#Nightmare being a defender of books is awesome

[dragon-tamer-1]

XD Of course Killer read Twilight, he totally would. Too bad he had the wrong info, though, that honestly would have been funny XD

Congrats on 2,000 followers! Excited to see more art and rambling from you!

In fact, share a fun fact about college au killer(if you want, tho, no obligation to give one(or more) if you don't want to, of course).

Thank you! I do love opening my gob. Hmmmm Killer read twilight before turning into a vampire and was very disappointed when he did not in fact glow in the sun and just got an instant heatstroke.

[kyri45]

✨ShadowPeach Bio Parents Bio AU Q&A! 21/11✨

Welcome to the Q&A! A space where I can answer related or similar question about the Shadowpeach Bio Parents AU! If you submitted your ask anonimously, then you’ll have to check the whole post if it’s answered here, if it’s not, worry not! Your asks might have been used for a future comic or just in the queue~

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hi! Would Macaque kidnap Wukong again? I read your comic, the last page, where Macaque is the kidnapping expert. And I'm very curious about it. Anyway, I love your comics! You are awesome.

Haha I don't think they really need it unless they want to do a "traditional wedding courtnapping" but it would be pretty odd since they kind of already live togehter.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I know this is definitely a LONG ways away, but, imagine: Wukong and Macaque playing the newlyweds game. What questions? What answers? Who’s asking the questions? Who’s getting the most right?

I wont list all the lesson but I think Macaque would get most of them right just because Wukong never really changed a lot during the years, while Macaque went through different stages of his life, and and he has new hobbies and tastes.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Will mk have a nightmare about LBD? If yes Then we will have some angst with fluffy monkeys family moments!!!

Oh he has. He has many. Most of them he has while he is at pigsy's.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Can you please shows up a flashback backstory on how MK/Wukong discovered/found out/came out as trans?? 🙏🙏🙏 Banana sundae with chocolate sauce, rainbow sprinkles, THREE cherries, and a super-deluxe one-and-only Monkie King™️ collectible spoon???

Anonimo ha chiesto: will we see any past Shadowpeach?? I’m interested to see how you frame their dynamic back 5en.

Hahah maybe in the future, I'll see

Anonimo ha chiesto: Can we get Wukong telling dad jokes? Please, I’m begging i want to see MK laughing and Macaque just being so disappointed with Wukong yet so smitten. I want to see more Monkey family domestic blissss. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

I don't have my dad jokes book here but man give Macaque an award for the patience he has with these two children

@goofybearclown ha chiesto: Hi :3 Just wanted to say I love your shadowpeach and cotl AU!!! I didn't notice you made both at first but when I did I was like "waow :0". Tbh your works are in my top 3 series on Tumblr! @fenikzia ha chiesto: I love your LMK comic so much, I look forward to reading the new additions to it when they come out every other day,and reading your comic just makes my day better. Even if it hasn't updated a particular day, I make sure to go back and reread the newest part.Keep doing what you're doing and make sure to take breaks! @skye-minecraftyt-blog ha chiesto: You! I like you! Your Bio parents Lmk au always makes me extremely happy and I regularly reread it. ((o(^∇^)o)) Just wanted to say it @blazeandsilver ha chiesto: Hello, I just wanted to say your artwork is absolutely stunning, it makes my day whenever I see that you posted something new to the BioParents comic. Please keep up the good work and be sure to take some time for yourself, you’re important too.

AWWWWWW THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE!!

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hihi shadowpeach au question: You mentioned in the latest comic that Mac is more lean and skinny than Wukong. Will we ever see the full extent of that?? ALSO I ADORE YOUR ART OMG ❤️❤️

A fully naked Macaque you say? Maybe.... who knows....

Anonimo ha chiesto: I come to defend Wukong acting like a man looking at a victorian lady ankles, he hasn’t seen his (ex) husband’s fur in centuries. And he probably hasn’t socialize in years either besides MK and the gang. Romantically he is stunned right? I doubt he has even looked at anyone besides Macaque anyways…

Honestly I like to think that Macaque was the only being in all the universe that was eer able to make him flustered

@mochalikesdrawing ha chiesto: So I got a question, will we ever get to see kaiju MK again?

I have a scene post AU I would like to draw. Maybe.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Ignoring all the angst because it is crushing my soul /pos, I'm lowkey convinced that Macaque knows Wukong feels some kind of way about him because he can hear his heartbeat go crazy at certain moments and isn't dumb, but just isn't calling Wukong on it because he's still trying to sort his own feelings first. BUT ONCE HE DOES OH BOY-

Hahah Macaque knows perfectly well Wukong is down for him. In the meantime Wukong is alwasy afraid he's just imagining things bc he's dense af.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Do you think Wukong and macaque would be cuddling and macaque would be watching something scary and Wukong would be trying to not pay attention to it because he hates scary stuff or would it be the other way around?

yess

@ep2nd ha chiesto: In your shadowpeach bio parents au, if MK and Wukong were created by Nuwa, with Nuwa using Macaque and Wukong as a base, has anyone wondered who created Macaque? And does Macaque himself knows?

Wait Nuwa created Wukong? If that's so I think then all the 5 monkeys were made by her, for some reason.

@boonalina ha chiesto: Sooo what exactly is the courtnapping process like? Is it just a simple "I'm gonna pick you up and carry you away" or is it an entire ceremony? Does someone have to lure the person into place? For example, Mei bringing Redson over to a secluded spot so that Mk can "courtnap" him? (Side note: I've been in this fandom for around two years now, and this comic is what made me find out about courtnapping lol)

I "think" anything that can be counted as like a sneak attack that takes them out of guard and brings them to the designated courtnapped room can be considered as courtnapping technically.

Anonimo ha chiesto: ... Hey so your shadow peach bio parent AU is better way better than season five. WOAH, WHO SAID THAT!! (no but seriously it is like a sitcom I tune on ever so often. Much love 🫶)

Haha thank you! That's a HUGE statement!

Anonimo ha chiesto: I wonder if MK has any unique attributes/abilities as a living mass of celestial material?

He's such a cocktail ofdifferent energies I wouldn't be surprised he is able to glow in the dark.

@cjtuy ha chiesto: I do have a question it's mainly about pigsy and tang when and how long have they been together as a couple and did both of them find mk are they married ?

They have been together for almost a year, but I don't think they are married, but maybe that could happen in the future??? But yeah MK found out a little after season 5 that they are together, that was also the same time he started calling Tang "Papa"

Anonimo ha chiesto: Has macaque added any personal items to the house? Like is he moved in? Have Wukong and macaque improved or changed anything else besides making the bed bigger?

Yes he did! Half of his belongins are in FFM, althought he's a little more minimalistic than Wukong. He also have been bothering Wukong to death so that he can finally organize his stuff (and they were roomates

Anonimo ha chiesto: I feel like if they were to play Minecraft or something macaque would be the base mom. He would be the only one to remember to farm food to not starve. The others would probably forget all the time that hunger is a thing in game. Wukong or Mk: oh dang does anyone have food I'm starving Macaque: (always brings extra for this reason) "sighs" yes

AH!

Anonimo ha chiesto: Remember the Minor Scale episode, from season 2? Where MK learn how to shrink himself? And there’s also the final episode of that season where MK just grow very big to try to fight LBD. I just love that part of his power and I have seen very little people showing it. Like, sometimes that power can show up when the poor boy is experiencing overwhelming emotions that can’t be contained anymore, or pure exhaustion. For example, Having many responsibility can lead to a lot of stress and exhaustion and at some point MK just can’t do more and just become tiny, not able to do more. On the opposite, maybe he experience trauma again through a nightmare (like about azure for example) and the emotional burden is to much and he just becomes big because of that. You see my vision? I love sizeshifting base on emotions :)

Aww and i love emotion-based powers, they are just so easy to play around.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Tbh the show should let macaque have a motorcycle. Wukong gets to be passenger princess

Yesss

Anonimo ha chiesto: as we get into the colder months i like to imagine MK’s first winter coat and he’s all super fluffy and warm

Cool for the monkey parents, bad for pigsy and all the hair in the restaurant from sheeding.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I think it would be so funny if MKs rock hadn't been cracked and he'd been raised on FFM by wukong. If the same thing happens in the show macaque planning to take mks powers thinking he's just Wukongs student but then while macaque and MK are training. Since macaque is so close he notices his ears. (Being raised by a monkey he gets his form sooner) suddenly putting everything on hold busting into FFM and is like WUKONG WTF

There's a fic on AO3 about it it's A Son of Two Dads

@cheese-hommo ha chiesto: Hii, fiesta I want to say I love how you draw and everything, it just looks so cool and beautiful. Now, with the last chapter of Monkey parents Au and so, with the acknowledgement of the demon etiquette and else, DBK and Wukong really misunderstand the comfort scene for a confession? Or something more? It was just so funny seeing the two of them getting so embarrassed at the end 🙂‍↕️

Ah, 2 young demons in their true forms so close to each other, blushing? Scandalous.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I've seen Mk is his Lego merch- he gots a tooth gap- so does this MK have one or did he get it filled?

Wait that was a tooth gap??? I though it was like, a detail of the smile

Anonimo ha chiesto: 🎤 what is your official (if any) opinion on Ink MK? (as a character, plot device, literary parallel, what have you)

It's ok. I personally believe "shadow" version of one character with their own fears and doubts is a clique a little bit too much used. But they give a lot of angst.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Thoughts on Macaque knowing either Japanese or Korean due to him liking anime.

I'll give you one better. Macaque always traveled to Japan pretty frequently during the centuries. Then became a weeb

Anonimo ha chiesto: Maybe it's just me but Wukong looks a bit thicker each time, is it because his fur's thickening or is he getting chubbier ??????? Anyway luv ur art

Both.

[duckprintspress]

Cover Reveal: “Scrap Metal Angel” by Nicola Kapron

On October 10th, Duck Prints Press will be launching our next crowdfunding campaign for the novella Scrap Metal Angel by Nicola Kapron – and today, we’re sharing the cover for the first time!

Secret Gates have protected mankind from the unknown chaos beyond the edges of reality for millennia, and now, all that stands between everything humanity knows and the horrors outside it are a depressed trans man, his exhausted partner, and a creature ill-suited to the world after being pulled from his own horrific reality. This is Scrap Metal Angel by Nicola Kapron, an urban fantasy where only fragile Gates protect all we know from eldritch, incomprehensible magic. This is the world that Adrian Somer is determined to save.

Blurb:

Reality, tiny and fragile, is cut off from the sea of chaos and nightmares that surrounds it by seven Gates. One of them is open—and has been since the Stone Age. Through that opening, strange creatures and energies slip through. Some are malevolent. None are harmless. And all of them must be kept a secret.

Every hidden magical world needs a shadowy clean-up crew. Adrian Somer is a Gatekeeper, sworn to protect the cosmic Gates, to defend reality from the unknown entities that exist beyond them, and to help those whose lives are affected by magic.

When a grieving sorceress starts punching holes in reality to try and resurrect her murdered fiancé, Adrian must turn to a ghost from his past in order to save the city, and perhaps the world—even if that means digging up someone he thought was safely buried: the twin brother he killed eight years ago.

About the Author: Nicola Kapron has previously been published by Neo-opsis Science Fiction Magazine, Rebel Mountain Press, Soteira Press, All Worlds Wayfarer, Mannison Press, and more. Nicola lives in British Columbia with a hoard of books—mostly fantasy and horror—and an extremely fluffy cat.

From October 10th through October 25th, we’ll be crowdfunding through our website and webstore to fund publishing this awesome novella, with a goal of $2,800! You can preview the campaign RIGHT NOW, and if you’re interested in backing and want to get a notification when the campaign goes live, make sure you follow us on social media and/or sign-up for our newsletter!

We’re currently doing a poll to determine the exclusive extra that Patreon backers who also back the campaign will receive. There’s no time like the present to become a backer and get access to exclusive previews, behind-the-scenes access, backer reward short stories, Patreon-only merchandise, and more!

[connectionterminated13]

Sometimes I feel like I'm being too negative about my favorite bear jump scare franchise so here's some things I really like feel free to add-on with your own favorite Things

-The idea of how remnant and possession works/the idea of science being used to enhance the supernatural

- Charlie Emily and Michael Afton. I love everything about their characters like so so much

- The fact that fazbear entertainment is in the evil corporation built on the suffering of hundreds of people they keep on trucking along monetizing the people they've murdered and ruin the lives of

- Sister location everything about that game I love it!!!

- All of the designs from FNAF 2 And most of them from FNAF6, The Withered animatronics and Toys look awesome Mangle and the Marionette are incredibly freaky and I love them!!! As for FNAF 6 I love the designs of scrap baby and molten Freddy along with the ugly sort of wonky designs of all of the show stage animatronics!

- The silver eyes! I think it's probably the best FNAF book! I think the silverize is probably my favorite Canon portrayal of William and Charlie is a wonderful protagonist I just love her

- Elizabeth Afton

- Spring lock suits just like an awesome concept and I love it

- Glitch trap(Specifically in helper wanted before the mimic reckon). I love the idea of this being what William is like when there's no like act left that he has to put up that he's a normal sane person. He gets to be goofy and do his little murder dance in splendor in what he's done in what he's going to create again.

- Henry Emily's whole speech

- Spring trap I just really like how ugly it is :)

- The fact that the monsters that you are defending yourself against throughout every game are just scared kids who are lashing out because there's nothing else that they can do. They're just as trapped as you are

- Zombie!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Cassie as a protagonist like girl is Going through it

- Vanny (Even if the main line games handled her terribly the Fandom fixes that!)

- The fact that Bonnie ate a cat 1 time

- Nightmarionette and nightmares designs!! They're my favorite characters from FNAF4 (excluding the crying child)

- Even though I feel like the atmosphere could have been worked on I really like the design of the pizza plex and some of the ideas in there of a shiny nice Veneer hiding the horrors underneath

- The cupcake I think it's funny....

That's all I can think of off the top of my head if you have anything you like that you want to add please do!

[doctorstrangereview]

0079: Doctor Strange #182

Cover Date: September 1969 On-Sale Date: June 10, 1969

We're at the end of the Nightmare arc and the penultimate issue of this initial run of Doc's solo book. Roy gives Gene a lot to work with. He gets to go crazy with the weirdness and gives us two great two-page spreads. We get a special guest villain in the Juggernaut who's taking a break from the X-Men and doing a multi-verse tour, stopping by the Dream Dimension.

We pick up with Doc being subdued by his own Eye of Agamotto which has been seconded by Nightmare. Wong and Clea are watching through Agamotto's Orb while keeping an eye on his psychic shell which is growing dimmer. Nightmare then does the typical villain thing, telling Doc his plans. Somewhere Syndrome is shaking a finger at our favorite Dream Demon. Gene gives us his first two page spread of the issue.

That's just lovely! So Nightmare plans to smush all of history together and create a world where everyone is in constant fear giving him lots of fuel to create even more nightmares. He then prepares to wipe Doc from existence. Someone yells his name.

Our second guest villain has entered scene.

Cain is so awesome he needs a full page to announce himself. Mr Marko derives his power from a ruby from extradimensional demon Cyttorak. The red/purple color scheme is very appropriate. Nightmare wants to know why Juggy's in his house. Even Roy knows not to give Juggy the usual flowery dialogue that permeates this mag.

Juggy's presence in the Dream Dimension is no accident. Doc has brought him here to help him out with Nightmare. Doc wasn't as helpless as we thought when captive of his own amulet.

A little flashback and we see Doc enticing Juggy to do his bidding.

Back in Greenwich Village, Wong and Clea are watching the events when the doorbell rings and it turns out Doc has received a telegram. How many kids reading this wouldn't know what a telegram is? Hint: It's not a smartphone app. The telegram will be a plot point later on so Roy and Gene give it a page of it's own.

As an aside, this issue was released just a couple of days before the one-year anniversary of Rosemary's Baby's release. It did well enough to still be in the public consciousness. While it seems innocent, the name on the telegram is important.

Juggy and Nightmare continue to battle while Doc looks on. Juggy seems to hold his own, but tables keep turning. Gene gives us the next two page spread. It's a clever use of embedded panels as a timeline of the battle.

The next phase of Doc's clever plan goes into action. Doc recaptures his Eye of Agamotto and escapes his confinement. Juggy and Nightmare realize that Doc isn't where they left him. They find Doc, they think and team up to clobber him. Devastating twin blasts fire at Doc. But it's not actually Doc, but an image.

Clever Doc! Look what he did!

Clever Doc! But it wasn't really necessary. Eternity was faking! He could have escaped at any time. At this point Eternity has had enough and sends Nightmare and Juggy away. Doc has a good laugh.

