#Oh the parasociality in compassion

[cactusringed]

I made a long ass post about like, how ccs need more compassion and understanding because none of us truiy know how it is to be doing this day to day and have this amount of attention on you all the time when you're just some guy playing Minecraft on YouTube with no agent or social media rep or producer. But it got rly lengthy and I kind of lost my point

But I think really I just thought it might be worth taking a step back - everyone - and put yourself in their shoes and just. Idk. It stems from me not thinking it's entirely fair to declare they should categorically avoid reddit when it is the most accessible way for them to interact with the adult part of the fandom in a way that is mostly healthy and gives THEM the control to look at and interact with what they wish to. Even if reddit can be very stupid. I think a lot of us - me included - don't realise what it's truly like to be in their shoes. To have your livelihood depend on whether people enjoy the things you do for fun with your friends. I think a lot of us don't realise that for every random shitty comment we see, that the ccs see hundreds, all the time, on all platforms. Feeling like your every decision is being scrutinized like that... I think it just makes me sad all around.

These people - the ccs I mean - are much more like us than they are like movie stars. And I just feel for them

[edagawasatoru]

you are all a bunch of hypocrites

y'all morality compass is broken huh? suddenly crying about how it is immoral writing about slavery while y'all like and love to romanticize yandere and rape content... hypocrite much?

it's called a FICTION for some reason. you can write ANYTHING (yes, WITHOUT EXCEPTION) and that includes violence, sexual abuse, and also slavery. while indeed aventurine came from romani-based planet, it's all FICTIONAL! SIGONIA IS NOT EVEN IN REAL LIFE! writing something problematic about him doesn't mean you condone that in real life. you can write about how he loves to never release you from his captive but that doesn't mean you condone SA, right? so why suddenly you write him as a slave is wrong? what's the difference, oh so morally righteous people? if you really hate the topic, maybe you should try to squeeze your brain a bit harder since there's a famous phrase called DLDR (don't like don't read)???

also aventurine is just a BUNCH OF PIXELS. y'all should try to disconnect the parasocial relationship between you and him. he would never get offended, trauma from your fiction because of what? HE IS FICTIONAL. in the end he's not alive in real life. y'all probably should try to care to in real life problem rather than crying about imaginary men here. do YOU even know how the very person you've cancelled is doing right now??? bad. triggered. congratulations, you've ruined someone's real life by harassing them because of FICTION. take this mask of shame🤡 the fucking audacity to bully real person over fictional character that doesn't even have awareness

tl;dr: write anything you like. slavery, SA, violence, murder, just write it. it's okay since it's only fictional. also don't harass real people over fiction.

[opinated-user]

Like a lot of Lily supporters, there is this hatoheart person on here that doesn't believe that the things Lily did, despite years of multiple posts, witnesses, etc. , because ' there's no evidence and nothing to show.'

...While failing to point out how Lily's side if things have even less to show, despite admitting to side with her.

The funniest thing is that they even admit in their original post that they understand Courtney can't actually provide any solid proof.

They literally say, ' I don't believe them because no evidence, but also, I understand that SA victims can't always provide proof. '

And again... Where's Lily's proof, hmm? Why are so willing to believe someone who arguably provides less proof than the other person??

Also, them agreeing with someone who commented on their post who says saying that ' Courtney is an obsessive stalker while Lily is just trying to live her life.'

LOL, apparently, just speaking your truth and talking about your trauma is just being a ' stalker'. Very Lily fan club language.

It's additionally rich, considering how Lily herself talks about her exes and former friends.

Sorry, I needed to rant. I can't stand seeing people who say this sort of crap.

mmm, i think a thing that we all need to remember about LO's fans/supporters is that they're in a parasocial relationship with LO. this is not entirely the fault of LO (although she certainly does not help matter by constantly bringing up her trauma on unrelated videos out of nowhere), but it's a reality of how people interact with the people they follow. when that happens, the youtuber they like becomes part of their identity. it's already hard when you have a friend you suspect to have done horrible things, or at least are aware of that is what they're being accused of, and most people would prefer to believe that their friends are good people because, for sure, they consider themselves good people. likewise with many of her fans. to admit that LO is the horrible abuser and bigot we say she is, is to admit that they enjoyed for years the content of a bigot without ever seeing the red flags that are sprinkled around. it's humilliating. you feel like an idiot, like you did something wrong even though you didn't. especially when LO also goes out of her way to keep adding traumas to keep relying on that basic human compassion that her viewers are going to have. oh, she was raped by a girlfriend, oh wait it was her sister, and also had a heart attack and also was raped by the police and also had cancer and also also also. so it's easier to keep believing the Ben Shapiro's style voice of LO before any of her accuser, because they don't have that parasocial relationship with them. those accusers being right or wrong is no matter to them because that says nothing about their own identities. it's all about how LO has to be right because if they believe that someone they like, they enjoyed, they invested money/time/art/whatever else into, is as bad of a person as claimed, then would that mean that they're bad people too. it's also the fact that many of those people? are survivors and younger people (note that i said younger people and not minors, although LO admits those do exist among her audience) who are much less likely to question someone's story of horrific abuse because, truly, nobody wants to believe that anyone could just lie about those things. i understand the frustrating when people refuse to see the evidence, i do. like i said, i have no sympathy for people who do go out of their way to get "both sides of the story", only to turn around and call everyone else liars. but most people aren't like that. most of those "supporters" literally only saw LO's version of the story and that is the only one they're going to stick with, because LO said so.

[mybreadsmybutters]

top 10 men?

LONG long list with extensive explanations under cut. you are forewarned.

1. aidan gallagher. continually charmed and enchanted by whatever is deeply wrong with him and the weird fucked up shit he has going on with his clinically insane dad. he wrote rpf about HIMSELF. who is doing it like him. who COULD do it like him. he needs to come out as gay immediately. at least bisexual. to improve his image. he even makes BAD terrible music. incredible guy all around. i watch his content the way people watch isis beheading videos.

2. my real life actual grandpap. he is so definitely in hell one of the worst people ever. his number one political philosophy was being a hater and fighting anyone who looked at him wrong. i miss him everyday. perhaps the most insane person i will ever meet in my entire life.

3. idk if you wanted real men but the rest of this list is probably gonna be fictional characters due to the fact that i know about ten people. anyways number three is my beloved best friend seasons 1-3 five hargreeves of the umbrella academy. WHAT a character. what if you were a cis guy who could time travel and definitely liked killing people but also were obsessive and crazy and also had a fucked up weird thing with the woman who dragged you out of the apocalypse after you spent 50 years alone and also your body wasn’t your own because your dna got swapped with that of the most prolific murderers of all time and also you were stuck in the body of a child that might’ve been You at some point and everyone is patronizing and doesn’t believe you AND you watch your family die over and over again across every timeline as you constantly fail the ones you love. what a guy. five hargreeves you will never be replicated. also homewrecked his brother with the woman whose parents he murdered like 4 timelines back and then immediately convinced everyone to kill themselves but he did that in season 4 so i dont Really count it but it was still awesome. he’s experiencing types of body dysphoria that i cannot ever fathom i projected onto this guy so hard as a little in denial 13 year old. also when i was 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 and 21 he just kind of lives in the back of my mind perpetually.

4. JOE GOLDBERG FROM HIT FRANCHISE YOU. oh man i love that fucking freak and his mommy issues and the fake woke feminist facade and nightmares in the suburbs and the Knight in Shining Armor carried out to its most horrific prolific potential UGH. i want to pin him on my wall and frame him in glass like a butterfly. he means everything to me. EVERYTHING. so many neurotic tendencies and problematic behaviors spawned from exposure to his character at a critical age. wow i love that guy forever.

5. stefan salvatore vampire diaries. first ever vampire with a binge eating disorder (kills people pathologically) THAT is intentionally narratively framed as an addiction. ALSO in some weird fucked up forced-fated-cursed love triangle forever when his soulmate is clearly just his brother. my number one favorite vampire forever. did i mention he has no sense of humor. oh MAN i love that guy.

6. FICTIONAL ANIME BOY LIGHT YAGAMI. I LOVE SERIAL KILLERS WITH AN ABSOLUTELY FUCKED MORAL COMPASS WHO HAVE A WEIRD THING WITH THE DETECTIVE INVESTIGATING THEM. also see the entire death note musical. where is the justice when the guilty all go free… what would it be if i saw the world like him like a synonym… he is ensouled in the same way JD heathers is

7. fictional anime boy kusuke saiki… man where do i even begin. he’s blonde. he’s a sadomasochist. started world war 3 in an alternate timeline. weird fucked up thing with his brother that is ambiguously sexual. holds a gun at one point. wears a labcoat. wears his hair in a PONYTAIL at one point. foundational to my adolescent sexual awakening. also the entirely fanonical dynamic he has with fellow anime boy makoto teruhashi is world changing to me.

