#Never draw while partially blind from a migraine

[bzlgrmpf]

Working through my art block after accidentally deleting my whole folder of cr fanart

[unholyhelbiglinked]

Infernum | 3: Limbo

[EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING. A LOT OF SENSITIVE MATERIAL IS AHEAD, PLEASE DON'T RISK IT.]

The cold of the caves mixed with the humid air, creating an enchanting conversation of both frigid and boiling. Our feet moved across the wet ground, footfalls slapping against the puddles that were more than stagnant. This place was dark, and gave me a break from the harsh light of the boat we had just exited.

I was drowsy, feeling sleep tug away at the whole of me, but I knew I had to keep going. I had only seen a small piece of hell, and I knew that Hannah had to bear witness to more. I couldn't letter her suffer on my account. I just couldn't.

The thought of her making a deal with a demon for my safety... the area was fuzzy... I was a cop, yes. I loved Hannah, yes. I was scared, yes. But I had never made a deal to keep me from getting killed while I was at work. If she was that desperate for my safety... if she had just talked to me.

"What is this place?" I finally grew enough nerve to ask, my voice echoing off the walls. "Are we still in hell?"

Mamrie chuckled, pulling her aviator jacket tightly around her mid-section. "Just barely breaking the surface, Helbig." She mumbled "we're in the part of Limbo that you people like to call purgatory."

"Purgatory," I sounded out the word in a mimic, earning a nod as she looked towards me, her dark eyes showing nothing but sympathy. Why sympathy? Why in this cooled off place of all? It was only a cave coated in a thick brine of cobwebs. "As in?"

"As in a place souls who haven't had a chance to be born yet go. A place were animals find their essence to be. A place full of saddened memories and... and keep moving, Grace" she tugged at my shirt sleeve a little roughly, pushing me forward as if she was protecting me from something I couldn't exactly see.

A minute ago she could have cared less if I got my throat ripped out by some demon creature, but now... now she seemed just as afraid as I was. "What are you trying to protect?" I knit my eyebrows together.

"Who." Mamrie stopped short in a clearing like area that was sort of in a dome of rock and webs, Mamrie turned towards me, letting out a sigh as she placed her hand on my shoulder "You don't remember much, do you?"

"No," I whispered, she cocked her head to the side, drawing in a breath.

"This is hell. Some things I can try to shield you from. But there are memories... memories you may have to experience for yourself in order to get through this journey." She clenched her jaw, "I'm sorry, Grace. You must see this to get to the next level of hell."

"See what?" I asked my voice hoarse as she placed a palm behind my ear. Her palm stretched across the brawn of my cheek as her thumb came to rest underneath my eye. "I don't understand,"

The edges of my vision began to fade as Mamie pushed me down to my knees. My hands began to feel numb until it moved up to my elbows and began to spread across the rest of my body, until my vision became completely blurred, until darkness covered my senses completely.

"I don't understand," I repeated my words for the hundredth time, my mind not completely registering the situation laid out in front of me. I could feel the hard painful lump begin to form in the back of my throat as tears threatened to climb over the edge of my waterline.

"Ma'am, I'm very sorry it was a problem with the umbilical cord. There was... there was nothing we could do." The doctor mumbled, partially to the floor as she ran her pale fingers over the edge of the clipboard.

"Hannah is she-"I couldn't finish my sentence as I gripped the back of my neck, trying to hold something tangible so I wouldn't lose all sense of reality. Would losing sense of reality be so bad at this point?

"She's fine," The doctor explained, shifting her weight. "She hasn't woken up yet."

"Can I see her?" I asked, knowing I had a slight crazed look in my gaze. But the doctor willingly agreed. Holding my elbow slightly as she guided me towards the back room, through more than one set of doors.

I didn't register much around me. My thoughts were racing, my stomach dropping further and further with each step. Time had somehow fast forwarded, although my thoughts seemed to move on their own accord.

The room was small, dimly lit with a sharp fluorescent glow. I could hear the heart monitor beeping away with each pump of Hannah's heart. I could see the needle's piercing her skin as her blonde hair fell into her fallen eyes. She looked so fragile. So untouched by reality, while I did nothing but swim in the harshness of it.

The doctor quickly excused herself, leaving me alone with the woman I loved. It felt like the soles of my shoes were wet cement, my eyes drooping sadly as I pulled a chair next to Hannah's bed.

My fingers intertwined with hers, my thumb rubbing the back of her hand where the tape from the IV began to peel up from my touch. My head rested on the side of the bed, my eyes clenched hard enough to cause a migraine.

I feel it break then, my resolve... like a glass vase shattering into shards that are scattered across the room when it makes impact with the floor. There is no hope at putting that vase back together. There is no way to find all of the pieces.

Hysterical sobs began to shake my whole frame as I tried to stifle them with my stray hand pressed so hard against my lips that I could taste blood dance across my tongue.

A hand pressed against the small of my back softly as I continued to cry into the sheets. I didn't bother to glance up. I knew that touch all too well. I knew Hannah was looking for answers, and I just had to pull myself together long enough to give them to her.

I sucked in a shaky breath, fast enough to ignite my lungs in a sharp fire as I slowly lifted my face from the sheets. Tears had pressed my hair to my cheeks enough to obscure my vision. I felt Hannah's soft fingers brush it from my sight pattern, but that still didn't fix how blind I felt in a situation like this.

"Grace?" Her voice was choked up, her eyes clouding over as she tightened her grip on my fingers. I could feel her nails in my flesh, creating small crescent stings. I swallowed roughly, shaking my head no as she raised her free hand to her own lips, tears immediately falling from her eyes.

Once again, time moved too fast. I knew I needed her in my arms. I found myself wrapped around her like I was a security blanket as we both sobbed in silence, not knowing how to take the loss of a child we worked so hard to create.

This, I thought, this is hell.

The cold was the first thing I felt again. Perhaps it never left me. Perhaps it was buried just like that memory. There was a reason that it was hidden so heavily among my thoughts, but now? Now it was all spilling out.

We had a child. We were so close to having a child.

Mamrie's touch on the back of my head was the second thing I noticed, her green orbs staring at me with expectancy of an outburst, but tears had already been flowing down my cheeks and dripping off my chin as I looked up at her from my kneeling position. The rock was carving icy grooves within my flesh as I swallowed roughly.

My breath was shallow, my eyes heavy with pain as well as exhaustion. I had no words left in my lungs to expel.

"Come on," Mamrie whispered "I think you need a rest... just not here." She looked around warily as she pulled me to my feet, dragging me along once again.

"Is that..." I finally found the words to speak minutes later "was that real?"

"As real as you and me," Mamrie grumbled.

"That doesn't answer my question."

It sure felt real. Every pain. Every moment my skin was against Hannah's. Every smell, sound, and taste. It all lingered with me like a nightmare. Maybe this was all just one long nightmare.