#PLS DONT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY ITS SATIRE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

akgaereporter · 9 months ago

Text

zeroses: queerosins & hetrosins fighting over twitter survey😕

tldr: a big hao pics account did a rosin survey and posted the results, the sexuality section being a whole 51% straight. queerosins started joking abt it bc its ironic but hetrosins took actual offense and start being homophobic forreal.. mind u these people stan ZHANG HETEROPHOBIC HAO🤕

we used to be a proper country..

so earlier @/haopics posted this fun little thread of rosin demographics, like what gender, job, fav song/album, 2nd bias, etc is popular among rosins. super cute n just a fun interactive thing for the subfandom to have, right?? right….????😓

well no.. dont forget u cant laugh or smile in zeroseville they will jinjja slaughter u😕 the issue started when queerosins started making twts about the sexuality portion of the survey, all of which were clearly unserious..?

there qrts were filled w these, and this was genuinely the worst i could find. no one LITERALLY no one was taking it seriously. like as a straight person if u see this and feel inherently offended then we need to run it back bc this is not any form of oppression..? as long as ur not an akgae, not HOMOPHOBIC, streaming his music and supporting him, trust me no1 actually gaf if ure a hetero rosin its just ironic. these twts shouldnt bother u?? maybe giggle at them a little? “im so sorry you have straight fans” should NOT have u pressed enough to tweet sht like this☠:

whats it finna play.. WOAH🤕 when ur in a dramatic competition and ur opponent is a straight rosin.. “remember you cry on the streets to be respected”????????????? hello?????? discriminaton where exactly???? hao would block n report u all actually bc resorting to casually homophobia in response to satirical tweets made by a minority group is insane.. when u stan this man??

what happened to like idol like fans?? like erm.. yall really sitting here upset over “heterophobia” coming from the fans of the heterophobe founding father himself.. idk maybe sit down and think long and hard abt who u stan🤕 best of luck w that

LMFAOO THIS PERSON GMFU. please.. ples.. stop it… i am criiyng… Hao is my bias he is never gay pls… stop spreading rumours please……im tire of people saying he is home of sexual… he is chinese…..😓

there were were also some people who felt it was a bad idea to have the sexuality section included at all, bc its “no one’s business”:

but it was a public survey..? wdym none of ur business when people obviously offered this information up😭 and "did yall ever see him for his talent" is a crazy thing to say in this context like what are u even talking abt dawg🫤 i guess zeroseville has gotten to a point where even talking abt sexuality has become discourse fuel. this is just so unserious like it shouldnt be a problem to mention and joke abt orientation without someone getting mad. yall speculate about the jebes sexualities constantly, hao in particular actually, and if thats not a touchy subject then why is this?? and why was yall's go to response ACTUAL homophobia like..

but out of everyone i feel so bad for haopics like they just wanted to do a fun thing for their subfandom and look what happened,, that dec survey def aint happening after yall pulled this nonsense😭

bottom line everyone needs to unclench and smile a little (challenge level IMPOSSIBLE for zerosetwt)🤕

[c l o s e t a b ?] ◀ ⇨ akgaepop.com

#kpoptwt #kpop twitter #zhang hao #rosins #zeroses #zb1 #zerobaseone

0 notes

iprobablyneedtherapyhaha · 3 years ago

Text

Kaeya discord daddy X reader (childe discord daddy x reader chapter 2)

satire dont dox me pls

----------------------------------------------

It’s been 3 months since you ended things with your ex discord daddy Childe (or tartaglia69) for cheating on you with zhongli. You had to keep up with rent and bills though, so recently you found a discord server to join. There was a lot of roleplay, but most people who used it played fortnite and minecraft together. There were a good amount of discord mods, but one in particular stood out to you, his username was icePrinceLoneWolfAlphaAlcoholic420. You were going to make him your daddy no matter what.

Night was approaching, and you knew the server would likely be active. Sitting down in your poggy gamer chair (its pink) you opened discord on your PC (its also pink) and put on your headphones (they’re pink.) They had cat ears on them that lit up. You clicked on the server and saw a voice chat active with icePrinceLoneWolfAlphaAlcoholic420, but there were a few other people in there. They were mods, which meant competition. You grabbed your monster energy drink and chugged it, preparing yourself. Their usernames were barbaetos, kreideprinz (you assumed it was their stripper name) and then one you recognized. Your stomach dropped and you felt rage ignite within you like fire. Focusing your eyes back onto the screen, it was tartaglia69. Why was he here? What could he possibly want from a discord mod? He always talked about how much he hated other discord mods and how he wasn’t like the rest. Yet here he is, sucking up to YOUR daddy.

“Fuck that whore” you mumbled to yourself. You weren’t going to let him ruin something for you again. Taking in deep breaths, you took a moment to compose yourself and clicked join.

“H-hi meow!” you stuttered out with a cheery tone.

“Nya hewwo!” The kittens said in unison, excluding tartaglia69 who said nothing and sat in silence.

“Good evening, m’lady.” A cool and sexy voice broke the silence, tipping his fedora despite the fact you couldn’t see. It was his natural gentleman reflexes.

“My name is y/n, meow!”

“My name is kaeya, but you can call me daddy.” He replied.

“Get on bedwars kittens. Whoever wins, besides me heheheh, gets to dm daddy.” Kaeya demanded.

