#OSF ask

[melanirana]

Oh yah, I've been meaning to ask,

In your mermaid au story who out of the two boys inherited their father's unintentional rizz and who inherited their mother's flustered-ness? Is it both sun and moon or is it one to one for them?

It's a healthy mix of both

but it tends to sway more towards Stars side of fluster and rizz, which she dose have, she is just very weak

[recovery-is-possible]

Tw discussion of ED (no numbers or behaviours)

The disordered eating I had on and off throughout my teens turned into a full blown eating disorder about 5-6 years ago. And to this day, not all of my friends know about it because I don't like to talk about it and i've never been underweight and i hide my ED the best as i can when i'm around other people. Most of those who don't know aren't very close friends, however, there's a friend with whom I've been close (but not extremely close) and now through certain circumstances (such as her coming out as trans as well), we've become very close. And she doesn't know about my ED. And I kinda feel like I should tell her but I feel so bad about not mentioning it to her in the past.. Like I passed the point where I can tell her without her being hurt about not having been told, if that makes sense? Like yeah, we're closer now than in the past but its not like we weren't close then. And if I don't tell her now, it will only get worse as time passes. Idk what to do. I fucked up.

[queervegancryptid]

I'm tired of this.

I should be happy. I should be able to recover, no problem. I should be able to just get over the crap that's on my mind.

I don't understand why I can't. But once I find out how to feed myself properly again, it's over for these hoes. Nonviolently, of course. But seriously, half of what's fucking my head right now is the fact that it just shouldn't be like this. It shouldn't, and what's more: it doesn't have to be.

It's totally unnecessary for things to be the way they are in terms of the systems with which I'm attempting to (sometimes literally) haggle for my actual life. And I feel like a Debbie Downer whenever I talk about it, or I feel like this gif from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia:

I'm fucking sick of feeling like a crazy person for not being okay with what's been going on. I need fucking help, and every time I turn around, I feel like Sideshow fucking Bob stepping on rakes.

After a while... you start to wonder how worth it your quest is.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making my mom cry (in the hopes of continuing a years (?) long lie)

starting off: BIG SHINY ED TW

Context/Background:

• I’ve had an ED (OSFED) since I was 14

• I went to treatment (forced) as a teen. I hold zero anger over this by now and understand why my parents did it. I would have done the same.

• Both times I coasted until discharge, at which point I went back to ED behaviors, just more secretively.

• I’m now 22(F), living w my parents

—

The Lead Up to The Predicament:

• Relapsed age 21, and kept it secret

• My mother eventually noticed, and recommended treatment; I agreed, & got taken into IOP

• I’m still on my parents’ very good insurance, so treatment was covered pretty much entirely

• I did treatment with the same strategy I’ve used before: coasting until discharge, then keeping it secret. I have no intention of ever pursuing actual recovery, and do not believe it is possible. I don’t want to get rid of this problem, but I want it to be my problem only.

• Unfortunately, this means I essentially have to lie to everyone, because they won’t discharge you if you say “I’m doing this purely so I won’t run myself into the ground, and so my mom will leave me alone”. So I lied my ass off.

• I’m continuing to lie to my nutritionist, who recently approved me for “as-needed” appointments, and I kept putting off finding a therapist until my mom forgot and stopped asking about it, because I just don’t have the energy to continually lie to a therapist, and conversely, I don’t want to actually, honestly talk to a therapist.

—

The Predicament:

• Bill for $600 (part not covered by insurance) came from the treatment center

• Mom offered to pay it; I said no, I’ll pay for it

• Did this because I could not live with the guilt of my mom paying for treatment that she thinks actually put me on a path towards health, that I secretly used to lull her into a false sense of security

• She insists, and I insist back

• I pay it that night

• She finds out I paid it and breaks down crying because she thinks I did it because I assumed she couldn’t afford it and now she thinks she has failed me because I don’t think I can rely on my mother

• I try to explain that I’m an adult and it was my issue and my treatment and that I work full time and should be expected to pay my own medical copays

• This makes her feel worse and she expresses that my trying to pay my own way has been a pattern since I first got a job at 14, and that she should’ve asserted herself as a financial caregiver when she had the chance

• I freeze, because I don’t know how to explain what I really mean without admitting that I lied for months in an attempt to get people to stop worrying about an admittedly possibly-fatal illness

• I let her continue to cry

—

AITA FOR: Not explaining and just… letting her believe that?

