#Not to mention I don't know how I'd differentiate it from this one since I wanna change this one to pink lol

[shirakow]

pairing ㅤ; ㅤtartaglia clone x sub male reader . part 1

warnings ㅤ; ㅤdub-con , mentions of cheating but they're not really cheating , overstimulation , hair pulling , blindfolds , degradation , praise , use of nicknames , and the real ajax sees you two .

“Childe. What the fuck am I looking at right now.” You didn't expect to come home and see this, of all things. Childe awkwardly laughed, shrugging and scratching his cheek using his index finger, “Well, how'd you think I reacted when I saw him...” He pointed, gesturing towards the clone of him, standing a few steps behind.

The clone innocently waved, giving you a toothy grin while you could only sigh and grumble in annoyance. “I've already dealt with a handful of shit from Kaeya, and now you too?” You ran a hand through your hair before going towards the kitchen with Childe and well, other Childe following after. “Babe, I swear I've tried everything to get rid of him!” He whined like a child.

Funny, Childe is acting like a child.

You plopped the bags on the kitchen aisle and turned around to lean against it while switching gazes between Childe and his clone. It was very easy to differentiate the two. And no, You didn't have some sort of boyfriend radar so big to easily spot which one's which from a twin guessing game.

The clone is what Childe looks like in his delusion form, which means his clothes are a mixture of that of the colors black and purple.

The moment you laid eyes on the clone, your initial thought was; ‘He looks hot in that color palette.’ Tall, dark, and handsome was definitely something that kept you going.

“Have you even thought of who sent or made this?” You questioned, Childe looked at him as if he were braindead, “Do you know another psycho who likes to make puppets for a living?” You made an O shape with your mouth before you laughed. “Oh man, you must've done something to piss off Dottore.”

“That, or he just doesn't like you in general.” You kept laughing, to the point of tears forming in the corner of your eyes. Childe grumbled while crossing his arms over his chest, “Just help me think of another way to get rid of it.” He playfully glared. The clone fake gasped, feigning a hurt expression, “It? You think so lowly of me, Ajax.” He dramatically said before smirking.

You rolled your eyes, “Have you tried killing it?” Childe—no, from now on you will only refer to the original Childe as Ajax, and Childe for the clone. Ajax scoffed, “You think I haven't? We've dueled for hours, and I realized how annoying I am to fight.” He murmured in a venomous tone while glaring at Childe, who stuck his tongue out.

“Just go find how to get rid of him, please? I can't have a clone of yours watching us while we sleep.” You pushed yourself off the kitchen table and gave Ajax a quick peck on the lips before walking away to make dinner. Ajax huffed, glaring at the clone while pulling him by the collar and into the living room, “If I find out you hurt him in any way shape or form, I'll have your head.” Ajax threatened.

Childe raised his hands up in defense, “Hey, I'm your clone. Not a copycat. I feel the same way you feel about him, you think I'd hurt the person we love the most?” He glared back. Ajax stared at him, before rolling his eyes and pushing him away harshly, “Don't say we as if they're yours too, I'm the original Ajax and only I could say those words.” He snarled.

Childe ooh'ed before chuckling, ”I'm so scared...” He teased. Ajax groaned and walked towards the door, “I'll be back in a few, babe. Don't hesitate to kill the bastard if he tries anything!” He yelled as he exited their humble abode. You snickered at his closing statement.

it'd already been a few minutes since Ajax decided to go out, and the only thing Childe has done during those few minutes was stare at you while you made dinner. Though you enjoyed the silence—you could only wish you felt the same about his gawking.

You kneeled and placed the bowl in the cooker before dusting your hands off on the apron you wore, having enough of Childe's staring. “So, are you just gonna stare at me?” You asked, hanging the apron on the wall. Childe laughed, and you heard him making his way towards you.

“How can I not. To think that a person as wonderful as you has become mine...” He suddenly wrapped his arms around your waist and gave you a quick kiss to the neck. You huffed and swatted his face away, “Enough, you're just a clone. Nothing you say or do will make me feel an—” You were cut off when Childe made your head turn to face him using his index finger and placed a deep kiss on your lips.

You, engulfed by shock, only stood there as the gears in your head slowly turned. Childe licked your bottom lip for entrance, and only then did you realize what he had done. You pulled away with a slight flush to his cheeks, “Stop, you're only a clone, n—” you mewled when Childe's hand suddenly clasped your hardening cock.

“Is that how you truly feel about me? A clone?” Childe hummed in amusement, leaning down to press soft kisses on your neck while his hands rubbed you through your pants. You panted against Childe's hold and placed your hand over Childe's bigger one, in a shaming attempt to hinder his actions. “Y-Yes, you're just a stupid clone...” Your voice a mere whisper at this point.

Your futile attempts at stopping Childe only added more friction to your aching cock which caused you to let out a soft cry. The ginger laughed into his ear, “Really? Then, can a clone do this?” Without any warning, his gloved hand went into your pants and pulled your hard cock out, only to pump it at a quick pace.

You threw your head back with a harsh gasp, gripping onto Childe's hand tighter while biting your bottom lip. Childe grinned widely at your reaction, his own cock springing to life at the lewd sight. Fuck did it feel so amazing. Having Childe jerk you off felt so fucking good. Your eyes shut closed and squirmed in Childe's hold, panting heavily as you tried your best not to fuck yourself into the harbingers hand.

“Mm, why are you denying this pleasure, sweetheart?” Childe murmured, using his free hand to turn your head to face him, “No matter how much you try and deny it—I'm still the man you fell in love with, clone or whatnot...” His hot breath tickled your quivering lips, before he captured it into a sloppy kiss.

You moaned into his mouth, your body finally relaxing against his hold and slowly began to accept the clone's lust. Your hand reached up to hold onto Childe's biceps for support and pressed your ass against the other's growing hardon. It was now Childe's turn to moan, a smirk forming on his lips.

“That's my boy...” He whispered into your kiss-swollen lips, Childe's tongue forced it's way inside the other's mouth as he explored it to his hearts content. You squeezed Childe's bicep tighter, a muffled moan escaping your lips as you felt your stomach churn a familiar feeling. Childe pulled away with a string of saliva connecting their lips together, laughing as he gazed down on your cock.

“That's it, cum for me baby...” He whispered, a groan following right after when you pressed your ass harder against Childe's clothed dick. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and finished with a loud moan, body convulsing as you came all over Childe's hand. You panted for air, vision hazy from the pleasure. “You came so much... Makes me wonder if your Ajax knows how to please you well.” Childe blew air into your ear, making you shiver.

Childe chuckled and nuzzled into your neck, “Don't rest yet, I still have to cum you know?” In no time, a blindfold was wrapped around your eyes as you felt yourself get bent over the kitchen aisle. Your breath hitched when you felt a cold rush of wind hit your ass, stating that your pants had already been disregarded into some corner.

“I could get off to the sight of you bent over any day.” He teased, as you heard him unzip his pants. You gulped a lump down your throat, your hands trailing up the cold kitchen aisle and went to grip on the edge, bracing yourself for what's about to come.

Childe hummed, rubbing himself in between your ass cheeks. The other male shivered, whimpering a tad as he felt himself grow hard once more. Childe's eyes admired your figure, up from your toned shoulders, and down to your plump ass, aching and ready to be fucked.

He smirked and licked his lips at the sight, “D'you want it?” Childe asked, rutting the tip of his shaft against your hole. You wanted to say no, or shake your head in general—but fuck you wanted it so badly, so you remained silent. Childe tutted at your response, “Ah ah ah! Don't give me the silent treatment now.” You gasped when your ass was met with a sharp slap.

“I asked you a question, answer it.” Childe demanded with a snarl. You felt so disgusting, to think you actually liked that of all things? You panted heavily, squirming against him when Childe's hold on your hips tightened, holding you in place. “Answer me, pretty boy. Or I'll actually be convinced that you like getting spanked.” Another slap to the ass.

Your back arched, a sharp gasp escaping your lips. Childe leaned forward and pressed his toned chest against your sweaty back, “Naughty boy...” He let out a sultry laugh. You had enough, not wanting your pride to be shattered anymore by this stupid clone of Ajax's. “F-Fuck, just put it in already—!” As if that were the trigger—Childe harshly plunged himself deep inside your ass.

The two of them moaned, but your voice overpowered Childe's, having not expected the sudden intrusion after all. You shook violently on the kitchen aisle, gripping at the edge tighter and felt tears well up in the corners of your eyes at the pain. Childe noticed this and gently painted your shoulders with kisses along with some whispers of sweet nothings into your ear. Quite the contrast to his behavior a few moments prior.

It ranged from, “You're doing so good baby...” to “Feels so good to have you around my cock...” And everything that went out of this mans mouth was enough to send shivers of delight down your spine. You slowly relaxed under him and pushed your hips back, only to moan in pleasure at the feeling.

Childe grinned against your shoulder and pulled out completely, before going back in harshly. You arched your back and screamed when Childe has already hit your prostate dead on. “Mmm, found it...~” He cooed and continued his hard thrusts right off the bat, the tip of his shaft hitting every right spot inside you. Childe stood up straight and placed a hand over your head, pressing your face hard against the table, but not enough to suffocate you of course.

Your mouth fell open as more moans escaped your kiss-swollen lips. The feeling of Childe's member filling you up to the brim was enough to send you over the edge, the sound of your skins slapping together, the sound of Childe's lewd moans—fuck you could get used to this.

Childe thrusts grew faster, his nails digging at the soft flesh of your waist as he pulled at it to meet with his own thrusts. You felt his legs giving out, and your cock twitched beautifully when a thought suddenly entered your head; How would Ajax react to this when he gets home?

Sure it was a clone of his, but it still wasn't him. And Your knows that Ajax could be a little... Possessive at times, and it often led to rough sex that would last hours, but how exactly would he react to this? God the thought excited you, weirdly enough.

You moaned loudly when your hair got pulled back, and now you was no longer bent over the kitchen aisle, instead you were met with Childe's toned chest pressed against your back. “F-Fuck... You like that? Getting your hair pulled like this?” Childe chuckled in his ear, teasingly tugging at his hair again.

