#OH PETER. PETER WENTZ WHEN I FUCKING CATCH YOU!!!!!

[x-inc4nd3scent-x]

THERE IS NO GOD DAMN FUCKING WAY FOB PLAYED BANG THE DOLDRUMS AT WWWY. SHUT THE FUCK UP UR JOKING.

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

A Hotel in New York City - Pete Wentz x Reader

Request: vampire Pete Wentz x female reader? With angst and fluff?

Warnings: Supernatural Stuff (?)

Word count: 2 150

When you had planned your backpack trip through the US, you probably should have searched for affordable hotels in New York City. NYC was the last stop on your tour and you had spent three nights here already but you wanted to spend the last night in Manhattan, going out or something. But now you were wandering through the busy streets while the night reached its dark fingers into the ravines between the sky scrapers and you still did not know where to stay the night. You honestly considered going to one of the 24h cafés which you had seen a few blocks down, when suddenly your eyes caught sight of an old neon sign, which announced proudly “The Night Palace”. For a moment you wondered if this was some sort of strip club or brothel, but you came to the conclusion that it was unlikely since the sign would look in better shape, and also you could always leave if it turned out to be anything but a hotel. You took a deep breath and pushed open the wide, wooden door.

It was different than what you had expected. You had imagined an old wooden desk with an even older, grey haired lady who would ask you what you wanted in a raspy and rude voice. But instead it felt like you had just travelled in time back to the 1920s. The hall you entered was narrow but designed in a way that feigned a great room. There were balustrades on the walls at the heights of the second, third and fourth floor. The walls were mostly decorated with black wood and golden edges; the floor was of thick, red carped that muffled your steps as you approached the receptionist’s desk. When you spied over the top of the desk, you saw a man, mid-thirties with long brown hair and beard sit behind the counter.

“Excuse me?” Your voice sounded strangely lost in this place. “I would like to ask how much a room is for one night.”

The man looked up from the book he had been reading. He wore a name tag, telling you he was called Marcus. His eyes scanned your features carefully before he sighed and rolled his eyes at you. But he answered. “50 bucks a night for you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. Fifty dollars was an okay price, pretty okay to be honest. But he made it sound like the price was defined by the guest. But that was a problem for another day. Right now you were tired and wanted a bed. Forget the going out. You would go grab some Chinese or something and go to bed.

“I’d like the room please,” you told Marcus.

He extended the hand and it took you a moment to realize he was asking for the money. Quickly you placed a fifty dollar bill in his hand and he handed you a key with the number thirteen. You were about to ask on which floor the room was, when Marcus snapped his fingers and a short, young man walked towards you hurriedly. He wore a black hotel porter uniform with a red collar, a white shirt and a black bow tie. He had short, dark brown hair and brown eyes. His skin seemed unhealthily pale and his glance at you was short. Quickly he picked up your backpack, which you had put down to take out your money, and motioned you to follow him. He led you up a tall staircase to the third floor, down several dark corridors before he finally stopped in front of a door with the number 13 on it. No way in hell you would have found it without help.

The man was about to turn away, when you spoke up. “Excuse me? Do you know a good place to eat around here?”

The hotel porter turned around, looking puzzled for a moment. “There’s a good diner around the corner,” he answered.

“Thank you,” you quickly read the name on his jacket, “Pete.”

He nodded and turned around. He was gone faster than you had thought possible.

Your room was dark and the lamp on the ceiling only shed dim, yellow light. But the bed seemed freshly made and you had your own bathroom.

You quickly showered, put on fresh clothes and headed out for dinner.

When you returned to the hotel, it was long dark outside. The chair behind the receptionist’s desk was empty and Pete was nowhere in sight either. You climbed up the stairs to the third floor, hoping you would find your room easily. You did not. You had been wondering around for almost ten minutes and still not found your room, when you finally spotted someone on the end of the corridor.

You recognized a bearded man and when you approached him, you realized it was Marcus. But something was weird. He just seemed to be standing around, and when you got closer, you saw he was shaking. His shaking got more and more violent and suddenly he fell to the floor. You were about to run to him, when he jumped up again, he legs and arms growing long and thin, his head stretched into a weird shape and his yells echoed through the corridors.

You let out a scream and stumbled backwards. In terror you watched how Marcus’s clothes teared and fell to the floor and hair spread all over his naked body. A second later a gigantic wolf with weirdly human features stood in front of you. You were still walking backwards, hoping the monster would not see you. You knees felt weak and your heart was beating faster and faster. Without warning, the monster shot around and faced you. Glowing orange eyes fixated on you and slowly it started strolling over to you. It growled, showing its teeth and you froze. Suddenly you remembered the three possibilities a human had when facing a strong opponent. Fight, if the opponent is as strong as you or weaker. Flight, if you would lose a fight. Freeze, if the opponent is so strong, they would catch up to you. And you froze. There was nothing you could do. No matter how hard you wanted to run, you could not move. You only hoped, the monster would not see or smell you. But it came closer and closer.

