#Perfect ball to stuff trauma in ty

[kurochi2401]

Robwin is such a comfort character to me 🧡

[drpoisonoaky]

So here’s the thing, everyone in the Gaang assumed that Azula was the older sibling.

…

And they love her eyeliner.

— — — Sokka

Sokka: WAIT WHAT

Azula: Ugh, why are you yelling at me?

Sokka: YOU ARE THE YOUNG SIBLING

Azula: Yes? Why you ask?

Zuko: He was complaining about Katara. And then he said “Ugh but you wouldn’t get it cause Azula is the oldest”.

Azula: And you get it?

Zuko: Not really.

Sokka: IT’S IMPOSSIBLE.

Azula: It’s cause I’m better at everything.

Zuko: It’s the makeup and how insufferable you are.

Sokka: IT’S EVERYTHING.

Sokka: How she looks, talks, thinks…you have to be messing with me.

Azula: I honestly don’t know if I should feel flattered or insulted.

Zuko: She’s the same age as Katara.

Sokka: NO WAY.

— — — Aang

Aang: So tell me how was Zuko when he was a baby? I’m curious.

Azula: I don’t now. I’m guess he cried a lot.

Aang: Oh you don’t remember?

Azula: I wasn’t alive avatar.

Aang: Hold on, are you the younger sibling?

Azula: I am.

Aang: But you look older, and know more about history and stuff. Plus all of that trauma and emoti-

Azula, slightly annoyed: Yes Aang I get it.

Aang: It doesn’t make sense.

Azula: It’s simple: makeup and discipline.

Aang:

Azula: What?

Aang: I have some meetings this week could you help me to look older so they will pay me more attention?

Azula:

Aang: Please. For the sake of the world?

Azula: Sure I’ll show you.

— — — Toph

Toph, seeing how Katara and Sokka are arguing: Men sometimes I’m glad I’m an only child.

Azula: I almost was once. Zuko wasn’t happy about it.

Azula: But I must say, having an older brother who looks after you feels nice. But if you tell anyone I said this I’ll commit arson.

Toph: WHAT?!

Azula: I mean Zuzu and I fought a lot.

Toph: Not that. No way he’s the big bro.

Azula:

Azula: I’m actually curious about why you didn’t know it cause it’s impossible that it could be for the makeup.

Toph: You were a fucking pro master firebender back then and Zuko wasn’t.

Azula: Did you know that my flames are blue?

Toph: No way. Why nobody tells me this things. Anything else cool?

Azula: I can make lighting balls in both of my hands and I can make a perfect eyeliner in 30 seconds.

Toph: Can you do it now?

Azula: Which one?

Toph: Both but bring someone else cause when I ask if it looks good on me I need to know the truth and I still can’t fucking tell if you’re lying or not.

Azula: Makes sense. Although I would never lie to you about that.

— — — Suki

Suki: I need you to teach them firebender’s forms even though they’re non-benders.

Azula: Easy. I used to do it with Ty lee.

Suki: But you have to treat them as your younger sisters. Like how you would treat Zuko if you like him.

Azula: What?

Suki: Kindness?

Azula: No. Do you think I am the older sibling?

Suki: You aren’t?

Azula: No.

Suki: Wait what?!

Azula: I’m the same age as Ty lee. I went to the royal fire academy with her.

Suki: Whao.

Suki: You did and plan all of that shit when you were 14?!

Azula: I don’t know what that tone means.

Suki: Did you have that huge breakdown at 14?

Azula: Now you are simply being rude.

Suki: I don’t believe you. TY LEE COME HERE.

Ty lee: What’s sup?

Suki: Is she the same age as you?

Ty lee, raising an eyebrow: Yes?

Ty lee, realizing: Oh you didn’t know she’s younger than Zuko. It’s the makeup ‘Zula. You look beautiful, but it makes you look older.

Suki: It can’t be.

Azula: Can’t you stop being rude? I look great.

Suki: Not that, asshole. You being younger than Zuko. It doesn’t makes sense…

Azula:

Suki:

Ty lee:

Suki:

Ty lee: I think you broke her? What were you doing before?

Azula: She was explaining to me who I was supposed to teach and how I have to treat them.

Suki: But how she fights…

Ty lee: Oh right, c’mon they’re waiting. They actually pretty nice. You have to be patient ‘Zula.

Azula: Ugh.

Suki: And she played with us…

Ty lee puppy eye’s version: For me please?

Azula: I hate you.

Suki: She conquered Ba Sing Se…

Ty lee: No you don’t. *kiss Azula’s cheek* Hurry up. Bye Suki!

Suki: She killed the avatar…

Suki: AND SHE WAS 14.

Azula, being dragged by Ty lee: Ty, I think you are right. I broke your boss.

Ty lee: I hope that means a vacation for at least a week.

— — — Katara

Katara: You are my age?!

Azula: Hello Azula. How are you Azula? You look great Azula.

Azula: That’s how you have to start a conversation. But yes I am. Why?

Katara: Everything we did.. We were the same age all the time?

Azula: That’s how time works.

Katara: I THOUGHT I WAS BEATING SOMEONE AT LEAST AS OLD AS MY BROTHER

Azula: Why are you yelling at me? Is it a family thing?

Katara: I thought I was so ahead of my age…

Azula: You are a master waterbender without almost any professional help, you heal people with your bending and help to end a 100 year war. Plus you defeated me once. What the fuck are you talking about?

Katara, blushing: Oh, that…that was actually so nice, thanks. I- I appreciate it.

Azula: Your welcome. Now if you excuse me I have things to do.

Katara: Wait.

Azula: What now?

Katara: Can you…?

Azula: I can do a lot of things.

Katara: Well your eyeliner…can you…?

Azula: *sighs* You’re the third person to ask. So I guess it’s your turn.

— — — Zuko

Azula: If someone else imply I’m the oldest sibling you will have to bring back the straightjacket.

Zuko: In my defense they didn’t ask they just assumed.

Azula: You know how many eyeliners I had to do today besides mine? Three. THREE.

Zuko: I think Sokka was going to ask you too, he was looking for you…

Azula: For Agni’s sake.

Azula: At least I hope you don’t want me to teach you too.

Zuko: Mai taught me a long time ago.

Azula: Thank Agni.

Zuko: But I must say I don’t get them. You clearly are my little sister.

Azula: Because I’m a much better version of you?

Zuko: No.

Zuko: Because you are a lot more insufferable and insane than I am.

Azula: If you don’t start running now I’m going to celebrate becoming an only child. Again.

Zuko: Sure buddy.

Azula: One, two-

Zuko: LALA DON’T YOU DARE. STOP THE SPARKING.

— — — Mai & Ty lee

Azula: FIVE five people’s makeup. And I don’t even like them.

Ty lee: Wait five? Suki too?

Azula: I’m counting mine. Adds more drama.

Mai: Such a drama queen.

Azula: But anyway I don’t deserve this.

Mai, raising an eyebrow: You sure?

Ty lee: Look at it as your little price to pay in your healing path. Plus every time you do an eyeliner your aura gets a little bit pinkier. So stop complaining.

Mai: Although I don’t see the big problem with the fact everyone thinks you’re older than Zuko.

Ty lee: True, why is bothering you so much?

Azula: I refuse to think Zuzu ages better than me.

Mai:

Ty lee:

Azula: Whatever. By the way I’m impressed with the little avatar’s fangirls. You were right Ty.

Ty lee: Of course. When am I not?

Mai: When you started to date her.

Azula, starting to sparkle:

Ty lee: And here we go again.