Without any more words, Eternity sends Doc home. Clea macks on Doc for a while and Wong tells him about the telegram that arrived and looks concerned. They all have a look and the name on the telegram has changed. It's now addressed to Dr. Stephen Sanders. Eternity has done Doc a little favor. When he blurted his name out to a bunch of drunk New Year's revelers Eternity realized he compromised himself. Now Doc has a real secret identity! Doc and Clea toss the telegram aside and look out the window. Don't worry, we'll find out what's in the telegram when it kicks off next issues excitement!

As far as I can remember, this is the final use of the psychic shell device. It seems to be a Roy Thomas creation and he abandons it after this issue. Roy will continue to write Doc in the Defenders for the next few years and return to a future Doc series in a couple of decades. More importantly Roy has continued his attempt to transform Doc into a more traditional superhero. He's got a tight costume and a secret identity now. Unfortunately the next issue is the last. Doc will guest star in a couple of other titles and be temporarily retired.

As for the issue itself, it's exciting and well written. Roy and Gene make a great team. It's a shame they won't have more time together. I'm not sure why they included Juggernaut. He wasn't a favorite and the X-Men title wasn't selling particularly well. Perhaps someone thought the two titles could try and pick each other up. The story is written well enough that Mr. Marko's presence doesn't feel shoehorned in. The resolution was pretty original. Doc completed his mission to rescue Eternity even if he didn't really need to. Eternity waves the enemies away like flies and solves a potential issue for Doc. The hero didn't have to beat his foes into submission. It's atypical at least. Lastly, Doc's address is confirmed. It turns out that was Roy Thomas's address.

[dizzybevvie]

whag is YOUR FAVOURITE DRAGON from the tv shows!!!!!!!!!!

thank you so much :( /pos

Meta-wise, Ive talked before on one of my old accounts (@i-hate-spitelout-jorgenson) about how much I find Snaptrappers really really interesting. As a kid who spent most of my time watching riders/defenders of berk, and watched the 3 short films just as frequently, I was very used to seeing dragons appear on Riders Of Berk and recognising them from the Book Of Dragons short. Whispering Death, the Skrill, Changewing, Thunderdrum, scauldron, etc all appeared first in BoD and then in RoB which I LOVED. I felt so in the loop. The 2 exceptions to this are the Timberjack, which had its design recycled into the Typhoomerang and also appeared in httyd2's "Where No One Goes" scene (and potentially in The hidden world?), and the Snaptrapper, which never appeared in the film franchise again. Its in the mobile game, its in School of Dragons, its even in the comics. But never in the film franchise, which I always found really interesting.

Actual self-indulgent wise though???

Im going to disqualify the dragons that appeared in httyd1 (not including those in the Dragon Book Scene) so Night fury, Deadly Nadder, Monstrous Nightmare, Hideous Zippleback, Gronckle, red death and Terrible Terror cant compete.

I mean, for pure fear factor the first two to come to mind are the Skrill and Screaming Death.

I was TERRIFIED OF THE SKRILL. Especially because as a kid i was terrified of Dagur. Who is essential to any Skrill based plot line. But the way it was frozen in ice, the way hiccup staggered back when he realised what it was, the realisation it could still be alive, was so fucking haunting. It being able to counter most/all of toothless' attacks was so terrifying as a kid man. It being sealed back in the jce at the end of the episode felt genius to me at the time but I love that they released it in rtte. thats character development.

The screaming death's set up was also, terrifying. Its worth noting that I caught RoB/DoB mostly on reruns so I probably didnt watch it in order, but I saw each episode LOADS of times and probably pieced it together. The whole episode with the whispering death where it has a weakness to light was such good set up for the screaming death because when it didnt have the same weakness i was SHOCKED AND DUMBFOUNDED. Also the screaming death fire out the back of the head effect is awesome?? AND THE FIRST SHOT WHERE YOU JUST SEE THE TUNNEL IT CREATED... YEAH. NIGHTMARE MATERIAL FOR 5 YEAR OLD ME, 10/10 NO NOTES.

[fringefangs]

Abandonment in New England

*As a disclaimer. I am aware of Lovecraft’s extreme racism. I am not trying to defend it.

Horror, as a genre, is, fundamentally, an expression of anxiety. An author’s fears become manifest within the pages of their writing. Central to the cosmic horror written by H. P. Lovecraft is the existentialist notion of abandonment. This essay explores abandonment in both The Call of Cthulhu and The Shadow Over Innsmouth.

To start, we must first define what we mean by abandonment. Jean-Paul Sartre describes abandonment as the assertion that “God does not exist, and that we must bear the full consequences of that” (27). He elaborates that it is “extremely disturbing that God no longer exists, for along with his disappearance goes the possibility of finding values in an intelligible heaven.” (28). This is to say, if God is the source of all that is good in the world then the supposition that God does not exist means that it is, at best, impossible to determine what is good or, at worst, that people are naturally inclined towards evil. Thus the consequence of God’s absence is that there is no limit to human immorality and nothing to encourage people to act morally.

Moving to the texts proper, it is important to demonstrate that the eldritch entities and their cults which pervade Lovecraft’s works indicate the dissolution of God. In The Call of Cthulhu, he routinely conflates the Cthulhu Cult that appears within the story with religion and faith and refers to the Great Old Ones as “unhallowed blasphemies” and the images and hieroglyphs etched into the walls of the city of R'lyeh as “impious” (41, 43). This cult “paled the speculations of theosophists” who “have guessed at the awesome grandeur of the cosmic cycle” indicating that these theosophists are unnerved at the notion that their understanding of God might be wrong given the presence of the Great Old Ones (The Call of Cthulhu 26, 5). In The Shadow Over Innsmouth, The Esoteric Order of Dagon is harshly described as “a debased, quasi-pagan” cult surrounded by “rumors of devil-worship” with the evocatively named Devil Reef located just off the coast of the town (8). With virtually every person from Innsmouth being a member of the Esoteric Order of Dagon and each of them being inexplicably drawn to Devil Reef on that fateful night, it is clear to see that the intention of the author is to show how people are being drawn away from their faith. Finally, when referring to the Great Old Ones, Lovecraft capitalizes the pronoun used, elevating Them to the same magnitude as God, further evidenced by Castro’s cautious disclosure that “They had come from the stars, and had brought Their image with Them” invoking similar language from the Book of Genesis (The Call of Cthulhu 39).

However, it is necessary to clarify that Lovecraft is not just concerned with the conception of a new religion that stands in opposition to existing faith but also that this is a total replacement of God. The narrator in The Call of Cthulhu is worried that, upon the reawakening of the Great Old Ones, mankind will become as Them, “free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside” (28). In The Shadow Over Innsmouth, the “ruinous old churches” of Innsmouth are not only decaying, indicating the decline in faith reflected in the state of the building, but they are actively being repurposed by the Esoteric Order of Dagon (18). As the narrator passes one of the churches he experiences “a momentary conception of nightmare” and an “unaccountable horror” at the sight of a priest from the cult within the basement of the church (The Shadow Over Innsmouth 12). In Zadok Allen’s drunken recounting of the history of Innsmouth, he refers to Captain Obed Marsh as the “old limb o’ Satan” and that Captain Marsh believes that “all the folks stupid fer goin’ to Christian meetin’ … they’d orter git better gods” (The Shadow Over Innsmouth 21). All of this is, in so many words, the kind of distress that Sartre describes that is felt by those experiencing abandonment. If God does not exist then all that will remain is chaos.

Yet this is not the full extent of the narrators’ distress. The abandonment weighs heavily on them as they fall into deep despair upon acquiring the knowledge of their abandonment. In The Call of Cthulhu, the narrator states that “I have looked upon all that the universe has to hold of horror, and even the skies of spring and the flowers of summer must ever afterward be poison to me.” (48). And in The Shadow Over Innsmouth, the narrator comments that “Some frightful influence, I felt, was seeking gradually to drag me out of the sane world of wholesome life into unnamable abysses” (49). The despair is often accompanied by an admission that death would be preferable to the future created by this abandonment. In The Call of Cthulhu, the narrator says that “When I think of the extent of all that may be brooding down there I almost wish to kill myself forthwith.” and that “Death would be a boon if only it could blot out the memories.” (42, 47). In The Shadow Over Innsmouth, the narrator says that “So far I have not shot myself … I bought an automatic and almost took the step” (50).

To conclude, this existentialist lens demonstrates how Lovecraft is grappling with an indifferent universe devoid of any intrinsic morality. The author is wary of people because he knows that there is nothing that mandates them to be moral and are thus capable of any number of abhorrent actions.

WORKS CITED

Lovecraft, Howard Phillips.The Call of Cthulhu. Strelbytskyy Multimedia Publishing. 2018.

Lovecraft, Howard Phillips. The Shadow Over Innsmouth. Gothic Digital Series @ USFC.

Sartre, Jean-Paul. Existentialism Is a Humanism. Translated by Carol Macomber. Yale University Press. 2007.

[dxrknessembr8ced]

Continuing to traverse through the ruins of metro city under the cold blizzard through her sled with her pack moving forward and evading obstacles all while avoiding all the contact with the other bio organic weapons and the evolved creatures that infested the entire city under one night. The child of the jiangshi had come across a new species of bio weapon no doubt created by las erebus but rebelled against the cult. These new bio weapons are a hivemind based species all under control by one powerful and singular organism. These creatures under control of the same organism thar controls them are called the puppets. The puppets are an odd species of prototype tyrants created for the sole purpose if killing darkstalkers but they and the one controlling them rebelled and killed their masters, running loose all thanks to the T-Erebus virus giving these ravenous monsters their sentience back they now run loose into the ruins, they're bottom feeders only feasting on dead bodies from all the war and bloodshed. Despite this they're still dangerous as they'll defend themselves if the puppets are threatened.

From among the puppets is the tallest of these creatures stand fourth among the puppets. This crimson proto-tyrant have possessed a large cranium and average levels of intelligence that of a human being this creature is among many that controls the puppets. They're called puppet masters or puppeteers to some survivors. They're the creatures who can control the puppets under their will and communicate with them ordering them through telepathy. They're one of the most dangerous of bio organic weapons for if anything they perceived as a threat they'll kill that threat immediately as they're structured like ants around an ant hill.

" Feeeed....Feeed deeaadd..! "

Junior watched from afar on her sled with binoculars she found somewhere in these ruins. The girl is fascinated with how both the puppet masters and the puppets are operating. But also terrified. Proto tyrants having psychic abilities is truly something she doesn't wanna encounter.

" Holy cow! It's controlling them, kinda like a puppet... "

She pulled out a book up on her sleeve and starts writing down her first documentation on these creatures, Junior in this moment is the first to give these proto tyrants these names, puppets and the puppet masters and she writes it all down as they feast on frozen dead bodies and build their hives around the ruins.

As she documents these bio weapons the puppet master saw Junior at the distance and the creature growled. He isn't alarmed as the girl kept her distance and isn't a big threat to them. The creature knows that she is studying them, cause she's curious so it spoke to her through her mind.

{ " Studying us, little one? " }

" G-GAAAH-! "

Junior got spooked by the voice in her own head, the puppet master is communicating with the girl and she isn't liking it.

" Y-you're speaking to me right? Don't hurt me! I taste yucky! "

{ " Do not be afraiiiddd, I mean no harm as you do child... " }

" O-oh, uh, that's awesome uh.. "

" So uh what are you? Are you a tyrant? Are you like mama? "

{ " I am what you call the puppet master, and they are my puppets, my instruments. Tools for our own use... " }

" Tools huh, that's bleak but hey its mother nature... "

" Well, it's been nice knowing you mr. Puppet master BUUUUTTT I'm on a search for my mother so, bye? "

Junior sled on out of the area as fast as she can, her pack funning faster and barking in the cold winter night. The child become very frightened and scared at the puppet master communicating through telepathy. Hsien-Ko Junior would definitely have all sorts of nightmares after this but studying them is worth it. She wonders what other creatures and bio organic weapons she'll encountered through her journeying finding her mother but also finding shelter for the bio weapon still unconscious and slightly frozen, to keep her warm.

[jaydonsjam]

I finished the first volume of Doctor Strange! Overall I really loved this book and it’s sad that it got cancelled prematurely. Speaking of this book getting cancelled, I gotta say #182 felt like a better ending than #183 because Eternity saving Strange and banishing Juggernaut and Nightmare along with giving Stephen a new identity, even the way that the last page says “fin”. I just felt like that was a great way to end it BUT I’m assuming that it was abruptly cancelled so they didn’t know #183 would be the last issue. Anyways, it was awesome seeing Juggernaut pop up and actually use magic!? That was really cool cause my experience from reading a lot of X-Men comics is Cain just being an unstoppable mystical but physical force so it was cool to see him using magic. This might be my favorite Nightmare story yet but I’ve been reading like 70+ issues of Strange in quick succession so it blends together a bit. I honestly want to see more Juggernaut and Doctor Strange fights lol Cain was helping Strange at the beginning and by the time he figured out what Strange was doing, he was already gone. I mentioned it already but the idea that Eternity cared enough for Strange to help him with a new identity (cause his superhero name is Doctor Strange but A. he’s an actual doctor and B. His name is Stephen Strange lmao) so it makes sense for him to have a different name like Stephen Sanders. Going to #183, I didn’t really like it especially cause it felt like a part one to a new arc and there was a resolution but it seemed to be building towards something bigger. Alright, so next I’m reading Sub-Mariner #22 and Incredible Hulk #126 then onto the first three issues of Marvel Feature and finally… THE DEFENDERS! It’s weird that Doctor Strange vol. 2 ended in 1969 and he didn’t get another solo series until 1974. I’ll definitely be checking that out. And in case people are wondering, I’m going through the chronological appearances of Doctor Strange. If you read all of this, thanks! I’ll keep posting!

(Covers of Doctor Strange #181, #182 and #183 all written by Roy Thomas, art by Gene Colan with inking by Tom Palmer)

[mikiruma]

actually wtf is going on in the replies of the breaking bad post we reblogged earlier???? do people think breaking bad is a show about our good buddy walter white who was thrust into an unfair situation and was rewarded for killing people????? sorry to drop spoilers for a show that ended 9 years ago but

heres just a short list of things i can remember he did off the top of my head

rejected payment for his treatment out of pride/resentment for the old friend offering (who was a BILLIONAIRE)

got into meth without really any prompting (yes he was desperate but you could argue he could have done literally anything else in his position instead of stew quietly and fuck around in the desert)

kills/severely injures 2 people the second time cooking ever

(throughout the show) manipulating/gaslighting his wife, his lab partner, anyone he thinks he has an inkling of power over

when his meth empire as he knows it crumbles he starts working with actual white supremacists

one of which shoots/kills a child in front of him, which he defends

literally nearly every scene of him and jesse interacting

indirectly caused the universe's "9/11 two" (by watching/letting the daughter of the air traffic controller who took responsibility die) (the daughter happening to be jesse's gf at the time)

at a school assembly addressing this he essentially told the student body & faculty (many of which were directly affected by the tragedy ie property damage via plane/body parts or severe emotional trauma from witnessing) to "get over it"

poison's jesse's new gf's son to manipulate jesse into killing their boss, who they don't like admittedly but jesse isn't an overzealous idiot

literally every scene where he tells skyler "you dont know WHAT ive done for this family... to protect us..." literally nobody asked you to start cooking meth and terrorizing people

ok on god this show is designed to make you sympathize with him early on bc hes sad and desperate and trying to be a strong brave man but he gets so gradually unlikeable and is continuously punished and doesnt understand WHY bc he was BADASS and BUSINESS IS BOOMING and honestly i cant give you a specific point when i personally stopped rooting for walt bc i've been rewatching slowly and just always knew he was a shithead but i WILL say it is extremely apparent when, in the beginning, he cries abt how he does it to secure a future for his family & keep them out of medical debt and even originally has a set dollar amount goal! but in early s5 he calls $5mil 'pennies' and even before then its extremely obvious it hasnt been about the family for a long ass time, hes no longer interested in securing a future, hes trying to flex his wealth (NOT EVEN BOTHERING WITH MONEY LAUNDERING UNTIL S4?????) and "prove" how much of a hero he can be to his family who never asked him to do any of this.

this show is awesome bc you get to watch a guys joker arc set in over the course of a year or so and he sucks SO BAD. it literally shows how the nightmare medical industry drives people to desperate measures. it shows toxic masculinity and the problems with the nuclear family mindset/image and a wonderfully awful demonstration of how pride can rot you. seeing ppl say they wont watch the show because it touches on those themes at all, being completely dismissive of how theyre examined or what the point in all of it is, is really fucking weird. i dont mean to sound like a married middle-class white man in a mid-life crisis who thinks he's walter white and would kin him if i knew what that meant (and was simultaneously too cool for comic books so i cant relate to the joker at all) but this show is fucking cool and i have just witnessed the other side of the fanbase revival, which is 'people who have never seen it who think they know what its about posting their opinions online and it hurts my little autistic brain'

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

How Wolfstar got together in my headcanon

TW: Abuse, violence, homophobia, and low self-esteem

1971

At first, the boys thought Remus was weird. He laughed at James' hair at the Platform. James didn't like it. Then James met Sirius and they instantly became best friends. Remus met Peter at the compartment and sat together. Peter talked too much. And Remus simply listened. It was better that way. Remus didn't want to get any friends because they would find out about him and they would never like him.

