#Paperwork is done. Time for me to have some fun. Dash Commentary

[draigysgafn]

"Or I can take more clothes off."

Sting being told to put a shirt on? Nah. He's fine half naked, thanks.

[reallyautomaticvoid]

Calling It: Unbirthday

The Titans throw an Unbirthday party for Tim.

“This is, without a doubt, the stupidest idea either of you has ever had.”  Cassie watches as Bart zips around the Tower, putting up streamers.

“It’s not the stupidest idea we’ve ever had,” Conner defends while he’s floating near the ceiling, trying to hang a banner on the wall.

“Yeah, that’s defiantly the time we put chocolate pudding in a bucket over Tim’s door,” Bart adds.  He puts the last streamer in place before turning around to watch Conner attempting to hang the banner.  “Hurry up, we gotta get the tower ready before Tim gets here and he’ll be here in like twenty.”

Conner glares at Bart for half a second before reaching over and pulling down on the first streamer that Bart had taped up.  Bart squeaks, racing to catch the paper before it reached the ground.  Bart finds it before it touches down and has it back in place before Conner can blink.

“Perfect.”  Bart claps his hand together.

“For what?  Turning the Tower into a piñata?”

And, in all fairness, Cassie might have a point on that one.  

Maybe.  

But not really.

Because, currently, there's more crepe paper in the living room of Titans Tower than Times Square has on New Year's Eve.  In three point three seconds flat, Bart had managed to hang streamers to every high stop in the room (even with Cassie’s commentary).

“Just don’t hit it,” Conner says, floating down to ground level to check his handy work (the banner is spot on, fuck yeah), “I don’t think Tim’s security system is full of candy.”

“Tim’s going to hate this.”

“He’s not.”

“Oh really?”  Cassie arches an eyebrow.  “Are we talking about the same eighteen going on eighty-year-old?”

“Yep, that’s the one.  There’s going to be cake.  Everyone loves cake.”

“No, everyone does not love cake.”  Raven enters carrying a vat of punch with Miguel who has a covered dish and Gar with several bags of chips, popcorn, and cups.

“Well,” Bart pauses, “Tim does, I’m sure.”  

Raven hitches an eyebrow to matches Cassie.

“Shh, shhh.  It’ll be fine.”

The room drops a degree.

“Do not shush me, Bart.  Or would you like to visit the 5th dimension?   Again?”  Raven asks, sweet as sugar.  

It made Conner’s blood run cold.

Bart froze, eyes wide as saucers.  “Please, no.  Mxyzptlk is not someone I’d like to visit again.”

Conner swears he catches a glimpse of a smile flash on Raven’s face as she, Gar, and Miguel set the different munches down on the table.  

The scent of peppers mixed with onions, garlic, and tomatoes all made Conner’s mouth water.  There was already an apple pie (thanks Ma), some delicious concoction that Bart’s made (it’s six different colors, and Conner had no idea what any of it is made of), and Cassie had brought coffee cake.  

“I still think this is a terrible idea,” Cassie repeats for probably the hundredth time that day.

“You’re right; we need more glitter!”

Cassie’s eyes go wide.  “That’s not—”

“Oooo, even better, a glitter bomb!  Be right back!”  Bart dashes off before anyone can say no.

“Gee, can’t see how this will end poorly.”

“Oh, shut up, G.”  Cassie massages her temples.

“Hey man, don’t blame me,” Gar says, picking up some popcorn.  “You’re the one who gave him the idea.”

“Not for a glitter bomb!”

Smirking, Gar adds, “maybe Bart will throw in some sparklers that’ll spell out ‘Happy Birthday Tim’.  I mean, if he’s gonna kill us, we might as well go out with a bang.”  

“Don’t give Bart any ideas.  He'll do them.” Conner groans.  “Hey, Miguel, are those homemade tamales?”

“Sí!  Mama and I made them last week.”

Conner quickly takes a tamale from the top of the pile.  “You and your mother are my favorite.  Thankyouthankyouthankyou!”  

“De nada,” Miguel laughs as Conner unwrap the tamale before shoving the whole thing into his mouth.  “I still say we should have gotten Tim that puppy we saw last week.”

