#Oh also having to hold a button to keep attacking sucks too lemme just click/press a button to attack jesus!!!

[obessivedork]

Absolutely SHOCKING to me to read that others think Inquistion has the best combat in the Dragon Age series. Origins and 2 were LEAGUES above Inquisition’s combat for me 💀💀💀

[skswriting]

(dis)connected

Rating: T for suggestive content Pairing: Jeongguk/You Words: 12,359 Summary:  You don’t know if you and Jeongguk will join the group of people who have married one of their connect partners, but what you have right now is fun and carefree.  Yeah, you like him, and it seems like Jeongguk likes you, but the two of you have never physically met up, and neither of you have brought it up.  You’ve thought about it, but you always chicken out at the last moment, and he’s never even hinted at it, so. But you’re not worried about it today.  You just want Jeongguk to come back.  Who could possibly be at the door? AN: okay so i want to point out to everyone IMMEDIATELY that i originally had a different idea on how i wanted this to go (i.e. cheating which is not something i like writing about/reading) and decided that because i DONT like that i wanted to change the plot HOWEVER... because of this some of the dialogue i think in the beginning kind of still alludes to this?  i think i caught most of it, but god knows im shit at rereading my stuff so im sure i missed something.  i also think i really started lacking towards the end and for that, i apologize, but i still hope you all enjoy it! Warnings: there’s the beginning of a strip tease at the beginning, and of course when i write there’s always cussing, there’s also some pretty severe miscommunication (in my opinion, y/n is definitely an idiot but we all have our dumb bitch moments), there’s a small scene about an almost panic attack, and there’s mentions of a car accident that leads to a hospital stay but i don’t mention too much about the implications of that if things like that make you uncomfortable.  i think that’s it

You sigh as you flop down on your bed, feet aching and back sore.  It’s been a long week and you just want to relax, letting your body melt into the mattress.  The city is still sounding out around you, horns honking and the occasional voice drifting up to the window you left open to let as much natural air as you can in.  Gumdrop is staring out the screen, chittering at the pigeons roosting on your fire escape.

The loud vibrating of your phone causes you to groan as you kick your heels off, reaching into your purse to grab it.  You know who it is without looking at it and while you’re excited to talk to him, you’re still exhausted.

“Hi baby,” Jeongguk greets softly when you answer, the sound transmitting through your earpiece clearly.

You can’t stop the slow exhale you let out, melting even more at his voice, “Hi, Gguk-ah.”

“Oh no, you sound tired.  Long day?” Jeongguk asks and you can almost picture him biting his nails.

“Yeah,” you say simply and he hums in understanding.

“We don’t have to connect if you don’t want to, we can just talk like this: old fashioned,” he teases and you laugh a little, slowly getting to your feet.

“No, I want to, I miss you,” you say honestly and you can hear the smile on his face, “Let me get changed and I’ll login.”

“Wait,” he hurries to stop you, just as you’re reaching for the hem of your blouse, “Can I… can I watch?”

You can’t stop the surprised laugh you let out, “Gguk-ah, that’s naughty,” you say, even as you reach for your eye inserts, located right next to your pleasure-morph (i.e., dildo).  Priorities.

Jeongguk sounds unashamed as he coos at you, “I can’t help it that you’re so pretty.  I’m logged in.  Figured we could spend some time in my room today?  Unless you wanna stay at yours, I’m good with either.”

“No, yours is good, I like the way it smells,” you admit, wincing at the small sting of the inserts as you blink them in, getting comfortable.

Your vision slowly fades as the nanotech slowly works its way into your system, gradually bringing up the virtual login screen.  You hum as you see Jeongguk has sent you an invite and you click it, the bits of Jeongguk’s room and Jeongguk himself starting to pixelate in.  You can’t help but reach out and touch him, even if the nanos haven’t yet reached your fingers so you can’t yet feel him yet.  But he comes to you, little by little, until his warm skin is right under your fingertips, his smiling mouth meeting yours as he kisses you softly.  Lovingly.

“Hi baby,” he says again, a mere murmur really, pulling you close to him as he breathes you in.

Just like that all the exhaustion in your body leaves you as you slump into Jeongguk’s strong embrace, nuzzling against his neck as you hug him back.

“Hi Gguk-ah,” you whisper, head spinning from moving too quickly after logging in.

He’s quiet for a moment, humming a soft tune as he pets at your hair, rocking the two of you from side to side.  He holds you until you pull back first, kissing your forehead and then your mouth again, hand sliding down to grip the nape of your neck.

When he lets you step back, his grin turns into a pout as his eyes slide down your form, landing on your feet.

“You already took your heels off,” he whines, tugging childishly at your shirt, “you started without me.”

You cackle as you bat his hand away, letting your hair out of your ponytail and immediately snapping his attention back to your face.

“I didn’t think I was going to have an audience,” you chide and he huffs, crossing his arms as he plops down on his bed.

“You know I love watching you get undressed.  It’s like… watching a present unwrap itself in front of me.”

You roll your eyes, popping the first button of your blouse.  Jeongguk licks his lips at the hint of breast he sees and you shake your head at him.

“As many times as you’ve seen me naked, you still act like this,” you sigh out, like it’s an inconvenience, even going so far as cocking your hip out, “Honestly, Jeongguk.”

“Baby,” he whines, leaning back on his hands, “leave me alone.  It’s not my fault you’re the hottest person I’ve ever seen.  Get naked!”

You shake your head good naturedly, moving your hands back to your chest when he chimes in, “Wait!  I wanna guess what you’re wearing underneath.”

“It’s nothing special,” you furrow your eyebrows, popping another button just to be contrite.

“Shut up, it’s always spec- oh shit, I see black.  Oh God, is it the lacy one?  Or the one with the sheer strip on the cups and the little jewel in the center?  Fuck, that’s a good one,” he groans and you laugh when you see his cock already starting to get hard, chubbing up in his sweats, “Are you wearing matching panties today?  I think I’d lose my mind.”

“Why don’t we find out?” you purr, a lick of arousal shooting through you when you see him shiver at your tone.  You pop another button.

“Baby,” he gasps, hand flying down to his cock, cupping it in his hand, “Don’t tease.”

“I’m not teasing,” you pout, popping another button.  You have two left, but the way you’re holding your shirt together won’t let him see under it yet.

He bites his lip, squeezing his hand around his cock as you undo the last two.  You turn around, giving him a look when he whines softly, the look softening into something coy as you let the blouse slip down your shoulders until it flutters to the floor, leaving you in your bra and skirt.

“Lemme see,” he practically begs.

You hum as you pretend to consider it, tapping a finger against your chin as Jeongguk gets to his feet, approaching you slowly.  He kisses the top of your head and then your temple, eyes closed as he trails kisses down your neck, biting at your shoulder.  His hands come up to cup your tits and you finally moan, his fingers tweaking your nipples through the material.

“It’s thin,” he comments, eyes still closed, sucking a mark into the dip of your collarbone, “It has to be the sheer one.”

He groans when he opens his eyes and sees he’s right, kneading your tits faster as you shake in his hold.

“Feels good Ggukkie,” you pant, reaching up to thread a hand in his hair.

“Keep going,” his voice has dropped a little, hands insistent as they roam over your tits, fingers dipping into the cups to roll your nipples between them directly.

“Any guesses on panties?” you’re breathless, Jeongguk’s eyes gazing down the slope of your breasts and stomach to the way your other hand is teasing the waistband of your skirt.

“Not matching,” he says, almost immediately, “Or you wouldn’t be asking.”

“I wouldn’t?” you grin, pressing your ass back into his cock.