What are these acronyms?

[fan-goddess]

Just tickling…

Authors Note: I’ve spoken to the artist, and they asked and gave me permission to write this. But I highly recommend to go check out the original art piece, the link for is here. This is pretty much the story/written version of this

Summary: You’re in the middle of being worshipped to heaven by your husband, only your daughter can’t sleep…

Warnings: Hints at smut, innocent child, religious talk,

Tags: @slytherincursebreaker

It had taken nearly half an hour to get your daughter to finally get into her bed and fall asleep. You tried reading her her favourite stories, you tried tucking her in bed with todays favourite teddy bears, you even tried promising her with a day with only her uncle Finan and uncle Sihtric, which you know would’ve only made Osferth sigh and worry about if you were forced to tell him.

Though by the end, after all that, all it took for her to close her eyes and sleep, was for you to promise that for tomorrow instead of her normal Honey Loop cereal, she got to have pancakes with chocolate chips and a drizzle of honey on top. You were already dreading the sugar high you know will absolutely happen, but at least for now you could finally get into bed and sleep and cuddle next to your loving husband.

“Is she finally asleep?” Osferth asks as you close the bedroom door behind you and get into bed.

“Yeah… just to warn you though, you’ll need to buy some flour in the morning love. May have needed to barter with her and it included chocolate chip pancakes with syrup…” You smile as you burrow into your husbands warm bare chest and sigh with relief.

You can feel the vibrations of his laugh as he chuckles lightly. “That’s our girl! Taking after her mother!”

“Excuse me mister!” You exclaim, hitting him jokingly on the chest with the back of your hand slightly. You go back to cuddling his chest, but as you feel your eyes begin to droop, the feeling of Osferths lips trailing the skin of your exposed shoulder, certainly begins to stir you. “What are you doing Os?” You mumble, smiling slightly as you become more vigilant the closer his lips get to the inner curve of your shoulder.

“Just showing appreciation to my gorgeous wife, and our daughters oh so beautiful mother…” He murmurs, turning the both of you over so you’re on your back, and he has better access to your lips. The sound of your lips smacking filling the room as the two of you hold each other.

His hands move to the edge of your sleeping shorts, and slowly take them off so your left half bare to him under the sheets. “Such a wonderful perfect wife…” Osferth smiles as his hand begins to trace circles on your clit, and he greedily takes in your pleasure stained face.

He suddenly stops, much to your annoyance, but your mood certainly brightens as his hands move to take off his own underwear and now totally bare himself to you, the sight of him never not a turn on for you.

Osferth makes no hesitation in entering you, groaning deeply at the feeling of you automatically clenching your walls on him, as if you were attempting to pull him deeper inside of you. “Always amazing you utter goddess…” He murmurs leaning forward to kiss you deeply whilst you moan softly.

“Careful sweet husband… is your faith not monotheistic?”

“You of all people my wife should know I abandoned the reigns of my faith long ago… and I shall abandon them once more as I worship you tonight…” If those words didn’t affect you in some way, then there must be something wrong with you, as when you heard them you could feel yourself become somehow more aroused than you already were.

His thrusts though, soon find themselves becoming rougher and rougher, as the tip of his cock hits that part deep inside of you that you yourself could never reach. At the sudden sensation though, you automatically clench down on him in pleasure and dig your nails into the skin of his shoulders slightly, smiling at the sound of his light groans hitting your ears.

You can feel yourself becoming close, a feat Osferth always manages to achieve with you, always leaving you satisfied and wanting more. The knot in your lower stomach becomes tighter the harsher Osferth pushes himself inside of you, and your arms once digging into his shoulders move to the sheets to clench between your fists for stability.

