#Not on here i dont think but i knew iy

[jimbodyson]

Already been posted before buly someone else but I was so happy I thought I'd do the same lol

ined

[neteyamslovrr]

heyhey its billie anon, i was thinking whether you could make an aonung fic based on her song "halley's comet" !! incase you havent heard it or since you dont listen to her anymore, here's an idea: reader is a metkayina and is betrothed to another random metkayina as she is one of the best healers of the clan and accidentally falls inlove with aonung, she knows it's wrong but she just cant help but cut off the betrothal infront of her parents and the other metkayina's family. ronal and tonowari hear ab this incident and 100% understand that love cannot be controlled by one (maybe from experience, ronal/tonowari maybe had a similar incident like reader) and reasons with reader's parents. you can write the rest if you want!! (also, i wld LIVE to see a small little epilogue if you could..?) (this was the lil idea i had!)

I NEED HIM NOT YOU

summary: betrothed to another you knew it was wrong to fall in love with ao'nung, but you can't help it because it feels so right.

───͙⊱••✩••̩̩͙⊰•───

Betrothed since infancy. A curse it was. To be spoken for before you could speak. It was a curse.

Iye, your promise. Iye, the innocent who longed for you. Iye, the man who you were chosen to be with. Ao’nung, the chief’s son who kissed you goodnight daily. Ao’nung, the lover who you longed for. Ao’nung the man you were destined to be with.

His kisses were addicting, his touches were exhilarating, his words were mesmerizing. His love was wrong. Your love was wrong. So why did it feel so right. When his hands trail down your body, when he recites his love to you, when he brings you small gifts. It felt so right.

“I have dinner with Iye tonight.” His name was like fire to your tongue. It spread and destroyed everything it touched. “My parents want to plan our ceremony, soon.”

Ao’nung had you enclosed in his arms as you laid in a cave far away from the village. A peaceful place to enjoy the serenity. The mention of that man’s name made his hold on you tighten. It had been known you were betrothed, promised, that you were untouchable but that didn’t stop the flutters in his heart when he saw your beauty, when he heard your laugh.

“I am going to call it off.” Ao’nung’s eyes widened, were you about to be his?

“You’ll get in so much trouble flower.”

“I don’t care. I can’t keep laying in your arms every day knowing one day I will have to wake up in the arms of another.”

“Has something happened? This is something reckless I would do, not you.” You chuckled before letting out a sigh indicating something indeed did happen.

“Iye’s mother and my mother were talking. About grandchildren. It repulsed me.” Ao’nung felt repulsed too. The thought of you bearing children that weren’t his. It was his nightmare.

“Fair enough.” His deep chuckle rumbled as you felt the vibrations of his chest on your back. “I just don’t want you to get in trouble. That’s my thing.”

“I could never top you my troublesome mate.” Ao’nung squeezed you tightly kissing the top of your head.

“We should go now…” Ao’nung nodded as you both called your ilu’s.

“Can you promise me something Y/N?”

“What is it?”

“The next time we come here, you’ll truly be mine.”

“I promise.”

Ao’nung promised to wait for you in his marui until the dinner was over. You just hoped this wasn’t going to be a shitshow.

_

The dinner was awkward. Two families connected by one who accepted their fate and one who longed for another.

Sounds of chewing and knives chopping was the only thing breaking the awkward tension in the room. More so between you and Iye. “Our ceremony will be soon.” Iye tried to break the tension, his shaky voice filling the room. “Mother is planning it, are you excited?.”

“No.” Everyone snapped their head towards to you, disproval dripping off your parents face.

“That’s a very crass joke Y/N.” Iye’s mother chimed in, her high-pitch voice trying to cover up the shock of your behaviour.

“I’m not joking.”

“Y/N! Watch your words.” Your mother had finally spoken. Her tone sharp and her glare sharper.

You mouthed a ‘sorry’ to Iye before you let out a heavy sigh. “I cannot mate with Iye.”

“What. What do you mean?” Your mother spluttered in confusion as everyone else in the room shared concerned looks to each other.

“I love another. I cannot mate with Iye, he is not who I want.” Your voice was firm as your fidgeted with your fingers. Heart beating in your throat as nausea swirled in your stomach.

“Who.” Iye’s mother had now spoken. Eywa, this was harder than you thought it would be. Gulping harshly, you closed your eyes. This would’ve been way easier with Ao’nung by your side.

“I am in love with Ao’nung. He loves me too.” Your mother let out an exasperated gasp as she hit her hands on her thighs standing up.

“This union has been planned for years Y/N! Why have you ditched this union between our two families for the reckless son of the chief? He will get bored of you! He is not Olo’eyktan he is a mere kid.”

“Do not disrespect him in front of me. Keep that to your gossip sessions.” You started to grow hot, fire burning in the pits of your rage. “This union means nothing! It is nothing! I refuse it.”

“I cannot believe this. How long has this been going on? How long have you stayed disloyal to my son?” You rolled your eyes at Iye’s mother.

“I have been in love with Ao’nung for years. He has been with me for every part of my life. And I will be his mate. If you do not agree with that, than you can disagree with your future Olo’eyktan’s choice in Tsa’hik.”

Your mother’s fists were balled as she continued to heave. “Go. Do not come back until you have cleared your mind of that boy. I do not allow it.”

“I don’t give a shit.” You screamed before storming out of your pod.

You should’ve figured that Ao’nung would have been waiting outside. You should’ve known that he wouldn’t stay still waiting while your advocated for your relationship.

“Well! that sounds like it went well.” Ao’nung gave you a small smile before embracing you. “You did so well my flower.”

“That sucked.” You mumbled into his shoulder, you didn’t want to cry but you felt the tears in your eyes starting to build up.

“It sounded like it did. My parents even heard. You yell quite loud.” You broke from his grasp holding onto his biceps.

“Your parents heard?! Ao’nung! Are you in trouble?” You were shocked, you hadn’t even thought about his parents finding out yet.

“I’m not sure. My mother said and I quote. “She is brave, go be brave with her you skxwang.”” You stared at him confused. Did Ronal really say that? “I try not to be confused. I am too happy as you are mine now.”

“I have always been yours Ao’nung. Haven’t I?”

“You have my flower.” He leaned in and gave you a tender kiss. “But let us do one more thing and you will be mine forever.” Your eyes widened as you nodded.

“It has taken us long enough.”

_

Epilogue

It had been a year since you and Ao’nung had officially mated. Though it took awhile for your parents to come around they figured they were being too pushy and shouldn’t have forced you to mate with anyone. (They were mostly happy you had fallen in love with the next chief.)

The small cave was still your favourite place. Not because it was secluded or away from other. But it was yours. A special place between the two, a place were a love that felt so wrong blossomed into something so right.

“Flower?” Ao’nung asked as you lifted your head from the comfortable place on his chest.

“Yeah?”

“Did you ever have dreams of us together? I always did.”

“I did constantly, I hated them.” Ao’nung’s face knotted in confusion.

“Why’s that?”

“Because in every dream I had to wake up to sneaking away to you instead of being with you proudly.” You smiled up at him leaving a soft kiss on his bare chest.

“I see. How about your dreams now.” Ao’nung’s rough hand caressed your face, his powerful gaze sending shivers through you.

“I am living in one.”

───͙⊱••✩••̩̩͙⊰•───

a/n: this could be better but i've been hating everything i write. sorry billie anon if this isn't what you thought but u have put me back onto billie

[sootends]

human soup (aka the most fucke dup dream i have ever had)

okay so idk about you guys but i exclusively have horrible disgusting nightmares and this one was the worst of them all. i had it years ago but i still remember it vividly and it still haunts me.

first of all, i wasnt even in this dream, all i could do was watch what my brain was showing me, and man it really decided to show off. camera angles and wideshots and all sorts of fancy camera movements usually reserved for films and documentaries were implemented for the viewing of this dream.

anyway, the actual contents of the dream. the whole thing took place at this camp right, modeled after the concentration camps i think, it was a place people were sent to die. there were a few building that sat in a circle, and in the center was a man-made ‘lake’. thankfully i didnt have to see tt iy in action, but i knew (dream logic) that there were giant metal plates under the ‘lake’ that could heat it up to boiling if desired.

the prisoners looked ghastly. they had been given no clothes and were forced to walk around naked. every bit of hair on their bodies had been chemically removed, their skin had been badly bleached and was a sickly white or grey (many of them peeling or sporting infections), they had been strategically starved so all of them were just skin and bones.

the guards didnt show their faces, they wore white hazmat suits, shiny black shoulder length gloves, and comically oversized gas masks. they brought out some of the prisoners like they were doing a demonstration there were these cages that they would stuff 4-5 people in at a time. thing is, those cages werent nearly big enough for that many people, so the guards would break bones or cut off appendages to make everyone fit. one poor mans face had been squished against the floor and i will never forget the way he screamed and cried. the people clawed at the bars, reaching their skeletal arms through to try and grab on to something, anything.

