#Okay Ribbon and Gooey were both turned down by Kirby what if they just said screw it and got together

[starlytenight]

Future Knights of the kingdoms!

Darius Knight, Art Knight of Nightmare and guard of Princess Diaza as well as her cousin, son of Dark the clone Swordsman and Drawcia

Night Knight, Knight of Popstar and Prince Oberon's personal guard. Son of Gooey and Lady Ribbon. First Dark Matter Fairy.

Luteo Knight, Knight of Floralia and Princess Sparaña's personal guard and practically her little brother.

Princess Stella of Patch Land does not have a knight since she doesn't need one. She's Kirby's daughter. Enough said.

[escargoon-sandwich]

marx attempts to ruin a chatfic - scrapped chapter

there is a reason why this isn’t going on ao3. simply put, i’m not satisfied with it.

11:50 pm

Zan Parthenon: @everyone

Zan Parthenon: HELP

Zan Parthenon: MARX JUST RAN BACK TO CAMP WITH A BUNCH OF THE SKULL GANG FOLLOWING HIM

Big D: I’m already on my way.

Zan Parthenon:  please tell me you’re bringing kirby

Gryll: AAAAAA

Gryll pressed their back to Zan’s, sucking their breath in. “Man, this sucks! Big time!” 

“Understatement of the year, my friend.” Zan stated flatly as she charged her drums. Gryll had managed to build up a small wall to hide behind, but the blocks they’d made crumbled easily - it wouldn’t hold off the Skull Gang forever. 

Something glittering hovered above their heads, and Gryll glanced up to see Marx barely clearing the wall. “Yo Zan! Mind lighting me up?”

“Sure. Just stand in front of me.” Zan ordered as she jumped up to the top.

“Oh come on, that’s gonna suck…” Marx whined.

“Think of it as payback for when you sprayed me with febreeze earlier.”

“Okay but you asked for that-”

“BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE DRINKING KOOL-AID!”

“WHY WOULD I DRINK KOOL-AID OUT OF A FEBREEZE BOTTLE-”

The inane argument was interrupted by a particularly large skully barreling through the wall, showering Gryll in brick fragments. Gryll cried out and swung their broom forward, borrowing some techniques they’d seen some Broom Hatters do. The skully tumbled away, just in time for Marx to body slam it. “Hey, Gryll!” he shouted, twirling on his toetip. “Go find Dedede and Kirby!”

“I - okay!” Gryll hopped on their broom and booked it out of there, weaving through the trees. Beneath them, they felt the broom sort of sputter - which was to be expected. The enchantment was beginning to wear thin - they probably should have refreshed it before coming to the islands.

As the sound of battle faded behind them, Gryll bit their lip. They really, really wanted to help, but they were more of a hedgewitch - someone who did spells meant for everyday life, not for the battlefield. 

Whatever. Finding Kirby was helping too.

The broom fell suddenly, about five feet - it couldn’t last much longer. Gryll groaned, knowing they’d have to continue their search on foot. Quietly, they landed and leaned against a large tree, trying to listen to their surroundings…

Okay, there was the fight going on, and that kind of drowned things out. Oh, how Gryll longed to have nice big ears like Daroach, then maybe they would have better hearing! Above them, the branches rustled, and then something dropped on them - Oh, Lord.

They swung their broom wildly, batting at whatever had chomped down onto their face. They sucked in air, choking on the downright rancid breath, then filled their lungs again. “LET! GO!” they howled at the top of their lungs. “I’LL TASTE AWFUL, SO LET -”

Suddenly they were free, and they gasped for air. The thing was now howling in pain, and Gryll cautiously looked over to see something brown and furry mauling their attacker - a skull gang member. They’d been followed! “Shit…” they breathed. “I gotta find the others quick…”

“Wait!” The furry thing turned, and - oh lord, if that wasn’t the cutest thing Gryll had ever seen! Kirby was wearing some sort of animal costume - it was probably a copy ability! “Gryll, it’s me!”

“Yeah, I can see that now. Sorry, I thought you were like… some sort of raccoon…” they muttered. “Where’s Dedede?”

“Over here!” The king crashed through a bush and faceplanted in the dirt. He scrambled to his feet quickly, just in time for Escargoon to slam into his back, with Gooey close behind him. He stumbled forward, but caught himself before he could body-slam Kirby. “Okay. Okay, I’m good. Um.” He smiled sheepishly at Gryll. “Where’s the circus?”

“The circus? Oh, you mean Marx!” A crack of thunder roared through the forest, and Gryll pointed in that direction. “I’d say they’re over there.”

