed in a red leather coat, fashionable red trousers, and high boots, with a broad stetson perched on her head. This Loppo lass looked over her handiwork with a satisfied smile.

“You can 'bang' that!” she chuckled in a cutesy voice, as she coughed roughly, blood dripping from her lips,” Oh, god. That was harder than I thought.” I stared, partially out of shock, but also at my savior's name.

FluffyStar

[Neutron Drifter]

Level 12,345.69

#Adventure #fantasy #fiction #mmorpg #Photon Breaker Zechs

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toasttz · 6 years ago

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Photon Breaker Zechs: Through the Window

The following is a side-novel to Photon Breaker Zechs, a fantastic little tale being told over at my bro's blog dietaku.tumblr.com - where a bunch of plucky misanthropes get thrown into an MMORPG. My story is to be considered side content and, in the event of anything coming off as contradictory, assume that PBZ proper is canon over Through the Window. Lastly, depending on response, this may get moved to its own independent space. Either way, please enjoy! Photon Breaker Zechs: Through the Window Chapter 1: Video games can teach you about yourself I was seriously in over my head. I had gotten cocky and now, it looked like that was going to cost me my life. I stood, back to a row of trees that may as well have been a damned wall, taking stock of the rapidly approaching wolves – each nearly the size of a horse – surrounding me. I lifted my nearly-broken hammer in both hands, having lost my shield some time before during the chase that left me winded and unable to focus. Even were I able to do enough damage to open a path to flee, and assuming my hammer wouldn't just break like a brittle twig, it would do me no good at this point as both my strength and my supplies were tapped. My body was tense, my heart pounding a million miles an hour. It was do-or-die time. Mustering the last ounce of Spirit, I summoned up a manly shout of defiance in the face of impending doom, “Lee-roy—!!!” A sudden, deafening barrage of explosions caused me to hesitate as bodies of the massive wolves were sent sailing aside like mere ragdolls under an intense burst of fire from a source not immediately obvious to me. After forcing my eyes open from reflexively flinching shut, I saw a tall, radiant woman rush into sight, revolvers akimbo, opening fire into the furry fiends. Our mutual foes were soon but a memory as she holstered her weapons and flashed a bucktoothed grin at me, “That was close, wasn't it?!” I let out a sigh and leaned back in my faux-leather office chair, allowing my hands to come off the mouse and keyboard as I felt my tension fade away. My avatar on-screen was left with a meager 43 HP left and nearly-destroyed equipment after a long, maze-like dungeon had seriously done a number on my ego and my supply of HP and Spirit potions. Catching my breath, I opened the in-game chat client and shot back, “Thanks. I owe you one, FluffyStar,” “No sweat, Windowz,” she replied through text, executing the 'excited waving' emote animation, instilling a chuckle from me, “Would you like some help?” “Sounds good. Let's get out of here, my gear is nearly scrap metal,” I explained as she motioned for me to follow. We formed a party so we could properly share experience points and gold coins and she kindly escorted me back to the main town, Strattburg. It all started some time before our lives changed forever at the hands of a mere game. Slidelands was the game to play back then, a massive multiplayer online role playing game, or MMORPG. The game was a genuine worldwide smash hit phenomenon, and received regular expansion packs nearly every year since its launch nearly 15 years ago. My friend, Seamus, a younger guy I met by chance, invited several of his friends, including me, into the fold. Citing a lack of anything better to do, due to a job that involved me getting home in the dead of night and a dash of insomnia, I began to play the game regularly. The first steps of playing a game of this sort is to create your character, as opposed to playing a pre-set hero character – hence 'role playing' game. Also as opposed to games where you don't play a role, I guess. Think those are called 'movies' or 'modern JRPGs' but I digress. The game had disgustingly comprehensive depths for both mechanical and aesthetic customization. My friend, Dieter, literally spent over two hours just on how his character – Deegal – would ultimately look (and about ten minutes on her abilities). After picking your gender and a screenname, I was prompted to pick my “Tron”, class, and race. Slidelands's major selling point, back in the day, was how your characters could pick any of the four Trons (Proton, Neutron, Electron, and Photon) and one from over 30 Class combinations for different stats and abilities. Then you picked a race from out of over 20 options which further changed your growths and native passive