#PKMN FR: Road to Domination

[therealtarnshady]

Welcome to PKMN FR: Road to Domination, a story of adventure, friendship, torturing small animals by making them fight for our entertainment and, probably, lots of death.

Where there’s death, there’s a Tarn.

And that’s where we begin, with a young and only slightly innocent young mech named Tarn, about to embark on the Adventure Of A Lifetime.

I apparently have a mother. Clearly, this is Nickel.

Thanks for not making a fuss about me deciding to go travel the world alone to fight wild animals without parental supervision even though I’m only ten years old, Nickel-Mom.

Such a good mom. Anyway, I make my way down to the Oak Lab since he apparently wants to see me. Unfortunately, he’s gone and I’m accosted by Skid’s friend Nytbeat.

Naturally, he’s an asshole.

For someone who’s supposed to have wanted me to come see him, the Professor isn’t very good at actually good at attending his own meetings. He’d never survive in the DJD, not with that lack of punctuality.

We’ll ignore Nytbeat, because I’ve only known him for two sentences and I hate him already. When the Professor doesn’t show up after a few moments of wandering the lab and touching things I probably shouldn’t be touching, I left to explore town and maybe find the Professor.

Seriously, there’s only three buildings in this entire town where the fuck is he?

Ah.

Okay but neither of us actually invited you, so you can leave any time. Go find Skids, I’m sure he’ll pay attention to you.

I suddenly find myself a little bit concerned about this Professor who is supposedly an expert on these creatures. It’s almost like he has no idea what any of them actually are.

Regardless, we’ve met our first DJD party member, and it’s Kaon. He’s... Apparently female, which I should have checked before naming her but whatever. It’s not like I care. Anyway, with Kaon in hand, I leave the lab --

Only to be accosted by this asshole. Naturally he’s rich. Of course he is. One unwanted battle and unneeded Professor advice later, Kaon and I escape the lab and Nytbeat to go talk to Nickel-mom and let her know that we’re leaving to See The World.

Goodbye’s made, I step outside of Pallet Town for the first time...

[therealtarnshady]

Last time, on PKMN FR: Road To Domination...

TRAGEDY AT MOUNT MOON.

Nurse Joy Voice: He’s dead, Jim.

Tarn Voice: My name’s not Jim.

Nurse Joy Voice: He’s still dead.

And now, for today’s episode...

Cerulean is very boring, and the gymleader was a quick fight so after a bit more exploring my team and I head north, where we’ve heard a Pokemon Maniac named Bill lives. Supposedly he’s got a bunch of rare pokemon, and I’m very curious to see what I can steal take a nice look at from him.

Do they? Do they really?

A gauntlet of five useless children attacking me later, I meat someone at the other end offering me a cool prize. And something else.

Sign me the fuck up, sir.

AND I TOLD YOU YES.

I’M NOT WASTING IT. LET ME JOIN????

He wouldn’t let me join, even after I defeated him in a battle. Annoyed and disappointed at the lost opportunity I’d been given, I make my way east and towards Bill’s place.

Hopefully he’s less of an idiot --

Um.

Um.

Did Shockwave design this guy’s science apparatus?

I think Shockwave designed this asshole’s entire house, if I’m honest. Either way he gives me free cruise tickets and I leave before I get any of his stupid on me.

That’s a terrible pun and you should be ashamed of yourself.

It’s not your yard either, sir.

Innocent bystanders usually do not claim to be such when no one asked. Mighty suspicious of you.

With the stolem TM in hand, I do not return it to it’s rightful owners and instead leave town to head south to Saffron City. I have needs, and this place doesn’t fulfill them at all.

Useless. Saffron City is blocked to me, unfortunately but there’s an underground path just a little further from the blocked road. I head there instead.

And end up just north of Vermillion City. 

It’s not as orange as expected, but there’s a lot of water. I don’t like it. In fact, I hate this entire place. That in mind, I start wandering in and out of the homes of strangers.

The man is delusional, but he gives me a free fishing rod so leaving him to his babble, I graciously leave without killing him.

It turns out, if you let people ramble inane things at you, they give you free stuff. And now I can afford a bicycle! That said, I’m very tempted to raise one million dollars entirely on my own just to spite the bike owner so the voucher is tucked away for now. I’ll decide how to proceed next time I’m up north.

I head down to the pier and the ship, and it turns out everyone on this stupid ship just wants to fight me.

They also just leave shit lying around and no one seems to noticed the unaccompanied minor nicking their stuff and leaving with it. Thanks, rich assholes. Money and stolen items in hand, I head for the captain’s quarters to see about stealing his Cut technique.

WHEN DID THIS ASSHOLE LEARN FRENCH?

Bye ship about to crash into a wall and never be seen again forever.

When will Elite Four Members stop posing as gym leaders? The world may never know.

[therealtarnshady]

Last time on PKMN FR: Road to Domination...

Tarn Voice: Mother Nickel, I am leaving to wander the world and force animals to fight for my pleasure.

Nickel Voice: Okay!

Professor Oak Voice: Anyway I’m old so here’s a pokemon I don’t actually know, have fun kids.

Nybeat Wants To Fight!!!!

Mortal Kombat Announcer Voice: FINISH HIM.

Tarn Voice: Finally, freedom!

And now, the thrilling next episode...

So, uh. Oak wasn’t actually kidding about being killed by Pokemon if I left town without one, was he?

I’ve never seen this man before in my life, yet somehow he knows where I’ve spent my entire life up to this point just by looking at me. If that fucking hat doesn’t say PALLET TOWN in large letters, I’m calling bullshit.