“Thanks.” Without missing a beat, Dedede charged forward. “Escargoon, you stay with Gryll!”

“But Sire -”

“No buts! I don’t want those freaks anywhere near you!” Dedede turned away and disappeared through the brush, and Kirby and Gooey soon vanished after him.

“No, wait!” Gryll cried, only to be drowned out by another crack of thunder. “... Damn. Okay.” They turned to Escargoon, who was tugging at his beard. “We can’t stay here. I don’t care what Dedede said, it’s not safe. There might be more of those guys around.”

“Are you kidding me? Why didn’t you say so earlier?” Escargoon growled, waving his arms in the air.

“I would have, but they ran off before I could - wait.” Gryll’s eyes narrowed as they heard more rustling in the branches above. “... Hey. Weird question. If you were surrounded by, say… five or six dudes who wanted you dead, how likely do you think you’d be able to survive?”

Escargoon was peering at the canopy now, quivering. “H-honestly? I’d give it like, a twenty percent chance?”

“Okay then. Let’s run.” 

----

12:39 AM

Kirby: you know i’m glad those guys don’t get stronger at midnight

Big D: @Marx did you find Gryll and Escargoon yet? Or DMK?

Marx: i found the first two and got a broom shaped bruise on my face

Kirby: ouch, did gryll get you? they hit pretty hard sometimes…

Marx: no it was escargoon lol

Marx: gryll got one of those tears to the face, so i think goonie grabbed the broom to defend himself

Big D: Shit, are they hurt?

Marx: nah, they’re in pretty good shape

Marx: gryll is now under a bunch of leaves, we made them a little blanket so they could stay worm

Marx: … i meant to say warm but you know

Marx: i guess that fits too? since they’re under some leaves

Marx: anyway dedede come get yo mans

Big D: I have absolutely no idea what that means, Marx.

Marx: oh, you know

Marx: ;dauhnjffff

Kirby: MARX????

Marx: You know that massive downed tree? We’re near that.

Kirby: yeah i do know it, but what happened?

Marx: A stupid clown nearly played a nasty prank.

Zan Parthenon: Who is this?

Marx: This is Escargoon. I grabbed Marx’s phone before he could do something dumb.

Zan Parthenon: He was going to send the winky face, wasn’t he?

Gryll: nooo, that’s our inside jooooke

Kirby: oh hey, welcome back gryll!

Gryll: right i need to debrief everyone, maybe in the morning? i need access to my dream journal even though this wasn’t really a dream it’s a good idea to write it down

Zan Parthenon: I got it, and I’ll bring it over.

Gryll: thanks

----

8:14 AM

Gryll: alright, i wrote down what i saw in the doc you guys have going for that sort of thing

Daddyroach: Alright, I’ll take a look.

Gryll: the good news is that i did find a good tree, finally, while i was writing everything down

Gryll: so i’ll be re-enchanting my broom and making a new one

Gryll: … actually, wait

Gryll: @Escargoon do you want to borrow one?

Big D: He’s still sleeping.

Gryll: oh, okay

Gryll: i’ll try later then

Big D: Any reason why you want to give him one?

Gryll: because last night, i lent him it

Gryll: well, he took it from me actually, and he was like, “if you want to get rid of a pest you sweep like THIS” and then did the windy thing

Big D: The windy thing?

Gryll: kirby knows the windy thing! the thing the broom hatters do

Big D: ooooh, i get it

Gryll: but he seemed to like it, he was cackling

Daddyroach: Okay so, uh.

Daddyroach: My dad got sacrificed to Necrodeus. 

Gryll: the guy who was PROBABLY your dad

Daddyroach: Most likely my dad.

Daddyroach: Considering that you said my mom confessed to being pregnant at the time.

Gryll: well no necrodouche kind of forced the confession out of her because he grabbed her and…

Gryll: uhm.

Gryll: he tried ripping you and your siblings out of her

Gryll: i think he wanted to eat you

Daddyroach: … thank god dedede’s dad was there.

Gryll: yeah

Kirby: we still haven’t found any sign of DMK anywhere…

Taranza: Come back to the hotel, Kirby. Ribbon, Adeleine and I are gonna go look next.

Kirby: okay

Borb: Do you need me there?

Big D: You know, not to sound rude, but I’d rather you be at the castle right now.

Big D: If we have a group of people back at the castle, it’s… something. 

Big D: In case something bad happens.

Borb: … I see.

B. Dee: I’ll do my best, your majesty!

Big D: Thank you.