specialties. Guides that run longer than dictionaries exist online with intricate detailings of precise, specialized “optimal” builds. However, I opted to cut my own path and designed a character that would be both fun to play and help in team settings – which the game heavily revolved around courtesy of a series of mechanics that were both ill-explained and near-mandatory for making any real progress in the game's story. My character, Windowz, was a Proton-Bunker from the Loppo – or rabbit-man – tribe. I was pleased with his incredibly tall stature and stout, upside-down triangle of a body. I knew from the start I planned to do some heavy-duty damage and be able to take a lot in return, so I was playing the game within about fifteen minutes of concerted effort. The first few tutorials for the game were threadbare (as was the original iteration of the game) and hardly of any use to newcomers. Seamus, or Zechs as his character was dubbed, was the one who really taught me how to play the game in earnest. The two of us made our characters and dove into the introductory quests (of which they were many) and collected our first weapons and armors. Zechs designed a Photon-Breaker which was the middle-of-the-road standard damage/speed class with no major strengths nor weaknesses. The first line of quests are what one might expect – a greeting some some plot-moving NPC who gave us some idea of location – Strattburg as that is where all adventurers begin the game. “Welcome, brave heroes of a far-off land!” the village elder prompted us as we loaded in, “To Strattburg! Where big adventures start! We thank you for coming to us in our hour of need! We have reason to believe you're the chosen ones we've awaited all this time!” “Never mind the millions of 'chosen ones' running around the server already,” Seamus chuckled over the voice chat. “Yeah, running around spouting poorly-spelled memes and lagging the damned server down with not moving their characters out of the load zones,” I clicked my tongue dismissively. “Our first quest is to kill some random monsters just out of town,” Seamus explained, “Seems standard enough!” We formed a two-man party and went out into the grasslands, where random crow and mouse-like enemies passive nibbled at the scenery. The scenery was the idyllic hamlet one found in traditional fantasy, with pleasant breezes making the grass sway around and the monsters here largely ignored players until provoked. On the one hand, I felt a little sociopathic for just massacring these creatures with a colossal warhammer, but on the other, if some random, faceless, nameless NPC tells me it's for humanity's collective benefit and offers payment, who am I to argue with them? Time wore on into the early hours of the morning. “Ah, this has been fun, but I need to get to bed,” Seamus admitted, due in some part to him being in a different time zone than I. “I'm gonna stay and grind a few more levels,” I explained, “I think the town is tapped for quests for now, so where should I go to power-level?” “Well, there's a forest not far from here that most everyone does some fighting in. That should get you started,” he explained simply. “Sounds good. See ya later, dude,” “Yeah, see ya next time, Jake,” Seamus bid me farewell before signing off. As I already said: I worked weird shifts and didn't sleep well at night, so I typically would play well into the early morning and sleep until my shift in the afternoons. So I decided to take my friend up on his advice as I headed into the forest and found the meager squirrel-like Critters small fodder under my tremendous hammer blows. It wasn't particularly fun to pick on the weaklings and I soon set for deeper into the forest for greater challenge. Whereupon I was beaten to near-death by the crazed wolves that lived near the forest's center, necessitating my rescue from some random stranger playing a Loppo woman. Thankfully, I survived the encounter, however narrowly, and soon we were back in the safety of Strattburg, where monsters couldn't spawn in. “Okay, I just wanted to let you know something,” FluffyStar said to me. “What's that?” “Your build is awful. Like, seriously. Did you plan it at all or did you just throw random bits together and hope for the best?” she verbally unloaded, “You should've played a Taurigante or a Zorren,” “Whoa, hey, c'mon. I had a strategy!” I swiftly protested. It's not that I couldn't change classes – players can do that any time they want so long as they're okay with starting said new class at level 1 again – it's that I didn't want to. “Was the strategy dying and not making any real progress?” she jabbed again, “Have you even played this game before?” “Literally, not before today,” I confessed my ignorance, “I thought the dexterity and luck of the Loppo would help me with the heavy weapons Bunkers wield and not make my build so loppo-sided,” I quipped. “I...” she began again before pausing to consider it, “That's not a bad idea, I guess. It's not really meta