8. mildly famous comedian gianmarco soresi who i am parasocial with. i hope to be as mentally weird about things and be an attention whore and obsessive weirdo when i am 35 too. also first ever visibly gay straight man i think which is just endlessly fascinating to watch.

9. CHARLIE DAY

10. perhaps my most controversial and vaguely revealing choice for this list but one i stand by… porn star and tik tok influencer noahwaybabes. voice of a generation. also i think he’s so stupid hot like in a way that pisses me off. also i find him vaguely annoying but i think that’s because he’s funny and hot which is a REALLY unfair combination. also because he just is annoying due to being a tik tok influencer. probably steals off twitter but i dont use twitter so i dont care.

HONORABLE MENTIONS!!!

youtuber pyrocynical who was not included in this list due to the fact that i hate him and he sucks.

jd heathers who JUST barely did not make it on. im sorry that annoying tik tok influencer who i jerk off to sometimes won out but when it comes down to brass tacks i thought including even more fictional characters would make me seem like a huger massiver loser than the other option

[dorianepin]

fandom / parasociality: 

i think the complication at the end of the day is the prevalent assumption that fandom a) has moral value b) is something that can be quantitatively "proven" and c) must act as a conditional precursor to universal human values and not simply a state of engagement separate from our individual moral compasses. the problem is that for most people who experience a unilateral and unconditional relationship toward a single person or concept, that emotion has to be negated with an equal and opposite adverse reaction, which is why so many are prone to constructing universal judgments to justify their attitudes toward those outside the limitive scope of their personal fandom. 

and these attitudes themselves aren't necessarily a problem, fandom nor the identification of fandom isn't necessarily a problem either, since fandom isn't inherently a good or bad thing or even really discrete in the first place and therefore has no moral value, is simply a vehicle for community and a composite image of recognition. but it's the relationship between these things that allow said attitudes to seemingly legitimize irrational actions with actual moral consequence.

in short f1 is so interesting because people are binary like their lives depend on it........ your team can only ever be sabotaging your favorite driver specifically because everyone and everything is a threat to the success of their career, failure always demands accountability from those who have incurred your distrust, those who haven't been marked as relevant in your personal projection. human beings are socialized off of sympathy but to a highly regimented and provisional degree; the more a man fails, as long as you like him, he's in fact more of a good person who has simply been wronged, not someone who could possibly have shortcomings, not someone who has been given a chance that a majority of this world has never been given, not someone who can be evaluated objectively as a professional athlete and operational piece of a larger working structure.

i find it kind of... idk, exhausting to see both sides of the arguments around lando because you get the >oh he can't be depressed because he's a millionaire people and then the >why don't you guys care about mental health lando is so vulnerable and can do no wrong! ripostes and it's like at the end of the day neither of these things are even relevant to the situation lol. it's the need to weaponize every inconsistency, the need to advertise that your empathy is conditional...... idk.

the funny part is that if you went up to oscar and were like oh i'm so sorry mclaren have been sabotaging you and ruined your race and that zbrown doesn't love you like he loves lando after he wasn't able to perform to his own personal standard he'd think you were losing your mind. "liking" someone and being a "fan" are such nebulous ideas anyway, these declarations are completely individual and self-imposed, there's no need to insist that i like someone or to declare my admiration of them as a person in order to review statistics or objectively assess their performance because what does any of that change anyway 🤷‍♀️

it is what it is though................

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/733656857367003136/post733364183692984320-im-not-this-anon-but?source=share

No. I've been in two different fandoms where there was substantial proof someone had killed themselves for real, and there was no "oh no they're dead!", it was, "I'll reblog some mental health awareness posts for a bit I guess" at most. Even when we had confirmation from one guy's brother that yes, he was dead, yes, that's his real name, please stop DMing me about this, no one was overflowing with sympathy and compassion and tears.

I don't know why people want to play pretend that fandom is this huggy lovey thing but most people don't have deep attachments to writers. To content, yes, but not to content producers. It feels very parasocial to expect that people who you've met met will care about your existence because they liked your writing. I really loved the Guardians of Ga'Hoole books growing up but if the author died I wouldn't be overcome with sorrow, not because I'm a cold stoic badass, but because crying over a stranger is not a normal part of the lived human experience.

At this point this isn't even a 'touch grass' thing it's a 'interact with anyone ever' thing.

--

I'd think it was a pity, but that would be about the extent of it.

You usually see a bit more posting when it's somebody who went to cons and the posters had actually met them.

[anamazingangie]

An Investigative Mission | Rhaenyra x Daemon

📷 Rated E 📷 6,856 words 📷 by AmazingAngie 📷

Tags: Modern Westeros, Divorced Daemon, Dad Daemon, past Daemon Targaryen/Laena Velaryon, Wingman Laenor, Sexting, parasocial relationships, Older Man/Younger Woman, Sex Work, Online Romance, Domestic Kink, Breasts, Reformed Manwhore Daemon, Simp Daemon, Fluff and Humor, No Angst, Healthy Relationships

Summary:

It started innocently enough, several minutes of her cleaning the kitchen with her face out of frame. But that was fine, because she had on these little shorts that were just… And then she took them off and hopped up on the countertop. Fingers dipped beneath the cotton panties, and he listened to her little gasps and moans as she writhed against her fingers until she came. That was when he realized he was done for. He knew what she looked like, and sounded like, but knowing what she sounded like when she came? Fuck. He was obsessed. It was truly embarrassing how she had consumed him without even knowing he existed.

Daemon was no stranger to self-reflection. He’d like to claim that the concept of examining and analyzing  his innermost thoughts was something that came naturally to him without outside influence. But truthfully, he had learned the importance of it while sitting on a leather couch and paying several hundred dollars an hour to a therapist. 

And even that was a position he only found himself in at the behest of his former wife and current friend, Laena. She was a wonderful woman capable of extreme compassion, but she showed little of it when she told him, “We aren’t going to let our parents fuck ups  fuck up our kids, too.” 

Even the dumbass that was his twenty-three year old self could admit she had a point. So to therapy he went. He’d gone again for marriage counseling. And then again after that, because apparently the divorce—as cordial as it was, fucked him up. 

Anyway, somewhere between those hundreds of hours spent trapped in a room and under the gaze of someone far more enlightened than him, he learned about self-reflection. He learned about himself, his feelings toward himself, how those feelings motivated actions, and perhaps most importantly—how those actions impacted others. 

He’d been discharged by his therapist years ago, the woman telling him with a smile that he wasn’t fixed because no one could truly be fixed. But he had all the mental tools he needed to continue repairing himself without her. 

Part of the outcome of all of this was the frequent musing of what his past self might think of his now, and the current actions or decisions he made. 

Usually he could only speculate with the understanding that he had changed. He couldn’t put himself back in a headspace from a previous time, he could only guess based on what he remembered of himself from however many years ago. 

But right now? He could say with a great deal of confidence that his past self from the ages of, oh, twelve to forty, would be fucking laughing at him. 

Or, more specifically, laughing at what he was masturbating to. 

Why wouldn’t they? It was absurd. He couldn’t believe this was his life. His obsession.

But it was. And he only had himself to blame. Well, he blamed Laenor a little. After all, it had started with a card he gave Daemon. And the supposed “gift” that went along with it.

.

A few weeks earlier…

.

GROWING OLD IS HARD AND AGING AIN’T SWANKY BUT GOOD NEWS…

The card declared on the front. With a sigh, Daemon opened it. 

GROWING HARD IS FUN! AND MASTURBATION NEVER GOES OUT OF STYLE! SO TIME FOR A WANKY! Happy 42nd Birthday! 

Daemon was not amused. With a sigh he peeled the gift card emblazoned with the OnlyExceptionalists  logo away from the back of the cardstock, flipping it over to see it was made out for $1000. Laenor had also helpfully noted that it was nonrefundable. Awesome.

Daemon wasn’t sure what the typical fee to follow a user was on the platform, but he was pretty sure a thousand dollars was beyond the norm. A cursory google search also showed that they did not even sell gift cards which meant Laenor had somehow contacted them with this request and likely paid even more money to make it a reality.

The fucker had probably used his credentials as Talent Director of RedKeep, the largest producer and distributor of adult content on the internet, to get this. It was a job Laenor only had thanks to Daemon, by the way, who was one of the three original founders and had served as the biggest investor and financial advisor for over a decade. 

