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dennou-translations · 4 years ago

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Violet Evergarden Ever After: Chapter 3

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No one would imagine that a single drop could be the start of something so big. However, it would earn itself great meaning after a while passed. Should it continue pouring, it could also summon boundless blessings and curses.

Love was almost like rain.

The Journey and the Auto-Memories Doll

That one was a rain of betrayal.

It started with a calm morning, the sky unfolding without any hints of being enshrouded in dark clouds. Regardless, it did not take too long for the capricious rain brought by the heavens to turn into a downpour rarely seen in recent years.

There was no longer any sign of the rain that had started to fall like gentle kisses from paradise on the black hats of gentlemen walking around town, over the backs of cats dozing under the sun or onto the cheeks of children who opened their mouths and burst into laughter. The current season was the end of summer, and it was raining for the first in a long while in Leidenschaftlich, where the skies were constantly clear in summer, but had the god that controlled weather gone crazy? With time, as if a bucket had turned over, the city was hit by a flood.

This story is about an uneventful day, which did nothing but pass, in the lives of people who worked at a certain postal company.

The rain and wind struck the entire building as if attacking it. The doorbell rang loudly because of this, a man standing in place and staring at it with unease.

Creak-creak, the door moved. Ring-ring, the bell resounded. Since it was ringing despite there being no customers, he had become concerned and found himself coming down from his residence in the top floor.

In the previous year, the building had been shot with rocket artillery, and not only had it earned an enormous hole but a fire had also occurred – however, thanks to the quick skills of workmen, the hole was now closed and the walls had been neatly rebuilt.

The man was a stylish redhead. He was the president of this company, which he had named after himself.

Claudia Hodgins had been left all alone in the empty postal office. Still, it was normal for him to be there, as it was both his home and workplace. However, since he was by himself at a time that would usually still be within business hours, no matter what, he looked like he had been abandoned.

The postal office had been in great turmoil because of the storm. Surely, so had its peers. With the deliveries stagnated, complaints were coming from the clients. Nevertheless, the transportation was not carried out by machines devoid of feelings. It was something done by humans, who had been given birth to by someone and who had families waiting for them when they returned home. In lieu of the unpreceded disaster, as the president, he had notified all employees that business would be closed for today.

To begin with, the customers had stopped coming in the middle of the day. If he had to say so himself, this might be the expected. Deliberately going outside amidst such strong wind and torrential rain was an act of sheer madness.

Curious about what was going on outside, Hodgins had approached the entrance from the side. He felt like attempting to open the large doors just a little. He wanted to see how inundated the ground was. Just when he slow and carefully reached a hand towards it, the door opened with force despite him not doing anything.

“Ow...!”

“Oh, my bad. More importantly, we’re screwed; it’s just impossible, Old Man!”

Hodgins was teary-eyed as his precious nose took a hit. He was lightheaded for an instant due to the pain, but soon regained consciousness. After all, one of his employees had come back dripping-wet. Hodgins pulled him – whole body wrapped in rain gear – by the arm, bringing him inside and closing the door. Although it was only open for a few seconds, the entrance was already drenched.

The visitor took off the hood over his head, allowing his face to be seen. He was a splendidly handsome and fine man of sky-blue eyes and sandy-blond hair.

“Benedict...!”

Benedict Blue. One of the postal company’s postmen, who had been working in it ever since its founding.

“It’s impossible – actually, it’s absurd! Working under this rain is absurd! I look like I’m in the bath already. I wouldn’t have come here if I weren’t soaked... Making the staff pull out was the right choice,” Benedict said as if angry-yelling, shaking his head in the same way that a dog or cat would and splattering water splashes at Hodgins.

This wetted most of Hodgins’s shirt and face, but he was unable to reprimand his employee, who had been doing strenuous effort. He accepted it in resignation, wiping Benedict’s face with the sleeve of his shirt. “Okay, stay put.”

“Uoh, what’s with you? Stop.”

“Welcome home. I was worried. Good thing you’re all right.”

“O-Oh. What, hum... I’m back... You were worried about me?”

“Of course,” Hodgins said, to which Benedict turned away with an obviously embarrassed attitude after a moment of bewilderment.

Outside, vases and planters that may have been at the eaves of people’s houses, as well as shop signs, had been turning into weapons for a while now, dancing around the city along with the wind. Managing to come back unharmed and safely amidst this weather, where one could not know what would come flying their way, was something to be happy about.

“I’m just fine. This job’s easier than running around shooting guns. Anyway, I was left with the letters and packages of a guy who fell from his motorcycle and came back by myself. Was best to do that, right?”

“Aah, so someone got hurt?”

“That newbie, Clark. But he only scrapped his knees. He fell lots of times when he was learning how to ride, but for real, it’s surprisingly depressing when you fall off other than during practice. He was crying, y’see.”

“Aah~.”

Knowing who the person in question was, Hodgins pitied him. He was the youngest postman to join the company as of late. It was difficult to find human resources for postmen as they were quick to quit.

“He’s young, after all...”

“You call him young but... he’s already a grown man. I wonder if he ain’t lying to us about his age... I thought he was a baby or something.”

“You can’t compare him to a city boy fresh from the battlefield like yourself. I’m gonna get you a towel and a change of clothes now, so don’t move from there.”

“Why?”

“You’d wet the floor. Don’t tell me to go around cleaning up where you walked.”

“Clean it up,” he said while laughing, to which Hodgins’s shoulders slumped. He was a reliable companion, but also a young man who knew not how to show respect for his elders.

——Well, guess I’m a so-called doting parent for thinking that’s cute – no, doting boss.

Anyhow, they needed towels, Hodgins thought as he went back to his room. He grabbed a few large towels and held a pair of trousers and shirt that Benedict would apparently fit into under his arm. Then returned to the ground floor. By the time he did so, the number of people had increased.

“Uwah... Amazing, it’s like squeezing a rag.”

There were three more other than Benedict. If they were to be separated by types, one of them had evacuated after receiving a report of work, one had evacuated after finishing work, and one had been ordered to clock out, but all had come back halfway through, as their bodies were about to be blown off by the overwhelming storm.

“Please stop.” There was Violet Evergarden, whose golden hair was in Benedict’s grasp.

“Why? You said your hair was wet.”

“You just want to touch Violet’s hair, Benedict. Isn’t that right?” Lux Sibyl, who had given up on wiping her glasses and was glaring at the empty space.

“That’s not it. Don’t say weird stuff, Lux.”

“You knooow, my hair’s just as long as Violet’s.” And Cattleya Baudelaire, who scowled at Benedict with her arms crossed.

The members who had been there ever since the founding were Violet, Cattleya and Benedict, but Lux, having joined midway, was now a skillful secretary who covered up the schedule of the employees and president and moved them around like chess pieces. As the four people whose ages were close to each other’s came together, the conversation naturally livened up.

“You—You’re that kinda thing. If I touch you in a place like this, it’d be that kinda thing. This is our workplace, so there’s all that kinda thing. Morally speaking, it’s that kinda thing.”

“What do you mean ‘morally speaking’?!”

“I wish you wouldn’t say those things even if you think about them. Right, Violet?”

“‘Public morals’...? Benedict, what am I from your point of view?”

“V, you’re like a little sister to me... Aah, Old Man, gimme another towel.”

It was a terribly joyful thing that the company’s young aces had returned to it safe and sound.

“Everyone, don’t move from that spot no matter what. Hey, Cattleya! Don’t move!”

However, wiping all the water off the bodies of those four turned out to be a bone-breaking work.

Out of kindness, Hodgins invited the four people who had gathered up at the postal company to his residence in the top floor.

The whole floor was his apartment, thus it was quite large. A family of five could live comfortably in it. The furnishings were arranged in wooden items and serene shades of dark brown and green. It was a relaxed, adult atmosphere, where was nothing particularly funny. It had a faint scent of the perfume that Hodgins always wore.

The invited four let out sighs of relief. The biggest reason for it, although there was also the fact that this was Hodgins’s apartment, was that they were able to escape the horrible situation outdoors. With the exception of Lux, three of them were tough enough to take part in the act of physically crushing other postal companies, but human beings could not win against natural disasters.

“Hey, what do we do? We can’t go home anymore, can we?”

“There’s nothing we can do. We got no choice but stay in Old Man’s place.”

“First time something like this happens, huh. But we’re all together, so... might be imprudent of me to say this, but... it’s a bit fun. Violet, are you worried about your home?”

“Yes, about the flowerbeds.”

“You should say ‘about the people back home’, V.”

“The two went on a trip, so they are away. I promised that I would take care of the flowers in their absence, which is why... I am worried about the flowerbeds. Besides, if that house were to be destroyed by this storm, this place would meet its end much sooner... We have little time left to live.”

“Don’t go from talking about your family to destroying the company, Little Violet. Hey, hey, everyone, you’ll catch a cold so get changed first. Put the towels in the laundry basket. Benedict, don’t throw the towels wherever!”

As told by Hodgins, the employees firstly decided to change their clothes.

Violet and Cattleya had just returned from a work trip of two days and one night, thus they had a change of nightclothes in their bags, but Benedict and Lux did not. Although there was a height difference between them, Hodgins had no issues with lending clothes to Benedict, who was also a man, but there was a need for careful selection when it came to Lux.

“Shirt... shirt, shirt; all I have is shirts.”

“Hum, President, I’m fine with anything.”

“Eeh... that okay?”

As a result, the boy and girl came into the scene wearing baggy clothes. Benedict looked almost the same as when he and Hodgins first met. When he was left to chance completely naked in a desert, he had borrowed a shirt and trousers just as he was doing now. He seemed pleased with it, however...

“Feels kinda naughty...”

...the problem was Lux.

“Benedict’s fine, but maybe it won’t do for Little Lux? Is this okay?” Hodgins asked everyone with a meek face.

They all had at last settled down, each seated in a place of their preference while sipping tea. The employees were relaxing as if they were in their own homes. Contrary to the peaceful state of the situation inside, there was still a sound of rain hitting the windows and a troubled noise of something colliding against the building outside.

“What is ‘okay’ supposed to mean?” Sitting on the sofa, Violet tilted her head. Being comfortably dressed in a dusty-pink nightwear gave her usually disciplined self a slightly soft and gentle air.

“Little Violet.”

“Yes.”

“Your nightgown is cute, huh.”

“The people from the household bought it for me. Well, what is ‘okay’ supposed to mean? Was there any problem?”

“Little Lux’s clothes.”

For whatever reason, they had the person in question standing in the center of the room. With everyone’s eyes on her, she seemed uneasy.

“Hum... why do I have to stand in the middle?”

“Little Lux, stay like that and don’t move.”

“All right.”

“What is wrong with Lux’s look? You mean to say it lacks adornment?”

“Why would that be the case, Little Violet?”

“You are the one who chooses attires for us Dolls and you have particularities regarding the clothing and accessories, so I concluded that you might deem the plain shirt as not enough.”

“No, no.” Hodgins flailed both hands. The things he was saying had a moral value to them, out of fear that her outfit was perhaps vulgar.

Benedict had dealt with it by securing her trousers with a belt, but as Lux had too thin a waist, the outcome was the belt falling off. In short, she was not wearing pants. Inevitably, she was dressed in nothing but a shirt. However, her short stature fortunately made it look like a shirt-dress.

As Hodgins explained his concern, everyone said, “I see.”

Showered with their stares more and more, Lux began to blush.

“It gives off a dangerous feeling when you think she ain’t wearing any, but on second thought, isn’t that the same for skirts? There’s actually an open hole in them, but it’s not visible, so they’re classified as clothes. No big deal, is it?” Benedict had been standing with his back against the wall just a moment ago, yet had suddenly drawn close to her and started examining her fixatedly.

“Don’t say ‘not wearing any’!”

“Well, I mean, you really ain’t wearing any... but that’s okay. No biggie. You’re probably not an option for Old Man, so no worries. Right?”

“That’s rude!”

“I’m saying you don’t need to worry about that kinda thing... Should I take mine off, then? I see; I’m fine with it. I’ll be the same as you. That all right? I’m gonna take it off.”

“Stop, stop, stop!” As Benedict put a hand to his belt while laughing, Lux repeatedly hit his chest with her fists to stop him. Lux was red up to her ears. “I can’t take this anymore! Violet! Take Benedict to over there!”

“Understood.”

“Owowowow, V, ouch, that’s not it; it was the Old Man who said weird stuff first. We’re friends, so I was showing that she doesn’t have to get hung up over something like...”

Caught in Violet’s arms, Benedict obediently sat on the sofa. Perhaps in order not to allow him to escape, she gripped his hands and sat next to him.

Cattleya cut through the silence, “The tea is delicious.” She was scattered over the bed. She must have been tired from returning from the Doll business trip. Her eyes were downcast. She might be sleepy.

“Cattleya, do you not have any comments to make? I want to hear lots of opinions.”

“Eeeh, me?” Cattleya joined the needless debate as if it were a bother. “Hmmm... if someone were making her wear this because it’s their taste, it’d be gross indeed, but there’s no other clothes for her... It’d also be horrible to leave her with just a towel wrap, so I think it’s valid. Speaking of which, President...”

“Hm?”

“You’re saying that even though you pick open-chested clothes for my Doll outfits? And the times you were choosing Doll attires for me, y’knooow, you were never so considerate to say ‘not this, not this either’ when discussing it with the people from the made-to-order store...”

Her manner of speech was somewhat thorny, but Hodgins did not make much out of it. “That’s because they look good on you.” Rather, he said decisively, with an earnest gaze and excessive confidence, “Because they look good on you. Is my judgement wrong?”

“E-Eh?” Being replied to so unapologetically, Cattleya’s reasoning jumbled up, to the point she found herself wondering if she was the one in the wrong.

The Doll outfit that Cattleya usually wore was composed mainly of a crimson dress-coat, so there was no mistaking that one could not wear it unless the person was remarkably stylish. In addition, there was also no doubt that it was lascivious. Whoever looked at her would find their line of sight momentarily going to her chest. Still, whoever looked at her would remember the woman named Cattleya Baudelaire at once.

“No... it’s not like your choices are wrong... but I only forgive you because you’re the boss. I was shocked when you first showed me that outfit! I didn’t use to wear something like that before.”

“Well, but y’see, an hourglass-shaped person looks more slender when the area around their collarbone is exposed, and it’s pretty.”

An evident question mark floated above Violet’s head at the unfamiliar word. Benedict pointed a finger at the tea set arranged on the nearby table. An hourglass used to measure the time it took to steam the tealeaves was lying there. Perhaps finding the similarity between it and a plump chest and dainty hips, Violet nodded as if convinced.

“You’ve got an hourglass-shaped figure with that slim waist, so I gave you a coat-dress that puts this on display. You can adjust it with the ribbon, so it’s not a pain, right? It has a wonderful line in mathematical terms, y’know? Plus, you also have a cheerful character, so it doesn’t look vulgar. That’s important. It means that outfit takes into consideration even the personality of the one wearing it. And the owner of that made-to-order store is famous not just in this country but abroad. The outfits of our Dolls are on a whole different level in comparison to other companies, aren’t they?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“I don’t want to bring this up, but they’re very expensive.”

“Eh, I’m sorry. S-Should I pay you back? Either that or you can dock my salary...”

“No, you’re my Doll, after all. Nobody waters a flower to get money off it, right? It’s fine, Cattleya. Just stay pretty. It’s exactly because I have obsessions over clothes that I don’t want to make a girl look vulgar. And it’s exactly because I like girls that I want to have them shine wonderfully. That’s also why I have a few complaints about Little Lux’s usual plain clothes, though...”

“I don’t know why you decided to run a mail service, President, but I accept that passion of yours. I’ll wear those clothes with care. But, President, I’m doing my best, so I want a new outfit. A cute one.”

Listening to the conversation of the two in silence, perhaps tired of going along with her superior, Lux looked at Violet and Benedict’s direction with a gaze that quietly asked for help. There was a gap on the sofa that seemed enough for one person to sit. Having locked eyes with her, Violet told Benedict to scoot over after a brief moment and patted the open spot. Lux sat next to them, looking happy.

“Violet, what’re you drinking?” Lux peeked at the teacup that Violet was holding.

“I wonder. I took the tealeaves that were in the kitchen. I do not know what type of tea it is.”

“Darjeeling.”

“Benedict, how did you know?”

“‘Cause that guy likes Darjeeling. All the tea cans he has are nothing but that.”

“Guess I’m gonna drink that too; my body got cold from the long time under the rain.”

“Heeey, the three of you who ended the talk before we noticed! Listen to what I have to say.” Hodgins put his hands on his hips, pretending to be angry.

“We were deviating from the main subject. We deemed that it was not a necessary conversation and took action prioritizing Lux’s rest,” Violet expressed with a clear voice tone.

“Besides, this talk’s about bedroom wear, ain’t it?” Benedict added a two-fold retort. The blond, blue-eyed duo that looked like siblings stared at Hodgins with questioning eyes.

“Ugh, I comply with you two no matter what you say when you both look at me at the same time, so cut it out. But I’m not giving up. I think she needs one more article of clothing.”

“Hum... President, I’m okay with this. I’m already thankful that I could borrow your clothes. Besides, when you make such a big fuss about it, things that weren’t lewd in the first place start to seem lewd, so to say,” Lux said, wanting to end this topic as fast as possible.

“The solution has come to me. Wouldn’t it be best if I took the shirt and trousers and had Lux wear this nightgown?”

However, Violet wound up rewinding it.

——Violet!

Lux hit Violet repeatedly in her mind.

“Ah~, that’s right. If that’s the case, I can do it too. But maybe my nightgown is too big? It’s a negligee just like Violet’s. The shoulder length might be the problem for this one...”

“Old Man, you gonna die if you don’t obsess over the stuff we wear? You ain’t. Give up.”

“No way. Days like this one don’t come by. All five of us are trapped in the company and we can’t get out. You’ve got no choice but stay here in my house, right? We’re having the best of parties, a pajama party. I want it to be a good one. But I can’t enjoy it when I’m worrying over Little Lux’s clothes.”

Benedict contemplated a reply to Hodgins’s words for a few seconds, but soon stopped. He was probably tired. He looked Violet’s way and asked, “Hey, you not hungry? I’m gonna take a look at the kitchen.

“Hey, don’t ignore me.” As Benedict stood up, Hodgins chased after him.

“Benedict’s gonna make something? Yay! You guys probably don’t know this, but he’s good at cooking.” Cattleya lined up behind them.

“I didn’t say I was gonna make anything, though... Well, if you’re hungry, I can do it.”

“I shall assist you.” Violet raised her arms, rolling up her sleeves. Her prosthetics made a creaking noise.

“V, you can cook?”

“To some extent. In the military, I used to make preparations for the cooking. Mrs. Evergarden... Lady Tiffany also trained me on it.

“M-Me too... I can peel the potatoes, and stuff.” Lux hastily went after everyone. In a trail, a big move to the kitchen began to take place.

“Lux. You don’t usually cook, do you? I can already tell by just that statement. I’ll teach you.”

“Most things get solved just by peeling the potatoes... Benedict, you’re making fun of me, aren’t you?”

“Am not, Potato Demigod.”

“Violet, Benedict insulted me!”

“Benedict.”

“Owowow! V—! Don’t poke my sides! A hit from those crazy-ass prosthetics of yours ain’t no cutesy way to poke anyone! It just hurts like it normally would!”

In the end, Hodgins was able to find a light feather-print sweater in his closet and gave it to Lux. As she put it on, with her short stature, its length became the same as that of a long cardigan, which Hodgins was awfully pleased with for how adorable it was.

The madder-red sky was not visible at dusk, the outside morphing into evening with no changes in the rainy weather.

Benedict made a soup at random with the vegetables available in Hodgins’s kitchen, which had seasonings in abundance, while Violet and Cattleya supplied it with cookies that they had brought back as souvenirs from their ghostwriting business trip. Lux brought over small candy marbles that she kept stored in her desk at the company, and Benedict, instructed by Hodgins, reluctantly took an expensive bottle hidden on the liquor shelf of the latter’s room.

“Hey, let’s rummage through the desks of everyone in the company. There are probably gonna be other ingredients in them.”

“If it’s Mr. Anthony’s desk, I think there’s definitely something in it. Mr. Anthony always gives me sweets... We’re in a state of emergency so I’m sure he’ll forgive us for it.”

“There were sweets in the reception guys’ desks. Would they get mad if we took them?”

“Definitely seem like they would. But this sweet... is one of the tasty ones... I wanna eat it.”

Lux, who was still growing, and Benedict, who had missed lunch and did not have enough with just the vegetable soup, procured more food. The sweets that the hungry thieves sneaked from the company employees’ desks turned out as what could be considered a big catch, and so, the five people trapped inside during a day of usual rain commenced a night party.

The five of different ages, genders and positions were already at a state where they could be deemed as a single family through the many incidents they had overcome and the time they had spent together. They laughed a lot, talked a lot.

“You remember when Violet brought Lux over? She went to negotiate it directly with Old Man with so much might, like, ‘I have picked up a puppy. Please give me permission to raise it here. Now, hurry’. They were holding hands and she wouldn’t let go of Lux, explaining the situation all at length as if to say she wasn’t gonna move until he gave the permission. The way Old Man acted so suspicious back then was a real blast.”

“I remember~! He was like, ‘Eh, “demigod”? Eh, “abduction and confinement”? Have you told the military police about that?’... President was so troubled, walking in circles around the two. It was the funniest thing of that year.”

“Hum... I’m sorry.”

“No, no, don’t apologize, Little Lux. You’re our main player now, so you did what you could to get where you are. You really exerted yourself in this unfamiliar land. Work for us forever, ‘kay? Rather, for me. Little Violet does some unbelievable stuff sometimes, but she generally doesn’t do anything wrong, so back then, her first-time deed shook up even someone like me, with plenty of life experience. Saying no didn’t even cross my mind.”

“I knew that President Hodgins would give you a generous treatment. If I had not concluded so, I would not have done such a thing. Thank you very much for that time, President.”

“Little Violet... Little Violet’s all grown up too, huh; you’ve become a wonderful lady...”

“Well, she’s got you as her example of guardian figure, after all.”

“I was raised by both Benedict and President Hodgins. You are my examples.”

“Eh, so I’m Old Man’s son...? Gimme the whole company.”

“No way! Actually, you’re taking a part of the company in the future, so that much should be fine, right?”

“You were serious about that? If you split the company...”

“Yeah, I’ll be the vice-president. V, call me Vice-President Benedict.”

“Benedict will be... the vice-president?”

“Violet, you haven’t been to the company too often because of work, right? I’ll stay as President Hodgins’s secretary, but some of the employees will go to Benedict’s side. That’s gonna be pretty lonely... Still, the company will be built inside the country, so it’ll be close in terms of distance. But it won’t be the same building anymore.”

“Other people... will also be gone.”

“Did I tell you that my role’s gonna change too?”

“I have not heard about that.”

“I’ll be transferred to training the newcomers. Violet, you’ll stay as you are. Well, between you and me, if we were to debate on which one should be the instructor, it’d have to be me. I’m good at looking after others.”

“Cattleya will be... an instructor...”

“I’ll be here like always. The Doll department that Little Violet and the others are in will stay in the main office and you’re largely in charge of the numbers in our Doll department, so your role won’t change.”

“Sounds like I don’t make money when you put it like that.”

“No, it’s not like that... I’ve been keeping the right people in the right places since long ago, right? I asked you to do this because I thought you could be everyone’s big sis. Besides, wasn’t it you, Cattleya, who immediately replied that you’d to it when I said your pay would increase if you became an instructor?”

“Well, that’s because I don’t know how long I could keep on being a Doll. It’s a job you can do even when you get older, but walking up mountains has been hard lately. Probably because of my high heels.”

They truly laughed a lot and talked a lot.

In their feel-at-home looks, they played card games, discussed memories of their trips and laughed holding their stomachs at silly stories. The night went on and on and the heavy rain outside gradually subsided, but no one said, “Let’s go home, then”. Days like these were a rarity. They all knew this much.

“I’m having lots of fun today. It’d be great if it were always like this.” The words that Cattleya muttered with a big smile spoke for everyone’s feelings.

Whenever a fun feast reached its climax, the loneliness towards the fact that it was going to end would cross the corners of people’s heads. That applied not only to this day that God had granted them but also to matters in the long run.

Perhaps the company named CH Postal Company itself could also be considered a feast to the people gathered in it. “May this dream, this fun time go on forever,” they wished.

The dream had begun with Claudia Hodgins. He then picked up Cattleya Baudelaire, Benedict Blue and Violet Evergarden.

“Make sure to just lick it. So, how’s that?”

They had built the company office building in Leidenschaftlich and started it together. As the postal business was a privatized one and the competitors were many, nobody could predict at first for how long this company would continue to exist.

“This stings.”

A local customer then came, earning them a large-scale contract in the delivery business.

“Eh~, you okay, Violet? You’re better off as someone who can’t drink...”

Their Auto-Memories Doll activities began to stand out.

“But everyone is changing.”

“Doesn’t that have nothing to do with drinking alcohol? I drink ‘cause I like it. If you don’t, then stop.”

“That’s right, Violet.”

“No... Major has a taste for drinking during meals, so I had been thinking of learning to do it one day as well. You are all changing one after another whenever I blink. I have started eating with other people quite often at work as well. I, too, shall adapt...”

Along the way, a girl who would later become a brilliant secretary joined them.

“I see... Then I want to try drinking too. I’m a secretary, after all. I have to eat out with other people. What kind of taste is it, if you had to compare?”

Despite the major changes in the personal life of each, all of them had contributed to the development of the company, to the point that they spent every single day being busy.

“Close to that of a perfume. In that it is hard to swallow.”

There would surely be many, many more changes.

“Hey, I can’t approve that opinion. Big Sis here will introduce you to delicious drinks. Rather than being taught by a man, you should learn from me. Lux, you can’t yet.”

Surely, their fates would twist further.

“Eh~?!”

“Benedict, bring another one. And something to crack it open with.”

For people to gather up, an encounter had to have happened. That was what it meant.

“Aight, aight...” Benedict stood up from the sofa. He had been dragged into Cattleya’s scheme, in which she had planned the conspiracy of attempting to make Violet Evergarden consume alcohol, because he himself had complied with it.

