#PSA from your local. whatever I am.

[closecore]

[scariercnidaria]

CRIME & PUNISHMENT: THE CULPABILITY OF THE FAMILY, PSYCHIATRY AND THE STATE

before we begin i would like to give a brief trigger warning for discussions of mental health, violence and crime including abuse and sexual assault, and misogyny. I have tried not to linger gratuitously on any one subject but they are mentioned, unavoidably so.

If you are forced (as I am) or otherwise choose to listen to local radio for long enough now, you will eventually hear an advert by my local police. The contents of the advert, it's more like a PSA, but they are something like the following... ohh when you see violent crime, it affects all of us. It affects all of us, it's very bad when violent crime goes on. Please report violent crime to the police, the police who will definitely do something about it. These are *our* streets, and you can help take them back. Report it to the police, who never commit violent crime themselves.

These are our streets. It was that bit that stuck out to me the most. These aren't their streets. The advert positions the listener in opposition to these outsider-criminals. Is inline with the typical conservative view of crime and also criminals being something that spontaneously and inevitably appears in a society, almost as if through abiogenesis, and the only thing to be done is to take a tough stance on law and order. Be tough on crime, whatever that means.

Of course the PSA was explicitly and specifically calling out for action against violent crime. I think most Marxists come to the table already having come to an understanding of the social nature of certain nonviolent crimes. Ask a communist or more broadly an anarchist what their views on shoplifting are and they should say its cool and based-- its not praxis and it's not moral but it doesn't have to be, it's simply a fact of life that not everyone will have the money to pay for things under capital.

Sometimes the liberal-progressive will agree with you up to a point where they hit you with the "no bc actually the companies take it out of their employees wages so youre not actually hurting the man" at which point you hit them back with the "that's illegal for them to do that" to which "yeah they do it anyway" and now the liberal has demonstrated an understanding of the contradictions of bourgeois law, so congratulations, but the crux of the matter is that shoplifting isn't praxis so it doesn't matter.

The tory kind of crime culture is something that must be combatted and sometimes goes overlooked by communists. But it is eminently important to certain layers of the population and must be addressed. Mostly petit bourgeois and their neighbourhood watch it must be said - but for those who are drinking deep from the law and order Kool Aid on lawbreakers/troublemakers/whathaveyou, they really care about it and we need to be able to explain our position in a way that isn't just whatabouting the white collar criminals in the banks and government.

Because while it may be true that wage theft is more impactful to the average person than robbery it still doesn't assuage the fears of those to whom we might propose, for some point far along in the future, to "abolish the prison industrial complex" or "stateless society" and hear "anarchy! anarchy!". The cult of law and order must be dismantled, brick by brick.

So: on violent crime. I want to return to a phrase I mentioned earlier; the "outsider criminal". This is a common distortion of reality, and pure idealism with no material base. Take any category of violent crime and largely you will find that it is far more likely for abuses to have been committed by people known to the victim than by a stranger. Most kidnappings are by one of the parents over custody disputes. Most severe cases of child abuse, torture and exploitation occur in isolated family units. Most rapes are committed by a friend, acquaintance or partner.

Flying in the face of reality, the fearmongering over the unknown emerged in 1979 beginning with the kidnapping of Etan Patz and followed by a spate of high-profile child kidnapping cases. CBS Evening News in 1982 informed the American public that "up to 50000 children were being kidnapped by strangers each year", a number that journalists, social psychologists and government officials had assured the public was highly inflated by the mid 1980s. But a hysterical wave had already overtaken the American people.

There was the perception that society was becoming increasingly unsafe, and something had to be done about it. But in reality by the end of the 1970s the crime rate was already falling. At the same time, deindustrialisation battered New York and some two million white Americans fled the city for the suburbs.

And with the social-cultural backdrop manufactured by the bourgeois news media it was nevertheless responded to with bulked-up policing at the same time as austerity. The Reagan administration gained consent to build a number of new prisons in California the number of prisons doubled in the decade of the 1980s, where previously it had taken 70 years to construct even half of that number).

These prisons did nothing for crime; the most obvious trend observable was that as the number of prisons increases, there are a greater number of prisons. They were an abject failure in their stated mission, but highly lucrative for shareholders.

Of course there are the social impetuses around the experience of being incarcerated that make recidivism more likely; the "networking opportunities" that lead to disorganised, petty criminals coming into contact and making connection with more experienced, organised criminals on the inside.

The skills decay, "gaps in employment" and legal discrimination faced by those with arrest records once they are on the outside. The disenfranchisement of felons. The income lost while incarcerated or stolen by police upon arrest, or spent on legal fees that must be recouped sooner rather than later. But often the psychological effects can be side-stepped by our movement.

There is perhaps a tendency to focus on certain kinds of offender (property crimes, non-violent drug offences), which is easy but tired, and can provide opponents with a "gotcha!" when confronting us with the question, for example, "what do we do about murderers and pedophiles?"

Of course the quick answer is that Leninists are not for the immediate abolishment of all carceral systems (but people did get paid in the gulags, so it isn't slave labour like usamerican prisons). But rhetorically that can feel like backpedalling, and it is useful to be able to explain the full and complex picture of crime in current society.

On the other-hand, there is also a tendency to shoehorn every single violent crime into the category of "mental health concern" while downplaying ideology as a factor. The western individualist petit-bourgeois centre cannot comprehend having a cause that one is willing to die or kill for. This incredulity serves to tourniquet both arms of politics: the courage and conviction of Aaron Bushnell's self-immolation is minimised, the ideology driving it reduced to fine print beside a suicide hotline, and the vile stochastic terrorism of far-right demagogues and incel forums are obscured behind lone-actors reacting to "male loneliness".

The case of right wing terrorism is particularly prevalent, because right wing terrorism itself is particularly prevalent at the moment. Conversely, in the era of the 70s when left-wing terrorism had its day in the sun bourgeois demagogues had no trouble denouncing the dangerous radicalism of the anarchist and Maoist coalitions. Meanwhile at present we see the woobification of mass murderers like Elliot Rodger or Kyle Rittenhouse or the Columbine shooters Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris as misunderstood, victims of bullying, merely suicidal in their pre-actions instead of the fermenting Hitlerites that from their journals it is clear that they were.

It was Sue Klebold, in fact, Dylan Klebold's mother, who was the one to launch a media campaign in the wake to have her son painted as a victim. It was her book-- a NYT Bestseller-- and years later the TED talks too that were major contributors to this brand of disinformation. I don't think I need to tell comrades here that there are plenty of mentally ill people who are not violent, who are violent only against themselves, or who are violent in ways that are not better explained by an ideology that encourages the dehumanisation of other people.

This is not to do a "no true mad person" fallacy on it-- as in certain cases perhaps mental illness will be the framework through which someone's actions are best understood-- but pathologising categories of action as default, far from turning them into something able to be treated, lends itself to helplessness in prevention. In the cases of far-right terrorism, it is the ideology that is the catalyst.

The class instincts of the bourgeoisie will always be to protect their own, over the out-group. Capitalism sublimates other identities below the class-instinct, such that even women become defenders of misogyny, POC of racism, gay people of homophobia; all of whom by this mechanism defenders of capital. It is not necessarily *in*conceivable why; in a survival situation it is much more helpful to be a member of the bourgeoisie than a member of a proletarianised minority group, this ought to be clear.

But dialling the extremity of our cases back some, and revisiting a recent phenomenom in greater depth: what is this so-called epidemic of "male loneliness" but a different expression of capitalist alienation as Marx described all those years ago? If not the very same? Of course the solution to this problem is, in that case not a consolidation of the patriarchy-- expecting women to bear the brunt of violence is itself a kind of interpersonal reformism. Like "oh, if women don't like these men they should enter relationships with them and try to push them left from the ground up". To suggest that would be as ridiculous as suggesting the same for proletarians in collaborationist parties.

In a similar vein, it is clearly nonsense to suggest that it is the bourgeoisie who gets the shortest (or even an equally short) end of the stick under capitalism, as it would be to suggest that men get a shorter or equally short end of the stick under patriarchy.

Alienation does not compare to exploitation. Alienation precludes connection, fulfillment, wellbeing; but such a condition is not the sole burden of the exploiter (the proletariat experiences alienation from their labour far more acutely than the bourgeoisie; the women who the alienated men around them are unable to connect with suffer at least as much from that particular disconnect as the men do. Of course there are unique experiences, and to every party the suffering felt is real-- this is not being said to dismiss it).

But to recognise this fact is not identity politics, it is a recognition of the material realities and contradictions of capitalism and the various compounding and nuanced oppressions that reinforce it in order to create as an accurate a picture as possible of the Hydra we are facing. To deny men the ability for consciousness, on the other hand, to use their own experiences and relate that suffering to the broader ailments of society, and to subsequently divide the struggle on any lines other than class-- the superidentity through which all other forms of oppression express a material form, however, most certainly is.

The exact contradiction faced by working class men which leads to their alienation from each other and the rest of society is the combined experience of having a foot up when it comes to the patriarchy, while simultaneously being crushed under the boot of capitalism in their experience as labourers.

This contradiction will, depending on the man and the environment in which he finds himself, go one of two ways: either a redoubling of the patriarchy, which may compensate his individual lack of control in the professional sphere but represent a concession to bourgeois ideology that can only feed-back into greater alienation from his fellow humans, entitlement to the women around him; a rotting cope that cannot resolve, will not save him and will change nothing for his children. Or in the realisation of his position under capitalism, as in class consciousness. Only the latter is capable of providing a way forward.

Patriarchy serves capitalism historically as the commodification of women and their confinement to the domestic sphere provides a vast well of labour that is able to go unpaid, labour that is vital for the reproduction of the next generation of proletarians and used to be reflected in the wages of the husband.

Then came the proletarianisation of women (which is perhaps a misnomer-- certain layers of women, the poorest, among whom was particularly black and immigrant women, had always been working) and perhaps moreso with the right of women to open up their own bank accounts independent of a husband-- and thus accumulate their own capital, have their own inheritors. This of course was a progressive step as opposed to the formal slavery of women that came before. Now they were free to enter into wage slavery as the men were.

This-- the feminist 2nd wave-- and the rise of what we colloquially think of as liberal ideology (not the classical liberalism of for example Thomas Hobbes or Steven Crowder) was correlated with the decline of the family unit, a pattern that is real, and correctly identified as real by reactionaries but wrongfully attributed to the aforementioned ideological developments. In reality it was the greed of employers at the potentiality of a new and untapped source of labour in women that finally overrode the antiquated prejudices of the bourgeoisie, as they realised they'd be able to pay women less and pit the now even more saturated labour market against each other to drive wages down.

However, it soon became impossible to support a family on a single income as it had been throughout the 50s and 60s.

This, being the precursor to as reactionaries identify it "the degeneration of the family", was not-- as reactionaries identify it-- the fault of women but of manifold factors, including: the deindustrialisation ongoing since the 50s in places such as Detroit as auto manufacturers left or soon to go on in New York state, and the north of England and in Wales under Thatcher here at home-- which was in turn driven by the emigration of these manufacturing jobs to newly open and exploitable markets in the global south, the declawing of the unions, the inevitable slowdown of the post-war boom, and the market organisation of labour in the first place.