He was proud of his time there, how he helped grow the business. But it had eventually been his time to go. It wasn’t his passion and it was going to be fine without him, and it had been. The Strong brothers were smart and far more innovative than him, excelling at chasing trends and integrating them into the company's offerings. 

Plus, though his twenty-year-old self would have gaped at such a statement, he could honestly say he was kind of over porn. He’d explored every category pretty thoroughly, moving on from one kink to another as his tastes shifted. He’d been on sets before, and been to award shows—often taking stars home with him  and experiencing the ‘goods’ in person. He’d even filmed a few scenes himself, though they had been for personal use rather than any website.

It was just all so predictable now. Even amaetur stuff seemed so convoluted these days, setups becoming so good and cheap that any grittiness or voyeuristic quality was lost. Porn just in general had lost its luster for him. Which was fine, more than fine, even. It had motivated him to move on and that was perhaps the best decision he ever made.

He’d focused on his marriage, his kids, and photography—the thing he went to college for before getting caught up in everything. They had been all over the Seven Kingdoms as a family, both for his work and for fun. They traveled dinky cars up steep mountains, by foot through rainforests, and by plane with Laena sitting in the pilot's seat. They had gone snorkeling, sailing, skiing, and everything in between. He wouldn’t change a thing about that time of his life. 

But that time had passed. His marriage to Laena had ended. His daughters were in college. 

And he was…

Well, he was alone on his forty-second birthday. 

He needed a drink. 

.

L: dude, did you get my card?

.

D: Yes. 

.

L: did you sign up? what do you think?

.

D: You’re joking, right? They are our competitor. 

.

L:  think about it as a investigative mission

L: have a report on my desk by monday morning 

.

D: No.

.

L:  :(

L: your dick might fall off if you go too long without jerking it 

.

D: Why are you thinking about my dick?

.

L: it’s a good dick!

L: it doesn't deserve this 

L: if you won’t do it for me, do it for your dicks sake, man.

.

Daemon downloaded the app. 

It was pure curiosity that drove him to do it. He wasn’t approaching it in an investigative manner, exactly, but he’d been out of the game for a while—surely it was normal to wonder what people were gravitating towards now? He was still a major investor in RedKeep, who may very well acquire OnlyExceptionalists in the future. It would be good to be… up on things, and it would make Laenor happy, which, much to his chagrin, mattered to him.

Laenor, annoying as he was, had been in his life for…god, over twenty years. He’d been his brother in law for more than a decade, and a great uncle to the girls, but more than that he’d been a great friend. Especially through the divorce and the aftermath. Daemon didn’t think there was a more amicable divorce to ever exist, but it still sucked putting that relationship and life with someone he loved behind him.

He’d handled it well, he thought. At least in front of their daughters and friends. 

He’d chased away the loneliness with girls and alcohol, though. Rarely spending a night in his own bed for the first few months  that followed their split. Laenor had encouraged this behavior, and helped him rein it in and get back on track in terms of work and life. The happy compromise was joining a club he recommended, where drinks were limited but came with blow jobs, and back rooms were free for any tested clients to use. 

That was a couple years ago though. His membership had long since lapsed—it turned out you could run out of kinks to explore, at least the ones on his limits list. Since then sex had been occasional at best, coming in the form of pretty girls he charmed at bars. Dates had been nearly nonexistent, though Laenor had tried to set some of those up too. 

If he was honest, dating sort of scared him. Sex? Easy. Flirting? Easy. Small talk? Kill me.

So maybe this, sad as it was, was a good option for him. An exploration into something new, or at least—something new to masturbate to. 

.

He wasn’t sure how their algorithm worked, but it was a little creepy how attracted he was to the third account they suggested. The name was PeekingPrincess and the profile picture was a set of truly fantastic breasts, cleavage on display but nipples hidden by thin cotton. 

Daemon had been asked the question of whether he was a ‘breast or ass type of guy’ a lot while he was in the industry, because surprise surprise, a lot of execs think they can be gross when a business deals with sexual content. He would usually respond with, “Both” and try to hurry along the topic. 

It wasn’t a disingenuous answer. Both were good. He liked every part of women, a lot, so much so that love for their form had been responsible for most of the things he loved about his life now, too. 

But breasts were just special. 

When they were on the smaller side, he wanted to squeeze them and test the firmness before dragging his fingers to the tips. And when they were larger, there was nothing better than holding the weight of those precious globes in his palms. They were just so different to the chest of a man, so wholly feminine, so beautiful. 

This girls were large and sat high on her chest in a way that spoke to her youth opposed to the intervention of a surgeon. No, they had to be natural, she was just blessed, and he was blessed to see this much of them, fuck. They looked so soft, and like they would bounce beautifully. She probably had videos, right? He would have spent every fucking cent on that gift certificate right then to see them bounce. 

He wasn’t sure what the norm was for these profiles, but his eyes scanned hers eagerly. 

Thanks for peeking in, it’s a pleasure to have you here. You can call me Princess. Twenty years old, the tits and tresses are both natural, I swear! If you sign up you can see more of them and watch me do all sorts of things! 

Some examples:

Laundy

Cooking

Dishes

Reading

Studying 

Cleaning

They don’t sound like very much fun, do they? That’s why I like to dress up in pretty things while I’m at it. Sometimes I get so worked up in the process I have to stop and get myself off.

3+ videos a week, daily panty pics, no full nudity, messaging at my discretion. 

He blinked. Her services were… watching her do chores while clothed? Wasn’t this for porn or was he more out of touch than he thought? A quick google search confirmed that most users made adult content, but it was not required to have a presence on the platform. 

Fuck, he had to be drawn to one of the rare exceptions that didn’t actually get naked, didn’t he? He was going to kill Laenor. All he’d gifted him was a set of fucking blue balls. 

He scrolled back up to the header picture on profile. God, those were exceptional tits.  And fifty bucks a month was nothing in the grand scheme of things, at least to him. 

He entered the payment info and clicked subscribe. The second he did, the phone started vibrating, his daughter's name coming across the top of the screen and he swore. He hadn’t even done anything but he felt like he had gotten caught with his pants down. It was amazing, the timing kids had when it came to interrupting their parents sex lives. Not that this was, well... It didn’t matter what it was. 

“Hi Baela,” He said, smiling when her chipper voice responded, “Hi dad! Happy birthday!” 

It had been a while since they talked, it was nice to catch up. A far better birthday activity than whatever his ex-brother in law tried to bully him into. 

Speaking of bullies, though, his daughter was a fucking tattle tale. She had somehow used her teenage powers to text her mom while they were talking, because five minutes after he hung up, Laena was waltzing into his apartment. 

“It’s pathetic to spend your birthday alone.” She said, “Take a shower and then we’re getting something to eat.” 

Sigh. “I want my key back. You’re lucky you didn’t walk in on anything.” 

She snorted, “Like what? I reformed you from your manwhore phase.” 

He glared, “It wasn’t a phase, it was a lifestyle.”

“It was sad. You were so desperate to escape it you married me after like, two months of dating.” 

“And then you broke my heart by divorcing me.” He said, mournful. 

It was her turn to glare, “That’s bullshit and you know it. Shower. Now.” 

“You can’t boss me around anymore, you’re not my real wife.” 

He did shower though, but it was because he wanted to, not because she told him to. 

.

When Daemon married Laena he had felt like every event in his life had led to that moment. 

In some ways, she was his first love, but in others he felt like he fell a little bit in love with everyone.

He’d had a fascination with the human body for as long as he could remember. Not even in a sexual way, just an interest in the forms people had, and the differences between them. He could remember sitting on the beach as a kid and just… watching.

It just seemed  inconceivable to him that everyone around him was part of the same singular species. When you looked at the color variations between say, pigeons, or grizzly bears, they were such a defined thing with a specific range and predictable amount of variation. But people were so different and it was so cool. 

He’d been maybe nine years old when he shared this with his foster parents and the three other foster kids who lived there. They gave him a tired smile and a bored, “That’s nice sweetie.”  Before setting down a peanut butter sandwich in front of him, a common dinner in that household. 

He wondered now, if his parents hadn’t died, he would have ended up as an anthropologist or something along those lines. But with no one to encourage his interest in the more scientific side of things, and puberty creeping up on him, the interest did eventually veer towards sexual. 

Playboy magazines had been his bible at that age. Bridging the gap between his interest in girls and their interest in him. But once that gap had closed, he was happy to spend more time with a naked girl than looking at pictures of ones (but those pictures were still good too). 