----------------------------------------------

The rest of the players had already been eliminated, now it was just you, kaeya, barbaetos, kreideprinz and tartaglia69. Childe’s bed was right across from yours and currently he was distracted fighting venti. You built clay blocks around your bed and decided to run for childe’s bed. You had to win, you couldn’t lose to tartaglia69 after everything that happened. You were sweating while frantically building blocks towards his bed. You could hear venti whining about getting killed, which meant childe would probably be coming for you next. Your heart pounding, you decided to keep going. Maybe you were being risky, but this was worth it. Finally at his bed, you destroyed the wool around it. Seriously? He used wool? ‘What a fucking noob,’ you thought to yourself. You were so focused on destroying his bed that you didn't notice his obnoxious laughter on the call.

“y/n, you lose.” He continued laughing. Fuck, he was probably at your bed. But you were able to break his first. He was complaining and being teased by venti, but you weren’t paying much attention. Your focus was on destroying Albedo’s bed next. You felt relieved to have eliminated childe, but you couldn’t forget about Kreideprinz, you assumed he was your biggest competition. By the time you got to his bed, Kaeya was already there and had just destroyed it. Which meant that you had now won your way into his dms. Letting him destroy your bed (since you wouldn’t dare challenge the alpha) you meowed at him and praised him

“Nya, pogchamp! Daddy is so good! Teheheh.” You chuckled like an obedient little kitten.

“Y/N, looks like you’ll get to dm me, owo.” The rest of the kittens groaned and meowed sadly at this. Little did you know, one of them was already in his dms.

--------------------------------------------

After a few hours of more bedwars, everyone finally logged off. It was a long night of meowing and socializing, you were really tired. Getting in bed, you notice your phone light up and there was a dm from icePrinceLoneWolfAlphaAlcoholic420.

“Hewwo kitten…” it read.

“owo? Daddy! *pounces*” you replied.

You saw him typing, and it’s been a few minutes now. You bit your lip. What could he be writing? You were so curious.

“I hate everything I hate my life everything sucks I’m depressed, i have anxiety, im adopted, both my dads are dead and i don’t have a mom. When i was 5 i got kidnapped, tortured, burned alive, hit by a car, beat by my parents, made fun of for my height, got kicked out of school, became a drug dealer to support my family, got kicked out of therapy, became a mafia boss in one day. My life is so difficult and nobody understands me i fucking hate myself i should just go die. Why do females hate me so much I don't understand why can't females just appreciate nice shallow guys like me they don't care about my sad backstory and dont care about my boobs well im sorry im a fucking sigma male and im not some stupid spineless pussy ass bitch where did they get the audacity to tell me something is wrong with my attitude? I hate the female species so much just shut up fucking bitch stop being so goddamn picky. Everyday i look in the mirror and give myself a 30 minute pep talk and admire my cleavage. I tell myself youre a bad bitch kaeya youre an alpha youre a sigma everybody wants you BUT WHERE ARE THE WOMEN WHO WANT ME I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE MAYBE I HAVE NO REDEEMING QUALITIES MAYBE MALE GENES HAVE DIED OUT AND BECOME STUPID AND FEMALES ARE JUST SO ABOVE US NOW GODDAMNIT I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING *walks to my mirror, shirtless with my abs shining. Rests a hand on my forehead and one hand against the wall as i start cackling darkly* IM JUST LIKE THE JOKER FUCKING HELL I HATE SOCIETY nya *pounces back and curls up on you*”

You stare at your phone in silence for a good few minutes. Your room was dark, lit only by the faint glow of your phone. Your frail hand began to tremble as tears poured from your eyes. You had no idea Kaeya had it this hard.

You began to type, “Daddy, i-i’m so sowwie… i think you’re great..! Pepehands….Y-youre good enough for me! I can fix you!”

“You’re not like the other kittens…” He replied. He decided to gift you nitro for being so obedient.

“uwu thank you daddy! Pogchamp!” Kaeya was such a good daddy, he was already spoiling you so well.

----------------------------------------------

The morning sun attacked your eyes while you were trying to make your coffee. You’d barely woken up and were feeling really tired from talking with Kaeya all night. Suddenly, your phone started buzzing. Without looking to see who it was, you answered.

“y/n.” you heard a voice that sounded too familiar and annoying. Tartaglia69.

“What do you want you stupid fucking cunt?” you yelled at him.

“icePrinceLoneWolfAlcoholic420 is MY discord daddy. I need him. You see.. Zhongli took all my money, and now I cant afford to be his daddy anymore. I barely have enough money for myself right now, icePrinceLoneWolfAlcoholic420 has been spoiling me well and I don’t want you ruining this for me so back off.” Childe growled at you. “You can’t tell me what to do anymore meow!” You hung up angrily, not even processing he said Kaeya is his daddy.

Kaeya kept sending you lots of money, and you’d been his kitten for about a month now. Until suddenly, you received a message from him.

“This is pepehands, but i can’t be your daddy anymore Y/N. You see, tartaglia69 is my special kitten. He makes daddy LULW uwu. I can’t afford spoiling you like this anymore. I sowwie *pouts*

You closed discord without responding. You were in total shock. How could this be happening again…? What was wrong with you? Your palms were sweaty and you started sobbing. Getting off your poggy gamer chair, you took a moment to try and redirect your sadness into anger towards tartaglia69. You wanted to kill him with your petite and tiny hands.

After about an hour, you opened up the server and put tartaglia69’s IP and home address in the discord server. This is what he gets for messing with you. You left the server and blocked Kaeya. This is the beginning of your villain arc. Your origin story. You’re done being a nice kitten….

81 notes · View notes