[permetutotheworld]

solangelo’s wedding

requested by @biggestqiblifan

The living room of the Big House at Camp Half-Blood was adorned with twinkling fairy lights, their warm glow casting a soft ambiance over the gathered friends and family.

The air buzzed with excitement, laughter, and the faint scent of lavender and rosemary wafting from the kitchen where Piper was finishing up the last of the wedding preparations. It was a day of celebration, a day Nico never thought Will would love him ling enough to reach. “Hey, Sunshine,” Nico called out, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed. His black hair fell into his eyes, but he didn't bother to brush it aside. He watched Will, who was busy arranging flower bouquets on the table, his golden hair catching the light like a halo. Will turned, a smile breaking across his face.

“You keep calling me that, but I’m starting to think you’re the one who’s glowing.” He winked, teasingly. Nico rolled his eyes, but the corners of his mouth betrayed him.

“Yeah, right. More like I’m sweating. This suit is way too tight.” He tugged at the fabric, trying to adjust it without ruining the intricate stitching.

“Suit or no suit, you look perfect,” Will replied, stepping closer. “You’re always perfect.” He reached out, brushing his fingers against Nico’s arm, sending warmth through him. Nico felt that familiar flutter in his stomach. “I’m not perfect” Nico muttered, glancing down, suddenly self-conscious. “Your scars do not make you any less perfect Neeks,” Will said earnestly, somehow always knowing what to say “You’re beautiful, Nico. Don’t ever doubt that.” Nico’s heart raced at the sincerity in Will’s voice. “Okay, okay, don’t make me blush, or I’ll ruin my makeup.”

“Too late!” Leo hollered from across the room, his wild hair bouncing as he entered with Jason, who was rolling his eyes at Leo’s antics. “You’re turning as red as a tomato, di Angelo! Maybe I should get you a mirror.”

“Shut up, Valdez,” Nico shot back, though there was no malice in his tone. “What are you doing here, anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be with your—”

“Before you finish that sentence, I’m not here to decorate. I’m here to make sure you don’t bail,” Leo interrupted, his expression suddenly serious. “You’re not going anywhere. You’re marrying Will, and that’s final.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Nico said, grinning. “I’m not going anywhere. This is—this is it.” “Damn right it is!” Jason chimed in, grinning from ear to ear. “I can’t believe you two are finally tying the knot. It’s about time!”

“Speak for yourself, Grace,” Nico replied, crossing his arms. “You and Leo have been together, what, forever? You guys should be the first to get hitched.” “Not today! They’re cowards” Piper called from the kitchen, peeking her head out with a smirk. “I’m just here to support my favorite couple. And to make sure Leo doesn’t burn the place down.” “Hey!” Leo protested, throwing a hand over his heart. “I would never! I’m a professional.”

“Professional at what? Chaos?” Hazel chimed in, entering the room with Frank by her side. She shot Leo a playful glare before turning to Nico. “You look so handsome, Nico! Like a prince!”

“Yeah, a prince with unimaginable trauma and homosexuality,” Nico said, his sarcasm slipping through, but he couldn’t help but smile at his sister’s enthusiasm. “You’re gay?? Thats crazy,” Will said, leaning in close, his breath warm against Nico’s ear.

“youre the worst person i’ve ever met solace”

“Okay, okay, save the mushy stuff for the altar!” Percy exclaimed as he walked in with Annabeth. “We need to focus on getting you two to the ceremony without any mishaps.”

“Like what? The ground opening up and swallowing us?” Nico joked, though a hint of anxiety crept into his voice.

“Don’t even joke about that,” Annabeth warned, her eyes narrowing. “I’ve seen it happen. Just… stay close to Will, okay? We don’t need any more adventures today.”

“Adventure? This whole day is an adventure!” Leo added, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “You guys are getting married! This is epic!”

“Epic, yes. Nerve-wracking? Definitely,” Nico said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Don’t worry, Darlin’,” Will said, taking Nico’s hand and squeezing it gently. “We’re in this together. I’ll be right there beside you.”

“Yeah, right beside you,” Jason echoed, trying to reassure him. “And if anything goes wrong, we’ll handle it. Right, Frank?”

“Uh, yeah! Totally!” Frank replied, clearly unsure but wanting to be supportive.

“See? You’re not alone,” Percy said, clapping Nico on the back. “We’ve all got your back.”

“Alright, let’s get ready, lovebirds!” Leo shouted, waving his hands dramatically. “The wedding waits for no one!” As they began to disperse, Nico felt a surge of warmth swell in his chest. His friends were right; he wasn’t alone. He had Will, and they were about to get married! Married!!! A short while later, they stood in the main hall, surrounded by friends, family, and a few curious campers who had wandered in, eager to witness the union of two demigods. Chiron stood at the front, a comforting presence that settled Nico’s nerves. “Welcome, everyone,” Chiron began, his voice steady and warm. “We gather here today to celebrate the love between Nico Di Angelo and Will Solace.” Nico’s heart raced as he caught Will’s eye. Will was already grinning, his happiness radiating like sunlight.

“Look at him,” Nico whispered to Hazel, who stood beside him. “He’s so… happy.”

“Of course he is! He’s marrying you!” Hazel replied, her voice filled with confidence. “Yeah, but—”

“No ‘buts’! You’re perfect for each other,” she said, cutting him off. “Trust me. Just say ‘I do’ and let yourself be happy.” As Chiron spoke, Nico’s mind wandered. He thought of all the moments that had led to this day: the laughter, the tears, the struggles they’d faced together.

“Do you, Nico, take Will to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Chiron’s voice broke through the haze. Nico blinked, suddenly realizing it was his turn.

“Uh—yes! Yes, I do!” Will’s smile widened, and Nico couldn’t help but return it, his heart swelling with emotion.

“And do you, Will, take Nico to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Chiron continued, his gaze gentle.

“I do,” Will said, his voice strong and sure.

“Then by the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and husband,” Chiron declared, a proud smile on his face. Cheers erupted from the gathered crowd, and Nico felt himself beaming. He stepped forward, closing the distance between him and Will.

“Now, you may kiss the groom!” Chiron added with a wink. Nico leaned in, and as their lips met, the world around them faded away. The cheers, the laughter, the light—all of it melted into the background. In that moment, it was just them, their love sealing a promise that had been years in the making. When they finally pulled apart, the room erupted into applause.

“You did it!” Percy shouted, clapping Nico on the back.

“See? No ground opening up to swallow you whole!” Annabeth added, her eyes sparkling with joy.

“Yeah, that’s because I was the one who was supposed to break it!” Leo joked, making the group laugh. Nico felt lighter than air, surrounded by friends and family who had watched them grow, who had supported them through thick and thin.

“Thank you all for being here,” he said, his voice shaky with emotion. “This means everything to us.”

“Darn tootin’ it does!” Will exclaimed, laughing at nico’s eyeroll in response to his theatrical southern phrases and throwing an arm around Nico’s shoulders. “We love you guys!” The celebration continued with food and laughter filling the living room. Nico found himself caught in a whirlwind of hugs and congratulations. “Hey, do you remember the first time we met?” Nico heard Jason ask, and he turned to see the two of them deep in conversation. “Yeah, you thought I was a ghost!” Nico laughed, shaking his head.

“Because you were so pale!” Jason countered, grinning.

“Okay, okay! Enough reminiscing!” Leo interrupted, striking a dramatic pose. “Let’s dance! Who’s with me?” Nico laughed, the sound bubbling up from his chest. “If i must” (he was immediately informed that yes, he must)

As the music began to play, Nico took Will’s hand and led him to the makeshift dance floor. The rhythm pulsed through them, and they moved together, lost in each other’s eyes. “See? This is what I’ve been talking about,” Will said, spinning Nico around. “This is our day!”

