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slotsjuice444 · 2 years

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God Of Gambling

Dnd God Of Gambling

God Of Gambling Twitter

God Of Gambling Chinese

Caishen (simplified Chinese: 财神; traditional Chinese: 財神; lit. 'God of Wealth') is the mythological figure worshipped in the Chinese folk religion and Taoism.He has been identified with many historical figures, viewed as his embodied forms, among whom Zhao Gongming (趙公明, Wade–Giles: Chao Kung-ming; also known as Zhao Gong Yuanshuai 趙公元帥 'Lord Zhao the Marshal'), Fan Li. Hermes is the Greek god of gambling, profit, hazard, and gaming. Hermes was the winged messenger of the gods. He was the god of flocks, road, trading, commerce, thieves. He is also known as Mercury in Roman Mythology. His father is Zeus, the ruler of the Greek gods. Thoth is the Egyptian god of gambling.

Started in 1989 by the prolific Wong Jing, the God of Gamblers series has been continuing to entertain audiences for the past 27 years. Starring some of the biggest stars in Hong Kong cinema, Chow Yun Fat, Andy Lau, Stephen Chow, Tony Leung Ka Fai, Ng Man Tat, Leon Lai, Nick Cheung, Donnie Yen and a lot more, the series has had its ups and downs, but each film usually has something for most Hong Kong cinema fans. Incorporating sequels, spinoffs, unofficial spinoffs and even spinoffs of spinoffs, the God of Gamblers series is truly one of a kind.

God of Gamblers – 1989

This is where it all started. Probably the best film from Wong Jing (some would argue that it wouldn’t be difficult), God of Gamblers is a multi genre film including high comedy, drama, action and even more comedy. Chow Yun Fat plays Ko Chun, the God of Gamblers of the title. After an accident knocks him seven shades of silly, he is taken in by Knife, played by Andy Lau. After Knife realises the idiot savant’s gambling powers, he decides to exploit him for all he’s worth. Like most Hong Kong comedies, there are major tonal shifts. One minute you are laughing at one of Chow’s many pratfalls, only to have his wife murdered and raped (and I did get that the right way round) in the next scene. Fans of Hong Kong cinema will not be surprised by these tonal changes, as it really is the norm with these films. It is not hard to see why Chow Yun Fat would have been interested in the role of Ko Chun, as it gives him a chance to show his range. He gets to be his usual suave self at the beginning of the film, until he becomes like Dustin Hoffman’s Rain Man. He also still gets a number of action scenes, which after his success with John Woo was probably expected. Andy Lau is also good, considering his character is a bit of a dick. Considering the only reason that he initially helps Ko Chun is because he caused his accident, he is not exactly what heroes are made of. Fortunately his character is quite funny and has good chemistry with Yun Fat and his leading lady Joey Wong. Throw in a decent supporting cast of Charles Heung, Ng Man Tat and the always welcome Shing Fui On all go to make God of Gamblers a film not to be missed.

All for the Winner – 1990

The first of the unofficial spinoffs. After the success of God of Gamblers a number of Hong Kong movies went in to production to cash in. All for the Winner was one of these. What sets it out from the crowd of imitations was down to the rising star power of Stephen Chow Sing Chi. Due to this film he went on to become the biggest box office draw in Hong Kong. All for the Winner also went on to become the highest grossing film in Hong Kong history at the time of its release. The plot concerns mainlander Sing (Chow Sing Chi), who travels to Hong Kong to visit his uncle played by the excellent Ng Man Tat. Like Andy Lau’s character in God of Gamblers, Man Tat can’t really be bothered with Sing until he finds out about his gifts, which in this film is his ability to see through objects. From that all matter of hi-jinks ensues, with Man Tat exploiting his nephew’s gift. Co-Directed by Yuen Kwai (Cory Yuen) and comedy king Jeff Lau, All for the Winner is nowhere as slick as the film it takes inspiration from, and is quite uneven. The film does have a number of great action scenes, unsurprisingly as they are directed by Yuen, and the laugh ratio is very high. This was also the first film to realise the great partnership Chow and Ng Man Tat could make. The reason All for the Winner is included in the main God of Gamblers series as Chow and Man Tat took their characters into the main series in God of Gamblers 2.