It was only a meter away, when suddenly a hand was placed on your shoulder and yanked you backwards. A figure jumped in front of you, hissing at the monster, which growled back. Then the figured turned around, grabbed your arm and started running. Suddenly you were able to move again. You followed you savior, hearing the breathing and loud tapping of paws with claws behind you. The person still had their hand tightly wrapped around your arm and pulled you down corridor after corridor. The monster was still close behind you. Suddenly there was a loud ringing, then a howl which sounded like a wounded dog. The monster behind you got slower but the figure pulled you down one more corridor, before stopping in front of a door and pushing you inside.

You tumbled into a dark room, out of breath and scared out of your mind. A bright light on the ceiling was turned on and you recognized Pete, who slammed the door shut behind him.

“What was that?” You shouted, pointing at the door.

“Calm down.” Peter slowly walked over to you, his hands raised as if approaching a wounded animal. “That was just Marcus.”

“He turned into a fucking monster!” you were still shouting and probably started to hyperventilate.

“He’s just a werewolf,” Peter explained patiently.

“A werewolf! A werewolf! A werewolf? Are you fucking with me? What kind of drugs did you put me on?”

“No drugs, just the usual full moon procedure.” Peter’s voice was calm as if he explained to you that water was wet.

“Oh yeah, because that’s a thi- what are those?” Suddenly you had seen two long, pointy teeth, fangs, reach out of Peter’s mouth. You pointed at his face and confused he raised his hands to his mouth.

“Oh, sorry. How rude of me.”

You watched as the teeth shrunk and disappeared until he looked like a normal human being. But he was not, was he?

“What are you,” you asked your voice shaky.

“A vampire, what are you?” Pete answered.

“What do you mean, what am I? I am a fucking human, like you and Marcus should be but instead you’re like some comic book monsters that live in a hotel in New fucking York!”

Pete stared at you for a moment before he chuckled. “Wow, rude,” he commented.

Finally you calmed down enough to look around. The room was bigger than yours and pictures were put up on the walls. Your eyes scanned them, which probably was a bad idea, because they were pictures of werewolves, fairies, two dancing skeletons and other mythological creatures. You sunk down on the bed that stood in the middle of the room and buried your face in your hands.

“Is this real,” you whispered between your fingers.

You felt the mattress dip under the weight of Pete who sat down next to you, close enough to comfort you but far away enough for you not to freak out.

“I’m afraid it is.”

He gave you time to collect your thoughts. After a while you spoke again.

“Why did you think I was a… creature, too?”

Pete took a deep breath. “Because, and I hate to break this to you, only ‘creatures’ as you call us, can find this hotel.”

You bit your lower lip. “So what does that mean?” You knew what this meant but you were too scared to believe your own mind.

“That you’re one of us,” Pete answered.

~*~

You spent the rest of the night in what turned out to be Pete’s room. He patiently answered all of your questions. How old was he? 407. Were there many magical creatures out there? Yes. Did he drink blood? Yes, but only once a month. Why did he not bite you? Because he had his monthly meal just a few days ago. Would he die in the sun? No, that was a myth. Was the Loch Ness Monster real? No, he died three centuries ago. Where did he come from, Pete? From Illinois. Did he live in the hotel? Yes. When was the last time he left? 50 years ago, he was bound to the place by a curse.

The more you talked to Pete, the more you liked him. Sure you were terribly confused by all the supernatural crap, but Pete was cute and funny and patient and if he had not been a vampire, you probably would have tried to hook up with him. Not that you were being racist or whatever the word was, you were just not sure if that was a thing vampires did.

When the night turned into morning, Pete offered to bring you back to your room. You agreed and he helped you pack your things. As much as you liked Pete, you really wanted to leave this place as fast as possible but he had explained that the corridors would only be safe after sunrise.

He accompanied you down into the hall. Marcus sat behind the counter and nodded at the two of you. He had black circles under his eyes and his hair was all messed up, but he looked human.

Pete opened the door for you. With a relieved sigh you stepped outside in the light of the early morning.

“I really enjoyed tonight,” Pete confessed to you.

“I did too. In a macabre way,” you admitted, making both of you smile.

“Are you gonna come back?” Pete looked up at you shyly, a ray of sunlight hitting his face, making him look like an angel.

“I don’t know,” you answered, biting your lip. “Do you want me to?”

“Yes,” Pete blurted out, looking embarrassed at that.

“Then I’ll come back. One day I’ll come visit you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“I’m never gonna forget you,” Pete whispered and you could have sworn a hint of pink appeared on his cheeks.

“I’m never gonna forget you either. How could I?” You laughed quietly.

Pete looked up at you again, quickly leaning forward and pressing his lips against yours. They were soft and surprisingly warm, considering he was a vampire. You kissed back and he smiled into the kiss pulling back.

“See you,” he said sadly.

“See you,” you responded and waved at him.

Then you turned away into the street. You remembered what Pete had told you. Only magical creatures could find the hotel. You were one of them. But what were you? These thoughts spinning through your head, you started to walk down the streets, seeing the world in a new light.

[flauntpage]

A Team of Destiny: Ten Takeaways from Eagles 41, Patriots 33

What a ride, man.

The disrespect, the doubt, the misfortune – wasn’t it there from the start? There was always something hanging over this team, some nagging apprehension in the back of the mind that made you wonder if they really could get it done.

It honestly started in Week 1, when Ronald Darby dislocated his ankle. There goes the #1 cornerback Howie Roseman had just traded for.

In Week 2, a tough loss at Kansas City. We spent the next seven days arguing about Doug Pederson’s run/pass play-calling split.

Week 3, then, they’re cruising against the Giants before Eli Manning wakes up. Jake Elliott hits a 61-yard field goal to salvage the game and keep the Eagles from falling to 1-2. How important was that?

Was Doug good enough or was he Andy Reid junior? Was the secondary capable? Would Jim Schwartz interview for head coaching jobs?

The questions just wouldn’t go away.

And the injuries… Jesus Christ, the injuries.

Darren Spoles, done for the year.

Jason Peters, done for the year.

Jordan Hicks, Joe Walker, Chris Maragos, Carson Wentz… done, done, done, and done. No way they recover from all of that, right?

The left guard rotation.. remember that one? Chance Warmack and Stefen Wisniewski. The Carolina game and the lopsided penalty flags. Big V needing help at left tackle. A second round draft pick who didn’t even play until Week 17.

Oh yeah, “They haven’t beaten anybody yet!”

That’s what the national media said before the Seattle game, and the Birds lost. But they stayed out west and bounced back with a clutch victory in Los Angeles, beating COACH OF THE YEAR Sean McVay on his home turf. No way they were better than the Vikings or Saints though, right?

They were a disrespected #1 seed, underdogs in three straight postseason games, two in their own house. They felt that all the way, from September through the first week of February, and it all ended with Nick Foles beating Tom Brady in the Super Bowl.

For real.

The Eagles won it all with Doug Pederson coaching a backup.

This truly was a team of destiny. Philadelphia has removed, from around its neck, the biggest albatross on the face of Mother Earth. No more Dallas Cowboy fans chiding your loser fandom. No more soul crushing losses. No more choking on the biggest stage. Memories of Rodney Harrison and Joe Jurevicius forever banished to the Pit of Misery. From here to eternity, you’ll be able to tell people where you were when the Eagles lifted the Lombardi Trophy.

They got into a shootout with Tom Brady and won. And they left themselves little room for error, overcoming a missed extra point, a missed two-point conversion, a red zone false start, and an incredibly unlucky interception. When the Pats took a fourth quarter lead, did you think that might be it? Honestly, did you? I wasn’t sure the defense would get it done, but they did.

It was an incredible game. Think about it as a neutral, if possible. Both teams came flying out of the gates and put on a show. No lulls, no boring blow out, none of that. We had guys throwing down power bombs and dropping big hits and executing on trick plays. It was a Super Bowl that shattered a ton of records.

This is what I want:

At the parade, I want the Eagles to introduce every single player and every single coach individually. Start with the rookies and second stringers. Talk about something that each one of them contributed this season, because it truly was a team effort, every single person involved from the trainers to the practice squad to the sports science guys to Joe Douglas and Howie fucking Roseman. Build it up. Hit the crescendo by rolling this guy up to the podium:

  1) Big dick Nick

28 for 43, 373 yards, 3 touchdowns, and an interception that really wasn’t his fault.

Oh and he caught a touchdown pass, too. Nick Foles caught a touchdown pass from Trey Burton in the Super Bowl. Doug Pederson asked a backup tight end to throw a pass to a backup quarterback on fourth and goal.

Nick was phenomenal, leading the Birds down the field on a 13-play drive to start the game. They settled for a field goal after Zach Ertz committed a red zone penalty, but my immediate takeaway was that Foles had come out and established a rhythm and looked incredibly comfortable in the pocket.

He made some tough throws into tough windows and generally put the ball where his receivers could make a play. He dropped deep dimes for Corey Clement and Alshon Jeffery and was excellent under pressure:

Blitzing Nick Foles? Not a smart move tonight! #SBLII pic.twitter.com/c3JremYqFG

— Pro Football Focus (@PFF) February 5, 2018

There was some motion as well, where Foles did well to hit targets when moved out of the pocket and forced to use his feet. The Eagles finished 10-16 on third down and 2-2 on fourth down with a 34:04 to 25:56 time of possession advantage, some of which, honestly, was because the Patriots were scoring at will in the second half.

Either way, the play of the Super Bowl MVP kept the Birds above water when it looked like they might sink in the fourth quarter under a constant barrage from Tom Brady and company.

This is a guy who was considering retirement less than a year ago. It’s one hell of a story.

  2) RPO, play-action, and balance

No, not every play-action pass is an RPO, and Cris Collinsworth and Al Michaels misidentified some plays as the latter last night, which isn’t surprising.

For example, this play isn’t RPO because the linemen are pass blocking all the way:

But the Birds did what they typically do, mixing and matching all the way down the field with a lot of balance.