Stealing magazines was easy enough, but he wasn’t brave enough to do more than look at the covers of the VHS tapes that held pornographic contents within. Though one of his friends had taken the risk while his parents were out and given him a play by play. 

It wasn’t like he was deprived though, he was having plenty sex of his own. Like, perhaps too much. He was kind of a slut, honestly. The fascination with form had continued, and he liked the varied experiences sleeping around offered. He liked learning the weight of different girls' breasts, the differences in how they tasted, in how they felt wrapped around his dick. 

And then he got curious about guys, and learned how they tasted and felt too... 

His friends joked that by the time he got to college, there wasn’t a bed frame big enough for all his notches. And he couldn’t really argue with them. And he didn’t really slow down, either. 

In college he was, to some peoples amusement—given that he had never owned a camera before, a photography major. If someone asked why, he would give the heartbreaking answer of, 

“ My mom died when I was really young and I never had many pictures of her. But it taught me how much a photo can mean to a person.” 

It wasn’t a lie but he would admit later that it was because he wanted to be the person taking photos of naked chicks for Playboys. Those images—seeing a girl's curves for the first time, they had impacted him more than almost anything in his youth. 

And yet, by his second year he despised  photographing models and having to communicate with so many different people in the process. He liked people. He liked being in charge of people. He didn’t like collaborating with people. 

“Is there any photography job like that?” He’d asked his teacher, a bit desperate. The man thought for a moment, before asking, “How do you feel about heights?”

And so, he began researching  aerial photography. 

And Laena was a licensed pilot. 

.

He knew Laena already, sort of, in that she was Laenor’s sister, and Laenor knew everybody.

When they were introduced for the first time, Daemon told her she was almost as pretty as her brother, a comment that earned him a breathtaking smile. He told her later that night, when they were in bed together, that she was way prettier than her brother. 

It was true. 

He kept the fact that she was also way better at giving blowjobs to himself, though. 

But it was true, too. 

In the months that followed his whole life changed—he found out about his inheritance, and sunk half of it into his fraternity brother's idea for RedKeep. He dropped out of college. He bought a shitty apartment, and a big diamond for Laena who wanted to marry him despite everything. 

She was a constant in his life for years. As RedKeep took off. As did his career outside of it. As did hers. As she gave birth to the two girls. As she cried over the third one they would never get to meet. 

Even the bad moments were better when they were together, until they weren’t. 

.

It was a rare evening where they were both home and also alone with each other. The girl’s were at a sleepover and he’d been working somewhat lazily on his computer while the TV blared in the background. He was aware enough to hear Laena approach, and he looked up when he saw her set two pints of ice cream on the coffee table in front of him. 

They didn’t drink when they were on parental duty in case there was an emergency and they had to drive, so ice cream had replaced scotch in their serious conversations. She settled on the floor opposite him and opened the containers, shoving one in his direction along with a spoon while saving the other for herself.

And then she said, “I want a divorce.” 

He swallowed. 

“We are more like siblings now than husband and wife.” She said, and he bristled—she noticed this, and glared at him, “Don’t give me that shit about your families ‘queer traditions’, it's gross.” 

“We’ve had a good fifteen years, Daemon. But if we stay together we won’t have another good fifteen years and you know it.” Fuck, he couldn’t really argue with that. 

It had been a good fifteen years. Better than that. But now she wanted a reliable schedule. A big place with a big yard in the suburbs but close to an airport. She wanted a giant dog. She wanted to settle in the way they never really had. And she wanted to do it with someone who wanted those things too. 

And she deserved that. And maybe he did too, though fuck knows where he would find it. 

When he said as much between bites of ice cream, Laena had sighed sympathetically, “It’s a pity you’re an only child, huh?” 

.

“Thank you for tonight,” He said, and he meant it.

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss your birthday, who knows how many you have left.” She said sincerely. 

“I’ll see you in two months when we are once again the same age.” 

She grinned, “You better be.” 

He would be. Because they didn’t need to be married to be there for each other. 

As he unlocked his door he realized he never got back his key. Sneaky bitch.

He set his ringtone to silent before revisiting the app. His home page was now consumed by content from the girl that called herself ‘Princess’ and he was not complaining. Though she was true to her promise of no nudity, it was hardly the wholesome content her list of tasks suggested. Before watching the streams, he scrolled through her photos—dozens of pictures of her lifting skirts to reveal pretty underwear beneath. 

In some of them, she had nothing else on—it was just cropped to keep her breasts out of frame. But somehow the ones where she was holding clothing out of the way were even hotter? Like the ones captioned “lazy day!” where she wore nothing but an oversized shirt that was hiked up to show the pale pink panties beneath.

But god, the pictures of her in bras. He couldn’t comprehend the size of her lingerie collection, because she rarely seemed to rewear a piece. All the more impressive because he knew from Laena’s complaints that bras that size were neither easy to find nor cheap. But this girl, she was committed to the cause, clearly, and he was happy to donate to it with his subscription. 

She never showed her bare nipples, but he could see the shadow of them beneath pale lace that cupped her breasts like a layer of second skin. Some photos were zoomed in, almost artistic. Others were selfies in bathrooms, paired with laughing emojis saying she hoped she didn’t get caught. 

There were sports bras, and practical ones out of cotton, but she seemed to favor silk and lace. Romantic pieces, but in dark colors that stood out on the pale backdrop of her skin. The few full body photos she had included these, sets complete with garter belts and stockings and god she was fucking perfect. He wanted to stroke every inch of her. Press kisses to the dip of her waist and swell of her hip. And how was he hard at the mere thought of that? God there were more explicit images in a victoria’s secret catalog for fucks sake. He hadn’t been turned on by those when he was fourteen and desperate, and now he was forty! 

His breath caught in his throat when he saw her face. It was cut off in all the racy images, which probably made sense for her protection. But it was just as gorgeous as the rest of her. He didn’t think she had makeup on and she looked so young he felt a little bit sick that he was so attracted to her, but she was so, so,  pretty. 

It suddenly made sense to him, why this was the ‘future of adult content.’ Not that that was really what this girl’s content was. But even so, a girl like her wouldn’t come within ten miles of a porn studio. She wouldn’t even go to a casting call for a racy part in a film. He knew that, from the time he’d worked in the industry—the thousands of headshots he’d seen, and the hundreds of hours of content he had watched. 

He’d never seen anyone comparable to her. Girl’s that looked like her didn’t get dicked down on camera. 

Her hair was naturally a platinum shade—he knew that right away, for it matched his own and when it was bleached it was never quite right. Never as light, always a little orangey, roots always showing even with weekly touch ups. But hers was perfect, shiny, falling around her shoulders with the ends cut out of frame. 

Her lips looked so soft, a rich pink as if she bit them often. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and round but outlined by a delicate bone structure and defined jaw. Her eyes were large, and a vibrant purple he could get fucking lost in. He wanted to kiss her. When did he last want to kiss someone? 

Okay, that was enough of her photos. He couldn’t take more of this. He switched to the video tab of her profile, and— fuck. 

If he thought photos of her in skimpy things were uh, hard to look at, seeing her in motion was. Well, he didn’t know how to explain it. He didn’t understand how it was this hot? She was just wandering around her kitchen, wiping down counters before pulling out things from the fridge and cabinets. 

He watched her make pancakes, his eyes glued to the screen in interest for all thirteen minutes. When they were plated, she bent over—showing off a glorious amount of cleavage, before kneeling so her face was in frame. She took a single bite, swallowing it before catching a drip of syrup with her finger and licking it clean. 

Oh, what he would give to be a drop of syrup. 

The video ended. 

He couldn’t remember ever being this hard in his entire life. But he was not masturbating to…whatever this was. He wasn’t. He would have a cold shower, maybe go for a run. That would fix it. 

After two minutes in the freezing spray of his shower his dick was still stubbornly hard, which was impressive, really. With a sigh he turned the temperature up and gave in. He was prepared for a lackluster orgasm, given the lack of lube, lack of content before him, and the fact he only had his palm to offer stimulation. 

And yet, when he closed his eyes and thought of her…

He hadn’t come that hard in years. 

Fuck.

.

It had been a week and he had already  watched all 53 videos he had access to. 

They all ranged from about ten to thirty minutes long, and as promised, included all the tasks she had mentioned and more. One of his favorites had been watching her curl her hair, camera set up behind her while she used heated tongs to make perfect platinum coils. The camera was far enough away that you could see her tits in the mirror and the cheeks of her ass at the same time, and the whole time she was humming along to some pop song in the background. 

When he came, he had imagined he was fucking her over the bathroom counter, and she was complaining that he’d mess up her hair, but then she was moaning too much to say anything at all. 

In another she had painted her toenails. He wasn’t into feet. He wasn’t Larys. But her toes were cute and she was cute, her nose wrinkled in concentration as she carefully applied the pink polish. 

The longest of her videos was called “a bedtime story.”  She was wearing a silk slip that wasn’t particularly revealing and leaning back against a pile of pillows. Her hair was up in a messy bun and she looked exhausted, the poor thing. 

“I’ve been studying all day, I’m reading one chapter of my book and going to bed and uh, I hope it isn’t boring?” 

It wasn’t. The way her lips wrapped around the words of the fantasy drama was so fucking sexy. He had no clue who the characters were, or what was happening, he was just besotted with her.

And then, he found one where she masturbated.

 It started innocently enough, several minutes of her cleaning the kitchen with her face out of frame. But that was fine, because she had on these little shorts that were just…

And then she took them off and hopped up on the countertop. Fingers dipped beneath the cotton panties, and he listened to her little gasps and moans as she writhed against her fingers until she came. 

She washed her hands, then put on a pair of rubber gloves and did dishes for the remaining seven minutes of the video. 

That was when he realized he was done for. He knew what she looked like, and sounded like, but knowing what she sounded like when she came? Fuck. He was obsessed. It was truly embarrassing how she had consumed him without even knowing he existed. 

He was grateful when he got called to shoot something in Dorne for a week because it was a distraction from her that he desperately needed. He still watched her videos in his hotel room, but otherwise his avoidance was going well. 

There was another shoot, this one in Vale. 

Princess posted a video of herself covered in bubbles in a bathtub, hair wrapped up in a conditioning mask of some sort. Someone in the comments asked what it was. She shared a link to where you could order it.

Daemon might have bought it. He wanted to know what she smelled like, because he was a sick fuck. The package was waiting for him when he got back, and he opened the plastic jar to take a sniff. He couldn’t describe it, but it was sweet, and bright, and warm, and just how he imagined her.

Yeah okay, he totally used it to jerk off. 

It was purely an economical use, he didn’t bother with conditioner now, not when his hair was short. And it was mostly oil anyway. It wasn’t creepy. It wasn’t. He just didn’t want it to go to waste!

(Why did he set it up for auto-ship, then? That was between him and the gods.)

He was in Essos for a month on location. 

Princess posted herself practicing High Valyrian. 

Daemon googled ‘how to download the audio of a video from OnlyExceptionalists ’ only to realize it was too high tech for him to figure it out on his own and he was not asking his daughters to help with this.

Then, Princess messaged him. 

.

P: you know, my watchtime hours have doubled this month thanks to you, tysm ^^  

.

Daemon was not prone to embarrassment. He had enough confidence and life experience that it just wasn’t an emotion he had much room left for. But the realization she could see how many hours he had spent watching her clean her apartment and sometimes masturbate? Crushing. 

.

D: I may have tried to restrain myself if I knew that statistic was available to you. But you’re most welcome. It’s been a pleasure. 

.

P: a pleasure? good. that’s the goal! 

.

D: Well, if that is the goal you’ve scored many, many, times this month. 

.

P: mmm, i wish, i haven’t scored in months </3 

Was she flirting? She could not be flirting, could she? 

D: I truly wish I could help you with that. 

.

P: in a way you do, i make these videos for me too, i get really wet knowing people are watching and get off after, but plastic cock just isn’t the same :( 

.

D: A pretty girl like you could find a real one at any pub in the Seven Kingdoms.

.

P: ur sweet <3 i’m just picky, looking for something special. 

.

D: Like what? 

.

P: i like sex and i like being spoiled but i want something serious. aka a guy with a huge heart and huge cock

.

D: What is considered huge? 

.

P: send me a picture and i’ll tell u ^^

.

D: <photo attached>

.

P: ffff yeah that would do. lmk if u r ever in the Crownlands, lol!

.

Definitely flirting. 

.

The obsession did not improve after that, not with her asking for his thoughts on her newest videos after they went live. And definitely not with him asking if she got off after, too, only to get photos of slick dildos in response instead of words. 

.

D: princess like you taking something that big inside of you??

.

P: gotta be ready for u x)

.

They talked about life, too. She was studying Valyrian History and Language—only in her first year and completely delighted by the fact he had studied it too. She would send him photos of her homework and grades and soon they were texting in the app more often then he did with anyone else. 

He didn’t realize how serious it was until he next saw Laenor. He had slapped his friend on the back before sitting down across from him at the bar table. It was rare they were both free at the same time, and he was looking forward to catching up with his friend.

They were talking about his work when Daemon mindlessly made the suggestion of keeping individual users' watchtime private from independent actors on their new site. Laenor had narrowed his eyes, as if the policy reminded him of something. It must have, because instead of responding he asked, 

“Did you ever use that gift card?” 

Daemon coughed. “Uh, yeah.”  he was playing with the wrapper of his beer on the table, like that would distract him. 

“Did you watch so much porn you got called out?” He asked.

“Fuck, no!” He said, not embarrassed by the implication but also… no. “She doesn’t even make porn.” He admitted. 

Laenor blinked at him. “What the fuck does she make?” 

That was a…valid question and Daemon wasn’t really sure how to answer it. 

“She makes videos, but she isn’t naked, she just…exists? And looks pretty?” 

Laenor gaped. “And you watched it for so many hours she figured it out?” 

Well. Sort of. But he wasn’t going to admit that outright. 

Laenor sighed, leaning back, “Man I just wanted you to loosen up a little, get your dick ready to get back in the game. But that isn’t healthy. That’s sad. I’m sorry man, I guess I should have gotten you a gift card to OKcupid instead.” 

He looked genuinely apologetic, and that made Daemon feel bad. Was it really so weird? It had felt sort of obsessive at first, but now that they were talking…she seemed to like him too. It was fun, and easy in a way the dates he’d been on weren’t. It didn’t feel unhealthy, not to him. But he didn’t think he would be able to convince Laenor of that.

.

P: fff have a test today and wicked cramps :(

.

D: What would make you feel better?

.

P: cake. chocolate cake. 

.

D: Do you have an UberEats #?

.

P: …maybe

.

He wasn’t sure where she lived, but there was a  patisserie chain he’d been fond of in the Crownlands. She had to be close-ish to a college campus, and it allowed him to send the order to the associated account, so hopefully it would work out.

.

P: omg i’m ruined. this cake. not sure any other will ever compare

P: honestly not sure any man will compare to u 

.

D: Now who is sweet? Must be all the cake in you. 

.

P: wish I had something of yours in me too

.

D: Back to your usual self!

.

P: the cake cured me, thank u doctor 

.

She asked about his job. He asked about her school. 

She asked how old he was, and he said he hoped she liked older men.

.

P: how old?

.

D: 42.

.

P: hmm may need a pic to know for sure

.

D: <picture attached>

.

.

.

.

.

D: …you there?

.

P: srry, just rode a vibe until i came  imagining it was ur face because holy FUCK 

.

D: Mm, I’d let you if I was there. 

.

P: lol you’d die, you can’t do that irl, just in porn 

.

D: Whoever told you that is a liar with poor technique. 

D: But also death from suffocating on your sweet cunt? A good way to go.

.

P: fuck i wish we could  meet irl 

.

.

.

.

.

.

It was Baela’s birthday, unfortunately smack dab in the middle of the semester. But Daemon had blocked off this time in advance, and so had Laena—they were both determined to see her on the day she turned nineteen, after all, she was their baby girl, no matter how old she got. 

Parking was a fucking disaster, Daemon brought the cake in first, leaving it on the counter while he enveloped his daughter in a hug. He didn’t have favorites between the girls, but Baela was so much like him. He didn’t just love her, he understood her so well it was hard to imagine loving anyone else more. 

“It’s good to see you, dad.” She mumbled into his chest, and he gave her shoulders a squeeze in agreement. That was an understatement.

“I hate to leave, but I want to grab your presents before your mom arrives and wants help decorating.” Baela rolled her eyes, and Daemon just shrugged—Laena’s desire to buy balloons for any occasion was no longer something he had to take any responsibility for. Perhaps one of the true benefits of divorce. 

He made the trek back to the car, his phone pinging with a text from Laena,

L: I’m here + Bae’s bestie  

Of course, her timing was inconvenient as always. He was going to get her peeved glare for being absent because he darted out for a total of five minutes. Some things didn’t change, married or naught. 

He dropped the bags on the coffee table, wandering to the kitchen where the voices were coming from. 

“What flavor is it? I had double chocolate from them a few weeks ago and it was heavenly. ” 

“I always tell dad to surprise me, it’s like an extra gift.” He smiled at his daughter's voice, coming to lean in the door frame into the apartment's small cooking area. Baela caught his eye almost immediately and smiled. 

“Speaking of my dad, dad, this is Rhaenyra—my best friend, Rhaenyra, this is Daemon, my dad.” She gestured between him and the blonde girl who was turned away from him. The girl in question spun around at the mention of a new person to meet, extending her hand politely  before looking up at him and— oh.

His first thought was, she is even prettier in person. 

His second was, fuck, please don’t let this ruin things. 

Introductions were a little awkward, but not to the point of being suspicious. He mostly tried to avoid looking at her, at least until other people arrived and his gaze would be less obvious. It seemed like a decent plan, but after an hour he couldn’t resist messaging her. 

D: I can’t believe you’re here, and that  you’re even more beautiful in person. 

He watched her from across the room while he pulled her phone out, which made him feel a little like a creepy stalker, but the feeling was mostly overwritten by how fucking nervous he was for her response. 

P: i know we just met but can i blow you in the bathroom in like 5 mins? 

P: i’m dying knowing i could have my lips on u rn

Daemon must have looked like a maniac with how wide his smile was. 

Yeah, he didn’t think this would ruin anything. 

.

.

.

.

At Baela’s wedding a few years later, Rhaenyra was at his side. She was radiant, five months pregnant and looking like a goddess of fertility in the seafoam colored bridesmaid gown. Daemon had just finished his speech, every bit a proud father as he said, 

“I don’t think  greater gift exists than being able to witness your child’s happiness. It’s been a privilege, an honor, and a joy to be your father since the moment you were born. But I’ve never felt that more strongly than today.” 

Rhaenyra was sniffing a little when he sat back down, “You’re such a good dad.” She whispered while Laena stood to begin her speech. 

He gave her a quick kiss,  and while their lips were inches apart he whispered,  “Do you know what gift is a close second?” 

She sighed, “You’re going to say my tits, aren’t you?” 

“Much like their size, my love for them grows with every day.” Nothing made him more convinced that pregnancy was a blessing more than the effect they had had on her already phenomenal breasts. 

She laughed, kissing the corner of his mouth before sitting back in her seat. 

“Just wait until I start lactating.” She said casually, taking a sip from her glass of sparkling juice. 

If he listened closely in that moment, he was pretty sure he could hear some past version of himself laughing hysterically. 

Because seriously, who gets an erection at their daughter’s wedding dinner?

Er, well, probably the same guy who got a blow job at her nineteenth birthday. 

At least he was consistent? 

But more than that, he was happy. And as he looked at her, his beautiful wife, surrounded by people he loved who had been brought together to celebrate his own daughter and her love, he  knew. This was what every moment of his life had been leading up to. 

What a fucking gift. 

Any updates to this AU will be in this collection!

This is an entry for my summer snippet event, specifically the prompt “gift”! Event details here!

Oh, in case it wasn't clear -

OnlyExceptionalists = OnlyFans

RedKeep = RedTube

You might also like my other fic in which they BOTH have OnlyFans accounts and do it on camera 

The base for the birthday card was from here: Image by Freepik

Dividers from @firefly-graphics

[burning-bubble-tea]

YIPPEEEE people are actively trying to help the person going through a horrible mental health spiral.

It’s not that they were ignoring them, but it’s just gotten to a point where even though we have no idea what to do since it’s so complicated, not engaging with them was proving to not be an option.

I keep on feeling like I have to reach out or whatever but also I know that 1. They wouldn’t listen to me anyways and 2. I’m already doing a fucking shitload for them as I’m probably going to have to pay their share of rent losing me a lot of money and I’ve been cleaning up their shit. I’m doing enough. I don’t need people to think I’m a fucking saint cause this issue isn’t about me. When I saw people sharing their insights or whatever it was nice to read but I don’t need them to be like “oh [my name] you’re so good and kind for dealing with this shit”. I know I’m fucking patient. When I was standing in the middle of their mess trying to not feel overwhelmed, I fucking put on my big girl shoes and started cleaning up their trash alone.

I’m allowed to be upset and hold compassion. I understand what is going on to them is because they’re not in the right headspace and I’m also allowed to be upset because they’re saying and doing harmful things.

They’re getting community care even if they don’t think it is. They’re burning down bridges and saying we don’t care but we do care, it’s just that they don’t realize how many of us they’ve pushed away.

I don’t want to be around this person anymore. Maybe I’d consider it with an apology when they’re once again in the right headspace but I don’t think I can ever get as close with them as I was.

They hurt me because they’re hurting and I understand that. But until they’re in the right headspace I don’t think they’ll ever acknowledge the hurt. I really hope they could one day but the rhetoric they’ve been shouting is a vortex they’re trapped in. They don’t trust anyone except those they have created parasocial relationships with. They’re crying for help but not accepting how it’s being answered. They both know something is wrong but refuse to accept help unless it aligns with the hurtful and harmful rhetoric they’ve been spouting.

You can’t ask for mutual aid then demand it from people by calling them racist, transphobic and ableist. You can’t depend on a community while simultaneously shouting for its downfall and spreading hurtful perspectives on it.

Also I’m fucking mad we don’t have better mental health services.

[0aurelion-sol0]

The fact that so many of y'all think Rue is spilling the tea and that she is right is really f*cking concerning. Especially in 2x05.

Like clearly either y'all have a weird view of what life is about or y'all are just extremely dumb. The parasocial relationship with Zendaya is really starting to show right now for so many of you.

Rue is literally putting her whole family through hell and downright being abusive during all this episode yet y'all are rooting for her ?! Not rooting for her as in to get better, rooting for her thinking she's right ?! Are y'all insane ?! I don't even need to explain this, it makes no absolute sense to even think something like this.

Oh and Jules! Jules does small mistakes here and there (despite us knowing WHY she does it), and when finally she does something really not cool like cheating on Rue despite again knowing why she does it (and the three of them were literally kissing each other in the same room moments before and some have done worse things than what she did) she is the monster and villain of the show but Rue gets to get away with everything she does ? We may know why she does it but we also know why Jules does the thing she does, there is no villain in their story. At no point was this portrayed as a healthy thing. Rue putted all the pressure on Jules about being clean and how everything depended only on her. She still did it in season 2 and even lied while doing it, pretending she was clean when she wasn't. And Jules told her she didn't want to deal with something like this yet Rue still does it and expects her to comply to her every need 24/7 and being aware all the time ? How mental is this!

Yes she should have been more careful in some instances and she is at fault for her cheating but she was also going through her problems and this doesn't justify the hate she's getting right now!

This "Rue is bad yes but Jules is horrible" is pissing me off. It's Nate and Cassie all over again, he manipulated her in a moment where she was vulnerable knowing full well what he was going to get. Cassie has her own faults in the situation but let's remember who started it all and WHY.

And as for Elliot, he is also a drug addict who is just as irrational in his choices as Rue is. There was no grand master plan of his and he is not the mastermind behind some tactics of pushing Rue towards a downfall.

She did this herself. She went to Laurie. She chose this. With all the sympathy, compassion and understanding I can have for her, the suitcase and what it meant is her fault. She knew what she was getting into.

And if I have to hear after this episode that Euphoria is romanticizing drugs or the usage of it, I swear I will go feral. It never has and I don't see how y'all cannot see that.

The show has flaws but this is not one of them.