Remus and Peter were kicked out of their compartment by a very annoyed seventh year (Lucius Malfoy) and his girlfriend who wanted to be alone. They ended up in Sirius and James' compartment.

"Oh it's you" James had said eyeing at Remus.

"You know him?" Sirius asked

"It's the kid who made fun of my hair"

"Did not!"

"Well your hair is funny, mate" Sirius laughed.

The first thing that Remus remembered about Sirius were his eyes. Grey blueish eyes. Staring openly at him. He wasn't even discreet he just stared. And Remus tried to hide behind his book (and not blush). Remus thought he was weird. And James and Peter talked and talked.

James was mean to Peter. Peter wanted to be their friend. James was only interested in Sirius.

After that, Remus never thought he would end up being in the same house and dorm as them. He sighed when he opened the door. James started calling him Looney Lupin. Sirius laughed. And Peter too. Remus realized he had easily abandoned Remus to be friends with the other two. Remus didn't mind. He didn't want friends.

The first months at Hogwarts were a nightmare. Remus just wanted to be invisible. But his three roommates seemed to notice him all the time. James said stupid things as jokes. Many were mean. Sirius defended Remus a lot, and sent him a smile. Remus tried to ignore him.

At the end of first year, Remus unintentionally helped the Marauders on a Prank (they had become very popular in them) and after the plan was successful, Sirius instantly suggested Remus should be part of the "gang" he called it. James was recluntant but he agreed. Remus was part of the group without even knowing. And oh boy. They didn't leave him alone. Remus secretly liked it. They weren't that bad. And even James had apologized for being a little git. It was new for Remus. Having friends. But he was worried that they would find out his secret. And would never speak to him again. Or worse feel disgusted by him.

1972

Sirius was fascinated by his new friends. James was perfect and so cool. Peter was a bit annoying but sometimes amusing and very funny. And Remus. Remus was so mysterious. Sirius liked mysteries. Him and Reggie had loved finding mystery objects at Grimmauld Place. That's why Sirius was so intrigued by Remus. So he couldn't avoid staring. And when Remus caught him, he smiled trying to be discreet. Sirius saw many things about Remus. His scars, the way he twisted his hands, or wiped his nose with his sleeves. The way he held a book. And the way he was sick. All the time. Remus had told them his mom was sick and had to visit her once in a while. But he was sick too. And he got more scars. Nor James or Peter noticed. But Sirius did. He had a scars too. So he thought the worst. Perhaps his father was being violent. To him and his mom. Perhaps Sirius could have a friend to share that with. James always talked about how awesome his parents were. And Peter had a good relationship with his mom. Perhaps Remus understood what it was to have parents like Orion and Walburga.

Sirius suggested following Remus. Because he needed to know. And if it was true, he needed to help his friend. When they followed Remus that night, under James' invisibility cloak, they never expect to find a werewolf at the Shrieking Shack. Sirius and James shared a smile the next day. Remus was cool. They didn't care, he was still their friend. Peter was a bit recluntant and scared at first but then he agreed and they talked to Remus.

1973

Remus was just so happy to have friends. Well the coolest friends. And they accepted him as he was. It was too good to be true. They four boys became even more close learning his secret, sharing it. They called him Moony. James' idea. James was nice to him now. All of them were. Specially Sirius. Well Sirius was curious more like. That damn stare. Everytime Remus looked at him, Sirius was staring. And he looked to another side. Sirius thought Remus didn't notice but he did. And Sirius was curious too. He asked too many questions. But Remus couldn't complain. Sirius was good company. Somehow he always made him laugh.

1974

Sirius had a talk with his father that summer.

"You're a grown young man now, Sirius. We need to talk about something. Women" he had smirked evily.

Basically what Orion said was that being a man was about how many girls you "charm". Sirius was not interested honestly. He kissed Marlene last term. His first kiss. And they dated for a while. Only because James said it was supposed to happen. But Sirius eventually got bored. He preferred to spend time with his friends. Doing mischief.

When he got to Hogwarts, things changed. James was interested in girls. Peter was. In fact all boys were. Well except for Remus. But somehow, Sirius didn't want to be left behind. And he talked about girls. And started flirting with them. It was easy. They were always all over him. But Sirius went for the girls that he knew his parents would hate. Just to piss them off. But after a date or some snogging, Sirius got bored. Everything seemed wrong about the girls he dated: too skinny, too tall, too shy, too talkative.

"Don't worry once I get with Evans, I will get you a proper girlfriend" James would say.

Remus was annoyed. By all of it. Flirting, talking about girls. Girls giggling like maniacs for his friends. For Sirius. Remus was annoyed by growing up and caring about these things. It was easier when they were all disgusted by girls. Remus was not interested in any girl. Eventhough somehow, for a very bizarre reason, girls seemed to like him. But Remus knew that he could never date anyone with his condition. So it was better that way. Romance sounded better in books or novels.

1975

Sirius was forced to meet "fine pureblood young women" that summer. His parents took him to Paris specifically for this. Sirius find his way to annoy every single one of them. All of them were dull. Not even pretty.

Sirius was surprised to see a different Remus arrive to the platform. He was taller. His hair was wilder. He was dressed as a rebel with piercings and all and he smoked now. Sirius felt a strange sensation on his belly, probably below.

Remus found out the reason he was a werewolf that summer. His father. Lyall. And he had lied all those years. So he stopped giving shit. He smoked, he robbed, he wanted to give this imagine of punk. He was angry at the world.

When Sirius came back to Hogwarts, he found out that James was dating Mary. And he didn't like it. It was the fact that James wasn't the same. That they snogged in his face. Sirius knew that James and the boys would get married and stuff one day. But this was dull. They were young. They were supposed to be doing something for Remus. They had all agreed to that. Remus wasn't supposed to know. Sirius saw more and more scars on Remus' body. Something was upsetting him and Sirius really wanted to help.

But stupid busy James spent most of his time with Mary. Sirius found himself turning to Remus for entertainment. Sirius found out that he liked making Remus lose patience. Annoy him while he try to read. Sirius had been to focused to be with James when Moony was really fun to be around. Remus was sarcastic and funny. Sometimes Sirius laughed so hard that they were kicked out of the library.

Remus couldn't avoid it. But he was having an intense crush on Sirius. What was he supposed to do if the hottest bloke at school came looking for him, and wanted to spend time with him. Remus couldn't be gay on top of everything. But when Sirius laughed or looked at him, his heart skipped a beat. Great. A gay werewolf. Remus tried to hide his feelings because obviously Sirius was unreachable. And they were friends. Just friends.

1976

But there was another thing. Remus noticed that the boys were obviously hiding something from him. He wasn't an idiot. And they were pretty obvious. Remus tried not to think the worst. But the odd feeling was there. Perhaps they didn't want to be his friends anymore. Perhaps Sirius had noticed something and they didn't want to be friends with a gay person.

One day, they all came into the dorm grinning widely.

"What happened? Are you okay?" he asked suspiciously.

Peter let it out first. So excited to contain his happiness.

"WHAT?" Remus was shocked. The boys explained. Well they actually talked all at the same time. Then they showed him. Remus was overwhelmed. They did this for him? For him? Remus cried whispering "Thank you". The boys wrapped him into a hug. And Remus felt so safe smelling Sirius' cologne. Remus fancied him. Remus fancied Sirius Black so much. He closed his eyes hiding his face on Sirius' shirt. Sirius was clueless. He was so happy that Remus was happy. He was going to be better. They were going to be a pack. Sirius smirked at that thought.

That summer, Sirius was going to be forced to join the Death Eaters. To swore his loyalty to the Dark Lord. Sirius had heard what He wanted, what He did from the Potters. Sirius refused. In fact Sirius insulted all his family. He said all he thought about them. And Orion got really angry. After some a violent episode, Sirius was locked up in a cellar.

"I will send you to Dumstrang. They would make you a proper wizard" Orion had said "We will fix you"

Sirius was scared of the dark, he was hungry, thristy. Somehow, in that horrible moment, Sirius thought of Moony. Nothing he was going through was compared to what Moony went through. Moony was so brave. Sirius liked him. Sirius admired him.

Sirius managed to get out. Someone opened the door. Probably Reg. Eventhough Sirius had yelled horrible things to him. Sirius splinched himself while aparating to the Potter's.

Remus had been trying to forget about Sirius. Because he would never like him back. Remus met another boy over the summer. His first kiss. (Probably Grant). It was easier with him. Because he didn't know about Remus. He didn't know about magic. He was a muggle. But James contacted Remus telling him what happened with Sirius. Remus practically ran to the Potter's. Sirius was bloody bruised and he looked so sad. That image broke Remus' heart. And all the feelings he had been trying to forget, came back to him. Remus hugged him, tightly. To let him know he was there for him. And Remus decided to stay for the rest of the summer.

When they were back at Hogwarts, Sirius started acting weird. He had more nightmares than ever. He wanted to drink and smoke a lot.

Remus always seemed to found him, to notice. Because Remus was more and more aware of what Sirius did.

"Don't tell James, Moony" Sirius had pleaded "He is going to worry. Promise?"

"Sirius..."

"Promise me, Moony" Sirius pouted.

How could he could say no to those beautiful eyes? Sirius was bloody gorgeous. And Remus selfishly wanted to share that secret with him. Only their secret.

"Promise you will take of yourself, Pads"

Sirius smiled "You worry?"

"Of course! You're my friend"

Sirius had simply smiled. Kissing Remus' cheek.

But Sirius was angry. He was always angry or sad. Or both. And Sirius hated that feeling. Sirius started seeing a Hufflepuff girl that was after him. Just to feel something. To feel loved and gorgeous.

Until one night, in which he bumped into Severus Snape. Snape began making fun of him, he said he was a disappointment, that his family never liked him. And then, Snape started talking about Remus.

"I have a theory" he said "About your nasty friend"

Sirius felt such rage that night. Snape could say anything about him. But not Moony. Sirius was not going to let anyone touch Moony.

The Prank happened. When Remus was informed of what happened the next day, he hated Sirius. But most of all, he hated himself. Because he knew this would happen. Remus was an idiot for falling for Sirius. For having this crush. For perhaps believing that something could happen between them. All of this was his fault and he was a monster. He felt disgusted by himself.

"You know what is the worst part of being a werewolf?" Remus had asked Sirius with tears in his eyes "It's not the unbearable pain that I feel every transformation. It's not how sick I feel before and after. It's not the way I am percieved by the World, or the discrimination I face. Or the fact that I won't find a job or love because of this...." he made a pause to cry. Sirius was crying too "The worst part is waking up terrified because I fear everytime I might've hurt someone or killed someone. And... And you do this to me?"

"Moony..."

"FUCK YOU SIRIUS! DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Remus exploded "I don't ever want to see you again. We share dorm and classes, unfortunately. But I don't want to speak to you again"

Sirius cried like he had never cried before. Not even when his parents cursed him so badly, he couldn't move. Not even when he left Reggie. Not even when he arrived to the Potters and assimilated everything. Moony... Remus was right. Sirius was a bad person. Just like everyone in his family. Orion and Walburga would be proud. Sirius trembled because he hated that. It was his worst fear. Ever. And it was happening.

The Marauders stopped talking to him. Remus didn't even look at him. "I have to take his side, Sirius" James had said "You know I have to take his side". Peter sent him pitiful glances. But he followed James. He always followed James.

Sirius missed his friends like crazy. But he missed Remus the most. He missed his smile. He missed his smell. Sometimes, when he was alone in their dorm, he would take one of Remus' sweaters and sniff it. Chocolate. Remus always smelled like chocolate. Sirius felt a whole in his chest. And then he knew. He didn't like Remus as a friend. Sirius fancied Remus. It made sense now why Sirius never wanted to be with any of those girls. With anyone else. Only Remus. His Moony. But now, Remus hated him. It was too late.

Sirius found himself getting closer to the girls while his friends ignored him. He became close to Marlene. They were both very alike. And Sirius discovered he liked making her mad.

On Christmas, James as always invited the boys over. That's what Peter told Sirius anyway.

"I guess you're invited too" Peter smiled politely, he was the only one who was talking to him "You lived there now, remember?"

"They wouldn't like me there, Peter"

The boys left and Sirius assumed he would spend Christmas alone. But on Christmas Eve, McGonagall came looking for him.

"Mrs. Potter is expecting you, Mr. Black"

"What? No, Professor. It must be a mistake"

"Mrs. Potter told me to make sure you'll get there in time for dinner"

Sirius arrived to the Potters unsure. The boys had gone shopping with Fleamont the whole morning. Euphemia recieved Sirius as always. Smiling at him, embracing him.

"I don't understand, Effie" he said "Don't you hate me?"

"How could I hate you, sweetheart?" Effie smiled "You are my son. I already told you so. And no matter what a child does, a mother would always love them"

Sirius swallowed "But James...."

"You know how James is. He is temperamental. Just give him time. Remus as well. Now, you have the right to be in this house as anyone. This is your house as well"

Sirius smiled.

During dinner the boys didn't speak to him. James was acting like an idiot, asking Peter to pass him the mash potatoes when they were closer to Sirius. Childish. Remus just started at his food. 'Look at me, Moony. Look into my eyes and see how much I like you... Love you'. He didn't.

Sirius apologized again, in front of everyone.

Since James was being rude, Mrs. Potter interviened and yelled at the boys.

"Sirius is a good person! Yes. He made a mistake but all of you had! Think about everything he had gone through. He is really sorry. He is apologizing, so you need to act like men and forgive him"

That got the boys thinking. And by the end of the night, they talked and made up. When Sirius hugged Remus again, Sirius' heart was beating fast. He sniffed his chocolate scent. Remus was perfect. Was beautiful. How could someone like Remus, fancy someone like him? Never. Sirius was just glad to be his friend again. At least that.

1977

Remus had missed Sirius so much. His anger was over minutes after he had yelled. Remus was just miserable to have lost his friend. But he couldn't be stupid. He couldn't fall everytime Sirius made puppy eyes and apologized. He was gorgeous when he made a pout. But no. Remus had to be strong.

After the Marauders were back again, Sirius was more careful. Sirius was an angel with Remus. Always asking him how he was, wanting to be with him, taking care of him, rejecting everyone for Remus. Remus' hopes were high again. But he couldn't let himself be fooled. Sirius was only being nice because he felt guilty for what he had done. That was it. Sirius was going back to himself soon. But fuck, Remus was dreaming everytime Sirius smiled at him, or held him, or touch him... Remus was going insane. How easily could he go back to Sirius, everytime?

The friendship between Sirius and Marlene got everyone suspicious. Sirius liked hanging out with her. But he fancied someone else. Sirius was being careful with Remus. He couldn't just tell Remus how he felt. Not after what happened. Sirius was so scared of hurting and upsetting him.

"So what's your deal with Marlene, Padfoot?" James asked one afternoon. Sirius felt Remus' eyes on him

"Yeah she is alright"

"You should ask her out"

"Oh like you ask Evans out?"

"Wanker"

Sirius was just glad to have his friends back. He didn't know how James or Peter were going to react with his crush over Remus. Sirius was scared of loosing them. It seemed like Marlene was into him. Or so it appeared. So Sirius decided to give it a chance. Perhaps he could fancy Marlene and he could forget about Remus. They kissed at an after Quidditch party in the Gryffindor Common Room. But kissing Marlene was not how he had expected. It felt weird. Like kissing your own sister. Marlene thought the same because she laughed about it.

"What? Am I that bad?"

"Sirius... I don't think this is gonna work. Maybe I fancy someone else..."

"Who?"

Marlene didn't answered.

"I fancy someone else too" Sirius whispered.

Remus was so so jealous of Marlene. He didn't want to. Because Remus liked her. But he hated her right now. Sirius was his. Well not exactly. Actually no. But Remus was super jealous.

"Yeah we snogged a bit" Sirius answered when James asked him about it

"So? Are you two together?"

"Prongs I am not like you. I don't want to bloody marry every person I fancy"

James rolled his eyes "But you fancy her, right?"

Sirius simply shrugged. He didn't denied it. Remus wanted to scream. He was used to Sirius receiving attention from girls. But Marlene was different. Marlene was friend. Marlene was awesome, who wouldn't like her? Marlene and Sirius got along. Too much.

"It's none of my business who you go out with Sirius. Do as you please. Marlene seems fine" Remus had told him when he asked what he thought. 'I want you to leave her and be with me, asshole' he thought.

