#PLS DON’T DRAG ME FOR HOW OOC THIS IS (1)

[planetveensz]

the feeling that remains — ellie williams

— part 1/7 you meet ellie during highschool, the catalyst of some of the best years of your life... until they aren't. three years after breaking up, you're trying to move on with your life. dina and jesse are getting married; and when dina asks you to be one of her bridesmaids, how could you refuse? but guess who just so happens to be jesse's best (wo)man? tw: second chance romance! exes to lovers! modern!au, fem!reader, slow burn, mult storylines, angst, fluff, first meetings, religious trauma, homophobia, gay slurs, drinking, smoking, mild violence, possibly some ooc vibes, eventual smuttt :p wk: 5.4k, spotify playlist! an: ellie my wife <3 i hope i do you justice in this fic <3 this is probably going to be a bit slower to update, once every two weeks maybe? a lot of this is based off my own personal experiences as a gay woman so it's very near and dear to me :) i am always open to suggestions, feedback, and ideas! so pls send them in! enjoy xx

series masterlist | part 2

IT RAINED THE NIGHT you first met Ellie.

You knew who she was; there were always rumors about her floating around school. People called her terrible names behind her back, said she was someone you shouldn’t hang around. You avoided her not because you believed them, but because you were intimidated by her. 

Ellie was devastatingly pretty; had such kind green eyes and a sweet smile, she was also way cooler than you could ever dream of being. You were sure if you tried to speak to her you wouldn’t get one word out, she made you so nervous.

You watched her diligently from inside Dina’s living room, a paper party hat on your head. Dina invited you over to celebrate her 16th birthday, throwing a small party. Her parents were out of town and her big sister Talia had gotten her hands on some alcohol. You’d known Dina from a very young age; you went to the same preschool and became best friends in kindergarten. Dina was one of your only friends, aside from the girls in your church choir. 

Now that you had entered the second half of your sophomore year, you felt as if Dina stayed friends with you out of pity. She was always dragging you along, taking it upon herself to invite you to things. You appreciated it but had an inkling no one else wanted you around like she did. Dina required that you made an appearance at all events she hosted; she was also sure to bring you to bonfires and house parties, claiming you as her “plus one”.

You sighed and passed a red solo cup from one hand to the other, wiping the condensation off on your jeans. You were tipsy, it was the second time you had ever had alcohol outside of church. When you first arrived, you eyed the cup Dina handed you suspiciously. “Don’t worry,” Dina said, “you won’t go to hell for getting a little drunk.” 

You had taken the cup with a shy smile. “Happy birthday, Dina.” You handed her the gift you’d been holding in your other hand. She gasped, hands falling on your shoulders with the most gleeful smile on her face. 

The wrapping was perfectly done, you had hunched over the thing until every line was parallel and taped down perfectly. You finished it with a charming blue ribbon, tied in a neat bow at the front. “Oh, it’s lovely!” Dina gushed and you preened under her kind words. She untied the bow and carefully ripped open the paper to reveal her present. She squealed, pulling out the special edition copy of Pride and Prejudice. “You shouldn’t have!”

Really, you shouldn’t have. You saved up every cent you earned from chores the last four months to afford the book, but you wanted to spoil Dina. She deserved it, for sticking with you all these years, for being such a good friend. Before you could reply, she snapped that stupid party hat on your head and gave you a big kiss on the cheek. “You’re precious,” Dina said earnestly, “I adore you.”

You flushed at her words, unable to take the compliment. You scratched the back of your neck, attempting to brush off the twisting feeling in your stomach. You laughed awkwardly, “thanks.” Dina snorted, patting the same cheek she’d smooched.

“Now drink up, church girl, the party just started!”

You’d lost sight of Dina a while ago, choosing to stand aside in the living room while people chattered around you. Some music was bumping from an old speaker Dina thrifted with you a few months ago. There weren’t that many guests, a handful of people you knew from school, some of Talia’s friends as well. Ellie was sitting on the back porch around the firepit with Jesse and a couple of buddies, smoking a joint and talking loudly with each other. 

The fire flickered and illuminated the freckles on her cheeks. You smiled to yourself when you noticed her dimple became more prominent the more animatedly she spoke. That’s when the rain started, along with a boom of thunder in the sky. Your little bubble popped and everyone shuffled inside, opting to sit in the living room. You could feel the strained expression form on your face as it became more crowded.

Jesse noisily suggested playing truth or dare and you took that as your cue to leave. You snuck off into the kitchen, filling a glass with water. Your mouth had gone dry from your drink and your head was swimming a little from the effects of the alcohol. The water soothed your throat as you drank it.

“Not interested in playing games?” You choked on the mouthful you were about to swallow, whipping around to see Ellie leaning against the entranceway to the kitchen. Her eyebrows raised at your reaction and you could see that she was fighting off a smile.

You wiped your mouth with your hand. “N-no. Well, yes, I mean—” you paused. “Just needed some water.” You lifted the cup in your hand. 

“I can see that.” Her smile was sly and precarious. You weren’t sure if she was teasing, flirting, or making fun of you.

You squinted your eyes at her, “are you not interested? In playing games, I mean.” Ellie took a few steps towards you. Her auburn hair was damp from the rain and you could smell it on her sweatshirt; an earthy, rich scent.

She plucked the cup from your hands, sipping on your water. She placed it on the counter, empty. “Not really, no. They’re lame.” She tilted her head at you, a hazy look in her eyes.

“Are you high?”

She laughed right in your face, “yes, you priss. That’s what happens when you smoke.”

A raging warmth bloomed on your face. This was maybe the second time you’d ever spoken to Ellie alone; the previous being a bunch of stuttered sentences while you both waited for Dina to join you after school. You didn’t remember her being this snarky. “Okay.” You stressed, “no need to be rude.” You crossed your arms defensively.

She huffed through her nose, a smile on her lips. She flicked the hat on your head. “Just messing with you.” She bit her bottom lip and your gut twisted in anticipation.

You ripped the hat off your head, placing it on the counter next to the cup; suddenly feeling juvenile for wearing it. You plucked up all of the courage you had, from the alcohol and pure spite. “You sure you aren’t being a flirt? I’ve heard things about you, Williams,” you tilted your head playfully so she knew you were joking too.

She was full-on grinning, her eyes sparkled. That dimple below the left corner of her mouth appeared. Your breath caught in your throat. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” She leaned in slightly, looking at you with an expression that made butterflies flutter in your stomach.

You scrunched your nose at her, genuinely smiling for the first time that night since seeing Dina. “Y’know,” you turned your head away from her, looking up at the ceiling to avoid her piercing green eyes, “I’ve never smoked before.” 

Her smirk was pure electricity, “well, that just won’t do.” The cutesy butterflies became a hoard of bats when she pulled a new joint out of her back pocket. Her hand grasped yours and you were taken aback at how soft her skin was. You stared at your conjoined hands as she began pulling you to the other side of the kitchen, towards the connecting hallway.

You laughed and allowed her to lead you upstairs to the last door on the right, Dina’s room. Ellie shut the door behind you both and plopped herself on Dina’s window seat. You watched, frozen, as she wrestled the creaky old window open and stuck the joint in her mouth. “C’mere,” she nodded to the space next to her, speaking around the joint, “I don’ bite.”

You sprung into action, stumbling over to her. You sat next to her, your knees knocking against hers. She lit the joint, sucking in air so that the end ignited. She grasped it between her pointer finger and thumb as she passed it to you. “Now, don’t inhale too much, you’re gonna cough a lot cuz this is your first time.” She facilitated, “just take small hits until your throat’s used to the burn.”

You nodded, letting her words sink in. You brought the joint to your mouth, curling your lips around the filter, and breathed in. The taste was pleasant, but the burn was not. You immediately let out a cough, a puff of smoke escaping your mouth, unable to help yourself. You passed the joint back to her.

She smiled at you knowingly, “I was really bad the first time I smoked,” she laughed slightly, “nobody told me to take it easy so I inhaled way too much.” She took a hit of her own. “Coughed so hard I threw up.”

