#Not this imposter that the evangelicals pray to

[mollymarymarie]

just wanted to tell you that reading DOH changed my life a bit!!! it helped me realize that I want to work in a job that will help children get out of bad situations!! I had such a hard time deciding what classes I should take for college, I didn't know what I wanted to be. but reading that fic and seeing how Remus and Dora and everyone just helped these kids??? omg. life changed moment.

I'm literally speechless over this!! First of all, thank you for reading it in the first place, and thank you for sending me this ask to let me know that my silly little love story made a difference in your life. I know it's just fanfic, it's just a story, it's just pretend, but this story, and all my stories, all mean something to me, so to hear that they mean something to someone else is ENORMOUSLY important to me.

Even more important to me that you felt like that story helped you come to an important decision AND THAT YOUR DECISION WAS TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE, especially those who need it most. I'm genuinely crying, just writing this out because you are so wonderful and I am so proud of you!!! Please keep me updated on this!

[carolap53]

They’re always watching and listening

TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2 by Os Hillman

02/13/2024

About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them (Acts 16:25-26). It didn’t take long for non-believers to realize I was different in the secular workplaces where I’ve worked. I didn’t participate in the jokes, the dirty language, or criticism of management. I didn’t judge them for their behavior because they were merely acting the way they should act as one who does not have Christ in their life. I viewed them as prisoners awaiting their salvation and that I might be the instrument to lead them to my Savior. I would often be known as the "religious guy." It wasn’t because I was particularly vocal or I tried to separate myself; it happened naturally. The Christ in me naturally made me stand out. Jesus called us to be the "salt and light" of any life situation. The secular workplace economy is contrary to the Kingdom of God economy so we should naturally stand out in any situation. When Paul and Silas were in prison their lifestyle of worship and prayer in the midst of the horrible conditions of a dirty prison stood out in stark contrast to their circumstances. They didn’t pray and sing to impress their cellmates, they simply did what was natural to them. Still, "the other prisoners were watching and listening." No matter where you are, others are watching you to determine if your faith is real or if you’re an imposter. The world is looking to discredit your faith. You are a witness always whether you choose to be or not.  "The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. He then brought them out and asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" (Acts 16:29-30). When you begin to reflect the love and power of Christ in your life you won’t have to have an evangelism program to win others into the Kingdom. It will be a fruit of your life. The "fish" will actually jump into the boat! Beware how you conduct your life today. Because the prisoners are watching and listening.

[catholicartistsnyc]

Meet Visual Artist Holle Wade

HOLLE WADE is an oil painter and film photographer who dapples in digital collage. | website | instagram @hollecreates

CATHOLIC ARTIST CONNECTION: Do you call yourself a Catholic artist? 

HOLLE: I call myself a Catholic who has been called to be an artist. God has called me to a vocation as an artist. The deeper I got into my faith, the deeper I felt God calling me to be an artist. I rejected that for a while because the art world is so separate from God and true beauty that I couldn't possibly be called to that. God is revealing that is exactly why he has called me to be an artist to make space for his goodness and beauty in spaces that have rejected him for so long.

Where have you found support in the Church for your vocation as an artist?

I just graduated college four months ago, so I am still searching where to plant myself. I'm new on this journey and I have found support online through Instagram. Combining my faith and work has been a new development in my own life and spirituality. I'm still searching for a good community. I would love to meet other Catholic film photographers. 

Where have you found support among your fellow artists for your Catholic faith?

From my recent experience a lot of artists have focused more on the formal aspect of my work instead of engaging the conceptual aspects of my work. In terms of using art as an exploration of faith and even as a time of veneration and worship, I have not felt encouraged. I'm a recent graduate and my professors never really engaged with my work beyond the formal elements and often encouraged me to be more personal in my work, but I don't know what’s more personal than putting the fruit of prayer, and devotion to God on display.

How can the Church be more welcoming to artists?

The Church is full of beauty made by artists, and God himself is the true origin of beauty. We want our world to be more Christlike and I think that starts with art and artists. To really change hearts and begin the conversation of Evangelization, I think it starts with art. The world is crying out for more beauty and I think the Church should do more to encourage the creation of artwork and encourage beauty. The art world has rejected God, but just a few hundred years ago, the Church was the main patron of the arts, and I think the Church needs to take that place again. The Church needs to open up in what can be deemed as acceptable artwork for devotion. I would to see more Artist Residencies sponsored by the Church.

How can the artistic world be more welcoming to artists of faith?