“O-Owah. Old Man. You were here?”

“‘Were here,’ you ask... this is my house.”

As they came across each other in the kitchen, Benedict had let out a brash voice without thinking. The reason might be that he perhaps was seen grinning as he walked in. Despite his nihilistic attitude, he was happy to spend time with his friends.

“I-I know. I was thinking you were taking too long in the toilet...”

“Cigar.”

With the kitchen’s small window open, Hodgins was smoking a cigar. All of the women despised the smell, so he rarely ever let them see him smoking. Just when Benedict was thinking about how he had suddenly stood up and disappeared, there he was, smoking in secret.

——He only smokes when he can’t calm down, though.

There was no better day to relax with their companions, and yet.

“Hey, take a look outside. It’s so quiet after the storm... like the wind. Even though it was so loud before.” Perhaps due to him being a little drunk, Hodgins’s face was red.

“True... Hey, need more booze. Ain’t there anything easier to drink?”

“Eh, why? You can’t give it to Little Lux.”

“Cattleya wants to make V drink some. Well, ain’t it okay? I think it’s about time she learns the ropes. Dunno when we’ll get to drink with her again... and it’s better to have people you get along with teaching you this kinda thing, right?”

“Eeh... it’s still too soon. If you insist, isn’t it enough to drip a drop of rum into her tea?”

“Can you even call that a drink? Make it a degree higher.”

Hodgins gave a strained smile. “Hey, hey, her big brother figure shouldn’t be saying this...”

“I say it because I’m her big brother figure. I mean, we’re getting more rookies. She’s the highlight of our Doll department. Eating with people is part of having a big job. Before she gets involved with someone who wants to make her drink...”

“Does this have anything to do with me telling you to be the branch manager?”

Hearing a slightly icy voice coming from the president, Benedict blinked. “No... sorta.”

“She’s still a child, and I’ll definitely always be with her in those kinds of places, so it’s okay. It’s still early to teach her how to drink. Nope, nope.”

“A ‘child’, you say... well, she’s got a childish side, but she ain’t one anymore.”

“She is – you, Cattleya and Little Lux, too, are all kids to me. Because you’re quick to do this kind of thing if I don’t keep an eye on you... My, my,” Hodgins said, blowing out the tobacco smoke. Mismatched as it was for someone with such a mature appearance, Benedict could get a glimpse of childishness in him.

“You’ll keep trying to do that from now on too? That’s impossible; face the reality,” Benedict bit out incidentally.

Silence.

Benedict’s words were not wrong. The CH Postal Company was growing rapidly as a business. The fact that the postal company led by Salvatore Rinaudo had withdrawn from the postal industry in the previous year had a major influence in this. They now reigned at a pivotal position in Leidenschaftlich’s postal service. The CH Postal Company would soon account for nearly all of the commissions from the people living in Leidenschaftlich. Other than being busy with work affairs, there were even discussions about relocating the head office because of problems with waiting areas and break rooms due to securing new employees.

“Like, you and I are gonna get damn busy. The Auto-Memories Doll department is gonna be the main organ of the head office and my place will be ordinary mail, right? We’ll be teaching people how things go, and I’ll be doing deliveries too. You’re the one with the busiest role. Anything and everything’s gonna be relayed to you. Getting to be close to your employees like until now while doing all that is just...”

It was natural for a company that had become bigger to do a corporative split-off and for one of their employees to manage the branch office. Benedict was still young but had the power to bring people together. The task would not be an impossible one if they put a veteran of the head office in charge of taking over it. They could do this, Hodgins had decided, thus he came up with the proposal.

“The regular meetings and other stuff that I take part in happen in the head office... It’s not like we won’t get to see each other.”

“Everyone will have a different post and position. We won’t get to see each other. Same for you, Old Man.”

“If it’s work, I can adjust it. I’ll do my best to administrate everyone so that the employees can get a time every now and then to relax like this...”

“Old Man, even if you do your best, V’s dating that nasty-ass military officer, so won’t they get married someday? Dunno ‘bout it, but... that’s why it’s impossible to always watch over us in the first place...”

Silence.

“Hey, don’t clam up.”

What was being thrust at Hodgins now was something that he did not want to look straight at, despite thinking about and readying himself for it. That was what he was being told.

“Hodgins – hey, Old Man.”

It was something that Benedict Blue had the right to say, exactly because they had been doing everything together from the start.

“Hey, don’t take it in a weird way. I ain’t saying this to be malicious. You left the Auto-Memories Doll department in the head office ‘cause your wish to watch over V is a big deal, right? I get it. She’s special to you.”

“That’s not it; I—”

“But she won’t be a kid forever. She’s different from back when she started working, with you teaching her everything. She’s someone who’s gonna let go of your hand one day. She ain’t your real daughter or your girlfriend. Then, if you had to say what she is, at the end of the day, she’s your employee. You’ll part ways one day. If you don’t get ready for that now, will you manage to get over it if she marries into that bastard’s family and he makes her leave the company?”

“Will you manage to get over it?” The question ruminated in Hodgins’s heart.

Benedict had shot him where it hurt without mercy. He was a gun expert. His aim was precise and the bleeding made Hodgins want to hold his own chest down.

——Will I recover if I ever have to be separated from Violet Evergarden? Hodgins pondered earnestly over the question. ——I don’t know.

He truly did not know.

Bonds were things that could not easily break off once they had connected, yet reality, time and busyness unpityingly caused the existence of “friends” to grow far apart.

——To the point that I don’t know, I...

Surely, a day like this would not happen five years from now. Their place to return to amidst the rain would be somewhere else.

——It’s not just her, but also you and everyone else.

To begin with, they might not even be working in the company itself anymore until then. More of them would fall for someone, nurture their love and move their places to be in life to their “homes”.

Twenty, thirty years from now, it might be hard for them to even work. Or they would not be alive – there was also that possibility.

The one who was more aware of this than anybody else was Hodgins, the oldest of them all.

——I’m the one who’s farthest apart in age.

That was exactly why he did not know.

“I have no idea.”

He did not want to see it. Did not want to think about it.

“I have too many things that matter to me, so I can’t make a move anymore. Y’know, you... you might aught at this, but... rather than when you’re young, getting hurt becomes scarier when you grow older. You start losing the energy to do your best and heal. It’s tiring. Still...”

Hodgins had thought that the youth in front of him, who referred to him as “Old Man” on a daily basis, was probably going to laugh, yet Benedict was expressionless.

“Still...”

He did nothing but listen. His posture of properly listening at times like these somewhat...

——...looks like Little Violet.

“Still, I know I’m the one who has to get moving the most. I’m getting everyone involved in the things I wanna do. That’s why I do what I have to. I also counted on you, because I trust you. I left it in your care. But... that and my feelings for her and you guys...”

“I get it.”

“...are different things, right? Y’know, you’re... mean. I’m like a foster parent to you, and yet... Even if you understand my loneliness...”

While Hodgins spoke as if bursting out, Benedict put a hand to his mouth as though to stop him. “I get it.”

Time halted completely.

Was he supporting the flustered figure of the one who was like a parent to him?

“My bad.”

Before he had noticed, he was carrying a load of things he must protect. Was he doing this due to realizing that he had left Hodgins to chance, thinking, “That’s because it’s him”?

“My bad. That just now was on me.”

Silence.

“I didn’t have to pick today to say this. Isn’t that right?”

“You think I’m being lame right now, don’t you?”

“Nah, you ain’t all that cool in the first place.”

“That’s a lie; I’m a generally-acknowledged beautiful young man... no, beautiful middle-aged man.”

“You might not be cool, but well, that’s what’s good about you. Right?”

Silence.

“The cool thing about my Claudia Hodgins is his uncool side.”

Since Benedict was speaking as if to comfort a child, Hodgins told him to “shut up”, slightly annoyed, yet burst into laughter nevertheless.

The rain caused all sorts of things to pour. The way that people were drowned by the drops trickling down from the sky inevitably made them think about something.

As dawn broke, Claudia Hodgins sat up, body heavy from not getting much sleep. When he peeked at his room’s bed, Violet and Cattleya were sleeping wrapped in the same blanket. On the sofa, Benedict was scattered about, snoring in a way that made him want to laugh.

Hodgins looked for where Lux Sibyl might be. He went down from the third to the second floor, and then from the second to the first floor. She was nowhere to be found.

While thinking it could not be possible, Hodgins opened the front door, and sure enough, he could see the figure of a girl walking down the street towards him.

The clothes she had put to dry yesterday were surely half-wet. What was it that she wanted to do outside so badly to the point of going this far? He understood when he saw what she had in her arms.

“Ah, President.”

Lux was holding a paper bag with a lot of bread in it. The amount was enough that the small girl’s face could not be seen.

“Little Lux... could it be you went to buy us breakfast?”

Thinking back, this young woman was the kind of person who was always quick to act when she was trying to do something for someone. That was all it took to be a considerate person, but without kindness in their heart, they would not turn out this way. The reason why Hodgins had nominated her his secretary was not just that she could do any sort of work.

“That’s so nice.”

“Yes, the bakery owner is very nice. I woke up a bit too early, and when I went on a walk to see how things were outside, the bakery was just about to open and they were getting ready... I went to take a look ‘cause it seemed so delicious and they told me to come in.”

“Ah, hm...”

“I was so touched when they said they baked bread for people who were hungry early in the morning, so I told them many thanks for selling them and bought lots of it. It’s the bakery from that street around the corner.”

“As expected of my secretary. Did you properly get the receipt?”

At those words, Lux showed him a smile that resembled a blooming flower. “Huhu, of course.”

For Hodgins, who had spent the night deep in thought about all sorts of things, that smile was a soothing one. It was like the water of a lake for someone who was feeling thirsty.

Hodgins wordlessly took the bag from Lux. “Little Lux, I’m seriously glad you came to us.”

“Only in this kind of situation, right?”

“All the time. Always. Little Lux, you’re still young, will probably keep working with us... and you’re such a good secretary... I’m the happiest CEO in Leidenschaftlich.”

“Are you going to hire me for life?”

“Eh?”

“Is that a no?”

“No, I could. But that’d mean working with me for life, y’know?”

“Is that bad? I have nowhere else to go.”

When asked with such an innocent look, Hodgins faltered.

“I won’t say the stuff Benedict does, like wanting the company for me.”

“Well, I might... end up giving it to you if you say that, so don’t ever. Hahah... Of course, keep working for us forever and always at my place. Huh, this is kinda like a marriage vow... Wanna take this opportunity and marry me in the future? Just kidding...” Upon thinking that the jest that came out incidentally was an unsavory one right after saying it, Hodgins looked at Lux’s reaction, only to find her staring back at him blankly. He had made himself into a caricature of an old man bothering a girl. “No, it was a prank! But hey. Little Lux, you might be the only one who can go along with me, so having this kind of small talk is... I-I’m not looking at you with dirty eyes, really! We’re too far apart in age, after all! We’re c-close enough that we can crack this kind of joke to each other, right?”

Lux pretended to think for just a few seconds. “Huhu, I can tell. That it’s a joke, at least. But not happening. We’re not getting married.”

And then, she flat-out rejected him.

“Ah, yes.” Although Hodgins would have been at loss if she had accepted it, his shoulders dropped somewhat.

“But President, I’m prepared to nurse you if you ever become unable to work.”

“Don’t... suddenly thrust such a cruel reality at me.”

“Eh, is it? From my point of view... this is quite a deep form of love. President, you’re the first decent adult who accepted me. I’ll devote my whole life to you.”

“Little Lux, you sure like me a lot. Gonna marry me after all?”

This time, Lux actually grinned and replied, “I’ll take that one home and consider it.”

“Amazing; that answer’s like the business talk at the company.”

“Because you’re teasing me... even though you’re well-aware that I don’t even know love yet.”

“Don’t know love yet”. The destructive power of those words caused Hodgins to regret his lighthearted proposal a little.

“Then, I’ll ask again in about five years. I should be at a nice middle age by then.”

“You say that, President, but you’re going on a trip with some hottie next week. I know it.”

The duo, who somehow seemed like they would or other be hanging together for a long time, returned to the office with bouncing chatter.

In order to make breakfast for everyone together, Hodgins and Lux stood in the kitchen by themselves.

Besides the already-baked bread, they would need drinks and vegetables. Those were merely simple preliminary preparations, but Hodgins felt that just this was somehow enjoyable, unlike doing the work on his own.

“President, you have yours with one sugar cube and a slice of lemon, right?”

“And for Little Lux, it’s two sugar cubes with milk, yeah? I know it.”

While arranging the bread on a plate, they also poured water over the tealeaves and left them to steam. Perhaps due to the scenery that could be seen from the kitchen’s small window being a blue sky with not a single cloud in it, it was awfully dazzling.

“Good morning.”

The next person who appeared amidst the morning sunlight was Violet. Her soft golden hair was just a bit disheveled. Hodgins’s hand naturally reached out to it.

“Morning... You’ve got a bedhead, Little Violet.”

“Excuse me...” Violet looked back at Hodgins as he caressed her head, seeming a little embarrassed. Her eyes were just slightly red. She might have not been able to sleep very well.

“Morning, Violet. Are Cattleya and Benedict also up?”

“Benedict was awake until a while ago, but when I got up from the bed, he began sleeping again by Cattleya’s side.”

“Morally speaking, it’s that kinda thing. I’ll go give him a warning.”

Hodgins laughed a little, seeing Lux off as she walked away while rotating her tiny shoulders. He then turned his gaze back to Violet. Her bedhead, which he had supposedly fixed with the caressing, had returned. For some reason, both of them being alone like this in a kitchen bathed in morning sunlight struck him as extremely peculiar.

Just the two of them, having such a tender time. How many more opportunities would they have for that?

They were already at it. He should talk about something. That was what Hodgins thought, but the words did not come out of him. Not because he had no topic to discuss. He could come up with as many things to talk about as he wanted, such wanting flowers to decorate the table or that they would surely have many customers today who were unable to come yesterday.

But he did not want to spoil this morning. He felt that it might crumble if he spoke even one sentence.

Violet was there. She had her blue eyes directed his way, looking at him. It was no longer awkward for the two of them to stay silent. That was their relationship.

Perhaps still sleepy, she was in a haze. He wanted to watch her standing amidst this gentle time for a little longer.

As she would usually always seem wide-awake, Hodgins believed that she was laidback to this extent due to being in the presence of people with whom she could be at ease from the bottom of her heart. That he had played a part in this feeling of security of hers.

——Will you forget one day?

One day, the position that Claudia Hodgins occupied in the life of Violet Evergarden would become smaller.

——She only gets bigger on my end, though.

Going to the hospital numerous times. Pushing her wheelchair. Giving her a notebook and teaching her how to write.

——I for sure can’t forget. These moments, days, everything like this with you.

The fact that he had not stopped her from fighting in the war. That he had thought they could use her.

——I can’t forget.

Delivering to Violet an outfit that could hide her prosthetic arms, yet that would also make her look her most beautiful.

——I’m sure I won’t forget about this morning either.

About that quiet morning, which was much like the one from before everyone was caught in the great storm and barged in.

Hodgins touched Violet’s hair again. Although she had told Benedict not to touch it, with Hodgins, she all but slightly left a strand in his hand’s care and let him take it, almost like how a cat would do.

——Aah, I want to hug you.

He was not in love with her. That would never be the case.

However, if she were his real daughter, on days like these, mornings like these, he would have easily said, “Good morning, precious” and embraced her.

“I had a dream, President Hodgins,” Violet whispered out of the blue with a freshly awake, faintly hoarse voice.

“Dream...?”

The stunning young woman, who was no longer a girl, talked about her dream like a child, “Yes; in the dream... you owned a clothing store.”

“Huhu, that so?”

“I cannot make clothes. You told me that you did not need me, President Hodgins, if I could not make clothes...”

“That’s horrible of me, huh.”

“Even when I said I could polish the shoes, clean up or do anything, you did not listen...”

Unlike the real one, the dream version of Hodgins had apparently chosen to part ways with Violet.

“Little Violet, what did you do about that?”

“I asked countless times. However, you rejected it countless times. I thought about standing in front of the shop until you allowed me in, but it started raining like yesterday.”

“Hm. And then?”

“Major Gilbert came to pick me up and told me to come home with him, but...”

“Hm.”

“I waited for President to come out of the store even as the lights went out.”

“Hm.”

“Despite waiting and waiting, President Hodgins did not come out, and at some point, a passerby told me, ‘This shop has moved’.”

“Even though it was open until just a moment ago?”

“It was a dream, after all... And then – and then, I asked where it was and went after it. Benedict and Cattleya also appeared in-between, but they seemed to have other things to do, saying they would come after me later... As for Lux, she was the only one who had been hired by you from the very beginning, so she also asked you to hire me again, but in the end, you said no could do.”

“Hm...” Suddenly, Hodgins felt so pained about everything that it was hard to breathe. “And then, Little Violet, what did you do...?” His hand reached out to Violet.

“I kept looking at the interior of the store beyond the shop window from outside.”

Not towards her head, but towards her eyes, where her golden lashes fluttered like the wings of a fairy.

“Inside it, many people – people that I know and do not know – came and left... showing how lively the shop was.”

A sea had silently formed in them, which dissolved and disappeared once Hodgins’s index finger touched it.

“Major came to pick me up for the nth time and said you had told him that my standing there was causing him problems. But, for whatever reason, I at the very least knew that if I stepped away from there even for a moment, you would never let me in... therefore, I could not comply. But I did not want to trouble you, President, so I was unable to make a decision... I attempted to ask Major for instructions, but he was also gone before I realized.”

The sea – the teardrop – turned into a pearl and slipped down her cheek.

“I... I... ended up crying.” Violet stared at the sky, the look in her eyes seeming almost as if the scene from her dream was there at this very moment. “To think I would cry like that...”

“Hm.”

“That was why President Hodgins would not hire me, I thought... And also why Major had grown tired and left.”

“Hm.”

“Then, without my notice, you came outside. You looked the same as that post-war day when you went to visit me at the hospital. You were very surprised with my appearance, as I was soaked with mud and rain. And so, you said this: ‘Guess we’ll start with how to hold a needle’. You told me that you had not invited me for the new job because it would surely be difficult with these hands of mine, so I was extremely relieved... Then, then...” Violet’s words cut off at once.

Unable to hold himself back, Hodgins pulled her into an embrace as if shoving her little head into his chest.

While being embraced, Violet said with eyes that looked as though she was still dreaming, “...with some effort, I could still be helpful. I was able to confirm this, after all.”

Hearing her let out a relieved sigh in his arms, Hodgins forgot about both his and Violet’s positions, clasping her to his chest very, very firmly. “You sure are helpful... Was there anything about me that made you feel uncertain?” Upon realizing that his voice sounded tearful, Hodgins allowed the tears to overflow at the truth.

——Aah, I’m such an idiot. Got caught up in it and ended up crying too.

As the girl whom he thought of as his own daughter, despite her being an actual adult, had shed tears, he found himself crying along with her. Almost like a child. Even though he was supposed to conduct himself as an elder in this situation.

“I do not know.”

“But, has anything like that ever happened until now...? You had that dream because you were uneasy.”

“‘Uneasy’... That might have been the case. Yesterday night, I came to know that many things were progressing while I was away, so I have the feeling that I was quite agitated.”

“Sorry; we were doing things on our own accord. Even though we’ve been together since the founding.”

“No, I am often absent, and it is only natural for some things to be decided in the meantime. I am an employee. I feel that your judgement is correct. Employees must correspond to the changes of a company. My surroundings are about to change significantly. I am grateful to you, President, for letting me be here like always. However...”

“‘However’...?”

“However, I do not know if I can cope with it. With the matters regarding Major, the ones regarding the company... with the fact that Benedict will be going to a different office building. When I think about these things...”

“It’s okay.”

“When I think about them, I realize that the number of things I should prioritize has increased too much.”

“Little Violet.”

“The order of priorities...”

“It’s all right.”

“I have to deal with situations of every kind as I live, and yet...”

——Surely, Violet Evergarden wouldn’t be alive if she didn’t do that.

Always, at all times.

She had been living through corresponding to her surroundings despite being at loss regarding its circumstances, putting everything she could do to use while looking for a place to belong and an adult who would take care of her. She was not allowed to waver. For beasts, hesitation was death.

Violet did not know unconditional love. She now had at last earned herself this warm place through her efforts, but it was about to suffer a rapid change with the course of time.

After running, running and running, Violet – previously one such beast – was watching the nest she had finally found crumble down. Even when people knew they had to prepare to start running again, there would come a time when they would be short of breath and unable to move.

Violet had gone from wild animal to person.

Her human parts and animal parts co-existed, occasionally revealing themselves. When she was the animal, she simply did not mind how much a place changed as long as she could live in it. However, it was difficult to live while holding something better, more important.

Now that she had become a person through the increasing of her emotions...

“I shall fight. I can always be of use. President Hodgins, please forget this aspect of me that I just showed you.”

...she had turned into just a girl who was a little bit scared of the future.

“Please... forget about it.”

Who had made her this way? Gilbert was likely the first, but the ones who had done the finishing touches were definitely all the people in this place.

“No way, I’m not forgetting.”

At Hodgins’s words, Violet lowered her eyebrows, looking troubled.

“Don’t make a face like that; I’m not teasing. I meant to say that you don’t need to worry about it. You indeed might’ve gotten weak. But is that a bad thing? You had nothing when you met me for the first time. Not even your brooch, right...? But now you have lots of things. You went on a journey for a long time and got more stuff to shoulder while you were at it, so it’s no wonder that you’d end up in a dilemma.” Albeit knowing that Cattleya, Benedict and Lux were looking at them in shock from the shadows at the doorway, Hodgins went on, “You know... life is a journey. Little Violet, you’ll go on this journey, won’t you?”

He had already forgotten about his anxiety. The feeling of frustration at such things and the overwhelming wish to cling to someone were now gone.

“You started your journey with a little less luggage than other people, so you’re staring at your bag now that it’s gotten a bit heavy, wondering what happened to it. You don’t know what to throw away anymore.”

He was able to think, from the depths of his heart, that he had returned to his usual self. While embracing her, who was indeed still young and confused in the middle of her journey, he was finally able to think so.

“You need clothes and money, of course, and good shoes are vital. Right, and an umbrella too. When you look into your bag and realize that you actually have nothing that you can get rid of, it’s indeed a problem. Even though it’s a hassle because it’s so heavy. What do you think you should do?”

He could still be useful.

“Train... my physical strength... No, calibrate my prosthetics...”

He was still needed.

“You’re such a fool... Either leave it in someone’s care and continue the journey or have someone take half of it.”

Even if it were only for a short while.

“Gilbert will probably take half of the luggage. I can take care of the rest that you can’t carry over here. I’ll be in Leidenschaftlich forever, after all. Little Violet, no matter where you go, I’ll stay here and wait for you to come back, and no matter when you come over, I’ll welcome you. I’ll take care of the contents of your bag with pleasure.”

——Even if you only remember me a few times a year someday...

“Listen up: whenever you’re troubled, remember that I’m here. And then you’ll be able to go on a journey again anytime.”

——...I’ll ready myself to welcome you at any time of the year.

“Am I really supposed to leave my luggage here?”

——I’m the kind of man who can do that, and you need it for sure.

“Hm-hm, that’s not it. Y’see, this is about memories. All you have to do is to know. That I’m here. This is the way to make your luggage lighter. Whenever you’re having problems, bam, remember me. If you do that, the worries you have now will definitely decrease a little. Y’know, at the end of the day... people’s place to come home to aren’t places, they’re ‘somebody’. You should know that much. You’d have gone to any battlefield if Gilbert was there, right? Someday, yes, you might quit being an Auto-Memories Doll. You might not come back to Leidenschaftlich.”

——It’ll be great if this “someday” never comes, though.

“But your current memories are with me. I’ll be a representation of them. So that you, my dear... will be able to open your memories anytime. When this moment right now becomes nostalgic to you, come see me. I’ll always be here. Waiting for you. You’re feeling ‘lonely’ right now. But... Little Violet. You have me. You’re not alone.”

——I want you to remember.

“I do not understand very well... However...”

——I’m always protecting you.

“...you have always guided me.”

——Waiting for your return.

“I never doubt your word.”

——I’ll be waiting here.

“But, President Hodgins, I have only one wish.”

——I want you to show up when your journey ends.

Deciding to deal with the sobbing coming from behind the door later, Hodgins opted for staying like this for just a bit longer. Her lover might get angry if he saw it, but he had the right to do it, at least to some extent. After all, she was Claudia Hodgins’s dear employee.

Hodgins asked with a particularly gentle tone, “What would it be, Little Violet?”

Violet blinked and looked up at Hodgins. The last drop spilled from her eyes.

“If, only if... there comes a time when you will quit the postal company and start doing something else...”

“Hm.”

“...please call me. No matter where you are, I will rush to you.”

“Hm.”

“I will definitely be of help... Even if not, should your luggage become too much, please call me when you need someone to carry it for you. I shall hasten to visit you.”

“For real?”

“Yes. I, too, will carry President’s luggage. You should know it. I am strong.”

“Huhu, yep, definitely. One day, you’ll understand what I mean by ‘luggage’. Hey...”

“Hiya, I’m Hodgins. What’s your name?”

Silence.

“This kid’s such a taciturn.”

“She... doesn’t have a name yet. She’s an orphan with no education. Can’t talk either.”

“That’s so terrible of you. She’s such a beauty. Just give a name worthy of her.”

“Little Violet, thanks for meeting me.”

Love was almost like rain.

#violet evergarden #fyeahvioletevergarden #veedit #kyoani #kyoto animation #violet evergarden ever after #claudia hodgins #benedict blue #cattleya baudelaire #lux sibyl #akatsuki kana #takase akiko #my translation #novel

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judylicious · 3 years ago

Text

And When He Smiles I Swear I Can’t Breathe

Alan Rubin x fem!Reader

Word count: 2,211

Fandom: Blues Brothers

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Blues Brothers characters or movies. This refers to Alan Rubin as a character in the movie, not the real Alan (although he obvsly played himself but you know what I mean)

I’d like to add that I made everyone of the band a few years younger (so the age gap between the reader and Alan isn’t that big), so he’s approx. in his early 30s.