These developments were bound to place even more stress on what was already a fundamentally fragile social unit in the first place-- the nuclear family.

Even prior to it's decline and the successes of 1st and 2nd wave feminism, the nuclear family had been a tenuous and unstable building block on which to structure a society. Marx wrote of the flaws of bourgeois marriage-- community of women, union based on accumulation, the consequent alienation-- which had been evident even in his day.

And on the eve of what we may consider the old order overturned, the sunset decades of traditional Americana in the 1950s and early 60s, there was still the stereotype of the valium-addled housewife & mother and the disciplinarian salaryman husband & father.

But such a structure can only ever reflect the conditions of the society in which it exists; this society is of course the dictatorships of the liberal bourgeoisie and all its flaws. The contradictions between the "united front" of the parents over the children, while the mother/wife is exploited in the domestic, and in marriage generally, and finds dominion over the children, the husband/father too is exploited in his work, and finds dominion over the wife.

It is this that was promised implicitly to young men, and this that the more reactionary layers of them wish to RETVRN to, yet is impossible under the current conditions-- even if women were willing to enter into relationships with them. Every "trad" influencer you see online is being kept afloat by egregious generational wealth.

And the structure is one absolutely primed for abuses. "Nuclear" is an apt metaphor, the power struggle between the subatomic forces will necessarily lead to conflict and reckoning, fission and decay. The disenfranchised child is sole property of their parents, the wife property of her husband. Both husband and wife chained by bureaucratic and financial pressures and obligations that may not inherently cause but facillitate and exacerbate abuses, and forces each party to endure past the point when individually and free of constraint they would choose to leave.

When exploitation of a child occurs outside of the immediate family it is usually by trusted adults wielding social (or actual) capital. On the occasion it is perpetrated by a stranger, it is always the lack of agency felt or experienced by the child that is preyed upon and manipulated.

It is with this understanding of the family that we must approach one of the dominant paradigms in contemporaneous psychiatry-- that is, the parental blame game-- and its incompleteness.

It might surprise you now for me to say that I do not believe the family's flaws to be an adequate explainer of mental illness on their own.

Other than the biological approach, this is perhaps the framework of psychotherapy one is most likely to encounter. Not for no reason-- it is inarguable that the actions of caregivers during developmental years have a profound effect on later wellbeing. It just so happens that under capitalism and especially western individualism (which is an ideological cornerstone of capitalism itself) the purview of "caregiver" is reduced to the role of primary and secondary, of most commonly mother and father. That the onus for raising a whole human being-- multiple, even-- should fall on just two individuals is not a natural law but a result of current cultural conditions. It takes a village to raise a child, after all.

A child that is unisolated, is listened to and taken seriously, who is and has always been free to leave a situation in which they are uncomfortable, and who has a wide network of support that is simply not feasible under capitalist alienised-atomised living, is far more difficult if not impossible to victimise. There is a reason that Engels included childcare and early childhood education in his Principles of Communism, there is a reason the Bolsheviks instituted those, as well as freedom of divorce and abortion, almost as soon as they came to power.

That the blame should be placed entirely on one or both of the parental unit is not just a convenient scapegoat for the bourgeois influences out of the parents' control, but a fundamentally unhelpful tactic especially in reaching certain layers of the proletariat who come to the table with an understanding that their parents had done the best that they could in raising them, given the circumstances, and will not hear badly against them.

In a not insignificant number of cases this is not an incorrect one-- they may not consciously realise it but those circumstances of course are capitalism. "Man makes his own choices but does not do so in conditions of his choosing" - this was Marx's conception of human nature. It is the pedestal on which nuclear parenthood is placed which lends itself to disappointment.

But think as well of the bourgeois child, who grows up with all the advantages of wealth and none of the traumas of poverty. They are sooner raised by a nanny or governess than their own family, with the influence of the parents elevated to a non-presence hanging over the entire childhood. What does the child learn but that love and care is a commodity to be bought and sold, hired from the underclass?

Capital is substitute for connection. Perhaps in this way-- and in the simultaneous recognition of the lie of meritocracy-- it can be understood that capitalism does not merely reward sociopathy (which would imply that individual traits have any bearing of the makeup of executive boards), but *breeds* it.

It is not necessary for us to distinguish between whether or not an individual member of the bourgeoisie is "really" ASPD (the clinical term for sociopathy) or NPD (Narcissitic Personality Disorder). It is also not necessary to particularly worry about the stigmatising effects of "mis"-using such labels in such a way, as these labels were invented in the first place to stigmatise people displaying certain groups of behaviour.

(The technique for remembering which PD cluster is which is still "Mad, *Bad*, Sad", after all. It is difficult, knowing this, to believe the puported scientific non-bias of psychiatry as a practise, given the sweeping moral condemnation of some of its most vulnerable patients. It is impossible to destigmatise the word "narcissist"; it's like naming it "Irredeemable Abusive Asshole Disorder" and then being surprised when people throw it around as a pejorative against anyone they don't like. If they gave a shit they would have called it what it is, which is "essentially CPTSD but we don't like your coping mechanisms and we would rather discard you as a person entirely than attempt to understand the nuances". But I digress:).

For the members of the bourgeoisie whose actions may be described as sociopathic from the outside, they are functionally the same and might as well be called as much. I would indeed suspect, however, that a significant proportion of "sociopaths" among high level executives may not be so in the strictly clinical sense; diagnostic criteria and treatment for personality disorders still tend to operate off the assumption that once personality has developed it becomes intrinsic and unable to be meaningfully improved-- such was the original conceit of the distinction between Axis I and Axis II (major psychiatric VS personality disorders) in the DSM-- but more recent findings challenge this assumption. Through the dialectic-- the process of development of human thought-- we also understand that the self as everything is constantly in motion.

These informal sociopaths in executive positions, therefore, may better have their condition (and "condition" here as in the non-clinical sense) explained by various "ism"s-- classism that allows them to dehumanise their employees, sexism that allows them to dehumanise their wives and pay women employees less for the same work, racism that allows them to dehumanise their constituents or, in the case of redlining bankers, hopeful borrowers. Their own bourgeois ideology above all that allows them to justify it all to themselves: through meritocracy, through bootstraps-isms, through trickle-down economics, through American and broader western exceptionalism, through plain straight denial-- this particular magical thinking, *this* disconnect from reality, is not termed psychotic by the status quo.

Culturally we see certain allowances made for yet more aspects of bourgeois ideology too. Believing in aliens, or ghosts, or angel-number universal energy is considered cause for psychiatric concern. Believing in God is not. As Marxists we understand that all of these are idealism, but liberal ideology is unable to reconcile the contradiction.

With the pathologisation of discrete actions, which had started with suicide (of which there is still declared to never be a logical reasoning behind, even in the wake of Aaron Bushnell's protest, even in less clear cases where the Samaritans themselves recognise something called "Shit Life Syndrome", from which suicide could be construed a protest against the conditions of capitalism itself) and which has not yet extended to religiosity in general, it has yet diffused across all manner of behaviour-- some perhaps genuinely useful as markers of psychological processes that are more difficult to measure, as in sensory avoidance for one. But increasingly many others rendered completely meaningless by pop-psych content farms, according to whom for example sleeping in the foetal position is a potential sign of autism.

This is formal logic. That one or even several peripheral or correlationary traits makes a disorder. In reality, even mental illness adheres to at least one part of the dialectic. Many symptoms are common across disorders and many symptoms express themselves subclinically (in a non-disordered way). It is the presence of a sufficient quantity of symptoms that turns into the quality of "having" a "disorder".

It is the formal logician that sees their friend's breakup and instantly diagnoses the other party as a narcissist, no matter how small the action given as evidence. And it is the formal logician who is unable to see that this "narcissist" in reality suffers very little in his other interpersonal relationships, and it is simply the misogyny he has learned throughout his life that is the cause of conflict in his romantic relationships.

Look through the DSM and the ICD and you will not find a single disorder for which misogyny, or racism, or homophobia, or transphobia, or any other kind of bigotry is a symptom. They are, however, symptoms of capitalism-- and of class society generally.

You will, however, find disorders of which anti-authoritarianism are symptoms-- as in Oppositional Defiance Disorder, or ODD, which is varyingly just either ADHD or PTSD, primarily applied to black children or other children more likely to be considered aggressive, and attempting to challenge the diagnosis in any way is considered yet another symptom.

The Cluster B personality disorders also tend to get slapped on the record of patients that are considered difficult. A major consequence of psychotic disorders are that you de-facto lose the ability to argue for your own experiences (you are, after all, delusional). Genuine concerns over their own safety and desire to have locks on the door in the (real) case of a schizophrenic rape survivor in a women's shelter are brushed off as paranoia.

Any Marxist considering "Anti-Social Personality Disorder" must take into account exactly *which* society the personality is deemed to be "anti", especially given that the diagnostic criteria requires "disregard for the law-" *bourgeois* law "-and repeated criminal behaviour prior to the age of 18".

People with Narcissitic Personality Disorder are generally unlikely to seek treatment for it and it instead tends to be identified during treatment for comorbidities-- most commonly Substance Use Disorders, which itself straddles the line between crime and illness.

Crime for the homeless addict, or the single mother caught with a gram of weed in her nightstand, or the line cook on their eighth 10-hour shift in a row. Illness for the celebrity at private rehab, or the white suburban mother on enough Prozac to kill a horse, or the rich partyboy on college track. "Irrational", perhaps, in all cases; never a thought given to the conditions that make constant intoxication preferable to the throbbing mental illness of capitalism.

The line between crime and mental illness is, generally, less distinct than you might think. Treatment for psychotic disorders differs very little from incarceration. Institutionalisation is functionally the same as arrest-- except it is generally even more traumatising ("oh you believe that people are plotting to come get you and take you away, so we've arranged for a group of people to come get you and take you away")−− and you don't even have the right to a trial.

Science under capitalism is and always will be subject to the hegemony of the bourgeoisie. It is for that reason that treatment is restricted to that which will get you back to work the quickest. This is usually drug therapy instead of talking therapies, which require greater skill (and therefore are more expensive to train and produce) and take longer to show effects. In USAmerica at least it is also the case that doctors essentially receive sponsorships from pharmaceutical companies in exchange for prescribing a quota of a specific drug, whether or not it is in the patient's best interest.

I feel obligated to include The Mark Fisher Quote in here somewhere, but I won't dwell on it; "If it is true that low levels of serotonin cause depression, it still has to be determined *what causes low levels of serotonin*?"

The cases of depression and anxiety have been repeated ad nauseum. Schizophrenia is often thrown out as a counterargument by those championing what is essentially biological determinism, but even schizophrenia expresses itself less severely and less violently in less individualistic societies.

Schizophrenia at present requires family therapy anyway, for the people around the sufferer to adjust their behaviour and learn how to approach delusions. The most humane treatment for schizophrenia is still a wide support network such that interpersonal conflict can be spread out and it does not become a trigger. People should not have to endure neurological damage and seizures from taking enough meds to be productive in order to have the right to life. In all cases it is the alienation that kills you. The bid for human connection that is rejected or dismissed that leads to self-destruction.