“No,” he sounds confident, as he reaches up to your back and undoes your bra, running reverent fingers down your arms to help you take it off.  The full heat of his hands on your sensitive tits has your back arching, “Is it the green pair with the lacy back and little bow on the front?  The pair that make me want to eat your ass like a sundae?”

You giggle, turning your head to nose under his jaw, “Let’s see.  Undo the zipper.”

He breathes out heavily against your wet skin and causes goosebumps to scatter.  He hisses when his own hand brushes his cock in search of your zipper, but he finally manages to tug it down, and the sound is almost deafening.  You have a hold of the skirt still so it doesn’t fall immediately, even though it’s tight enough that that wouldn’t be an issue.  But you know Jeongguk is a dirty cheater and would try and shove it down.

Jeongguk makes a confused sound as you step away from him but you smile to yourself, glancing at him over your shoulder as you shimmy your hips, the fabric shifting down until-

“Red,” he breathes out, mouth dropping open as he gapes at you.

He groans as you continue to shimmy your hips and push the skirt down at the same time, letting the material pool around your feet as he gets a great look at your ass.  Because you’re wearing a thong.

“You’re so hot,” he says, almost to himself, “God, look at you, like a fuckin’ wet dream.”

Despite yourself, you blush.

“This isn’t what I had planned, but c’mere,” he commands and you listen, turning around and padding your way to him.

His arms slide around your waist and turns you smoothly at the same time, crowding against you until you fall onto his bed with him on top of you.  You whimper when the hard planes of his body press entirely into yours and your legs fall open to let him settle more comfortably between them, cock rocking up against your leaking pussy.

“Wanna fuck you,” he groans, attaching his mouth to the side of your neck, “Is that okay?  Are you okay with that?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” you chant, “Want you to fuck me so hard I forget my own name.”

Jeongguk growls, reaching down to tug your panties to the side as he reaches into his sweats to carelessly pull his cock through, when a knock sounds out.  You both stop, Jeongguk pushing himself up to look confusedly at the door.

“Is that- is that logged in or real life?” you pant, trying to catch your breath and bearings from the 180 change in mood.

“Real life I think but… I wasn’t expecting anyone,” his face shines with sincerity and apology as he turns back to you, ‘Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

You pout, sliding a hand down your stomach and thumbing your clit, eyelashes fluttering, “Hurry up or I’ll start without you.”

He responds with a panicked look and a hurried kiss, before he reaches quickly for his eyes as another knock comes, “This could not have been worse timing!”

You giggle as he unlinks, his nanotech disappearing in a blink.  Contrary to your teasing, you don’t play with yourself.  You do settle yourself more comfortably in his bed, burrowing into his pillows as you kick his blankets to the end of the bed so your skin is pressed against the cool material of his sheets.

This… thing… with Jeongguk isn’t weird so much as it was unexpected.  Connecting by all means isn’t weird and is in fact revolutionary, allowing people to meet up and hook up (“connect”) through a sort of VR world, where only consensual sex is allowed and there’s no worry about pregnancy or diseases.  A lot of people even tend to meet their spouses through connecting now.  The sex toys are fantastic and you’ve clocked many hours with your pleasure-morph with it set to Jeongguk’s specifications (he’s told you with no discretion that he doesn’t think he’d survive without his pleasure-morph of your own sweet cunt.  His choice of words, not yours.)

You don’t know if you and Jeongguk will join the group of people who have married one of their connect partners, but what you have right now is fun and carefree.  Yeah, you like him, and it seems like Jeongguk likes you, but the two of you have never physically met up, and neither of you have brought it up.  You’ve thought about it, but you always chicken out at the last moment, and he’s never even hinted at it, so.

But you’re not worried about it today.  You just want Jeongguk to come back.  Who could possibly be at the door?

You don’t get your answer because Jeongguk’s room disconnects, the bed sinking down and disappearing beneath you. You blink at nothing, the login screen flashing in front of you as you try to gather your bearings.  You hesitate in disconnecting, confused as to what happened.  Maybe Jeongguk accidentally disconnected in his haste to get back to you?  But, after a minute of hovering in nothing, a little ball sinks in your stomach, and you disconnect yourself, letting the nanotech draw back into your eye inserts before you remove them.

You’re laying on your bed, still dressed, Gumdrop still yelling at the pigeons on your fire escape.  The city is still moving down below and it’s disorienting to you, for some reason.  You keep expecting a message from Jeongguk, as you disrobe and shower and make dinner and wash your face and get ready for bed and-

Nothing comes in.  You settle into bed, feeling quite pathetic as you check your phone in an almost obsessed fashion, but there’s nothing.  Gumdrop curls up near your face and you appreciate her awareness, petting through her fur to hear her sweet purrs.  The little ball has only grown.

-

There’s nothing in the morning, or in the afternoon, or even for the next three days.  You feel the worst the first day, still riding the high of the sudden disconnection, and by the third day you’re just… sad.  Being ghosted by Jeongguk was not a thought you had ever entertained.  You figured if you and Jeongguk ever stopped disconnecting it would be because either of you met someone or just got bored.  But just to be dropped like this cuts more than you thought it would.

As you’re playing with a laser pointer with Gumdrop, your phone chirps.  You’ve resigned yourself to not hearing from Jeongguk and it’s probably just Seokjin sending you pictures of his dinner again, so you’re not eager to get up and check it when Gumdrop is having the time of her life.

You remember to look at your messages as you plug your phone in for the night, and it’s like someone kicked you in the stomach when Jeongguk’s name pops up.

from: ggukkie ♡

Please just give me time, baby, please.

You sit there for a moment as Gumdrop claims the middle of your bed, purring as she makes herself comfortable because honestly, what the fuck does that mean?

-

“Yeah fuck him,” Seokjin says easily the next day when the two of you are meeting for lunch.

“Seokjin,” you chide and he shoots you an unimpressed look from over the top of his rice bowl.

“No, fuck him,” he says a little more vehemently, “First the unexplained disconnection, which, by the way, can physically make a person sick, and then he ghosts you, the most cowardly thing you can do, and then he sends you that vague ass text?  What the fuck does that even mean?  Give him time?  For what?  To get his foot out of his ass?”

His voice has started raising in his anger and even though it’s slightly embarrassing, as people throw him confused looks, it’s completely overshadowed by the appreciation you feel for him.  Seokjin has always been fiercely protective of you and had actually beat the fuck out of one of your ex-boyfriends when he started becoming abusive.

“I know,” you sigh, glancing down at your own food and realizing you’re not that hungry, “I just… I just want to know why.”

“Closure,” he nods, sagely, before loudly slurping up some noodles.

You nod, deciding you at least want one of his dumplings.  Seokjin must realize how terrible this whole thing has made you feel, because he doesn’t even try to stop you, and it makes you smile almost sadly.

-

from: ggukkie ♡

I understand you’re upset, but please just let me explain.

It’s been about a week since his last text and a week ago, during lunch with Seokjin you would have jumped at the chance to let Jeongguk explain.  Now though, you’re mad, and you don’t want to hear it.  You’re too old for childish games, especially with someone you weren’t even officially dating, and you’ve decided to let it go.  You swipe his message away, deciding that instead of connecting you’re going to go out to an old fashion bar.  You’re not planning on hooking up with anyone, because you’ve stopped taking your birth control since it started really messing with your hormones, but you want to enjoy the vibes.

You text Seokjin asking if he wants to meet you, but he apologizes and tells you he already made plans with his family.  He sends you an encouraging selfie and you laugh, but you make it your lock screen because it’s a really good picture of him.

The bar is about half an hour from your apartment and it’s surprisingly packed considering the popularity of connecting.  But you guess sometimes you can’t beat face to face interactions.  A few people give you once overs as you walk in and you give them polite smiles in return, but now that you’re here you just want a drink.