behind the previously mentioned ‘lake’ was a big orange crane. one of the guards jumped in and lowered the hook, grabbing the cage of people and lifting it into the air. their screams echoed over the whole camp.

at this point you may be wondering why lake has been in quotes and i will tell you. it isnt really a lake, and it isnt filled with water. its about shin deep, doesnt even reach a short persons knees, and it is filled with human shit, piss, blood, vomit, and rotting decaying flesh. cages of people were scattered all over the lake, most were dead but some still lived, forced to marinate in filth until their death. i think the worst part was hearing the gurgling sounds from people who were unlucky enough to be stuck at the bottom of those tiny cages, but at least they drowned and it was over quickly. those who could still breathe just had to sit and wait until they died.

 the lake had been nicknamed human soup by the guards.

the crane drops the cage into the lake, and they just leave them there. no one escapes the human soup. at this point in my dream, the camera decided to move in close to the surface of the lake. it moved past several of the cages giving me an up close and personal look at the people dying here. finally, it stopped at a cage with a man leaned against the bars, his knees tucked up against his chest and i watched as his jaw rotted off his face and fell into the shallow abyss.

that was the last thing i saw in that dream. i dont know why my brain decided to show it to me, and it haunts me to this day!

[volcanicflowers]

last one!!

spying on my wife who works at the orphan crushing factory

just keeping lucy’s dad in a giant birdcage

YOOO REAL FUCKED UP LOOKING SENTIENT GHOUL??? if thats not a feral she just has strapped to the chair then thats a fallout 1 kinda design goddamn

im pretty sure they’re a feral ghoul :( still love how they’re just hanging out tho

HUGE fan of this brain. wheatley vibes

i know mr house is everyones big focus here but YIPPEE BIG MT!!! i hate those guys so much im so happy to see one of them here i love iy here

speaking of mr house tho goddamn how long does this take place before the war bc he looks so young compared to his portrait, did he just age himself up for the portrait for some reason? what gives

okay i straight up dont believe that this guy is mr house actually i think reddit lied to me

entire vault filled with cryogenically frozen junior executives.. giving B ark vibes

HUGE fan of this explanation for exactly why they did the vault experiments. rich people are freaks

okay so they do straight up confirm that vault tec dropped the bombs here and idk i think it works a lot more than i thought it would? idk i have mixed feelings on it but i dont hate it that bad. at least they didnt confirm that it was the aliens

helppp its literally more evil B ark. i keep thinking that fallout is too american of a setting to drop arthur dent in but bro is literally the descent of a vault experiment

do the vaults just have nukes in them ready to go?? what do you mean lucy’s dad blew up shady sands.

this is hilarious actually what if the NCR was taken out by 1 guy getting a divorce. ceasar’s legion? no problem. hank the jr executive from vault 31? decimated. to the ground. rubble. over. finished.

knew her dad was gonna be evil tho i said so

okay NCR is still around but just being run by this lady i guess, damn the NCR president doesnt even have bear force 1 anymore. dark days.

girl you need to jab him with a stimpak!!

new vegased (deceased)

live blogging the fallout show under here. episode 1. im a hater by nature btw but its not all negative dw

is this guy like the vault tec ceo or spokesperson or something? NO WAY HE IS NAMED MR HOWARD...... todd howard's self insert the vault tec ceo.

i think todd saw the "did you know vault boy is actually holding up his thumb to check the size of the mushroom cloud" thing on reddit and was like "oh shit... thats a good idea. we should use that"

no way they have time for this conversation AND GETTING ON THE FUCKING HORSE???? GIRL THE HORSE?? NOT THE CAR??? GIRL??????????? RIDING THE HORSE DOWN THE STREET?? HELLO? actually i understand. save the horse. bringing my horse into the vault.

HOORAY no vault incest 🥳🥳🥳

GIRL WHY DID THEY HAVE TO MENTION THAT SHE'S BEEN "DOING COUSIN STUFF" FOR 10 YEARS AFTER ESTABLISHING THAT THEY DON'T DO INCEST IN THE VAULTS????? i hate it here.

i will say the room in the vault that looks like an outdoor farm goes hard i am a very big fan of that

DEAD WIFE BACKSTORY COUNTER: 1!! LETS GO PEOPLE!!!!!

NOT MORE OF THE COUSIN INCEST.. I FUCKING HATE IT HERE.

her dad is either going to super die or be evil

husband guy isnt even going to call her platinum in the sack? or pussy cat? what about her charlies? literally unwatchable.

my husband is taking a very big gulp of water, i think hes a serial killer?

"you're from the surface" girl how else do you think he got there from the other vault

i feel like this is a lot of effort for these raiders to go through to take over a vault but i guess they were there for the party

she'll be fine just start spamming stimpaks

okay her dad survived the raider attack which means hes definitely going to turn out to be evil later

i like maximus he seems fun i hope he leaves the brotherhood and i hope hes kinda a loser

oh so new vegas exploded but not the prydwen which i blew up personally?

aw maximus not anger issues cmon

"we've never opened the vault door" how were you getting people from the other vaults for this arranged marriage thing???? if it actually is secret tunnels why werent they just sharing the vaults from the get-go why was the cousin incest necessary

loving lucy's cringefail brother btw i hope he shows up more

YESSSS CRINGEFAIL BROTHER COMING ALONG!!

NOOO hes staying behind :( why tease me like this

cmon maximus couldve been a fun loser why we doing this. throw him off the prydwen I Guess

ghoul moment. i have to go to bed now

[kimmkitsuragi]

hhh man i love being gay but i hate being closeted

[uselessnocturnal]

in which i watch miraculous, react and things come out of my brain

FSHDKSHJDDH omfg not me hopping right back on the mlb train after seeing its trending on tumblr AND there’s a new ep

spent like half an hour hunting down a link i-

((spoilers))

THE OPENING IM SCREAMING IT KINDA LOOKS GOOD??

fuckin pigeon man again

what’s up with the voices

WHAT IS THIS

THE NEW SUITS??? AND ALYAS VOICE HHHHH

i’m crying over the flower symbolism that everyone was dying over HAHAHAHAHA

PARTNERSHIP :””)

guys they’re such good friends pls

this boy,,

i’m on the floor watching this

marinette you fucking simp

WASHINGTON AND LAFAYETTE AS SOCK PUPPETS WTF HAHAHA

........SHES PREGNANT WHO

omg the science teacher :(

lilashut up

marinette wHy ARE YOU LIKE THIS

“yOuR friENd”

LOL THEY LOOK SO ANGRY

nice. but also fuck you gabriek for taking advantage of this

HSJSHDJSHDJDHSH THE KAGAMI AND ADRIEN KISS WAS ACTUALLY SO SOFT

ok but where is the kagami character development wtf is this script

SCREAMING LADYBOIR ON THE ROOFTOPS

THEYRE SO CUTE HAHAHHAHAAHHA

oh no

OH NO

NOOOO HES SO SAD

hsbdjshddhdhfh oh man plagg

crying gabriel really be calling emilie arrests my love but also sleeping with nathalie

LUKA AMD MARINETTE AHHHHHHH

FUCK THEY COULD BE SO CHTE

CHEEJ KISSES

i. don’t remember anything from previous episodes

LMAO SHES SITTING NECT TO ADRIEN HAHAHAHHAHA

why is marinette like this oh my gosh

frickin disaster

marinette imagination drawing has improved

i feel so bad for adrien omg

HAHAHAH ADRIENS BODYGUARD

why the fuck does the headmaster dude have popcorn on the plane

JULEKA AND ROSE CUDDLING

turbulence whilst in the bathroom is so relatable

“it’s beautiful isn’t it” YEAH ADRIEN IM SURE YOU WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THR VIEW

this is so soft omg i wouldn’t even mind if they stayed friends

nino and alya commentating HAHAHA

these two they’re so cute

HUGS AWWWW

...america has super villains too?

HWO ARE THESE POEPLE

UNITED HEROES?

i just realised this is a forty minute episode fuck

are superheroes just normal here i- Huh

night owl and sparrow???

AAWWWWW MOTHER DAUGHTER DUO (except i think the daughter is a uh robot)

://///// america.