“It’s perfect,” Nico agreed, breathless. And as they danced, surrounded by their friends, laughter, and love, Nico knew this was just the beginning. They had faced darkness together, but today, they stepped into the light, hand in hand, ready to face whatever came next.

“Here’s to forever, Tesoro,” Nico said, leaning in to whisper, his heart full. “Forever, Darlin’,” Will replied, his voice soft, yet unwavering. And in that moment, with the world around them fading into a blur, they knew that it was only ever going to be them against the world

[manlyquail]

Netflix Avatar

I've got many thoughts I want to get out and so why not just make a "nobody asked and nobody cares" word vomit about my opinions on the Netflix Avatar series!

It'll be below the cut, but let me say I thoroughly enjoyed it but am on the fence about if it did need to exist or not given how perfect the original is. I could go either way honestly, and would watch more if more came out, but I'll explain more stuff in spoilers below.

I'll break this into a few sections, Positives, Negatives, Neutrals, and some sort of summary for my thoughts, but there is probably going to be some overlap since some things could fall into a few categories.

Positive First:

So this could stem from trauma from the last time things came around, but I thought the bending in the series looked way better (for the most part...). The opening scene alone felt like an atonement for how done dirty Earthbenders were in *that movie* and everything felt really fluid.

The characters in general all felt really true to themselves (again, for the most part). I was skeptical at first when news came out about Sokka's removed sexism, but honestly with the way his character arc played out based on the pressure to be a leader and a warrior I think it still worked out fine.

There was a surprising amount in the series that I thought would be material that would just get cut out, which was simultaneously a pro and a con. It was good to see a few certain story elements (SECRET TUNNELLLLL) but the way they overlapped in order to get several things in at the same time makes some of them a pro and some of them a con.

The payoff for "MY CABBAGES" had me rolling. 10/10

For the most part, every time I saw a character I knew immediately who they were. Costume and character design were great, sets and backgrounds were beautiful, everything on this front felt good.

One highlight is tied to the changes made around Zuko's backstory and his crew. His belief in not sacrificing the soldiers and them being assigned to him (and Iroh's telling of this fact to the questioning soldiers) was a great addition in my opinion. It added more depth beyond just the sympathy originally given to Zuko because of his scar.

Each (recent) Avatar getting their own spot in the light was fun. Roku's personality was enjoyable even if he was only around briefly.

Finale was super fun to watch, the effects of the moon changes across all the characters and the spirit rage had me pretty hyped.

In general the balls to burn so many people alive caught me off guard as far as ratings go, but I won't complain!

The sexism addressed in the North was a good bit of development for a few characters, although without Sokka's sexism through the early parts and a moment that really felt close to 'She has help' I'm a little on the fence about the impact it had there.

Absolutely loved June.

There's probably a few smaller things I missed here or there but in general lots of positives, thought with those comes

Negatives:

I'll get this out right away because this was honestly the biggest gripe I had out of anything else. I was not entirely sold on Azula, Ty Lee, and Mai. For me they personally looked too young, the rounded cheeks felt too innocent didn't sell me on the fierce and sharp features Azula demonstrates in the show, but I'm really trying not to get too hung up on this element. Azula is honestly an impossible standard, and I think what was demonstrated was still okay, but I'll be brutally honest that her victory at the very end over Omashu took a lot of the wind out of my sails, especially following the dramatic war of the North. I think maybe the actresses could grow into the characters, but when I picture scenes like the desert standoff with everyone versus Azula it just doesn't vibe.

Airbending when it was first shown felt a little too 'wee I'm on a wire and special effects!' which was somewhat painful. The combat aspects of it felt a lot better and the glider scenes worked, but I was pretty nervous when Aang first made his way down from the towers.

The Kiyoshi scene while cool at first felt brief and somewhat underwhelming. We saw some guys get grabbed by water tentacles and then a big swirl tornado of all the elements but that was really it. People got tossed around and the instant they retreated the state ended. It was cool to see Kiyoshi but I feel like the badassery could've come through at least a little more.

They really nail over the head 'Friendship is magic!' almost too much. Each Avatar basically told Aang not to have attachments or get too close to people because its bad juju, and the lesson 'I only got this far because I work with my friends' got old fast.

Aang additionally didn't do any learning with Katara during her waterbending training headed North. I'm on the fence about this because a lot of extra drama was cut out (no Bato, no pirates and the questioning about morals of stealing a scroll, no jealousy of Katara from Aang's training, etc.). Additionally one weird change (I know I noticed this as a positive earlier), but the Cave of Two Lovers was entirely a Sokka / Katara scene, and the narrative was compressed a little bit so that their 'sibling love' on an emotional level was the reasoning the badgermoles escorted them out, as opposed to either music or following the lights (which they brought up the lights but then made it a red herring?). On that note this cave appeared in Book 2 on the return trip to Omashu, but here it just showed up to get Katara and Sokka into the palace (warned about Palace Guards which I guess also weren't a problem, and this was at the top of the city but tunnels under... anyways...).

A small nitpick but something I remember laughing at; Katara does a training scene where she hits herself in the face with water and proceeds to try and wipe it off, but she's entirely dry, so that... just felt funny.

Avatar Roku didn't get much time in the light either (not even a dragon), and several spirit moments were crammed into one. Yue is a fox spirit that was randomly in the forest, Wan Shi Tong was there to (only heard by Aang) give an ominous warning that his friends would be in danger, and then Koh was also there to... just be a creepy cannibal centipede? These all showed up during the Hei Bai plot thread which didn't even get resolved (the villagers got brought back but I don't recall ever seeing the spirit again; cut for time?). The Koh thing felt out of place as well because this was the motivation for Aang to go all the way to the fire nation to see Roku, who told him to just let them die before Aang took an idol from Koh's mom back to trade for a whole bunch of people. During this 'Koh will feed soon' period Aang made it all the way to the fire nation, did his Roku meditation, got kidnapped by June and turned in to Iroh and Zuko (presumably all the way back on the mainland?), got kidnapped from his kidnapping by Zhao, spent time in prison, then the entire Blue Spirit rescue, with Aang hiding out even longer from fire nation patrols before making sure Zuko got back to his ship safe, and then made it back in time to save everybody from hungry hungry Koh. Honestly just so much here that it made the whole segment feel a tad clunky.

Neutral:

Now this is a list of things that I'm on the fence on and could probably go either way on.

Bumi being the biggest thing here.

Now Bumi's character changes at first were jarring. His identity being revealed immediately was a surprise, but his throwing a big fancy party and seeming like a weirdly hedonistic bad comedian felt off. His original personality I think showed through just enough to keep this from being a negative, but the fun of Bumi was how he was messing with Aang to try and provoke a memory from him while also just being batshit crazy. This would sometimes crop up, and the fight between the two was pretty slick, but otherwise it felt like Bumi was more of just a jaded old man. It became about Aang teaching him a lesson and not the other way around, which in the way felt justified with Bumi being consistently at war for 100 years, but on the other didn't feel like Bumi. I guess I leave this neutral purely on the grounds that this is a reimagining and not just the same story vomited back out in live action, but it's still one of the tougher changes to adapt to.

Another small change is that Aang did zero bending of any of the other elements outside of the Avatar state. He didn't train with Katara as I mentioned, nor did he have his interaction with Jeong Jeong to give him mini trauma about fire bending. Not the biggest deal but still noticed, which makes me wonder how they'll handle his bending in the future.