You mewled, your hand travelling down to your stomach, feeling the small bulge that appeared everytime Childe thrusted inside of you. This didn't go over Childe's radar though, and he laughed loudly, he placed his hand over your smaller one and pressed at your stomach, causing you to moan when the tip of his cock was forced to hit your prostate again.

“You're such a good boy for me, baby... So fucking good for me...” Childe's hand trailed down lower and clasped around your twitching dick, before pumping it to the speed of his thrusts. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, your mouth falling open with drool escaping past your lips.

You felt so good. So overstimulated. And so sinful. You felt like this was cheating, after all—this wasn't truly your lover. Childe used his free hand to turn your head to the side and gave you a wet kiss, his tongue swirling inside your mouth while his thrusts grew sloppier upon closing in on his release.

The two of you pulled away from each other, as Childe chuckled. “Enjoying the view, Ajax?” Your eyes snapped open, panic settling in at the mention of your lovers name, alerting you of his presence.

“A-Ajax?” You managed to stutter out, and tried to struggle against Childe's hold but was pushed down the kitchen aisle once more, and was fucked against it while Ajax watched silently.

You cried, toes curling when your built up pleasure finally popped as you released all over the table. Childe gave a few more thrusts and came inside of your ass, filling you up to the brim, so much where your essence dripped down your shaking legs and onto the floor. You panted, body convulsing at the hard finish.

You gulped, and pushed yourself up after a few seconds of rest, “A-Ajax...” You whispered, completely out of breath. Your arms were just about to give out on you when suddenly a hand got a handful of your hair, holding your head in place. “I must say, out of all the possibilities I thought of happening, this definitely wasn't one of them.” Ajax said in a grim voice, and you could feel the piercing glare he sent you.

“I'm very disappointed,” he said in a dark tone, you winced when Childe pulled out of you, and slowly thrusted back inside. “Though, I won't deny it...” Ajax's eyes diverted from your lust-filled expression, to Childe still full of energy, up and ready for round two. “... Watching you get fucked by a replica of me was such a turn on.” He chuckled as he lifted two of his fingers and used it to play with your tongue, you moaned and sucked on his fingers obediently.

“How about you finally let me in on the fun, hmm?” Ajax hummed, following by a mischievous laugh which sent a shiver down your spine.

© SHIRAKOW ㅤ; ㅤim cleaning out my drafts, this was made in like 2023 so dont mind if its incredibly messy. not proofread.

ㅤ

[derangedfujoshi]

What makes, say, a pokemon "shota"-coded? And is it harder or easier to clock compared to human shotas? You've really enthralled me and I'd appreciate any answer! No pressure, though, I just like to learn as much as I can on any given subject and you're so consise and understandable! Thank you either way!

OMG! I'm super glad to hear the way I explain things makes sense to others too and not only to me! I always try to be very concise and simple when yapping because I want my inner reasoning to come through but I always fear sounding crazy so qhaidkfkf really thank you for your kind and reassuring words!

NOW shotamon are EXTREMELY difficult to categorise! With humans it's super easy (aside from a few odd cases) but with critters can be UGHHH A PAIN!! Because you see, unlike with humans, here height has little to no relevance because we go on design alone since at times a pkmn that looks like a shota turns out to be super tall or so small no human could be that height. For example:

Ledian (left) is 140cm tall!! WOULD YOU HAVE GUESSED THAT THAT THING WAS ONLY 16cm SHORTER THAN ME???? While Ribombee (right) is 20cm!! Yet they both classify as shotas to me because they have those cute proportions with big heads huge eyes and LOOK smol enough!

One thing that is pretty easy to do is spot a pkmn that's clearly "too adult like", for example:

Inteleon (left) and Obstagoon (right) are NOT shota shaped, we can ascertain that by their limbs for example! They both have equally long arms and legs and their torso is pretty long too! Not to mention their heads are more well proportioned compared to the rest of their bodies! For instance here's what an "adult" looking pkmn looks like next to one I'd call a shota

You can see how proportions play a key part in their designs and of course this was intentional, Mew needed to look cute and adorable whilst Mew Two more like an intimidating version resembling vaguely the original! Again, note how the heads are one well proportioned to the body and another is way too big. A bigger head is always used in animation to represent kids and child-like characters, you see one and connect it to youth, the same as bigger eyes are made like that to make a character look cuter and more child-like!

One other reason why I did not look for height when sorting pkmn is because at times, some of those with a height that would've been perfect on a human, just did NOT look like shotas at all. For example:

Mienshao (left) and Sneasel (right) are respectively 140cm and 90cm, both heights would've qualified a human character to be a shota but they just don't LOOK like ones. They both have very long limbs and a sharp edge to them that you can see in their faces/eyes/paws(?) they lack that softness that is so typical of shotas. Maybe Sneasel could still be considered one but honestly I can't see it.

Next up is the fact that some pkmn just... Looks like animals (or Stuff)! For example:

Regular Ponyta doesn't look like a shota to me, it looks like a horse GALARIAN Ponyta on the other hand absolutely reads like a shota! And if you look closely the Galarian one has shorter, more stylised limbs, a bigger head and huuuge eyes compared to the og one!

Lastly, how did I differentiate between PokéShota and PokéKodo? Let me tell you it was difficult at times! Generally for a Kodo I tried to go for those designs that seemed more... Compressed? Like, those that had NO legs at all, not much limbs' length? Here's an example:

Whismur (left) was categorised as a kodo while Alolan Vulpix as a shota. See how Whismur has essentially no limbs? Just a big head with paws? Vulpix on the other hand still has a "normal" aspect with short but there limbs attached to the body.

And yes, I did put Eevee in the kodo section instead of the shota because... It gave off child-like wonder, I don't know really, one could probably put in the shota section as well because, again, with critters the lines kinda blur at times and a lot is based on vibes although there's still some logic and patterns to it!!

I really hope I explained my self thoroughly and that I didn't bore you, Anny! Thank you so much for giving me a reason to yap yap yap about my thought process, I hope you liked it and that you'll have a wonderful day \⁠(⁠๑⁠╹⁠◡⁠╹⁠๑⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♬

[dead-girl-prolific]

Ticci Toby + Personality Disorders and Mood Disorders

this is based off of @necroromantics post, i felt very inspired to share my thoughts on it, although it took me about 3-4 days to get done i had a lot of fun!

this is mainly about BPD and ASPD(one mention because i don't know a lot about ASPD as a whole) as far as personality disorders go, i know the most about those when it comes to personality disorders. out of mood disorders, to stay relevant to the original post it'll just be the two types of Bipolar disorder.

I chose these three disorders as my topic because they are the most common headcanon for his character(and my headcanons).

PSA:

SOME OF THIS INFORMATION COULD BE OUTDATED, i haven't researched Bipolar in 2-3 years so if anything is wrong i'd like to address the fact that i am NOT a professional! also some/most of this is personal experiences and researches i've done!

now that that's out of the way. let's start rambling!

What is bipolar disorder?

From someone whos lived with both parents struggling with BD (Bipolar Disorder) (my mom shows heavy signs of it, but is not diagnosed, my dad is) it is very much possible i could have it too, but both BPD and BD have a lot in common but are still very different (symptoms). They both have severe mood swings, They share some symptoms, such as depression and impulsive behavior. The main thing that separates them is that BPD is a Personality disorder and Bipolar is a Behavioral Mood Disorder. BD is characterized by periods of extreme highs and lows, known as manic and depressive episodes. BPD affects how individuals perceive and interact with the world around them.

They are very hard to differentiate in a patient and people usually get misdiagnosed, the symptoms are VERY similar which is why it isn’t common to diagnose minors. (it’s not impossible to be diagnosed with both as a minor.) (this is what my doctors have shared with me)

a little tangent- my dad was diagnosed with BD at a very young age (i’d say 12 or/to 16) and it was only diagnosed because he had several…”episodes” (he broke several laws and maybe/probably committed a few felonies.) i don’t know much about my dad’s past, but from what my grandpa and him have told me he’s been bailed out of jail/juvie a lot. He was not medicated because he didn’t like what the medications did to him, so that’s probably why he was so “EXTREME”.

His episodes lasted for a while sometimes 3-4 months or less, but my episodes (i have BPD) can last a few months as well(but around 2-3 months), because of clinical depression(major depressive episodes) which is a huge symptom of BPD, the longest episode i’ve had was maybe two and a half months and it happens a lot about once-twice a year, with no rhyme or reason. i'm looking into getting diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder because i have a lot of symptoms that concern me, but it's possible i was misdiagnosed with BPD(i doubt it because of the symptoms i experience) it is very much possible i could have both, which is why i need to figure it out, it's dangerous for me to not be medicated properly.

Does Toby canonically have bipolar?

If you don’t know enough about something (BD) you shouldn’t create a character with said things (BD) or at least do research before. In my opinion Toby has a personality disorder, although I cannot quite pinpoint which. If i could psycho-analyze (it’s been a while since i’ve taken a full blown look at the entirety of the character.) he most likely struggles with Bipolar but it was misdiagnosed with BPD he also shows some symptoms and traits of someone with ASPD. TECHNICALLY he has canonical BPD through his behavior, but the creator of his character "misdiagnosed" him and gave him Bipolar disorder, but it's totally okay to headcanon him with something else (or something more "fitting") or just projecting, all of it is fine to some extent.

Do you headcanon Toby to have bipolar?(or a personality disorder)

Yes, to put it simply he has potential to be a multi-faceted character, and I know a lot of people like to project onto creepypasta characters in general, as a coping skill. Toby is also “canonically” “Bipolar” i use both of those terms loosely. As someone with (possible) Bipolar and has lived around those with Bipolar I’d be open to writing his character with Bipolar, as an informed writer I would prefer people to at least do research on the subject before making assumptions on how the character would behave/think. Overall if the character’s experience is written well I wouldn't mind reading it. I do not condone misinformation, but i do condone learning about it for a passion project such as writing. As someone who hasn’t struggled with ASPD i don’t necessarily feel comfortable writing it but if i did a decent amount of research for the character and the disorder it could change my mind as long as i get outsider viewpoints.