material, though. Maybe it's an experiment worth conducting... not sure I've seen it done before,” “Okay, so yeah,” I desperately attempted to float my side of the conversation, “Let me run my experiment with a little less venom, yeah?” “I don't have any poison weapons, sorry,” FluffyStar offered. I was kind of at a loss on that one as I couldn't tell if she was serious or not, “Maybe you'd like some assistance in level grinding?” “Sure. Can't sneeze at someone as powerful as you helping!” I chuckled. As any gamer worth their salt would attest: the greatest rewards in an RPG are loot and experience points. Quests being the best through-line to this end, most players end up staying more or less on the railroad that is the early story missions. Fortunately, for nerds like me who find the storylines in MMORPGs interesting, it also included storyline quests that taught us about the world, which I enjoyed completing and reading about. Seamus actually blew well past where I was because I wanted to read their flavor text and learn more about the game world, and he just wanted to hit things with his sword. Before I knew it, FluffyStar and I had played well into the morning and sleep started to overcome me. “This has been fun,” I relented, feeling the weight of my eyelids as I typed into the game's text chat window, “But I need to crash,” “Will you be on tomorrow night?” FluffyStar pried. “Yeah, probably. After I get back from work, I will,” “Great,” she punctuated, “Let me add you to my friends list, so I can see when you arrive,” Ah, the dreaded social systems these games are known for. Elegant in their simplicity and yet sufficient enough to drive those like my good buddy Dieter berserk with fury. Slidelands has many to its name and pioneered many – shall we call them – intricate systems into the core mechanics of the game as a result. Put bluntly: you were not expected to play this game as a lone wolf against all odds. Because of the game's heavy social bent, enemies scale slightly faster than their in-game level suggests, forcing players to team up or be unable to keep up with the progression in difficulty and this infuriated some of my close friends, namely the aforementioned Dieter and another friend, Cog. Who is Cog? Well, he thankfully avoided the fate that we did but not for the best of reasons. He actually played the game a few years before us, whereupon he played the robot race – the Teknos – and discovered that their crowd-dispersal Chaingun Riptide ability could be used to attack fellow players, even if they were in safe zones. So he, having grown bored within his first few minutes of play, parked his character in a field just outside of Strattburg's safe zone and killed unsuspecting new players as they left for 30 minutes – before the server admin banned him for life with no chance at appeal or refund. Not a week later, a hotfix patch went live, removing the Teknos from the game entirely, accompanied by an apology from the game developers and a small cache of Platinum Gems – the premium currency the game uses. Far as I know, it was the only time content was actually removed from the game. But I digress. “Thanks,” I said, seeing Fluffy's name appear in the roster alongside of Zechs and Deegal's, “I appreciate the tutelage,” “I'm just saying: it's not too late to go back and make a better-optimized tank race character,” Fluffy cautioned. I chuckled, “And do the same thing everyone else is doing? Where would the fun in that be?” “You only play for fun?” “Sure do. Isn't that what everyone does?” I offered. “Never thought of it that way before,” she responded after a brief moment of dead air. I didn't really take it to heart, as I was already half-dead with fatigue. The next day went by like oh so many others, coping with my job and commute, before returning home again to my computer. My beautiful hardwood desk and custom-ordered PC tower each cost me a mint in their own respective days. Together, they made up the centerpiece of my tiny studio apartment, and where I spent almost all of my time not dedicated to my eight-hours-a-day grind. And I take this time aside to say that that's not strange or pathetic at all. Shut up. In days to come, FluffyStar taught me just how complex the game actually was in its wellspring of potential customization and timesinks of grinding levels and growth trees and individual talent skills and much more. Not to mention the minigames. In what seemed like no time at all, she even invited me into her guild – The Night Owls. Being part of a guild – particularly one as active as The Night Owls – is really quite the experience. You never look far for parties (teams of up to six players who share all dropped exp and loot) and you end up developing some really cool strategies with others – a tendency Dieter referred to as “slightly more preferable than a violent death by rusty guillotine”. And here I thought I didn't much care for the company of others, but the owls took me in as one of their