Just looking back at my notes, they unloaded the playbook with basically everything they’ve used all season long:

It’s all in there.

RPO, play action, runs from under center and shotgun, pitches, a fake toss, a wheel route, some flat/bubble stuff on the flanks. I don’t remember exactly what “Clement fancy fuck” means but I’m sure there was a good reason for writing that down.

  3) A whole lot of bending

Bend but don’t break, right?

It was one big bend from the Birds defense, but they made some key plays to get the job done.

First was the Rodney McLeod third down tackle on Brandin Cooks– the power bomb:

The great tackle on 3rd down by Rodney McLeod on Brandin Cooks pic.twitter.com/XUrGh9zX5M

— Dov Kleiman (@NFL_DovKleiman) February 5, 2018

That forced the Patriots into a field goal try, which they clanked off the post after a bad snap and/or hold.

Second was the 4th down stop, the pass for Gronk down the right sideline that went incomplete.

And finally, of course, the late-game strip sack from Brandon Graham.

In a high-level offensive game, the Eagles defense didn’t make a ton of plays, but made a few more than the Patriots defense, and that was the difference in this one. New England shot themselves in the foot with the missed field goal and failed 4th down conversion, which allowed the Birds to open up the double-digit lead in the first half. I feel like the Patriots win this game if they had gotten points out of those two aforementioned drives, instead of having to play from behind in the second half.

Sheil nails it here:

Eagles defense got gashed tonight, but Jim Schwartz's unit went the entire season — 19 games — without allowing a point in the final two minutes of the fourth quarter. Unbelievable.

— Sheil Kapadia (@SheilKapadia) February 5, 2018

  4) Defensive matchups

One of the things we mentioned last week in our preview series was New England’s ability to dictate matchups and identify mismatches all across the field. The Eagles had a lot of trouble with the no-huddle, up-tempo execution and looked gassed midway through the second half.

They actually had Malcolm Jenkins on James White, and he did a great job on the dangerous RB/WR hybrid, limiting him to 2 catches for 21 yards.

But with Jenkins on White, that left Corey Graham, Ronald Darby, and others to deal with Rob Gronkowski, Danny Amendola, and Chris Hogan. Think about how the Pats were slicing up the Birds even after Brandin Cooks had to leave the game with a head injury. That was a low-key HUGE development.

So New England adjusted in the second half, targeting Gronk five times on the opening touchdown drive. He finished with five first-half targets and 10 second-half targets, putting up 116 yards and two touchdowns.

The Eagles just had trouble getting to Tom Brady with a four-man rush. Fletcher Cox was double-teamed most of the night and Nate Solder did a really nice job of protecting the blindside at left tackle. When they did try to blitz, they just couldn’t get there, and Brady would easily identify where to go with the ball (think of the 3rd and 3 play in the 4th quarter after Darby made a nice open field tackle on second down).

New England put up 500 yards and didn’t punt. That’s incredible. We’ll dive into that when the all-22 film comes out.

  5) Illegal formation?

Doug Pederson’s ridiculous call right before halftime was the play of the game for me.

When I went back and looked at it again, I thought it actually might not be a legal lineup, so I combed through Twitter and found this:

My NESN colleague @chatham58 pointed out that the Eagles only had six players on the line on Foles' TD catch. He's right. pic.twitter.com/TRfB2teuMJ

— Zack Cox (@ZackCoxNESN) February 5, 2018

Yeah, I mean, he’s not wrong. That’s Alshon Jeffery up top, who needs to be on the line of scrimmage. Did the officials think he was? Or did they just blow the call? Maybe the pre-snap movement was a distraction.

Jeffery says he checked with the ref on the far side and got the okay.

An excerpt from an excellent article by Peter King over at Sports Illustrated:

Except Jeffery claimed he got the okay from the official on the right sideline. The way formation rules work, players can look over at a side judge or other official nearby to see if he’s in the permissible spot.

“I’m on the ball,” Jeffery said. “I pointed. What are you talking about? Man, you know I checked with the ref!”

For what it’s worth, Pro Football Talk cites an anonymous source saying the play was a “judgment call”:

The question is whether the wide receiver was on the line of scrimmage, in which case the formation was legal, or behind the line of scrimmage, in which case the Eagles only had six players on the line and were in an illegal formation.

The official thought the wide receiver was lined up close enough on the line to be covering the right tackle, and as a result the league doesn’t believe the Eagles got the benefit of a bad call.

The Eagles may or may not have got away with one there, but whatever. Hang on while I shed a tear for the New England Patriots, who have never had anything go their way in a Super Bowl.

  6) Broken records

This was one for the ages.

The Birds and Pats combined for 1,151 yards of offense, which isn’t just a Super Bowl or postseason record. That’s the most yards put up in ANY NFL game EVER. We’re talking Baylor vs. Texas Tech here, and not Matt Rhule’s Baylor, the scandalous Baylor from a few years back.

Some people rolled their eyes at the defenses last night, but I honestly think it was more about tremendous offensive execution and less about poor defenses. The Birds are a phenomenal unit and just looked outclassed last night.