"So you don't care?"

"Whatever makes you happy"

'You would make me so happy, Moony. I don't want Marlene. I want you' he thought. But didn't say anything.

Marlene and Sirius announced to their friends that nothing was happening between them. And nothing will. They left them alone. Remus was really happy with the news.

That summer, Sirius acted like an idiot. He was missing Remus so much. He wanted to see him so badly, it was embarrassing.

"Are we going to invite Moony over? And Wormy?"

"Yeah I told them to come but I guess they are busy"

"How do you think Moony is doing? It was the full moon"

"I am pretty sure he is fine"

"Moony would totally love this pie, don't you agree?"

"Why are you so obsessed with Moony?" James laughed.

Sirius blushed "I am not. Whatever"

He was so scared of telling James. He didn't know why. He didn't want James to look at him differently. He didn't want to be different. He didn't want to be this pathetic for someone.

Remus had problems with his dad that summer. He tried to reach him but Remus was still angry. When apparently Hope was no longer angry. And that made Remus even more angry. He went to the Potter's for the rest of the summer. When he arrived he was surprised to recieve a big hug coming from Sirius.

"Moony I've missed you so much!"

'He doesn't like you that way' he thought 'He I'd just your friend'.

Sirius showed Remus his new bike. The one he got with uncle Alphard's money.

"You want a ride?"

"What?" Remus answered blushing

"On the bike" Sirius laughed.

Remus was recluntant but Sirius was so convincing with his gorgeous eyes. He was even more handsome. He agreed.

As Remus held Sirius' waist tight, Sirius' heart was beating so fast, be feared he was going to jump right out of his chest.

After the ride, Remus was so excited.

"It was actually really cool. Will I do it again? Absolutely no. But I had so much fun"

"I love you" Sirius whispered

"What?"

"I love you when you're happy" he panicked "I love when your happy"

"Okay" Remus smiled

Sirius wanted to die.

When they came back to Hogwarts, to their last year, Remus was cornered by a girl on the train. Emmeline Vance.

"Hey, Remus. You look nice this term. I like your hair"

"Cheers"

Emmeline Vance began flirting with Remus. Sirius was absolutely jealous. Sirius asked Remus about her while they were having a smoke at The Astronomy Tower, trying not to sound jealous at all.

"She is only being nice, Emmeline doesn't fancy me"

"Oh Remus she does"

"I don't understand how could she? I am not interesting at all"

"Remus you are one of the most amazing people I know. Anyone would be lucky to be with you"

Remus stared at him. Sirius was going to melt.

"She'd been asking questions about me. Why do I get sick? Why do I have scars? Do you think she would still fancy me if she found out I am a werewolf? She'd be disgusted by me"

"Remus you are beautiful!" Sirius protested "Merlin you are so beautiful" he touched Remus' face "I fancy you so much. I really like you..."

"Sirius, you are the gorgeous one" Remus said "And I fancy you too"

Remus kissed him. It wasn't like any of the kisses they had before. Fireworks. Butterflies. It was perfect.

"Padfoot? Moony?" James and Peter interrupted. They broke apart immediately. Embarrassed and overwhelmed.

1978

After that, Sirius and Remus saw each other pretty much in secret. When Remus was alone with him, he felt like he was the only one for Sirius. But when they were in public, Sirius' acted like an idiot. He still flirted with girls.

"I have to give an appearance, Moony. We don't people thinking we are... That..."

That made Remus feel so insecure. Like Sirius didn't want anyone to know, because he embarrassed him. Like it was disgusting to be with him. They fought about it, several times. And then Sirius made a pout and blinked with his gorgeous eyes of his.

"Come on, Moony. Don't be angry at me" when Sirius kissed his neck, Remus wasn't able to resist.

But enough was enough when Remus saw Sirius very flirty with an exchange student from Beauxbatons. Convenient that Sirius knew french very well. Sirius could have anyone he wanted. Why did he want to be with him?

"What is it, Moony?"

"I just don't think this is a good idea anymore"

Sirius looked hurt.

"What do you mean?"

"We had our fun. Maybe we should stop..."

"Fuck that. I want you"

"Yeah you want me. You don't love me. Not like I do at least"

"Remus, I am so lucky that someone like you would want be back.... You have no idea what I feel about you. I lo... I love you. I am so in love with you. It scares me. And if this... If this becomes real. I am so scared of fucking it up. Of hurting you like I did last year... That's why I act like an idiot. Because I am scared. But I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you"

Remus cried hearing those words.

"I love you too. So much it physically hurts" he said "And I am scared too. Of you realizing that I am not good enough for you"

"I am not good enough for you..."

"I guess we are both acting like idiots" Remus snorted

Sirius sighed "I love you, Remus. And I don't want anyone else"

"I love you, Sirius. And I don't want anyone else"

They kissed fiercely this time. Collapsing into Sirius' bed.

"I promise I will tell James and Peter" Sirius said later "Just give me some time"

"Okay" Remus was so happy he could literally explode.

It turned out James already knew. They hadn't been very discreet on their meetings. He was just waiting for Sirius, his best friend to tell him. James got a bit angry. Because he felt betrayed. Because Sirius didn't trust him anymore. And he was a bit jealous of Remus. It felt weird that his two best friends were suddenly in love.

Sirius explained why he didn't say anything. And they both made up in their weird way of playing Quidditch. Then James hugged Remus tightly. "I am happy for you two, Moony"

Peter simply asked "What? Are you gay?"

"It doesn't matter, Wormy" Sirius answered "Does it?"

Peter shrugged "I guess it doesn't" then he smiled "It makes sense. Everything makes sense now"

The girls eventually found out. They didn't even protest. Marlene was dating a girl too, Dorcas. So she was fine. Lily was so happy for them. And Mary said: "Aaw you're so cute together"

By the end of seventh year, Remus and Sirius were completely and utterly in love. And they thought nothing could break them apart.

[mediocre-writerr]

august [quinn fabray]

Quinn Fabray x fem reader

Request: Hey this is really good. I was wondering if you could actually write a part explaining what actually happened. I don’t know why I like to torture myself but I like a good angsty piece. Thank you so much. Amazing writing

*not my gif*

Summer after junior year was a busy time for you. You were interning at this awesome place to help boost up your dream career in Pennsylvania. 

The downside of it all was being away from your girlfriend Quinn. The two of you would Skype and text all the time, but being away from her really put a strain on the two of you. 

But both of you knew that you’d be back home to each other soon.

Beginning of junior year, you broke down Quinn’s high up walls. After Sam tried and failed, you decided to step up and see if The Quinn Fabray will somehow like you back. 

And she did. She was in love with all of your quirks. The way your nose crinkles when she kisses it lightly or how excited you get over the smallest things. 

There was nothing she loved more in the world than you.

It was the second week of August. You only had two more weeks until you could finally come home to your lover. But just as the days were drifting away, so it seemed Quinn. 

Her texts were short. The nights where the two of you would Skype were long gone or would happen into late hours of the night. 

“Quinn?” you ask getting her attention from the book she was reading and she just hummed in response, “Why have you been distant lately?” 

The two of you were on Skype just sitting there in a somewhat tense and awkward silence. It wasn’t unusual for the two of you to sit in silence and just do other things while relishing in one another’s presence. 

But this was just deafening. 

“I’ve just been really busy lately.” she says. 

Bullshit, you thought. 

“Oh okay.” you whisper. A little saddened at your girlfriend not telling you the truth. 

Quinn lets out a small sigh, “You know I love you, right?” she asks. 

You turn to look at the screen to find the book down and her staring at you with softened eyes, “I do. I love you more.” you answer and a small smile creeps onto her face before shoving her nose in her book. 

As much as you loved your internship, you were happy to be home. You walked yourself to baggage claim knowing that your parents were gonna pick you up there. Your earbuds were in as they played the playlist Quinn made for you on your six months anniversary. 

After a long conversation with your parents filled with useless directions you finally found them. Telling them all about your amazing internship and how much you leaned.

But you were cut off when someone wrapped their arms around you from behind. You turned around startled to be met face to face with your blonde beauty. You let out a small squeal before throwing yourself into her arms. 

She held you in her arms, tightening them around your frame. Quinn took in your scent and she never wanted to let you go. She never wanted to lose you. 

But in that moment Quinn already knew that she may definitely lose you. Especially if you ever found out what happened the past three weeks. 

You pulled away from Quinn to see flowers in her hand, “Love you didn’t have to do all of this.” 

“I did. You deserve all of it. Plus we missed two anniversaries since you’ve been gone. It’s the least I can do.” she says smiling at you with her perfect smile. 

Quinn never left your side when you got back to Lima. The two of you were attached at the hip. Wherever one went the other had to follow. 

As the weeks went by school started back up again. And for some odd reason Santana was more of a bitch to you than usual. She was on your throat about every little idea you pitched in glee club. She was never this bad. 

“Santana will you please stop being a bitch to my girlfriend?” Quinn asks in the middle of glee club after Santana went on the fifth rant this week about one of your many insecurities. 

It was the fifth rant this week, but it was only Wednesday so that’s saying how much hell she brought to you this week. 

Santana scoffed before giving Quinn a look, “What a good girlfriend you are.” she says somewhat passive aggressively. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” I ask trying to defend her.

“It means your girlfriend actually sucks!” Santana yells and everyone in the room seems to feel the tension in the room. 

“Just let her be.” Quinn mumbles, “Can we move on?”

“Yes please let’s move on!” Mr. Shue yells and goes on to whatever lesson he was talking about. 

You put your hand into Quinn’s giving her a soft little squeeze. She turned to you with a smile that didn’t quite reach her emerald green eyes. 

After another week of back to school it seemed as if everyone was walking on egg shells around you. Everyone seemed to be holding back on what they were trying to say. Everyone seemed tense and no one was happy anymore. 

And everyone seemed to know except you. 

It was just another Thursday when the news dropped on you. When your worst nightmares came true. 

“Hey Y/N.” Rachel came up to you when you were at your locker. 

“Rachel.” you say as you shove your books into your lockers, “What’s up?” 

“I need to be honest with you. Everyone doesn’t want to tell you the truth, but everyday I see you and Quinn pretends everything’s okay when it’s not. You deserve to know the truth.” she says somberly.

“What are you talking about?” you ask, rolling your eyes.

Yet another one of Rachel Berry’s weird grudge against your girlfriend.

“She cheated on you with Santana when you went to Pennsylvania.”

A/N: Pt.3 will be from Quinn’s perspective and will be coming soon :)

[cosmicjoke]

Well, there’s a book and a half to say about chapter 55 and 56 of Attack on Titan!  I’ll focus on 56, because the whole interaction between Levi and Historia, and that entire scene, is just packed full of so many important details.

 The first thing I picked up on, again, is how Levi takes the time to thank Nifa for riding all night to deliver them Erwin’s instructions.  It seems like a small moment, but Levi ALWAYS does this, and I feel like it’s really important to point out.  He’s the one character who consistently makes the effort to show his appreciation and gratitude towards others for doing a good job, or giving their best effort.  Just telling someone thank you like that can make a world of difference to them, especially when you’re dealing with a world of such desperation and extremity as the world of AoT.  So I just thought that was an important moment to note.

Another big deal in this chapter, I think, was Levi’s further interaction with Dimo Reeves, and the continued respect he shows the man.  Dimo says that him and his men will leave the room so that Levi can discuss the plan with his squad, but Levi insists that Dimo and his men stay, restating that that’s how their agreement works, that they don’t keep secrets from each other, and telling Dimo that he trusts him.  He reiterates this again when Dimo tries a second time to leave.  It speaks volumes about what kind of person Levi is, about his honesty and integrity as a person, that he’s treating Dimo and his men as equals, and including them in on the plan, and not just that, but the entirety of the situation, willing to reveal to them everything the SC knows.  He isn’t treating them as tools in Erwin’s plan, he’s treating them as partners, as people, and showing them respect by making them privy to everything that they’re getting into.  He’s showing Dimo complete trust here, when just a few days earlier they’d been on opposite sides.  Levi even takes the time to welcome Flegel, and once again reaffirm his trust in the Reeves Company.  I find this remarkable, this kind of respect and regard, and, really, this kind of deep humanity we see from Levi.  He treats Dimo and his son and his men with dignity, which is something nobody else has done for any of them in a long time, it seems.

Of course, this leads into the big scene between Levi and Historia.  I read a brilliant meta on this recently, where the writer pointed out that it’s significant that this scene takes place directly on the heels of Hange and Levi torturing Sannes for information on the Reiss family, because that experience directly influences Levi’s violent reaction and anger towards Historia here, and also explains why it is Levi forgot to tell his squad about who Historia really is, and the almost embarrassed look on his face when he realizes this.  Levi is still obviously bothered by what both he and Hange did to Sannes, enough so that he becomes distracted and forgot to reveal an obviously vital piece of information.  

What’s really interesting about this scene though is Levi’s reaction when Historia, initially, refuses to become Queen, insisting that there’s no way she can, insisting that she isn’t “fit”.  Levi gets about as pissed as we’ve seen him up to this point at this, and actually, physically attacks Historia by lifting her off the ground.  What’s interesting is Levi’s reasoning behind his anger.  Historia is being horribly timid and indecisive here, claiming she can’t be queen because she isn’t fit, essentially saying because she isn’t good enough.  This kind of timid shirking of responsibility, in the face of what Levi’s just had to do to get the information needed to perform a successful coup, would be pretty maddening.  He’s just had to dirty his hands by torturing a man, and here Historia is, flatly refusing to step up and make that experience mean anything.  We know how Levi can’t bear to let people sacrifice their lives for no reason.  I think the same applies here.  Levi can’t bear to have engaged in something as ugly and awful as torturing a man for information, with nothing to show for it in the end, with nothing gained for the effort.  Historia’s behavior here must seem to Levi very self-indulgent.  He goes into a long speech after he drops her, asking his squad members, after they yell at him for going too far, what all of them will be doing tomorrow.  Asking them if they think they’ll have food on their table, or if they’ll get a good nights sleep, or if the people around them will still be there.  He then tells them he never thinks so.  

Levi is essentially telling his squad that because of the world they live in, nothing is guaranteed, and nothing can be taken for granted, and the kind of fear they all live with of never knowing is something he wants desperately to rid the world of.  This life of being trapped and stuck and always living in fear and uncertainty.  There’s nothing worse than that.  He talks about being willing to be the one to do the dirty work, to get his hands dirty, in order to prevent anyone else from having to do the same, to have to carry the burden of that, and in order for the nightmare of their desperate existence to finally come to an end, to save everyone from having to sit there and worry if they’ll be able to eat the next day, or if their friends will still be alive.  Levi calls himself abnormal here, and says it’s probably because he’s seen so many abnormal things, but he’s willing to be that, willing to be the freak or the “bad guy” if it means no one else has to deal with it, has to go through such horrible experiences of loss and pain and guilt.   This, again, is an awesome example of Levi’s selflessness.  He knows everyone in that room is looking at him with revulsion and anger, that they think he’s being a terrible person and cruel.  But he doesn’t care.  He doesn’t care what they think of him in that moment, because the lives of so many other people are at stake, and he knows if Historia refuses to take on her role as Queen, so many more are going to die.  This coup is happening, regardless, because the standing Monarchy has proven itself unwilling to put the lives of the people ahead of its own interests, and without a peaceful transition of power to overthrow a corrupt government, more lives will be lost.  In the face of that, Historia’s meekness and uncertainty is glaringly petty and unimportant.  

I also think Levi is, again, pulling from his own experiences growing up, the poverty of living in the Underground and having nothing.  Being on the fringes of society and abandoned and uncared for by a ruling government, left to starve and rot beneath a thriving, wealthy capital.  Dimo later defends Levi when his son starts talking smack about him, and remarks that a man like Levi, who is awkward but kind, must have come from absolutely nothing.  He defends Levi to Historia too, telling her he might be scary, but he’s not a bad guy.  He calls Levi kind, even after what happened with Historia.  Because he understood Levi’s violence here, when no one else really seemed to.  He understood that it was coming from a man who had to fight all his life just to survive from one day to the next, never having any certainty in what tomorrow would bring.  He understood that Levi’s compassion towards the downtrodden, like the people of Trost now are, is coming from a place of personal experience, and so he knew Levi would keep his word to help them, even though he didn’t have to and it gained him nothing.  Because Dimo perceives that Levi knows what it is to have “absolutely nothing”, he then sees the genuineness of Levi’s compassion and the inherent kindness in him, and his sincere generosity and thoughtfulness, underneath his brusque and rude manner.  When Levi asks his squad if they think they’ll have food to eat the next day, or if they’ll sleep well, I think he must be remembering his life in the Underground, when even simple, basic staples of living like that were never a sure thing.  

