#Now i cant go because You Didnt Give Me A Chance what the hell am i supposed to do with that? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

haley770 · 11 months ago

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glue me by los campesinos! is my favorite song(by my favorite band) ever and it is so so wilmon. literally everything about this song is perfect and beautiful. the lyrics represent wilmon and young royals so much. so lets go through it, shall we?

just a little note: almost nothing about this is in any order of the show(it is in order of the lyrics), basically just what scenes/things i am reminded of by some of the lyrics because so much of it lines up with this amazing show [:

youtube

/this song begins with such an amazing line, "the clouds salivating, drooling from the sky at the thought of the trouble to wreck" it is raining. water is such a big component as a metaphor in this show to represent everyones feelings. (thank you @tvmicroscope i love your analysis') its also just such a beautiful way to describe the rain as well, the clouds salivating, oh my god (!!! WTFF thats AMAZING I LOVE IT). and then it continues, "and its high tide, as the sewers rise and the drains have become obsolete" it is flooding. both of these just make me think of how it was raining on wilhelm in the soccer/football field scene. when he was soo fucking high and confused and overwhelmed, his brain was being flooded by so many feelings and emotions. probably conflicting each other. wilhelms entire life as he knew it is falling apart, he lost his brother, his best and only friend. he blames himself. he feels guilty. he is burdened with the title of the crown prince, which is the last thing that wilhelm wants. and most importantly(to him at least) he had to reject the love of his life because the crown prince cannot be gay like that. he felt like he was drowning in all of these emotions. he couldnt handle it, "i cant do this anymore", earlier in this same episode when he yet again rejected simon. but still, he goes on and makes the most amazing(and somewhat embarassing) love confession to simon because that is what he really feels. it is the only thing he can take a chance with for him to feel anything nice. and real. (ily tvmicroscope your analysis' are so beautiful)

/and now simon turns up, "seems theres no place in this town, for something as pure as you seem" wilhelm definitely thought this when simon actually came to rescue him in the middle of the night all like "you came, oh my god you came, im so glad youre here, youre so beautiful" wilhelm was definitely shocked simon actually came, especially after all the back and forth wilhelm put him through. it just further proves how amazing(pure) simon is(for this world/town).

/another heartbreaking one "water to my waist in a shark-infested bin" again reminds me of the football field scene when it was raining. wilhelm is so overwhelmed with everything. the water. he just wants to talk to somebody, but he is surrounded by fake friends who want to use him, people who dont give a shit about him as a person. the sharks. he doesnt have anybody to turn to. so he takes the chance of calling simon.

/this time, i hear simon. "and i heard, that it hurts" it literally echoes simon's "love shouldnt be this difficult" from the season 3 trailer. or maybe even in season 1 where wilhelm completely betrays simons trust and then doesnt understand what he did wrong. its just so heartbreaking for both of them ): especially because simon still loves wilhelm but hes also angry at him. at first, wilhelm didnt want simon to be mad at him because of the drugs, and he wasnt. but now he lied, and their relationship has since changed, and simon is mad at him, rightfully so.

/this one is more direct, "two wrists, two wrist watches. tick-tick-tocking second hands slightly out of time" how many times have watches been brought up or specifically highlighted in just seasons 1 and 2? SO MANY TIMES. (haha get it) we even saw some watches in the season 3 trailer! even boris! "ive had this watch for 40 years and it still works" 40 years is honestly crazy though, what the hell. let me see that watch.

/yet another heartbreaking one, "i requested a room with a view, in the middle of a war between me and you" is literally wilhelm looking at the beautiful lake in season 2 crying because he has completely lost hope for simon and he felt soso alone )): thankfully(...)felice came to rescue him, replacing simon from season 1. parallels am i right?(we did NOT need another kiss between felice and wilhelm. one was enough. or apparently it wasnt i guess)

/and, excuse me, OH MY GODD, i can HEAR wilhelm telling simon: "ill be gloomy til they glue me in the arms of [he] who loves me, til the rats and worms are all interned at least five feet above we" he will not give up on simon until he is sure there is no hope left(which we saw in season 2 until the valentines day ball kiss, also in the previous paragraph). another scene that fits is how wilhelm asked simon to hold him ): and finally, just wille being silly (the rats and worms because rats and worms are inherently silly like come on) reminds me of their 'date' by the water in s1e5, but its also so sweet because he is saying he wants to be together with simon until death. which is really the only thing wilhelm definitely wants(as well as for august to rot in hell, or jail, either works but both would be best, but thats besides this point).

/then simon, "[he] smiled, at a joke" just in general how happy he is when theyre together. this reminds me of the lake 'date' again and how totally in love simon looked whenever he was looking at wilhelm. as well as the laugh at the end of s2e5 after wilhelm closed the curtains, im glad theyre healing and can laugh about that.

/once again, excuse me, THE FOOTBALL REFERENCES(its los campesinos' thing to have a lot of football/soccer references in their lyrics but i dont really know much about football/soccer, i just know the references are there) WITH THE WHOLE FOOTBALL METAPHOR AND HOW FOOTBALL=SOMETHING REAL(from what i remember about the tvmicroscope analysis, read it if you havent it was so amazing and it was just so nice to actually see someone take the time to go through the show and each clip and write everything down, i am not very good at spotting metaphors but i love reading about them). but we have roshs great line, "rowing isnt a sport. football is a sport." very insightful for this entire metaphor. i guess you could say when they were at rosh's football/soccer game for these lyrics, but i think thats a bit boring, sorry. i would also like to note that, because of my non-existent knowledge on football/soccer, i chose not to talk about them in detail because i really dont understand the references in the song. from what i do know and so we are on the same page, the references are "im diving into headers, put this pretty face where the boots are flying in" | "but we connected like a yeboah volley" | and "of missed panenka penalty" as well as the chant at the end of the song, but i will actually talk about that in depth because it isnt very specific. there might be more(probably) but im not 100% sure about them.

/finally, we have the entire ending, "ex-boyfriend, boyfriend, give us a song" repeating. another football reference by los camp! which also fits the young royals narrative. the repetition is used as a chant for football, a play on "give us a wave". firstly, the valentines day ball comes to mind. this scene is showing simon who he really(again football is a real sport, thank you tvmicroscope) loves at the valentines day ball, hence him chasing after and kissing wilhelm. he also previously said he couldnt fall in love with marcus, "it just feels like he likes me for real" and "i just dont understand why i cant fall in love with him" ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD. too bad he didnt take the hint back then. also(unrelated) he couldnt even spell marcus' name right. "Hej Markus" seriously simon? too bad he never sent that text. they could have potentially broken up sooner. and then at the end of the valentines ball when marcus wille is listening to his ex-boyfriend his boyfriend sing a song he wrote about HIM(despite him being unaware of this fact until the next episode). it is such a crucial moment in season 2's whole plotline(and wilhelms sanity). next, this reminds me how he literally fell in love with simon when he was singing for him when he was being welcomed to hillerska. the glance around at erik and august like "are you seeing this shit?" or "are we watching the same thing?" look because of simon is so iconic. and the smile is so sweet. his first gay panic experience. moving on, it reminds me of how they sang the same song together later in this same episode "it takes a fool to remain sane". finally, when wilhelm was PISSED because simon couldnt sing his song at the jubilee(and they broke up yet again) and he asked jan olaf about it. he really wanted to see simon perform that for him ): and for simon to be able to perform his song and be happy. at least wilhelm was able to give his wonderful speech. really i am so proud of him, nobody could have expected this from him, especially at this point. not even simon! "it was a.. um.. a moment i didnt want to share, with anyone else, so i lied about it". he has matured so much in such little time, he didnt even want to give this speech either. he shouldnt have to. his anxiety must have been through the roof and he probably threw up afterwards. and of course the infamous consequences. the only reason the queen talks with her son. at least he has simon with him now to hold him when it gets too much(no more fights season 3 please i beg i cant handle it after season 2, the ending did kind of make up for it all though). i got a little off topic but you get the point. also, i brought each of these different scenes up because the ending specifically repeated this lyric several times, like all of these different moments line up. its literally wilmons song, you cant tell me otherwise.

well, that was a lot. i have been thinking about this for WEEKS. months even. and while i typically wouldnt post something like this, i put soso much thought into writing this. like ive actually put so much thought into this its driving me insane. its literally wilmons song, in my opinion. i also just needed a reason to talk about my favorite song and band and relate it to my favorite show. please listen to the song(or anything by los camp! theyre AMAZING). thats really all i need in life, for more people to hear this masterpiece.

🩷💜 thank you💜🩷

i dont know if i will ever do anything like this again, perhaps. im not sure. i did actually enjoy writing this though. i didnt originally plan on writing anything significant but i got carried away. i was supposed to be drawing more wilmon, i want to finish it before season 3 is officially out but it is just so detailed📚. someone yell at me to finish the drawing PLEASE ! time is ticking but its so fucking DETAILED and TEDIOUS. oh my god theres only a week left WHAT THE FUCKK. anyways i loved this [: very fun!

[if there are any typos or just flat out mistakes, either no there isnt or just let me know, i probably wont fix it but i appreciate it. i also want to say i am aware i am HORRIBLE at staying on topic i just had so many things ive wanted to say]

💜

#Spotify #young royals #yr #wilmon #wilhelm young royals #simon eriksson #los campesinos #los campesinos!#Youtube

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mywrittenavenue · 4 months ago

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VENTING ABOUT JOB SEARCHING

It's so frustrating being neurodivergent and looking for a job after graduating. I keep putting out applications and I'm not getting much. I also applied for agencies but still nada. I'm also struggling so hard with the interviews that I'm barely even asked to go on, and I'm awkward as hell. It's as if I forget who I am suddenly when asked interview questions. I wish it was dumbed down instead of being complicated for no reason. I hate the interrogation, and the faces they make when I struggle to remember things and or stutter. To base a human existence after only a brief meeting is so dystopian. I feel like a cog, someone who doesn't matter in the scheme of things, as if I was factory made for the masses.

I also hate how interviewers expect you to know about their company in-depth. I don't have time to be researching every single company and acting like it's an exhaulted position I waited my entire life for, when really it's a means to an end. I get money, and you get a designer who is thorough about getting things done right. Also dont get me started on ghost/faux job listings and how people keep asking for 3-5 years for an entry level position. It's absolutely ridiculous, a real shitshow.

I don't lack skills as a designer neither. I'm a multidisciplinary designer and I believe my work speaks for itself. It's just frustrating that nobody is giving me a chance. I just keep getting ghosted or rejected. Ive been peer-pressured/grilled by HR for a job opportunity and they truly made me feel like trash. I once was even passive-aggressively verbally attacked by an interviewer who was trying to gaslight me about the fact they didnt supply me with files for a design test.

That's another thing... design tests. Why waste my time to ask me to make a design and then just reject me on the third round of interviewing? Shouldn't my portfolio speak for itself?? Stop asking me to do free work while I'm trying to job hunt, and potentially stealing ideas from myself and other designers who apply.

Also fuck cover letters. I write fairly well, but I can't be spending forever trying to write cover letters. I hate knowing that companies just throw resumes and cover letters into AI scanners that will pick up keywords from the job listing. None of what I wrote will be written and I have to rely on programs like ChatGPT to help me write everything because I simply don't have the time or patience (I tweak it with my flavor of course).

Jobs used to be about giving people a fair chance, to genuinely look at what they could offer. Now my degree is meaningless, I cant apply for internship positions anymore since a year passed after graduating, and a masters degree will put me in debt if I go for it. I feel so trapped and I'm just so frustrated that this is the hand that we've been dealt. Meanwhile boomers and older adults are all pointing fingers at us as if we're the issue and not companies becoming more and more corrupt.

I just want a job so I can make money and get out of my toxic home environment. Is that too much to ask for????

#venting #jobsearch #job hunting #jobseekers #stress #anger #job applications #job seekers

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fraener · 5 months ago

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9/19/24

i feel heavy in bed this morning. i can hear the varied thrushes and their magic music somewhere in the abandoned lot eating berries. i spent the day in tears yesterday. h came over the night before and cried because it was the first time he decided to listen to me when i said i wasnt primarily interested in bottoming(and he felt entitled to topping me). i held myself together during the conversation but it all came crashing down the next day, of course, when i actually let myself close to what he had been saying. i made the mistake of letting him know i was feeling really sad about the whole thing and told him i didnt want to see him and he called me minutes before i had to go to work to yell at me for being upset because i was "using what he had said in his vulnerable moment against him" and how manipulative it was for me to be upset after the fact rather than telling him how i felt in the moment because it meant i was punishing him. i shouldnt have picked up the phone, i guess i thought there was a chance he wouldnt yell at me for whatever reason. s called me on his lunch break and told me the whole thing wasnt about any of that stuff, not really, it was about the fact that h fundamentally cannot see me or accept me for who i am and that was the real discrepancy in the relationship. i dont know why i keep trying h in the kitchen, he doesnt belong there. someone who i have to hold carefully during an emotional display who cant handle any emotional display im having without getting extremely reactive doesnt belong close to me. im so tired. i am tired on a level beyond what ive felt for a long time. i am tired of finding these people and falling in love and having them treat me like shit and not even be able to recognize that what theyre doing is fucked up and wrong. the most disappointing thing is that i feel like i keep giving them the road map to stop being assholes and then they only follow it with the next person they love (which is, always will inevitably be, a woman). talked to si too yesterday, he is ofc patient and loving and steady with his gf of the last two or so years. hes afraid of introducing us. i wish it was all easier. i wish people werent ashamed of me as parts of their pasts. what do you do with the frustration that happens when the people you love let others control their lives and relationships? how is anyone ok with their partners telling them they arent allowed to be friends with their exes? and what the hell has dating come to, where now its a race to make sure you can pretend someone goes in the kitchen years before they would ever be able to prove that they could or were worthy of doing so? if it doesnt go that way people say "this isnt progressing fast enough clearly we arent going anywhere" and give up. really pondering the nature of immediacy, impatience and scarcity. what if i want to slow down?

im going to try and do some nice things for myself today. i think im going to take a bath, try and cook something good for my meals, maybe go and pick quince if theyre ready, maybe put some things up in the loft. ofc the late submission of my acd is screwing my transcript(of no fault of my own) but hopefully the registrar will see how none of that is my fault and take pity on me. a terrible end to a terrible wonderful chapter. i miss feeling excited about something.