A chunk of the records that were broken last night were Tom Brady eclipsing or extending his own Super Bowl marks, but some of the non-Brady records include:

Most points scored by a losing team – 33 (New England)

Most passing first downs in a Super Bowl – 42

Most yards in the game – 613 (New England)

Most combined yards – 1,151

Most passing yards in the Super Bowl –  500, (New England)

Most passing yards, both teams combined – 874

Fewest single team punts in a Super Bowl – 0 (New England)

Fewest overall punts, both teams – 1

Most missed PAT conversions in a Super Bowl – 4 (both teams)

Just incredible stuff when you think about it.

  7) What is a catch?

Ugh, you knew this shit was gonna rear its ugly head.

Two instances in this game, first the Corey Clement touchdown:

Here's the Corey Clement touchdown reception pic.twitter.com/2dqhkfJAeb

— Ian Wharton (@NFLFilmStudy) February 5, 2018

He gets both feet down, but sort of readjusts his hands mid stride. When the “third foot” touches, he’s out of bounds. But I don’t even necessarily see this as a bobble or a lack of control. To me, he has control from the start, and re-positions his left hand to secure the ball. It feels like a fluid motion to me, and not necessarily one where he’s trying to gain control of the ball while bobbling it.

Make sense? I could see them easily overturning that, but I really do think it was the right call.

And the game-winning touchdown:

.@ZERTZ_86, and the #Eagles take the lead.#SBLII | #FlyEaglesFly pic.twitter.com/9sDAh6B4VQ

— Philadelphia Eagles (@Eagles) February 5, 2018

Cris Collinsworth really did not want that to be a catch.

But it is, because the officials correctly ruled that Ertz had established possession and therefore became a runner, meaning that the touchdown is confirmed as soon as the ball crosses the plane.

That’s the difference to me vs. the Dez Bryant play from a while back and the Jesse James catch earlier this season. Dez didn’t cross the goal line with the ball and James didn’t confirm possession and take multiple steps like Ertz did.

Either way, thank the Lord we’ve reached a point where the NFL can now address this problem and redefine the rule in the offseason.

  8) Doug’s worst call?

I do this entry for every writeup.

His worst decision I think was going for the two-point conversion and then throwing a back shoulder fade to Alshon Jeffery. They didn’t need to go for two there, and then I didn’t like the call on top of it, even with a bit of misdirection in throwing four receivers out in a wide right look.

Also, the third down call to begin the fourth quarter, the little swing/reverse to Nelson Agholor for an eight yard loss, he would probably want that one back. Not a bad play design, but New England did a good job reading it.

On the final drive, he could have thrown it on third down and tried to kill the game right there, but opted for the field goal to take an eight-point lead instead. I could have gone either way on that decision, but it ended up working out just fine.

  9) Doug’s best call?

The Nick Foles touchdown reception will go down in NFL history as one of the most gutsy decisions of all-time, illegal formation or not. The irony, really, is that it’s not like the illegal formation provided any sort of advantage or whatever. The position of the top receiver made no difference in the play. It’s not like the Eagles got away with putting 12 men on the field or whatever, know what I’m sayin?

Obviously the second-best call was the decision to go on fourth down with 6:00 left in the fourth quarter. You just couldn’t give the ball back to the Pats at that point, and Doug made the correct choice to keep it rolling.

It’s incredible to see how far he’s come as a play-caller and decision maker in less than a year.

  10) Everything else

Admittedly, I wasn’t paying too much attention to the commercials, which I think got better as the broadcast went along. There was one really goofy one with Martin Luther King, Jr. that had to do with selling trucks, which I don’t think Dr. King would have approved of, but what do I know?

And what about the failed commercial break? 15 seconds of dead air on Super Bowl Sunday?

Woof man.

Someone’s ass is fired!

No, for real though, I thought the cable went out. What the hell was that?

Also, I found it hilarious how everyone kept retweeting this Justin Timberlake selfie picture and turned the kid on the left into a meme, but didn’t realize that Freddie Mitchell was standing over to JT’s other side:

"Let me get a selfie with #JustinTimberlake real quick." #SuperBowl pic.twitter.com/aPtMvhCb5R

— Sporting News (@sportingnews) February 5, 2018

As far as the broadcast, Al Michaels was okay. I think he’s tired. He’s been tired all season. Guy’s had a wonderful career and it might be time to call it quits and enjoy retirement. Cris Collinsworth, I don’t have anything against him, but his commentary on the catch/no catch stuff was unbearable.

Anyway, let’s check in with Ernest Owens to see how he’s celebrating:

White folks will celebrate with Black people "as one" when we fuel their capitalist sports system that values our Black bodies like million dollar slaves subjected to intense abuse (CTE) while keeping us silent.

Kaepernick wanted more and they sacrificed him for it. #SuperBowl

— Ernest Owens (@MrErnestOwens) February 5, 2018

Go Birds.

Super Bowl Champions.

A Team of Destiny: Ten Takeaways from Eagles 41, Patriots 33 published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[flauntpage]

Morning Wood: Double Team Pleasure

My eyes hath seen the light, and we are totally fucking for real again!