The art world has done so much to remove God and true beauty. I want to see more spaces open up for all art. The art world claims to be accepting of all people but exclude Christians, and I want more acceptance of Christians in the art world. We have been placed aside because we are Christian and our work is only for other Christians but that just isn't the case. Artists make work to express our emotions, but I just happen to use my art to express my faith. My work comes from the Holy Spirit working through me and I use my skills I learned in school to help me worship better. I went to school to be an artist, I was trained just like you and I have earned my place in the gallery and museum.

Where do you regularly find spiritual fulfillment?

I regularly find spiritual fulfillment in nature and adoration. I have been reflecting on 1 Kings 19:12-13, how God came to Elijah in the whispering wind. I encounter God in nature and feel his love and presence strongly. Sitting with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament has been so fruitful for me. As I mentioned earlier, I am between places since just graduating and COVID, I don't have a home parish or parishes I attend on the regular. 

Where do you regularly find artistic fulfillment?

I feel artistic fulfillment in Mass, adoration and prayer. Those are the places where I am most open to the Holy Spirit (apart from working in the studio) and God often gives me an image and of course that original image grows and changes as the Holy Spirit guides me but that is where I get the most artistic fulfillment. I love wondering around museums and seeing art and seeing how it is displayed, that always gives me ideas and things I want to work on. As a photographer, I am out in nature and taking in God's creation so I am always chasing the light and letting the Holy Spirit reveal God's light to me while I am photographing.

What is your daily spiritual practice?

My daily spiritual practice is diving into the Gospel of the day and letting it wash over me. I read the Gospel in the morning and journal about it. At least once a week I stream Adoration and sing worship songs and pray. I spend a few hours in the evening just sitting outside with God and just listening to the sounds around me, sometimes I will journal and listen to worship music. With COVID my daily spiritual practice has changed but I would usually attend daily Mass.  

What is your daily artistic practice?

My daily practice has changed slightly with COVID and graduating, but I usually always carry a film camera with me to catch little moments. The Holy Spirit is always tapping on my shoulder to take pictures of something. I rely on the Holy Spirit when I am working on any kind of art. My painting sessions start with inviting the Holy Spirit to work through me and guide my hands and whenever I feel imposter syndrome wanting to creep its head in the studio, I ask for Mother Mary's intercession. When making compositions there is a peace that washes over me and I know that is what I want to make. Everything starts with the Holy Spirit and Mother Mary's guidance.

What are your top 3 pieces of advice for Catholic artists post-graduation?

Considering I only graduated in May and I'm applying for MFA programs now, my advice would be rest, make time to combine art and prayer, and take full advantage of Visio Divina. Resting and really evaluating your heart and the work you are making, professors have had an effect on your work and may have changed or pressured you into making work you're not proud of - reject that and truly take time to flesh out what YOU want to make. I have been working for months to add prayer to my studio time and I have to say that it will take a lot of pressure away from making. The Holy Spirit will guide you and working will feel effortless. Visio Divina is praying with sacred images and as artists this practice can really align our hearts and our motivations as artists. Maybe even do this in your studio space.

[a-woman-apart]

“Do Not Refrigerate”

It is truly astonishing how difficult it is for me to let go and relax. Yes, I know; there is a name for that, and it’s called anxiety. It is also a treatable medical condition. There are therapies, medications, and exercises for it. Breathe deeply, count to ten, write a list of fears and then remind yourself how unfounded they are. Then there is my favorite of all- think positively. Remember how most fears don’t ever come to fruition- this is true- but if you are an Evangelical remember that what Job feared most is what he got, so nip that fear in the bud. Never mind the added pressure that is caused by thinking that being afraid you will fail will make you fail.  

It is a strange dissonance. My mood is still happy and optimistic, but the shadow of anxiety looms heavy in my mind. Today, I was pacing back and forth and talking to myself with the utmost vehemence and urgency. If I were still religious, it would have been a great time to pray, and that was just one of the things that I was “discussing” with myself. That, and going over my plans over and over. I know that no plan is truly foolproof, and that things never turn out exactly the way that you expect them to. That didn’t stop me from continuing to talk to myself all the way up until I had to get out of my car and walk into work.

Underneath all this surface-level worry and concern, is the underlying fear that if I ease my grip on things even slightly, I will lose everything. Never mind that I have been successfully managing my life for the past 5-6 years. My self-confidence is very low. I don’t think that I’m the scum of the earth, I just think that I’m incompetent. I had never taken the time before to stop and think of it, but that is really what I think. My boyfriend snarkily cries “imposter syndrome.” I struggle because admitting that it is imposter syndrome is saying that I really am good at things, but I just can’t see it myself. I’m convinced that I really am one step away from self-destruction, and I just graduated with an Associate degree. Maybe that is the very definition of imposter syndrome; after all, the more you achieve, the worse- not better- it tends to get. It is a vicious cycle that can tear a person apart inside, unless they get outside help.