Levi’s frustration and anger with Historia here is because he knows there isn’t any time for that kind of self-involved mindset.  Levi’s made sacrifices to get them to this point, as has Hange, as has the entirety of the SC, and Historia is threatening to render all of those sacrifices moot and meaningless because she’s... insecure.  Again, Levi can’t bear meaningless sacrifice.  So he gets incredibly pissed, and because, as always, Levi has so much trouble expressing himself through words, this is how he goes about trying to make Historia understand the importance of her part in this, how vital it is to so many other people’s lives that she step up and become Queen.  

It’s interesting too that this outburst on Levi’s part comes right after he expresses and shows so much trust and respect towards Dimo and his men, because it gives us such a clear picture into how Levi treats people with so much thoughtfulness and understanding for their position, but how he often struggles to express those things in words.  That, too, speaks the the kind of life Levi had growing up.  A world where social niceties and politeness were nonexistent.  Levi has such a pure, good heart, but he has no refinement or charm, and he’s no good at talking to people.  That inability to make himself clear or understood also leads to frustrated and angry outbursts like this, I think.  He wants Historia to understand, to realize how she herself is being foolishly selfish by letting her insecurity keep her from doing the right thing, but he doesn’t know how to make her see it, so he picks her up and yells at her.  

Anyway, that’s what I’ve got for these two chapters!  

Oh, and also on a side note, Armin was creepy as hell in chapter 55, lol.  Armin is an interesting character, because he seems so timid and nice, but he’s actually one of the most manipulative characters in the series.  Of course he’s one of the few that understood early on that in order to gain something, you have to be willing to make sacrifices too.  But his manipulativeness is a trait of his that sticks out pretty prominently at times, and so I always find it strange when people talk about what a sweet or caring person he is.  I do think Armin cares about his friends and comrades a lot, for sure, but he’s also a little scary in his deviousness, in how good he is at knowing how to get people to do what he wants.  

[actuallysaiyan]

Could you do gohan and future trunks sfw alphabet and separate plz cause I don't want to bother ya

We’ll start with Gohan! He’s one of my favorites <3

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Gohan is insanely affectionate. He’s always going to dote on you and show you all the ways that he appreciates you. Whether it be him doing you little favors without you asking, or he’s giving you a back rub, or even sending you flowers, you can be assured that Gohan will not leave you guessing.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Gohan would absolutely be the best! He’s smart, funny, sweet and really cares about people...especially you. He would do anything to make sure you’re happy and healthy and safe...but also he would help tutor you if you needed it or he would even bake you cookies if you were feeling down.

The friendship would either start when he’s in high school and you’re there with him, or if you ever ended up going to one of the fighting tournaments.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Gohan adores cuddling. There’s nothing better than to curl up with you and read a good book or watch a great movie. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you in close and lets you lean your head on his shoulder. He’ll probably even play with your hair or give you a little back rub.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Gohan adores the idea of being able to settle down with you. He’s awesome with cooking and cleaning and doesn’t mind doing his fair share of it. He’ll make sure you’re both feeling needed and loved and that things are split down the middle.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I think this is something that Gohan would struggle with a lot. He hates the idea of hurting someone unnecessarily, so it would really hurt him as well if he had to end a relationship. He would try to do it as gently as he could, but he would be so heartbroken seeing you either go off angry and cold or very sad. It’s not easy on the poor boy.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He loves the idea of commitment. He saw how weird the relationship between his mother and father was, and he’d absolutely want to settle down and be with you forever if he was in love with you. It wouldn’t be super quick, but it wouldn’t take him too long if he realized that you are the one for him.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Gohan is the king of being gentle. If he hugs you or touches you in anyway, he’s very receptive and knows exactly how much pressure to put. If you need a shoulder to cry on, he’s very gentle emotionally as well. He knows exactly what to say to make you feel better.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Gohan loves hugs! They are some of his favorite things in the whole world. He’ll hug you whenever he gets the chance. His hugs are like sunny days, warm and bright. He brings you into his arms and squeezes you tightly, rubbing your back and telling you how much he appreciates you.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I think it would take a normal amount of time for him to say that. He’d have to get to know you well first, but once he realized you were the one, he would have no problem confessing. He might be a little flustered about it, but he’s not going to hide it for too long.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

I’d love to say that he isn’t the kind of man that doesn’t get jealous, but sometimes that Saiyan pride gets in the way of things and he doesn’t like the way that guy/girl is looking at you or how that person is just a little too close for comfort. If he’s jealous, he won’t lash out. He’ll come wrap his arm around you and pull you in for a passionate kiss.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses are so sexy. They are slow and passionate and he knows exactly what to do to make you melt. He loves kissing you on the lips or maybe even on the neck...if he’s feeling frisky, he loves to kiss in naughty places. Gohan enjoys being kissed on the lips and forehead. If he’s feeling frisky, he definitely enjoys being kissed on the chest or even in the erogenous zones.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Gohan is amazing around children. He’s patient, understanding and a very good role model. He’ll be a wonderful father to your children and will spoil them with lots of love.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He’ll let you sleep in while he gets up to make coffee and breakfast. When you awake, he’ll serve you breakfast and coffee while you both enjoy each other’s company. Then he’ll suggest a shower before you go off and run any errands you need to.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

After a good dinner, he’ll want to curl up on the couch with you and read a book or watch a tv show you both enjoy. If Gohan is feeling a little naughty, maybe he’ll want to have a little wild fun with you. When it’s time for bed, he’ll tuck you in and lie next to you, giving you a sweet kiss goodnight.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It would take a little time for him to open up a lot. He’s going to want to know you well before he tells you everything. It’ll start with little anecdotes and stories, then it’ll move to big secrets or revelations once he feels comfortable around you and trusts you a lot.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s definitely got the patience of the saint. He won’t anger very easily, but if something does rub him the wrong way or he sees injustices, he won’t be afraid to stand up for what’s right...even if that does mean beating up a criminal or two.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Gohan would remember everything about you, right down to how many moles you have on your body and your second favorite pizza place. You don’t have to worry with Gohan as your lover, he knows what you like and you don’t have to second guess whether or not he knows what to get you for your birthday or anniversary.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite moment is definitely your first kiss. He was a little hesitant and flustered, so you approached him and leaned in. The moment your lips touched, it was like this electric shock hit you both at the same time. It was a very pleasant electric shock, and he kept feeling his lips tingle for hours later.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Gohan is very protective, but he knows you can handle your own. He would protect you either by defending your honor or maybe even beating someone up if they were hurting you physically. Gohan wouldn’t mind if you tried to protect him, but he doesn’t want you to get hurt at all.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He’s definitely going to go all out for those kinds of things, but he doesn’t mind it if you’d like to plan some of the dates as well. The way he sees it, he just wants the both of you to have a good time having fun together and enjoying each other’s company.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Gohan sometimes gets really sucked into his work. He may be a little bit of a workaholic and forget to relax and rest sometimes.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He knows he looks pretty good, but he doesn’t concern himself too much with his looks. He’ll make sure he’s clean and smells good before coming to see you.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Gohan would definitely feel incomplete without you. You are the person who always cheers him on and makes him feel good about himself. People always tried to dictate his life, but you just want him to feel happy and fulfilled. You love him for who he is.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Gohan absolutely loves getting cute things as gifts. He doesn’t care if it’s food, plushies or flowers, he’s very into receiving cute gifts.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Gohan isn’t a fan of someone who wants to hurt others for their own personal gain. It’s just not something that interests him. He wants people to treat each other equally.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He loves to cling onto you, warming you up and making you feel safe. He might mumble a bit in his sleep, and he may have nightmares from time to time where you’ll have to comfort him.

[wheresmynaya]

Lost in the Lights Ch.16|Brittana

A/N - Better late than never, am I right? ��� Sorry for the delay, it has been a struggle to write but thanks for being patient and not spamming me with demands for an update. I must be a glutton for punishment though because I've decided that this final chapter will have two parts now. Here's part one. Enjoy!

Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x) & under the cut!

Despite the pristine shape Brittany keeps herself in, she breathes heavily in the crisp December air. Her lungs feel like they’re growing icicles and she’s struggling to keep her hands from going numb in the frigid temperature. There’s no doubt her nose is as red as Rudolph’s by now and she can barely feel her lips as she calls out play after play, but she persists.

She always persists.

Afterall, this is the last football practice of her high school career. 

It’s an important milestone for her but the couple of hours Coach Beiste added to practice makes it a little harder to enjoy – especially now that the sun sets earlier and the temperature drops faster. But Brittany figures high school football practices are a walk in the park compared to college level, so she goes through the motions as per usual and soaks in the moment while it lasts.

At the sound of Coach Beiste’s whistle, everyone gets set for another play and Brittany readies herself for the snap.

When the ball is hiked, Brittany takes it into her hands and tries to drop back so she can fire downfield. The Titan defense is too aggressive for her new O-Line though and soon the pocket she’s in begins to collapse. Defensive players are coming at her from all angles so she has to duck and dodge. It’s a mad scramble to avoid a sack but there’s nothing more to do than to throw the ball away for an incompletion.

When the play is called dead, there’s some shoving amongst her frustrated linemen but she wedges herself in between the guys, forcing them apart with a firm push. The tension has been growing since last night’s practice, but they can’t fall apart now. There’s too much at stake.

“It’s alright, guys! We’re almost there!” Brittany tries to encourage her team although she’s starting to sense the discouragement, “Keep pushing! We’ll get this.”

“Jackson! Ridley! You have got to step it up,” Coach drills for the tenth time, “Pierce was this close to a sack. You have to offer more protection than that or we’re getting our butts handed to us tomorrow night.”

The replacements for Azimio and Karofsky nod diligently. The two eagerly accepted the challenge when Coach Beiste called upon them to step up after dismissing Azimio and Karofsky. The only problem is that they mostly practiced on defense so protecting the quarterback is new terrain for them.

“This isn’t Carmel’s first rodeo, folks. They’re the defending champs for how many years now? We have to do better than this. I know we can, we wouldn’t have a record like ours if we couldn’t,” Coach continues.

And it’s true. From where the Titans were as a team in the beginning of the season to now is a drastic improvement. Hell, they’re playing better than they ever have! The loss of Azimio and Karofsky was only a minor setback, but the team has faced adversity before and they can do it again.

Besides, they’re better off without them.

“Carmel’s time at the top is over,” Brittany adds as she looks around at her team, “Right, Titans?”

The team starts to hype themselves up again as they cheer on Brittany’s words and the quarterback smiles proudly at the response.

“Alright, let’s run it again and this time hold the line longer than half a second,” Coach instructs, “We know Pierces has wheels, but she shouldn’t have to scramble. Line up!”

The Titans all gravitate back to the line of scrimmage at the Coach’s command and begin again.

With only two practices on offense under the replacements’ belt and the big game just a mere 24 hours away, all Brittany can do now is have faith that they’ll be able to iron out most of the kinks and everything will work out just fine.

It has to.

\\

It’s a restless night’s sleep for Brittany before the big game, but that’s nothing new. She always gets the jitters on game day, but there’s something else that looms over her and she can’t quite decided if it’s good or bad. It lingers throughout her morning run and usual routine of getting ready for the school day. It’s there as she texts Santana good morning and it’s even there when she joins her mom and Pete for breakfast downstairs.

“Nice shirt, Petey!” Brittany compliments before pressing a kiss to the top of her brother’s head.

Pete puffs out his chest and does a cute little flex to show off his custom-made Pierce Power t-shirt in WMHS colors. Brittany starts to mimic him and soon the two are having a flex-off at the kitchen counter.

Whitney can only laugh at the pair as she plates up their banana pancakes. That odd feeling still lingers as they all settle down to eat, but it’s kind of comforting above anything else.

\\

With her car keys in hand, Brittany’s just about to head out the door when she catches a glimmer from the corner of her eye. The morning sun trickles in through the tiny opening left in the living room curtains and falls on a silver picture frame on the fireplace mantle. In the frame is a picture of a young Brittany wearing a football jersey that’s two sizes too big and she’s giving the camera a toothy grin as she holds a football that’s two sizes too big for her tiny hands.

But behind her, supporting the ball in her tiny hands so she doesn’t drop it is her dad and he looks just as proud as he always did to be there to support her. It’s one of Brittany’s favorite pictures of them – the first time she was introduced to football. It wouldn’t be for a couple more years that she’d actually take to the field, but in that picture is where her interest begin.

It wasn’t forced upon her. It wasn’t her dad trying to live vicariously through her. It was just a moment between a father and daughter. A moment that shaped her and encouraged her to be this great athlete, but above all – a great person. If it wasn’t for him, maybe she would’ve never touched a football?

Brittany starts to get a little choked up because he should be here. He should be in those stands tonight cheering louder than anyone else there just like he has done all of her life. He should be with her, looking just as proud as he does in that picture.

She starts to feel that familiar pain in her chest, the slow building anger, because it isn’t fair. Of all the great dads in the world, why did it have to be hers? But then she remembers something her mom told her once after having one of her nightmares.

“He’ll always be with you, Britt. He’s in every pretty sunset and sunrise. He’s there for every game and every one of your touchdowns. You might not be able to see him anymore or hear him, but he’s there. You’ll feel it.”

It’s not until that moment that Brittany begins to realize what that feeling that’s lingered around her all morning might be. It’s the first time she’s really felt it in a long time and she quietly wishes he’d visit more often.

At that, she gives the picture one last smile before heading out the door.

\\

When she arrives to WMHS’ student parking lot, Brittany finds that she has beaten Santana to school for a second morning in a row. She chuckles as she remembers the garbled nonsense Santana had sent in reply to Brittany’s Good Morning text and decides to head inside and wait for Santana by their lockers instead. The girl has been known to show up with just a few minutes left to spare before first bell and Brittany needs a little more time than that to get ready for class.

On the walk to her locker, Brittany is greeted by several students and faculty wishing her luck tonight. She smiles and thanks them like she has grown accustomed to doing over the past few months, although sometimes she still can’t believe they all treat her like some type of celebrity.

She spots some of her teammates in the hall dressed similarly to her in their blue jeans and Game Day jerseys. The only thing Brittany’s missing is her letterman jacket but she can thank the Puck Heads for that.

“Sup Pierce!” Puck calls out before he and Finn bump knuckles with her, “Ready for tonight?”

“Totally,” Brittany responds confidently, “You?”

“Hell yeah!” Puck answers, “Can’t wait to saw right through those guys.”

“Seriously! Wish we got to have the school day off or something,” Finn says, “Like a Titans Skip Day?”

“Dude, genius idea!” Puck replies, “No way I’ll be able to concentrate on stuff today.”

Brittany knows the feeling but she doesn’t say that, “I know, that would be so awesome but no skipping. Coach checks if we’re all in class.”

“Damn,” Finn and Puck grumble in unison.

Brittany only laughs as she continues her walk, “Would be cool though. I’ll catch you later.”

When she gets to her locker, Brittany starts pulling out the books she doesn’t need yet from her book bag in exchange for the ones she’ll need for her first class. She’s trying her hardest to remember what she needs for class, but with the entire school going on and on about this game tonight it’s difficult to focus on much else.

That Titans Skip Day starts to sound really good as she finishes up stuffing her book bag. She only wishes it were a real thing as JBI rounds the corner with his mic and cameraman in tow.

“Good morning, Brittany!” JBI says cheerfully, “Do you have time for a quick interview?”

Brittany’s brows rise, “You’re asking first?”

JBI’s cheerfulness falters slightly, “New policy.”

Brittany looks around the hall for Santana but she still isn’t around so she figures she can throw JBI a bone. It’ll probably be the last interview she’ll have to do anyway and since he asked nicely, she might as well do it.

“Alright then. Shoot.”

“Awesome!” JBI then looks to the camera guy and gestures for him to start filming.

Brittany straightens up and tries to prepare herself for whatever questions might be thrown her way. Surprisingly though, the first three are pretty easy for her to answer. In fact, it starts off as a relatively legit interview void of gossipy comments.

Key words though: starts off.

“What about the loss of Karofsky and Azimio?” JBI questions, “With the change being made just two days out from the big game, are there any regrets?”

Brittany takes a moment before answering, “I’m not going to question the decision my Coach made, so no I don’t have any regrets. I don’t really consider it a loss, it was more of gain. Taking their place are two players who have been on our defense’s practice squad and they’re super excited to show everyone what they’ve got.”

JBI doesn’t seem satisfied with her diplomatic answer and presses further, “How prepared can someone possibly be with only two days of practice? Doesn’t seem fair to me.”

“Well, you can thank Karofsky and Azimio for that,” Brittany replies too quickly, “They were the ones that decided not to carry themselves like they should. Would it have been nice to get a little more practice in with the new guys? Sure, but they were the ones who let this team down, who let me down.”

“So it was a personal matter that got them kicked off the team?” JBI presses.  

Brittany grits her teeth, “If you want to know their story then go ask them for the details.”

JBI backs off with a sigh, “Okay. So with a couple key players out of the way, do you have any concerns about the outcome of tonight’s game?”

“No. We’re going out there to win tonight,” Brittany says confidently, “We’re a resilient bunch of talented players, we can overcome just about anything if we continue to work as a team. Jackson and Ridley should be given more credit because they’re doing fantastic given the short notice.”

“Hopefully that’ll reflect in tonight’s game,” JBI changes gears once he realizes Brittany isn’t going to fall into his trap, “There's also a rumor going around that the entire hockey team has been required to attend the game tonight. Can you confirm this?”

“Is that considered a rumor?” Brittany questions. JBI nods eagerly but Brittany just shrugs, “Well yeah, Coach Beiste found out that they haven’t actually attended a Titans game ever so she figured this would be the best way for them to get over their…feelings towards me and the team. A lot of their aggression comes from ignorance so hopefully tonight we can change that. It's important that we all support each other, we all play for the same school so when we succeed we all do.”

“And if you don't win?” JBI presses, “The last time the Titans competed against Carmel the score was 23 – 7; you guys were demolished. It would be pretty embarrassing now with the Puck Heads there because you’re not losing in front of just one rival, you're doing it in front of two.”

Brittany feels her heart drop to the pit of her stomach. She hadn’t thought about that before and she finds herself struggling to come up with a quick, diplomatic response.

“Why the hell would you say something like that?”

Brittany turns to the familiar voice and finds Santana walking up with this scowl on her face. The crowds of students quickly get out of her way as she saunters over to the pair. JBI looks like he’s a deer caught in the headlights and Santana thrives on it as the scowl turns devilish.

“What’s the matter with you, huh?” Santana snaps and gives him a little shove out of the way since he was blocking her locker.

“What?” JBI asks innocently. Brittany swears she sees him shiver.

“How about a good luck tonight or you’ve done an amazing job with the team this season?” Santana prompts with faux-excitement before the scowl returns, “God, the shit you spout. No wonder you’re always in a dumpster.”

Brittany stifles a laugh while Santana just shakes her head at him.

“I – I’m not always in a dumpster,” JBI counters but Santana only waves him off as she glances at Brittany. There’s just a hint of a smile there, but it’s enough for the quarterback to find her confidence again.

“Well to answer your question, JBI,” Brittany replies, “If we don’t come out on top tonight, at least we played at all. Right? Have you competed in any Championship games lately? Has anyone at this school besides the Cheerios competed in a Championship?”

JBI’s shoulders sink a little while Santana smiles proudly.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” Brittany adds.

“And on that note,” Santana says to him, “Kindly fuck off.”

Once JBI and his friend shuffle away, Santana’s demeanor softens just a little more.

“Sorry I missed you in the parking lot,” Santana apologizes, “I couldn’t find my keys this morning and Quinn was meant to drop off your – “

Santana’s sentence is cut off by Brittany stealing a quick kiss while they’re shielded by their locker doors being open. Santana’s lips are still a little cold from her being outside but it doesn’t last once she has Brittany’s on her. It’s soft and sweet and for a second they forget they’re even at school.

“Mornin’,” Brittany says once she pulls away wearing her infamous mega-watt smile, “How are you?”

Santana blinks at the casual tone and lets out a chuckle, “I’m good now. How are you?”

Brittany looks down the hall where JBI is now trying to interview Puck and Finn. She shakes her head at that and laughs, “Well...it’s a typical day at William McKinley.”

“There’s always something,” Santana chuckles as she starts rummaging through her locker, “How are you feeling about today?”

“I feel good,” Brittany nods, “I feel ready. A bit nervous because there’s a lot riding on this game…”

“You’ve got nothing to be nervous about,” Santana assures her with a smile, “You’re the best of the best. Both on the field and off.”

Brittany feels her cheeks pink at the compliment.

“I for one can’t wait to see you play,” Santana adds before sending her a smirk, “I’ve never seen someone look so good in that uniform.”

“Okay,” Brittany blushes, “Stop while you’re ahead or else I might make you miss first bell.”

Santana giggles seductively just as a group of freshman girls walk by them.

“Good luck tonight, Brittany!” One girl says, “You’re an inspiration to us all.”

Brittany gives them an awkward but polite smile, “Thank you.”

They all chatter amongst themselves excitedly as they move on down the hall. Santana looks at them then back to Brittany as a smirk forms.

“I see your fan club is very active today,” She teases.

Brittany rolls her eyes, “They’re excited. It’s the first Championship game for a lot of people here, they’re bound to be a little…enthusiastic. Plus there’s the whole first female QB thing that no one will forget so yeah, they’re active today.”

“Just remember who your real number one fan is,” Santana flirts with a tug to the hem of Brittany’s jersey.

“Who’s that?”

Santana tugs a little harder causing Brittany to come closer as she quirks her brow.

“Right,” Brittany smirks, “I might need more reminding later.”

“Oh really?”

“Mhmm,” Brittany hums, “I might need help warming up too.”

“I bet you do,” Santana teases as she leans in for a quick kiss, “Luckily, I’m good at doing both.”

“God,” Someone scoffs, “Get a room.”

Santana scowls at the interruption but as she and Brittany pull away they find Quinn standing there smirking. One hand is on her hip while a coat protector dangles from the other.

“I see why you couldn’t wait two more minutes,” Quinn mentions with a chuckle, “Had to go and scar everyone with whatever’s going on here.”

Santana rolls her eyes playfully, “Please, our lips barely even grazed.”

Brittany chuckles at that.

“Besides,” Santana continues, “It was either wait on your ass for who knows how long or see my wonderful, amazing girlfriend. It was a pretty easy decision to make.”

“Yeah yeah,” Quinn jokes as she hands Brittany the hanger, “This is for you, Britt.”

Brittany looks a little confused as she takes it but then she gets a peek of crimson red fabric from the opening of the bag and realizes what it is.

“Hey, it’s my jacket!” Brittany exclaims.

“I rushed the order,” Quinn shrugs as Santana helps Brittany unzip the bag.

“Thank you so much,” Brittany wastes no time putting it on over her jersey. She was never one to walk around in her letterman jacket all the time, but she’d be lying if she said it didn’t make her feel a little more complete now.

“Looking good,” Santana winks before adjusting Brittany’s collar.

Brittany blushes before turning back to Quinn, “I really appreciate this, Quinn. Let me know what I owe you so I can pay you back.”

Quinn waves her off, “Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?” Brittany asks, “A rush order like this couldn’t have been cheap.”

“It’s fine, really,” Quinn assures her, “Just kill it tonight.”

Brittany only grins, “I can do that.”

\\

And the Titans do kill it…at first.

They hit the ground running and were able to score touchdowns on their first two drives, making the score 14 – 0 within the first five minutes of the game! The quick lead really got the crowd going in favor of the Titans – Brittany was sure she could hear her mom and Pete cheering her on all the way from the stands. Even the Puck Heads looked somewhat interested in the game. She and the team used all that energy and gave each play their all and then some.

For most of the first quarter, the Titans were crushing Carmel on offense and their star quarterback, Jesse St. James, was not happy about that. The guy practically threw a temper tantrum anytime the Titans scored, it was so sad. It’s a surprise the refs hadn’t called any penalties, but with a rivalry like there’s everyone was ready for the tension.

Whenever the Camels would score, the Titans were all too happy to respond with a touchdown of their own. With the amount of touchdown passes Brittany was throwing, she was nearing a record-breaking game and they were still only in the first half.

It was a shoot out up until the ball was picked off of Mike midway in the second quarter which changed the tides in favor of the Camels.

With that small advantage, it was like new life was breathed into Carmel. From then on, it felt like Brittany and the Titans were playing catch up, just hoping to maintain their 14 point lead that the Camels were quickly closing in on.

Unfortunately on the Titans’ next drive, they’re unable to make it into the endzone. The Camels use that to their advantage once again and do what the Titans couldn’t: score.

That brings it to 35 – 28 with the Titans still in the lead but only by a single touchdown.

\\

“Not today, sweetheart!” A Carmel defender taunts in Brittany’s direction after her pass was swatted down. The player jogs alongside her and flexes, “Maybe if you had guns like these you could get through me!”

Brittany does her best to ignore him, but he’s been running his mouth all night and she’s starting to reach her boiling point. She can’t lose her cool though, not tonight, so she just keeps her eyes forward in hopes that he’ll lose interest.

After another failed drive for the Titans offense, Brittany makes her way to the sidelines with her helmet in her hand. She’s given a water bottle and takes a quick drink before wiping the sweat from her face with a towel. Although she’s starting to get a little frustrated, Brittany keeps those feelings to herself as she reaches for the Titans playbook.

“There’s got to be something we haven’t tried,” Brittany mutters to herself as she flips through.

She’s looking for something that Carmel wouldn’t expect from them, something that’ll give the Titans that edge that’s been missing so far. Though it’s still early in the game, it feels like Carmel is starting to play one step ahead of them and Brittany wants to find a way to stop that before it’s too late.

As she flips through the plays, constantly tucking the fallen strands of hair from her ponytail behind her ears, Brittany continues to look for that special play when she hears someone call out to her. Turning to the voice, she finds Santana leaning on the railing behind her.

“Want me to fix that for you?” She asks with a small smirk.

It takes a second for Brittany to realize that she’s talking about her messy ponytail before she’s jogging over to close the distance between them.

Santana’s decked out even more so than usual in school spirited accessories and her Cheerios uniform is as vibrant as ever, but what catches Brittany’s eye is the #12 drawn on Santana’s cheek in red and black marker. She swears that wasn’t there when she saw Santana before the game and it makes her heart melt.

Brittany knows many people have taken a liking to her, to the point where they wear her number to show support but it hits differently when Santana does it – especially since not many people know about them being a couple yet.

“You’re wearing my number,” Brittany points out as she turns her back so that Santana can reach her ponytail. She keeps her eyes trained on the field, hoping their defense doesn’t let Carmel score.

“I am,” Santana says as her fingers delicately pull the hair tie from Brittany’s hair and starts to comb through the strands, “You don’t know how many girls on the squad wanted to wear yours, I couldn’t have that.”

Brittany laughs, “Well I am pretty inspirational.”

“I guess,” Santana teases before getting to work on the braid, “How’s it going out there? It looks like you guys are losing steam. Not getting tired, are you?”

Brittany scoffs playfully, “We’re just getting started but I can see what you mean. Their offense isn’t making it easy for us. They’ve definitely watched film.”

Santana hums again as Brittany gets lost in thought to the feeling of Santana’s fingertips gently scratching at her scalp. She’s been so focused on the game and moving around that she hasn’t noticed how cold it is out. A December winter in Ohio is very different from the ones she’s used to in Florida, but she keeps her hands hidden in her hand warmer.

“We have to score once more before the half, but I think Carmel is starting to pick up on our routes,” Brittany says, “I have to do something different. It can’t be a sneak because I don’t think they’ll let me get away with it for a second time. I can’t risk getting picked off again either because that’s even worse, but what? What won’t they expect?”

“Well,” Santana sighs as her hands move further down Brittany’s hair, “I can’t say I know what most of that means but you got this. If anyone can make something happen, it’s you. It’s still early, maybe you’ll wear them out?”

“Or maybe they’ll just get stronger?” Brittany mumbles her worries.

“You can’t think like that,” Santana tells her as she finishes up and nudges Brittany around, “You’ve turned this team around and gotten them this far. You’re going all the way, babe, I can feel it. Besides, you guys are in way better shape than them; at least, I know you’re definitely in better shape. I can guarantee that one from personal experience.”

Brittany smiles back lovingly and almost laughs when Santana accompanies her compliment with a wink. She’s not used to being the one that needs the pep talk, but she’s glad Santana’s there to offer her one anyway. She didn’t realize how much she needed the reassurance.

It makes those three little words start to float up, but she pushes them away for now. She needs her focus to be on the game.

“Thank you,” Brittany says, “It really means a lot.”

Santana only shrugs although she looks just as smitten.

“And thanks for this too,” Brittany says as she glides over her newly braided hair, “Didn’t know you could French braid.”

“It’s one of my many talents,” Santana jokes, “Also one less thing you have to worry about. I’m sure you’ll figure out the football thing too. Maybe you could have one of the guys throw it to you instead or something? Carmel would never expect that.”

Brittany’s eyes light up, “Oh my God, you’re right.”

“What?”

Brittany gets to thinking out loud, “I’ve got Finn and even Sam. They both have pretty good arms. If I hand it off to one of them instead, I could totally slip through and get open.”

“Wait, seriously?” Santana chuckles disbelievingly “You’re really gonna try that?”

“Duh. It’s a good idea,” Brittany grins confidently, “God, I could just kiss you right n – ”

“Offense! To the field!” Coach yells out, “Where’s Pierce?”

“Shit. I gotta go,” Brittany says before quickly pulling on her helmet and giving Santana a wink, “Wish me luck!”

Santana only waves her pompoms in return as she watches Brittany jog off.

\\

Back out on the field, Brittany gets her guys ready for the first snap. She’s going to try and get them into better field advantage because no way she’s going to attempt to run for 40 yards. She can’t risk getting tackled and potentially injuring herself so that’s where Puckerman comes in handy.

“East 32,” Brittany calls out to her sides; a running play, “East 32!”

She tracks the defense’s movements, keeping her eyes on the linebacker that’s been giving her a hard time all quarter. Thankfully Jackson and Ridley have been doing a great job of protecting her thus far, but all it takes is one wrong move to change that.

“Down!” She says and readies herself for the snap, “HUT!”

The ball is thrust into her hands and she’s quick to get a good hold of it before she’s passing it off to Puck. Brittany hits him square in the chest with it and he automatically wraps the ball in his arms, making this impenetrable cage, before he’s crashing into defenders. Brittany throws a block in order to offer a little more protection, but Puck is only able to go a few yards before he’s brought down.

It’s a clean hit, but someone on the Camels makes a snarky comment and the next thing Brittany’s knows is that Puck’s getting in their face. Matt tries his best to pull him away, but another one of Carmel’s guys shoves at Matt so now everyone’s starting to get scrappy.

“Back off! Get back!” Brittany yells at her guys as the refs start to push players apart, “Come on, guys! Back off!”

With the two teams having years and years of rivalry history under their belts, Brittany was prepared for the emotions to show. She figured it would’ve happened a lot sooner, but she’s grateful that it didn’t. She needs her guys focused on the game, not getting wrapped up in a fight.

“Come on, Puck,” Brittany coaxes as she gets her hand on the Running Back, “Don’t let them get into your head. You’re better than this.”

“That asshole keeps talking shit!” Puck snaps, “I’m getting sick of it.”

“Then shut him up with a play,” She warns him, “You getting caught up in a fight doesn’t help your team. It won’t mean anything if you’re ejected, will it?”

Puck quiets down, “No.”

“Okay, stay focused then,” Brittany says then pats him on the shoulder before gathering her guys for another play.

On their next play, she hands the ball off to Puck again and this time he’s able to break free of his defenders and gets a crucial first down. Now that they’re within good range to try Santana’s idea, Brittany has to call a time out to tell her team about it.

When she does, they all look at her like she’s crazy…at first.

“I like it,” Mike nods, “I think it’ll work. It’s kind of crazy, but they wouldn’t expect it. Plus they’ve been favoring the left so far too, it’ll be good to switch it up.”

“Exactly,” Brittany smirks and looks to the time remaining before half time, “We’re just shy of the two minute mark so if we can get another touchdown in and go for a two point conversion, I think we’ll feel a lot more comfortable in our lead.”

A lot of the guys like the sound of that.

“I’ll take the snap,” Finn offers, “Or hand off? Whatever you want to do, Cap.”

Brittany smiles apologetically, “Actually I was planning on using Sam for this one.”

Sam straightens up at the mention of his name, “Me?”

“Didn’t you want to try out for QB or something?” Brittany replies, “I could use someone with your agility. No offense, Hudson.”

Sam looks over to Finn, everyone does, but surprisingly Finn just nods proudly.

“Whatever it takes to win,” Finn says and gives Sam a pat on the shoulder, “Kill it, dude.”

Sam perks up, “Okay, what do I need to do?”

Brittany goes on to explain what she’s thinking despite Coach Beiste in her ear telling her to do something different. With all do respect to her, Brittany sees an opportunity to shake things up and she can’t play it safe with the play Coach wants her to run instead. She knows that there are recruiters in the crowd watching her and the other players and she’s got to stand out if she wants that scholarship.

She gives one glance over to the sidelines where Santana and the Cheerios anxiously await the next play. They’re all ruffling their pompoms as if they were beating drums but Santana’s hands don’t move quite as fast as everyone else’s, she’s too concerned about the game. Brittany gives her an encouraging nod though before turning back to focus.

