#Natasha Romanoff/reader

[maximoffcarter]

Miss perfect girl.

Pairings: Natasha x reader

TW: cursing

Summary: For the 1k request hehe R is an overachiever student, top of the class, MVP/Lead of your chosen sports team, always trying to be active with events, many hidden skills such as painting, singing, playing an instrument (your choice) while being the center of social circles. Natasha finds R presumptuous until she realized that R didn't even like doing all those things and she's so tired of always trying to be so perfect for her parents :) You decide how their relationship will go hehe

A/n: Carol and Peggy are coming soon. Two posts in a day it's...weird for me but...could be a thing now...

If there was something Natasha hated the most, was people who liked to get attention and believed they were better than everyone else. 2 years in school and she was done. She believed that everyone had their own skills, and no one was meant to be perfect, but y/n y/l/n definitely believed she was the best in the whole school; she believed that girl even believed she was the best in the whole world.

It was frustrating sometimes, seeing her getting medals and diplomas, recognition from teachers and even the principal. She was not the typical nerd that every school had. She was…beautiful. She was…good looking. She was truly the center of attention not only academically but socially.

Not only was she the best in classes, but she was also in every social event the school had, she was president of the students council, she always prepared the events or parties, any activity the school had she was involved. Also, she had such a beautiful voice, she could play guitar, piano. And to top it all off…she was the team leader of the volleyball team.

How could she do all that? Why would she want all the attention from everyone? Why would they admire someone like that if she only wanted everyone to treat her as a queen? It was annoying…how could she- why would she-

“Why she thinks she’s so perfect?” Natasha said as she leaned against the lockers, waiting for Maria to finish putting her books in the locker and staring at y/n who was surrounded by people.

“Why don’t you ask her? I don’t have that answer and it seems like you want to know.” Maria smirked as she looked at Natasha.

Natasha looked at her with furrowed brows. “What?”

Maria laughed. “Why can’t you get over it? So what? She’s good at everything. Let her be, this will end sooner or later. She’s leave for the perfect college, Yale, Harvard, whatever she wants, and you’ll be free from her kingdom.” Maria closed her locker and shrugged. “Get over it.”

“It’s not that, I just-“ Natasha shrugged.

“You have a crush on her?”

Natasha’s heart dropped at the question. She laughed and shook her head. “Are you out of your mind, Hill?”

“Well…it seems like it.” Maria smirked. “Let her be then. And let’s get to class.” She started walking to the opposite direction from where y/n was.

Natasha looked back at her for a moment before she shook her head rapidly and followed Maria.

No. She didn’t have a crush on her. She had already way too many boys and girls, why would she want to join that stupid club? In no way she would want to ever be near any of them, let alone talk to her. She had gotten to avoid her for years now, so why would she want to be involved with her? Then stop thinking about her. Right.

____________________

Y/n laughed as she walked into one of the classrooms waving at some students that had followed her. As soon as the door closed, she sighed and closed her eyes for a moment to take a deep breath.

“You should definitely study as an actress. You’d succeed and you already have fans here.” Kate grinned as she ate her chips.

Y/n squinted her eyes as she stared at her. “You know, my mother would hate if I went for that.” She laughed.

Kate nodded. “That she would.” She sat at the desk as she stared at y/n. “Are you okay?”

Y/n shrugged. “3 weeks for spring break and…this weekend is the game. My parents will be here.”

“I thought- I thought they were in LA?”

“They’re coming back for the game. For once, they want to see it. And they’ll bring friends.” Y/n chuckled. “I don’t…I can’t do that.”

“C’mon, y/n/n. We’re gonna win this because we have you.”

Y/n rolled her eyes as she smiled. “I have the best team.”

Kate raised her arms in a cheering way. “Well of course! I’m in it!” Y/n laughed. “Okay, okay…I’ll leave you so you can breathe, and I’ll see you at practice, okay?” She stood up and bumped her shoulder with y/n’s. “I’m proud of you, man.”

“I’m proud of you.” Y/n smiled as she looked at Kate before she left the classroom.

Y/n sighed as she looked around the classroom. After school was the only time she had to be on her own, but then it was practice time, so Kate knew that y/n liked to have some time for herself until then. She sat on the desk and looked out the window, smiling as she saw a group of friends laughing as they left the school.