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livecharliereaction · 1 year ago

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Bye tsumihoroboshi

thats all for tsumihoroboshi chapter ZAMN. omfg i did cry i cant lie at that big battle on the rooftop i did i did i did.. It just hits a litte close to home friendship and all that... I love my friends so mach i get everything theyre feeling u know... AND the delusions of rena what a crazy writing style i dont think ill get over it like ever. urgh. Well the final tip almost wanted me to consider that "ooh maybe she was right!" but honestly my takeaways from it are juts 1. disaster happens regardless no matter how the events go otherwise 2. rika was murdered? Thats pretty weird 3. BUT theres hope liek she said BECAUSE: keiichi rememberd something from "another world" (i know a timeloop when i see one. its def a timeloop. Hells yeah) 4. the scrapbooks do hvae some evil spell or something takano i am onto you its weird anyway she shows up at such times and all.. Idk if shes the #MAIN VILLAIN DEMON OMG but shes Something.

Rena i love you thank you for solidifying your place as my favorite good time. argh every chapter so far is better than the one before it goes for this one too it does it does... Which is amazing implications for next ones... Lets hope they keep it up...

And keiichi i cant lie i do love you. I love you i love you i love you. Ughh. If i was still 16 hed have a big chance at going to that kinlist. But hes so gross so i wouldnt actually have added him then either!!! im unable to kin these days because EVERY GOOD CHARACTER EVER has Some Traits I Can Relate To Myself becuase i dont know something something human emotion something i am just like everyone else and everyone is just like me in the end and i love it. But yeah keiichi love the guy hes so #Power of Friendship #Protagonist. Im mentioning this cos i loved the girls from the start and still do but keiichi had to prove himself a little...

Yeah im curious about satoko now too i dont think i paid her enough mind i sort of ended up assuming shes #Normal but just super close to rika obviously but that one line about her being older. I couldnt tell yet if its Haha satokos body is older and rikas being funny! OR Omg satoko some immortal or something too woww! but yeah. I wouldnt think she is it doesnt seem that way at all BUT u never know w this fuckass series..ou ou ou ou ou

Mion i love you the girl that you are. Rena you are everything and more. Rika how have you managed to stay mysterious ive been here for like over 30 hours total for sure maybe even 40. But hmm

if its a timeloop i still cant tell what its about. id say rikas in charge (wants to keep giving this world a chance) n takano is with the antagonistic forces But how does it work exactly? If rikas the one "looping the time" directly it doesnt really compute unless she can do it from the afterlife. I dont konw.

And Omfg i hate this series because i STILL believe satoshi will show up one day. Even though it seems impossible now. But i liked him n shion so much dude i love shion so satoshi HAS TO come back for her. Urgh urgh urgh

But yeah i fr didnt think keiichi would be able to break renas delusion even for such a long moment But he pulled it off. Shes really cool i love her. I love her i love her i love her. UGHHH. Everything and more. and i said it alr but ill say it again the portrayal of her delusional state is SO personal to me i get her i get her i DO so good... Urghh. Ok. Thank u charhigurashi6 i have to check how many games the bundle i bought still has hmm

ok these 3 i own but havent installed lets see The first one here is um well i dont know that girl i havent seen her which is concerning! I feel like i mightve seen a sprite (in the og style that i read with) but thats kinda it. I recall seeing a name somewhere too shes a furude i think but not too sure Im always frustrated when i see a spoiler like that but then it never makes me any more knowledgeable about anything so so far its fine #LOL. proably has to do with the demon stuff tho...

takano in the middle one right takano you are so weird and offputting. Damn maybe she IS the big bad afterall

last one aww rika But yeah thats. I dont know its at least 5 hrs each but i think i spent like 10+ hrs on meakashi so it could possibly be up to like what. 15 even 20? per game. At least 15 hours left though.. Idt theres anything outside of the bundle after this its either higu anime time or umineko time ill see what kinda time i have then (i can probably watch the anime while multitasking i dont really care so much but umineko i want to be TUNED. IN.)

yay exciting ok thank u charhigurashi6 best chapter so far loved it love u rena love u everyone ok gn

#charhigurashi6

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storytimewithnova · 1 year ago

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haikyuu x undertale

In this AU no one knows who bokuto is Sho and yams are twins they went missing on their 9th birthday turns out they fell in to the underground sho aka frisk is a passive Yams aka chara takes genocide and kills all of sho friends and destroys all the friendships sho has made yams is dead when she fell she died on imapact he sprit remained

Lets begin all this takes place after the events of undertale if you haven't played it then i recommend of watch Jackseptic play i

In we ❤️ V ball GC

Unknown has started a live

They can see and hear everything because why not

Kenma:Wait S-S-Sho you're alive

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Sho looks at the skeleton that goes by the name bokuto and says

Sho:🎵 I didnt know what I got into, somehow I cant go back even if I really wanted to.. so what more can I do? In the end Its just me and you..🎵

Bokuto:💭so you were being made

Back in the chat

Lev:Whose that ?

Semi:You mean what's that?

Yaku:If she is alive her twin is right? Right?

The live

Sho:🎵 I never wanted to play by the rules, A knife in hand, I'm playing out the part of a fool. so here we go you can judge me throughly its too late for apologies.🎵

Bokuto:Please sho you're still my sho just please drop the Knife

The GC

Kuroo:Huh? his sho

Akaashi:Isn't he like umm dead

The live

Sho:🎵 Go ahead and just hit me since you're able, we know my determination is unstable,🎵

Bokuto:No sho i don't to do this if you were being made to this remeber you aren't the first human

Sho's thoughts💭my twin i know Ko i know she is behind this i am sorry love

Sho:🎵 I'm not even mad because I keep on dying, But I dont even know why I keep trying,🎵

Bokuto:Then lets stop killing each other because it hurts me holding your dying body every time i can't keep using my power

Sho's thoughts💭what did i tell you about timeline jumping stupid skeleton

Sho:🎵 This isn't what I want, yet it's what I asked for Curiosity over all my morals I took away our perfect happy ending Resetting the world despite the warnings🎵

Bokuto:I can undo it i will jump again if i have sho please lay down the Knife

The GC

Tori:Jump?!

Iwaizumi:I don't think we are going to get anwser babe

We stan non toxic Iwaoi in this household

The live

Sho:🎵 Right now I'm made.. O-o-o-o-of L-o-o-o-ove,l-o-o-o-ove 🎵

The Gc Semi:Love?

Kenma:Oh that sounds like a game i played it stands for Level of violence

Everyone oh

Akaashi:wonder Why sho is mentioning it

Kenma's thoughts💭 It sounds like a game I played no I can't be based off real events otherwise it would be in poor taste

Kenma:OH SHIT!

Kuroo:Kenma?

Kenma:The game i played its based of real events the events of sho and Yams disappearance

Kita:The fuck

Kenma:Lets see what else sho says

In the live

Sho:🎵 I know who you are you remember who i am we knew that once in a timeline, we have grown to be good friends And yet I killed your brother without giving him a chance Every time you throw me down, I hope you kill me once again..🎵

Everyone: WHAT?!

Bokuto's thoughts💭i don't want to kill you and we are more than friends love

Sho:🎵 So go ahead and just hit me since you're able All the sin that I can feel is unbearable If I could only hit you once it would be over But the consequences last forever🎵

Akanori:No don't hit her again

Sho:🎵 the flowers are in bloom as the birds will tell It's a beautiful day to be burning in Hell You gave me advice, I chose genocide, But I know how to make it right.🎵

Bokuto:No please i don't want to hit you again now i know your not the one behind it

Sho:🎵 I am made of LOVE ahh... but I'll give up for you.. l-o-o-o-ove, l-o-o-o-ove, l-o-o-o-ove but I'll give up for you. a-a-a-ahh..a-a-a-ahh...But I'll give up for you L-o-o-o-ove,L-o-o-o-oveL-o-o-o-ove..🎵

Yams:ђคђคђค

Bokuto:You it was you ,you made my sho like this

Yams:Bʅαԋ Ⴆʅαԋ Ⴆʅαԋ ʂσ ɱყ ƚɯιɳɳყ ԃιԃ ιƚ ƚσ Ⴆαԃ ʂԋҽ ԋαԃ ƚσ Ⴆҽ ϝσɾƈҽԃ αɳԃ ʅσʂʂ ƚԋҽ σɳҽʂ ʂԋҽ ʅσʋҽ ʅσʂʂ ყσυ ƚσ Ⴆαԃ ʂσ ʂαԃ ԋαԋαԋα

Bokuto:You're evil

Yams:Yҽαԋ ƚҽʅʅ ɱҽ ʂσɱҽƚԋιɳɠ ι ԃσɳ'ƚ ƙɳσɯ ƈσɱҽԃιαɳ ɱσƚԋҽɾ αɳԃ ϝαƚԋҽɾ υʂҽ ƚσ ʅσʋҽ ƚҽʅʅιɳɠ ɱҽ ι αɱ ƚԋҽ ҽʋιʅ ʋҽɾʂισɳ σϝ ʅιƚƚʅҽ ɱιʂʂ ρҽɾϝҽƈƚ ƚԋҽɾҽ ʂσɾɾყ ƚσ ԃσ ƚԋιʂ ƚσσ ყσυ ƚɯιɳɳყ

Yams grabs the knife and cuts her twins soul out putting it in herself

Bokuto:I will warn you one give sho her soul back

Yams:ภคђ

Bokuto:You asked for this kid

youtube

Bokuto:I warned you 🎵 It's a beautiful day outside Birds are singing, flowers are blooming On days like these, kids like you Should be burning in hell🎵

Yams:Aɯɯ ƚԋҽ ϝαɱσυʂ Cαƚƈԋρԋɾαʂҽ ԋσɯ ƈυƚҽ

Bokuto suddenly teleported

Tori:The fuck did i just see that right

Bokuto:🎵 Turn around kid, it'd be a crime, If I had to go back on the promise that I made for you So don't step over that line Or else, friend, you're gonna have a bad time But kids like you don't play by the rules And guys like me It ain't easy to be played for fools, So let's go, let the room get chiller Let's go, dirty brother killer🎵

Yams:Bυƚ ԃιԃɳ'ƚ ι αʅʂσ ʝυʂƚ ƙιʅʅ ყσυɾ ɠιɾʅϝɾιҽɳԃ

Bokuto:Yes you did aka your twin so 🎵 Go ahead and try to hit me if you're able Guess you've figured now that mercy's off the table I can tell you're getting really sick of trying But I think you're just mad you keep dying. You're not gonna win, we'll be here together, Fighting in this judgment hall forever I know you just reset each time I beat ya' But I'll always be right back here to meet ya'🎵

Yams:Hαԋαԋα Oԋ Ⴆσʅԃ σϝ ყσυ

Bokuto:🎵 I know you're made o-o-o-o-of Lo-o-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-o-ove Lo-o-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-o-ove🎵

Yams:Sσ ɯԋαƚ αɾҽ ყσυ ɠσιɳɠ ƚσ ԃσ αႦσυƚ ιƚ

Bokuto:🎵 This is where it stops This is where it ends If you want to get past me Well, you better try again.,But no matter how I stall you You don't give up your attack Do you just like the feeling Of your sins crawling on your back?🎵

Kita:Yams what the hell happened to you

Yams:Oԋ ყҽαԋ ƈσɱҽԃιαɳ ʅσʋҽ ιƚ

Bokuto:🎵 Go ahead and try to hit me if you're able You should know by now that mercy's off the table. Think that you can try to spare me like I'm some pawn?

