#Pengfei Rainpaw

[everything-you-mist]

Reflections of a Druid

When Aly was finally able to stand again, she wanted nothing more than to never sit or lay down again. While Pengfei was a nice enough roommate, he fulfilled the Pandaren stereotype and was just plain boring to Aly. He hadn't given up on his nickname either, insisting on calling her Lee regardless of how much she corrected him. To Pengfei, she would never be Allaea or even Aly. At least Anara had joined the group, though she had adopted the nickname as well. Still, her constant guitar strumming was much better than his infernal humming.

The morning she fought her way out of bed, Pengfei had been rather pleased with her. “You’re up sooner than I’d guessed,” he explained. “Now the real work begins.” He didn't explain further, instead dragging two large soup pots he kept in the corner of his home out onto the beach, and there waited for the two of them to follow. Weakened by her confinement and inactivity, Aly’s steps were small and careful as each one threatened to send her to the floor in a heap, following Anara out the door and down the front steps. Squinting against the bright sun, the two watched Pengfei drag each pot to opposite sides of the small beach.

“Alright then. Anara, you will be on the east side of the beach. Lee, you will be on the west. Sit by the pot, and I’ll be along to get you started.” As the group split, Pengfei followed Anara, standing beside her pot. Aly waited on her side of the beach, watching them converse in Pandaren.

The conversation was short, with only mild perceivable confusion from Anara as the two talked in that chewing noise nonsense of a language. Once Pengfei was finished, he left Anara on her own, holding a spoon. He walked over to Aly, switching to Common.

“Now then… When I brought you to the priests, I heard much about who you were, Lee. A wisp of a girl, trying so hard to hide in her own skin. There was a sickness in your heart that ate away at you, day by day. A sickness that yet remains.” Pengfei looked at her squarely, dark eyes trapping her silver ones. “I see it in your eyes when you speak your name, when you speak of Kaleala and Allaea. You must heal, if you are to find happiness. So, Lee, let us begin.”

Aly could think of nothing to say, no biting retort or sarcastic comment. She felt so small under his gaze, unable to tear away her own. The thought crossed her mind that she should be afraid, or ashamed, but Pengfei held no animosity or disappointment in his voice, only concerned sorrow, as though this stranger could actually care for her wellbeing. She just stood there, waiting for whatever was going to happen.

Pengfei moved first, looking down at the pot and carefully filling it with ocean water. “Your heart is full of sadness, failed expectations, broken hopes… We will start by removing those things. A cup is most useful when it is empty, after all.” Turning to her, he offered a ladle. “Return the water to the ocean, and empty yourself with it.”

Keeping her eyes on the spoon, Aly’s bite returned to her. “That’ll take all day. Why not just tip the whole thing over?”

“I intend for it to take all day. You cannot clear your mind in an instant.” Pengfei got up from his spot, heading for his boat. He spoke loudly, ensuring both students could hear him. “I will return at sunset with dinner, if the fish bite. Use your time and think.”

A thousand replies, sarcastic comments and threats sprang to Aly’s mind. Emptying a pot wasn't going to help, the task was stupid and the Pandaren was stupid for thinking she wouldn't fly right off the moment he was gone. But not one was spoken aloud as Aly tried to decide which to spit at him first. Before she had her thoughts together.. He was already well at sea.

“Well, screw this.” Aly hissed under her breath. She dropped the spoon in the sand, willing feathers to cover her rapidly shrinking body. She was airborne in moments, flapping powerful wings to remain airborne feet above the ground. But before she could get any higher, she paused to look back. Anara couldn’t fly away, she was stuck here. And even more, she didn’t seem at all eager to leave.  She let herself land, clawed feet digging into the sand as she thought. What if there actually was something to this?  Pengfei’s quiet confidence, the way he addressed the two of them.. It had clearly impacted Anara in some way. And, she figured, there really was no harm in sticking around. If the Pandaren intended to hurt them, he could have done so long ago.

With how busy everyone in the Watchers was when she left, she doubted she’d been missed anyway.

Aly released her form, letting herself stay curled up in the sand with her eyes squeezed shut as loneliness hit her hard. She missed them so much, Roo and Ricky and Haldreth.. Did they even know she was gone? If she really had died up in the mountains, would they ever have known? Would anyone have even looked for her?

As she fought tears, Aly opened her eyes and caught a glimpse of the discarded spoon, just barely in view over the piled sand.

“A cup is most useful when it’s empty, huh?” She mused to herself. “Okay.”