What would persecutory delusions look like under a dictatorship of the proletariat? Without special bodies of armed men that *do* have the power to take you away? Of religious persecution in a society that has moved past the need for religion? Of grandiosity in a world where the category of celebrity does not exist?

When the punishment for doing worse is not unemployment and homelessess, perhaps suddenly recovery is not so impossible.

--

Liberal ideologues through their flattening of the entire scope of criminality, including and especially violent crime, into "mental illness", and mental illness onto the family, fail to see the forest for the trees. This is unsurprising, and par for the course with liberalism.

Right wing ideologues, on the other hand, blame crime and criminality on "not enough family", or "not the right kind of family". They believe that all that is necessary is for the correct values to be instilled in a child. But poverty is as with all things the great exacerbater. In reality it is not some metaphysical human need for a present father that makes a two-parent household superior, but the advantages of *two* potential streams of income, of *two* extended families, of greater options for childcare. This could be achieved as easily by two women or two men as by one man and one woman, but we need not stop there; it would be achieved even easier with proper social support, with the abolition of poverty, with a shorter working day, with communism.

[tea-with-eleni]

An Eclipse Disco-Based PSA

Despite the subject matter and approximate date, this is not a joke except insofar as the universe is periodically quite amusing.

In about a week, most of the united states will be able to see at least most of a solar eclipse! You probably know all too well if you're in the path of totality -- your grocery store probably has "I SAW TOTALITY FROM INSERT STATE NAME HERE!" merchandise or something similar if you aren't certain -- and eclipse glasses are available damn near everywhere for about $2. Even if you're not in totality, because you'll be able to see at least a partial eclipse if you have clear skies anywhere near you on April 8. Look up your local times.

There are ways to view the eclipse if you don't have eclipse glasses. The most popular, a pinhole viewer, is easy to make (take cardstock, punch hole in it with a nail or similar) but frankly not very satisfying. It's also really hard to teach little kids to use one, because you need to have your back exactly to the sun and let the light shine through the little pinhole and whatever.

So instead, I suggest making use of something better:

A disco ball.

Image credit: American Astronomical Society, paper linked.

Disco balls have many advantages! They're eye catching, they're cheap (currently, 5 Below has some for sale, you don't need a fancy one unless you want a fancy one), they're festive, and they project lots of images of the partial eclipse with ease! Simply place them in direct sunlight (indoors, outdoors, doesn't matter) and the image of the sun will be projected all over the bloody place! It's relatively unlikely to blind anyone (compared to an improperly used pinhole viewer) and you can also have an eclipse dance party.

I spent my afternoon at work repairing a homemade model we found in a closet. I hot glued a wooden handle on the bottom like some weird lollipop and plan on mounting it on a ring stand like the deranged astronomy educator I am.

For more information, the American Astronomical Society released a full paper on the subject. It's a delightful read with some pretty cool photos.

[eemoo1o-tfrmoo]

PSA for this post here

Currently, as of 12/9/22, the poll is still open, but here are some rules regardless of what comes on top:

Suggesting:

You can suggest themes for certain types of recs/rec lists for that week in question via my ask box. (I.e. “Snotlout-based works”, “multi chapter works”, “Snotlout one shots”, whatever.)

You can also suggest specific fics (preferably with links) if you want to see them recommended! Please note that everyone’s opinions are different and sometimes the fic you’ve recommended might not make it on a list immediately or I’ve already recced the fic before.

Asks are always encouraged here, and they will most certainly help with motivation as well as content for the weekly lists.

(ETA: While the main focus is fanfiction, if you ever want to recommend a fan-artist then please feel free! With links of course.)

What I will not be recommending:

My own works (discussion of them will be kept separate from this project)

Works that are recommended by the author and not a fan of the work(s) (this is because this project is about community and fandom and not self-promotion.) (Example: Person A can’t recommend Person A’s fics but Person B can.)

Works that are rated “explicit”. Mature works are acceptable (if they are merely mature and not incorrectly labelled so), but explicit porn for example is not. The same goes for NSFW pieces of art/artists.

AO3 works that have a dozen fandom tags and barely any HTTYD content. (Crossovers also have a less likely chance to be recommended.)

Works that aren’t written in English won’t be accepted because I won’t be able to read them. Authorised translations of an originally non-English fic are fine.

Unauthorised reposts of another’s fics or art.

Works about SH, SA, pedophilia, non-con, rape, gore, etc. won’t be accepted but the first two have a slim chance of being skimmed in case there is an exception to be made.

Works that ship the dragons with their riders. This goes for “dragon-shifter” fics as well.

Additionally, asks/requests with the terms “Snotfang” or “Hicctooth” will be taken with a grain of salt because of the many connotations surrounding the terms. Tone tags are always encouraged.

Questions? / Where to block me:

If you have any questions, I’d encourage going to my ask box so that questions may be answered publicly for communal understanding.

If you don’t agree with the fics I recommend* or the rules established above, feel free to block me at @eemoo1o-tfrmoo to stop seeing my posts, and my main blog @eemoo1o to stop interaction. Very simple.

Asks that bypass these established rules will be deleted. Spam is not appreciated and could either cause a blocking or jeopardise the anon-feature for others if need be.

I work on GMT time so if you find that posts come out the day before or after the day it is supposed to (aka. Wednesday or Friday, depending on the still-active poll), that is why. I also function on opportunistic posting, so a scheduled time is not set, only the day!

Also, if it turns out that I was unable to post the recommendations that day, it may be that I have to post them either a day or two after. I am human after all.

Kind regards,

Your local librarian to-be

[i-mybrunettelady]

Hi, this will be a bit of a positivity PSA for all my mutuals who struggle with some kind of creating, be it drawing or writing or making music or whatever it is.

I am learning how to draw, I used to draw a lot when I was younger but then I found myself in writing and never left it since, but sometimes I still feel the urge to draw. I'm not hopeless with it by any means - I like to compare this point in my journey to art to being an awkward teenager. It's not hopeless, but also has ways to go. And sometimes I'm overly critical because I see all the fandom artists and think my art sucks because it's not on their level.

And then I remember they've been practicing for years and just like with writing (though that process was something I was a lot less cognizant of before it reached a level I liked) I have to go through it again, for drawing, aware of every step of the way. And it becomes fine. It becomes great, even. It becomes just right.

I drew this tonight. I am not entirely pleased with it, it doesn't quite match the character in my head, but that's okay. I can try again tomorrow. There was an empty, white sheet of paper and in a span of about 2 hours, there was a coloured face on it. Is it a perfect face? No. I am always open for advice and directions. But I watched the process of white paper becoming this and I joyfully thought how I did this. Me, my hand, I.

And it's only getting better from here.

So here it is, for anyone struggling with a similar issue, the message of this whole post - you made something where there was nothing. Faulty as it may be, you made something. Not everyone can do that! Remember that! A lot of people can't draw, write, etc! And you made something like a badass legend you are!

Thus, from your local writer who's trying to branch out, keep up the good work.

[ynscrazylife]

Hey !! i love ur writing style <3 i wanted to ask you if you could write a loki x reader where the reader and loki have been best friends for a long time now and after he faked his death in tdw he knocks on their door and the reader and loki have an argument and then they kiss?? maybe like the scene in crimson peak “you lied to me” “i did” “you told me you loved me” “i do” smth similar? :)

The Greatest Deception | loki angst fluff fic

Summary: After Loki reveals himself to be alive, Y/N has some choice words to say. Loki has a question.

Authors Note: Thanks for requesting! Also, I want to say that I fully support and acknowledge that Loki is genderfluid. Seeing as this fic was requested with Loki having he/him pronouns, I will use those pronouns. (Also, I didn’t know which pronouns you wanted me to write since you mentioned they for the reader but typically I use she/her, so lemme know if you want that edited)

Request to be on a taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

MCU Masterlist #1 | MCU Masterlist #2 |  Main Masterlist 

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of these works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

header c @/someiconsx

“Lady Y/N?”

The voice was muffled through the door and the one in question rolled from her side and onto her stomach as she laid in her bed. A low groan emitted from the creature whose limbs were tangled in the blanket and sheets.

. . .

“Lady Y/N?”

A short knock-knock accompanied the repeating words, and Y/N had a feeling of that the lovely woman who she’d love to talk to at any other time wouldn’t stop until she replied.

She pulled herself into a sitting position, smoothed over her unruly hair, and finally pulled the covers up so her pajamas wouldn’t be seen and called out, “Come in!”

The woman opened the door and sent her a sheepish smile. “The All-Father has requested your present, ma’am,” she informed her.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “Do you know the reason as to why?” She quizzed.

The woman spared a quick, darting glance at Y/N’s window. “Well, the All-Father has requested all of the palace’s royals and higher-ups to gather in the courtyard. He is gathering local citizens for a, ah, play, and more would like, in this words, his ‘most esteemed confidants to enjoy,’,” she answered, subtly bouncing her weight from one foot to the other.

Y/N thought for a moment. This was the first time she was hearing that the King was holding a play — not to mention, the fact that the last play (if you could even call it that, because by Heimdall’s recounting it was horrific) was held before any of the children of Odin were born.

Just thinking about that caused a twinge to hit her stomach and for it to twist up. Loki. Odin’s youngest child and the one that had most recently left her, as he sacrificed herself to save his vaillant brother, Prince Thor. It had been weeks, maybe even a month, since Y/N had heard the news and had been resorted to a lonely, saddened version of herself. Loki was her best friend, the person she trusted more than anything and—no, no, who was she kidding? He’s more than that, and he deserves to be remembered as more than that by her.

He’s also the one that she loves, and has loved for at least the past year when she realized it.

Nonetheless, she had taken many steps to get through the grief of Loki’s dead — as had his father — and she wasn’t going to let all her hard work crumble down on one, singular thought.

“Very well, then. Please inform the All-Father that I will be there shortly, thank you,” she said.

The woman nodded and bowed her head before exiting.

Once the door had been fully shut and she could hear footsteps no more, Y/N crossed over to her window and drew back the curtains, not having missed the look at said window.

The sunlight poured into her room but the stage was indeed sent. Rows of fine chairs sat with rows of fine people in them. In front, Odin stood with a red curtain drawn closed behind him. His arms were gesturing wildly and he had a big grin on his face as he gave his speech.

Despite the curiosity that itched into Y/N’s face, she pushed it aside. She had never seen the King conduct himself in such ways, but alas, everyone grieved differently. So, she closed the curtains and got dressed for the day ahead.

— — — — — — — — — — — — —

The moment Y/N stepped outside, she could’ve sworn that there was already long beads of sweat trailing down her skin. She let out a huff but journeyed on towards the courtyard, as this formal royal wear was necessary and she had no intention of pissing off Sir Snotty-Dickhead — as she called him (he had some fancy and long name she couldn’t remember, in her defense) — who was Odin’s right hand man.

By the time she got there, Odin was still rambling on with his speech, but his sudden notice of Y/N saved the guests from boredom.

“Aha, the guest of honor! Lady Y/N, herself,” Odin announced, bringing his hands together in a clap and gesturing for her to come toward him.

She betrayed herself and her cheeks involuntarily reddened as all eyes laid on her. She approached Odin and curtsied out of respect, but her mind was full of wonderings of why she, of all, would be singled out.