The bartender serves you your drink quickly and you smile at him as you turn in your seat, surveying the space.  A lot of people are walking around, taking advantage of the darts and pool tables set up, laughing and drinking with their friends.  It’s nice to see.  While you’re an advocate for connecting, even with your unsavory disconnection with Jeongguk, it still lacks intimacy.  You and Jeongguk have connected all over the world, logging into a beautiful hotel in Paris and a quaint little house in the suburbs of Japan and a skyrise apartment in New York, went snorkeling in the Bahamas and hiked to Machu Picchu and went on a cruise to Alaska, all in the time you connected.

But none of it was real.  You sigh heavily as you take another drink while the bartender passes by and catches it.

“Rough day?” he asks, stopping in front of you with a few bottles in his arms.

“No, it’s just been… yeah, a rough day,” you end up going with, followed by a small self-deprecating laugh.

“Do you want something else to drink?  Something a little stronger?” he asks, nodding at your almost empty glass.

“No, same thing, please.  I’m just looking to relax, not get shit-faced.  I really don’t want to deal with a hangover,” you grimace and he laughs, throwing his head back and almost losing his balance.  You worry about him for a second, but he quickly straightens himself, turning an almost blinding eye smile on you.

“College kids come in here and blow through a hundred dollars just in liquor and it makes me not miss my partying days.  Let me stock these and I’ll get you a refill.”

He’s cute.  You’re not interested, in the slightest, but you have eyes and you know he’s cute.  He throws you a quick wink and hustles off, talking to someone just down the bar.  You nurse the last bit of your drink, enjoying the music and chattering behind you, letting yourself sink into the atmosphere.

“Jeon Jeongguk!”

You pause for a moment, glass raised halfway to your mouth.  No way.  There’s no way life works like that; you’re not so lucky to get your serendipitous moment.  You turn to look at the woman who’s just stormed into the bar, mouth twisted into a fierce scowl.  You try not to be conspicuous and only follow her with her eyes, trying to see where she’s headed.  It has to be a different Jeon Jeongguk, it just has to be-

Your breath catches when you see him.  It is him.  Jeon Jeongguk.  Your connecting partner, who ghosted you almost two weeks ago, and who looks super unhappy sitting in a booth by himself.  He looks even unhappier to see the woman, his face morphing to match her scowl.

Your breathing has quickened as you watch them, the woman sliding into the booth across from him and flinging her hands around.  How did you not see him when you walked in?  You may have been slightly distracted, in your night of slight grieving, but you know you gave the place a once over when you arrived.  You’ve spent two weeks mourning the lack of Jeongguk’s presence and then cursing his existence.  How could you have missed him?

You have to leave.  You have to go right now, before he somehow sees you.  You don’t want to talk to him, you absolutely cannot talk to him.  If there’s one thing you know about yourself, it’s that Jeongguk’s doe eyes would make you commit unfathomable sins.  If he looks at you now, in this moment in time, in this place, you’ll cave.

You have to go.  You have to leave-

You stand hastily; too hastily.  The man sitting beside you, who’s been pounding back beers like it was his last day, is standing too and you run right into him, sending the both of you tottering.

“Sorry!” you gasp, trying to straighten him and yourself as you realize how loud your collision had been, “I’m so sorry!  I was just trying-”

The guy is grumbling at you, eyes bloodshot as he glares at you, and the hair on the back of your neck is standing up.  Not at the look the guy is giving you, you could care less about him, but because you hear angry shuffling behind you.  The voices are whispering rapid fire at each other and you think you can hear what sounds like hands gripping at clothes and quick footsteps and-

“Y/N…?” his voice sounds exactly the same as you remember.

Your eyes squeeze shut, heart slamming into your ribcage.  You feel bile rise to your throat as your fight or flight instincts kick in, and you want so badly to run, to not look at him and pretend this isn’t happening.  You’re so close to doing it, to running out of the bar and away from him, but you can hear a little voice in the back of your head that sounds suspiciously like Seokjin.  “Fuck him.”  The more you think about it, the more you agree: fuck him.

You turn slowly, to see Jeongguk standing just a few feet behind you, eyes impossibly wide and fingers twisting the hem of his shirt.  He’s dressed casually, more casually than you, and you’re not sure if it’s a trick of the light, but his cheeks look a little sunken in.  The woman who had charged in after him is standing behind him, fuming, physical steam almost coming out of her ears as she tries to get his attention.

“Jeongguk,” you say, your tone much more cool than you feel.

Jeongguk must be able to tell because his eyes bounce around your form, seemingly unable to figure out where it’s safe to look, “How, um… how have you been?”

“Jeongguk,” the woman behind him hisses, reaching out to grab at his arm, and he roughly shrugs her off, sending her a fiery glare over his shoulder.

“I’ve been better,” you say, a tad cold, “I would ask how you’re doing, but I don’t honestly care.”

He flinches and immediately grows desperate, reaching out towards you, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Y/N baby, please, just let me explain-”

You smack his hand away from you and the hurt on his face is so palpable it manifests in your own chest, “I don’t want to hear it, actually.  I’m over it.”

You’re aware that the three of you are starting to cause a scene, the woman still trying to get Jeongguk’s attention and Jeongguk resolutely ignoring her, entirely focused on you.  You’re getting a bit embarrassed by all the attention, but you realize this is something you need.  Seokjin had said it best: closure.

“I don’t blame you, I don’t!  But please, baby, just-”

“Stop calling me that!” you snap, “You - you lost that right, Jeongguk.  Do you know how foolish I felt?  After we disconnected?  Three days, Jeongguk, wondering and worrying if you were okay, and when you do text back it’s to ask for time?  Time for what?”

You run a quick hand through your hair, huffing out a laugh when you pathetically feel tears spring to your eyes, “I deserved better.  I understand we were just connecting, or whatever-”

“No!” Jeongguk lurches towards you, a seemingly mindless reaction because he seems surprised by it, but recovers quickly, “Don’t say that, please.  It was more than connecting for me, you have to believe me!”

The woman behind him lets out an indignant huff, apparently tired of being ignored and watching whatever is happening between you, “That’s enough Jeongguk, honestly.  Do you hear how pathetic you’re being right now?  Let’s just go home and talk about us and-” she reaches for him, again, but Jeongguk bodily dodges her hand.

“Ina, take a fucking hint!” he growls, turning on his heel to stare her down.  Ina rears back, eyes widening in shock at the vicious tone he’s taken with her, “What part of “we’re not getting back together” do you not understand?”

Her face clouds over and she snarls out, “How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?!”

Jeongguk’s laughs, but there’s absolutely no humor in it, “Sorry?  You cheated on me!  You can’t say sorry for that!”

“Hey!”

The handsome bartender from earlier is leaning threateningly over the bar counter, his cellphone in hand, “Take it outside before I call the cops for a public disturbance.”

Ina looks like she’s about to snap something at him, but you stride over to the counter as you pull some money out of your purse, thankful that Seokjin had been an old man and paid you back for buying his lunch with cash.  Who even carries cash on them anymore?

“I’m so sorry,” you say in a quick, hushed tone to the bartender, “Keep the change, a tip, we’re leaving now.”

“Are you okay?” he asks you, quickly, before you can leave, stopping you with a gentle hand on your wrist, “Do you need me to call you someone?”

You realize you’re shaking, and you give him a genuine smile at his concern, “I’m okay, thank you.”

He doesn’t let go for a few more seconds, but finally nods, watching the three of you intently as you stalk out of the bar, Jeongguk following desperately behind you and Ina stomping after him.

“Y/N, can we please-” Jeongguk tries but you continue to stalk down the road, “Please!”

“Jeongguk, just leave her alone, it’s obvious she doesn’t care about you!”