Azula being Zhou's contact and source of resources felt a little off, as did his learning about the spirits. Zhao was downplayed so much to be a random nobody in the live action version and then he 'needed an edge' and learned about the spirits (and how to kill them with a spirit knife?) right before the siege. Honestly the original of 'I stumbled upon this information unintentionally back when' wasn't great justification either but still.

Several of the Ozai scenes were a little offputting as well. Right before dying (to Iroh instead of the spirit, which again, random change) Zhou mentioned that Zuko only existed as the flames to forge Azula, but there was a lot of sorrowful emotion in Ozai's actor that made him seem oddly sympathetic in a lot of scenes. Lines as well which change context after the 'revelation' are hard to get a feel for as well, such as Ozai's reminders to Azula that it was Zuko and not Zhao that discovered the Avatar. In scenes like this it feels like Ozai is actually trying to defend and support Zuko, but with the motivational thing for Azula was this just him poking the bear? Either way, maybe a subsequent watch will change my thoughts on this, so for now its neutral.

Summary:

Overall I honestly had a good time with the series, but it really just drove me to go back and start the original all over again. It was by no means bad, I'd recommend it as a watch even if just for the numerous easter eggs, but I really don't know if it's good enough to justify existing. There were some changes I really liked, such as the change with Zuko's crew, and some others that I think have potential as reimaginations such as Bumi's narrative, but others like the cave, the Koh stuff, Yue being a fox that showed up in the forest felt like they should've just been left out.

Anyways, I do recommend watching it all the same, especially to get you in the mood for the original and to at the very least set a different standard for live action Avatar than what we had in the past.

Thank you all of nobody for coming to my TED talk. I really just wanted to get this all down somewhere for my own sake but I'd be interested in other's takes on it too!

[whump-town]

ajadhkhdh that's okay! The gist of my ask was: what do you think abt Derek and Aaron's (platonic) relationship? I really think it's the most underrated friendship within the core 7. (Then again, I'm generally biased towards the two of them) so I was wondering if you had any headcanons/fic ideas for them specifically? Like after the events of Restoration, or after Hotch reveals thst Emily is not dead, that sort of thing.

I do have an ask for Restoration Hotch and Morgan so I’m going to go ahead and include what I wrote for that plus what I thought of when you asked this^^:

They’re a match made in Adrenaline Crash Hell.

Problems with authority?

Issues trusting men?

Trouble magnets?

It unnerves Haley every time she kisses her husband goodbye knowing she’s sending him out there with his equally as injury-prone partner. She loves Derek Morgan. He’s a doll and she invites him over for dinner all the time (also to occasionally get him to help Aaron do handy-man stuff around the house because she loves her husband but the man doesn’t understand woodwork at all).

They’re an unstoppable pair. 

Hotch is a fantastic sharp-shooter and he makes quick work of tongue-tying any cops that get into their way. Not to mention his legal knowledge gets them one foot in the door and guaranteed loopholes in problems that other pairs can’t solve.

Morgan is a charmer and paired with his good looks, he gains the trust of victims with ease. Not to mention, he’s fast on his feet and a close reader which means he won’t miss a single piece of evidence in a file. He excels in defusing explosives and that’s what sets them apart. 

It’s why Morgan gets sent back to Quantico with fragments of a bomb to put back together when Hotch gets sent to the hospital. 

Morgan stands in the bullpen, numb as he watches over and over as the news plays that scene on repeat. Just as it ends, they play that little clip-- the men wearing FBI kevlar and cops infiltrating the building. The radio static and Gideon’s voice giving the okay to move in. Morgan wonders when he’s going to get the call-- when Gideon’s voice is going to come through his phone and tell him he has to call Haley.

To tell her Hotch is dead…

and Jason Gideon killed him.

He manages to forgive Gideon for making him feel that hopeless. What he can’t forgive is what Gideon does to Hotch.

“The Black Queen--” Hotch informs him, one hand firmly planted on the wall ahead of him and the other tightly gripping a sleek black cane. He’s breathless and struggling to work through the pain that feels like it’s in every nerve of his body. But he’s refused Morgan’s help three times and he won’t cave on that now. 

With a sigh, he forces his body upright. His leg gives and Morgan grabs his shoulders. “Alright, man,” Morgan grunts and he forces Hotch back into the wheelchair the nurse had given them just in case. Good thing too. He lets out a breath of his own, feeling extremely better now that he won’t have to watch Hotch force his body to move in ways that it clearly does not want to.

Morgan pats Hotch’s shoulder, “what were you saying about this Black Queen chick?”

Despite just being taken off of bed rest and only being okayed for short walks this week, Hotch has already hired two new members of the team. Of their team, because as far they know, Jason Gideon will not be returning and Hotch is acting Unit Cheif until they can find somebody better-- which they know is a ploy because no one else can do the job.

Which makes the two of them the only members of the team. 

Living, that is.

Hotch chews on the end of his nails as he informs Morgan about the hacker recently caught in the FBI’s web. It makes him smile, Morgan can appreciate Hotch’s creativity in this new team. He’s good at this.

JJ had been the first person Hotch hired. She’d joined their little force last week as a media liaison and Morgan liked her right off the bat. She’d come to the hospital and Morgan had watched in shock but extreme amusement as she took right to arguing with Hotch. Not in a bad way but more of a “No, sir, you won’t be getting any paperwork until your doctor signs off on it. As that is the requirement you have to meet under federal guidelines and… because I said so.”

Needless to say, they love her. Not many people have the balls to tell Hotch no. It makes her perfect for the job.

She makes their jobs easier and she fully understands that while Hotch and Morgan are not currently physically capable of the job, it is in no way waiting for them to be ready.

There’s a slightly maddened look in Hotch’s eyes as he leans forward and tells Morgan about how much a genius this woman, the Black Queen, is. Then again, the poor man has had nothing to do for weeks and he’s taken this small task and really ran with it. It definitely doesn’t help that he’s desperate need of a hair cut and in pajamas. 

Going to interview Penelope Garcia is the first time Hotch leaves the hospital in months.

He’s promptly taken right back but he’s smiling the whole way.

Their team of four has weekly meetings in the hospital. 

Then Hotch hires Reid.

It’s strange at first but one night, as Morgan’s falling asleep it suddenly occurs to him-- That son of a bitch. Hotch and Morgan both struggle to trust men which has had a lot to do with Hotch’s hires being all women. Then Hotch does hire another “man” and it’s some scrappy-ass runt of a genius-- so, of course, Morgan hadn’t even flinched. He hadn’t even thought twice before taking the kid under his arm.

Of course, Hotch has Reid spending all his time with Gideon but he’s still a part of the team. 

But Hotch heals and returns to active duty. Gideon stays on campus. 

And then it all comes crashing in once again.

Morgan is the one to advocate for Elle. He doesn’t say a word to Hotch-- he doesn’t know why. He just goes straight up to Gideon and tells the man that they can’t pass up on a spunky woman like Elle Greenaway. 

He gets the impression Hotch doesn’t completely support this idea-- not Greenaway, just not the idea that Morgan went to Gideon instead of him.

Their friendship... struggles as Hotch takes on the full responsibilities of Unit Cheif. He’s not as fun and Morgan would prefer hanging out with the kid and Elle, so he does. 

Tobias Hankle forces them to confront that ruined friendship the moment Derek Morgan utters those simple words: “you’re a drill sergeant”.

But they remain one in the same.

“I have and always will entrust you with my life. Can you do the same for me?”

“I love my job, man.” “You love him more.”

“I don’t want you going to see Burford.”

The stand-off between the federal agents standing in the middle of the police station is clear. A battle that goes past wills and the inhibitions of troubled youths. The kind of trouble that runs deeper than still water. Trauma that grown men can’t shake. That these grown men haven’t shaken.