Well, you didn't spare my brother or girlfriend, so get dunked on I know you made my friends all disappear, But everything they cared about is why I'm here I am their mercy, I am their vengeance I am determination.🎵

Yams:Rҽαʅʅყ Ⴆҽƈαυʂҽ ι ƈαɳ ʂҽҽ ყσυ ԋρ ყσυ ƙɳσɯ ƚԋαƚ ɾιɠԋƚ

Bokuto:🎵 I know you're made o-o-o-o-of Lo-o-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-o-ove But I think I'm stronger than you🎵

Yams:Dσ ყσυ ɯαɳƚ ƚσ ƚҽʂƚ ƚԋαƚ ƚԋҽσɾყ

Bokuto:All i want is sho back

youtube

Yams:ȶօ ɮǟɖ ֆɦɛ'ֆ ռօȶ ƈօʍɨռɢ ɮǟƈӄ ǟռɖ ռɛȶɦɛʀ աɨʟʟ ʏօʊ ɦǟɦǟɦǟ 🎵 ɦɛʀɛ աɛ ǟʀɛ ǟɢǟɨռ, ʝʊֆȶ ʍɛ ǟռɖ ʏօʊ ƈօʍɛɖɨǟռ, ʀɨɢɦȶ? աɨȶɦ ʏօʊʀ ɮʟǟֆȶɛʀֆ, ʏօʊʀ ʄʟǟֆɦɨռɢ ɛʏɛ ʏօʊ ֆɦօʊʟɖ ɮɛȶȶɛʀ ɮɛ քʀɛքǟʀɛɖ ɮɛƈǟʊֆɛ ֆօօռ... ʏօʊʀ ʟǟֆȶ ɦօʊʀ ֆȶʀɨӄɛֆ🎵

Bokuto:Why won't you just die again this time stay dead

Yams:🎵 օռɛ ֆȶɛք ʟɛʄȶ ռօա, ɨֆ ǟʟʍօֆȶ ȶɨʍɛ ֆɦօա ʏօʊ աɦǟȶ ʍʏ ɖɛȶɛʀʍɨռǟȶɨօռ ɦǟֆ ȶօ ʟɛʄȶ ʄօʀ ʏօʊ ȶօ ɢɛȶ ɮǟƈӄ ȶօ ʏօʊ ֆɦօʊʟɖ քʀɛքǟʀɛ ȶօ ʝʊֆȶ ɖɨɛ ʟɨӄɛ ǟʟʟ ʏօʊʀ ʄʀɨɛռɖֆ ʏօʊ'ʟʟ ɦǟʋɛ ǟ ɢօօɖ ȶɨʍɛ ɮʊȶ ɢʊʏֆ ʟɨӄɛ ʏօʊ ǟʀɛ ǟʟաǟʏֆ ʝʊֆȶ ʄօօʟֆ ƈօʍɛ ǟȶ ʍɛ, ȶʀʏ ȶօ ӄɨʟʟ ʍɛ աɨȶɦ ʏօʊʀ ʄǟռƈʏ ȶօօʟֆ ʟɛȶ'ֆ ɢօ, ռօա ȶɦɛ ʀօօʍ ɢɛȶֆ ƈɦɨʟʟɛʀ ʟɛȶ'ֆ ɢօ, ʝʊֆȶ ǟռօȶɦɛʀ ӄɨʟʟɛʀ🎵

Semi:Yams drop the knife and let sho come back

Yams:🎵 ɢօ ǟɦɛǟɖ ӄɨʟʟ ʍɛ ǟɢǟɨռ, ɨ ֆɛɛ ʏօʊ ǟʀɛ ǟɮʟɛ ɮʊȶ ɨռֆɨɖɛ ʏօʊ ӄռօա ȶɦɛ ɛռɖ ƈǟռ'ȶ ɮɛ ɛʋǟɖɛɖ ɨ ƈǟռ ȶɛʟʟ ʏօʊ ǟʀɛ ʀɛǟʟʟʏ ȶɨʀɛɖ օʄ ȶɦɛ ʄɨɢɦȶɨռɢ ɮʊȶ ɨ ɛʋɛռ ƈօʍɛ ǟ��ȶɛʀ ɖʏɨռɢ աɦʏ ռօ ʟɛȶ ʍɛ աɨռ? ʏօʊ ƈǟռ'ȶ ɖօɖɢɛ ʄօʀɛʋɛʀ ɛʋɛռ ɨʄ ȶɦɛ քǟɨռ ɨֆ ʍօʀɛ ʄʊռ ȶօɢɛȶɦɛʀ ʏօʊ ӄռօա ɨ աɨʟʟ ʝʊֆȶ ʀɛֆɛȶ ǟռɖ ƈօʍɛ ɮǟƈӄ ռɛաɛʀ ǟռɖ աɨȶɦ ɛʋɛʀʏ ȶʀʏ ɨ ɢɛȶȶɨռɢ ɛʋɛռ ʄǟֆȶɛʀ ȶɦǟռ ʏօʊ ǟʀɛ🎵

Bokuto charges at yams

Yams:🎵 ɨ'ʍ ʍǟɖɛ օʄ ʟօʋɛ ʟօʋɛ ʟօʋɛ օʄ ʟօʋɛ ʟօʋɛ🎵

Bokuto:You think i am giving up you think i am letting her go just like that big mistake i will rip her soul our of you

Yams:Hαԋαԋα αɳԃ ɾιʂƙ ԋυɾƚιɳɠ ԋҽɾ ιϝ ყσυ ԃσ ƚԋαƚ αɾҽ ɯιʅʅ ƚσ Tαƙҽ ƚԋαƚ ɾιʂƙ ιϝ ყσυ ԃσ ƚԋαƚ ԃσ ყσυ ʂҽҽ ƈσɱҽԃιαɳ

🎵 "Tԋιʂ ιʂ ɯԋҽɾҽ ιƚ ʂƚσρʂ" "Tԋιʂ ιʂ ɯԋҽɾҽ ιƚ ҽɳԃʂ" Yσυ ƙҽҽρ ƚҽʅʅιɳɠ ɱҽ ƚԋσʂҽ ɯσɾԃʂ ιɳ ԋσρҽ ƚԋαƚ I ɯσυʅԃ υɳԃҽɾʂƚαɳԃ Bυƚ ҽʋҽɳ ιϝ I ԋҽαɾ ყσυ I ɯσɳ'ƚ ɠιʋҽ υρ ɱყ αƚƚαƈƙ🎵

Bokuto:You should understand she is you twin and you are hurting just as much as i have

Yams:🎵 Cαɳ ყσυ ʝυʂƚ ɳσƚ ʂҽҽ ƚԋҽ ƚɾυƚԋ? Cαɳ ყσυ ɳσƚ ʂҽҽ ɯԋαƚ ƚԋιʂ αʅʅ ɱҽαɳƚ? Gσ αԋҽαԃ ƙιʅʅ ɱҽ αɠαιɳ I ʂҽҽ ყσυ αɾҽ αႦʅҽ Bυƚ ιɳʂιԃҽ ყσυ ƙɳσɯ ƚԋҽ ҽɳԃ ƈαɳ'ƚ Ⴆҽ ҽʋα��ҽԃ Yσυ ƚԋιɳƙ I ɱιɠԋƚ ƚɾყ ʂƚσρ ιϝ ყσυ ʂƚαყ ραƚιҽɳƚ Bυƚ I'ɱ ɠҽƚƚιɳɠ ყσυ ɯιƚԋ ɱყ ԃҽƚҽɾɱιɳαƚισɳ I ɱαԃҽ ყσυɾ ϝɾιҽɳԃʂ αʅʅ ԃιʂαρρҽαɾ Eɾαʂιɳɠ ɯԋαƚ ιʂ ʅҽϝƚ, ƚԋιʂ ιʂ ɯԋყ I'ɱ ԋҽɾҽ I ɯιʅʅ ƙҽҽρ ϝιɠԋƚιɳɠ Yσυ ʂԋσυʅԃ Ⴆҽ ԃყιɳɠ Tԋαƚ ιʂ ყσυɾ ԃҽʂƚιɳαƚισɳ🎵

Bokuto:Maybe but my main priorty is sho not you not me sho and its always has been ever since she fell down here

Yams:🎵 I'ɱ ҽɳƚιɾҽʅყ ɱαԃҽ σϝ Oϝ Lσʋҽ Oϝ (αɳԃ I'ɱ ʂυɾҽ I'ɱ ʂƚɾσɳɠҽɾ ƚԋαɳ ყσυ) Oϝ Lσʋҽ (I'ɱ ʂƚɾσɳɠҽɾ ƚԋαɳ ყσυ) Oϝ Lσʋҽ (I'ɱ ʂƚɾσɳɠҽɾ ƚԋαɳ ყσυ) Oϝ Lσʋҽ🎵 Oϝ ƈσυʂҽ ʅιƚƚʅҽ ɱιʂʂ ρҽɾϝҽƈƚ ԋαʂ ҽʋҽɾყσɳҽʂ ƚɾυʂƚ ƚԋαƚ ιʂ ɯԋყ ιʂ ɯσɾʅԃ ɳҽҽԃʂ ƚσ Ⴆҽ ƈʅҽαɳʂҽԃ ƚԋαƚ αɳԃ ɱσɳʂƚҽɾ ʅιƙҽ ყσυ ҽxιʂƚ ι αɱ σɳʅყ ԃσ ɯԋαƚ συɾ Aɳƈҽʂƚσɾʂ ϝαιʅҽԃ ƚσ ԃσ Rιԃ ƚԋҽ ɯσɾʅԃ σϝ ყσυɾ ƙιɳԃ

Yams hovers her hand over the reset and was about to press it when a sword went right though it

Bokuto:Greater dog your alive

Yams:𝖂𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖍𝖔𝖜 𝖎 𝖐𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖉 𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞𝖔𝖓𝖊

Dr alphys:Yeah not everyone i was able to get some out with the help of sho distracting you no to get rid of you once and for all greater dog if you please and lets get our sho back

Bark bark Greater dog swung his sword making sure to miss sho soul and putting an end to her twin once and for all alphys puts sho soul back metaton shocked her to wake her up

Sho:Huh?! Dr alphys guys your okay

Dr alphys:Well those that i managed to get out are yes thanks to you Sho

Sho ran to bokuto

Sho:Ko are you hurt

Bokuto:Not at all are you okay though are you hurt

Sho:I'll live i think silly skeleton

Bokuto:Your silly skeleton

Sho:Right lets go home guys and yams i hope you are in a better place i forgive you

Live ends

Iwaizumi:That was a lot

Kita:Yams is dead sho is alive kind of

Sho is online

Sho:No i am alive

Everyone: Sho where are you

Sho:Well after the events of what you just saw i found a way of getting everyone to the surface so i am home yams is dead when we fell in to the underground i fell on golden leave she fell on the hard ground and died on impact i I survived because I had to leave still cushion my fall.

Kenma:Makes scene its like in the game you fall then you wake up on a pile of golden leave then you mean a flower that tells you

Sho:It's kill or be killed yeah he's an asshole

Tori:Flowers talk

Sho:Oh yeah it wasn't really a flower he was the Prince who for some reason turned into a flower by the humans Honestly it's a long weird ass story The only other flowers that talk of echo flowers someone has to talk near them and they echo back what was said

Akaashi:So if Someone told their friends a secret or a hopes and dreams these flowers will pick up on it and then echo it back won't be much of a secret then

Sho:Very true they should learn to pick the spots better that don't have echo flowers

Spent the rest of the day hanging out sho even introduced into some of the monsters that she's been living with and everyone became good friends and the monsters learnt that humans aren't as bad as they first thought but as the generations got older they've kind of evolved from when they were barricaded underground

#Youtube

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ghostbbii · 2 years ago

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released from my prison mind

I AM SO SORRY SIS, I KNOW YOU FORGIVE ME!!!! IF I KNEW I WOULD OF NEVER ALLOWED GOD TO CALL ON SLEEPY.. I WOULD OF SAVED YOU NEWPHEW!! YOU WOULD OF NEVER BEEN LOOKING DOWN ON US WITH YOUR MOM NEXT TO YOU..

At times i want to hate you god!! but at the end you have your reasons!! but this one its unexplainable, to me. im confused on that calling!! WHAT HAPPEN TO TALKING TO US through SIGNS!!