own. Well, sort of at any rate. “Whoa,” said one nearly-naked avatar as he eyeballed my towering, heavily-armored hero, “This isn't meta-standard at all!” I was as intrigued by his design as he was by mine, but for different reasons. His character was a nearly nude Floof clan male (the first I'd seen in my playtime), clad in a questionable banana hammock, a flowing, pink silk scarf, and a plush doll of a blue whale sitting atop his mane of dark hair. While idling, the character, NeekuthePantsless, would fold his arms across his chest and grin smugly, his long, bushy tail switching from side to side proudly, as if aware how indecent he appeared to be and basking in it. “This game is primarily player versus environment,” I protested, “How is there even a metagame at all?” “How can you even ask something like that?!” Neeku was astonished and annoyed at my exceeding ignorance (or sheer reluctance) on the topic of turning a video game into algebra homework, “The tank meta is so yesterday. Get with it, Windows! Everyone knows the current meta to beat is ProDoZoa!” I was relieved that, being physically removed from this number-crunching scrub, they were unable to hear my deep sigh that carried with it my intense distaste for meta-gamers, e-sports, and speedrunners of all stripes. I returned with an emotionally neutral, “Oh?” “Proton-Dozer Zorren Dual-Wielder,” FluffyStar interjected, “It's the highest physical DPS class in the game so far!” “Right, because just having the 'best' stats makes a game fun, right?” I growled my reply with disdainful, but equally-unseen keystrokes, “Gimme a break,” “He doesn't even know the ProDoZoa meta, Fluffy, are we sure we want this guy in the guild?” Neeku observed, either unaware or unbothered by my seeing it in the public chat. “It's an interesting experiment. I'm curious to see how strong he can be with it,” FluffyStar shook her head coolly, her long rabbit ears waving side to side limply as she did so. Neeku shrugged at this, “Okay. So, what level are you at, Window-man?” “Currently, I'm level 32,” I explained. In a way I sort of felt as though I was boasting. Most games of this type maintained levels that capped out at 80-100, so being one-third of the way through as quickly as I was even with my casual play style made me a little smug. “Oh geez,” Neeku worried, “We got... quite a ways to go then,” Feeling my pride called into question I had to ask, “Wait, so, what level are you guys?” Looking above them, I saw their nametags and basic stats appear in turn. FluffyStar, Neutron Drifter, Level 11,847 NeekuthePantsless, Electron Despoiler, Level 498 “What the actual hell?” I grunted as I re-read the numbers to ensure I hadn't lost my mind. I hesitated as I considered what I was looking at. I had seen the oft-repeated memes concerning just how grind-heavy SlideLands was, but this seemed incomprehensible. You can level your character, your skills (of which there are an insane amount), your subclasses (which also tie into skills to some extent), late-game armor and weapons, pets, and more, but to have a five-digit level cap? And who's to say at this point that it isn't higher than that?! My pride sufficiently deflated at this, I resumed typing, “I see. You must really like this game,” “That I do,” FluffyStar affirmed. “You're not allowed to do raid boss battles until you're at least level 100,” Neeku informed me, “So, how about I take you out to the Glass Desert and get you up to snuff. If you're going to insist on that suboptimal build?” “I insist,” I grit my teeth. My actual teeth – the set he couldn't see, obviously. “Ugh. But... the meta!” Neeku whined at me. “Neeku, just do it,” FluffyStar insisted. “Fine, fine. Follow me and, whatever you do, do not aggro anything,” Neeku demanded of me. “Glass Desert? I thought I couldn't go into really high-level plates though?” I wondered aloud as we walked. “If you're in-party with someone of a high enough level, I can taxi you to some places you'd otherwise be unable to go on your own. Of course, there are some hard limits. You couldn't get to half the places Fluffy can go, even if she tried to take you there herself. But we'll get this little power-leveling session out of the way and maybe you won't hold us back too much,” Neeku explained. I struggled to discern if I was supposed to be offended by that or not. “Thank you,” I managed. So we went, a plate far to the west of Strattburg's, where I got tucked into a small corner of the map, hidden in the shadow of a rock outcropping amidst the sand dunes. My character stood by idly as, within seconds, I had suddenly jumped several levels all in one go as Neeku's character deftly wiped out monster after monster. All common-tier, of course, since we didn't want to go anywhere that would put me in real danger. In SlideLands, monsters appear in one of five basic tiers: Common, Named, Boss, Raid, and Mega Raid. Common enemies – as the name might suggest – were the ones you would encounter commonly, whereas