Tiff: something happened

Big D: Tiff? Are you okay?

Tiff: no

Tiff: dmk came back here and took my mom

Tiff: she went out to the balcony and he grabbed her

Gryll: oh shit, oh SHIT

Daddyroach: This lines up too well.

Daddyroach:  I’m going to try to find her.

Tiff: she’s where you guys are?

Daddyroach: Yeah, and she’s in immediate danger.

---

Normally, Daroach would be happy to have a target that broadcast its location. When that target was a woman who was five months pregnant, though, things got intense.

Lady Like was kicking up one hell of a fuss, though, and it made tracking her down easy. "Yo! Marx!"

The jester crashed out of the canopy, faceplanting into a puddle. He coughed out some mud and grinned at Daroach. "I meant to do that."

"Sure you did. Now listen." Daroach pointed in the direction of the screaming. "Go up ahead for me, okay? We'll try a pincer attack."

"Oh, good idea!" Marx took to the air, then visually screeched to a halt. "Did you tell Kirby and Adeline too?"

"Yeah." Daroach readied the Triple Star, listening for the sounds of struggle. "We're close. Just a little farther…"

"Right. See ya!" Marx flew off, and Daroach zoned in on where he heard the fighting. He soon found himself in a small clearing, where he caught Dark Meta Knight getting a square kick to the face, delivered by one Lady Like.

Daroach couldn't help it. He laughed and clapped as he made his presence known. "Good job, idiot, you're getting your ass handed to you by a pregnant woman."

"A woman with a black belt," Lady Like corrected, pouting.

 Dark Meta whirled and drew his sword, brandishing it towards his poor victim. "Listen here, both of you!" he growled. "I don't have time for this horseshit, nor the patience." He was shaking slightly. "All I want is for one thing to go right for me!"

"Yeah, and I'd like some goddamn peace and quiet. But life isn't fair and we don't always get what we want." Daroach shrugged. "You'd think you'd have learned that by now."

"Bold words from a thief." Dark Meta hissed, prodding Lady Like's belly with the tip of his sword. "Now. I have a gift to deliver to my master, and I'm willing to rip it out of her if need be."

Daroach felt like his stomach was turning to ice, and he lowered the brim of his hat to hide his panic. "... Master, huh? You rebounded kinda fast, huh?" 

Dark Meta's wings twitched, as Daroach heard rustling in the nearby undergrowth. "What do you mean, rebound?"

"I'm just saying… you hopped on the Necrodeus train pretty damn quick." Out of the corner of his eye, Daroach saw Kirby peek out of some tall grass. He wished he had a way to signal to him to wait. "You got a thing for toxic men, don't you?"

Oooh, the sword tip was wavering now, and it was quickly pointed in Daroach's direction. "I hope you realize what you are implying."

"'Course I do." Daroach flicked the brim of his hat up and grinned. "You, my friend, are a slut."

Dark Meta Knight roared and flung himself towards Daroach, who gasped as he felt the serrated blade sink into his gut. Lady Like stumbled away from the two, and Daroach saw a waiting Adeline reach for her hand and drag her out of the area. “You do not get to impose that judgement on me!”

Daroach smirked, then coughed up blood. “Well. At least I set out what I meant to do here,” he muttered as he pressed the Triple Star against Dark Meta’s mask, and blasted him away. “Go and run back to your new sugar daddy!”

There, he fell to the ground, where he wrapped his cloak around himself as his opponent scanned the treeline. One of Daroach’s ears twitched as he heard Marx yelling hysterically - he must have found the two escapees. 

“Hmph. The child’s not worth getting in a fight with the jester over.” Dark Meta sheathed his sword and turned, leaving Daroach in the dirt. “My master will be back soon anyway.” With that, the sound of shattering glass filled the air as he teleported away, and Kirby darted out from the bushes. 

“Are you okay?” Kirby squealed, while pressing a few leaves into Daroach’s wound. Daroach yelled in pain, and Kirby almost looked a little sick. “Ooh, guess not…”

---

12:12 pm

Daddyroach: Alright, so maybe calling him a slut wasn’t the best idea.

Kirby: !!!! you’re up!!!

Tiff: is my mom okay?

Kirby: yeah!!! she kicked him a lot!!!

Adeleine: I’m pretty sure I saw some dents in that mask, your mom’s a straight-up badass. 

Adeleine: Are you okay though, dad?

Daddyroach: No.

Daddyroach: He got me bad, but Doc’s taking care of the stab wound.

Adeleine: i should have stayed?