The words fly out of your mouth before you’ve even thought about them, “Don’t you fucking tell me how I feel about Jeongguk!  You don’t know me!  You don’t know anything about Jeongguk and I’s relationship and from what it sounds like,” you spit out, glaring at her, “you don’t care about Jeongguk either.”

You didn’t realize how close you’d gotten to Ina until Jeongguk is stepping between you, hands held up placatingly.  You wonder what you’re hearing until you realize it’s you, that you’re panting heavily, almost like you’re about to have a panic attack.

“Baby, look at me,” Jeongguk says softly, “It’s okay, don’t worry about her, just look at me, focus on me.  Regulate your breathing or-”

“Jeongguk,” Ina says behind Jeongguk and Jeongguk turns sharply to face her.  It makes her mouth click shut with an audible click.

“Ina, shut your goddamn mouth,” he growls, sending a fearful shiver down your spine at the absolute malice in his voice.  When he turns back to you, his face has smoothed back out and his voice has softened, “Count as you breathe, let’s do four counts okay?”

Jeongguk talks you down, holding eye contact as he walks you through the counts, not touching you but his hands clearly available if you need them.  It’s a little embarrassing, but it’s not something Jeongguk hasn’t seen before.

“There we go.  Feeling okay?” Jeongguk asks sweetly, eyes tracing over your face like he can’t get enough of it.

“A little tired,” you admit, before you take a conscious step back, “I should probably go home.”

The desperation returns to Jeongguk’s eyes at the deliberate space between you two and the way you’ve closed your body off to him with your arms crossed in front of your chest.  He ignores Ina standing behind him, who hasn’t said anything since his outburst but hasn’t left either.

“Yeah, it’s late,” he says, voice resigned but the sadness evident on his face, “Do you want me to order you an Uber?”

You shake your head, pulling your phone out to do it yourself, and Jeongguk doesn’t take his eyes off you, ordering his own Uber.

“Y/N,” he says, and you brace yourself for more begging, but he just says, “Would you… would you please let me know when you get home safe?  I won’t even text you back or anything, I just- I just need to know you get back okay.”

You look at him for a moment, really look at him.  In the bar you had been eager to get away from him and so you had noticed the sunken cheeks and the casual clothes, but now, you really take him in.  His hair is longer, curling cutely around his ears as he pushes it out of his eyes.  His tattoos are real, not a customized skin he purchased for connecting, and though most of them are hidden, you can see the ones inked across his knuckles and on the back of his hand.  His eyes are round and sparkly in the shitty street light, boring holes into you as he refuses to look away from you.

This is the Jeongguk you’ve been connecting with for weeks, months, with the sweet eyes and sweeter voice, and you can feel the love you have for him throbbing almost painfully in your heart, desperate to understand.  Desperate to ask why?

You give him a minute nod, letting him know you’ll do that, and he doesn’t even try to hide the relief on his face.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, raking his hands through his hair again.  You realize how oily it is and you wonder if he’s been taking care of himself properly.

Your Ubers arrive at the same time and though you don’t want to, the sadistic part of you lingers for a moment, digging through your purse with a thinly veiled excuse at making sure you have everything, to watch them leave together.

They don’t.  Jeongguk opens the door for Ina and gestures her inside.  She looks smug, like she’s won something, and you wish you could see the look on her face when Jeongguk shuts the door without getting in.  He gestures something to the driver and the Uber takes off, and you get a sick sort of satisfaction seeing a brief moment of absolute incredulousness on her face as she passes under a lamppost.

You turn to look at Jeongguk, who’s watching you with his hands shoved in his pockets.  You feel so confused and you’re so tired from the rush of adrenaline your almost panic attack had given you, that you can feel tears welling up again.

“What about you?” you ask, voice shaky, and Jeongguk frowns at you.

“I’ll just get another one.  Please go home, it’s late and you sound tired,” he steps closer, hesitantly, and you allow it.

“I am tired.  I’m so tired, Jeongguk,” you sigh, wiping some moisture away from your eye, before you open the door and slide inside.

You don’t look at him again, as the door shuts softly.  But you’re weak, and you’ve always been weak.  As the car pulls away from the curb, you turn in your seat to see Jeongguk standing under a solitary light, watching your car drive away with his hands still in his pockets, and you cry.

By the time you get home, you’re so exhausted you can barely keep your eyes open.  You do a half-assed job of cleaning your face and you don’t bother putting on pajamas after you undress so you just crash onto your bed.  Almost all the tension in your body flooding out of you as you sink into your duvet.

You glance at your phone, plugged in on your bedside table, and drag it to you.  You sent him a simple text, just a home, and there’s a little read checkmark beneath the phone.  He said he wouldn’t text you back and he hasn’t and even though he kept his word, it hurts, and you cry again.

-

You didn’t drink so you wouldn’t have a headache but unfortunately, crying yourself to sleep has left you dehydrated and with puffy eyes.  You thought you were over it but seeing Jeongguk in person last night had just smashed that little glass jar you were trying to bottle your feelings in and you don’t know what to do.  And what the fuck was Ina’s problem?

You lay in bed, staring at the ceiling as you toss your phone back and forth in your hands, deliberating.  A few texts couldn’t hurt, could they?  You have questions, and you want answers to them.  Closure.  He said he wanted to talk, so, you’d let him talk.

Hopefully you’d come out of it in one piece.

Your text is simple enough, just I have questions, and it warrants an almost immediate response.

from: ggukkie ♡

Of course baby whatever you want to know, ask

Now that he’s opened the door, you’re drawing a blank, because there’s so much but how do you ask?  How do you ask him why you weren’t good enough?

from: ggukkie ♡

Can I call you?

That feels like too much, like you’re opening yourself up to him for him to take advantage of you.  But… you press the phone icon before you can second guess yourself and you’ve barely gotten it up to your ear when it connects.

“Y/N…?” he asks, almost sounding afraid, like someone is playing a trick on him and it’s not actually you on the line.

“Jeongguk,” you greet and he lets a deep exhale out in response.

“Sorry, I just… need a second,” he whispers, voice shaky, and you wonder for a moment if he’s crying, or close to it.

You don’t say anything and the silence stretches on, burrowing under your skin and pricking at your nerves, your heart beating wildly in your chest.  You hear a few sniffles on his end and it confirms your fear, that he’s crying softly to himself.

“I didn’t think you’d talk to me again,” he finally admits, still whispering, voice stuck in his throat, “I thought watching you leave last night that that was it, that it was officially over for us.”

His words have your own tears springing forth and you’re so tired of this, this game you two have been playing for the past few weeks.

“Why?” you sob out and Jeongguk breaks down on his own end.

“Baby, please don’t cry,” he begs but it makes it worse, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Gumdrop meows loudly from the living room and you hear the jingle of her collar as she pitter patters down the hallway to you, spurred on by your cries.  She’s already purring by the time she jumps up on your bed, headbutting into your hand to pet her.

“Who is she?” you ask, hands curling into your comforter.

“Ina’s no one,” he’s quick to assure you, “She’s an ex, and an ex for a reason.  Ina doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.”

“She doesn’t seem to think so,” you bite out, “She followed you to the bar and she must have followed you for a reason.”

Jeongguk is silent for a few moments and your heart plummets.  Finally, he lets out a shaky sigh.

“My brother got into an accident, that day,” he finally says, voice void of any emotion.

It feels like someone crushes your heart with a sledgehammer, knocking the air out of you.  You don’t say anything, can’t, and Jeongguk continues.

“The knocking was, um… my mom,” Jeongguk stops for a moment, choked up, “She came to get me, so we could go to the hospital.  It was a pretty serious accident and we’ve been trying to clear up a lot of things with insurance and his work.”

“Gguk…” you cry, pressing a hand to your eyes as Gumdrop cuddles up in your armpit, purring up a storm.

