#PLEASE understand that I have zero interest in telling anyone how to enjoy Sonic

[brucenorris007]

@generic-sonic-fan

If you’re writing Sonic, a character with so many iterations and variants across comics, anime, cartoons and games as to rival and even surpass some mainstream superheroes, his motivations are perhaps the most reliable facet to keep in mind as a near-constant. Said motivations, in order of how he prioritizes them, read as:

1. Doing what is Cool

2. Being a Friend

These two are the mainstays and always juuuuuust neck in neck, occasionally switching places depending on the circumstances and which moment in Sonic’s storied career you’re working with. And finally

3. Being the Hero/good guy

Which is such a distant third to the first two that it probably isn’t actually what he ranks third in terms of motivations, if you see what I mean.

The exception is Fleetway, who, on appearance, puts Being the hero 2nd instead of 3rd.

Granted that’s just how it appears; it’s more about his ego and that he likes having that reputation. In a crisis that makes the mortality of his friends Too Real and Apparent to him, his true feelings shine through. He’s not nice, but he very obviously cares immensely about their safety. That’s actually a significant, if not the primary, facet of his character arc.

ANYWAY, you can pretty consistently grab most any Sonic from any point in his history and those motivations will fit him pretty well. The reason Being a Hero rates lower than Doing what is Cool despite Sonic’s status as Mobius’ hero is due to his priorities and self-image. He identifies as just Some Guy, not a Hero with a job to do; that he does heroic things is almost incidental. By his own definition, smashing robots, adventuring, stopping bullies, protecting his friends and saving people are Cool; his definition of what Cool means just happens to coincide with most of Mobius’ image of a hero. But he doesn’t follow any kind of black and white moral compass. He does what HE believes is right in any given situation.

Note that this list is comprised of his motivations, which are separate from his priorities, ideals and personality. The list informs his actions, they don’t dictate them. It’s hard to say that any one or even three things dictate what Sonic will do, because he’s all about freedom; his self-image as Some Guy provides him that freedom.

Freedom from things like Duty or Fate. Not that Sonic’s necessarily irresponsible, but he doesn’t fight Eggman or any of the rest of his rogues out of some belief that he’s the only one who can or some love of justice. Stomping bad guys is cool, ergo, Sonic is cool. If he’s a hero because of that, hey, all right. If not, he’s probably not gonna lose sleep over it, barring any instances of people getting hurt as a direct consequence of his actions. Even then, he’s the fastest thing alive, he can course-correct and sort things out in time for chili dogs.

Again, Fleetway is an exception with regard to Fleetway Super Sonic, but as he’s treated as both a unique character and as Sonic’s chaos-induced alter-ego, that falls somewhat more under accountability than responsibility. I love both characters, but Sonic is not Spider-man.

And this is why, when writing Sonic, if you try to knock Doing what is Cool down from top of the list or at least neck-in-neck for number 1 of his motivations, you start to run into a disconnect, particularly if you try putting Being the Hero in the number 1 slot.

So much of what makes Sonic Sonic stems from his confidence, his attitude, his initially inflated and gradually more mellow ego that lets him identify as not just Some Guy but the Coolest Some Guy ever. Like I’ve said, he doesn’t go around humiliating Eggman and decimating his machines and bases because he thinks no one else can, but because he wants to do it, because he thinks it’s cool and fun; though he does enjoy having a partner or two working with him, or even making a party out of a good throw down. It’s half the reason why you can-and in the 2000′s, SEGA more often than not did-toss him into any scenario for a story and he can carry it.

He doesn’t save people who are in trouble because it’s “right”, but because not saving them would be Lame.

[vmfx]

WE DON’T DO THAT HERE.

I just disclosed to all of my co-workers that I have a radio show. They all seem very enthusiastic and extremely positive about it. For that I am very lucky because every day I work with them they usually have nothing good to say. They are the 17 to 25 crowd running on alcoholic fumes, weekend bars, Androids, Yankee games, hanging with “the guys”, and typical basic girls. So it comes as no surprise as to what their mentality is.

When I say they’re enthusiastic, I mean that they light up. They light up with an obvious hard-on because at first they think I’m on a big-name radio station and I play the hottest in Top 40 and pop. “It’s not like that. I dee-jay for a college station” I tell them. But that’s OK. They still think it’s awesome that I play music over the air and emanate their rooms, car stereos, and laptops. Then come the same questions I get asked every week because either someone new discovers what I do or they easily forget and we needlessly re-start the same conversation all over again. Or they’re trolling.

“What time do you go on?” “What music do you play?” “Are you on every week?” “Where is the radio station you DJ at?” “Do you go on the mic and talk?” “How long are you on for?” “Do you take requests?” “Do you do shout-outs?” These are valueless questions I normally don’t answer to because I can’t be bothered with them; questions asked in an obvious kindergarten fascination that I rather not waste my time with and would rather move on without having to focus on such intellectual mediocrity. In fact, the answers to all of these questions can be answered by simply listening to my show. There.

One of my co-workers decides he wants to be funny and impress his friends. He asks me if I ever do my “radio” voice on the air, and then proceeds give it his best attempt at it:

“This…is…Dee Jay _______…on 107.5…FM…WQXZ, New York! Playing…the…hottest hits. Ten. In a row. Non-stop!”

Heads up to no one in particular: it’s nice for people and friends to approach me and be interested in what I do, and I appreciate it. I really do. And then there are those who are into it but then proceed to define me by impersonating their best stereotypical zesty action-packed radio voice, complete with man-made astro-blaster laser sound effects from an action-figure maturity.