How to properly write Toby with bipolar?

do not romanticize it not getting treated, as someone who struggles with a disorder not getting treated, it is definitely damaging to my mental and physical health. so writing for a character who isn't being treated for something is something i'm a bit iffy on- but if you do research and don't go overboard, it could end up being really good for awareness.

(i headcanon that he was originally on medication but he didn't take into account the fact that he needs his medications, so he basically fucked himself over and regrets it (subconsciously) after a manic episode of course)

there is an author(s) who does a really good job writing his character with Bipolar/BPD if you are interested in reading their work dm me!/inbox me!

maybe write about how his work relationships would be impacted, and how his friendships would be, his romantic relationships all of it, don't just focus on "ooo i'm mentally ill" it would not only affect him but it would also impact those around him by whether or not they know about his Bipolar disorder and if they know hes having an episode.

it would probably, a few times, get him caught by the law given the fact that people with bipolar are very indecisive and it would mostly be chalked up to him being like "this is wrong, i don't want to do this anymore" to "ARSON!!!" (bad analogy but you get it) his emotions and feelings on the matter of is job would fluctuate all the time, even while he's on the job. it leads him to be erratic and spontaneous. he isn't a very reliable partner, which is why he probably only goes on single missions.

i feel like if he were to be medicated it would be at the expense of Tim's medications since toby can't get his hands on other medications that are used for mood swings and such.

What do manic episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

"Manic episodes are very intense highs in mood and energy. Despite what people say, real manic episodes are only experienced in people with bipolar disorder" @necroromantics

this is true, as someone with BPD, my "manic" episodes depend on someone that is my FP (favorite person) and when i am not having a "high" of energy i'm usually numb and my "manic" episodes are usually only an hour long or the amount of time that i am with my FP. BPD cannot get Manic.

although there are two branches of Bipolar, Bipolar 1 which is characterized as many manic episodes and less depressive episodes but Bipolar 2 is characterized as many major depressive episodes, that usually last a lot longer than the manic episodes. (this is worded as simply)

"A very real danger of manic episodes is that some people experience co-occurring psychosis alongside their episodes, such as delusions and hallucinations." @necroromantics

another thing Toby struggles with is hallucinations of his deceased sister Lyra.

"These highs can also lead to dangerous acts due to the recklessness and lack of proper judgement on whats safe/smart in that moment. There is also hypomania, which is a lesser, more mild form of mania." @necroromantics

you are mixing up both Bipolars... they are separated (from the studies i've done/researched)

Manic Episodes-

it would all depend on how exactly he feels/ the situation and how the writer decides to portray that. (if the writer is properly informed of course)

What do depressive episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

 "They typically last longer than manic episodes, usually about 1+ months." @necroromantics

this depends on whether or not it's Bipolar 1 or Bipolar 2, this is the "definition" of a Bipolar 2 Depressive episode. bipolar 2 episodes can occur for longer than a month, that is correct. bipolar 1 has longer manic "highs" than bipolar 2, bipolar 2 barely gets manic "highs" and when they do it's not for very long. (from what my doctors have told me/what i've seen in my dad (he has bipolar 1))

as someone who has seen these symptoms and had them i can assure you they are not fun, especially dealing with them WITHOUT proper medications, although currently i am very "manic" and getting a lot of shit done, kinda like i'm on adderall rn lol.(that's the closest comparison i can make to how I AM feeling.)

"He would probably disappear for a bit, to be left alone, because he doesn't want to be around anybody. He would spend his time sleeping as much as he can, and then the rest of his time doing proxy work, and then going back to sleep." @necroromantics

i wouldn't say sleeping is all he's doing, when i have depressive episodes (which episodes are different for everyone) i tend to go off my diet, make a lot of other regrettable decisions(EX: relapse, forget important stuff, become more "lazy" etc.) that prolong my episode. but sleep can also be affected such as; getting too much sleep or struggling with sleeping (i.e waking up every hour to every few hours).

What are mixed episodes?

 "This can look like feeling super energetic, but also horribly hopeless and depressed, or being on top of the world one minute, and then wanting to off yourself the next. They are very intense, and dangerous. It feels like you're losing your mind, and you can't catch yourself." @necroromantics

i am going to add to this. not only will you be super energetic but you'll want to do so much but have no energy to do it, like lets say you had a great art idea, oc idea, and writing idea, but you would be too unmotivated to do any of it. sometimes you can't pinpoint what to feel/what you're feeling, and that's totally okay! confusing, annoying but still its completely okay.

I'm free to answer with my personal experience, and headcanons and prior knowledge of mental health about any creepypasta characters! DM me or inbox me!

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

I hope this question isn't too personal and please don't answer if it is. You have mentioned getting help for your adhd with medication. What medication has helped you or made the biggest difference?

I was diagnosed with adhd a year ago and was put on Elvanse but it hasn't helped and just makes me incredibly anxious and unable to focus.

I'm trying to research what other medication I could try but my doctor isn't being very helpful because according to them "adhd isn't a disability".

I'd love to be able to get some reprieve from this condition, it's destroying my life, so if you're willing to share info on what's helped you it would be hugely appreciated.

Thank you

Hiya anon,

(Medical chat and thoughts under the Read More and as I'm not a doctor and have no idea what I'm doing or talking about, I'm putting the rest under a thingo).

Unfortunately, while meds helped me work a bit better (although you know, I'm burnt out, and I'm writing the least I've written since I started writing, so actually I'm not sure that starting 'too many stories at the same time' is actually 'a bit better' than how it was before), mostly ADHD does run rampant over my life. I can't work conventional work hours, I forget important things, I have massive issues with executive dysfunction, and I zone in and out of conversations more often than I'd like.

I take Vyvanse, which - sounding from what you're taking - is probably the same thing. *googles quickly* Yep, it is.

ADHD meds are hard. It's definitely worth trying different ones, if you can, as well as different dosages (for example, a higher dose of Elvanse might work better for you, a lower dose might). There's also quick acting / fast release ADHD meds. And there's atypical meds like Atomoxetine (also known as Strattera) which some people find really good fortune with.

Finally, if you have no luck with any ADHD meds, it might be important to do a differential diagnosis with other conditions that might mimic ADHD symptoms (of which there are many mental illnesses that do this), because in those cases, you may find that the medication treatments for them help you WAY more.

Recently someone I know who has been on lithium all her life found out she was massively misdiagnosed, and actually had something else. Lithium doesn't suit almost any other condition, except for what she was diagnosed with, which explains why she never improved at all on it and actually got worse. She thought there was something wrong with her, the reality was that there was something wrong with her diagnosis. I'm not saying this is the case with you! BUT, when none of the meds work, and they all give you the opposite of what they're supposed to be doing, it is definitely worth chasing up other diagnoses. If you go to get an ADHD assessment, often those people don't look at the other potential culprits for the same symptoms, esp if they're ADHD specialists. (This is the same for just about any mental health or disorder - sometimes if you get a hammer than can only hit ADHD nails, it's going to miss the other nails.)

But yeah, it's very likely not the case for you anon, but after this other person's experience, I'd feel remiss if I don't point out that if - after a long time of trying / exhausting med options - you find you have no joy, sometimes it's because you're in the wrong 'family' of meds for what you have going on.

(I am not a doctor, just relating anecdotal stuff.)

I don't know if you'll have more luck asking your doc for specific meds. Unfortunately in Australia, ADHD is also not considered a disability, despite the fact that it is clearly disabling for hundreds of thousands of people here. I'm really sorry you're having to deal with those attitudes too, anon.

And finally, no ADHD med is perfect. It might help some things, and hinder others. But it definitely shouldn't be making things worse. It might be worth taking a bit of a holiday from the meds (if your doctor / therapist agrees) and mood tracking for a while before starting back on them, to see how bad of a difference it is.

There are unfortunately not a ton of meds specifically for ADHD. Most are variations of a similar kind of med (stimulants), and everyone has different experiences based off their chemical make-up and what they need. My sister gets really intense emotional blunting on Vyvanse, I get more emotional. We're related, and we still have pretty big differences with med responses on the same meds.

I wish I could be more help! My own life is a complete mess for the most part, I wouldn't say I'm someone who has this all figured out at all. I should be on a higher dose, but unfortunately I have other health stuff going on which means I can't be, so I'm just going to have to put up with a fair amount of disabling ADHD forever.

[lunanoc]

Hey I'm doing some fanlore edits (https://fanlore.org/wiki/Daomu_Biji) and do you have any sources for popular ships in Chinese fandom? I basically just cut it down to pingxie and heihua because those were the ones showing up in 2021 lofter data (https://hardwareabstractionlayer.tumblr.com/post/649989752761810944/the-top-100-ships-in-chinese-fandom-according-to) and like basically ONLY pingxie is on ao3 in any numbers but I'm pretty sure HuaXie was a whole big thing I just can't find a source for it... Thanks in advance!

hi! i don't know if i'm necessarily the best person to answer this question because my incursions into the chinese DMBJ fandom are very curated and basically mostly limited to pingxie spaces, so my knowledge of other ships and their hubs is pretty sparse

that being said, finding centralized hubs to get full numbers and stats from for dmbj ships historically in the chinese fandom is complicated for a number of reasons, one of them being that DMBJ is an older fandom, which means a number of fics were hosted on websites and forums that no longer exist. another is that due to the state of chinese internet, fans also host fics and fan art of ships in closed access forums that are sometimes more or less difficult to gain entry to so as to create safe spaces. that being said, there are still ways to somewhat measure the current popularity of a ship. since this is an ask, i figured i'd turn this into a small informative post if anyone is interested in a surface level overview of what's popular in the chinese fandom by comparison to the english-speaking one. just keep in mind that because of all the above reasons, this is only ever going to be an overview of what's currently popular in general and not everything that exists, because arguably probably everything exists in some capacity, and of course this is all very surface level, so i'm sure someone else could do a more in-depth deep dive, especially if they get around more

disclaimer: because i know some might take this the wrong way, to be clear this is NOT meant to spark any kind of discourse surrounding ships, nor is it here to say that some ships are "better" than others. it's purely numbers i've tried to present as objectively as possible, mostly to provide comparison between two different sides of the fandom that behave differently and have sometimes vastly differing preferences