You let out a surprised laugh, shocked to hear that someone with her reputation had a story like that under her belt. “When was this?” You asked curiously.

“Back in Boston, before I moved here.” Ellie explained, “I did it right in front of the girl I had a massive crush on. It was so embarrassing.”

You smiled at her affectionately; passing the joint back and forth, you allowed a light daze to settle over your mind. “The first time I ever drank, Dina and I snuck a whole glass of vodka from her mom’s stash during a sleepover. We got so drunk we had to lay on the floor, everything was spinning so bad.”

Ellie gave you a bemused smile, “damn, church girl has a bad side.”

“I didn’t really want to do it at first, but, y’know,” you shrugged, picking your fingernails.

“What?” Ellie urged.

“It’s Dina.” You stated.

Ellie nodded, understanding settling on her face. “Oh, so you have a crush on Dina?”

“What?” You exclaimed, “no! I mean, she’s my best friend—”

“Yeah.” Ellie interrupted, “your best friend. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” She shoved your shoulder, laughing at your mortified face. “All closeted girls fall in love with their best friend, it’s a right of passage.”

“Wha—?” Your face flamed with embarrassment, “Ellie, I am not gay. It’s a sin.”

Her eyebrows raised at you and she scoffed. “Right.” She said.

“I have nothing against gay people,” you held your hands up, attempting to explain yourself, “I just can’t—I can’t be gay.” She chewed the inside of her cheek as you accepted the joint from her hands, taking an especially large hit. You cough like crazy when you pass it back to her. “I have no problem with you, I’m sorry I said that.”

“‘s okay.” She said, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear and dropping her head to gaze at her shoes.

“No, it’s not.” You leaned forward so that you could look her in the eye. “I’m not like the other kids at school, I’m not some bigot.”

Ellie laughed at you again, “I got it, I got it.” Her eyes sparkled when the moonlight bounced off of them; you found yourself needing to catch your breath, chest tight. It was the smoke, just the smoke. 

There was a knowing look on her face when she looked at you again, like she understood something you didn’t. “So, what exactly have you heard about me, then?” She asked you suddenly.

“That you’re a… raging lesbian that sells drugs and fights people for fun.” You crooked a smile at her when you said it. Ellie laughed out loud, cackling with her head thrown back. You couldn’t help but join in.

IT BEGAN TO RAIN when your flight took off for California.

You had the window seat and because of your anxiety, you held your pee for three hours instead of squeezing past your neighbors to get to the restroom. While rushing to the airport bathroom, you felt a string of buzzing in your pocket. You pulled your phone out and watched as nearly a hundred texts from Jesse pinged on your phone, stress-ridden and panicked; finally loading after you got cell service again.

You smiled wistfully, using the toilet before even attempting to respond let alone read his manic word vomit. You headed to the baggage carousel as you began to sift through the messages. Most were just mangled screaming, some half-literate, some fully realized thoughts. You rolled your eyes affectionately, a smile tugging on your lips.

Jesse was asking Dina to marry him today.

Instead of sending a supportive text, you decided giving Jesse a call would do a lot more good. He picked up after the first ring. “Jess,” you greeted carefully, “I got your messa—”

“Please help me!” He wailed on the other side of the phone. You attempted to disrupt the laugh that passed through your lips with a cough; he had never sounded this frazzled before.

“What’s wrong?” You urged, eyes flickering to the conveyor belt as it started spitting out suitcases.

“I’m not sure if I should wear the blue suit with a red tie or the black suit with the black tie or the gray suit—”

“Jesse, dude,” you said slowly, “please, calm down. You’re working yourself up for no reason.” You spotted your luggage and huffed as you lifted it off the carousel. “This proposal is super intimate and private, I don’t think you should wear a suit at all.”

“But Joel said—”

“Jess, I love and respect Joel so much, but don’t take advice from a man who’s never been married and hasn’t had to worry about what he’s wearing for a woman since Ellie graduated from college.” You said expressionlessly, all in one breath. There was a pause over the phone. 

Jesse erupted into laughter. “Oh, man,” it sounded like he was wiping a tear, “I can always count on you to make me feel better.”

You couldn’t help the smile that twitched onto your lips. “You should wear dark bottoms with a light top or light bottoms with a dark top. Think dressed up casual, if you go too fancy it’ll clash with the location.” You had the phone wedged between your ear and your shoulder as you fiddled with your purse, trying to grab your sunglasses. “I’ll find some inspiration for you on Pinterest.”

“Ugh, you’re a lifesaver.” Jesse sounded much more relaxed. “Thank you.”

“Of course, Jess, call me if you need anything else, okay?” He made an affirmative sound before you said your goodbyes and hung up. You chuckled, shaking your head at your best friend.

Your next call was to Talia, who said she was parked in front of your terminal. The California heat embraced you when you stepped outside of the airport lobby; it felt like coming home. You loved the feeling of the dry, unforgiving air against your skin. It had been too long.

A melancholy feeling took hold of your heart, squeezing it gently within its bitter palm. So much had changed since you were last in Cali; everything had changed the day you left Cali.

Talia drove a swanky little Volkswagen Beetle, it was a bright yellow and she had the top down. The wind brushed your balmy skin as you drove along the Californian coast; it was like a dream realized. In two hours, your best friends would be engaged.

“The engagement party’s gonna have an open bar,” Talia grinned, one hand on the steering wheel, “you better know I’m gonna abuse that shit after all the trouble we’ve gone through.”

It was true; keeping this massive secret from Dina, being emotional support for Jesse, and helping to plan the proposal. It was a lot of work, but it was worth it.

“She’s going to love it so much, I don’t even care how stressed I’ve been.” You replied, imagining the look that was going to be on Dina’s face when she showed off her ring. 

Most guests didn’t know what the party Jesse had planned was actually for, meaning it’d be a shock for nearly everyone there. Dina loved surprises and having a surprise engagement party after her proposal was going to be like icing on the cake for her.

Talia hesitated and you looked at her inquisitively, “...are you like—worried about Ellie being there?”

You laughed nervously in response,  “now that is something I’m not thinking about.” And you really hadn’t. You had gotten so good at pushing Ellie and all of the emotional baggage that came with her out of your mind. You forced yourself not to think about her; to keep her intimate smiles and loving giggles from resonating in your head.

It had been three years; having thoughts about your ex after that long was kind of concerning.

Talia relented, allowing you to stop the conversation before it happened. You spoke about the dress you’d brought to wear to the party and sent Jesse some outfit ideas from your Dina + Jesse Wedding Inspiration board.

Dina’s face sparkled as bright as the darling ring on her left fourth finger. Just as you thought it would. You were over the moon for her; the choked gasp she let out when she saw you for the first time in the cramped bar nearly made you sink to your knees. Your sweet Dina was finally getting everything she’d dreamed of.

“You’re here!” She exclaimed into your hair as she hugged you tight against her.

You rubbed her back, “of course I am. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” When you pulled apart her eyes were wet with emotion.

“Ugh,” she dabbed at her lashes, “don’t make me cry, you fucker.”

She’d slipped away into the crowd not much longer after that, tending to the other guests who were congratulating her and Jesse. Before you could huddle back into a corner, Jesse squeezed you into his embrace and kissed the top of your head. The tears that burned the back of your eyes convinced you to grab another drink before disappearing.

You signaled to the bartender, who approached you with a smile. “Whiskey, neat,” you said, propping your arms onto the bartop. “Please.”

“I see some things never change.”

Your head whipped to your right at the sound of a familiar drawling voice.

Ellie Williams’ gorgeous green eyes met yours, a hundred-watt smile forming on her face that sent your heart into palpitations. She was wider, fuller, clearly stronger. All signs of youth had been erased from her face with age. She’d always been annoyingly attractive, but apparently, you couldn’t catch a break from that fact even if she was your ex-girlfriend.

Even if she was your biggest heartbreak.