You’re almost there, you know Osferth only needs to thrust a couple times before you-

“Mummy, Daddy? What are you doing?”

The room immediately turns stuffy and panicky as both you and Osferths heads snap to the direction of your daughters voice. Your cheeks feel as if they’re on fire as a harsh blush takes over not only on your face, but your husbands aswell. She looks so innocent, just standing there in her new pyjamas and holding her stuffed bunny that the two of you got her for her birthday.

“Mummy and daddy are tickle fighting!” Osferth exclaims. From the corner of your eye you can see the deep blush spreading to his neck, and if the moment wasn’t so serious you would’ve made a joke. Instead, you glare harshly at his sudden used excuse while he looks back at you sheepishly.

“A tickle fight! Can I join-“

“NO!” This time, the both of you exclaim it as quick as you can. The panic clear in each others eyes and voices, and yet your daughter is still oblivious. She still continues, to your and Osferths relief, to just stare at the both of you with a bright smile on her face.

“It’s a… grown up tickle.. fight… it’s not for you! Because-“

“Because it’s very very advanced!” You chime in. You almost regret saying no at the sight of your dejected daughters face and the small sad “Oh…” She makes at your and Osferths stumblings, but then you remember the situation you’re in, and you certainly don’t feel as bad as you did before.

“Well I hope you win mummy, because daddy’s winning!” She chirps in, looking happy once more before leaving and closing the door behind her, to hopefully go back to her bedroom and sleep. Still, you and Osferth anxiously wait with held breaths until it’s been long enough, and soon the two of you are giggling in a mixture of shock, shame and disbelief.

“Oh my god…” You mutter in disbelief, both your faces still red, though what once was due to pure horror and shock now stay that way due to pure disbelief and amusement. “I probably need to go check on her…” Osferth removes himself from you, the passion once prominent in the room now quickly depleted after the incident. You place a quick kiss to Osferths forehead before putting on your sleeping shorts once more and heading to the direction of your daughters room.

You peak in slightly, and your heart instantly warms at the sight of your daughter sleeping soundly in her bed cuddled up to her rabbit. The soft blue of her nightlight casting a light glow that washes over her, while the sound of her light snores make it to your ears. “Night night little one…” You whisper by instinct, not even really caring if she heard you or not, as you close the door back up and head back to your room.

This time, both you and Osferth actually go to sleep. Giving into the need for rest as you cuddled with each other, relishing in the warmth the two of you provide each other with.

“Love you…” You hear murmured quietly in your ear.

“Love you too handsome…” You instinctively whispered back with a small smile.

[sashabunnie]

Hi! I apologize for not posting recently despite having a resurgence in wanting to draw. I've recently gotten a new art program and am still trying to figure out how to use it. In the meantime I'd like to discuss a topic I find important to talk about.

I recently received a question in my inbox. I found it rude and decided to delete and block the person. But now I'm realizing I could use this comment to educate those not in the art field on this subject, specifically about how proportions and different body types are taught to be drawn. I'll paraphrase the comment received:

"It's funny how you're fat but you draw yourself skinny, it's hilarious."

Yup that's the basis of what the comment was. I could tell from this comment that a) they're trying to be rude and mean and b) they at least don't draw humans and at most have no idea how to draw period.

Now you may be asking, how does this comment lead to an educational moment? I'm glad you asked.

I've been drawing since I can remember, and I only took a few art classes in middle school and highschool. Other than that I'm almost completely self taught and often took my inspiration from cartoons.

I also grew up in a much larger body than a good portion of my peers. I had binge e@ting disorder. This was caused by growing up in a poor family. I was taught to eat whatever I was offered(unless it was by a total stranger). I was also taught at school to inhale my food starting from kindergarten as we only got 15 minutes to eat and 15 minutes to play, if we went over the 15 minutes to eat we weren't allowed to play. Anyways this conditioned me to have BED.

Being overweight as a child was torture. Just like any ED it's very hard to control and even harder to spot in a child. I went untreated until I was 19. I'm a lot better now but sadly my stomach is now partially paralyzed.