When the ball is snapped, Sam grabs for the ball but it’s not a smooth hand off. Thankfully, he’s able to secure it in time to drop back and find Brittany crossing over the line of scrimmage. He hangs in the pocket for as long as he can so that Brittany can get into position but what she doesn’t anticipate is the Carmel Cornerback closing in on her.

It’s a jump ball and Brittany leaps into the air to catch it but as she tries to, the Cornerback makes a high tackle. Brittany’s helmet nearly flies off as she’s brought down hard on her elbow. As soon as she makes contact with the turf, she knows she’s going to get an earful from Coach Beiste.

The ref calls it an incomplete pass, but it could’ve easily been picked off by that defender if they weren’t careful which would’ve been even worse.

“Try again next time, Princess!” The Cornerback laughs in her face before the other defenders join him in celebrating.

She’s slow to get up while Jackson and Ridley rush over to push the defenders away from her. The refs are already calling out the penalty against Carmel for that high hit and giving the Titans a first down, but Brittany can’t enjoy it – her elbow’s bothering her even more as she tries to loosen it up.

“Get over here, Pierce!” Coach yells, “Hudson, you’re in!”

Finn looks warily between the two before getting his helmet on and into the game. Brittany does her best to put on a brave face but as she makes it to the sidelines and the trainer starts to fuss over her, she knows she’s messed up.

“What the hell were you thinking out there?” Coach demands, “You know who you’re playing against? You’re lucky they didn’t break your arm!”

“I’m sorry, Coach, I thought we could catch them off guard,” Brittany replies.

Coach Beiste just shakes her head and looks to the trainer, “How is it?”

“Just some bruising,” The trainer responds, “She’ll be fine.”

Brittany grits her teeth as the trainer wraps an ice pack around her elbow. The cold stings but not as much as Coach Beiste’s disappointment.

Coach hardens her stare, “Hudson will close out the half. You just…go sit over there and keep icing that elbow.”

“Yes Coach,” Brittany replies before making her way over to the bench.

She feels this annoying sting in the corner of her eyes and a little in her throat, but she swallows it back. She was the one who made the decision, she has to pay for the consequences. Doesn’t mean it hurts any less though.

Brittany drops the ice pack to examine her elbow for herself, noticing the redness but she can’t tell if its from the pack or the hit. All she can do is count her lucky ducks that it’s only bruising and not something worse.

“Hey B!” Santana calls out to her again from the other side of the fence. There’s this concerned look on her face as she asks, “You okay?”

Brittany turns and gives her a weak smile and a thumbs up. That doesn’t seem to satisfy Santana though and soon the Co-Captain is making her way around the fence to Brittany’s side.

“You know you can’t keep coming over here, Santana,” Brittany says as her girlfriend starts to look her over, “Coach Beiste is already super pissed at me for that play. I don’t need her pissed about you too.”

“Please,” Santana waves off, “You saw what happened the last time someone tried keeping me away from you while you were hurt?”

“Actually no,” Brittany smirks, “My eyes were closed.”

Santana gives her a look, “Well it wasn’t pretty.”

“I’m kind of surprised you didn’t try running onto the field that time,” Brittany jokes lightly.

“It didn’t look too bad,” Santana teases as she touches Brittany’s elbow.

“Ouch,” Brittany whines and Santana quickly withdraws her hand.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry! Are you okay?”

When Brittany starts to grin, Santana swats her knee.

“Not funny,” Santana chastises before reaching for Brittany’s abandoned ice pack, “You need to keep this on there. It’ll reduce the swelling.”

“I know,” Brittany sighs, “It’s just cold, Doc.”

“It’s supposed to be.”

Brittany gives her a look and Santana gives it right back.

“Don’t be stubborn,” Santana tells her as she gently touches Brittany’s elbow, “Looks sore.”

“A little,” Brittany says softly, “But you know what would make me feel a lot better?”

“What?”

“A sweet lady kiss.”

Santana quirks her brow and tries not to laugh, “A what?”

“You heard me,” Brittany says and taps her lips, “Right here.”

Santana chuckles but she doesn’t make a move as she lowers her eyes to Brittany’s elbow, “You really should be more careful and rest this.”

Brittany’s smile falters at the way Santana evaded the request, “That’s what I’m doing.”

She doesn’t want to over think the topic change, but she can’t help but think of it as just that. They had been going so well for so long, Brittany didn’t think she’d have to experience Santana’s hesitance again.

Santana sighs, “I mean you should – ”

“I know what you meant,” Brittany answers, “Finn’s in for now but I’m finishing the game, Santana. I’ll rest it later. I’m not sitting out any longer than I need to.”

“But Britt – “

“Why don’t you want to kiss me?”

Santana freezes, her words quickly dying upon hearing Brittany’s question. Of all the progress they’ve made together, she didn’t think she’d see Santana back peddling once again.  

“I – that’s not it,” Santana stammers as her eyes drift to the stands, “There’s just a lot of important people here – scouts and my parents and reporters – and a lot of cameras too.”

Brittany swallows back the lump in her throat and tries to shake off the hurt because that’s the excuse she wants to give? Brittany shakes her head, “Sure yeah. I get it. Appearances are important and what not.”

“Wait Britt,” Santana tries with a hand on Brittany’s knee, “That’s not it at all. I mean it is, but not…I’m not hiding this time, I promise.”

Brittany bites her bottom lip, trying to keep that sinking feeling away. She wants to believe her, but they’ve been out together in public before, even kissed, so what’s different about this time? If anything, Santana should care even less about the audience now after everything they’ve been through.

“I’m trying not feel hurt right now,” Brittany mumbles and it’s barely loud enough for Santana to hear.

“Baby,” Santana sighs in a tone that Brittany isn’t used to. It makes her feel soft and warm. Santana looks up at Brittany with her eyes pretty brown eyes, “I don’t mean to hurt you. I just don’t want what happened to me to happen to you too.”

Brittany frowns at that, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t want them taking your moment from you,” Santana says, “I don’t want you to get overlooked because the focus is on us sharing a scandalous kiss or however they try to spin it. I rather the focus to be on you and the team and your inevitable win.”

Brittany stays quiet and Santana sighs.

“Maybe I’m being a little over protective here after what happened with me and Dani or dramatic or whatever but I know how this town works,” Santana adds solemnly, “They’ll take your moment like they took mine and I don’t want that for you. You’ve worked too hard for this, Britt.”

Brittany can’t find it in her to feel as hurt as before now that Santana’s explained her reasoning. She just stares back adoringly, “I think things are different this time around.”

“Are they? Just look over there,” Santana gestures to the fence where JBI and his camera friend are filming. Alongside him is another reporter from a sleezy Lima gossip magazine, “Fucking vultures. They already think they’re getting a good show.”

“But we aren’t doing anything?”

“It doesn’t matter. They’ll make something up.”

Santana flips them off and Brittany’s quick to put her hand down.

“What are you doing?” Brittany chastises, “You just said – “

“If you flip them off they can’t use the pictures,” Santana says, “I saw Kristen Stewart do it.”

Brittany frowns at her logic but doesn’t challenge it.  

“Look, there are eyes and ears everywhere waiting for you to put on a show,” Santana tells her, “Let it be the right kind of show, okay? This is your night.”

Brittany begins to smile as lets Santana’s words sink in. Her heart begs Brittany to say those three little words that keep coming up, but her head speaks first.

“Yeah, okay. Tonight’s my night.”

“Exactly,” Santana replies then teases in a lighter tone, “You and I can make a scene later, once you win this thing.”

Brittany chuckles at that, “Okay.”

“Okay,” Santana tenderly squeezes Brittany’s knee as halftime is called, “I have to go put on a show of my own now. I’ll see you after.”

This time Brittany’s the one left watching as Santana jogs off to join her squad.

\\

“We’ve got them right where we want them and you’re blowing it by not playing smart!” Coach yells at the squad in the locker room. Some of the players begin to show signs of exhaustion, but Coach’s booming voice grabs their attention, “Don’t give your lead away! You’re a better team than them. We know it, they know it so let’s play like it.”

Brittany nods to Coach’s words before she’s being rounded on.

“And you,” Coach shakes her head, “You have one of the best arms out there, kid. You’ve got scouts all over the country with their eye on you. Do you really want to blow all of that by being cocky?”

Brittany stiffens. She didn’t think that’s what she was being by taking a chance, but she knows better than to argue with her coach.

“You’ve got good instincts but think about your team,” Coach Beiste warns, “If you want to do some trick play like that, run it by me first and I’ll give you the okay on whether or not it should actually happen.”

“Yes Coach,” Brittany answers.

“As for the rest of you,” Beiste takes in a deep breath before cracking a proud smile, “As frustrating it is sometimes to watch you all play, you’re doing one hell of a job out there. We expected Carmel to bring the heat but we love playing with fire, don’t we?”

The Titans start to get rowdy at that and Coach’s smile widens.

“Keep at it and we will come out of this on top,” Beiste says, “Play hard, play smart, but most importantly have fun. This is your night, Titans, this is the legacy you’re leaving behind. Make it a good one!”

Brittany feels her chest swell with pride as she nods along to Beiste’s words.

“Alright, we’ve got a little time left so coaches talk to your groups,” Beiste motions for the secondary coaches over while she turns to Brittany, “And you, come talk to me about this trick play you tried pulling. Maybe I can help you iron out the kinks.”

Brittany’s eyes widen but she doesn’t question it and quickly gets to the drawing board.

\\

After the Cheerios’ halftime performance, the Titans come out with guns blazing. Coach Beiste’s locker room speech had the entire team revved up once again. They were more determined than ever to finish out the game on top. Whatever it took, the Titans would do it just so that they could secure the Championship title.

Brittany felt a renewed sense of motivation as well. With Coach’s speech and Santana’s words keeping her focused on the game, she was unstoppable – even if her elbow was still a little tender. If Lima wanted a show, she was going to give them the best damn one they’d ever seen.

Apparently, Carmel had the same idea in mind.

Both teams played hard, both teams played smart, but only one could come out on top. The score had been tied at 49 – 49 for the most part and with just four minutes left in regulation – one of the teams needed to make a play or they’d head into overtime.

Brittany thrived on that kind of pressure. She loves the buzz of energy, the restlessness of the crowd, the determined looks on her teammates’ faces. This is what champions are made of, moments like this where she can really show all the doubters that she can hang with the best of them.

“Alright we’ll do bootleg right,” Brittany calls the play, “Let’s use up some of the clock. Once we score, we don’t want them to have any time to make a play. Okay? Get some yardage and get out of bounds.”

Her teammates nod before they all break to get into formation. Brittany takes her place too but first glances to the sidelines where she sees Santana cheering her on. Behind her is the entire hockey team and Brittany chuckles to herself when she sees they all look pretty invested in the game too.

“Down!” She calls out and her O-Line moves accordingly, “Down…HUT!”

The ball is snapped but the pocket never forms; Jackson and Ridley get overpowered almost instantly so Brittany has to scramble. She’s looking left, she’s looking right but no one’s open. She thinks about throwing it away, but with so little time left on the game clock, she can’t risk getting intercepted.

She has to tuck the ball in and run like hell.

Matt sees Brittany’s in trouble and tries to run along with her to offer some type of protection and with his help, Brittany’s able to cut the corner on her defender. She gets a few yards before she steps out of bounds.

As she slows herself down so she doesn’t collide into any of the photographers there, a Carmel defender gives her an unexpected shove. Brittany tries to soften her fall as she’s pushed into the bystanders she was trying so hard to avoid. She can hear the player trying to taunt her while the ref places the spot of the ball, but she doesn’t bite. Brittany’s teammates yell back at the Carmel defender who laid the late hit thought and question the ref’s lack of penalty.

“Yo Ref!” Matt calls out, “You awake or you’re just going to let them get away with that?”

“I’m saying!” Jackson adds, “How much they paying you?”

“Don’t guys,” Brittany says as she tries getting them to move on, “It’s alright. I’m good.”

Although Brittany agrees with them, the ref motions for the game to continue on. She can see Coach Beiste getting all red in the face at that, but Brittany can only get her guys into position once again.

\\

With just minutes left on the clock, the Titans have to move fast and get out of bounds so they have the time to reset. If it gets to overtime then so be it, but Brittany would rather they wrap the game up now while they have the chance.

“Okay, let’s get in range first before we dazzle them,” Brittany says, “Blue 32 West. Okay? Blue 32 West.”

It’s a play action call so when the ball is snapped, Brittany fakes the hand off to Puck while Mike makes a run for the sideline. Along with Jackson, Puck offers more protection and secures the pocket long enough for Brittany to make a safe throw.

Mike brings it in virtually untouched and is able to get a few extra yards in before he’s tackled out of bounds. The clock stops but Brittany still pushes her team to hustle to their new line of scrimmage.

During the next quick huddle, Brittany tries to rally her guys. They’ve got to make a play now or at least get a new set of downs. They can’t turn the ball over at their current position, that would basically give the win to Carmel. They could try to get within field goal range and bring Kurt and special teams out for an extra 3 points?

But Brittany’s never liked doing the bare minimum to win a game.

What they need is something…unexpected.

“I want to try that trick play again,” Brittany mentions and everyone starts to disagree. She’s quick to quiet them down, “I know, I know. It didn’t work out too well the first time but that’s exactly why we should do it now. They won’t expect us to try it again. Coach worked it out with me during halftime, we just need to get to the 10 yard line.”

A few of the guys still look unsure though.

“Scared QBs don’t make plays,” Brittany tells them, “I’m not scared. Are you?”

There are mumbles of hell no and I ain’t scared.

“Okay then,” Brittany nods and holds out her fist, “Who’s with me?”

“I’m in,” Sam says as he puts his hand on top of hers.

Mike follows suit, “Me too.”

“Like I’ve always said…you’ve got balls, Pierce,” Puck chimes in, “I’m down.”

Everyone else joins and Brittany smiles at how they can all come together as one cohesive unit. They’ve grown so much since she first joined the team!

“Alright, let’s do this!” Brittany cheers.

The Titans run up to their new line of scrimmage with less than a minute left in the regulation, but before Brittany can call the next play, Carmel takes a time out.

Brittany straightens up as the ref blows his whistle to signal the time out.

“Figures,” Brittany sighs as she loosens her chin strap.

They had great momentum going for them, but Carmel’s time out throws them off a little. Everyone’s starting to get a little anxious with so little time left on the clock, but Brittany does her best to keep the Titans focused.

Meanwhile, the Camels look nervous as they glance at the Titans. It’s not too common that they have such a close game like this. They’ve been a well oiled machined for so long, stacking up wins for years but Brittany and the Titans have thrown them for a loop.

All Brittany can do is stare back determinedly.

“Look at them,” Puck jokes, “They’re scared as shit.”

“Should be,” Sam smirks, “They’re about to get their asses handed to them.”

At that, one defender – the one that laid the late hit on Brittany – looks over his shoulder at them and sneers.

“What the hell you looking at, Punk?” Puck challenges.

“Easy,” Brittany warns, “They’re just trying to throw you off. Let’s focus here. Everyone know their routes?”

She goes on to confirm that everyone knows what they’re meant to do for this next play. She feels confident about it this time, because she’s not going to let her team down twice in one night. It’s the last play of the game, the last play of her high school career. There’s no way she’s going to blow it.

“Okay this is it, guys,” Brittany tells her team, “This is what we’ve worked all season for, this moment right here. We know what to do, let’s show them. Let’s shut this game down already! Titans on me, Titans on three. One…two…three!”

Everyone puts their fists up and chants together, “Titans!”

The 30 second time out goes by quickly and soon everyone’s coming together again at the line of scrimmage. It looks like Carmel is going to blitz which would’ve stopped Brittany’s version of the trick play but not with Coach Beiste’s tweaks.

Still, Brittany stays focused. She can’t get too confident just yet. Anything can happen.

“Down!” She calls out before stomping her foot. Sam runs to her left while Puck stays in position on her right, “Hut…HUT!”

The ball is snapped and it’s kind of like a game of hot potato. First it’s in her hands then she smoothly hands it off to Puck. They split off in opposite directions while Puck keeps the ball tucked under his arm until he’s within reaching distance of Sam. The ball is then handed off for a third time as Sam makes a grab for it and quickly gets into a throwing stance.

The Camels are all sorts of confused and in that confusion, Brittany is able to slip through a gap in the defenders where Mike is drawing out his man. With all eyes mostly focused on Sam, Puck and Mike – no ones watching Brittany.

The quarterback runs as fast as she can for the endzone while Matt runs alongside her, offering protection from the Cornerback who is on her tail yet again. This time though, she’s too fast for him and when Sam launches the ball in her direction she’s wide open.

All she has to do now is make the catch.

For a moment, it feels like time stops and everyone goes quiet as the ball sails through the air in a perfect spiral. Brittany keeps her eye on it just like her dad taught her and runs like hell until she is positioned underneath of it.