“Ellie,” her name left your mouth like a whisper, or maybe a prayer. How long had you secretly begged to see her again?

“Hey,” she greeted; leaning coolly against the bar, propping her tattooed forearm on the edge. You swallowed thickly.

“When’d—” your voice cracks, “when’d you get here? I didn’t see you come in.”

Her gaze swept down the length of your body and it felt like she just casually set you on fire. “I snuck in a couple minutes ago. I missed the big entrance, don’t tell anyone.” She gave you a half-smile, that fucking dimple creasing the corner of her mouth.

You felt like you were totally fumbling this interaction. She had completely thrown you off your axis; tossed a wrench into your meticulous plans to avoid interacting with her. The bartender placed your drink in front of you and Ellie grabbed their attention to order her own.

You gulped down your whiskey in three large mouthfuls, eye twinging at the taste. Your sinuses cleared and the additional oxygen to your brain calmed you a bit. “Oh—and another whiskey for the lady, please,” Ellie said as you placed your empty glass on the bar top.

You chuckled embarrassedly when Ellie winked at you while she spoke, mortified with yourself. Oh, you were entirely falling apart.

“How’s your mom?” Ellie asked and you released a breath.

“Um—good,” you cupped the back of your neck with your hand, avoiding her face. “She moved up to Boston last year to be closer to me. She’s uh, remarried.”

Ellie’s voice raised in surprise, “oh, you’re on the East Coast now?”

“Mhm,” you nodded, sending the bartender a smile when they placed your new drink in front of you, “moved there for work.” When Ellie didn’t say anything you spared a glance at her.

She looked kind of shell-shocked, a tick in her mouth that made your gut turn. You knew why, but didn’t have the strength to say anything about it to her. “What’s Joel up to? We haven’t spoken for a while.”

Ellie forced a smile, “oh, you know. Being an old man.” She wrung her fingers together like she was building her courage. “So, were you ever gonna tell me that—”

Someone called out your name from behind you. Abby Anderson approached you with her arms open and you let out a gasp when you saw her. “Abs!” You gave her a big hug. “Jesse said you weren’t coming!”

“I wasn’t, but when I heard you’d be here—”

You smacked her shoulder playfully, “stop that.”

“I was able to use some PTO last minute.” Abby’s pouty lips pulled into a smile.

A warm hand brushed your lower back, sending a shiver up your spine. Ellie leaned down to speak softly in your ear, “I’m gonna go congratulate the happy couple, I’ll see you later?”

The musky, spicy scent of her cologne flooded your senses and everything became hazy. She smelled downright edible.

“Yeah.” You breathed out, eyes fixed on the slope of her nose and lips.

She squeezed your hip lightly as her hand moved away. “Anderson,” she greeted Abby. 

“Hey, Ellie, nice to see you,” Abby replied. Ellie sent her a two-finger salute, then walked towards the hoard of people surrounding Dina and Jesse.

“Jesus fuck,” you complained, fanning a hand on your blistering cheeks.

Abby snorted, “how ya doin’?”

You sent her a withering look. “Shut up.”

DINA FORCED YOU to come to her house for a party again.

This time, you arrived before most guests; tupperware of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies clutched in your sweaty hands. You were nervous about the social interaction, dreading it, actually. Your hand trembled when you pushed open Dina’s front door. 

Ellie trailed in after you, keys dangling off her index finger while she held the screen door open for you. She was your designated driver for the night. You insisted you didn’t need one, you weren’t going to have more than one drink, but she wouldn’t surrender.

A cookie Ellie had hand-picked as the best from the batch was hanging out of her mouth. You suspected that was the real reason she wanted to drive you, first pick out of the cookie selection. You rounded the corner and entered the kitchen; some of your anxiety was chased away when you laid eyes on Dina and Jesse.

Jesse squealed in excitement when he saw the treats you brought over. He did a little dance when you opened up the container for him. “You are an angel.” He said as he groaned into the cookie he’d snatched.

Dina smacked his shoulder when he grabbed a second one, telling him to fuck off and save some for the rest. You could see the hearts in her eyes when he turned to her with a sweet smile on his face then devoured the second cookie in one bite.

Time passed, more people were filtering in from the frigid air. You could tell most of them pregamed, eyes drooping and cheeks flushed with blood. One especially belligerent guy you’d seen in the halls at school screamed, “Merry Christmas, bitches!” when he entered the doorway. You cringed, and Ellie laughed at the disgusted look on your face. She pulled you to the couch, shoving a glass of whiskey into your hands.

You cast another look at the sweater she was wearing, a reindeer with the word “horny” underneath it, and dropped into the cushions. “That sweater is so stupid,” you told her for the third time that night, and she gave you a devious smile.

“So you’ve said.” She plopped down next to you, spreading her legs comfortably, “I think you’re secretly jealous. Your sweater looks straight out of a granny catalog.”

You gasp, feigning offense. “How dare you!” Glancing down at your cheerful sweater, you realized that maybe it kind of did look like it could be found in an old lady’s arts-and-craft magazine. There were three snowmen lined up across the front with sewn-in sequins, pom-poms, and other knick-knacks as decoration. You sighed defeatedly, “but you’re right.”

Ellie shoved you on the shoulder as she laughed. You loved seeing her this way, carefree and relaxed. Whether it was the false bravado or misconstrued rumors, your impression of Ellie before your friendship began was completely wrong.

In the months since Dina’s window, you’d learned how similar Ellie really was to you. She preferred the quiet; she liked to read, play video games, and have movie nights. You look back on how nervous you were around her and laugh, Ellie was a big dorky sweetheart at her core. Nothing like the sly playboy-like image you had in your head.

You pulled your legs up, turned to face her, and tucked your socked feet under her thigh as you sipped on your drink. The burn in your throat was pleasant. You leaned your side against the back of the couch as you asked her, “have you finished Jane Eyre yet?”

“No! Shit, I’m sorry!” She turned to you with wide, guilty eyes. You laughed against the back of your hand at her expression. “I’ve been meaning to finish it, but I’ve been playing that game I told you about,” her hands flailed as she spoke, “you wouldn’t believe what happened.”

You suddenly focused in on the way her mouth moved as she spoke. The way she pressed them together when she was thinking of a word to use, the way she licked her bottom lip between sentences. She was so enthusiastic when she talked about the things she was interested in, her eyes lighting up with delight.

You realized that you had been tuning out her words as you stared, only catching the last half of her rant. “Is this about your fungus game?” You asked, playing dumb so that you could see the annoyed expression form on her face. 

“I’ll have you know that fungus game is the most emotionally tormenting thing I have ever played in my entire life.” She stated, looking you dead in the eye.

“Oh, I believe you. Remember how you called me crying—”

“No.” Ellie cut in. You laughed into your whiskey as you took another sip.

“I wonder if I’d survive that apocalypse.” You mused out loud and Ellie snorted from beside you.

“Definitely not,” she said confidently, “you’re too sweet, you’d die after ten minutes outside.”

You gave her an offended look. “I am not that sweet, I’m just nice to you because you’re my friend.”

“Yeah, right.” Ellie teased, “you feel guilty after killing spiders.”

“They are an essential part of our ecosystem!” You defended yourself. 

Ellie snickered like she’d won the argument; you opened your mouth to make another point when someone cleared their throat from beside you. That drunk boy you recognized from earlier stood in front of the couch, glancing between the two of you. “Hey.” He greeted.

“Hi?” Ellie responded, the tone of her voice raising into a mocking question.

The boy didn’t deter, “I’m Axel.”

“Okay?” Ellie’s voice became more sarcastic.

He was looking at you when he asked, “do you want another drink?”

You glanced at your nearly-empty glass of whisky and shrugged, “honestly, I’m good, I wasn’t planning on having more than one. Thanks, though.”

“‘Cmon,” Axel smiled broadly at you, “it’s Christmas! Just have one more—”

“She said no, Axel,” Ellie said firmly, “why don’t you fuck off?”

Axel scoffed, his eyes still trained on you, “why do you even hangout with this faggot?”