[calamitydaze]

Ro Ramdin video out ! At the halfway mark and it's. Pretty okay.

alright, i finally watched it! goddamn you guys weren’t lying that was a heavy hitter. tldr below the cut since it was an Hour of pretty dense commentary so even the summary is long, but i very much recommend watching it in full

i liked it a lot! i’ve never watched her content before before but ro is funny as hell and it was a very well put together and engaging video. i really appreciated the balance she struck between being firm and empathetic, and that she took care to separate criticism of dream from criticism of his fanbase. i took some issues with the first half, mainly in the misinformation department (not super important, but quite a few little things that i felt were incorrect/lacking in detail/misrepresented), and i think it was a flaw to so heavily lean on data taken from a survey you had to dm her to get. i don’t blame her for that though, inaccuracies are to be expected when talking about a community she’s not part of and given how quickly she made this video i can understand relying on secondhand accounts instead of really diving in herself

the second half is where it really cuts deep and i found it SO refreshing for someone to actually look into why and how dream’s fandom came to be the way that it is instead of just endless criticism and talking down to them. i especially enjoyed the section where she talked about how insular and reactionary and hard to reach dream stans are, not because they hate everyone else but because everyone hates them. it’s something i’ve thought for over a year and when i saw her put it so eloquently i was like YES!!!! i said before i watched it that i’m pretty self-aware about my parasociality and why i feel the way i do, and i still like to think i’m not super guilty of her main critiques, but even then it honestly left me with a lot to think about and reassess. particularly the point about how stans seek reassurance from each other to get the moral green light to keep being in the community— it both hit me like “oh shit. i do that” and felt a little close to home in some of the asks i’ve been answering. i’m more than happy to continue comforting people and fostering a less hostile (and hopefully more balanced) discussion, but i hope people don’t see me as some sort of moral compass that tells you it’s okay to still watch dream. i’ve tried to be clear that it’s just a discussion and you should come to a personal conclusion that feels moral and comfortable to you AND THIS FEELS VERY SELF-IMPORTANT IM SORRY but i wanted to say it

so yeah! good video, it was sad to see how nervous ro was to upload it but from what i know the response has been positive so i hope she’s doing well. definitely worth a watch, i’d love to have a conversation with her tbh

tldr:

- even though the twitlonger was an off-the-cuff response, the repeated focus on how the allegations are “harmful to real victims” feels insincere and misdirecting

- the “gorgeous as fuck” snapchat is enough for her to deem the situation inappropriate and heavily question whether he’s handling his fanbase in a responsible manner

- survey takers were overwhelmingly neurodivergent and queer (and about 1/2 and 1/4 trans and poc respectively) and that might be a reason why people stay even if the community becomes toxic, because it’s still a safe space in that regard that’s hard to find elsewhere

- she talked about how self-isolated dream fans are in comparison to most fandoms as a result of continuous harassment and ridicule, and how this creates an “us against the world” mentality that makes it even harder to see when potential misdeeds occur

- the thing she most takes issue with about the fandom is the seeming lack of personal values that people hold above all else, aside from basic leftist stances on things like race and war

- when levied against other fans, accusations of racism and sexual harassment are an insta-block but creators get a grace period, because the space they take up in our lives is larger— but the more you sacrifice your personal values to get permission to continue enjoying a thing the easier it gets to keep doing it

[roamwithahungryheart]

https://a-little-counter-esperanto.tumblr.com/post/687436422113837056/people-were-sending-you-death-and-what-threats

This reminds me of that justiceAH page that claims to not be a terf and a toxic supporter, but they repeatedly bully people for not agreeing with them, admitted to having a (one sided) parasocial relationship with AH (I swear they think she’ll f*ck them lol), and invalidate JD supporters who have suffered from DV/abuse/etc.

Oh yeah I made the mistake of trying to talk to them once, not even with an agenda, just trying to be nice and got absolutely nothing back. Says a lot, doesn't it? Basic human courtesy just doesn't occur to these people. I'm actually surprised that page is still going...then again...

Gotta love the way they say all JD supporters just want him to fuck them, like, babygirl we just have critical thinking skills and compassion. I don't know a single person who has sunk to the low levels that AH supporters have, and that speaks volumes.

[katyahina]

can we get some random alfred hcs

Oh boy! Not going to lie, I do not have much on this character yet as my focus bounces from character to character like a dodgeball! Let me share ideas I do have so far! (Post dated November 25th, 2021, because things might change a lot in the future, depending on whether I'll loredig something new!)

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- I am absolutely on board with the idea that he never met Logarius in person and instead formed parasocial bond relying on a legendary person to keep some sanity, especially since in original script he says he follows ways of Logarius, not that he is a "protege" of his.

- Because he emphasizes not knowing much of inner machineries of the Healing Church and talks of Upper Cathedral Ward as of place he never visited, I believe before Executioners thing he was a low-ranking Black Church Hunter! Healing Church because of his weapons.

- Henriett was the very same (omg they were churchmates!!!!1!) and the two were friends with interest towards loredigging about people gone long ago, being too smart to settle with being left in the dark but too kind to be allowed onto more of the inner Church mechanics. However they are now enemies, having ended by different sides of the old legends. Henriett sympathized with Old Hunters and willing to crash what's left of the Healing Church "with their own weapon" (and also avenge the fact Laurence was too busy sipping blood to remember to free the first hunter, as a treat). Alfred... Well, he fell on the opposite end, completely deluded with the idea of holiness of the Healing Church but we already know this. I have nonexistent questline in my head about Hunter making them reconcile hahaha

- Since Hunter Set which Henriett (and promo Hunter) wear is a diet version of Old Hunter set, I like to believe Alfred's clothes are likevice more of a recreaction, real deal was a tiny bit different and featured some belts with spikes on the underside, for permanent pain self-infliction for religious reasons. (Don't tell Alfred, he will totally use these if he learns!) Nothing supports this, it is just my masochism for designing more clothes variants speaking.

- After obssession with Executioners he doesn't have many friends, mostly people that fear him or pity him. Amelia, who came to be one of those people that love their religion but hate the power flex and structure (doesn't even wear her Church Sigil anymore) still has to not mind some completely brainwashed/devoted people like Adella, but Alfred scares her the most. When risk of meeting him face to face occurs, she hurries to wear her real Vicar clothes and play it cool (think 'reading smudged writing on the hand' gag). But overall nobody wants to touch his delusion with a ten yards stick, his underlying wrath and insanity start to show easily if someone does.

- As a Church Hunter, he knows the password through Gatekeeper but still acts as if it is shrouded in mystery and doesn't approach the area, instinctively fearing to scatter the illusion as he got nothing else.

- Radiance Rune internalized in his brain is how he can still "see" even with Gold Ardeo on his head, it is in a way 'evil' equivalent of Guidance Rune! Whereas Guidance is something cosmic helping one to find the way within beasts and hunt, Radiance directs one towards what they themselves consider "unholy" and "impure" as a man (in this case, what Healing Church deemed evil). This rune is said to have been chosen from "one of the lost runes" to symbolize Executioners, so virtually it can be used to boost power against any definitive "enemy", its power is unsepable from manmade concepts! But Healing Church/Executioners titled its meaning too much in masses, plus Alfred had his own moral compass scattered and only has their morality as frame of reference, so.

- As result, he doesn't magically sense vilebloods, he must be aware of the enemy, so Crow of Cainhurst easily passes near him using his crowfeather disguise to claim he is just a regular hunter of hunters. They are known to associate with the crows and not many know Eileen in person due to her grim occupation! He cannot recognize some Cainhurst attire bites, goes along wit how he only "heard" about Cainhurst invitations, it is not like Executioners left drawn manuals about people they exterminated... I like to think Crow sometimes trolls him, using gaps in his history recreation.

- Snores well enough to make the walls shake, avoid sleeping right next to him at all costs.

- Despite his friendly and talkative demeanor, he is more defencive about his LORE than seems on the surface - his self-worth entirely relies on the quest he put on himself! Showing the way to abandoned worskhop of Executioners from him is like a marriage proposal, or even something more personal. He found notes and some legit Executioners gear there. The place slightly prospers under his great caring between nights of the hunt, always clean and even having good garden around, prettier than plants around worskhop of Old Hunters, even!

- Despite lacking genuine friends as a 'ticking bomb and everyone knows', he is a very passionate volunteer to help the survived commoners to recover after nights of the hunts, helping to restock the food and thanks to his great physical shape, even fix the houses if palatable! He was and is kind even without the "holy quest" bullshit. There are not many people who are still like this.

[angeloncewas]

No no but fr I agree. It's like, agh, it doesn't matter if they are streamers or not! A year ago they would be fucking criticized for this shit! No wearing mask and going to social events? That's what is causing the cases and the death, how do people don't get that in mind? It's not about the fucking guideliness or if they are streamers or shit. Like they act like we are parasocial, but no, we are just criticising them as normal people who don't give a shit about the pandemic. That's all, because they aren't. At this point, the only one that gives a fuck out of the dsmp streamers are Dream and Techno and Ponk and Micheal I think, everyone else has done meet ups or planned to go to Vidcon or gone to a social event, and I don't care of some of them are my favs, the shit they are pulling is fucking irresponsable, point and blank.

Being critical of them is not hating them, just being right fully frustated when many of us can't go out yet without fucking masks or when most don't even have a choice to get the vaccine.

"Oh but it's UK guidelines uwu" AS IF THE FUCKING GOVERMENTS ALL AROUND THE WORLD DIDN'T LET THIS SITUATION GET THIS FUCKING OUT OF HAND BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T TREAT IT SERIOUSLY. HMMMM, SOUNDS FAMILIAR DOESN'T IT, GUYS?