Now like I said, growing up fat was extremely difficult, seeing others in my life who were skinnier than I, seeing all the cartoon shows on TV with the pretty skinny ladies and bulked up men, or even lanky men. And sure there were fat people in cartoons, but they're often portrayed as these lazy, stupid, people or they're middle aged with greying or thinning hair, in a mobility scooter, who are also portrayed as stupid and lazy.

I never saw a true representation of myself in cartoons. I never saw a plump nine year old with dreams to become a ballerina or baseball player, I never saw a bigger girl who exceeded in every class who wanted to become a paleontologist. All I saw were people making jokes about the fat character, how dumb and lazy they were.

But to me, I was never lazy or stupid. And when I started drawing myself I did so as a beautiful young person who was smart, clever, and always taken seriously. It was my escape from this world of hate.

Then I started taking art classes in middle school and highschool. They taught very basic anatomy in drawing, such as "this is how long your arm should be" and "the hand should be able to cover the face", just teaching proportions. But here's the catch, they hardly taught anything more than an hourglass shaped body for females and a rectangle shape for men.

In fact if we tried to explore more or less body shaped, whether it was a flat chested female, a dad bod male or vice versa, it was met with severe criticism.

Now over the years I've learned how to draw different body shapes and sizes better than I have in the past. And I have worked greatly to improve my self image and that a bit of extra fat here or there won't be the end all be all.

However that's not to say that I still have a hard time drawing myself as big as I see myself irl. The ED that warped from BED to OSFED in my teen years still yells at me from my mirror, telling me how ugly I am for being in a bigger body. People have told me several times that I'm not as big as the mirror says I am, which is true.

I may be in a bigger body but it's not to a point where my weight is affecting my health. The only real thing affecting my health are a slew of genetic disorders that I cannot control.

Just to conclude, just because someone draws themselves as bigger or smaller does not mean that they're delusional. It's just how they draw themselves.

Just be kind and non judgemental. You don't know what that person has been through and honestly it's not really your business unless it's a threat to safety, theirs or others.

And if you don't like what you see, scroll, it's not your place to get upset over something as small as someone drawing themselves in a different light than your perspective.

Love y'all!

(Picture of my gravity falls x the owl house OC for y'all)

[r3g-p14y3r]

Oh, hello!

Welcome, welcome! As you can see above, my name’s Viren! Feel free to call me Vi though.

I’m not much of a talker online or in person…what I’m trying to say is that I’m like talking to a wall. I try to compensate for that with emotes/GIFs, but do tell me if they bother you! Got a sneaking suspicion that I might be aroace but I didn’t add it to the lil card above since, well, I ain’t too sure of myself.

Uh…I got a server I made for talking about OCs,,, if ya want— I talk bout my OC blorbos there occasionally and wanna listen to others talk about theirs,,

[Tags]

There are a few, and I’ll list them down here:

#osfe is for the DCA Transformers AU I’m working on with the lovely @capring! If yer wondering what it stands for, it’s Our Sky Fell Eastward! Grey’s writing, I’m trying to figure out designs. Pretty hard when you haven’t drawn robots all that much, so I guess you’ll be watching me grow as slowly as I draw along the way.

#The Box of Mutuals is for—you guessed it—mutuals! You should be able to find all of them under this tag. #[insert name here] collection!! is for each individual mutual.

#regular doodles is where you’ll find my art, as well as #doodles (tis old art tag)!

#Vi jibberjabbers is for me answering asks!

#Vi rambles/ponders is for my thoughts and whatever nonsense I may spew. Can include my hyperfixations.

#vi attempts writing is for…my attempts at writing! My English language comprehension is elementary (/srs /gen (I haven’t done English since elementary)) so don’t expect much.

#👁️‍🗨️^ is for some of my favourite posts!

#birb is for, well, birbs. :>

#🫵 is like me using the “This!” reaction on discord! That’s the best way I can describe it.

#rebloggle is usually for the posts that I’m unsure what to put under/miscellaneous.

If I’m missing anything, I’ll update the post.