Daddyroach: Absolutely not. You could have gotten stabbed.

Adeleine: … yeah, you’re right.

Gooey: tiiiiiiiiff

Gooey: yourmoooomisssniccccce

Marx: so uh daroach

Marx: why’d you call him a slut?

Tiff: what’s that word mean?

Marx: you’ll find out when you’re older.

Tiff: what if i want to know now, marx?

Marx: i’d have to say too bad because your mom would probably kill me

Tiff: oh it’s a swear word?

Marx: yeah lol

Escargoon: Speaking of your mom, Tiff…

Escargoon: Should I go talk to her?

Tiff: is there a reason why you think you shouldn’t?

Escargoon: We weren’t always on good terms.

Escargoon: Scratch that, we were never on good terms, up until I left.

Tiff: i think she knows you’re trying to change for the better

Tiff: i don’t think it’ll hurt to see her

Dedede: Can you like, keep her company while I’m out dealing with some shenanigans?

Dedede: There’s something going on to the north, and I’m going to go investigate.

Escargoon: I can do that.

----

Escargoon stared at the door handle way longer then he probably should have. One of the Waddle Dees that worked for the hotel was giving him a curious look. He knew the worst things Lady Like could do - he’d seen her beat the shit out of those guys who’d stalked her daughter. If she didn’t want to see him, well… he probably deserved whatever she dished out.

He finally decided to just knock. “Oh, who is it?” Lady Like’s voice rang out loud and clear, and Escargoon swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat.

“It’s, um. It’s me.” There was a brief pause, and he added. “Can I come in?”

“Yes. Yes you may.” Oh boy, that response was rather terse...

Escargoon took a deep breath and entered the room. Technically, it was the one in his name, but with the… thing with Dedede, that was up in the air. Lady Like was here, now, nestled in a pile of pillows, one hand resting on her belly while the other one picked at a piece of bread. She looked like she’d been woken up in the middle of the night - in fact, she probably had been. “So! I’d ask you how things have been, but. Yeah.”

Like gave him a look so sour it could curdle milk. " I have had one of the worst mornings of my life. Are you certain you are happier here?"

"Huh?" Escargoon blinked in confusion. "Of course I am! Why, instead of getting hit all the time, I get hit on -" Lady Like had instantly raised an eyebrow. "Oops."

Well, her mood seemed to have improved. "Escargoon," she said with a conspiratorial smirk, "I have the inkling that you have a thing with the king!"

Escargoon felt his cheeks heat up, and he turned away. "What gave you that idea?" 

“Well…” Like tilted her head and winked. “I heard you were sleeping with him...”

“T-that was only last night!” he spluttered. “A-and it was platonic, okay. No shenanigans happened!”

“Yes, and I only married my husband platonically.”

“Look, he hasn’t even kissed me yet, okay?” Escargoon crossed his arms. “And I doubt it counts as a thing if he hasn’t even asked me out yet.”

“But there is a potential of a thing, yes?” Like smirked at him. “I’m sure your mother will be happy to know her little snail has a sweetie!”

“Oh, no, no, you are NOT telling her before I do!” He began to pace a bit. “Great, now I forgot what I even came here for in the first -”

Escargoon was interrupted by a wet “thump” on the balcony, and he jumped and whirled to face the sliding glass door, now plastered with Gooey’s face. He sighed in relief as he went to open it, but as Gooey rolled in, he realized that the little slimeball did not seem happy at all. “Hey little guy, what’s up?” Gooey wiggled around, a look of distress on his face. “Listen, Gooey, I know you’re upset, but you’re going to have to use your words, okay?”

Gooey paused for a moment, then opened his mouth and shouted one word. “FUCK!”

Lady Like gasped in horror. "Was this where Tiff learned that word?"

"Nah, that was probably Marx." After a look of confusion from Like, he continued. "Y'know, little jester guy, kicked Dedede in the junk?"

"Ah, him." She rose from the bed, smoothing her hand over her stomach. "Oh, my! Escargoon, look!"

"Huh?" A massive thundercloud was beginning to form on the horizon, but something was off. Mainly, it seemed like it was pouring out of the ocean. "That's not good..."

Gooey was beginning to buzz loudly. "Is he supposed to be doing that?" Lady Like asked, then cringed in disgust as Gooey spat out his phone. "Oh…"

Escargoon, however, noticed something else. Something that looked like a shockwave of sorts… and it was heading towards them, fast. He shoved Lady Like aside, away from the glass door, then grabbed Gooey and ducked into his shell.