Conner violently shakes his head, still chewing the mouth-watering deliciousness known as a tamale.

“No,” Cassie said, also shaking her head. “Trust me, you weren’t around when Damian first got Titus.”

Swallowing, Conner adds, “yeah.  Tim claimed that Titus was, and I quote, ‘a bloodthirsty beast who is intent on biting my toes off’.”

“In fairness, it is Damian’s dog.” Gar tries (and fails) to catch the popcorn he’s throwing up into the air into his mouth.

“No, I’ve met Titus,” Conner shakes his head.  “He’s more likely to lick you to death than to nip you.  No, Tim’s a cat person.  Even Tim has admitted that.”

“I think it would be unwise to give Tim any sort of responsibility without talking to him first,” Raven says in her we are now done with this tone of voice.

Suddenly, Bart comes running into the room.  “He’sherehe’sherehe’shere!”

“What, no glitter bomb?”  Raven swats at Gar who changes into a bird to avoid it.

“Notime.  He’s here.  Everyone hid!” 

Cassie’s eyes got wide.  “Uh, this is a surprise party?  Do you really think that’s a good idea—BART,” she shrieks as Bart grabs her before hiding her behind the couch.

“Sorry.  No time.  Must hide.”  

Bart takes Miguel in one hand and Gar in the other, who both laugh (because, what else can you do when a speedster grabs you?), hiding them behind the snack table.  Conner hides behind the couch with Cassie.

Bart stops in front of Raven.  

Raven raises an eyebrow.

“You’re good here.”  

Conner has to slap a hand to his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud at Bart's face.  Priceless.

Bart hits the lights before disappearing.  There was a minute where everyone held their breath.

Finally, Conner hears the almost silent steps that signaled Tim’s approach.

The door to the living room hisses open. 

“What the he—?”

“SURPRISE!  Happy Birthday!”  

Everyone sprung out of their hiding places (except for Raven who was sitting on the couch) and boy, was Conner glad that he did.  It’s always a rare joy when they catch a Bat unaware.  An array of emotions flashes across Tim’s face ranging from shits about to hit the fan alllllll the way to what the fuck has my life become?

Tim blinks in the doorway, clutching his paperwork as if it were a lifeline.  

“It’s not my birthday.”

Bart waves Tim off.  “Details.”

Before Tim can say anything else, Bart is dragging Tim into the living and somehow managing to steal Tim’s paperwork.  Bart hands Tim a cup of coffee before running away to (hide) put away his work.

Conner floats over to were Tim is standing in a daze.

“Hey man, happy birthday.”  Conner clinks his cup with the cup still in Tim’s grasp.

This seems to knock Tim out of his daze.  

“It’s not my birthday.  My Birthday was si—my birthday’s in six months.”

“Yep,” Conner agrees, sipping his punch.

“So then why—all this?” Tim waves his free hand wildly around the room.

“Because we weren’t here six months ago to celebrate.  Because Bart and I feel bad that we weren’t here to celebrate.  Instead of doing something stupid and fun for your birthday, you were in the middle of the desert with a madman who was trying to get you to join his cause all while dealing with your newly missing spleen.”

Tim flinches.

Remorse instantly floods Conner’s system.

“Hey, man, sorry, that was harsh.”  Tim nods.  “But, really man, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault that super douche got you,” Tim mumbles so quietly that if Conner didn’t have super hearing, he wouldn’t have heard it.

“It’s not yours either.”

“Yeah it—” Tim starts.

“No.”

“Logically—”

“Nope.”

“I’m the team—”

“Nay.”

“But—”

“Nerp.”  Conner sips his punch.

Tim pinches the bridge of his nose.  “Are you going to let me finish a sentence?”  

“You just did.”  

“That was a question, not a sentence.”

“And there’s your sentence.” Conner grins at the exasperated look on Tim’s face. 

Tim took a deep breath, letting“I hate you.”

Conner claps a hand on Tim’s back.  “Love you too, bro.  Now, shut up and enjoy your birthday party.”

So, it was my birthday a few days ago, and I thought of this.

I hope you liked it!

And here’s a link to the AO3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18379064