Sophia, Lisa and Lex are two OCs created by two lovely people within the fandom.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of abuse

Chapter IX

Alan watched Charlotte taking a bite from her fried eggs. “What?”, she murmured. “Are we gonna pretend nothing happened last night?”, Alan gave her serious look. The girl shrugged her shoulders. “Wouldn’t be the first time.” “Huh, is that supposed to make me laugh?”

Charlotte didn’t look up. “Why were you at the rehearsal room?” “Where else should I have gone?” “Lisa? Sophia? Or here’s a funny idea, could have given me a call.” “Look, I prefer to go into seclusion when something’s wrong. I’m sorry but I don’t wanna bother anyone with my crap.” “And I’d prefer if you’d come to me, you ain’t bothering no one, alright?”, he said in a soft tone and stroke her cheek. “Does he hit your mum and sister, too?” “No.”, she shock her head but saw a questioning look in Alan’s eyes. “My parents had broken up before my mum found out she was pregnant with me. So for my sake they gave their relationship another shot and apparently it worked but for my father I’m still the unwanted child. And I guess by forcing me to do well, in College and life, I won’t’t be such a big disappointment for him.” “Meaning if you moved out your mum and sister wouldn’t be in danger?” “Believe my, I tried getting my own place but…” “You could live with me until you find your own flat.”, Alan looked at her with raised eye brows. “I can’t, I really can’t.” “Why not?” “Cos I don’t wanna drain on your pocket, that’s why.” “I don’t care. I want you out of there as soon as possible.” “I will figure something out, okay? Don’t wanna jump the gun.” “Jumping the gun? What are you waiting for, Charlotte?”, Alan asked concerned, irritated she didn’t wanna move out. “I will come up with something alright?!”, she said bugged. “Just think about my offer, you’re more than welcomed here.”

A few days had passed and Charlotte still hadn’t figured out what to do. She came back from jogging, when she noticed a stranger’s car in their driveway. Her father’s office was being refurbished this week, so he met all his clientele at home, in his home office. She hurried down the hallway to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, not keen on being seen in her current shape, all sweaty and her face red like a tomato. When passing by she took a quick glance into her father’s office though and realised she knew the person a few moments later only, so she went back. “What are you doing here?” “Oh, hi!”, the person greeted her with a big, fake smile. “Are you one of Mr. Ellington’s precious daughters? I didn’t know that!” “No, I’m Mrs. Mop.”, Charlotte replied sarcastically. “You do look like her.” “What’s going on here?”, Frank said in a harsh tone and gave his daughter a push against her shoulder as he entered the room. “Be nice to Ms…? I’m awfully sorry, what was your name again?” “No harm done, Sir. My name’s Brooks. Lari Brooks.” “I apologise for my daughter Ms Brooks and also for this chaos. I should have been prepared more thoroughly for this week of Home Office. I left some of my notes in my car, I’ll be back in a moment… Charlotte, go and get us a coffee, won’t you?” “Frankly I’d like to take shower.” “Yeah, you can do that afterwards.” Charlotte closed her eyes and took a deep breath before facing Lari again. “Oh kiddy, milk and sugar for me please.” Ugh that creepy smile again. “Listen up, bitch!”, Charlotte leaned over the desk. “I don’t know what kind of ratty games you’re playing here, getting in touch with my father but stay the hell away from Alan! You heard me?” Lari started laughing, not the reaction Charlotte was hoping for. “You really think Alan is interested in you? He’s not the man for relationships but you’ll figure that out soon enough. Once he had his fun with you he’s gonna drop you like a bad habit.” Lari looked her up and down. “Tsk, I’m surprised he even thinks he will get it up with you in the first place.” Charlotte clenched her fist. “Not that it’s any of your business but he already did!” “Oh good to know he’s finished with you then.” “He is finished with you, or why do you think he started seeing me?” “See honey, what-“ “I’m not your honey!” Lari sighed. “What you don’t see is, Alan needs a real woman at his side. Not only to satisfy his sexual needs but he certainly doesn’t wanna play babysitter for you. And he doesn’t need no social project either.” Charlotte backed down and slowly removed her hands form the table. “Oh, honey, don’t you think I haven’t noticed your bruises. And don’t you think I don’t know who did that to you.” Charlotte swallowed hard. For God’s sake, where was her father when she needed him. What was taken him so long? “Does your father know you’re dating Alan?” Charlotte clammed up. “Aha, I thought so.”, Lari grinned. “Would be such a shame if he did, eh?” “Why haven’t you made any coffee by now?! Frank bumped back into the office, a stack of files under his arm. “Come on!” dragging her into the kitchen. “I asked you for a simple favour.” “You didn’t ask…” “I swear to God, make that fuckin coffee or I loose my shit.”, he hissed through gritted teeth and Charlotte quietly set up the coffee brewer, while Frank went back to his newest client. While the machine ran, she tried to catch a few scraps of their conversation. What was her game? It was surely no coincidence she wanted to hire her dad. Charlotte overheard that apparently she had some trouble with a former affiliate of hers. What a pretence. And Charlotte started to worry. Knowing about her and Alan, Lari had her by the short and curlies. After serving the coffee, Charlotte quickly got into the shower. As the warm water ran over her body she couldn’t help but bursted out into tears. She knew Lari was right. Alan didn’t want no helpless, little girl at his side, that needed to be rescued from her father. And Charlotte wanted to be that independent and mature woman he was looking for but also felt trapped, like she couldn’t break away from her father. That was also why she didn’t wanna move in with Alan, even it was temporary only. She feared someone like Alan would eventually be sick of dealing with such preschool problems, when he was at a complete different state of life than Charlotte was. And perhaps her intuition on this one wasn’t letting her down.

During the next days, Charlotte and Alan didn’t see much of one another, they didn’t had a fight but both felt some tension between each other. While Alan was trying to give Charlotte some room to decide what she wanted to do in order to sort out her problem at home, Charlotte felt rejected and that Alan didn’t wanna see her.

So when she and her besties, Sophia and Lisa were on their way to another concert of the boys, she had mixed feelings. The three entered the backstage area, where they were happily welcomed by the band. Jake pulled Sophia into his strong arms, giving her passionate kiss, while Lou and Lisa were still a bit shy around other people, so the saxophonist grabbed his girlfriend’s hand and gave her a short peck on her cheek. As Charlotte and Alan met they faced each other awkwardly. “Hi Alan.” “Hi Charlie, you look gorgeous tonight.” “Thanks.”, she responded with a little smile. Everyone who was watching the two instantly felt something was wrong and were kind of embarrassed to be present. The blonde girl turned around to her friends “Think I’ll be heading to our seats already, see you in a bit.”

Lisa and Sophia gave each other a look before hurrying after her friend. “Charlie, wait! What was this all about?”, Sophia grabbed her arm. “Nothing.”, she shrugged her shoulders in response. “Did you break off?” “Were we even a couple?” “Were?”, Lisa asked shocked. “Relax, we didn’t. It’s.. I don’t know… tensed. He hasn’t been calling me for a couple of days.” “Have you called him?” “No… I didn’t wanna bother him.” “Why do you keep saying that?” “Because it’s true. Alan could date everyone. It’s just a matter of time ’til he’s tired of my bs with my dad.” “Why would he? He offered you to move in with him for now.” “Right, so what if that wasn’t a genuine offer? Perhaps he only felt the need to say that.” “Jeez, you still think the worst of everyone!”, Sophia rolled her eyes. “Last thing you told us is that he asked you to think about it. So I guess he’s just waiting for an answer.”, Lisa explained. “Go and talk to him after concert.” “But before that we’re gonna enjoy the music, nothing will cheer you up like their songs, trust me.”; Sophia said with a big smile and grabbed Charlotte’s hand, dragging her to their seats.

Meanwhile Lou got after Alan. “Hey man, are you and Charlotte alright?” “Yeah, yeah, we’re fine.” “C’mon Alan, talk to me!” The trumpet player sighed. “I don’t even know what it is! I told her she could live with me until she found a flat for herself cos I want her away from her manic father and gave her some time to think about it and since then: nothing. I don’t know what else to do if she keeps refusing my help! Maybe it’s all too much for me.” “What are you saying? I thought you liked her, for real!” “Yes, I do.” “Sometimes a relationship needs some work, especially at the beginning.”, Lou advised. “See? This is why I never got involved in anything serious before. It just complicates things.” “Even if things are difficult at the moment, I’ve never seen you any happier than being with Charlotte. So perhaps it’s time you step out of your comfort zone if you wanna make things work with her.” They got interrupted by Elwood, yelling across backstage. “2 minutes guys!” “Lou gave his friends a warm smile and a pat on the shoulder “Think about it.”

The concert was extraordinary. They were rocking the crowd and the atmosphere was purely captivating. After the band finished playing “Hey Bartender” Jake got on the mic again. “This next song, we haven’t played in front of anyone yet, so feel honoured to be the first.” He put in one of his little giggles there. “It’s called ‘Gimme Some Lovin’ by the Spencer Davis Group. And me, Blue Lou and Mr. Fabulous here, would like to dedicate this song to three incredible, young ladies in our lives, who also happen to be in the audience tonight. Sophia, Lisa and Charlotte. Sophia? I love you babe!”, he said and pointed to his girl in the audience causing Sophia to scream, who soon got drown out by the band starting to play. Charlotte was excited to hear the boy’s version of that song, thinking back when Alan told her, they worked out a nice part for the horns and they clearly didn’t disappoint.

After like three or four encores, the girls were all hyped up and on their way backstage. “Relax, just tell him how much you liked the song and that you wanna talk with him in private. It’s your Alan after all.”, Lisa tried to support Charlotte.

When they walked up the little stairs their glances first hit Elwood. He was caught up in a passionate kiss with someone in his arms, his hands all over that someone. As soon as he realised all eyes were on him, he cleared his throat. “Everyone this is Lex by the way.”, he said and a big grin formed on his lips. “We met a few nights ago. Please be nice to them.” Lex seemed a big nervous as they were playing with their dark, slightly wavy hair but all that seemed to vanish when Elwood pulled Lex back into his arms and planted a kiss on their cheek. The two seemed like a great match. Lex was really casual looking, they were wearing a jeans jacket and a graphic tee combined with a pair of combat boots. They clearly seemed to be on the same level, funny and not taking things too serious. Most of the guys had a stupid grin on their face except for Jake of course, who already knew about his brothers new partner in crime but everyone was just happy for Elwood, he deserved to be with someone after everything he went through.

That amusement didn’t stay for long though as Charlotte noticed Alan. He was sitting in a corner on one of the amplifiers, focused on cleaning his mouthpiece, Lari standing next to him. She was straddling his shoulder and trying to get his attention. From the distance it was hard to tell if he was wrapped up in a chat with her but frankly, Charlotte didn’t even wanted to know.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

#Blues Brothers #Blues Brothers fandom #Alan Rubin x Reader #Alan Rubin x fem!Reader #Alan Rubin #blues brothers fanfiction #Elwood Blues #Jake Blues #Blue Lou Marini

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storiesforallfandoms · 5 years ago

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bad girl ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 2022

request?: yes!

“MGK x reader Of course add lots of smut + spanking?? tyy”

description: when colson and his girlfriend go out to a launch party for his album, she decides to tease him, earning her a punishment when they return home

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, smut

masterlist

I watched Colson talking to his friends across the room with crossed arms and a slight scowl on my face. Sure, this was Colson’s night, he had just released his most recent album and wanted to celebrate the way only he knew how; a massive launch party. But ever since we arrived to the party, it was as if I ceased to exist. Colson had been spending most of the night talking to his friends, or to whoever else decided to attend the party.

I didn’t expect Colson to be attached to me all night of course. This was his party, he was free to talk to whoever he wanted, hang out with whoever he wanted, but it was like I wasn’t even there. He didn’t try to come find me, didn’t even really look my way or anything. This pissed me off just a little because I really dolled myself up for this event: I was wearing my sexiest dress accompanied with knee high heeled boots, and I spent nearly two hours on my hair and makeup. I didn’t want him to be fawning all over me the whole night, but I kind of wanted him to notice how beautiful I looked and made even one comment on it.

I sighed heavily and rolled my eyes, turning back to the small bar that was hired to come cater the party. “Give me something strong.”

The bartended nodded and set off to mix my drink. As I was waiting, a guy I didn’t recognize walked up and leaned against the counter next to me. “Have you already ordered something?”

I looked at him, slightly amused by his question. “Yeah, the bartender is making it now.”

He nodded and pulled a $20 bill from his pocket. “When you’re finished with the lady’s drink, get me a whiskey, and take this for the both of us. Keep the change.”

The bartender took the money, placing my drink on the counter and pouring a glass of whiskey for the very nice man. I smiled at him and held my glass out. “Thank you, I appreciate that.”

The tapped his glass against mine and we both took a sip. I cringed at how strong the drink was, although I did ask for strong. I guess I’d just have to get used to it.

“So, what are you doing over here by yourself and not over there attached to the hip of the man of the hour?” he asked me.

“Ah, so you do know that I’m his girlfriend,” I said. He nodded. I sighed and took another quick sip from my drink before responding, “You’d have to ask him that. He’s spending more time talking to literally everyone else. For a while I thought I was invisible.”

He looked me up and down. “You are anything but invisible. You look gorgeous.”

I fully turned my body to face him, smiling brightly. “Thank you, you don’t know how much I appreciate that. My name’s (Y/N), by the way.”

“Justin, nice to meet you.”

He offered me his hand and I took it. As I did so, I happened to look over my shoulder. For the first time all night, Colson was actually looking at me, except it wasn’t a look of love or lust that I wanted it to be. Instead it was a look of anger and annoyance as he glared at Justin.

For a brief second I was feeling annoyed. I wanted to walk over to him and tell him he had no reason to be so pissed that I was talking to another guy when he hadn’t been paying attention to me all night, but then I had a better idea. I met Colson’s eyes, raised a teasing eyebrow at him, then turned around to lean my arms against the bar, pushing my ass out and pushing my breasts together. If Colson was only going to pay attention to me when I was talking to another guy, I was going to give him something to really pay attention to.

“So Justin, what do you do?” I asked him, resting my head against my hand as an excuse to push my cleavage together even more. “Are you a musician, or a producer, or just a date here tonight?”

Justin chuckled. “Oh no, I’m not part of the music industry. I’m actually here with a friend, apparently he knows either the band or Machine Gun Kelly, or both or something? I don’t know, his girl dumped him so he asked me to come as his plus one instead.”

“Ah, so you’re the pity date.”

He laughed. “No actually, his pity date was his sister, who is in the music business, but she also bailed on him. I’m like the pity date because his pity date stood him up.”

I made a face. “Poor guy. Well, there’s enough single women and wannabe groupies here tonight, I hope he gets lucky with one of them.”

“Me too. He really needs to get laid, just to take his mind off of his ex if nothing else. He’s basically obsessed with her still.”

I leaned towards him, causing his eyes to wander my body yet again. “What about you? Do you have an ex you’re hung up on? Or a current?”

I could see on his face that he didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t tell if he was just mesmerized by me, or if he did have a girlfriend waiting for him and he didn’t want to answer. It didn’t matter to me whether he did or not, he was currently just a pawn for me to use to get Colson jealous.

And it definitely worked, because out of my peripherals, I could see Colson approaching before he took hold of my arm, yanking me towards him.

“She’s taken,” he hissed.

Justin raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m aware, we were just talking.”

“Seemed like a lot more than talking,” Colson muttered.

“He bought me a drink and we were chatting,” I told him, shaking my arm out of his grip. “You were busy, so I made a friend. Is that not okay?”

He was glaring down at me and I couldn’t help but smirking, realizing my plan had worked. Colson eyed Justin and told him, “Well, she’s done talking to you now, because we have to go.”

I tried to argue but it was no use. Colson’s hand took hold of my arm again and started to drag me towards the exit, ignoring anyone else who tried to talk to him along the way. He shoved me towards a cab that was waiting and the two of us got in.

The ride home was dangerously silent. I was starting to regret my decision in trying to tease Colson. I didn’t want a fight to break out when we got home, I just wanted his attention, but it seems I may have taken it all too far.

When we walked into the house, I expected the fight to start. I was preparing myself for Colson to give me the silent treatment, or to yell, or to just be upset all together. The last thing I expected was for him to take hold of me, lead me up to our bedroom, and to tell me, “Take off your clothes.”

I was confused, but the idea of sex wasn’t something I ever turned down. I reached behind me and unzipped my dress, letting it fall around my feet before stepping out of it, leaving me in my bra and underwear. Colson raised an eyebrow at me, expectantly. I unhooked my bra and pulled my panties off as well.

He seemed satisfied with this, as he added, “Lie on your stomach on the bed.”

I did as he asked, laying down with my head facing the foot of the bed on my stomach. I felt the bed dip behind me as Colson got on it. I yelped when I suddenly felt a sting on my bare ass, the sound of a slap filling the room.

“Are you going to flirt with other guys like that again?” Colson asked.

I looked at him over my shoulder the best I could. “I wasn’t flirting with him, Colson. I was trying to get your attention, I wasn’t actually flirting.”

Another sharp sting came and I bit down onto the blanket to keep from yelling out again. “Are you ever going to flirt, even just for attention, like that ever again?”

“No!” I called. “No, I won’t flirt with other guys like that again, I’m sorry Colson!”

He spanked my ass again, and although I was wincing in pain, part of me was starting to enjoy it. Colson being so dominant, so jealous, and punishing me like that was kind of hot, and although my ass was definitely stinging, I could get used to being punished like this more often.

“Are you going to tease me like that in public ever again?” he asked.

“I won’t, I promise,” I told him.

A final spank came across my ass before Colson’s hands grabbed on to my hips and pulled me up so I was on my hands and knees. I heard him unbuckling his jeans and gasped when I felt a pressure against my opening. Colson wasted no time in shoving the entirety of his cock into me, causing me to cry out in shock and pleasure.

His hands were holding on to my hips, pulling me back to meet his thrusts as he buried himself deep into me. I couldn’t hold back the moans as he fucked me rough and mercilessly, definitely leaving me unable to walk when all this was over.

“Who do you belong to, baby?” Colson asked.

“I belong to you, Colson!” I moaned. “Fuck, I belong to you baby.”

“No one would ever be able to fuck you this well, right baby?”

“No one, baby, you’re the only one who could ever fuck me like this.”

One of his hands moved from my hips to my hair, grabbing a handful and pulling my head back. It was the first time Colson had ever really been rough like this during sex, maybe trying to make him jealous wasn’t a bad thing after all.

I started feeling a pressure growing in my stomach and before I could say anything, I felt myself hitting my climax so hard my vision was spotty and I was starting to see stars. Feeling my walls clenching against him, I felt Colson’s thrusts becoming sloppy, quickly followed by his cock pulsating inside of me and the feeling of him filling me up.

Both of our moans filled the room as we rode out or orgasms. I was still shivering in pleasure when he slipped out of me.

The two of us laid back on the bed, tangled in each other’s arms. Colson ran his fingers up and down my arms, his head against mine.

“Are you still mad at me?” I asked him. I felt his chest vibrate as he chuckled.

“No, I got my anger out through fucking,” he said, which made me chuckle too. “Although I would’ve loved to break that dude’s face.”

“I wasn’t actually trying to flirt with him,” I reminded him again. “And he didn’t really seem to be flirting with me. He did ask me about being with you, so it’s not like he thought I was single. I was more doing it to make you notice me, cause you were distracted by basically everyone else all night.”

Colson kissed my forehead. “I guess that is partly on me. I’m sorry I wasn’t paying more attention to you tonight.”

“It was your big night, I shouldn’t be too upset over it,” I said. “Although, if flirting with other guys are going to result in that kind of sex, I’ll flirt with other guys more often.” I giggled when Colson’s body tensed and he squeezed me tightly. “I’m joking baby! I’m joking. You’re the only one for me.”

He kissed me again and held me tightly to him. “Just don’t forget that.”

#machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #machine gun kelly smut #colson baker #colson baker imagine #colson baker x reader #colson baker smut #mgk #estxx #imagine #one shot #smut #request

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jay-and-dean · 5 years ago

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Black Hole

Dean x Reader

Summary : She saved his life, and since then, she doesn’t want to live anymore... That doesn’t make sense...

Warnings : ANGST, like massive angst, mourning, mention of depression, thoughts about suicide and if miscarriage is a big issue for you, avoid this fic. Blood and hurt!Dean, hurt!Reader. SMUT, unprotected sex (you’re smarter than this). Fluff.

Words : 9.3k

Note : This is written is both Sam’s Pov and Reader’s Pov. Dream/flashbacks in italics. Hope you like this one, it was a lot of work <3

***Want to read more ? => MASTERLIST***

______________________

Sam's Pov, Thursday

What fucking happened down there...

Hearing the calls in the nurse’s office just next door I sigh. The white lights of the hospital corridor burn my exhausted eyes. People come and go, passing by me with sad, kind looks.

It's weird place, a hospital, especially in intensive care. Everyone standing here is either losing someone they love, has just lost them, or is hoping, praying, not to. They try to hold on to usual things, like buying a coffee from the vending machine, telling the person with them they miss a few coins, but they will give it back...

They will give it back...

Like anything like that mattered when the doctor can show up any moment, to tell you that you lost your wife, dad, kid... brother.

Most of the time, they are not alone, and a sad smile appears on my face at the affection everywhere. Those friends there, they are hugging every five minutes, like the heat of each other's body could keep them safe, like puppies.

But I am…

Alone.

And I'm not losing someone, I'm losing two. The two most important people in my life, the only people that could actually warm me with their hugs.

My brother, and the woman that I call my best friend, but that became like a sister to me, like a mother too when she watches what I eat or checks on the least tiny cuts I have twice a day. A tender smile appears on my face thinking of her protective tone.

Of course, unlike those families around me, Death is one of my oldest friends. But if I lose them both. Really nothing is left.

We were investigating a case, like we always do, a simple, missing person case. Nothing frightening for us, nothing worse than what we often had. We were having fun and I could even say that we were all pretty happy.

Difficult to say for sure, because Y/n never talks about her feelings, hiding them to the world like she was afraid someone could use it to break her, or like she was ashamed.So, either she’s on the verge of tears -that never fall anyway- or dancing, she’s always just says she’s “Okay”.

But she was annoying Dean all the way to Arizona, singing her songs loud in the car, living the lyrics with her whole body, kneeling on the seat to sing in my grunting brother’s ear, opening the windows to let half her body out of the car, her arms like hugging the rays of sunshine, putting her feet on the dashboard to feel the sun on her legs, making fun of me for trying to read about the case instead of relaxing... And it really looked like happiness to me.

And Dean, the annoyed frown he tries to keep on his face when she’s doing all she can to make him crazy couldn’t last more than a few seconds, he was smiling. Smiling with his radiant hopeful smile. The one he had lost, the one she made come back. She has that effect on him, on us. Like we had been missing an annoying little sister to be finally happy...

Then Y/n disappeared. How could that happen ? Dean and I looked for her under every rock, desperate and fighting each other, our fragile bubble of joy blowing up just like that.

We couldn't sleep and Dean blamed himself and me.

Then... he disappeared too.

Probably one of the longest nights of my life, like the night after my brother went to Hell, like the night after Jess's death.

They were found the day after in an alley of Phoenix, half dead from totally different wounds.

She was holding him tight, bathing in his blood, covering his body with hers and his face with one hand. Probably to protect him from the burning sun, the docs told me...

Her other hand was on his gun wound, like she had been pressing on it. She clearly did all she could to save him. But he was in aseptic shock...

She has lost so much blood, the doctor said it's impossible that she could have stand, she was severely dehydrated and had anemia... Yet, she's the one that dragged them out of the building.

My phone rings, waking me from my daydream.

"Agent Bonham ?" the police officer says on the phone.

"Yes."

"I have the videos from inside of the basement. It's pretty weird, I'll send it to you. That colleague of yours, she's a real wolf ! I hope she wakes up..."

"Thank you agent" I state, hanging up.

Still no news from Cas...

I grab my laptop and headphones. Tell me what happened there...

Reader's Pov, another time.

My eyes roam the library. When I finally find him, a wide smile automatically appears on my face. He smiles back. This wrinkled radiant smile that always makes my enamored heart melt.

Walking his way to me, he keeps staring right at my face and I bite my lip. The second he reaches me, his arms are around me.

"I missed you" he says.

"In only half an hour ?"

"You know I did."

His lips find my cheek, and linger here like they do when they can't reach their favorite places, because we're in public.

"You two are so cute, it's almost disgusting" Donna laughs and I can feel Dean's lips turning to a smile against my skin.

"We're adorable" he hums.

My pride is radiating of me, I know that, I also know I should let go of him from time to time, but I don't care what people think. I have no idea how I could be so lucky, I don't even remember how I got there, how he fell in love with me after all those years ; but I stopped caring about that a long time ago.

I look up to see his face. One year soon. It will be one year that my life is in order.

My Dean is mine, he said forever.

"What do you say, we find a more private place ?" he whispers.

"More private ? this is our home baby... More private than our secret bunker ?" I chuckle slipping the back of my index under his shirt like I often do, just to feel the very soft skin of his waist.

"Yeah like our bedroom..."

"Our friends came across the country to see us" I whisper, pointing at Garth with my chin.

"Yeah... And they saw us... They won't miss us if we disappear like an hour" he purrs close to my ear, his hips moving closer to make me feel him growing hard through his jeans.

I take a deep inhale, enjoying his smell and the hoarse sound in his voice.

"I guess..." I smile.

Sam's Pov, Thursday.

The black and white images show nothing for a few hours, according to the clock on it, so I accelerate them. When Dean appears, he's holding his gun, moving quickly to the next room, the one with no cameras.

The room where Y/n was kept, a room where they found the DNA of all the missing people, but no lead to the killer.

Then nothing for about an hour, until the door opens again.

It's her. Barely standing, dragging Dean, already unconscious. She's struggling so hard it's painful to see, falling heavily on the floor, she starts to sob, and I can hear her whines of despair and pain even through the mute video.