“Hotch, I can do this.”

Maybe, Hotch considers. Maybe Derek can to a certain degree. The way that Hotch handles it after case. The way they all handle it. “Fine,” he relents. He can’t burn the bridge between the two of them over something as stupid as egos and abusers. Not when their pasts intertwine the way they do. Braided. “Fine but I’m coming with you.”

Because if they’re going to do this, they’re going to do it together.

More or less.

There’s no denying how weak his own knees feel as Hotch watches Morgan take Buford’s hand. So, when Morgan looks him dead in the eyes and lies-- and deceives him with the excuse that he’s going to “use the head before we leave” Hotch lets him. It’s the same small infraction he’d need Morgan to allow him. The same infraction Morgan has allowed him.

“Derek? You did a great thing out there.”

The jet has been silent, for the most part. It’s only the right amount of small talk, mangled by Dave’s encouraging words. Mangled by the call.

Hotch recognizes the tone, the far off look in Derek’s eyes as he pulls his phone away from his ear. “What happened?” he can hardly push the question past his lips. Because he already knows the swell of tangled emotions. The way that anger melts into fear and doubt. The way relief wraps its cold fingers around your sternum and burns with the passion of loss. 

Because deep, deep down… Hotch still loved his father. 

“Carl Buford is dead.” 

Bile stings the back of Hotch’s throat but he remains silent and still when Morgan stands. He assumes the other man is feeling the same burning disgust. Anger with himself for being upset. Anger with Buford for making him love him in some twisted way. 

And Morgan can’t find the means to understand it. Hotch loved his abuser because he was his father. Carl was… Carl was nothing and everything and Morgan crawled his way from the muddied pits of hell without Carl and yet--

“Breathe--” he can’t even make it to the bathroom before he sinks to his knees. “It’s alright.” It’s taken Morgan years to get to a place where the presence of another man, hell an older man, doesn’t startle him. Still, sometimes someone steps too close and he flinches or gets frustrated and he can’t even explain why. 

But Hotch surrounds him. He uses his body to block the other’s from Morgan’s direct line of sight and all Morgan knows is the painful throb in his chest and the reassuring hand placed on his back. Morgan finds comfort in that hand. In Hotch who he knows without a shred of doubt not only understands but shares a fraction of his pain. 

“Just breathe, Derek.” 

Hotch looks up, his knees aching from squatting. “Blake, can you grab a water bottle? JJ, can you get me a rag?” He stays right here beside his old friend. So much as changed from those beginning years as two young and dumb agents. 

But they’re still the same broken men. 

“Hotch?”

Hotch shakes his head, “I’m right here, Derek. Always.”

[welcometomyworldofbs]

Reason Number Two! {{Major Spoilers}}

Kinda goes alongside reason 1>>> The second reason why I think Nick isn’t an evil prick is because he is, by nature, a bloodthirsty, homicidal, bay-shit crazy demon who thinks nothing deserves the sweet release of death. In short- he’s the Malachai. {{but he’s not JUST the Malachai, now is he?}}

I don’t know why this is so hard for some to grasp, but I’m serious on the whole he-acts-like,-a-million-times-better-than-any-of-his-fathers-before-him-thing. 100% serious about him being a big ‘ole Malachai. If you don’t believe me, google it. Also, if you were your own worst enemy ((literally speaking)) then you wouldn’t be happy either ((read the bottom if you haven’t read CON)).

Honestly- I think it’s easier to accept the fact that he’s a special bean rather than swim in Denial River.

Sorry to be the Bear of Bad News, but Nicky Gautier is a blue-eyed demon boy who the Simi loves and wishes she could eats. It’s a thing, people.

Key words being “demon boy.” I can’t stress this enough. And for those of you who haven’t read CON yet, allow me to educate you on the big bad nightmarish hatred-infused bloodsucking demon.

1.) they are the most hateful, angry demons. Period. They don’t give a fuuuuuuuuuuudge about who they hurt. The only time they’d care is if they personally wanted you dead {which is basically almost every being}. Ever.

2.) they have always been the most feared species of demonkyn. Ever since Monakribos curse his sons, to be exact. You know, beginning of Time and stuff.

3.) they are HELLA HELLA MACHO POWERFUL!!! I mean VERY POWERFUL. like, up there with gods and such.

Major powers include: ATTENTION!! THESE ARE COPIED FROM NICK’S (CON) WIKIPEDIA!! IT IS NOT MINE ORIGINALLY! I DID NOT WANT TO TAKE THE TIME TO TYPE THIS OUT, BUT IT IS FACT CHECKED AND WHAT NOT! PLEASE DON’T GIVE ME CREDIT OR WHATEVER FOR TYPING IT! hehe…anyhoo-

-Malachai Abilities:

Demon Glamour: Nick, due to being born from a race that were the consorts and soldiers to the dark gods, has extreme charisma and very good looks.

Demon Summoning: Nick was capable of summoning Caleb to an alternate universe and back again.

Divination: Nick has a talent for scrying. This means that he can see the past, present, and future on any reflective surface, though he seems to favor his black scrying mirror.

Empathy: The Malachai, being a creature born of hatred, has empathy so that it knows how to emotionally destroy his enemies. Nick uses this ability subconsciously to help his friends.

Enslavement: Nick is capable of enslaving a demon by saving his/her life. He accidentally did this to Zavid.

Eternal Enslavement: Nick is capable of tying an enslaved demon’s geish (or essence) to his powers, meaning that the demon will always be enslaved to whoever has his powers. Adarian did this to Caleb.

Eye of Ananke Absorption: By absorbing the power in the Eye of Ananke, Nick is now able to see all possible futures, instead of only seeing what is available in the Ether.

Fate god: Nick is capable of using the Eye of Ananke, something only fate gods are capable of doing.

Fear Factor: Malachai demons are the most feared of all demonkyn.

Elemental Control: Darkness Darkness Generation: Nick is capable of controlling the element of Night (through Noir). This allowed him to defeat Alternate Thorn with ease.

Electrokinesis: Nick is capable of creating lightning bolts.

Fire Blasts: Nick has the ability to produce extremely powerful balls of flame. These seem to function similarly to God-bolts and can disintegrate a Dramonk with a single hit.

Emotion Feeding: Nick grows stronger when in the presence of hatred and malice. When he went to prison his power increased.

God-killer: Nick is a god-killer in the sense that he is capable of killing gods without destroying the universe.

Healing: When Nick first tapped into his demonic heritage, his gunshot wound healed instantly. He also seems to be capable of healing others, such as when he healed Little Simi in the alternate universe.

Hidden Fate: Fate gods are incapable of using their innate abilities to see Nick’s true fate. When Acheron looked into Nick’s future, he saw Nick happily married with children instead of his Malachai heritage.

Immortality: Nick is immortal in the sense that he will never age. Though he could be killed by severe trauma, this is highly unlikely as it will upset the balance of the universe.

Immunity: The Malachai is immune to Chthonian powers as well as Acheron’s ability to make people desire him.

Languages: Nick has the ability to understand and speak any language. This extends to the Primal Language, which most high-level gods don’t know.

Lie Detection: Nick is implied by Ambrose to have this.

Magical Physiology: Nick’s blood, bones, and organs are magical by nature and can be used in several dark spells, such as when Xenon used some of his blood to send Devus’s master away.

Malachai Form: Nick is capable of unleashing his inner demon. In this form he has indestructible armor, claws capable of ripping enemies to shreds, fangs, vastly increased strength, speed and reaction time, and wings.

Mind Control: Nick is able to directly control the minds of others. This is seen in Instinct, where he confused the paramedics as well as the police officers.

Necromancy: Nick was capable of destroying the zombies the Mortents raised with a simple incantation and it has been said that once he receives enough training, he would be capable of restoring a soul from Azmodea, something that is said to be Jaden’s specialty.

Omniscience: Due to his connection to the ether, Nick can be considered omniscient with him being able to know anything at any given time.

Perspicacity: Nick can see through all disguises. The first time this ability manifested, he was capable of seeing Acheron in his “Harbinger” form, something even other gods are incapable of doing.

Pith Point Moving: Nick is capable of moving Pith points, something the Arelim (guardians of Time and Order) believe to be impossible. It is possible that he inherited this power from Jaden, seeing as Jaden does believe it to be possible.

Poisonous Blood: Nick’s blood is poisonous to Arelim.

Power Absorption: Nick can absorb the power of other beings by drinking their blood.

Presence Shielding: Nick can hide what he is to the extent that he appears human from others. This power works on Chthonians, demons, gods and psychics.

Realm Traveling: Nick can punch a hole between dimensions. He did this to travel from Agonia to his apartment.

Shapeshifting: The Malachai can theoretically assume any form that he wants. Adarian was able to pose as a 13-year-old schoolboy and later a middle-aged convict despite being thousands of years old.

Silkspeech: Nick can manipulate others using this power. It works by targeting aspects sensitive to others, such as when Zarelda used it on Nick by preying on his low self-esteem.

Spell Casting: Nick was capable of exchanging Devus’s soul with the girl Devus killed to make a deal with his master. He was also capable of summoning Menyara from a hell-dimension.

Super Strength: Malachai demons are incredibly strong, capable of overpowering gods, even the primary ones, with ease. Adarian used to tear lesser demons to shreds with his bare hands.

Supernatural Awareness: Nick can sense the presence of other supernaturals with ease, such as when he sensed Kaziel (something neither Caleb nor Xev was capable of doing).

Telekinesis: Nick can move things with his mind. His control of this ability, as of Invision, is weak at best.

Teleportation: Nick can instantly travel to any location.

Temporal Awareness: Nick can sense when someone is altering time. He can also see any changes made to the timeline, seeing as he remembers both the altered and the unaltered timelines.

Sephiroth Abilities:

Burning Light: Whilst trapped in Azmodea without his Malachai powers, he destroyed a portion of Noir’s forces by becoming engulfed in light. Since Malachais are creatures of darkness, it can be assumed that this stems from his Sephiroth heritage.

Healing: Malachais are incapable of healing, so it can be assumed that Nick’s ability to heal Little Simi stems from his Sephiroth heritage.

Other Abilities

Courage: Nick is capable of overcoming his fears and stand up to beings like Acheron, Noir and Thorn.

Indomitable Will: Nick is capable of maintaining silence under torture (as seen in Illusion when Alternate Acheron made him fight in gladiatorial-like matches against an Aamon).

Intelligence: Nick’s intelligence has been commented upon by numerous characters throughout the series. He got perfect scores on the admittance test to St. Richard’s, which is a very prestigious school.

——END FOR NOW——

If you didn’t take the time to read all that, I understand. BUT DO YOU GET IT NOW?

Notice the words SEPHIROTH POWERS above. That’s right. He’s not just a demon. He’s not just annoying and stubborn. HE’S ALL OF THE ABOVE.

Not so unreasonable for “no reason” anymore, huh? If you still think he’s an A-hole, I get it still. He really REALLY can be. But he can also, and should be according to history, be a billion times worse.

More to come later, but this post is hellaciously long enough.

[ledenews]

Brittany Mitchell - The Rocky Road to Parenthood

Fate seemingly conspired to bring Brittany Mitchell and her husband, Austin, together shortly after both were born. It also must have decided early the two were an excellent pairing. Born in Washington, Pa., the former Brittany Vogstberger moved with her family to Follansbee, W.Va., when she was 3. Down the road, Austin Mitchell grew up with his family in Wellsburg. They met as freshmen at Brooke High School, started dating two years later, and have been together ever since, finally tying the knot in September of 2016. They both enjoy kayaking and other outdoor activities, video games, and both get entirely into Halloween and all things spooky as evidenced by their annual volunteering at the Wells Township Haunted House.   Brittany has an accounting degree and currently works for CVS Coram in accounts receivable. Before that, she also had stints in childcare, along with child advocacy, serving as a para with Children’s Solutions. Austin entered the national guard right out of high school and served as a military police officer. He just finished his six-year contract and is on two years of inactive duty. He works at Eagle Manufacturing in Wellsburg. They own and have remodeled their home together in Follansbee. The two also displayed a natural knack around kids early. Austin and Brittany have played a major role in the lives of their nieces and nephews, the daughters and son of Austin’s siblings. They also are the godparents of Brittany’s friend Sasha’s daughter. Yet despite all that, Brittany believed she and Austin would never be parents in the biological sense. Fate, it seemed, had one cruel twist to play in their otherwise perfect pairing. Brittany had a spinal condition from birth that she learned about early in life, a condition that, while not affecting her day-to-day activities, would make carrying and birthing a child extremely difficult. But the two decided to try anyway. After months and months without success, they two started exploring other options, renovating their home to fit state requirements, attending trauma class, and beginning their PRIDE classes to enable them to be foster parents. But soon after, Brittany did become pregnant. Disappointment quickly turned to elation, and the two couldn’t hold in their excitement and had to spread the news to their families. And yet again, another cruel twist of fate threw a major curve ball the pair’s way. Brittany was pregnant with not one, but two baby boys. It wasn’t until late in the pregnancy that they discovered one of the boys had a dangerous heart condition that required surgery upon his birth. So, while the soon-to-be parents and their families were preparing their homes and their hearts for the arrival of the boys, deep down, they had to struggle with the prospects of potentially coming home with only one. So, at our year mark we decided to start the process of becoming foster parents, got through our Trauma class, started renovating our house to fit state requirements, and started our PRIDE classes when we found out we were pregnant.

It took you more than a year of trying to get pregnant.  You went into marriage under the impression that becoming pregnant was going to be extremely difficult for you.  Was it discouraging at first and then how excited were you once you discovered you were pregnant?

I always thought I would have a hard time getting pregnant because my cycle was not the most amazing at being consistent on birth control. I also was told I would have a hard time carrying and delivering a child because I was born with Spina Bifida Occulta (a 3-cm hole in my spine) that didn’t affect my mobility or life, but because it was right above my hips, I was told it could have affected giving birth and carrying a baby. But I came to find out during this process that the hole in my spine was gone. They think as I got older it healed over. But once I got off birth control, my cycle was very regular but very short (three days). The doctors thought that might be my problem. They offered me Clomiphene. I declined because no one was doing any tests. I was just being labeled as "unknown infertility." I know a few people got upset about it because 15 months is nothing compared to how long some people wait, but I was 23, and Austin was 22, and there was no reason we shouldn’t have been pregnant. So, after six months I started seeking help. No one around here would give us any. We got very discouraged and heartbroken a lot. While we were trying, we also had three of our closest friends all get pregnant without trying. And of course, you are super happy for them, but we had to overcome a lot with ourselves in those times. I had a lot of hatred inside of me, and Austin was very sad. We both sought out therapy to help us cope. But in the end, we were both having a really hard time dealing with not being able to get pregnant as easily as everyone else. We never took it out on each other, but since neither of us were ever diagnosed as being the problem, we both blamed ourselves but never the other.

Austin Mitchell stand with his wife Brittany, who was 36 weeks pregnant with twins in this photo.