Fck i want to scream out every day but instead i been doing it in my head for last 17&18 yrs now!! (1.15.04) & (1.26.03)

i release you guys from being IN-PRISON in my mind

. see i couldn't find it in myself to accpet death!! stood in denial for all those years!! i didnt understand how i was never going to see you again. i already had to put your mom up in california state; in my mind. and i couldnt think of which state to put you once you got locked in my prison mind. i couldnt comprehend it. how you guys would never have the chance to eat again, laugh, talk, sleep, go see events with the family or friends. do things in genral that you guys enjoy to do.. i didnt want to believe that it was the truth!!

i know i need to stop blaming myself about your DEATH nephew. but the truth for me would of been and is you probably would really be alive. breathing with us ; walking this damn hell we call earth!! i know you felt that feeling just like i did that very night. we knew some thing was going to happen that day; we knew we needed to find each other, it was meant for us to say sorry to each other.BUT that time never came to happen. it never became a moment in our time line.. our last words to us were hateful words said outta of anger.. . if i can go back in time i would of went to school that morning, i regret not going. for never getting up to just going against my gut. to just saying fck it; to showing up that day! . i never meant those words to you when we got into it that saturday afternoon. i was just standing up for my mom like i always have man. but i should of never brought your mom into it and that lead us to really saying words that we let our anger get the best of us..just when we were finally learning to speak to each other, get along. you, aaron and me. still had a while until all 6 of us did get along. but you ran away from home that day. 3 months later, the day you decided to come back home!! i wish, i did go to school. oh how much it hurts to just want to hug you nephew, to laugh and joke around,, to go tagging on shit again, the bond we grew through art. its how we learned to speak. anger managment did help like you said. just had to accept it and be okay with it steph is what you would say to me! when liz and steph told me you went to the school looking for me it killed me more,, i died that day nephew! a part of me really left. i went cold and empty mentally i grew hate towards myself.. they dont lie that words can hurt.. Especially knowing i would never be able to say sorry in person to you. i never meant those words and i know you knew and know that now, its been killing me for holding on and not letting you guys go, to accept the truth, i wish i did said my peace to you that day at your wake. i wish i did go see you when we were doing your burial. instead i held on. i didn't want to have my last imagine of you dead man.. mainly beaucse my last interaction with you was us arguing!! i wasnt able to to find it in me to come and face you. it wasnt the right way ;for that it's been eating me alive, for all these years.. i cant remember how you or my sis sound like when laughing. what your voice is when words come out of it. i dont know how it feels to embrace you nephew. or your voice lisette when you used to yell at us all. i cant recall how it feels to give your body a massage sis. i hate giving people a massage when they ask for it because it brings back memories. Fighting through the day with a weak body after treatment. hate drawing shit it to much of a strong feeling having you next to me. i finally went to go say my peace Jan 2022. time to let ya fly

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evil-wakes-in-vengeance · 2 years ago

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Don't reply to this. I told you I'm rebuilding my life. I've got every confidence in myself, but thank you nonetheless. The thing that stings about it all is that you have nothing to say after months of not talking. Not that you have to say anything, that's your prerogative, I'm just genuinely surprised by it. It's good to know I was just a temporary filler for your loneliness at the time. Don't repeat the same mistake. I definitely won't be.

right this is the last time I am fucking replying to you and I'm going to break it down as simple as possible, I let you , ash , into my life, when I wasn't even ready but i decided to give it all a chance again after 4 years of toxicity with will. it started horrible and I should have seen the flags , one example would be the day you said you loved me and you decided to make me feel bad for not returning the notion, which guilt tripped the shit out of me, the next thing I knew you where slowly moving your stuff in doing in slowly almost as though I wouldnt notice, and I very clearly wasnt ready for that step I allowed it on the false pretention you would get a job , which you never did, to which I then got a second job , because I could not afford you myself and luna off of part time cleaning. Which i required you to watch my child for , which was met with me being some sort of "hoe" at work because I wanted to fuck everyoe or everyone me , and that was the same everywhere i went I couldnt even go in a shop without you sulking about a guy i had apperntly looked at, it was absurd , i couldn't do the one thing I enjoyed which was my motorbike meets because you made it fucking hell in regaurds to of course men, I was made to feel unloyal trapped and quiet frankly like i didnt exist because all you ever spoke about was yourself, i basically became your therapist even though you where slowly chocking the shit out of me, and my daughter of which you found hilariouse to bully and put down, calling her names as a joke the same as you did me and even calling her drawings bad just being outright horrible for your own entertainment , you wanted sex on demaned regaurdless off how i felt and if i said no i would yet again be met with a guilt trip to where i was left feeling misreable but as long you got what you wanted it didn't matter, you ironically would sit in my bed scrolling threw nudes off woman and even commenting on photos thinking i wasnt aware and you even messaged some girl attempting to meet , but I was the one being accused off god knows what even though id never looked anywhere else or anything of the sort. you just toke from me ash, you free loaded off my food my internet my tobocco everything, sat on your xbox most nights until fuck knows when and slept all day and would expect a pat on the back when you did something nice, yeh we went for some cycle rides we had some nice memories together but all of the nice shit with sobotaged by all of the above, the last straw was when I spoke to that black guy at central bar and I was accused of wanting BBD ect to the point the guy walked us back as he was concerned about me with your behaviour to which ended up with me finally fighting back and loosing my shit with you which resulted in you loobing my furniture across the room. so i kicked you out off my house and called the police, and from months on from there you sent me thousand and thousands of messages , you even sent me pictures of girls naked telling how much better they where than me, as if you hadnt already done a number on my confidence with comments i cant even put on the internet because theyre so disguisting like that one becky wanted to punch you in the face for (my god i wish she had!) , then at some point you broke into my fucking house , it toke the police months to catch your arse and theyre still processing all the evidence now and it still has to go to court, yet here the fuck you are with a restraining order against you messaging me , you currently have two fake accounts to stalk my instagram and fuck knows what else you stalk it seems my tumblr also of course! your obsessed , with what i dont even know because to be quiet fucking brutally honest with you i totally fucking hate you. you made me feel more alone than actually being alone has ever ever made me feel, and thanks to you im now absoloutly fucking terrified to let anyone near not just me but my child ! because i never want some cunt to treat her like you did ! you..are..vile.

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credulouscanidae · 1 year ago

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i think. it's because i got denied an appointment to start hrt again despite giving all the history + diagnosis. nhs isnt going to help me. i had a massive breakdown about that. i was told i need to send the docs, sent them off couple weeks before christmas, sent a follow up email as i didnt get a reply back early jan, then called up asking for an update, only to be told that they apparently sent a letter to my old gp about denying me an appt. and then got all indignant when i asked for a copy of the letter -about me-. couldnt even acknowledge my 3 emails i had sent them over the month. nah, all my medical future gets decided without my input or autonomy. such is the case with the nhs i hear. that was....the week before? idk time is getting lost on me.

then within the same week i get indirectly told that i didnt get the job i was really riding on getting, at the place i volunteer. i was hyped up about volunteers having a higher chance by the workers there. radio silence for months. get told by one of the workers at break "oh btw im sorry you didnt get the job". despite...despite asking for a follow up about my outcome, and being assured that i would get a yes or no answer, because "they follow up with everyone who has an interview whether you got the job or not".

me from a year ago wouldve been disappointed, but probably couldve picked up from that and be reassured. the me now? cant bounce back. clearly im not worth having these opportunities. im not worth having a job at the place ive been at for9 months, and instead they hire 2 completely new people to the organisation. i wasnt even runner up.

i miss my old self. i am a fat disgusting estrogen-ridden husk of my former self.

i miss working. it fucked me up in a lot of ways, but it kept me fit, busy, occupied, and productive.

i miss connection and talking to people. god, i miss it every day. and the only solution to it is to challenge myself. but it's so fucking easy to give up and resign to the fact that no one cares or id be a bother or i deserve to be alone. how the fuck are you meant to be convinced to even instigate convo when thats all that goes through your head?

while im not making any effort to end my life, im sure as hell also not doing anything to preserve it. i feel like im going to snap some point soon. i feel more and more unhinged every time i have a breakdown, like i am so rotted from the inside that i can barely hold myself together anymore. my foundations are collapsing. i had a breakdown mid last week and i still feel hungover. my body itches and jitters all over.

cant even do my dog grooming properly. im not confident nor experienced enough, but im too scared to take abreak from it because i know that's just the mental illness talking and i should just suck it up and pull through. i could if i tried.

but the problem is i cant find a reason to try.

i feel like a sim. like a simulation just going through the ropes, making the body movements that constitute a behaviour. but im not actually doing them. i barely comprehended that i made dinner last night, it kinda...spawned. bangers and mash it was. first cooked meal in a long time. beats whatever frozen thing i shove into the oven.

i get up, have breakfast, pass the time and just eat whenever i feel hungry, and before i know it, it's time to sleep. every day blurs into one.

i know this all sounds melodramatic but it's how i feel. i hate myself for only being able to express my misery through dumb tumblr posts hidden under readmores. thats not the way to get help. i want help, and i know i need it. but that requires me to believe that i am worth saving.

but i am not worth saving.

if this is what life has to be then i dont know.

i just. wish i could feel like things will be okay one day. that there is an end to this.

im going to bed.

it's been a. weird past 7 days or so.

#just ignore me.#im being miserable as usual nothing unusual

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atlabeth · 3 years ago

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10 things i hate about you part 4 - jj maybank x fem!reader

PART 3 | MASTERLIST | PART 5

a/n: damn i really cant put things out on a decent schedule huh? im so sorry this is coming out 3 weeks later lol hope it doesnt suck

warning(s): some very vague photography talk bc i didnt feel like doing hella research, y/n is an asshole, topper is an asshole, y/n hates jj some more but also doesnt, everyone has a fuuuun time

wc: 3.5k

��So, how is it going with the shrew?” Pope took a couple water bottles and a beer can out of the fridge, tossing the extra waters to John B and Kie and the can to JJ. “Is it everything you’ve ever dreamed of?”

JJ frowned as he caught the can and cracked it open. “The hell’s a shrew?”

Pope stopped in the middle of the room and stared at him. “Y’know, ‘The Taming of the Shrew’?” He was met with a blank look. “It’s Shakespeare, she’s like the shrew— you know what, nevermind. What’s it like trying to get with Sarah Cameron’s sister?”

“I would also like to know,” John B spoke up as he propped his feet up against the table. “I have another tutor session with Sarah tomorrow before school, and I gotta know how my chances are looking.”

Kiara snorted. “Ten dollars that she still hates him and nothing is ever going to happen.”

“Ever the pessimist, Kie,” JJ sighed with a shake of his head. “I’ll have you know that things are actually going pretty well! I hung out with her last Friday and watched as she keyed Topper’s car, then I got her number. I don’t know why everyone’s so scared of her — she’s not that bad.”

“That’s why people are scared of her,” Pope said. “Because she keyed the car of one of the richest guys on this island with no fear of repercussions.”

“She’s one of the richest girls on the island,” John B defended. “If she’s taking down kooks, that means we don’t have to.” He then looked back to JJ, eyes almost sparkling with hope. “So? Did you get a date with her?”

JJ pursed his lips. “That would still be a no.”

John B groaned as Pope and Kiara exchanged unsurprised looks. “Does anyone wanna give me my ten dollars?” she asked with a self-satisfied smile.

“Shut up, Kie.” John B sat up, now fully concentrated on the matter at hand. “What did you do with her? Did you even ask her out?”

“Of course I asked her out, man! I’ve asked out like, three times now.” JJ rolled his eyes and took a swig from his can. “She’s said no every time. I guess she’s not into surfing.”

“Surfing?” Pope couldn’t help his own bewildered laugh. “Man, do you even know her?”

“Oh, I wasn’t aware that you knew her,” JJ retorted. “Please, Almighty Heyward, do tell.”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t know her know her, but she’s in the running for valedictorian — smart people at this school are at least aware of each other. So trust me when I say she’s not a surfer bro like you. If you want her to tolerate you, then your best bet is getting into photography.”

“Photography?” JJ ran a hand through his hair and let himself fall back into the sofa. “I mean, she was taking pictures on the track the first time I talked to her. But are you sure that there isn’t anything else she’s really into? I don’t know shit about pictures.”

John B sighed. “I can always ask Sarah what she knows about her. I’m pretty sure she’ll help us with whatever if it means she gets a free pass to date.”

Kiara grinned at JJ. “Better start saving up for a camera, J.”

~~~~~~~~

johnny boy: i am very sorry to report that photography’s your best bet

johnny boy: sarah told me that it’s her number one thing, unless you’re looking to get into feminist literature

johnny boy: also you need to stop smoking. she hates it

goddamn

idk how im gonna handle this whole shitshow without weed lmao

you’re lucky that i like you so much and that topper is paying me a lot because this is really pushing it

johnny boy: i know and i will never stop thanking you

looks like i’m off to bullshit my way into her photo class!

And bullshit he did.

His guidance counselor was so desperate for him to get any kind of boost to his GPA that when he brought up the idea of adding a class to his already lacking schedule, he swore that she could’ve cried.

And that was how JJ found himself searching up how to take pictures and how to sound smart about photography on his phone ten minutes before the class began, leaning up against his locker with a determination not often seen in relation to school.

It was also how he found himself in another unwanted confrontation with Topper Thornton. JJ was unable to hold back an eye roll when he saw the kook walking towards him, and he was 99% sure he knew what this conversation was going to be about.

“Hey, asshole. You got anything to say about what happened last Friday, or do you just wanna start with paying me back for what happened to my car?”

Knew it. JJ glared at him. “Look, it wasn’t my fault. You’ve told me how horrible she is, so shouldn’t you have been expecting something like this? I mean, you’re the one that provoked her.”

Topper’s lip curled upwards. “You really got a thing for pushing your limits, huh, pogue? I’m paying you to take this girl out, not fuck up everything in the process.”

“Do you want to get with Sarah or not?” Topper kept his sharp gaze on JJ, but he didn’t back down. “You said it yourself — I’m the only one that can deal with her. So back the fuck off, and let me do my thing.”

“You’re this close, okay?” Topper held his pointer finger and his thumb so close together they were almost touching. “You’re this close to making me throw this whole thing out the window just so I can fuck you over.”

“Ooh.” JJ grimaced and shook his head. “Sarah doesn’t like violent guys, Top. I doubt she’d like you any more if you start beating up on poor, innocent pogues.”

Dealing with Topper Thornton was almost made worth it by seeing how angry JJ could make him, and this time he got his reward in the form of a clenched jaw and a glare surrounded in daggers. “I wanna see results soon, Maybank. My patience is really wearing thin with you.”

“Trust me. I want to be done with this as soon as possible too — dealing with you is exhausting.”

Topper huffed and walked off, causing JJ to chuckle at the abrupt end to their lovely conversation. It was too easy.

~~~~~~~~

The first thing you spotted when you walked into your classroom was the shock of blonde hair growing ever the more familiar. But along with the blue eyes came the usual downwards twist of your lips, and you purposely walked past him as you shrugged off your bag.

“Damn, Cameron,” JJ called as you went past. “You’re really gonna ignore me after all we went through together?”

“We didn’t go through anything together,” you responded curtly. You then took a seat and turned to him. “Now, what the hell are you doing here? I don’t know much about you, but I do know that JJ Maybank is not a photographer.”