If only she could have some time to do that, actually socialize and not only…in events. But go out and have fun. She still didn’t understand how Kate stuck with her this whole time knowing how her parents were. Sometimes Kate had to sneak on her room so they could actually have a girls night, other than that, it was hard for them to ever go out or see each other outside school. Unless it was a school trip or their parents going out for lunch.

She was too distracted in looking outside the window that she didn’t hear the door opening. The raspy voice coming from the door was the one that finally made her turn her head, freezing for a moment.

“I’m- sorry. I didn’t know-“

“I was just-“ y/n got off the desk and cleared her throat as she smiled. “You’re Natasha…aren’t you?”

Natasha raised her head and looked at y/n. “You know who I am?”

Y/n laughed. “We have three classes together. You also had an amazing presentation on history class. I was impressed.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “That was nothing.” She said under her breath and then looked away. “I’m just gonna-“

“Can I ask you something?” Y/n bit her lip nervously.

Natasha looked back at her and shrugged. “Sure.”

“Do you hate me?”

Natasha stopped for a moment as they stared at each other. “I don-“ she was definitely taken aback, she did not expect y/n y/l/n would ever ask her directly. This was their first real conversation. “Are you asking because I don’t follow you like a dog like the rest do?”

Y/n felt her heart stopping at her words, looking down at her hands. “I uh-“

“No. I’m not like them, and I’m not falling for that good girl persona you give to everyone. Have a nice day.” Natasha closed the door before y/n could say anything.

Y/n just stared at her hands for a moment, trying to shut her mind before she started crying. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath before she decided to leave the classroom.

____________________

Natasha was sitting outside the school with her book on her hands, school was now over but she liked to stay outside in the grass under a big tree that she had decided it was now her favorite place. Her surrounding had been quiet, until she heard laughs and girls screaming. She rolled her eyes as she remembered the volleyball team stayed every day after school. She looked up to notice everyone was now leaving, meaning she would now stay completely alone.

After a few minutes, she noticed her concentration was completely gone and she decided she now wanted to go home. As she stood up and grabbed her things, she heard someone crying just a few feet away from where she was. She furrowed her brows as she looked around, she could’ve sworn that everyone had left, the last people who left the school were the volleyball team so why would there be anyone here?

She walked slowly to the entrance of the school, hoping she wouldn’t find anyone, and it had just been her mind making it up, but the moment she appeared in the entrance, she found y/n sitting on the stairs with her head buried on her knees. She furrowed her brows and looked around, confused as to what was happening.

“Y/n?”

Y/n looked up and gasped as she noticed Natasha. “Romanoff- what are you…what are you doing here?” She wiped her face with her sleeve and sniffed.

“Don’t do that. I heard you crying.”

“As if you cared anyway.” Y/n stood up and grabbed her things before she started walking to the opposite direction.

“Hey!” Natasha followed her. “I’m not a bitch like you, okay? I didn’t…I didn’t mean to say that that day. It just slipped.”

Y/n turned as she laughed. “Oh please.” She looked at her. “You were dying to tell me that, I noticed you always staring at me, I can tell you hate me, and I don’t fucking know why.”

“Oh…the perfect girl curses.” Natasha teased as she grinned.

“I’m not perfect! I’m tired of everyone thinking I am, I’m fucking not! And I am so fucking tired that everyone thinks I am, I am so done!” Y/n cried out as she ran her hands through her hair, trying to breathe. She sobbed softly as she noticed what she had said.

Natasha’s smile disappeared as she stared at her. “What?”

“I’m so tired, Natasha.” Y/n sobbed. “I can’t do this anymore. This- this pressure.” She looked away as she wiped her face. “My parents make me do all this. So they can talk about me and be like ‘I have the perfect daughter’ and I don’t wanna be that girl anymore.” She groaned. “I’m freaking 16! I should be enjoying my life, I should be enjoying high school! I don’t want to waste it anymore in studying and social events and fucking ted talks and shit.” She let out a shaky breathe.

Natasha looked at the floor, embarrassed because of what she had said before. “I’m sorry.”

Y/n shook her head. “You have a right to hate me.” She laughed. “I’m annoying.”

Natasha laughed. “What you do is annoying…not you.” She slowly looked up at y/n.

Y/n looked at Natasha as she furrowed her brows. “What?”