I know that my anxiety is something that I will have to bring up more in therapy. In my last therapy session, my therapist and I spent the whole session talking about my options for me after graduation and going into the next degree plan. I really was happy with that, but I guess we both forgot for a second that I’m atypical. “Normal” people don’t spend five years in and out of mental hospitals, including one in another state. Also, lots of mentally ill people don’t come back from that. It’s been years, but that past doesn’t really seem that distant. I feel as though I am just holding on unsteadily to the broken pieces of my former life and struggling to keep myself whole. I still feel fraught with fractures. Self-doubt is something I will have to discuss along with the anxiety.

I get reassurances everywhere that I turn, but I still feel unsure of myself. My therapist has praised me, telling me that most people aren’t able to achieve the level of functioning that I have. Here I am, taking my medicine regularly, attending all my doctor appointments, living in my own apartment, working steadily at a job, and now, I’ve graduated community college. My caseworker told me that I am an ideal client. I got good evaluations on the job. My dad told me that he was proud of me before he died. At the time I hadn’t graduated, and he told me that he was proud of me just for getting to where I was. My mom believes the future holds great things for me. My brothers have expressed admiration for how I have managed things up to this point. My boyfriend has told me more than once, “I wish you could just see yourself the way I see you.”

Maybe if I just took the time to internalize all this encouragement, I would be in a much better place with my self-esteem than I’m at right now. The self-critical voice in my head is just so loud. I wish that I had a better way to quiet it. I try my best, but it is an ongoing battle. The voice says that I am not good enough, not smart enough, not clever enough, too old, too sick, and too weak. Somehow, I just can’t silence it, at least not completely. I really am at my wit’s end on how to deal with this.

I really should just wear a sign that reads, “do not refrigerate”, because I could not possibly be more incapable of staying cool. Of course, I maintain my outward composure quite well. I was able to flip the switch from being a psychotic self-rambler into a perfectly component employee in a matter of mere minutes. Most of the time it’s easier to be at work, because my mind is focused on the task at hand. It is familiar territory. Sometimes, though, even though I’ve been at the library for three years, I’m still afraid that I am going to mess up. I am still learning new things and being presented with new challenges. Largely, I am rising to the occasion. I can’t think of any time when I absolutely just “blew it”. Maybe being cautious and staying alert has been what has kept me on my feet.

I have a history of competency now, whether I believe that I am competent or not. It is so established that most people don’t even know that I’m mentally ill, or don’t believe me when I tell them. I don’t try particularly hard to hide that past; I am generally honest about it. During my interview for the library job, when asked about why there was a gap in my employment history, I paused only momentarily before I said, “Well, actually, I was struggling a lot with my mental health around that time.” They told me, “Thank you for your honesty” and they clearly meant it, because I got the job. I wonder what would have happened if I had just tried to fudge or given some excuse. There was only one position open at the time and they chose me over all the other candidates. They chose mentally ill me, and somehow, they’ve kept me all this time.

The thing about mental illness is that even when you know you’re thinking or behaving a certain way because of the illness, it doesn’t always make the behavior go away. Wellness isn’t a switch that we can just turn on at will. If we could do that, we wouldn’t need therapy, medication, and coping skills. We wouldn’t have to be hospitalized because we were a danger to ourselves or others. I have made a lot of progress, but I am far from being “recovered.” I will probably have to take anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, and mood stabilizers for the rest of my life, and medicine alone is not enough to fully treat the problem.

When Nicki Minaj says “I’ve got zero chill in me” it’s a great thing, but for me it doesn’t work quite so well. For now, I will continue my journey of becoming a better person, learning about myself and the world around me, and trying to become more independent and self-sufficient. It hasn’t been easy so far, and it won’t be easy going forward, but “the only way out is through”. I’ve been telling myself this a lot lately: “You can use all the positive self-talk in the world, but in the end, you have to just walk through those doors. No one else can walk through for you.” When it comes down to it, you just have to do the thing. You must take the steps towards success, even if you’re the most unchill person out there (like me). I may not feel like a success, but I have succeeded at important things in my life. You can, too, even with a mental illness.  

[thisisntacomic]

Break means working on that damn mixtape.

Track 2:

Waking Up in the Living Room

I don’t feel at home in; my own skin A stranger in his own home; out roamin’ Can’t sleep lately; my bones are groanin’ I let the cold in when I left the door open

Cuz an open mind was how I tried – to live But when you just take in, man, something’s gotta give Hold up – slow it down You’re grown up – you got this now

I wish that were true I wish I could prove The things that I believe And I can follow through. I’ve prayed cliffhangers And mourned my neighbors And hoped that the kindom Somehow grew, but

I grew up hearing God was on my side And only recently came to realize That means God’s enemies look a lot like mine So when it comes to God’s loyalties, who really decides?

Maybe, God, I’m asking all the wrong questions That’s what adults say when they start to feel tested But I learned interrogation is an excellent method Of cutting through the words to get to the message

So when you say do justice, I wanna go do When you say love mercy, I don’t care for whom When I try to walk humbly Especially when I’m stumbling I don’t wanna recognize myself by the time I’m through.

I just wanna know you and not be afraid To cut the black and white and live in the Grey

(Hook:

Kinda snowy in the backhills of my mind Kinda snowy in the forefront, too Gettin’ colder as I try to find Gettin’ colder as I search for you,

Kinda snowy in the backhills of my mind Kinda snowy in the forefront, too Gettin’ sick as I’m lookin’ for any sign Any sign pointin’ me toward some truth.)

Not sick enough to be sick Not well enough to be well Not smart enough to make it stick Not me enough to be myself

Look, I’m doing a bad job explaining It’s my words and then some I have trouble arranging I’m no longer afraid that something else has replaced me I’ve come to terms thinking that I might be the changeling

But I’d rather be the subject myself Of Capgras delusion than somebody else History shows we don’t treat imposters well, As for America’s God, only time will tell

Cuz I don’t think that the stars and stripes Make for a good picture of the divine Hand over your heart, always blessing the right Always respect the flag and fly it up high

Only Banner I know gets angry and green Evangelicals’ God is more orange and mean I hate to be the one crashin’ the scene But keep Jesus out ya mouth defending DJT

Don’t talk to me about split allegiance No wonder trust is part and parcel to treason I think I’d know an abusive God when I see one And what I know of you I didn’t think that you’d be one

So you gotta be different Though I don’t know how Guess I’m trusting the mystery even more now And I know black and white is bad, but all this supposed grey is choking me out Man it’s choking us out God, it’s choking ‘em out.

(Hook)

I don’t think the voice in the desert was very civil It was policed and silenced and labeled as causing trouble Cuz it’s easier to quiet the voices made to be subtle So I try to stay humble, but don’t mind burstin’ bubbles Don’t you know that’s what prophets do And if I get kicked out of the fam, man that’s prophet shit, too.

Cuz I’m to the point I don’t know where I am Say In God We Trust, but deal with tight hands And say, “Dang, Kevin, this got political fast,” Am I the only one who feels stranger in this land?

So God, I don’t know what’s promised, I’m not angry at you I’m mad at everything else myself included So come quick as you can if that’s in your plan And in the childrens’ lungs put your divine tune.

(I’ll be the thorn in your side, till you die, I’ll be the thorn in your side for always If we sink, we lift our love If we sink, we lift our love.)

[htrac7]

Unforeseen Factors and Imposter: The False One: Trump's aim is to undo men.

Unforeseen Factors and Imposter: The False One: Trump’s aim is to undo men.

Halfway Post dot com reported: Trump claimed Jesus Prays to Him To make America Great Again

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump has long been suspected of being a fake Christian for personal, political gain, and he made some eyebrow-raising remarks at a prayer breakfast event he attended this morning sponsored by a Florida-based evangelical organization called “Jesus Was The First American.”

[carolap53]

They’re always watching and listening

TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2 by Os Hillman

02/13/2023

About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them

(Acts 16:25-26).

It didn’t take long for non-believers to realize I was different in the secular workplaces where I’ve worked. I didn’t participate in the jokes, the dirty language, or criticism of management. I didn’t judge them for their behavior because they were merely acting the way they should act as one who does not have Christ in their life. I viewed them as prisoners awaiting their salvation and that I might be the instrument to lead them to my Savior.

I would often be known as the "religious guy." It wasn’t because I was particularly vocal or I tried to separate myself; it happened naturally. The Christ in me naturally made me stand out. Jesus called us to be the "salt and light" of any life situation. The secular workplace economy is contrary to the Kingdom of God economy so we should naturally stand out in any situation.

When Paul and Silas were in prison their lifestyle of worship and prayer in the midst of the horrible conditions of a dirty prison stood out in stark contrast to their circumstances. They didn’t pray and sing to impress their cellmates, they simply did what was natural to them. Still, "the other prisoners were watching and listening."

No matter where you are, others are watching you to determine if your faith is real or if you’re an imposter. The world is looking to discredit your faith. You are a witness always whether you choose to be or not.

"The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. He then brought them out and asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" (Acts 16:29-30). When you begin to reflect the love and power of Christ in your life you won’t have to have an evangelism program to win others into the Kingdom. It will be a fruit of your life. The "fish" will actually jump into the boat!

Beware how you conduct your life today. Because the prisoners are watching and listening.