Before Ellie could get up to put him in his place, before she could even react to his words, you were out of your seat. Ellie could only watch stunned as you punched Axel so hard in his face that he stumbled, dropped his drink, then fell to the floor. There was a lull in the crowd of people as they watched it all unfold, Jesse pushing through the kitchen to see the commotion.

If that wasn’t enough, you stomped towards a man already wounded, rearing your foot back threateningly. That’s when Ellie finally reacted, standing up quickly and grabbing you around the waist to pull you away as you screamed, “don’t you ever use that word you limp-dick, good-for-nothing—”

“Whoa, whoa!” Jesse held his hands up, trying to calm you down. “What the hell is going on?”

“Get him outta here, Jesse!” You growled, fuming, “get him out or he’ll have two black eyes!”

Ellie hadn’t removed her arm from around you yet, watching as Jesse pulled the boy up and walked him to the front door. She released you when the door closed. Dina approached, grabbing your face between her hands. “You okay?” She asked, watching as you took quick, aggravated breaths.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You said sternly, wiping at the angry tears forming in your eyes. “He called Ellie a—” you send a sidelong glance at Ellie, whose gaze hadn’t left your face during the entire altercation.

“We’re okay, Dee,” Ellie soothed, “he was just being an asshole.”

Dina nodded, looking between the two of you. You huffed, lurching towards the coat rack to grab your jacket and shoes. “Need some air.” You informed everyone before stepping out the back door.

The frigid winter air nipped at your nose as you huffed breaths into the night. Your fists were clenching and unclenching, the buzz of adrenaline still in your ears. Ellie stepped out not five minutes later, dressed in her boots and jacket.

“Hey…” she began cautiously. But you threw all caution to the wind.

“Aren’t you sick of it all?” You asked angrily, turning to look at the side of her face. Your implication goes unsaid. The rumors, the homophobia, the name calling.

“I mean, yeah, but what am I gonna do?” Ellie shrugged, unperturbed. “I can’t control anyone's actions, only my own. I choose to ignore it.” Then she smiled at you, tilting her head towards the grassy lawn, “‘cmere.” She grabbed your hand and a blanket off the back of a chair and pulled you away from the porch.

Ellie spread the blanket out in the middle of Dina’s yard, sitting on top of it and motioning for you to join her. You sighed, obliging. Your shoulders touched when you situated yourself next to her, laying down flat on your backs.

It was quiet for a few moments, then you saw it. A streak of white light flashed across the sky and you gasped; one hand jumping up and pointing to where the burning asteroid just was, the other grabbing her forearm. “A shooting star!”

When you turned your head to see if Ellie had caught it too, she was already looking at you. “Make a wish,” she said softly, her eyes just as tender as her voice.

You dropped your arm and the fingers on your other hand trailed down her forearm to lace her fingers within yours. You smiled, bad mood completely forgotten. “I wish I could see your face again when you realized I wasn’t as sweet as you thought I was.”

Ellie’s astonished expression made you giggle and squeeze her hand. “I can’t believe you.” She said earnestly, turning back to look at the stars.

“I know, I’m full of surprises.” You said cockily, proud that you threw her off so much that she hadn’t been able to come up with a single sarcastic comment. She laughed freely into the crisp night air, you watched her breaths condense and then evaporate.

An overwhelming feeling overcame you, something like endearment or adoration. “I’m so glad you’re here.” You whispered, just loud enough so she could hear you. You weren’t sure if “here” meant “here in this moment” or “here on planet Earth”, but Ellie didn’t seem to care.

She squeezed your hand back, “I’m glad you’re here, too.”

© planetveensz 2024

[ashengro-tto]

😴 and *pretend this is a squid/octopus emoji*

Thank you for the ask!

Marlowe & Silver 😴

They don't know each other that well, but Marlowe thinks he seems nice!

All the times they've interacted were with Kalim there, so Marlowe hasn't actually had a chance to talk to him one-on-one

The first time they met, he fell asleep mid-conversation

Like they were just talking in the courtyard and he suddenly passed out

At first, Marlowe thought he fainted due to exhaustion, or dehydration, or something like that because he and Kalim had just come from PE. They were very ready to go check on him before Kalim explained

They still wanted to see if he got a concussion or anything from his fall. Silver appreciated the concern

They've definitely tried to help with his sleeping problem, but failed

Marlowe wants to know who this “old man” he talks about is, but doesn’t push because that’d be hypocritical of them. He’ll reveal who it is when he wants to, and if he doesn’t, that’s fine too

Marlowe loves that he doesn't ask too many questions! Even when he does, they’re not too personal, and Marlowe can usually steer the conversation away with ease

They also love his loyalty. Sebek is too loud and intense in his passion, but Silver is Just The Right Amount of dedicated to Malleus, and Marlowe greatly appreciates those who are loyal

One thing Marlowe does not like is his frequent interactions with woodland creatures (“Do you know what sicknesses you could get just from interacting with them?” “These are my friends, they’re not sick.” “How do you know that?!”)

Marlowe & Azul 🦑

Someone please separate these two before Marlowe ends up killing him or something

They hate his guts. So much.

Their first proper interaction took place after the Prologue and before Chapter 1. Azul invited them to the Mostro Lounge “just to talk,” he said. He offered up his services, with his usual “If you ever require assistance, I am always here to provide!” bullshit

Azul being Azul found out about their little problem, and with Marlowe having little to no knowledge on this new world, he was looking to exploit that and somehow have them indebted to him

“So, you say you can do anything?” “For the right price, of course!” “Can you find me a way back home?”

Obviously, pretty impossible, even for him

Marlowe didn’t let up. “There are people who need my help. I can’t just leave them,” they said

Worst mistake of their life

That word choice...piqued Azul’s interest. It was deliberately vague. “People who need my help.” Not family, not friends, just people. Were they someone important back in their world? If so, he could probably use whatever skills they had to his advantage

(Obviously, that one statement wasn’t sufficient evidence for such a claim, but there’s nothing a little poking around can’t prove)

And thus began his constantly barraging them with questions, and the exact moment when Marlowe started to find him annoying

This was also the moment Marlowe vowed to never set foot in the Mostro Lounge ever again

If there’s one thing Marlowe admires about Azul, it’s his way with words

He’s a smooth talker. Multiple times, Marlowe has accidentally divulged information to him that they shouldn’t have. They wish they could have that same charisma

They’ve learned that the best way to not fall for his traps is to not listen to him at all

TL;DR: Azul could say anything and Marlowe’s immediate response would be “please shut up.”

[stargazer-balladeer]

Hi hi!! Can i request Bennett, Xingqiu and Chongyun for the chubby s/o hcs?? Can I just say that you are so kind and I'm obsessed with your writing!!!!

Chubby S/O (part 2) [Genshin Impact]

Characters Included: Bennett, Xingqiu & Chongyun

Notes: uwu thank uu 💞💞 i really hope i live up to your expectations with this one— Hope you’ll like this!

Reader’s Gender: Female (tho I think that I used gender neutral pronouns while making this—)

Warning: Mentions of insecurity, negative thing, body shaming. Minor spoilers for their character story and quest.

Part 1 | Part 2 |

Bennett

— When he sees you, Bennett will probably be so intrigued by you. His mindset instantly went to adopting you in his Benny’s Adventure Team. You’ve probably heard him from the Adventure’s Guild, him being notoriously unlucky. He payed your body mass no mind and just ask you to join just like he has done with other people.

— Bennett will smother you with affection. You look so adorable that he couldn’t help himself! So expect hugs, kisses and cuddles from him. He is a bit cautious around you though, because he never knows when his bad luck will show itself.

— He’s actually frightened at the idea of him roping you with his notorious luck, that it might lead you to your death (poor bby-). So you might need to comfort him in this times. You also need to be cautious and pls stir him away from danger—

— Bennett is seen as a happy-go-lucky person, which he is. And with that kind of persona, he’s easily excited. So after a day that he didn’t get to see you, he will get excited when he sees you. He will literally ran up to you, along the way he might trip. Whether on you or to the ground. If he successfully managed to get to you without tripping (wow-), he will wrap his hands around your waist and lift you from the ground. It will either result in you two falling or you accidentally slapping him (whOOPs—). He’ll laugh it off either way.