Natasha shrugged as she stared into y/n’s puffy red eyes. “I don’t think you are annoying. And no…I do not hate you. I was mad about something and-“ she swallowed. “I was jealous.”

Y/n laughed. “Jealous of what?”

“Of other people being all around you. And me…just standing far away.”

“You could’ve said hi.” Y/n raised her brow.

Natasha smirked and walked closer to y/n. “Hi. Wanna go eat some burgers?”

Y/n chuckled as she blushed. “Is this you inviting me on a date?”

“Could be our first date.” Natasha grinned.

Y/n stared at her for a moment as she grinned. “I never thought I would be able to get your attention. I hate attention…but I wanted yours.”

Natasha smiled. “Now you have it. You always have.”

Y/n nodded. “Let’s go for burgers.” She chuckled as they both started walking together.

____________________

“Who are you looking for? Your parents are staring at you.” Kate whispered as she stood beside y/n.

Y/n shook her head. “I don’t care. Just-“ She turned to her side and smiled as she noticed Natasha standing a few feet away from you, smirking at you. “I’ll be back.” She said walking to Natasha.

Kate furrowed her brows as she turned and gasped, jumping. “Yes! She finally got a girlfriend.” She clapped.

“Were you waiting for someone special?”

Y/n smiled. “No. Just for a pretty girl.”

Natasha grinned. “You’re gonna do amazing.”

“Well-“

“No. You’ll be amazing, and I’ll be here cheering for you.”

Y/n smiled. “Just what I needed.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Don’t get too excited. We only had one date.” She smirked. “And if you win, you’ll have a second one.”

“What if I don’t win?”

Natasha squinted her eyes. “You will win. I’m sure.” She leaned in and kissed y/n’s cheek. “Now go win.”

Y/n blushed as she nodded. “Sure.” She chuckled as she went back to her team.

After all…Natasha didn’t hate y/n.

[the-apprentice-lia]

blood to blood, ashes to ashes.

Your hair falls in limp curtains on either side of your face as you spit blood, letting your head hang. You hiss quietly as the cold air hits your bloodied lip— every inhale feels like fire, let alone the piercing ache in your chest and the cut down your arm.

Your arms are fastened with chains to the ceiling, pulled taut as they rub your wrists raw, and you can't help the cry of pain as he pulls your chin up roughly to meet his hard eyes again.

Your favourite cable-knit jumper is discarded somewhere in the dank, damp room, and your collared shirt is ripped and bloodied.

"Where is Natasha Romanoff?" He speaks softly, slowly, yanking you forward by your chin again. After all, there is no one here to speak over him— and in the quiet of the room, perforated only by the deafening ringing in your ears, his voice is so loud it makes your head hurt.

"Who?" You manage to gasp out before his boot meets your stomach again. A kaleidoscope of colours bursts before your eyes, amorphous, dancing, abstract shapes blurring and running before your vision as your scream cuts off when he pins you to the wall by your already bruised neck.

"Don't play games with me, Professor. I could always just kill you and leave you here for her to find." His tone is almost jovial for the murder threats he delivers so casually. He spreads his hands, raising his shoulders slightly as if to say, 'you have a choice.'

But what choice is that?

"You know she won't rest until she finds you. You'll never have peace again." Your eyes are filled with vehemence, malice permeating every second of the hard look you fix him with as he falters for a second— and then regains his countenance to take you in smugly again.

"And then she'd be playing right into my hands." Comes his playful tone. The message is clear: 'Anything you do, I'll find her despite it. Just co-operate.'

But when have you ever been one to listen to reason?

You think back to when you and Natasha were still dating, when you'd realised that your now-wife had been stashing handguns around the house.

—

"Nat, I know your job is a lot different to mine, but I found a handgun in the closets today!" You gesture towards the sleek, black automatic on the table.

"You can't keep doing this, Nat. Worrying that I'm not going to be safe. I'm a well-kept secret, aren't I?" You speak softly, taking her hands.

Those viridian eyes are hard, yes, but they're also filled with so much hurt and fear— and you know all she's gone through. The Red Room, her mother's murder at the hands of Dreykov, her little sister almost dying— things have been hard, and no matter how much you try to assure her that your campus apartments are safe, you know she needs these handguns around your home.

She needs to know she can keep you safe.