Chinese DMBJ Fandom Ship Popularity

to start off, i think it's relevant to point out that ao3 isn't the best way to measure a ship's popularity in chinese fandoms even if it can give you a rough idea. it can get you rankings to some extent (and even then it really depends), but the numbers aren't going to be at all accurate considering ao3 isn't the platform of choice for chinese fan fiction for several reasons i won't get into here, but that i'm sure people who've been in cdrama/novel fandoms are probably aware of

so your best bet to get any sort of idea of what ships are most popular is by looking at how they rank on big public platforms, namely lofter and weibo

lofter has yearly rankings like the one OP mentioned that people talk about, and it's a fairly good way to get an idea since it's a pretty popular blogging website for fan fics and fan art. lofter isn't cooperating with me right now, but i'll be using the data compiled for end of 2023 (or as of february 2024) by this bilibili video for the 200 most popular ships on lofter. among those 200 most popular ships, 3 of them are DMBJ ships, and are ranked as follows:

XiePing (not to be confused with PingXie, because yes, chinese fandom differentiates ships by top/bottom dynamic) at #120

HeiHua at #25

PingXie at #2

no other DMBJ ships make an appearance on this list, and if nothing else, it tells you not only that both PingXie and HeiHua are by far the most popular DMBJ ships in general, but also gives you an idea of just how insanely popular DMBJ is in china overall to have three ships in the top of a general fandoms ranking

next we have weibo where getting an idea of a ship's popularity is a bit different, and there are multiple ways to do it, but one of the easiest ones to get an idea is by looking at how high a ship's super topic ranks on both the real time and weekly popularity rankings. super topics function similarly to how communities work on X and aren't tags, so not everything tagged with a ship is necessarily going to reflect what's posted in the super topic and vice-versa, but it still gives something of an idea of overall popularity. looking at the today's super topic ranking in the fictional characters category, again the same two ships show up in the rankings:

HeiHua at #23

PingXie at #5

for the sake of comparison, because it's easier to actually see figures with weibo super topics, i also looked up both other ships that do get some traction in the chinese fandom despite being less popular, as well as ships that the english-speaking fandom tends to talk more actively about (in tumblr spaces anyway)

HuaXie at #174, which has an audience, but the numbers are already very different and speak to the fact it's generally speaking a smaller ship as of now (for reference, 万 that you see on these pictures is a unit for ten thousand, so here 1.1 万= 11,000)

HeiPing (unranked), which is in somewhat of a similar situation as HuaXie, but considering HuaXie is ranked, it's safe to say that's probably the only other ship that's even remotely popular by comparison to the two giants that are PingXie and HeiHua

allXie at #160, which is less a ship and more of a bottom!wu xie enjoyers cocktail that has a little bit of everything under the sun, though is mostly a mix of wu xie being shipped with some of the main male characters (i.e. xiaoge, hei xiazi, xiao hua) as well as other more minor characters such as zhang haike notably. it's not really a thing in the english-speaking fandom, but it's worth mentioning because it does exist enough to be represented

PangXie (unranked), which is quite honestly one of the bigger contrasts between the chinese fandom and the english-speaking one in that this ship is pretty much non-existant, or at least i've never seen fan fiction for it. again, my view of things is biased because my experience is deliberately curated so it's entirely possible there are things i just don't see, but the numbers don't seem to contradict that impression

PangYun (unranked), which i'm providing here mostly because pangzi is most often shipped with yuncai (and usually as a sideship that i can tell), though these numbers aren't necessarily representative of what content exists for this ship, since most things tagged as PangYun are posted to the general DMBJ super topic. if anything this mostly gives the impression the ship doesn't have much of a dedicated following, especially given it's part of the other category rather than the fictional characters category

PingSang (unranked), which is one of the only two ships that have any kind of following that involve liu sang, is also in the other category, and along with PangXie and his other most notable ship, is most definitely a rarepair, which is another notable difference with part of the english-speaking fandom where liu sang ships tend to be both fairly popular and have active communities

CanSang (unranked), which is in yet another category (CP as in couple as in ship), though this one's rarepair status might be explained by the fact that, if you couldn't already tell, the chinese fandom has little to zero interest in secondary or minor characters, and beyond that, the core of the chinese DMBJ fandom doesn't care much for the dramas/live action adaptations and is largely centered around the books, so given the premise of this ship is based in the adaptations, it's not surprising

Iron Triangle at #65 is getting a special mention, not only because it is ranked, but also because it's not necessarily what you think. the 角色 or fictional characters category for super topics isn't limited to ships, so you also have super topics for characters on their own in it. what chinese fandom considers to be the six main DMBJ characters, aka wu xie, xiaoge, pangzi, xiao hua, hei xiazi, and huo xiuxiu, each have their own super topics that are in the top 200. the iron triangle topic is ranked, but it's more in the same vein as those, that is to say it's a gen super topic, not a ship super topic. the chinese fandom doesn't seem to be into polyships in general, so that might explain it

i'm not sure how informative this post is, since i get the feeling some of this information is either obvious or things that people already know more or less, and i'm also not sure it really answers OP's question about finding reliable sources for numbers, but it's a surface level attempt. if anyone has more in-dept knowledge or would like to add onto this with different sources or data feel free to!

[bellshazes]

i am very curious about your academic history! uni or informal or personal interest or otherwise. i've seen you mention a number of disciplines from time to time, v cool to see medieval studies be among them. always awe-inspiring to see someone use their wealth of lit knowledge to help create incredibly provocative posts about minecraft youtubers. your experience with philosophy is one i'd love to know more about.

(if you're comfortable with sharing it! otherwise, feel free to ignore this ask :P)

this is a very lovely ask and i don't mind to share at all because it's really just... a hodgepodge. it took me twelve years to graduate college. i flunked out my junior year and tried in fits to go back and chip away at my last requirements only when i got reimbursement through my job. i concentrated my courses on medieval culture/literature, french, and general linguistics (these often overlapped). i didn't study any actual theory in my courses until i took my final 2 humanities ones. which in fact i took and blogged through right here.

taking that theater of the absurd class (as Last Life happened!) connected me to academic game studies, which was easy pickings since i spent about a decade teaching arkham horror (and occasional other pinch hits for e.g. catan) at game conventions. so i have a lot of friends from those cons who enjoy and have the vocabulary to dissect games' mechanics and feel and the social dynamics of them. i love rehashing the difference between game mastering a co-op board game vs. an official strategy tournament vs. casual improv games vs. casual competitive vs. asymmetric, and then rehashing the player pov of each of those and more, and people who can argue back.

i'm very lucky to have friends who also think of philosophy not as being walled off from daily life but a practice of examining the world and our relationships within it. we sit and argue for the sake of tearing a concept apart, like "what differentiates art from craft?" or "does the platonic ideal suck or is it romantic?" or "what are you most afraid of?". do this for at least 5 years and you'll end up with complex opinions and perspectives. in my early 20s, biking from my restaurant job to free museums and writing about local art history kept me alive.i'm lucky my very bizarre career path since has led me to jobs where taxonomical flexibility and philosophy are necessary skills.

i think everything is worth taking seriously, even the most unserious parts of life, and i think you can take play seriously while also remaining playful in your examination. i think all your experiences build on themselves by virtue of aging, if you allow yourself to play with them. i think that there are a thousand silver threads between each thing and every every every other thing in the world and universe and imagination and drawing those lines of juxtaposition illuminate the edges of a negative space that is dynamic as it pulls and is pushed by all of its interrelationships, even the most obscure thinnest threads. i wouldn't have worked all that out without talking with the same people again and again.

at a work conference last year i was introduced to gregory bateson, whose ecology of mind makes me feel like i just stepped off the tallest rollercoaster in the world. i'm still not sure that i've got a good enough understanding of pedagogy of the oppressed (which i discovered via um les mis fanfic?) but i reread the second chapter even more often than i revisit quine's the ways of paradox. for good advice on how to be an amateur, tampopo lays it out the best. i lead with being a college dropout because i want to emphasize i'm no master of anything, just a lover of many, but that i think a critical amateurism, a love that drives learning and development and communion with others is just about the best most life-giving thing there is.

[bots-and-cons]

How's it kicking Ony? I wanted to request something with a human that was previously attacked by cons but they fought back and ended up getting exposed to the cons energon and therefore their DNA. Nothing happens for a little while but slowly the human starts doing things that normally only a bot would do? Developing small habits and the sort. Like when someone is coming out from that big elevator they can tell from the EM field who it is without seeing them. Amusing example is all is calm until their head shoots up like a dog and says "Wheeljack is back!" Then Miko and Bulkhead go running without questioning it. Before he even leaves the elevator. Essentially what I want is some of the bots reactions to figuring out one way or another that the exposure has left the human with some Cybertronian DNA? Since it came from a con and wasn't newly processed energon. I know it wouldn't be a completely smooth so the new abilities may be uncomfortable sometimes. I imagine a human would be more sensitive to the fields since they weren’t born with the ability. I hope this isn't to specific; I've just seen writers not be able to write somethings cause it was too vague. For this I'd like to see Ratchet & Bulkhead if that's alright! Feel free to have some artistic liberties here🤙. I don't want the scenario to seem to unrealistic ya know what I mean?