“I’m sure you all know who Lady Y/N is, yes?” He began, briefly pausing before continuing. “If you sadly do not, let me tell you. Lady Y/N had been a friend of the royal family, specifically my child, Loki’s—” the name caused her to suck in a sharp breath, “—and she was granted the title of Lady to uphold the image of the palace and to complete very important Asgardian duties.”

Once he stopped talking and the crowd clapped politely, Y/N took the opportunity she was presented before it’s door could close and quickly went and sat in her seat, the only seat not occupied yet, in the front row.

Odin then began speaking against whilst he walked to the side, “Speaking of my dear child Loki, this play that has been put together is one designed to honor him and his heroic sacrifice. Without further ado . . . ” He let his words trail off, and the red curtain pulled open.

Y/N’s face contorted into surprise at the words, not expecting this to take place. Again, she reminded herself, everyone grieved differently, so she decided to give it a chance. However, as the play went on, she was quick to realize that honoring Loki wasn’t the intention here. The horrid acting could be excused but Odin himself allowing this mockery of how Loki died? Of how he sacrificed himself? Well, with every second that passed, her face heated more and more — and not due to the sweat — and she grit her teeth, just barely refraining from yelling.

The worst part for her came though when the actor who played Loki did a dramatic reenactment of his sacrificed and the actor who played Thor did the worst fake crying ever. Y/N turned to the others, expecting them to be just as enraged as she was, but was floored to find that no—they were laughing. And not just that, but Odin was having himself a chuckle as well!

Her fingers tightly gripped the edges of her chair and she forced herself to look straight ahead, just about able to hold in her tears until the play was over and the actors bowed.

— — — — — — — — — — — — —

Afterwards, while everyone was standing and giving Odin rounds and rounds of praises, Y/N stayed rooted in her seat. She couldn’t just let this go by as if it were nothing, but she was struggling to compose herself to confront him.

After a couple minutes of going back-and-forth, she decided, screw composure. She didn’t have to be composed. She was allowed to be angry.

So, she stood up and marched straight for him.

“All-Father,” Y/N said through grit teeth, forcing herself to curtesy, “I request your company in private, if I may.”

It took Odin a moment to tear himself away from accepting his latest comment, but the way he quickly glanced over at Y/N, she knew that he had not noticed — or perhaps he did not care — the state she was in.

“My apologies, Lady Y/N, but should I depart now, I fear I shall upset my comrades!” Odin said, ending his comment in a boastful joy, which resulted in laughter and cheers.

He didn’t wait for her response before engaging in another conversation, and Y/N’s lips remained tightly shut until she decided to just go forth and let her stuffed-up emotions out.

“Fine. I will say it in front of everyone, then!” She said, firmly and loudly, gaining everyone’s attention. “That was a pathetic excuse to remember Loki . . . It was an insult! You mocked him, your own child! How could you even— I . . . I just don’t understand . . . He sacrificed himself for your son and for Asgard and this is how you repay him? God. I expected much, much more from you for him because I . . . Let’s just say that we both love Loki, in our own ways, and I-I . . . I am very disappointed.”

Wanting to flee from the tears that were now streaming down her face and from the silence that was pounding, she turned around and she walked away, the realization that she had just confessed her love in front of everyone hitting her.

“Lady Y/N!”

Odin’s words stopped her in her tracks, but she did not turn around. Just stood. Waited.

“He told Thor, before he passed, that he, uh . . . He loved you, too.”

Y/N stared straight ahead, her hand jutting out to grab the pillar next to her to steady herself.

Loki loved her?

She didn’t stop the tears from coming this time. She let them, and the sobs, overwhelm her.

— — — — — — — — — — — — —

“Lady Y/N?”

The voice and the knock were much more stiff than they were this morning.

“Come in.”

Her response was devoid of emotion, much more curt than it was this morning.

The same woman turned the door’s knob and opened it, sending Y/N, who was curled up on her bed, head nestled into her knees, a wary look. “The All-Father has requested your presence at his quarters,” she said.

Y/N let out a small huff, in no mood to talk to the King after what had happened. She forced her head up and gazed boredom at the woman. “Is it an emergency?” She deadpanned.

The woman looked around the room and by her lack of response, Y/N knew that either she didn’t know or didn’t want to say.

She sighed. “I will be there shortly,” she said.

The woman nodded and wordlessly left.

After she did, Y/N stood up and went in front of her mirror, taking in her appearance. Her once brushed hair was now frizzy and in knots and her eyes were puffy and red. Angrily, she practically tore the hairbrush through her hair and dabbed at her eyes with makeup until the red could be seen no more. She had no intention of letting him see her this way.

— — — — — — — — — — — — —

Screw formalities, Y/N thought, as she walked straight into Odin’s quarters which composed of a small living room, a bedroom down the hall, an office, and a bathroom. She didn’t bother to curtsy or announce her presence.

When he finally and gradually turned around from whatever he was doing, a slight look of shock crossed his features, before he replaced it with a warm smile. “Y/N!” He said, but quickly corrected himself, “Lady Y/N.”

Y/N frowned and crossed her arms. “I hope that you have called me here to apologize,” she said, an icy edge to her voice.

Odin nonetheless looked at her kindly. “In a way, yes,” he vaguely said, before a magical transformation underwent before her.

His wrinkles disappeared, his beard disappeared, his grey hair turned jet black, and his clothes transformed into his usual wear.

No longer was the All-Father standing in front of her, but her best friend. The one she loved.

Taken by utter shock, Y/N instinctively stumbled back, her jaw dropping and her eyes widening. “What the hell is this?” She gasped out, not wanting to believe it at first. It was a cruel trick — it must be! There was no way.

“It’s me,” the mischievous deity said, a rare softness to his voice and in his eyes. He took a step forward, but then stopped himself. “I never died, I only impersonated my father.”

Y/N stared at him, angry tears coming to her eyes once more. “How?” She forced out, thinking that maybe she was dreaming. “Why?”

Loki looked around, slightly dumbfounded, as if he hadn’t expected anyone to question him. “I wanted the throne,” he answered, as if it were obvious and a perfectly acceptable reason.

Y/N stared at him as if he had grown two heads. To her, he might as well have.

“Oh, really? So you take over your father, trick everyone - me, your brother - into believing that you’re dead, you banish Sif . . . All because you wanted the goddamn throne?” She cried.

The cluelessness left his eyes and replaced itself with guilt, regret pooling inside him. He looked down, shoulders falling with a sigh.

“I’ve felt guilty tricking you ever since it had all went down. I wanted to tell you but, honestly, a part of me didn’t think you’d be that upset over my death. But you were really, so upset and I . . . I was lost. I didn’t know what to do. All I wanted to do was hug you and tell you that it was fine, that I was here, but I thought I’d screw up your emotions and hurt you even more,” he admitted.

Y/N just looked at him, her frown growing deeper. “That’s an awful excuse,” she hissed out, words laced with venom.

Loki immediately snapped his head up to look at her and his gaze held desperateness. “It’s not an excuse,” he said quickly. “It shouldn’t be. I’m . . . I’m so sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to was to trick you, and . . . I did. But today was the final straw. I couldn’t continue like that.”

Y/N took a step forward, having an inner battle in herself on whether or not to forgive him. “You lied to me,” she reiterated bluntly.

Loki nodded guiltily. “I did,” he agreed in a small voice.

She took a pause, taking in a deep breath. “You told me you loved me,” she added.

There was a brief moment of silence before Loki said, in the same small way but a little more firm now, “I do.”

Y/N kept walking, not even fully sure or convinced of what she was doing, but knowing that she needed to do it, until she was standing just inches away from him. They looked at each other for a couple moments, neither saying anything, until Y/N wrapped her arms around Loki. He returned the embrace.

“Never do that to me again!” She yelled through the tears that were now coming. God, was she tired of crying. Especially today.

Loki hugged her tighter, his own tears falling. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, and repeated that over, and over, and over again. “I’m an idiot.”

Y/N leaned back and cupped his face with her hands. The love she had for him overwhelmed her pain, and more than anything she needed him now. Besides, she could see his guilt. She could see the truth shining in his eyes. He wouldn’t do anything like this again, because he loved her. And she loved him.

“At least you’re self-aware,” she whispered through a sniff, taking a page out of his book with her joking remark. Before he could quip back (and she was sure he’d have an excellent one), she leaned forward and captured his lips in his a kiss. Loki smiled against her lips and wrapped his arms around her waist.

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[errantkatana]

Hello! It’s time for a small PSA from your local Burly! Just about this blog in particular! (I don’t know what to put here aside from this image of Zero and the little girl he takes care of back home. Look! She cleaned his apartment! And made him soup!)

(I’ll eventually have a little page for this but I like to remind people this way every now and again anyways;)

If I miss a trigger warning, let me know! Even if we aren’t interacting, I still want you to be able to enjoy yourself here. These are all things we should be able to read at our leisure (or avoid altogether!) so no trigger is too ‘small’ to mention! 

This blog covers a lot of sensitive and heavy topics, and a lot of you who have stuck around or are familiar with KZ as a game know Zero and the circumstances he’s been through are absolutely unhealthy. 

We’ve got a fair share of characters who are this way! 

I do a lot of research, but I’m far from perfect. Zero’s gone through a lot of character development, too, but I digress; if anything is off, wrong, or you feel is being misrepresented, let me know! 

While these experiences can vary wildly from person to person, I want to be respectful of the things I haven’t personally been through*. (more on this later!) 

On the same topic, if there are things you’d rather just not get involved in with Zero’s character, you’re more than welcome to message me. 

You don’t have to give me a reason, either! You can just tell me ‘Hey, this is making me really uncomfortable. Can we stop?’ and bam! We’ll stop. No hard feelings! We can retcon or skip what it was, whatever you’d like to do from there. 

Under the read more are some extra things I imagine some people might be worried about ; I don’t want this to be too long. 

*I’m ok! I know I write a lot of really rough and depressing stuff on this blog. Don’t worry about me!

I am medicated, I have a wonderful support group of friends, and have gone to therapy for many years now; I am just a woefully easy crier with a soft heart, and this blog is a source of catharsis for me. I promise if anything gets too much for me, I will let you know. Otherwise, I signed up for this, and I like seeing people...survive these sort of things, emotionally. 

Also, Fifteen-mun and I talk outside of our threads; we’re friends! And neither of us condone any of the unhealthy behavior expressed by the characters we play. We are always making sure we’re both comfortable with what’s going on between them. 

Neither of these boys are healthy, and we are both very well aware of it. 

That’s all I can think of for now, and hopefully I’ll eventually have a little page dedicated to this stuff soon! It’s a little overdue. 

Thank you for reading, and again, don’t be afraid to message me via IMs, Ask, or even ask for my discord! 

[gogosingularity]

BTS Tarot. 03

PSA. I wrapped this post while watching 'In The Soop' Season 2 Episode 1. In case you are interested.

I am back. To talk about bts tarot. Again.

As always, I’ll say this again:

It’s tumblr anyway.

But I also concern for those who take it seriously. ‘Seriously’ as in you take it for yourself, never get to tell anyone about it, believe what you just read, and whatever you just finished reading keep roaming inside your head to the point you no longer have passion to continue your life well. This is for the people who believe they are their idol’s soulmate, future spouse.. what else? etc. If they’re blindly into this, they can’t reach this post either.

This will be the last time I write about bts tarot unless I have a comprehensive one.

I think the Mrs.Jeon and Mrs.Tae posts on yt and tumblr have died months ago. At least there’s no post about it anymore now. And I wonder if people who read these already get over it? The first time I got it on yt recommendation, I want to read more and more. ‘More’ as in reading various sources. THERE’S THIS THING WHERE PEOPLE USE TAROT TO READ IDOL? I thought. I keep finding and reading new and old posts about it to this day. It is intriguing. But I can’t deny the first time I found them through yt, it’s overwhelming. Tbh when I found the terrible readings, really they are. I am concerned for them, for idol, and for myself.

WHY THE HELL DID I READ THIS? I thought.

In S.Korea, fortune-telling practice is common. It’s been portrayed in kdrama and kmovies many times, just to give the audience outlook that it’s common. Tarot reading, palm reading, face reading, saju. Korean visit them between December and February to see what’s for them in the new solar and lunar years. They provide their service at the shopping street, park, cafe, booth. For the overview, you can read it here.

I imagine when the idols find these kind of thing on internet, they’re like: Yep. Let’s not read this. I already know where’s this going. Being read without consent is not pleasant. They use internet too, do not ignore that! And the algorithm will eventually bring us together, fellas.

The internet connection is the only real connection between you and your idol.

I just felt the need to say that. Hhhhh..

Also, why Mrs.Jeon for Jungkook and Mrs.Tae for Taehyung? Why not Mrs.Kim? hhhhh..

Some people mistaken ‘bts smut’ in bts tarot as true love. Ideal love. Life is bigger than that and everyone can make the good and healthy decision for their life. Regardless how you consider your birth chart as undesirable. Everyone has the option. If you have the option to take the reading personally, you also have the option to forget it, move on, live a better and healthier life.

Personally, sometimes I get carried away when the reading is so beautiful. This applied for the older posts because I can’t find the good one recently. Even so, take it as a grain of salt (as one of the reader already stated in each of their post).

If you need suggestion on how to treat this situation, you can read this article which consisted of 6 suggestion to foster a healthy relationship with social media as a kpop fan. They highlighted :

1. Allocate time for using social media

2. Identify your purpose for going online

3. Personalize your feed

4. Fact check

5. Disabling the bell

6. Reaching out

Currently bts is my ultimate as if it’s not obvious enough from my header. I haven’t paid attention to each kpop group that ever exist in S.Korea, but, bts, nct, and svt serve the most various content in this era.. I think. I personalized my feed already. Ever since I started reading articles about bts and kpop, all of the suggested content always about them. They blocked the local, national, international news feed. Even before I get into this rabbit hole, I already find them everywhere.

Again, it’s not the soul connection between you and your idol. It’s the internet connection. It's algorithm. Through google. It’s not related, I know, I just have to bring this up again!

This reminded me of taehyung’s: it’s not passion in our eyes, it’s eyeliner.

Then, fact check is a must. Critical thinking skills really necessary. If you’re still at school, exercising is also beneficial for your academic, and future. I think so.

I also reach out to my friend sometimes. My friends are into kpop longer than me and we discuss many things about kpop. The good, the bad, the balanced way to take kpop as a human.

If there’s one more point I’d like to suggest is:

Kpop is just an entertainment. If it contributes to your real life, fine, but still be wary. If it destructs you slowly, reach out. Hopefully that didn’t sound so strong for you, but I mean it.

..because this parasocial relationship truly can be as complex as life itself.

I think that’s it for the audience who read bts tarot, who consider themselves as bts fan or kpop fan.

Here’s for people who are here as the reader and a little bit for the audience. As even the readers are also the audience.

Basically there are various type of tarot reader here. It’s like genre in movies. Few of them are terrible movies. Though I have preferred blog, still I read most of it.

I think there are tumblr users who are not familiar with each reader. They may not be aware of the differences. Bts tarot and kpop tarot are on internet for years now and it’s still attracting new muggles every season. So, dear reader, forgive the annoying one. Hhhhh..

Every reader provide different FAQ, disclaimer, the dos and the don’ts for the ask. I don’t know their reasons personally, but I think it’s to prevent audience mistake their intention.

I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s like that two spider-man meet each other meme.

My guide told me that.

No.

Hhhhh..

When you (reader) and you (tumblr user/anon) interact, you guys also creating your own parasocial relationship. And if you need suggestion about how to manage it for your wellbeing, back to the 6 points I have mentioned above. You can also do further research about it if necessary.

I think it's enough to cover most of my thoughts about bts tarot and how to handle this as an issue.

[haikyuuwaifu]

Regardless of what actual race you are, that weekly PSA just comes off as dismissing and it feels like you’re trying to give an excuse for people with white privilege to stop trying as hard. Yes, there are many important issues at hand rn, but u essentially dismissing them trying to help spread awareness is not good at all. Issues can coexist and be tended to at the same time. Educating them with the proper ways and tools to help is going to help in the long run. You just have to look at the bigger picture.

And white people don’t face racism. The system is built with them and their ‘comfort’ and their well-being in mind. You can be racially prejudiced or discriminatory towards them. But you can’t be racist to them because no matter what, there’s a glaring power imbalance between the races. There’s a difference. And even if it is a minority of white people who are racist, what gives you the right to say that majority are not? Ignorance, prejudice, discrimination & racism don’t come out one singular identifying way.

And who are you to tell people to stop being prejudiced and cautious towards them when they’ve been hurt by them? Yes, one shouldn’t fight hate with hate, but being on the receiving end of racism is a traumatic process that has many stages that one has to go through. It’s not just ‘they called me a pasty ghost and said I don’t own spices’, it’s ‘they spat on the roadside at the sight of me and harassed me verbally and or physically’. There’s a difference. I’m not condoning hating on another race, regardless of whichever race is being target by who. But I can’t just sit here and let you say dismissive stuff like this.

As a non white passing POC, I just don’t think you should be saying any of that other than the ‘you shouldn’t fight hate with hate’. But you have to realise, it’s human nature to fight back when hurt, and POC have been historically and systematically hurt. We’ve been pitted against each other for centuries too. This isn’t a one off thing. So please reevaluate your message because mixed kids go through an entire process of trying to find their identity too.

So, on MY blog, I’m ALLOWED to make PSA’s about whatever I want to. It’s my OPINION. If people don’t like my opinion, they don’t have to read it. They can stop following me. They can block me and that’s okay. 

Second of all: I’m literally not making an excuse for people with white privilege to “not use their privilege”. I’m stating a fact, that more often than not, white people have been told to “mind their own business”. They don’t “know the struggle”, they don’t “have any right to chime in on shit that isn’t about them.” Yet, they’re the same people with the “privilege” to make a fucking difference. As pointed out REPEATEDLY, white people should “BE THE CHANGE” and “USE THEIR VOICES” but they’re also the ones who get shit on when they Do chime in to say something about a particular problem NOT concerning the race they aren’t apart of.

Third: It doesn’t matter how the system is built, RACISM IS RACISM. It doesn’t matter what fucking color their skin is. RACISM IS RACISM. So, believe it or not, you CAN IN FACT, BE RACIST TO A WHITE PERSON. Regardless of the fucking “system” you can be racist to white people. They are people too? Are they not? They have a different skin color, do they not?  I don’t understand WHY people just sit there and dismiss this glaring fact, but regardless of SKIN COLOR, if you treat THEM the same way they treat YOU, YOU’RE ALSO A RACIST. There’s no way to write off the behavior. 

Fourth: Why does the “majority” of the white race, get labeled as racist? What if they didn’t do anything to ANYONE? What if they were just minding their own business, and then BAM they’re automatically racist, because they’re white? Pretty much “all” white people are literally being coined as racist, when a LARGE MAJORITY OF THEM haven’t even done anything to anyone. But let’s just label them all racist anyway. 

There is nothing wrong with caution, everyone should be cautious, regardless of race or orientation. Being prejudice on the other hand, doesn’t solve anything. It continues to create an even bigger problem. There is LITERALLY no reason, to fight back with the same AMMUNITION THEY FUCKING USED. Yes, racism is a traumatic process. No one said it wasn’t, but fighting it by back the same way they do isn’t the answer either. There is no defending of the actions from either side. 

As a white passing, POC I’m pretty sure I can say what I want to, considering the fact that I MYSELF, have gone through it. But I guess, because I’m half white, what I have to say doesn’t matter. I don’t know what it’s like to be treated differently, because I’m half white. I don’t know what it’s like to be bullied, for not being 100% Hawaiian or Chinese? I didn’t get asked questions from other white kids about people in Hawaii living in grass huts or not having proper education. 

I didn’t get stared at by the local girls in my school, because I had white skin and dark features. I didn’t get looked down on because I couldn’t learn hula or how to speak the language since I had to move away all the time.  As a MIXED woman I too, had to find my identity and it consists of me knowing WHO I am and WHAT I stand for. 

As I have stated previously, this is my blog. You don’t have to like what I say. You don’t have to agree with what I have to say. It’s my opinion. You can take it however you want to take it. But don’t come at me and tell me as a non-passing POC what I can and cannot say. You don’t know me. You don’t know my life, and you don’t know what I have had to live with. 

Yeah, POC have it hard. They’re fighting each other AND other races. Mixed kids ALSO have it hard, because they don’t belong to ANYONE and they’re reminded of that fact constantly. WE DO NOT BELONG to one SINGULAR group of people, but I’m white right? So I don’t know how it feels to be a mixed kid trying to find herself huh?

[bexterbex]

A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 24

Warning, if it hasn’t been obvious in the movies there is Nazi symbolism within the First Order. I will expand on this much more throughout the story. If this is something that bothers you, please just exit the story. The author does not condone any Nazi ideals, this is just for fictional uses only.

A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with some canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–

He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?

MASTERLIST

Chapter 24: Think of the Children

“Before we begin, I have been informed by First Order High Command and the Supreme Leader this morning that per our discussion yesterday I have an update on the child restriction policy. Earth will become a two-child planet in 5 years' time. Any child conceived before that deadline will be grandfathered in. There may be exceptions to this case but otherwise, the Supreme Leader’s decision is final,” said Dr. Koroban.

Wait what? Kylo made this decision? In the beginning, it felt like he trusted you, with your own planet. But now you were beginning to see the truth, that the man behind the mask was the same man with the mask. If only he knew what repercussions were going to happen with this policy, he might then change his mind.

“So our discussion yesterday had no meaning. Do any of our discussions have meaning then? Are all of our decisions going to be overruled by the Supreme Leader,” asked the Surgeon General.

“The Supreme Leader has the final word on any decision we make. If he doesn’t like something he will change it. As is his right to do so. Need I remind you that speaking ill of the Supreme Leader is a crime. So beware of your thoughts and actions,” said General Pryde.

The three health officials shifted uncomfortably in their seats. They didn’t like being called out—no one did.