Taking the spoon, she sat beside the cooking pot. She felt stupid, sniffling and wiping away her tears with her sleeve. What was she even supposed to do to ‘empty’ herself? Getting the water out of the pot was easy enough at least, as simple as reaching in and filling the ladle.

“So now what?” Aly asked no one in particular. It was just a spoonful of water to her, and with a heavy sigh, she poured the water back into the ocean. Reaching for another scoop, Aly thought quietly. What was she supposed to let go, anyway? Fears? Hates? With each pour of water, she began to talk to herself, trying to make some sort of noise above the waves but quiet enough Anara wouldn’t hear.

“I’m afraid of being powerless. I’m tired of having decisions made for me, but anything I do myself makes it worse.” She sniffles, reaching for another ladle. “I hate myself. I hate how useless I am, and how little I can do. I hate--...” She paused, hiccuping. “No, I loved my parents. I hate what they did to me. I hate what they did to themselves, and how they went against everything they taught me.”

She poured another ladle. “I love the Watchers. I love Haldreth like a dad, but I hate feeling like a tool… I screwed up. He tried to be different and I was so scared and…” She let herself trail off, choking on a sob. “The Watchers are family to me.. But I can't be that for them. I can only be a weapon.”

She went on and on, as the sun sank in the sky, telling her life to the gentle hush of the rolling waves. When Pengfei finally returned with his catch, Aly felt hollow and empty from crying, the cooking pot still halfway full from her easy pace. The Pandaren said nothing, building a fire for their food, cooked over an open flame for lack of his cooking pot. As the flames crackled against the dark sky, Pengfei gathered his students and finally sat beside them, looking pleased.

“So, Anara, I see your pot has gone through some changes. Were you able to help my friend make a plan?”

“I believe so.” Anara seemed, to Aly, relieved. The smile was small, but it was genuine. Aly was actually a little jealous of that.

“Tell me, however much or little you like.”

Anara lifted her gaze away from the fire, facing Pengfei straight on. “You...were right. I hide. Constantly. It’s easier to do that. But it isn’t, and I see that now. I am-was...am? afraid of seeming weak or needy, so the first step to stopping this is to understand that outside help is neither of those things. From there, I plan to stop running and start fighting. It...probably makes more sense in my head than this it probably does now, but…” Anara shrugged, trailing off. Aly felt a flicker of rage kindling in her tired heart. She made it sound so easy! Why was she smiling after all this?

“Good, good. Admitting such shortcomings is a feat few people are willing to even try. But it sets you on a running start to a much better place.” Pengfei was ignorant of Aly’s flash of anger,  his calm voice putting more than a little damper on the entire train of thought. Anara’s confused glance only compounded that. She was too tired to argue anyway..

Satisfied, he turned to Aly. “ And what about you, Lee? Finding the words to tell our tale can be one of the most troubling tasks we set ourselves to. But now, everything you are floats on the waves around us. So tell me, what survived? Who are you?”

Aly was silent. Not the petulant, angry silence of before, but a thoughtful silence, a clear minded silence as she worked through her answer.

“My name is Kaleala Farrunner, and Allaea Stagthorn. I’m a Druid, forged in the fires of war. I’m the apprentice of Haldreth Firebeard and will someday lead others who seek strength like I do. Someday, I want to be happy.”

Pengfei nodded, finally passing out the food. “Good. Good. With goals in mind, we can truly begin.”

“You said that this morning.” Tired and hurting, Aly still decided now was a good time for being a smart alek. If not now, then when?

“She has a point.” Anara added, nodding in agreement behind her food.

The Pandaren showed no sign of being bothered, filling the air with that infernal chuckling. “You will find that our time together is filled with beginnings. You will try and fail many times, starting over again and again. But, my students, the difference between the master and the novice, is that the master has failed more than the novice has tried. So embrace these beginnings, as they will mark your progress.”

Aly felt like she wanted to be angry. She didn’t want to fail anymore, she’d already done plenty of that, and it certainly hadn’t helped anything. She just wanted things to work for once. But, past a short flash of her usual petulance, the emotion just couldn’t hold. She was too tired, too empty. She just nibbled on her fish, looking between the two of them.

Somehow, she got the feeling it was going to be a long while before either of them went home.

((Omg, a parallel post?! What the heck is this? Anara and Aly are rooming together :D So you get the scene from both sides on this blog and @oldwornjournal ! Woooooo!))