“Mom and dad have been staying with him as much as they can,” he continues, “and I’ve… I’ve been taking care of his daughter.”

You feel awful.  This whole time you’ve assumed that he was ghosting you, when really he had been dealing with some serious family issues and you… had been a complete asshole to him about it.

“Is Jeongyun okay?” you croak out, turning onto your side and curling around Gumdrop.

Jeongguk is silent for a moment, before he says softly, “He suffered some pretty serious spinal injuries and they’re… they’re not sure if he’ll ever be able to walk again…”

“Oh Gguk-ah,” you sob, pressing a hand over your eyes like that’s going to staunch the tears.

“Yeah…” he says simply, because what else do you say when your entire world is crumbling down around you?

“How’s his daughter?”

“Confused,” he says, “she’s only six and we haven’t let her go visit him, so she’s constantly asking where her dad is.  I’m just… not sure what to tell her, and I don’t know how to explain the situation to her.”

“That’s understandable,” you assure, “I couldn’t imagine trying to comprehend how hurt my dad was.  What’s her name?”

“Iseul,” he tells you, and you can hear the smile in his voice as he says it, “she’s beautiful, and funny, and smart.  Looks a lot like Jeongyun.”

“And… and her mom?”

“She decided she couldn’t handle taking care of a child and she and Jeongyun decided it was best if she wasn’t around at all.  The agreement works for both of them, I think she moved out of the country for her job actually, I’m not sure.  Iseul doesn’t seem to care, but we’re waiting for her to start asking about her one day, especially now that she’s started school.”

“I’m glad things have worked out for them.  It’s good to hear that their split sounds amicable,” you say softly, patting at the residual tears on your cheeks, running your fingers down Gumdrop’s spine.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk heaves out a heavy sigh, “it’s been tough.  We all try to pitch in to babysit Iseul when Jeongyun has to work, so I see her a lot.”

“Are… are you with Iseul now?” you ask, wondering if you’ve put Jeongguk in an uncomfortable position demanding answers when he’s trying to take care of his family.

“No, mom and dad watched her last night.  But moms dropping her off tonight so they can go to the hospital.”

You hum, letting the silence drag on.  It’s almost nice… nostalgic in a way that memories shouldn’t feel only being two weeks old.  But it almost feels normal, like how you and Jeongguk used to talk.  If you had known Jeongguk had lived close by, you might have asked to meet in person sooner, but you had grown so comfortable in what you two had that you hadn’t wanted to rock the boat.  Now, you kind of wish you had.

You can’t help but ask, “What does Ina have to do with all this?”

Jeongguk groans in disdain and you want to laugh, as you can imagine the arm he has thrown over his eyes, “She’s a pain in the ass.  Mom must have told her mom about the accident and Ina must have thought this would be our way of "reconnecting."”

Jeongguk huffs and you smile a sad little thing as he continues, “Our parents have been friends for years and they finally introduced us at the start of college when they learned we got accepted to the same one.  We didn’t date immediately, we actually didn’t start until our senior year and well… you heard last night.  She cheated on me.”

You frown on your end, and he continues, “It’s been a few years and I’m over it, but I guess she’s not.  I don’t really care though, I have no interest in being with her.”

You nod, aware he can’t see you, but unsure of what else to say.  He’s answered all of your questions and now you just feel like a fool.  All of this could have been avoided if you had just asked, but instead, you had let yourself make assumptions and caused yourself, and Jeongguk, unnecessary pain.

“Baby…?”

“Sorry, I’m here,” you whisper, pressing a soft kiss to Gumdrop’s head, thankful for her support.

“What are you thinking?” he asks, softly, almost like he’s afraid of what you’re going to say.

“I’m thinking that I’m a fucking idiot,” you chastise yourself, and Jeongguk hums in discontent over the line.

“You’re not an idiot,” he counters and you snort a self-deprecating sound, “it’s okay, I understand-”

“Shut up, it’s not.  Gguk-ah I’m so sorry, I should have- I don’t know what I should have done.  Listened?  Gave you time like you asked?” you’re back to crying, softly this time, frustrated with yourself.

Jeongguk coos at you, “Baby, it’s okay, I’m not mad.  I just… I just miss you.”

“I miss you too,” you admit, “so much.”

“If- If you have time, I’d like to connect-”

“No,” you cut him off and he trails off, heaving a sigh.

“Ah, sorry, I must have misunderstood-”

“I want to see you, in person,” you finish and he trails off again, “we have to live semi close to each other, if we were at the same bar last night, right?  I’d like to actually see you again, if you’re okay with it.”

“Okay with it?  Baby, I’d love to see you in person again.  Tonight, if you want,” Jeongguk offers and you’re surprised, to say the least.

“But, you’re going to have Iseul tonight,” you remind him.

“And?  Y/N, I don’t think you realize how much you mean to me.  I wanted to introduce you to my family one day anyway, why not start with her?”

You’re quiet for a moment, and Jeongguk misinterprets the silence, “If you don’t feel comfortable with it, we can meet up somewhere-”

“Do you want me to bring anything?” you interrupt, and you can practically see the smile on his face.

-

“I don’t go out with you for one night and all this shit happens,” Seokjin gripes in your ear piece and you giggle, bundled up on the subway as you head to Jeongguk’s apartment.

Jeongguk doesn’t live particularly close to you, but it’s not a long subway ride.  He, apparently, had picked that bar because he thought it was far enough from his apartment that Ina would leave him alone.  And well, that didn’t exactly work out for him.

“Yeah it was a wild night, I’ll say that,” you agree, purse snug in your lap.  Jeongguk had told you not to worry about bringing anything and you feel vaguely weird being empty handed.

“Are you sure about this?” Seokjin asks you, “About giving him another chance?  I don’t think he’s lying but…”

You smile, always appreciative of your best friend, “I am.  I should have just heard him out in the first place and these past two weeks would never have happened.  I’ve missed him, so much Jinnie.”

“I know, I just worry about you.  I’ll still fight him if you need me too!  I haven’t been going to the gym for nothing you know,” you can just imagine Seokjin exaggeratedly flexing his biceps and you laugh, perking up when you hear the announcement for your stop.

“I know and you’re getting so thick I think I’m starting to find you attractive,” you tease, fighting your way off the train.

“Starting?  Ha!  You’ve always found me hot, don’t even try to lie.  Hopefully Jeongguk knows he’s always going to be second fiddle when I’m around.”

You roll your eyes good naturedly, “How does Mina put up with you?”

“I dick her down good enough that she can ignore anything else I say.  Also, I cook.  Do you know she got mad at me the other day?  Told me I’m trying to fatten her up so no one else will want her, as if she still wouldn’t be the hottest babe in town, honestly.”

You smile at how in love Seokjin sounds just thinking about his girlfriend, “You are so dramatic.  I’m going to go before you wax poetic about Mina’s ass.”

“Hey, I love her for more than just her body!  Did I tell you she beat me at thumb wrestling the other day?  She also kills all the bugs I don’t want to touch.  She’s going to be the mother of my children all while being a boss bitch at work.  Oh!  She’s applied for a promotion and she’s a shoe in.  If she doesn’t get it, I’m going to burn her work down,” Seokjin drones, sounding so serious for a moment you don’t doubt that he will.

“I’m sure she’ll get it, she’s so good at her job!  They’d be dumb not to give it to her.  I’m going to check in with her later, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?  It’s half-priced smoothies, don’t forget!”

Seokjin makes an exaggerated moaning sound and you laugh, hanging up on him.  It’s a ten minute walk to Jeongguk’s apartment from the subway and the closer you get, the stronger the butterflies in your stomach stir.  It’s not nervousness, but excitement.  You’re so excited to see Jeongguk you think you’re going to be sick.