Oh what a day this is. Sports are back, baby! It’s been five years – FIVE YEARS – since we’ve had anything to give a shit about. I’m not kidding. At no point since 2012 could we seriously claim that our teams were contenders or that we were truly building something great. Now, through all of that misery and waiting and trusting, it’s all coming to fruition. Carson Wentz, on whom the Eagles staked maybe their entire franchise (or at least Howie Roseman’s office location), turned in what was easily his best performance to date, maybe not in terms of sheer stats, but in a purely biblical sense on national TV. Remember when he struggled to throw the deep ball. REMEMBER THAT? The north fucking remembers it:

Carson Wentz's TD to Mack Hollins traveled 62.8 yards of raw distance in the air, the longest of any over the last two seasons #NextGenStats http://pic.twitter.com/BmIgGb2KGI

— Matt Harmon (@MattHarmon_BYB) October 24, 2017

WHAT A BOMB:

I said to my Dad that looked like it went 50 yards in the air. I then tried to do the math from the 30 to the opposing 40, 30, 20, 10… um, how many is that? I can’t do football math over 50 yards. It doesn’t compute. 62.8! That’s like, off the top of my head, 188.4 feet! What a stud. By the way, the touchdown routes on that pass chart look like the visual interpretation of a dressage horse’s dance steps:

Meanwhile, in the former Motor City, the Sixers dismantled the Pistons on the strength of Joel Embiid’s 30 points and Ben Simmons’ triple-double, which seems good:

Ben Simmons just tallied a triple-double in his *4th* game. For reference, LeBron didn’t get his first until January of his second season.

— Tom Haberstroh (@tomhaberstroh) October 24, 2017

Simmons has a double-double in three of his first four games, a triple-double in the other, and is averaging 17, 11 and 7. There is a large eggplant Emoji in my pants.

Embiid is back to being himself, Carson Wentz is DA GOD (actually he might not like that phrasing and I’m sorry, My Chosen One, oh holy shit I gone dunnit again, ah Jesus Christ), and Ben Simmons is on his way to being the greatest player ever, so let’s check in on Markelle Fultz:

To be clear, I didn’t write the title for that video and, well, at least he took one? Yeah, this is a long-term thing with Fultz. Settle in.

Let’s Wood!

  Deuce Gruden

The one game all year when Ed Hochuli is not the most jacked guy on the field. Jon's son, #Redskins strength coach Deuce, takes the title. http://pic.twitter.com/o5mmSmJrnA

— bill hofheimer (@bhofheimer_espn) October 24, 2017

Holy shit Jon Gruden named his kid Deuce.

I saw a few Tweets about Gruden playing favorites last night because his brother is the coach and his son works for the team, but I actually think he does an EXTRAORDINARY job not playing favorites, without being like the Little League coach who is overly hard on his own kid to compensate. Think about it– it’s a tough spot. He calls him “Jay Gruden” for God’s sake. And I thought doing one little segment to acknowledge that they are in fact brothers is the right way to go about it. No issues at all. Love Gruden. He’s great. And his knowledge of Carson Wentz’s college call, followed by the crew having video of it? That’s good production right there.

  It’s unclear if Jordan Hicks was on crutches

It has been confirmed @CrossingBroad @EliotShorrParks http://pic.twitter.com/Zjr9lBOQl9

— Rick Paton (@Rickybob90) October 24, 2017

  Who wore it best?

@CrossingBroad What the fuck. Haha. That thing was authentic too. http://pic.twitter.com/W1WjPUua01

— Joe Buriak (@urbudyjoe) October 24, 2017

http://pic.twitter.com/y9mB21svPP

— Michael Shapiro (@mshapiro3) October 24, 2017

I’m willing to bet the first guy is from Upper Darby. I’m actually really impressed with this. That’s a Nike jersey, but it’s not technically authentic. NFL Shop filters will catch that customization 10 times out of 10 (I’ve told you this before, but I literally used to be the guy to run those filters and oh boy you won’t believe how many ways there are to spell “cunt” if you really try). It pairs so well with the baggy khakis, it’s like a cab sav paired with a dry-aged bone-in ribeye. They were just made for each other. And speaking of bonin’, that guy ain’t doing much of it, and your mom is most certainly not dangling her parts over his… you know what, let’s just take a beat here and appreciate the look.

  Just get on top

Week 8 NFL Power Rankings (via @HarrisonNFL):

1. @Eagles 2. @RamsNFL 3. @steelers 4. @Chiefs 5-32. https://t.co/e8y9nFyy65 http://pic.twitter.com/3Kvr4LElzG

— NFL (@NFL) October 24, 2017

  Wentz

This was his coming out party, make no mistake. He was slinging it like a legitimate Aaron Rodgers out there. Calling his own college plays. Perfect strikes. Purple 65!