He shrugged and leaned back in his chair. “Needed an extra class, wanted some extra appreciation for the arts. Not everything’s about you, Cameron.”

You rolled your eyes and turned your attention to the front as your teacher walked in, already beginning her daily tirade.

“Welcome back, everybody. I trust that you all had a good weekend?” Ms. Newman pushed the door shut and made her way through the room before taking a seat on the edge of her own desk. “Anyone wanna share?”

Nobody in the class raised their hand, and she sighed. “Okay, that’s about what I expected. I guess we’ll start with introducing our new students — JJ Maybank and Alicia Hawthorne.” She gestured to where JJ sat and then towards a dark-haired girl in the back. “They’re both new to this class, but I know that you’re both going to have a great time here.”

“A hundred percent,” JJ said, causing you to scoff when he gave a thumbs up that was just a little too eager. He responded by turning towards you and holding his pointer finger over his mouth in a ‘sh’ motion, and you just shook your head and crossed your arms. This kid was truly unbearable.

Ms. Newman chuckled and clapped her hands together as she moved over to her laptop, addressing the class once more after opening it. “Glad to hear that, JJ, because we’re starting off today strong. Those of you that have been in my class before know that I like doing three big projects, one at the beginning, middle, and end of the year — it’s the best way to see your progression as artists, and two of them technically count as your midterm and your final. Two birds with one stone.”

You sighed and leaned your head against your hand, already used to this lecture. You’ve had the good luck of being with Ms. Newman since your freshman year — by now, you could probably recite her project speech by heart.

“Our first project for this year is something a bit different from past years in that it’s going to take a bit longer than usual.” She taps the touchpad a couple of times and her screen is showing on the projector, showing a Google Doc with a whole list of instructions that you can’t force yourself to read. You might like photography, but the only reason you’re in this class is because it’s a requirement for yearbook. It’s stupidly easy, and you know that you’ll be able to handle whatever this project involves with your eyes closed and get an A doing it.

“A good portion of you are seniors, and I know that most of you probably want to get out of here as soon as you can. But high school is something that you’re going to miss once you leave, and you don’t want to move so fast that you don’t focus on any of it. The idea of this project is to make you slow down, to appreciate every day that passes while you’re still in the high school bubble.”

You rolled your eyes. The sooner you were off this island and 2000 miles away, the better.

“So your assignment for this first project is simple, but I hope it makes you think a little bit. Every day, starting today and ending on the first day of next month, you’ll take a picture. It can be of whatever you want, any part of your life, there just has to be a picture for every day of the month. At the end, you’ll put all your pictures together and present it, connecting it with an overarching story. It can be about what those pictures mean to you, what you were going through during that month — you can do anything you want, as long as it connects to you.”

You barely tip your head up as you look around the room, trying to gauge the reactions of the class. Most of them look annoyed, some of them look like they’re about to fall asleep, and JJ is looking at you. You give him your best glare then turn your attention back to the board.

“I recognize that a lot of you are busy with other classes, so I’m going to give the rest of the class to think up ideas and maybe get started with your planning. I’ll leave this up for reference, and feel free to ask any questions if you have them.” She smiles at the class, an expression that is not shared, and nods. “I’m looking forward to seeing what you all come up with!”

You were in the middle of taking out a notebook and a pencil to get started on some ideas when you hear Ms. Newman say your name, and your head perks up. “Could you come over here for just a moment? Oh, and you too, JJ.”

“...Sure.” You didn’t really have a choice, but any situation with you and JJ was enough to make you wary. You set your pencil on the table then walked over to her desk, JJ joining you a second later.

“As I’m sure you know, JJ is new to this class. We don’t exactly have enough funding at this school for the arts to have more than one level, so that means beginners and more advanced students have to work together in the same class.” Ms. Newman clasped her hands together and offered the two of you a slight smile. “I don’t mean any offense, but she is a lot more experienced than you, JJ. And because this project is a long-term one, I thought that it would be nice for the two of you to work together. You can sort of teach JJ the ropes of using a camera, make sure that he’s actually doing the right thing.”

It was a physical effort to keep your jaw off the ground, but you weren’t able to stop your eyes from widening. In your peripherals, you could see JJ grinning. “I think that’s a great idea, teach.”

“I, um— I don’t?” You placed your hands on the table and chuckled mirthlessly. “Full offense, but I have so many better things that I could do than teach him how to do something in a class he signed up for.”

“Watch your mouth,” Ms. Newman said with a pointed look at you. “You’re one of my most talented students, and that kind of talent could be used to help others find their passion instead of stewing in your own bitterness. JJ is someone that wants to learn, and you’re someone that can help him.”

You continued with your deadpan expression and she sighed once again. “If you do this for me, then I will give you a glowing recommendation for college.”

“I’ve already been accepted to UCLA,” you responded dryly.

“I’ll give you extra credit on this project.”

“I don’t need it.”

And for the first time in you think your entire high school career, Ms. Newman actually looks annoyed. “...I’ll lend you the good camera for the whole year.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “The Canon R5?”

Ms. Newman nodded, allowing a small smile at what she saw as a success.

With a huff of your own, you finally conceded. “Fine. I’ll do it. But bribery won’t work on me for anything else, okay?”

JJ held out his hand with another grin. “Looking forward to working with you, partner.”

With a roll of your eyes and an indignant scoff, you walked back to your seat. JJ shrugged and looked at Ms. Newman. “For the record, I think this is going to go great.”

~~~~~~~~

“Hey— can you slow down?”

You don’t even cast a glance behind you at the sound of JJ’s voice, and after a second he’s keeping pace with you through the hallways. The lingering threat of a partnership with JJ Maybank had been hanging over your head since you sat back down after the conversation, and you’re pretty sure the only reason JJ didn’t try to talk to you afterwards was because he didn’t want to cause a scene.

But now the day was over, and you weren’t as fortunate.

“What do you want?” you asked, making no effort to shield your annoyance.

“I think it’s pretty obvious what I want,” he responded. “We’re partners for this project, whether you like it or not. And since I have no idea how to use a camera, and you’re basically an expert…” JJ held up the camera already strapped around his neck, and you recognized it as one of the starters provided by the school for photography students. “Come on. You can spare an hour or two on a nature path or something, right?”

“I could, but I don’t necessarily want to.”

JJ sighed and he held his arm out in front of you, effectively stopping you in place but also earning him a sharp glare. “Come on, Cameron. What happened to all that soul-searching and deep talking on Friday? Do you really hate me that much?”

You continue to hold his gaze for precisely fifteen more seconds before you crack. “Fine,” you say pointedly. “But because I’m doing this for free, you’re going to get the barest basics that there are.”

You can see the tension in JJ’s shoulders dissolve and he grins. “You don’t hate me! I knew it” He claps you on the back and starts forward before stopping and turning partially towards you. “But uh— you should probably lead the way.”

The amount of times you’ve rolled your eyes around JJ Maybank has got to be unhealthy, but you do it once more as you start to walk again. “Don’t push your limits.”

He held up his hands in defense. “Are you gonna at least tell me where we’re going?”

You cast a small glance at him out of the corner of your eye. “Keep up and you’ll see.”

You spend the ten minutes that it takes to walk down to the track then over towards the woods to explain the bare basics you’re willing to give him, and to JJ’s credit, you think that he actually listens. Once you arrive at your destination, you spread your arms out to gesture at the woods around you.

“Welcome to the road barely off the beaten path,” you announce, twirling in a small circle as JJ stands a few feet behind you. “Cross country uses this for practice all the time, but the trees provide some decent lighting for some decent pictures.” You look right at him and give him a sarcastic smile. “Perfect for a decent guy.”

He returns your expression with a genuine smile and touches his hand to his heart. “I’m honored that you think so highly of me, Cameron. Now—” You’ve never been so scared for a camera as you are when JJ holds it up to his eye, and you’re more thankful for neck straps than ever. “—you wanna pose and be my first picture for this project?”

And that destroys any magic that had been created by his ever so slight interest in photography, and you answer his question with a glare. He responds by snapping a picture, and you roll your eyes and turn away.

“Perfect.” He grins and holds the camera up so you can see, but you barely even bother as you stick your hands in the pockets of your jacket. JJ sighs and puts the camera down so it’s hanging from his neck again, and he takes a few quick paces to catch up to you. “Are you like this with every person who tries to be nice to you?”

“Just the ones that annoy me.”

“Oh,” he nods. “So literally everyone annoys you.”

“Just about,” you agree. By now the two of you are walking down the path, JJ trailing slightly behind you as he badgers you with questions.

“Well, I don’t know if you could tell by the whole ‘asking you out and trying to get to know you’ thing, but I don’t want to be one of those people.” You stop in place as you turn on your heel and face him, crossing your arms in the process.

“Really?” you ask, slightly bemused.

“Yeah, really.” JJ runs his hand through his hair and shrugs. “I don’t know what it’s gonna take to get off of the list of people you hate, but I’m gonna try my hardest. Because you’re worth it, Cameron. I know that for a fact.”

That leaves you stunned. You’re not even able to think up some kind of witty retort as he starts walking away, and right before the path turns he faces you again. “Same place, same thing, tomorrow after school?”

It takes you a second, but you nod. “I guess.”

JJ smiles and nods as well, taking a few steps backwards as he maintains eye contact with you. “Cool. I’ll see you then, Cameron.”

You’re not even sure how long you stand there like an idiot, just trying to process what happened. By the time that you’re walking back to the school, you’re only really sure of one thing.

JJ Maybank is not who you thought he was. And maybe that’s a good thing.

~~~~~~~~

weird blonde kid: btw my friends and i are throwing a kegger at the boneyard on friday and it’s gonna be huge

weird blonde kid: you should definitely go with me

weird blonde kid: you’ll get so much street cred

you really don’t give up, do you?

i don’t need street cred

weird blonde kid: already told you that you’re worth it

weird blonde kid: i'm in it for the long game baby

weird blonde kid: so is that a yes?

weird blonde kid: then is is it a nooooo

weird blonde kid: i’ll see you at 9:30 then 😛

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77 @simonsbluee @kwyloz

obx: @pogueslandia

ttihay: @maybankbby @gabiatthedisco @the-romanian-is-bae @obx-pogues-4-life @oliviajaegerswhore @chaoticjjmaybank @its-simply-fanfiction @80strashbag @sinnerluh @shephard17895 @onlyangel-444 @silverbyeol @miniiminie

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank #jj maybank fic #jj x reader #outer banks x reader #outer banks x you #outer banks #outer banks fic #obx #obx x reader #obx fic #jj maybank obx #sadie writes

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kashimos-hajime · 4 years ago

Text

no regrets (8/8) | r.b.

summary: For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Or, Reiner finally understands what peace is.

WARNINGS: MANGA SPOILERS!!! angst, mentions of violence, we get our happy ending :) pairing: reiner braun x fem!reader word count: 6.7k

a/n: welcome to the last chapter!! thank you so much for being on this journey with me. there are a few callbacks to previous chapters so see if you can catch ‘em all heheh

masterlist

crossposted on ao3 x

Few months ago ymir asked if I could let her write one last letter to krista, and I did let her. I stood over her shoulder the whole time, watching her pen down all this sappy shit and I kept thinking about you the whole time, behind those walls. What you were doing, what you were thinking. Maybe if you thought about me. I dont know.

I’m starting to see the appeal of wrting what youre not strong enough to say to a persons face. I never thought Id find myself on the other end of this stick. for some reason, I thought that I could stop myself, resist the temptation, or maybe that I didnt feel for you as strong as I thought I did once I was away from you. I was wrong.

What do I even say? I mean shit, I can barely see, my limbs are barely in tact, and all of it—shiganshina, it haunts me, even though I cant really remember it that well. Half of it goes black and then I remember hearing your voice, I remember Bertholdt, I remember you screaming.

You couldve walked away. why didnt you walk away? It doesn’t make sens. Why did you think to cut me out? Why did you try to save me? Im trying to make it make sense inmy head. It’s not working.

Fuck I dont know what I was thinking when I asked for a paper and pen. Why am I asking you questions? Its not like ill ever understand. At this point, I think it’s pity thats letting Zeke let me waste ink on trying to write straight. He doesn’t know what im doing, but thats better this way. Better than sleeping—better than eating. I just wanna talk to you and this is as close as I can get. Its my own damn fault, but I dont care.

I completed my mission. After this, im done. ill give up the rest of my term. I dont want any of that glory anymore. I dont want to be a hero. Im just done.

Fuck, my head hurts so much. I dont really know if what im saying is making sense. Im hoping you never read this.

im sorry. I wish I could explain it to you some day, but chances are, ill be dead soon. Whether for treason or because they need to pass on the Titan, and I wont be able to see you again. Which means youll never know how sorry I am. How much I

Thats okay. I dont think youd believe me now even if I did say anything.

I remember your dream to live by the lake with a bunch of kids. You know I started to wonder if youd mind if they were our kids, not just some orphans who needed a home. I’d imagine one of them with blond hair. Imagine them swimming in the lake.

Never told you that was my dream too. Never knew i could have a dream of my own, something only I wanted and not just something to further marleys damn agenda, til I knew you. Sounds stupid but its true.

I think youd like Marley, if we weren’t sworn enemies. Just want you here with me right now. make me sleep easier knowing you’re there when I wake up.