Yes, exactly ! This just isn't about them as content creators at all; this is the same as going on TikTok and seeing complete strangers at a gathering like that. The weight is in their actions, not their fame or whatever.

I don’t get how people don't understand that the government isn't some kind of moral compass to abide by. There are all sorts of laws and regulations that are extremely harmful and this fanbase full of queer people should be more aware of that then anyone.

"Daddy Boris told me it was okay" just doesn't fly with me. You've got a brain and a conscience of your own, use them.

[enneamage]

Do you have any personal biases towards or against any of the ccs you've typed?

Understanding is kind of a weird antidote to frustration, so when I’m in analysis mode I tend to move away from personal feelings a bit more. I’ve joked with friends that when I’m in the zone I can never say “what the fuck is wrong with you” because sometimes I already know, the mystery is gone :P.

Because god thinks it’s funny I have had a ~parasocial~ soft spot for some 3w4’s before, but it’s a weird “would I like you as a person or is the Venn diagram between us just overlapping in funny places” question. Them being nerdy analytical little room dwellers isn’t always the best for them but it’s when I feel the most connected to them.

I was ambivalent about Wilbur for a long time and I had to settle on a “bro I can’t do this anymore it’s not worth it” negative read, because if I tried to be more fair to him I would flip-flop in stress forever. Wilbur was my white whale for a while in the sense that I wanted something to do and something about him felt off enough to be worth investigating. I wasn’t digging or anything, I was actually just watching clips and videos to get a sense of what he was like, but in retrospect I was too generous. (That’s something about figuring him out, it seems almost unreal how the most unstable parts of him turn out to be the most consistant and the maturity he displays is more put-on than it seems.)

This was a lesson in how Twitch clips can be misleading and silence is golden, because I feel like I never really got the full picture of who he was until I watched a modern Origins stream and was confronted by how stunningly annoying and abrasive he can be. That was when I gear-shifted from being curious but suspicious about him to being moderately alarmed; his time-from-promise-made-to-promise-broken average went from months to seconds. Stable people do not act like that. I also had a sixth sense of when he was trying to subtly punish people around him, which took on a way darker tone once I realised something was genuinely wrong.

I’m actively stopping myself from getting too frustrated with Ranboo because I know I’ve got a bad conflict history with 2’s, and I want to prevent myself from getting overly annoyed with people over things that they can’t fully control. I’ve had relative goodwill for him most of the time, but I mostly experienced him from a distance. I can’t remember when this happened, but I had a moment a while ago where I watched a Twitch clip of him being passive-aggressive to chat and realised “oh, you would drive me crazy, actually” and then started to watch myself a bit more to be sure that wouldn’t happen. The way that he’s handling stress right now manifests as him negging and testing his audience, which might explain why so many people are like “fuckin excuse me” and his ticks feel more personal. (It’s because on a certain level he's trying to make them personal.)

Despite my trust issues from years of surreal YouTube drama, I do find myself wanting to have faith in Charlie. He seems like a genuinely good person who has a relatively solid moral compass, but I also have a heart built for breaking so maybe he steps on dogs to feel alive or something. Edit: God I forgot to talk about how I probably have an inflated sense of sympathy and understanding for Schlatt. My brain could be (and probably is) acting up but on an intuitive level I feel like I get him in an "I'm not entirely sure I can rationalise this" way. Like I don't have information insights I just have these bizarre intuitive "same hat" moments for someone who on paper I wouldn't have much in common with. Might be growth-point psychology acting up.

[chemicalpink]

Hi! There are so many readings on JK’s future spouse lately. They are popping up all over tumblr, youtube etc What could be the reason? I feel like maybe she recently went through a spiritual awakening. Also, the mala - maybe JK is going through his own spiritual journey too?

Oooohhh I could go on and on on the topic.

As much as I have been on the spiritual side for most of my life, I really do believe, as a sociologist, that there are some places where they intersect so yeah. If you feel up to an essay to get the details on this fated connection and how it plays out (in my perspective) have a read:

I think that JK’s soulmate (two flame, fated, whatever type) is indeed on their own spiritual journey (I wouldn’t call it awakening bc it seems to me they are quite an energetic force spiritual-wise) but I think that the whole fuss and the fact that there is a possibility that they meet in a short time has nothing to do with it.

From what I have experienced as an ARMY, Jungkook seems to be one of the most sought out members, which has its own energy shifts as it is, now, ever since many people have said that in his spiritual journey he will encounter a past-life partner oh man it caused too many energy shifts not just within his own journey but the connection.

Most of us are okay with playing our part as fans, but there are many people out there that have birthed some deeply rooted parasocial relationships with him and apart from all the harm that it entails fantasising beyond reason, it causes a type of energy in the universe similar to manifestation, with so many people talking about his life journey and wanting to insert themselves in it, claiming to be his soulmate... it’s changing the narrative, the universe’s perspective on the fated connection, but that’s just how these things work.

If they really share a fated connection, and they both come to terms with their own spiritual journeys, things will work out in the end. Or Jungkook might end with someone else that has inserted themselves in the connection. Either way, it’s their soul and not their bodies reaching out to each other, so whether they meet during this lifetime or the next one, makes no difference whatsoever.

Now, I think so too. I strongly believe (and I’ve said it before, I have experienced) that Jungkook has become one hell of a spiritual human being, from some months ago to now his energy has shifted a ton, I think that someone is guiding him and his energy is much more guarded now (I think he knows the power he holds and that might be the reason he hadn’t interacted with army as much until recently bc his energy is safer now) and I just find it so funny that none of the other people that claim to know the tea on him and his soulmate really talk about how hard it has become to hear from his higher self, and I’m talking from a personal experience here, now pulling cards from him has become so freaking hard (comparatively with the other members), any other type of divination has become constant “maybes” or “ask again” (and I mean, not to toot my own horn but I’ve been a medium/intuitive reader for 15 years now so I’d say I’ve got down the experience).

In conclusion, there’s a fuss all over the internet that in my opinion, is more for clout and a need to fulfill parasocial relationships than for what it is meant to be: for funsies which ultimately has caused energy shifts to a point where it is really hard to tell a thing as truth about the connection.

Anywho, Jeon Jungkook always makes sure to throw in a card (or three) about how much he’s longing for his soulmate in my readings and then leaves me to fend for myself with a terrible headache for trying hard to reach out for the crumbs.

Also, I know that I, myself, am a “BTS tarot reader” HOWEVER I’d have to say that I have a very VERY STRONG moral/ethical compass, I obviously don’t post here everything that comes out on the readings, I have put out some strong limits on how much info gets out from me bc I am already getting in quite some trouble as it is, I’m spilling things from personal journeys that do not belong to me and I do not have explicit consent to get the info out. So I keep it plain and simple, lightly spicy for the fun of it.

[fierceawakening]

It's personal to me because I follow you. Say what you will about parasocial relationships but I saw that post in my feed and thought you were getting a bad impression from folks who had axes to grind in the opposite direction. My impression of you is that you're a cool enough person, so you deserved to know a different piece of the score. And I also used to follow trilllizard and he could be funny at times but he could also pull some surprisingly racist shit out of his ass so I stopped. Several people apparently had enough stake in things to try to paint him as an innocent autistic kid who happened to like his gender more than the Tumblr Matriarchy™️ would permit. But there was more to him than that, and some of it was pretty negative. What happened to him isn't about justification or justice, acts of compassion or efficient ways to deplatform racists (and let's be honest, he barely had a platform to begin with more than the bare minimum tumblr gives anybody). It's about not throwing bigotry stones in glass houses. One can-to some degree- influence the kind of response a person has, but not its proportionality so much. So maybe instead of leading with one's racist foot one can start on the good foot instead. That way they don't trip over somebody who has the time to waste and the impetus to make them a meme. That's all.

Oh, I definitely think those people had axes to grind! It just also seemed like there were enough of them saying the same things about following this person around that, despite their bias, they could be taken to be accurately reporting that the source of a popular meme was actually a harassment campaign. Which makes that meme, which already seemed jerky (really, filling someone’s notify rather than just not reading them?) really gross, which I commented on.

And there WAS a screenshot showing that at least one thing Tri said was pretty minor—yes, some straight women on tumblr do kind of talk about men like incels talk about women, as if they are horrifically cursed to want sex with subhumans, but such is the Power of Horny—and that this is what led to the meme.

Could it also be that the person has made a LOT of worse comments and that post was just the straw that broke the well seasoned penis? Yes, but I literally could not find details for one, and for two, “I only became and remained part of a sustained harassment campaign because I was really mad” isn’t much of a gotcha even if he said vile things.