Anyway, I’m not given a choice in delivering the PARCEL he hands to me for some reason. It’s to go to the Professor back home. I suspect drugs. I decide to deliver it, in hopes I can blackmail the Professor into giving me the Pidgey on his desk.

It fails, naturally. Instead, stupid Nybeat shows up, we’re treated to some more exposition I don’t care about and given more free stuff.

Shut up Nytbeat.

New DJD? New DJD.

Once more I’m accosted by a helpful old man to teach me things I already know. In this case, how to catch a Pokemon. A bit of exploring reveals Viridian City to be mostly useless. The Gym’s closed for some reason, so to avoid any more creepy but helpful old men, I move on.

Next time, on PKMN FR: Road to Domination...

Tarn Voice: What the fuck.

Nytbeat Voice: Even though we left town at the same time, I’m already further ahead than you!

[Wild Pokemon Noises]

Tarn Voice: Kaon, Hi Jump Kick --

[therealtarnshady]

Last time on PKMN FR: Road To Domination...

Tarn Voice: I GOT... THE BOULDER BADGE!!!

And now...

Mt. Moon is ridiculously dark, which I guess is to be expected since it’s the inside of a mountain. There’s a ridiculous number of people loitering inside this mountain though, and I’m not sure I understand why. Traversing the maze of tunnels is not too hard, however. Despite the screeching of zubats.

... Very polite gangsters, I suppose?

I’m not actually sure what they’re blacklisting me from but I’m sure it’s something... uh.

Something important. Maybe. I hope.

Freedom comes quickly, and with a Helix fossil. Unfortunately, Helex did not survive the trip through the mountain, and with heavy feet we make our way to Cerulean to find a healing center.

With Helex’s death, I’m left no time to mourn my companion, as there are things to do and gym leaders to conquer. His place on the team is taken by Overlord, the Might Hoppip.

Who the fuck buys these bikes? How are these people still in business? HAS ANYONE EVER BOUGHT A BIKE FROM YOU AT ALL, SIR? WHY ARE THEY A MILLION DOLLARS? I AM A CHILD, I CAN NOT AFFORD THIS.

I KNOW.

Somehow, the police are unable to handle Team Rocket while I, a small child, have no problems. It’s baffling. This region may be easier to conquer than I expected, if this is the level of resistance I am going to encounter.

With nothing else interesting to see in the city, we make our way to the Gym and its leader Misty.

Does anyone in this region know who the fuck they are?

I’m going to drown this asshole.

After defeating Nytbeat my team and I head back towards the mountain for some intensive training with Overlord so he can catch up to the group.

Tragically, he dies immediately and gets replaced with Soundwave.

NEXT TIME ON PKMN FR: ROAD TO DOMINATION...

Mystery Trainer Voice: Join Team Rocket

Tarn Voice: Okay.

[therealtarnshady]

Last time on PKMN FR: Road To Domination...

Having nothing to do in Viridian City except be accosted by creepily helpful old men, our hero Tarn headed north towards Pewter City...

Not pictured, the first half of Route 2, where I obtained my good friend Vos.

Lush, green and full of too many bugs, I stomped my way through the forest. Skids joined the party at this point, his wings a useful addition to the team. Also for some reason he’s on fire. Not quite sure what to do about that, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out later.

Maybe.

I run into an... engineer of all things in the forest. 

Her name is Kim. It was a quick and easy battle for my team, and it doesn’t take long to reach the northern end of Route 2.

Nothing here, except the addition of Helex.** A few hours of backend grinding ensure my team won’t be wiped out by any unexpected battles to come.

There’s a Museum in town, so I take some time to indulge in Educational Pursuits. While they don’t have very much, the space exhibit is quite fascinating and the fossils are well preserved. Very worth the price of admittance.

Thieves? Are they Decepticons, by any chance? No? Alas. Either way, the helpful sign is mostly ignored because it’s none of my business. I just want to make my way to Cerulean, where I’ve heard that asshole Nytbeat has gone.

Annoyingly, the child by the sign won’t let me pass unless I’ve defeated someone named Brock.

This man is not named Brock.

Except apparently he is. I think he may be a bit confused?

How do these people keep finding me? But thanks for the shoes!

... Nickel is such a good mother. With my new shoes delivered, the AIDE leaves, and I take a moment to prepare for my ongoing journey.

Next time on PKMN FR: Road To Domination...

[Black screen, the sound of voices.]

CURRENT ROSTER: 

[therealtarnshady]

this post is only for tagging purposes, don’t mind me

tarn’s about to embark on an adventure of frustrating proportions; i’ve randomized a copy of my fire red rom again and now he’s about to be subjected to the hell that is Randomized Nuzlockes.

[therealtarnshady]

LAST TIME ON PKMN FR: Road To Domination...

Narrator Voice: We’ve completely forgotten the plot, so just go and reread or something.

And now...

Heading East from Vermillion, our beloved Tarn comes to a guardhouse. Thankfully it’s not like the one leading to Saffron and he passes unhindered and onwards towards Route 12.

Which... turns out to be blocked by the sleeping Snorlax. Naturally. With an annoyed sigh our hero turns back west and towards the fields for some training. Best to be up to snuff if I’m going to be investigating ways around a wild Snorlax.

A cave that seemingly connects Vermillion to Viridian is a lucky find, and I make my way through.

In an unfortunate turn of events, Lazerbeak appears and slaughters poor Kaon.

Naturally, I capture him for the team and he replaces her in the team lineup once she’s been laid to rest in some random shadowy corner. Ending up just outside of Viridian, my team and I make our way to the Pokemon Center for a short rest, and then head off to train a bit. We have no idea what’s coming next, and Kaon’s death proves we’re nowhere near ready for the next leg of our journey.

Current Roster: