#Oh Martin Retro post I remember you

[abelllia]

I posted 1,774 times in 2022

That's 1,724 more posts than 2021!

291 posts created (16%)

1,483 posts reblogged (84%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hisclockworkservants

@ashes-in-a-jar

@samwise1548

@jewishjon

@beesabuzzin

I tagged 1,552 of my posts in 2022

Only 13% of my posts had no tags

#tma - 971 posts

#jon sims - 529 posts

#martin blackwood - 377 posts

#jmart - 266 posts

#abellrambles - 214 posts

#tma buns - 115 posts

#tim stoker - 80 posts

#the magnus archives - 69 posts

#sasha james - 66 posts

#jonathan sims - 62 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#tim's resentment towards him is understandable but at the same time i want to defend jon but at the sane time i it's understandable and at-

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

AU idea I had stewing for a while

[ID: A digital drawing of teenage Gerard Keay, Jonathan Sims, and Agnes Montague running away from an out-of-frame giant spider that is on fire. They all wear uniforms which consist of a white dress shirt, a green tie, a grey sweater vest, a dull green jacket, in Jon and Gerry's case black slacks and in Agnes' case a black above-the-knee skirt with black leggings, white socks, and brown leather shoes. On the top right is grey text that reads "The Kids Are Alright AU" with a smaller piece of text underneath it that reads "aka Highschool AU+Jon, Gerry, Agnes Friendship+They're Leitner Hunters." Gerard Keay is a white boy with mid-length pale blonde hair badly-dyed black, Jonathan Sims is a British-Indian boy with brown skin and dark brown hair, Agnes Montague is a white girl with long red hair./.End ID]

The vibes are Scooby Doo in Highschool except the ghosts they hunt are Leitners and also they're British (so I guess they're in Secondary School.) I just wanted to see them as troublemaking teens who have a penchant for solving mystery and arson. Luckily the mysteries of Jurgen Leitner provide avenues for both. Who is Jurgen Leitner? Why does he have so many fucked up (if true) books? Why are a shit ton of them popping up in and around school campus? That's what this trio want to find out! Feel free to ask questions since this AU is not like, 100% complete or set in stone. Might be fun.

943 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

#4

S1 v S4 JMart ft. Cat Jon

[Image ID: Two comics featuring Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood from The Magnus Archives.

The first comic is set in season one. The first panel has Martin cautiously approach Jon who is at his desk, reading a statement while holding a mug. Martin says "H-hey Jon! Here's the files you asked for-" Jon then hisses at Martin and jumps away in his seat for the second panel. He throws his hands over himself, spilling the contents of his mug in the process. Alarmed cat ears appear on him as well as a tail. Martin looks surprised and jumps away from Jon, holding his hand in the air and the files close to his chest.

The second comic is set during the Scottish Safehouse Period. Jon and Martin are in bed during early morning with their arms over each other, Jon's on top of Martin's. In the first panel, Martin is trying to reach for his glasses while saying "Jon...we need to start the day..." Jon then weakly hisses in the second panel. His arm clutches Martin's shoulder and the alarmed cat ears and tail appear again. In the third panel, Martin gives up on reaching for his glasses and instead hugs Jon back. He smiles and says "Fine. Five more minutes." Jon smiles back and two hearts float above him./.End ID]

Jonathan "Mah-tin" Sims is a cat confirmed. Did this instead of working on another piece lmao.

957 notes - Posted June 30, 2022

#3

Concept: Jon's grey hair is actually spider silk from his encounter with the Web

988 notes - Posted September 6, 2022

#2

Thank you to @intr0vrt3dextr0vert who gave me the suggestion "The S1 TMA crew (Sasha, Tim, Elias etc) going on a (regular lol) work bonding trip like going to the movies or something >:]"!

[Image ID: A digital drawing of the Season 1 Magnus Archives crew watching a movie in an empty theatre. On the left sits Elias, calmly steepling his fingers together and looking at the screen. An arrow points towards him with the text "secretly Watching the better movie next door." Next is Jon, who is sleeping and leaning his head against Martin who is seemingly watching the movie with a happy expression. The arrow pointing towards Jon has the text "bad sleeping habits finally caught up to him" while the arrow pointing to Martin says "*having an internal crisis rn*." Then comes Sasha who is mischievously looking at Jon and Martin while she hides her phone behind her bag of popcorn, implied to be taking a photo of the two. Her arrow and text reads "never a bad time for blackmail." Finally there's Tim who is staring intently at the screen while he leans over to take a bit of Sasha's popcorn as his container is empty. His arrow and text reads "actually paying attention to the damn movie." There is text at the bottom right corner of the image which says "POV: They're watching a bad movie" there is smaller text underneath it which says "(they bought out the whole house w/ institute money i guess?)" and another that goes "((or the movie really is just THAT bad)) ./.End ID]

The Ceaseless(?) Watchers

I have no idea what movie they're watching but Tim's invested anyway. I thought this was only going to take me a couple of minutes but it actually took a long while because

A. I forgot how hard it is to draw multiple characters in one scene

B. Low angle go brrr

But it was fun! The crew just hanging out and doing normal stuff for a change! Sure hope nothing happens to them ahahaha :)

1,177 notes - Posted July 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

One thing about Martin Blackwood that I think doesn't get brought up nearly as much as it should be is his love for "Retro" things.

Just Martin geeking out over things like rotary phones, 1950's dresses, polaroids, and all that stuff. Maybe he wears Cat Eye glasses to work? Who knows.

If you want JMart thoughts too imagine Martin going down to the Archives for his first day and seeing Jon in full grampa attire, wearing a bowtie like he's Carl Fredricksen from Up, and going "That's him. That's the man I'll fall for."

1,635 notes - Posted June 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[krukel]

After @seokoilua posted about the My Life, My Music interview (a while ago, this post is partially from my drafts!) I went to relisten to it. And in general it is a very fun interview with a lot of insightful moments about their creation process (Ne Bi Smel in particular) and the mixing process for example. Their voices in general are very soft (in tone, not volume) especially when talking to each other and the vibe is 🥰 I wanted to highlights some of my favourite moments because I want more people to know about them:

2:35 - They talk a bit about doing many concerts in a row and Kris says: "At one point in the summer we had four consecutive days of concerts and the fourth day was already the wors-" (gets cut of by Bojan). Knowing they have now done 7 concerts in 6 days during the nordic tour this is a little funny and a little sad to hear :(

3:59 - Not necessarily a moment but the first song (chosen by Bojan) is Ni Panike by Masayah and I think more people should go listen to Masayah so I'm including it >:)

14:30 - Ne Bi Smel was first called "burning room" and, quoting Bojan, "it couldn't have been more of an Ed Sheeran song." It sounds like the rest was not initially impressed: "and when I brought it to the rehearsal room the boys were like, yeah, hm, yeah no. and I think Jure just started banging on the drums and the guys took on the guitars and started playing some riff."

15:35 - The host asks a question about something they said somewhere else and Bojan and Kris argue a bit about who said that in the first place. It's very cute and my favourite moment is Bojan whispering at the end "I don't think so" because of course he needs to get last word in

21:34 - Hater!Kris returns because apparently he sends "not to appealing" songs to the groupchat?

Kris (about Jet Black Diamonds): The first time that we heard them it was their first single Retro Anorak, and I remember sending over the video to the guys in the group chat and I was like "oh, this is interesting," because usually I send some really… not too- Host: Obscure Kris: No no. Not too appealing Slovenian songs, because- Bojan: Yeah, Kris does that Kris: to be honest there's loads of them and I keep kinda getting them recommended somehow on Facebook or I dunno, it's like a positive feedback loop

Honestly the most surprising thing to me about this is that in the year of our lord 2022 Kris still used Facebook actively enough to stumble across things like that

23:56 - Kris talks about forming Buržoazija and how his guitar instructor recommended Jan: "Jan at that point was really like- I didn't really understand what he was about, he was like an introverted guy, really, also listening to a lot of metal and I was like "okaaay? I guess we'll try?" and then we started to practice and really got along."

25:45 - Luka (Apokalipsa's guitar player) and Martin already knew how to play and Bojan didn't and that's how they decided that he should sing. Also their first performance (also up on youtube, baby Bojči is very cute) was two (2!!) weeks after they started practising together

28:49 - About creating outside of Slovenia

Host: Is there something specific that you haven't yet done that you are desperately keen to do, or is this gonna gently evolve? Bojan: I dunno about the desperately want to do, I guess one thing we "truly desperately want to do" is go out of Slovenia to create. To try a new space. So go to a studio somewhere outside of our borders and see if the mindflow is different there. That is the only thing I can think of right now. Maybe Kris has- Kris: In addition to that, I really wanna see us tour anywhere, anywhere outside of Slovenia" Host: You are beginning to get to the audience already a little bit, […], you can find opportunities Kris: Yes, yes, we are, don't worry about it. We just don't want to talk to much about it yet Bojan: Let's say we're gonna have another interview next year and we're gonna have so much to talk about

This was before Hamburg where they created Carpe Diem and before London and honestly I'm glad they're getting to experience that Erasmus+/semester abroad experience because it's something they really wanted to do and they seem to be enjoying it a lot

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 160 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: head empty, only eyepocalypse...

Yeah, The Eye Opens doesn't sound so good... Neither does the ominous slightly different version of the Institute’s motto...

MARTIN: "I still don’t think we should have brought it." JON: "Oh, it’s better than no warning at all." Hmmm, I think one would have just turned up. Like on the ship to Norway.

JON: "Yeah, well, it technically still belongs to Daisy, so – (small exhale) I’m just glad it’s not some sort of kill room." MARTIN: "Or – (pause for a huffed laugh) Or it is, and she just cleaned it up really well." JON: (small exhale) "Yes." MARTIN: "Are we? – Are we… safe here?" JON: (sigh) "Safe as anywhere. If Elias wanted to find us, I imagine he could, but – I doubt the police will be able to. If nothing else, I’m hoping there’d be some – jurisdiction complications, in Scotland?" I always love how there just happens to be a conversation that tells us where they are (or what object this is about etc.)

MARTIN: "And if she does?" JON: (exhale) "Well. At least we’ll know where she is." And here's the information that we lost Daisy :( Gone full Hunt.

JON: (teasing) "Anyways, don’t tell me the phonebox down there doesn’t appeal to your retro aesthetic." MARTIN: "It – might. Maybe." Ahhhh, the teasing!!!

MARTIN: "You’ll be okay here?" JON: "I’ll be fine." It's so soft...

MARTIN: "I mean, they’ve finished all the interviews? Apparently they’re calling it a 'terror attack.'" From what Basira said in MAG 158 ("From what I saw they’ve been toying with the rest of the Institute, but it won’t be long until they’re all dead or escaped.") I'd call that a proper killing spree.

MARTIN: "And she wasn’t sure which ones you’ve read already, so she, she just said she’d send a bunch." JON: ""There – There are tapes in here, as well. D-Did she say anything about tapes?" MARTIN: "She didn’t mention it? – But I didn’t check it until after the call." Do you know how long it took me to realize these are not the statements Basira sent xD I thought Elias smuggled his statement to the obvious stack of statements in the Archives and Basira grabbed it with the others and sent that... Yeah, it does make a lot more sense for Elias to simply watch Basira and then express-mail his own welcome-back package.

MARTIN: "– I will give you some privacy. Go for a walk." JON: (exhale) "Let me know if you see any good cows." MARTIN: "Obviously I’m going to tell you if I see any good cows." Famous last words... Love how it sounds there has been something going on with them defining "good cows". Already told this little story in the tags of one of the MAG 160 art reblogs: last year my spouse said they're going for a walk and I know there's a route past a field of highland cattle. So I asked them where they're going and it was this exact route! Of course I asked them to tell me if they see any good cows xD The world didn't end and I got a photo of highland cows!

Overall impression of these two scenes: Their conversations are so normal... They really are okay here. At least, how far we can tell from what little we have. I'm sure I already said this in one of my relisten posts, I think it's really good for the fandom to have so little. Yeah, of course I would have loved more fluff, but by keeping this so short, there's sooo much we fans can imagine happening here. TMA has a lot of this, referencing vaguely what happened, but keeping it open for us to explore that. This is actually also very good for the horrors in the show. It’s a genre I respond very well to. Keeping it vague, let my mind do the rest. Fucking love this shit.

JON: "Right. Statement of Hazel Rutter regarding a fire in her childhood home. Original statement given August 9th, 1992." OMG, I remember exactly, what my reaction to this was. I was like "What bullshit statement for a season finale is that supposed to be???"

JON: "Hello, Jon. Apologies for the deception, but I wanted to make sure you started reading, so I thought it best not to announce myself." And then I was "Oh SHIT!" Also, I always forget it's Jon reading this statement because Jonny's impression of Ben's Elias is sooo good! So this is Jonny pretending to be Ben pretending to be Elias by copying Jonny pretending to be Jon, all while still pretending to be Jon... I hope that makes sense... Also I used this sentence one time for a friend! She doesn't really like horror because she's easily scared, but she did listen to all of TMA for me. And I had a very cool and really creepy nightmare which just happened to include one of my cats and I wanted to tell her what happened in this nightmare. But it was also almost midnight and I knew she just wouldn't read my text if she immediately had recognized it as a nightmare. So I started to retell it by focusing on my cat only to hit her with the creepy stuff in the last sentence. She texted me "I hate u" back xD and a week later we talked about this via Twitch chat during a stream of our friend’s and she was like "I thought it was a cute cat dream!" and I answered "Yeah, I knew you would stop reading if it would have been too obvious... Hello *friend's name*. Apologies for the deception but I wanted to make sure you started reading..." We both laughed so much xD

So uh, I already made a post about this once, but I'm putting that thought in here again. The case numbers of the statements are always in the episode descriptions (here 0181810 - a palindrome!!! - 18th October 2018). These case numbers always refer to the date the statement was first given, either written or recorded directly. This is a written statement, so teeeeeechnically 18th October was the day Jonah wrote this statement, and not the day Jon read it. I do think this one episode is an exception of this rule, but hear me out for a moment: If 18th October was only the day Jonah wrote this, this could mean for Jmart to have more time for their Scottish honeymoon!!!

"but that you would quite willingly doom that world and confine the billions in it to an eternity of terror and suffering, all to ensure your own happiness" Capitalism is the real enemy!

"I once asked her what drove her, what had started her down that path. She told me the Desolation had killed her cat." Understandable, have a nice day! (Gertrude is John Wick...)

"You see, the thing about the Fears is that they can never be truly separated from each other. When does the fear of sudden violence transition into the fear of hunted prey? When does the mask of the Stranger become the deception of the Spiral?" Yeeees, like colors! They're all part of the same light! I love how everything that seemed like a plot hole in TMA actually has an explanation!

"It does tickle me, that in this world of would-be occult dynasties and ageless monsters, the Chosen One is simply that – someone I chose. It’s not in your blood, or your soul, or your destiny. It’s just in your own, rotten luck." And in the next few sentences he'll say "Oh wow, that one is marked by the Spider! Must be their blessing to send me someone already with that destiny!"...

"How is Martin, by the way? He looks well. You will keep an eye on him when all this is over, won’t you? He’s earned that." Jonah!Elias ships them XD

"And there, I think, we are brought just about up to date." I have listened to the episode starting this sentence soooo many times!

Ahhh, the soundscaping during the incantation is so good!

JON: (still distorted, with shaking laughter/tears) "Look at the sky, Martin. Look at the sky. It’s looking back." [AND NOW HE DOES BEGIN TO LAUGH IN EARNEST. IT’S NOT A LAUGH WE’VE HEARD ON HIM BEFORE; NOT A SHORT, CLIPPED LAUGH; NOT A SURPRISE BURST OF GENUINE HILARITY. THIS LAUGH SEEMS AFRAID, AND YET COLD. IT’S REMINISCENT OF ELIAS’S VILLAINOUS LAUGH, BUT IS TINGED MORE WITH FEAR THAN SATISFACTION.] [HE DOES NOT STOP LAUGHING.] That was it. I thought now he lost it. Completely. I was asking myself if he could pull it together next season, or if he'll be full crazy monster. And I totally felt that shock of “Oh no, this really happened. Everything is ruined. How can this progress? How can this every be undone??” I really, reaaally felt Jon and Martin’s (mostly Martin’s perhaps) emotions there at the end...

A few random thoughts at the end here, while I don't remember my surroundings listening to this episode. I remember being in the bedroom at the end of this episode. Like specifically that thought of Jon "going crazy".

I think it's funny how MAG 160 fanart is either super sweet Jmart or total devastation of the world ending. And memes. Lot’s of memes.

Fun fact: My father in law finished S4 today as well!!! He never struck me to be a person who'd be doing a relisten, which I found a bit sad because there is so much to discover in a relisten. BUT he said he's thinking about doing a relisten right now already xD This episode is always my most anticipated one when wanting friends and family live-blog their experience to me xD

@a-mag-a-day

[theliterarywolf]

Though seriously why I still stand by my opinions on stuff can people 1. Stop getting offended by posts from people who already left this site and 2. Stop acting like retro anime/manga from the 1980s and 1990s are free of lolicon? The "Lolita Anime" was released in 1984 and was straight up underage rape fanservice. "Lemon People" was a magazine that ran from 1982 to 1998 and popularized loli/shota shit.

I mean seriously "Lolita Anime" and "Cream Lemon" are held up as "innovators" of this crap and "Lemon People" as starting a "new wave" of lolicom

(I also think the first part of that ask didn't come in) So yeah, while there is more moeloli nonsense anime overall nowadays, that's because there is more anime being produced period because of new technology. Not that 80s-90s anime was somehow pure and unproblematic and only sexualized clearly adult characters.

Oop, and just like all decades of anime, there has always been unique, beautiful anime that doesn't rely on pandering.

Just going to put all of this together into one.

But, yeah, anime has always had fucked up stuff. People were up in rants and raves about ‘Oh my GAWD, Devilman Crybaby is so insane and dark and violent~’ When, in reality, the art style of the recent incarnation merely brought people’s attention to what was already going on in the original Devilman series (which has been around since, woof, the 70s?)

I think it really just ties in with, as you said, how much anime is being produced now compared to other decades. And, of course, studios are going to want to have at least one eye-catcher a season. If the trend happens to be ‘moeblob lolis doing cute shit’ then we’re going to see a lot of it.

I find the conversation similar to a certain thread I was reading (don’t remember the site) about cars: someone had posted something about how ‘all the cars back in the day were better and had better designs! Now every car is just a bubble!’ 

And, yeah, there are some really sexy retro cars like old school Mustangs and Corvettes, you really can’t ignore the flops (your Pintos, your Gremlins, your Aston Martin Lagondas). And you also can’t say that every modern car is a ‘bubble’ when there are definite stand-outs. Plus what may seem like lazy design (the bubble-shape) may have a method to madness or a reason to it (resulting in the car having less air-resistance).

All things just come to a matter of numbers and aesthetics.

[obtusemedia]

The 100 best songs of the 2010s: #50-26

#50: “I Love It” by Icona Pop feat. Charli XCX (2012)

“I Love It” is about as close as the early ‘10s bubblegum pop scene got to punk rock. 

Swedish one-hit-wonders Icona Pop, with the songwriting help of pop wizard Charli XCX, crafted a single that feels like a punch in the face. It’s short, it’s repetitive and it flies middle fingers in the face of authority, older generations and anyone else who pissed them off. The bridge’s iconic line, “You’re from the ‘70s, but I’m a ‘90s bitch,” sums up the theme of “I Love It” more than I ever could.

#49: “Shut Up Kiss Me” by Angel Olsen (2016)

I feel bad putting Angel Olsen — unequivocally one of the ‘10′s greatest talents — this relatively low on the list. But she’s more of an album artist than a singles one, so just listen to MY WOMAN if you want a more full picture of her.

But she does have at least one instant showstopper in her catalogue. “Shut Up Kiss Me” is a a perfect mix of too-cool indie and painfully Midwestern heartland rock. Olsen’s voice is defiantly old-school, like a Greatest Generation-era country singer or Lana Del Rey-via-Missouri, but she makes it work somehow over the song’s clanging garage-rock guitars.

“Shut Up Kiss Me” is a spark of energetic, flirty fun, proving the ‘90s and ‘50s should be combined more often.

#48: “Uptown Funk” by Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars (2014)

After starting the 2010′s with some insanely bland pop, Bruno Mars wisely course-corrected into slick retro-pop and delivered some of the best hits of the decade. “24K Magic,” “Locked Out Of Heaven,” “Finesse,” “Treasure” — all wonderful in my book.

But of course, none of Mars’ hits compare to the towering masterpiece that is “Uptown Funk.” That’s partly because he teamed up with another retro-pop titan, Mark Ronson, to deliver the goods. The combination of Mars’ borderline-kitsch, cartoony swagger and Ronson’s Minneapolis-style funk is a wonder to behold. It’s easy to dance to, easy to sing (or I guess, chant) along with, so it’s no wonder that it conquered the world in early 2015.

Does “Uptown Funk” shamelessly ripoff Morris Day and The Gap Band? Sure. But sometimes, pastiches can turn into something greater.

#47: “212″ by Azealia Banks (2011)

I’d rather not talk about how Azealia Banks self-destructed her own career by starting (and losing) feuds left and right. Even Kanye West would be embarrassed at her lack of filter.

No, let’s focus on that brief window where Banks appeared to be the future of hip-hop, thanks to her firebomb of a single, “212.” This song still goes hard in the paint eight years later. The playful, bouncy beat is a perfect match for Banks’ dexterous flow and filthy lines. It somehow still retains its shocking power nine years later.

Banks had that power to grab your attention. It’s a shame that talent went to waste, but at least we’ll always have “212.”

#46: “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall” by Coldplay (2011)

Just wanted to remind all of you: Coldplay was actually really good. Even on their obnoxiously optimistic, day-glo 2011 album Mylo Xyloto. And especially on that album’s lead single, the EDM-lite, slow-burning, anthemic “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall.”

Is it corny? Of course, it’s Coldplay. Does it light up every pleasure center in my brain anyways? Again: Of course, it’s Coldplay. Just give into the U2-esque guitars, thumping synths and Chris Martin wailing away about waterfalls or whatever. I don’t know why it works, but it sure as hell does.

#45: “Capacity” by Charly Bliss (2019)

After writing an entire album of bubbly grunge-pop jams filled with non sequiturs, New Yorkers Charly Bliss got a little more serious with their follow up, “Capacity.” The new wave anthem perfectly encapsulates the suffering of emotional labor, and when you try to be everything for everyone. Lead singer Eva Hendricks’ normally vibrant voice is self-constrained for most of the song, until the climax, when it feels like a weight has been lifted off. 

“Capacity” is the perfect compromise for Charly Bliss: It retains their irresistible hooks, while using that pop songwriting to convey something more important. 

#44: “Rollercoaster” by Bleachers (2014)

Jack Antonoff is probably the pop producer of the decade. His ‘80s-fetishizing fingerprints are all over the ‘10s pop scene, from his bombastic early days with fun., to his minimalist work with Lorde’s career-defining Melodrama. And don’t forget Taylor Swift’s career-derailing reputation — his production was one of that album’s bright spots.

But naturally, the songs Antonoff saved for himself and his side project Bleachers were perfect pop nuggets too. “Rollercoaster” is probably Bleachers’ best. This slice of pure, unfiltered new wave bubblegum is so catchy that you’d swear it’s a cover of a classic pop song from 30 years earlier. You’d have to try pretty damn hard (or just dislike pop) to dislike it.

#43: “Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)” by Arcade Fire (2010)

Remember when Arcade Fire were still the darlings of the music industry? One listen to The Suburbs and you’ll be reminded why they were at one point considered the indie U2.

“Sprawl II” is just one of many highlights on The Suburbs, but as the climax of that album, it’s bulletproof. Regine Chassagne takes the vocal reigns here, delivering her best-ever yelpy, high-pitched performance. In an album all about the suffocating nature of suburban sprawl, “Sprawl II” perfectly encapsulates the difficulty of escaping the endless housing developments and crumbling strip malls. In a way, it’s the millennials’ “Born To Run” — all about getting away to a brighter future. Just swap crumbling factories for drive-thrus.

#42: “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa (2019)

Dua Lipa was always a solid popstar. Jams like “Electricity” and “New Rules” were fun, energetic dance-pop singles. But she was never truly transcendent until “Don’t Start Now” arrived in the decade’s waning months. Lipa went full disco queen on the track, effortlessly riding a fat slap-bass line all the way to pop euphoria. Her robotic, staccato delivery on the chorus sells the song’s icy post-breakup-brushoff feel. If “Don’t Start Now” is any indication, expect Lipa to be one of the 2020s’ best stars. 

#41: “Scorpio Rising” by Soccer Mommy (2018)

Nashville singer-songwriter Sophie Allison, AKA Soccer Mommy (maybe the decade’s best/worst band name), doesn’t dance around with her lyrics. They cut straight to the heartbreak in the most brutal way. And there’s no song that exemplifies this better than her power-ballad, “Scorpio Rising.”

The slow-burner is about a slowly-dissolving long-distance relationship. Allison knows her boyfriend has eyes on someone else that actually lives near him, and she has to let him go. It’s tragic in a routine way, and the twanging guitars and Allison’s longing vocals really sell both the realism and the angst of the scenario.

#40: “I Blame Myself” by Sky Ferreira (2013)

Pending on how great her long-awaited sophomore album Masochism is — if it ever comes out — Sky Ferreira will be one of the 10′s biggest what-ifs. After a solid EP in 2012, her 2013 debut, Night Time, My Time was a beautifully grimy blend of ‘80s new wave and ‘90s grunge. Even with HAIM, Chvrches and Lorde releasing debuts that year, Ferreira seemed to be the top of the pop class of 2013. But the second album still hasn’t arrived.

Luckily, Night Time, My Time is an untouchable masterpiece, and its synthpop centerpiece, “I Blame Myself,” shows exactly what Ferreira’s capable of. Surrounded by songs with crashing guitars, the bright synths and drum machine rumble makes it one of the album’s more minimalist tracks. And the song itself is a great exploration of the guilt, anger and self-doubt that comes after a breakup. It’s a more-than-worthy sequel to her breakout single, “Everything Is Embarrassing.”

#39: “Dreams and Nightmares (Intro)” by Meek Mill (2012)

Me, listening to the first 96 seconds of “Dreams and Nightmares”: Yeah, okay, this is pretty nice. It’s a good come-up track, dreamy instrumentation.

Me, starting at the 97-second mark of “Dreams and Nightmares” and for the rest of the song: OH MY GOD MY HEART RATE JUST TRIPLED WHAT’S HAPPENING IS THIS THE GREATEST SONG EVER

#38: “Closer” by The Chainsmokers and Halsey (2016)

The Chainsmokers made a lot of bad music in the 2010s. Halsey made a lot of mediocre music in the same time frame. But when they joined forces? An accidental masterpiece was created.

I’m not going to argue that “Closer” is high art by any means. It’s trashy to the highest degree, and it’s not even critic-approved, hipstery bubblegum like Carly Rae Jepsen or Charli XCX. Nope, “Closer” is the definition of lowest-common-denominator pop. There’s not much special to it.

Then why do I love it so much? Three years later, I still remember every word will sing along with glee. I love the random, pointless details like that mattress stolen in Boulder, or that Blink-182 song overplayed in Tuscon (the song’s couple apparently spent lots of time in Pac-12 college towns...surprised they didn’t throw in a shout-out to Corvallis while they were at it). I love the cheap-sounding bleepy-bloopy drop. And I legitimately think, despite being a bland singer, Andrew Taggart has vocal chemistry with Halsey.

“Closer” will likely never be a critical darling. But I think it’ll stick around in the public consciousness as a guilty pleasure — I know it’s my favorite guilty pleasure of the 10s. I guess that makes it the “Don’t Stop Believin’“ of this decade. There are certainly worse things to be.

#37: “House of Balloons / Glass Table Girls” by The Weeknd (2011)

In 2011 — before he became Daft Punk’s new muse, before he developed an uncanny knack for writing songs that sound like lost Michael Jackson classics, before he became a hook artist for Beyoncé and Kanye, even before he fought Adam Sandler in a Safdie Brothers movie — The Weeknd was just a mysterious, shadowy figure. Nobody knew what he looked like, or what his real name was. And that didn’t matter, because he gave us gloriously depraved futurist R&B classics like “House of Balloons / Glass Table Girls.”

As much as I love The Weeknd’s pop sellout era — I struggled not putting “Starboy,” “I Feel It Coming” or “The Hills” on this list — “House of Balloons/Glass Table Girls” is something truly special. The two-part song starts as an invitation into The Weeknd’s creepy world. With a heavy Siouxie and the Banshees sample (not the only time he borrowed from ‘80s art-rock), he lets the listener into his “happy house,” which sounds anything but.

By the time you reach the song’s second half, things take a sharp veer into overt sleaze, all cocaine and sex. The song is so nocturnal here that if you listen to it during the day, Spotify will refuse to play it. “Glass Table Girls,” like The Weekend, is a creature of the night. And even though he’d have better hooks later in this career, that first hedonistic rush is still the best.

#36: “Gone” by Charli XCX feat. Christine and the Queens (2019)

Charli XCX, after years of getting ~this close~ to penning a generational anthem, finally hit the nail on the head in the last summer of the decade.

“Gone” is an anxious, dystopian banger worthy of two of the ‘10′s best alt-pop heroes. It perfectly captures the intense self-loathing and fear when surrounded by people you don’t know/don’t like. And wrapping it all up in a glitched-out breakdown? *chef’s kiss*

#35: “BOOGIE” by BROCKHAMPTON (2017)

“BOOGIE” is the sound of absolute chaos. The beat is composed of a lurching bassline, air-raid sirens and a squawking sax riff, all turned up to 11. Throw in radically varying verses from six (!!) different BROCKHAMPTON members, a music video where the sprawling Texas collective paints themselves blue and wreaks havoc in a convenience store and weirdo bars including arguably the most non sequitur/best flex of the decade (“Best boy band since One Direction/Making n*ggas itch like a skin infection”), and you’ve got a perfect BROCKHAMPTON song.

In the past couple years, BROCKHAMPTON has refined their sound a solid, reliable formula: quirky bars, creaky beats, general vibe of angst. The collective is more reliably good now, but there was something special about their unpredictable crash-landing in 2017. “BOOGIE,” while being an absolute banger, still features Joba delivering an entire voice in a yelping scream, and Merlyn Wood (my favorite of the group) rhymes “willy” with itself 40 times or so. It’s a deeply odd song. But it’s the best kind of odd.

#34: “The Woman That Loves You” by Japanese Breakfast (2015)

A gorgeous introduction to what would become one of the late-’10′s premier indie acts, “The Woman That Loves You” is synthy dream-pop perfected.

Michelle Zauner, AKA Japanese Breakfast, has one of those voices that works as its own instrument, bending and shifting timbres when the song needs it. In “Woman,” her softer, cooing style is mostly used to fit the dusky atmosphere created by the song’s hypnotic guitar riff and slowly rumbling drums. And when the song’s climax hits in the song’s middle, her vocals burst into exasperated joy while twinkling synths explode in the background.

“The Woman That Loves You” is a songs that demands to be listened to at twilight; it’s a potential end-credits classic. The fact that Zauner was able to live up to its promise with two incredible albums just makes her debut single’s legacy even stronger.

#33: “Shabba” by A$AP Ferg feat. A$AP Rocky (2013)

The A$AP Crew’s peak turned out to be surprisingly short. Ater A$AP Rocky and A$AP Ferg dominated 2013, their careers wound up in gradual decline afterwards. Rocky honorably tried to switch up his style, but nothing ever stuck and Travis Scott took over his lane. And Ferg just kind of became bland.

But the duo will always have one glorious moment: the ignant-rap masterpiece “Shabba.” Over a trunk-rattling beat that sounds like a Hitchcock soundtrack filtered through a trap lens, Ferg and Rocky have the time of their lives bragging about money and women. On the surface, it’s a generic trap song. But it’s the platonic ideal for a generic trap song — both insanely fun, but with a bit of legitimate edge. It’s something MCs would try to top for the rest of the decade. And they would never come close.

#32: “Adored” by Hatchie (2018)

It’s been only about two years since Hatchie released her debut single, “Sure,” and yet the Brisbane artist already feels like an essential figure in ‘10s dream pop. Her ghostly vocals and spaced-out guitars hit the ground running immediately, and she hasn’t disappointed since.

Hatchie’s best single, “Adored,” is probably about the closest she came to a true dancefloor filler. The single — released by Adult Swim, weirdly enough — is a yearning and insanely catchy. It sounds like if The Cranberries added some synthesizers and a pounding, euphoric dance beat to one of their classic songs. Hatchie makes the listener wait over two minutes for the chorus, but its melody is so pristine that it’s worth the wait. And if she’s willing to toss off a dream pop anthem as spectacular as “Adored” as a loosie single, I think Hatchie has a very bright future ahead.

#31: “Loud Places” by Jamie xx feat. Romy (2015)

The hook for Jamie xx’s solo debut album, In Color, is that it didn’t try to sound like London rave music. Instead, it captured the feelings and emotions that ravers feel while in London’s nightclubs. It was a dance album that made you think of dancing, rather than make you actually want to dance.

That sounds pretentious as hell, I realize, but Jamie xx — a member of indie-pop stalwarts The xx — nailed the execution, particularly on the haunting lead single with The xx’s lead singer, Romy, “Loud Places.”

The song is about finding euphoria on the dance floor, but instead of being a banger, it’s mostly subdued and minimalist. Its verses are just Romy’s whispers, plus a few quiet synths. Then, a ghostly sample of a 1977 soul song explodes into the mix with pounding drums, and you’re hypnotized. A twinkling percussion loop and a repeated, twanging guitar riff rush in to compliment.

With “Loud Places,” Jamie xx proved that he was ready to move beyond The xx’s hyper-minimalist style, and create his own type of anthem.

#30: “Harvard” by Diet Cig (2015)

Diet Cig’s best songs work because of their raw emotional power. Lead singer/guitarist Alex Luciano has a voice that, while not as technically impressive as an Ariana Grande or Whitney Houston, can perfectly deliver anguish and outrage. And she was never more powerful than on Diet Cig’s breakout single, “Harvard.”

The feeling conveyed in “Harvard” is jealousy and betrayal: A guy starts dating a bougie Ivy League woman after breaking up with the narrator. The short song dives get into detail for much of its running time, with Luciano sneering that her new girlfriend’s “not as loud” and making fun of his new, white-collar life.

But the song’s thesis, and arguably the best chorus of the decade, is saved for the final 30 seconds of the song. Over crashing drums and lo-fi guitar, Luciano screams off-key, “FUCK YOUR IVY LEAGUE SWEATER!” It’s both visceral and relatable for anyone who feels left behind.

#29: “Shallow” by Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga (2018)

“Shallow” is the best soundtrack song of the decade and one of the best of all time. Despite its odd structure, the chemistry between Bradley Cooper (and his solid Eddie Vedder impersonation) and Lady Gaga — sorry, I mean Jackson Maine and Ally — is undeniable. And that magical “AHHHAAAAAAAAA” where Gaga reminds everyone that she’s arguably the greatest vocal powerhouse of her generation? Ugh. It’s perfect.

Also, if I can get on a tangent — A Star Is Born should’ve swept the 2018 Oscars. In what universe is Green Book a better movie? Or Rami Malek’s lip-synching job a better performance than Bradley Cooper’s tragic, grizzled turn? (Olivia Colman was very good in The Favourite, so I can live with Gaga losing).

#28: “I Can Never Be Myself When You’re Around” by Chromatics (2015)

Chromatics were the decade’s most frustrating, yet brilliant act. The Portland group only put out one full-length album in the 2010′s — 2012′s stellar Kill For Love — before waiting three years to put out follow-up singles in 2015 with the promise of a new album, Dear Tommy, by Valentine’s Day. But Dear Tommy has yet to arrive nearly five years later, and almost all of its incredible singles were taken down from streaming services.

One of those disappearing singles (that just returned this fall!!) was “I Can Never Be Myself When You’re Around,” a roller-disco masterpiece. It managed to hold onto Chromatics’ signature ghostly ‘80s-noir sound while adding a thumping bass line and snapping snare drums. The band had made danceable tunes before, like “Looking For Love,” but they were usually more minimalist affairs. “When You’re Around” is the Chromatics formula on steroids, and shockingly it works.

#27: “Wednesday Night Melody” by Bleached (2016)

From its raucous skater-punk guitars to the undeniably catchy Go-Go’s vocal harmonies, “Wednesday Night Melody” is the platonic ideal for a Los Angeles rock jam.

Bleached, one of the decade’s most underrated acts, has written plenty of songs written for driving full-speed with the windows down on Pacific Coast Highway, but “Wednesday Night Melody” is their sound perfected. Receiving the torch from fellow Californians Weezer, Bleached found just the right balance between massive hooks and crunchy guitars. It’s the pinnacle of the mid-’10s brief bubblegum-punk movement.

#26: “LMK” by Kelela (2017)

“LMK,” the highlight of arguably the decade’s finest R&B album, Take Me Apart, is a masterclass in retrofuturism.

Kelela and producers Jam City create a blacklight alternate reality with “LMK,” in which 1986, 1999 and 2050 all seamlessly meld. The new-wave synths, stuttering Timbaland-esque rhythms and icy vibe make for an incredible experience. Kelela’s cool is impenetrable — appropriate given as the song is basically telling a potential lover in the club to chill out and just talk to her.

In a weak era for R&B, it’s truly a shame that Kelela hasn’t yet become the megastar she deserves to be. But in that alternate reality, weirdo bangers like “LMK” are playing 24/7.

[grumpyandgorgeous]

Today’s the day: it’s Emmy longlist day.

If you have followed me for awhile, you know I always do this; this year I thought I’d link back to my previous write-ups and realized there were eight previous posts for me to link back to. Eight! This is my ninth time doing this. I am just as surprised as you are. Here they all are, if you are interested. And here we go!

We start this year with Voice-Over Performance in animation, and Bojack Horseman breaks in with its first ever nomination, for Kristen Schaal as Sarah Lynn. I would be pleased if she took this--I just like Kristen Schaal--but honestly, this category is an enigma. Some years it seems to be about a celebrity guesting on the Simpsons, sometimes its about a nuanced performance in a long-running animated series, and sometimes it about the breadth instead of the depth by nominating a performance who just does a lot of characters on one show. There's some of all of that this year (if we're counting Kevin Kline's nomination for Bob's Burgers, which we so are). I don't know who will win this.

Likewise, I am not sure of what to root for in Animated Program, as the episode of Archer is just the premiere (which is fine, but not great) and the Bob's Burgers and Simpsons episodes are pretty week. Kind of nice to see Elena of Avalor get a nomination though, right?

I tend to not focus heavily on the casting categories when I haven't seen a majority of the nominees, but the Casting for Limited Series has to go to Big Little Lies, right? Even the children are excellent, just amazing. I'll be offended if this doesn't win. I understand how Fargo could win it... but it shouldn't.

A nice surprise in Choreography--Mandy Moore (not that Mandy Moore) gets nominated twice, but once for Dancing With the Stars, and once for So You Think You Can Dance. I don't think I've seen that before!

Heading back to Big Little Lies, I don't know how much of a chance it has in a lot of the technical categories, but I would be pleased if it saw wins for Cinematography, Contemporary Costumes, Single-Camera Picture Editing... the list goes on. (I think Handmaid's Tale probably has Period/Fantasy Costumes sewn up, ha.) I forget how much I liked the show until I think back on these aspects of it and remember, Oh wait, it was really very good. I would love for this to carry over to Directing too, but I am surprised as how strong The Night Of has come on in the technical categories, not because I doubt its merit, but because it wasn't really the buzziest thing on HBO this year. There must have been some heavy HBO campaigning, because I saw it turn up on a number of critics' lists to expect nominations, but I am still a little surprised.

In lieu of any Queen Sugar nominations, I would be pleased to see Ava DuVernay win a directing award for 13th.

Main Title Design! I was so excited for this and to be honest, the nominees are a little disappointing. The opening for Feud: Bette and Joan was in my mind the frontrunner heading in, and that hasn't changed in the slightest. The problem here is that three of these are the exact same set of titles. I actually quite liked the American Gods theme when I first started watching it, but then I saw the Crown... they're the same title design. So is Stranger Things, but at least it has the benefit of the image that it it focuses on in very tiny amounts on a black background being typography. Honestly, go watch them. These are all the same titles. It's amazing. Westworld's theme is nice, but Bette and Joan's is something special. I hope it wins. (This is possibly the one place I want it to win.)

Did you know Lifetime had mad a movie version of Suite Francaise? I did not either, but it got a nomination for Original Dramatic Score for a limited series or movie.

Original Music and Lyrics is weird. I don't really get the Mickey Mouse short nomination (although you should totally go watch it because there's a real Ren and Stimpy vibe to it which I never would have expected), and I'm not into the Lemonade homage from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, so that leaves us with the songs from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, SNL, and 13th, all of which I think have a reasonable shot. The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend song grows on you as it goes along, but "Last Christmas" and "Letter to the Free" both feel a lot more relevant and political. I could see this one going either way. SNL might win on a wave of SNL wins, but there are a surprising number of technical nominations for 13th that lead me to believe there's some real industry support for the doc and this could win from that. It's an interesting category.

I'm not so good at discussing the intracacies of music, so the Original Main Title Theme Music is a difficult category for me to assess. However, in my opinion anyway, I would rule out the themes to Victoria and The Good Fight right off the bat, and i would through Genius in there too were it not composed by Hans Zimmer, and so for that reason we can't rule it out. Stranger Things I think is the leader here, because it manages to be iconic and retro all at once. The Feud music is also nice, but I am actually very fond of the Westworld music, even if in the key changes it kind of reminds me of the Carnivale theme. (Miss you always, Carnivale.) Still, I think Stranger Things is almost a lock on this one.

Finally, the acting categories.

Lead Actor in a Comedy is basically all the same faces, plus Donald Glover.  It's the only one of these shows I watch, and he is wonderful in it, but I  feel its more likely he'll be taking awards for his work behind the camera. Jeffrey Tambor could take this again, but with Transparent not taking a series nom for the first time, it might be on its way out. Anthony Anderson then? I thought he would have won this already, to be perfectly honest. Who knows how this will go.

Lead Actor in a Drama is equally mystifying. Several of the actors in this category are overdue--Matthew Rhys, Bob Odenkirk--and some shouldn't be here at all--Liev Schreiber, Kevin Spacey, Milo Ventimiglia--and then we have Anthony Hopkins, who is legendary but maybe not for Westworld, and Sterling K. Brown. This Is Us broke a lot of ground this year, so I would not be shocked by Sterling K. Brown winning, but network dramas are always going to have a hard time going up against the prestige nominees on cable. This is one to watch.

Every time I think Sherlock is the worst its ever been, it wins awards in America, so I think Benedict Cumberbatch is a solid choice to win Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie. Should this go to Ewan McGregor for going all Tatiana Maslany? Probably. But honestly i have no stakes in this race. Just not Cumberbatch.

So both the leads of Grace and Frankie got nominations for Lead Actress in a Comedy, which I think means they will cancel each other out. There are a couple familiar names here (I keep waiting for Tracee Ellis Ross' moment but I fear it's not coming), and a new face in Pamela Adlon, which between that and her TCA achievement lead me to think she's a frontrunner here. But... Allison Janney has moved herself up to Lead from Supporting, and it is very hard to place bets against a prior winner, even if it wasn't for this specifically. So who knows? Here's a fun fact though: if Janney wins this category, she will have Emmys for Supporting Actress in a Drama, Lead Actress in a Drama, Guest Actress in a Drama, Supporting Actress in a Comedy, and Lead Actress in a Comedy. All she'll have left is a Guest Comedy Actress and the Limited Series awards! I don't know if this will be some kind of a record for sheer breadth of acting categories, but it would be fun for someone to find out.

But hey, can we talk about how for yet another year, there's nothing for Catherine O'Hara killing it on Schitt's Creek? Seriously, she is just straight-up nailing it on a weekly basis. David and Alexis are the heart of the show--and a good amount of the humor, yes--but Moira is just an eccentric actress delight. Robbed yet again. And if not Catherine O'Hara, why not her SCTV co-star Andrea Martin, so much fun all decked out in Chico's looks on Great News? She's the best part of the show, and I'd much rather see them here than Grace and Frankie.

Lead Actress in a Drama--I've heard zero buzz for How to Get Away With Murder this year, but she was a previous winner, and there is some recenty history of repeat winners in this category. I thought the Americans was going to win some acting trophies last year, but nothing came of it... and I wouldn't put it past the Television Academy to give an award to a show just as the critics have said it had a weaker season. So who knows, if the episode really sells Keri Russell, or Matthew Rhys back in Lead Actor, I could see it. The same goes for the perennially-nominated Robin Wright. My heart wants to give this to Elisabeth Moss though. This is Hulu's breakthrough year so this could be the winner.

Ooooooooooooof, the category that has been the heaviest now for two straight years. I have seen a LOT of awards prognosticators say this is Jessica Lange's, which shocked me, because I would have absolutely said it is Nicole Kidman's, because she was breathtaking, and Feud was only OK. But the problem here is that Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon could split the Feud vote, and Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon could split the Big Little Lies vote, and then where are we? Felicity Huffman for American Crime, or Carrie Coon for Fargo. I wouldn't mind either of these, necessarily--all the women nominated here are very talented--but this is a Big Little Lies award if there is any justice in this world. And Nicole Kidman, unlike Julia Roberts when she got that Normal Heart nom a few years ago, is not so snobby as to talk down about the Emmys while she's at the damn Emmys, so she's definitely a winner that TV could get behind even though she's primarily a film actress. I mean god, she went to the Stanley Cup playoffs and wore a jersey and everything. SHE'S OF THE PEOPLE NOW. Give this to Nicole, please.

Also, many apologies to Lauren Graham, totally shut out for the Gilmore Girls revival. One day you'll get something, Lorelei.

Supporting Actor in a Comedy is so many repeat nominees and winners, but if Alec Baldwin doesn't win this, it will be an actual honest to goodness upset. Who else has a chance? It doesn't matter if you don't like the Trump impression (which I don't, for the record). It was the buzziest comedy performance of the year. The president got angry about all of it. He's gonna win.

I don't know anything about Supporting Actor in a Drama except that I have been rooting for Jonathan Banks for like, many years now, on two different shows, so I would be very happy to see him win.

Supporting Actor in a Limited Series... I haven't seen The Night Of. I kind of figure it's going to go to The Night Of. But Alexander Skarsgard is very good at being very awful and having two faces? It feels almost cruel to reward him for being a good abusive husband but he's a very good abusive husband. I also enjoyed Alfred Molina's performance in Feud, so who knows where this is going.

As much as it pains me to say it, I think Anna Chlumsky has fallen out of her possible winning window for Veep, so I don't think it is ever going to happen at this point. But there rest of the faces for Supporting Actress in a Comedy are good ones. I think you have to give it to Kate McKinnon for just wearing so many hats this year, but I love Kathryn Hahn in absolutely everything she does, and Leslie Jones feels just as deserving as any cast member of SNL. And while I am not a huge Vanessa Bayer fan, I'd be happy for her to win just for that damn Totino's ad. No bad wins here.

Uzo Aduba hasn't won for Supporting Actress since Orange is the New Black switched to drama, right? I don't know if any women of the Handmaid's Tale are going to break through this one when they don't have quite the role recognition here as the other nominees. Millie Bobby Brown could win, as crazy as that sounds, considering that the cast won the SAG. Chrissy Metz is the name I am seeing from a lot of prognosticators. And Thandie Newton--well, how can you root against Thandie Newton. I'm going to give this to Millie Bobby Brown for now, but I am keeping my eyes on Chrissy Metz.

Regina King has now won the Emmy for Supporting Actress in a Limited Series for two years running, and I am not about to root against her for a third trophy, even if this year was the least buzzed about season of American Crime, and it was subsequently canceled. She's going to have strong competition--watch out for Laura Dern, I think--but she's had strong competition before. I liked Jackie Hoffman a lot in Feud, but i don't really think either of the Feud roles really hold a candle to the rest of the nominees here. Could be interesting on Emmy night but, once again, I am rooting for Regina King.

There is something a little insulting about the only nominees for a show called Girls being random male guest stars, right? A little bit? No offense to Riz Ahmed or anything. I don't love Girls by any measure, but it's a little weird. I would give this one to Tom Hanks because of David S Pumpkins but hey, who knows how these things work anymore. I certainly don't. Guest Actor in a Comedy--some host of SNL, a guy on Girls, or Hugh Laurie on Veep. I think Dave Chappelle killed his chances when he said to give Trump a chance, but it was a big deal for him to be on SNL, so I wouldn't necessarily discount that. If I had to nominate an SNL host here though, it really should have been Chris Pine. Boy was totally ignored.

I think Carrie Fisher has the sentimental vote for Guest Actress in a Comedy, but Melissa McCarthy honestly was much better as Sean Spicer than Alec Baldwin ever was as Trump. The thing working against her is she submitted her own episode, and it was arguably her weakest appearance.

Honestly, the best thing for the guest categories is Nightcap, the underseen heir to 30 Rock on Pop!, the channel that replaced the TV Guide Channel. Ali Wentworth knows a lot of people and they all seem game to come on and skewer their image in the most embarrassing way possible. There were a number of standouts in season one, but Gwyneth Paltrow as a kleptomaniac who doesn't eat "that goop shit" and who apparently goes around negotiating guys down to handjobs from blowjobs was my personal favorite, but really so many celebs were great. Debra Messing also should be really gunning for a nomination for this for next year with the episode that just aired this week. idk, I'm a fan.

I'm all in for Alexis Bledel for Handmaid's Tale as I frequently hear that she's a person's favorite part, but I don't know if that's likely. Ann Dowd is here after being a nominee in supporting actressi in a limited series, so maybe she has a real shot at one of them. And you can't rule out Barb, because the academy is just as dumb as the rest of America for nominating an extremely minor character who barely appears for an Emmy.

I know Ben Schwartz already has an Emmy that he shares with Dan Harmon for writing that "Recession Oscars" opening theme where Hugh Jackman said he hadn't seen the Reader , but if he can win outright for the Earliest Show, I am fine with that. Same for Lauren Lapkus, easily the highlight of Pete Holmes' Crashing, which is pretty weak overall.

I can't be the only one rooting for Martha and Snoop for reality hosts for their dinner party show, right?

Outstanding Comedy Series: the same old names, plus Atlanta. I'll root for Atlanta or black-ish. Veep had a very weak year and Silicon Valley was dreadful. This category needs some refreshment.

Outstanding Drama Series went the opposite direction: two repeat nominees in Better Call Saul and House of Cards, but five new faces in first season shows The Crown, Handmaid's Tale, Stranger Things, This is Us, and Westworld. Again, the SAG for best cast went to Stranger Things, so I would not be surprised at it coming through here too, even though it is not at all the type of drama the Emmys typically go for. I would think it comes down to Stranger Things or This Is Us, both of which got heavily nominated all over, but especially in acting.

Fargo did better in nominations than I think anyone expected it to, so it can't be entirely ruled out for Outstanding Limited Series. I want this to be for Big Little Lies, but female-centric domestic series don't have a good history here--I think this show was excellent in all facets, but its recognition really came down to the fact it has movie stars in it and a high-profile team behind it. I don't know if that's going to carry over to a win here, even if it absolutely should. The Night Of has done very well in nominations, and the subject matter is far more up the Television Academy's alley. Also, this category tends to be a good one for Ryan Murphy, so a Feud win isn't out of the quetion either. I am hoping level-headedness prevails and we get a Big Little Lies win. But I also know exactly why that won't happen.

Outstanding Television Movie will probably go to Sherlock because it wins at its worst, but I think it's very promising that Black Mirror got nominated here for San Junipero, the one episode everyone loved this year. The lack of nominations overall for The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, despite the attachment to Oprah's name, does not bode well for it. The Wizard of Lies has a healthy little group of nominations and this is Weighty Serious Stuff which the voters tend to go for, so that's my dark horse here.

A number of the nominees in Variety Talk had kind of breakthrough moments in the era of Trump. John Oliver won this last year and were it not for all these Trump-reactions, I'd give him an easy repeat. And that could still happen! He could be the new Daily Show. The voters are notoriously lazy--after all, we saw Modern Family get nominated again this year for Best Comedy and it is 2017. If I had to tip it away from him though, I would say this is Stephen Colbert's or Jimmy Kimmel's to lose. Jimmy got nominated elsewhere and made headlines for the stuff with his son; Colbert really turned it around and put Jimmy Fallon out of contention in both nominations and the ratings and that could be rewarded. I'll be interested to see where this goes.

Best Friends Whenever, also known as My Beloved Show About the Gay Teens, was never going to get a kid's programming nomination, but why did Girl Meets World get one for its worst season? Ughhhhhhhhhhhh.

I said several years ago we need a teen category for the MTV shows and Degrassi, and I still believe that. Several years ago they consolidated the informational children's into the scripted kid's stuff and that was a mistake--we should have like three or four kids categories, not one. If I ever get to be on the board, I will be address this, you better believe me. There are children who can vote, I am sure, and I want their opinions.

Very happy Leah Remini's Scientology show got a nomination for Outstanding Informational Series or Special. Good for Leah Remini.

BIG DEAL ALERT: in this year of Chip and Joanna Gaines being EVERYWHERE, will Fixer Upper win the Emmy for Structured Reality? I think they might. This would be huge for HGTV. And yet another puzzle piece in the Gaines world domination plan. I wouldn't necessarily mind that, but I don't want to live in Texas, and I don't want my furniture to have chipped paint on it, so maybe I do mind actually.

I think Born This Way is likely the lock for Unstructured Reality, but I wasn't even aware Gaycation had aired a second season to make it eligible and... I should give it another chance, probably. But why is this getting nominated when States of Undress is also on Viceland and it is fantastic? I know, I should shut up about States of Undress, but it's just so goddamn thoughtful. Even if Hailey Gates doesn't always get it quite right in her ending narration, I think there is something about her that makes the show so much more compelling than Gaycation. I think it goes to more interesting places--not on the map, but just with what it chooses to explore. I'm always enchanted by it, I always learn something. I just want it to have a million seasons forever.

oh my god am I almost finished please

Writing in a Comedy! This is a definite toss-up between "B.A.N." and "Streets on Lock" from Atlanta. I could see "B.A.N." winning just because of the sheer variety of what composes the episode, and because Donald Glover wrote it and the Emmys like to reward the mastermind of the series here. But I think "Streets on Lock" is actually the stronger episode, so Stephen Glover could get a win here. I don't think Silicon Valley or Veep have a shot, and Aziz won last year, and this category (unless you're a 30 Rock who stays around forever) likes to inject fresh blood. So this is an Atlanta win, but the episode has yet to be determined.

(Though if Veep DOES win the comedy writing, it'll have to be for Georgia, which is the most heartbreakingly painful episode of the season, and also the best one.)

I genuinely don't know where Drama Writing is headed. Stranger Things? Let's guess Strangers Things.

I can't believe I'm rooting for David E Kelley but--Big Little Lies for Limited Series writing, please! Please. Charlie Brooker has a nom here for San Junipero again, and that would be a pleasing result as well. And I even like the Oscars episode of Feud, but I think that would be a better win for direction than writing (was it even nominated for direction? I'm not going back to look now). Fargo, again. The Night Of, again. This could be a really good night for The Night Of, I'm thinking.

Seth Meyers gets his first Emmy nomination for Late Night in Variety Series Writing. (Sidenote: Vox wrote a thing about snubs and said he got no noms, which I tweeted them about, and then got a "we'll make it more clear." Which they then changed from "Seth Meyers--HOW DID IT GET ZERO, it needs to be recognized, it's so good, blah blah blah, why hasn't it made a breakthrough" to "SETH MEYERS--ONLY ONE?" which is not making it clearer, it's re-writing it, it changes your original point even when you don't change the text. I know people make mistakes but if you are a tv critic, and it's Emmy nominations day... read the longlist! Please! This is like when, oof what was it, Vanity Fair? I forget. But I think Vanity Fair--no, it was Harpers Bazaar--did an Emmys write-up and totally made up history by saying "oh, remember when Fargo controversially beat True Detective for best miniseries a few years ago" when THEY WEREN'T EVEN IN THE SAME CATEGORY. OK, these aren't the same, but I just get annoyed by things that can be very easily cleared up.) I think this is going to Colbert, Oliver, or SNL though. Probably SNL unless we're just staying in the John Oliver lane, or rewarding Colbert for overcoming Jimmy Fallon. (I realize I talk about Jimmy Fallon like he's a dragon, but I really don't like him.)

Now Variety Special Writing--here's where Samantha Bee has a very good chance with her Not the White House Correspondents Dinner.

And that's it! I did it! Like four hours... but I did it. And we'll be back next year, guys! My tenth edition then! But before that, we'll have Emmy night. :) Thanks for reading!

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Offering Manual On Amazon Is Some Extremely Light Reading.

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