“there’s a superhero for everything here” sure.

nino and adrien HAHAHA

omg no she’s a real girl she’s so cute aaaaaa

these kids......can’t work automatic doors.... absolute disasters

nope she is a robot

ayon?? is that her name?

there eyes are SO BIG

sabrina getting a storyline perhaps?

chloe saying the word cooties,,,, Huh

AYONS FRIEND SHES FUNNY

this party thing is making me laugh too much

the sneaking out and the teacher coming up HAHA boarding school vibes

so frickin weird but kinda cute

HER FRIEND IS SO COOL I WANNA KNOW HER NAME

“is it a bird” “is it a plane” SERIOUSLY

magic hotdogs?? wtf

nope i don’t wanna see this

WHAT

WHATS HAPPENING

they’re really playing matchmaker huh

omfg HAHAHHAHAHAHA THEYRE FLOATING AND DANCING PLEASEEEEE

i- these two DUMBASSES

also the friend’s talent wowza

FUCK ITS ACTUALLY AN HOUR LONG

why are they so bad at automatic doors i-

adrien SHUTUP IM SCREAMINF

*ahem* ladynoir

this girl got so into it so quick compared to what she was like last night and she’s doing it for entertainment too HAHA

gabriel,,,,, what the heck

a whole history lesson

i forgot how fucking stupid hawkmoth’s speech stuff is

“WOULDNT YOU RATHER HAVE AN ATOMIC BOMB” BROKE ME

adrienettes biggest enemy: doors

ohno

o h n o

these superhero transformations Huh

NOOOO AYON

OHNOOO SHES GONNA KNOW

O H N O

this team up is CUTE

nuuu she’s so angry at him

sparrow and ayon are so SKILLS

ohnoohnoohnoohno

MARINETTE WHY

oh my gosh

FUCK

HE JSUT CATACLYSMED HER FUCK

hawkmoth get in bitch we’re hunting down villains

omg they on the RUN

it’s a whole superhero FAMILY

oh nooooooo

THIS JS SAD

NOOOOO ADRIEN

NO WHY WOULD YOU LESVE HER

FUCK

PAIN

and hawkmoth has a whole new miraculous Fuck

“GILBERT” FSGDJSHDHJD HAHAHAHAHA

gabriel is so frickin evil

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA SUPERHERO MOMS IM SCREAMING

IM SO CONFUSED ARE THEY SISTERS OR. FRIENDS

marinette with plagg :(((

america has power rangers

ha that transition was pretty funny

noooooooooo i’m so sad

ALYA DONT SHOUT AT HER PLEASE SHES SAD

i’m-

FUCK MARINETTE DOESNT DESERVE THIS

AND NEITHER DOES ADRIEN

ohno

O H N O

lol it’s fuckin batman and superman but female and married

oh my shit,,,,,,

lol the door guy is kinda funny

oh fuck

yay i love these kids

gosh i LOVE sparrow

uh what the fuck was that

omg “i can’t imagine being ladybug without him” PLEASE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

plagg why are you like this

HUGS

STOPPPPP GSHDKSHDJS I LOVE THEM

why are there bombs and cannons EVERYWHERE this fuckin country

HER NAMES JESS

this was so cute

SPARROW IS AMAZING

OH MY GOSH SHES GETTING THE MIRACULOUS SCREAMING

uh.

that’s a nuke.

FSHKDHFJSHDGM MAJESTIA WHAT RHE FUCK SHE JST FUCKING CAUGHT IY

JESS GETS TO KEEP THE MIRACULOUS AHHHHHHH (sparrow = robin)

GUYS

STOP THIS IS CUTE

oh fuck when gabriel said his theory was correct i thought he knew adrien was chat noir but it’s FINE

shut up this was so much fun

HUH?

THEYRE MAKING AMERICAN MIRACULOUS HOLDERS NOW? there are other guardians??? i’m screaming

i’m still on the floor but this was actually so good i kinda loved it FUCK

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

Lost In Japan (Jimin x You)

A/N: this idea just popped in my head while I am taking a bath, and I rushed through my skincare routine just so I can jot this down 😂 anyway, I am going to combined this request with another. This being part one and the other part two. but it can also be read as a oneshot. I had wanted to do a story based on this song ever since I heard it (Lost In Japan by Shawn Mendes) bcs it just reminds me of the feeling you get at night on your holidays when you are just strolling around after a long day of exploring the city and met someone exciting ❤ and I dont know from what country you are anon, and I am not from Japan either, its just based on this song so you can imagine elsewhere ❤ Sorry if this is not what you have in mind

MASTERLIST

A/N : And also, I’m trying a new thing here and you are in no way obligated to do it but if any of you like my stories and want to give some support, why not buy me a coffee? ☕💜

A/N: I cant just keep a good thing to myself, so for those who are looking for a variety and affordable BTS and KPOP merchandise. visit this link right here okay

"Ahhh finally!" Jimin dropped his carry on on the floor and lie down in the middle of the bed, spreading out as wide as he can after taking off his stuffy jacket and mask. Airport arrivals are fun. Fun seeing their fans coming out all the way just to catch a glimpse of them and to welcomed them to their country. But as much as it is fun, it is also damn tiring. Especially when they are mobbed by crazy fans. Jimin is thankful he and his brothers managed to get out from the commotion as fast as they could and arrived safely at the hotel. And he is more thankful that they  have individual rooms now.

Dont get him wrong. Sharing a room with Taehyung or Jungkook or even one of his hyungs are fun. Theres someone he can talk to and do fun vlive clips with, but sometimes he needs some space without anyone breathing down his neck too. Times like this, where he juat want to rest his tired body.

Japan.

A country they are so familiar with already.

Two days of concert here and three days of free days for him and his brothers to roam about before they fly back to Korea for their other schedules.

Jimin cant wait to shop, sightsee and of course eat. He had learn long ago to treat every tour like a vacation in order to make the whole journey less tiring, more fun and less stressed. Just like what the others told him, it doesnt matter as long as they have fun performing, their fans will surely have fun with them too.

But Jimin can feel that something more exciting is going to happen this time.

He can just feel it.

/////

"Y/N, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS!"

Y/N calmly look up from the table shes wiping. Shes so used to her bestfriend yapping around like crazy. She used to get excited at first, but now, she learns that its better fir her to actually hear the news first. Mika can get super excited about a rock for all she knows.

"What is it that I wont believe Mika?" Y/N laughs. Thank god the cafe she works in has less customer today.

"BTS is coming! For a two days concert!" Mika shrieked.

"Okay... and?" She give her friend a short glimpse and turn back to her task.

"And?! What do you mean and?!" Mika went around and shakes her shoulders.

"Mika, they come here fir a concert every year! Sometimes even twice a year. Its not really a huge news," Y/N rolls her eyes.

"Oh right, I forgot," she giggles.

"You forgot they have a tour here every year? Every year that you become crazy everytime its announced?" Y/N eyed her friend, tapping her foot.

"No. I forgot about the news that you will not believe. The great news is...." she paused for dramatic effect before jumping and yelling, almost breaking Y/N's eardrum. "I got us two VIP tickets and a special fansign invite for both days! Both! Aaaahhhhhh!"

"Oh, thats great Mika! No wonder you are excited!" Y/N's smile grew. Mika has been trying to get tickets every year but she never made it. Online or physically lining up, she never gets the chance to get one. Y/N wonders how hard she work to get the tickets this time.

"Well, arent you?" Mika looks at her weirdly. "I know you are an ARMY too. And arent you excited? You can actually meet them, and converse with them! What if they fall in love with one of us?!" Mika exclaimed, already excited at the thought.

"Well, I am an ARMY," Y/N laughs at her friends cuteness. "But I only like them as a talented idol Mika. I dont even know what to talk to them about. And falling in love?" She giggles. "That only happens in fan fictions my friend. They will most probably already forget about you once the next fan came in view," she shakes her head and continue to clean the table, making Mika pouts.

"Sometimes I hate how practical you are. Cant you just let me dream a little?" She crosses her arm across her chest. "But still, you are coming with me right? Riggght?"

"Well, if you are willing to take me, then of course Mika," Y/N grins. "Of course I'll go with you. Who knows, maybe one of them will really fall in love with me," she giggles at the ridiculous statement.

Or she thought so.

/////

"Lets go people. We can do this!" Namjoon calls out behind the curtains, a few minutes before they are meeting their lucky fans who won the fansign event. After some peptalk and group hugs they went out and start the event.

The crowd is packed and loud, as usual. Girls screaming out their names and waving, trying to get their attention. Each of them did they usual routine, smiling, asking basic questions, answering the questions given to them, making aegyo, handshakes, posing for photos, wearing cute headbands and all sorts of fan service. Jimin is enjoying his time meeting his fan. He loves the attention they gives him and he appreciate all the support they gave to him all these years.

"Next!" The security calls out so the line will move as the fans switched to the next members. Jimin reaches out for the album and booklet in front of him, still looking down at thr album, flipping to the post-it where he should place his signature. But the post-it came empty, its just there as a mark to where he should place his signature. Iy seems the fan has no questions for him, which is a first. Their fans always have multiple questions for them to answer

"No question?" He looks up and immediately stopped blinking. In front of him stood the most beautiful angel he has ever since. Well, shes an angel to him, at least as everyone else seems to be perfectly normal.

"N-no question to ask?" He stuttered and mentally slapping himself. Shit, what is wrong with me. You are Park Jimin, composed yourself!

"Oh," she laughs, the most beautiful sound Jimin has ever heard. "No. Just an autograph will do,"

"Uh.. o-okay," with shaky hands Jimin put down his signature. God, what is wrong with me. I have met so many girls before and I am never like this. Calm down Park Jimin, composed yourself before she thinks you are weird. Come on, say something!

Jimin look around at the laughing fans by around him, talking to to the other members, talking to Taehyung and Jungkook, who is on his right and left side and he realized how quiet and awkward he is with this fan.

"O-oh right. I am Jimin. Whats your name?" Introducing yourself at your own fansign? Are you stupid Park Jimin?

She giggles.

And Jimin's heart skipped a beat. How unusual.

"I know you are Jimin. How can I come here and not know you," she leans forward to a whispering gesture, making Jimin's heart thumped faster at her close proximity. "ARMYs will kill me if I dont," she giggles more and leans back to her normal position in front of him. "And my name is Y/N,"

Jimin smile. How bold. How interesting. And what a name. Beautiful. Just like her.

"And Y/N.. how come you have no questions to ask? Arent ARMYs always curious?" He taps her post it to show the blank paper and Y/N shakes her head.

"No. Not really," she smiles. "Nothing that I want to know,"

"Just nothing for me or for everyone?" Jimin feels the need to ask. He felt like he needs to know if Y/N is just not interested in him or she really doesnt have a question for everyone.

"Well, its not just you. I dont have a question for everyone," Y/N's smile got bigger. Jimin raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Well, because everything you are allowed to tell me, it will be published in the news, or articles or something anyway. And if I asked you a real question, you wont be allowed to answer truthfully anyway. Isnt that right?" she laughs. "So no. No questions,"

Jimin was stunt. Never has anyone ever throw that cold hard truth to his face. Its true. Whatever they are showing and potraying in public, the character that they show, all of it is something that they want their fans to see. There are still parts of them that their fans doesnt know. A part of them, rhat is the real them that they didnt show the world. Mouth agape, Jimin looks at Y/N's face, not knowing what else to say.

His gut js right. Jimin is right, fron the moment he looks up to her face, he knew theres definitely something special about her.

"Well, whats your real question?" Jimin finally find his voice and the bravery he needed.

"When you are allowed to answer it, then I'll ask about it," she giggles, just in time for the security to shout next, and Y/N waves a hand and move aside before Jimin could say anything else. Y/N move to Taehyung, leaving Jimin speechless, and fascinated.

Y/N... hmmm.. his feelings is right then. Japan is going to be interesting this time around.

/////

Jimin knew he is going to see Y/N again at the concert. Everyone who attends the fanmeet has a VIP ticket, which is a particularly small section that is made special for them right in front of the stage. He is sure if he look hard enough, he will see her. Shes too beautiful, and too special to him now for Jimin not to notice.

And sure enough, the moment their went on stage, Jimin saw her face, smiling brightly with her Army bomb in hand, giggling with her friend. A surge or energy runs through him. Jimin suddenly feels like he needs to do the very best tonight, no, extra best tonight. He needs to show her that he is Jimin, and he is up here, looking at her  and apprently, only at her.

Jimin never kept her eyes off her, which is a little hard to do considering he needs to sing and dance and converse with his fans, well, other fans too. And its a stranger feeling for him, when a pang of jealousy hits him hard when he saw Y/N waving and taking photos of Taehyung, jumping and singing along to the other members' part.

What the hell is wrong with me? Shes a fan! She didnt pay for the tickets only to see you alone Jimin.

Without realizing, Jimin suddenly feek the need to futher make his existabce known. Known to Y/N. And keeping his eyes only on her, he starts to show off his dancing skills, making extra sexy moves and flirty gestures, which of course, make the packed stadium roared with cheers but reveiving weird looks from the other members.

It doesnt matter.

The crowd. The music. The members.

What matters is that if this will make Y/N looks at him, it was all worth it.

At least he hope she understand the sign hes trying to tell her.

/////

"Woah, what is wrong with Chim today?" Mika stares at the satge, mouth dropped opened. "I mean, I know he is sexy and all, but thats like being possesed with a sexy spirit or something," she points to Jimin who was grinding on the stage floor. "I dont remember the cheography being like that,"

Y/N shrugs.

"Maybe its a concert only special performance," Y/N justified.

"How are you so calm? He is even looking at you while doing all that. Oh my god, he really is!" Mika jumped, waving her Army bomb with excitement.

"Not at me Mika. My direction. Our direction. He cant even see the crowd with all those blinding lights. And look around you, theres thousand of people here," she laughs. "You think he wouls pick me out from the crowd?"

"Hey, you never know. You personally met him at the fansign. Maybe he remembers you," Mika giggles at how practical her friend. Girl, dream a little!

"Hello," Y/N rolls her eyes. "Everybody here went to the fansign Mika. This is the VIP section!"

"Oh my god. I forgot! Maybe you are right. But hey, its not wrong to imagine!" Mika laughs, Y/N joining her.

"Stop imagining useless things and just enjoy the rest of the concert!" Y/N yells through the noise, laughing. "Besides, its Park Jimin, being sexy and flirty on stage is his thing. I dont think thats anything extra anyway,"

"Okay, okay, you are right. Lets just enjoy this!" Mika grab her shoulders and starts bouncing, waving her Army bomb around. Y/N joins in, singinf along and recording videons of her and Mika, totally not realizing how hard Jimin is trying to wink her way.

/////

"I did everything I can, and she still dont even acknowledge me!" Jimin huffed.

"Are you serious? Shes a fan and you still cant get her to even look at you? Wow Chim, you really have no jams," Namjoon laughs.

"Hyung, its not funny! What do I do?" Jimin grumbled.

"Okay, okay. Lets think. The whole two days. She didnt look at you? At all?" Namjoon inquired, trying to help the younger man.

"Well, she does look at me..," Jimin ponders.

"Okay. Then whats the problem? You did talk to her at the fansign yesterday right? And today? Did you guys hit it off? Did you two share any interest? Maybe you are just not her type. What did you two talked about? Tell me everything from A to Z," Namjoon pulls a chair and sits in front of him, giving Jimin his full attention.

"T-talk?"

"Yeah. Talk. Like what we are doing right now. Hi I'm Jimin, I like you, can I have your number so I can take you out sometime, that kind of thing," Namjoon eyed him carefully.

"W-well... I didnt really talk to her hyung.." Jimin trailed off.

"What do you mean? You get her name. What else did you ask her? You met her twice at a fan sign Chim," Namjoon eyed him curiously.

"Well, at the first meef, I asked her for her name, so I can sign her album. And she explained to me why she dont asks any questiona, and then I blanked out and before I know it, it was already Taehyung's turn," Jimin pouted. "The time is too short for each person!"

"Well, you never complain before!" Namjoon roll her eyes. "Them what about today?"

"T-today?" Jimin stutter nervously as the memory of today's fansign entered his mind.

He was in no mood at all today After the concert on the first day, Jimin was frustrated. Y/N didnt notice him. After the concert she went back like everyone else. She went out so fast he didnt even get the chance to ask security or his managers to call her out. Jimin knew that he wont evenr see her again. Having that in his mind ruin his whole mood.

He went by fan by fan, signing their album and giving small smiles when required. When asked, he only says hes a bit tired and his fans will express their worry and tell him to get some rest. Never would have thought that he would hear the voice again as a a flatten box of their offical light stick and the photocarda were slide in front of him.

"You already sign all my albums and posters yesterday, so this is all I have left for you to sign," Jimin look up to the smiling face of Y/N and he thought hes dreaming.

"Y/N?"

"Yeah," she smile. "Wow, you remembered me!"

"O-of course I do!" Jimin tries to calm himself. "I didnt think you would come again, and both fansigns? Wow,"

"Well," she giggles. "I guess I am your biggest fan. All of you were great last night,"

"Yeah? But you went off so fast!" Jimin pouts and cursed himself for saying that when Y/N gives him a weird look. Now he sounds like a stalker.

"So fast? How did you know?" Y/N asked him curiously. Did Jimin really saw her in the crowd?

"Uh well.. call it intituition," he laughs awkwardly and Y/N just nodded.

"Well..." Y/N looks around, feeling awkward as she waits for the fan in front of Taehyung to move and lets a breath if relief when she does. "Okay, I'll go now,"

"Wait!" Jimin panics. This might be his last chance to have any sort if way to contact her. "Do-you-think-you-can-give-me-"

"And oh, good luck for tonight," Y/N suddenly say at the same time as his word jumble and patted his hand. The moment her hand touched his, eventhough its just a pat and for a second, Jimin blanked out, all his senses gone, heart pumping so rapidly it almost burst out. Bedore he can calm himself down and find words again, the security already shouted next and Y/N quicy waved and move on to Taehyung.

"Both times? Seriously? You blanked out both times??" Namjoon is shrieking out now. "God, you are hopeless!"

"Y-yeah..." Jimin look at his hyung, scared. "Its not my fault she touched my hand hyung!" Jimin try to defend himself.

"Touch Chim. Not even hold. And you have done this with countless fans! Girl fans!" Namjoon is at the brink of giving up.

"But hyunggg," Jimin wailed. "Thise firls are not Y/N! She's so pretty and smart, and not startruck and everything she said to Tae and Kookie are funny and smart then I'm the one who kinda got starstruck..."

"Oh my god, you are a bigger idiot than I thought," Namjoon hissed and slap Jimin's forehead, making him rubbed it  "Okay, fine. But if you barely even talked to her, why are you saying she didnt acknowledge you? I mean... even if she does, which I think she should with your stupidity, she didnt even have a chance to say it, right?"

"But hyungggg, even if I didnt directly say it, its obvious I am flirting with her. And only her!" Jimin answered as if his effort is the most obvious thing in the world.

"Flirt? How?" Namjoon asked, curious on what Jimin meant by flirting if they never even have a proper conversation.

"Didnt you see my extra sexy moves on stage? My winks, my flying kisses, my hip thrusts, how many times I run my hand through my hair, and seductively too if I might add, during these two concert?" Jimin smile proudly.

"Wait, are you saying your little cabaret show this past two nights is you flirting with her?" Namjoon rubs his chin.

"Duhh, of course hyung. What else? I am not a man slut like Kookie who do it for fun hyung,"

"Idiot!" Namjoon slap his head hard this time.  "That is what you call flirting? We thought you were possesed by some strip club ghost or something!"

"Ow hyungg, what the hell??" Jimin rubbed his forehead.

"How the fuck is Y/N supposed to know you are flirting with her when you do that in front of a packed stadium you dimwit? A stadium full of screaming girls too! And you always do those shit, yeah, its a little extra this time, but she will just think you are doing your typical flirting with the crowd thing," Namjoon hissed

"W-what?" Jimin panics. "Do you really think she thinks like that? That I am justsome big flirt to my fans?"

"Duhhh," Namjoon roll his eyes.

"But its all for her!" Jimin wailed.

"She didnt know that dumbass. You should have shown your interest during the fanmeet. Both freaking times!" Namjoon sighed and stands up.

"Wait, where are you going hyung? We are not done yet!" Jimin stands up and follow his hyung like a puppy.

"I am not entertaining this dumb shit. Im going,"

"But what am I going to do?!" Jimin wailed for help.

"Nothing. The concert is over Chim. Just pray that you will see her again," Namjoon shrugs before he leaves the room. "You have three days before we fly back home. Make it count,"

/////

Their free day was filled with sight seeing, shopping and eating. Jimin had fun, yes, but he cant help but feeling down whenever he thought about his lost chance of getting to know Y/N more. He has never been this interested in a woman before, nor has he even felt this kind of amazing chemistry towards a girl. Y/N is special, Jimin know she is. And although he doesnt know for sure if she really is the one for him, but he is sure that he atleast wants to get to know her better. And he wants to see where they will go from there.

"Cheer up hyung! Its only a girl. You will forget her soon. I am sure of it," Jungkook smile and roughly hug his shoulder, dragging him into the anime store. "Atleast your amazing favorite maknae is still here with you,"

"Yeah. Annoying maknae," he laughs. "I am in no mood to look at animes abd robots Kook, and also in no mood to hear you and Tae arguing about whos the better hero or whatever," he looks around the street. "I am going to head there, the coffee shop. Meet me there okay?"

Jungkook shrugs and pulls Taehyung to the store instead as Jimin make his way to the coffeeshop. Securing his mask and cap, he enters and nothing surprised him more than seeing the perfect girl smiling at a customer behind the cashier counter.

Y/N.

/////

"Okay.. if thats Y/N.. why are the three of us hiding behind this huge flower pot like some criminal?" Jungkook asks Jimin in confusion. His hyung rans in panics and drags both him and Taehyung to the coffee shop. And with panting breath, he nervously points towards a girl and only one word comes out from his mouth. "Y/N" and they have been hiding behind a huge flower pot in the coffee shop since then.

"Well, because I dont want her to see us. See me. What do I say?" Jimin wioes his sweaty forehead.

"Thats it? Thats the reason you ran all the way, drag me and Tae-hyung here, and hides behind this pot for 40 minutes now?!" Jungkook looks at his hyung, not believing his reason. "Thats it, I'm going in and introducing us and getting you her number!"

"Wait. What?? No!" Jimin drags Jungkook back behind the pot.

"Why? Isbt that what you want hyung? Her number? You have been moping since last night!"

"Y-yeah.. but how can I just ask her. Thats Y/N. Y/N! What if she say no? O-or she laughs at me? Or thinks I'm weird?" Jimin is freaking out and even he hinself doesnt know why he is like this.

"Well, we dont know if we dont try Chim. Let me and Kookie go and ask for you," Taehyung speaks up and stands up, revealing himself. Jimin panics and pulls him back behind the pot.

"What the hell! No! Sit Tae. Let me just think of something okay? I need to impress her somehow. So she would never ever say no," Jimin rubs her chin and the three sits behind the pot for a while longer, all in silence before Jimin suddenly shouted. "Okay, I got it! She will say yes to be my girlfriend after this! I am sure of it!"

/////

"From Park Jimin? The Korean idol Park Jimin?" Y/N eyed the flower delivery man curiously as he smile and nods. "Is this a prank? Tell me, who put you up to this? Its a girl right?"

"Uh no.. its really Park Jimin. He came to the shop. With Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook. I know its them because I am a fan and also," he taps the note on the flower, "Park Jimin put his name there,"

"So right now... you are saying.. that the world famous idol, Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung, just walk into your store, in broad daylight, and ordered flowers.. for me?" She points to herself.

"Uh.. yeah. Thats about right," the deliveryman nods again and smile. Y/N lets out a loud sarcastic laugh.

"Okay, good one. I am pretty sure this is a prank now," she received the flowers and sniff it. "Atleast I get flowers, prank or not. Thanks,"

The delivery guy shrugs and leaves, but not before looking at Y/N as if shes crazy.

"It must be Mika. Shes the only one who thinks Jimin is looking at me at the concert," Y/N shrugs and continue her work, the flowers forgotten.

Or so she thought.

Throughout the day, many more weird deliveries were made. More flowers, big, expensive ones too, cupcakes, balloons, choclates, chocolates bouquets, and even a puppy, which Y/N immediately asked to be sent back. At this rate she knows it couldnt be Mika. Is it really Jimin?

But why?

How does he knows where she works?

Even if he did finds out, did he really remember her?

And even if he did remember, why is he sending her all this stuff?

Y/N was confused for the whole day, and shes also embarassed when the customers and even her supervisor keeps complimenting how sweet her boyfriend is. Truth is, shes nor even sure if its really Jimin whos sending her all this stuff.

The gifts continue for the next three days, and Y/N just accept and places it all at the store room, even fivinf out the food to her colleagues and loyal customers. After a long hard shift, its finally time to close up. And deciding to leave everything she receives today at the shop, she cleans up and cloaed up the shop. While locking the door suddenly someone tapped her back.

"A delivery for Miss Y/N..."

"Seriously?!" With a frustrated and tired sighed she turns around. "Its almost 12 am at- J-Jimin?"

Y/N couldnt ever imagine thats its really Park Jimin standing in front of her, holding a huge bouquet of flowers. His face is covered with a mask, yes, but theres no doubt that its him.

"Well.. yeah. Are you expecting someone else?" Jimin cocks his head. Even he is nor sure where he gets his sudden confidence.

"Well... no. But I didnt expect it to be you either. Is it safe for you to roam around Japan like this? Are you lost?" Y/N furrowed her brows. How can he be lost? Where is manager?

"No. I am not lost. Unless you count loss of words everytime I see you," he smile.

"Huh?"

"Uh.. no, no, nothing. Uh.. you dont sound excited to be receiving all the gifts I sent you?" Jimin suddenly remembered hows frustrated she sound earlier when she thought he ia the delivery man.

"Well, to be honest. Not really. I mean.. I am not even sure it its really from you. And even though it is, I am still curious as to why? I mean... you dont really know me... and we are not really friends. Right?" Y/N looks at him.

Jimin is speechless. Doesnt girls like that kind of stuff? Especially from someone like him? But as he look at Y/N who is standing in front of him, face full of confusion, he realizes, Y/N is not like normal girls. thats why he felt attracted to her. Look at her right now, standing in front of him bur isnt starstruck at all.

"Uh.. to be honest, I kinda feel a chemistry between us when we first met at the first fansign..." Jimin takes a deep breath. Courage dont leave me now. "And.. I uh.. would like to talk more with you. To get to know you,"

"Okay..m so you decide to stalk me?" Y/n take a step back, a little scared. Jimin raised his hands up defensively.

"No, no! Its not like that. I didnt stalk you to find out where you work. I accidentally found out where you work 3 days ago, so I thought I could send you gifts, as a way to break the ice-"

"Wait, so you had known where I work for three days, and instead of coming in and say hi, like a normal person, you decide to flaunt your money and buy me stuff?" Y/N is trying to understabd what is the man trying to do.

"Well.. uh.. it sounds bad when you put it like that...but-but I thought you knew about my interest in you!" Jimin tries to safe whatever dignity he has left as Y/N eyes him carefully. "I have been flirting with you for the two whole concert days!"

"Flirting? When??" Y/n questioned him. "You barely even talk to me during the fansign Jimin-ssi," Y/N reminds him.

"D-dont you see me malong eye contact with you on stage? All those dance moves? Those extra stuff I did?"

"Huh?" Y/N looks straight at him. "Are you telling me that is you flirting?" Y/N didnt know if she should laugh or be pissed right now. "Thats the way to show me that you want to talk to me?"

"Y-yes,"

"Jimin... If you want to talk to me you can just ask. To be honest, I find you interesting to talk to too," Y/N smile.

"Really?!"

"Yeah... but after this weird gift giving thing... I am not sure..."

"What? No! I am not weird! Uh actually," Jimin panics. Is Y/N really going to just shut him away now? He has to do something. The thing that he planned to do when he came here. "Actually, I'm flying back to Korea tomorrow but before I leave... I just uh... wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend," he quickly pulls out a box with a white gold diamond bracelet inside. "And give you this,"

Y/N was silenced for a moment and Jimin hope that thats a good sign. He knows its rash, but hes leaving to Korea tomorrow and he needs a way to stay in touch with her. To just... make her his.

"Are you seriously kidding me right now?" Was Y/N's answer after the silenced.

"N-no?"

Y/N scoff.

"You never even introduce yourself properly to me. Or get to know me. Or even talk to me for the matter! How do you know you even really like me? If its only a blind atttaction, only because you like how I look, then I dont want any of it! Yes, I am your fan and I kmow mostly everything about you, but I dont want to know you as BTS' Park Jimin, I want to know you as Park Jimin... do you get it? And giving me ridiculous expensive gifts for three days is flirting and a way to talk to me?? And please know that hip thrusting and swiping your hair back on stage doesnt count either. What are you trying to do? Do you think I am that kind of girl Jimin?" Y/N look softly at him.

"I want a guy to ask me out, to ask me if I have plans and take his time to know me. I dont need your money or your fame Jimin. If you really like me, you would know thats the kind of girl I am. I am leaving, I am sorry, I have to declined. Have a safe flight back to Korea," Y/N bows and walks away, leaving Jimin alone.

Jimin was silenced by her unexpected outburst. He really didnt think ahe would say all this, nor did he think about how stupid his plans are. Taehyung and Jungkook has warned him, even suggested to just greet her and ask for her number, but noooo, he has to feel like he needs to impress her with expensive gifts. Now look what happen.Everything she says just make Jimin realized that she is excatly what he wants, who he needs in a woman. In a life partner. He wants to get to know her, all of her, but it seems like hes too late now.

/////

"Hyung? You okay?" Jungkook sat beside him on the bed. Its been a few days after the tour, and Jimin has been sad and locking himself in his rooms ever since.

"Yeah.. I guess?" Jimin answered lifelessly.

"You dont look okay Chim. You look... lost?" Taehyung sat at the other side of him.

"I am lost Tae. I have never been this lost in my entire life. I think I lost myself in Japan, I acted the way I would never have, and because of it, I lost my love,"

"Well.. if you lost something in Japan... I guess you have to go and get it back. Simple Chim," Taehyung grins and pat his back, hoping his best friend will understand what he meant.

/////

What happened last week is still a blur to Y/N. Did Park Jimin really sent her gifts for three days straight? The Park Jimin? Worldwide idol Park Jimin? And did he really showed up to her coffee shop and tell her he lijes ber, and wanted her to be his girlfriend? And did she rejected him, just like that?

Everything is like a dream to her. She is not even sure if it really happened it shes just imagining it all. But the wilted flowers and uneaten chocolate bars proves that all of it is too real.

She cant lie to herself. Her heart did do a little flip at the sight of Jimin that night. Yes, shes practical, but theres still a part of her that wants a fairy tale ending for herself too. She almost say yes, her heart is beating out from her chest. She cant believe its happening, Park Jimin likes her... but then her practical side takes over. Reminding her that they barely knew each other, what if Jimin ends up not liking her? And what she told Jimin is true, she wants someone who will ask her out, who will take his time to learn about her, just as mich as she will learn about him.

Maybe Jimin is only a drean afterall.

As she walks along the sakura covered park, Y/N sighed. Shes at her happy place. Her beautiful home, but she has never felt so lost.

/////

"Thank god I found you here," the voice behind her pants. Y/N immediately turns around only to see Park Jimin panting, holding his knees. Is she hallucinating in broad daylight now?

"Jimin? Is that really you?" She looks at the figure closely. Jimin looks up after catching his breath

"H-hi. I'm Park Jimin, and I came all the way from Korea just to find you, and someone told me that you are at a sakira park, but theres a lot of sakura park during during spring in Japan and I went to like 30 of them and then I got lost all over Japan, but I dont care, because I can handle being lost in Japan, but I cant handle losing myself again and worse, losing a chance to know you," he smile at her stunt reaction. "Y/N.. I got lost all over Japan, just so I can ask you..," Jimin wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans as Y/N smile at his stuttering form.

"Yes, Park Jimin?" Y/N flashed him a wide smile, easing his mind and making all his doubts dissappear, a surge of confidence suddenly surfacing in him.

"Do you... do you perhaps have any plans tonight? Because I want to take you out. I want to spend the whole night getting to know you, all about you," He took a step forward and bravely hold her waist, grinning widely.

"And why would you want to do that when you just met me three times Park Jimin?" Y/N hide her smile any longer.

"Because I.. well, because honestly Y/N..." he tuxks a stray hair behind her ears and look straight into her eyes, "I cant get you out of my mind,"

[xxchibilifexx]

I wish i could kill myself. I even wrote a letter. So if i do it then theywill hear my last words. I want to die. And I just wish Icoukd talk with someoneabout iy. Someone who stands next to me and whowill see how much icryand how much i struggle. Someone who will hugmr and just listen. I want to besavedbysomeone but at thesame time i dont want to bothersomeone wiyh it. It bothers people. They dont want to hear this stuff. People want to behappyand i amjust interrupting them. So i will try to seem happy for them. And give them a positive versiin of myself until i am finally gone. I want to thank my sister for being therefor me and that i was the only person for herwhocould stay byherside. I am glade that i made you smile a lot. And j am glade that you love me somuch. I amhappy that i coul help you tobecome such a good woman. You are strong and you dont need me anymore because youfound your love which is enough. I trust this guy so hebetter take care of you ok? You can have all of my stuff. All those things that I had. Please dont throw my art away. It was the only thing that I loved in this world. If it is possible could you please bring it to a place where its safe or where it can stay forever? It doesnt need to be seen by everyone but just...make it last forever. Thank you for staying so strong. You will become stronger after Ileft. Then there wont be amyone who will bother you. Iwont hold you back and iwont causemore trouble. I wont be a useless person anymore who makes everything more difficult. Iam sorrythat i coukdnthelp you more. But i cant do this anymore. My sister is the only person who i can talk to so there arentreally people who i am close to... But yeah Ihave a friend who is called Vigga. He is beautiful and he trieshis fucking best to stay inthis world. I am proudof him. We havent wrote much but he was the only one who coukd calm me down when i wanted to kill myself. He was strong for the others but not himself. I love you. You are amazing and although you always call me brother, I need to tell you that I had a crush on you but I dont know what a crush even is...so i think its wasnt really real. But you willalawys bemy brother. Those drawing where my last gift for you and I hope that you will remember me. The book was beautiful and I want it to be safe. So sister, please take care of itok? ...this is the pointwhere I shoukd be talking abohtmy parents right? Yeah,but there isnt much. Mother you taughtmethat Iwas useless and that I shoukd hide myself from theworld and be afraid. That iwill neverbe good enough. Thank you, i know that now. You tried to make up your mistakes and be a good "mother", but you will never be one to me. For me you are just a woman who came to late to safe me. Your hugsare could and you voice makes me scared. But hey, you can be happy that you at least try to seem like a good person right? But one thing, if you dare to hurt my sister one more time, I will come and kill you because that is what you deserve. You wanted to protect us from "father"? Well but you didn't even consider that you are the one who should be gone. I never loved you. And I don't want to mention my "father" so I will just say that I never had a father but there was a man who made me feel helpless and lose all the hope that I once had inthis world. You make me sick. And if you dare to contact my sister again I will come and kill you too because you fucked the whole family up and you arent even sorry for it. Be ashamed of yourself. Ok and to end it I just want to say that my brother is amazing. I know that you cant read at all but i want to say that its not yourfault for not understanding us. Youstill make a lot of people happy with your big smile.so be proud of it. I am glade that you are here and dont listen to mother. You don't need to change. You are perfect already. You are happy and that is enough, brother. Keep being awesome my lovely brother. I love you so much, although you don't like hugs but its fine. Now that I amdone with my family and my best friend I just want to let say some randomstuff to some people who made me feel something jnthepast. Lina you are an amazing person and I hope that you get your 15 points in each subject. I alwayswanted to belike you. Be popular. Loving yourself. And being comfortable inany kind of area. You alwaysmake the room shine and tthat is awesome. Kira,Jakob, Vic and Nicoli, I haven't got to know you all as much as Lina but you are all really nice people and wish I could have been a part of your group.but i never really was. Maybe you didnt notice my true feelings but ialwzyswishedthat j could run away. I wasnt shy but terrified to live. But yeah. I apologize for not telling you allmy true name, its John. Dont be surpised about it, Lina and Kira already knew it. Oh and Jakob, you still look like Peter Parker from Spiderman. I am kidding butI really like you a lot, youareawesome. And Vic, I think you are thecoolest girl that iever got to know becauseyou are just being you and its amazing. I wish icoukd have open up to youbecause i liked to be around yoh. But i was alwaysto uncomfortable with myself. But because of you iwas able to sometimes say what i reallythink about others or things. You all alwags took it as a jokebut i was always serious. And Nicoli, ok i dont want to make you uncomfortable but i loved youreyes a lot. Icould starre at them and still be impressed. Ok, so i liked your jokes a lot and wish i could have seen how you dance. You are really a beautiful dude and i hope that you and youtwin brother will find happiness... Kira I am sorry that you got to be the last one. Dont bemad at me. Anyway ireally love your art. It was so wonderful and i was always jealous. I wznted to hate you dumb ass were so nice to me so icouldnt hate you.but i amglade that i meet youbecause you are really a sweetheart and i am surprised that you still donthavea boyfriend yet. You are really such an interesting person and I always wanted to bake a cake with you or dance with you. You guys are too awesome and I thankful for the time that you spend with me but i am angry at myslef that you wasted your tine on me. A person who didnt had a face. It wasntworth it. So please forget me. I alwaysthoughtthat icould tell youall my feelings and that iwant todie but i know itwould bejust me being a burden. So i shut up. You all deserved more than what you got from me. I am really sorry. Now I want to talk about a few people who probably donteven think about me. Karsten, it made my day to see you at least once. I loved yoursmile a lot and it made me happy to see you laugh with yohrfriends. I zlways wznted to beyour friend but i know that i am not good enough. Youare amazing and it was a shock for me when youcalled me John before this spanish lesson. I didnt know that you knew about the name...but it made me happy that you just accepted me as a guy although i ha ent even explained myself or said anything. Youjust respected me and yhis made me cry. I had a huge crush on you and wish i hadmore lessons with you. Iwish we could have kissed each kther and I wishyou were my best friend. Since 2016 i liked you. You are awesome but i think you never liked me as muchas ido. Keep being a sunshine. Mia i loved how good you were in volleyball and i wish i was as good as you are. I admired how nice and supportiveyou were. I wish i could have been brave enough to tell youthat i suffer in every sport lessonthat wehad. That iwas embarrassed to go into the girls changing room. That i was sorry to exist. I neverwanted to come but ididnt wanted to make it more difficult forme than it already js.. youare beautiful and i hope you find a good guy. Johanna, i am thankful for the time that youspend with me. Itwas short but it was so.ething. you saw how much i suffered but you didnt ask me why. No you asked but i used an excuse so that idont need to explain myself.WHY DIDNT YOH ASK ME MORE. WHY DIDNT YOU SAW THAT IWANTED TO DIE. Anyway, i think youare a cool girl and i sometimes wished to be yourboyfriend butyou never sawme as a dude. You justsaw the person who tried to be something thatcant even be figured out. My math teacher and my art teacher were really nice to me too. I alwagswanted totell you both that i ddont feel good but ididnt wanted to say what was in my mind. Itwas to muchtk beexplained. But my art teacheralways knew that i wastrans and he saw that j was getting sicker and sickerso why whywhy WHY DIDNT YOUSTOP AND ASK ME. I SAID IT WZS NOTHING BUT YOU KNOW IT WAS A LIE RIGHTright?? Amywag..you both were my favourite teachers and i am happy that yoh were my LK teachers...please just forget me ok? And to finish this.... Hey my dearest friend Sev, Yes i am sick. Yes I have trouble with staying here. But it wasnt because of me beingtrans. It. Wasnt.BECAUSE.OF.THAT. So shut the fuck up. I am dead because of many reasons and everyone in this letter has caused it. Yes you too. Because you left me and decided that yohr religion is more impirtant then our deep relationship. I hate you. Why did you leave? If you werentgonethan this woukdnt happen. But well you alwayscared aboutyourself anyway. I am glade that i helped youto find your way.are you happy? Well probably because you dont need tosee or hang outwith me anymore. Guess what iwillbe gone from this world too haha so youdknt need to be afraid to see me i thecity or street! Are you haply now? Good luck with yourlife. And Bas, I am glade that wehad a good ti.e together.yoh were honest and brave. I admire that. Be happy. I dont know anyone else who I know in real life so let me talk about you gugs here. @fallcter i am gladethat you are here and that you wanted tohelp me. My blog is useless andso am I. Ihope that youwill get better soon.idonthave hope for myself but you will make it. @snow-wiz20 thank you for cheeringme up when i felt lonely and messed up. I dont knowhow to thank you..but i am sorrythag i wasted your time and I hooe that you dknt have to gothrough thesame thing as me... @nouga-agathe-zed hay ehm, i am really glade that iwasable to get to know yoh, itwas interestingto meet sucha person and i wish icoukd have been a better person.i wishi was more funny and thatiwas more joyful....what youdo it amazibgand yourart is nicetoo...i am sorry that i took qso much time from you and i hope that your life will be nottoo stressful.. This is not a suicide note...it seems like one right? Haha yeah...i needed to say it I am sorry if j worried everyone but i just need toqay stuff like this I dont know when i wi b gone so j alreadg wrote this..i am sorry Dont beworried about me

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 10 - “I wanna merge” - Thomas

alright just a recap of the round since i was at work all day! i was suuuuper excited that despite being in the warzone i was there with owen and matt my main boiz. also now people don't need to go bitching that i haven't been there yet anymore xoxo bite me cullan u bitch. apparently right when we got to the warzone tommy threw out adrian's name to trace bc he's still pressed about him calling him inactive during the round that nehe left which i mean eyeroll but ok. so as soon as i heard this i told matt, which probably was a mistake on my part but oh well. at that point i still was wanting to go through with what matt had wanted which was an alliance with us, adrian, and maynor. matt tells me last night though that adrian apparently initially brought up wanting to vote myself or owen due to challenge prowess, and i'm assuming the fact that we're winners as well. again, eyeroll. i brush it off and am like well let's sleep on it and see where we're at in the morning. so i tell owen all of this as well and make him promise me not to leak bc this could've potentially been a big round for us depending on what we wanted to do. he agreed with me that adrian even suggesting our names in passing wasn't a cute look and i didn't really wanna stand for that. we talked about it in pms and then again in the paradise hotel chat and it was odd bc then traces' information and actions were always seemingly right behind us. i'm fairly certain matt was leaking all of it to him but ok. i mean i hope he wasn't, but we'll see. trace and adrian got close real fast if they weren't already so that was kind of another point that i was trying to drive home with matt. good ol' matt kept mentioning yk that me and owen are his main people and that he doesn't care if adrian goes and at that point it just felt like ok well put your money where your mouth is. so we push for that and come to the conclusion that we really just need us, tommy and chloe obvs bc she's not gonna vote herself. the group decides to leave trace out of it after i bring up how trace apparently has all of the tea so maybe it wasn't getting leaked to him afterall??? idk shrug. i did let stephen know what was going on a little before tribal, i probably should've confirmed with him earlier but i wasn't sure how much he was willing to trust me with kind of right away like that. everything goes right as planned and adrian leaves 6-2??? happy to be back and out of the warzone, but i miss matt and owen already, but corey is back with me now!!! oh that reminds me apparently matt is wary of both ian and corey so i gotta keep an eye on that moving forwards and plan accordingly. ummmm also trace messaged me and was like hey so what happened?? i decided to tell him that i legit must've misunderstood messages from someone and that he was back to voting adrian. idk i just played dumb so i hope he bought it. he was like yeah as long as it was miscommunication and not me getting fucked over it's cool sdjgksdlg like what am i supposed to say to that.... yes i was trying to fuck u over u right.... got me!! 

Genuinely surprised Chloe survived after being a target for so long, makes me suspicious there might be another alliance out there, because most people told me Adrian, they might not trust me yet, hopefully voting with them helped me there.

If I’m being truly honest. This challenge is so weird that i dont think imma be able to like do iy. Might be a warzone trip for me this round and it sucks because I dont want to go. Like Adrian was someone i could have worked with but he left 6-2 and I hope it wasnt Matt who voted Cloe.

---

I got the first one in 6 clicks. I hope im able to get the rest pretty quickly but i dont know if i move from kuwait or i start from survivor again.

Part 1. I have emotional motion sickness. Somebody pls roll the windows down. I'm scared to lose Matt or Owen at this tribal. I don't see it happening but it still worries me. Ideally, Thomas leaves. Kait or Stephen leaving aren't the worst case scenarios either. Realistically, I predict Trace or Stephen. Trace.... pls survive. I'll send this confessional in two parts. Will be writing the second part later tonight. Part 2. Well. Adrian left. this is bad for my game. Is it worst case scenario? no. But Trace didn't vote him out; Matt did. Matt betrayed Adrian and Kait basically told me so. I cannot trust Matt as much as I thought I could; but maybe his allegiance is to Owen primarily as Matt sold Adrian out bc Adrian wanted to target Kait/Owen. It's hectic but Adrian was a number for my game, personally. I'll do my espionnage and try to keep tabs on what everyone is thinking. Oh, and attempt to win immunity again!

Well, last night's war zone did NOT go as I expected. I really thought that everyone was on board to vote Chloe, but I was clearly mistaken. The tribal left me a little confused, and genuinely nervous about what my fate would be if I were to return to the war zone in the near future. There are a few things that I did learn from this war zone, however. I really think that matt is kind of calling the shots over there. He seemed to be the sneakiest one, and was the one lie that kind of hurt the most. Kait claims that she thought I knew the vote was Adrian, and that is was a mistake on her part. I don't fucking buy it. Kait is clearly close with Thomas (she literally calls him Tommy), but decided that they couldn't trust me enough to tell me in the end the vote wasn't chloe. I did not appreciate that. I hate being in war zones where people who are inactive get to stay because somehow, someone figured out how to goat them to the end. I am going to do my best to stay out of the war zone this round, but this challenge is confusing so I have no idea if I even have a chance.

Im really nervous for this immunity. I hope i had a quick clicks. If not I hope im with people i can work with and not be voted out. Im anticipating a merge soon but how it works idk.

http://prntscr.com/nu7q5f what kind of false scorpio antics.......... 

Me? Safe again? Hskshdjd who woulda THOUGHT!!! I’m glad madison is finally safe I feel like the more she goes the more time she has to make connections lmao. I know she rlly wanted to be safe this time for some reason but part of me thought she had been throwing tbh so she could actually play the game which isn’t a bad strategy. I feel really bad for matt going again :( but I think he will be okay. Here’s hoping they send Stephen out please and ty!!!! In other news I still think I’ve never talked to Ian or corey which is funny af because corey could be my number one in this game. I feel like he will be loyal to me once we make it together.... I rlly just hope him and Kait don’t clash, but I’m scared af because Matt was sus about corey getting renee out and I haven’t gotten to tell corey that yet. Hopefully when the time comes I can get corey and Kait to work together and the three of us can go to the end somehow. I’m not gonna turn on Kait. I can’t turn on corey. It’s gonna be messed up if they ever start to target each other bc Kait doesn’t know I’m close with him but he knows I’m close with her nnnn

Kait thinks I'm targeting pairs, huh? Well, yes but actually no. I'm targeting pairs in the since that members of those pairs are people I don't think would work with me, I'm not targeting them for being pairs. I've got a pair in Leo I want to work with, also MY SIGN PARTNER IS STILL IN THE GAME, albeit barely. It has become abuntly clear to me that Matt does not have over lapping interests with me in this game. The man is out there spreading propaganda against me to Kait and Owen, who has never met me might I add so he sees me exactly as I see him. A threat. Kait, I thought you were warming up to me, but please keep thinking Corey is who you should confide in, he's totally not closer to me or anything.

This Warzone is really stressing me out. I don’t think I have the same allies I’m usually confident with. There’s Devon and Trace and Maynor and Chloe but I only can trust them so much because none of them are working together. I’m hoping to get out timmy or Stephen who I don’t know and don’t trust but I also know that my name certainly could be coming up soon enough because with each tribal I survive I become a bigger and bigger threat. I’m ready for some idol shenanigans if need be but I’d love to save that shit for down the road.

The names being thrown out right now are Cloe, Timmy, and Stephen. I much rather have Timmy stay because we are actually working together in this game rather than against. Stephen even tho we dont talk much there is still that connection through his game he hosted and one we played together. Getting majority on Cloe will be great because she wont get dragged to the f3 and take a spot that could be mine.

This warzone feels different. It’s an odd group and a lot of people who haven’t been together. So it’s somewhat quiet but also contentious since anything could happen at this point. Not sure how tonight will play our, should be fun....

So the vote seems to be Chloe, yet she always gets votes and it’s never her so naturally I’m weary. I think this will be the time though, especially with who is at this tribal. Trace was saying Devon had said Stephen, which I don’t want him going because he would be a good number for me. Trace also said that Matt said my name but I think he’s now on the Chloe train...I’m hoping. Either way I doubt he would have majority. I’m hoping I stay because it’s about to be merge and I think I’ve been doing well so far. I’m proud of how social I have been with people, it’s not the best, but it’s a lot better than I usually am.

It looks like the vote is locked on Cloe but still very awkwardly quiet. I hope nothing crazy goes down. *knocks on wood*

Don’t mind me just dying and having no idea what’s going on at all hahaha probs gonna be voted out next xoxox 

This better be the last Warzone, I wanna merge.

So, with little debate, I think we settled on voting Chloe. Originally, Devon and Matt wanted to vote Stephen, but I had to convince them onto Chloe because I want to make sure we have more people on our tribe than theirs so that I have a chance of winning immunity. Matt told me he heard Timmy's name which is weird. I think he was just trying to scare me. I told Timmy about it, and Timmy was upset, but I really don't think it went anywhere. Chloe came to me and told me that she would vote anyone as long as it wasn't her. I really don't trust Matt even though he keeps telling me that I can trust him, so idk. Maybe I'll flip the script at the last minute and try to get everyone Matt at the last minute, but we shall have to see if that's smart for me... idk

[letters-to-the-broken]

oct 24

oh where to start today.... i asked for my conference to be in the afternoon. because of that i slept in until 12 exactly. i woke up and i felt so fucking warm and comfy and happy. i knew you werent there but i wanted you to be. youre just so so good. if you here were i wouldve asked for the morning. i remember last years conference. it was awful and i felt awful and i just wanted you. iy was chilly and i wore your black sweater to confort myself. it was the first time i was brave enough to walk to your place on my own. crisp auttum air in the morning. half melted snow and fallen leaves. your arms. i loved that afternoon. i think it was one of the best. did i ever tell you i prefer mornings?

anyway, my conference sucked, i couldnt get around my skipping. fuck. ow. wait. i cut again today. i'll get there. i dont know how many. im sorry. my conference sucked and i got yelled at. they asked about my future and fuck i dont want a future!! i dont want to be alive! you arent here so whats the point..... "whats your plan for after grade 12" bitch shut up i hope to fucking god i'll be dead by then. i dont want to be alive. i dont want to ever turn 21. everything sucks. i miss you. so much. so fucking much. i cant talk to anyone. im so lonely. i miss you i miss you i miss you. i wish things could go back to the way they were.