Dont want secrets either. Fuck I miss you so bad. I feel s o tired all the time.

I rember when i first saw you all could think about was how you were the most prettiest girl id ever seen. I don know if you know thats why I tried to distance myself. Knew I couldn’t get distracted from my mison. happened anyway. Wish I could tell you that.

wish I could tell you I love you. Wish I could see the look on yur face when you try lobster for the first time. Youd love it. Not sweet, but tons of desserts here too.

Shit. And the ring on your finger. ill put a ring on your finger. I promised. i swear ill go home and buy a ring for the moment I see you again. Might not be pretty but will do the best I can.

Olnly wnat only wnat only want to see you again and beg for your forgiveness. Let you know if I had a choice, I wouldnt have done it. Would take it all back, nd stay. i wanted to stay, stay with you and the others. I used to want to spend the rest of my life in those walls, now I think im sick and tired of them dividing people who arent even that differnet.

My eyes are beginning to burn. Worse because the skin is sitll growing back. Fucking hell god I miss you. miss your smile more.

I know i dont deserve your forigvneess forgiveness. I want you to be angry with me. I deserve as much, and I cant ask you to, but

With love,

Rienr

You fold the letter, eyes closing as your fingers trace where the ink bled, the old tear stains wrinkling the paper beyond measure. Some are older than others, and you trace over his name again, your eyes burning, your throat tight enough to suffocate.

You’re leaning against the wall as everyone disembarks. They had taken Eren off first, Hange and the others getting ready to depart for the city while Connie and Jean lift a covered stretcher too white for the vivacious girl that lays dead beneath it.

They pass you silently, and you catch sight of a certain captain approaching, his pale eyes nearly swallowed by the shadows haunting his face.

“Captain,” you say, straightening. Placing the letter back into the tin, you slide it back into your pocket as he folds a green jacket over his shoulder. You give him a nod.

“You made it out alive,” Levi observes. He stops beside you, eyes more focused on what’s ahead. No doubt he’s not looking forward to having to take Zeke to wherever he needs to go—somewhere far, far away from Eren. You cross your arms.

“It’s good to see you, too, Levi,” you intone. Sighing, you step in beside him and look out at the Walls you can’t see in the distance, your entire body wrought with a strange fatigue that’s only sewn into muscles by adrenaline leaving the body. “I think I’m going to stay.” He tilts his head to you, eyes flickering to your face, and you mirror the shift, your arms tightening. “I can’t leave this unfinished. Not after Liberio.”

“The farm will have to be abandoned,” he points out. “The kids, too.”

“I’ll make sure I move them where someone can take care of them. Somewhere north, far away from the brothers,” you assure, although still, your heart begins to sink and you close your eyes, exhaling deeply. “I have to hope they understand.”

Levi only nods, and you open your eyes as he wordlessly takes the jacket off his arm and offers it to you. Grasping it wearily, you open your mouth to ask questions but he only sets off, back towards the cabin where Zeke is still being held, and you snap your jaws shut, looking down at the jacket.

When you unfold it, you swallow the hard rock in your throat at the blue and white slipping beween the folds of olive green before there’s a sharp whistle. Looking up, you see the carriages already beginning to load up, and you glance back at the door where the captain has disappeared through before jogging down the ramp.

You slither your arms through the sleeves and shuffle the fabric along your frame as something thumps against your thigh, and you frown, reaching down into your pocket and coming into contact with something smooth and hard.

Withdrawing, your lips part at the green bolo tie gleaming in the lights of the port and you, without another thought, pull it over your head, letting it fall against your breastbone.

“For your services to the Survey Corps.”

There’s no time to second-guess now. No time to debate.

“Good to have you back,” Hange murmurs as you walk towards the carriage taking Mikasa, Armin, and the others back to the city. You tug the lapels of the jacket tighter around yourself and flash them a weak smile.

The Wings of Freedom on your arm feel like a brand, and it prickles your skin as you climb in after them.

Distantly, he remembers flashes.

Eren reaching forward for Zeke, the exhaustion ripping him every which way, the sound of ODM gear whizzing in his ears as he tries to make sense of the punctured sensation in his armour.

How he had softened his nape, intending to die then. At least, let his death have some meaning, he had thought. Let him make one last effort to repent for everything he did to Paradis, and to his friends who’d been more family than his own mother.

He slips in an out of consciousness for the next few days. He doesn’t know what is up, what is down, but he does recognize his surroundings blearily, the way his head spinning somehow slowing when he presses his temple to the wooden floor.

How can he almost hear your voice in the echoes of the panels, countered by someone who almost sounds like Annie before he drifts off again.

When Reiner finally regains consciousness again, he wakes to someone crouched down in front of him. Jerking up, he lets out a sound before a palm slaps over his mouth and your face is shoved against his own.

“Shut it,” you whisper fiercely. “It’s just me.”

Your name muffled by your own hand, his eyes begin to burn and you lift your palm away as he sits up and you draw back. You’re dressed in clothes that look like they’ve seen better days but you’re relatively uninjured as you pull back. New lines adorn your face—one of the many prices of their damned war—and you only look exhausted.

Sitting up, Reiner’s whole body groans as he leans against the wall, but he can’t tear his eyes away from you. Your hands are hovering around his body like you’re scared he’ll collapse and there’s a fracture in your mask.

Something gleams on your finger and his eyes flit to it, his heart lurching when he realizes what it is.

The ring. You’re wearing it. You…

For a moment, a glimmer of their teenage selves shine through and he wants to reach for it—touch it so he can remember what it’s like to be happy. He thinks it’s an awful like now; the swelling of his heart so big he can’t breathe; the way his lungs are static in his chest; how he can’t say anything because there are so many words that want to come out first.

“You’re here. You’re alive,” he finally settles on raspily. Your eyes glint with a youthful pain as you nod.

“So are you.”

And he doesn’t know who moves first—you or him. Nothing is forgiven as their bodies crash in an embrace that lacks grace, but they cling onto another like the world is ending and they’re the only ones left standing.

Maybe they are.

He buries his face in your neck, and your arms are so tight around him your fingers dig into his shoulders as your body melts against his and his skeleton sags in his own body.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your skin, eyes fluttering shut. “I‘m sorry.” A hand against your neck and an arm around your waist, he wraps his legs around your own and traps you against him. You seem to only sink into him even more.

Is that enough? I don’t want you to hate me.

You suck in a breath, and then it comes out shuddering. “You can spend the rest of what life you have left repenting for making me fall in love with a man who was always supposed to die.”

Softly, in his mind, your voice cools the searing heat of hatred inside him. It’s enough. It has to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. It’s like they’re the only words he knows. He can’t remember ever meaning it this much. For him dying, for making you love him, for ever coming to Paradis. For loving you. For loving you. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I know.” Your face turns to press against his own. Your lips brush against his jaw and his eyes slide shut, tears rolling down his face. “I read every single one of your letters.” Drawing back, you cup his face in his hands and your fingers smear his tears all over his cheeks as his palm rests against your neck. Thumb stretching up to touch your chin, he feels sobs shuddering in his throat at seeing you again—looking at him almost like you used to. “I can’t begin to understand, but I know you are. And I know you love me.”

Choking, he gasps, “You should hate me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I should.” You’re crying, too, voice thick, tears stubborn on your cheeks as you give him a watery smile. “I should hate Marley, too. But it’s beautiful there. The water by the sea… I want to be there with you next time. We need to go together, before you leave me alone, okay?”

Reiner doesn’t quite hear you. He hears Marley, and beautiful, and he’s never noticed how beautiful you are when you cry, but right now, it’s the simplest truth he knows.

“Okay.”

When you tilt his chin up and kiss him softly, something inside him explodes from the gentleness that makes him want to crack in the palm of your hands. It sears him from the inside out, makes him grab onto you like you’ll disappear—this is another dream, isn’t it?

It has to be.

You can’t be kissing him again after four years. He doesn’t deserve it. You’re an illusion, something his mind made up to deal with the pain. He’s finally cracked for good, just like Bertholdt said he would, and he’s the devil, not you.

But then you pull away just for a moment to smile, eyes barely open as you look at him with a sad tenderness that wraps him in an invisible embrace, and he is faced with the heart-wrenching reality.

The sky is falling, you are holding him tightly again, and they’ve lost their years. But you’re here. With him.

He knows that this isn’t a dream as he feels the coolness of the silver band on your finger and the heaviness in how he knows he hasn’t repented a damn thing.

Why him?

As you run your hand through his hair, you press their foreheads together.

“And I do want a family with you, by the water if you’d like,” you murmur fleetingly against his mouth and his eyes widen, cheeks burning, entire face crumbling as he turns his face in to your shoulder, crushing you in another brace. Sobbing into your neck, his fingers dig into your shoulders, wrap tight around your waist, squeeze you so close he isn’t sure where you end and he begins and your lips brush the shell of his ear. “Reiner, say it.”

“Please,” he whispers thickly into your skin, and you cradle the back of his head with a hand. He’s nothing more than shambles. “Please, don’t go.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight again,” you promise. His breath is hot against his own face as you pull his head back and cradle his face again, thumbs brushing away the tears from his red face. “Just a bit more. A bit more and then it’ll be all over, you know?”

And he understands, then, what you want from him. Struggling for breath, for his lungs to stop seizing in his aching chest, he cups your face that turns into his palm on instinct, your face wet with your own tears as, for a moment, they try to pretend this isn’t where they really are.

Like they’re still in that afternoon in Trost, a thousand years ago, with the kids flipping coins into the water fountain and a cream bun between them. Like they’re under the tree, apple juice on your wrist and his lips on yours.

Like it’s those trips to the city, the walks on the Walls. Honey is dripping down your chin and he’s pretending he doesn’t want to kiss you, or there’s grease smeared on his forehead, and you’re reaching up to wipe it off his skin.

Like a thousand moments all at once, and he nods to himself as you brush your hand over his temple. The world outside is startlingly quiet, as if the universe itself stopped everything itself to watch this moment, and Reiner takes a breath that bruises his sternum before he’s holding your left hand where that ring still sits.

And slowly, he pulls it off, whispering as firmly as he can. He’s sure he fails—he’s shaking all over from your presence alone.

“When this is over, I’ll put that ring back on your finger. I promise.”

The smile that splits your face is dazzling. It’s the smile he’s missed since the day he left it.

“We have a lot of things to work out, Reiner Braun.”

And your fingers barely brush his jaw before you’re leaning to press a sweet kiss against his mouth. It’s sugary on his tongue, like honey and apple slices.

Your back is warmer when you’re pressed up against Reiner’s. The ship is quiet, and their pinkies are just barely hooked on oen another’s as you stare blankly at the empty space between Connie’s boots. You don’t speak, and Reiner’s gaze is only on you. He can’t look at anything else now that you’re back by his side again.

There’s a cut on your cheek from the fight just half an hour ago, and there’s dried blood along your hands where your knuckles had split open, but everyone seems too exhausted to clean themselves up.

Reiner himself has a blanket pulled over his shoulders, and he sighs, slouching in his own sack of flesh.

Your head tilts towards him, enough that your temple presses against his cheek. His eyes close and he leans into your touch. Not a word passes by, but their hold on each other’s hands tightens. And Reiner thinks.

For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Something that hasn’t burned since he left Marley as a child.

Reiner thinks he doesn’t want to die anymore. He doesn’t want to miss you for another moment.

Raising from the steam, you groan, your hands searing from the inside out as you touch your face where you swore every inch of your skin had been stretched, but nothing seems out of sorts as you glance around. Everywhere, all your friends who had turned just as you had are in various states of disoriented. The air is still hissing, crackled with surprised screams and shouts of names as people look for one another across the field.

It smells like cooked meat and burnt hair, a none-to-pleasant mixture that turns your stomach.

Getting to your feet, you wipe at your face, trying to ignore the weird feeling underneath your nails and the ache seizing your muscles. Trying to ignore the remnants of Eren lingering like a ghost that won’t really leave you alone. You shiver, and a strange cold sweat takes over your body.

He had taken you to the sea, except it wasn’t the shore you were familiar with. There was a cabin nearby, with blonde children running, chasing after one another and a man with golden hair standing on the porch, firewood in his arms as he calls out silently. Or maybe you had been standing too far to hear.

“Eren… where are we?”

“Wherever you think you are,” he had said. “I just brought you where you wanted to be.”

A voice, quiet as a memory, catches your attention. “Here let me help.” A soft wind blows throw the mist, cooling your scorching face as you feel a presence stand behind you.

“Oh, thank you.” You look over your shoulder to see a tall boy, and your heart stops. Mouth dropping open, you stare at his foggy image, but he only smiles fully, a smile so tender it reaches every corner of you as you stumble forward, fingers stretching for him. “Bertholdt!”

His smile grows only that much more, eyes squinting a bit and a flash of teeth before he’s looking at your hand that passes through his chest. All at once, all the hope built up in your chest crumbles, and your hand snaps back, trembling just before him. He lays a hand over your own and your eyes begin to burn, tears slipping down your cheeks.

And then, softly, you barely whisper, “I miss you.”

Bertholdt’s smile merely grows, as if to say everything he couldn’t say before. As if to show he’s at peace now—that your last memory together isn’t every part of him, and your lips press together, trying to stop yourself from shaking.

Shadows form in the fog, and together, the two look as a freckled boy and another girl steps out of the mist a distance away, beaming like the sun. Connie and Jean stagger to their feet just behind you, and your heart lurches into your throat when you recognize them.

