#OH. and goofballs. but lots of overlap again

[ducktracy]

I NEVER POSTED THIS but in April i made a favorite character bingo for fun. some spaces i feel i was just trying to find something to fill in but i think this accurately reflects my tastes

alternative:

[scoundrels-in-love]

I'm late for the party, but I guess it'll give you a distraction the next time you want one ^^. So... 28, 29, 30, 33, 45 and 50 (or at least one you really like lol) ... love ya!

28. i’ll love you if…

I will assume this is meant platonically because romantically a) might not be possible or b) I’ve not found yet.

I will love you as a dear friend if you speak to me, about things I love and things you love - they don’t have to necessary overlap entirely or even that much. But something common to start off friendship is good. If we can goof around. If we can be honest and sometimes not be at our best, smiling selves with each other. I will especially be happy if you sometimes reach out to me first, instead of me having to do it, for no reason at all other than hope you have a good any-period-of-time or anything of the sort. I think, it all boils down to being able to communicate. And there’s like, no one set of cut-out for that, with some people it will be more on lighter side or on more philosophical conversations or mix of all, or it progresses and changes, but at the bottom of it all, we talk. And it’s very important to me that your life and change of interests in the long run don’t sweep me away as relic of the past. Because I can try to keep contact up and reignite it only so many times.

Also, it’s very very good if you love animals and nature, I don’t get along with someone who is purposely cruel to any of those. And if you endure my changing but really weird-ass humor sense and can play off of it, yeah, you’re definitely on adored-so-much list.

29. favourite film(s) 

I don’t have a solid list of those, to be honest, but at this moment, I’d say Rogue One, Fly Away Home and if it endures a re-watch then Never Cry Wolf.

30. favourite tv show(s) 

Should this include kdramas or not, haha? If not, then some things I love, even if I am aware of their downfalls and even if I straight up stopped actively watching them: Once Upon a Time.  Stranger Things. The Mentalist. Brooklyn 99. Grimm. Constantine. Call the Midwife. (We never got to watch that last season with mom...) For various reasons, I have grown attached to them or the characters, on level even when I leave fandom behind, I carry them on with me and they mark a time in my life, a mindset. Discussions with mom and friends.

For kdramas, I’d say Just Between Lovers, Goblin, It’s Okay That’s Love, Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo (if it endures a rewatch, even more so.) There is more, for sure, but I don’t want to ramble too  much. I already did list so many of these overall.

33. something you want to learn 

So, so many things. More languages. How to draw & gif more. How to play guitar. How to take photos better. How to organize my life. How not to feel so guilty. How to formulate dreams and achieve them. How to translate & write better and actually get either done, especially writing. And more, and more.

45. how you found out about your idol 

Gabiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. You literally know this story (even if through bits and pieces) and you’re still making me come out and admit I have an idol/bias? I am not even sure if idol is meant in more western sense as someone I would aim for being more alike, so this is complicated, haha.

Well, you know, heck that, you’re going to be in for a long answer. Under cut now because it really did get lengthy.

My first and foremost, in western sense, idol would be my mom. I did idolize her as a kid, to point I fervently wished and prayed for some of her experiences, features and quirks. Be careful what you wish for, though. Growing up I realized a lot of it came with heavier luggage than I realized and also different ways of reacting to it because as alike we were in some ways, I was, am not and will not be her copy.

Idolizing her is not something she encouraged in any way, it’s just something that happened. In some ways, perhaps it is still my view of her, though she always viewed me as her equal and I am aware of her faults, I know the broken and ugly side of things. But she is still someone I am in awe of in a lot of ways and someone I wish I could be like. Knowing her was a journey and one I took an untimely pause on right before the end and one I did not document well enough and I will always regret it all.

As for my Korean idols... I found out about Junho’s existence through his work in a drama, Just Between Lovers. I knew he was in a kpop group, but honestly did not really care and it made me even more apprehensive about starting the drama because who has not heard the stories of idol actors... Even if there are plenty of shining examples, too. But I gave the amazing drama a try and fell for his acting, the way he really lived and breathed his role, and also how he seems to be in every interview and tidbit of media I’ve come across. He is hard working and down to earth in some ways, but goofball in others, and realizes he still has a lot to learn and does so.

I learned about Sungjin at the end of last year, when a friend began trying to drag me into kpop and I started listening to random kpop mixes. The first song of Day6 made me instantly stop and pay attention, watch the mv and even check comments to find out more about them. I might have even checked their kpop profile site! But, despite the spark of interest, I did not pursue it further at the time. And then things happened and I got to know him in all his nonsense glory as well as hat a hardworking and talented person he is, while not being ‘stuffy’ and unreachable as we sometimes feel about admired writers or other creators in western media (the appeal of Korean idol culture, really, is that you get to see your idols truly human, though twitter and such has been doing good job of making western idols more ‘in-touch/reachable’ as well.) He is such a sincere, thoughtful, encouraging while still obviously genuine person who is always out to support and encourage us and I don’t know what exactly made me reach the tipping point of truly coming to admire him as a person, feeling drawn to him, but I do know when I realized it had happened, haha.

In some aspects, they sort of overlap with western concept of idol, because I do wish I could be more like them, so relentlessly going for my dreams even when life throws you right into a ditch or tosses you an unexpected, sharp turn.  Keeping my integrity and artistry as a person through thick and thin, despite all pressure from outside. And really truly not giving up and accepting that learning to love oneself is a journey that might take time (lifetime even), but still embark on it. To excuse

50. favourite picture of your idol

Unfair, unfair, unfair. I honestly don’t even reblog a lot of those pretty shots of my faves, not to assault my friends’ dashes (I have some self restraint. I do.), but I will have a look ‘round my blog - there’s definitely some things I couldn’t resist reblogging. :P You’ll probably get a small collection, oops.