And so, you relent, telling her gently that she can keep five, and no more, in your shared home. She gives you that small half-smile, pulling you to her with an arm hooked around your waist as you bury your head in her neck, closing your eyes as the golden mid-afternoon sunlight filters through the blinds, turning that russet hair you love so much into a kaleidoscope of fiery reds and honeyed oranges.

Natasha knows you understand.

Later, she watches you read on the bed with a soft, open look she reserves only for you, and you can't help but try to reassure her. Although she's there with you, watching you, it feels as if she's miles away, the paperwork in front of her as she sits at the desk long forgotten.

"Nat... you know nothing's going to happen to me, right?" you speak softly into the quiet evening, and her head lifts as her eyes finally flicker up to meet yours.

"You don't know that, malyshka." she matches your timbre, and you set your book down, turning to face her as you tilt your head to the side.

"No, I don't," you admit into the quiet evening, watching as her jaw tenses again. "But I do know that whatever happens, you'll find me."

You bridge the gap between the bed and the desk chair in a moment, settling on Natasha's lap as her hands automatically come up to wrap around you, steadying you as you drop your head to press your forehead to hers.

"I trust you, Nat. With my life."

When she meets your eyes, they're filled with so much love for you that it almost takes you back, the near tangible force of her affection for you hitting you as she surges up to meet your lips.

Your hands wrap around her shoulders, and you know in that moment, that she'll never let you fall.

—

He takes in the steely look in your eyes, and knows you're not going to give him anything. He sighs, pulls on the chains holding you to the ceiling so you jolt, your various injuries screaming at you as you give a sharp cry.

"Well, maybe after a day without any food or water you'll see things differently." You close your eyes briefly, and when you open them again he's a hair's breadth from your face.

You inhale sharply. His eyes are hard as flint, searing into you in a way that makes you dread the next few days.

"I'll be back when you're ready to talk."

—

She can't think, she can't feel, she can't breathe.

You're gone.

You're gone, you're gone, and it's her fault, and everything's too much.

She throws the plate she's been looking at against the wall, feels a bit better. It clears her head.

And she's Natasha fucking Romanoff, and she's going to find you, just like she promised you all those years ago.

She realised what had happened about an hour ago— but she should have much sooner. It was after a fight.

—

"You can't keep doing this, Natasha!" You hate raising your voice, and she winces at the use of her full name, but raises her voice with you nonetheless.

"Doing what, my job?" She knows she's being unfair, knows that all you want from her is her time— but her mission didn't go the way she wanted it to and she's tired and somehow thinking rationally is too hard; it's so much easier to shout.

"I'm not saying you should stop going on missions, Natasha. All I want is for you to go on shorter ones—" you falter, and she realises that you don't sound angry at all. You sound tired, and pleading. "I just want time with you, love, that's all I ask— and I never get it." You run your hand through your hair in that way you only do when you're frustrated, and she just snaps.

She aches so badly to be there for you, but that red on her ledger stains her vision wine-dark every time she closes her eyes, every time she lets herself be happy with you, and some part of her screams for her to push you away before you get hurt— before she hurts you.

"I don't need you whining for my time like a child every waking moment! Maybe I just need you to leave!"

The apartment is silent. You choke back tears, stumbling back through the apartment to throw the door open as Natasha stands there, stock still. She only comes back to herself when she hears the door close softly, only realises what she's done when day turns to night and you're still not there.

Her thoughts are a mess of 'you've finally done it, you've finally ruined everything, finally pushed away the one good thing you have,' until she finally notices that you left with nothing but the clothes you had been wearing.

You haven't even taken your phone. And so she decides, she's going to find you, she's going to beg for your forgiveness; she'll be damned if she's going to push away the one good thing she has, the one thing she can't lose.

Her first stop is, of course, the library. It's the evening now, and she steps between the bookshelves in the dim lighting provided by the reading lights lining the stacks of books— she knows you curl up, knees pulled to your chest, by the bookshelves when things get really bad.

But her heart stops in her chest when she steps between the sixth and seventh shelves— it's right at the back of the library, where nobody would have heard you scream.

Your glasses, twisted and broken, lie on the floor, strewn to the side of a myriad of brutal scratches on the soft wood floor. There are little smudges of blood towards where the scratches and marks peter off.

Her head is empty. It's like she can't comprehend that something's happened to you, the thing she's been scared— no, terrified— of for years; and it's her fault.