But the ball is slightly over thrown so Brittany has to reach up high for it. At the last moment, she turns and jumps up, the tips of her cleats scrape the turf as she makes the catch. She hangs on for dear life as the final seconds tick away and game buzzer sounds. She does her best to secure the ball to her chest but the sudden change in momentum has her falling to the ground on her back.

But she lands with the ball still in her arms!

Her breath is caught in her throat but she quickly rolls to her side to find the nearest ref. She’s praying to anyone that’s listening that she has landed in bounds and in the endzone, because if not? That would’ve been the greatest play for nothing.

It’s the longest second in the world and she doesn’t begin to breathe again until she sees both of the ref’s arms shoot up.

“Touchdown!” The ref signals.

The crowd erupts in applause and soon Brittany’s being hoisted in the air by her teammates Santana’s got Coach Sylvester’s megaphone in hand, using it to cheer Brittany on. Even the Puck Heads are whooping and hollering for them but it’s hard for Brittany to hear any one thing. All she hears is the loud roar of the crowd, of her teammates, of the entire town of Lima celebrating the win.

On that cold December night, Brittany led the William McKinley High School Titans to their first Championship victory in over thirty years with a final score of 56 – 49.

A giant orange cooler of Gatorade is being dumped on Coach Beiste and Brittany’s being carried on the shoulders of her teammates while everyone cheers them on. The Titans were the underdogs and they put on a great show and came out on top.

Brittany’s nearly too stunned for words.

The guys eventually put her down in favor of celebrating with their friends and families and significant others who have begun to take to the field and Brittany finds a familiar sense of déjà vu as she watches on.

Just a few weeks ago, she was in this exact place – staring up at the stadium lights wishing that she could have what everyone else does. To love or be loved openly, to share this great moment with someone special just like everyone else. It’s hard not to feel envious because even though she’s surrounded by all of these people and she’s come so far, she’s still never felt so –

“Hey Pierce!”

Brittany’s heart skips a beat because she knows that voice. It’s one she didn’t expect to hear so close by but she turns anyway and finds Santana giving her this smug grin in the sea of people on the field.

It’s such a sense of relief and it gets even better because soon Santana’s jumping into her arms. Brittany surprises herself by how readily she catches her and hoists the girl up. Their smiles are big and bright and then Brittany’s being kissed so deeply and it just about takes her breath away again – so much so in fact that Brittany loses grip of her helmet and it falls forgotten at their feet.

It’s a kiss like that that makes it all worth it in the end. The battles they’ve faced on and off the field, together and on their own, it pales in comparison to this moment right here. Because in this moment, beneath the bright stadium lights, Brittany doesn’t feel so lost anymore.

In fact, she’s never felt so found.  

When they pull away from each other seconds later, Brittany wears this pleased half-smirk and the look makes Santana let out a chuckle. Brittany’s head is swimming in the high of that kiss and the win and she’s still a little dazed but then a flash of a camera makes her quickly remember where they are and more importantly – who’s watching.

She lets down Santana gently as she takes a look around uneasily. Crowds have already started to gather as the two teams form lines to shake hands and congratulate each other, but in amongst the players and coaches and family and friends are the cameras. It makes Brittany feel suddenly protective as she pulls Santana a little closer to her, remembering Santana’s words from earlier.

“You know people are starting to stare, right?” Brittany mentions softly before looking to Santana, “Not that I’m complaining or anything, because I’ve always wanted to do that – especially with you and it was everything that I’ve ever dreamed of – but there are cameras pointed at us and you said earlier that...” Brittany loses track of her thoughts as she looks to the stands and sees Santana’s family alongside her own and her jaw just about drops, “Holy shit, Santana, your dad is over there and he does not look – “

“I love you,” Santana says all in one breath.

Brittany’s swivels back to Santana in an instant, “You…”

Did her ears deceive her? How hard did she fall on that last play? Oh my God, did she hit her head? Is she concussed now? Her lips move but no words come out. Maybe she really is concussed?

“Pierce!” Coach Beiste calls out to her.

Brittany’s lips part before she’s looking to her coach.

“I got someone I want to introduce you to,” Coach tells her as she gestures to a broad-shouldered man wearing an Ohio State cap.

Brittany nods, still just as speechless. She’s caught between her present and her future, but her feet don’t move. She wants to clarify what she heard Santana say. She wants to shout her response from the top stands of the bleachers but she’s so speechless.

“You should go,” Santana tells her, “You don’t want to keep them waiting.”

Brittany swallows hard and nods. She doesn’t want Santana to get the wrong idea, but so much is happening all at once and it’s like her voice has stopped working.

“I’ve got to go deal with something too,” Santana adds and looks towards the stands where Hector and Maribel await her, “I don’t think I can run forever so...”

Brittany frowns at her cryptic words and it adds to the list of things she wants to talk about, but Santana’s already saying her goodbyes.

As she turns to walk away, something kickstarts in Brittany and she reaches out to catch Santana by the hand.

“Wait,” Brittany stammers, thankful that she has suddenly found her voice again, “I – I’ll see you at Puck’s later, right?”

Santana glances at her dad and shrugs, “If I’m not grounded for the rest of my life.”

“Pierce!” Coach calls out to her again.

“Coming!” Brittany answers and looks apologetically back at Santana, “I’m sorry I – “

“It’s okay. Go,” Santana gives her hand a gentle squeeze before letting it go, “Great game, B. I always knew you could do it.”

Brittany can only return the weak smile before they’re being drawn to go their separate ways.

[rufousnmacska]

I have a lot of thoughts about A Court of Silver Flames, and since it helps me to write them out, I thought I’d share.

It’s behind a cut because SPOILERS and it’s long lol!

Nesta

I had expected we’d learn that Nesta had suffered some type of abuse or trauma as a child that Elain and Feyre were not aware of. I wasn’t expecting it to be so subtle, for lack of a better word. Abuse comes in a lot of forms, which I think SJM is good at showing. Emotionally manipulating your daughter for power, ignoring her in favor of your business and money … those may not be as visible as physical or verbal abuse, but they still cause damage.

I’m not sure how to convey it properly, but I thought it was important to show how the parts of her that were born from the abuse and trauma, while dark or not always healthy, were still useful. The wolf she became to survive her childhood helped her survive the cauldron. Not being able to “turn it off” is what hurt her. My favorite quote:

“So Nesta had become a wolf. Armed herself with invisible teeth and claws, and learned to strike faster, deeper, more lethally. Had relished it. But when the time came to put away the wolf, she’d found it had devoured her too.”

And as Amren said later “That’s the key isn’t it? To know the darkness will always remain, but how you choose to face it, handle it … that’s the important part. To not let it consume. To focus on the good, the things that fill you with wonder.”

I’ve seen a lot of fans upset that Nesta gave up her cauldron powers at the end to save Feyre and the baby. Although I’d initially hoped (post acofas) that her training would be more about her magic than physical training, I’m okay with how it worked out. She never wanted that power and she never liked having it. She stole it as revenge and she fought constantly to suppress it. Was she a badass when she wielded it? Absolutely! But ultimately, her giving it back was the final big step in her healing arc and acceptance of herself. (That doesn’t mean she’s “cured.” This will be an ongoing battle for her. I only mean this in terms of the story in this book.)

She chose to sacrifice it, unlike so many other times in her life when things were forced on her or happened to her. Unlike the future her mother had set out for her. Unlike when they were poor and her father did nothing to get them through. Unlike when she was thrown into the cauldron and then a war. Even unlike when she was forced to move into the House of the Wind, and her apartment – the one place she had chosen for herself no matter how run down it was – got demolished. I’m not going to go into the intervention too much. It was poorly done, but I doubt any of them had experience in doing one. A conversation acknowledging that might have been nice. And I’m not ignoring Feyre and Rhys’s hypocrisy of Nesta being confined to a place where she effectively had no way to leave on her own. The stairway at that point was not an option. But the bottom line is that Nesta needed help and was not in a position to willingly accept it or seek it out.

Regardless, she is still a lethal badass. She still has some of her powers, along with her fighting skills, which will only get better and better. So, the idea that she gave up what made her strong, or ended up as some meek housewife …  I don’t agree with that at all. She has the intelligence and potential to become a force in leading armies. Not to mention her skill as an emissary. (Which Cassian finally learned how to imitate lol!)

On a personal note, I’m intimately familiar with the depression and self-loathing Nesta experienced in this book. Although I don’t necessarily react to those feelings in the same ways or exhibit the same coping mechanisms (I tend to turn my anger inward rather than outward), I could still relate to her journey. Her stubbornness and feelings that she didn’t deserve love or anything good or kind were presented accurately in my opinion. Parts were hard for me to read because of that. But I loved that she was able to make her way through the pain and finally begin to accept and love herself. And I especially loved that she was helped not only by Cassian, but by her friendship with Emerie and Gwyn.

And the House! Holy shit. The magic houses in this world piss me off to no end because they are not real and I will forever need to clean my own place LOL! Her relationship with the house was beautiful and funny and I love that she Made it! She needed a friend, someone to understand her, not only what she wanted but what she needed, and boom! The House of the Wind came alive for her.

So, overall, I loved Nesta’s journey. I’m happy she ended in a place that brought her inner peace and the ability to better deal with her problems in the future.

 Nessian

I loved them before this book and I love them more after. The smut was a little shocking at first lol but I’ve read the Black Dagger Brotherhood books, which SJM loves, so really, it wasn’t that out there. I loved that Cassian showed that even with the mating bond, he could give Nesta space and freedom. In that respect, their relationship felt more mature to me than feysand. Their banter and the sexual tension was great! (The book is about a book.) They had some not great moments, as they have in past books. But those were realistic. People argue and say things they regret. But they also talk through it and apologize. This is a good time to point out – NOT ALL APOLOGIES INVOLVE EXPLICITLY SAYING I AM SORRY. There are other ways to show remorse and ask for forgiveness.

I don’t know if I had one favorite moment as there were quite a few. I think the most emotional for me was when they reached the lake. I know firsthand how difficult it is to speak aloud the things Nesta said. And I am also lucky to have people in my life who responded the way Cassian did – with love and support and kindness.

The nightmare scene, the prison scene, the dancing, the mating bond, Cassian turning the knife on himself … I loved them all!

The Valkyries

I fucking loved them! Gwyn and Emerie were absolute delights and I’m so glad Nesta made good friends of her own who she could be herself with. Their bonding over books, training, and their pasts was wonderful. Nesta urging them on and defending them from the Illyrians in the Blood Rite was a beautiful step in her healing. Before this book, I was hesitant about the foreshadowing that Nesta would take part in the Rite, fearing it would become some sort of white savior trope to help the female Illyrians. But I enjoyed the way it ended up happening. I know it seemed unrealistic for Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn to get that far against warriors who’d been training for years. But part of the point was the males were arrogant as fuck. They underestimated the trio, to their detriment. Nesta and her friends used cunning as much as strength and skill to get where they did.

And I loved the image of Emerie and Gwyn just sitting back, sipping tea and admiring the river after going through a week of pure hell and winning the Blood Rite.

I hope we get more of them all together in the next books.

ETA - I can’t believe I forgot! Gwyn writing their story because their stories deserve to be told 🥲💕

The sisters

Overall I liked how things turned out with them.

Elain is still a bit of a non-entity to me. I don’t feel like I really know anything about her. Which, to some extent, is the point I think. There will be a lot to reveal in her story and she has a shitload of healing to do. She may have the appearance of adjusting and fitting in, but I don’t buy it. Nesta telling Elain to fuck off was awesome and long overdue. But Elain was also right in pointing out how others treat her and the trauma she’s experienced. I think there is still more to be dealt with between these two in the next book.

Feyre and Nesta were the more interesting relationship to me. The eldest and the youngest tend to butt heads in my opinion (and personal experience). So I was glad they came to an understanding. And very glad that Feyre did not get angry with Nesta for telling her about the baby. Rhys deserved the wrath for that.

One thing I would have liked to see discussed was the role of their parents in their lives. Nesta holds a lot of guilt for how she reacted to their poverty and I think that is understandable. I think Elain does too. However, I do not think any of the sisters should harbor blame for what happened. Their father was responsible for them. Period. Even if he was physically unable to work or help around the house, he still could have been a father. Yes, Feyre stepped up and fed them. Nesta and Elain didn’t help. It was his role to make them. Not in an abusive way. But step up and tell Nesta and Elain to do something, whether it’s chop wood or gather food from the wild. I don’t know. In my opinion, it is wrong to place blame on young girls who had a parent that did nothing. His actions in acowar were noble, but they don’t erase his failures. That all of this was glossed over disappointed me. I think this was something Nesta needed to be told explicitly by both her sisters. She had things to apologize for and feel guilt for, but she was not the one who should have protected Feyre. All three of them should have been protected by their father.

 The Inner Circle

It’s kind of funny to me how blind they all are about each other. I don’t even know what else to say about their dysfunction.

Amren’s sudden desire for Rhys to become High King was weird, and though I should know better, I still really hope the series doesn’t end that way. The IC tends to have good intentions about things, but I don’t think they know how to handle a problem without some kind of force. And controlling all the other courts is not something that would happen easily, especially with perceived allies.

Amren and Mor thinking Nesta belonged or should be sent to the Court of Nightmares was a spectacularly shitty take. The lack of awareness and acknowledgement that Nesta was suffering from multiple traumas was just … unbelievable.

But considering how much this group does not see about each other, I guess it’s not a surprise. I don’t know how much is willful ignorance or just really, really poor people skills. I understand how this all makes for good angst and drama, I really do. But I’m just at the point where it’s grating. They need to sit the fuck down and talk to each other. It’s been five hundred years for fucks sake. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Rhys

Okay. I liked Rhys in acotar and acomaf. But the sparkly exterior wore off big time for me in acowar and acofas. I honestly could have done without him in this book. But I wasn’t foolish enough to expect him to not be in it. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that SJM has her favorites and Rhys is at the top of the list.

Having said that, he annoyed the shit out of me in this book. Someone really needs to explain to him that a choice between two awful things, one of which might be deadly, is not really a choice. I don’t have the energy for it, but better writers than me could write a thesis on the illusion of choice in these books. Which is, in my opinion, pretty clearly tied to the brand of feminism presented.

Not only is the choice given to Nesta at the beginning not a choice, Rhys doesn’t seem to consider Elain at all in his argument with Az. All other issues with that bonus chapter aside, he saw them. He saw the mutual attraction and consent. What happened to not forcing females to accept the mating bond? What happened to respecting her choice and autonomy? I considered the possibility that maybe since he knows Az, there’s a reason he thinks they wouldn’t work. But then, that pretty much flies out the window by him asking Az about Mor. Sure, Az is still hung up on Mor, but she is pretty fucking clear about her opinion.

The whole thing about not telling Feyre about the risky childbirth was awful. And not that I would expect it to happen, but not even mentioning abortion as an option was frustrating. That plot line was not good in any way. There were plenty of other things that could have gone wrong with the birth to push Nesta to act at the end. To be honest, the feysand dynamic is not great. While I appreciated her standing up to him about Nesta and other things, he very deliberately uses sex as a distraction to get out of arguments. Yet another way he never really seems to suffer consequences of bad behavior.  

I will say I was really glad he got the opportunity to experience the full trauma of what Nesta went through. And my petty ass loved him kneeling before her at the end!

Miscellaneous

Where was Illyria?? My one serious expectation for this book was that we’d learn more about Illyria and deal with the revolution that was hyped up in acofas. To be written off in one paragraph was disappointing. It makes me think that if we are to ever get more details about the Illyrians, it might be in Az’s story. It was mentioned a few times that he hates them (with good reason) and would wipe them off the map if it was up to him. So I’m guessing his arc will require him coming to terms with that.

Elriel-Elucien-Gwynriel

I’ve never been super invested in this story line but I admit I’ve leaned more towards Elriel in the past. Partly because I like some of the complementary symbolism associated with them, but mostly because I’d really like to see a story about rejection of the mating bond. Even with the extra chapters, I feel like we still don’t know much of anything about who Elain truly is. And the same can be said of Az. So, those chapters didn’t sway me that much. With the exception of Az interacting with Gwyn. I agree with a lot of others saying Az has a lot of work to do on himself before he can be with anyone. I think Elain and Gwyn also have a lot of healing to do. SJM can take this in so many directions that I just don’t know what to think.

I will say that originally I was expecting the next book to involve a love square of Elain, Az, Lucien, and Vassa, because I did see a connection between the last two. But now … Was Lucien annoyed by Jurian and Vassa because he’s jealous? Just annoyed? I don’t know. I still think Vassa will be in the next books if only because of Koschei. But I’m not so sure about her involvement with Lucien. I think we’ve got enough people in this love polygon lol! Jesus, what a mess. But maximum angst 😂