I was kind of dreading writing this, because I honestly had zero ideas for this for the longest time. I just rambled a bit about whatever came to mind surrounding this topic, but I hope it's okay. Also as a side note, I have a much harder time rejecting someone’s request when they aren’t on anon. Which is a good thing (?) and I love seeing the same names over and over again, when the same people ask me stuff, because it makes me happy when I see people have been here for a while. Of course I see a lot of you in the my notifications, and some names or profile pics have stuck in my mind, but I appreciate you all so much 💜

~Bulkhead~

•Your new abilities have much more to do with your senses, rather than you body noticeably changing or anything

•Bulkhead was very worried when you first got exposed to energon, but there didn’t seem to be many bad effects after Ratchet’s treatment

•You of course started noticing the changes in yourself first, but you thought it was just the after effects from the energon and that they would disappear on their own

•You started being able to sense the bots in some weird way and in time you learned to differentiate the vibes you got and be able to tell them apart

•You didn’t even really notice it at first, you just started mentioning “Hey they came back” before anyone else even heard anything and you were right every time

•You’d always be waiting for Bulkhead outside your place when he came to pick you up, because you sensed him coming

•Bulk didn’t even really notice it at first, he just thought you had good timing, but when it kept happening, he started wondering why

•You also became stronger than you were before, not inhumanly so, but pretty damn close

•Bulkhead wasn’t particularly worried about the changes, since you didn’t seem too bothered by them yourself

•Sure you sometimes got a headache when you spent time with the whole team for a long time, because the energy fields/vibes got a bit too overwhelming

~Ratchet~

•Ratchet was of course very worried when you were brought back to the base for treatment after you got hit by the energon

•He did checkups for weeks after you were already feeling better, because he had a feeling you weren’t as unaffected as you seemed

•And he was right of course

•When you started getting these odd headaches after hanging out with too many of the team members at the same time, Ratchet was baffled

•He couldn’t come up with a reason for that, until you started talking about sensing these weird things before one of the team members appeared

•It never happened with the trouble trio, only with the bots, so Ratchet put it together pretty quickly after that

•There wasn’t any energon traces in you, because it had fused with your dna, so he couldn’t detect it with just a scan, he needed to look at blood samples, which June helped him with

•Smokescreen started wondering if your ability to sense the bots would also work with the cons, and he suggested you try it out

•Ratchet was of course vehemently against this, because he was not going to expose you to any more danger

•It did become a bit of an early alarming system for the team, because if you sensed an energy you didn’t recognize nearby, you knew it was a decepticon and could alert them

[neteyammeowmeow]

HII kai headcanons if you have any??? i’d love to hear what u think about him

OFCC THANK YOUU

I headcanon Kai to be Japanese, Malay/Indo (Maya is Japanese/Indo, but Ray is Malay). He looks more Indo-Malay though, Nya's the one that takes more of her mom's genes.

He has BLUE eyes, a contrast to his sister, who has red. No further reason whatsoever to this, just a funny design detail. Another I'd like to bring up is that I actually believe that he'd have short, tied up hair! I don't see him with his canon version, but I'd get to drawing that one day.

This kind of, diverges from canon, but I believe that Nya was kind of the more outgoing sibling compared to Kai. He was always focused as a child, and he wanted to be trustable and determined, he also wishes to keep going and be strong for his little sister - who was unfortunately clumsy, but she always seemed to wander around places. Once they grew up, they became the vice versa of who they were, as Kai gradually felt like he was able to become more laidback with his friends, and family, it was Nya's turn to push herself to face the world.

Um... A bit of a sudden transition, but his favorite food is specifically seafood fried rice, but the funny part is that he actually can't handle spicy food that well (completely ironic due to his SEAsian side)... Jay made fun of him one time like, "Why would you go around saying you're the master of fire, but you can't even take hot stuff?"

Kai's habit is that he likes to snap his fingers and spark fire, he does this when he's bored or subconciously. There's something satisfying with being able to do it.

His body temperature is warmer than the average, this becomes even more prevalent when he's stressed, or angry. Though when he's excited, he also gets the same reaction. But in general, it's always been odd, and it becomes an unfortunate cause when he's sick, because the Ninja find it difficult whether to differentiate if it's just him, or he actually has a fever. But on winter days, everyone just snuggles around him because he's just that warm.

Kai's hands are scorched and burnt, but they are old scars due to his clumsiness when he was still trying to master his element. His hands are also littered with scars due to his experiences blacksmithing.

I actually, REALLY love the fact that Kai blacksmiths, it's something that's barely brought up. I reckon if he were to visit weapon shops or equipments, he'd start judging them off the bat.

Actually, there should he more emphasis on the fact that Kai blacksmiths, he has so much knowledge upon tools and weapons... He must definitely take part in the creation of most of the Ninja's weapons, and maybe he also helps Pixal as she builds certain weaponry too, despite the fact that he knows, she probably knows many things already. Likewise, Pixal is always happy to hear Kai's pieces of knowledge, whether Kai knows it or not, his experiences are naturally not "accessible information" she can just find anywhere, listening to him talk about his trials and errors- they are priceless.

He's a weapon collector too! After a mission is finished, sometimes he'd bring himself a souvenir or two (obviously, they're weapons). He likes to study blades, or the things his foes have used, and he tries to understand their works to be able to improve his own. He doesn't hoard them, but there are times where he finds out he's out of storage to store his findings, so he just piles them up, but he doesn't leave them unorganized for too long because he knows it'll affect the quality.

Have I mentioned that I personally think Kai has adhd, like both him and Nya. In a way. Yeah.

AND... Since u know Neteyammeowmeow habits... Deepseaenergy mentioned! When Benthomaar wanted to ask for blessings from Lloyd's family, the ones he first approached aside from Misako- were Nya and Kai, who were both startled by his actions. Benthomaar brought up how it was Lloyd's words that made him believe they were a genuine part of his family- Benthomaar said that, he understood the significance of how important it truly was to have a sense of belonging, and acceptance, though the start was a rocky journey. There was so much more, but of course at the end of his words, it was unforgettable to remember the confusion upon Benthomaar's expression amidst Nya's amusement, as she comforted an incredibly touched Kai.

THE END...

[kyuuuu]

Finally saw the GGGNK movie

Just an unhinged train of thoughts about the film. Spoilers and stuff. And additional spoilers for Exhuma (2024)

First off, the theme of the movie was hugely satisfying. Instead of brushing over the imperialism of Japan the movie says "there were no glory days, it wasn't an honorable death, this is just a bunch of creepy old men hungry for power"

It's heartwarming that this movie is a story about how Mizuki and Gegero met when this is for the 100th anniversary of the author's birth (who is also named Shigeru Mizuki). Clearly a heartfelt homage, I can feel it from the quality of the film- the story beats, the themes, and the designs all seem inspired by him.

The animation was so smooth and the style was consistent. The Gegero vs Osada scene has good sakuga and the stylistic choice of shaky lines was *French kiss*

Character designs are an odd mix of old school and modern anime, but toned down to fit the setting and mood. I'd rather have the designs align with the old school style, but the modern style is worth it with the crispiness

Sometimes the line art did seem inconsistent with some parts being thicker than the rest but it didn't show up much

Tbh I came to the theaters just to simp for Mizuki and he didn't disappoint. Quite charming lad.

His character arc was slightly unsatisfying but since this is a prequel I know parts need to be cut off to keep his character consistent...

Also he's canonically a pretty boy?? The movie mentions he looks like Sada Keiji and

Damn

He's gives so much openings for asexual interpretations. When Gegero says 'one day you'll find someone who you'll love more than yourself', he does! He finds Kitaro. It's a nice non romantic version of the 'you'll understand love someday' trope

Thank god there's no forced romance between him and Sayo. The movie acknowledges a. the age gap and b. realistically no one would fall for each other in a few days. The 'romance' is mostly a desperate attempt by Sayo to get out of her nightmare while Mizuki is half heartedly playing along. In the end even Mizuki betrayed her by only seeing her as a means for information instead of a person. However, the only thing, and the most important point that differentiates him from the rest of her abusers is that he genuinely apologizes and tries to make amends.

He's usually at his hottest when he's holding a weapon. The gun and axe did something to me. Legit I wouldn't have bothered to go see the movie if it weren't for pictures of him splattered in blood.

Sayo deserved better! I overheard some girls say "they seriously fridged her?" when the movie ended and while I disagree that she's just a fridged woman, she was neglected by the writers

I was bracing for her backstory when the family was introduced. Big, powerful clan in an isolated area? Definitely incest here. I'm not quite sure how to evaluate the handling of CSA but one point I'd give credit for is that they didn't fall into the trap of showing trauma graphically

Her story reminds me a lot of Tezuka Osamu's Ayako. Even the two works' setting (Showa era), a lot of the character roles (monstrous head of the clan, the mad man/woman, the twit sister, callous men in a power struggle) and the themes (conservative values vs new generation) match so I don't think it's a simple coincidence

What a bummer that Mizuki gets over her death so quickly. It feels unnatural how he collects himself so fast after literally having her rage on him for using her feelings and attempt to kill him, then to die in a horrific manner. At least get him a pep talk from Gegero to be able to get a grip again.

And why is there no mention of her when he confronts the head of the clan? The lack of acknowledgement of how Mizuki and the rest of the adults failed her makes the final act feel rather disconnected, to be harsher, weak.

The biggest bummer is that the perspective of other characters are lacking when they all have interesting stories

Osada was one of the characters I was curious before I saw the movie and I was surprised by how little screentime he got compared to the fanart. I was expecting him to be a main antagonist but no, he was a faithful red herring

He's the father of the head in line yet that aspect of him is underutilized. His relationship with Tokiya and Toshiko is virtually unknown, to the point I suspect he wasn't originally supposed to be Toshiko's husband during production and they quickly changed his role. Based on fanart I genuinely thought that he was going to murder Toshiko lmao

And his role as mayor would have been much more of a threat than as an exorcist. I know Mizuki is meant to be the trump card bc he's an unexpected factor, but he could have been a formidable enemy to the duo, pressuring Mizuki psychologically by turning the entire village against him while exchanging blows with Gegero

Overall the experience wasn't bad but I feel like I would have enjoyed it as equally I did in the theater as on my laptop.

It was a lot more consistent than Exhuma but fumbled the execution by an angle of three degrees to fully satisfy me- superior in the drama and mystery aspect but Exhuma's horror and occultism was more intriguing.

That being said it's an unfair comparison since GGGNK has a younger target audience so I imagine if the directors went all out it could have been really, really terrifying. The age restriction was already pushing it when they thought scenes of eyes getting gouged out were okay for children above the age of 12

Hilariously, both are occult horror mysteries that have "Fuck Japanese Imperialism" as their message, despite one being the A-list actor movie and the other being an anime movie for a series obscure outside of Japan. (I could probably make an essay of comparing and contrasting the two's criticism of imperialism, one being from an outsider/victim's perspective and the other being from an insider/perpetuator's perspective.)