Please stop. It’s not funny, you’re not funny, and no one is laughing. That’s not what happens on my show. All I do is play music and be myself as usual. That’s all. It’s not WBLI, Z100, or Now FM if that’s what you were thinking. And since it’s not right to try and define who you think I am to satisfy your piss-poor expectations, I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if I defined your life by pointing out your poor choice of clothing, your lack of real understanding, your never-ending stupidity, why your parents still make your bed, or why you have been dateless all your life.

Another pointless obstacle course I had to go through was that another co-worker tried guessing what music I play on my show in the form of a yes-or-no question-and-answer session. My previous answer of “a lot of music you wouldn’t like or tolerate” and “anything that’s not mainstream” wasn’t good enough for him to comprehend to avoid this altogether. So our little elfin pretend game-show host, who is 23 but looks like he is 11, plays this game with me.

“Now, I’m going to tell you an artist or band name and you tell me if you would play it. Ready?”

“Sure.” I say with some hesitation and an exasperated breath, knowing exactly how this is going to go. Lord help me.

“Metallica.”

“No.”

“Bon Jovi.”

“No.”

“Kid Cudi?”

“No.”

“Whitney Houston?”

“No.”

“Justin Beiber?”

“No.”

“Ozzy?”

“No.”

“Taylor Swift?”

“No.”

“Adele?”

“No.”

“Drake?”

“No.”

“David Bowie?”

“Hmmm…”

“Ahhh! There’s a maybe! “Linkin Park?”

“Stop.”

“Chris Brown?”

“Stop?”

“Rick Astley?”

“NO. Stop.”

This was what I went through a couple of days ago. He was fully aware what I play on-air not only because I told him before but also I sent him the link to my show. But when you’re the department comedian, you need to depend on your co-workers for everyone’s amusement. So you blow right through convenience and force uncomfortable interactions for laughs at someone’s expense. He instead ended up giving me a list of artists I wouldn’t dare touch or even infect our studio’s CD drives, turntables, or computers with. And he knows this.

**********

My show states what I play: “punk, hardcore, female, grrl, electronics, hip-hop, hipster, trendy, art, industrial, breakbeats, experimental, techno, spoken word, rare Seventies, drum and bass, reggae, lo-fi, and even noise”. It also says “no Top 40, no Billboard, no pop, no American Idol, no Nielsen Ratings, no Clear Channel.” Why would I waste my time playing artists that are already being played ad nauseum on pop stations, car commercials, malls, restaurants, movies, and soda ads millions of times over? And why would I have to explain myself to people who clearly don’t deserve it?

It’s simple. On my show I play everything other stations and outlets won’t. Being it’s a college radio station, we don’t get money from corporate sponsors but instead grass-roots community members, students, administration, and other people listening in around the world to donate money to us. That means we are not told what to play, rather we play whatever we want, artists who otherwise have almost zero chance of getting airplay. I can actually educate my listeners by playing Merzbow, Einsturzende Neubauten, Sonic Youth, or Aphex Twin instead of brainwashing them. So, why would I waste valuable airtime on artists who already have endless amounts of it?

Another thing: requests. I don’t ask for them and I won’t play them. Why would I jeopardize the show’s good looks if someone asks me to play Nickelback when I play music like Crystal Castles, Cold Cave, The Dead Boys, and Death Grips? Where does some sappy commercial band that millions of people have on their death list have its place on my show? I want my listeners to enjoy my show and support me, not blacklist it and send me death threats.

Even more ridiculous are the dedications. Please. I prevent this from happening. I don’t want my show responsible for some trailer-park love-in somewhere in Alabama which produces five awkward results. Having me to say their subtle Valentine’s messages on-air with “cute” pet names is not cute at all. It makes my show turn into the Ryan Seacrest Hour. When that happens, I’ll fold this show and deny it ever existed.

Yes, I do understand that artists eat and need to keep on going to make a living. Once in a while I get unsolicited messages from bands that have absolutely nothing to do with the music I play. Just pass “GO” and collect your $200. Just because I play “everything” doesn’t mean I will since there are specifics. Even worse, a Dave Matthews’ cover band somewhere in the middle of Long Island, that aspires to be something else they’ll never be and tries to ride (no, suck it like a leach) the wave of popularity by holding actual music instruments while being incapable of writing original material will never make the cut. On another note…

“Check us out! We’re a four-piece homegrown funk-soul-band from somewhere in New Jersey and we’ve been compared to 311 and Smashmouth…”

...and that is where I hit the delete button. I don’t like it when music comes to me, I like it when I come to music unless I ask for it. I don’t like to feel obligated in having to play your music or worse having it forced down my throat Linda Lovelace-style. I don’t want your obsolete already-done jam-funk music and double that if it’s from the late 90’s (because who here thinks the late 90’s was the worst time for new music ever?) I don’t ever want your low-resolution color-copy pixilated artwork with your homemade CD-R with paper decal. In fact, why am I still on MySpace? That was so 2006.

**********

It’s been a month since the start of my on-going show and my co-workers are getting very tiresome. The same questions over and over again and not once has anyone tuned in. Not that I don’t want them to tune in or even care if they listen, but what’s the point in wasting time if people who are interested in something don’t do it? That’s why I decided to no longer talk to them about my show. I’m only wasting my breath, time, and energy. You can’t declare to do something and not do it. That’s how people take points away from you.

And as always, the instant I declare that I will no longer bother in discussing my show anymore, another moron standing right next to me starts asking questions again. “What is your show called?” “What time is it on?” “What number is it?” Perhaps it is best not to have certain people listening in. Even better, it’s best not to converse with them.