Named enemies spawn randomly amidst their common brethren for sudden bursts of challenges. Boss monsters usually sat in preset locations on the map and awaited challengers and usually were taken on in full parties of five or six heroes. Raid monsters were super-bosses, residing only in the game's toughest challenges: the dungeons. Raid monsters are much stronger than any other type even if they share the same level – as the name implies several teams full of adventurers pour in their collective skills to defeat these sorts of dungeons and their respective Raid-Boss monsters for high-tier loot. Mega Raids, at this point, I had only seen video of online and they require hundreds of active, high-level players to coordinate fairly well to defeat. Meanwhile, the common practice Neeku had begun undertaking with me, power leveling, was often done to build up new characters to expedite the process so they can play with their friends. My exact feelings on this are a bit mixed, due to my actually appreciating the lore of the game, but at the same time – a leg up this mild couldn't possibly make that big a difference if the max level were something obscene like 99,999 or something even greater than that. In no time, I crested level 200 and Neeku had grown bored with making short work of the local wildlife – and I had grown equally so with this exercise. “Alright, now, take that extra gold and buy yourself better armor. With that, you should be... passable, at least,” Neeku relented his first unambiguous praise upon me and my rabbit-man. “I appreciate the boost,” I admitted. We began making movements towards the exit, but the world around us began to shake, “Wait, what's that?” “We need to run, rookie!” Neeku demanded. “What's happening?” I asked again. “You weren't pushing anything this whole time, right?” “Right, but why?” “It's an anti-idle boss! Damn, I forgot about those!” Neeku hurriedly explained. I'd later learn that, in order to stop excessive camping in certain spots, players who sat in inactive states for long spans of time without any actions taken would summon unusually powerful boss creatures to weed them out. This was apparently a conscious decision to help with server load balancing and to punish idlers and, presumably, people who were doing precisely what we were doing. My mind raced with possibilities: being in the desert biome meant that it was likely something tough, but stylized – perhaps a giant scorpion would be fitting? Or for more of a fantasy flare, it may be a dragon with cacti growing from its hides, I considered. Perhaps the dev staff were fans of British comedy and we'd soon be accosted by a giant, bloodthirsty desert hare. But to my surprise it was none of those things. “Is that a giant crab riding on the back of a giant turtle?” I managed to hastily type in, “Do you need help with this?” “Damn! The King Crustaseanoid and his Regal Terra-pinner!” Neeku declared, “I'll be honest with you. I'm not sure even I got this one, newb!” “Actually, that should be a Queen Crustaseanoid. Male crabs have a triangular shell on their underbelly, while this one is rounded,” I observed. “That's... really not helping!” he took the time out to turn his character to stare mine down coldly. “Sorry,” “Alright, dumbass, stand back and try not to piss anything else off in the meantime!” Neeku ordered, brandishing a strange set of orbs attached to a long staff that I figured must be his weapon of choice. Neeku's avatar whooped with delight as he began bashing the legs of the turtle monster as I backed a safe distance away and quickly took in what new abilities I had unlocked in my sudden leveling-marathon to see if anything I had could help. “Eat balls, turtle!” Neeku challenged, causing me to glance up from my submenu to eyeball this sad, strange man who was really holding his own quite well despite his initial hesitations. After watching this go a bit and seeing that he was easily winning the damage race, I began to relax – this was well in hand despite the strange taunts he issued the idle boss. However, my calm demeanor was shattered when, upon seeing the turtle's HP hit 0, which should have brought the fight to a close, the crab leaped down from its perch and began attacking Neeku – and doing a ton more damage than the turtle could have dreamed of doing. “This is precisely what I was afraid of!” Neeku declared, “I'm running low on Spirit. I'm using it faster than I'm regenerating it! Hope you're ready to see what dying looks like in this game, newb!” A sharp, jabbing feeling crept up within me. It was, technically, my fault we were in this mess. I had to do something. Then I noticed it – an ability in my submenu. Black Iron Castle – a defensive technique that renders the user both invincible and immobile for 8 seconds and draws all nearby enemies' hostility (commonly called aggro) to the user. My class, the Bunker, had just the tool for the job after all. “Hey, Neeku! On my mark, make a run for it!” I ordered, as I