—

And now, she pulls herself up from where she's sat with her knees pulled up to her chest for the better part of the last half hour, pulls out her latest burner phone, punches in Clint's number.

Because as much as Natasha Romanoff hates asking for help, she's not going to risk you.

—

You don't know what time it is.

No natural light gets into this tiny, damp prison, and for all you know it could have been weeks but for the fact that you're only hungry enough for it to have been about two days.

You haven't slept, haven't eaten, haven't done anything, save for been beaten bloody and starved, since you've been kidnapped, and by now the hours blend into one another.

As much as you love and trust Natasha, it's a perfectly plausible explanation that you'd simply decided to leave after she had shouted at you— for once, there's an explanation for you disappearing, and you've no doubt your captor knows this.

The large, metal door creaks open on its rusty hinges, and your heart drops into your stomach, adrenaline and terror curling through your limbs.

"She's not coming, Prof." his voice is still almost teasing, and you have to grit your teeth to stop the tears from slipping out.

"You think that's going to make me talk? You may as well kill me. I'm never going to tell you anything." You keep your voice as steady as it can be. If you're going to die, at least your last moments won't be spent pleading.

You can afford her that small mercy— knowing you had a quick death. There's no point in prolonging it.

You turn your chin to the side briefly, closing your eyes for a second as he reveals a sleek automatic from his pocket, cocking it and pointing it at your chest. You have no doubt that he's anything but an excellent marksman.

You're not going to go with your eyes closed, you make up your mind, as you stare right at him. Let him look into your eyes as he takes your life.

"Stop!"

Your head jerks up, your eyes meeting familiar green ones as she walks in slowly, hands held out in front of her as she takes you in with searching eyes.

She closes her eyes briefly as she notes that you're still awake, relief overwhelming her— and it's quickly overtaken by guilt. You look— terrible. You could never be ugly, not to her, but your lip is bruised and bloodied, there's a large red patch on your shirt that hadn't been there before, and you've got nasty-looking lacerations up both your arms.

She says your name so softly that you can't help the tear that traces its way down your cheek.

"Nat," you murmur, wincing as you shift against your chains. You try to speak, to warn her that she shouldn't be here, she can't be here, but she sets her gun on the floor, pulling two out of her boots and another from her jeans before she speaks again, her voice low and hard. "Hawkeye is waiting on the other side of that door. Let her go. You're cornered."

He gives Natasha a grin that makes her insides crawl, levels the gun so it points straight at you. "Ah yes, but they won't stop me before I put a bullet in your pretty wife."

She inhales sharply, gives you a quick glance as if to say 'I'm sorry,' and nods resolutely at your captor.

"Fine. What do you want? Money? Protection?" She's cut off as he chuckles bitterly, hefting the gun in his hand.

"So you really don't recognise me then?" He gives a deranged, unhinged laugh, searching Natasha's face as something more than hatred flickers across his face, raw and open.

Natasha wracks her brain, cursing her many missions and assignments over the years as she struggles to bring to mind who this man could possibly be. She treats the situation carefully, speaking quietly and neutrally as she gestures to the gun.

"I might. If you just put down the gun, we could talk—"

He cuts her off, his voice raised now. It breaks as he speaks, grief and loss lacing the words like poison. "No! I'm not stupid, Ms. Romanoff. I'm aware that the second I put this gun down, I'm a dead man— I know what happens to people who threaten your family." He flicks the safety off, hefts it in his hand again as you meet her eyes, silently conveying how much you love her in that moment as she tears her eyes away from you to face him.

"You killed my brother. You were a little fifteen-year-old, and you slit his throat as I watched. Do you remember, Ms. Romanoff? Ilyasanov Knezevic, at your service." He inclines his head as the colour drains from Natasha's face.

"Ilyasonov, I'm so sorry— I can't give you anything that could make up for that—" but he cuts her off again, his laughter maniacal and broken.

"Oh, no, dear Natasha. Blood is to blood, ashes to ashes. I'd see the walls painted red with mine and hers if it meant your ruin."

It only takes Natasha a split second to realise he won't be negotiate, urgency and fear flashing through her eyes as she bolts across the room to where he stands.

Oddly introspective as you watch the scene play out, you realise that the expectation that the moment would pass in the blink of an eye is a complete and utter lie.