[stonerskinny]

wonder if they’ll change my diagnosis at res this time around. first time it was osfed, second time it was mia. kind of suspecting they’ll change it back to osfed because i rarely actually “binge” anymore. hell i can’t even eat half a meal without getting physically sick. so idk if mia is still even on the table. thinking they’ll switch me to osfed again and i’ll ask what my specification is and never get an answer but i suspect it will be a combo of purging disorder and atypical ana just based on the amount of weight i’ve lost. going to beg and plead for them to give me every specific detail they can

[sotruefeste]

when I was at OSF one of my professors asked my other professor “what Shakespeare play includes the line, ‘exit, pursued by a bear?’” and I immediately replied “The Winter’s Tale.” have I ever studied The Winter’s Tale? no. I may be in too deep.

[melanirana]

How does Eclipse discipline his kids? From little things like the boys getting into little spats with each other to if one of them were to put themselves into a dangerous situation just for mischief.

Eclipse got creative when it came to discipline his kids, they're quite durable

[compassionatereminders]

Okay this might be a bad idea but idk I was thinking about how completely different my life is now than a year or two ago and I was realizing it might be helpful (and certainly would have been for me) to see what someone with lifelong mental ilness would consider recovery to be? I know your situation is very different, but idk maybe some of your followers would appreciate this? Idk Anyways, I do consider myself "recovered" from disordered eating, depression, GAD, and OCD. I have found meds that work well enough for me that I don't have a hard time soothing myself or eating/drinking and the side effects are relatively mild (I get much more carsick and have a hard time with elevators and jumping and such). I don't feel guilty asking for accommodations, like having a single room at college. Bingeing, purging, self harm, and self-sabatoge are all things that still happen, but the vast majority of the time I think about it, I don't, and I don't feel addicted or like I ever HAVE to do them, they're just tools in my darkest moments and most of the time I have better tools. I'm motivated to do Physical Therapy/take meds/help my physical stuff. Instead of spending four to five hours a day ruminating and doing compulsions, I end up spending an hour or two calming myself down. I don't have a hard time talking about most of my issues, but I don't feel obligated to either. I don't meet diagnostic criteria for OSFED or Clinical Depression or insomnia anymore either!! Anyways, thanks for listening! :)

Thank you for sharing your experience! I think that it's so very important to know that you can make important progress, be happy with your life and in recovery even if you'll always have to deal with certain symptoms of mental illness in some capacity ❤️💪✊️

[watercolourferns]

I just want to curl up in a ball. I'm so tired of my parents asking "Just that?!" when I tell them about what I eat.

YES, JUST THAT, BECAUSE I'M SHOWING SIGNS OF ARFID ON TOP OF MY OSFED/EDNOS SINCE I'VE BEEN UNMASKING FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS. I HAVE SAFE FOODS AND I KEEP RUNNING OUT OF THEM BECAUSE MY PAYCHECK DOESN'T STRETCH AS MUCH ANYMORE.

Please, please stop commenting on how I eat or what I eat... my mother has a penchant for "substituting" any sugar stuff with veggies and she looks bony but I say nothing at all!! Why should I receive comments on how I eat?!

I'm doing the best I can considering how much I HATE needing food!! I'm hungry all the time I go hungry purposefully because food is being such a problem lately in my life!!! But if I tell them this they're gonna be all "Well try and eat anyway!!". Oh sure, so I can just barf it up involuntarily because I get nauseous, right... I'm crying, this is SO BAD.

[ourebottarchive]

Welcome to Our Ebott Archive!

@jaxxwrites4you & @justsamwich here! Together we've created 40 undertale aus, and as we've continued to develop them we decided they deserved their own blog to call home. Our Ebott Archive will be the central hub for all of our writings and artworks surrounding these AUs- and our askbox is always open! So feel free to ask away! Now then, it's about time we go ahead and tell you what all of these AUs are! Some of these are our own takes on pre-existing AUs (as well as our own take on the canon characters that we're including, lol) and some are all us from the ground up! Along with the AUs are names for each of the skeletons; since much of the UTAU fandom space is centralized around them, we named them separately to avoid any confusion.

Classics

Undertale - UT

Sans & Papyrus

Underfell - UF

Grunge & Baroque

Underswap - US

Ginger & Clove

Underswapfell - USF

Hickory & Mulberry

Mafia

Mafiatale - MT

Smoke & Mac

Mafiafell - MF

Whiskey & Saint

Mafiaswap - MS

Romeo & Lucky

Mafiaswapfell - MSF

Corona & Amaretto

Western

Westerntale - WT

Doc & Ranger

Westernfell - WF

Rusty & Diablo

Westernswap - WS

Ace & Rodeo

Westernswapfell - WSF

Maverick & Belvidere

Pirate

Piratetale - PT

Atlas & Cardinal

Piratefell - PF

Buck & Leviathan

Pirateswap - PS

Cutlass & Crow

Pirateswapfell - PSF

Nautilus & Zephyr

Circus

Circustale - CT

Stilts & Sabre

Circusfell - CF

Locke & Flint

Circusswap - CS

Tumble & Firefly

Circusswapfell - CSF

Ringer & Shill

Medieval

Medievaltale - MDT

Cassian & Chevalier

Medievalfell - MDF

Steele & Bastion

Medievalswap - MDS

Fennel & Shroud

Medievalswapfell - MDSF

Alm & Fletcher

Pantheon

Pantheontale - PNT

Quill & Halo

Pantheonfell - PNF

Clash & Nocturne

Pantheonswap - PNS

Concord & Cyser

Pantheonswapfell - PNSF

Puck & Nimbus

Outer

Outertale - OT

Comet & Nova

Outerfell - OF

Crux & Phoenix

Outerswap - OS

Altair & Astrophel

Outerswapfell - OSF

Orion & Vega

Steampunk

Steampunktale - ST

Flask & Rivet

Steampunkfell - SF

Arc & Spindle

Steampunkswap - SS

Cadet & Aether

Steampunkswapfell - SSF

Fuse & Meridian

Cyberpunk

Cyberpunktale - CPT

Latch & Wire

Cyberpunkfell - CPF

Diesel & Rogue

Cyberpunkswap - CPS

Zero & Chrome

Cyberpunkswapfell - CPSF

Blade & Trigger

-J & S

[evil-jennifer-hamilton-wb]

Hey there, a friens of mine suffers from an ed and is in unhealthy environment, which I cant do much abt as we live in diff places

Do u have any tips on how to be as helpful as I can for this friend of mine? I love them very much and want to be as helpful as possible in helping them create a less destructive state of mind

Thank u

Tw: discussion of EDs

It depends on a few things. First of all if you want to help your friend they need to be willing to try to get better. "Pro-ana" sentiment ie. Wanting and encouraging your own ED (and sometimes the EDs of others) is very common, and if your friend is in that state of mine (I was, I think most of us were at some point), then there's not much you can do to help your friend reach a better state of mine. That barrier needs to be crossed first no matter what, on the past of your friend.

If your friend does not want to get better, then the most helpful thing you can do is to just talk to them about topics unrelated to food and dieting. You get in a state when you're deep in an ED where food is genuinely the only thing you can think about and contextualize things through. Giving your friend a break from that mentally is helpful, and maybe gives them the energy and space for further self reflection. Additionally just keep in mind that they are hungry and exhausted and probably bitchy/aggressive/anxious/paranoid as a result. I guess give them some grace but also call them out if they're being an asshole.

If your friend does want to get better, first off avoid triggers. Avoid talking about food, weight, dieting, etc... unless they bring it up. Encourage them to leave environments like EDtwt, EDtok, or MPA/EDSF (do young people know what MPA is?) where they would encounter triggers and pro-ana sentiment (Keep in mind that they may be in pro-recovery [SIC] circles within these spaces, and the harm of said environments is up to their discretion). Watch if they bodycheck (talking photos that , count calories, etc... and gently call them out for it, given that they're okay with that.

[if they have a restrictive eating disorder (ie. AN, ARFID, OSFED)]

Ask them what their safe foods are (ie. Foods that they would be less anxious about / less likely to count calories), encourage them to obtain these foods so that they would eat them at least 1-2 meals a day, depending on their progress, a single "normal" sized meal can be very anxiety inducing. Encourage them to eat *something*, even if it's small even if it doesn't seem nutritional, if they're eating something it's good. Try to encourage them to eat, at regular times and intervals.

[if they have a binge/purge eating disorder (ie. Bulimia, AN-bp)]

Again ask about safe foods, this time defined as foods that would not trigger a binge or purge. For me it helped a lot to determine foods that were especially unpleasant to purge, and eat those. Again encourage them to eat safe foods at regular times and intervals. Don't fearmonger about calories absorbed after purging (not true anyways) or about health risk (unless they think it helps), because they probably already know and have already heard.

In general, avoid triggers, gently encourage your friend to eat foods that feel safe to them, and encourage them to eat at least once a day if not more, at regular times and intervals, in a safe environment. Allow them to talk to you and remind them that you are a safe place to discuss their disorder without judgement.

And definitely avoid commenting on their body in any way. Don't express concern (this is what we want to hear and fuels the disorder), don't compliment looking healthier (that is not seen as a complement), I'd say blanket avoid commenting on your friend's body, even if it feels positive to you.

There's only so much I can say without knowing any information about your friend. Anon please feel free to dm or send further asks if you need more information on anything. I'd be happy to help in any way I can. EDs are lonely and exhausting and feel inescapable, and it's wonderful that you are trying to help your friend through it. I know I wouldn't be in the place I am now without the support of my friend.

[kohakhearts]

🍱🍡🥮 for the fic asks!

🍱: do you read your own fics?

oh yes 100%. my audience is me, myself, and i...and i am very well fed LOL. real talk, having been so into rarepairs for so long, sometimes all i have TO read is my own fics hjsdfhjd

🍡: which of your fics was the most emotionally difficult to write?

probably the shionne imeris suicide fic (not what it's called...but was the working title for the document lol). tales of arise came out at a time when i was in and out of the er for being extremely suicidal and a character whose entire arc revolved around trying to find a way to kill herself and navigating the emotions around that REALLY spoke to me. this was also a time when i was largely too suicidal to do any writing at all, so yeah. it was good for me but in an "extracting venom from your veins" kind of way if that makes sense

🥮: do you have any writing milestones you’re working toward?

...........osf. i'm 3 years late and the book still isn't finished. the publication of oes was at the same time as the period i was talking about before. and then i got really thrown into it with school. now that i'm finished my degree and have a stable job to look forward to this school year, i should be able to get back to that :p

fic writer asks

[autisticbugboy]

no one asked, but i am going to talk about a james aubrey headcanon i have because i have brainrot about him and i actually just need to talk about him.

tw for eating disorders !

james aubrey developing an eating disorder - osfed - when he was a teen after his dad left, trying to regain some level of control over his life while it felt like everything was spiraling. he starts restricting because it gives him something to monitor, something that’s his. eventually he tries to recover, but with little support, his disordered eating habits stick with him. when he joins the fbi, they’re still there. 

dr. lance sweets is one of his first friends. they spend more and more time together, and it doesn’t take long for lance to notice. he knows it all too well - that’s a story for another time, another place. he just notices. james tries to hide it, maybe even just subconsciously, but lance is good at what he does. he’s always been an overachiever - perhaps it was a survival mechanism. again, another story.

james doesn’t like sitting in lance’s office - too formal. there’s a fear that sits with him too; a fear that if anyone sees him there, the new kid, they’ll know somehow. they’ll see that he’s not strong enough to be there, and all he wants is to be respected. taken seriously.

they talk, though. every day. not always about serious things, but it’s never off limits. lance is the first person james has ever felt this comfortable around - he has this disarming charm, this way of making everything feel okay in their little bubble. 

lance helps him eat, gets coffee and pastries with him, drops donuts off at his desk. gets takeout when they have movie nights, and leaves the leftovers on aubrey’s desk the next morning when he’s not there. 

things get better. 

when aubrey’s dad comes back into the country, he falls back into old habits. lance isn’t there to recognise it.