“Gentlemen,” said Dr. Koroban pointedly. “The purpose of this committee is to make decisions on Earth’s health. Our decisions go back to the Supreme Leader. If he likes something he will keep it, but if he doesn’t it is well within his right to change it. He takes all of our recommendations, now are we going to continue this discussion or is this meeting something you would like to end?”

All three of them looked to each other and then quickly to you before speaking quietly among themselves. “We would like to end these meetings as we see that Lady Ren may give the Supreme Leader any insight into what our planet may prefer.” And with that, the health officials threw you under a bus. They were leaving these important decisions for you. Someone who as of a few days ago was happily working in a small marketing firm, now you were making decisions for a whole planet.

“Very well then I suppose you are dismissed,” replied Dr. Koroban. The three health officials all got up and left. You just kept your gaze down on your folded hands in your lap. Secretly you hoped you became invisible.

Once they had left the room and the door was shut once more Dr. Dabrini spoke to you, “Lady Ren, you do not have to make any decisions you are not comfortable with. We can find others who will give us insight into how to best handle healthcare on your planet.”

You did not respond right away, the room was silent. When you did speak up there was hidden confidence in your tone, “But it is my planet. There are things that none of you understand. While I do not know galactic history like you all do, I do know enough of the history of my own planet to know that some of the First Order decisions will not go over well.”

“My lady, the reason the Supreme Leader changed the decision on the child policy is for the betterment of your planet. Your planet as we see now, if it continues growing as it has will be overpopulated very soon. In fact, many areas are. We are just trying to make sure your planet is healthy,” said General Pryde. “In fact much the First Order High Command wanted the child policy to go into effect immediately but the Supreme Leader wanted your planet to get used to First Order rule.”

How kind. Just enough time for everyone to be thoroughly brainwashed before it kicks in. Or just enough time for everyone to be thoroughly afraid to call to any action against First Order rule. You buried those thoughts deep within your mind. Even though Kylo was in Moscow, you didn’t know how his Force mind-reading thing worked and you did not want him getting even angrier with you.

“So shall we still go with the plan that we encourage birth control in women and before the law goes into effect, some encouragement to have fewer children. Other than that no one should object to STD screenings or anything else of the sort. I imagine there will be some people objecting to monogamy but then again they are against the vast majority of this planet anyways. Someone else should assist me with finding things on this in the Library of Congress,” you stated.

“Of course Lady Ren, I believe Petty Officer Ersela Tanau will be able to assist you in that endeavor,” said General Pryde. A young female officer stepped forward and bowed to you.

“I believe there is nothing else needed to be discussed today, but tonight I will come up with a list of anything else we may need to go over and send it out to you all,” said Dr. Koroban.

With that everyone left. You, Lieutenant Mitaka, Petty Officer Ersela Tanau, and General Pryde boarded the shuttle to take you to the library once again. Once there you, the general and petty officer all went your separate ways.

You combed the resources for what seemed like hours. You came up with some simple videos and posters. You knew they would most likely need to be approved by someone on the Supremacy so you were not as worried this time.

Good Eating Habits (1951)

Eating for Health (1954)

Vintage Army Nutrition for U.S. Soldiers

Weight Reduction Through Diet (1951)

"Cheers For Chubby" Overweight & Healthy Diet 1950s PSA

1950's - How To Eat Healthy - Diet & Nutrition

Feeling proud of your digging you turn to the lieutenant and ask if there is anywhere you could go for lunch. To which he just informed you that you could go anywhere and that it would be taken care of.

“Is there anything that you would like lieutenant,” you ask him.

“Ma’am we can go where ever you wish.”

“But I am asking you if there is anything you would like. Are there any earth foods you would like to try?”

The lieutenant paused at this question. If you could peer into his mind you swear you could see cogs turning. Or maybe some little men running around with papers in their hands panicking and running into each other. You could definitely tell this was not a question he knew how to answer.

“Ok. How about we go to an old fashioned American diner? If you are used to what the starships serve than this will be a change.”

“Yes, ma’am. Would you like to go to one now?”

“I think that would be most preferable,” you respond. You looked up a local diner on your phone. It was at this moment that you forgot that General Pryde would have to accompany you, for your ‘safety.’ Loading up into the shuttle was you, Petty Officer Tanau, Lieutenant Mitaka, General Pryde, and your golden guard Commander Pyre and his stormtroopers.

Rolling up to the diner you could tell that the people milling about outside and inside were shocked at what was happening. You had to admit it was probably a sight to see a relatively normal-looking person surrounded by loads of First Order personnel. Overall lunch was pretty uneventful other than the diner basically clearing out after your arrival. All three officers ordered burgers and fries for the first time, while the commander insisted that his ‘troops were ok and would eat at a later time.

You all head back to the shuttle that takes you back up to the Steadfast. The lieutenant informed you that your laptop was back from wherever he had sent it off to. You made it back to your chambers as you still had some time before your daily tutoring session with General Hux.

You received a message from Kylo, ‘I will not be back until tomorrow evening. Lieutenant Mitaka has been ordered to get you whatever you may need.’

You decided you still weren’t in the mood to talk to him after the events of last night and his lack of informing you of his decision this morning. The lieutenant informed you that the general was ready for your next lesson. You made your way down to the conference room once again, where the red-haired man was pacing about. He seemed to also be in a mood today.

“General? May I ask you a question that is slightly unrelated to the topic before we begin?”

“Yes,” he responded with annoyance in his voice.

“General Pryde told me that he was a founding member of the First Order. Why didn’t you mention this?”

“Ah, I see,” you could tell there was something about this that turned on a switch in his brain. “Pryde is just that, prideful. While he was good friends with my father and Rae Sloane one argues why is he still here and they are not. I can answer that simply. He may have been from their time, but he has not helped the First Order as they have. The sacrifices they made. Their achievements. He is, was apart of the Empire before the fall. He holds onto that, he can’t move past that. He is stuck in time with no realism for the future,” said the general with disgust for the subject.

“Is this why you are Allegiant General and he is not,” you ask.

“One of the reasons. The other is that my achievements in my shorter military career outweigh his. That and Supreme Leader Ren and I have a history. Maybe not the best history, but he can generally trust my opinions and work ethic. Also although Ren likes his grandfather he wants to achieve more than him, so comparisons here and there are fine but practically obsessing over their similarities has proven to be too much for the Supreme Leader.”

“His grandfather?”

“Yes the late and triumphant Lord Vader. That is something I believe that the Supreme Leader will discuss with you when he believes you are ready. For now, let us stick to the topics at hand.”

Oh great, you were sure that the discussion of his grandfather might go over as well as the discussion of his parents. But if the general was so sure that Kylo might actually speak of it, then you should trust him. After all, Kylo trusts him more than Pryde, so that has to mean something.

[mari-beau]

PSA: IF YOU HAVE HAD COVID & SEEK MEDICAL FOLLOW-UP, KNOW YOUR PATIENT RIGHTS TO REFUSE UNNECESSARY TESTS

ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE SUBJUGATED TO THE AMERICAN HEALTH SYSTEM

IF YOU HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT YOUR COVID RECOVERY, DO SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION!! IT IS IMPORTANT. YOU COULD HAVE SERIOUS COMPLICATIONS.

BUT DESPITE ALL THE MOCKERY AND DERISION FROM THE MEDICAL FIELD, DO SOME RESEARCH YOURSELF (FROM LEGIT MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC INSTITUTION’S WEBSITES/SOURCES)

DOCTORS ARE JUST PEOPLE. AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE NOT THAT SMART. (AND YOUR DOCTOR IS NOT NECESSARILY SMARTER OR MORE CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING THE VIROLOGY AND BIOLOGY OF YOUR SITUATION THAN YOU ARE). QUESTION THINGS. MAKE THEM EXPLAIN AND JUSTIFY THEIR ACTIONS.

MAKE THEM LISTEN TO YOU!

MY STORY HAS BEEN PLACED BELOW A BREAK

Because TRIGGER WARNING for people with Hospital/Medical PTSD

I tested positive for COVID-19 well over a month ago. I got moderately sick. I did not need to be hospitalized (thankfully). And was able to manage it with cold medicine. It was in my lungs. I had a high fever that cycled on and off for days, cough, shortness of breath, fatigue. By day 11, I was recovered enough and deemed no longer infectious by Public Health’s certified nurses (who know and understand COVID guidance/pathology).

It still took me awhile to completely bounce back. And surprise-surprise, my work is extremely stressful (I work for a local Public Health Department, the ones tasked with doing all of the non-direct patient care pandemic work, such as case investigations, quarantining, helping the public, inspections, answering every single question of every single member of the public). So it was taking me longer to be at normal levels of health. And I was noticing I’d be fine for days, but when I started to get a little worn down from work, I’d start coughing again.

My coworkers were concerned and had one of our nurses encourage me to seek follow-up in case I had a secondary infection as a result of my COVID infection, such as bronchitis or pneumonia. I tried calling the practice where my doctor used to be (living in rural area, the doctors maybe last a year before leaving), but the receptionist said they had no providers until following Monday (I was calling on a Wednesday). She was also baffled by my spiel:

“I tested positive for COVID-19 on November 24. I was cleared by Public Health on Dec. 4. I feel fine most of the time, but when I get tired, I start coughing again. I would like to be checked out to make sure I don’t have bronchitis or pneumonia or lung damage.”

I’m not so sure what’s so difficult about that. I had to prompt her... Should I call back on Monday then to see if I can get checked out? 

My coworker used to be practice manager for that group of practices. And she was like WTF? and called over to confirm that they had no provider covering the practice through the New Year’s weekend. 

But to be honest, it wouldn’t have mattered if I’d gotten through to them, because come to find out, the whole “Health Systems” conglomerate in our region funnels anyone who has had COVID to the Main Hospital ER. My mother’s doctor, who she asked to follow up because she is older and had concerns about complications, was likewise sent to the “COVID unit” in the hospital, despite the fact that she was no longer infectious and in recovery.

Anyway, the nurse at work encouraged me to get checked out that day. So I called the Urgent Care. Again, the receptionist was baffled by my spiel. As was the nurse she had speak to me. The nurse informed me I had to go to the main hospital.

Fine. I thought. I’d just get my lungs checked out and get it over with. If I had a secondary infection, they could give me a steroid inhaler or stronger cough medicine or something. 

WRONG!

I show up to the Hospital, they funnel you through precautions (which is great). I give my spiel to the receptionist, adding on how I tried my primary care and urgent care, and they told me I had to come here. They give me to intake person, who asks me the standard questions and checks my vitals.

My heartrate is high.

I have panic attacks in hospitals. I can’t even visit people in the hospital. It’s not a conscious issue. And it’s completely outside of my control. I can attempt to manage with anxiety coping mechanisms, but to be honest it doesn’t work. 

I inform the intake nurse/doctor/whoever that my stress levels have been high from work, specifically Monday I was in the call center getting verbally abused by our wonderful community members all day long. And that I have panic attacks in hospitals. And was likely in early stages of panic attack. He replied to me that was on Monday and it’s Wednesday (someone who had no clue how anxiety works). And I of course sounded perfectly calm then, because part of how I cope is trying to keep my shit together and not freak out.