God of Gamblers 2 – 1990

The first official sequel to the smash hit God of Gamblers unfortunately doesn’t star Chow Yun Fat. On the plus side his replacement is Stephen Chow, which makes this sequel somewhat sillier and than the original. It is also a lot funnier. Chow; along with Ng Man Tat play the same characters from All for the Winner. This is where the series starts to get slightly confusing in terms of what films are deemed cannon, as this movie is both a sequel to the original God of Gamblers and the unofficial spinoff/rip-off All for the Winner. Andy Lau returns as Knife, and is this time along with Chow, is promoted to lead duties. The plot is just an excuse for Lau and Chow to get into comedic situations. The addition of Chow to the film means that there is slightly less action than the previous movie, but there is still enough to keep you entertained, with Charles Heung showing up in his shell-suit to kick ass when needed. It is best not putting too much though into this series as actors do appear in multiple films, sometimes as different characters, such as Ng Man Tat who appeared in the first God of Gamblers as a villain but is now on sidekick duties.

God of Gamblers 3: Back to Shanghai – 1991

This is when the God of Gamblers series went totally bonkers. Probably the best of the three Gamblers films to star Stephen Chow, it is also the most like a full on Stephen Chow comedy. The plot includes time travel, doppelgangers, musical numbers and a number of extremely violent action scenes. This time round Sing is accidentally sent back in time to 1930’s Shanghai. Whilst there he meets up with the effeminate grandfather of his Uncle (also played by Ng Man Tat), and gets himself involved in a triad war by befriending gang boss Ray Liu. The film ends up like most of the God of Gamblers in a large gambling tournament, with Chow using his magic against the villains. God of Gamblers 3 had everything fans of the series had come to expect, with more thrown in for good measure. The film also has a bit of gravitas by having mainland star Gong Li show up in a dual role. This wasn’t the only film she made with Stephen Chow, as she also showed up in Flirting Scholar, so she obviously enjoyed working with him. Unfortunately this is the last of the God of Gamblers to date to star Stephen Chow.

The Top Bet – 1991

Technically not officially part of the God of Gamblers series, but it has been included as it is a spinoff/sequel to All for the Winner. Chow Sing Chi sadly doesn’t return but Ng Man Tat does along with Directors Jeff Lau and Yuen Kwai. The film concerns Man Tat looking for a suitable replacement for his nephew. This time round there is more of a female focus with Carol Cheng and Anita Mui being the stars of the film. Unfortunately The Top Bet can’t live up to the original, with a lot of the jokes not hitting their target. It is just another typical 90’s Hong Kong comedy, livened up a bit by its game cast, and some good action scenes.

Return of the God of Gamblers – 1994

After five years, Wong Jing finally tempted Chow Yun Fat back to his signature role of Ko Chun. Although not as entertaining as the original, the sequel is still great fun and has a great supporting cast including Tony Leung Ka Fai, Chingamy Yau, Wu Chien-Lien and the scene stealing Elvis Tsui. The story involves Ko Chun, who has now immigrated to France, living with his pregnant wife (Cheung Man). The usual bad guys show up to challenge Ko Chun. Typical of a Hong Kong comedy, this challenge includes killing Ko Chun’s wife and cutting out her unborn child from her stomach. They then proceed to put the foetus in a jar. Even I thought this was too much. Fortunately the film does get somewhat lighter after this, but still does involve a number of violent action scenes. Tony Leung is great in a purely comedic role. Wu Chien-Lien seems to be brought in to add a bit of dramatic weight to proceedings. Charles Heung also shows up in his obligatory role of Lone Ng. Add in the always excellent Elvis Tsui and you have a cast that is almost every bit as good as the original. There seems to be more ridiculous comedy throughout this sequel compared to the original. I think this may have been done to keep it more in line with the sequels that starred Chow Sing Chi. On a side note, Cheung Man once again plays Ko Chun’s wife. She also played his wife in the original God of Gamblers, but that was a different character. It always seemed strange to me that they got Cheung Man to play this part in the sequel as it implies that Ko Chun is a bit twisted and married a woman because she was identical to his first wife. Cheung Man also appeared in All for the Winner and God of Gamblers 2 and God of Gamblers 3 each time playing a different character. That makes five appearances in this series as a different character. This is just par for the course with this series.