She crawls on him and tries to press on his wound, bending to talk close to his ear. That's when I realize she's trying not to make too much noise. She's so gentle with him, so cautious. She's holding him, putting light kisses on his forehead and saying things. To him ? To herself ? Prayers ?

Even on the black and white images, I can see how pale she is. Panting and her eyes rolling when she moves too fast.

She manages to drag him more, to the foot of the iron stairway that leads out, and makes a pause. She takes off her flannel, struggling with every movement she makes, like it was the one move impossible to do. She slips it under him and tie it around him, to slow the bleeding.

Then she seems to give up. Sitting behind him, she takes his head on her lap and starts to sob, one hand on his cheek, the other on her eyes. Her lips finally form a word I can read : Sorry. Then another one : Dean.

Sorry, Dean... Sorry.

A tear rolls on my face at her despair, at this incredible battle she's fighting against renouncement. I am so grateful she's so strong.

After only a few minutes clinging at his shirt on his bloody chest, crying and putting her crackled lips on his forehead and temples, she moves again. She would have given up if she was alone, but leaving Dean... She's just has stubborn as we are.

She fails getting up three times. And when she manages standing, she starts to drag my almost 200lbs brother on the first step of the stairs...

It takes two hours before she reaches the door outside of which we found them. Two hours that I have the chance to watch in accelerate... She didn't. She suffered and struggled beyond her own limits...

And now, after giving everything in her to save Dean, she won't wake up.

I get up and walk to my brother's room. Sitting on the corner with a stupid coffee I got from this stupid vending machine ; I had the change, no one could have given coins to me anyway…

I look at him so pale, under those hose and tubes, dialing Cas number again.

“Cas, please, I don’t know if you got my 21 other messages… I’m just… Dean is… maybe he will live, but Y/n… They say she might not... It’s like she had given up… You don’t hear my prayers… You don’t hear your phone… I… Call me back.”

If they die…

Suddenly, Dean starts to choke, the tubes in his throat making it impossible to breath. His arms search everywhere in panic, the machines ringing.

“HELP ! HELP !” I call, reaching him.

Reader’s Pov, another time

He’s panting, sweaty, his elbow holding his body, his head in his hand. I reach a drop of sweat rolling on his temple and wipe it with a lazy smile.

“You…” his breathing is short. “You know how to cheer me up.”

I bend my neck a little to kiss his chin, happy to see the worry gone from his face.

“Cas didn’t mean it, Dean… You were a little hard on him and… you know he does his best…”

He sighs and kisses my lips, his heavy breathing tickling me from his nose.

“I’m sorry I get so angry” he whispers, his hand finding my breast again, massaging it slowly and bending to put a wet kiss on it.

“I know you by heart… You often confuse hurt and sadness with anger, baby, it’s because you had to be so strong so young…”

“Mh… I’m just a stubborn jerk” he opens his mouth to suck at the delicate skin under my breast, moving to place himself between my legs again. “But you always find a way to make it sound cool” he chuckles, wiggling to spread my thighs with his hips.

“Literally everything is cool about you Dean” I kiss his shoulder and lift my knees, giving him the access he seeks : home.

“I’ll talk to him” he nibbles at my swollen lips. “Mh… We made a mess.”

I smile, my hands trying to rub is sweaty back, but sticking on his skin. He’s half hard again, his soft cock snuggling between my soaked, dripping with cum, folds.

“You want it again Dean ?”

“Little Dean can’t get enough, but if you’re tired of me, I can go take a shower and let you sleep” he murmurs, already biting at my ear, his huge body caging me in that way I love so much.

“I’m never tired of you, Love” I state. “I will never be… I need you baby, come home…”

He pushes in slowly, with more ease than the first two times, but less hunger. He’s not fully hard yet, and he’s in no hurry.

This is not about pleasure like the first time was ; this is not about passion, like the second. This is just about being together.

“Good because I’ll never leave you” he hums, pushing deeper, his powerful hand finding my jaw in a possessive but smooth way.

Sam’s Pov, Friday

Dean’s walking painfully, holding to his IV stand because I forbid him to rip it off of him, he needs the ABs, the doctor said ; he needs it or he will die…

“Son of a bitch” he grunts. “Why did they put her so far from my room…”

“Easy Dean…” I try to slow him.

I know he’s worried, terrified even, but what he will find in this room won’t help him. And he doesn’t know yet how much this will hurt.

He finally enters the room and stops. Here it is, the heartbreak.

“Oh God, Y/n…” he grunts, getting closer to her broken body.

She’s pale as snow, her lips so white it looks like she was dead. Her body is covered in bruises, her cheeks hollow, her under eyes light purple…

He gets closer and his shaky hand barely dares touching her face.

“She almost died of exhaustion, of blood loss, and of dehydration and hunger… The mystery is, even with the water and vitamins… She doesn’t come back, like she had given up, her organs are shutting down” I murmur, knowing every word I say is killing him.

“Given up ?” he shakes his head. “She loves life ! Y-you know her Sammy !”

I nod. I had about the same reaction when the docs explained it. And I tried talking to her… But she keeps getting worse and worse...

“What happened Dean ?” I dare now the doctors stopped giving Dean pills to sleep, because of how restless he was.

He sits on the chair next to her bed in a grunt.

“It’s a Djinn” he sighs. “I found her and… she was tied to this bed, being freaking bled. And before I could reach her, the bastard showed up and… I was ready to fight him but, there was another one, and he used my own gun to shoot me” his eyes search her face, like he had no idea what happened next. “I passed out… If I…”

“You couldn’t know” I try, knowing my brother is listing all the things he could have done different in his head.

Reader’s Pov, another time

I get out of the shower and put a towel around me as I can. Taking cream to put it on my hands and face before I walk to my bedroom.

Entering it, I smile.

Dean is listening to music, his headphones on his ears, his toes dancing at the top of his crossed feet.

I close the door behind me and it makes a violent gunshot sound. I jump a little, looking back at the door making such a loud unexpected sound but everything seems right. Maybe my mind is just playing tricks.

He opens his eyes and smiles, not taking the headphones off yet. So I walk to the end of the bed, putting only one of my knees on it. I let the towel fall.

His pupils dilate, it always does. And even now, I can feel his love for my body irradiate of him. Just like I can see his love for me when we’re just talking, when I support him, when I make fun of him, even when we’re apart…

I like that he still wants me so bad when even I struggle to recognize my own body. With those stretch marks on my lower belly, with the light blue veins appearing on my breasts. I put my arms on the side of my body and wait for him to move.

“I did that” he purrs, putting his headphones on the side of his bed, and moving closer.

“You did… And without my consent” I smile when he puts a loving hand on my stomach.

“Nature did things good” he sighs, putting a kiss on my swollen belly. “Because I would have never dared asking, and you never would have agreed.”

“I would have agreed to anything for you, you know that” I smile, my hand in his hair.

“Do you regret it sometimes ?” he frowns, his scruff tickling the side of my baby bump.

“Regret ?” I look down, pulling slightly at his hair to make him look up. “Baby… You wanted to be a father, I would have had regrets hearing that when we are old and you never said it.”

“I thought it couldn’t happen in this life, and you made it pretty clear that kids weren’t your thing” he sighs.

“It can, Dean, it will be complicated, but our little Bean will be loved so much… That’s all that matters, right ?” I smile tenderly. “And carrying your child, my love… It’s just natural to me” he puts his large hands on my lower back and starts massaging it softly. “And…” I chuckle. “Let’s be honest, with all those coming deep inside of me… even with birth control… it was going to happen…”

Suddenly, a groan that sounds like Dean echoes behind me and I look back with a frown.

“What is it baby ?” he asks, looking where I’m staring.

But nothing seems anormal until I hear another whine, a pained one, and a beg of my name.

“Did you hear that ?” I ask, but my Dean frowns and shrugs.

“What Y/n ?”

“It’s like you were… in pain ?” I say, knowing how weird it sounds.

“I’m really good, maybe you need rest, baby” he assures me, getting up.

But goosebumps appear along my spine. Something is wrong, maybe something supernatural.

“Y/n… Please Sunshine… wake up…” I hear but Dean’s lips are not moving.

“Sunshine ?” I repeat, confused. “I remember that nickname…”

“Baby, are you okay ?” my boyfriend worries.

“You used to call me Sunshine” I state.

“Yes” he nods. “Now I call you baby. Do you miss it ?”

“When did you stop ?” I frown, searching his face.

“I don’t remember, baby” he sincerely answers and something cold hits my skin.

“Me neither…” I search his beautiful face. “I liked this nickname…”

“I can call you that all you want, Sunshine” he says and I frown.

It doesn’t sound right and… Why are my wrists suddenly bruised ?

I put my hand on my belly in a protective gesture, trying to calm for the sake of the little Winchester treasure growing inside of me…

Sam’s Pov, saturday

The doctor keeps explaining how her liver is shutting down for no reason, and I can see the look in Dean’s eyes.

He’s standing straight. His body strongly holding him, when his soul is clearly crumbling. Cas still didn’t answer and there is now no chance medicine can save her.

They advised us to say goodbye.

And once more… How absurd it is ?

Saying goodbye to someone you’re not ready to let go, and when ? In a few minutes ? Hours ? Days ? What if we say goodbye and she lives another week. I’m dizzy, and I have no idea how to be there for my brother, when the world is crashing down around me, I don’t know this kind of hell, this absurd, chaotic hell.

How do people do that ? Say goodbye to people still alive… Loosing someone slowly with the hands in the pockets and that stupid bleach scent mixed with bad coffee.

“I WILL KILL HIM !” Dean yells the second the doctor closes the door to give us some space.

“Dean…” I try but he is clenching his fists so hard his knuckles are white.

“I will find a way… I will…”

“Dean…” I repeat, knowing he could slaughter all Heaven’s angel if it bought her back right now.

“No Sammy, you don’t understand… I… I would sell my soul if it was still an option… I… I need to…” he puts both his hands on each side of his head, struggling to think though panic.

“Don’t say that please” I whisper. “I can’t lose the two of you.”

“Sam, Dean” Cas suddenly appears.

And before I can register his presence, Dean jumps on him.

“She could have DIE !” my brother yells pushing him against the wall violently.

“Dean !” I try to grab him by the shoulder but his rage makes his stronger than he usually is.

“Dean… I came as soon as I can…”

“WHAT WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HER” Dean yells and I try to hush him.

“I was held prisoner, Dean… How could you thing I wouldn’t come right away for Y/n” Castiel grunts, his voice low and for a short while, they just search each other face, like they were trying to decide what to think.

Dean lets go of the angel and eyes him from head to toe.

“What happened ?”

“I fell in a trap” Cas sighs. “I handled it.”

“Cas… Please” my brother’s voice suddenly breaks, a big single tear falling heavily on his hospital clothing ; because, well, we all know what’s under his anger…

I stay where I am, watching my angel friend walk to her bed, a poignant guilt strangling me. Why an angel in her room, and not next door…

Dean doesn’t seem to care about that right now, his insisting eyes going from the angel to our Y/n with a mix of hope, impatience and terror.

When Castiel frowns, Dean grabs is arm strongly.

“What is it, Cas ?” he grunts.

With two fingers on her forehead, the angel frowns, even grunting in effort.

“What…” I take a step forward, something seems wrong.

“She’s… She’s fighting me” Cas states, his light finally bathing her.

“Fighting you ?” Dean gasps.

The angel takes his hand away and nods with a strange light in his eyes, something sad, or sorry. Something worrying.

“I healed her body but… her soul is…”

“Her soul ?” Dean asks, a whine of despair hidden in his voice.

“She didn’t want to heal… The damages are unexpected. Her heart is broken” Castiel states.

“Her heart ?” I start but she moves and Dean bends on her.

“Y/n ? Sunshine ? Do you hear me ?” his eagerness hurts me deep, what if we can’t fix her ?

She slowly opens her eyelids and he smiles to her but she looks away, her eyes empty.

“Y/n ?” he tries. “Are you in pain ? Talk to me.”

“No” she states weakly, her voice hoarse.

He bends to put a kiss on her head but she doesn’t react. No corner smile with her hand on his cheek as she always does.

She just doesn’t move at all.

Reader’s Pov, Saturday evening

They finally left.

I let the burning tears run on my face. I’m not really crying just… letting them fall at last, overflowing.

The hole in my chest feels like it is devouring everything around me, like a black hole ; and I’m not even trying to hold myself together anymore. Dean is safe... I should just have died.

The room ceiling is the only distraction I need, the nurse offered TV, Sam offered his laptop… Why would I want to see what happens in the world ? Don’t they know ? It doesn’t matter anymore, the Sun can stop rising in the morning, what’s the point ?

Someone, something, life, fate, whatever… ripped my heart out and I realize now that the novels were lying. Having their heart shattered, it’s not romantic or beautifully dark, this kind of shit… It’s not about crying with ice cream on the lap, it’s not about listening to sad music…

That hole, it’s just a cold, cruel, lonely emptiness.

It’s despair.

I dare sliding my fingers on my flat belly, and the hole grows the size of the Universe. My little Bean is gone, my tiny miracle vanished and the man I love is not even here to hold my hand.

The man I love… He never existed. Dean is alive, the strong man I fell in love with, the hero I worship from afar, he will live.

But my Dean… The man who loved me, the one who built me, moments after moments, my partner, my best friend, my lover… He’s dead. I will never see him again, touch him again, hear him calling me baby.

And I didn’t even say goodbye.

I flatten my hand on my stomach, wallowing in the absence, because it’s a way to channel the pain. He never put a baby in me. His cum never invade me, driven by love, to force the ultimate marking on my devoted body. Our genes never danced together to create a whole new generation of Winchester.

I will never know if baby Bean will have his eyes after all.

It all never happened…

Yet for me it did, I lived a year in that perfect dream. A year with the man I love. A year in my Dean's arms... And I lost it.

My man, and my baby died. And I just don’t want to go on without them.

If at least it was… I don’t know, a car accident, if I had died with them, if anything had a fucking sense.

But fate is laughing at her own cruelty because for me they died, but in this life they just never existed. No one will bring me cake, no funeral, no widow shadow to hide into. And as if it wasn't enough... I have to live with Dean.

Turning on my side, I let the tears fall, torturing myself with the memory of my man holding me from behind to stroke my belly, with the memory of his soft laugh in my ear, of his lips grazing my neck.

I am so cold.

Sam's Pov, monday morning

My eyes stare at the ground while Dean's voice goes louder.

He just can't hear what the doctor is saying, she won't be transferred in psychiatry ; and what does that even mean that her hormones are too high ? She will just heal, he keeps repeating. She just needs to come back home.

The truth is I'm not so sure of that. This life can really be too much, and Y/n, she doesn't eat, she barely talks. She seems broken beyond what just time can heal... I remember what it is like to be locked inside myself, and I know that Dean, with all his willingness, won't be enough this time.

"She's coming home !" he states, and the doctor warns him.

"Please, if she doesn't eat, or if she shows suicidal risks, bring her back."

My eyes stare at the floor, still, when Dean is talking to her, telling her he won't let her alone here, and that he will bring her home, with her stuffs, in her room.

But some tears fall on her face at those last words and I can't help wondering what happened to her, what did the Djinn showed her during those three days, that could break her like this.

My eyes are still in the ground when my brother help her in her bed, after he convinced her to take a shower, hoping it would help. She did, and her eyes are still lost in a void that seem to eat her soul.

When Dean begged, she ate something, she bit in the sandwich he had made with all his affection, and she drank the fresh orange juice he made for her...

But the void is still devouring her, and her eyes are empty and tired, this kind of tired that is not lack of sleep.

Before Dean gets out the room, he smiles at her, a tender and kind smile, and he kisses her temple, swearing he will never leave her. But she doesn't answer.

I finally look at him, when he closes the door and burst in tears like I have never seen him. His back slides on the wall and it breaks my heart in a horrible pain.

"I-I can't..." he says. "Sammy I need her to come back... I need her... please... Please I need her."

I have to sit on the floor to hold my brother in my arms. He's so broken, we all are.

"She doesn't even look at me Sam... I need her..."

Reader's Pov, Wednesday

Will I forget ?

I heard people dealing with mourning struggled to keep memories of the smell, because that's the one thing you can't capture forever. Photos, videos… It can stay forever, yet smell always fades from clothes and sheets eventually.

But I have his smell all around me. No photos of our life together, of our trip to the beach, of that time we took drunk pics in the Dean cave... No videos of his birthday when I made him a giant pie… My phone is empty. But his smell…

His voice I hear every day. I even have those little kisses on my cheeks or temples, but it's not from the man who loved me so much. And I can't borrow one of his shirts to cry on it, he wouldn't understand.

How could I be so stupid ? Thinking Dean Winchester loved me back. And that much ? Like he could love me to the point of carving my name on the table next to him. Like he could trust me with his body like he did. Like he could be happy with me...

Dean. The man that deserves the world and more. A soul so complex, a body so precious. How could a boring girl with an average face and an oversized temper could make his life complete ?

I remember this time he had a bad nightmare, it was just after I found out I was pregnant ; he dreamed that Ben tried to kill the baby, and that he had to shoot him to protect his little Bean. He was sweating in my arms, telling me his dream... And while I was stroking his hair, he opened up about all that, about being a bit disappointed, when Lisa told him he was not Ben's father, about how he struggled with this feeling…

And about what it was, discovering that "normal life" didn't make him happy, after thinking hunting was everything wrong in his life for so long...

This never happened either. Dean never trusted me that much. And he probably didn't feel that way at all, my brain made up this conversation, right ?

How pathetic is it ?

I’m so lost.

Each time I try to focus on parts of it all to not become crazy, I just feel the stab of missing Dean’s kisses so much and how empty my belly is.

I’m so angry at everything. Why was it on me to hear Dean’s screams for help, why was it on me to wake up from my own personal Heaven ? By myself ? To basically kill “my Dean” and his son growing inside of me. Why did I have to do that myself ?

Isn’t it the most cruel thing fate could come up with ?

No one should ! No one should have to choose between love in their life, and the life of the person they love.

Forcing myself out of this was the most painful thing I ever did. And yes, I hate the fucking Universe for making me do this !

Fuck it ! Fuck them ! FUCK EVERYTHING ! I scream in my head, curling up in my bed. That’s so fucking unfair ! This is the one thing I wouldn’t have ignored, the one and only fucking thing !

Dean in danger.

I would do everything for him… Even losing him.

Sam enters the room and I stop sobbing, choking on my tears with the greatest efforts to hold back the screams in my lungs.

“Y/n…” he closes the door behind him and sits on my bed. “It’s been a few days and…”

A few days… You have no idea Sammy.

“Yeah…” I just answer, knowing more words would make the dam break.

“I know you don’t want to talk about what happened” he sighs. “Probably because of how painful it is… But” his large hand pushes a strand of my messy hair out of my face. “We can help… Please let us at least try, Y/n. Dean is…”

“What ?” I ask a little too fast.

“Dean is not… he’s not okay, Y/n… And I know I have no right to put that on you, because you probably are already fighting the best you can” he sighs and my hand grab the sheets in pain. “You’re our best friend but… Dean he… He needs you…”

“He doesn’t” I whisper, pieces of my broken heart coming out of my throat.

“Please, Y/n… Look into his eyes, listen to his voice, I know you can read him like a book.”

He gets up and sighs, his hand gently lingering in my back.

I want to die.

That is the truth. And the truth is ugly. Since I woke up, I have no will to be alive at all.

I want to join my love, but it is stupid because he is not dead, he just never loved me.

Now I didn’t let everything fall apart to save him, only to make him suffer after. I have two choices : Die from the pain, or focus on Dean.

The real one, the one that never loved me, but who has the undeniable advantage to exist, not just in my head.

I told my Dean… the one that called himself my man, that I could suffer a thousand Hells for him. Well here it is…

It is now.

The first time I command my body to get out of bed, it doesn’t respond. At all.

Why lungs are crushed in my chest, my muscles are sore, my bones seem cold and that black hole…

I will have to live with that black hole, but I couldn’t live with making Dean suffer in any kind of way. He already lost so much, he won’t lose me.

Sam’s Pov, Wednesday evening

Dean’s eyes are glued to the bottom of his glass of whiskey. He didn’t eat today, at least I didn’t see him eat anything… Drink, that, yes.

Each time he finally moves, suddenly restless, it’s because he thinks he found a way to “fix Y/n”.

Spells, fairies, deals, the Goddess of happiness, even a spell that makes you see clearly people’s memory… He explored everything.

But nothing sounds good enough, so he sits back at the table and empties bottles, his eyes red and his skin pale. Thinking at how he could have lost his best friend… Or maybe more.

I see it now, and I’m pretty sure I’m right : Dean loves her. He loves her not like I do.

When I’m about to ask him that, to finally dare suggesting he is in love, to take the risk he will get mad, break things or close up even more…

She enters the kitchen.

She seems so weak standing in the door frame, so broken, her leaner legs pale, discreet light hair growing back on it, her oversized t-shirt falling lazily on her thighs, her hair messy, hiding her tired face.

She’s adorable and I’m pretty sure my brother’s heart is beating so hard it threatens to open his chest.

“Y/n…” he says, getting up to take her arm, afraid she would fall or faint.

He helps her down the stairs and brings her to the table with a tenderness I have never seen him show.

“I’m so glad to see you” I say putting a hand on her arm cautiously. “Do you want to drink or eat something ?”

She looks around, her eyes staring at the bottle of whiskey, then at Dean.

“I… I could use a soda” she murmurs.

I get up and turn around to look at them again, Dean pushes some strands of hair from her face and she looks at him, her eyes full of tears.

When I bring the coke, she’s wiping away some tears.

“Thank you, Sammy” she says, clearing her voice.

Then she takes a sip and a deep breath. My brother has no idea what to say so he stares at her, visibly resisting the urge to take her in his arms.

“I… I’m sorry I w-worry you…” she finally speaks, needing all her strength to talk.

“Sunshine, just tell us how we can help you” Dean states, taking her hand in his.

“Sunshine…” she repeats in a whisper with a big tear falling on the table.

“I-I’m sorry” he frowns. “You used to like this nickname…”

“I do” her voice breaks. “Guys… I… I will need some time… I…” she closes her eyes like she was in great pain. “I lost something… V-very precious to me…” she wipes her face and lift her eyes to my brother. “But I don’t want you to suffer because of me” she whispers, bending to put a loving kiss on Dean’s hand.

He has to use the back of his other hand to stop the tears falling on his face at her gesture.

“Do you want to tell us what you lost, Y/n ?” I ask calmly. “Maybe we can help.”

Reader’s Pov, that same Wednesday evening

“Do you want to tell us what you lost, Y/n ?” I ask calmly. “Maybe we can help.”

I smile through the tears at the irony of his words. And in a reflex, I put my hand on my flat stomach, like I used to do to protect my own little treasure.

“You were…” Sam’s eyes widen. “That’s why your hormonal rates were so weird…”

I look at him and feel Dean’s hand leave mine.

“Sunshine…” I can feel him searching my face even though I’m looking down. “You w-were pregnant ?”

I nod, the black hole in my guts devouring all the light in my vision, as I remember his voice saying “Baby, you’re pregnant ?” in the deep pitch dark of my memory.

“Why didn’t you tell me ?” his voice is shaking. “H-how did you get… I didn’t see you with…”

“Wh-what ?” I shake my head. “No Dean, I…”

He thinks I was really pregnant, and that maybe I lost it because of the blood loss and all. I look up to meet is eyes, somehow finding courage in the green of his iris. Because it’s the eyes of the man I love, it is his eyes, and they make me stronger.

“No Dean… In the…” How am I supposed to call it ? “Dream…”

“Oh…” he says, his eyebrows joining in a pained frown.

“S-so your big dream is to have…”

“No” I cut him. “It’s way more complicated than that. I- For me… It lasted a year. And…”

“A year ?” Sam gasps. “It usually doesn’t… I’m so sorry Y/n…”

My eyes search Dean’s, they’re moving like he was reading something on the table. Then a silence falls on us but I still feel their warm affection.

Just talking to them gives me the little strength I needed to at least try. I missed Dean, just Dean, not only my Dean or anything, but… this amazing man.

If I can’t fake it, if my heart keeps bleeding all over the place and my black hole threatens to touch them, I will just leave. I will lie, saying I found what could help so they worry less, and I will disappear. Cats hide to die, right ?

Reader’s Pov, Friday morning

I tried.

I tried with all is left of my heart.

I got up at least twice a day, showered and ate, tried to talk a little when they checked on me. But the loss is becoming even more real as I’m starting to severely miss Dean’s touches.

The more I find my friend again, the more my boyfriend seems far.

And I miss his kisses, his hands on my back, his nails gently scratching my skin. I miss the way he always randomly grazed my nipples through my clothes, knowing how sensible I am. I miss being able to scratch his scruff, to hold his hand, to kiss his freckles.

I miss his weight on me.

And I miss him inside of me…

Sometimes my hand just goes to him, and I have to stop myself from stroking his cheek or slip my fingers under his shirt.

Dean is just not mine.

As he sits on my bed, I think of those times he crawled between my legs with a smile on his lips.

But he just sits there, with this caution like I could break and the bed dips a little.

Don’t bother I’m already broken.

He looks at me and smiles, a sad expression on his beautiful face behind it. Giving me the sandwich he made, he takes place on the bed, like he does from time to time since I showed up in the kitchen, like he did very often before all of that.

For him it was just a little more than a week ago, the last time he brought food in my bedroom to talk or watch a movie… For me it was more than a year ago. Because I though I was with him, but it was just our bedroom. It was different.

“They say it will be very sunny tomorrow” he states, his usually plumb lips forming a line.

I don’t care about sunny. The only source of light is you.

“Okay” I say, struggling to take a bite of the way to big sandwich.

“Maybe… maybe I could take you for a little ride, see the light a little. You love summer so much” he tries, his low voice falling on me like warm water in the shower.

He made me pregnant in his precious car, our shared cum kink finally winning when once more he came deep inside of me. It was a sunny day too, and his sweat was making his skin slippery as he nuzzled in my neck, groaning as he always did…

“No…” I grunt. “I’m sorry Dean, I’m not…”

And suddenly his fingers graze mine on my stomach, that’s when I notice I was stroking it again.