They admit me for having a high heart rate. (BECUASE DOCTORS DON”T LISTEN, ESPECIALLY TO WOMEN).

SO, SUMMARY SO FAR: I HAVE BEEN ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL FOR HAVING PANIC ATTACKS IN THE HOSPITAL WHEN I JUST WANTED SOMEONE TO CHECK MY LUNGS.

They stick me in a negative pressure COVID room because I had COVID a month ago (and they don’t seem to understand I am no longer infectious, or how viruses work; yes, some people remain very sick and infectious longer; I meet all the criteria of no longer being infectious). 

I have to change into hospital gown, etc. Doctor checks my lungs. Everything sounds fine. My 02 stats are 100%. 

I SHOULD HAVE BEEN RELEASED AT THIS POINT. I SHOULD HAVE REFUSED ALL FURTHER PROCEDURES AND TESTS. BUT I HAVE HOSPITAL-INDUCED ANXIETY AND AM IN NO STATE OF MIND TO QUESTION ANYTHING BECAUSE I’M BARELY KEEPING MY SHIT TOGETHER. NO WONDER I’M FUCKING TACHYCARDIC.

Next up is the nurses, come to hook me up to the heart monitor and EKG. 

AND DO THE ONE OTHER THING THAT CAN SEND ME INTO A FULL ANXIETY ATTACK. 

They ignore me when I tell them they need to use a pediatric needle on my veins. All of my mom’s family has small, hard to find, fragile veins. THEY BLOW OUT TWO OF MY VEINS IN ONE ARM WHILE A LAB PERSON IS TRYING TO DRAW BLOOD OUT OF MY OTHER ARM. 

I AM FINE WITH VACCINES/SHOTS. AND IF THEY CAN GET A NEEDLE IN AND DRAW BLOOD QUICK, I CAN KEEP MY SHIT TOGETHER. I HAVE NO CONSCIOUS FEAR OF NEEDLES OR BLOOD. BUT IF THEY MESS AROUND WITH MY ARMS TOO LONG, IT SENDS ME INTO FULL HYPERVENTILATING, CRYING HYSTERICALLY, LEG THRASHING PANIC ATTACK.

ALL THE WHILE, I’M APOLOGIZING TO THEM. AND HATING MYSELF FOR MY REACTION. 

The nurse keeps trying to comfort me as she blows out another vein in my arm for an IV I DID NOT NEED. I keep saying “I’m sorry. It’s stupid. It’s so stupid I get like this.” As I’m sobbing and hyperventilating. 

The nurse gives up after blowing out several veins in my arm when doing the saline wash. (This does not pardon me, but only buys me a reprieve). 

Lab Guy exits with some blood he managed to get out of one of my arms. 

I have been repeatedly questioned by doctors and nurses so far about having had another COVID test. I tell them no, since I can test positive for up to 3 months afterwards, it’s quite literally pointless.

THEY GIVE ME ANOTHER COVID TEST. 

My first one when I was actually sick, was just mildly uncomfortable. THIS TIME THEY MANAGE TO GIVE A PRETTY SPECTACTULAR BLOODY NOSE. AND PROMPTLY LEAVE THE ROOM AS I CALL ‘MY NOSE IS BLEEDING’ AFTER THEM. 

I HAVE TO USE THE MASK I WORE IN TO TRY TO STAUNCH THE NOSEBLEED. 

I THINK IT WAS HERE I HAD MY FULL ON PANIC ATTACK. IF YOU HAVE THEM, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN BY FULL-ON. I WAS ALONE. (WHICH I PREFER BECAUSE THEY EMBARRASS ME).

A different nurse finally comes back for some other reason (I don’t remember now). I ask her from some tissues. She hands me some paper towels. She leaves. She returns, gives me a washcloth to clean all the blood off my face and neck. Another nurse is with her. 

ROUND TWO OF DRAWING BLOOD & IV ATTEMPT

These ones do better. But I am calmer having just had the full-on panic attack. They have to use veins in my biceps to draw the blood. And finally get an IV in. (Mind you, it’s an IV I really didn’t need). They give me a bag of fluids and some anti-anxiety/sedative to try to bring my heart rate down (letting me go home would’ve worked far better).

They’ve already done the EKG. They put me through a CT scan and echocardiogram. And finally a chest x-ray (which would’ve been in the more necessary scope of treatment/evaluation for my complaint/concern about residual lung damage).

There’s a good wait time in between these.

I was already hydrated. I drink a lot of water. And so I had to pee very badly. 

Because, guess what the COVID test came back positive and they’ve stuck the official notice on the negative pressure COVID room door,  I have to use the little commode chair thing in the room. The nurse puts a little bedpan/measuring catch thingy in it. She takes some of my urine to test (so yet another unnecessary test). 

They give me another bag of fluids. Which makes me have to pee very badly again. I try to call a nurse. My bladder’s about explode. But I’m hooked up to machines and not sure if I’m allowed to leave the hospital bed. She glances in at me. Tells me it’s okay to go. 

I fill up the little bedpan. 

I will have to pee very badly again by the end of this ordeal, and have more than half a mind to go pee/overflow the bedpan into the rest of the ‘commode’.

But finally whatever doctor assigned to me comes back, says everything is fine and I can be released.

Mind you, my heartrate has remained low 100s for hours and hours (a little high for me, but I was in a fucking hospital and having panic attacks and my anxiety was still quite high).

I wait another half an hour for a nurse to come and disconnect me from everything and do a ‘verbal’ discharge. 

SO MANY TIMES I HAD WANTED TO YANK EVERYTHING OFF ME AND LEAVE. I NOW WISH I HAD DONE PRECISELY THAT.

My parents showed up and were waiting for me in the parking lot to drive me home and drive my truck home. My mom said it looked like I had been through a war. She’d never seen me look so terrible.

I went into work that morning feeling worn down from work. And I was coughing a little. I came out of the hospital 8 hours later feeling the worst I have in my life. Worse than when I was feverish and struggling to breath from COVID infection.

The public health nurses at my workplace advised me to file a complaint against the hospital. They agreed/informed me that what the hospital did was medically unnecessary.

I HAVE BRUISES ALL UP AND DOWN MY ARMS. I HAVE BURST CAPILLARIES UNDER MY EYES AND ACROSS MY CHEEKS FROM CRYING SO HARD. I HAVE WOKEN UP EVERY MORNING SINCE WITH A TIGHT KNOT OF ANXIETY IN MY CHEST. MY HEART RATE (WHICH I CHECK WITH A PULSE OXIMETER) HAS NOT RETURNED TO ITS NORMAL LOWER LEVELS. IT HAS BEEN FIVE DAYS.

SUMMARY:

 I HAD COVID AND RECOVERD. I WAS CONCERNED ABOUT POSSIBLE COMPLICATIONS SUCH AS BRONCHITIS, PNEUMONIA OR LUNG DAMAGE BECAUSE I HAVE A RECCURRING SLIGHT COUGH. 

NO HEALTH CARE PROVIDERS UNDER THE CONGLOMERATE THAT IS OUR ONLY CHOICE OF MEDICAL CARE IN OUR REGION WILL SEE ANYONE WHO HAS HAD COVID. THEY SEND THEM ALL DIRECTLY TO THE MAIN HOSPITAL ER COVID UNIT TO DO A SLEW OF UNNECESSARY TESTS AND RACK UP THE HOPISTAL BILL. 

I WENT TO GET A SLIGHT COUGH CHECKED OUT. INSTEAD I WAS SUBJECTED TO UNNECESSARY TESTS AND TREATMENT JUST TO BE TOLD I AM IN FACT PERFECTLY FINE. AND NOW I HAVE TEXTBOOK PTSD. 

FUCK YOU, AMERICAN HEALTH CARE SYSTEM.

**EXTRA REMINDER TO SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION AND FOLLOW-UP IF YOU HAVE HAD COVID AND ARE CONCERNED. JUST REMEMBER YOU HAVE RIGHTS AND OUR HEALTH CARE SYSTEM’S MAIN FOCUS IS MAKING MONEY**

[volnaib]

Nano 2019 review

I totally forgot to upload this one.

General notes:

I managed to write almost 6K words and update word count on nano site like two minutes to midnight of 30 November/1 December.

Totally disappointed by the nano website this year; thankfully, they did place a PSA on their uservoice site saying that yes, we know about backdating.

Writing this year was inconsistent from the "do the day norm" perspective. There were days when I sruggled to write 100 words and days when I wrote 2K words without much effort.

I wrote it in my second language. For the second time. Hooray for me!

Take into consideration/Tips for future me:

I have to stress it to my future self: don't write till 1 am. Just. Don't. First week, you get your 1667-2000 words and everything is good and well. Next week, you fall asleep before you can lay fingers on your laptop.

Do mind eyes exercises. Walking. And physical activity in general.

I didn't have any playlists. While in transport, I listened to my regular songs. In the evening, no music at all. Tea, maybe some crackers or whatever.

Sometimes when I reached an appropriate amount of words and thought the work for today done, I had some topics I wanted to work upon yet unexplored. I used to create a file for tomorrow and list these at the very beginning. Mind that it's really distressing to find the same list of prompts for several days in a row.

My frequent mistake: think long on what word would be suitable in this particular sentence. Solution: write several variants in parentheses. Sometimes the right one just comes to your mind after three wrong ones. If not, don't waste time on it, you'll have to edit and re-write the thing anyways.

(Thanks to nano site) I usually didn't open web browser during writing time at all. I just stored word count locally and updated it on the site once in about five days, hence the weird histogram there.

No scrolling through tumblr dashboard for inspiration. No inspiration folders. Open a book half way through, read several passages from it. Watch one episode of a show you always postpone. Stop thinking about writing, eat, drink, go for a walk. Watch the skies, clear your mind (for like five seconds, it's actually that hard) and listen to the sounds of your surroundings. Maybe post the 25K meme.

By the way, I had a "todo" file which didn't help much in terms of inspiration or answering the simple question of "what should I write today".

I scribbled some ideas for new writing projects. My consciousness told me that I should not do it, but I did it anyways. I knew I would not stop thinking about it and it will prevent me from thinking on the main story.

The last 5-6K: in half-an-hour sprints, around 1K words each (!!Second language man!!), with breaks for food/talking to people and such. Each sprint usually explored a separate topic unless it was a large one.

Was writing in editor with autosave, dark theme (felt easier on my eyes).

Total word count: 50014.

The 2018 rant is here.

[fitscientist]

Hello Jen :) My name is Brian Matthew Hadsell and I am a Singer-Songwriter from NYC. I would like to introduce myself and was wondering if you could please listen to some of my music :) I can be found on my Tumblr.

Hi @brianhadsell !!  So, I’d like to apologize first that I had to answer this one publicly. Got to get your name out there! I love your work! Do you have a manager? If you don’t, you need one. Do you have music videos? Sign me up.

PSA: IF YOU LIKE ACOUSTIC/INDIE POP CHECK THIS MAN OUT!!!

I spent the whole afternoon stalking browsing your blog, and I’ve made a Top 5 songs list that everyone should check out (IMO!), if you’re interested!