HIs apartment doesn’t have a buzzer, so you walk in and up the stairs.  Thankfully, he only lives on the second floor, so you aren’t wheezing by the time you reach his door.  You bite your lip as you ring his doorbell, immediately hearing what sounds like someone running.

The door swings open quickly and you barely have time to open your mouth before Jeongguk has hoisted you into the air, crushing you to him.

“Oh,” you gasp, arms wrapping tight around him as you’re knocked off your equilibrium for a moment, “Gguk-ah, what-?”

He has his face buried in your neck, staying still in the doorway and leaving you two looking like a couple of idiots to anybody who could potentially walk by.  But you don’t really care about that when you register how warm he feels under you, his hair brushing against your nose and smelling like strawberry shampoo.  His sweatshirt is soft in your hands and you run a hand up and down his back when you feel him shaking against you slightly.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” he whispers wetly into your skin.

You squeeze your eyes shut, feeling the tears well up in them as you hold onto him tight, glad to be there too.

When Jeongguk finally sets you down, his eyes are red rimmed.  He’s close to tears but he’s smiling, his hands coming up to frame your face and tilt it towards him.

“Hi baby,” he sighs, eyes darting across your face, thumps sweeping under your eyes lovingly.

You thought it would feel weird, seeing him in person, actually seeing him instead of connecting.  But it doesn’t.  Nanotech is advanced and the body under your fingertips doesn’t feel any different in the flesh than it did simulated but knowing it’s Jeongguk, that it’s really him, causes your heart to beat faster.

“Gguk-ah,” you smile, though you’re a little embarrassed at how intently he’s staring you down, trying to hide your face.

“Aw, is my baby getting shy?” he teases, pulling you closer to him so he can shut the door, “That’s so cute.”

“Stop,” you whine, letting Jeongguk help you out of your windbreaker and step out of your shoes, as he laughs at you.

He pulls you farther into his apartment, which looks so clean you think you could eat off the floor.  Jeongguk leads you to the living room, softly pushing you down onto his couch and practically diving onto you.  You squeal a little as you two bounce and it morphs into a giggle as Jeongguk wraps tight arms around you, turning his head so he can place his ear right on top of your heart.

It’s a position you’ve been in many times with him.  Jeongguk is an avid post-coitus cuddler, wrapping himself like an octopus around you as he basks in the afterglow.  He liked the closeness, he told you once, the retained intimacy afterwards that helped with his headspace.  You never minded because you like cuddling too, and you like running your hands through his hair and brushing soft fingers down his cheek and neck.

Jeongguk sighs heavily on top of you and you can feel the tension slowly easing out of his body, his arms going lax and his slow blinks, staring unseeingly at the TV.

“You look tired, Gguk-ah,” you say softly and he hums into your neck, pressing the softest kiss against your skin.

“I… didn’t sleep well, last night,” he admits and your heart aches, knowing you were the reason, that you were adding unnecessary stress to his already stressful situation.

“Take a nap, baby,” you encourage, and Jeongguk glances up at you.  Jesus Christ, those eyes; they hold the entire galaxy in them, “I’ll wake you up before Iseul gets here.”

“Mom’s dropping her off at five,” he mumbles, already starting to drift.

You kiss the top of his head, squeezing him a little as you say, “Okay, I’ll wake you up half an hour before then.  Sleep.”

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything, but the smile on his lips is sweet.

It’s a good two and a half hour nap, and you spend the time just (a little creepily, you’re willing to admit) watching him, eyes tracing over his face like you can’t get enough.  And you truly can’t.

Connecting is safe, for sexual reasons, but there’s still the chance that people alter their connecting appearances.  Jeongguk hadn’t done that and you can’t believe that he’s actually this handsome, all tan skin and toned muscles, hair a deep chestnut color and eyes as big as a doe’s.  You thought he must have purchased some sort of skin or body modifications, though you believed he was truly handsome, but this is a whole other level.  You hope he’s not disappointed learning you hadn’t customized yourself, either.

Jeongguk snuffles against your skin as you run your hand up and down his back, under his shirt, skin warm under your palm.  He’s starting to wake up, without you having to disturb him, and you smile as you kiss his temple.  He smiles sleepily, blinking loving eyes up at you.

“You’re still here,” he rasps, voice scratchy from disuse.

“Of course,” you whisper back, pressing a kiss between his eyes, before nuzzling your noses together, “of course I’m still here.”

He hums happily, basking in the kisses you scatter across his face, making exaggerated sounds as you do.

“Time to get up,” you remind him, “Your mom is going to be dropping Iseul off soon.”

“She has a key, she can let herself in,” he grumbles, burrowing further into your arms, trying to mold himself to you so there’s no space between you.

“Gguk-ah,” you laugh, smoothing some hair behind his ear.  He still looks tired so you don’t push it, “your hair has gotten long.”

“Mhm.  I’ve never had it this long, but I think I like it.”

“It suits you,” you gather some of it up in your hands and snicker a little, “look, apple hair.”

Jeongguk just smiles a little wider, letting you mess around with his hair, not even fighting you as you wrestle the hair tie off his wrist.

“Man bun…” you murmur to yourself, snapping the hair tie in place, “you look like an e-boy now.”

Jeongguk pinches your side in retaliation as he finally starts to stir and stand and you squeal, squirming away from his hands.  You watch him stretch upwards, his fingertips brushing the ceiling as he cracks his back.  You let your eyes linger on the strip of skin that shows when he stretches, knowing the ink on his hip is hidden beneath the waistband.

Jeongguk doesn’t call you out on your gaze, but he does smirk at you as he muses up the hair that you didn’t put up.

“Want something to drink?” he asks, scratching at his stomach as he starts towards the kitchen.

“Sure.  Water, please,” you request and you see him nod as you sit up on the couch, wiggling your feet under one of the couch cushions.

Just as Jeongguk hands you a glass, there’s a knock on his door.  Before he can even say anything, the door is opening and a soft, little voice is calling out, “Ggukkie!”

A wide grin blossoms on Jeongguk’s face and he turns around just as a little body barrels towards him, knocking her face against his knees a little roughly.

“Woah!” Jeongguk wobbles a little from the force, “Hey, Itsy.”

This must be Iseul.  You smile as she lifts her face to beam at her and you can see the family resemblance.

“Gguk, can you help with these bags?” it must be his mom calling out from the doorway.

You’re up before Jeongguk can address her, patting his shoulder as you pass by.  Iseul gets a little shy and hides back in Jeongguk’s legs, barely reaching his waist, peeking up at you in curiosity.

Jeongguk’s mom gives you a startled look as you take some bags out her hands, giving her a small smile, “Here, let me help you.”

“Oh, thank you…”

She’s delivering groceries and you take them to the kitchen, helping her pile them on the counter before you shoo her away, “I can put these away, go see Gguk-ah.”

She surveys you for a moment, but you’re adamant and she eventually concedes.  Jeongguk’s apartment isn’t that big, so you can hear what she says when she reaches him.

“Gguk, who is that?” she’s trying to ask quietly but her voice gets back to you anyway.

“Mom, that’s Y/N, I’ve told you about her,” he laughs a little and you smile to yourself.

“Y/N?!  And you didn’t tell me she was here?!  Gguk, I would have brushed my hair!”

He laughs louder at her, “Mom, you look fine, and I’m sure she doesn’t care.”

“Still…” you can only imagine the pout on her face from her tone of voice.

She mainly brought quick dry goods, so once those are put away and you store the milk, you’re done.  You’re a little hesitant about going back out to meet them, but you’ve avoided talking to people long enough.

Jeongguk’s mom offers you a brilliant smile once you exit the kitchen, and hurries forward to take your hands, “Y/N!  It’s so nice to meet you!  Gguk has told me so much about you.”

You blush a little as you take her in.  She looks tired, probably from the stress of her son being in the hospital and trying to navigate that situation, but you can see the resemblance to Jeongguk, mainly in the eyes.

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” you cut your eyes to Iseul, who Jeongguk is now holding in his arms, and decide to not say anything about Jeongyun, “I hope it’s okay that I hang out with Gguk-ah and Iseul today.”

“Of course!  I wish I could stay and chat, but I have… something to do.”

You nod, completely understanding, and she continues as she squeezes your hands, “But I’d love for us to have dinner together someday, all of us.  Anyone Gguk is so smitten with is someone I want to get to know.”

“Mom!” Jeongguk whines, making Iseul giggle.

You’re surprised when his mom pulls you into a hug but you lean into it, as she rocks you two in place for a few seconds, “I have to get going now, but we’ll talk about that dinner.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” you tell her honestly and her smile widens, if possible.

She turns on her heels to press a kiss to Iseul’s cheek and then Jeongguk’s, “You behave yourself.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure she does,” Jeongguk nods at her.

“I was talking about you,” his mom teases and Iseul giggles at her, patting at Jeongguk’s arms to let her down, “I’ll pick Iseul up later tonight, make sure she eats dinner before I do.”

“I got this mom, go,” Jeongguk nudges her along gently and she lets him, giving you a little wave before she’s out the door.

Iseul is a sweetheart.  She’s a little shy around you at first, but she warms up quickly when she sees how comfortable Jeongguk is around you, making you a trustful figure in her eyes.  She has a bad habit of sucking her thumb and trying to talk around it, but she’s a cute kid that has Jeongguk wrapped around her little finger.

She insists on helping you two cook dinner, which means she sits on the counter and demands to taste test every few minutes, happily swinging her feet.  Jeongguk keeps sneaking little kisses, even though you reprimanded him the first time for PDA in front of his niece.  Iseul doesn’t seem to care about that, but she does demand her own kisses that Jeongguk willingly covers her face in.

Iseul wants to take a bath and Jeongguk doesn’t hesitate, leaving you two in the living room to draw it for her.

“Ggukkie is a good uncle,” she suddenly declares, snuggly settled in your lap and twisting the ring on your finger.

“Yeah?  You guys have fun when you’re together?” you ask her gently, stroking a hand through her hair.  It’s long; you wonder if she’d let you braid it once she was out of the bath.

She grins as she leans into your touch, “Yeah, Ggukkie is fun.  He lets me stay up past my bedtime and eat ice cream when gramma says no.  He’s also the only one who will play airplane with me.”

You hum, hearing Jeongguk padding back to the living room.  Iseul perks up at the sound and slides off your lap, tugging on your hand to pull you up.

“Okay Itsy, let’s go.”

You’re surprised she wants you to go with her, but you help steady her as she shucks her clothes off before she practically swan dives into the tub.

“Itsy, careful!” Jeongguk scolds, settling down on the floor and pulling you down beside him, “If you break your neck, gramma will have mine.”

She grins at him, smacking the water a few times before she turns a sweet gaze towards you, “Y/Nie, will you wash my hair for me?”

You’re soaked by the time Iseul has decided she’s done, letting you wrap her up tight in an oversized, fluffy towel as Jeongguk brushes gently through the tangles in her hair.

“Iseul, can I braid your hair?” you ask and she gasps, clapping her hands.

“Yes!  Daddy can’t braid.”

You do two french braids and braid them into each other in the back, before you roll it up and pin it in place.

“When we let it down when it dries, you’ll have the cutest curls.”

“Princess curls?” she asks, tilting her head in the mirror as she looks at herself, “Can I have my tiara?”

“Your tiara isn’t here, babe, it’s at gramma’s,” Jeongguk informs her, hoisting her up into her arms, “c’mon, let’s get you dressed.  You should still have some pjs here.”

“Pjs?  It’s not even bedtime,” she frowns, but doesn’t put up a fight as he walks out of the room.

“So?  There’s never a bad time to wear pjs,” he argues with her, and you snicker to yourself as their bickering tapers off as they enter his bedroom.

For a little girl who claimed it’s not bedtime, her drooping eyes deceiving her.  She looks adorable dressed in some Ponyo pajamas, something Jeongguk proudly claimed he picked out for her.  She’s curled up in Jeongguk’s lap, sucking gently on her thumb as she tries to pay attention to the cartoon he put on for her, snuggled under a blanket he had wrapped around them.  You’re watching them fondly, the way Jeongguk strokes from the nape of her neck down her spine and then back up.  The way he’s humming softly and pressing periodic kisses to her forehead.

She doesn’t last long under his ministrations, her eyes drifting shut one more time and not reopening.  You watch as her body goes lax in his hold and her breaths even out, her thumb slowly falling out of her mouth.

“Works every time,” he smiles, standing up gently so as to not jostle her, “I’m going to go lay her down, I’ll be right back.”

You smile and nod, watching him turn the corner of the living room.  You clean up the toys Iseul has strewn around the room, folding the blanket back up and turning the TV off.  You check the kitchen, just to make sure the dishes from dinner are actually done, and just as you turn back into the living room you see Jeongguk standing in the middle of it, back to you and hands in his hair.

You’re not sure what he’s doing but you’re quiet as you sneak up behind him, before you wrap your arms around his middle.  He jumps and turns his head towards you, bottom lip caught between his teeth.

“You okay?” you ask quietly, not wanting to wake Iseul.

“I- yeah.  I um, thought you had left,” he says, just as quietly, if not more, almost like he’s afraid to admit it.  Your heart pangs for him, aware of what you’ve done to him.

“I’m not leaving, not this time, not again,” you promise him and Jeongguk grabs ahold of your hands, holding them to his chest like a lifeline.

You stand there for a few moments, just holding him to you, breathing him in softly.  You’ve been such an idiot.

“I’m really sorry, Gguk,” you start and Jeongguk goes rigid in your arms, “that I was so selfish and never let you explain.”

“Y/N…” he breathes out and you shake your head against his back, letting go of him so you can slowly turn him to face you.

“I didn’t mean to make your trauma about me,” you reach up and place your hand on his cheek, trying to convey to him how sorry you are, “I made an already shitty situation that much more difficult and I am so, so sorry Gguk-ah, that I was so selfish, and that I didn’t stop to think about you at all.  About what might have happened and about how you were feeling.  And I just- I can never make it up to you, but I can start by never leaving you again.”

Jeongguk places light hands on your waist, eyes hooded as he stares down at you.  His eyes trace over your face, a small smile on his face.

“I love you,” he tells you and you start crying, “Aw, baby, don’t cry.  Is me loving you really that bad?”

He’s teasing you and you push his chest lightly, though it doesn’t even phase him, “Shut up!  H-How can you say that after what I’ve done?”

Jeongguk hums to himself as he pulls you to him, letting you bury your face in his neck as you sob, “You may be right, in that it was selfish, but I guess, in a way, I understand.”

You’re shaking your head but he’s shushing you, tangling his fingers in your hair, “Jeongyun’s accident made me realize that life is short and that anything can happen.  Being away from you for so long is not something I ever want to do again.  I can forgive you for the past two weeks, as long as we agree that we have to talk, about anything and everything that bothers us.  You can’t shut me out like that again, okay?”

You blubber into his neck, nodding your head, wrapping your arms tightly around him.  Jeongguk holds you, seemingly content to just have you with him.  He’s humming to you, like he was humming to Iseul, and you don’t know what the song is but it’s soothing.  When you pull away from him to wipe at your face, he does it for you, pressing kisses after the tears are gone.