watched his health swiftly falling. “You got a plan?!” he shot back. “Something like that, yeah,” I typed as quickly as I could. The cooldown on the ability was a devastating 12 minutes. In terms of active-time combat, that was several eternities atop one another. We'd have one shot to do this just right and if Neeku hesitated at all, the body count would still be two. “No time like the present then!” I declared, “Run, Neeku!” I said, watching my character take on a dark hue and a metallic sheen. I lost the ability to move or use other abilities, but it worked like a dream: the crab lost all interest in the near-dead Neeku and turned to my hero, slashing with its massive pincers as a long string of zeroes appeared above his head, the damage failing to find a home. I admit I didn't have a plan past that. The Bunker only does two things particularly well, and that's anger enemies and take hits. With this handy new tool in my kit, I was at least able to repay Neeku his kindness and cut the casualties in half. As soon as it hit me, maybe even just the one time, I would die. I'd lose anything in my public pouch – a large bag where dungeon loot is placed prior to the player being able to hide it safely in a permanent storage or bank – and half the gold on my character, on top of a small cut to my gained experience points and lastly, be whisked away the nearest cathedral to respawn and begin again. Granted, that would be pretty much every item I had that wasn't currently equipped and quite a bit of time's worth of gold, but I resolved to think better of the situation. I helped someone, so the goal I set out to accomplish was complete. I folded my hands across my stomach and leaned back in my chair and awaited the inevitable. However, much to my surprise, the inevitable never came. I glanced up again after the time for the buff expired only to see a dead crab, upside-down and legs crumpled inward like a squashed spider. My adventurer was very much alive. I leaned towards my monitor to study what had changed, only to see FluffyStar coolly walk into the scene once again. “That was close. I wasn't sure my EarthRock Magnum would kill it completely in one hit, but it did!” she 'said' in the chat, “Are you two okay?” “We are now,” Neeku observed. Letting out a small sigh of relief, I typed back at last, “Yeah. Thanks again!” “Don't mention it. You're a Night Owl in your own right now!” Fluffy commented. The adventure for the evening more or less ended not long after that encounter. Neeku went around the guild building – a space players create and customize for their guildmates – telling everyone about how he toppled an idle boss with only a minor lift from Fluffy. Somehow in his retelling, my saving his nearly-naked butt was left out, but I didn't feel the need to correct him. Tanks and supports don't fill the roles they perform for glory, fame, or adoration – that's what bastard DPS players do. It wasn't long after that our once tight-knit crew began to come apart at the seams. It happened shortly after Fluffy up and disappeared after boasting about her conquest of some high-level quest. One by one, our players began to wander off. Unfortunately, so did I. I got a new job that paid better and had more consistent hours, but it forced me to work mornings, so I rarely got the chance to see anyone from back then. Before I knew it, I sort of fell off from playing the game entirely. There were other games to play, other social groups I interacted with, and other obligations for me to handle. I even had a date set for one particular weekend. I would tell you how it went, if only I had been in attendance myself. I didn't stand her up, though. I woke up one morning, lying at the far edge of a ramshackle town. I stood up slowly, encumbered by the presence of heavy-duty solid steel plate armor covering my every side. Which is strange as I shouldn't need to clarify that I have never in my life slept in such garb. I looked down at my hands, which were massive and covered in equally massive metal gauntlets. I placed one to the side of my head to check for injury but grabbed ahold of a colossal bucket-styled helmet shielding it. I took a step back, physically shocked as the realization fell on me. I looked around me at what was unmistakably Strattburg. The NPCs were there. The random adventurers from all the different clans were present and accounted for. Even the random chickens which used to be background objects clucked merrily along their way as they pecked at the ground in search of feed. “No, this isn't real,” I whispered to myself. I closed my eyes, attempting to will myself awake from this lucid dream I found myself in. Then opened them to see the fantasy land again. I was aware of my own breathing, and my avatar's gear, and the uncomfortable truth of the situation made itself known to me: I was trapped in an MMORPG.

#Photon Breaker Zechs #Through the Window #Action #Fantasy #MMORPG

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