CHECK OUT BRIAN’S AWESOME MUSIC & IF YOU LIKE IT AND GOT $$$ SUPPORT A LOCAL ARTIST <3

~~~~~~

Honest and Open

Okay so this one struck me, I was in a LDR with my now-husband for two and half years, and daaaamn. The feelings. In the heartstrings. AND THEN THE SPANISH. Like whaaaaat, what a perfect addition, a little garnish of sorts. Definitely recommend. Got the chorus in my head and I ain’t even mad. Perfection. Gold. 1000/10 Listen here: https://brianmatthewhadsell.bandcamp.com/track/honest-and-open

Under the Moonlight

Such a cute romantic song. Love it. Want to slow dance with my love to it. 100/10. Tied for #1 tbh. Listen here: https://soundcloud.com/user-718026020/under-the-moonlight

Really Want to Be With You

Great acoustic and voice, very romantic and cute, totally could listen to while watching the rain coming down, or in a coffee shop, thinking about my love. 100/10. Listen here: https://brianmatthewhadsell.bandcamp.com/track/really-want-to-be-with-you

I Think

This song has a chill Gordon Lightfoot vibe, especially with the guitar. Coffee shop vibe. And validating the other person’s emotions and allowing them to feel whatever they’re feeling?? And allowing them to feel happy? Yes, 10/10, love it. Listen here: https://brianmatthewhadsell.bandcamp.com/track/i-think

San Francisco

This song is unlike the rest of your collection (album? albums?), but I love the experiment. Especially the drums. Totally different vibe than the cute acoustic romantic songs, but love it all the same, 10/10 Listen here:https://brianmatthewhadsell.bandcamp.com/track/san-francisco

[slimy-moose]

I’m Going To Murder Some 7th Graders: A Rant (1/2)

I am getting increasingly angry with the younger generation. While that makes me sound like a disgruntled grandmother, its the truth. My local middle school was putting on a version of Beauty and The Beast Jr. before it was postponed till further notice because of COVID-19. All grades at the middle school, 6th,7th, and 8th and local elementary schools get to skip classes for two hours to watch it for free. All grades and schools were a pleasure to preform for except one- 7th grade. The middle schools’ cast and crew, me being a light team member and one of the oldest behind the senior high school helpers, had worked twice a week for 2-3 hours before tech week when we had 4 hour rehearsals everyday to prepare for the school and public shows. Everyone was extremely excited to start preforming and our first 5 shows went well, with a few minor slip ups. What really took the cake that week was our 6th show where we preformed for the 7th graders.

As the 7th graders started to fill the auditorium, morale was high and everyone was eager for that first curtain open. When me and three other light gals went to collect the lights that were placed in the audience to create a cool and immersive effect, is when what we would soon learn to be the worst showing of our lives began. At first it was small, cute and silly flirting. It was all, “Ooo I can see you!”, “Do you lady's need help?” and, “I thought we weren't supposed to see you!” Cute silly things you’d expect from 7th grade boys trying to get a girls snap or phone number. It would quickly get worse. Scenes were acted in front of the curtains while big scene changes happened behind them. During a scene where one character is running down the stage steps, I had to set up lights with another girl on lower stage, stairs and castle entrance, when the catcalling began. It was only small comments from a few boys so we brushed it off. That was the most mild thing that was going to happen that night.

During a scene when the Silly Girls ran down the two audience aisle to drop at Gaston's feet on lower stage in front of the curtain, the groping started. One of the two Silly Girls that ran down audience left had her thigh grabbed half way down the aisle and comment was hollered after her, “Hey there sexy,” This left her shaken, upset, and disturbed. She locked herself in the Silly Girls changing room, “The Silly Shack,” till she was need back on stage. That would be it, we all hoped. Girls were terrified to walk the aisles for scenes, the guy cast members were deathly angry, and the tech crew, made mostly of girls that weren't afraid throw a punch, were fuming. And that was it- for a few scenes. During a scene where I set up lights in the audience and Belle walks with the Beast though the aisles, I was catcalled and so was our Belle. The ones that stuck with me after were “God, she's so sexy,” and “I’d like to see that dress on my floor,” I can not thank whatever higher power that is out there enough that she didn't hear these things, too caught up in her lines. 

That was it. Till “Kill The Beast,” where an extremely large part of the cast splits off into two groups and walks down the two audience aisles, which I followed the group of girls that walked down stage right, armed with a heavy flashlight, anger boiling in my little 5′5 body and permission from the staff to sock anyone who touches a cast member. 

 During this time 3 more girls were groped on audience left. One 11 year old, a 6th grader, and two 8th graders, both 13. No action was taken to find the kids who did this and as soon as the last curtain close ended most girls were in tears, me included. The boys were extremely angry and held many of the girls as they cried and tried to reassure the younger ones who were the most scared, this being their first experience with theater. The adult staff told us not to cry when our tears of grief and anger were justified, they said they’d do something after the first time. All that happened was a PSA about keeping phones put away during the performance. Younger generations are not being told to keep their hands to themselves, that no means no, and that those actors are people. This is not okay.    

KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELVES, YOU’RE NOT FOUR

[continent-of-wild-endeavor]

I am not generally your grocery tips PSA source, but

Get your spices in the international/ethnic aisle

They aren't gonna have everything, but what they do have is generally HELLA cheaper. In the same store. Same stuff. An aisle or two over from the "white people" spices. They're not even trying to hide this.

This here big thing of oregano was $1.99. I looked online to compare and here's a local one:

That's for 0.75 oz. I got 2.25 oz. And the "fancy" spice aisle usually doesn't have bigger containers at all.

It's not just a worse brand, either. Badia has good flavor - like, I didn't expect to have opinions on brands of black pepper, but Badia's is just pepperier than the whatever I was buying before.

International section. Spices. Do it. Save money, add flavor.

[scaryscarecrows]

FIGHT ME

AN: Most of the Local Gotham Criminals aren’t too fond of the Militia. Some of them are outright convinced they could fight them, which. Honey. Honey, no.

Posting this partly as a PSA: my laptop’s dying. I’ll be getting a new one very soon, but if I suddenly vanish (don’t reply to comments or anything), I’M FINE. Just between computers.

Not that Antoine has a Favorite Gotham Bad Guy, but if he did, for argument’s sake, it would be Penguin. Penguin is a nice, normal crime-lord-man who doesn’t have a mangled face for the Aesthetic, eat people, or in any way resemble a clown. Dealing with him is like stepping into The Godfather. Little unsettling, a lot shiny gold, no chance of being bitch-slapped by a fern.

His goons-for-hire, on the other hand, are. Well. His more permanent staff is just fine, but the grunts, the dumb muscle, the Bat-bait? They’re. Um. They’re the bottom of the barrel, there. As a sort-of goon-for-hire, he feels entitled to judge. And judge he does.

Hey, when he’s had to dodge one falling down drunk after challenging him to a fistfight in the alley, his opinions are going to be low.

There’s a group of them in here now, daring each other to drink something out of a black bottle with a-hand-to-heart, here-skull and crossbones on it. Arsenic? Cyanide? Who knows. Not him. Maybe not them, either.

They’re here to see Penguin in person. The boss has weapons specs to go over with the guy, which means he and Trent are along to provide extra muscle and intimidation. Well. Trent is. He’s here to drive, because the last time they were here the boss drove, like, two blocks before getting into it with an old man who nearly hit them. Words were exchanged. Antoine has a new respect for the elderly.

“—been in the army,” one of them is saying, and oh-ho. Sure, buddy. Prove it. C’mere and prove it. “I’m tellin’ ya, these militia boys ain’t shit.”

Well. Fuck you too, Mister…dude, c’mon. You are wearing a tattered American flag vest* with a stylized penguin patch superglued to the back of it. That’s it. That’s your outfit.

“Permission to kick their asses?” Trent rumbles. The boss snorts like he thinks this is funny. Traitor.

“Permission denied. Let this play out.”

Humph. Hopefully that translates to ‘let them dig their own graves’. They haven’t noticed them yet.

“Yeah, I dunno ‘bout bringin’ in a bunch’a outsiders,” somebody says. “Gotham’s our city. We’re the only ones allowed to terrorize it.”

“Maybe it’ll fall through.”

The first one, the one with the bad fashion choices, tosses back a shot of the questionable liquid and sputters for a few seconds before slamming his glass down.

“Fill me up. And fuck ‘em. Next time they come in, Imma fight ‘em.”

“Permission granted.”

Trent cracks his knuckles and crosses the room. Bad Fashion yelps as he’s hefted up by his neck. Antoine will acknowledge that it’s probably traumatic, but y’know what? Talk shit, get hit.

The Knight chuckles, that particular creepy one that only comes out when somebody’s going to suffer for their stupidity, and the two goons still on the ground pale.

“Really? Weren’t you just saying you wanted to fight one of my men?” Bad Fashion is wheezing a little. Antoine risks poking Trent so he maybe doesn’t strangle the guy by accident. Nothing happens. “Change your mind so soon?”

“Um—”

“Ages here can break you in half like a piece of three-year-dried kindling,” the boss continues, tone horribly amicable. “Drouot knows a dozen different ways to kill you with a butter knife.” This is a lie. He knows six, and the knife can’t be a shitty plastic one. It has to be metal. He’s killed a guy with a plastic knife before, but it was a fluke, brought on by adrenaline and a running monologue of SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT. “And, well…” He gestures to himself. “You’re welcome to try.”

Somebody makes a peeping noise, like a baby bird. Bad Fashion gasps for air. Antoine is kind of hoping somebody gives him an excuse to prove his butter knife skills (they don’t have to be fatal, they just have to hurt), when the door swings open. Crap.

“What in the world—”

“They started it!”

Slander.

Dove Marquis looks tempted to tell all of them to fuck right off and just leave. But she settles for stalking over, swiping the bottle of questionable liquid off the table, and ferrying it behind the bar.

“I don’t care. I don’t care if Tetch stuck a chip in your hat and told you to moon them.” Who is she talking to? Them? Penguin’s people? “I am the one having to call the carpet cleaners and deal with the run-around when somebody gets stabbed, and I do not want to deal with Sheryl.” What’s happening? “So please be friends for ten minutes until Mister Cobblepot gets here. Okay?”

“But—”

“You don’t want to play Umbrella Stand, do you?”

Whatever that is, it must be bad, because they shut up. The Knight turns to Trent and says, “Drop him.”

Trent looks like he wants to drop Bad Fashion’s mangled corpse, but he looks at his fingers until they start to lift free. The guy hits the ground with a nasty thud! and crawls away.

“Thank you.” He doesn’t want to be the goons. They look traumatized. Marquis plasters a smile on her face and says, “You boys want anything?” He can just hear the implied, arsenic? “Water? This wind just dries you right out.”

“No, thank you.”

“Hm.” The black bottle goes under the counter. “Suit yourselves.”

The next ten minutes consist of the most awkward silence he’s ever experienced, and it’s a relief when Penguin finally limps in, eyes flicking from one to the other. He knows. Antoine’s not sure how, but he knows.

“Step into my office, boys,” he says. “We have some things to discuss, don’t we?”

THE END

*Of all the Game Over Men, this one hurts the most just because…well…THAT guy? THAT GUY took down the BATMAN? Shit, Bruce, I’m so sorry, I am not worthy, like, at all.