@CrossingBroad I’ll take a Purple 65 in a large

— @nealstradamus1 (@nealstradamus1) October 24, 2017

It’s hard not to like everything about Wentz. He’s a great player and a good person. The Dutch Destroyer video is just one example. I’m a cynic when it comes to those things, but that kid and the bracelet 100% mean something to Wentz, and imagine how much that means to his family? Wentz isn’t paying lip service to some publicity thing– he’s doing what’s right. I honestly can’t imagine a better face for a sports team.

  Everyone else

And he’s just one of many on this team. Chris Long. Malcolm Jenkins. The celebrations. Wherever you stand on the anthem thing, there’s no denying the Eagles handled it right. Just everything they do is upbeat, positive and sends a good message regardless of skin color, age, ethnicity or allegiance. So much emotional intelligence it makes me want to punch someone.

  Jason Peters chants

That's brotherhood. We ❤️ #JasonPeters! #FlyEagelsFly #EaglesNation http://pic.twitter.com/mWOPqIjEbQ

— BEX {rebekah} (@bexonair) October 24, 2017

I can’t wait for the inevitable “it’s just a sprain, back after the bye” Tweets that will make this all seem so ridiculous. But, whatever happens, that was a cool moment– if you have to go out in the NFL, let it be in front of your home fans, with them chanting your name:

.@Eagles fans chanting Jason Peters' name as he gets carted off due to injury. #WASvsPHI #FlyEaglesFly http://pic.twitter.com/mOtICVwpc6

— NFL (@NFL) October 24, 2017

  Adorbs

That's Mack Hollins riding his bike to the game, lol. http://pic.twitter.com/wX7GmqIzDY

— Jimmy Kempski (@JimmyKempski) October 23, 2017

  Winning so much we’re tired of winning

Dolphins have released CB Byron Maxwell per source.

— ProFootballTalk (@ProFootballTalk) October 24, 2017

  Found footing

The Eagles came out looking sluggish and like they hadn’t played in 12 days. It all felt very similar to how they looked after starting 3-0 last year. Could the lull, followed in a week by a bye, do it again to the Eagles? It felt that way for a while. But credit to the Birds for finding their footing, quickly, and picking up right where they left off. This team is for real. Maybe not a true Super Bowl contender, but absolutely for real. They have always felt more legitimate than that 3-0 team last year, which played two dreadful teams to start and then a Steelers squad that wasn’t quite right yet. This team is well-rounded, with a stronger, more cohesive D, a better offense, more experienced quarterback and depth. They’re the real deal.

  Creeptweets

If anyone has any information on this lovely redhead call: 888-729-9494! You can get yourself a fine WIP pen. http://pic.twitter.com/NBYBai7AR3

— Angelo Cataldi (@AngeloCataldi) October 24, 2017

Imagine outing this (married) woman to Angelo and getting… a pen… for your betrayal.

  We have one

get a joel embiid in your life http://pic.twitter.com/9TM6YoyCvx

— Whitney Medworth (@its_whitney) October 24, 2017

  Look familiar?

It's hard not to think of a young LeBron when watching Ben Simmons pass the ball. http://pic.twitter.com/ExuOn6PcIa

— Joe Giglio (@JoeGiglioSports) October 24, 2017

  So this is good

Eagles offensive ranks through Week 7:

Points: 3rd Yards: 3rd Rushing: 2nd 1st downs: 2nd 3rd down %: 1st Point differential: 3rd TOP: 2nd

— Joe Giglio (@JoeGiglioSports) October 24, 2017

Tuna can offense no more.

  Men on Women

This is real….. http://pic.twitter.com/HVYH3FDyxd

— Yashar Ali (@yashar) October 23, 2017

What do you think Sal Pal can add to this event?

Morning Wood: Double Team Pleasure published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

Your Monday Morning Roundup

I’ve been getting a lot of questions about why the site has been so slow over the past week or weeks. I am not going anywhere. First of all, it’s really slow right now. That’s a big part of it. Second, I’ve been working on two other things– one related to CB and growing it to be better than ever before so there aren’t situations like last week where I fuck off to do something else and the site slows to a crawl, and the other not related to it but still having to do with media. It’s best to use the slowest time of the year to work on those things. That’s it. The site will be back to almost full this week and certainly once football season rolls around.

Let’s hit it!

  But first, a word from our sponsors:

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  The roundup:

The Phillies are on a bit of a roll, including four straight wins, a sweep of the Braves, and two walkoffs. But, it’s worth pointing out they’re still almost a full 10 games behind the fourth place Mets. Brutal.

Late last week they traded basically all of their rent-a-players for a haul of middling prospects that aren’t really worth analyzing other than to say that when you throw enough irons in the fire in baseball, maybe one or two will stick. I’m pretty sure I butchered that phrase, but I can’t imagine a trade deadline with less interest.

To that end, Jeremy Hellickson continues to frustrate us with his maddening mediocrity, which now includes potentially holding up his trade when he was rear-ended on his way to the airport. From ESPN.com:

Jeremy Hellickson got a trip from the NL East cellar to an AL East team still clinging to playoff hopes, but the right-hander hit a bump in the road on his way out of Philadelphia.

The veteran pitcher, who was traded by the Phillies to the Orioles on Friday, has not yet arrived in Baltimore, as he was rear-ended on his way to the airport.

