#Neptunium is weird as usual

[neptunium134]

Ways I have concerned my parents this week:

Throwing it back to 'Dangerous' from EPIC (I was dancing to the song in general)

Hitting the table

Yelling 'Objection' every so often

Getting my sewing machine out

Infodump about the planets (VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU)

Infodump about the Greek gods

Say "So I had an idea"

Say "So I've been thinking"

[neptunium134]

Listening to my playlist on Amazon Music

Poseidon: After everything you've done, how will you sleep at night?

Odysseus: Next to my wife

Piper & Llewellyn: ONCE UPON A - ONCE A - ONCE UPON A TIME

[neptunium134]

Welcome back to Neptunium's Midnight Ramblings

Tonight is gonna be a bit different, and I'm going to have to put a warning for familial death here, so if that's something that triggers you, please don't read.

So, today my mum told me and my brother that my paternal nan (my dad's mum) had died at half 12 in the morning (00.30)

My sleep schedule's practically non-existent at this point, though it usually falls with me going to sleep by 2am, my alarm going off at 6.30 and me getting out of bed at 11-ish (cuz I'm lazy)

So I was still awake when my nan died, and what was I doing at half 12?

Reading Varian fanfiction and getting annoyed with my Spotify for playing the same three goddamn albums.

And the weird thing is I'm not that affected by it. Like, I don’t feel upset? I don't really feel anything to be honest. It might be because I'm so busy with my schoolwork, and I was in the middle of my history homework when mum told us, so all my brain power's on that, but it could also be that I lack an emotional response to this kind of thing.

Like, when my uncle died I had a similar response. True, I didn't really speak to my uncle, but everyone else in my family felt something, and when we went to the York St John uni open day mum asked me if I felt uncomfortable travelling with someone's ashes in the back of the car.

In truth, I'm more uncomfortable with people kissing on-screen than I am with dead bodies. That sounds so weird, but it's true.

But this is also the second death in my family within 5 months (my uncle died in December), and both died of a heart disease.

I wonder if it's just something I've gotten used to, being the youngest in my current immediate family.

I don't think it's psychopathy, since I don't actually meet most of the requirements for it, it might just be I'm not as affected by it?

Even when my paternal grandad (dad's dad) died, I only cried at the funeral, and that was when I was 14.

My uncle didn't have a funeral, and I'm not sure what's going to happen with my nan due to the pandemic.

It might just be that I'm tired and I haven't told my friends, maybe when I tell them it'll hit more. It didn’t with my uncle, but like I said, I didn't know my uncle very well, I saw my nan at least one week a year.

I don't know honestly.

Anyway that's the end of Neptunium's Midnight Ramblings for tonight. Sorry it was such a downer, but life has a habit of throwing a curveball at you.