The Saint of Gamblers – 1995

A lesser film in the God of Gamblers series. Wong Jing attempted to resurrect the franchise with a new actor replacing Chow Yun Fat and/or Chow Sing Chi. Unfortunately he cast the mugging Eric Kot. Luckily Ng Man Tat returns as Uncle Tat to at least make the film enjoyable. Donnie Yen also makes a brief appearance as Lone Seven, brother of Lone Ng. Must be bad when you can’t get Charles Heung to make an appearance. There isn’t really much of a plot to speak of, just the usual story of the lead being challenged and ending up in a gambling competition. Kot’s character has magic powers like Chow Sing Chi in the previous movies, so the card games are played for laughs. There is fun to be had with Saint of Gamblers, but fans of the previous movies should lower their expectations.

God of Gamblers 3: The Early Stage – 1996

A prequel to the original God of Gamblers, this one does have a confusing title, being the second film in the series to have the name of God of Gamblers 3. Don’t let this put you off, as this is one of the better entries in the series. Leon Lai subs for the absent Chow Yun Fat, as Ko Chun. Lai has never been the greatest of actors but is great here and has the right look for the young version of the God of Gamblers. The plot involves Ko Chun being betrayed by his partners and coming back for revenge the only way he knows how. By gambling with them. Jordan Chan shows up to steal the film as Lone Ng, replacing Charles Heung. There is a bit of ret-conning going on in the movie, as Ko Chun and Lone Ng meet for the first time in God of Gamblers, but meet for the first time in this prequel, which contradicts the original film. This is a minor complaint considering the other things that have went on in this series. The movie also seems to have higher production values than some of the previous movies in the series and a quality supporting cast including my favourite Francis Ng and Anita Yuen. The prequel also is less reliant on comedy than previous entries. Sure there are funny scenes, but nothing as crazy as Stephen Chow’s additions. The action scenes are great, with Jordan Chan doing most of the hard work, although Leon Lai does get involved. This would be the last proper God of Gamblers film although there would be spinoffs and rip offs. I have covered some of them below as they do tie in to the main series but others such as the Conman, Conman in Vegas and Conman 2002 I have left out as it is unclear if they are actually canonically part of the franchise although do share elements. All I can say about them is that Conman is quite boring, Conman in Vegas is slightly better and Conman 2002 is crap.

Conman in Tokyo – 2000

Wong Jing takes a backseat in this addition to the God of Gamblers franchise, handing over directing duties to Ching Siu Tung. The film is pretty much more of the same, with Louis Koo now taking over as the lead. Koo plays Cool, who is the successor to the Knight of Gamblers, which was played by Andy Lau in the God of Gamblers film. This is the only part of the film that actually ties this to the main series, other than the usual crazy hi-jinks that are expected in a Hong Kong gambling movie. Koo is great in the lead role, and it is easy to see how he has become one of Hong Kong’s best leading men. Although he should lay-off the sun beds. Sidekick duties are taken up by Nick Cheung, who is great here and would only go on to better things. Cheung was also part of Wong Jing’s Conman films, but plays a different character in this. Yusuaka Kurata also takes part and proves that he can still kick ass. Some of the comedy scenes miss the mark completely, although some parts can be hilarious. Action scenes are good, but are a bit lacklustre considering they had the great Ching Siu Tung behind them. Although a fan movie, it doesn’t compare to the greats of the franchise but is heads above the Top Bet and Saint of Gamblers.

From Vegas to Macau – 2014

Essentially a God of Gamblers film in everything but name. Chow Yun Fat is back, along with Wong Jing, co-directing with Billy Chung. Yun Fat stars as former gambling King Ken who gets involved with Nicolas Tse and Chapman To, who want to be his apprentices. This just gives the film the usual excuse to have the cast get involved in crazy situations and action. This is a big budget production as it was co produced with China. This means that the films content could never match up to the original God of Gamblers, as the censors have to be appeased. In this day and age adjustments have to be made, and at least this enabled the production to get Chow Yun Fat back in the starring role. The film still has that Wong Jing flavour with everything but the kitchen sink thrown in. Some of the action scenes are especially well done with Philip Kwok and the excellent Zhang Jin showing their worth. The main other reason that it fits into the God of Gamblers series is down to the film’s final scene having a cameo from Ko Chun, also played by Chow Yun Fat. This is a fun scene but also makes you wonder why Wong Jing and Chow Yun Fat didn’t just go ahead and make a proper God of Gamblers sequel.

From Vegas to Macau 2 – 2015

Wong Jing returns once again to the gambling den. Co-directing this time with Aman Cheung, he delivers more of the same, which is not as enjoyable as the first From Vegas to Macau, but still makes for an enjoyable time at the movies. This time round there seems to be even more money thrown at the screen, with quite a bit of globe-trotting going on. A large part of the film takes place in Thailand, and the action scenes are much larger in scale. It also seems to have learned from the first, that fans really like to see Chow Yun Fat with a gun in his hand, preferably one in each hand. The sequel is also much sillier than the first with Ken this time having a Robot butler, who he shouts abuse at. Some critics moaned about this addition. I though as silly as it was, it was quite amusing. Nicolas Tse doesn’t return for the sequel and is replaced by Shawn Yue as an Interpol Agent. This is a fair trade, and Yue actually seems to get more to do than Tse did in the first film. Other additions to the cast are Nick Cheung, who seems more than happy to be back in comedy mode after years of doing purely dramatic roles. This is probably the funniest he has been in a long time. Carina Lau is also on hand as Ken’s old girlfriend/villain. The only drawback of this is the scenes Lau and Fat share drag the film out, and add to an already unnecessary run time. If you were a fan of the first From Vegas to Macau there is no way you are going to miss this one. The final scene this time has both Ko Chun (Chow Yun Fat again) and Knife (Andy Lau) appearing.

From Vegas to Macau 3 – 2016

From Vegas to Macau 3 proved to be the most controversial of the series, with a lot of critics and the public seemingly boycotting the film over Wong Jing’s supposed political leanings. I don’t really understand some peoples thinking. Of course Wong Jing isn’t going to bad mouth China. That is where he makes his living. The film also garnered some extremely poor reviews which I suspect were written before even seeing the movie. I am not saying that it is an excellent film, but it is still good fun, and is no worse than the previous two in the series. If anything it is slightly better than the sequel, with the added bonus of Andy Lau returning in a leading role as Knife, from the God of Gamblers. Out of the three movies, From Vegas to Macau 3 has the most ties to the Original God of Gamblers, with Ko Chun as a main character this time round starring alongside himself as Ken. It is also the silliest out of the three, including a robot romance and a transformers style fight scene. From Vegas to Macau 3 also has the most star power with Chow Yun Fat, Nick Cheung, Andy Lau, Shawn Yue, and Carina Lau from the previous movies and with the new addition of superstar Jacky Cheung and Charles Heung reprising his role of Lone Ng from the original God of Gamblers. Everyone involved seems to be enjoying themselves, and although it none of their best work, you can’t help being taken in by it all. Behind the camera, there isn’t only Wong Jing. He is assisted by Andrew Lau of Internal Affairs fame and also by Billy Chung. I suppose it is a bit confusing that this needed three directors, as sometimes it seems that the actors were left to their own devices. Some of the special effects are also poor, but kind of compliment the overall wacky tone of the film.

Bible verses about gambling

Many people wonder is gambling a sin? Although there might not be a clear cut verse from what we learn in Scripture I strongly believe it is a sin and all Christians should stay away from it. It is terrible to see that some churches are bringing gambling in the house of God. The Lord is not pleased.

Many people are going to say, well the Bible doesn’t specifically say you can’t do it. The Bible doesn’t specifically say you can’t do a lot of things that we know as sin.

Many people find any excuse they can give for what is wrong, but just like Satan deceived Eve he will deceive many by saying, did God really say you can’t do that?

Quotes

“Gambling is the child of avarice, the brother of iniquity, and the father of mischief.” – George Washington

“Gambling is a sickness, a disease, an addiction, an insanity, and is always a loser in the long run.”

“Gambling can be just as addictive as drugs and alcohol. Teens and their parents need to know that they’re not just gambling with money, they’re gambling with their lives.”

“Gambling is the sure way of getting nothing for something.”

Gambling is of the world, it is very addicting, and it will cause you harm.

Gambling is loving something that is part of the cruel world, not only is it dangerous especially back in the days where many were being plotted on and murdered for their money. Gambling is very addictive, you can go into a casino one day thinking I’m going to spend this much, then leave without your car. For some people it’s that bad and it can become even worse.

I’ve heard many stories about people losing their lives for owing money and people losing their lives by committing suicide because of the money they lost. Many people have lost their houses, spouses, and kids over their gambling addiction. You might say that I don’t gamble that much, but it doesn’t matter. Even if it is small fun gambling it is sin and it should not be done. Always remember that sin grows overtime. Your heart becomes harder, your desires become greedier, and it will turn into something that you never saw coming.

1. 1 Corinthians 6:12 “I have the right to do anything,” you say–but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”–but I will not be mastered by anything.

2. 2 Peter 2:19 They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity–for “people are slaves to whatever has mastered them.”

3. 1 Timothy 6:9-10 Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

4. Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is his good, pleasing and perfect will.

5. Proverbs 15:27 The greedy bring ruin to their households, but the one who hates bribes will live.

Gambling leads to more sin.

Not only does gambling lead to deeper and deeper covetousness, but it leads to different types of sin. When you go to the movie theater and buy popcorn they make it extra buttery so you will buy their expensive drinks. When you go to casinos they promote alcohol. When you are not sober you will be trying to kick back and spend more money. Many people who are addicted to gambling are also living in drunkenness. Prostitutes are always near casinos. They entice men who seem like high rollers and they entice men who are down on their luck. It is not a surprise that most casinos promote sensuality and women.

6. James 1:14-15 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

Scripture teaches that we are to be on guard against covetousness.

7. Exodus 20:17 Do not covet your neighbor’s house. Do not covet your neighbor’s wife, his male or female slave, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.

8. Ephesians 5:3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints.

9. Luke 12:15 Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”

As Christians we are to fix our attitudes on money.

Dnd God Of Gambling

10. Ecclesiastes 5:10 Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.

11. Luke 16:13 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

What is your eye gazing upon?

Your chance of winning the lottery on a single ticket is one in 175 million. That means that someone has to really be greedy and have dreams of riches to still try and play the lottery. You have to pay for more and more tickets because of your greed and what you are really doing is emptying your pockets because of your covetousness.

Most gamblers throw money away. Most people who go to casinos lose money that could have been used for paying bills or on the less fortunate, but instead people would rather throw it away. It is wasting God’s money on evil, which is similar to stealing.

12. Luke 11:34-35 Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness. See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness.

13. Proverbs 28:22 Greedy people try to get rich quick but don’t realize they’re headed for poverty.

14. Proverbs 21:5 The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, But everyone who is hasty comes surely to poverty.

15. Proverbs 28:20 The trustworthy person will get a rich reward, but a person who wants quick riches will get into trouble.

We are to be hard workers.

The Bible teaches us to work hard and worry about others. Gambling teaches us to do the opposite. In fact, many of the people who play the lottery are poor. Gambling destroys something that God intended for good. You have to understand that the devil is using it to destroy the foundation of work.

16. Ephesians 4:28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.

17. Acts 20:35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.

18. Proverbs 10:4 Lazy people are soon poor; hard workers get rich.

19. Proverbs 28:19 Those who work their land will have abundant food, but those who chase fantasies will have their fill of poverty.

Gambling and betting is giving the appearance of evil.

What would you think if you went inside a casino and you saw your pastor holding money in one hand and rolling dice in another? That picture just wouldn’t look right would it? Now picture yourself doing the same thing. Society does not look at gambling as being honest. The betting industry is a dark world filled with crime. Google treats gambling websites like pornography websites. Gambling websites contain a lot of viruses.

20. 1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.

Many churches want to turn God’s house into a place to play bingo and other gambling activities, which is wrong. God’s house is not a place to make profit. It is a place to worship the Lord.

21. John 2:14-16 In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!”

Gambling is not trusting in the Lord.

One of the greatest problems of gambling is it takes away from trusting in the Lord. God says I will provide for your needs. Satan says roll the dice there might be a chance that you win and become filthy rich. You see the problem. When you trust in God nothing is by chance. God provides for our needs and God gets all the glory. Gambling is showing that you don’t really trust in the Lord.

22. Isaiah 65:11 But because the rest of you have forsaken the LORD and have forgotten his Temple, and because you have prepared feasts to honor the god of Fate and have offered mixed wine to the god of Destiny.

23. Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Reminders

24. Proverbs 3:7 Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the LORD and turn away from evil.

God Of Gambling Twitter

25. Proverbs 23:4 Do not wear yourself out to get rich; do not trust your own cleverness.

In conclusion.

God Of Gambling Chinese

You have a higher chance of being struck by lighting than winning the lottery. Most gambling is not made for you to win. It’s made for you to dream about what if I did win. Gambling fails in its attempt to give people hope because most people spend thousands of dollars for nothing. Just take a thousand dollars and throw it in the garbage that is exactly what gamblers do over the course of time. When you have greed you will always lose more than you gain. Gambling is bad for your health and it violates many Scriptures as seen above. Seek hard work and trust in the Lord with your income.

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chuchisushi · 8 years

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Ragethirst Highlights - Dragon Inn/Dragons Gate Inn

I was drafted by Hal and Dream into writing the highlights for this stream, so I preface this by saying that I had to ask @paint-the-wall-with-bullets for the plot a fourth of the way through, upon which I connected the dots.

The ragethirst was visited today by a smol, who graced us with kpop for a short time

ling tried to make moves on everyone assembled, as per usual

donnie appeared for all of five minutes in the beginning of the movie to look very pretty and to torture an official to death to establish the plot

many disparaging comments were made about his makeup

which were equally balanced out by those who liked it

(personally I think it was a bit Much, but he did resemble a peacock dressed in gold filigree, so 50/50, could take or leave it)

outfit 1

donnie’s playing a eunuch, which lead to us trying to goad @evocating into writing Forbidden City fanfic starring ballsless sex, because the rest of us don’t have the research background for this brand of historical erotica

the official’s entire family was killed except for one boy and one girl

our heroine, played by Brigitte Lin, who I referred to for the rest of the movie as ‘the lady drunkard who crossdresses and fights well’ appears at this point with a band of renegade mercenaries to snatch the kids off

donnie watches all of this from the cliffs above from the middle of his entourage

no really

outfit 2

there’s a lot of fighting on horseback and by ‘fighting on horseback’ I mean people turning horses around in circles, yelling, and waving around prop swords while the wind kicks up sand everywhere

donnie gets to use the Force

our heroes, kids in tow, sojourn to this inn in the middle of the desert near a pass through the mountains they can use

as framing for said inn we’re treated to a scene of Maggie Cheung, playing the role of the cannibal (more on that later) innkeeper mistress seducing a man and then brutally murdering him via several throwing knives to the face

down the chute he goes

for those interested, he gets turned into meat buns (that was the later)

the butcher is very skilled at chopping (I swear to god this becomes salient even more later)

our innkeeper Immediately susses out that the crossdresser is crossdressing because she is not attracted to her womanly ways

I say this but the next scene after the obligatory This Meat Tastes Off, Don’t Eat It bit is something like twenty minutes of a fight between our crossdressing heroine and the innkeeper in the bath that consists of knives shredding cloth and stealing clothes off of each other

words were exchanged to the effect of ‘you have a very lovely body’ ‘as do you’

the innkeeper loses

she ends up topless

while vaulting onto the top of the inn(??), the innkeeper is interrupted in the middle of her bawdy(???), topless(??????) song by the arrival of a third party

Tony Ka Fai Leung plays a doctor romantically involved with our crossdressing heroine

he arrives on two camels. Take this as you will.

He Banters with the innkeeper, who promptly decides she wants to keep him

there was so much crosstalk about “the weather” and “candles”

alas, this perfect setup for poly is not used

at some point all the asians in chat completely derailed the conversation by expounding on all the different kinds of meat and how good they were

Bone Marrow. Bone marrow was elected universal king

Special mention goes to the consumption of insects. Excellent source of protein!

At some point during above conversation government officials acting at donnie’s behest arrive at the inn, where they’re all conveniently trapped by the desert weather (it wasn’t Entirely a metaphor)

two of the officials’ party get struck by lightning and dragged off to be turned into meat buns

maybe a goat too

a very fake roasted goat makes an appearance

the butcher gets to show off his skills via deboning the whole thing and turning the meat into deli slices (I swear this is also salient)

there’s a very tension-laden showdown wherein two tables are broken and the doctor and the main official end up having ‘a toast to nothing’

our party is still stuck because of the weather and the officials keeping an eye on them

the doctor does a reverse honeypot to seduce the innkeeper into letting their party use the secret tunnels out so they can transport the kids

the seduction involves a one night stand after getting married by the government official of said standoff before

the doctor also does some Investigation at some point and discovers the people-chute

also terrifies the butcher by turning out to be alive

somehow the honeymoon turns into a fight

which quickly turns into a full-out brawl between all parties in the inn

shoutout to the innkeeper who literally grinds up one of the officials’ men in the fight, fills a bucket with his blood, and then throws in the old man official’s face before stabbing him while screaming about making him eat his own blood

so much fake blood everywhere

donnie and the army he’s leading arrive in the middle of this

the inn gets stormed by said army

horses ride all over it

in the ruckus of the fight above, our crossdressing heroine (who is no longer crossdressing and is probably a bit drunk from drowning her sorrows over the honeymoon that doesn’t involve her), tries to get the kids out

she runs into said army and gets shot by an arrow and has to come back

the innkeeper, faced with her imminent bodily safety, gets everyone through the tunnels (everyone being the kids, the doctor, the butcher, the crossdressing heroine, herself, and a kitchen sink)

the tunnel pops out behind the front line, but one of the kids accidentally lets go of a red sash, which Happens to drift back to where donnie’s sitting

upon which he ＰＲＯＭＰＴＬＹＦＬＩＥＳ onto a horse and starts chasing after them

outfit 3

his makeup has gotten Worse

donnie loses the horse to a stiff breeze and ends up chasing after the party on foot

the kids are sent ahead with the butcher while the rest stay to make a stand against donnie, who is naruto running across the dunes to them

A Fight Ensues

we can’t see shit because of the goddamn sand blowing everywhere

it’s mostly just dramatic swordplay at this point, but donnie loses his hairtie to a stray cut and also gets nicked in the face at some point??

???

he’s really rocking the chirrut colors here

there is a pause to regroup

upon which there is a long pan

it’s from donnie’s chest down his skirts to his ankles

why? we’re not initially clear

AS IT TURNS OUT THE PAN IS TO SHOWCASE THAT THEY’RE APPARENTLY IN QUICKSAND.

EVERYONE IS SUNKEN UP TO THE CHEST

INCLUDING DONNIE, WHO HAS HELD ABOVE POSE ALL THROUGH IT

Immediately after we realize the above fact, donnie changes his pose

he fucking. Landsharks through the sand

I honestly have no other words to describe it

he carves his own trench?? the sand flies up???

he fucking nyooms through the sand my guys

DO WE REMEMBER THAT VIDEO OF THE MOOSE JUST FUCKING CARVING ITS WAY THROUGH THE CHEST-HIGH SNOW IN CANADA

BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE THAT

“MOVE I’M GAY” - donnie in this fight

we have been laughing ever since donnie lost his hairtie because his goddamn face when it happened was ATROCIOUS, I hope someone screencapped it for posterity

BUT AT THIS POINT WE TOTALLY LOSE IT

I AM LAUGHING SO HARD THERE ARE LITERAL TEARS IN MY EYES

“MOOOOOOOOOO YAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!” - the doctor, dramatically, overwrought, as the crossdressing heroine is stabbed

attempts to drive off donnie are made. they’re not very successful.

Breakdancing fighting ensues

the innkeeper leaves mo yan in the sand to die as she tries to help with the fight

“MOOOOOOO YAAAAANNNNN!!!!” - the doctor, as he dives for mo yan, sinking into the sand, and misses her hand in time to pull her out

she deserved a better death, honestly

the fight is REALLY not going well. Donnie makes a move to charge at the remaining party

upon which

a fucking second landshark

pops out of the dune to engage him

IT”S THE BUTCHER.

THERE ARE A LOT OF TERRIBLE SOUND EFFECTS? THERE’S A LOT OF FLAILING?? WE DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON

until the butcher disengages and scuttles off to fucking. Bury himself back into the sand in true landshark style

donnie tries to move, halts, looks down

“MY LEG!!!!!!!” - donnie in this movie, discovering that he has an EXTREMELY BADLY DONE skeleton leg from the knee down replacing his left leg?!?!?!?

THE BUTCHER DEBONED HIM

THIS IS WHERE IT BECAME SALIENT

“MY HAND!!!!!” - donnie in this movie, discovering after falling over that he has an EXTREMELY BADLY DONE skeleton hand from the elbow down replacing his left arm?!?!?!?!?

THE TEARS OF LAUGHTER ARE OVERFLOWING.

Oh my god, he gets up Somehow because the landshark butcher is coming for the rest of him

they exchange some blows

donnie stabs him fucking just shy of the crotch THROUGH THE SAND

THERE IS A GEYSER OF FAKE BLOOD

THEN FUCKING HAULS HIM OUT OF THE SAND AND PROCEEDS TO SWING HIM AROUND LIKE A SHIRT STRIPPED OFF AT A CONCERT MOSH PIT WHILE SCREAMING AT THE SKY

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

there’s a quick interlude for the doctor to Resolve Himself with the innkeeper THROUGH WHICH YOU CAN STILL HEAR DONNIE SCREAMING

the doctor and donnie have one last dramatic clash that involves FLYING ACROSS THE SAND

DONNIE GRABS THE SWORD THE DOCTOR IS USING AS IT’S COMING AT HIM AND BENDS IT INTO A PRETZEL ONE-HANDED??

THERE IS FAKE BLOOD EVERYWHERE????

THE DOCTOR PULLS A STRAIGHT DAGGER OUT OF THE HILT OF THE SWORD AS DONNIE IS HOLDING IT AND STABS DONNIE THROUGH THE NECK

@twentyeightghosts is extremely mad about this still. Swords Do Not Work Like That

DONNIE IN A FINAL ACT OF DEFIANCE STABS THE DOCTOR IN THE CHEST WITH HIS BONY SKELETON FINGERS???????????

the doctor fucking FALLS BACK onto the sand COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD with this RIDICULOUS PROP SKELETON HAND AND FOREARM ATTACHED TO HIS CHEST

SOMEHOW DONNIE IS STILL STANDING

HE DOES A RIDICULOUS ONE-LEGGED HOP TO STAY UPRIGHT

THIS MAN.

donnie has one last dramatic yell in him. we’re treated to a shot of his skeleton leg crumpling to bits under him. He finally falls over. he’s dead. The evil has been vanquished.

There is a dramatic pan on mo yan’s flute on the sand with music going in the background as the doctor looks appropriately anguished and the innkeeper appropriately jilted by death

said doctor takes the kids through the pass on the other camel

the innkeeper and the butcher go back to the inn and burn it down

‘let us leave this evil place’ LADY, YOU WERE THE ONE TURNING DUDES INTO MEAT BUNS IN THE BASEMENT????

@xanderxcagex had a great joke about swordception [BWOOOOOM]

hal came back after having to take a break right as the movie finished

WE REWATCHED THE LAST TEN MINUTES AGAIN

JUST FOR DONNIE

THIS MOVIE IS APPARENTLY A TREASURED CLASSIC???

seriously, thank you so much for streaming for us @greymichaela and hosting our absolute madness. This was a ragethirst to remember, if nothing else for it being the strongest ending to a donnie movie I’ve caught thus far.

Kim, to Hal: you’re going to ask ‘What? Was that - ?” a lot in the last ten minutes, and the answer, every time, is going to be ‘Yes.’ Hal, Immediately: DID DONNIE JUST - Everyone in the chat, through their laughter: ＹＥＳ

#ragethirst #ragethirst crew #long post #god help us

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