Orioles manager Buck Showalter said that Hellickson is doing fine and has been in contact with Baltimore’s staff but had to go with his girlfriend to the emergency room following the car accident.

  Cowboys fans continue to justify their team’s shittiness:

Oh! http://pic.twitter.com/BZCDvxgFf2

— ✭DakPresG0d✭ (@DCTaylor_) July 25, 2017

  Who would’ve thought Allen Iverson would be a problem for a bullshit gimmick 3-on-3 basketball league:

http://pic.twitter.com/mSp3XrFmjA

— BIG3 (@thebig3) July 30, 2017

  Join our new Facebook group and go on a journey to Philly sports' intriguing past with @philafitz. https://t.co/HXJfbar4oY http://pic.twitter.com/MgVUmNZFng

— Philly.com Sports (@phillysport) July 31, 2017

Nothing will bring in those millennials like a retro sports Facebook group.

  Ladies, Submit your photo NOW to be a contestant in this year's Miss Fantasy Fest Contest at Fantasy Fest.https://t.co/KY96aeusPs

— 975TheFanatic (@975TheFanatic) July 31, 2017

How much you want to bet that not one girl who tries out for this looks like the girl in this photo? I can’t imagine a worse place than Fantesy Fest.

  Peter King in his MMQB:

I think we’re seeing a very interesting journalism experiment right now, and it’s by a friend of the show: Former MMQBer Greg Bedard started a subscription site, Boston Sports Journal, covering all the pro teams in Boston, and by this morning had exceeded early expectations, with 2,040 subscribers in the first week. The site was free in the first week and will go behind a pay wall today. Bedard and I talked Saturday about his expectations, and why he did it. “I think our business is in trouble,” Bedard said. “I’m 43, and I should be in my prime covering the NFL, and I didn’t have a job. And not just me. There are a lot of writers like me, probably 100 of us, capable and wanting to work, but without jobs. And I think this is the future—building a community of loyal subscribers and serving them and interacting with them so they preach the gospel of our site and keep us growing.” Bedard feels like I do: Aggregation sites—Pro Football Talk, The Big Lead, Deadspin—whittle away at the traffic for other sites by posting the most pertinent information from stories and linking to the stories … but how many people, after seeing pertinent info, then click the link to read the whole thing on the original site? Aggregation sites have good original content too, obviously, and do some good journalism, and they’re quick to credit other sites. But Bedard is right to try something different. I’ll be interested to see where it leads.

Interesting idea.

  WOW! Carson Wentz Fans Cry Talking about their love for the @Eagles QB!

Anderson Family Traveled from @NorthDakota to see @cj_wentz http://pic.twitter.com/4ptnseOgfy

— Jeff Skversky 6abc (@JeffSkversky) July 29, 2017

I found this oddly touching.

  Chris Christie got in a Cub's fans face at Miller Park in Milwaukee today http://pic.twitter.com/VsqBn30vY9

— Josh Billinson (@jbillinson) July 30, 2017

Chris Christie is the biggest bully of all-time. Quite literally.

  The Nelson Agholor hype is the sort of thing that makes me hate training camp. From Matt Lombardo:

Sunday’s practice was the kind of day that could easily boost Nelson Agholor’s confidence. Agholor caught a touchdown pass against air from Wentz early in the session and the thousands of fans in attendance gave him a legitimate standing ovation. Later, Agholor broke wide open to the point where the nearest defender might have been trying to catch up from Center City and Agholor made an easy catch for a touchdown.

Confidence has always been Agholor’s biggest weakness, and after a strong spring and impressive early training camp it appears as though he might be turning a corner in that regard ahead of his third NFL season.

Of course Agholor looked great. He has all the tools. He’s quick and athletic, but let’s see him do it with the threat of being decapitated by a linebacker coming over the middle. His problem has always been holding onto balls in tight spots. Then we’ll see what his confidence looks like.

  .@DeSeanJackson11 getting loose. http://pic.twitter.com/p8foPDhd9M

— Tampa Bay Buccaneers (@TBBuccaneers) July 31, 2017

All-in on the Bucs this year.

  Being a Clippers fan must suck.

  Just because he succeeds there doesn't mean he would have here. Belichick is the best coach ever for a reason.

— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) July 31, 2017

That's such a backhanded, bullshit excuse. So you're saying Belichick notices and gets the most out of talent…why the fuck can't we???

— Smitty (@SmittyBarstool) July 31, 2017

I’m with Smitty here. Yeah he plays for Belichick. At what point are we gonna get tired of being cucked by someone else? Perhaps after LeGarrette Blount disappoints?

  #Eagles RT Lane Johnson Makes Big Promise to Eagles Fans!

"If we won a Super Bowl… Hey I'm giving out Beer to everybody!"#EaglesCamp http://pic.twitter.com/ksy2J5v7sW

— Jeff Skversky 6abc (@JeffSkversky) July 31, 2017

Check to make sure it’s not spiked fist.

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Your Monday Morning Roundup published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv