#No Andy i won't go to therapy

[ocean-pie]

Well, fuck you too, I didn't need this today, thanks.

[stellar-constellations]

Star Patient: Chapter 4 (FINISHED SERIES)

WARNING: This series will include; possible inaccurate medical procedures and medical setting, gore, toxic relationships that should NOT be replicated in real life, murder, yanderes, cursing, suicide mentions, implications of misandry (male misogyny), and possibly more.

Inaccurate canon-timeline (this is before Ashley and Andrew murdered their parents).

Reader has a small fear of adult men/rape and has a history of suicide attempts.

Incest is not Wincest.

Amnesiac! Obsessive! Patient! Andrew Graves x Yandere! Nurse! Reader:

Wordcount: 11,018 words

Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, current chapter, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, final chapter.

Want to listen to music while reading? Check out the Star Patient's Official Playlists! Multiple different playlists and genres!

        "Andy."

        "Hey Andy, wake up..."

        "Andrew."

        "Andrew, wake up!"��

        Andrew shot awake, before letting out a hiss, clutching his head as it pounded terribly. He cradled his head, before turning his attention to his bedside, where Ashley stood. 

        "What are you doing here?" Andrew questioned, still holding his head. "You manage to worm your way in here that quickly after getting banned?" 

        "Hospital security sucks." She hummed. "That, or they just hire any idiot off the street."

        "Maybe you can get a job here." Andrew commented sarcastically, earning a half-hearted glare from his sister. "But you still didn't answer my question. Why are you here?" 

        "Well, how are you healing? Are we ready to get out of here?" Ashley questioned, sitting down on his bedside, the uneven distribution of weight on his bed causing his injured legs to shift, making him wince. 

        "I don't know..." he hissed between his teeth as pain shot through his legs and head. "I think it'd be best for me to stay here until I can walk again. We have no where to go when I heal up, and the nurse said I'd have to be bedridden for a few weeks to make sure my legs heal and get strong again." He spoke. "I bet there's probably going to have to be physical therapy too for my legs, so I can walk and crap." 

        "Ugh... healing broken bones takes too long. I feel like a kid watching their grandpa die." She groaned, physically deflating. 

        "What's the rush?" Andrew questioned. "We're out of our old city, and it's not like anyone's following us anymore." 

        Ashley had a look on her face, a flash of hesitancy appeared on her face, gaining Andrew's immediate interest. "I just... I had a dream last night, from the demon, and..." she paused, looking away as she thought what to say.

        "And...? And what?" Andrew questioned, prompting for her to go on.

        "Ah, never mind." She huffed, a little frustrated. "It's not something you can help with, being bedridden and all." 

        "Are you sure?" Andrew questioned, seeming concerned. "You can tell me—" 

        "Don't worry about it, Andy!" Ashley smiled, plastering on a fake smile. "It's nothing too big. So, how are the nurses and doctors treating you?" 

        "Good..." Andrew muttered. 

        He was concerned about Ashley's strange behavior, but he knew that if she didn't want to talk, she sure as hell won't. 

        "They're all fine... Some of the nurses and doctors here are pretty weird, but the one nurse that takes care of me seems pretty nice." Andrew explained. "but, she works in the pediatric branch so I don't see her much." Andrew quickly added, hoping that his lack of time and attention to the nurse would save him from another argument between the siblings.

        "A nurse? Is she pretty?" Ashley questioned, keeping up her innocent smile.

        Andrew knew this trap very well. He opted to look away from her eyes, staring out the window at the daylight outside.

        "No..." he lied. "I wouldn't say that."

        "Really? Even with her pretty (e/c) eyes and (h/c) hair?" Ashley questioned.

        When did Ashley meet (Y/N)? Ashley had never been in the hospital during the night, so there's no way she met her inside the hospital.

        "How did you know what she looked like? Did you meet (Y/N)?" Andrew questioned, curious as he turned his gaze back at Ashley.

        "I knew it..." Ashley muttered, a distasteful expression on her face. 

        "What?" Andrew questioned, confused.

        "Don't worry about it." Ashley spoke, standing up from the bed's end, the small movement causing Andrew's legs to hurt a bit. "I'm gonna go grab food. I didn't get any on the way here. I'll see you later, Andrew." Ashley smiled.

        Before Andrew could open his mouth, Ashley walked out of his room, exploring the hospital as she avoided the nurses and security guards who could recognize her. She was able to snatch a scalpel lying in one of the empty doctor offices while a nurse was cleaning the exam table, headphones in her ears as she blasted music. Quite unprofessional really, but it helped Ashley get a weapon that was actually useful rather than an empty handgun. 

        She shoved it in her pocket and waited around the hospital for hours, changing her hiding spot every now and then. She made sure to stay in the pediatric branch, the branch Andrew said that pretty little nurse worked in. In one of her hiding spots, two little boys were rummaging around before they discovered her.

        The two had been looking around for their parents after escaping their hospital rooms, Ashley figured due to them calling out “Mom! Dad!” in the hallways. They got to her hiding spot and opened the white curtain she was hiding behind, looking to see if their parents were behind there (kid logic, it makes no sense).

        Before the two could scream, Ashley quickly covered their mouths with her hands.

        “Don’t be brats now, stay quiet.” She hissed.

        They looked at each other, then her, before nodding. Ashley looked hesitant to let them go, but she didn’t want to be discovered, so she moved her hands from their mouths, wiping her hands on her shirt.

        “Are you a ghost?” one of the kids whispered.

        “No.” She answered, her expression a mix between boredom and displeasure.

        “Are you a nurse?” the other questioned. 

        “No.” Ashley scoffed, her tone almost sounding offended that they had the audacity to say that. “Like I’d work with kids."

        “So, who are you? What are you doing here?” one of the blond boys questioned.

        “I’m playing hide and seek with one of my friends.” She lied. “Leave, you’re gonna give away my hiding spot.” She huffed, grabbing the curtain and closing it to shield her from view.

        Before the kids could ask to play too (having already forgotten their parents), they heard footsteps, followed by a voice.

        “What are you two doing?” a female questioned, her shadow being seen through the curtain. 

        Both of the boys jumped, letting out squeals as they turned to look at her. Ashley grabbed the scalpel she stole out of her pocket, holding it tightly in her hand. Whether it was the she was looking for or not, she’d kill her if she gets discovered.

        “N-nothing! Just… playing!” one of the boys spoke nervously.

        Good… Ashley thought, smirking. 

        “I’m Tom, that’s Jerry.” One introduced themselves.

        “Like the cartoon?” the nurse questioned.

        Funny. Ashley thought sarcastically, rolling her eyes at the joke.

        “Um… yes?” one of them spoke, hesitant in their answer.

        “Well, it sure matches you both, since you sneaked out of your rooms.” The nurse commented. “Who are you talking to?” she questioned.

        Ashley’s grip on the scalpel’s handle tightened, wiggling her shoulders to loosen up a bit in case the nurse got too curious, getting ready to kill her.

        “Come along now.” The nurse spoke.

        Ashley watched the two small shadows walk away from her hiding spot. The nurse stayed for a second, keeping her attention on the curtain, before she guided the two boys away from her. Ashley peeked her head out of the curtain, seeing a nurse with two little boys walking away. The nurse had (h/c) hair, but Ashley couldn’t see the color of her eyes.

        Damn. Ashley thought. I think that was just my target…

        She couldn’t be certain per se, but it was certainly the best description so far. 

        Well, it’s not the end of the world. In fact, it’s probably for the best. If she killed the girl in this hospital, not only could she get medical assistance from others in the hospital if something goes wrong, but it’d be a pain in the ass to hide the body somewhere here too (not to mention the security cameras). If someone died in the hospital, they’d check the security cameras and find Ashley, then Andrew would be in trouble too since Ashley walked in his room and he was left unharmed. 

        If she can’t kill her in the hospital, she’d just kill her at home. She can just hitch a ride in (Y/N)’s car, it’s really not that hard. Ashley can just follow the girl out of the hospital and either threaten her with the empty gun (not like the nurse would know) or she can just unlock her car depending on her car’s model.

        Ashley made sure to follow behind (Y/N) for the rest of the night. Luckily, she didn’t have to wait too long. After rushing out of the staff room, she ran to the elevators. Ashley took the chance to rush down the hallway and slide down the hospital staircase railing, reaching the elevator’s lobby. She followed (Y/N) out of the hospital lobby, following her to her car. 

        (Y/N) unlocked the car and hopped in the driver’s seat, Ashley timing opening and closing the door from her the back passenger side on her right. (Y/N) buckled her seatbelt, turning up the radio to a random jazz station this late at night and sitting in her car, thinking in silence.

        (Y/N) seemed to be muttering to herself, this combined with the radio on allowed Ashley to situate herself onto the car floor, away from (Y/N)’s vision. Maybe if (Y/N) wasn’t so upset, or maybe if she drove in silence without the auditory distraction, she would’ve noticed Ashley behind her; but she didn’t.

        Ashley decided not to kill (Y/N) at the moment. If (Y/N) died, they’d crash and Ashley could potentially die or be hospitalized; which would give her a one-way ticket to jail after they examine (Y/N)’s body and realized she didn’t die from the crash.

        (Y/N) kept muttering as she drove, seemingly annoyed. Ashley was a bit curious of what she was so upset about (Penelope’s potential crush for Andrew, she was upset about) but Ashley stayed quiet; it would be pretty stupid to say “hey, what are you muttering about?” when you snuck into your victim’s car to kill them. 

        The drive wasn’t too long, but to Ashley it felt like an entirety. When the car stopped, (Y/N) turned off the radio and stayed in the car for a few minutes, her hands gripping the steering wheel as she stared into space absentmindedly. She finally let out a sigh, then unlocked her car and hopped out. (Y/N) locked the car and walked to her apartment door on the first floor outside, opening the door and shutting it behind her. 

        Ashley undid the car door lock on the inside, popping up the lock button and carefully exiting the car (after a small heart attack from the inner lights of the car turning on once she opened the door). She made sure there were no people in the parking lot, then she shut the car door behind her and ran up to (Y/N)’s apartment. 

        Ashley walked up to the door, carefully trying the door handle to see if it was unlocked. It was.

        This is almost pathetic how easy it is…

        Either the work day tired her out, or she really has no common sense or street smarts.

        Ashley slinked into the apartment, the house pitch black. (Y/N) didn’t even bother trying to light up the house, now this was starting to get almost sad.

        Ashley crept carefully through the hallway, using her hands to guide her through the dark. Ashley made it to an opening that led into the living room, the only source of light being the window that showed the sun starting to rise.

        (Y/N) was on her back as she laid on her couch, staring up at the ceiling silently, no thoughts seeming to go through her mind.

        Okay, now this is depressing. Very depressing. Ashley almost felt a little sorry taking her life; or, what was left of it really, which wasn’t much it seemed.  

        Ashley carefully walked past the depressed nurse, finding her kitchen. Ashley decided she didn’t want the scalpel anymore and she traded it for a long kitchen knife instead, 8 inches long with a sharp, pointy blade. 

        She held the knife as she explored more of the house, finding (Y/N)’s room. The room was probably the most decorated of the house, with small plotted pants in the window (surprisingly alive, a comparison to their soon-to-be-dead owner). Her room wasn’t decorated much, having a dresser, a closet, a bookshelf of books, a bed, and a desk. Her walls were pretty plain, and she barely had anything on her dresser to hold other than a multimedia center on it.

        Even her bedding was a plain grey, but there were colorful soft plushies that covered the bed to brighten up the room.

        Ashley’s unsure if that’s childish or even more pathetic, needing plushies to replace humans? That’s just depressing.

        Ashley was starting to doubt if it was even worth killing this woman, her life is already pathetic enough as it is. Ashley even contemplated if someone would even miss her. For now, Ashley hid behind the bedroom door and waited for (Y/N) to walk in… whenever she decides to stop sulking on the couch.         .         .

        (Y/N) laid on her couch, staring at the ceiling pathetically. She couldn’t be bothered to think, or even recall her day. Days and week just all just seemed to blur into one now. If one of her patients told her this is how they felt in life, she’d be considered and talk with Doctor Ryan about scheduling an appointment with a therapist; but (Y/N) had been living like this since she was a child. It doesn’t affect her as much as it did when she was a child.

        Being alone doesn’t hurt anymore.

        I need to get up and shower… (Y/N) thought. 

        She turned on her side, staring at her reflection in her TV. She looked pathetic curled up on the couch like that. 

        She wanted to get up and get ready for deal, get rid of all the germs and hazardous matter that was stuck on her clothes and skin, but walking to the bathroom just seemed like a challenge. 

        She groaned, pausing a few seconds, before getting up from her couch and sluggishly walking to her room.

        I just need to shower, eat a meal, then sleep. I should be feeling better tomorrow. She thought, telling herself the same lie she’s told herself for years. 

        She walked down her hallway, a plain hallway. It was nothing but bare wall, just about as empty as she felt here alone. She had no paintings to put up (and deciding what she’d hang up would be too much of a struggle). She didn’t want to hang up any of her awards or accomplishments, they held no meaning if her parents couldn’t see the victory or praise her for it. She had no family pictures, and even if she did, she wouldn’t have felt pride about the woman that would stand in the frame—not herself or her mother.

        She let out a soft sigh, maybe she should get a pet? Sleeping in a bed covered with stuffed animals doesn't really make loneliness any better, just makes sleep more comfortable. Pets are great for depression too! But it'd be so bothersome trying to choose one, yet alone have time for it... maybe she could just get her a reptile, something that can live inside of a habitat and won't need much care; be independent and uncaring to touch, unlike her own needs.

        She opened her bedroom door, flicking on the light switch. She stepped inside, rummaging through her drawers for a comfortable set of pajamas. Ashley stood in the corner, watching (Y/N) from behind the open bedroom door, before she decided to take her chance. 

        She carefully crept behind (Y/N), a kitchen knife in hand, one she stole from (Y/N)'s kitchen since Andrew wasted all the bullets in her gun when he shot that hitman in the park. She was a little nervous, it’d be her first kill without Andrew or the help of her demon friend.

        As much as she’d like to give (Y/N)’s soul to the demon, this felt more like a personal kill. Surely the demon wouldn’t mind too much if Ashley gave them a dead body instead of a living person.

        Ashley raised her knife in the air, planning to hit (Y/N)’s neck. She’d rather make this quick, they’re in an apartment complex so there’s neighbors around; she’d rather not have anyone hear what’s going on.

        Before Ashley could plunge the knife down, (Y/N) turned around, her clothes in hand as she looked at Ashley. Her eyes widened, surprised, before it trailed to the silver blade in her hands.

        “…Hey?” Ashley smiled, feigning an amused smile to hide the nervousness she felt in committing this act alone for the first time.

        “Are you… trying to kill me with my own kitchen knife?” (Y/N) questioned, recognizing the blade almost immediately.

        She even looked a bit annoyed that Ashley had the audacity to kill her with her own knife, her own money and cooking utensil being used against her. That’s indeed a bit frustrating once you push away that fear, recognizing you’re about to die.

        “Uh, yeah?” Ashley confirmed. “Are you gonna fight, or is this gonna be—“ 

        (Y/N) quickly grabbed her bottle of perfume before Ashley could finish her sentence, spraying Ashley in the eyes. 

        Yeah, not easy, it seemed.

        “Fuck!” Ashley hissed, squeezing her eyes shut as she swung her knife rapidly in the air. 

        (Y/N) was trapped between Ashley and the dresser, trying to avoid the knife before it slashed her forearm. (Y/N) took the chance, using her dresser for leverage as she placed her foot on the dresser for a boost, smashing her shoulder into Ashley’s chest, pushing her away. 

        Ashley stumbled on the ground, the knife laying next to her as her eyes stung from the potent citrusy perfume. (Y/N) rushed past Ashley, but Ashley heard her steps and reached out. With luck, she successfully grabbed (Y/N)’s leg and tripped her, resorting in her falling right next to Ashley. 

        “Fucking bitch.” Ashley hissed venomously, feeling for her knife through her blurred vision.

        She felt the cold blade, reaching a bit lower and grabbing the handle, keeping a strong hold of it. She kept ahold of (Y/N)’s leg as she stabbed her calf, hitting bone. 

        A terrible sharp and tingling sensation shot through (Y/N)’s leg, seeing white for a second as the pain caught up. (Y/N) let out a gasp, verging on a scream, before Ashley raised the knife once more, plunging it in a spot near the  first wound.

        (Y/N) reached back and kicked Ashley in the face a few times, resulting in Ashley letting go of (Y/N)’s foot. Ashley groaned, standing up from the ground as (Y/N) clutched her leg, knowing it wouldn’t be wise to try and stand up in case of any tearing or excessive bleeding. It’s not like she could run far now.

        Ashley stood over her, tears in her eyes as she did her best to see through them and fight the stinging. They both glared at each other, needing no words to show their distaste in one another.

        “I wouldn’t have to do this if you would’ve just stayed away from Andrew.” Ashley spoke, glaring down at her.

        “Not my fault he prefers me. Maybe if you weren’t so obsessive and insecure he could somewhat tolerate your sorry ass.” (Y/N) retorted, a pained smile on her face to piss Ashley off.

        “You’re one to talk.” She chuckled. “Must be real nice to come home alone, pathetically lounging around lazily.”

        “I’m lazy because of hard work. What do you do for a living other than blowing heads and giving it?” (Y/N) chuckled at her vulgar comment (one with lack of evidence, but it wasn't supposed to be a fact), a smile on her face as she observed Ashley. “Doesn’t take much to use that mouth of yours, considering how big it is from all that big shit you talk.” 

        If Ashley wasn’t mad now, she was absolutely livid now at (Y/N)’s insult. She bent down and grabbed a fistful of (Y/N)’s hair, grabbing a fistful of it as she dragged (Y/N) up. (Y/N) stood on her one leg, keeping any weight off her injured one as Ashley glared at her.

        “I can’t wait to kill you. I’ll even bring your head to Andrew so he could see how pathetic you look with your eyes rolled back and tongue hanging out. Hell, I think I’ll cut that tongue out after I’m done with you, that way you can’t bother the devil with it.” She hissed. 

        “You gonna eat it after? Have your own tongue-action with me since you’re so jealous?” (Y/N) chuckled. “Or would you rather that with your own brother? That’s pretty disgusting, if you ask me. Mommy and daddy didn’t give you enough attention so you had to resort to your own brother.”

        Yes, because (Y/N) definitely had a healthy relationship with her parents to say that...

        “I would never eat you. You’re too salty, and that’s not just your attitude too.” Ashley smirked. “After I cut your tongue out and take your head to Andrew, I’ll give your soul to that demon for some vision, then I’ll dump your body in some alley for some homeless man to use.” 

        “Demon?” (Y/N) questioned. “Of course you’d have connections with demons.” 

        “What can I say?” Ashley smiled as a stabbing sensation hit (Y/N)’s stomach. “I get around.”

        “Yeah…” (Y/N) groaned, a pained chuckle escaping her. “I can tell…” 

        Ashley took the knife out of (Y/N’s stomach, going to plunging again, but (Y/N) quickly used her nails and smashed them into Ashley’s eyes, kneeing Ashley with her injured leg since she couldn’t use her healthy once because she’d just fall once applying pressure to her injured leg.

        Ashley let out a short scream at the feeling. Ashley tumbled backwards as (Y/N) followed, using her weight to hold Ashley down as Ashley thrashed about. Ashley tried to stab (Y/N) again, but (Y/N) grabbed her wrists, the two of them struggling for the knife.

        “Let go!” Ashley shouted, one of her eyes covered by (Y/N)’s sharp thumb.

        “You first!” (Y/N) retorted, knowing very well the both of them wouldn't give up as she moved her other hand to the knife, now having both of her hands to try and fight for the knife. (Y/N) ignored the stinging in her forearm from earlier’s slashing.

        (Y/N) was able to grab the knife from Ashley’s hands after a bit of a struggle and a few small cuts on the finger. She held onto the blade tightly as Ashley tried to keep (Y/N)’s wrist steady. It was proven fruitless as the first stab hit Ashley’s chest, hitting bone. Ashley let out a choked sob, pain pooling out of her mouth and chest.

        (Y/N) scoffed, a bit annoyed at Ashley's struggle. If Ashley would just keep still, it wouldn’t hurt as bad. She was willing to make it quick, but Ashley’s squirming and thrashing around was only making her miss.

        “Stop moving.” (Y/N) hissed, using her injured hand to hold Ashley still by her neck.

        (Y/N) struck the knife down again, stabbing Ashley’s sternum. And again, she stabbed her chest, over and over as Ashley let out pained groans and small whimpers, doing her best to claw (Y/N)’s hands. Her hands weakened, her protests and strangled breaths shortening as her pulse weakened under (Y/N)’s hold while (Y/N)’s pulse and breaths only quickened, as if Ashley was giving her own life to her.

        She kept stabbing...

        She kept stabbing...

        She kept stabbing.

        It was like she couldn’t control her hand, like she had no thought other than the echo in her ears.

        Stab…

        Stab…

        Stab.

        She didn’t stop until her hand was soaked, too wet to hold the knife right. She realized she had been stabbing all the way down to the hilt, eight inches that was repeatedly stabbing into Ashley’s chest.

        (Y/N) paused, staring down at Ashley’s face, both faces void of emotion and thought. 

        I did that. She realized.

        A sick turning sensation lurked in her stomach, making her realize she was stabbed in an vital point. She dropped her knife, groaning as she hissed. She got up off Ashley’s dead body, crawling her way to her bathroom, making sure not to get any blood on her carpet. It would've been better for her if Ashley just kept the knife in her stomach, keeping the wound plugged in, but unfortunately Lady Luck seems to avoid (Y/N) any chance she can. 

        She opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a med-kit. Well, that’s one thing useful about being a nurse, you’re always prepared at home.

        She opened the kit, but paused. She couldn’t just open up her stomach and stitch up the insides, but if she goes to the hospital like this she’d definitely get questioned. (Y/N) groaned, mulling over what she should do. 

        She didn’t mean to kill Ashley. Well, she did in self-defense, but she didn’t mean to do it so cruelly. It was almost like second-nature to harm her.

        But she deserved it, didn’t she? She hurt Andrew, (Y/N) remembers that. Ashley made him jump, she’s the one that broke his legs and gave him internal bleeding in his head. (Y/N) made not know much about Ashley, but she knows how manipulative she is. She remembered hearing Ashley screaming at Andrew the first day she met Andrew. She remembered Ashley accusing Andrew of all the crimes he did; of course, he committed them, but she helped too, so she was still at fault. 

        The Graves siblings, even their name is fitting. Two siblings who put others in their graves, and now one is in their own. 

        (Y/N) couldn’t go to the police, not with this. It was self-defense, maybe with the intent of third-degree murder, a spur of the moment, nevertheless it was to protect herself even if she did get a bit carried away. She surely can’t just blame it all on stress or childhood neglect, she’d be a hypocrite.

        She always refused to let her past get in the way of her future. The love she didn’t receive from her parents, she gave to herself. The support she never received from her parents, she gave to herself. She earned all her awards, her scholarships, her jobs, her money all on her own without any support, encouragement, or financial aid from her parents.

        Her mother didn’t believe she could be a nurse. Her mother never really had any faith in her, but her mother never did stick around her long enough to bother learning who were daughter was.

        “You’re far too apathetic and antisocial for that sort of thing, they'd be scared of you.” Her mother would say. “All you care about is yourself. You’d be fired within the first week for neglecting the kids..”

        Ironic coming from her.

        Her father didn’t want her to be a nurse either, not for pediatrics or adults. 

        “It’s just not a good idea. You’re too sensitive for such things. You couldn’t survive watching kids die everyday, that’s such a depressing job.” Her father would say. “You shouldn’t be a nurse in general. Adult men take advantage of caring nurses, it doesn’t help that you’re so... weak? You're just too innocent and pretty for that kind of work! It’s best you find something else. Do something that makes you happy!” 

        Yeah, she totally refuse to let her past get in her way... Her apartment was as void of color as her. She slept with plushies to cope with her loneliness. On bad days, she has no friends to call or parents who'd listen to her vent, so the stuffed animals listen to her instead. She doesn't ever have energy to eat or shower or clean, the only reason she does all those things is to keep herself somewhat healthy so she wouldn't draw any attention from others. She wouldn't want to be a bother to them over some measly emotions. She's dealt with depression practically her whole life, why suddenly indulge in change if it might worsen her condition. 

        She doesn't want to be happy, that would involve having to put energy into changing herself and her lifestyle, and all she wants to do is spend her energy hopping into bed and sleeping. She wasn't one to care for herself, she liked making other people happy. 

        Kids made her happy. Medicine made her happy. She loved working with kids, caring and nurturing for them like they were her own. She liked being the reason a kid could walk again, or talk, or play, or smile. She liked helping children, giving them the help they needed. She liked being able to change their lives, catch those early signs and prevent them from becoming herself; someone absolutely miserable, depressed, and hating herself. Hell, the only reason she hasn't killed herself was because she doesn't want to be a bother to other people. 

        She liked medicine. She liked studying medical advancements, all the new machines and inventions and vaccines and diseases and all! She liked learning about it all; medical procedures, illnesses and disorders, psychology facts, disorders, injuries, hell sometimes medicine could even dive into philosophy! 

        Medicine and kids made her happy because it was what she lacked as a child. She liked being a pediatric nurse, she liked giving kids the chance to receive help early on so they could be functional adults in life, so they couldn't end up like (Y/N); a mother who couldn't care about her, a misguided father, money being towards bills and education, no relationships or genuine connections or friendships with people, and no joy in life other than sleeping her days away. As a nurse, she could catch onto early symptoms for kids and be able to address the issues before it worsen; whether it'd be physical or mental health, that's why she's studying to be a pediatrician now. 

        But she can't be a pediatrician if she goes to jail. This act of self-defense was far too cruel and grotesque, the judges wouldn't believe that it was for self-defense, far too homicidal and beast-like with how she basically just slashed Ashley's ribcage open. No, she wouldn't win that court case at all. She'd lose her job, and she'd probably never be able to work in medical field ever! She needed to do something.

        She put the med-kit back into her cabinet, instead she took off her shoe and grabbed her sock, plugging up her wound with it. Yes, it was very gross and she felt like gagging at this, but it was to insure she wouldn't bleed out. She had been stabbed in her stomach with an 8-inch knife, so no doubt there would be internal damage she couldn't patch up on her own. She used her other sock to plug in the hole on her right calf, plugging the wound up until it was stuffed despite the pain she felt digging her fingers into the wound. She put back on her shoes without her socks and stood up from the ground

        She quickly got to work, grabbing two large black blankets. She wrapped up Ashley's body in both blankets, ensuring the blood wouldn't drip everywhere, and she dragged the body to her car. She put the body and knife in her trunk and limped back into her house, quickly mopping up the mess using hydrogen peroxide on her floors to completely get rid of all the blood. She put her phone on her charger at home, leaving it so the police couldn't track her location on her phone in case anything happens. She got in her car and drove, going further and further out of the city until a good distance away, going to the woods. She got the dead body and knife out of her car, dragging it a good ways into the dark woods before dropping it. 

        She couldn't leave the body in her apartment, and she couldn't just drop it off somewhere in the city when her DNA was under Ashley's fingernails when Ashley scratched her. She left the knife here too, she didn't want to keep a knife she almost got murdered with, and she didn't want to keep it as a trophy for her crimes either. Here in these woods, this is where the police will least likely find her and the murder weapon, at least for tonight. Tomorrow, (Y/N) will return and dig a grave for her, or maybe she'll luck out a wild animal will feast on her. Even then, nobody will probably miss her other than Andrew.

        Jesus, what is she gonna tell Andrew? She can't just say she killed his sister! Even if he's a runaway criminal, she's one too now! He's probably not against murdering her, even if he doesn't like her better than the other nurses. I mean, she killed his sister, so it's only natural for him to kill her?

        But, his sister was just a runaway, she was a criminal! Maybe there's no police looking for them, but still! (Y/N) was a nurse, she's saved plenty of lives, surely taking one can't be that bad? Especially if she took a wrongdoer's life? 

        Before she could turn around and walk out of the woods, she stopped, pausing. She had this nagging feeling to check Ashley’s pockets. It was like a gut instinct (or perhaps literally being gutted earlier) that told her to check. She got on the ground, undoing the blankets and checking Ashley’s pockets to sate this desire. She first found a gun in her waistband. (Y/N) took the gun, popping out the magazine to check how many rounds there were.

        None, empty. Either Ashley found this gun with no bullets, or she already used them.

        (Y/N) did some more digging and found a scalpel, a hospital scalpel from her work she could only assume. Perhaps Ashley was planning to kill (Y/N) with the small blade, before deciding to steal her kitchen knife instead. The bigger the better, right?

        Finally, she looked in Ashley's pockets once more and found something in one of her pockets. Some black and red occult looking charm.

        She remembered Ashley mentioning how she’d give a demon (Y/N)’s soul in exchange for a vision. Is this their charm that keeps them in contact, or in a contract together? Whatever it was, (Y/N) felt like she should keep it in case it was indeed something to a demon; she didn’t want it going into the wrong hands (as if she could talk). (Y/N) shoved the charm into her pocket, keeping the gun and scalpel now that it had her fingerprints, before turning around.

        Did you see this coming, Ashley? (Y/N) thought, resisting the urge to let a smug smirk form on her face. 

        She limped back out of the woods, hopping into her car and hiding the two weapons under her car seat away from view. She turned the engine on, speeding to the hospital and going ten above the speed limit. It wasn't good for her to be out for so long. She could live with her leg being injured so long as she didn't bleed out, but her stomach could definitely develop to internal bleeding, if not already due to how big that knife was. On her way there, she tried thinking of an alibi. This is a knife wound, so it's mandatory for the hospital staff to report this incident to the police. The police are going to ask her questions about what happened and such. (Y/N) doesn't want to come clean, if she does, her whole life would be ruined! She'd lose the only thing she has in her life that she genuinely cares about; her job. If she loses her job and education, she'd be completely lost in this world with absolutely no passions or interests, she might just develop an interest for putting herself in a grave instead and take her life. 

        She thought about her alibi, before cooking up a shitty one. It's the only one she has for a time like this. She can just say that she was driving to the small local store near her apartment complex after work (thus explaining her hospital scrubs), and when she walked out, she was harassed by a man so she fought him and escaped, then drove to the hospital to get medical assistance. She could say she didn't recognize the man, and that he wore a mask so she couldn't see what he looked like. The store she was thinking about just had their cameras stolen a week ago and they have't bother replacing them yet, so there would be no camera footage to confirm or deny this accusation. Her apartment complex is on a bad side of town too (the rent was cheap there), and their camera footage must not be any higher than a quality of a Nokia, so it most likely didn't catch Ashley sneaking into her apartment, or (Y/N) dragging something out out her apartment. Maybe she can pull this off!

        Sure, it's a bad excuse, but what else does she have? This is the best she can come up with on short notice, especially with no witnesses (which is good), along with no camera footage to protect or challenge her word. They'd just have to believe her because what else can they do? She's obviously injured! People in big cities get stabbed all the time and sometimes the assaulters get away with it, maybe she can do this too! 

        (Y/N) got to the hospital entrance and quickly made sure to do a check in her car to make sure there was no DNA of Ashley's. She hopped out of the car and brushed off any dirt or hair or such on her, making sure her gun and scalpel were hidden under her car seat, before limping into the hospital lobby and getting inside of the ER waiting room. 

        The receptionist sat doing work on her computer before her eyes trailed to (Y/N). 

        “Are you okay?” they questioned as (Y/N) held onto her stomach, applying pressure to the sock.

        “I got stabbed in the stomach and my calf. I’ve been bleeding for quite a while, I reckon I’ll pass out soon.” She explained. 

        The nurse nodded and handed her the paperwork to complete. (Y/N) always thought paperwork in the ER was stupid, but it was to help identify the patient and their insurance and all that important information; even in the brink of death, you need to do work. Pathetic, really. It truly does show something about society, whether it's for your own good or not, even if your writing is alienated due to all of your blood on the paper or your blurred vision making it hard to concentrate. 

        (Y/N) sped through the packets of papers and agreements, doing her best to not bleed onto the paper or the hospital chairs (why are the chairs made of cloth instead of leather anyways? At least leather can be washed easier).

        (Y/N) gave the papers to the receptionist, who accepted it and gave it to one of the doctors at the back room. (Y/N) sat down and waited for a doctor to call her name. Her stomach and leg hurt badly, it hurt to breathe and to walk, and her wounds just kept throbbing, spilling more blood and soaking up her temporary sock-bandages. She’s definitely going to throw away these socks…

        The hospital’s bright LED lights hurt her eyes, giving her a headache. Or maybe the headache was from blood loss? Who knows really, it just hurt to sit here and wait.

        Luckily, she didn’t have to wait too long before a nurse called her name. They helped her stand up from the chair, leading her to their office in quick fashion. They placed her down on the operating table, asking if she could remember her name, age, where she was, who the president was, etc.

        “I’m (Y/N) (L/N), 22 years old. I got stabbed in my stomach by a knife, along with my right calf and a laceration on my right arm.” She informed the nurse as they put on medical gloves.

        A trauma surgeon came in with a tray of alcohol wipes, a medical needle and thread, a medical stapler, and syringe of anesthesia. (Y/N) resisted the urge to groan, she didn’t like needles, but she understood it would make the surgery much easier for her and them.

        (Y/N) rolled up her sleeves hesitantly, feeling self-conscious about the old scars on her wrists despite the more important matters at hand. The surgeon ignored her scars as he gave her the shot. 

        The surgeon pulled up her shirt to show her stomach as the nurse cut a hole on (Y/N)’s pants for her leg, making her remember the make-shift bandages she had.

        “I had to use what I had to stop the bleeding, so I used my socks.” She spoke for her lie. 

        She would’ve said more, but she decided it was best not to in case she accidentally messed up her alibi. She opted to stay quiet, waiting for the anesthesia to take effect so the doctor could begin the quick surgery. 

        .

        .

        When you wake up from surgery or an accident, you’d expect to see bright light, instead she only saw a dim light peeking through. She opened her eyes, waking up and looking around her.

        There was a curtain next to her, the white curtain had a slit and moonlight poured out, barely lighting the room. Her left arm was hooked to a IV, the needle sticking into the crevice of her elbow. The needle was slowing flowing blood into her, causing her to shudder at the thought of a needle stuck inside her.

        Her eyes trailed down to her right arm, seeing her arm covered in bandages. She picked up her sheets, seeing her leg was covered in bandages too. She moved her hospital gown up, seeing her stomach was covered with a medical patch and medical tape to hold it in place.

        This is probably going to take some time to heal. (Y/N) thought, resisting the urge to groan. 

        How fun, she’s going to spend weekend off here in the hospital. Either that, or she’ll stay home bedridden. 

        There was a soft knock on her door, before it opened, showing one of the doctors from the emergency department of the hospital. She had never met any of the doctors or nurses here, they’re always busy and on their feet running around. 

        “Ms. (L/N)?” he questioned, smiling.

        “That’s me.” She nodded. “Hello, sir.” 

        “Hey! Have you just woken up?” he questioned, a clipboard and pen in his hand as he walked over to her bedside, standing over her.

        “Yes.” She confirmed. 

        “Okay.” He commented, then cleared his throat. “So, you’ve been asleep for 18 hours. Usually anesthesia wears off in a few hours and you would wake up from some pain, but you stayed asleep for quite some time.” He spoke, flipping a page threw his papers clamped on his clipboard. “However, you could’ve been exhausted given you hadn’t slept because you were working earlier. Your medical history could’ve also helped contribute to that—hypersomnia and all.”

        Yes, the condition she’s almost positive her mother gave her. Being locked in that small room as a toddler really did affect her sleep patterns and routine. There wasn’t much to do in that dark room other than cry, watch old cartoon re-runs a thousand times, and sleep—she chose the latter. 

        “Yeah, sorry.” She muttered, not sorry at all but still feeling the need to apologize.

        “No worries. So, we did report your case to local authorities since it was a stabbing; you should know, hospital procedure and all.” The doctor spoke as (Y/N) nodding, knowing very well the protocol. “Great. So, there’s actually some officers here to question you about the incident. Are you fine with that?” 

        She nodded, ignoring her nerves that went haywire at the thought of talking to the police. So soon after her crime too! 

        “Okay, so before they come in. Let me explain to you really quick what’s going on.” He spoke, clearing his throat. “So you’re going to stay overnight, well more so over day since it’s 3 A.M. but we’ll look after you. So we stapled up your small intestine, and we stapled the skin of your stomach so that it wouldn’t rip or come undone in a large area like stitches would, along with your right calf. Your right arm has stitches due to how tight the skin is along with how deep the wound was. After two week, you can come back and we’ll remove the staples off your stomach and the sutures. For the next two weeks, you need to eat soft foods and liquids such as soups, breads, puddings, all that."

        “That sounds fine.” She nodded. 

        “Sweet. So, before they come in, is there anything you want or need? Like, do you need to use the bathroom? Or are you hungry or thirsty?” he questioned.

        “No, I’m fine.” she politely denied. 

        She’d rather not drink or eat anything, she felt like throwing up at the moment. She really didn’t feel like getting up and walking to the bathroom with an injured foot at the moment.

        “Okay. I’ll let the officers in.” The doctor nodded, writing a few notes on his clipboard before heading towards the door.

        He opened the door and used his hand to call the officers over. He left the door open as the officer walked in, a female and a male, who walked to (Y/N)’s bedside holding a notepad.

        “Hello, Ms. (L/N), right?” the female smiled. “I’m Officer Jenny and this is my partner, Officer Dixon. We have a few questions for you.” 

        “Nice to meet you.” (Y/N) spoke, flashing the officers a polite smile.

        “So, you’ve been admitted into the hospital for a stabbing, correct?” Officer Jenny questioned.

        “That’s correct, ma’am.” (Y/N) nodded.

        “When and where did you get stabbed?” Officer Jenny questioned.

        “Well, I got stabbed in my stomach by a knife. When I fought them off, they slashed my right arm and they stabbed my right calf.” (Y/N) explained, mentally going over her words carefully as Officer Dixon wrote the information in his notepad.

        “And when did this take place?” Officer Jenny questioned. 

        “Well, it was last night when I got off my shift. I work here at this hospital actually in the pediatric branch.” She added. 

        She was about to go on about her grocery store alibi, but paused. The timeframe won’t match. She took forever to get to the hospital after the stabbing so that she could clean her apartment, dispose of Ashley’s body, and finally get to the hospital. She can’t use the grocery store alibi since not only would be make no sense for her to get stabbed someplace where the cameras are coincidentally shut down, but none of the store employees would mention seeing her when they get questioned by the police, and it wouldn’t help that she decided to drive to the hospital bleeding instead of telling the store to call 911 or herself calling 911. 

        Her alibi is unreliable now, so she needs to quickly act now and change it while acting normal and resist hesitating. The officers’ body-cams would catch their interaction and it would be evaluated by licensed psychiatrists, looking out for any holes in the story, for how her words flow, her vocal patterns, her body language. The alibi is now a death trap.

        “After my shift, I drove back to my apartment and went on a walk in a park. Perhaps 7 P.M, so it was dark because of it being November and all.” She explained. “The park was Pacific North Satellite park.” She added, a park not too far from her apartment complex. 

        “I didn’t bother changing out of my work scrubs because I was just going to shower when I got back to my apartment, and I had left my phone on the charger at home. I was walking down the path listening to nature when I heard footsteps in front of me. Someone came up to me with their hands in their hoodie pocket, a black hoodie.” She explained, lying her way through the story. “They walked past me and quickly slashed my right arm… and… they grabbed my arm and stabbed me in the stomach with their knife… and then when I tried to get away… they knocked me down and stabbed my right calf.” She spoke, pausing her words every now and then to appear distressed as she faked reliving the moment. "I ran back to my apartment, plugged up the most severe wounds with my socks, and drove to the hospital since it wasn't too far and I didn't have my phone to call the police or ambulance. It was late at night, so there wasn't anyone around to ask for help, and I didn't want to be trapped in my apartment in case they decided to follow me...

        “Do you know who they were? Or did you catch what their face looked like?” Officer Jenny questioned as Office Dixon’s blurred, hastily writing down everything he heard.

        “No.” (Y/N) shook her head. “They had a black hoodie with their hood up. They had grey jeans too. They were perhaps around 5’6 tall…” she lied. “I’m unsure of their gender, but I think they were male.” 

        The most common description of a killer, or stereotypical when comparing to Ted Bundy or Jeffery Dahmer. With so little information, it’d be pretty hard to try and identify someone, especially someone who doesn’t exist (but of course, only [Y/N] knows that).

        “Do you think there could’ve been a specific motive or something you provoked?” Officer Jenny questioned, her question almost making (Y/N) scoff.

        Provoke? Provoke? How the hell could I have provoke them? (Y/N) thought, almost forgetting her alibi was still a lie.

        Sometimes she can even lie to herself with how scarily believable her lies are.

        But even if this mysterious murderer she made up didn't have a motive, did Ashley have one? It made her wonder, did Ashley really kill her because she was hated her being Andrew’s nurse? Even then, how the hell did she find out who she was, or even why? Ashley had never seen (Y/N) and Andrew together, at least not without her knowledge. 

        “No, ma’am. I’m unsure why, and I don’t believe I provoked them.” (Y/N) answered.

        “Is there any other information you’d like to tell us?” Officer Jenny questioned.

        “No.” (Y/N) answered.

        Short and sweet, it’s best to leave it all like this.

        “Well, if you ever remember anything or have any questions, make sure to call the department.” Officer Jenny spoke. “If we find any information or such, we’ll give you a call.” 

        “If we find who done it, do you want to press charges?” Officer Dixon questioned, causing (Y/N) to pause and think.

        “No. The process is too time-consuming, besides, I doubt they tried to kill me without a reason.” (Y/N) spoke. 

        Everything happens for a reason, after all. It’s logical to believe so.

        (Y/N) had never believed in fate or destiny, she had always believed everything happens for a reason. She hated the belief of something out of her reach trying to control her or her life. She’d rather choose what she wants to do, not something like fate. (Y/N) believes what she sees, so she doesn’t believe anything that isn’t backed up with facts or evidence. 

        Ashley tried killing (Y/N) for a reason, she said it herself. She'll take the dead woman's word on it since it came from her mouth.

        “I wouldn’t have to do this if you would’ve just stayed away from Andrew.” Her words rang in (Y/N)'s head.

        The audacity of some people, does Ashley truly believe she can control who Andrew sees? It’s not like there was anything wrong with Andrew and (Y/N)’s relationship, they were simply nurse and patient, nothing more and nothing less. Who does Ashley believe she is trying to control Andrew? She doesn’t have his heart, his brain, his body, his thoughts, his mouth, his eyes. He could do whatever he pleases and Ashley shouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

        Well, she can’t now. (Y/N) thought, holding back a chuckle. 

        "Are you sure, miss?” Officer Dixon questioned, surprised.

        “I’m sure. Maybe they had a bad day or something.” (Y/N) shrugged.

        “But you don’t just stab anyone on a bad day, this could be serious.” Officer Jenny spoke, her voice a little harsh compared to her gentle treatment earlier.

        Officer Jenny seems to not like having a killer run around, or have about zero clues.

        “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” (Y/N) sighed. "I'm very tired and I wish to rest.

        “The town next to us, they had a killing in a park too. The victim was a man, he was shot, multiple bullets in his chest.” Officer Jenny spoke quickly, hoping the information could bring some details out of the injured woman. “You happened to be a park too, perhaps this was the same guy! We need as much information as we can. Please miss (L/N), we’re relying on you.”

        “I’m sorry, but I truly don’t know. I don’t have anymore information to give to you.” (Y/N) sighed.

        Officer Jenny’s face hardened as Officer Dixon closed his notepad.

        “Very well. We’ll contact you in case we find any details.” Officer Dixon spoke, nodding his head down in respect and farewell, before telling Officer Jenny with his eyes that it was time to go.

        “Get well soon, miss…” Officer Jenny sighed, walking out of the room with her partner.

        Well, I forgot that part… (Y/N) thought, letting out a breath of relief.

        The park killer from the next door town, right, how could she forget? The victim was a man was found dead on the sidewalk, a clean knife nearby him, no fingerprints. The man had a hood, sunglasses, and gloves; a strange attire to walk around in at night, especially the sunglasses part. He died with six bullet wounds in his chest, the news said. The murder was actually a few days ago, maybe even a week ago. Nevertheless, (Y/N) could bet it was Ashley and Andrew. Ashley had that empty gun on her, which was now under (Y/N)’s car seat. 

        (Y/N) turned her head to the window once the police left. She reached over and opened up the curtains, looking up at the stars, or what she could see. Light pollution in the city is a major pain, you can’t even enjoy nature now thanks to humans.

        (Y/N) looked at the lights outside of the window, it’s the only thing semi-interesting to look at in a hospital bed. She didn’t want to turn on the TV, she knew it was all just re-runs of family-friendly movies like High School Musical or the local news. Unfortunately, hospitals don’t really have any good channels to watch.

        It’s only for one day. (Y/N) thought.

        She just had to deal with this for one day, then she could get back home and sleep. Despite always being so tired, she liked to work. The time she’d take to heal would feel like torture to her. Her depression made her feel a sense of worthlessness doing nothing, so being bedridden is just going to throw her in a depressive state. Usually she’d just get up and work overtime when she feels like this, but she really can’t if she’s injured. 

        Even though she has a reason to be lazing around in bed all day, she's not very happy about it. It's at times like these she wished she had some sort of entertainment in life, or at least friends, people she considered real friends. She had acquaintances growing up, but they just never really did it for her.

        The people she hung around with was only for school, she never bothered hanging out with them outside of school that way she could focus on her studies. Besides, they weren't important people to her, she only talked with them because they had conversed with her first, and it gave her something to pass time with at school. She always did have that closed-off demeanor, it surprised her whole family when she decided she wanted to be a pediatric nurse, and later a pediatrician. 

        (Y/N) stared at the window in deep thought, thinking.

        Maybe she could call her dad. The last time she called him was a month ago, to which she had to leave a voicemail... she never did receive a call back. And after that, she called on her birthday four months... to which she's still waiting for a call back. 

        Well, maybe he's just busy. He has a job and a life outside of his daughter, surely he'll call back eventually. She figured. 

        If she had her phone on her, she'd call and leave another voicemail for him to let him know he's okay.

        Wait, what's the point in calling? She's fine, and she hadn't called him of her condition, so what's the point in calling and telling him that she's still alive? Even if he did answer, what will he say other than a "that's good. I'm glad you're okay. I have to get back to work now." 

        If there's no point calling her dad, then there's certainly no point in calling her mom, for obvious reasons.

        (Y/N) groaned, hitting her head back against the pillow, before letting out a pained whine. Her head pounded terribly, followed by a slight ringing in her ears and a second of her vision blurring. Her right arm shot up to help soothe her head, before she let out a hiss, the movement of her arm causing a sharp pain to shoot up it. 

        "This sucks..." she complained, a pout making way onto her lips. 

        Before she could wallow in her sorrows any further, the door opened, gaining her attention. She turned her head, seeing a familiar man in a wheelchair.

        "Andrew?" she questioned, surprised. 

        "Hey." He greeted, flashing a smile at her.

        (Y/N) internally cringed at the sight of him, not that he was bad-looking or anything, but she wasn't expecting to see him so soon after what she's done. 

        "What are you doing here in the emergency department?" (Y/N) questioned, not bothering if the question sound a bit rude or not; she'll just blame it on the headache if he asks.         

        "I heard from the nurses that you got injured." Andrew explained, rolling his wheelchair up to her bedside.

        "A nurse told you I was here?" (Y/N) questioned, confused.

        Well, that's against hospital policy, giving away patient information like that to just anyone. It made her curious who from the nightshift had the audacity to tell him.

        "Who told you?" (Y/N) questioned.

        "Eh, I don't know. That nurse I had before you." He shrugged his shoulders carelessly, not bothering to remember the name. "It was something something. Started with a P. Maybe it was Pen, or Penny? Or was it Nancy? It doesn't really matter."

        "Penelope?" (Y/N) smiled, almost giggling at his poor attempt to remember the nurse's name. 

        Right, makes sense. Penelope was Andrew's nurse before (Y/N), and Penelope seems to see (Y/N) as a friend, so she probably questioned Doctor Ryan where (Y/N) was. Doctor Ryan must've been informed as soon as he entered the office, considering he wasn't going to be able to teach (Y/N) for a few nights until she got better.

        However, she felt a little happy that he couldn't remember Penelope's name (especially after [Y/N]'s little jealous episode from earlier at the thought of Penelope and Andrew being together. Obviously because she just enjoyed having Andrew as a patient, nothing more).

        "Yeah, maybe that was her name?" he hummed, not bothering to think back if it was actually that nurse or not. 

        Yes, it was Penelope, he might not bother to remember her name, but he remembers her face from earlier when he and (Y/N) had gone to the staff room and Penelope was acting strange. He also remembered how tight and uncomfortable she had done his bandages on his broken ankles, much different compared to (Y/N)'s soft hands and nurturing personality. 

        "She shouldn't be giving away information like that." (Y/N) sighed, chuckling softly. "But thank you for coming."

        It was a little heartwarming to know at least someone cared about her. Even if her parents did, at least her co-worker and close acquaintances did, even reserved patients such as Andrew were worried about her!

        "So, what brought you over here? Did you have a question, or perhaps you need your bandages changed?" (Y/N) questioned, observing his body up and down to see if there was anything out of the ordinary or if he needed any assistance. 

        "No... I just... wanted to see for myself, I guess..." he muttered, looking away from her eyes as he resisted the urge to squirm under her gaze. "I heard you got hurt pretty bad, so I got curious..."

        "You sure you didn't just miss me?" she teased, trying to brightened up or at least lightened the mood into a more comfortable atmosphere. 

        "Don't get ahead of yourself." He chuckled, her words succeeding in her goal as they both smiled at each other.

        His smile softened, his eyes glazing over, seeming to be lost in thought. He seemed unsure of himself, before he just sighed. 

        "So... what happened?" he questioned. "If you don't mind me asking."

        Her own smile faltered, doing her best to remain neutral and not puke her guts out as visions of stabbing Ashley's lifeless body took over her mind, hearing each explicit and disturbing wet splash as her hands slowly started to coat with blood from how violently she was pushing her knife into Ashley's chest, down to the hilt. 

        "I got attacked..." she spoke vaguely, clearing her throat awkwardly as she kept her eyes on him to see if he would believe her. 

        "Do you know by who?" Andrew questioned.

        "No." She spoke quickly, internally cringing at how defensive her tone sounded.

        Andrew's gaze hardened, his intuition not believing her. Of course he wouldn't believe her, living with Ashley basically his whole life had practically made him become a human lie detector. Before he could speak about the matter, she spoke up. 

        "Can you check on Hailey for me please? She was a bit down earlier today, surely you can cheer her up for me? Just don't mention my current condition to her, please." (Y/N) requested, sounding more of a pathetic demand and excuse to get him to leave her alone. 

        Andrew looked hesitant to leave her, before he sighed, nodding his head. "Yeah, sure..." he grumbled. 

        "Thank you." She hummed, giving him a false smile.

        They had a moment to themselves, silently staring at each other, before Andrew turned his wheelchair around and rolled out of the room, closing the door behind him. (Y/N) let out a sigh of relief once she was alone, glad to have avoided the tough subject.

        Maybe she'll tell him one day, once she gets to know him better and can be certain he wouldn't kill her for it.

        She ignored the pain as she squirmed into a comfortable position to sleep in. She needed the rest, and sleep is the body's natural way of healing after her. Her eyes trailed to the curtains, watching the cars on the road zoom past the hospitals and watching as some lights started to shut off, night owls getting ready for bed too just like her. 

        She'll call her parents as soon as she gets out of the hospital, even if they've probably not heard the news or care about it, she still wants some sort of closure from her parents. Maybe they'll even take pity on her and stay on the phone for a bit, ask how she's doing, or what she's doing now. 

        Sounds like a plan. (Y/N) thought, closing her eyes as she ignored her body's pain, waiting for sleep to overtake her. 

I know there hasn't been much of any Andrew and reader moments, but chapter 5 will have plenty, these past chapters have just been plot and character-development and such!

My next series will be a Yandere! Hitoshi Shinso x Yandere! Fem! Reader, so keep watch for that!

To the Ashley fans, I'm sorry for what I've done.

Want more Andrew Graves content? Check out the Andrew Graves masterlist!

Inbox is OPEN for questions about the story and new plotlines/ideas, not for request!

Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, current chapter, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, final chapter.

Want to listen to music while reading? Check out the Star Patient's Official Playlists! Multiple different playlists and genres!

[forgetmaenott]

NUTCRACKER - TADC Showtime Christmas Special

A/N: This might be my longest one, hence why it took a while. Also I didn’t know shit about the Nutcracker until this month. This is also my last post for a while, since I’m going to residential therapy today. :,) …as for the other prompts I received, they will not be forgotten! Life got in the way and with the timing, I decided to write and release the Christmas themed one first.

@definitely-mothman thank you for the idea!

cw: alcohol, cartoon violence, suggestive comment from jax, jax in general

“Are you really sure you want to work overtime tonight?”

Pomni sighed and rubbed her head. “No. But corporate is being an asshole, and you all have things to get to.”

Ragatha bit her lip, looking at Pomni like she wanted to jump back in her seat and finish all the work for her. “Oh, Pomni, I can’t just leave you here on Christmas Eve! Here, why don’t you come with us to my cousin Andy’s. Jax and I are—”

“Yeesh, lay off it dollface. If short stack wants to work Christmas Eve, let her waste her holiday,” Jax interrupted with a roll of his eyes.

“Wha—Jax! Be nice to her. She’s offering to work really hard for us," Ragatha scolded, hands on her hips.

“Tsk. Yeah, yeah. I'll bet anything she just wants an excuse to stay behind and jump Caine's bones or something."

Pomni clenched her fists, blushing immediately at the implication. "That's not true!" she argued through gritted teeth, almost offended at the idea.

Ragatha's face was just as flushed as Pomni's, and she tugged at her hair in frustration. "Jax! You can't just say things like that!"

Jax grinned widely at the frustration he incited. "What? You don't think it's a little odd that Caine obviously favors her and she decides to stay behind with him on Christmas?"

"Nothing is going on," Pomni grumbled, trying to calm herself, "he's my boss, a-and I'm not even interested." She crossed her arms, looking away from his infuriating grin.

Ragatha brought a hand to her face, sighing. "Don't listen to him. We appreciate this, you know."

Zooble walked by, grabbing for Gangle's red scarf from the hanger. "You really want to stay here all night?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" Pomni groaned. Any more comments from the others would probably make her decide to shove all her work aside and head right out the door. "Yes, I'm sure. It won't be that long."

Just then, Caine emerged from his office, chipper as ever. "Dooooon't worry, my shining stars!" he walked behind Pomni, gripping her shoulders as though showing off his most valuable possession, "Pomni here has graciously decided to sacrifice her holiday for all you jolly gingersnaps!"

Pomni tensed at his touch, averting the others' gazes--especially Jax, who was smirking at the way Caine held her so proudly.

"Well, that's very generous of you, Pomni!" Kinger piped up.

"This seems really immoral," Gangle whimpered, wrapping the scarf Zooble handed her around her neck.

"She'll be fiiiiine. Caine's going to take great care of her, right, Caine?" Jax grinned mischievously at the two.

"Anything for my starlet!" Caine replied cheerfully, oblivious to his suggestiveness.

Pomni laughed uncomfortably, staring down at the floor. "W-well, now that that's settled...I'm gonna go back to work," she excused herself, quickly retreating to her desk to avoid the uncomfortable conversation.

"Merry Christmas!" Ragatha called after her retreating form, before being ushered out the door by an impatient Jax. The others gradually filed out, leaving the office silent apart from the occasional rustle of paper or buzz of the computer.

"I have to say, my dear, it's very admirable of you to give up your holiday," Caine's voice came from behind her, startling her.

"A-ah! Caine, how many times do I have to tell you to knock--"

"O-oh, of course. My apologies," Caine looked surprisingly sheepish, turning back to look at his office but not quite walking away. It was obvious he didn't want to leave, like he had something else on his mind to tell her, but for once in his life he was speechless. Pomni followed his gaze.

Caine’s office was filled with nonsensical, colorful knick-knacks. He collected things he was drawn to, he had said. But those knick-knacks ranged from rubber ducks, to rubix cubes, to plastic figurines. She would have found it strange, if it weren’t for how oddly endearing he was about it all.

Pomni sighed. She wanted to be alone, but she felt a pang of sympathy for him. “...I had nowhere to be anyways. Jax and Ragatha had a party to go to, Zooble…well..they didn’t say what they’re doing, Gangle is hosting some hangout at her apartment, and Kinger and his wife are having a night in. But me…”

Caine watched as she trailed off, then his charismatic smile returned. “Why, Pomni, what better way to spend your holiday than with your boss?!" He put an arm around her, causing her to tense in discomfort. She glanced over at him, almost wondering if he was joking, but his eyes shining with a genuine enthusiasm.

Pomni sighed, bringing a hand to her head. “Just…at least let me have a drink or two tonight.”

Caine removed his arm from her shoulder and crossed his arms, looking at her sternly. “Now now, you know how the rules about workplace etiquette!”

“Right…has to be family friendly?” Pomni recited bitterly.

“Correct! It can be enjoyed by all ages…”

She raised an eyebrow. “A…workplace?”

“Ah—well…” Caine hesitated, eyes roamning on the woman in front of him. “I…suppose I’ll see what I can do."

She sighed. “Thanks,” she said half-heartedly before returning to work.

Hours of mundane work passed, most of it spent with Pomni inwardly cursing out upper management. Then again, she had nothing much else to do on Christmas Eve. A part of her couldn’t help but wish she had taken up Ragatha on her offer—but, realistically, that would have likely been more uncomfortable. Unwanted social interactions—here, the only person she had to work with was.

Caine had graciously granted her a bottle of alcohol—she had asked for vodka out of flat-out desperation, but he gave her wine instead and insisted on watering it down each time she wanted a glass.

“Can’t have my star employee inebriated!” he had told her before stashing the bottle away.

Pomni grumbled, but she knew he was right deep down. Though she’d never admit it, the alcohol was making her feel slightly tired. Or maybe it was the fact that she had been unable to sleep all night. Probably that.

All she knew is she was struggling to keep her eyes open, the buzz of the computer almost comforting. The gentle glow from the office's Christmas tree made her feel encompassed in warmth. She gave into her tiredness, but just for a few minutes, she'd told herself.

She planted her head down on her arms, resting on the desk. The hum of the office and the gentle ticking of the clock lulled her into sleep...

——

The first thing that stirred her back to reality was the feel of a pillow, uncomfortably positioned by her side.

For a moment, she swatted her side, feeling for her cat. It wasn't unusual for her cat to wake her up, either shifting in position or scratching at something. She groaned, when in a cold shock she realized she wasn’t at home in her bed. Upon opening her eyes, panic settled deep in her stomach, accompanied by a sick feeling of dread. She wasn’t even in her office, or any place remotely ordianry—rather, she was in a red-and-blue themed bedroom.

Pomni rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, only to realize her hands were concealed by cartoonish, white gloves. On second thought, she wasn’t even in her work attire—she was in a red and blue leotard. She jumped out of her chair in surprise, suddenly taking in just how bizarre this situation was. She felt at her face, at her hair, at the jester hat she wore…

Panic settled in her stomach, followed by a sudden sensation that she was being watched. Something was off about this, and it certainly wasn’t sitting well with her.

"POMNI!"

"AgH--!"

Cutting through the silence was a boisterous voice, followed shortly by the sight of an uncanny, cartoonish figure above her bed, gazing at her with heterochromic eyes between...teeth for a head?

He swept down to her side, gripping firmly at her hand. "What were you dreaming about, dear? Could it have been--the excitement of adventure?" he leaned in close, voice so loud it could give her a migraine.

"...No..." Pomni mustered, discomfort etched across all her cartoonish features. Something about that voice, ever-enthusiastic, was awfully familiar, in spite of his uncanny appearance.

"Great!" he cut off her train of thought, enthusiasm a stark contrast to her exhaustion, "then there's no time to waste! Your funny buddies are already waiting!" He grabbed for her hand before she could protest and, with a sickening twist of her internal organs, she found herself rapidly transported out of the bedroom and into a nauseatingly colorful room.

Her vision spun around, the teeth man flying away from her side with a cartoonish "whoosh" and towards a group of colorful cartoon characters. Once her stomach settled and her eyes adjusted to the brightness, she got a better look at the group--a purple rabbit with an arrogant grin, a rag doll scolding him, a girl made of ribbons with a happy mask, an abstract figure seemingly pieced together by various parts, and a chess piece peeking out of a pillow fort. Everything so...uncanny.

And worse...familiar. Really familiar.

She warily stepped closer to the group, mostly because she didn't want the teeth man to return and shout excitedly in her face about "adventure", and overheard the conversations of the others.

The stern expression on the rag doll's face melted away the moment she saw Pomni, replaced by a soft smile. "Oh, hi, Pomni! How'd you sleep?"

Pomni blinked in surprise, looking between her and the rabbit. "...I...slept fine," she replied half-heartedly. Her gaze trailed to the others, all watching her with curious expressions.

"You look even more paranoid than usual," the rabbit said judgmentally, eyes flicking up and down at her tense form.

Pomni didn't take any notice at first until he smacked at her face, as though snapping her out of a trance. "..Huh...what?"

"Yeesh. At this rate you're a bigger nutcase than Kinger," the rabbit snickered, earning a glare from the ragdoll.

Kinger.

The name repeated, again and again in her mind. Then…that would mean….

Pomni's eyes followed the rabbit's thumb, pointing at the chess piece peeking out of the pillow fort, stomach dropping in realization. She glanced around at the other cast of characters. It felt like she had woken up within a dream, everything suddenly lucid. And she didn't like it one bit.

Kinger, Jax, Ragatha, Zooble, Gangle, and...

The teeth man flew above them once more. "Now, now, my little polygonal pinecones! Today's adventure is filled with wonder, excitement, festivities!" his eyes fell on Pomni, bottom jaw curving up in what she read as a smile, "and it's all thanks to our little jester friend..."

Pomni's breath was stolen from her.

Caine.

Jax rolled his eyes. "Yuck."

Caine flew down to Pomni's side, placing an arm around her in the same manner that he had at her desk a few hours ago. "That's right! Pomni recently informed me during one of our lessons that you humans deeply treasure your traditions, your festivities!" his grip on her tightened, "and so, today's adventure is in honor of Christmas!"

With a snap of his fingers, the circus around them transformed slightly. The stage was framed by a garland, a wreath formed at the top. Colorful lights were strung around, and a large tree with large ornaments stood proudly in the center of the room.

"...I'm never drinking again," Pomni mused, rubbing at her head.

"Now, now, my silly little shortbread. You know the importance of hydrating!" Caine corrected her.

"That's not what I--"

"THAT'S RIGHT! I declare today a digital Christmas!" Caine spread his limbs out enthusiastically, tinsel sprinkling down onto the circus members.

Zooble looked unimpressed, flicking some of the tinsel off of their head. "Isn’t it, like….June?”

Ragatha clasped her hands in front of her dress. "Ooh, Christmas? That's a great idea, Pomni. We could really use some holiday spirit around here," she praised with an enthusiastic swing of her arms.

“Yeah, yeah, holiday spirit. Gross. Where’s the bloodshed and violence?” Jax tapped his foot impatiently, crossing his arms.

Gangle smiled, lifting some tinsel from her ribbons. “Actually…this sounds like a lot of fun,” she piped up.

Caine twirled around in the air, his cane spinning behind him. “I knew it! Ha-ha! Oh, Pomni, we need to collaborate more often!” he praised, before snapping his fingers once more. “Now that that’s settled, today’s adventure issss…the Battle of the Gloink Kingdom!”

Silence filled the air. Then, their reactions came in one.

“…Well, I’m heading out,” Zooble huffed.

“Battle? Now we’re talking,” Jax said with a satisfied grin.

“Gloinks?” Kinger tilted his head, a finger pressed to his chin, “Gloinks make me crazy…” he began to trail off.

Pomni sighed. “Remind me how this has to do with Christmas?”

“Maybe it’s like the Nutcracker?” Ragatha piped up hopefully, clearly trying to salvage the idea.

“Wh—n-no, of course not! It’s a complete Digital Circus original,” Caine huffed defensively with a cross of his arms, teeth clamping shut to conceal his eyes.

“I’m good,” Zooble repeated, turning to walk away.

“Um…I think I’ll sit this one out, too,” Gangle said meekly, twiddling her ribbons together as she glanced at Zooble’s retreating form.

“Wha—but this adventure is filled with so much excitement! So much festivity! Where’s your holiday spirit?” Caine called after them.

“In the void,” Zooble quipped before disappearing with Gangle down the hall.

“W-well, that’s fine! We’ll have the best Christmas adventure without you,” Caine crossed his arms, turning his back to them and glancing down at the others, “well, that leaves all of you!”

He glanced down at the remaining circus members—Pomni, Ragatha, and Jax. Kinger had long since retreated to his pillow fort, having talked about a rubber room and gloinks. Pomni was tense, Ragatha visibly uncomfortable but trying to force a smile, and Jax grinning.

“So, Caine,” Jax started, “just how much violence and bloodshed will there be?”

“Ah! About that, my rambunctious rabbitoid friend! Pomni here suggested that too much ‘violence and bloodshed’ could stress everyone out. So this adventure will be very family-friendly—” Caine reached to boop Jax’s non-existent nose.

Jax grimaced, pushing his hand away. He glowered down at Pomni. “Nice going, Pomni. You’ve ruined Christmas,” he said with a roll of his eyes, “if there’s no violence in a ‘battle’, I’m out.”

Good riddance, Pomni thought. The more her mind was adjusting to the circus world, the more familiar everything felt. And the more familiar everything felt, the more she realized how much she despised that damn rabbit.

Caine looked visibly disappointed, but tried to maintain his showman demeanor. “Well, that leaves the two of you, then! Whaddya say?“ he asked, but his eyes were only on Pomni.

Pomni felt her stomach flip at the attention he was giving her. She tried to shake the thoughts away, but the way he had praised her for telling him about Christmas, the way he was so excited to show her—God, she’d feel bad if she rejected him after everyone else did. But she really didn’t like the idea of another gloink adventure, whatever that meant.

Ragatha’s eyes went between Caine and Pomni, sensing the tension. She smiled to herself, well-aware of the blossoming relationship between the two—likely more aware of it than they were themselves. She was usually quick to accept an adventure, even the unpleasant ones, out of her people-pleasing nature. But she also wasn’t keen on potentially interrupting the two. “W-well, I actually had plans with Gangle and Zooble today. Drawing and whatnot,” she lied, earning a disappointed look from Caine and a nervous one from Pomni.

“A-ah, I see…” Caine trailed off before shaking his head cartoonishly, his smile returning. “Very well! Pomni, I’ll join you on today’s holiday escapade!” With a snap of his fingers, the world around them shifted. The two of them shrunk down, the Christmas tree towering over them.

“Wh—CAINE?! What the [#%?!] is going on??”

“Language, my dear. And to answer your question, we’re gloink-sized!” Caine announced proudly.

“Gloink-sized?? Wha—WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS??” Pomni seethed.

Caine ignored her complaints. “Ah, there they are now!”

“There’s what—” Pomni began to ask, but her question was cut short by the sudden stampeding of an army of gingerbread men, followed by the familiar bouncing of the gloinks.

The two sides met in the middle, battling rather pathetically. The gingerbread men continuously broke into pieces, cookie crumbs scattering across the floor. The gloinks, on the other hand, would bounce on the gingerbread men’s’ bodies and knock them down, often clipping through the body.

Pomni stood there frozen, face contorting into one of complete puzzlement. “…what kind of adventure is this…?” she asked slowly.

“A Christmas one, Pomni! Look!”

Pomni followed the direction of his pointed finger and saw the Gloink Queen emerging from seemingly nothing, cheering her children on from afar as she slithered over to the battleground.

“So like…we just watch?”

“Ah, of course not! It’s your job to defeat the Gloink Queen!” Caine explained.

Pomni frowned. “Wasn’t that already an adventure? Besides, can’t you just do it?”

“Hmm…I suppose I could help, but only a little bit. It wouldn’t exactly be fair if I did it all for you, now would it?”

“Caine—!” Pomni began to scold, but was quickly interrupted by the Gloink Queen scooping up a group of the gingerbread men and swallowing them whole.

“It’s all part of the show!”

Pomni gaped at the Gloink Queen, who was swallowing down pieces of gingerbread army men.

“You foolish ginger soldiers are no match for my precious children! How can you not see by now, everything will be gloinks! You will be gloinks, she will be gloinks, God will be gloinks!” The Gloink Queen growled between violent chomps of the screaming gingerbread army.

Without thinking, Pomni grabbed a crescent-shaped gloink and threw it at the Gloink Queen.

“My precious spawn!” the Gloink Queen cried out, watching her two-hundred-and-third child be thrown past the nearby Christmas tree.

“Caine, please just get rid of her already!” Pomni practically begged. This alleged Christmas adventure was already a disaster, and as much as she didn’t want to disappoint him, she also didn’t want to watch more NPCs die in morbid ways.

Caine sighed, seeing that Pomni wasn’t satisfied. “If you insist, Pomni,” and with a snap of his fingers, a black hole summoned beneath the Gloink Queen and swallowed her whole. All the gloinks quickly jumped in after her, following their mother into the unknown. The hole closed behind them, leaving the two alone with the gingerbread NPCs.

For a moment, all was quiet, except the men’s cookie weapons clattering to the ground. Then, they turned to Pomni and Caine, and started cheering out.

“She saved God!” one of the men cried out, shaking Pomni by the shoulders.

“Wait, wait, wait, I did HUH?” Pomni shook her head in disbelief.

Caine laughed heartily. “Oh, Pomni, they’re celebrating you! For saving my life,” he explained, placing a hand where his heart would be.

“…but you can’t even die!”

“We have to take her to the princess!” one of the gingerbread men with a broken arm exclaimed, shaking Pomni around violently.

Caine clasped his hands together. “Why, Pomni! How exciting! They want us to meet the Princess.”

“Caine, I really just want to—”

“Splendid!” Caine interrupted, and with a snap of his fingers they were teleported into the Candy Canyon Kingdom before a crowd of NPCs.

“AGH—CAINE WHA—where are we??”

“We’re with the princess, of course!”

Pomni’s head was spinning. It was evident that he was desperate to please her, or perhaps even, make their time together last. She couldn’t deny, she really, really wanted to go back to her room and stare into the abyss for a while. When Caine had said “Christmas adventure”, she had foolishly assumed he meant something traditional—a gift exchange, decorating gingerbread houses, something normal.

But looking at the man beside her, she knew it was best never to assume he was anything “normal”.

Princess Loolilalu approached the two from within the castle, earning screams of excitement from the crowd. One she had approached the two, she curtsied to them. “Ah, you must be the brave girl who saved God,” she said, gesturing to Caine, whose eyes were pointing in entirely different directions.

Pomni sighed. “Yep…that’s me,” she replied weakly, quite honestly wanting this whole adventure to be over.

“Well, we’ve prepared quite the celebration in your honor. And, if you don’t mind…” Princess Loolilalu gestured for a mannequin NPC to scurry over, carrying a candy crown on a red pillow, “I have a gift for you.”

“Oh, um…that’s okay, I really don’t need—”

“Nonsense! I coded the crown to fit you perfectly,” Caine interjected. With a snap of his fingers, her jester hat disappeared, leaving her with her short, dark brown hair fully exposed.

“Well, you can’t argue with God,” the NPC commented before lifting the crown to the Princess with more urgency.

Princess Loolilalu smiled gently before plucking the crown from the pillow, stepping closer to Pomni and placing it onto her head. “A crown in your honor. The Candy Canyon Kingdom is forever grateful for your noble escapade,” she curtsied, and the crowd of NPCs erupted into cheers.

Pomni smiled uncomfortably, not sure what to do with all the eyes on her. She brought her gloved hands to her jester shorts, curtsying awkwardly.

Caine leaned over to her. “A crown suits you quite nicely, my dear,” he complimented in a hushed voice, so close to her that it made her tense up and flush.

“Let the celebrations, begin!” Princess Loolilalu announced, earning another round of applause and excited cheers.

——

After what felt like hours of vibrant “cultural”celebrations (as in, various NPCs presenting her with glitched-out dances or candies they prepared themselves, prompting her to wonder, is this cannibalism?)—the two were finally given the chance to exit the kingdom’s gates.

“Wow, Pomni! What an educational journey about candy culture!” Caine placed his gloved hands on his hips, eyes crossed in different directions.

“Can we go back to the circus?” Pomni asked in exhaustion. She never expected she’d be asking to return to that colorful purgatory, but all the NPCs’ attention had drained for.

Caine lowered onto the ground beside her, watching her carefully. “Well, actually…”

Pomni tensed, anxiety immediately settling in her stomach. “Oh God, don’t tell me we can’t go back.”

“Nonsense! Don’t be silly, I can take us home with a snap of my fingers! But ah, if you would humor me, my dear…”

Pomni raised an eyebrow as he stood eye level to her. There was something…different about his demeanor. A crack in his usual showman persona, a flicker of vulnerability. Something that felt less like an AI and more like a real person.

Caine took off his hat, fiddling with it in his hands. His eyes looked up to meet hers, slightly concealed by his top jaw. He almost looked shy. Caine, the loud and goofy AI ringmaster, looking shy. “Would you care to dance?”

Pomni blinked in surprise, unexpected butterflies settling in her stomach. She thought nothing of it, just her usual anxieties. “O-oh, I’m not really good at dancing,” she brushed off, smiling a bit uncomfortably.

“Oh, nonsense! You’re a one-of-a-kind performer,” Caine replied, placing his hat back on his top jaw, “Besides…if I may confess, there is something else I’d like to share with you.”

Pomni tilted her head curiously. “Oh…okay, um…yeah. Show me,” she said, though she knew that could be quite a risk given Caine’s history.

His face—or lack thereof—seemed to light up at her willingness. “Wonderful!” he exclaimed, hands grabbing for her waist and pulling her flush against him.

She yelped at the sudden touch, the closeness immediately bringing heat to her face. But Caine, ever the oblivious AI, merely snapped his fingers and teleported them across the map—much to the dismay of Pomni’s internal organs—inciting a cry from her.

“Ah, here we are!”

Pomni was suddenly aware of how tense she was when she had been released from his touch. Her shoulders were tensed, eyes squeezed shut, preparing for the worst. But when she opened her eyes…

Huh.

The world around her had become a forest with light streaming in, and the trees and ground coated in a sheet of snow. Everything was quiet, and snowflakes fell to the ground lazily, landing on her candy crown and Caine’s hat.

She lifted up her hand, letting the snowflakes fall on her glove. They were delicate and detailed, each one perfectly crafted. They melted slowly in her hand, and it was…

Beautiful.

“I…I love it,” Pomni breathed out in awe.

“I knew you would!” Caine said, expressions lighting up once more, “I’ve spent the past week designing this, and all just for you!” he approached her, carefully taking her hand in his.

“For me?” Pomni repeated. He had always given her special attention, she remembered that much. But this was something else. Something that made butterflies dance in her stomach.

“Of course! I wouldn’t have done this for just anyone, you know!” he gave her a playful wink, “besides, I couldn’t help but think about that conversation we had about Christmas and snow. And how much you’ve missed it.”

Pomni felt like her heart was melting as much as the snow on her hand. God, he was actually learning. And the result was beautiful. Perhaps it was that rush of affection that motivated her to prompt, “What was that you said about dancing?”

Caine’s smile widened immediately at her invitation. “Ah, of course.”

Pomni couldn’t deny how much her heart thumped in her chest—perhaps from nerves, but deep down, she knew it was something else. He held her hand in his with more confidence, his other hand slipping to cup her waist. His touch had once made her tense and shy away, but for some reason now, it took her breath away.

He guided her, slowly at first. Taking one step, then the next, back and forth in a gentle rhythm. She watched her feet, making sure she was doing it correctly, but was quickly interrupted by Caine letting go of her hand and bringing a finger to tilt her chin up.

“It’s best to keep your eyes on me, my dear,” he whispered tenderly.

Pomni nearly shivered from how gentle his voice sounded. His gaze was so oddly tender, so loving that it made butterflies flutter around in her stomach. His hand returned to hers but this time, Pomni felt bold enough to interlace her fingers with his. She could see a flicker of surprise in Caine’s eyes, but just for a brief moment.

The dance gained more confidence, snow falling delicately on the two as they moved. It coated the top of his coat and her leotard. And yet, despite their surroundings, she felt incredibly warm.

Caine lifted their hands and spun her around, causing Pomni to clumsily follow in surprise. “Careful, dear. Just like that…see?” he guided her movements, but her eyes were still too focused on his. One eye was blue and the other was green. This was the first time she had really thought about how much she liked that.

Their rhythm sped up slightly, the two gaining more confidence and fluidity in their dance. They spun in circles around the snow-covered clearing, eyes only focused on the others’. Her chest was pressed flush against his, and she could feel the way his code thrummed against her beating heart.

Her mind spun, and it wasn’t from them spinning in circles that was doing it to her.

His hands slipped down to her waist, fingers brushing over the small of her back in a way that made her breath catch. He gripped her tightly before boldly lifting her up. Pomni gasped as she was lifted into the air and spun around briefly. Normally, she would have been frightened, but for some reason, it only made her gain more confidence when she was returned to the ground. She smiled at him, gripping his hand tightly and continuing to dance with him. His eyes glistened in joy at the sight of her smile—genuine smile—and she could feel his system temperature only rising.

At one point, she spun around so her back was against his chest. His hands held hers, guiding her in a delicate dance. Pomni swore she stopped breathing when his hands traveled down to her waist, snaking around her and holding her from behind. She was certain he could feel the way her heart was beating in her chest, and it only made her more flustered.

Finally, Caine moved to dip her. Pomni audibly laughed at the dramatic gesture, the sound only making Caine’s body burn against hers. He was certainly overheating, the snow beneath him melting, and she couldn’t deny that she liked being the one that made him feel this way.

His hands were wrapped around her, one holding her back and the other cupping her waist again. Pomni’s laughter faded when she realized that the two weren’t moving. For a moment, she thought he had frozen, but…no. He was watching her, his gaze making her blush.

Caine brought the hand on her waist up to her face, brushing aside her hair and cupping the round of her face. He let his thumb trail along her lips, along the blush beneath her eyes, eyes taking in every detail like he wanted to burn this moment into his memory. But it was the way he was looking at her that made her swoon. His eyes were glistening, watching every inch of her.

He was looking at her like she was his favorite adventure, like she was his most prized possession. He looked at her like, just maybe, he wanted her. It made her hold her breath, and Pomni was acutely aware that she wanted him to kiss her.

“Caine,” Pomni breathed out, eyes blown wide at the sight of him so…genuine.

He didn’t break eye contact. It was oddly thrilling. Like a million Christmas days rolled into one moment—him holding her like this, looking at her with real emotion. Not programmed reactions, not an illusion of a feeling, but real emotion.

It made her incredibly nervous, face flushed the more she became aware.

“I believe you need rest, my clumsy little Clara,” he said so softly she almost didn’t believe it was him. He lifted his hand as though he were about to snap his fingers. “May I?”

Pomni hummed in response, shoving her pride aside in favor of the sudden warmth overwhelming her senses. She rested her head against his shoulder, hearing the soothing buzz of his code, thrumming with more intensity the closer she pressed against him.

He pressed a gentle kiss—or the closest thing to a kiss he could initiate—to her cheek, making her feel warmer than ever. With a snap of his fingers, she felt a familiar discomfort in her gut as she was transported across the map. Only this time, the discomfort was blanketed by Caine’s comfort.

“Mm…I never knew you could be so…” Pomni mumbled incoherently as she drifted closer to sleep.

“So…?” Caine prompted, code thrumming louder against her ear.

There were so many words she could choose from. Cozy? Soothing? Attractive? “…warm…” she settled on.

“I think you’ll find I can be many things, my dear.”

He settled her into her bed, tucking her in and letting his gloved hand linger against a front strand of hair. Maybe she was just incredibly tired, or maybe she was actually starting to see him differently.

“You’ve had quite the adventure today, Pomni,” he soothed, “get some rest."

There was something about the way he said her name so gently that made her feel safe. For the first time in this terrifying place, she really felt safe. Maybe even…

Loved.

She wanted to say more. She wanted to hold him close and never let go. But sleep overtook all her senses, along with an indescribable warmth.

Loved, was the word repeating in her mind as she drifted off.

——

Pomni woke to the feeling of Caine shaking her gently. It was oddly calm considering his usually energetic demeanor, like for once, he was willing to let her sleep.

A blanket was wrapped around her shoulders…no…not a blanket. It was a red jacket.

Caine’s.

She came back to reality, visions of the dream melting away in place of the dimly-lit office. The clock ticked rhythmically, the computer on her desk buzzed, the lights of the Christmas tree lazily flickering in the corner. The fever-dreamlike world of the circus had faded away, replaced by the dull familiarity of reality.

The more she woke up, the more she adjusted to the scene around her. And that’s when she became aware of Caine, who had visibly just given her his coat as a blanket. He froze when she stirred awake, eyes falling on him.

There was a sudden flutter of butterflies in Pomni’s stomach at his gaze, her head feeling light and certainly not from the alcohol.

“Caine,” she whispered, suddenly feeling incredibly flustered as the memories of her romantic dream returned to her.

“Pomni,” he replied, clearly just as unsure of what to say as her.

“Caine.”

“…”

“…”

“…merry Christmas, dear.”

Her eyes flicked to the clock, reading 12:57 AM. “Merry Christmas, Caine.”

“…”

“Pomni, I…”

“You…?”

“Well, I was just wondering if you’d ah…like to…join me today.”

Pomni blinked. “You want to celebrate Christmas with me?”

Caine blushed. “Well…doesn’t that sound like such a festive thing to do? Such a human thing to do? Spending a day that is almost unanimously agreed on to be special with someone that you, perhaps, see as special?”

Pomni blushed at his jumble of words and the way he avoided her gaze. Caine, the enthusiastic and shameless boss of this place, shy. In the back of her mind was that dream. It almost seemed…

Like a memory.

Or maybe it was just the alcohol. And the exhaustion.

Probably that.

All she knew is she was blushing and speechless, her heart jumping in her chest at the sight of him. She didn’t know why her mind had made him look so…absurd. But somehow, the dream version of him had swept her off her feet.

And she felt it now, too. Like she shouldn’t find him endearing, but she did anyway.

But she wasn’t ready to admit that to herself.

“I’d…like that,” she said without thinking.

He could have burst in excitement there and then. “Oh, my dear, you would? You—really?”

She stood up, smoothing her skirt out. “Yes,” she decided, then followed up with a sentence that surprised herself, “work can wait.”

Caine froze in place, finding it difficult to move for a moment. He nearly forgot he had control over his movements until Pomni snapped her fingers in front of his eyes. “Caine…? You okay? You sort of froze up there for a moment.”

“Aha, yes! Pomni, I can’t begin to describe how long I’ve wanted to experience this with you.”

She paused for a moment, tilting her head curiously at him. Everything he was saying lined up well enough with her dreams and…maybe, just maybe, those dreams really were….

She interrupted that train of thought. No, that was entirely absurd. She was just incredibly exhausted and just a little bit drunk.

Even so, she remembered the way they had danced together in her dream, the way he was so incredibly oblivious but still endearing. The way he paid her special attention, the way he held her like he wanted her. And the way he was looking at her now…

His eyes…one was blue and one was green. She had never noticed that until now. Just like her dream…never really noticed it, not like this.

One blue, one green. Both, filled with equal adoration for her.

It could have been that thought that motivated her to boldly take his hand in his, making him tense up.

“I have, too, Caine.”

A/N: and with that, I’m off to residential for a couple months. hopefully it wasn’t too rushed, i’m quite literally heading into the office right as i post this so did not have time to edit as much as i hoped. Thank you all for being amazing. Merry Christmas <3

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Ryan Adamczeski at The Advocate:

Andy Beshear's message to other politicians? Stop fixating on the LGBTQ+ community and focus on the issues actually impacting people. The Democratic governor of Kentucky appeared on CBS’s Face the Nation with Margaret Brennan Sunday, where he was asked about other Democrats' recent push to abandon transgender people in order to supposedly win political favor. Beshear noted that he vetoed a major anti-LGBTQ+ bill as a Democrat in a red state during an election year and still won. “I voted down one of the nastiest anti-LGBTQ+ bills that my state had ever seen, in my election year. But I did two things," Beshear said. “Number one: I talked about why. That’s my faith, where I’m taught that all children are children of God, and I wanted to stick up for children [who] were being picked on." “But the second thing: Voters in my state knew the very next day, I was going to be working on jobs," he continued. "I was going to be opening a new health clinic, first hospital in our largest African American neighborhood in 150 years, we just cut the ribbon on. We’ve created two pediatric autism centers in Appalachia, so that people don’t have to drive two hours.”

Beshear vetoed a bill in 2023 that sought to ban gender-affirming care for minors and public school instruction on sexual orientation and gender identity at all grade levels, as well as forcing the outing of LGBTQ+ students to their guardians. Kentucky lawmakers still pushed through the bill after overriding Beshear's veto. Beshear also vetoed a bill in 2022 barring transgender girls and women from competing with cisgender females in school sports. Republicans overrode that, too, though Beshear was able to pass in September an executive order banning the dangerous and discredited practice of so-called "conversion therapy," which has not been overridden.

Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear (D) went on CBS’s Face The Nation Sunday hosted by Margaret Brennan to explain why he rightly vetoed cruel anti-LGBTQ+ bills that got veto overridden anyway. Beshear said it best: “All children are children of God and I wanted to stick up for children who were being picked on.”

See Also:

Daily Kos: Democratic governor of deep red state won't compromise on progress

From the 11.17.2024 edition of CBS's Face The Nation:

[bodyswapmischief]

Andrew's Holiday Part 1 (An interactive story)

Part 2 Part 3

"Fine! Maybe I won't fucking come home for Christmas!" Andrew hung up and threw his phone on his bed. His heart was racing. His hands were shaking. The whole world around him felt loud and bright. The panic that sat within him before the phone call did not leave him. Even now, with the call over, he felt worse. He could feel his body begin to react to stress like it always had. His blood pulsed. He began to sweat. Every neuron was firing in his brain. All of them were telling the brain the same thing. "There is something in us, and it needs to be out of us." His stomach began to bubble, and a sour taste began to coat his mouth. He jolted to the trash can by his bed, as everything in his stomach came out. Tears began to stream down his face with each convulsion of vomit.

"What's wrong, Andy?" A voice came from behind him. Shame washed throughout Andrew's body. "Go! I don't want you to see me like this!" He tried to yell. But, Oscar's presence just added to the anxiety in this moment, and Andrew threw up again.

"Are you sick! Do you need anything?" Oscar called out again. "I was just coming back from class and heard..." Oscar stammered, not knowing what to do in this moment. "Leave!" Andrew cried out in the corner. His back turned away from Oscar. He could still feel the uneasiness of his stomach. His body shook as he cried.

Oscar let out a sigh. "No ... Andy! I'm not gonna leave. I'm your boyfriend and I want to be here for you." Oscar knelt beside Andrew and began to rub his back. "I'll be here ... I'll be quiet. I'll let you process. Just let me know if you..." Before Oscar could finish, Andrew turned around. His head sank into Oscar's chest, and he let the tears rush out.

The two sat there for sometimes, as the tears of Andrew face began to dry. His nose clogged, and his eyes puffy red. He sighed, feeling like he could finally breathe. He felt so safe in Oscar's arms. He couldn't believe he got lucky enough to be paired with him in freshman year as roommates. How they spent every day together. The shared anxiety they had not knowing if the other was gay. But, now it was sophomore year, and they were committed to each other. And Oscar was proving it, in this moment. However, comforting Oscar was, Andrew felt like he didn't deserve it.

"I came out to my dad today ... it didn't go well." Andrew pushed himself away. The shaky anxiety could still be heard in his voice. And, his body plops onto his bed. Oscar follows him and sits at his side. "I'm sorry ..." Oscar grabbed Andrew's hand and began to rub it. "He was mad, of course, but also in denial ... Between cussing me out, he'd throw in talks about me coming home and him fixing me and taking me to therapy and getting me through this phase. So, I told him I'm not coming home."

Oscar shook his head with a pit of disgust in his stomach. "That's sick. Wow, I don't even know to say ..." He lies down next to Tyler and pulls him close to his body. "He's wrong, tho ... you know that, right? There is nothing wrong with you. You ... us ... we are prefect." Oscar gives Andrew a reassuring squeeze.

Why is Oscar so prefect? Is all Andrew could think about at this moment. "Yeah, I know that." Andrew finally smiles and rests his face against Oscar's chest. "You know ... my offer is still out there. You could come home with me for the holidays. My parents would love to meet you. And, I could help with any fees to change your ticket this late." Oscar turns onto his back. Excitement is clearly ringing from his voice.

Andrew turns on his back as well and weighs his options. Spending time with Oscar would he nice. Meeting his family could be interesting. But, is he really not going to go home? Would he punish his mother just because of his father. His mom has been accepting of him ever since he came out to her in high school. And, then all his friends would be there. He'd find ways to ignore his dad. But, maybe he just needed time alone. He could stay on campus and just spend time to think. Think about who he was without family or a boyfriend. He loved Oscar, but there was always this feeling of not being good enough for him. Maybe some time apart could help him with these feelings.

[hannahwatcheshorror]

CHILD'S PLAY (1988)

💁‍♀️Strong Female Lead

A classic film about a scary thought, “What if my doll were alive?” Chucky is the original ANNABELLE (well, that isn’t entirely true) and masters the cute to creepy transition in seconds flat. No time is wasted showing you how the doll comes to life, it just takes a moment for him to belong to someone and for the killings to begin. Nicely paced and well acted with very nice effects especially for the main man himself. Should encourage you to be a little nicer to those “inanimate” objects around you.

⭐⭐⭐.5

(trigger warning sexual aggression/violence against a woman)

Charles Lee Ray, a serial killer, is about to die in a toy store when he says Abracadabra (by The Steve Miller Band) over a little ginger doll (since it has no soul) and puts his soul in it with voodoo (wack). A nice lady buys the “doll” for her son's birthday and gives it to her little brat (nah, he is a cutie) and doesn’t realize what hell will soon be breaking loose. The aunt is babysitting but she won't be there long because Andy has a new best friend in Chucky the doll and the doll wants to play. Death by toy hammer to the face then dramatically falling out a window is weak as hell though, I just gotta say, Aunt Maggie. 

Karen comes home to find her babysitter dead and her son blaming it on the doll (yeah, right, kid) to which she says, “Yeah, right, kid, tell me the truth.” The detective is wary and thinks the kid killed the aunt which is so fucking funny, I just have to say, this kid is such a small little baby who is so confused and he certainly didn’t kill a bitch. ANYWAY. Things keep escalating when Chucky makes Andy skip school and visit his old accomplice's house to blow the place up (with the dude inside). Now Andy is sent to the nuthouse because he says Chucky is alive and no one believes him! Chucky goes on a side quest and finds out his only shot at being human again is to become Andy (yikes).

Distraught about her son in a psych ward, Karen goes home with the doll and commands it to talk to her. Fucker doesn’t listen so she threatens to burn him over the fire, that gets him talking. Now she knows her son isn’t a liar. Ms. Barclay makes our detective listen to her by putting herself in danger and damn it if that doesn’t make me fall in love with her. We love a woman who will recklessly go after a mad man (or doll) because of their kid. Chucky goes after the detective who barely makes it out alive but now at least he believes.

Andy is locked up in the psych ward still and sees a spritely little Chucky parkour his way up the steps and into the hospital on his way up to get Andy. The doctors think the kid is off his nut and you feel this sense of helplessness for him because we know he is telling the truth!  Poor little Andy even has to watch a guy get electroshock therapy to death which I'm sure won’t scar him for life (it will). After narrowly avoiding capture at the hospital, Andy goes home to try and wait out his best fiend.

Like an unfriendly Santa, guess who comes down the chimney? None other than Chucky in the flesh, I mean, plastic. Chucky decks the kid in the head with a fucking baseball bat like it’s no big deal. UM. WACK. (Ha) He attempts to start the ritual but Mom and the detective come back in the nick of time. After a little more bat whacking on the detective, Chucky gets the Freddie Lounds special (a full fire cleansing) which STILL isn’t enough for this evil bastard. They have to shoot him in the heart and he barely goes down then. They are all safe (for now).

[that-darn-clown]

listened to Twin Size Mattress by The Front Bottoms and thought of Rewrite!Mike, Jeremy, and Andrew.

specifically these two parts with Mike and Andrew:

"It's no big surprise

you turned out this way,

when they close(d?) their eyes

and prayed you would change.

They cut your hair,

and sent you away.

You stopped by my house

the night you escaped."

so like. Andy isn't gay (they're aroace), but he is a demiboy, and thus appears/dresses a bit more femininely (such as having longer hair, wearing eyeliner, and painting his nails) so their dad, the way he is, along with seeing how much Andy leaves to go stay with Mike or Jeremy, assumes he is. this led to many arguments between the two of them, as well as threats of Andy being sent to one of those troubled teen camps (bad) or to what effectively amounted to conversion therapy (even fucking worse). it came to a head one night in 1987 when their dad cut some of their hair off during an argument, and Andrew packs some of his stuff up and leaves, not having a clear plan yet. but they stop at the Afton house to say goodbye to Mike first.

(the first two lines could also apply to how Andy ended up having an alcoholism problem like his dad. y'know the whole Genetic Thing That Can Make You More Prone To Alcoholism/Addiction thing? yeah...that. "It's No Big Surprise You Turned Out This Way.")

"With tears in my eyes,

I begged you to stay.

You said 'Hey man, I love you,

but no fucking way.'"

Mike begs Andy to stay with him and his family, just like old times. Mike doesn't want to potentially lose one of the few people he has left that he's still close to and who understands him. but Andy can't. for two reasons: for all they know, their dad will just hunt them down if they stay here, it's too obvious a place to stay. the other reason...well, now Andrew's suspicious of William. even if William would gladly protect him from his dad any day...who's to say he'll truly be safe there? if their gut feeling is right...do they want to take that risk?

so they tell him that they won't. they can't.

and at 17, while Mike is still only 16, Andy leaves town, telling no one where he's going, only calling Mike when they get to their destination.

they end up running into Annabeth (Henry's ex-wife) and her new partner (her girlfriend/"roommate"), and choose to stay with them. he knows them, after all.

and yeah...that's where Andy goes between 1987-1993. (< when they unexpectedly return for Fnaf 1. Mike and William were surprised because neither of them knew he came back to town.) :)

If I can just Jim's theme from treasure planet for a bit lol

Specifically what I am insane about is "or a moment to be held in your arms" he's saying I'm not a baby anymore, that they can choose the life they want. And he does. I'm normal

[mistytpednaem]

as promised, a Different sort of corpsefriend therapy liveblog post. will this even be entertaining?? i don't know but i am Committed to it

there shall be NO serious discussion of vampire lore here. unless there is. who knows, I still have a few hours of game left

whoa that's a bold statement--

oh right nvm we're learning CBT again

as a bat or on a horse...

BUT WHO TAUGHT THAT TO SAM

this is just how people in europe talk about football tbqh

i wonder how andromachos would feel about hetalia...

I can't recall if Andy outright confirmed he was from Greece before or if I was just getting it from his name but a) it's nice to see it reconfirmed and b) this made me go on a brief tangent @ Alex about how it makes sense u see because Andromachos is an ancient vampire, and some of the oldest legends on record that feature creatures somewhat similar to vampires come from Greece, and--

me when I'm enjoying this game and it makes me point out something that seems frankly unnecessary to point out

you know sometimes I'm like "yeah I was raised Catholic but it's not really part of my IDENTITY like sure I had some very particular experiences and I struggle with guilt but I'm functionally agnostic now" but when andromachos came out swinging with this i was unable to progress for a solid 5 minutes

no one talks about jesus christ's career 😔

ANOTHER strong line for a social media bio tbqh

see I feel like this is a strong case for giving this distortion a funny vampire name too, but then again i feel like they should all have funny names, so

sam said "ok boomer" and i was so stunned i didn't even think to screenshot it

PREACH IT ANDROMACHOS!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh right i grabbed this with like a note to myself to look up this guy. let's see

oh. oh there is immediately so much to reflect on here

huh. i mean it kind of sounds like he didn't get what he WANTED-- right ok vampires

don't let him hear you say that, you'll make him WORSE

looks like there's still room to learn a couple more distortions... strangely comforting. despite all my reservations i have been enjoying myself for the most part

man's still BEGGING us to cure his drug addiction even though he literally won't sleep without it

just because i'm avoiding posting overt spoilers doesn't mean i can't feature poetry out of context

STEREOTYPE??

BANNED! THIS GAME IS BANNED!!! I NO LONGER ACCEPT THIS PORTRAYAL OF VAMPIRES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stares at the camera. sure thing buddy

ONLY 30 IMAGES ALLOWED PER POST SO. PART 2 INCOMING??? wait i can save this as a draft and post one right after the other. hohoho. delightfully devilish, naem

[mayasdeluca]

A few takeaways from that live...

1-Merle saying that Natasha didn't reinstate Maya as Captain because she still had a lot to learn and then later Danielle saying how Sullivan only made her Captain because he didn't want to give it to Andi and Maya wasn't ready I think is bullshit. I think Maya was ready to be Captain and she thrived at it to the surprise of everyone who maybe thought she rose up the ranks too quickly (Lt. to Captain in 3 years). But when you're ready, you're ready. Kids skip grades all the time and sometimes 2 because they are beyond the grade suited for their age.

2-When they talked about the promo and said that it' was going to be such a great episode and there were heart wrenching and powerful performances...by Merle/Natasha, Jaina/Andi, and Barrett/Vic, I'm sorry what?! That episode should have been ALL about Maya and Carina. I don't need other performances cluttering up the screen over Maya being cared for and the aftermath to that.

3- I think Merle casually* spilled that Andi does get the Captain job (what episode are they filming now?) and that Maya sees Diane which we probably assumed because there is no way Maya would be cleared for duty after her accident if she didn't see Diane at least for a few sessions. Whether or not Maya embraces therapy is a different story.

*I say "casually" because she just said it and didn't make a big deal like gasping thinking she may have spilled like Danielle usually does or like her and Stefania did last week, she just continued talking like it was nothing and moved on.

Now on the personal side: So Boris is getting to direct next season (has he directed the show before?). I did not know Merle is so musical theater inclined and yes, I would love a musical episode especially if it mean Danielle can go back to her semi pop-star roots and sing again (since she keeps refusing to revisit that). And Merle talking about old school things and Danielle being like I was born in 88. I lol'd at that because I am of a certain age that remembers things like phone cards like Merle was describing.

Lots of great thoughts!

I totally agree about the convo re: Maya not being ready to be captain. I didn't get that vibe at all either. She was more than qualified and even if it's true that part of the reason she got the job is because Ripley & Sullivan didn't think Andy was ready for it, that doesn't mean that Maya also wasn't ready for it because she was well prepared and knew what she was doing. Just because the team decided not to respect her as captain initially doesn't make any of that not true. She proved she was a great captain all of Season 4 and more than capable of doing the job. Also Merle/Ross wasn't around then so I really wonder how much she actually knows about that whole history.

It's very frustrating that when Danielle will have other guests on lives or whatever, the topic of Marina/Maya tends to be avoided. I understand that Danielle probably doesn't want to make it about her and is always wanting to talk about the other person and supporting them and it's a lovely quality she has but...yeah. The promo was clearly mainly about Maya and what's going to happen with her but I guess they decided to talk about Ross' plot in the episode instead. It appears like there will be multiple storylines in the episode so we better just prepare for minimal screentime from now. It's obnoxious that they claim to be covering it in a big way though when it seems like they won't be. But I'm sure we will get more of the aftermath stuff in the episodes afterwards. I wouldn't be surprised if episode 8 is actually better for us than 7 at this point.

Okay I thought the same thing! But no one else seemed to be talking about/caught on so I didn't say anything lol but the way she so matter of factly said that Andy will be captain felt like it happened already? I mean we know she will be captain at some point because it's inevitable but she made it sound like it was already a lock. I think they're currently filming episode 13/14 but I'm curious about the search and rescue type call in episode 12 and that BTS pic because why is Ross also suited up? And is Beckett around? I guess we'll see. And yes the fact that Merle called Diane 'her therapist' in regards to Danielle seems like a good sign that we will be getting therapy scenes plural. At first I was worried Diane would be there just for Crisis One stuff based on BTS things but hopefully we get a decent amount of therapy scenes as well.

Boris hasn't directed the show before, no. I don't think he's directed any TV before, just a movie or two. A musical episode would definitely be interesting! I have mixed feelings about it because I feel like these writers just aren't capable of making it good lol and musical episodes come off as cringe most times to begin with so I don't know how it would go really but they definitely have the talent for it. They definitely had a fun dynamic throughout the live though with some funny moments!

[baasphemous]

More struggling related to my relationship below the cut. Again idek who keeps up with this shit, but I'm typing it up at the very least for myself to process.

Yesterday was so rough. Everything has felt rough and hurts because things continue to be messy and complicated (all before today, jack's birthday where i will have to pretend to be okay). Having said all of this, I still ask to maybe not cast judgement on jack. I feel like that's all I have been saying because at the end of the day I am starting to realize that maybe jack isn't as capable as I thought they were, which as you can imagine kills me as a person that constantly feels as if explaining things clearly will fix everything. It feels as if it's slowly ripping me up because even with all of our problems, I still care for and love jack. I don't want people to hate them?

the tl;dr of it is jack was making improvements, or so I thought, and it turns out they aren't really. I don't say this meaning they have made no improvement, just that all the explaining in the world hasn't seemed to penetrate their brain, even with a professional involved, and that professional (as good as they are) can't seem to understand what jack is doing either because it makes no cognitive sense. Jack plays into these shitty dynamics because not only is it all they're comfortable doing, but also because it benefits them to. The therapist that we have been saying isn't so sure they're even cognitively capable of understanding this, much less carrying it all out any improvement regarding it. And it's frustrating to me because I am not asking for a change overnight so much as some kind of budge. Some movement. Anything at this point. Anything to not play this silent role of whipping boy for jack. Because at the end of the day Andy and I are always saddled with the shit they promise to do, but skimp out on at the last minute due to feeling a little discomfort or pressure, and we aren't even appreciated for it. We're always overfunctioning to compensate for their underfunctioning, and there's never any sympathy or emotional comfort left for either of us at the end of the day because jack sucks it all up.

On my end it feels as if there's no winning. I know they don't want to be doing what they're doing, but any time you challenge their point of view, you're the bad guy. You either let them continue to play out these shitty dynamics where you're the one shouldering all the burden or you challenge them and they act like a baby and resent you for it. And I'm honestly sick of living with someone who resents me. I'm sick of someone who parallels a lot of my childhood traumas with my mom because I am constantly elevated as a result of being aware of it all, and like man, I don't want to be. It feels even worse because I know how these situations end having done them time and time again with my family. If people can't improve, you can't be around them. And with jack i don't know how much they could function without us, but also i shouldn't effectively be saddled with a child I didn't ask for as a partner.

And as much as I know they don't like being compared to a kid, the comparison feels apt. I feel like I am constantly living with a teenager that gets upset with me when I ask them to do anything to contribute to the household, but the thing is even teenagers grow up. Even kids can contribute to the house. It's as if they're in a form of arrested development, like they have convinced themself they can't exist in the adult world, while also simultaneously refusing to even try. Everything is a crisis that andy and i have to problem solve it because they won't, and again when you present the facts of the situation to challenge this emotional skew, you're a meanie. In fact, a lot of how they present andy and i to the therapist is as if we are two bullies, constantly tormenting them because we are having less and less of a tolerance for their bullshit.

It's gotten to the point that they go into therapy and talk about how overwhelmed they are with their schedule, but they won't bring in their schedule to appointments because their tasks for the week amount to doing very little, probably less than a part time job, and they know their therapist will challenge them on it with the facts in hand. It's so hard to feel like some of this isn't purposeful, yet I am supposed to accept that jack is somehow either not capable of doing these things or is purposely playing into these dynamics and I dunno, both of those options suck.

I honestly don't know what to do but I feel unbelievably depressed with the idea that I have to go through this shit again with another person. I don't feel as if I am capable of dealing with the hurt of removing another person I deeply care for from my life because they can't make better decisions. Especially someone I built a life with! We have a home together. We have a business. We are so enmeshed that all their bad decisions inevitably come back on me. And the separation it's going to involve isn't going to be appreciated because it means removing them from queerly departed, it means taking away their responsibilities in the house that affect us or the animals and telling them to get at least a part time job to contribute to finances. It means pulling the ultimate parental role to oust their influence on me and my life.

But even floating that idea where they are supported with a roof over their head and food on the table and their only worry would be a job, their first response was "well I could focus and get a part time job at an office, but I can't wear what I want to work there, so probably not." Like I get it, but that's not appreciative in the slightest and kind of demonstrates the problems we have been having.

I dunno, man. I am just so so sad and I'm sick of being sad and hurting. I don't know what to do with myself.

[taintedcigs]

first of all. YOUR WRITING IS PERFECT THE WAY IT IS ANDY. it is not repetitive, it doesn't need improvement. ITS YOURS, ITS UNIQUE, and its beautiful. pls don't be too hard on yourself, ily <33

second of all. THIS CHAPTER OFFICIALLY WRECKED ME. as a proud team steddie IDK WHAT TO FEEL? AGONY? HAPPINESS BC EDDIE WAS SO CUTE? DYING INSIDE BC STEVE MAKES ME SOO?? IM CONFLICTED OKAY?

He scratches the back of his neck, “uh well, apparently Ray is a fan of pocket knives,” he laughs.  I WILL KILL THAT SON OF A BBBB WHAT OMFG

“She is not you.” ALWAYS FUCKING GETS ME. JESUS CHRIST. JESUS FUCKING CHRIIISTT.

“I know,” he whispers, frowning at the ground, “I know, I’m sorry. I-I made a mistake and I will regret it for the rest of my life.” GROVELING ALREADY STARTED IM SMILING RN IM SORRY

“Don’t put the blame on yourself,” he says in anger for himself, “I was the one who lied to you, I was the one who fucked up. Not you, y/n. Never you.”  FINALLY TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY GOD I LOVE THIS MAN BUT I ALSO HATE HIM AND I ALSO LVOE EDDIE.

“Yeah,” he whispers, “I would have stayed with you.” Because this is what he wanted. He wanted you to fight for him, he wanted you to make him stay.  SHUT UP THIS MAKES ME SO SAD. BUT HE SHOULDVE BEEN THE ONE TO FIGHT FOR R!!!!!!

“But you shouldn’t have, it wasn’t your job to fight for me. I should have fought for you. You should’ve been the one to leave, not me.” THATS WHAT I SAID WAIIITTT STEVE AND I SHARE ONE MIND.

GOD THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION BETWEEN THEM HAS MY HEART TIGHTENED. THIS IS SO SAD OHMYGOD.

It’s always you, it’s always been you, it’ll always be you. im actually going to die. I AM ON THE FLOOR. SOBBING. MELTING.

and OH MY GOD. FINALLY I CAN USE THIS OH MY FUCKING GOD

IM SO HAPPY FOR THE BREAKUP, THOSE TWO NEEDED TO REALIZE THAT THEY BOTH DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER AND WERE TRYING TO REPLACE THE PPL THEY ACTUALLY LOVED W EACH OTHER.

THE SURPRISE PARTY EDDIE THREW FOR HERRR OMGGG. he's literally so sweet. i love both of these pairings so much MY GOD. the rings!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺 also the fact that he tried baking a cake OH MY GODDD.

AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT WE WERE GETTING A BIT OF FLUFFINESS... JUST WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO REALX.

So, he showed up at your party.  But he did not expect to see you in Eddie’s arms – not like this.  He sees you smile and even though it breaks his heart to see you with him, he can walk away with a calm feeling in his chest because he gets to know that this night won't end for you in tears this time. But for him, it does.  YOU WENT AND DID THIS??? OH IM A PUDDLE... I AM CRYING IM SOBBING... MY THERAPY BILLS WILL BE AT YOUR DOOR. TOMORROW 8 AM SHARP.

i love this story andy, so much, don't ever doubt yourself because it is amazing. and also ignore all the other ppl who are pressuring you. THIS IS YOUR STORY. YOUR WRITING. it's perfect the way it is! and i can tell u that i'd DEVOUR all of it even tho reader ended up with like an alien or something idk. ILY!!!! 💗💗

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 17

Warnings: angst, mentions of unrequited love, mentions of cheating, underaged drinking and drug consumption, break ups, mentions of injuries, mentions of pregnancy (it's just a joke)

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader, Steve Harrington x Nancy Wheeler, Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: You spend the night before your birthday with Steve and the same night, it takes a turn for him.

Word count: 9.5k

A/N: This chapter made me realize that my writing needs way more improvement, my words are too repetitive, please ignore. Also big shoutout to @hellfire--cult for throwing some really really amazing ideas at me, thank you, love. I appreciate you! @mysticmunson my angel, thank you for always helping me 🤍

series masterlist

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You missed the warm nights, the transition from winter to spring and spring to summer, where every day it gets warmer and warmer. The sun gets brighter and the flowers adorn every field that you pass by. 

It’s only the end of April but it’s already so warm, this night especially. The breeze you feel on your skin is one that reminds you of a chilly summer night. 

Your eyes are closed, you are leaning back against the railing as you sit outside on your porch steps, waiting for him to come. A year or two ago, you would have waited for him in your room, you would have waited for him to climb through your window and surprise you with a present. 

This year, everything is different. 

You don’t want him to sneak into your room, that would only bring up painful memories again and you have had enough of those in the past few weeks, you know that seeing him tonight, will only make things worse. Still, you can’t help but feel excited to see him. 

You shouldn’t feel this way, you really shouldn’t. 

But you miss him, you miss what you used to have. 

The sound of a car pulling up and the bright headlights make you open your eyes. 

This feels so wrong. To let him back into your life so easily is such a huge mistake. You don’t know what prompted you to say yes to him when he asked you if he could come over the night before your birthday. Maybe it was the wish to uphold the tradition you have had since you were kids or maybe, it was your stupid heart that made you say yes. 

You should have said yes to Eddie when he had asked if you wanted to see a movie with him tonight. You shouldn’t have said yes to him. 

He gets out of the car and his eyes instantly lock with yours, his brows furrow, he is probably wondering why you are outside. There is something in his hand, you can’t make out what it is. 

“Hey,” he says when he walks towards you. 

You force a smile, to match the one on his face. 

“Hi Steve.”

The gravel crunches beneath his nike’s and he looks down, breaking eye contact for a moment. 

You eye him in curiosity. 

Isn’t this weird? 

To do this when he is with someone else? 

Does she know where he is, right now? 

He sits down opposite of you, leaning his back against the other railing. His breathing is a little unsteady and he clears his throat. The porch light is the only thing lighting up the area around you, it’s very dim but you still notice the flushed cheeks. 

“How are you?” He asks, nervously. 

Only as you hear the shakiness in his voice, do you realize just how nervous he actually is. 

You don’t know this side of Steve – you don’t remember ever seeing this side of him. The Steve you once knew was always full of himself, confident, arrogant and cocky. Never nervous. 

You haven’t talked to him in a while. The notes you have passed to each other in class don’t count. 

“I’m okay,” you say as you pull your knees to your chest and wrap your arms around them, “how are you?”

He hesitates and his eyes stray away for a few seconds, he looks down at your hands, staring at your rings. 

You notice the dark circles under his eyes and the way his features are etched with something that reminds you of something that you always used to see on your face whenever you looked at your reflection in the mirror, when he was seeing Nancy. 

“I-I uh, I’m good.” 

It’s a lie.

He usually used to avoid looking into your eyes whenever he lied to you. 

“Are you?” You ask before you can stop the words from spilling. 

When he looks up and you see his eyes again, you notice the frustration behind them. He wears the same look that you used to wear after every fight with him. 

Did they fight? Did she make him cry the way he made you cry? Is that why his eyes are glassy and red rimmed? 

He only nods. 

“It’s almost midnight.”

“Yeah,” you whisper and hold eye contact. 

You hate your birthday, god, you hate it so much. If you could, you would sleep the day away but you can’t.

“What’s that?” You ask, gesturing to the tiny box in his hand, the one he hasn’t let go of since he came here. 

He hesitates when he follows your gaze and looks down at the object in his hand. 

“Uh, it’s your birthday present.”

You raise your brows and you ignore the way your stomach flips at his words. 

“Oh?”

He nods and then scoots closer to you but he doesn’t hand it to you yet. He still holds it tightly. 

“What’s in there?” 

A smile tugs at his lips, “never the patient one, are you?” 

A breathy chuckle falls from your lips and you shake your head, “you know me.” 

His eyes skim over your face, your soft features and the light in your eyes that never died, even after everything he had put you through, the light is still shining brightly even when you can’t see it. 

“Yeah, I do,” he whispers. 

He places his palm on the ground beside you, he is closer now, closer than he had been in a while. His nike’s bump against your black converse, his fingertips graze against yours and the urge to feel his whole hand on top of yours is so strong. 

You look down, eying his knuckles, eyeing the scar. You know where it came from, you still ask, “what’s that?” 

He furrows his brows at your question, then follows your gaze to see what you are looking at. 

“Oh,” he mumbles. 

“I know where you got it from but, how did it happen?” 

You avoid his eyes this time. You never thanked him for what he did. It’s something that 

Steve doesn’t even expect from you, it’s not something you have to thank him for. 

He scratches the back of his neck, “uh well, apparently Ray is a fan of pocket knives,” he laughs. 

Your eyes widen and you stare at him in shock as your heart leaps to your throat. 

“What?” You gasp. 

Eddie told you some things but you know that he left a lot of details out. He didn’t want you to worry. 

Fear flashes in your features and you instinctively reach for his hand. The thought that something worse could have happened to him and to Eddie makes you feel so guilty. 

“It’s fine,” he whispers.

The worry in your eyes makes his heart flutter in his chest. 

You still care about him, you always will. He looks down at your hand, your touch is making his skin tingle and a smile tugs at his lips when he remembers all the times he was able to just take your hand and hold it without a second thought, without having to worry about anything, without having to feel guilty, without feeling like he’s doing some forbidden thing. 

He can’t just hold your hand now, not anymore. 

Not even when she – “No, it’s not! Something worse could’ve happened, Steve–”

“But it didn’t,” he says, interrupting you, “nothing happened to us. We’re fine. Please just, let’s drop this, y/n.”

“But–”

“No buts, I’m not here to talk about that asshole. What’s done is done, let’s leave it in the past, okay?”

Oh, how easy everything could be if that was possible. 

You begrudgingly drop the subject when he keeps interrupting you, not wanting to talk about it. When you try to pull your hand away, he stops you and holds it tighter – you let him. 

You lean your head back and take a good look at him. His hair has grown longer and there is a kindness in his eyes that had been missing in the last few months of your relationship. His touch feels more gentle, his presence makes you feel calm instead of anxious, he seems like the old Steve – the one who still loved you. 

She brought him back, she did something that you could not do. 

You weren’t good enough for that – he did not want to change for you. 

“Does she know that you’re here?”

He tenses up a little and for a moment, he frowns. 

“She wouldn’t care.”

What?

“She wouldn’t care that you’re spending time with your ex girlfriend?” You ask, confused. 

“No,” he says, cringing at the word ‘ex girlfriend’.

You don’t believe it, you can’t believe it, especially not after the way she talked about you after he had dumped you for her. Clearly, she can’t stand you and the thought of her not having a problem with her boyfriend hanging out with you, just seems a little too weird to you.

You would have a problem with that. 

“Okay,” you mumble under your breath. 

“Is everything okay between the two of you?” You ask, still looking down to hide your eyeroll. You don’t really want to hear him talk about his relationship but, you can’t help but feel a little curious. You know that the pain in his eyes isn’t for nothing. 

He hesitates and he tenses up, yet again. You feel it in his touch. 

“Yeah.”

“I know when you’re lying,” you mumble, glancing up at him to see him looking away. 

The chuckle that falls from his lips, isn’t one of amusement. He glances up at the darkening sky.

“I-I just, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“What do you mean?” You frown. 

As he looks back into your eyes, he sees everything that he is looking for – everything that he can never find in her eyes. 

“She is not you.”

For a moment, your heart stops beating, your blood stops pumping, the world stops spinning. Everything stops. 

How can he say such a thing? 

“She’s not the one that I want.”

How can he say this to you after he had told you that he fell in love with her? That he never loved you? 

How can he say this when he looks so happy with her? 

How can he say this when you had asked him to let you go? 

“Steve.”

“I know,” he whispers, frowning at the ground, “I know, I’m sorry. I-I made a mistake and I will regret it for the rest of my life.”

You hate the way your heart flutters despite the pain it’s in, right now. 

You hate the way you wonder about how things could’ve been if you never let him go so easily. 

You hate the way you feel so little again, the way you just let his words get to you, the way they are able to make you feel sad instead of angry. 

You feel like a fool again, the same fool who forgave him over and over again. 

“We both did.” Those three words spill from your lips before you can stop them. 

You feel stupid, you instantly feel so so stupid. You miss the anger, the coldness – the one that never let him back in. 

He looks up, a bewildered look on his face as he stares at you in shock and confusion. 

“What?”

“We both made mistakes.”

He shakes his head, you had never seen such a deep frown in his features, his lips are pursed as he tries to come up with words but he can only stare at you with a questioning look in his eyes. 

You blink, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the nervous feeling that is building up more and more. 

“I-I just,” you pause to take a deep breath, to give yourself the chance to say something that won’t ruin everything again but, something pushes you to say this, “I keep wondering how things could’ve been if I never let you go, how it would’ve been if I just fought for you.”

He whispers your name as he stares at you with eyes that soften the longer he looks at you. 

“I-I never did, I just let you go. I keep thinking about that night at Tina’s party. You spilled that stupid red wine on you that you didn’t even like.”

Steve nods slowly. He feels the bitterness on his tongue, the taste of the sour wine still lingers when he thinks about how much he had drank from it to gain more courage, to make it easier to lie to you, to break your heart. 

“You told me that you weren’t in love with me anymore and I just, I said ‘okay’ and then I left and that’s all.” 

You look back at him with glossy eyes and a frown on your lips. 

“Don’t put the blame on yourself,” he says in anger for himself, “I was the one who lied to you, I was the one who fucked up. Not you, y/n. Never you.” 

“But–”

“No!” He shakes his head, “stop it, where’s this even coming from?”

You shrug and it only confuses him further. 

“Would you have stayed with me if I didn’t let you go?” You ask, “if I fought for you?”

He feels ashamed, he feels guilty and so horrible. 

“Yeah,” he whispers, “I would have stayed with you.” Because this is what he wanted. He wanted you to fight for him, he wanted you to make him stay. 

You know that he is honest and it breaks your heart again. 

“But you shouldn’t have, it wasn’t your job to fight for me. I should have fought for you. You should’ve been the one to leave, not me.”

“What?”

“I was a fucking asshole, y/n. I was an asshole to you, every day of our relationship, I kept fucking up, over and over again and you tolerated it, you never left me. You never got mad at me, you never said anything rude, you never did anything bad, you were – fuck, you were perfect, you are perfect,” he holds your hand tighter.

The tear that rolls down your cheek is quickly wiped away with his thumb.

“And I’m sorry, I am so fucking sorry for what I did to you.” 

He hates the way your eyes continue to well up with tears. He hates the way your bottom lip quivers as you try to not break down. He hates the way you are still hurting because of him. 

“Steve,” you whisper, not wanting to hear his apologies anymore. 

He shakes his head, stubbornly. 

“I’m not just saying sorry for leaving you, for choosing her over you. It’s not just that.”

You sniffle quietly and you press your knees to your chest. Your hand is still in his and you don’t make any moves to pull it away. 

“I’m sorry that I acted like I wasn’t interested in the things you loved doing. I’m sorry that I didn’t show you how much I really loved you. I’m sorry that I didn’t hold you enough, that I didn’t kiss you the way you should have been kissed, that I didn’t take care of you.” 

You start crying before you can stop yourself from doing so. 

“I should have held you that night. God, I hate myself for what I did to you that night. You cried a-and I-I didn’t do anything, I just listened to you cry.”

You close your eyes when your vision blurs. Your heart drops to your stomach and a sick feeling rushes through you. 

You didn’t know that he was awake, you always thought that he fell asleep before you broke down. But he was awake and he heard you. He was awake and he listened to your cries, he just listened and kept his back turned to you when you needed him to just fucking hold you. 

Steve watches the tears rolling down your cheeks, one after the other. 

Back then, he could’ve just pulled you into his arms. He could’ve hugged you, he could’ve held you but he never did – now he wants to so badly but now, he can’t. 

He sees how much you are struggling, he sees how hurt you still are. All these months, he thought that you had moved on, that you had left him in the past, that you had forgotten about the pain. But he was so wrong about everything. 

You have not moved on, you have not left him in the past and you especially, have not forgotten about the pain that he had put you through. 

The girl he knew is still in there just like the boy you once knew is still in him. 

You both changed but, you are also both still the same. 

“I should have given you the locket,” he whispers as he turns your hand around and places the little box into your palm, “I shouldn’t have given you the fucking bracelet that you never wanted.”

To see you cry will always hurt. To know that he is to blame for your pain, will always make him hate himself. To see the way you look at him with so much sadness and still so much love in your eyes will always make his chest burn with regret. 

Your brows are pulled together, your lips are parted and you look down at the box with big eyes. 

You pull your hand away from his and you wipe your tears before you open it after a moment of hesitation. A tear drops on the beautiful locket that you have fallen in love with a year back. 

A present that would have brought you joy back then, only makes you sad now. 

He could’ve seen a smile on your face. He could’ve seen happiness in your eyes. He could’ve heard you squeal in excitement. 

He could’ve. 

You stare at it, a minute passes and then another, you stare at it in silence. 

“I-I didn’t put anything in there,” he mumbles, pointing to the locket, “I know you always wanted a picture of us in there but uh – I figured you wouldn’t want that anymore.” 

You take it out of the box, the heart shaped locket is engraved with little flowers – it’s beautiful. Despite the sadness and the anger that is buried deep somewhere, you smile. 

It’s something that Steve did not expect. The thought of gifting you the little piece that you have wanted for so long after he left made him anxious, it was a last minute decision – this was not the gift he wanted to give you but it’s something that he found when he took his room apart while searching for a box to put the original gift in. This is what you wanted. 

You wanted it for your last birthday but instead he put a bracelet around your wrist, one that you did not wish for. You still loved it, you still smiled brightly and stared at it as though it was the prettiest thing you had ever seen. 

He bought the locket three days before he left you, he intended to give it to you after Halloween but it all went wrong. 

Everything went wrong after that night. 

He chose her and you chose to act like he didn’t exist anymore which is something he isn’t mad at anymore, you should have done worse. 

You gave him the cold shoulder, the glares, the snarky replies whenever he talked to you, whether it was about the essay you had worked on together or something else. You were mean, dismissive and cold. It went on like that for two months until that night when you had parted ways after the party at Jimmy’s place. After that you just seemed unbothered by his presence, like he didn’t matter anymore.

Now you are showing him a side that he does not deserve to see – the vulnerable, loving side that he only got when you were still his. 

He hates that you think that you should have fought for him. He never deserved it. He never deserved you. 

He prefers it when you hate him – he deserves that more than your love. 

You are silent for the longest time, just staring at the locket in your hand and he watches you with a bitter taste on his tongue and a deep sadness in his eyes. 

“Thank you, Stevie.”

It’s been a long time since you called him that. 

You lift your head and turn to look at him, your eyes meet and he smiles. 

“You’re welcome, y/n.”

The smile that you give him makes him realize just how much he truly misses you. 

He misses the sound of your giggle, he misses the way your eyes lit up when you saw him, he misses the way you would smile into the kisses, he misses the way it feels to hold you, he misses being with you. God, he misses you. 

You look down and with a heavy sigh, you push yourself up, “I-I should go inside.”

The disappointment that rushes through him is deep, he doesn’t want this to end, he doesn’t want to say goodbye again, he doesn’t want to go back to a love that is forced. 

“Yeah,” he breathes, getting up as well. 

For a moment, you stand in front of each other, not moving, not looking away from one another. His hands itch for your touch and you long to feel his arms around you. 

Should you tell him how much you miss him? 

Should you hug him?

Should you tell him how he haunts you in your memories? 

His hair looks soft beneath the dim porch light, his eyes even softer as he stares at you, his lips – stop. You curse at yourself for letting your mind go there. He is not yours, he belongs to someone else. 

Steve sees the way you look at him; it’s still the same. 

And that little moment is enough for him to make a decision. 

“Goodbye,” you whisper. 

He hesitates. 

Once again, he finds himself here, not wanting to say goodbye to you.

“Goodbye.”

You tear your eyes away from him, you look down and walk towards your door. You lift your hand, reaching for the doorknob when you feel his fingers closing in around your wrist. 

“Hey,” he says softly. 

You’re met with a smile when you look back again. 

“Happy birthday, dolly.”

A breathy chuckle falls from your lips and you smile, “thank you.”

Last year he would have kissed you. 

This year he can’t even hug you.

You turn back around and he watches you hesitate, his hand is still holding your wrist and you turn to him once again. You let go of his hand and you lift the sleeve of your sweatshirt to show him something. 

The dainty pearls around your wrist make his eyes widen. 

“I love the bracelet, by the way,” you say with a smile before you walk into your house, leaving him standing on your porch. 

The warmth in his stomach is only there because of you, because of the love you still got for him – and even if you had no love for him anymore, he would still feel it. You could break his heart into a million pieces and Steve Harrington would still love you more than anything else in this world. 

He can push you out of his life, he can try to fall in love with someone else, he can replace you with another girl but no one will ever be you. 

No one will ever make him feel the things that you make him feel. No one can make his heart race the way you do. No one can make him feel so safe and loved despite the distance, no one but you. 

It’s always you, it’s always been you, it’ll always be you. 

There is no point to be with someone he can never love the way he loves you. There is no point in being with someone who could never love him the way you loved him.

It’s all just pointless, everything that has happened since Halloween night is pointless. 

His mind is filled with thoughts, ones that keep him so distracted that he doesn’t even notice that the light in his bedroom is on. Only when he steps into his room and he notices his girlfriend sitting on his bed, does he realize that he is not alone tonight, like he wanted to be. 

He instantly notices the frown on her face, the crossed arms and a look of anger in her eyes.

“Nance,” he mumbles with furrowed brows, confused by her presence. 

He takes a look around his room to find it a mess, messier than it was before. Books, clothes and notes are scattered all over the carpet, an open box lying on the floor, pictures of you and him spilling out of it. Your green scrunchie from cheer practice lying on the sweater that belongs to him, one that he had put into the box because it was basically yours, it smelled like you, it probably still does. 

Realization floods through him, but there is no ounce of fear inside of him. He isn’t scared of what is about to happen.

Nancy is holding one of the many notes and she looks at him in disbelief, scoffing as she holds it up for him to see. 

“I’ll throw it away later, huh?” She asks, mocking him. 

He doesn’t have to take a closer look to know which note it is. It’s the one she found in his car a few months ago, the one he promised to throw away.

He doesn’t know what to say so he just stands there and looks at her, trying to figure out what she is feeling right now. 

She is not hurt, he knows she isn’t, just angry. 

Her eyes have strayed away from him just a few weeks after he left you for her. The moment Jonathan stepped into her life, her heart was no longer his, she gave it to her supposed new friend. 

He saw the stolen glances, the lingering touches. He knew about the secret meetups, he knew about what she did when they had decided on taking a break. But, he never said anything, he never did anything about it. He tolerated it because he thought that he deserved it. 

She did the same thing that he did to you, just so much worse. At least, he had never slept with anyone else, he had never kissed anyone else. 

Everything that she did in the course of their relationship is something that he was afraid of you doing to him. He was stupid for even thinking that. You would never do that to him. 

“I wish I could say that I’m surprised,” Nancy mumbles, throwing the note on the ground, “but I’m not.” 

Nancy isn’t blind and she isn’t stupid either, she always knew where his mind was at when he was with her, when he kissed her, when he touched her, when he slept with her. He was thinking about you, all the time. 

When she came over tonight, she didn’t expect to walk into an empty house or the mess that he had left in his room. She waited and waited and he didn’t come so she decided to keep herself busy. She began to clean his room, she organized his desk, dusted his furniture and put away his clean sweaters into the closet when she had found that box. Normally, she wouldn’t have opened it but curiosity got the best of her and now she feels relieved that she had done it, despite the sinking feeling in her stomach. 

Steve is calm, that’s something he had never been when he had gotten into fights with you. 

“Are you not gonna say anything?” 

Steve walks further into the room, he looks down at the things that belong to you, the things that he should’ve never put away in the first place. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Nancy.”

She tilts her head as she looks up at him, “you lied to me.” 

He nods. He lifts his hand and runs it through his hair. 

“Yeah, I did,” he admits, “I lied to you.” 

He lied when he said that he moved on from you. He lied when he told her that he loves her. He lied so many times and still, he tried to be good for her because he really wanted to try and be with her. 

“Do you love her?” She asks, already knowing the answer. 

Steve doesn’t even hesitate, he is done lying.  

“Yes.”

Hurt flashes in her eyes and he doesn’t even understand why – he is not the one that she wants. 

“Was it all just a lie then?” She asks, throwing her hands up. 

He shakes his head. No. It wasn’t all a lie, only his feelings, they were a lie, his love for her, that was a lie. 

He likes her, he always did. He liked spending time with her, he liked taking her out on dates, he liked studying with her and taking her to the movies afterwards but that’s all it was, he liked it. 

“No.” 

“God,” she breathes, “you’re so full of shit, Steve.” 

Her eyes that held pain and disbelief are now filled with anger and rage. 

“It wasn’t a lie?” She asks, stepping closer to him. 

As he looks down at her, he notices that he isn’t scared of what she is about to say. He isn’t scared that the relationship will be ruined after what words will spill from her mouth. He isn’t scared of what he will feel once she’s gone because, even when she leaves, his heart won’t be broken. 

No one can break his heart, no one but you. 

“No, I really liked you, Nancy.” 

She nods, her eyes widen and she purses her lips as she looks at him through her lashes- angrily. 

“Liked,” she says with such distaste in her voice. She takes a look around the messy room, she takes a look at the things on the ground, your things. “This is such bullshit.” 

Steve tenses up at her words, a cold shiver runs down his spine as he looks at her. 

“Why did you – why did we even get together?” 

He doesn’t know, he won’t be able to give her an answer, he doesn’t even have it himself. 

“Why did you leave her when you clearly still loved her?” She asks, raising her voice as she begins to pace around his room, kicking away the book that once belonged to you, one that he never gave back. “Why did you lie to me and say that you didn’t love her?”

He closes his eyes and clenches his jaw. 

“Why did you tell me that you love me when it was all bullshit?” Nancy asks and suddenly halts in her tracks when she realizes that she did just the same. She told him that she loved him when her heart was somewhere else. “You know what, this is all bullshit.” 

“Nance,” Steve mumbles as he opens his eyes. He looks down at the ground. He can’t stand to hear these words again, it will always take him back to the night in your room, when he had almost kissed you, when he told you that he still loves you. 

“No!” 

She turns around to face him, she points her finger at him. 

“Let’s not fight.” He raises his hands up, trying to get her to calm down. “I don’t–”

“This whole relationship was bullshit, Steve! W-We kept acting like we’re in love when we–”

“When we aren’t in love?” He asks calmly, eyeing her slumped shoulders and the defeat in her eyes when she realizes that there is no use to fight. 

She doesn’t want to admit it, still worried about hurting him when she knows that no one could hurt him, no one but you. She looks at him, she takes in the sight of him. He is calm, even after what he found out a few days back. 

Suddenly, Nancy feels like a hypocrite for doing this to him. For taking his room apart, for getting upset over your stuff in his closet, for confronting him like this, for yelling at him when she was the one who got caught kissing someone else – she got caught by him and unlike her, he didn’t get mad, he just accepted it and then acted like nothing happened. 

Just like you always did. 

“Where were you tonight?” 

He doesn’t know why she is asking him that, they both know that this is the end. 

“I was with y/n. Her birthday is tomorrow. We have always spent the night before together, ever since we were little kids.” 

She raises her brows and nods, still feeling bitter about it, despite everything. 

“And you?” He asks, tilting his head, “where have you been? I dropped by your house earlier tonight and you weren’t home. Where were you?” 

Once again, she breaks eye contact, too ashamed to give him the real answer. 

Steve can tell the truth now. She can’t. 

But he is done with this, with everything. 

He sighs and he walks closer to her. 

Nancy crosses her arms over her chest, she bites down on her lip nervously. 

She is struggling to tell him the truth but he wants her to know that it’s okay. 

“Nancy, look at me.” 

He takes her hand in his, ignoring the way it feels so wrong to hold hers after yours. 

“Please.”

She looks up at him. 

Blue eyes filled with guilt meet the warm hazel ones, the one filled with sadness but also with calmness. 

“I know what happened with you and Jonathan, back in december,” he mumbles, trying not to roll his eyes.

“Steve..”

“It’s okay, Nance,” he whispers, squeezing her hand, “it’s okay.” 

“You should be with him.” 

Her brows snap together, her lips part in surprise. She blinks, staring up at him with confusion in her eyes. 

“We’re not right for each other,” he whispers, “you love him and I love her – and I can’t be with her but you can be with him.” 

Her eyes soften and the tension slowly leaves her body. She still feels guilty, for more than one reason. 

“It’s enough if one of us is miserable,” Steve says, trying to crack a joke. 

The smile on her face is forced. 

“We both know that this isn’t working, Nance. We keep pretending, we keep lying to each other, we keep acting like we’re happy with each other when we’re not. This needs to stop.” 

Her eyes well up with tears but she agrees with him. 

“Yeah,” she whispers and slowly removes her hand from his. 

“So this is it?” She asks, lifting one shoulder as she gives him a look of uncertainty. 

“Yes,” he nods, “this is it.”

“Okay,” she whispers. 

Both of them felt it coming. It’s been tense between them for weeks now, ever since the night you had called him.

When he and Eddie went after Ray and he walked out of the fight with injuries, with bruises on his temple and his knuckles, he had to lie to her to avoid the truth. She didn’t believe him when he said that a few guys from the basketball team had attacked him so she kept pressing him for answers, she wanted the truth, the truth that she never got. 

To this day, she doesn’t know what really happened. 

That put another dent into their relationship. 

But her lies were so much bigger and crueler than his. 

Still, he tried. He took her out on more dates than usual but both of them forced their happiness, their love and even their smiles. It was all forced. 

A heavy sigh falls from her lips, she wipes away the tear that fell down her cheek. 

“I-I guess I’m gonna go.”

He nods. 

They both take one final look at each other. Both of them knew that this would happen but neither of them thought that it would happen this soon. 

“I’ll drive you home.”

She shakes her head, “I took my mom’s car, didn’t you see it in the driveway?” She asks. 

“Oh,” he scratches the back of his neck. He didn’t see it, he didn’t really notice anything, his mind was with you, “right.” 

“Yeah, uh.. I guess I’ll see you around?” 

“Yeah, see you around.” 

The moment she leaves and he hears the front door slamming, he feels like a heavy weight has been lifted off his shoulders but at the same time, he feels this grief inside of him because he knows that now, he is truly all alone. 

His parents are gone. 

Tommy is gone. 

You are gone. 

And now, she is gone too and there is no one he can distract himself with anymore.

He is all on his own now. 

He drops down on his bed and he looks at the mess in his room. He stares at your things. Something shiny that glistens beneath the light in his room catches his attention. He leans down to pick it up. It’s your hair pin, the one that you wore on your birthday last year. 

He feels the coil in his throat, the sickening feeling when he thinks about what happened when he came back to you after he left you all alone on your birthday. 

He drank at Tina’s party, he drank so much, he was miserable without you, he was angry at himself for the way he treated you, for the way he had been treating you for weeks prior to your birthday. 

He didn’t party, he didn’t dance, he didn’t laugh, he didn’t even spend time with Tommy. He only drank until the bitter taste of whiskey made him feel sick and long for you. Without saying goodbye to his friends, he left and walked across town to your place. 

It was 11pm by the time he got there, he sneaked into your room to find you in the same state as him. You were sitting on your floor with a half empty bottle of whiskey, you were crying and staring blankly at the TV screen. 

“You gotta stop leaving your window open,” he said, startling you. 

Your head snapped towards him, your glossy eyes widened and you instantly put the bottle down, you jumped up. 

You stood there and stared at him with tears rolling down your cheeks. 

“I-I always leave it open for you,” you said with a shaky voice.

It was his fault. 

He hurt you on your birthday and he came over to fix it but he only made it worse. 

He kissed you. He kissed you so deeply and passionately the way he had never usually done anymore. He took your clothes off and you helped him out of his, before you both made your way over to your bed. 

He kissed all over your face, he kissed your neck, your chest. 

He intertwined your fingers together. 

He praised you. 

He told you how much he loved you. 

He made love to you that night – it was soft, sweet and perfect. And he didn’t realize just how much it was hurting you that he was doing that while he was drunk, while you were both drunk. That he was showing you a vulnerable and loving side after all the alcohol he consumed. That he was giving you something that he never gave you while sober. 

He gave you everything in that moment and then, he took it all away again when he pushed you off of him after you tried to lay your head on his chest. He pushed you off and he didn’t bother to look at you, he didn’t bother to look at the shocked and hurt look in your eyes when he turned his back to you. 

He pushed your hand off when you tried to hug him once again. 

He pushed you away twice. 

“Steve,” you whispered with a shaky voice. He knew you were on the verge of tears, he knew you were about to cry. 

You touched his arm, softly, carefully. 

“Don’t.” Is all he said to you as he shrugged your hand off. 

He heard your sniffle and the rustling of the sheets as you pulled away from him. You turned away from him too and you waited, you waited until you thought that he had fallen asleep before you broke down again that night. 

You tried to be quiet but you couldn’t, you cried. 

You cried and he did nothing. He just laid there, blinking away his own tears as he looked out the window, asking himself why he couldn’t just hold you. He listened to you cry and he did nothing, not even when his mind was screaming at him to just turn around and pull you into his arms. 

When your sniffles died down and he was sure that you had cried yourself to sleep, he did something that he couldn’t do while you were still awake. 

He turned around and he wrapped his arm around you.

-

“Are you ever gonna tell me where you’re taking me?” 

Eddie shakes his head, flashing you a smile. 

“Nope.” 

You chuckle and lean back, you look out the window. 

Eddie doesn’t know what day it is and you feel relieved about it. You will forever continue to be dramatic about your birthday, you like to pretend that this day doesn’t exist – which is impossible considering your family and friends know about it. 

“Are you hungry?” Eddie asks, “cause I’m hungry.” 

You hesitate and Eddie narrows his eyes to look at you. You lean forward, turning the volume up when your favorite Metallica song comes on. He knows what you are trying to do.

“I ate earlier.” 

“Ah, what did you eat, sweetheart?” 

Birthday cake. Your mom made it. 

“Toast.”

“That’s all?” He gasps. 

“It’s only 6 in the evening!” 

“Yeah and you only had breakfast!” 

“I wasn’t hungry.”

“Y/n,” he sighs. 

“Eddie,” you sigh, giving him a sweet smile. 

A look of disapproval crosses his face, he shakes his head at you. 

“I’m gonna make you dinner.” 

You snort when you look out the window. You are far from the trailer park and from your house. He picked you up in the afternoon and took you to the movies the way he wanted to the night before. 

He didn’t ask what you did last night and he didn’t ask where you had gotten the necklace from, the one that is now around your neck. 

He knows everything without having to ask and you don’t even know that he is aware of things that you are trying to keep a secret. 

When Eddie pulls up to the quarry, you look at him in confusion, “uh the quarry?” You ask, “what are we doing here?” 

You’d hung out at Lovers Lake, Skull rock, Lake Jordan and even at the hidden lake in the woods but you had never come out here. 

As you look around, you wonder why you haven’t been here before. It’s quiet with no people around, it’s a beautiful spot to come out here whenever you need a moment to yourself. 

The sun is shining down on the blue water, it looks good enough to jump in but it’s still not warm enough to take a swim.  

“Well, it’s about time we find new hangout spots!” He says with a grin. He turns off the engine and it falls silent between the two of you when the music stops playing. 

“Ready to get high, sweetheart?” 

You chuckle, “yes.”

He gets out of the van and you follow suit. Smoothing down your dress, you reach for your jacket before you close the door. 

Eddie walks around the van, bowing down before you, he offers you his hand. 

Giggling, you shake your head as you place your hand in his. 

“Dork.” 

He gives you a proud smirk as he pulls you closer to him, he raises your hand towards his lips and places a kiss on your knuckles. 

“Your dork,” he winks. 

You can’t help but laugh, unaware of the blush on your cheeks. 

“Definitely a dork,” you giggle, “a cute dork.”

Eddie wraps his arm around your shoulder, “come on.” 

The confused look on your face makes him smile smugly. That smile should have been enough for you to know. 

You look around, there is nothing but rocks, trees and the huge lake in front of you. Not a single bench in sight, nothing to sit down on but the hard concrete floor, “are we not gonna smoke in the back of your van?” You ask, “where are we supposed to sit?” 

There is an innocent look on his face but his eyes are filled with mischief. 

Maybe he does know about your birthday. Maybe he is mad at you for keeping it a secret. Maybe he is gonna push you into the water for not telling him – that thought makes you want to laugh. Eddie would never do that. 

“You’re not gonna push me into the water are you?” You joke. 

You can’t help but smile at the sound of his laughter and at the way his eyes shine so beautifully when he looks down at you. His curls aren’t as messy as they usually are, he is wearing a new shirt and a new cologne. 

It makes your stomach flip – you don’t know why. 

“You smell good.”

“Oh yeah?” He smirks despite the pounding in his chest. 

You nod. 

“New cologne?” 

“Mhmm.” 

“I like it.”

“You do, huh?” 

“Yes,” you smile. 

The look in his eyes suddenly makes you nervous, you have to look down to avoid the fluttering in your stomach. 

He leads you down to the little bay, one that is surrounded by beautiful pine trees and a secret camping place. He smirks at the sight in front of him and glances down at you to see you still looking down at your shoes, just as you’re about to lift your head up, he grabs you and pulls you against him, holding both hands in front of your eyes. 

“Eddie?” You ask, chuckling. 

He leans his chin on your shoulder and pulls your hair back, “not gonna lie, I’m a little hurt you didn’t tell me.”

You frown, “w-what?”

“Happy birthday, sweetheart,” he whispers and removes his hands again to reveal his little surprise. 

Your eyes widen, your jaw drops as you look around in confusion and surprise. 

There is a campfire, logs surrounding it, a boombox perched on one of the tree trunks. Coolers and snacks, along with a birthday cake that Robin is holding up with a grin on her face. 

Your friends are here, well, most of them. 

Heather, Chrissy and Robin are standing next to each other looking at you in excitement. Gareth, Jeff and Grant are wearing party hats, the sight of them makes you giggle. 

“Surprise!” 

“Happy birthday!” 

“Oh my god, are you kidding?” You laugh, clapping your hands together. 

“Happy birthday!” Chrissy squeals, being the first to run towards you and pull you into a tight hug. “I’ve been waiting for this all day!” 

You wrap your arms around her, “thank you, Chris,” you giggle, closing your eyes as you hug her back just as tight. Heather joins the two of you, hugging you from behind, she kisses your cheek. 

“Happy birthday, babe,” she grins as though she hasn’t been the first to call this morning, pulling you out of your deep slumber. 

“Can I join you girls?” Gareth asks, wiggling his brows at Heather who flips him off. 

“No boys in a girls group hug,” Chrissy says to him. 

“I can’t wait to give you my present, y/n!” Jeff grins as he is the next to hug you. 

“What did you get her, Jeff?” Gareth asks, “a poster of Eddie?” 

Grant bursts into laughter and so does Gareth, proud of his own joke. 

Eddie rolls his eyes with a blush on his cheeks. 

“C’mere, birthday girl!” Robin says to you, stealing you from Jeff, she kisses your cheek, “I can’t believe you thought that you could keep this from us!” 

“I can’t believe you guys are throwing a party for me,” you say, blushing. 

“That was Eddie’s idea,” she smiles, winking at you. 

Huffing, you turn away from her to hide the flustered look on your face. Eddie stands there with a smile, watching you interact with your friends before your attention strays back to him and your soft eyes lock with his. 

“Let’s party, guys!” Gareth claps his hands together, walking away from the group. 

Grant walks over to the boom box to put on some music. Jeff gives Eddie a sheepish smile, “I’ll get the drinks.”

“I’ll help!” Heather says, following him. 

That only leaves Robin and Chrissy who are still looking between you and Eddie before they look at one another. Robin smiles down at the blonde, “wanna help?” She asks, wanting to give the two of you some privacy. 

Chrissy’s brows furrow, she stares up at the tall girl. 

“With the drinks, I-I mean,” Robin mumbles. 

“Oh!” Chrissy giggles, “yeah, let’s go.” 

You and Eddie don’t notice the two blushing girls, you are too busy looking at each other.

“How did you know that it’s my birthday?” 

“I asked your mom,” he responds, quirking a brow as he looks up at the sky, “like, back in december.” 

Your eyes soften. 

He asked your mom about your birthday?

“Eddie,” you whisper, unable to stop yourself from throwing your arms around him. You lay your head on his warm chest, “you are the sweetest.”

His chest rumbles as he laughs at your words, hugging you tightly. 

“That title belongs to you.” 

“You didn’t have to do all this,” you mumble into his chest, “not for me.”

Eddie frowns at your words and he squeezes your arms. There is nothing that he wouldn’t do for you. 

“Sweetheart, you’re the only one I’d do this for,” he whispers before he places a kiss on the top of your head. 

You lift your head up and you look into his eyes with a smile, “thank you, Eddie.”

“You’re welcome.” He tucks a loose strand behind your ear. “I got something for you.”

“More?” You ask surprised. 

He chuckles, “yeah, come on,” he whispers. 

You follow him without question, letting him lead you down to the water for a little more privacy. 

The sound of music fills the air, drowning out the voice of the crickets and your friends chatter.

“You’re spoiling me today,” you giggle. 

“Gotta spoil my best friend,” he winks at you before he takes both of your hands and turns you around so you’re both facing each other again. “I got a feeling that your friends won’t let me have a moment with you alone so,” he pauses as he lets go of one of your hands, he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a little bag, one that is in colorful wrapping paper, “you’re getting this now.”

“Another birthday present?” 

“Of course,” he chuckles, “I’ve only been waiting for months to give it to you,” he says dramatically with an eyeroll. 

“Months?” You gasp. 

“Yeah, months!” 

You giggle, looking down at the little present in your hands. You unwrap it quickly and eagerly. 

Eddie laughs but watches you in anticipation. 

You scrunch up the wrapping paper and push it into his hands, making him laugh again. He stuffs it back inside of his leather jacket. 

You open the bag and gasp, “oh my god!” You squeal, jumping in excitement, “no way, Eddie!” 

You reach for the ring. The skull ring that you have seen in the window at the Gothic shop that you passed by when you spent a weekend in Indianapolis, back in February. 

“Where’s the other one?” You ask, knowing that it’s a set. 

He grins at you, motioning you to put the ring on your finger before he picks the matching one out of his pocket, showing it to you. “I’ve been waiting to finally wear it!” 

“Put it on!” 

He chuckles at your excitement, unable to fight the grin off of his face, he puts the ring on his finger and holds his hand out to you. 

“We’re matching!” You smile as you eye the ring on yours and his finger, “I love it so much, Eddie!” 

“That makes me happy, sweetheart.” 

He might not be able to give you expensive lockets or bracelets but, he still gets to make you smile and that is enough, for now. 

You cup his cheeks and stand on your tiptoes to give him a kiss on his cheek. 

His cheeks heat up at the feeling of your lips on his skin. 

“Thank you,” you whisper again. 

He can’t help but place a kiss on your cheek as well, making you giggle again. Neither of you notice the flash of the camera going off.

You are happy, you are smiling and this is all he wanted to see. He wanted to see you happy, especially tonight. After all your horrible birthdays, he wanted to give you one that you can look back on and smile instead of thinking of it with a heavy feeling in your chest. 

So he tries to make it as memorable as possible so it may be able to put a shadow over all the bad ones that you have had. 

And the night is perfect, this birthday is perfect. 

You laugh with your friends, you share a joint and you get tipsy from all the mixed drinks. You make s’mores and listen to your favorite songs. 

You unwrap the presents your friends had gotten you – including Dustin’s present who wasn’t allowed to this party. He of course got you a Hellfire shirt, the very persistent boy has been trying to get you to join their club for months now. 

And when it’s time for your cake, you can’t help but giggle when the guys sing out of chorus. 

“Who made this cake?” You ask after blowing out the candles. 

“Uh, the store!” Robin says, sheepishly as she gives you a crooked grin. 

“I tried baking one myself,” Eddie says next to you, “I almost ended up without a home.” 

“Wait what?” You ask, laughing but holding your hand to your chest, giving him a pout. He even tried to bake a cake for you. 

“I’m surprised you had a fire extinguisher at your place,” Robin jokes. 

Eddie clutches his chest, giving her a glare, “I’m insulted, Buckley.”

“You could live with me,” you giggle, leaning your head on his shoulder. 

He looks down at you with a smile while everyone else shares a look. 

Chrissy, who has a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, looks at Robin, who sits back down next to Gareth. Feeling eyes on her, she lifts her head to catch the pretty cheerleader staring at her. 

It’s dark out and the only light surrounding the group is the campfire. That is enough to make the red cheeks very visible, on both girls. 

Jeff glances at the matching rings on yours and Eddie’s hands.

“Nice rings, why didn’t you invite us to the wedding?” He asks, wiggling his brows at the two of you. 

“Did the invitation get lost in the mail?” Eddie chuckles, “sorry about that.” 

Gareth gasps, clutching his beer tightly to his chest, “you’re not pregnant with a Munson baby, are you y/n?” He smirks. 

You put your hand on your stomach, “oh yes, I’m having quadruplets!” 

“Oh my god, y/n!” Heather snorts, “stop joking about it or you’re actually getting them someday!” 

Eddie wraps his arm around your shoulder, “yeah so? We’re having our own band, the new Corroded Coffin.”

“No!” Grant almost yells. 

You and Eddie laugh at his sudden outburst. 

Chrissy and Robin fade out the conversation around them, their eyes are locked and the only sounds they hear is the crackling of the fire and their pounding hearts. 

As they are unable to keep their eyes off of each other, you and Eddie are unable to move away from one another. 

He puts a blanket around you when the night gets colder and you still scoot closer to him, reaching for his hand in search of more warmth and when he kisses the top of your head, a new pair of eyes catches sight of you with him.  

Steve didn’t plan to show up at your party. 

Despite how well things had gone between the two of you the night before, he still didn’t want to intrude, knowing that he isn’t welcome here. 

But he wanted to see you, even if just from afar, he wanted to see you and make sure that you are having a nice time, that you are having a better birthday, a better night than you have had in the year before. 

So, he showed up at your party. 

But he did not expect to see you in Eddie’s arms – not like this. 

He sees you smile and even though it breaks his heart to see you with him, he can walk away with a calm feeling in his chest because he gets to know that this night won't end for you in tears this time.

But for him, it does. 

-

tagging friends & mutuals!

@mysticmunson @taintedcigs @wroteclassicaly @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @screammunson @take-everything-you-can @trashmouth-richie @xxhellfiregirlxx @nemesis729 @somethingvicked @sherrylyn628 @chrissymjstan

[alexstorm]

Do you think the idea of therapy ever crossed his mind and he was just too full of pride to consider it? I know we can't possibly know what he thinks of, but it is kinda of interesting thing, he has the money, the anonymity he's not beyonce, he can go no one would know, literally nothing is stopping him but him

Even Beyoncé can go. There's confidentiality. He doesn't need to be ashamed of it but I do think it goes along the lines of what Andy said in that podcast. It's just the way they were raised. Therapy wasn't really an option. If anything you try to make it out with yourself. And it's England ... won't repeat the statistics again.

Alex isn't exactly the sharing type. I don't think he's talking openly about his feelings to people he actually trusts. So I can't see him opening up to a stranger no matter how qualified.

[andyholliday]

Andy: I was in fight or flight, and I landed on fight. There was no input from you or anyone else, just her. I saw very unacceptable behavior, warned that it was concerning and that she needed be careful I didn't take legal action and when she decided to keep going, so did I. Since then, I've made my stance clear to her and now, to you. I'm done. With her, with you, with all of this. I don't need the extra therapy sessions to tell me that it's not healthy or even safe for me, but I'll certainly be in them anyway. Andy: And maybe you don't make the best choices of bedmates, gods know I don't, but I don't think I want to find out how many others might be like her. And, as it stands, I don't see a reason for there to be things between us, Morgan. There isn't a future where we're together nor do I think we were ever just friends, so there isn't anything to go back to there for me, but especially not if she's someone important in your life. I won't make you choose, but I am choosing. I'm choosing my safety and wellbeing. Andy: And I'm not taking what happened with you out on her, or anyone else who isn't my therapist. What I did regarding her, is because of her actions. Her doing it on your behalf is the smallest fraction of things and, in the end, doesn't equate to shit. She came at me. She came at my child. I responded to that and only that. Andy: So you have your friends and your life, but I'm done. I don't have the kind of energy it takes. Andy: And who knows, maybe one day, how I view all this will change, but for now? I'm done. Andy: May, but I was due in June. Kid nearly came too early for me to have a home birth.

MORGAN: First of all, I'm gonna lay some ground rules here: You know me better than anyone else. You've known me the longest outside of my family. You know that I'm loyal to the core, and I have people's backs, the way that they have mine. That goes for you, that goes for Eva. I know that you're only doing this to protect yourself and Oakley. I know that you're threatening to take legal action because of what happened with Neal. I'm aware of all of this. And I don't blame you one bit. MORGAN: I'm not trying to say that her pushiness is okay, but she's in my life because she's looking out for me and wants the best for me. I understand that you don't see or feel it coming across that way, based off of what happened, and of course you shouldn't accept it. She even admitted to me that she overstepped some boundaries, so she's aware of it. But why are you using your energy on threatening to take legal action against her, when she literally only did it on my behalf? Take it out on me instead. Should she have stayed out of it? Absolutely. Did she do it, for my sake? Also absolutely. You gotta try and see the human side of it. You'd do the same exact thing, had it been the other way around, I know you would. MORGAN: If you want to get the law involved, then that's on you. I can't stop you from doing that. But what kind of man would I be, if I didn't try to stop it? Right in this moment, you're judging me based on barely a handful of conversations, one person that you know I'm spending time with, and my past from three years ago. You can't do that. I mistreated you, I wasn't good to you, you deserve so much better - and I see and know all of this now. I'm aware of it, and I'm doing my fair share of work to change that. I don't want to be like my dad. I was blind to it when I was with you, but I'm not anymore. And for you to think that I'm not aware of it, for you to keep holding it over my head, for you to use this anger that you have against me, and taking it out on my people - that's not okay, Andy. Take it out on me instead! MORGAN: When was he born?

[bellsnuit]

Unexpected future: Andy Barber x reader (3/6)

Summary:As a single mother of a six-year-old, you decide to move out after realizing that his father, Ari Levinson, simply didn't have you both as a priority.In the twists and turns of life, you meet Andy Barber but your job makes things complicated, especially when you work with his son and see his ex-wife several times.

If you like, I would be so grateful if you reblog or comments to interact ( I love to share your thoughts) Also, let me know if you wanna be tagged on every chapter to be remembered.

Previous chapter - main list

By the following Friday, you had been attending Jacob for two months. You asked both adults to attend the session again, well, actually you asked Laurie. She would sometimes seek to establish a conversation outside of the children or what was Jacob's therapy, but you felt very uncomfortable with that when you remembered that you had feelings for her ex-husband and that one way or another, both had outings to the park covered up by the children to talk: there was never anything, not even a kiss. But the guilt was there.

And when you opened the door, you felt a great tension between the two adults. You didn't say anything, you just invited them in and asked Jacob to stay with Mason, which neither of them protested with that. 

When you closed the office door, both of their gazes seemed to fix on you. You saw them both: Laurie was fidgeting, and Andy...this one seemed to have lost every stirrup but showed no trace of anger either.

"So, how's Jacob?" Laurie stirred.

You took a seat, crossed your legs, and watched as Andy stirred. You watched him and watched as he subtly moved his gaze to you, you lowered your gaze, letting your legs show free through your skirt. Sure, shit, you didn't usually give sessions like that but your friend had come to visit in the last few days and you had gone out to lunch with her. You had even changed.

You cleared your throat and smiled at Laurie, but with your heart pounding at the attraction you were getting from Andy. "Jacob is really fine. And I wanted to talk about it. I said I didn't mind going with him through this process, but he comes in here hoping to draw and talk to me about school stuff, or he wants to play with Mason. I think if there's anything to take away from that kid, it's that he's a sweetheart really" Laurie nodded flattered, but Andy didn't seem to hear shit. He stirred on the couch even more and you crossed your legs and watched as his chest puffed out. With your eyes on Laurie and feeling a warm pressure in your belly, you nodded at her "Yes I have to admit I fully support people always going to therapy for anything, especially with children, but my work with Jacob I consider it over and I can't say more than he is a very nice, loving child, and the communication of the three of us needs to be strengthened even more: ask him about his day, share moments."

"So you won't attend to him anymore?" you looked at Andy and swallowed. Damn it, Barber. Damn it. 

"Too bad, he adores you" Laurie whispered looking somewhat pitying.

You couldn't even look at Andy so you smiled tightly at Laurie "He's an amazing kid, and clearly he can keep coming back as many times as he wants. Mason is very good friends with him and I would have no problem ever having him over, but not as his psychologist. Still, if you contend that the child would require the space, I have a colleague who also works here and is specifically a child psychologist" you held out the paper which Andy took faster than Laurie could process that you were handing a card. You took a breath "Any questions, can I help you with anything else?"

"Would this be his last session?" the woman asked somewhat apologetically.

"Actually, you can decide for yourselves if you leave him today, or next Friday" you assured.

"Oh, I guess we'll talk it over with Jacob" Laurie looked at Andy and he nodded. Without even glancing at her and without hiding how his eyes were riveted on you.

You dismissed them at the door, greeting Jacob with a tight hug and with your stomach so cramped from the pressure you felt. You closed the door and let out a sigh, seeing how Mason was watching you. "Are you okay mom?"

You swallowed back a breath "Yes sweetie. I... I'm going to go take a bath and then we'll watch a movie, what do you say?" Mason nodded and you kissed his head and headed upstairs towards the bathroom.

....

On the day of the switch, Andy knocked on the door of Laurie's house to drop Jacob off. The boy was carrying his walkie-talkie, insisting it wasn't working because the signal was bad. However, as Laurie opened the door and Andy was saying goodbye to Jacob, he heard Laurie's words "Can I talk to you?"

Andy nodded in confusion and patted his son on the back to watch him climb the stairs "What's wrong?"

"You're a moron, Andy. A moron" this one was completely taken aback at the words "Did you expect me not to notice?!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Friday, Andy! Your son's psychologist?" well, he had to intuit that it had been obvious, specifically when he had his ex-wife who knew him.

"Hey Laurie, I don't know what you think, but nothing happened" he quickly assured, not intending to deny him, just to avoid a problem arising for you.

"Nothing? You'd squirm on the couch just looking at her!"

Andy scratched his nose "But nothing happened. I'm aware that she's Jacob's therapist, or was" he clarified shaking his head, aware of that thing that had been on his mind all weekend.

"She's the mother of your son's best friend!"

"Can you not yell?" asked Andy through his teeth "Besides that has nothing to do with it" he clarified.

"And that's why you want to fuck her?"

"It's not that, Laurie" he clarified with a certain grimace. "Please don't be rude."

The woman watched her ex for a few minutes "But it's not just a Friday feeling."

Andy threw up his hands and sighed "I... I had already seen her before I found out she was Jacob's psychologist" Laurie's slap came unexpectedly and he let out a disbelieving sigh.

"Laurie, this doesn't affect you. This doesn't affect anyone. And you have no right to hit me."

"You were always going just to see her!"

Andy frowned "Of course not! I was going for my son!" that accusation had annoyed him "Just because I notice someone doesn't imply that I'll use my son!"

Laurie denied, incredulous at him "And she didn't say anything!"

"She was the first to mark the distance. In fact, she was the only one"

"And at the last session, she wore a skirt"

"Laurie, she even has a clue" the lie escaped his lips before he was conscious. It was like a need to protect you from the chaos he had caused. "I never talked to her about this with her. I couldn't, not when she was the one helping Jacob."

Laurie looked at him angrily and denied "So many people, and you noticed your son's psychologist, Andy."

"She had nothing to do with it. No...that's not how the situation went."

"You're right, she would be professional enough not to take Jacob if she knew."

"There was never anything with us, she never had to either. She never approached me"

"She sure doesn't like jerks. I'm sure she's waiting for her husband to come home from work, but she's got a pig of a father of a patient of hers who almost cums at the sight of her in a skirt" Andy took a breath and denied.

"I'm going to go, Laurie. I'm not going to continue this conversation where you constantly insult me and assume things. And to clarify, whoever I date or get interested in will be your problem when it involves Jacob. Not before."

...

By the following Friday, you were sitting on the couch at home. The music Mason had left before he left for Jacob's was still playing on loop. You had to stop yourself from pursuing watching as Laurie looked at you somewhat suspiciously, or perhaps with intrigue, but you let it go: you couldn't be a psychologist all the time, and you couldn't be paranoid either. Besides, she had been nice and invited Mason over for a sleepover. You struggled given that it would be the first night you'd be without the boy, but you agreed when you saw Mason's excitement at the idea and made it clear to Laurie that if anything happened, you'd be on call at any time.

The door rang and you frowned somewhat in disgust: your last Friday patient was Jacob, and since you no longer had him, no one needed to come. You left the book on the table and walked barefoot to open it, covering yourself from the polar cold that was about to come. 

You frowned "Andy" you spoke in surprise, and he gave a slight smile "Oh, uh, you know Laurie decided not to bring him today, right?" you noticed him gone, but he nodded.

"No yeah, I know. I... I wasn't coming for Jacob " the words hit you " I know Mason is with Jacob" every fiber in your body made it clear that you weren't going to move. "I... I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry" he denied, and before you could ask why, this one had fully leaned in taking your lips.

It had to be the ferocity for which he had lunged or the fact that he was kissing you, that you held onto the door frame.

Your lips opened to give him the place, and the smartest thing to do was to reach your hands toward his work shirt and pull him toward you, pulling him into the house. The door closed and the floor rumbled. Your stomach squished as his hands moved down from your cheeks to your lower back, pulling you further into him.

You broke away taking a mouthful of air and watched as your lip balm was mirrored on his lips. You swallowed as his blue eyes lingered on you. "Andy."

"I kept my composure for a long time, you know that" he murmured pulling his head towards your neck. The air seemed to leave your lungs as his head ducked into you as if just leaning in. 

"Laurie... I think she noticed" you confessed, biting your cheek.

He pulled away quickly "Did she say something to you?" you frowned.

"You already knew?"

"We... we argued on Friday when we left here" you went to pull away but he denied, "I said you had no idea what my feeling was."

"Why did you lie?"

He shrugged "You were so long being so good, keeping you at bay from all this, I didn't want her to just blow up at you. I...I said it was one-sided."

"Andy" this one closed his eyes when you blurted out his name, but opened them again when you brought your hands up to his face "If that hadn't been the way things were, I would have taken you on the first date you asked me on."

He nodded "I know, I already knew that. I know I'm not crazy, I know I'm not the only one who felt that way. I just need to know if you can see...see something beyond with me. If you think it'll worth it. And I want you to answer it for me not as if it's hypothetical, I want the answer from that person who knows part of my story, who is a psychologist, who is a mother, and who knows my son."

Your throat knotted and your body went slack, but you knew you wouldn't fall to the ground the way he was holding you "Maybe we won't end up with anything, but... I don't remember when was the last time I felt like this Andy"

He nodded, serious at your words. "Can we just get away from reality for even what's left of the day and then we'll figure out a way to deal with reality?"

You wrinkled your nose "You said all that just to propose taking me to bed?"

This one shrugged somewhat amused "I brought condoms" You looked at him somewhat thoughtfully, but he brought his hand back to your neck and drew you to his lips "We don't have to but give me just a moment of whatever you need and I'll show you why it's worth it"

"Just...stop talking, Andy" you pulled away from him and he looked at you. You shook your head up and went to the ladder, noticing how this one didn't move. "You coming up?"

You watched as a genuine smile formed on his lips, but you just went upstairs as you felt his footsteps behind you.

He had never entered your room, he just kept an eye out as you stood in front of him "We need to have order. And keep the kids out of it" Andy closed the door and walked over, nodding.

"Yeah, yeah. Likewise, I liked going to the park with you" he shrugged and you laughed, hugging him around the neck to kiss him again. He took your lips and nibbled lightly. His lips parted, and before you let go, you kissed again. "Your skirt made me lose my composure" he murmured against your skin.

You fell silent "Do you want me to change?"

He smiled "I don't think that's necessary" his lips returned to you, somewhat amused, but you broke away.

"I'm going to, yes" you broke away and he raised an amused eyebrow. You took two steps back and slid your pants down. He just watched as you pulled your legging down your pants, and you went to turn around to grab the skirt, full of confidence when his hands touched your hips.

"Stop it, okay?" his voice rasped in your ear and you felt his beard creep closer to your neck. He deposited a soft kiss as you moved your head, leaving him that spot to continue placing small kisses. Then he moved on to the collar of your shirt, this time opening his lips. You let your body fall back, giving in to that display of affection, that feeling you hadn't felt in a long time.

He hugged you closer to him, and you closed your eyes slightly, feeling his kisses returning to your neck, and how his hands went up to remove your coat. You dropped your arms, while his kisses were still against your neck, and a layer of cloth was leaving. He dropped it, but his hands went to the bottom of your shirt. 

And as if it was something you both felt, time was not lacking for each delicate moment. It was something much more about looking for each other, it was about getting to know each other. Every part, every story, every rest. Maybe even the best of each other. Then, he was lying on the bed next to you, facing you as his hand caressed your bare hip, covered entirely by blankets. You stirred deeper inside, inevitably in his arms, but your phone rang. Andy moaned squeezing you, but you simply pushed it away as best you could "Andy, it may be important" this one released you and you turned to grab your phone. You sighed when you saw Laurie's name, feeling like shit at having her ex-husband, who now, had his hands on your bare legs.

"What's wrong?" this one leaned over to kiss your bare shoulder, and you just wanted to die from the show of affection that man had given you in the last hour.

"Just...the kids" you mumbled showing him your picture. He nodded, catching on that it was a message from Laurie, but other than that, the picture showed both kids in their pajamas watching popcorn in front of the TV.

"You have nothing to do with what might come to pass," he assured pressing his lips to your skin.

"Yes I do, Andy. You just-" his lips left your skin and he interrupted, "No. You don't. We're simply two adults who met in a coffee shop, single, with two kids who happened to be friends and you helped my son. But that. Two adults who are attracted to each other."

You sat on the bed and watched him, who lay there as if you were afraid to admit or think it had all been a mistake. And as much as the guilt washed over you, you weren't sorry one bit. "Do you have something to do?"

"When?"

"Tonight" he denied "How about I cook something and you stay over?" he smiled genially at your invitation and nodded.

"But can you come back just a few more minutes in bed?"

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Taglist: @gitasor @patzammit @un-mondo-meraviglioso @iluxionsworld @maylaysia109 @l0st-in-reality @wishfulwithwine @marvelmenwhore

[birdylion]

📓

(Put a book emoji in my inbox and I'll talk about the plot of a fanfiction I haven't written yet)

I think we're sharing Black Sails and Rivers of London as a fandom. As I don't have anything lined up for Black Sails, I'll talk about Rivers of London.

I have a crossover WIP with The Old Guard in which Peter becomes immortal. It started out as "who would win in a fight, Nightingale or The Old Guard?"

Spoiler - that fight is not going to happen in the fic. In the story, Peter doesn't survive the final confrontation with Chorley in Lies Sleeping. He falls to his death from the bell tower of St. Paul's, and wakes up in the morgue of the UCH.

I wanted Nile and Peter to meet, and I thought it plausible that Nile would be the one to extract him from the morgue. And this is why there won't be a fight between TOG and Nightingale. For that to happen, TOG would need to abduct Peter. Imagine the angst: Right after he was abducted once, he disappears for a second time. Beverley and Nightingale both come to the rescue like some kind of vengeance angels. But apart from being repetitive, I also think it's not likely to happen if Nile is the one to talk to him first. Because Nile knows how it feels like to be taken out of your usual life like this, and she would want to spare Peter the experience. And Peter's superpower is "talking to people and making friends", so he would definitely talk to her before she even tried to abduct him for real.

Peter would talk to her about the demimonde, about being the apprentice of an immortal wizard and the boyfriend of an immortal river, and a fight is just not in the cards. He would take her to the Folly, and with them the rest of The Old Guard, and there would be a new agreement.

Sure, there's the angsty potential for Peter to worry why he as a policeman became immortal through a mechanism that's just for soldiers dying on the battlefield, but I'd argue that's because of the vestigia of the metaphysical battlefield on which he was (and fought!) with Chorley and Old Bev. So by the end of the story, it wouldn't be too hard for him to come to terms with it, because it's not like he chose this battlefield, and he didn't compromise his ideals how the police should work. So he should be okay pretty quickly.

So I have to shift the focus of the story to the Old Guard, especially Nile. She's just had her entire life uprooted. She died and came back, fought a battle that wasn't exactly hers (but which she chose to make hers in order to help others), experienced the treason of one of her new family, supposedly the only people she will ever be able to be close to. She regularly experiences the drowning of another, and now just learned that her new mentor is dying and no, she can't go back to her family either, ever. This young woman who just went through all of that in a very short time (because I'd place the plot of TOG at the same time as Lies Sleeping) now meets someone who:

knows about immortality

knows different types of immortality

tells her about a whole world / subculture where being Different can be a good thing

can get her resources to deal with all the trauma, and that of the other Old Guard --> I'm thinking about Oberon here, who'd gladly take them under his wing

can show her a world in which just because she knows how to fight, it's not the only thing she can do

just shows her (and the other Old Guard) that they aren't as alone as they thought

I'd imagine that Andy, Nicky and Joe all know about magic, but never bothered to really get into the demimonde of the place in which they were staying, and hang out with neither wizards nor genii locorum, never stayed long enough to let themselves notice it more than in passing.

Anyway, my idea of "what if TOG and Nightingale fought" firmly evolved into "what if TOG got more support and perhaps art therapy?"

The story is written up to the point when Nile learns that Peter is a police officer. I have to switch POVs now because while I think I managed to write Peter's voice as it should be, it's incredibly hard for me to do so, I'm not a naturally humoristic or sarcastic writer. So 1. Nile's POV will fit better with where the story's going and 2. it will be indefinitely easier for me to write. Once I get back to it again.

[4rainynite]

Infinity Train Headcanons part 3

Hey, I'm back with more Infinity Train headcanons. Here are the links to the others: one and two. This one will be about the passengers' friends and family.

Megan and Andy Olsen

The two either met at college or at a Chicken Choice Judy concert (I believe the second part because of irony).

After the divorce Andy stayed with a friend who's still in a bachelor stage. The friend is still close to Megan and Tulip and invites them for dinners a lot.

Megan once begged Tulip to get a normal flavored cake for one of her birthdays instead of onion. Tulip agreed to get vanilla cake, but only if she got an onion one. Turns out everyone liked the onion one better, and Megan never told them the cake had onion in it.

The reason the Olsen house is so far away from any other house because Megan and Andy built it themselves. They were told it was going to be a neighborhood, but the company went into bankruptcy before other houses could be made. They didn't mind though.

Their happiest memories together was when they were on road trips with Tulip. They tried to get her into Chicken Choice Judy, but Tulip would only listen to 'Word Up' and songs from animated movies.

Mikayla

Mikayla is a music nerd: jazz, hip-hop, low-fi, classical, she loves them all. When Tulip gets back from the train she introduces her to Chicken Choice Judy. Tulip realizes after hearing 'Train to Nowhere' that they were passengers too.

Mikayla is the oldest of four siblings. Whenever Tulip visits her, it makes her both wish she had siblings and thankful that she’s an only child.

When Mikayla got the news of Tulip missing, she believed that by talking about Tulip's parents being divorce she caused her to run away. Mikayla blamed herself, but Tulip reassured her it wasn't her fault.

Mikayla is an outdoorsy kind of person and prefers going to parks, festivals, beaches- basically anything not indoors. Maybe that's why she hates video games because their almost always inside.

I see Mikayla as a hipster. But she won't like or dislike something because it's popular. She'll give things a chance before she decides she's not into it.

Nathan Cosay

After, witnessing Jesse going back on the train then returning Lake, Nate wonders if one day if he'll ever get on the train. Jesse and Lake do their best reassure him that the train is there to help passengers learn, secretly they hope it never happens.

Nate loves animals (mostly dogs from his t-shirt from the last episode). After, Jesse and Lake talk about Alan Dracula, Nate so wants to meet the magical deer.

Nate was inspired by Jesse to swim. Every chance they get the two use the lake to practice and goof off.

Lake has a stupidly large soft spot for Nate. She'll/They'll help him with homework and win bets against Jesse. Jesse doesn't blame Lake for it since Nate is a good kid.

I don't know why by I see him as a s'mores lover (maybe because I'm craving some right now). Like every campout with the family he eats the most s'mores and never gets sick!

Jesse's ex-friends

The group is most likely juniors as Jesse is a freshman.

Are the bullies at their school and nobody knows why a nice guy like Jesse would hang out with them?

When Jesse disappeared, they were blamed for it along with Nate's broken arm.

They're most likely to dropout or get kicked out of school.

I refuse to give them names because they are bullies.

Jesse and Nate's Parents

Their names are Alex and Madeline (based on the writers' names).

Have a love of the great outdoors and are glad Jesse and Nate (and Lake, Tulip, and Hazel) share in their love of nature.

The mom is a huge Chicken Choice Judy fan and got Jesse into them.

The Dad works at a sports store that sells a lot of camping equipment.

After, hearing how Jesse got on (and off) the train, they worry that the train will come back. So, they put Jesse, Nate, and Lake in therapy as a safety percussion.

Grace's Parents

Grace's mom grew up poor and as soon as she got married to Grace's father she never looked back. They did visit them during trips to England, but they were brief visits. Grace barely remembers them, but she misses her maternal grandparents.

Their names are Kirby (After Grace's voice actress) and Justin.

After, Grace went on the train, her parents realized they knew nothing about their daughter not even her favorite color. Grace's caretakers ended up giving more information to police than them.

Grace's father holds some sort of government position as seen in the 'Origami Car' episode they were having dinner with an ambassador.

I believe they came from loving families and as an ironic twist were neglectful towards Grace.

Simon's Parents

I think his family ran a funeral home and there were many deaths in his family.

Simon's mom has zero fashion sense due to the socks and sandals thing (ugh).

Not gonna lie this is all I have on Simon's family, since there wasn't much to go on from the beginning.

Apex Kids

Let's be honest the families of the Apex kids are going to hate Simon and Grace! Not only were the kids missing for years, but they were raised to be murderous cultist and abused! And no amount of tragic backstory is gonna make what happened okay.

Even after Grace leaves the train she will have zero contact with the former Apex members because she wants them to grow up and be better than her and like I said above the children's families hate her.

After, Lucy gets off the train her parents try to get her a glass eye or donor. Lucy refuses saying it's punishment and a reminder of the things she did on the train.

Because of the Apex some denizens are terrified of children passengers.

The first act of dismantling the Apex was them cleaning up the Mall Car.

Ryan and Min-Gi's Families

Min-Gi's mom is a nurse and his dad banker (which is why they wanted Min-Gi to go into finances). Ryan's mom is a daycare worker, and his dad is maybe a ferry worker (from the ferry joke he made in the Twin Tapes episode).

Ryan's siblings are named Allison (Oldest sister), Naia (older sister), Izaac (younger brother), and Nick (youngest brother). The names are based on their voice actors and writers. We know Ryan's mom's name is Yui, Min-Gi's mom's name is Niki (after her voice actress), I had no idea what to name the dad's since they share the same voice actor.

Ryan's siblings know about his magazines (check the deleted scene to understand) and find it hilarious that their parents thought the magazines were Min-Gi's.

Ryan's younger brother wears glasses when he's older making him and Ryan the only glasses wearers in their family.

Mrs. Park and Mr. Akagi are the cooks of their families.

Min-Gi's mom was the first one to know and accept Min-Gi's and Ryan's relationship. When the boys went missing it hit both families hard; so, Mrs. Park worked longer hours at the hospital to distract herself. Since season four takes place during the 80's and it was the time of the HIV/AIDS crisis the hospital would've been packed with patients, who Mrs. Park treated. One of them I'm gonna call Whizzer (Falsettos reference) ended up in Mrs.Park care and later befriending her. Whizzer reminded her of Min-Gi and Ryan and was around their age and became like another child to her. Over time Mrs. Park learns of Whizzer history about how his parents didn't support his dreams, was disowned and abandoned by so-called loved ones, and ended up with HIV; this makes Mrs. Park wonder if she was supporting Min-Gi on what he wanted to do with his life. Whizzer's condition worsens; Mrs. Park stayed with him until the end. The last things Whizzer told her was he wished to have met Min-Gi and Ryan and that he hoped they would find them soon. Later, -like a week or something- Min-Gi and Ryan return from the train, Mrs. Park accidently finds out about their relationship. When, the two leave to go to New York, she tells them she accepts them. At first, they thought she meant she accepted their dream of music (which she does), but she was accepting them as who they were. Every year on Whizzer's birthday Mrs.Park goes to his grave, and Min-Gi and Ryan go with her. WOW! I did not mean for this to be that long, now I need to write a fanfic of this.

Ryan's Ex-Girlfriends

Their names are Lindsay (Disco), Megan (Punk), and Sofia (Earthy). Again, their names are based off people who worked on the show.

Ryan also dated two guys while he was on the road who were a goth and a prep.

The Disco girl works at a roller-skating ring, Punk girl works at a tattoo parlor, and Earthy girl is either a florist or owns a fruit stall at a farmer's market.

Earthy girl tried to return the van after Ryan and Min-Gi returned from the train, but Ryan let her keep it. During the months the boys went missing Earthy girl befriended Ryan's sisters.

Ryan is still friends with his exes, the reason why is because Ryan was nice to them, and they had dated worse. They love telling Min-Gi embarrassing dating stories.

Jeremy Bradford

Jeremy was very close to mother and sister growing up, so their deaths deeply affected him. In fact, Morgan reminds him of his mother and Kez reminds him of his sister.

Probably opened up a hat store after getting off the train.

Jeremy befriends Min-Gi and Ryan, the three bond over how they miss Kez and Morgan.

After getting off the train the first person he contacted was his roommate Keith who missed him the most while he was on the train.

I don't know why, but I think he's British or maybe he's from Florida.

Cassette Girl

Can't decide to name her Kari or Annisa (named after voice actor and artist).

Works at a music studio as an intern and helped Chicken Choice Judy get their music out, and later became their manager.

She probably is a huge sushi and coffee fan. Every year on her birthday Min-Gi and Ryan take her to a new cafe or sushi place.

Is street and musical smart.

Ryan and Min-Gi tell her about Kez and the crazy adventures she got them into (not that she's a bell or the train part though). She finds Kez funny and wishes to meet her one day... She does.

Alrick

Alrick is allergic to nuts so he only eats jam.

As much as Alrick loves kids, he didn't want to be a dad. He was fine being a babysitter or uncle. Luckily, Amelia didn't care for kids.

From Amelia's memories Alrick and her loved trying new activates like: dancing, cooking, they might've even tried bungee jumping, as long as they were together.

Alrick was the cook of the two, except pancakes for some weird reason they'd come out burnt to a crisp or soupy on the inside. Amelia will always make the best pancakes.

The day Alrick died it was a rainy day when he was dirt-biking with his friends. When, it rained on his funeral it drove Amelia even more because both used to love rainy days.

Extras

Ryan befriended the lesbian couple at the party in 'The Twin Tapes'.

Jesse befriends everyone on his swim team and theatre club. It takes Lake awhile, but she/they do make their own friends.

Tulip befriends other ex-passengers at game design camp.

The girls in Grace's ballet class would later find out that Grace lied to them. But, by the time they do Grace dropped out of their class making them look like fools.

After, Amelia disappeared friends and relatives spent years trying to find her.