Capping off this with a subjective score of 8/10 and an impersonal score of 7.5/10 ig

[macravishedbymactavish]

Checkmate (David "Hesh" Walker x GN! Reader)

TW: Traumatized Hesh, mentions of Canon Ghosts ending. Maybe if the mood strikes I'll make this a series. It's been sitting in my drafts forever.

| Blog HQ |

"I only run when being chased" he replied smoothly, giving you a boyish smirk. Face slowly falling when your expression didn't change. Remaining serious.

"Then who's chasing you?" You asked in a soft tone, watching as the gears behind his eyes started to move. Trying desperately to brush this off with humor, but realizing:

Shit, you have a point.

"Right now, you and the staring" he chuckled dryly. Eyes looking everywhere but at you. The question made him uncomfortable, nervous, vulnerable.

"You play a lot of things off as jokes. Like nothing truly bothers you -- I don't think that's true though. You don't either" you reached forward, grabbing your drink to take a sip. "It's safe here. You can open up"

"If I open up anymore, I'll break my spine" you resisted rolling your eyes at the metaphor. "I'm an open book. Ask me anything" he challenged.

"What happened on the train?" May as well aim for the throat. "Why did you decide on the checkmate plan?" You watched as he clenched his jaw momentarily. Letting a long breath out through his nose, finally looking you in the eye before he spoke. Eyes begging for understanding.

Understanding that he tried. He's trying.

"You know exactly why. Everyone knows why. It's what had to be done. Ask Merrick, he'll agree" The walls were slowly being built back up, he was closing off again.

"What would have happened if you didn't?" This session felt like a chess match. Except he was the only one playing. Planning every move 5 steps before he needed to make it, planning how to retreat, to attack, to divert attention. Right now, he was using his silence as a defense. Waiting for you to continue before confirming his next move.

"David.." You sighed, leaning forward. "This isn't an interrogation, if it was they wouldn't have sent me. Your dad, brother, friends all want you to be okay. That's why I'm here. But I need more information before I can do much".

His eyes pleaded for you to understand he was trying.

Your eyes pleading for him to see you were doing the same.

"It's selfish. If I let him go, he would've kept hunting us. If I let him go, dad would never be avenged. Rorke would have never paid for what he did if I didn't make the call!" He slammed his hands on the table between you two. Expression immediately filling with remorse.

You watched as his face became an open window for the internal debate he was waging. Trying to differentiate what was reality and what wasn't. His mind and surroundings providing different feedback.

"I made the hard call to avenge my family. I know I fucked up and I have to live with that daily. My dad's dead, my brother is gone. I have nobody left." His voice broke as he leaned back, hands shaking as he fell deeper into that rabbit hole.

"Hesh, look at me" you requested, watching as his eyes cast down toward you. Posture still leaned back into his chair. Knowing he was now looking at his friend, not the psych personnel. "You're safe here. You're safe with me".

They're not gone. You saw them yesterday. You desperately wanted to affirm; but you knew that would be overstepping boundaries. Not that accepting your friends case wasn't overstepping. Your neck was on every line, every chopping block, under more risk for scrutiny because of this. Your heart ached day after day working on this; but how do you say no when

A) Resources and personnel are limited

B) Said friends father all but begged you to take this.

"There's a side of him that seems to be reserved for when you're around. He knows you, he trusts you. I'm not sure if I'd trust anyone else with this." Elias explained, sitting across the desk from you. The clinical piece of your mind wondered how much sleep he's gotten since that day. The personal piece knowing next to none, and it's rude to ask.

"You know there's policies, rules and ethics against this." Your heart broke saying the words "I can refer you to a colleague here who'd do fantastic on the case. I'm happy to overlook from an arms length away, but I really shouldn't be the one taking on his case"

"I understand that, but please. If anyone can get him out on the other side. It's going to be you."

How do you say no to that? You've known the Walkers for majority of your adult life. You've grown close to the trio. And if nothing else, Hesh did save your ass. You owe him at least this.

"Thank you" Hesh whispered, reaching his hand out to lay it atop of yours. Holding back a soft sigh, you decided enough was enough for today.

"Anytime. If it's not asking too much, can I give you some homework? Something to occupy your mind while you're cooped up in here" you vaugley gestured to the area around you. An office within a ward. You gave a small smile when he agreed, pulling an old, blank notebook from your bag.

"They won't let you have pens or anything in your room" you cursed yourself for the oversight, making a mental note to speak with the staff later. "When you can though, write out exactly what happened? Even point form. Help give me a full understanding of what happened, why it happened" you explained, handing the book over to him.

--

"How'd it go?" Logan jogged up behind you in the hall later that day, hope radiating off him in waves. It crushed him when he was advised against visiting his brother, especially right now.

"Confidentiality, Lo" you teased lightly "but we have a long way to go. We all knew that" you shrugged.

Hopefully this path leads to some resolution, clarity and forgiveness.

"Is the reason I can't go visit him confidential too?" Coming from anyone else - you may have found offense in the statement. A bite of sarcasm and resentment. Not with Logan - his intentions were clear:

He just wanted his brother back.

"Until we fully figure out what's going on in his head, and how to make positive progress we can't let you guys see him. He's still adamant that you're dead." You gave the youngest Walker a sympathetic look; knowing how close the two were before all this. He nodded, as much as he hated it he also understood.

"My arm is healing pretty well. All things considering" he smiled, pushing the sling off his body to show you. "Doc said I should be able to lose this thing in the next week or so"

You fell into easy conversation with Logan, both of you pretending like your hearts weren't chipping bit by bit. Listening to him give you updates on his broken arm, the movie he convinced Keegan to watch the other night. You told him about the latest recipe you tried for supper, and what you were planning for your coworkers birthday.

Anything to avoid what you both really wanted to talk about.

Taglist: @bloodonmyhands-1221 @bowtruckleninja @v1naco @ai-luni

[leophnyx]

So I've struggled a bit with differentiating morphing from physical shifting, I've mentioned it before. They both seem to lead into each other in ways where it'd seem silly to differentiate the two... and yet differentiating seems necessary, because fully morphing for us leads to something different from what fully physical shifting would entail.

I also realized that despite experiencing a transformation morph, I'm not really hyped about it in the same sense I am about the physical shifting. Transformations are okay, but the pseudoclinical nature of calling them that, and lack of supernaturality or spirituality really gets to us. Like, for some aspects, such as the muscle repositioning that might occur during one, we're aware that that can be psychological in origin, but it's still just supernatural to us. You know how some witches are aware of the science surrounding witchcraft, but still practice it anyway? Its not because they're "in denial" or whatnot, it's simply because they sense there is something supernatural there. That's how we feel about these things. A few experiences are transformations, but the rest? True supernatural experiences.

And two nights ago I finally figured out why we feel this way.

Morphing can lead into physical shifting in the same way mental shifting can (allegedly) lead to physical shifting, but morphing isn't shifting outright. You know how when Blaze's p-shifting guides were all the rage, people would say "mental shifting is the way to physical shifting", like it was a progression? That's not true, since many therians mental shift without once experiencing any physical effects, but if some do, that indicates that mental shifting helps encourage the animal side enough to come out. But we do it too, just with morphing instead of shifting. This implies that maybe the base is what is different, but the effects are still the same in select individuals.

It's kind of a tricky topic to explain, but basically my thinking is:

In individuals with a therian base, mental shifting (allegedly) leads to physical shifting in some individuals.

In individuals with a vakalomorphic base, morphing may (allegedly) lead to physical shifting in some individuals.

An altered state of mind may lead to physical shifting in some individuals or alternatively, "human" shifting.

Some of the odd transformation-type phenomena we experienced that seem to be either morphic or shifter is a result of being on the cusp of either, aka a transitional state.

We're just a vakalon and a shifter, then. I don't see our transformations as psychological or "unreal" necessarily, and there are plenty of reasons why I'd see my transformations as being real

Here's a graphic to explain what we're thinking, and hopefully not confuse you further:

The human-animal midpoint is where you are currently; in us it's the diode. In a therian, the cyan bar would be non-physical shifts such as mental shifting and phantom shifting, and as their midpoint moves towards animal or human they'd experience associated physical effects. Most will only experience human shifting -muscle cramps, tension, sensory and visual changes- but in those who could go farther they might actually start experiencing effects that seem beyond what most people would achieve, and more in line with their animal self. I theorize that the base (therianthropy, vakalon, etc.) has nothing to do with this, but simply allows for an altered state for a physical shift to happen.

I don't think you need an altered state to reach a physical shift - I've met plenty of shifters who've said they fully shifted without one- but I do think it helps "weaker" shifters. And of course, if you're the psychoanalyzing type you can speculate on the meaning of an altered state for shifters, but I'm not going to today lol.

I think this explains how we're seeing morphing and how it bleeds into shifting. (I'm kinda hoping this helps someone somewhere make sense of their own shifts lmfao)

[sunsoakedhighhopes]

Amazing Fantasy #15

This is Spider-Man's origin story, which, I think, we're all pretty familiar with by this point. So, for me, this was just kind of interesting to read from the standpoint of seeing what was the same and what was different from the movies. I have seen every (modern) Spider-Man movie except for Amazing Spider-Man 2, though it's been a while since I've seen the non-MCU ones, and I'd say I remember the first Spiderman movie the best, so that's what I'll be comparing to.

As a side note, even though I kinda knew it was coming, I was a little bummed to see just how boring the layouts are for these silver-age comics. Pretty much every page is the same layout, two panels in the top row, three in the middle, and two again in the bottom row. I miss the way that the art used to sometimes kinda escape the panels in Steve's original run.

Okay, so we're introduced to Peter, who is a bit of a loner and a wallflower, and we see that he is teased and picked on by his classmates.

Not to defend bullying in any way, but I think if you looked at this panel out of context, without the speech bubbles, you would think that Peter was a teacher, rather than a student.