“Marco! Sasha!”

Someone calls your name and you turn around just as arms scoop you up and you let out a surprised noise before settling into Reiner’s arms. Looking over your shoulder to look at Bertholdt, your heart only sinks.

He smiles and Reiner lets out a sharp breath beside you, settling you down. “Bertholdt…” More shapes emerge. A shorter boy accompanied by another taller one, both alike in their features. You recognize one as the Jaw Titan holder before Falco, but the other—

“Marcel!” Reiner chokes out the name, hand stretching out to the fog, but the boy merely tilts his head and waves.

Closing your eyes, hot tears streak over your cooling flesh as you fling your arms around Reiner again and press your face into his neck. He cradles the back of your head, and he feels… somehow weaker, but still, there is that impassable strength in his core that wraps around you as he watches over your shoulder, still clinging on despite your clothes hot enough to burn.

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive. It’s the only thought in your head. Your last clear memory had truly been the others taking flight, and the pain that had ripped apart your body before sewing it back together again in unjust proportions. Your limbs had been too big, your blood racing too warmly through your head as your legs pumped but your brain screamed to stop.

Your fingers had sank into Reiner’s legs to pull him down and you had watched—watched Jean take a bite out of him—

You shiver and Reiner’s arms tighten around you instinctively, constricting enough to let you know that his attention isn’t on you quite yet.

Boots shifting on the ground tentatively, your knees feel gummy as you draw back long enough to look at him. He still looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to watch the mist retreat. Bertholdt and the other two boys fall into a pool of fog, and your lips part in a farewell, but it’s already too late.

He’s gone.

A wind sweeps through the battlefield, tickling your sweating neck and cooling your boiling blood.

“Hey,” a soft voice croaks.

Their eyes meet in tandem. He regards you softly, like you are the reason the sun rises and the stars hang at the sky. Overwhelmed, you can only cup the back of his neck and pull him into a deep kiss. Your other hand along his jaw, it takes all you can not to pull him into a bone-crushing embrace that’ll send them both to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you whisper hushedly against his mouth, throat swelling as he lets out a soft noise of surprise as you pull him into another tight hug. You don’t care that you’re crushing him, just that his heart is pounding against your own chest. “I couldn’t stop myself. I’m so sorry.”

His eyes widening, he wraps his hands around your wrists and pulling you back just enough to kiss your fingers that crumple against his mouth. Clasping one of his hands in both of your own, you close your eyes and he uses his free fingers to brush the tears off your cheek before reaching into some dented tin you don’t recognize.

Eyebrows furrowing, you feel the heat leave your entire body, sapping your energy too, and your eyes snap to Reiner who steps back, cracking it open and presenting it to you.

“You’re not the one who has to be sorry. I don’t think I’m the Armoured Titan anymore,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I get the rest of my life back, but either way, I want to spend the rest of it repenting to you in any way I can, if you’ll allow me to.” A weak smile. “Truth.”

Your throat closes up, and you stare down at the ring so protected, gleaming despite the destruction around them. It looks almost out of place amongst the grime smearing your skin, the sweat drenching their skin, the smell of blood and metal clinging to their clothes, but Reiner only watches you with a tenderness you can barely meet. It’s so overtly overflowing with devotion that your heart is resting on your tongue, seizing control of everything.

You barely nod, chewing on your lip, trying not to cry even harder as his eyebrows rise in relief and he lets out a long sigh.

He lifts the ring out of the tin, snapping it closed before sliding the band back home onto your finger and all at once, everything floods you. The exhaustion, the pain, the hunger, thirst, grief wrapping around your bones and chaining you to the ground.

It’s over.

The minute he put the ring on your finger, it would mean it was over. No more blood, no more fighting.

Just like he promised.

You barely croak out his name before you fall to your knees. You trust him to catch you, and he does.

[THREE YEARS LATER]

Just after the Rumbling had stopped, you had gone back to Paradis alone and came back with three children to a man who was still uncertain in a world that was changing.

Since then, you’ve learned so much about the world, about yourself, about Reiner.

How he’s seized by night terrors even now, just like you, and how one thing that soothes it is going out for a walk while the sun still simmers below the horizon, the sky a dark navy blue spliced with orange rays. The intricate details like him making a point to tie his own tie because his father never taught him how or the way he has to chug his coffee so he has enough energy to get through the day.

And some days are horrible, haunting, but now, it is far outweighed by the good. He teaches Xav how to dress smart, takes the girls out shopping. Sometimes, he’s spotted around Liberio with a flame-haired boy riding his shoulders, you trailing behind hiding a smile behind some ice-cream.

Different nations, foods, cultures surround you now—citizens of countries coming to settle down roots, spread cuisine to Marley. The idea before, of humans so different than you but still similar at the root of it all, existing, still blows your mind. The technologies that you had never seen before, languages you’d never heard, sights you’d never seen, had all swarmed you as you stepped into a new world with him.

But there is always one thing you’ll come back to.

Leaning against the railing in the port city Reiner told you was the harbour he had left twelve years ago, and returned to seven years ago, you watch the clouds travel in slow drags across the pale blue canvas hung high above your head. The water spans for as far as you can see, glimmering under the sun and gorgeous enough to take your breath away. You pull at your coat across your chest absently, ignoring the tender growl of your stomach.

Breathing in the salty wind, you feel your chest expand at the litle fishing boats a little ways out.

Reiner was right. You don’t get sick of the sea. You never will—not of this much water. You still remember the first time you had swam in it, the salt-water making your hair crisp, the cold sweat forming on your your sun-warmed skin.

You feel a hand on your shoulder. Looking up, you spot blonde hair and warm eyes and smile. Your heart flutters a bit. You shift on your feet.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Reiner leans down beside you, and you clasp your hands, letting the sea wind curl against your neck. Reaching to slip his hand in between yours, he sighs and you lean against his shoulder, glancing at their pile of interlaced fingers. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” you whisper, although even still, you can feel a numbing at your fingertips. You remember what it was like to be a Titan, even now. The sensations haunt you—flashes of your own mutated body, the grotesque meat of your hands sinking into the ankles of the man beside you, the bloodcurdling roar spilling out of your throat.

Glancing at their fingers, you watch the flashes of silver of the rings play in the sunlight, your band now having a matching counterpart on his own hand. You grasp his hands tightly, bringing them up to your lips and his own grip tightens when you dust a kiss gently along his scarred knuckles.

“No,” you finally say at length. “I’m not okay. Going back to Paradis makes me nervous as hell, but we’ll manage.” He nods slowly, and you let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his neck. His own encircle your waist, pulling you flush against him and your eyes close at the familiar warmth—a warmth you’ve woken up next to most days for the past three years.

“Have you eaten yet?” he murmurs, and your fingers play with the soft edges teasing at your pads as his nose presses against your cheek. Your eyes flutter at the soft heat emanating from his skin, and you shake your head, melting against him. With one arm still around you, he slants his body away from just enough to pull a bag out of his pocket and it crinkles as he hands it to you. Taking it, you frown and look inside.

A cream bun. You can’t help the crumbling in your expression and Reiner holds your face in his hands carefully, kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Let’s stay positive,” he whispers. “We don’t know the situation until we get there and Historia briefs us.”

“I know,” you whisper and his entire expression eases at your words. His eyes gaze at you as if you’re the sole centre of his universe, and he cups your jaw more insistently, pulling you in for a gentle kiss, one you ease into, your eyes fluttering shut as his tongue traces the seam of your mouth. Laughing, you feel his little nose scrunch and your heart bounds up into your throat as he pulls back only to kiss you again, softer this time.

“Get a room!” A sharp female voice ruins their moment and you pull back just enough to see a red-headed boy running towards them and Reiner crouches down just in time to scoop Xavier up.

“When are you getting married?” he demands. “I was promised cake when you guys got married.”

“I dunno. When you move out of the house I guess,” you tease and Xavier pouts, rubbing at the side of his nose with the heel of his palm.

“Besides, you got cake for your seventh birthday, buddy,” Reiner groans as the boy twists in his arms. “You’re getting heavy. What are you feeding him?” he adds, smiling roguishly at you and you roll your eyes as Alina and Anya approach, sun hats protecting them from the glaring sun. Alina, grocery bags in hand, waves. Anya, who’d been the one to shout, tucks her coin purse back into her bag before flashing you a great big smile.

Only fifteen and seventeen. You can barely recall what it’s like being that young anymore, but you’re grateful they didn’t spend it the way you did. They get to know beauty, and no limits at all. The former comes naturally, the latter is partially because Reiner spoils them rotten.

Alina picks a flower with velvety purple petals from a bouquet she cradles in her arm, extending it to you.

“For good luck,” she says. “And protection.” Your heart melts at her words and you pause for a moment, looking from the gorgeous bloom to Reiner, occupied with the boy in his arms making silly faces at him. Then, without another moment, you sneak the flower behind his ear and he reaches up immediately to hold it against his head, turning to you in surprise.

“To protect the both of us,” you explain.

“Thank you. I’ll be extra careful now.” He looks at the girls, setting his free hand on Alina’s head heavily and she flushes, smiling grandly. “You three behave while we’re gone, alright?”

You nod. “Listen to Levi.”

“And listen to your sister,” Reiner adds to Alina and Xavier. The former rolls her eyes, the latter sticks out his tongue. “I’ll miss you.”

This is their home—their family that tumbles together into a huge hug, and you can’t help but stand back, watching how they all seem to merge into one unit, unaware of where one part of their reach ends and another begins.

As Reiner pulls you into the hug, your heart soars through your body, effortlessly pounding in your throat and in your fingers and everywhere at once. Liquid heat pools everywhere as Xavier screws up his face when you kiss his cheek, the same way Reiner does after he’s eaten something sour.

And maybe it’s a bit different, or a bit broken, the shards of their bloody history still poking at their heels whenever they think you’ve forgotten them, and it’s most definitely not perfect, but you would rather have it like this then anything else.

“Hey, guys!” Breaking apart, the family look over to see Armin, Annie, and Pieck walking over. Gabi and Falco meander a little bit behind, pushing Levi in his wheelchair, and Jean and Connie are running not far behind them, shouting at one another. You stifle a laugh and Xavier shimmies out of Reiner’s hold to run towards them. The girls follow after him, trying to hold back their runs but the closer they get, you can tell the more frantic they are to say goodbye.

So this is what they’ve made a peace. Something, you hope, is good.

Annie bypasses them quickly, making her way over to you and you survey her face as Reiner squeezes your shoulder, walking over to their friends. Her blue eyes are fixed on your face, and you feel your lips curving into a smile as she shoves her hands in her pockets. Her hair is swaying in the wind, gleaming flaxen, and you remind yourself, not for the first time, that Armin and Annie’s kids, if they ever decide they want them, will be gorgeous.

Hope for the future, and all that.

She stops in front of you, tucking a strand behind her ear.

“So,” she says at length, “we’re going back to Paradis. I’m surprised you decided to come with us. You don’t owe any of us anything.”

“I know. But… you’re my best friend. You do the talking, I fly the getaway plane, right?”

“Yeah. There used to be a time when it probably would’ve been the opposite.”

You nod, and they stand in silence for a moment, watching each other. Two women who should not have been friends, but were against all odds. You don’t think you would be here today if it weren’t for Annie.

Your heart lurches and you take a step forward just as she does, her mouth open to say something. You throw your arms around her and she lets out a noise in surprise as you close your eyes. Arms coming underneath yours, her hands dig into your shoulders and you smile against soft hair as she sighs, easing into your hug.

“Finally working together on an actual assignment,” you mumble and her head tilts as her small frame shifts, a hand patting you on the back as a sign for you to back up. “Just like we always said we would.”

Bluntly: “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“You, too.” Pulling back, the two look at one another for another soft moment before you remember the bag in your hand and you shift the bun up in the bag, extending it towards her. “Want some?” Her eyebrows rise in faint delight, before she’s reaching over, pinching and tearing a piece off.

You grin and do the same and you gesture for her to come stand by the rails with you, stuffing the bag into your coat pocket. Leaning against the warm metal again, you hear a seagull call. The plane you’ll be flying to Paradis floats on the water, the technicians giving it the final check before you take off.

If anything goes wrong while you help prepare and oversee accommodations for the rest of the ambassador group, you’ll remember to fire the black signal flare, but you trust Historia. You trust your friends.

You glance over at them, all laughing, and you notice that the flower has gone from Reiner to Pieck, who’s taking it out of her dark hair to tuck it into Jean’s, and his cheeks redden as he brushes it more securely behind his ear.

Annie catches your attention again, pointing out idly that they’ll have to separate soon when they finish with the plane, and you tell her to just wait a couple minutes more as Reiner catches your gaze. Setting Xav, who has somehow wormed his way back into his arms, down, he walks back over to you, and his hand trails purposefully over your back before resting at the nape of your neck, a reassuring weight on your body.

“You guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Annie replies. “You have a clingy boyfriend,” she tells you.

“I think it’s charming.”

She rolls her eyes. Reiner smiles, and you pat the railing beside you—silent invitation. He leans in on your other side, clasping his hands and watching the fishermen pull themselves to shore, singing a tune to each other—one familiar to all three of them and one that you wish you could get out of your head.

“Soon may the Wellerman come…”

A faint breeze tickling at your fingertips as a sharp call for embarkment splits the harbour, you simply sigh and look over at Reiner. “I just want these last few moments to last.” His eyes meet yours, and he leans forward to press a kiss between your eyes. Annie lets out a soft noise of disgust and you bump your hip against her as Reiner pulls back.

Closing your eyes and lifting your head to the wind, you can almost imagine the one person missing standing on the other side of Annie, dark hair like spun, stained bronze and eyes like warm chocolate. He’d smile and tell them not to worry in that sincere way of his that makes you believe every word he says—as long as they were careful, they wouldn’t walk into any traps.

Your chest aches, and your lips tug into a heart-wrenching smile as you begin to sing along. Reiner slips a hand in between yours, pressing his temple against your head and you loop your other arm through Annie’s.

She rests her head on your shoulder, listening to your voice, eyes on the sailors bringing in their haul below them. Reiner hums the shanty softly, distractedly, eyes cast across the sea.

You tilt your head up to the sky, at the stars you cannot see but will join one day, and smile.

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ankhisms · 2 years ago

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painfully aware of how my mental and physical illnesses make it feel almost impossible for me to function or exist at all in society

yes i have a diary now yes i am still writing this here bc im not home yet. my pain in my back and neck and hip have been worse and worse lately and ive been trying to just manage it and deal with it but my mental health has also just been a rollercoaster lately where ill be fine and then ill take a nose dive and have been genuinely really seriously suicidal and close to relapsing into self harm but i thankfully havent. right now im just thinking about how much it sucks that just no matter how hard i try people can still sense that theres something off about me and that i dont act "normal" in our interactions like at the end of the audition i had to talk to this like theater manager lady and the conversation was really hard for me to follow along and get through and it was clear that she thought i was acting weird and she asked me if id be willing to do behind the scenes stuff and i said something like well i like 25 miles out of town so i cant really come for backstage stuff on short notice and she was like well can you follow instructions and i had trouble responding to that because thats a loaded question for me i do often strugglw with the instructions people give me especially in environments like work ones so i said uh within reason and she clearly thought that was a weird response. it just all makes me feel so hopeless i feel like in the past with the theater i grew up in and the other one i acted in they like... they were aware of me being strange but the directors at least didnt hold it against me or get mad at me really for being not normal because they knew i was a good actor and i worked hard and i was serious about it and passionate about it and now i feel like people just notice that im not normal and think that means that they shouldnt have me in their production. but then it hurts to also think like. well what if ive just never actually been very good at this. for such a long time acting was like the only thing i ever truly felt fully confident in myself about and the only thing i belueced in myself about ive always felt pretty insecure about my art and writing even though i love doing those things just as much as acting but with acting i always felt like it was something i was good at or at least decent at it like i got lead roles the first time i tried to go to college i got a scholarship for my acting. and now im just like. what if ive just been total shit at this this entire time. what if someones going to just tell me straight to my face that im laughably bad at this and that its pathetic and that theres no chance in hell that i can ever be a professional actor. thinking about it all now its like man. the professors at that first college i tried to go to who tormented me and told me i was too ugly to get any roles and too emotional really fucked me up i think thats where this self doubt in my acting ability is coming from. because before that whole disaster i really did feel more solidly confident in my ability. and now its like. what if i really just suck at this and no matter how much i love it and care about it and put a lot of work and thought and effort into it what if theres just no chance for me and its all impossible. anyway im just rambling now but yeah. really doubt im getting into the show i auditioned for today

#flashing warning #suicide mention #self harm mention

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atherix0 · 2 years ago

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SAD MUMBO ENJOYER, AS IT TURNS OUT, HNNNNGH. Sad scar enjoyer too for the record. The fact that there is a bird sleeping in SCARS BEDROPM while this CONVERSATION IS HAPPENING AHHHHHHH

So maybe this is gonna sound weird, but I'm physically disabled irl, and seeing any sort of nod to the fact that Scar is disabled in fanwork makes me so happy - that might not be what your going for but it does make me happy even if the subject matter is sad

GOD the two of them are on the PRECIPICE of finding out theyre in love. Like. Grian already knows Scar is, duh. Cant wait for the moment he realizes mumbo is too. THEYRE SITTING ON THE EDGE AND IM ABOUT TO BREAK, YOUR HONOR.

I really love the awful loop that Scar's gotten himself into. I know you said this is going to have a happy ending, and i have a few,,,,ideas 👀👀,,,,regarding how. But man oh man if i didnt know you wanted this to end happy i would be SHITTING! BRICKS! Hell i still am because like. How we resolving this one chief.

And god those quiet feelings and anna and his son that mumbo is having? Snapping me like a twig. Like a grian. Hehe. Cant wait for that to resolve and for him to come into his own as a Vampire Lord, protective over a family.

Mmm mmm mmm

<3 YEA Grian's sound asleep and completely oblivious and these two are just <3

I'm actually disabled too, though mine's a visual disability (not enough to not be able to work but ya know how it is), so the fact that CC!Scar is disabled is super important to me and even if Midnight!Scar doesn't have the same disability, it was important to me to call back to that. His magic is the more noticeable one ofc but there is also a physical disability that I've hinted at in Visit and Ambush, though I'm not sure how in-depth I'll get with it b/c I really really don't want to represent anything incorrectly <3

Hahaha <3 Grian and Mumbo are both very jealous and possessive people and they are together and KNOW the other is just as jealous and possessive as they are, which creates one problem; how tf are they supposed to bring up the fact that they ALSO want SOMEONE ELSE when they know their partner is the "Mine <3" type AND THEY DON'T KNOW THE OTHER WANTS THE EXACT SAME PERSON so it's like the two of them just don't. Realize it, or bring it up. And Scar is so incredibly oblivious when it comes to anyone's interest in him poor thing </3 So- I am looking forward to the moment Grian gets confirmation that Mumbo has fallen too <3

Yep, all of Scar's problems compounding in a vicious cycle </3 And he's only made it worse with his decisions in his young adulthood </3 And sadly it can't be reversed like a full Elf might have been able to do, so... vicious cycle that can only get worse <3 Ahahaha have you picked up what I put down in Midnight Mistakes.......... hehe, although I am 1000% giving it a happy ending, there are actually a few different avenues that'll be presented by the end and I haven't decided yet if I'll establish one as canon or leave it open for the readers to decide, but I definitely know which one is the one I'm gonna be... heavily hinting at-

Mumbo is a very soft heart <3 That was his family and he didn't get to see it through to the end and my HEART, it's important to me that Mumbo gets the chance to look back on his past and finally find closure, and realize it's alright to not only mourn and regret, but it's also alright to move on </3 Mumbo is gonna be such a great Lord he's already getting protective <3 This is his family now, he's gonna protect them and save them <3

#Ask #Midnight Series #Mumscarian #hermitshipping #potential spoiler but I absolutely 100000% dropped a huge hint in Mistakes that people may have forgotten bc of the bigger issue in it <3 #and also because it came before we learned the truth about Scar

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happys-crazy-queen22 · 4 years ago

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Fertility Struggles II

Gif credit @angels-reyes

Part 2 to Fertility struggles. Hope you all enjoy.

Taglist @nocturnalherb16. @jesseswartzwelder. @leaalfred. @creepers-baby-girl. @writerwithasoul. @twistnet. @baylishh. @believinghurts. @ilovetaquitosmmmm. @mayans-mc.

Month after month since starting IVF, you've gotten your period. It was starting to make you mad. You were actually getting tired of using periods at the end of a sentence. They were everywhere. One month you did get your hopes up because you missed your period but wham that bitch hit you at the end of the month. She wasnt going to let your dreams come true.

It was the first day of your period and Nestor came home happy thinking this might have worked. You've been moody and eating a lot. But you were scared to tell him.

"You got your period"? He asked when he saw you on the couch, with your sweats, a box of tissues and icecream with a blanket wrapped around you.

"Yeah. That bitch can't give us a break. I'm sorry". You said with a sniffle.

"It's okay. We can try again". He came over to the couch and sat down pulling your legs to his lap.

"I dont know if I want too". You replied, playing with your icecream in the tub.

"What do you mean"? Nestor moved in his seat to look at you. He was confused. This has always been the number one thing you have ever wanted.

"IVF seems to not be working. I'm getting my period every month. It's like I'm taking this drug for the fun of it. I'm putting us through hell and getting nothing". You wiped away tears with your sleeve.

"Its not for nothing. We're going to make a baby. You can't give up". He rested his hand on your stomach.

"I havent. Maybe we should look into adoption or a surrogate"?

"So you're wanting me to take my sperm and put it in someone else that is not my wife"? Nestor looked confused and like you wanted him to walk into this trap.

"Maybe. There wont be any contact with your junk and her junk. Itll be through a doctor. So calm down. You're not sleeping with anyone but me". You laughed as he sighed a sigh of relief.

"Alright. Why dont you go to the doctor and make sure that they can't do anything before we jump to those options".

"I'm tired Nestor. I'm tired. I dont want anymore doctors".

"Just go for me. We cant give up".

"Alright. Fine. For you but if they say they cant. I'm done. My body has been through enough. I cant". You shake your head. Tears rolling down your cheeks. Your heart has been broken so many times and you couldnt go through that again. Your heart couldn't bare it.

"What brings you in today"? Your doctor asked, she probably already knows the answer.

"IVF isn't working. I've tried everything you said. I keep getting my period every month. I'm just, it's like it's no hope for me". You explain.

"How long does the periods last"?

"Two maybe three days but it's like spotting. No heavy flow".

"Okay. I'm going to do a ultrasound and see if we can see anything".

"I'm telling you theres nothing in there". You sigh laying back on the table.

"You never know". She said before stepping out the door.

She came back in with a nurse and the machine. The gel she squirted was cold on your stomach.

"Alright, let's see what we got".

Looking at the screen, you saw nothing. Blank uterus. "Told you".

"Dont be so sure. What is this"? She pointed to the screen and saw two little jellybeans just floating around in your uterus.

You about hopped off the table when she said that. "How is that possible". You asked about in tears.

"Well, when you're on the IVF, occasional spotting happens and some mistake it as their period. But you're pregnant. With twins. It's to early to tell what they are but they seem healthy". She said taking pictures of the jellybeans.

"Oh my God. Nestor is going to freak when I tell him". You gasped as she handed you the ultrasound photo.

"Thank you so much for everything. You have no idea what this means to us". You hugged her crying.

"I think I have a idea. I too had a hard time having children so I know what it feels like to get that news that you're pregnant". She smiled and gave you a prescription for prenatal vitamins.

"Thanks again". You said before leaving her office.

You were so excited to tell Nestor that he was going to be a daddy. But then the nerves kicked in. What happens if this is like last time? What if you lose them or even one? You were going to take every precaution there was. You put yourself on bedrest and a healthier diet. Thinking those could help to keep the babies.

Getting home, Nestor was already there. Walking into the house, he was cooking. Something so good it made your mouth water.

"What are you cooking? I hope you made tons of it"? You moaned when you got to the kitchen, the aroma getting stronger.

"Its my fathers recipe. I knew you would like it. It's great for getting women pregnant. Just look at me". Nestor said with a wink coming over to you and kissed your head. You wrapped your arms around him.

"How was the doctors? Everything okay"? He asked looking down at you.

"Everything's wonderful". You grinned from ear to ear.

"Really? Just last night you didnt want to go. What changed"?

"Oh just the two little lives growing inside me". You swiftly pulled out the sonogram and put it in his face with a squeal.

"You're joking? What? How? Oh my god". He picked you up, kissing your lips.

"Babies. We had tons of sex and oh my god is right. We finally did it. The doctor said they look healthy".

"Oh baby, I'm so happy and so very thankful". Nestor held you tight. All his dreams were coming true.

"Me too. But I'm not taking any chances. I'm putting myself on bedrest and we're going to start eating healthier foods. No delicious tub of icecream or chips or tacos". You frowned licking your lips. Now the cravings start.

"Babe, you can have all of that just eat it a little at a time. Foods not going to hurt you. Might make you nauseous or give you heartburn but you have to eat".

"I know. I'm just scared. Because we dont know what caused the miscarriages. Anything can be a trigger. We just have to be careful and watch out for signs".

"We will. Um, can we not tell anyone until we know for sure we're out of the woods"?

"I was thinking the same thing. I don't want to get anyone's hopes up if they will be torn apart. I'm scared to get excited but I am. I cant for these jellybeans to be in our arms. Safe and sound". You squeezed Nestor. He was so happy. But the little voice said something could go wrong. Praying that it didnt.

During your pregnancy, you had one scare but that was it. You made it to 38 weeks then your water broke. Then the real nervousness kicked in. The babies room was prepared and you had everything they needed. You were just nervous about them getting here.

Luckily they came out healthy and strong with tons of hair.

Cruz Valentino Oceteva weighed 7lbs 4oz. He looked just like Nestor and a head of hair. Nestor tried to braid it like his. He succeeded in doing so. Heartburn was the worst.

Maya Jade Oceteva weighed 6lbs 2oz. Se was a lot smaller than her brother but was a strong little girl. You know how they say you carry them for nine months and they come out looking like their father. That's true. She looked like Nestor but with your nose. And a head full of hair that you put little bows in.

God you were so lucky to have Nestor and the babies. Life was complete. Well maybe. Another kid wouldnt hurt. Or three. But for now you were going to enjoy the baby moments and the smell of their little heads. Which you and Nestor took turns sniffing each of the babies heads.

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