(Dark hair, leather jacket, that rough door bg, vulnerable but tough at the same time.... A Look.)

This whole set because. Look. It’s so Pure and Cute, I almost feel alive again looking at it.

I think this doesn’t need extra explanations. So soft, so nicely dressed, Just.

Also have this entire Junho & Cats collection, I especially love the staircase ones.

Okay, that’s enough of Junho, here’s some of my favorite Bear, because I am all for equality. Except the most Sungjin-ness can be mostly expressed in gifs, so I keep scrolling and scrolling through this tag that’s definitely too long to actually stand proof of any self-restraint... but do any of you know how many pictures I DID spare ya’ll of??

Smiling like sunshine, wearing his name AND bear pin?? Like it started as a joke, but he’s embraced it, I love it. Also he just looks so warm and happy in this.

Dark hair, leather jacket, purple shirt.... I dunno, that’s one powerful combo of my favorite things, even if I question the style of the shirt itself. Also, again, such a wonderful smile??

He is staring right into my soul, oh no. Also you can truly appreciate his earrings. Double oh no. Triple oh no at this smile:

Just some prime judging & eating combo, very powerful:

This entire face journey.

And this, for reasons.

It has amazing energy somehow.

(All credits to respective owners, they’re all on my blog.)

Annnnnnnnnd that’s it, folks. If you really did read to the bottom,

Ask me a question?

[aaronbleyaert]

How do you build enough confidence to know that you deserve someone amazing? I'm worried the reason I'm alone is because deep down, I don't deserve anyone.

I have a lot of friends who are women. One of my friends - my good GOOD friends - is very attractive. She could be a model, if she wasn’t also a SCIENTIST. Crazy, right? She’s also fucking hilarious. Total package. I mean, holy shit. 

Except.

Except.

Except that she’s never alone. She hasn’t been single since - maybe 8 years ago? For like a week? She’s always dating somebody. She goes from guy to guy (sometimes with a bit of overlap) - which would be fine, except no guy ever makes her happy for long. Why? Well, because she always ends up hating one person in the relationship: Herself. We have had mannnnny drunken nights where the two of us pour out our hearts to each other, and her thing is always exactly how you feel: She doesn’t think that she deserves anyone. So if SHE doesn’t have the self confidence… Why should any of us? Right? I mean, I’m an awkward dumb goofball who, literally 10 minutes ago when I was ordering an omelet just had a girl say “I like your watch! It’s… Weird.” and then as I was saying “Thanks” a tiny bug flew right into my nose and I went to hit it out of the air and fucking SLAPPED MYSELF IN THE FACE.

It hurt. But I digress.

There’s this great 80s movie called “Say Anything”. The movie is this classic Cameron Crowe coming of age tale starring John Cusack and Ione Skye - well worth a watch. John Cusack’s character Lloyd Dobler is this kind of ultra positive loser who’s trying to, against all odds, date the hottest girl in school, Diane Court. The movie is great showing how both of them, independent of their social status at school, have the same kinds of fears and insecurities and life problems. Anyway, there’s one scene in particular that always sticks in my mind: Lloyd is talking to his older sister (played by his real life sister, the amazing Joan Cusack), and she’s being super shitty to him. Finally, Lloyd just says “How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood, and then just… Be in a good mood?”. And she replies, through gritted teeth, “Gee. It’s easy.”

Boom. That’s it. 

Happiness is a choice. Sure, sometimes great things happen that make us happy, but for me, day to day happiness comes from me choosing to be that way. Most of my job is to give notes on videos and pick apart jokes and tear things apart to make them better - so believe me when I say that I can find the smallest fault in literally anything. It’s what I’m great at. But that’s not how I want to live my life. I think a lot of people think that happiness is this big pink cloud that kind of floats around, and if you’re lucky enough, it might drift over you from time to time and rain down kittens and lollipops and oh gee whiz you might get to be happy once in a while if Life decides to work out that way. 

Fuck that.

*I* will choose when and where I get to be happy, thankyouverymuch - and I make that choice to be happy as often as fucking possible. Why wouldn’t I?

Real world example: I am currently sitting at a cafe typing this (after slapping myself in the face in front of a hot girl, remember), and I just got an omelet delivered to my table. It’s kind of cold. Now, am I going to be upset that I paid something like 10 dollars for an omelet that’s not as hot as I would like? Or am I going to choose to rejoice in this DELICIOUS piece of thick ass toast that I’m treating myself to this morning? The toast, obviously. And that’s choosing to be happy. 

There are a thousand little moments every day where you can choose to be happy. These are all opportunities to make your life great. Take them. By empowering yourself to be happy, by choosing to see your life in a positive way, you will build your self confidence. Start doing it. It’s like a goddamn magic trick. Fuck the pink cloud.

I wrote this on here a while ago, but I’ll write it again: Here’s something I do every day that’s EXTREMELY STUPID AND EMBARRASSING, but it’s great and it works: Every morning, I’ll say something nice to myself in the mirror. I change it out about once a week, but it’s something I do every day. And it’s small: recently, it’s been “You smell pretty” (I got this new deodorant that I’m really into). Last week it was something I’m not going to repeat on here about my arms looking good. Getting into the habit of being nice to myself has been a great thing. So try it! You will feel fucking stupid as hell, and the first dozen times you will probably laugh at yourself for being a dumb idiot, but it WORKS. Eventually the nice words will sink in. Being happy is a choice, being positive takes hard work, but it all pays off. Trust me. You’re a dope person with a lot to offer - so realize it. And once you realize it, and believe it, you won’t be able to keep the suitors away.