Then we're introduced to May and Ben Parker, who absolutely adore their nephew. And gosh, why are they so old?? Like, as an uncle, shouldn't Ben be somewhere around the age of Peter's parents? I get that a lot of artistic choices in early comics was more about differentiating different characters, and making things pop (that's why there are so many red-headed sidekicks) but it's still a bit jarring.

I do like that we're shown that Peter has a really great relationship with his aunt and uncle.

Then we're told that Peter gets along with all of the teachers at his high school and I guess participates in running science experiments, maybe? Idk, he's got a bunch of test tubes and a guy in a lab coat tells him to keep up the good work.

Peter asks a girl names Sally out on a date, and she reiterates to him "for the umpteenth time" that he's not her type, then drives off with "dream boat" Flash Thomson.

Then he invites a group of students to the "science hall", and they, predictably, make fun of him for being a nerd.

One of the things that I was kind of surprised by was how angry Peter is throughout this comic. You almost get the sense that if a certain event didn't happen so soon after he got his powers, kinda veering Peter back onto the right path, that we could be reading a villain origin story here.

Also, I don't know how I feel about these radio-active experiments being open to the public. That kind of seems.... a little irresponsible. Actually, as it turns out, Institutional Review Boards didn't exist until the 1970s, so.... I guess Peter has a lack of overall regulations to thank for his super powers.

The scientists are demonstrating how they can control radioactive rays, just shooting beams of radiation right in front of the general public, no protection anywhere in sight -- they must not have Godzilla movies in the Marvel universe.

Anyway, you know the story. There's a spider, though the spider is not actually part of the experiment, it's just a regular old spider trying to live it's own life, about to have just a really terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. So, the spider drops down from the ceiling, accidentally going through the radioactive beam, and then landing on Peter's hand -- because Peter (once again, a high schooler and member of the general public) was standing close enough to the radioactive beam for this to happen. The spider, in it's last agonizing moments of life before dying from, presumably, radioactive poisoning, bites Peter on the hand.

Peter notes that the bite burns, and either the bite itself or the spider -- it's not really clear which -- is glowing. He does not mention this seemingly quite important detail to any of the adults in the room.

Speaking of the adults in the room, they make fun of Peter for looking ill following the experiment, because everyone except for May and Ben are dickheads apparently. Literally no on checks on him.

Outside, Peter's standing in the middle of traffic, feeling... honestly, probably high as a kite. It says he feels like his entire body is being charged with some sort of fantastic energy.

He misses the car that's barreling towards him until the last moment when it nearly runs him over -- again because it's New York, I guess, and everyone's a dick. He jumps out of the car's way....

And then scales the wall, because he can. A small child sees him climbing the wall and tells his mother and she says, "That's the last horror movie I take you to, young man!" which is just hilarious. She doesn't even look at what he's pointing at.

At the top of the building he grabs a steel pipe and crushes it as though it were paper. At this point he figures that the spider bite transferred the spiders powers to him.

The spider watching all this from the afterife:

He tests his powers a little in the city, then heads to the wrestling match to fully test his powers. As we know, he beats the strongman with his powers, then he catches the eye of a TV producer, who gets him a slot on the Ed Sullivan show.

This is our first look at Spiderman

He becomes very popular by climbing around on the walls and ceiling on TV, and shooting webs.

Then we get to the part where he chooses not to stop the escaping thief, and he doesn't do it because he feels ripped off by the person being robbed like in the Sam Raimy trilogy, or whatever was going on with the chocolate milk in the Andrew Garfield one.

I actually think this one is worse than either of those two. Like he does it out of pure teenage angst and selfishness.

And like, look, I don't think random citizens should feel obligated to help the cops arrest people, or feel bad about it if they don't, but he says he's doing it for selfish reasons. Plus, he's at this place (The Ed Sullivan show?) not as Peter Parker, but as Spiderman, so his identity is safe and people already know that he has powers, cause five minutes ago he was climbing around the ceiling.

We get another wholesome scene with Peter and Ben and May where they gift him a microscope that he's been wanting. Spiderman gains in popularity, winning accolades and awards for his television appearances.

And then.....

And then Peter comes home one night to find a police care outside his Aunt and Uncle's home, and Peter receives the terrible news that Uncle Ben is dead, having been murdered by a burglar. Hmmm.

I was very confused by this at first, because the scene hadn't happened. You know the one. With the line. How the hell is Uncle Ben going to impart his final words of wisdom if he's already dead??

Peter runs off to the warehouse where the robber is hiding out. The cops are standing around outside doing nothing because "...he'll pick us off like flies if we charge in there," which.... okay... sure we'll go with that. Actually this pretty much tracks with reality.

So Spiderman goes in, confront the robber, then *gasp*, sees his face, and it's none other than the exact same robber that he previously let escape. He wraps him up in a web, leaves him for the cops (who are still standing around outside) and goes home to cry, knowing that he is, at least partially, responsible for Ben's death.

But what about the line?? You know the one.

Wait, oh...

So, wait, Ben doesn't actually say this line in the comics?? The narrator says it? I swear there were a number of Marvel fans screaming online about how not having Ben Parker say this line to Peter in the MCU was hugely disrespectful to both Peter and Ben as characters.

Huh....imagine that.

Okay, so this was fun. it wasn't super exciting, as I knew pretty much everything that was going to happen (thank you MCU for not rehashing this yet again), but it was nice to see the original take on it. I imagine the big reveal was very impactful for readers at the time.

I've never actually been a huge Peter Parker fan, but I plan to give it shot, along with all my other faves, see how his story developed over the decades. I can't say this issue really swayed me, but then, there wasn't a lot new here for me, so we'll see.

I will say, I missed the dry humor and sassiness of Steve. I really think people sleep on how fun the Cap comics were, even in their original incarnation.

[maze-runner-hcs-and-theories]

Regarding The Maze Cutter...

This isn't a theory or anything, just wanted to talk about this book. To anyone wondering whether its worth it to read the Maze Cutter, here's some of my thoughts on it ( without many spoilers)

Pros

1: It's kind of a continuation of Newt's story... kind of. There's excerpts from the journal he wrote in Crank palace which were my favourite parts of the book. His death plays a major part in the Godhead organisation - and maybe the remnent Nation?

2: I liked how Daschner explores a post-flare world in more detail and shows how the planet is slowly recovering. It's also interesting to see what's happened in the years since the Death Cure

3: Frypan has more of a role!

4: I'm not entirely certain on this one, but I thought I'd mention it for the Minho fans. There's a character named Lacey who I think is implied to be a decendent of Minho because of her determination to use Glader Slang like her Grandfather did or something.

5: Switches perspectives, which kind of works.

Cons:

1: It's definitely my least favourite book in the entire Maze Runner series, doesn't have the same energy as the other ones and the characters feel pretty flat.

2: While a focus on Newt is always welcome, it feels really forced in this book. Almost like Daschner is trying to get people to read his books by putting him in there haphazardly

3: The dialogue between the characters felt really flat as well and none of the characters really felt connected to eachtoher (except Minho and Roxy kind of ). Like Sadina and Isaac are meant to be super close friends but it just doesn't really feel that way at all.

4: With all the different perspectives, you see different parts of the world and story, however they don't really have their own voices and it feels tricky to differentiate between them.

5: Alexandra's storyline just felt so separate from the rest of the story and was boring to read until her last chapter.

Those are my thoughts on the Maze Cutter off the top of my head, I'm going to get the next book - The Godhead Complex - and will let you know if it's better or worse.

[kisuminight]

Hello! I've been reading through your DSMP Blade System AU posts and am curious about how many shards/Blades DreamXD's Blade got separated into and what other characters are one of the resulting Blades?

Considering the Blades you mentioned (c!Dream, Mamacita, Drista and Cornelius) its characters played by cc!Dream or his sister. Im guessing NotDream123 might be another one then if he exists in this AU. Also Hubert which could be fun as the most c!Karl got about him was a mention when he was at the Masquerade.

I was thinking that the core crystal broke into 5 pieces. Here is an idea of what I'm going for, please excuse the roughness:

c!Dream is made from the bit in the center, which is shaped like a diamond or a rhombus. The other 4 Blades have the rectangular shaped parts, set at an angle. Core crystals are generally one color; the contrast here is to differentiate the sections.

The original core crystal was the same as the others, roughly palm sized. The shards actually grew a bit when they became Blades of their own.

Current Blades are Dream, Drista, Cornelius, and GirlDream/Mamacita. I'm still undecided on who the last piece will be.

Unfortunately, I'm not too familiar with NotDream123. I'm probably going to end up skipping him? I checked and he dies several times, and a key part of this AU is that c!Tommy, c!Tubbo, and c!Ranboo don't really know all that much about the Blade System and how it works for regular Blades.

It probably will be Hubert. In this, Hubert was a Blade. The Egg can corrupt Blades by reaching through their bond with their Driver. Through Hubert, the Egg realizes that the corruption only lasts 1 life; if the Blade is killed, reverts to core crystal, and reAwakened the corruption is gone.

Actually, I really like this idea. So the Egg decides to try corrupting the core crystal of the Blade, and has Hubert killed again (by Billiam) shortly before the Masquerade. The core crystal is left in the Egg's room, and c!Karl accidentally grabs it when he is being murdered at the end.

This is part of the reason why the Inbetween grabbed Karl at this point. XD was manipulating it so Karl could keep Hubert's core crystal in his inventory when he died and then XD could retrieve the core crystal when Karl arrived in the Inbetween.

~

XD has a weird relationship with the Aegis pieces. As much as he wants his original Blade back, he does get less focused on his goal as the story goes on. Part of it is that DreamXD is Drista's Driver (why she has Creative) and he starts to like her. Part of it is that he is getting more interaction with other people and not stewing in his own loneliness.

GirlDream/Mamacita is the 2nd fragment recovered. I want to say that her Driver was Mexican Dream and she returned to a core crystal with his first canon death? The problem is that they're kind of joke/humor characters, and... So, humor is an important part of tension. But again, c!Tommy is not supposed to get enough info about the Blade System to read into the undercurrents of what is going on before Staged Finale. The entire situation needs a bit of workshoping. I'd need to re-watch the streams before I make a firm decision. XD grabs her after Mexican Dream's Third Canon Death.