Stupid.

“Y/n…” he’s weighting his words now. “I have been thinking…” He rubs his neck, his eyes still on his hand touching my fingers. “Don’t… don’t get… offended but… If…” he takes a deep breath and my heart starts racing. “If you want a baby” He closes his eyes. “If it is what you need to be happy again… I… I could give one to you.”

My eyes widen and my breathing stops.

“Wh- what ?”

“I just… I’m sorry, I just thought… Listen. Maybe you want nothing to do with me… But I just… I would totally do that for you, whether you want me to be there after or forget it’s mine forever.”

“Dean…” I take his shaking hand in mine. “It’s not about the baby… I mean… Of course, I had time to… get used to that idea of having a baby… and it’s… yeah, so, so painful. But…” My voice breaks when I realize completely what he is offering me. “It is about the love…”

“Love ?” he almost whispers, holding my hand back in a loving gesture that makes me forget he’s not mine for a split second.

“Yeah…” I state, biting my lips.

“Was your dream like… Apple pie and baby showers ?” he murmurs and it seems like the room becomes smaller, but in the good way, I suddenly feel like in a pillow fort with the man I love.

“No” I chuckle. “You know me… I’m not really the baby shower type, baby… Deanie” I correct myself and the black hole seems to be burning now. But, as he doesn’t react, I continue. “It was just… all the same… the love on top.”

I fake a smile, hoping he won’t read my eyes.

“Oh” he looks up. “Hunting and everything ?”

“Yes, Dean. As you said… I was… I was pretty happy already you know... Sam and you, this adventure life… The only…” a single tear rolls on my cheek and his warm hand wipes it slowly. “I just had this radiant love. And I…” more tears come crushing on his fingers. “I miss him ! I… It’s like I had lost my husband or… All those memories, Dean.”

His eyes are wet, and he bites his lip.

“All those memories they seem so… so real and I have” I’m panting now, the pain crushing my lungs in the same time as talking to him feels like I was finally not so lonely. “I have this huge black h-hole in my heart… And” I start to be shaken by sobs as he takes me in his arms firmly, trying to help me hold together. “I crave his kisses… I-I crave everything s-so much… Everything hurts Dean…”

“I can’t even imagine what you’re going through” he murmurs giving me the perfect comfort of his body around me, his face against the side of my head. “I’m here, Sunshine… I’m right here.”

That’s when I feel his lips grazing my cheek. I look up and he lets them slowly drift to mine, in a shy move.

My heart misses a broken beat. He licks his perfect mouth and keeps his face so close to mine, the pillow fort is warm now…

“I can give you kisses, and love and even a baby if you want” he says against my lips and I swallow hard. “I know I can’t give you what you lost. But l-let me try to fix what I can fix… Let me fill a little part of this hole in your heart” his lips claim mine like he did this his whole life, so naturally, like kissing me wasn’t an effort at all… Like he wanted this.

And I feel whole for a second.

“Yes” is all I can answer.

His kisses are perfect, and my body react to them so strongly. Goosebumps and heart racing and heat…

His knee bumps mine when he turns on the bed to face me, his hands firmly grabbing my face, fingers in my hair, and his tongue reaches mine.

It’s like I could breathe for the first time after holding my breath for days… And it’s both so new and so natural.

He pushes me on my back, his lips still devouring me, one of his hand only letting go of me to catch us by leaning on the mattress before we crash too fast.

“Dean…” I murmur when his lips let go of mine to kiss my neck.

His smell, his weight, his kisses…

And suddenly, I am ripped out of the dream again : Is he doing this without wanting it at all ?

“Dean… You” I sigh. “You don’t have to do this.”

But he doesn’t stop, and his hungry palm slip under my shirt to rest on my ribs, not daring to touch my breasts just now.

“Dean…” I insist, holding back my moans.

“Mh… let me enjoy this Sunshine.”

My head falls back on the pillow when his tongue tastes the skin of my collarbones.

He never, not once, called me Sunshine when he was making love to me during this year and that feels even better because it’s Dean, it’s not a dream. He is the man I fell in love with.

I struggle a little to put my right leg on the side of his body, spreading my thighs for him. And when I feel his crotch on the thin fabric of my panties, my body bursts in flames.

His hands are everywhere and his mouth covers every inch of my neck. I reach his back, as I always did, to feel his muscles under my fingers, pushing his flannel and shirt up to reach his soft skin.

“You remember that day we danced in the library…” he whispers, his kisses reaching my stomach. “You were a little drunk… I found you dancing with a bottle of whiskey on that cheesy song and offered you a dance.”

I nod, a little moan escaping my lips.

“This was a real memory, Sunshine.”

As I close my eyes, one last tear tickles my temple.

His eager hands lift my oversized t-shirt and put it above my head before throwing it across the room. I’m shaking although I feel unbelievably comfortable with him.

“God you are… Y/n…” he buries his face in my breasts, feasting on it, his strong arms holding me by the ribs, squeezing it strongly.

“I need you inside of me” I admit in a whine, like I did before, even if he never heard it yet.

He groans and sits. With his eyes on me, he grabs the thin fabric of my panties and tries to rip it, failing three times before the fabric gives way, earning a light chuckle from me.

“Skin baby, please” I plea, when he falls back on me like the tall beast he is.

He moans muttering “baby”, like this nickname was turning him on, and takes of his flannel and his shirt with one hand.

In the dream… He did it with two hands, always, and I love that he’s so similar, but yet, that I can’t mistake him with a chimera anymore.

He opens his belt and I arch my back, touching my breasts just to see if he like that as much as he did.

“Oh fuck… Sunshine, you…”

I smile and stretch my arms to reach his lower back, caressing him while he pushes the zipper down.

He clumsily takes off his pants along with his underwear and I gasp at the sigh of his cock. Dean’s velvety length, not just what I imagined…

My hand wraps around it and my folds start dripping. He’s a little wider than my fantasy was… He’s… different. His hand joins mine, encouraging me to grab him firmly.

“You remember when you pushed me in the fountain in Las Vegas, Sunshine ?” he moans, licking his lips.

I nod as his fingers graze my impatient entrance.

“Oh Dean !” sweat breaks through my skin.

“That is…” he moans again, offering a sound perfect enough to shrink the black hole. “That is a real memory too. We have so much great memories…”

His fingers gently press against my entrance, and his thumb strokes my clit like it was in love with it. My walls let him enter and my hips roll desperately.

“And now…” he groans, bending to suck a mark in my neck. “This will be a real memory too. You like that ?”

I cry out when he crooks his fingers inside of me.

“I can give you all the love you can dream of, Sunshine” he whispers in my ear, and before I can register what he’s saying, he takes of his hand, and bring it to his lips to taste me.

“Dean, please.”

He smiles against my lips and wiggles slowly between my thighs.

When he kisses me, the black hole implodes.

Just like that.

Because no kiss was ever so intense, even from the man that loved me back. No kiss was so loving, ever. And when I thought I had the best… Dean shows me once again that he’s better than any dream.

He guides his cock to my entrance and pushes in, kissing me all the way. Even panting, even grunting and shaken by spasms of his hips, he keeps his lips on me.

“I love you…” I mutter under my breath, making him look at me.

“That’s it, Sunshine, take all the love you need” he whispers, putting his face in my neck. “I’ll give you all you need.”

He bottoms out and I could come like this, just feeling him filling me so perfectly, but I hold back, my thighs burning cold in the best way.

His thrusts are shallow at first, but his hunger grows inside of him, and so, it grows inside of me. He’s slow, but his trusts are so deep I can feel him in my belly. And I have no idea where I stops and where I begin, but that has no importance at all.

“I love you” I repeat, knowing now that he’s okay with me saying this like that, knowing he doesn’t think I mean it. “I love you.”

Hands on his butt, I encourage him deeper, like it was even possible, and he bites my shoulder in a growl.

“Let me love you, Y/n…”

My heart races, sending my pleasure-saturated blood everywhere in my body at light speed.

I come so hard my nails dig too hard in his ass cheeks.

“JESUS FUCK !” he cries out when my walls contract so hard around him I fear it might be painful.

And his hand suddenly wraps around my neck, not really squeezing, but holding me firmly while his hips piston at a breaking pace a few times before he fills me in a low growl, his thighs convulsing a little.

The world is spinning and the high is the strongest I felt. My heart just can’t hold back so much love, so, as a drunk teen spitting the name of their crush… I open my mouth.

“I love you, Dean.”

He sighs and I still can’t see his face, hidden against my skin.

“No, for real… It was you” I whisper, my palm flat on his back, his cock still softening inside of me.

The second he takes to answer is the longest second in the universe. A drop falls on my collarbone and I immediately recognize a tear.

“I’m sorry Dean… Just… Forget that.”

“It was always you too, Sunshine” he finally murmurs. “I love you.”

Sam’s Pov, Monday evening

Dean holds her from behind, his hips swaying a little on the Led Zeppelin song she chose to cook.

She’s laughing at his clumsy movements, trying to hit him with a spoon when he puts his finger in the dough she’s making.

And I remember when he started to call her Sunshine…

It was a sad day of winter, it was raining for days but she woke up excited by this idea she had, to buy a pop-corn machine for the bunker, as we could only watch movie lately.

She was poking him with her finger, to annoy him until he agrees to let her bring it with the Impala.

When he finally did, pretending to be grumpy, she left running, to get clothed, and he turned to me.

“Who needs sunny days when you live with a freaking ray of Sunshine like that” he said.

Now I think of it, he was telling me he was in love with her.

______________________

***FEEDBACK IS GOLD***

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#supernatural #Supernatural Dean Winchester #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #dean winchester #dean x y/n #dean x reader #spn dean x reader #angst #Smut #dean winchester smut #fluff #oneshots #jay-and-dean

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

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Survey #467

“oh, mary, mary, ain’t this fun? / mary, mary, i’ve got a gun”

If the last person you kissed asked you to marry them, what would you do? Pray to god it wasn't in public and tell him it's waaaay too soon for that one. Does your favorite uncle have any children? Yeah, a son and daughter. Name all the members (first, middle and last names) from your favorite band. Ha, it's funny how once upon a time, I could do this. All I've got now is John Michael Osbourne. Have you ever heard a young child swear? Maybe? Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo?: Yes to both. Has a taste of something ever made you smile? Boy meet me at The Cheesecake Factory and see what my face does lmaooo As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a paleontologist sooo badly. I wanted to discover new dinosaurs, put a shitload of work into unearthing fossils and being so proud to see the final results... Even now as an adult, if I could handle the heat, traveling, and hardcore school, I'd still love to do that. Would you cuss the person you hate the most out to their face? No. My hatred for her is unjustified and I'd rather just not say anything to her. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? As one of the strongest people around. I imagine her with a job in medical coding, while also pursuing the hobbies of ball python breeding and writing. I'm sure she'll have loads of pets to love, too! Do you like Florence + The Machine? I've never listened to them. Did you watch the presidential debates? No. Do you ever watch Dr. Phil? No. Are you typically unattracted to people outside of your race? No; I can be attracted to any race. Have you ever ridden any animal other than a horse? No. Do you brush your hair when it’s wet? Yes. Do you eat the crusts of your bread? Yeah, I always have. Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah! At my childhood home, there was a tobacco field directly across the street, and when they weren't in season so the field was flat, Dad would help us with getting kites set up and in the air. Those are good memories. How are you for money? I don't make any money. Mom is struggling. Do you think you are more intelligent than the average person? Ha, no. Do you ever think about why we are here? Does it matter? We're here, so make the most of it. Do you like cherries? I fucking hate cherries. Name a celebrity that you admire that nobody would expect you to: Jeffree Star, probs. Can you use a yoyo? Not well, but yeah. Do you think Jenna Marbles’ videos are funny? I've actually never watched her. Do you like folk music? NOOOOOOOOO Ever had a crush on somebody of the same sex? Yes. Do you know any lesbians? Yep. Favourite member of your favourite band: I'm unfamiliar with all but Ozzy himself. And Ozzy is rad. Who’s your favourite female rapper? I don't have one. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No. I sometimes have very, very quick spasms when I'm falling asleep that feel like what I assume a seizure would, but they barely last a second. They seriously jerk me awake, though, and are very startling. What’s the oldest man-made object you own? I dunno. Is there anything you feel like you need a break from? Not really, no. What do you hate to hear people joke about? I will actually and remorselessly deck you in the jaw if you make a joke about rape. There are other things that are absolutely forbidden joking matters for me, too. What’s the largest animal you’ve seen in the wild? Hmmm... Nothing that big, really. Maybe a whitetail deer buck? Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yeah. We've had some savage thunderstorms. What political issues are the most important to you personally? LGBTQ+ rights and just equality in general, the pro-choice movement, environmental conservation, gun control, the abolishment of poverty and homelessness... There is honestly a lot. I could keep going. Do you know anyone who doesn’t know how to cook even just simple recipes? ... Me. :x Especially now that I'm in a relationship, I really want to make a greater effort to learn. I want to prove to him I give a damn about the success of our relationship and that I'm capable of being an adult that can take part in general adult responsibilities. ^What’s stopping them from learning this basic life skill? Laziness. Forgetfulness. The fear of getting burned. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? I can pick up on sketchy body language from a mile away. I'm too paranoid not to. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? At least from photographs I've seen, Utah appears BEAUTIFUL. That whole region of the U.S. in general. Are there any obscure foods you’ve eaten that most people have never tried? That's very unlikely. I'm far from explorative with food. When you travel to other countries, do you always try the local cuisine? I've never been outside the U.S. I would probably do that, though. I'd really want to experience the culture as thoroughly as I could. What did you do for your 19th birthday? Hell if I remember. What’s the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? I remember as a young kid, my parents, two sisters, and I were getting food at McDonald's, and whoever was in front of us paid for our meals. Such a sweet gesture for a larger family. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? No, but there actually is one that I can't recall the name of that I'd like to try when I cook myself, especially getting started learning, but yeah, subscription fees. You see a lot of YouTubers get sponsored by them, if that rings a bell. Do you have any psychological issues rooted in events from your childhood? Possibly my fear of men, with my dad having been an alcoholic that had a 50/50 chance of being very angry when drunk. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty organized, I'd say. I put stuff into folders. Would you date someone with braces? Yes? Do you ever rehearse conversations before you have them? Only always. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Myself, for sure. When taking a cab, do you talk to the driver? I've never even taken a cab. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? Nobody, really. My cat is occasionally in the living room to see who's home, but not always because he's a lazy cat, ha ha. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Not really, no. I wish. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No, bc I'm poor. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? No. Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? Yeah. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want some 'cuz I'm paranoid as hell. Are you waiting on anything right now? No. Have you ever been described as shy? Is it true? Oh, always. It's absolutely true. Name something you’re a complete sucker for? Baby animals, to name one thing. Do you remember when you first went on the internet? Nope. What is one way someone could completely put you off on a first date? Arrogance/over-confidence. What about a way someone could make you like them more on a first date? Make me genuinely laugh a lot, to name one way. Are you in love right now? Not yet. I love him with our decade of history, but I need more experience as a couple before I've got the confidence to say that. Do you wanna get married anytime soon? It wouldn't be smart to. I want to be in a strong relationship for quite a few years before I want that. Have you ever kissed someone in a band? No. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No but oh my fucking god I wish!!!!!! Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth? No, but Mom would threaten to. What was the last fruit you ate? Well, I had strawberry yogurt earlier today. Who was the last person to make you laugh? Girt. He is very, very good at that. Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you? No. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Hell yeah man. Is there one night of your life you wish had never happened? I wish it hadn't happened the way it did. Do you have a close relationship with your sibling(s)? No. What was the last thing that you shared? Some watermelon Sour Patch Kids with my mom. Do you think people talk behind your back? You couldn't get me to believe my mom doesn't at least sometimes to my sisters even if you tried your absolute damnedest. In real life do you laugh like ‘haha,’ 'hehe’ or something else? It depends on what I'm laughing at/at what intensity. Do you have any unusual skills? Nah. Who’s your favourite person? I don't have a sole favorite person. I love many people in different ways for varying reasons. Are there any chores you actually enjoy doing? No. When did you last have an "Oh, I get it now!" moment? Watching Attack on Titan yesterday w/ Girt. Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? My mom HAD to have suspected I was doing something FAR worse than innocent meerkat RP to have borderline fucking traumatized me invading my privacy and forcing shit out of me regarding what I was always doing on the computer so secretively. Like I get it, she was a concerned mother, but I was a fucking WRECK because I found it so embarrassing. It was insulting that she didn't trust her well-behaved daughter. What do you think about video games? They're great for both the creators and consumers. They're wonderful expressions of creativity, and so much fun to experience as a player, delving into a new world and getting engrossed in the story. I could go onnnn and onnnnn about what video games mean to me. I've gone my whole life as a loyal gamer. Are there any forms of Art you personally find pointless? I really, really don't get a lot of abstract art that's worth fucking thousands, BUT, I absolutely disagree that they are without purpose. The artist created what they did for SOME reason. As a distraction, a method of expressing emotion, to convey an idea... Are you tired right now? I have been SO ridiculously tired today. Like it's unreal. I've taken I wanna say three naps and I'm still sleepy. What’s something you do a lot? Drink something. I'm not talking about alcohol; just in general, I ALWAYS need some kind of drink by me, and I go through drinks pretty quickly. Are you currently on any other websites? Yeah, I'm watching YouTube. Are you good at using Photoshop? I'm decent, I guess. Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way? Yes, actually, at least by my mom, and she's right. My head tends to tilt VERY slightly to the right, and I can tell by how easy it is to bend my head that way as opposed to left. I'll feel a biiiit more strain.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''run rabbit run'' by rob zombie

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anniesocsandgeneralstore · 4 years ago

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Your Power Over Me: One - Beginning

Summary: this movie was not that great.....it had so much potential. But I’m going through some sort of weird JGL phase and I really like his character in this. Another cop but at least he’s not a bastard. His character has zero backstory besides loving and living in nola so I’m giving him a FAMILY BITCH. This’ll prolly take place right before the events of the movie.

Pairing: Frank Shaver x OFC (Michelle Shaver)

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: mega fluffy so wooooo

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Frank pulled up to the house and parked the car on the side of the street. It was late. Later then he said he would be. He definitely missed bedtime by now. Again. Third time this week. At least this time he’d remembered to shoot her a text. He sighed, pulling his hands over his face. He was so tired. He killed the engine but continued to sit there for a moment.

What he saw tonight was indescribable. Unfathomable. That suspect…What he could do was beyond any normal human. Almost like he had….

Frank shook his head. No. If he thought about it too much it would make that next word a reality. Something that was plausible, tangible, something that wasn’t just on the movie screen or in the pages of a comic book.

He got out of the car.

The path that led up to the front porch was lined with purple flowers, freshly planted for the new, colder season. She had told him when she was working in the yard that day what they were. Something that started with an F — he couldn’t remember. His mind had probably been too distracted that day thinking about a case. He’d look it up later. The white paint of the porch was chipped, but the matching siding was pristine. Newly painted over after she finally convinced him that the periwinkle purple that the house was before was rather hideous. She wanted the front door untouched though, a bright turquoise blue.

The house was dark and quiet when he came in. He kicked off his boots at the door, adding them to the pile of tiny sparkly slip-ons, pink Crocs, and flip-flops with the little elastic strap on the back to keep them on tiny feet better. The living room was speckled here and there by toys. She had probably given up on forcing the issue of cleaning when they were just going to get pulled out the next day anyway. He smiled. He hoped they had a good day — he wished he could’ve asked her about it.

He stopped in Claudia’s room first. The bedroom had a pink haze, the little machine on her bedside table projecting hearts and unicorns on the ceiling to help her sleep. Claudia had moved into a big-girl bed just a few weeks ago. He thought she still looked so small in it. Wasn’t it just yesterday he could fit her entire body in one arm? Now she was old enough to sleep in a bed with no rails? The crib she had been using before was pushed into the corner of the room, waiting for the newest Shaver to arrive.

God, he hoped it was another girl. He didn’t know if they could afford to buy all new clothes for a boy.

Claudia was asleep in the center of the bed. Frank chuckled quietly to himself. Just like her mom. Pillow still at the head of the bed, curled in on her side with the blankets barely covering her legs. Her dark hair just like his in messy double french braids. He sat down quietly at the edge of the bed. He looked at her for a moment.

When she was born, the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. She came into the world bright blue and not breathing. The first time he saw her he had been so scared. Scared for her life, scared of failing her. And for a long time after, even when the doctors got her breathing and free of the umbilical cord, he only looked at her with fear in his heart. A whole life — his responsibility. But now he only looked at her with love. A love so strong he was sure it would make the wind change directions. Everything he did, he did for her. His little Claudia.

Then he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her warm cheek. God, she got so sweaty at night.

“I love you, Cloudy,” he whispered, “Sweet dreams.”

He left her with one final kiss and the door cracked open how he knew she liked it. From the dark hallway, he could see that their bedroom light was on. He sighed. She shouldn’t have waited up for him. But he also knew that he was powerless to stop her.

Michelle was sitting up on her respectful side of the bed under the covers. Her bright, copper hair was thrown up into a bun at the top of her head. She held a book, about halfway finished, in her hands. An empty mug that once was filled with tea if Frank had to guess sat on her nightstand. She smiled at him when he gingerly opened the door, a soft, tired thing that made him feel even more exhausted than he did before.

“Hey, baby,” he sighed as he shut the door behind himself.

“Hi,” Michelle whispered back. She closed her book and set it down beside her empty mug.

Frank let out a long breath. He might have been in his house for nearing on five minutes, but he didn’t feel like he was home until he saw her. Then the more he looked at her, the more he thought about the things he saw that night; and the more he thought about that the more tired he became. He felt surprising tears prick the backs of his eyes. And she seemed to notice them, those unwanted tears that hadn’t even fallen yet, her face buckling in concern.

“Frankie?”

She moved to get up but he held up a hand. He groaned as he pulled at his nose, rubbed at his eyes. Trying to force the tears back and keep his head on his shoulders. He pulled off his badge and gun first, setting them on top of the dresser by the door. Then he stripped himself down to his underwear, leaving his clothes where they lay. He’d pick them up tomorrow. He slid in beside her on top of the covers, laying his head on her chest and placing a hand on her swollen belly. Michelle instantly wrapped him up in her arms, one hand running through his short hair.

“Rough night?” she asked quietly, giving the top of his head a quick kiss.

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not yet.” He pulled her a little closer. “Just talk to me for a little while? At least until the baby cries.”

Michelle chuckled. “She’s not a baby anymore, Frankie.”

“She’ll always be my baby girl.” He moved down and pressed a kiss to her stomach. “At least until this one gets here.”

They had never discussed having a second kid. Both of them were perfectly content with the one — especially for financial reasons. But then Michelle’s period never came, she took a test, and sure enough, she was pregnant again. About five months along now. They were happy, Claudia was ecstatic to be a big sister. But they also had to live with the reality that Frank was an underpaid detective, Michelle worked part-time as a florist, and they lived in only 700 square feet of house. Things were going to be tight until Michelle could go back to work full time and Frank finally got that raise he had been promised. They had made it through worse. They could make it through this.

“I don’t know — I just have a feeling this one’s a boy.”

Frank looked up at her with a smirk. “A feeling? A feeling where?”

“In my…Motherly instinct.” She hit him gently when he laughed. “You cops follow your gut — we mom’s gotta follow our instinct. Millions of years of evolution was not for nothing.”

“Okay, fine.” He chuckled a few more times before he moved so his head was back on her chest. “How was your day?”

“It was good. Worked today. Donna says hi by the way. First arrangement of the day was an apology. The client specifically asked for Star of Bethlehem and Ivy. Donna and I are sure he cheated. Then I did an anniversary piece with Eucalyptus, Scabiosa — they’re a dark dark purple flower, I think you’d like them — Sweet Peas, Spirea — “

“The guy picked up the car and threw it at us,” Frank suddenly spoke, eyes lost somewhere between the present and the past.

He was sure that Michelle heard him, but she still asked, “What?”

“Suspect robbed a pawn shop — we had him cornered in an alley. Then he picked up an abandoned car and threw it at us.”

“Was anyone hurt?” she asked.

“No — well, just the suspect. Next minute he was rolling around on the ground screaming his head off. Medical said that nearly every muscle in his body had detached from the bone.” He felt her shudder beneath him.

“That sounds awful,” she whispered, “Must be some kind of new drug or?”

“Nobody knows,” he sighed, “Captain didn’t even wanna talk about it when we got back to the station. We’ve been getting…A lot of weird calls lately.”

Michelle adjusted herself so that she and Frank were laying side by side. Curled on her side and nose to nose with the man she loved. “Just stay safe…That’s all I ask.”

“You know I do, baby.” He reached out and cupped her cheek. “Anything to come back to you.”

“You’ve got a power over me, Franklin Shaver.” She smiled, her light brown eyes crinkling at the edges, and he could feel his heart lift in his chest. A weight lifting off of him. “You gonna hold it over me?”

This, right here, was warmth and light and home. As long as she was there waiting for him, with open arms and a smile, nothing could get him down. No case could be too dark, too dangerous, too bleak. She was his source of power, his energy, his everything. What more could he possibly need than his family?

“For the rest of our lives, baby.”

The door creaked open. Frank instantly shot up in bed, that gut feeling taking over him as he shielded Michelle with one arm. But then he saw little Claudia standing in the doorway. Messy braids hanging limp on her shoulders, favorite blanket cradled in her arms, and chubby cheeks red with sleep. Her eyes were barely cracked open as she walked into her parent’s bedroom.

“Cloudy, baby, what’s wrong?” Michelle asked as Frank visibly relaxed beside her.

The toddler walked further into the room, to Frank’s side of the bed. She shook her head. “Daddy.”

“You just want Daddy?”

Claudia nodded her head and Frank scooped her into his arms. God, she was sweaty. “All right, let’s go back to bed, okay?”

He moved to get up from the bed but Claudia began to fuss. Whining and kicking at him with her little feet. Frank held her legs down. “Nah-ah. Use your words.”

“Stay ‘ere with…Daddy.”

Frank looked over to Michelle. She had her head cocked to one side and a smile on her face. “I think someone missed you today.”

“I missed you too, baby-girl.” Frank kissed the top of her head and tucked her into bed between him and Michelle. “Let’s go to bed and you can snuggle me all night long.”

Frank got under the covers and Michelle turned off the light. Claudia burrowed herself into his chest, her favorite blanket tucked between them. Frank looked at Michelle one last time in the darkness. She had let her hair down for the night. Copper tresses hanging well past her shoulders and fanned out across her pillow.

He had been so tired before. So drained of all energy. But now, laying there with his little girl against his chest and the love of his life beside him, he could feel all that energy coming back. The power he needed to get up in the morning and face another day of crime, cruelty, and corruption in New Orleans.

#project power #project power fic #project power fanfic #project power fanfiction #frank shaver #frank shaver imagine #frank shaver x reader #frank shaver x you #frank shaver x oc #joseph gordon levitt #jgl

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iscariotsdeputy · 4 years ago

Text

Staci Pratt’s Lines From The FC5 Script

THE SCRIPT IS FOUND HERE ON THIS POST GIVE THAT POST THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES

now to our regular scheduled staci content under the read more!

[Surprise reactions, yes I’m naming these]

Good Lord!

What the-

Jesus!

God almighty!

Christ almighty!

Whoa!

What was that?

I heard something.

You hear that?

What?

What's that?

[FUN BATTLE CRIES]

Enough!

No more!

I'm done with this!

Goin' in!

Cover me!

You're dead!

You're mine!

Kill them! Let them die for the Father! (ZOINKS)

Kill them all! They don't deserve to live!

The weak must be culled!

We've got this!

Mercy is for the weak!

Show them no weakness!

Cull the herd!

You don't deserve to live!

You'll pay! You're all gonna pay!

You're all gonna die!

You don't deserve to live!

Is that it?

You started it!

I didn't want this!

We don't forgive unbelievers!

This didn't have to happen!

[That feel when the grenades hit]

Move, move, move!

Move, go!

Grenade!

Grenade, move!

[This boy is on fire!]

Oh God, the fire's gettin' bigger!

Fire's growing!

The fire! It's out of control!

Good Lord that fire's getting big!

The fire's spreading!

[Lad on the run]

Moving, cover me!

Runnin' for it!

Hey, cover me!

Movin' positions!

Gonna try to get higher up.

Gonna climb higher.

Cover me, I'm heading down.

Moving down, cover me!

For sure!

Better go fast!

Got it!

Okay!

Got ya!

[When he wants to run but he’s like me trying not to infodump: suppressed]

I can't move!

They've got me pinned!

I'm pinned down!

I'm taking fire over here!

They've got me pinned down!

[Staci hearing threats]

Jesus! Where was that?! Damn!

Lord! Jesus, what was that? What the hell!

[Staci underfire]

Damn!

Dammit, dammit!

Lord Jesus Christ!

This is bad!

God, no!

Ah shit!

[Staci when he sees them enemies]

Look, over there!

Over there!

There they are!

There! I see them!

Gonna do some Cullin'... (staci excuse me?)

Don't move!

Dammit, watch out!

Hey, watch out!

[Wounded Staci]

Ah.

Ow.

Ah!

God!

Jesus!

I'm hit!

They shot me!

They got me!

[HE’S RELOADIN’]

Reloading!

I'm reloading!

Reloading! Cover me!

Gotta reload!

[SALUTATIONS FELLOW NORMAL NOT BRAINWASHED PEOPLE]

Hey.

Hi there.

What's up.

Hey, man.

Hey sister.

Hey there.

Hey!

Hey Brother.

Brother, how are you?

Miss. Nice to see you.

Hey there Miss.

[Sights on Staci, a sniper with the same values as me]

Sniper!

Sniper's got me in his sights!

Got a sniper on me!

[Funky Fresh Idle Filler]

Gotta look after your gear, keep it clean. Out here your weapon is your life.

The Father keeps all the best stuff for his Chosen. Leaves us the scraps.

No one is going to take anything from me again. Ever.

The night hides many sins.

It gets cold at night.

Even in the dark, they can see ya.

[Sneeze] [Clear Throat] [Sigh]

[Happy sigh. Like the Blue Jays won another world series recently.] (I shit you not this is how it’s in the script)

I'm not weak. I'm not weak.

They're gonna pay.

No mercy. Show no mercy.

Some say the sun is life. In the cages it brings only death.

I wasn't sure I'd ever see the sun again.

[Deep breath] Just smell that fresh air.

Jacob took me on one of his hunts, only we weren't huntin' any animals. A couple of prisoners had escaped... they didn't get far. I had to help round up the wolves.. you know... to be made into Judges. They were so scared... so scared. I had a dream once that Jacob took me on a hunt. We shot some deer and he asked me to skin them. As I was cutting them open they changed... it wasn't deer. I... I don't think it was a dream.

Good idea to be ready for anythin'. From what I saw Eden's Gate isn't foolin' around.

I was locked down in Jacob's Gate for days. I can't imagine living down there for years.

Jacob had one thing right. Things are only goin' to get worse and you gotta be ready for it.

[Friendly Fire]

Watch it!

We're on the same side!

Watch where you point that!

Do you mind?

Don't test me!

You trying to kill me?!

You tryin' to make me angry?

I wouldn't do that, if I were you.

You doing that on purpose?

Trying to get me killed?!

Watch it!

Be more careful!

Careful!

Hey! Watch it!

[DON’T LET HIM USE THE MOUNTED GUN]

Goin' for the machine gun!

Gonna take the machine gun!

Cover me I'm going for the machine gun!

I'm taking the machine gun, cover me!

Leave the machine gun to me!

[If a friend is down I think, or maybe you, who knows?]

Good lord!

Jesus!

God, no!

Father save us!

[SO IF STACI KILLS YOU???]

Now who's weak?

I'm sorry. I really am.

[Staci death pleas]

Father! Forgive me!

Oh God oh God!

[Filler after Staci kills someone AKA post-combat]

Culling the herd. It's just culling the herd.

Did you see that Jacob? Who's weak now?

For sure.

You okay over there?

You can't let it get to you.

It.. It'll be okay. (i love him,,,,,,,,,,)

[Battle Filler!]

They deserve what they get!

Show no weakness!

Kill them all!

Death is too good for them!

[Reviving]

Going to help! I got 'em! I'll get 'em! I got this!

Hold on, I got you! Be right there! Don't die on me!

[You Revive Him! Gold Star!]

It just wasn't my time. Thanks, friend.

You are a God-send. Thank you.

You're like my guardian angel.

[Battle Taunts]

Whatta you gonna do? What, having trouble standing? What's wrong? How do you like it?

[Staci asking for help]

Oh God! Save me, please!

Oh god, it hurts! Make it stop!

Please, Father. No more!

[If you aim your gun at Stace oh n o]

You don't want to test me.

That's enough.

You wanna see what happens?

You're not gonna like what comes next...

You think that scares me after what I've been through?

Don't be testin' me, Brother.

Don't push me. Not now.

I'm warning you.

I'm not goin' to put up with this, Miss.

[Staci and Boomer]

You got that dog under control, right?

Yeah, I'm not sure I'm good with dogs.

Dogs remind me too much of those damned Judge wolves.

I don't like the way that dog is looking at me.

Just keep that dog away from me.

[Staci and Cheeseburger]

I don't trust bears.

Keep that thing away from me.

Bears are dangerous.

Bears should be in the wild.

Bears are killers.

[Staci and Peaches]

Now that's a cat.

Big cat.

Big claws on that sucker.

Nice kitty.

Beauty coat on that cougar.

[More Filler, But Longer And Contextual!]

Sometimes it's all just too much...then I remember my purpose. Our purpose.

Jacob, he's knows everything that I'm thinking. He's got the key to my mind and he twists... and twists... and twists.

Jacob... he's in control. He controls everything.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I would've rotted in Jacob's Gate if it wasn't for you.

Good to see things gettin' back to normal.

Jacob has got eyes everywhere. He knows your thoughts, before you think 'em. He's inside your head right now.

Jacob's plan worked. I tried to warn them. I told them not to go back.

I don't know how much more I can take of this.

If Jacob gets his way, we're all dead.

I... I don't know what to think anymore. It's.. it's so hard to keep it straight.

That goddamn cage, it's like my wires are crossed.

I can't believe he's really dead.

No more sacrifices. No more.

No one can take Jacob on. It's just not possible.

Jacob's going to win. He always wins.

Whitetails are honest, decent people. They're fightin' the good fight, and they deserve any success that comes their way. No place is safe, but the Wolf's Den gives you a good chance at livin'.

Empires fall. The weak.. the world is full of them. They're going to to cull the weak.

I... maybe we shouldn't waste time talking right now.

There's no time. No time!

Jacob... his experiments... he takes us... owns us, speaks to us. He hears us.

They'll find us. They always find people. We gotta leave... before they find us! Before they punish us!

No... keep goin! We move or we die!

Jacob knows. He knows!

You're strong. You're not weak. That's good... good.

I'm alive but I'm weak.. weak. Need to be strong. We are meat. We are all meat.

We could have died. And maybe... maybe I deserved... no, stop, stop! The weak... must be culled!

I... I don't know what we're supposed to do now. Protect and serve? Out here? There's no law anymore, Rook. Look around. Someone should have been here by now. Nobody gives a shit about what's happening here. We're on our own. Survival of the fittest. The weak and strong...

Maybe we didn't survive that crash. Maybe all this is purgatory. We have to atone for all the shit we've done before we can leave this place... we have to suffer before God will grant us salvation.

The whole time I was locked in that room I just kept thinking about how I got here. You know why I became a cop? To get laid. That was it. It was a whim. And then... after awhile, I tried to convince myself that I did it for the greater good. To help people. But I can't. I know that now. Jacob taught me that... I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore... I don't even know who I am.

[STACI DIALOGUE WITH PHIL, THE PEGGIE, IDK]

Stace: I.. I was told to feed the Judges but I didn't know where their food was.

Phil: Jesus, Pratt. Does nothing stick in that brain of yours? Over there, where it's always kept.

Stace: Right! Th..thanks Phil! It won't happen again!

Phil: It better not.

[Also there’s no confirmation this is Staci, but it was right under the above dialogue]

Stace: Hey... I need to get in.

Peggie: Seriously? Didn't I just let you out?

Stace: There's a new prisoner. I got to go get him. For Jacob.

Peggie: Fine. Get goin'. Just leave me the fuck alone.

#Out of Crashes: OOC #ALL OF STACI'S LINES NOT IN CUTSCENES I THINK #I'll do a post of everyone talking ABOUT Staci lines tomorrow probably

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cmagines · 5 years ago

Text

Halloween

Summary: A murder at Halloween brings Y/N Hotchner into her father’s world.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Word Count: 7,660

The time had come. After years of being sheltered, you were finally going to enter the FBI offices as a full-fledged adult in need of full-fledged protective custody. You could’ve lived without the latter, but if anyone was going to hold your safety within their hands, you felt your dad and his team were the best possible choice. You followed behind him, taking advantage of his height to duck down and keep your eyes on the backs of his shoes while he led you out of the elevator and down a short hallway to the double doors in front of the Behavioral Analysis Unit. A visitor’s badge was clipped to your cardigan, a backpack was over one of your shoulders, and you held possessively to your phone in your left hand.

You were still wearing the black dress you had donned for her funeral.

It all started a week ago. Since the Reaper had killed Haley, you’d decided to take a gap year between high school and college so that you could stay home and help raise Jack, permitting Hotch to continue to take cases and stick killers behind bars. As much as you hated that you’d lost your mother, and as well as you knew how much she had grown to detest Hotch’s career, you also realized that the Reaper could have just as easily killed someone else to taunt Hotch and left that woman’s daughter in the same state that you’d been in. Hotch had an important cause to work for and you supported it, so in turn, he financially supported you while you worked a part-time job during Jack’s school days and played the role of his guardian the rest of the time. Just this year, you had decided that, since Hotch had Beth helping your small family out, you could afford to start taking a few classes at the nearby college. While there, you met Olivia. You hadn’t wanted to talk to anyone, but Liv refused to take your silence as an answer. The two of you could have been sisters; it was a little bit strange at first to look at her and first wonder what was wrong with the mirror. You had the same color of hair and eyes, the same thick hair and easy, slightly messy hairstyle, were only a fraction of an inch apart in height, and similar skin tones. There was ten pounds of a weight difference at most. What was crazier? She had a twin.

There were three people who looked like you on campus, and it drove the professors nuts in the two classes that you and Liv shared.

It was the Halloween party that probably sealed the fate. Everyone acted like a freak on Halloween, but someone had decided to take it a step two far. Twisting Dr. Seuss, you, Liv, and her sister had all gone dressed in skirts and red shirts as Things One, Two, and Three, wearing thick white face paint and heavy pink eyeshadow to further obscure the differences between you. When they’d picked you up from home, Jack had run to Marie and started excitedly telling his “sister” about his day at school, and Hotch had given Liv a list of chores that he wanted done by the end of the week. Then you’d come down the stairs, Jack and Marie had emerged from another room, and both males looked as though they’d seen ghosts.

“Too many of you,” Jack complained, tugging on Marie’s long red sleeve. She giggled and patted his hair and told you that your brother was cute.

You’d had more fun than you would have thought. The twins had taken you to a frat house and you’d become the center of attention of a handsome boy who came on way too strong. Luckily, he turned out not to be a complete jerk – once Liv saw you were in trouble and intervened, politely asking the young man to back off and informing him that you weren’t comfortable with all of the attention, he had apologized profusely, given you a crooked smile, and told you that he was around for help if you needed it. His name was Seth, and he was a sophomore. You didn’t see him again that night.

You didn’t see much of anything else that night, either, because the party was broken up by the police being called when Liv found her sister’s body in a huge puddle of blood in one of the bathrooms. She had screamed. You were normally uncomfortable talking to large groups of people, but adrenaline and concern had pushed you to power through, and you cited your father’s profession and shoved your way through. The few frat boys who had thought it was a prank hadn’t even bothered to check Marie’s pulse, just assuming she was having them on. You felt her throat and as soon as you felt the very real, and unfortunately very familiar texture of blood, you knew you weren’t going to find a heartbeat. If she wasn’t wearing face paint, you would have known she was dead instantly, the same way you had known when you saw Haley’s body on the floor of your old house.

A murder had transpired, and you did the first thing you could think of and called your dad. Why wouldn’t you? Beth was called to stay with Jack while Hotch came and got you, and after you gave your statement to the police, he took you to your favorite restaurant and didn’t comment when all you did was pick at your food, stomach rolling.

That morning, you were contacted immediately by the police and brought in for a series of questions. You weren’t a suspect, but they thought you might be in danger, because Liv’s parents had gotten back from a meeting with a funeral director and found Liv changed into her Halloween costume, murdered just like her sister, with her body splayed out over the kitchen table. The police thought that having forced her into the same outfit the previous victim had worn might be a little bit significant, and yeah, you agreed. Even you saw the danger in it, so as soon as you told Beth that you couldn’t pick up Jack from school, you called Hotch. The stress finally caught up with you and you told him through tears where you were and that you needed protection.

The BAU was on the case before it had even been sent up through the right government channels, and your father assured you that you would stay with only the agents he trusted most, and you would never be left alone. If you weren’t going to be in a secure room with the technical analyst he considered family, then you were going to be with Rossi, Reid, JJ, Blake, or Morgan (the names meant nothing to you), who were all armed and wouldn’t let anyone touch you.

Hotch glanced behind him to look at you and see your face. You were still nervous about meeting his coworkers. He assured you that they were all people he trusted with his very life, but you had always been timid about meeting new people. You’d been introverted for as long as you could remember, and only grown more so after Foyet.

“You’ll be okay,” he promised, reaching for you. Without moving, you let him hold his hand to your lower back and guide you in through doors that he held open with his other arm. Crossing your own over your chest, you rubbed your arms and kept your head down, looking around but careful not to make eye contact with anyone.

The bullpen didn’t seem like it was loud, but it became very hushed when you and your dad were noticed. Most of the agents towards the wall by the doors and mezzanine looked straight to Hotch before they checked you out, but no one seemed anything but sympathetic and curious, until a woman came up to you both, leaving the desk of a black man with a gun at his hip, which you noticed with a slight grimace. Guns were not your favorite. You’d like them for as long as they kept you safe, but after being threatened with one by the Reaper, you’d be happy if you never saw anyone with a firearm again. Yet, if Dad said that he trusted these people, then you supposed you would, too.

This woman in particular looked out of place in the bureau. You looked at her clothes rather than her face and hoped that she wouldn’t take offense. Other than noticing the frames of glasses and streaks of a coral-pink color in her blonde hair, all you saw were gold bangles on her wrists, manicured fingernails, and bright-colored clothes, including pastel tights, purple pumps, and a dress with swirls and polka dots splashed with a rainbow.

“Is this her?” She asked Hotch with a note of wonder in her voice. Your dad nodded. You nodded a little bit, too, interested to know who she was. Hopefully, she would take it upon herself to explain so that you didn’t have to ask. “Oh, chica,” she sighed, holding her hands out. She reached halfway between you and stopped, giving you the power to decide whether or not she touched you. You lifted your hand to shake hers and she had a tight, motherly grip. “I’m so sorry, darling, but I promise you, you’re gonna be so safe here that if you get a papercut, we’ll arrest the printing machine.”

You giggled a little bit.

“Y/N, this is Penelope Garcia. She’s our technical analyst. If you have any homework for your computer programming class, she’s the person to ask,” Hotch chuckled warmly at both of you. “Garcia, this is my daughter, Y/N. She’s majoring in computer sciences.”

“Gosh, have you come to the right place!” The analyst was kind and worked herself into optimistic excitement, pulling you gently by the hand away from Hotch’s side. She started leading you away from the other desks. Over your shoulder, you looked at Hotch in alarm. “You’re gonna love my lair. Well, it’s not actually a lair, it’s an office, but I call it my lair because it’s not as drab. What’s the fun in going to an office? But a lair, no one says no to going to a lair.”

“Don’t you think she should meet the rest of the team first?” Dad called after you both, making Garcia halt in her tracks. One of her hands stayed on your wrist, which you didn’t mind too much. You didn’t not like people, you just weren’t a big fan of socializing. Having friends was fun. Making them was intimidating.

“Right! Yes!” Garcia gasped and pulled you back towards your father. Your head was going to spin if your entire stay consisted of being commandeered and driven around the FBI. You had a lot to deal with already, and you just hoped that this team was as good as you thought they were and could catch the killer. You wanted justice for your friends’ wrongful deaths. “Yes, Chickadee, come on. I’ll show you to your honor guard. I promise they won’t bite.”

My honor guard? Well, at least she was taking the “protective custody” thing seriously.

First, she took you to the desk that she had been at before she noticed your entrance. Several agents were all looking at you and watching the proceedings, but the one Garcia had been standing with rotated his chair around so his feet were out from under the desk and had covered up his sidearm with his jacket since you’d seen it. Maybe there was an advantage to being looked after by profilers; he must’ve noted your negative reaction. Other than appearing athletic and well-built, he seemed friendly and exuded warmth and hospitality.

Garcia was excited to introduce you to him. If you had to guess, you’d say she had a clear favorite. “Y/N, this is Special Agent Derek Morgan, and he will defend you heroically because he is my, and now your, knight in shining FBI-issue Kevlar.”

You smiled shyly at Agent Morgan, who didn’t reach for your hands, so you didn’t offer. “Hi,” you said quietly.

“Hey, sweetness,” Morgan returned kindly. Unlike the frat kids who would’ve sounded lecherous, drunk, or flirty, Morgan managed to make the endearment sound like an actual endearment, the same way that Beth sometimes called you “honey” or Hotch called you by your nickname. “This computer over here is Reid.” He pointed over his desk to the one behind it, to a young guy with dark brown hair and a lanky, tall figure, even when sitting down.

“Reid Dr.,” Reid told you, standing up hurriedly and rubbing his palms over his thighs. He realized what he’d said and frowned. “Dr. Reid,” he corrected himself, switching the words back around. Instead of relaxing, his frown just intensified. “Dr. Spencer Reid.” Finally, he seemed satisfied, smiled at you a little awkwardly, and sat back down, scratching the back of his neck.

Sure, the introduction was a little bit comedic, but you knew better than probably anyone else in the room how mean it could be to tease someone for a little difficulty with presenting themselves or mixing up their words, what with being sensitive to it yourself, so you ignored the mistakes and nodded, getting out a ‘nice to meet you.’ “Why did he call you a computer?” You asked. Garcia had let go of your hand, so you wrung your fingers in front of you to control the urge to shut up and go back to your father’s side. College wasn’t so bad when you were soft spoken, but the FBI was much more intimidating. Not only were they federal agents with guns, but you were there because of a killer, which made it ten times more stressful.

“Watch this,” Morgan grinned. “Reid, what’s thirty-six to the power of four divided by seventeen squared?”

Reid looked up to the ceiling, but only for a couple of seconds before he had done all of the mental math on his own. “Five thousand, eight hundred eleven, point eighty-two… when rounded to the nearest thousandth.”

“Wow,” you commented, blushing along with Reid, who seemed pleased but unused to being complimented. Both of you looked away from each other when Garcia cooed.

“And this is Alex Blake!” She turned around and indicated for you to come with her, going to the next row. On the outer desk was an older woman, maybe in her forties, with brunette hair and a black blazer over her long-sleeved shirt. Blake smiled at you and held out a hand. You shook her hand with a loose grip and ended it when she did. “She can scare off a bad guy in four languages,” Garcia cheerily bragged.

“I have a PhD in linguistics and I’m a licensed translator,” Blake supplied in explanation.

The next person that Garcia dragged you over to was your father again. “There’s also Rossi and JJ, but JJ’s not here right now and Rossi’s been locked in his office like a recluse for the last two hours,” the techie told you conversationally. She didn’t seem to mind being the one doing most of the talking, instead being compassionate to that you weren’t the most outgoing person in the world. “You can always meet them later. No, really, you definitely will. Rossi’s been bugging the G-Man about you ever since he told us he had a daughter, and JJ’s excited to meet you, too. Is that all you brought?”

It took you a minute to realize she’d changed topics and was now asking about your backpack. “Yes,” you answered, looking down to your hand as you fisted the strap over your front.

Garcia smiled. “That’s okay, sweetie, I’ve got lots we can do that can’t fit in a backpack and I’m sure we can convince someone to get you to a laundromat if you need one.” Personally, you’d been banking on the investigation being closed pretty quickly. You weren’t looking for something just a step short of Witness Protection; a day or two sleeping in the FBI, and then you could go back to your normal life before you got too far behind in your courses. Garcia moved on breezily. “On to the Batcave, Robin, where magical worlds of computer software await. If you’re a computer geek, you’re gonna do a backflip when you see everything I got. Would you believe the FBI gives me thousands of dollars’ worth of equipment when they only actually hired me so they could stop hunting me?”

It had been maybe five minutes, and your head was already spinning. You hoped Garcia elaborated on that last part.

~ ~ ~ Halloween ~ ~ ~

You had never taken to anyone as quickly as you took to Garcia. Maybe it was her kind and loving nature, or maybe it was just how she was so wild and outgoing that you didn’t feel like you could be judged for being your normal, quiet self. All you knew, or really cared to know about it, was that she made you feel comfortable, especially once you were a little bit more used to her. You started to speak a little bit more, didn’t worry about muffling your laughter when you were amused. With her huge monitors, Garcia pulled up your favorite movie franchise and the two of you watched as much as you could before you were yawning, even with the assistance of coffee.

The next morning, you changed clothes and took care of your hygiene in the bathroom. Garcia had fallen asleep after you had, so you didn’t know how long she’d actually been resting, and hadn’t wanted to wake her up. The FBI in general had to be a pretty safe place. Transferring your visitor’s badge onto your new outfit, you pushed back your hair and ventured back into the bureau. Your dad had had to go home – he did have another child to care for, after all – but maybe it was late enough in the morning for him to be back. You weren’t sure what you’d do if he wasn’t.

Six in the morning was not, as it turned out, late enough. No wonder you were so tired… if you’d thought to check the time before changing, you’d have just gone back to sleep. The bullpen was practically empty. But was that – yes! It was! There was a light on under the doorway of one of the offices up on the mezzanine. Your dad had told you that his office was up there. Being the unit chief, he had the seniority and the authority to have a specially-large office instead of just desks on the floor level.

Keeping your head down, you went up the mezzanine steps to the raised walkway along the wall and followed it past a dark office to the one with the light on it. You knocked to be courteous, but one of the few agents that was in was looking at you. Being up higher than the desks made you more noticeable. Eager to get into a smaller space where you didn’t feel like you’d be in trouble for no reason, you walked inside without being invited… and regretted it, because the man at the desk was not your father.

A tiny, anguished squeak made its way out of your mouth. How embarrassing…

“Um.”

“Well, hi,” the man said behind the desk, swiping reading glasses off of his face. He wasn’t that tall. Even sitting, he seemed less intimidating than your dad. He was European, maybe Italian or Spanish, and older than your dad, at least fifty, with the beginnings of a salt-and-peppered beard. He was dressed business casual, with a comfortable black blazer, and a piping mug of hot coffee with the steam still rising sat near his right hand. “I didn’t know I was expecting company.”

There was no reassuring hand at your back or preppy analyst to help you out. Shifting to your other foot and swallowing hard, you took a deep breath. You were here in protective custody, not in interrogative custody. No one was going to hurt you, and the guy seemed amused, not angry. “Well, um, you weren’t… I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

You held your breath then. Your wardrobe was pretty typical for a college student, and while you owned a few nice things for practical reasons, dressing professionally hadn’t been your biggest concern when you packed your things for your field trip to the BAU. So, while you tried to present yourself as an innocent and insignificant individual who made a mistake with no ill intent, you stood there in your jeans and t-shirt with the band name emblazoned on the front. You did not fit in.

“Don’t tell me,” he said dryly, picking up his coffee and taking a sip. Obediently, you shut your mouth and looked down. If he didn’t want you to tell him something, well, by God, you were not going to tell him something. “Hotch’s little girl, right? Though, I guess, you’re not all that little.” Grimacing, you nod. He put his mug down and leaned over the desk, rolling his shoulders and crossing his forearms on the table. “SSA David Rossi. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“Thank you, Agent Rossi,” you murmured.

“Dave.”

“Okay.”

He studied you intently. “How is it that you escaped the clutches of the Good Witch?”

“Galinda’s asleep over her computer, so I popped on out of Oz via yellow bricks,” you quipped, leaping without thought onto the references. Then your eyes widened, blood rushed to your face, and you wished you could just disappear.

Rossi seemed to think you were funny, though, because he chuckled heartily. “I like you, kid,” he said in what was clearly supposed to be a praising way. “Have you had anything to eat?” You shook your head. He stood up. “Well, I’ve been staring at this one page for twenty minutes, so I could use a break. C’mon. It’s not DiGiorno, but there is a place downstairs where we can pilfer some food. What do you say?”

Dad wasn’t in, Garcia was unconscious, and none of the three agents she had introduced you to were around yet. Rossi was the only person you knew. As nervous as you were that you might do something wrong or make some horrible social faux pas that existed only between federal agents that you didn’t know about, you would prefer being with someone you barely knew to being completely alone… especially since two of your friends had died and the Halloween costume that you had all worn seemed to be pivotal to the murders.

~ ~ ~ Halloween ~ ~ ~

You spent nearly an entire forty minutes in the cafeteria with Rossi before his phone rang with a notification alert, and he announced that you both needed to go back to the BAU – yourself as proof of life and Rossi as brain trust to work the case. Hotch was a little aggravated that you weren’t within sight when he went to try to find you, but relaxed and gave you a hug when you said that you were fine and that Rossi had just been helping you. You hadn’t even realized you were hungry until the profiler had suggested it.

In the meantime, you went back to Garcia’s lair, expecting just to find the techie you’d grown to tentatively like. Only, when you got there, Garcia wasn’t alone. She was accompanied by a tall, slim blonde, who introduced herself as JJ, the media liaison-turned-profiler. She was beautiful and kind, and had a child at home with her husband. You were warmed to her before she’d even opened her mouth, and she quickly became one of the first people you went to talk to in the next few days.

You had to stay longer than you had thought. When the un-sub didn’t find his third victim – AKA, you – he seemed to go to ground for a while. You wanted to be optimistic and say he had never intended to target you, but Beth had taken Jack home after dinner two nights into your protective custody only to find that the house had been broken into, your bedroom door broken in, and a broken vase on the floor that you used to hold a bouquet of flowers in. When he hadn’t found you, he’d thrown a temper tantrum and made your bedroom look terrible. Dad didn’t let you see the pictures, but Garcia had wrapped you up in a short hug and promised that she would take you shopping for some new things.

Three days, and you were content with staying right where you were. If you had fought with Hotch on whether or not you needed protecting, you very well may have lost your life.

Four days, and you were starting to feel a little bit of cabin fever, but overall, you were still content with staying where your safety was ensured.

Six days going on a week, and all you wanted was to shoot the killer yourself so that you could go sleep in your own familiar bed, and maybe read your brother a bedtime story. You always read Jack a bedtime story, unfailingly, until someone had decided they wanted to plunge a knife through your back.

You played with the hem of your nightgown when you ventured out of the little cavern of Garcia’s office that you had been holed up in for the majority of most days. It was barely past one in the morning and most of the sane people had gone home, even Hotch. After the break-in, you felt immensely guilty that the un-sub might’ve encountered Jack or Beth, and believed it to be nothing short of dumb luck that they had decided to go out to a restaurant. Hotch refused to concede that you were in any way to blame, but, just to be safe, he and Beth had both agreed that it was better if the three of them stayed at a hotel until the case was solved.

If you wanted anything, you had a technical analyst who had all but cried several times just from trying to imagine how you felt and several agents in the building at any given time to respond to your distress call. However, you couldn’t remember a time you had felt more alone – isolated in a building full of people who didn’t really know you, with someone wanting to murder you in a Halloween costume you had swiftly grown to loathe, and without the chance to partake in any of the normal activities you enjoyed. Sure, you were learning a lot from Garcia, and your professors had been appraised of the bare necessities of the situation and had given you projects in lieu of classes, but you still had so much time to be lonely that it was hard to keep your chin up much longer.

Part of your assignment involved making your own website, so, with a sigh of your shoulders and a gentle roll of your head around on your neck, you took your laptop and travelled out to the kitchenette. Hotch usually locked his office door when he left, but he’d been leaving it open for you if you needed to be alone. You’d not really been given a chance to mourn for your friends before you got swept up in everything else. The logic you used was that you could get some of the cheap bureau coffee and get some homework done in his office. You felt terrible and your heart wouldn’t be in it, but you could always touch up on it later.

At this rate, it seemed like you wouldn’t be going back to school for weeks.

Your plan was derailed halfway through making your coffee. Someone cleared their throat and coughed, startling you, and with wide eyes, impulsively feeling guilty for using coffee that belonged to an organization you weren’t really a part of, you started to apologize.

Reid held up his hand, a mug in the other, and with a gentle smile, he quieted your apologies and calmed your nervousness. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you like that. I thought you would still be asleep.”

“Nightmares,” you mumbled, sinking back against the counter and out of the way. Reid slipped past you, going to make his own coffee refill, while you moved your filled mug out of the way and sought out the milk in the little fridge. You were acutely aware of his presence, but tried not to act like you were on edge by it. He didn’t make you feel threatened, just a little awkward. What were you supposed to talk about?

“I used to have those,” he responded empathetically while his coffee brewed.

You looked up to him curiously. You’d seen one of your friends’ corpses, touched her dead body while looking for a pulse that wasn’t there, felt her blood on your hands. “How did you make them go away?”

Reid’s smile became a little crooked. “I didn’t, not at first.” He, too, leaned against the counter, hands behind him and pressing on the edge. “And sometimes, they still come back. But I manage them, because I remember that I may have memories that my brain can scare me with, but I’ve also shored up a list of things that make me feel better, too. Safer. Less lonely.” He paused. “Gideon – an agent who used to work here – he helped me by giving me a photograph of a little girl we saved, not long after I joined the team. Maybe you could ask Hotch to bring you a photo of your brother.”

“I have plenty on my phone,” you replied.

He shook his head. “It’s not the same as having a physical picture to touch,” he disagreed, and you had to hand it to him – his calm tone was soothing you, his quiet voice making you feel like you weren’t quite as abandoned and hopeless as you had thought.

You swallowed. Most of the time, you didn’t want to talk. You still didn’t, but you thought maybe it would be worth speaking up a little if it meant that you got to have a little more of Reid’s time and his relaxing attention. “What are you still doing in? I thought everyone would have wanted to go home.”

Reid’s smile turned confused, yet remained polite. “I don’t think anyone would be going home if they could help it,” he told you earnestly. “But everyone has someone to go back home to. Even Rossi – one of his ex-wives is in town. Hotch has, well, Jack, and Garcia has a cat she has to feed. Blake’s husband is visiting, Morgan has a girlfriend, and JJ has a son. If they didn’t have responsibilities at home, I don’t think they would’ve left you here on your own.”

“So what about you?” You questioned, unable to let your curiosity rest. The notion that a bunch of adults who didn’t personally know you would give up the comforts of their homes for your sake if not for other personal obligations seemed weird and abstract when applied to anyone but your father, and maybe Beth. Why was Reid still there, talking with you, when he could’ve been with someone he cared about? “Why stay when you have someone else?”

“Well, my mom lives in Las Vegas, so I can’t really visit her every day,” he said, aiming to make a joke. You giggled a little bit and he smiled, pleased to have lessened some of the tension. The bumbling, awkward doctor you’d been introduced to seemed much more at ease when it was just the two of you. “And… I don’t know, Y/N. The thought of you being here on your own, when you might need to talk… when you apparently do need to talk,” he amended, looking at you meaningfully, because that was what you were doing right then. “I didn’t want that to happen if I could prevent it, so here I am.”

~ ~ ~ Halloween ~ ~ ~

You and Reid quickly became friends, to the point where you interacted with him as much as you did with Garcia. Your late-night chats became the norm for the pair of you. Reid tended to come in later in the morning, but because Hotch knew that he was keeping you company long after the sun had gone down, he pretended not to notice. In your head, you stopped thinking of him as Reid and instead as Spencer, your friend, and although you hadn’t had enough time together to talk about everything, you did seem to talk about anything.

Your nightmares persisted, but you felt like you had more control over them. Spencer didn’t ask you to talk about them, but he didn’t say not to, either. Instead, you talked a little bit about his life growing up, and a bit about the funny misadventures he had when he and the team were off the clock. You were amazed by Spencer’s intelligence. Three PhD’s by the time he was twenty-one, and finishing up high school before he was even old enough to have a driver’s permit. Spencer tried to pick up some of your language skills from you, since you’d taken four years of a foreign language in high school, but you’d found out that he was great at memorization while terrible at pronunciation. You told him about a boy you’d dated during your senior year of high school, and added a detail you hadn’t even told Hotch: he had broken up with you because he thought you were spending more time with your family than with him, and this was while you were practically raising Jack, because your mother had been murdered. He had known what had happened, and he’d still cited your prioritizations of taking care of your baby brother as a reason to break up with you. You grew sullen while you talked about it, but it felt good to get it off your chest for the first time. Obviously you couldn’t tell Jack, and you hadn’t known Beth at the time, and you hadn’t wanted Hotch to feel bad about the responsibilities you were taking on as well as being a student, so you made up a lie about how you broke up with him peacefully so you’d both have more time to focus on school and SATs.

You talked about lighter things than your lives, too. The two of you bonded over shared interests in science fiction and “geek” movies. Spencer had developed a healthy appreciation for Marvel after you talked him into bringing a box of popcorn so that you could watch the Iron Man movies together one night. Your unofficial plan was to watch all of the movies with the individual superheroes and lead up to The Avengers. There was a convention coming up in the next few months that Spencer invited you to go to with him. He wanted to dress as Tom Baker’s incarnation of the Doctor, his personal favorite, and you theorized that maybe you could go as Tegan or Sarah Jane.

“If I even live that long…” You’d muttered under your breath, hit by a wave of pessimism. At nearing two weeks of bureau captivity, it was getting harder to believe that the un-sub would be caught. You’d seen enough horror movies to know that the minute your guard was let down, you’d be murdered in your bed. The problem was that not letting your guard down meant staying in the FBI for the foreseeable future.

Spencer had set down a mug of fresh coffee that he seemed to live off of and touched your knee with his hand, rubbing his thumb over your thigh and leaning forwards to meet your eyes. Spencer wasn’t much of one for a lot of touching, and he was rather conscientious of everyone’s personal space, so it was shocking enough that he’d touched you, much less when he locked eyes with you in an intensity that made your stomach flutter.

“We will catch him,” he stated simply, and then went on to tell you everything they’d gotten. Partial (unidentified) fingerprints from the house break. A profile (white male around your age, disorganized, with a fixation that revolved around the identical nature of your and your friends’ costumes). They had reason to believe that he lived nearby, and knew he’d been at the party to kill Marie, and suspected that he may even be one of the frat kids in order to commit the crime without standing out. “So, Y/N, I promise you, you won’t be here forever.”

~ ~ ~ Halloween ~ ~ ~

The next night, you came to Spencer reasonably early. You were sure that the rest of the team, Hotch included, had gone, because you wanted the privacy to be uninterrupted and the security that came with having someone you trusted to be honest yet sensitive leading you. Then you approached Spencer’s desk with a mug full of his favorite flavor of coffee and approximately four tablespoons of pure sugar dumped in, delivered it to his desk, and locked your hands behind your back.

“So, I was thinking about something, and I realize it may not be fun, but I’d rather be a little upset for a while than let this continue.”

The genius finished what he was doing on the computer in a few seconds, saved the document using the control shortcut, and then pushed the chair away from the desk, swiveling it around to face you. He planted both shoes on the floor and leaned over, hands in his lap, and met your eyes, giving you his full attention.

“You said that you think the killer was at the frat party,” you reminded, grimacing even as you said it. You couldn’t believe you’d been talked into going to a frat party. “And I picked up somewhere that serial killers like to see the results of their actions. So maybe it’s possible that he was there when Marie-“ You flinched, took a breath, and started again, trying to depersonalize. “-When the body was found?” Spencer nodded slowly, encouraging you to continue. “I want you to do a cognitive interview on me,” you announced, looking down to your toes. “When I heard Liv scream, I took over. I pushed everyone away and instructed someone to call the cops. I even blocked people from the bathroom to preserve the evidence. If there was someone trying to nose their way in, I probably would’ve seen them.”

~ ~ ~ Halloween ~ ~ ~

You breathed a little bit faster. Liv’s scream echoed in your ears, just as loud and heart-wrenching as it had been when you’d heard it for real. Although you kept your eyes screwed shut as Spencer had instructed, you had a hard time seeing the black of your eyelids when what you were thinking back to was full of colors and movement. The only grounding sensation you felt was Spencer’s larger hand in yours, gently squeezing your palm in reassurance.

“You’re doing so well,” he praised, half-cooing in comfort. “You have to push a group away from the door. What happened next? Do you recognize any of them?” His thumb brushed over your knuckles.

While you were reasonably sure you were supposed to be focusing on your memory, you instead paid more attention to his hand, swallowing hard and squeezing. You were sure your grip was too tight to be nice, and possibly a little sweaty from nervousness and apprehension, but Spencer didn’t move or comment, for which you were grateful.

“I recognize some of them,” you said, imagining yourself in the shoes you’d worn three weeks ago. Some of the colors were unclear, faces distorted, but the ones that stood out weren’t always the ones that had just been closest to you at the time. Flashes of features through the door of a frat boy you shared a calculus class with, although you’d only glimpsed the side of his face in passing over the shoulder of a blurry zombie costume. “Mostly from around campus, but a few are in sports teams. Oh, and Seth,” you added as an afterthought, scoring your eyes across the doorway, refusing to move your eyes to the right. You knew you’d see the blood-filled bathtub in your flashback if you did.

“Who’s Seth?” Spencer asked, pressing calmly for more details.

You didn’t think it was that important, but you went along with it. He was the profiler. “Just some guy that we met earlier that night. He came onto me, Liv asked him to back off, he said he was sorry for being too forward, and he left. I didn’t speak to him again.” In your recollection, you could vaguely place his voice, maybe saying something. Maybe saying your name. At the time all you could hear were Liv’s screeches, alternating between heartbroken and furious. “He’s taller than me. Shorter than you, though. I… he had a cup in his hand. Probably something alcoholic, because he didn’t look completely with it. Drinking messed with his red face paint.”

“What was he?” Spencer pushed his fingers into your palm, pressing on the back of your hand with his thumb, the pressure relaxing your grip. “Who did he dress as?”

“Tate Langdon,” you answered with a slight grin, remembering how you’d initially jumped when he’d come and tapped your shoulder. Then you’d hid behind a bottle of water and laughed, recognizing the cosmetics and the black hoodie.

“Who?”

“Oh. He was a character from American Horror Story,” you explained. “He wore the outfit from when Tate shot up his school. Um, dark black and oversized sweater with a hood up, and black, white, and grey paint to draw a skull on his face.” You faltered as you explained. That was right. When you’d recognized him from his face paint, he had been dressed just like Tate. And later, he’d had red face paint. “Oh…”

“Oh?” Spencer drew you out before you got too far wrapped up in your realization. You realized your hands were trembling. Spencer covered your hand in both of his and held on, silently promising that he wasn’t going anywhere. “What is it? What do you see?”

You swallowed. “He wasn’t supposed to be wearing red face paint,” you said dryly. “And it was on his hoodie, too.”

~ ~ ~ Halloween ~ ~ ~

October 31st. Your least favorite holiday.

“Are you okay by yourself, Chickadee?” Garcia, respectfully wearing a dull-colored outfit, touched your shoulder while you stared down at the two headstones side-by-side.

Wordless, you nodded, clutching a bouquet of black-painted roses in your hands, with a silk ribbon wrapped around the flowers in your murdered friends’ favorite color. Garcia left you alone in the cemetery, finding the path and going back to your car. It was the anniversary of Marie’s death. Soon it would be the anniversary of Liv’s. In mere days, you would be standing in the same spot, a bouquet of the same flowers in hand, the same dress on your body, the dress you’d worn to their funerals.

Seth was nailed on all charges – first-degree homicide, stalking (to find your and Liv’s addresses), breaking and entering, and trespassing with malicious intent. He would never get parole, but after several appeals by a lawyer his high-income father had hired onto his retainer, it seemed as though he might be declared mentally unfit and taken off of consideration for a life sentence. You personally hoped that would never happen, and in the upcoming weeks, you would be called into court to testify against the decision.

“I won’t let him walk from what he did to you both,” you whispered to their graves. A gentle rush of wind acted up and teased your hair, lifting it over your shoulders, strands curling against your cold cheeks. Kneeling down, you deposited the bouquet gently on Marie’s grave, the flower petals a gentle cushion against the granite headstone.

On your way out of the cemetery, you were met by Spencer, who took one look at your face and then reached for your hand. He held onto your hand and entwined your fingers loosely, pulling you to walk by his side as he led you to the car. Tiredly, you rocked your head onto his shoulder. “Thank you for coming with me,” you whispered to the man who had become your best friend in the last year, tying with Garcia in the role.

Halloween sucked for you, but Spencer loved it. You thought it was time you got some closure. The holiday was never going to be your favorite, but if Spencer adored it, then you would learn to be okay. You were determined not to see any real corpses that night. Spencer was going to go to the opening night of a horror film and follow it up by attending the Safe Treat event that you, JJ, and Garcia were all taking Jack and Henry to. The Safe Treat was hosted by your college, and it was the first annual event of its kind, founded in honor of the two students who had died the year before. Faculty and students alike were attending to game, candy, and pumpkin-carving booths, there were going to be photograph opportunities, a costume contest was arranged, and campus security had enlisted their full staff, as well as volunteers from the local police, to make sure that everyone was safe and secure while they had their spooky fun.