When did you first find out you were pregnant? Did you wait until you were so far along before telling anyone? Were you able to keep it from Austin that long?

I found out when I was three weeks pregnant. We were trying so, I had plenty of cheap tests in the house, and the day my period was supposed to start I took the test, left it on the counter, and went about getting ready for work. When I went back in to brush my teeth, I saw the two lines. I called my best friend, Sasha Phillips, and told her. We freaked out a little together, and then she told me to just take a little more of an expensive test to just make sure. So, I called Austin, who was on midnights and told him to stop on the way home and get a First Response test. When he got home, I grabbed it from him and ran to the bathroom. He didn’t even ask me what was going on, so I opened back up the door and told him, "I already have one positive test; this is just to make sure." and shut the door on him. The lines were instant and dark. I was pregnant. I told Austin and cried. It was June 25, 2019, three days before my birthday and exactly two years prior to when we had found out Sasha was pregnant. We waited till the weekend to tell our parents and siblings. So, when we went out to celebrate my birthday is when we told them. I was four weeks along. Then we told the grandparents, aunts, and uncles within the next three weeks in person. At nine weeks we had our first ultrasound, and that is when we announced it on Facebook.

What was it like going from possibly not being able to have any (or taking so long to conceive) to finding out it was twins? Double the preparation? How ready were you?

I knew going into my first ultrasound at nine weeks it was twins; I just had a feeling. I was starting to show, and my pregnancy line had started to form at just seven weeks. I had implantation cramping on both sides as well. So, when the ultrasound tech showed us the screen, I asked straight out, "So there is only one?" And she said, "Yep, just one." I actually felt a little disappointed. But then she started rubbing her hand over her face and looking concerned. I began to panic thinking something was wrong. She then said, "Did you ask me that because twins run in the family?" And I said "Yeah, on both sides. Why? Oh God, you found another baby, didn’t you?" She then turned the screen to us and said, "There are definitely two heartbeats." And right there were two little babies. I cried and began to shake, fearing I would have to get rid of my little Chevy Cruze. Austin stood there proud as can be. But I would say we were very prepared. I had read two books on multiples and joined multiple Facebook groups. We had started buying diapers and wipes when we started trying, so we had a nice stockpile already going. Then we had two baby showers and got a lot of the stuff we needed. We honestly only had to buy their dresser and car seats when everything was said and done. Mentally, we were both prepared. It's been a long road, but honestly, I think only having one would be boring at this point.

Emmett, right, and Emmerson Mitchell "pose" for the camera.

On the delivery day, obviously there were excitement and nerves. Once they were born, was it hard being happy that you were able to hold your son while his brother was away getting treated and facing a tough road ahead? What was the issue?

When we first found out I was pregnant, I was going to a small hospital by where I lived. They informed me that if I stayed with them, I would have to have a c-section as they didn’t deliver twins. I told them that wasn’t what I wanted and would like to deliver at another hospital. They told me that was fine and that at 30 weeks, they would have me transferred to a Pittsburgh hospital to deliver up there. And at the office down here all I ever got told was how beautiful my pregnancy was going and how happy they are with everything and that my boys looked great. They told me my twins were fraternal di/di (meaning they had their own sacs and own placentas) which is the safest twins because all twins are high risk, but di/di are the lower end of high risk because of not being able to have twin-to-twin transfusion (one twin stealing nutrients from the other). At 30 weeks I switched to a hospital in Pittsburgh. At 31 weeks I had my first ultrasound there, and my beautiful pregnancy turned very tragic. First, they asked me if I knew baby A had only one kidney; then they asked me if we knew his cord was two vascular, not three. We knew none of this. As far as we had known, our little boy was perfect. So, they started going over everything with both babies, making sure each one had 10 toes and 10 fingers, 2 arms, 2 legs, and that they were actually boys, EVERYTHING. I was in that office for two hours having everything looked at. They had the doctor come in and start explaining everything with the one kidney and cord, and then the tech said a sentence that shattered our worlds: "Doctor, look. It's his heart." Everything froze. I had tried to remain so still the whole time, and I felt my whole body begin to shake as I bawled my eyes out. The doctor asked the tech what she thought it was, and she said, "I think its Tret or truncas." The doctor said he agreed. It was explained to us that his heart had made itself with either no pulmonary artery or with one that was so small they couldn’t see it. And that he also had a VSD, which is a hole between the chambers of his heart. They had told us he would need emergency surgery the day he was born and that he would be taken straight from me to Children's Hospital to have surgery. From that appointment forward I had ultrasounds weekly, met with surgeons, NICU, and Children’s Hospital, all in the matter of five weeks before giving birth. It was the most stressful, depressing ordeal we had been through. On the day of delivery, I was able to have my natural birth with both of them, and Baby A (Emmett) came out screaming and strong. He was pale, which we expected, but he was so strong and loud. They let me hold him for 30 seconds before they whisked him off to get him ready for transport. I then got Baby B (Emerson) out within an hour. He decided to come out and not cry. So, I also got to hold him for 30 seconds, and that was all. NICU whisked him off to the other side of the room to find out why he wasn’t crying. He just didn’t feel like it. He was perfectly fine and beautiful; he just didn’t want to cry. Emerson stayed with me in the hospital for two days while Emmett was at Children's preparing for surgery. I would love to tell you that it was hard having to have one baby go and the other stay, but if I'm being honest, I didn’t know any different. I cried seeing videos of Emmett and pictures. But I knew he was safe and being taken care of, and I needed to get better so I could be with him. Emmett didn’t have surgery till he was 2 weeks old. His condition was diagnosed as Tetralogy of Fallot with Pulmonary Artesia. He had a full repair done at Children's, which not many surgeons do. Normally the surgery is four separate surgeries to fix each defect, but his surgeon was just amazing and did it all in one go. Emmett recovered within a week and a half, and we were able to go home. 

Did you feel a sense of relief when your family was finally home, intact, for that first night at the house? How has it been since? Was there a lack of sleep for both of you? Is it easier to share the load as far as each parent feeds, changes a twin, etc.? If so, do you rotate, and how easy is it to tell them apart?

We felt at peace when we finally all got to be home. After living in a hospital for 25 days, it was nice just to get some normalcy back and feel like you could breathe again. The first night was fine. Austin has been on Paternal leave since Feb. 27, so he was staying up all night with them, and then I was taking the day shift, so we were each sleeping for at least six hours a day. But now they are sleeping from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m., so we are going to bed when they do and being up together throughout the day because now they eat every two hours, and if only one person is handling that, you will do nothing all day but feed, change, repeat. And when I say nothing, that includes eating, drinking, or using the restroom. It's a lot better when we can each take one or switch off feeding so the other can get some housework done or cook or shower. It is definitely beneficial to work as a team. It's easy to get stressed out when one person has to do it all. They look nothing alike to us. Emerson has a square head and tiny eyes. Emmett has a round head and big eyes. Emmett also looks bigger than Emerson even though they are both the same weight. Emmett also has brown eyes already, and Emerson's are still blue/hazel. Emerson looks like my twin, and Emmett looks like Austin's. Read the full article

[autistic-bee-blog]

Things I didn't know are related to me being Autistic until I got older:

-Sensory processing issues that affect personal hygiene, clothing, and appearance:

.My sister hates having her hair brushed, because it hurts her scalp

 .I used to go without brushing my teeth because I couldn't stand the sensation

.I couldn't wear jeans as a kid without screaming and being sent into a meltdown

.I have to keep my hair short because I can't stand the feeling on the back of my neck

.My sister has to wash her hair and body over and over to calm down/regulate her sensory issues

-Unusual posture or gait:

.Can look like limping, and did raise comments from my parents ('why are you walking on the outsides of your shoes?' 'I didn't realize I was?')