Cornelius gets recovered because XD retrieves him. As the 3rd fragment recovered, he also gets put on a shelf.

Hubert is the 4th fragment recovered. XD pickpockets him out of Karl's Inventory in the Inbetween. Hubert does not go on the shelf because XD is too busy worrying about the damage the Egg did to the core crystal during the attempt to corrupt the core crystal. Since the Egg is an offshoot of the being that originally shattered the Aegis Blade, XD thinks it might be lingering damage for that instance, though he starts getting suspicious as he picks up more details from George and Foolish.

XD's attachment to Hubert and worrying about the damage also makes XD look at Mamacita and Cornelius in a different light. Around that point, XD stops leaving them on the shelf and starts carrying them with him.

XD is drawn to George in part because George was Dream's Driver. Part of their friendship is a shared grief for their Blades. XD does not meet Dream until the very end, when he has been mostly convinced that murdering 5 people to bring his friend back (an act that will upset all his current friends and destroy Drista, who he is fond of) is not the best plan.

~

DSMP is about humanity, about how even bad people are still people. This AU also adds a hunt for identity. When does a person stop being the same person. For a Blade, does the memory loss make them a different person in their next life? For DreamXD, the five fragments are explicitly different people, and he has to grapple with that fact as well as the driving force of his own grief and the knowledge that he can resurrect his friend--but it'll have consequences.

Editor's note from the future:

DreamXD's Aegis will be named "Reverie."

[tobiasdrake]

Deeper we go. Yuma must face the true nature of this city.

Blank Week Mystery. When Huesca's army of ravenous immortals, exposed to sunlight, ate every human being in Kanai Ward.

We ready to confront the reality of what that is, Yuma? Or do we need to do some more rounds of puzzle-solving first?

Looks like we're going straight there. Here we go, Yuma. The true Ultimate Secret of Kanai Ward. The true nature of the city and its inhabitants.

There it is. The truth about this entire city and its residents that Yuma didn't want to find. But that has been undeniable since the moment we realized what the Restricted Area truly is.

Not so. All you need to understand is what happened to the original residents. Which is pretty obvious if you think about it for two seconds.

What they don't remember is the week itself, because they spent it being driven berserk by the sun.

That's what drove them to attack Kanai Ward to begin with.

I still want to know how the arrival of night didn't cause this to happen. The sun didn't remain in the sky for the full week. It had to go down for many hours, several times.

Maybe the moon's reflection cast enough sunlight on the city to keep the homunculi in their berserk state? But Makoto said if they remain berserk for too long, they'll die and then regenerate in their perma-feral state. How long is too long?

Everyone in Kanai Ward thinks they're human. Makoto's gone to great lengths to ensure that they're kept in conditions that will retain their sapience, without them ever knowing.

Dr. Huesca manslaughtered this entire city. With the exception of the Master Detectives, everyone we've met here is the doppelganger of a corpse.

They didn't even realize they weren't the originals, so they simply stepped back into their lives as if they'd never left them.

Of course. As previously noted, they were rightfully but tragically paranoid of Amaterasu's blood test. Not that it would have mattered anyway to them, since everybody died. The only difference between the real Kurumi and Gramps is that Kurumi has an unsuspecting impersonator living out her life for her.

It's the sole reason that the homunculi are able to live domestic lives here at all. Makoto's weather machine restored Kanai Ward to a semblance of normalcy without any of the homunculi ever being the wiser.

Thus preventing them from reviving in a feral state and attacking anyone else. I'd first thought that it was to prevent them from being discovered but the revelation that they revive feral changed everything. It's clear that the rapid removal of corpses is for the city's benefit.

Makoto's always insisted that he loves and cherishes this city. I believe that. He sees the homunculus residents as kindred.

They didn't want humans coming here or, worse, homunculi leaving. This city was designed to effectively be a secret homunculus preserve.

Humans. It's a nutritional requirement to keep the homunculi from losing their minds and going feral again.

That's why Number One and the WDO have been kidnapping the culprits from their investigations. The WDO knew the truth about this city from the beginning. Their agenda in sending everyone here to "discover" it remains unclear.

It's also weird that he's you, Yuma. There is something weird happening here. Maybe this is Makoto in disguise or something?

Is it because they have pink blood? Special characteristics in the blood has been mentioned as a means of differentiating humans from homunculi. "Because it's pink" seems so obvious as to be a silly answer. You'd think someone would have noticed if their blood was the wrong color from a human's.

But. Maybe.

HOPE SPRINGS ANEW

The blood is pink BECAUSE HOMUNCULI confirmed. Man, this has implications for anyone writing a Danganronpa crossover fic, but that's beside the point.

This point firmly establishes that only homunculi have pink blood. Not humans. Never humans.

Yuma's red blood is something I noticed back on the train, when he left a bloodstain on the door lock after breaking open the window. I thought I simply misremembered, since I didn't get a good look at it. But we see his red blood in the Labyrinth Questions every time Shinigami slashes out his throat, too.

Yuma is 100% human. That makes sense, since he came from outside of Kanai Ward. But he also lost his memories, so a possibility certainly existed that he came from Kanai Ward and something something WDO conspiracy nonetheless.

But no. He's a red-blooded human. Just like the Master Detectives that Makoto fed to the homunculi.

Just. Like.

The Master Detectives.

Y'all. I think Makoto may have pulled a fast one.

Good for him. Maybe his head doesn't have to go in a box. I am willing to put my homicidal fury on the backburner until we know why our friends' alleged corpses would have homunculus blood.

[canarypost]

pjo ep4. pacing is weird. it felt way too short which is weird bc the chimera and the arch was a MASSIVE thing in the book but at least they kept the ending w the naiad and him learning to breathe underwater. the scene of the three and echidna talking in the train was wayyy too long i was so bored. the fight scene w percy at the top of the arch was super fast i've noticed there is little to no actual action in this show like i wanted the cgi to go all out in the fight scenes but the minotaur fight was super super super dark and there was ZERO music which. wtf. and the clarisse fight was pretty good but this chimera scene was extremely lackluster like stop fucking talking. the chimera looked weird too i don't think there was enough color on it to differentiate the lion/goat/scorpion parts and it would've been really great to get a wide shot of the full form chimera + echidna so itd be really threatening. and there wasnt a lot of lore dropped w them either at least not like there was w medusa which is weird bc i thought they would've been setting a precedent w medusa and making every monster they encounter on their journey help us understand both greek mythology esp for people who havent read the books AND percy and his relationship w his parents. im hoping we get to see gabe being more of a dick on the news after this episode bc i really wanna see him more violent. make us hate him more yk. bc rn he's just pathetic.

but most importantly i've seen this thing go on with the entire show so far and it's that no one fucking talks like real people least of all the golden trio. stop saying "mother" and "father" no one fucking says that least of all these kids of single parents many of whom would rather pour chiron's horse shit into the campfire than show their godly parents the tiniest modicum of respect. no one has interjections like "um" "uh" or "like," no one says "bro" or "dude" not even between percy and grover which is completely absurd like i cannot understate how much it bothers me that we're only told that percy and grover have been friends for years bc if i didn't know better i'd say they've known each other as long as percy and annabeth have. not to mention annabeth's "she [thalia] fought valiantly" in ep3 which is so utterly bonkers annabeth isn't some kinda "old soul" she's a kid with neglectfully abusive parents (which we arent even shown the affects of!! she has to tell it to percy directly for some reason!!! this show has a massive problem with telling instead of showing) who's passionate about architecture and her godly parent. she's just a really fuckin smart kid. now that im typing it all out it's really not as big of a deal to me as the others but it's just fucking weird. but ig if u look at it from some specific angles it's in character. but whatever. i still love her to death for that candy scene in the gas station last episode

but going back to the dialogue thing percy and grover being dumb preteen boy best friends and calling each other "dude" and "bro" 1. shows us instead of just tells us that they've been friends for a long time, 2. has annabeth roll her eyes a bunch (a notable character trait) and shows us she's a little stuck up but more lonely than anything else, and then 3. gives the opportunity to endear percy and grover to annabeth so to not just grow the relationship between all three (golden trio!!! so important) but also the percy/annabeth slow burn AND the healing of the past grover/annabeth relationship which both of them are so so so guilty about. idk i think i need more one-on-one grover/annabeth scenes yet considering we haven't had A SINGLE ONE

last negative thing but the pool flashback at the beginning felt extremely ooc for sally. like i know how important it is for percy to learn to swim esp since he literally doesn't know who his dad is but she was being such a dick!!!! first of all ur kid is clearly more stressed out about swimming than u r about him NOT swimming and second of all it is totally unnecessary to be doing this in PUBLIC swim lessons. like u can see sally looking around at all the other parent/kid pairs like sorry ur worried about how u look to the fucking pool pta but ur kid is fucking terrified. give it another goddamn day give the kid a break. the real sally would never sally jackson i love you i love you i love you

what i DID like about this episode was the opening shot underwater, it reminded me a lot of the movie and controversial opinion but the show could actually use being quite a bit more like the movie bc it was actually pretty good even if it didnt follow the story whatsoever. i liked the shot of the centaurs on the train and i thought i also remembered that from the movie but i think i just remembered seeing the shot in my head when i was reading the book which is actually really impressive. the three getting into real world trouble w the cops is very accurate, percy sitting in the fountain while grover and annabeth splash him was funny, and i ESPECIALLY loved percy pulling a fast one on annabeth at the top of the arch i think it really shows off his self sacrificing nature imo better than him rushing the minotaur in ep1 bc we know his character better by now and we're more emotionally invested. and i really loved that they kept percy's way of learning he could breathe underwater + the naiad from poseidon

actually im not done being neg i really wish they would've kept "isn't that a kind of anteater?" and "prove your bloodline" which would lead to percy purposefully jumping off the arch instead of falling. idk it feels like we're slowwwlllyyy growing to see percy being percy bc im gonna be honest. rn he doesn't have much of a personality. where is persassy. bc i cant fuckin see him

anyway it was a fun episode if a bit slow. it had it's moments. im excited for waterland and the tunnel of looooove next week though :33