“Of course I came,” Spencer responded back to you softly, turning his head to rest his cheek over your hair. While you slowly walked together down the block towards your car, he pressed his lips against the top of your head. “I love you.”

~~~

A/N: Happy Halloween everyone! I wrote this a couple of years ago, took it down, and am now reposting it here.

If you liked this oneshot and how I write, please consider commissioning me through Ko-Fi! A oneshot of this length is about $14 ($1/500 words + 500 words FREE), but shorter stories start at only $4, and for just $1, I’ll take prompts for preferences, would-includes, and imagines. My Ko-Fi handle is /writingsofstardust . If you have any questions, please send me an ask or a message and I’ll reply as soon as I see it. :)

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baglove · 2 years ago

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(via cat lovers Pet Bandana by mohammed elhachimi)

funny, cute, fear federal feel feeling few field fight figure fill film final finally financial find fine finger finish fire firm first fish five floor fly focus follow food foot for force foreign forget form former forward four free friend from front full fund future, game garden gas general generation get girl give glass go goal good government great green ground group grow growth guess gun guy hair half hand hang happen happy hard have he head health hear heart heat heavy help her here herself high him himself his, a ability able about above accept according account across act action activity actually add address administration admit adult affect after again against age agency agent ago agree agreement ahead air all allow almost alone along already also although, always american among amount analysis and animal another answer any anyone anything appear apply approach area argue arm around arrive art article artist as ask assume at attack attention attorney audience author authority 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aesthetic boho fashion girly good vibes love popular positive surf vibes weed adventure bohemian, dope feminism girl green groovy grunge hand happy hawaii kawaii life loose mandala meme music nice pale peaceful pink purple space summer tiedye trend tye die tye dye vintage 70s 90s artsy be happy black california car colors drugs festival florida food, fun good goth hang hearts hippies instagram la logo lsd marijuana meditate new york peace sign pineapple psychedelic pun quote retro script shoes sign stay woke tie die top selling travel traveling tropical typography vibe water waves white woke yellow zen, 1960 1970 2019 3 420 60s aestethic alex morgan alien aloha anatomy apples atlanta atlantis avocado avocados awesome backgrounds ball basic beautiful bernie birkenstocks black and white bloodshot bob bob weir bones bong brandy melville bright bright side, bro bud buddha buddhas bumper ca cali calligraphy calm cartoon case chaco chacos chakra chakras chance the rapper chic chicago chill chill out city claire andrews claireandrewss classic clout clout goggles college colour colourful country cowabunga dancing, skeleton dark blue dead head death designs disco dolphin donut doodle dorm down drake dude edm elephant elephants emoji eno equal pay eyes fall fat buddha fist floral flower flowers font four stars fries fruit fry funds fye gd50 girl gang girl girl girls

#findyourthing #redbubble

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opheliasbrokenmind · 5 years ago

Text

trust me? - alfie solomons

hii! i actually wrote this one at school in march or april lol and finally posting. it’s a alfie x shelby sister one, i hope you enjoy reading. your feedback is what makes me keep writing so feel free to send me anons and don’t forget i’m always open for requests

London, the city where everyone has a chance to live their dream lives. You have always loved London but you couldn’t believe that you were there. The war ended but nothing changed. You knew that men were damaged, and some of them will never heal. They’ll never be the same, their minds were broken in a way no one was able to fix. Also, their hearts were as broken as their minds. You still didn’t go to see your brothers after the war but you knew they were damaged as well and you knew you probably wouldn’t help them. Maybe that was the reason why you didn’t go, you were afraid of what you’ll see. Even if you could help, they wouldn’t let you. You took their stubbornness after all.

You heard their business, how illegal it was. That was another reason to not go there. You didn’t come back after they returned, you finished your psychology degree and graduated from university. Working in a clinic, you didn’t leave London and settled there. You wrote so many letters to Polly and she let you do whatever you want to do, convinced your brothers that it was the right thing for you. They wanted to visit you but you refused all the time, told that you were so busy in the clinic. They didn’t insist, knowing you would come back when you want.

Ada was the only sibling you kept in contact, always wrote letters to each other. She understood you unlike the others, knew you needed to stay away. She supported you and send you money and gifts frequently, but she didn’t visit you when you didn’t ask. You were always a good listener and you loved helping other people so you loved your job. When you were just a little kid, you gave advice to your brothers, comforting them. You always made them feel good when they looked sad. Before leaving for the war, your brothers started to do illegal businesses and you didn’t want to be a part of it. You told them it was no good but they didn’t listen to you so you left the city and moved to London for college.

Now, you were a kind woman at her mid-twenties and you were beautiful than ever. You earned plenty of money from the clinic and you were happy. You were able to buy most of your request and needs. You knew the people were after your family so you didn’t use the Shelby name. Although, you loved the life you created for yourself.

***

It was an autumn evening. Your appointments of the day ended and you left from the clinic a little early. Walking back to your home, you decided to go to a bakery. The bell rang when you opened the door and saw a man, he was charming and his blue-green eyes looked directly into yours as a tiny smile played on his plump lips. He was at least ten years older than you, he had a ginger beard and he was the most charismatic man you’ve ever seen in your life. You were too busy eyeing him so he smiled a little, ‘How can I help you, love?’ With his deep voice and thick accent, you gulped down, ‘Well, I want some cookies.’ You said and nervously played with your hands.

Your thick coat was covering your curves but your chic suede dress was still available to be seen. He also admired how beautiful and strong you looked, couldn’t help but like you. ‘It’s cookies, then.’ He said and started to prepare your order. ‘Have a seat, love.’ His enchanting voice made you relax and even though you knew that it won’t take long to prepare some cookies, you sat. Seconds later someone appeared in the bakery, ‘Sir, they’re waiting for ya.’ The man spoke dreadingly and the charming man frowned, ‘Do I look like I give a fuck about that? Can’t you see that I’m here with this gorgeous lady? That fuckers can fucking wait, ay? Go tell’em!’

You didn’t feel bad with his angry words but realising he called you ‘gorgeous’ you couldn’t help but smile and blush a little. The man said something and left the two of you alone again. Feeling his eyes on you, you turned to him. ‘What’s it, sir?’ You asked. ‘Nothing, love. Would you want a cup of tea?’ With his question, your heart started to beat faster. ‘That’d be great but I’m sorry, I can’t. It’s getting pretty late and I really don’t want to walk alone at night.’ Actually, it wasn’t a big deal for you, you always walked home alone when you worked too much. You just wanted to see how far he can go.

‘Then I’ll walk you home, darling.’ You expected this but you felt surprised when he talked. But on the other hand, you noticed he wasn’t just a baker. The way the other man talked to him, he was scared yet respectful. He was much more than that and you wanted to learn everything. ‘Then I’ll only drink if you join me.’ You offered a smile and he accepted with a smirk on his face, ‘I’m definitely not a tea person but I will if you want me to be.’ He brought two cups and handed you one. Sitting the chair across you, he looked at you boldly.

‘I think there’s a soft man inside of you but you just don’t let him show up.’ You talked without thinking and immediately wished that you won’t regret it. He seemed a little shocked but answered, ‘Maybe. Should I take that as a compliment, love?’ He was pretty brave but in the end, he wasn’t an ordinary man. ‘Take it if you want.’ You said and took a long sip from your tea. ‘So why are you here, in London? I didn’t see you here before and it’s impossible not to notice you with your prettiness and yes, that was a compliment.’ Blushing just a little, you tried to ignore his question but of course, he waited for you.

‘I moved here for university and when I graduated I started to work here.’ You answered simply, without giving any details. ‘Would you mind if I ask you what’s your job?’ He asked and you replied, ‘I’m a psychologist.’ He looked surprised, ‘Why do you want to help mentally damaged people?’ With his question you smiled brightly, ‘I do believe that being mentally ill is not a thing to be ashamed of. An example, you went to war, didn’t you? Think about what have you seen there, what have you been through. The war broke all men and most of them are still suffering. If we don’t help them, what will happen? I worked with soldiers, they were just young lads and one of them couldn’t bear all the pain, the memories haunted him and he killed himself. For what? Because some sons of bitches wanted a war. The ‘big’ men pushed them into hell and we did nothing for them.’ You took a long breath and continued to talk.

‘My brothers went to war as innocent kids and they probably came back as men. Men with pain, men who are afraid of everything but showing no emotion. Is that it? You fought with machine guns but you can’t fight with your memories? Too afraid to ask for help? Because they think that if you go to therapy, you’re not normal. But I’ll always be there if someone decides to have help.’ He listened to you carefully, impressed by your voice which filled with lust and passion. ‘You’re right, love.’ You smiled a little and finished your tea, ’If my cookies are ready, it’s time for me to leave.’ He stood up and handed you a packet ‘Wait a sec, right? I’ll take my coat.’ You shook your head, ‘You don’t have to do that, the man said that there are people waiting for you.’

Coming back with his coat and hat, he spoke, ‘They can wait more, I’m not letting you go back to your home alone, after taking your time.’ You thought that you probably shouldn’t let him but you nodded. You left the bakery and you led him to your home. ‘What if I’m a serial killer, love? Why do you trust me?’ He asked and you smiled, ‘So, you think that I didn’t notice your gun? I’m sorry, sir but I’m not stupid. By the way, if you wanted to kill me you should have done it in your own bakery.’ He chuckled a little but looked excited, ‘We have a smart one ’ere, right? I still don’t know your name, darling.’ You ignored his question and stopped, ‘Here’s my home.’

Alfie stopped and looked directly in your eyes, ‘Then you aren’t gonna tell me, ay?’ A small smile played on your lips as you opened the door, ‘If you really want to know, then come here tomorrow. At four o’clock, for tea.’ You thought he won’t come back but he did. Of course, he did, you were different than all women he knew. You told him your name, he told you his. And he spoke, told you a lot about his life. You two soon became friends, you loved everything about Alfie, you understood him. After two months he finally opened up and trusted you, told you about the war. You did everything for him, then he asked you for a date. He was really nervous while asking, you smiled warmly and accepted.

He took you a cute but luxurious restaurant and treated you like a gentleman. You talked about anything and everything, you cherished each other’s company. You knew that he was a rough man but when it comes to you... He was a big softie. He acted like the person he wanted to be when he was with you. You brought happiness to his life and Alfie was glad that you were with him. Yeah, he was older than you but that wasn’t a problem for neither of you. Alfie saw you as his equal, letting you pay for the meals when you go out.

He loved the way you live your life. In weekdays you worked and studied. You woke up early even when it wasn’t necessary and visited him, bringing him his favourite coffee -not that he was a coffee person- and had a small talk with him before leaving for your job. He appreciated the things you’ve done for him, returning the favour. In the evenings, you read books and sometimes made dinner and invited him. You had a good music taste and he relaxed with your soft murmurs. Alfie and you always go out at the weekends; visiting museums, art galleries. He closed the cinema for you when you two go to the pictures.

You got tickets for theatres and operas, forcing him to come with you. He never refused though. Alfie tried his best to take you to a concert when a new orchestra came to the city. You made him feel younger and he made you feel loved. When he asked you to go for a date, he waited for you with a bouquet in his hands and he brought desserts to you from the bakery every time he visited your place. You knew his real job but you also knew that he had to do it. You heard that he was working with the Shelby family, with your brothers but you didn’t say anything. You noticed that he was a little paranoid and didn’t want to make him nervous.

***

It was a normal morning, you woke up to Alfie’s soft snorts and smiled, he looked so vulnerable to you. He was smiling a little and he was defenceless. You leaned in and planted a kiss on his right cheek, the feeling of his beard making you laugh. Alfie murmured in his sleep and turned a little, then opened his eyes. ‘Watching me, pet? Mhmm, come closer, will ya? Good girl.’ He wrapped his arms around you and you rested your head on his chest, his heartbeats warming your heart. ‘Morning, Alf.’ He yawned, ‘Yeah it is.’ You smiled and drew circles on his bare chest with your finger, letting him bring you closer. ‘Have any plans for today?’

‘No but I have a thing on my mind right now.’ You raised your head to look at him, ‘And what’s that?’ He smirked, ‘You. We should get rid of that pretty dress of yours, don’t ya think so?’ You pretended like you were thinking but it wasn’t a secret that you both enjoyed morning sex. ‘What are you going to do about it?’ You teased him. Alfie warned you with his eyes, ‘We don’t wanna ruin it, do we, darlin’?’ He said and took off your nightgown, the silky fabric leaving and exposing your body. ‘Oh, always ready for me, kitten.’ You smiled when he got up a little to lean on your now naked body. You closed your eyes at the feeling and let him take the control.

After an hour you were both tired and breathless, you turned to Alfie, ‘Well that was a good one.’ He watched you, your eyes were shining, ‘Hmm, ready for round two?’ You were going to answer when someone burst in Alfie’s bedroom and you immediately pulled the sheets to cover your body. ‘Really, mate?’ You heard his shouting but didn’t see the other man. ‘Morning Alfie! Whose that whore in your bed?’ You froze with the sound of this familiar voice, it belonged to your brother. Alfie cracked a smile, ‘I wouldn’t call her a whore mate, considering she is your sister.’ You gripped the sheets and turned your eyes to Thomas, watching his face drop.

‘y/n! The fuck you’re doin’ ‘ere??? Do you know who is he?’ Your brother shouted at you but you were looking at Alfie now, ‘Y-you knew who I am?’ Alfie smiled warmly, ‘’course I do, love. Since the day you walked in my fucking bakery. I recognize these eyes anywhere.’ You frowned, ‘But...’ Thomas talked for you, ‘You tricked her, didn’t ya? Just for your benefits.’ Alfie was furious, ‘Give us a minute, get the fuck out of here mate.’ Thomas insisted, ‘I’m not going anywhere without my sister.’ You looked at him, ‘Please, Tommy. Just a minute.’ He didn’t say anything and left the two of you alone.

‘Is it true, Alfie? All of these was a lie? Did you make me think that you loved me just to blackmail my brothers?’ Warm tears filled your eyes and you couldn’t stop them. He watched you carefully and held your hand with his big one, ‘Do you trust me, y/n?’ You shook your head, ‘I don’t know what to believe now. But tell me the truth or I’ll never come back’ Alfie sighed, ‘When you came to the bakery, I knew who you were but I decided to stay quiet and wait for what’ll happen. You didn’t have a clue who I was so I went along with that. At first, I thought you were spying on me but I learnt you weren’t seeing them for a long time. I gave ya some details about my business, just to see if you were working for them.’

‘You never spoke to them and you were always so kind to me. Then I think I just fell for ya... Didn’t want your family to learn but that’s it, right?’ You didn’t say anything and started to dress, he stood there and watched you. That was probably was the last time he saw you, thought Alfie. Once you were done, you walked to him and looked at his deep eyes. ‘I understand if you don’t come back.’ You frowned, ‘You trusted me Alfie, and I won’t give up easily. I believe you and I’ll fight for us.’ You leaned in and kissed him softly, your arms wrapping around his neck. He pulled you in a big hug and kissed you passionately, ‘I’ll wait for ya, love.’

‘That’s enough, y/n. Come ‘ere, now.’ You sighed and left the home with your brother, his car was waiting outside. That was going to be a long ride.

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saiyanblood2 · 4 years ago

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Songs for some darkest timeline stuff, re: Vegeta IV, Tarble, and Future Trunks:

-Tarble never getting sent to Planet Tech-Tech and having to stay in the Freeza Force after Planet Vegeta gets destroyed:

1. "Peacemaker", from The Mechanisms' album High Noon Over Camelot.

With Vegeta IV as Gawain and Tarble as Mordred.

"GAWAIN:

Oh, Peacemaker, where you gonna run to?

Oh, Peacemaker, are these your friends?

Oh, Peacemaker, what'cha gonna do now?

Is this your end?

Oh, Peacemaker, nowhere left to hide now.

Oh, Peacemaker, you have failed.

Oh, Peacemaker, draw your gun now.

And end your tale.

MORDRED:

No path past hatred’s stain

I see that hope for unity made me a fool

Corpses leer 'round Gawain

Tell me dear brother is this how you’ll rule?

Narrator:

'And so Mordred fought, seeing in each slain Saxon the face of she who saved him. And as his cheeks grew warm with tears and blood, so too his heart grew cold.'

MORDRED:

Oh Warmonger, is this what you wanted?

Oh Warmonger, is this all you know?

Oh Warmonger, is your world so empty?

Just friend or foe?

Oh, Warmonger, see ’em flee before you.

Oh, Warmonger, watch them fall.

Oh, Warmonger, their flowing blood implores you

To heed its call."

-For if Future Vegeta got revived after Future Trunks deals with the androids and Future Cell, and Vegeta going all Majin when Babidi shows up and Future Trunks (and maybe Future Tarble, if he's alive) having to fight him. Or, in the worst case scenario, kill him:

1. "Once and Future King", from The Mechanisms' album High Noon Over Camelot.

[Narrator singing:]

"A broken man lies in the rust that's stained his whole life through

The blood that pools beneath him doesn't change the metal's hue

Like rainfall long forgotten, Mordred's tears in his wounds do sting

To Arthur in his arms he sings, 'You're the Once and Future King'

[...]

[Note: Mordred's parts in purple and parentheses, overlapping with the Narrator.]

A kiss upon his forehead binds, at last,

His son's goodbye (We could saved them all, yet you could not see)

Just one more shot will send him out into the

Endless sky (Now you'll always be the Once and Future King)

Here at the end of history,

As the final high noon rings (The key

Was in our hands, yet you could not see)

Mordred sits and waits without the Once and Future King (Now you'll always be the Once and Future King)"

With, obviously, Future Vegeta as Arthur, the Once and Future King, and Future Trunks as Mordred.

(If Future Tarble is alive in this timeline, then Mordred's parts could fit him, too. He wouldn't want his nephew to have to kill his own father, no matter how much of a selfish bastard Vegeta is. He especially wouldn't want Future Trunks getting hurt.

Gods, if anything cemented Future Tarble's resolve to kill his own brother, it'd be Future Vegeta hurting Future Trunks. Tarble loves that boy like his own. He wouldn't want anything to happen to him. Especially not... this...)

This is also the kinda general mood of my main timeline when Vegeta goes all Majin at the World Martial Arts Tournament, too.

-For Future Tarble and Future Trunks. Mostly if Future Tarble died to the androids and never got to really see his nephew grow up. And for if Future Tarble was then brought back after Future Trunks defeated the androids and Future Cell. He'd feel so guilty for not being able to be there for his nephew. For being too weak.

This especially works for a Future Tarble that a) was closer to my main timeline, where he was involved in the plot pretty much since the Saiyan Saga, b) survived past the androids arriving (probably by fleeing, so he can be there to help raise his nephew and take care of Future Gohan) and rampaging around and c) couldn't save Future Gohan from being killed by the androids. (And also possibly losing an arm.)

Especially if he was there when Future Trunks found the body. Especially if Future Tarble found the body with him. He'd hold the boy while Future Trunks cried and screamed to the heavens as the boy went Super Saiyan for the first time.

This also kinda fits my main timeline's Tarble, too, especially by the Goku Black arc in Super.

1. "II B: Unrest in the House of Light" by The Protomen, from their album, The Protomen (2005).

Most of it fits Tarble's feelings of frustration and guilt and regret at not being strong enough to protect his family, but it'd ESPECIALLY fit Future Tarble in the verse where Future Gohan died.

Tarble's protective of kids, and I think he'd feel a special kinship with Gohan because Gohan is so peaceful by nature, despite Gohan's latent skills as a fighter. And Tarble would get that, because he's like that too. He doesn't like fighting and hurting people, but he'll do it if its to protect innocent people and his family.

Tarble looked after Gohan from the Saiyan Saga onward, especially on Namek. He basically looked at the kid and was just like, "Is anybody gonna parent that?" and then didn't wait for a response.

In the verses were Freeza killed him and Vegeta with that Death Beam to the heart (Tarble hurled himself in front of his brother to try and stop the beam, or to at least slow it down, but it didn't work), Tarble would spend his last moments turning to Gohan, smiling through the blood bubbling out of his mouth, and trying to telepathicly tell the kid that everything was going to be okay.

He wanted the kid to remember him smiling.

He'd spend his time fighting the androids with Future Gohan and helping Future Gohan train Future Trunks. They'd be like family to him, I think. So when Future Gohan died...

"There was another who came before you

He was a hero, and your brother and my son

He fought the darkness, the darkness won

And he fought bravely, and he died bravely

[...]

And I am sorry, because I was wrong

And I'd take away the weight his shoulders had to bear

[...]

That story's finished. That story's ended

Understand there's nothing more that we can do

And I will not risk losing you

[...]

"So you will stay here. You will obey me

And I will keep grieving for the son I sent to death

You are all that I have left

You need to know

You are not him

This fight's not yours

You cannot win!"

I think the main thing that would keep Tarble's faith in humanity alive would be Bulma. Like, he likes humans well enough, too, even if he still feels out of place with them sometimes, but mostly it's his sister-in-law that inspires him. He sees the best of humanity in her- and in Gohan and Trunks.

-You could tweak pretty much all of The Protomen songs that deal with Dr. Light, Dr. Wily, Protoman, and Megaman to fit Future Trunks.

1. "IV: Vengeance" by The Protomen, from their album, The Protomen (2005), could also fit Future Trunks especially well, especially with regards to his feelings towards the androids and Cell.

"Send your armies

There's no man or machine

Who can stop me

And you'll soon see

I come for vengeance

For the first Son of Light

And I'm ready, and I'm willing, and I'm prepared to fight"

Tarble's precious baby nephew has some anger/vengeance issues.

Honestly? So does Tarble.

#blood tw #child abuse tw #death tw #abuse tw #my fic #darkest timeline stuff #long post #mobile wouldnt let me do a Read More #sorry y'all

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thecorteztwins · 5 years ago

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what are some under used marvel female characters youd love to see in the rpc?

HMMMOkay, so I’m trying to think OBJECTIVELY here and not just rattle off the female characters that I personally like, and more “I’m surprised that there’s not more blogs for this character, whether or not I personally am a fan” ....because I missed the “you’d love to see in the RPC” bit because I’m dumb, and then I wrote this whole list without regards for that part. So this came out as less “female characters I personally want” (who would all be stupidly obscure and irrelevant anyway) and more “female characters I think the RPC should give some more love to, whether I personally am into them or not”:Definitely ALL the girls in the New Mutants and Generation X! I see a fair few blogs for Magik and Jubilee, but I really don’t see any for the others. I get why Magik is going to be more popular---she’s in more stuff, she’s currently much more relevant in the comics, and her backstory is so goddamn compelling---but that doesn’t mean the others shouldn’t have ANY blogs out there. Wolfsbane, Magma, Karma, and Moonstar are all extremely complex and compelling characters with their own struggles and triumphs too, and I think they deserve just as much love. Likewise, I get why Jubilee will naturally get more blogs than Husk, Monet, and Penance (depending if you count Penny as a separate character or not...) due to her being in more stuff, having bigger arcs, etc. But it still surprises there’s NO blogs around for those ladies! I know there was that Monet blog awhile ago, and @badmusesdoitwell had an Amara that’s now part of their multimuse, as well as a Rahne, but that’s still nowhere near enough love in the RPC for these Junior X-Ladies, in my opinion. Speaking of Generation X, I’m also a bit surprised no one has picked Cordelia Frost up, given that we’ve got plenty of background canon for her via Emma’s history yet Cordelia herself has LOTS of room to go nuts with headcanons, like it’s just the perfect opportunity! And I’m sure lots of Emma blogs, of which there are MANY, would love their little sister around for some family threads. Fuck, I would pick her up myself if I were more into Emma and the Frost family as a whole. She’s hardly the most relevant, recent, or even interesting character around, she’s done very little and shown up very briefly, but the fact she’s related to Emma Frost makes me think SOMEONE would have an interest in her.Madelyne Pryor, for sure. Like, I love Maddy, but it’s not just my favoritism talking here. I think she’s pretty decently well-known in the comics fandom, and she’s a tragic villain, which usually pulls people in big-time. She’s got a grudge against the good guys, and it’s actually more legitimate than most, which I’d think would also attract people, since a lot of villains fans like to blame the good guys no matter what and THEY’D ACTUALLY HAVE A GOOD ARGUMENT HERE? Plus she has very strong connections to other, more popular canons, with a ton of fodder for angst and drama threads, which people just LOVE. I have seen a few Maddy blogs pop up in the past, and I always get so excited, but they never seem to last very long :CDr. Moira MacTaggert deserves ALL the love and respect in the world/fandom! She’s been a staunch supporter of mutants since day one, she’s a total badass, she’s super smart, she calls Xavier out on his shit ALL THE TIME, she’s the survivor of an abusive husband, she had to make terrible choices about her son that no mother should ever have to and then live with the consequences of those choices, and SHE GOES AFTER A KELPIE WITH A GODDAMN MACHINE GUN! She’s been a part of the X-Men comics for such a long time, and is very significant in them, it really surprises me that I’ve never seen a blog for her besides just ONE and it was for the XMCU sexy American CIA agent Moira, who is NOT Moira in my book and NEVER WILL BE. Speaking of, Moira will ALWAYS be human to me, I think making her a mutant all along REALLY undermines a big part of her character as just an unyielding mutant ally. Though I think her being human, combined with being an older female who isn’t anyone’s love interest (unless she’s, gasp, getting in the way of CHERIK aka the ultimate fandom sin how dare she the harlot -.-), is probably WHY she’s so damn ignored -.-Frenzy hasn’t been in THE most recent stuff, but she’s still been relevant recent enough that I think one or two blogs around would have happened if she weren’t black. Yeah, I hate to be THIS person, but any black character who isn’t Storm doesn’t get love, for all that the RPC likes to yell about being diverse and progressive. Remember all the Captain America and Iron Man and Hulk and Quicksilver blogs that popped up after their movies? Yeah I saw like ONE T’challa blog after Black Panther came out. Then again, I’ve yet to see blogs for Pixie or Firestar either, who are white, and I feel like they both were fairly interesting and well-known in fandom? Same for the Academy X girls like Sofia Mantega, Mercury, and Wallflower. Luna Maximoff FOR SURE. It SHOCKS me I haven’t see more than a couple short-lived blogs around for her, just given her family connections. Now, I don’t think a character deserves love just because of who they’re related to---in fact it annoys me when a characters gets a ton of attention and it’s very obviously just for that---but Luna has SO MUCH going on? The problems between her parents, her mother being absent so much, her father exposing her to the Mists, dealing with her powers, being a child of two very different worlds and cultures, it just goes on and on. Luna has had to grow up so fast, she’s such a strange and stoic child as a result, and though her situation is very fantastical, having to be the mature one at an early age because all the adults in your life won’t be is something a lot of people have to cope with and I think would find relatable; I especially love how she lives in this world where there’s no bad guys, like neither Crystal nor Pietro were the villains in her situation, just hurting messed up people, which she also recognized in Magneto and maybe also even Maximus . And there’s so much that could be explored with her too that hasn’t been in canon yet---for instance, her choice to identify with her Inhuman heritage and why that is, and the journey of identifying with your heritage but also looking at the horrible things in their history, I think that’s a story that a LOT of people from MANY backgrounds can relate to. It surprises and frustrates me that both writers and fandom don’t really seem to care about her or remember she exists; one the only two blogs I ever saw for her seriously got someone asking them “why would you make such a weird OC” like SERIOUSLY! Luna needs more love, big time. Any female Avenger that’s not Wanda or Natasha. I don’t read Avengers, I’m just an X-Men fan, but I know they exist and they shouldn’t have to be in a movie to get love. Ditto for She-Hulk, I’m not a Hulk reader but I know she’s a prominent character who has been around a long time and has a very developed personality and stories of her own, yet I’ve only ever seen her on @getreadytosmash‘s multi. I’ve also never really read Alpha Flight, but its main ladies ---Snowbird, Aurora, Vindicator---all seem awesome in their own different ways. Alpha Flight isn’t very popular to begin with, of course, so I don’t expect them to have as many blogs as, say, major X-ladies, but I think one apiece or so would be very justified.KWANNON!! I actually get why we didn’t have any blogs for her BEFORE now, because we knew NOTHING about her, she was just a very tragic prop for Betsty’s body-swap plot and a way to give her insta-ninja-skills, but now she’s come back and has HER OWN NEW SERIES in which we’re finally learning who she is and her background, I hope to see a blog or two around for her eventually!Destiny aka Irene Adler. Like. Do I even need to explain WHY? I think people just don’t want to play an OLD woman, especially one whose primary/only ship is going to be with another woman.Maaaaybe Clea Strange? I don’t know shit about her, never read Dr. Strange, but like, people make blogs for Sigyn literally just because she’s Loki’s wife, and Clea at least seems to like...DO stuff? IDK, not sure on this on, but figured I’d make an honorable mention.Siryn, Boom Boom, and Dr. Cecilia Reyes are all X-Ladies that I really don’t know much about. Like I know basic things like their powers but I don’t know their story arcs and such. But as with Clea and the Avengers ladies and She-Hulk, I just have a HUNCH there’s a lot there getting ignored by fans.Silhouette Chord is a longtime member of The New Warriors, and, like Alpha Flight, New Warriors doesn’t really have a fanbase on Tumblr to speak of, so it’s not surprising to me she’s not got any love here. And even within the pages of her own comics, she’s generally pushed aside, underused, and underdeveloped compared to the other characters, generally more a prop for her boyfriend’s stories than anything else. But she DOES have a personality, a REALLY cool backstory, and she’s like...look, the RPC claims to love diversity and representation and all that, right? Silhouette is a mixed-race WOC (half Black, half Cambodian, and I have NEVER seen another Marvel character of Cambodian heritage who wasn’t connected to her) who is also very visibly physically disabled, her legs are completely paralyzed and she is never without her braces/crutches, yet she still fights PHYSICALLY (something very rare for physically disabled characters, they usually are more like Oracle or Prof X) and is depicted in a sexual relationship, and there’s never any kind of fuss or angst about it or anything treating her as delicate or less than or anything like that. She’s just completely adjusted to it in a way that’s very rare in media. And like I said, she’s not a flat character, I’m not saying she should be more popular just for ticking off the diversity boxes, she manages to be really intriguing to me despite how little focus the writers give her, and I think that she and the other New Warrior girls (Firestar and Namorita) have a lot to offer the RPC. But I have to give a special shoutout to Sil since she’s my fave, as the neglected ones alway are.Meggan Puceanu is probably most familiar to folks here as Kurt’s love interest in Age of X, but she’s been around since the 80s. She’s a longtime member of Excalibur, and she’s just...fascinating. She’s a Romanichal mutant (though often hinted to have magical/mystical heritage too, perhaps fairy like Pixie) who has empathic, elemental, and shapeshifting capabilities. However, her empathic and shapeshifting tend to overlap, so she changes her form (and her mind) according to the feelings, fears, and desires of others. So for instance, there’s this one time where a group of men are checking her out, and she feels that “They love me...I want...to love them in return!” and she morphs into this sexxed-up version of hersef on the spot. This isn’t played for kinkiness or laughs either; Meggan’s identity struggles are a HUGE part of her character. She has no idea who she is because her powers make her reflect and respond to the feelings of others around her, internally and externally. She doesn’t even know what she actually really LOOKS like because of this; her powers were present since birth, causing her to grow fur instantly as an infant due to it being winter. This caused her parents to keep her locked up in the camper trailer, where she was raised alone with the TV (she’s also illiterate, which causes her to feel dumb a lot) and as more and more people around her spread rumors about the monstrous child inside, she psychically absorbed those beliefs and her physical form changed to reflect them, making her more and more monstrous as she got older. She didn’t know she was a shapeshifter, she just really thought she was a hideous monster. And even when she found out the truth, she STILL didn’t know what she really looked like, as the beautiful form she took on (basically Pamela Anderson with elf ears) was to please her boyfriend Captain Britain (whom she is really unhealthily dependent on starting out because of her situation)Meggan is insecure, she doesn’t know who she is, she has to cling to a man in order to have anything because no one else has ever loved her, she easily becomes jealous of other women near him, she gets made fun of for being a bimbo and she often feels she is because she can’t read or understand “clever words” due to her isolated upbringing...and she gets through this! She develops! She becomes STRONGER and she becomes SECURE and she gains CONTROL of her powers and SHE KICKS ASS and she FORMS AN IDENTITY! And then Meggan SACRIFICED HER LIFE to buy time for Captain Britain, Psylocke, and Rachel Summers to repair the tear in reality caused by House of M. She ends up lost between dimensions and TRAPPED IN HELL, where she uses her empathy to rally the lesser demons against THE LORDS OF HELL ITSELF and wages a war IN HELL for which her demon followers dub her “Gloriana” and she forms a sanctuary there called “Elysium” where souls can escape torment! AND THEN SHE FINDS HER WAY HOME!THIS WOMAN KICKED ASS IN HELL AND WON!! Like she just goes through SUCH an arc, and I admit I have not read it myself yet, she’s on my list of characters to read EVERYTHING on and I’m still only familiar with her very insecure Excalibur days (which I love a lot, I just feel so much for Meggan and her struggles, I think she’s very much a reflection of a LOT of real-world issues, ranging from mental illnesses to just EXISTING as a woman) but I already have a ton of feelings about her and I think she’s more than prominent and accomplished enough to merit more attention in the RPC. And this is less of an “actually has reasons the RPC should love her” character, because really there’s no reason they should, she’s not prominent or relevant or or anything, but more an interesting “did you know”---did you know there was a “young female Wolverine clone” in the comics BEFORE Laura Kinney? Avery Connor! She pre-dates Laura by a year and has a VERY similar story, yet she never took off in popularity and very few people know her. You can read about her HERE on my Marvel blog. Again, would not say there’s actually any reason she’s earned love from the RPC like, say, Meggan or Luna, but I just thought I’d toss that in as a tidbit for the Logan family fans, as I know there are many.(Also, cheating because these are dudes, but: I’m not a Banshee fan but I am surprised I’ve never seen a blog for him, nor for Sunfire. Or for 616 Pyro. Or...)

#marvel #marvel rpc #xmen #x men #out of cortez #shattered-catalyst

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