“No more tears, baby,” he tells you, before he kisses your mouth, your lips fitting together snuggly, “there’ve been enough tears in the past few weeks, I can’t bear to see anymore.”

You nod and he wipes the last few dripping tears off your face, pressing more kisses to your face as he sways you both back and forth.

“Can’t believe I had to take care of two babies tonight,” he teases and you splutter, pushing at his chest again.

“Don’t make fun of me!” you whine and he laughs, loudly, before you shush him, reminding him of Iseul.

“Why did you clean the living room up?” he asks, leading you back to the couch.

He doesn’t have to push you down; you sit down and make grabby hands at him and Jeongguk eagerly goes, smiling happily as he settles comfortably on top of you, threading your fingers together and pressing a kiss to the back of your hand.

“I figured since Iseul was down for the night, I’d leave,” you explain.

“No,” Jeongguk pouts, “didn’t you just tell me you’d never leave again?”

“I-I meant your life and you, I didn’t mean… your apartment!” you sound a little scandalized and Jeongguk grins against your skin, scraping his teeth across it.

“Nope, too late, you live here now.  I’ll call my landlord in the morning and get you added to the lease, rent is due by the fifth.”

You just laugh at him, bundling Jeongguk in your arms and trying to smother him in your chest.  He takes it in stride, biting tiny marks into your skin that he admires in the low light.

With a small kiss to your sternum he says, “I’m serious, you know.”

“About what?” you ask, brushing his hair from his eyes.  His bun is still in tact, but it’s getting loose and you tighten it for him.

“About moving in.  You could, if you wanted,” he says, no trace of humor in his voice, “tomorrow, if you wanted.”

You blink at him, toying with the tuft of hair on the back of his head, unsure of what to say.  You finally come up with, “But my lease isn’t up for three more months.”

“Then in three months,” he says, immediately.

“You don’t think that’s too… fast?” you ask, tentatively, keeping a hold on Jeongguk’s hair so he can’t turn his head and look at you, though he tries, “We’ve only just physically met.”

“I feel like I’ve known you forever,” he mumbles, “don’t let me guilt you into anything, but just think about it.  If you don’t want to, just renew your lease, I’ll understand.  But I want you here, with me.  I don’t care that this is the first time we’ve actually met, the things I feel for you don’t exist in the vacuum of connecting.  They’re real and they squeeze my heart so tightly sometimes I feel like I’m suffocating.  I don’t wanna be without you.”

You tuck your face into his hair, wetly telling him, “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I ask for,” he squeezes you in return.

You hold each other until you hear his front door opening, and you panic, not wanting his mother to see you two wrapped around each other.  Jeongguk whines at you, keeping you held down in place.

His mom laughs when she walks into the room, Jeongguk pouting petulantly up at her while you give her a wide eyed stare.

“Iseul sleeping?” she asks tenderly, shutting the door softly behind her, “Is she in your room?”

Jeongguk nods, “Yeah.  She’s been asleep for about half an hour now.  She ate dinner really well and took a bath.  Her hair is still probably wet.”

She hums as she pads down the hallway and you immediately start poking Jeongguk in the stomach.

“Get up you ridiculous oaf!” you hiss, trying to push him up, “Your mother is here!”

“This didn’t bother you when Iseul was in the next room!” he retaliates, and his octopus arms somehow find space to tighten even more around you.

“She was sleeping!” you counter and you continue to push at him, but you do nothing more than tire yourself out and he doesn’t even budge an inch.

“It’s fine.  She’s walked in on my jerking off before, so this is pretty tame,” he says, casually, and you groan.

“I hate that.  Why would you tell me that?” you complain, collapsing back onto the couch.

You can hear Iseul and his mom coming back down the hall, Iseul’s little voice laced with sleep still as she recounts exactly what Jeongguk had told her.

“I hope she doesn’t rat me out about the ice cream,” he suddenly whispers, body going rigid for a moment as he thinks of the ass reaming he could get if she tattles.

“Did you have a fun time with Ggukkie and Y/Nie?” his mom asks quietly, stopping in the living room with Iseul tucked securely in her arms.

“The bestest time,” Iseul nods, grinning at the two of you, patting at her gramma’s arms to be let down.

Jeongguk finally sits up to accept her hug and you take the opportunity to quickly sit up, crossing your legs underneath you.  Jeongguk gives you a disgruntled look, even as he pulls Iseul into his lap and presses a kiss against her temple.

“Glad I got to spend time with you today, Itsy,” he tells her, booping their noses together and she giggles, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“M’kay.  Bye Ggukkie, love you.”

“Love you too, baby,” he smiles softly at her, setting her gently back on the ground.

To your surprise she toddles over to you, climbing clumsily into your lap and wrapping her arms around your neck.

“Bye, Y/Nie,” she sleepily kisses your cheek and you practically melt against her.

“Bye Iseul, sleep well, okay?  I hope you like your princess curls in the morning,” you tell her, kissing her cheek in return, and she smiles happily, patting at her hair.

“C’mon baby, we have to get you home.  You have school in the morning.”

Iseul doesn’t fight it, just goes back to her gramma and lets herself be bundled up for the weather.

“Okay, gotta get munchkin home.  I’ll see you two later.  And Y/N, I was serious about that dinner.”

You grin at her, nodding, “I was too.”

She grins back at you and waves.  Iseul copies her and waves too and when the door closes, the way Jeongguk body tenses has you springing up.  You’re glad you did because Jeongguk pounces on the cushion you were just sitting on, looking surprised when you’re not there.

“Hey!” he turns to you, “Where are you going?  Come back.”

“Gguk-ah, I have to go home,” you say placatingly, “Gumdrop is waiting on me.”

He pouts as he follows you to the door, almost completely plastered to your back.  He hinders more than he helps as you put your windbreaker and shoes back on.  He’s still pouting when you finally shrug him off, letting him pull you into a frontal hug.

“Now who’s the baby?” you tease, thumbing at his lower lip that he bites lightly at.  You act affronted but still accept the kiss he gives you, even if it lingers, “Gguk-ah I really do need to go.”

“Fine.  But come back tomorrow.”

“Gguk-ah, I work tomorrow,” you laugh, chiding him a bit, “we can have dinner tomorrow, okay?  You can come over and finally meet Gumdrop.  I just want you to know that if she doesn’t like you, though, we’re over.  Her word is law.”

Jeongguk lets out a disbelieving laugh, pulling you into another kiss, hands framing your face sweetly.  You smile as you indulge him, pressing repeated kisses against his willing mouth.  You internally roll your eyes when you feel his hand creeping down your back, settling on your lower back.

“Okay, stop trying to distract me I have to go now,” you admonish, pushing him away from you as he looks very close to stomping his foot.

“Damn, I was hoping the longer I kissed you the easier it’d be to get you out of your clothes.”

Now you really roll your eyes and Jeongguk laughs at you, “Fine, fine, fine.  Dinner, tomorrow.  I’ll meet you at your apartment.  What kind of treats does Gumdrop like?”

“Treats?  Why?”

“Gotta bribe her to make sure she likes me,” he shrugs and you scoff, “Text me when you get home, though.  Are you taking the subway back?  Should I drive you home?”

You shake your head, smiling, “No, Gguk-ah, it’s okay.  I’ll text you when I get back.”

He nods and finally lets you go, watching with a frown as you open the door.

“Don’t worry Gguk-ah, I’ll see you tomorrow.  I promised I’d never leave you again, didn’t I?”

He nods, still frowning, but you understand it’s going to take him some time to heal from this, even if he has forgiven you.  You can’t begrudge him for that, but you can only try to assuage his fears.

“Tomorrow,” he nods, final.

-

Gumdrop absolutely loves him, which is almost insulting, except you can’t fault her; you kind of love him too.