.Sometimes I have balance issues when I am barefoot, or I feel like I'm walking unevenly because the soles of my feet feel too light

.In terms of posture, I am very rigid and stiff, and I sit and stand very straight (part of this is due to my chronic back pain), and I often look into the distance or up at the ceiling. I might be described as aloof, distracted, pensive, or worried, but it isn't necessarily true. It's just how I sit!

.(My sister is the complete opposite: she hunches over whatever she's doing or looks at her hands.)

-Problems with figurative language (not JUST sarcasm, ughhhh):

.I always had trouble with idioms. Think "The grass is always greener on the other side" (I'm like, "Well, I don't know about greener but technically atmospheric perspective says that the farther in the distance an object is, the bluer it becomes"). Or "You want to have your cake and eat it too" ("Yes, because what would I do with an entire cake if I'm not going to eat it?" This is a ridiculous expression, and I'm never going to change my mind about it.)

.I do have problems with sarcasm sometimes, but that's gotten better as I've aged, and a lot of it has to do with how well I know the person speaking, or if I can read their facial expressions/body language.

-Spatial awareness disabilities, dyslexia, and dyscalculia all have a high comorbid rate with ASD:

.I got nailed with the spatial awareness/visual processing disability and dyscalculia.

.To understand the spatial awareness disability and its extent into my daily life, imagine you are a 4 year old in a bowling alley and you are bowling for the first time. You get a 13-pound ball, and there are no bumpers, and no slide to maneuver the ball with and help aim. Now you have to try and get a strike. For me, the whole world is a bowling alley and tHERE ARE NO BUMPERS

.(I also don't drive largely because of this and limited time in my life at the moment, though I do plan on learning in case it does become necessary.)

.Dyscalculia is sort of like dyslexia, but with numbers and mathematical expressions (it is a thing. It exists, and I didn't know until I was taking pre-calc as a junior in high school and my mom told me about it.)

.For me, it is aggravated by glowing screens and I have a much harder time reading if it is online (which sucks, because now they're putting all the testing and homework online and so me and every other person dealing with this is just internally screaming.) I switch numbers around, delete numbers, and have problems reading graphs (trigonometry was a friggin treat, let me tell you)

.My sister has no spatial awareness issues (as she has demonstrated with her coordination, proclivity for geometric puzzles, Minecraft and other video games that require a certain extent of awareness of what is around you and what will happen if you move this here, etc) She does seem to have some issues with reading and switching letters around and skipping lines, but I don't know if she was ever diagnosed with dyslexia or dyscalculia.

-Poor handwriting, coordination, interpretation of directions:

.My handwriting is....improved from the fifth grade lol.

.It's crooked and sometimes I write outside the margins without meaning to, and some of my letters look like other letters.

.When I was a kid, I had such problems even HOLDING a pencil that they let me type all of my assignments.

.In my American Literature class, the girl next to me was watching me write and she said that I don't slant my pencil, I hold it straight up-down, which seemed to interest her and the teacher. I shrugged it off, but that's part of my handwriting/coordination stuff.

.I am clumsy: I've had trouble opening my pill bottles, drinking beverages without spilling them on myself, and reaching to grab stuff at a distance. It's not very noticeable, and it doesn't really interfere with anything in my daily life.

.I do have trouble with bigger things, like dancing or running, and I had a waiver for my physical education classes as a child for those reasons.

.Interpretation of directions kind of relates to the spatial awareness issues, and it is awful.

.I had a friend try to drive me home once and she ended up being an hour late for dinner with her family. I was so horrified and I avoid accepting rides from anyone that doesn't already know about my issues.

.When I was a kid, I had trouble tying my shoelaces and putting on shoes because I couldn't tell the difference between left and right. That went on until I was 7 or 8, I think.

Anxiety, feeling tired all of the time, and shutdowns:

.I also have an anxiety disorder along with being Autistic, and they "feed" off of each other. So I might already be having trouble speaking or I might be experiencing sensory issues, but then my anxiety will piggyback on those issues and I'll obsess over them until I'm even more stressed out.

.I've had anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and meltdowns, and it can be difficult to tell the difference between them many times. Sometimes a meltdown will evolve into an anxiety attack, or vice versa.

.Due to sensory processing issues, anxiety, other mental health stuff, and the effort it takes to even go about my daily life, and occasionally pass as neurotypical, I do feel tired all the time. I don't really sleep more than average though, and I also deal with insomnia, so my average time sleeping can be from 4-8 hours.

.During a shutdown, I can dissociate, go partially nonverbal, or nonverbal. I will stare into the distance, or at my hands, and feel completely numb. It is a horrible feeling. I don't know how else to describe it.

.I also have problems with trauma-related responses, so those can also add to shutdowns, or mimic shutdowns.

.(People have also pointed out that PTSD can have symptoms that can look like ASD, and vice versa. Think: exaggerated startle response, shutdowns and dissociation, stiff or upright posture, etc. Also there are Autistic people who unfortunately also have PTSD, especially from abuse or bullying which can be related to the bigotry against their Autism and cruel treatment of them by peers, therapists, teachers, parents, and caregivers.)

Auditory processing issues:

.This is so extensive, I can't even put it all down.

.When listening to other people, music, or television, sometimes words begin to sound like SOUNDS and not words. Other times, I can't keep up with processing individual sentences or words and my brain will just blank. Other times, I might think a person said one thing, when they really said a word that sounded similar.

.I ask people to repeat themselves, several times, especially if I don't know them well (I am less likely to be looking at their face/mouth if that is the case too).

.I also watch videos and movies with subtitles.

.My hearing itself is fine, it is only related to my brain processing the words and sounds. The same way my eyes themselves are fine, but I have trouble interpreting directions, sizes, and distances due to the spatial awareness disability.

Synesthesia, perfect pitch, and positive sensory experiences:

.My mom's side of the family is very musical, and so is my younger sister (also on the spectrum). She has perfect pitch, and so does my mother (likely undiagnosed due to limited knowledge of Autism when she was growing up, and due to sexism in the medical and mental health fields)

.We all experience sensory issues, which can be negative, but we also all experience good sensory inputs that other people do not always detect.

.For example, we all experience synesthesia, in different ways. In music, I associate certain notes and pitches with colours, or words. I might hear a song and associate it with the colour turquoise, or I might here a chord and associate it with being "bitter" or poison green.

.My sister and I like to describe the pictures we see listening to music, and it's always funny when one of us says something and then the other goes "Exactly! That's what I was seeing/hearing too!"

.My mom associates certain notes and songs with colours, but she also does so with days of the week, and with people.

.I'm not as musically adept as my mother and sister, but I am into visual arts such as painting, sketching, and sculpting.

.I like to do things in black and white, and then try to "balance" multiple pictures to form a larger piece. I can step back and see blankness, and see what needs to go where to make it feel "complete."

.I also use a lot of colours in some pieces, and I'm very good at discerning multiple shades in one section, even when they are very similar pigments

.My proportions are interesting in that I draw things more elongated than they are, and I might size different things bigger or smaller than they are in real life when I am copying something. I've had art teachers comment on it, and they, interestingly, were always the ones most interested in hearing about my spatial awareness and Autism.

Those are just some of the things I thought I should share. I'm curious to see if any other Autistic people have similar experiences to share (feel free to do so!) As always, this is from my perspective, so every single thing might not ring true for every single person on the spectrum. I hope this is of some use, or at least relatable to other Autistic people, or maybe even insightful for anyone wondering if they might be Autistic.

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