— If someone insults or make a comment about you, Bennett will be confused. I mean, he didn’t even realize that his teammates have left him- (😢 poor bby-). So he’ll be confused when someone says that, and probably remarks about them being rude and all. Though he may be confused and all, he pays attention to your feelings. So if you feel depressed or insulted, Bennett will snap at that person (oh snap.. Bennett’s mAD—!)

— If you feel insecure about your body, Bennett will also be confused. He doesn’t see anything wrong with it. Afterall, you’re like a literal Goddess in his eyes. He practically worships the ground you’re walking on- “Why would you think like that?! You’re so beautiful that it makes me feel so lucky to have you-!”

Xingqiu

— When he first sees you, he’ll be immediately intrigued by you. It was, afterall, not common to see a person like you. So he approaches you in the best way possible, making sure he gives you his best first impression. You might be wary of him at first (he IS pretty suspicious-), but you soon find yourself warming up to him. It isn’t long till you two started dating. (And you also found out his heritage-)

— Whenever you two hangout, Xingqiu always find a loophole to escape his house. No matter how much the servants and people inside try their best, it’s hopeless. He loves travelling with you, exploring new places, sightseeing, exploring a cave and more. The place where you two hangout the most is a place near a waterfall, in a forest surrounded by different kinds of flowers. You two can be seen there with Xingqiu either leaning on the tree or laying his head on your lap. He always reads out loud so that you can also listen to the story.

— Xingqiu loves hugs the most. Not because you’re very comfy and warmth, like a teddy bear- but because its you. He loves hugging people he loves and cherishes, and you are no exception. It might ruin his image as a cool and collected second son, but it doesn’t matter to him. He will embrace you in public and ain’t embarrassed at all.

— I can see Xingqiu as an expert in making flower crowns. He will literally make you a flower crown to put on your head. When you ask why he does it, he’ll just reply “because I was bored and decided to make a flower crown”. But in reality, it’s because you look so elegant while wearing it. It makes his heart melt at the sight of you in a flower crown. And if you decided to return the favor, Xingqiu will happily wear your flower crown :D

— As if someone will dare insult or make comment about you. Before they could even utter their sentence out, Xingqiu is already staring at them with a innocent smile and a deadly glint in his eyes. Making the person say something nice towards you. Its usually effective but towards people that have more guts (or idiocacy), he will innocently make his sword appear and inspect it. Yeah.. no one’s gonna mess with you while he’s around-

— If you start to feel insecure about your body, Xingqiu will emphatize with you. Even though he doesn’t know what it feels like in your shoes, he can still sympathize with you. He will pull you into a comforting hug and cradle your head with his hand. “The world may be cruel, my love. But you shaldn’t succumb to their works. Stay true to yourself, alright?”

Chongyun

— (Ohmaygawd— I’m sorry if he turns out OOC 😖)

— When he sees you for the first time, Chongyun will be indifferent with you. So what if you look like that? It doesn’t bother him. And with that, he will carry on with his day. You might not be able to meet him unless you approach him first. But even then, he’ll brush you off. But fret not! He will warm up to you (eventually..). He still acts cold but atleast he isn’t anymore walking away—

— Chongyun is special. He can’t eat spicy food, wear warm clothing, etc. So he appreciated things that you do for him. You gave him food that is just right, also giving him his favorite popsicle :D. He always blushes whenever you dote on him, he just isn’t used to it. If you thought this guy woudn’t dote back on you, you are gravely mistaken. He will dote on you just like you dote on him. He will ask things like, “are you feeling comfortable?” “Is your clothes too warm?” “Is the food temperature alright for you?”.

— Chongyun, like Xingqiu, likes exploring. Though, he prefers staying near Liyue Harbor than adventuring beyond. Though he wouldn’t mind if you want to go beyond it, he will still accompany you. His favorite place so far is on a cliff on Mt Tianheng. He loves the view of Liyue Harbor there, so he’ll drag you there sometimes just to watch the sun set while making Liyue Harbor glow aesthetically.

— He loves your hands. He often wonders why they were so soft yet so rough from all the training you’re doing. He also loves putting it on his cheeks, feeling the warmth of your hand seeping to his cheeks. It gives him an odd satisfaction. He also loves running through your hair, it makes him calm. (He’ll also appreciate it if you return the favor—)

— If someone comments about you or insult you, Chongyun will definitely glare at that person. He doesn’t care who that was or what status they hold, if they insult his s/o, their dead. His glare is like a stormy thunder-filled rain, its actually quite scary to look at. That person better apologize or else his Claymore will be at their throat—

— If you feel insecure about yourself, Chongyun will understand. He himself felt insecure about his own as well, since his condition is quite unusual and frightening. Not everyone is acceptable. So, in order to cheer you up, he will drag you to the cliff previously mentioned. There, as you watch the horizon, he will give you Glaze Lily that he found laying around. “Look at these flowers. Their as beautiful as you. So bright, colorful and full of life.. even as many seasons pass, they will continue to blossom. So, just like them, don’t ever let something, or someone specifically, let you down. If you ever need help.. I’m always here.”

[x] Main Page || [x] Mondstadt Page || [x] Liyue Page

[iwannafuckyexiu]

A TEASE A DAY BRINGS YOU CLOSER TO DEATH  000

▎basically where y/n flirt with any decent thing he see, thinking he should be a top (nope). --- bnha x male!reader, aka harem/np © 嘤嘤嘤, 2019

[ slow updates, bl, suggestive, can be ooc ]

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

TODAY, WILL BE UNFORGETTABLE MY FRIEND "wait what did i do again today "

"Wake up motherfucker!"

Y/N lets out a groan at the tinge of pain at his rib from the kick. Lifting his head sluggishly, he twists to stare at the culprit of the kick and where the voice is coming from.

"What are you looking at? Fucking move you asshole!" a blonde boy scowls and lugs Y/N up by his collar harshly, their faces so close that their noses are almost touching and Y/N can feel his spit right up against his skin.

Y/N squints his eyes to get a better look at the boy and don't ask me how he can tell that the boy is good-looking from such a close distance but he murmurs under his breath, "Holy shit. Is this my lucky day or something, I see a fucking bishounen bottom here."

Clearly, Y/N isn't fully awake as you can tell from the sluggish response but he soon freshens up with the nice view in front of him, "Ah, as you were saying?" A lopsided grin rises onto his lips.

"I said," deep breath, "MOVE YOUR ASS, YOU'RE BLOCKING THE WAY TO MY SEAT!" Tsundere-kun pops a vein comically and threatens him by hoisting a fist up, ready to land a fist on Y/N.

"Woah woah woah, alright. I'll let you through my mans." Raising two hands up, Y/N backs off his chair and it makes a piercing wail as it drags on the floor — which caused the other participants nearby to cringe at the sound it made and turn to glare at the creator.

Tsundere-kun walks across and lets out a 'hmph' as he passes by him (Y/N's never gonna tell him that the 'hmph' actually reminds him of that one school girl in that one shoujo anime when she got shy).

After about like the only interesting person in close distance has gone far far away from him, Y/N returns to the state of liquid — aka the state where he's just sprawling over the desk in front of him like a pool of impure H2O. Present Mic's words just go into one ear of his and then out of the other just like earwax when Y/N picks his ear with his pinky finger of the left hand. Waiting for time to pass, he reminisces the beauty in the nickname of "blonde Natsu" with his sharp jaw and wHole FUCKIng FAcE.

To other people, Y/N just looks like he's staring at the head in front of him, aimless and plain with absolute boredom until a blaring "PLUS ULTRA!" snaps him out of his trance. In like 0.00001 seconds, everyone is surging out of the room whilst most scream incoherently for some reason. Shaking his head, Y/N stands up from his seat and leisurely strides towards the competition grounds for the practical test.

He enters the district, and only three seconds later danger comes literally flying at Y/N in the form of a blob of yellow which he attempts to catch and succeeds. But soon a crackling noise makes him aware that the fucking ground is breaking apart.

"Shit," Y/N snarls as he leaps onto the nearest surface that isn't split open and flips the blob of yellow onto the ground with a weighty clonk, "whoops, sorry."

"I ... It's fine ..." the blob of yellow moans as he picks himself up, patting off the dust on his bottom, and faces Y/N. He says with gleaming eyes and a vivacious grin, "Thanks man, that was awesome!"

Cheery and upbeat type bottom (ahem no 是小狼狗*), Y/N notes as he plans to bring this poor boy into his harem with the tsundere type bottom he met just before the practical exam.

Y/N responds to Sir Sunshine-a-lot with a raised brow and a teasing smile playing by the side of his lips, "Well if you're really thankful, maybe you can pledge to be mine* or something?"

Perhaps due to the fact he has probably never been flirted with by a male being, a tint of scarlet creeps up Sir Sunshine-a-lot's cheeks and the tip of his ears which honestly made him look even more like a bottom according to Y/N. "W-What?" Sir Sunshine-a-lot lets out a slight stutter, eyes peering wide at Y/N with a glossy shine to it that makes Y/N just go crazy internally at.

"It's okay we'll go slowly," Y/N gives him an "I get it" smile, "anyways, I'll see you later. I gotta go or else I'm not gonna be able to see you again if I don't get in!" A wink that is supposed-to-be-seductive is sent Sir Sunshine-a-lot's way as Y/N zooms the fuck out of there, ready to conquer the world (no).

"CALL ME! IT'S 1-800-7327!"

Sir Sunshine-a-lot, Kaminari Denki, is just left like a pack of chilli sauce back down there staring at where the rascally boy stood just a second ago. That was a first, being teased by another guy, he mocks.

Back to Y/N, we can see him just bouncing up and down from walls to roofs to even someone's head (which earned him a "Mom, what did I do again?!"). As Y/N spots a nearly-defeated robot from a safe distance, he sprints towards a closer vertical surface to the robot, springs up high enough and plants a foot on the wall. He then launches from the wall with a push-off and propels a roundhouse kick into the right side of the robot's jaw!

K.O.

Y/N alights on the ground lightly and remains there on his knees, taking in deep breaths and wiping away the beads of sweat on his forehead with the bottom of his sports uniform shirt. Clearly, he doesn't see the fuming figure standing just in front of him.

Obviously, the human campfire soon realises too that Y/N's ignoring him so he steps forth and once again pulls Y/N up by the collar. Faced with familiar zoomed in features, Y/N dazes out for a second until he reacts, "Ah, it's Tsundere-kun you again. What's up?"

"You fucking stole my kill!" Gritting his teeth and eyes almost popping straight outta his skull, his fist clenches around the collar in his hand.

"Oooooh, yeah. About that ..." Y/N grins gallantly and lifts a hand to tap at Tsundere-kun's shoulder, "I thought you were in danger and I wanted to help since ya know I take pleasure in helping people like you ahahah."

"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE LIKE ME?!"

"Beauties like you of course." Wink.

"Y-Y-YOU—" before Tsundere-kun can even hurl his explosives at the flirtatious boy, Y/N flicked a finger at his wrist and nyOoms off at full tilt, since as much as he likes pretty boys and girls, he doesn't want to get a second or third-degree burn.

And another victim of Y/N's flirtatious skills has been left by his own with cherry ears and protruding blood vessels as he glares at Y/N's back just parkouring from one building to the other.

Switching to Y/N here. Catching sight of another person falling from a high distance, he dashes across the tall roofs and with a vault, then he grasps onto the person's waist swiftly and scales down to the ground by a nearby wall.

"Dontlookdowndontlookdowndontlookdowndontlookdown," Y/N mutters in a low voice, his words all mingled up and incomprehensive when suddenly, "AH FUCK IT!"

"What?" the girl squeaks, doe eyes staring at him with utter confusion.

"Get ready because you're in for the ride of your life," he says to the girl in his arms and gives her a charming (rigid) smile. Before the girl can even ask what the actual fuck does he mean and maybe get flustered at his smile, he does it.

He heaves himself off the wall, thirty fUCKING meters from the ground. And this becomes the scene where a boy with a girl in his arms just screeching: "FREE BUNGEE JUMPING DON'T WORRY I GOTCHU!" and the hapless girl's face going white with panic.

Stop.

Okay, what was Y/N thinking when he did that shit? Well, his mind went a little bit like this before the jump: "Alright, don't look down and you'll be fine. Height is nothing and you will not be a fucking pussy that fell to your death just because you're afraid of heights. Calm down ... calm ... ca—NO I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS, NO I'M GONNA JUMP AND LET FATE DO ITS SHIT! I MEAN, IT'S BETTER TO DIE NOW THAN DIE LATER RIGHT???? ALRIGHT I'M GONNA DO THIS WOOO—" Cut. And that was Y/N's mental journey in those few seconds of "Don't look down"s.

To the main story, Y/N jumps like fucking Jack with Rose in his arms and in the moment where he just falls and everything just goes silent, and he goes through the marquee of his life where it's just full of shit like him running away from the teachers that roam the school grounds during lesson times and the era when he and his sisters were just pure ruffians on the streets that steal and fight.

Fortunately, the marquee doesn't continue further (mostly because his life is too short ngl) but also due to Y/N's power. At the last second, he realises that he needs to get a chance of at least living (he'd live even if he doesn't try so—), and tries his best to turn himself so his feet are facing the ground. Let's just say that it did help to make his chances of surviving a fuck ton bigger but the force when he landed was too abrasive and ...... he broke his feet and legs.

Before he can even scream out in agony, black spots fill his vision and he just goes unconscious (he attempts to land on the floor gracefully before he passed out but he probably just looks like shit to other people).

、、、

Walking down the streets at a leisure pace, Y/N whistles the melody that he recently heard on the radio. He strolls from the rowdy districts where neon signs illuminate the night to the area his apartment is in, dim and ominous.

Y/N goes up to the eighth floor with the old elevator with the buttons often breaking down, to that he's just gonna say that the management is shit and never listens. He strides towards 834 and presses down hard on the doorbell.

"Coming!" a rather high-pitched and sharp voice yells and footsteps can be heard stomping close. And the door opens, with his little sister there and the big grin on her face, "why are you so late today onii-chan?"

Albeit speaking, she backs to the side to let him through then closes the door and locks it. Y/N heaves a deep sigh, "Well, your onii-chan broke his legs but there was recovery girl to help so," he places his shoes down on the shoe rack hard, "I don't have a valid excuse to skip work."

"And also I woke up too late from the nurse's office too, so I had to stay longer for the part-time," Y/N resumes to tell the unfortunate day to his sister as he leans on the kitchen counter and waits for the water to boil as the kettle brimmed with layers of black at the bottom lays on the stove. "The day was overall shit, but I also saw a lot of good ass lookin' people so that's a plus."

S/N chortles unmannerly and slaps the table like a seal, "AhaHAHAHAHh! Did you get their names?"

"Sadly no," Y/N responds with a shrug whilst the intrusive shriek of the kettle plays in the background. Swivelling to his back, he switches off the stove with a twist and begins pouring the scorching water into the cup noodle packets as he continues chatting to S/N, "Anyways, how's school nowadays?"

"Trash, I just went to school, listened to lessons, ate during lunch, listened to more lessons, got out of school, ate at this shitty restaurant then came back and binged drama."

"Well, that's not a very interesting day."

"Yeah sure you had an interesting day, now stop eating my fucking Tim tams."

"Watch your language, motherfucker. And I was the one who bought those Tim tams."

"BITCHASS YOU WANNA FIGHT? I BOUGHT IT!"

"DIPSHIT, I DID!"

"CRAZY BASTARD!"

"LITTLE SHIT!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, SOMEONE'S TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!" a slightly muffled voice disrupts them. Seems like it's the guy from the floor below. Man, the reasosn of why living in an apartment where the soundproof is shit are enough to fill a whole essay.

"SORRY, WEIRD GUY THAT WATCHES PORN LOUDLY EVERY AFTERNOON AT FIVE!"

"Y-YOU—"

"Sounds like someone passed out from jacking off too much." Y/N's words end up with the two stifling their giggles until one of their faces turn blue with the lack of oxygen and then they just both roar with hilarity until another neighbour screams at them to "shut your fucking mouths up for the sake of Jesus shitting Christ".

And the night goes on with moments with bellows of laughter and hushed tones discussing whether MFC is better or Rice King. These are the qualities that make a home feel homely to them.

Their house is worn out to say the least, with the large amount of cracks on the ceiling to doors that creak so loudly that you can hear it from the floor below and the terrible soundproof surfaces that always make the two teens wake up at like three in the morning just wondering is it a threesome or foursome the floor above is having tonight.

Albeit the apartment is quite broken-down, the duo attempts their best to embellish the home so it at least feels clean and tidy to make themselves feel better. But even if it isn't polished and neat to their standard, as long as they have each other, home can be anywhere.

.

TO NOTE

小狼狗；used to describe younger guys that are more domineering/secretly domineering. ( that's probably it idk )

pledge to be mine；以身相许, but i don't know how to really describe it in english to fit the scenario.

but anyways i hope yall enjoy this preview-ish chapter to the whole story! thank you~

NOT PROPERLY PROOFREAD

[rcmanos]

hi welcome to my much less extra ooc intro ! before we get started with my rambling i wanted to say that if anyone had plots with previous scarlett(s) i’m more than happy to carry them on ! let’s get on with it now: i’m mary i’m 18 and from the pst. im heckin nice i promise so feel free to message me to chat and allsorts. also, i’m just a just a trash can filled with memes and angst plots wearing a trench coat so pls help me out. i am really excited for this rp as well as getting to meet and fall in love with y’all and your lovely muses. click the read more for the 4-1-1 on my troubled religious bby and smash that lil heart for plotting purposes. here we go. religion tw ahead. just in case. 

ok so my bio page is not even up so this will give you the basics of scar while i take up my lazy ass and type some things up. 

scarlett was born into a somewhat healthy family, it had it’s problems but overall it was a good environment to be in. she was an only child so she was a little spoiled and while her parents weren’t rich af they did try their best to give her everything she needed and she never once struggled with money. in her childhood. 

all of this led to a normal teenager, her angry outburst and her rebel years where there but nothing out of the ordinary. 

during all this time scarlett wasn’t very religious. her parents where catholic and she was too but they rarely went to church and while they practiced in the big events, like christmas and easter, she never really felt any pull to her religion. until...

her mother died when she was around fifteen years old, from a car crash and her father blamed himself due to her mother going out after a fight she had with him. things went a little downhill from there. 

scarlett felt so lost and alone, her father would drink almost everyday. he never once hit her or yelled at her or abused her in any way but he was distant. nothing like the man he got to know. 

she desperately needed advice or someone to rely on and she found something close to that in her aunt georgia, whom is a very religious person. her aunt became like her second mother to her and she was the one who got her super interested in her religion and boosted her faith. 

she believes now that the only person who will always be there for you (friends? anyone?) is god and that he is her closest connection to her mother. she also developed a slight fear of death after her mother passed away and that’s one of the reasons she is a hardcore church goer and does everything perfectly, she likes to believe heaven exists and wants to go to the good place (the good place? anyone?). 

but that is getting a little hard because... she’s starting to develop feelings for girls. dear lord help us all. she constantly prays and tries to get them to go away but she knows it’s not going to happen so she just like pushes her feelings deep, deep down. it’s easy to pretend since she knows she is attracted to boys but she looks at a girl and goes all like ‘i’m such a sinner’ and such. someone help this girl out. 

that’s about it for the basics, i think. lmao, hopefully. i come up with new things everyday so like it’s never over but i think this is enough. 

PLOTS: ( not at all set in stone, if you guys have any idea on how to improve them / want to change something, just tell me and i’ll bE GLAD BECAUSE I LOVE PLOTS )

i would really love a childhood friend, like someone who has known scarlett since the whole ordeal with her mom happened, someone who has seen her through it all. maybe they distanced after something happened or maybe they are still in contact, either is fine. 

i’d love someone which scarlett could tell her problems to, like her bisexuality shining through and her trying to repress it and all of that good stuff, someone she can confide in? i’d love that. 

i’d also love some friends that just remained friends, like with no hidden romantic undertones or anything, just pure raw friendship. gimme the brother/sister type. like the overprotective, i’m so happy to see you everyday type. 

fwb but not friends with benefits? because scarlett is very against that but give me those almost and maybe she kisses them and she’s all like, ‘god what am i doing give me strength’ and then like the cycle repeating because that’s as far as her benefits would go.... for now. 

hit me up w them angsty romance plots lmao the angst is necessary af because my gal here can’t have nice things. 

maybe your muse is idk tryna ease or drag her out of her comfort zone? like sure sometimes she does it all by herself and that’s fun n messy but other times she just wants to sit at home like an old lady and watch the real housewives ( me aF ).

maybe they just HATE each other for no/many reasons and fight at every chance they get because your muse knows how to get under her skin and push her buttons. give me that & i will give u my heart

also i understand most of you already have some plots figured out and this is what happens when i’m too late but don’t worry as long as this girl has some friends she’s okay. i’m pumped to be here and i can’t wait to get started! 

[watch-the-whole-world-disap-blog]

Doubt

Requested by anon and also @destructivelemonade : “Can you write some Evan x reader angst?”

Word Count: 1, 430 

Warnings: cussing, crying, panic attack, anxiety mention, jealousy, angst, some fluff

A/N: Yikes this might be super ooc but I tried my best also this might be total trash but you know I don’t even care let me write my trashy angst in peace. Also wtf is an ending who’s she?

Evan Hansen never believed that he would end up with someone like you. I mean why would he, of all people, get to date you, out of all the other guys at the school? You were perfect, and he was him. 

Yet, you didn’t see it like that. Evan was kind and sweet and gentle and the right amount of awkward and adorable. He understood you and made you feel special. You had never doubted once that you loved Evan Hansen, but that wasn’t always enough. 

Especially when one of the star football players decides to flirt with you right in front of Evan. Sure, everyone else knew he was just doing it as some sort of weird joke, but Evan didn’t. 

“Hey baby, those pants look great and all on you, but I think I would look even better!” He flashed a stupid smirk and you groaned internally. 

“I have a boyfriend.” You stood up from your lunch table, intertwining your hand with Evan’s and dragging him up as well. 

“That weirdo? You could do so much better. You’re a solid eight, and you should be with someone who can compare to that, and that certainly isn’t him.”

You rolled your eyes and sarcastically replied, “Oh and you could? Sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re not even a five. So see you later, jackass.” You smiled right at him before turning around and walking out of the room, pulling a silent along with you. 

“What an asshole.” You murmured once you were out of the cafeteria. “You okay Ev?” 

“Y-yeah. I ha-have to go.” He slipped his hand out of yours and quickly started to walk away from you. Just as you decided to go after him the bell rang for fifth period and you lost him in a sea of students flooding in the hallway. You reluctantly turned the opposite way and made your way to U.S. History, but you swore to yourself that you’d ask Evan about it later. 

Evan had invited you over to his house that night for your weekly Friday night movie date, which had become a tradition for you two since you started dating. Heidi got home late on Friday’s so you had the whole house to yourself, and you used that to watch movies and cuddle up together. Tonight however, you weren’t sure that you’d do too much movie-watching, since you opened the door to the Hansen house to find Evan curled up in a ball in his room, shaking and in tears. 

“Ev?” You asked quietly, standing by the door still so he wouldn’t get scared by your sudden appearance. A sob replied to your voice and you decided it was safe to rush over to him. 

“Evan, breathe.” You instructed. He had gotten anxiety and panic attacks around you before so you knew what to do at this point. You pulled his hands out from over his eyes and put them on your chest so he could feel your steady breaths. You met his eyes and nodded in encouragement, which prompted Evan to start to match your breathing. 

A few minutes went by before Evan really calmed down, and when you could tell he was regaining himself you repositioned yourself so that your hands were intertwined with his and you were leaning against his side. 

“Are you okay Ev?” You asked as gently as you could. 

“Y-yeah.” He nodded as if to confirm it. “Yeah I’m okay.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

Evan’s gaze left yours and he instead focused his vision on a textbook on his shelf. “I just keep thinking about what happened today. With that jock guy? Everything he was saying...” Evan took a deep breath and you squeezed his hand a little as if to say that you were listening. “It’s just that he’s right. You’re you and I’m me, and you could be with anyone you want. You could be with someone way more attractive and popular and cool. Like that guy, you could have him if you wanted.” 

Your heart was breaking hearing him say all of this. You loved him with all of your heart, you would never want to be with anyone else. Evan was perfect and it killed you to know that he didn’t think that he was. “I don’t want anyone else Evan.” You whispered. 

“I just feel like a burden. You could do so much more without me, be so much more. Be with someone who is so much more. Why me? Why don’t just go right now and be with that asshole jock since I bet he has less problems than I do!” 

Evan pulled away from you and was now sitting about a foot away from you, wiping the tears that were now spilling down his face again. 

“Evan I love you. You’re not a burden. I want you, not him. Not anyone else.” You wished you had the right words to explain it. Damnit why couldn’t you just make him understand that he was everything you’ve ever wanted. 

“You deserve someone better, someone who isn’t afraid to flirt with you in front of other people or fight for you because some guy wants you.” 

You can feel the tears stinging your eyes and tried to grab Evan’s shoulder, but he pushed himself away from you again. You tried to think of something to say that would explain all the thoughts swirling in your head, but Evan spoke again before you could. 

“Maybe you just shouldn’t be with me at all.” 

For just a split second, it seemed like time stopped. Everything blurred as tears began to fall from your eyes and you could physically feel your heart break into a million pieces. 

“N-no Evan. No, pl-please.” It was hard to get words out as you sobbed, shaking from the pain in your chest. 

Evan didn’t say anything and you were scared that maybe he had really meant it, and he was going to break up with you, and everything good in your life would be take from you. All because some braindead jerk had jokily flirted with you. And you couldn’t even figure out a way to tell your boyfriend how much he meant to you. 

You forced yourself to stop, to breathe, and to wipe your face with the edge of your shirt. Evan was looking away from you about two feet away now and you made yourself move towards him, somehow finding the courage to turn him around and look at you. You had to tell him everything, you had to prove he was your world, because you weren’t willing to let him think anything else. 

His eyes met yours and you finally found your voice, letting the words come tumbling out. “Evan Hansen, you are the most kind, caring, beautiful, smart, and amazing person I have ever met. You are the reason I smile and the reason I actually feel like I belong. I would never be with anyone else, because there is no one who could possible be as attractive or wonderful as you. No one else is you Evan, so I don’t want anyone else. Ever. I love you with everything I have and I will never ever stop loving you.” 

You wrapped him up into a giant hug, letting the last few tears escape your eyes. Evan was still crying and you could feel him shaking, but it wasn’t in a panicky way this time. 

“Do you really mean it?” He whispered into your hair. 

“Every single word. I love you Ev. No jerk is ever gonna change that.” Suddenly Evan was pulling away slightly and pressing his lips over your own. You melted into the kiss for a long and wonderful moment before Evan pulled away again to look you in the eyes and whisper, “I love you too.” 

“And hey, if that guy ever thinks it’d be funny to flirt with me again, I’ll punch him in the face.” Evan giggled a little and it made you smile. “I’m serious!” You tried to say but a small laugh escaped your throat, joining Evan’s quiet giggles. 

“It’s still Friday, wanna go put on a movie?” You asked, dragging Evan into a standing position with you. 

“Sure, just remind me to never doubt you again.” He said, grabbing your hand. 

“You better not Hansen.” You teased and he giggled again, walking out of the bedroom with you close behind him. You kissed his hand lightly, knowing that you’d always love Evan, and smiling at the thought of him knowing it as well. 

[redxblueihateloveyou]

SOMEONE JUST COMMENTED THAT THEY THINK WANGXIAN WASN'T ANGSTY ENOUGH UNDER MY WANGXIAN FIC WHERE I DRAGGED OUT THE TIME LAN ZHAN WAS WAITING FOR WEI WUXIAN (YK THOSE GODFROSAKEN YEATS HE WAS DEAD) BY LITERALLY WRITING EVERYTHING IN HIS POV AND MAKING IT SO THAT WEI WUXIAN'S SOUL CAN ONLY SENSE THE LONGING OF SOMEONE, BUT HE CAN'T TELL WHO IT IS SO HE JUSG CHALKS IT UP TO RANDOM ADMIRERES. THIS APPARENTLY WASN'T ANGSTY ENOUGH SO I'M HAVING A GREAAAAAT DAY WHAT ABOUT YOU

lol don you yell at me! xD

well, idk, to me creative process is very subjective, so I rarely get why even ppl leave such comments, bc like you can have your own opinion, but forcing it on the creator is just plain weird, like if you want something different, just move on or try and write your own 50k fic of just LZ missing WWX, if you want. it's just not really for u to decide what amount of ansgt the author decided to include in their fic and whether he wants or not for it to be the focus point.

there's also a difference between a constractive critisism and just different opinions, and "it wasn't angsty enough" is a personal opinion, which I don't know what to even answer with except for "we have agree to disagree" or "well does it look like I care" or "sorry I didn't write 5 chapters of LZ crying over the empty bottle of emperor's smile and slashing his wrists" lmao

or do u have to write like 10 different versions and be like "if u prefer angst level 1 click the link 1, if u prefer angst 5, click link 5"? lolz

tbh I don't even get negative commenting under fics in general, bc even if I have fics I strongly dislike for example, I never go and write smth like "oh but thats not what I wanted at all" bc it seems dumb, I'll just go and look for smth else that's closer to how I feel, that's all.

like I can heavily dig into someone's meta with fact and stuff, but not fic or vid or art or smth, you know. I'll just pass by smth I disliked and I'll comment on what I loved, I won't even waste my time to write "hey, this is what I disliked about your fic...", even if it's wildly OOC and I have some good points like "hey, 1stly, LZ would never spit on the ground, bc it's LZ".

but writing stuff like "I think it'd be better with more of this or that" is just wild to me, bc like I don't think that's how it works.

but also like pls take it easy, like I honestly live and breathe on comments, but I also like would lose all of my hair if I took some of them so close to the heart bc holy shit the things I've read haha

like once under my "us against the world" wangxian vid someone commented "reupload this vid without this scene" like thats it, literally, not even "can u reupload" or "pls reupload" which would be also weird, but still. it was just super funny to me, bc I still sometimes think, what the hell is going on inside of ppl's head when they write smth like that, but anyways I laughed really, by my sis just got super mad about it and went berserkers under it, which was also funny lmao

but anyways, once u put smth out on the internet, be prepared to encounter weird, rude and dumb ppl, its inevitable, just brush them off and focus on nice ones, otherwise you'll just get mad and upset and no one needs this. I know some of this is involuntarily stick sometimes, but when it's smth this dumb, try not to get so worked up about it. u can of course answer with smth sarcastic, but I just feel that those who write some unnecessary negativity probably hate to be ignored, so maybe just delete xD

and like once again, you can't please everyone and I don't even see the point of trying tbh. so just u do u and fuck this honestly haha

p.s. I'm super great, it's my birthday soon, I just finished the most amazing drama, I'm on cloud nine recently haha.