Every moment seems as if it drags on to eternity, from the moment Natasha begins to run, to the split second where Ilyasonov's finger finally tightens on the trigger, to the impact in your lower abdomen that feels strangely as if you've been hit by a brick.

The moment time starts again, however, is when Natasha's horrified gaze meets yours. The world seems to hold its breath, sounds strangely muted as if you're underwater and not standing in a dingy basement with a gunshot wound in your abdomen. Everything fades away, save for the glistering, garnet liquid that stains your fingers as you touch them to your stomach.

It resumes again when you crumple to the floor.

Ilyasanov Knezevic has not known fear since a certain scarlet-haired assassin slit his family's throats in front of him. He finds it again now, as Natasha meets his eye.

(How funny, to understand an old friend just as the world flips and fades to nothing before his eyes.)

Knezevic's neck snapped ruthlessly and efficiently, Natasha runs like she's never run before, skidding to her knees just in front of you as she picks the locks of your chains with shaking fingers.

"Love? Hey, look at me. Please?" She can't keep the frantic, coursing fear from her voice as she hears the final lock click and she practically rips them off your wrists, lowering you gently into her arms as she smooths your hair away from your forehead.

Why is everything so quiet?

It's difficult to hear anything over the ringing in your ears, and you're just about to let sleep take you when her voice breaks through your daze. It's broken, and pleading, and your eyes flutter open to meet hers as she lets out a deep breath, pressing her forehead to yours.

"Please, malyshka. I need you to stay awake for me. Okay?" Her breath catches in her throat as she takes in how tired, how completely finished you look. This is her fault. "Hey, nod that you understand. I need you to nod!" she doesn't realise she's raised her voice, raw desperation lacing her words, until you flinch away, and she squeezes her eyes shut for a second before giving you that small smile of hers, smoothing her thumb along your cheekbone as your head rests in the crook of her arm. She can't do this, she can't do this, she can't lose you.

"Prosti, lyubov'." She presses a kiss to your forehead. "Please. I just need you to stay awake for a few more minutes, okay? Help will be here soon."

You smile at her softly, and Natasha's heart gives an unruly jolt as she sees the red lining your lips.

"Nat. You know I love you more than anything. Don't you?" Your voice is soft, laboured, and she winces slightly, tears slipping down her face despite her insistence that she has to be strong for you, that smile she only gives you tugging at her lips as she smoothes the hair away from your cheeks, peppers your face with kisses as you give her a quiet laugh, and then a deeper wince.

"I need you to know, that you have always been enough. Okay, Nat?" She nods her head through the tears, squeezing her eyes shut and then forcing them open to meet those sea-glass irises she loves to gaze into so much. "I love you. So much." Tears slip down your cheeks as you laboriously reach up your hand to cup her cheek. She places her palm over your hand, holding it to her cheek as she presses her forehead to yours.

"Just a little longer. Just a little longer, please, please." She begs, Natasha Romanoff begs you as your eyes flutter shut. She grits her teeth and then, where her left hand staunches the blood flow from your wound, gives you a good, hard press.

Your eyes fly open as you cry out, a broken off, raw scream as tears fall down Natasha's cheeks alongside you. Your breath comes in ragged pants, and she applies slightly more pressure as your vision goes white, your back arching off the ground and into Natasha.

"Shh, shh," comes her frantic voice, her lips pressing to your sweaty forehead in a quiet promise. You will make it out of here. You will.

When the S.H.I.E.L.D medic division arrives and Clint directs them to where you lie cradled in Natasha's arms, she almost physically cannot let you go. It's like a part of her is being ripped away, one she— she's not sure is coming back.

The flashing lights stain the grey sky a technicolored, tangled, mess, and a part of Natasha dies beneath the muted, bleached moonlight.

—

When you come to, the first thing you realise is that there's nothing around your wrists.

You let your eyes flutter open, the harsh fluorescent lighting of your private hospital room burning itself into your retinas as you groan softly, bringing your hand up to rub your eyes— and then stilling as something is pulled taut.

As sound and colour come back to you, you notice the quiet beeping in the background and the blossoms of indigo blue and soured green and yellow that blare out at you from in-between the bandages covering your torso and arms. That's the next thing you notice. The muted throbbing in your abdomen.

And then it all comes back to you. The basement. Ilyasonov. Natasha— and... the gunshot. You bring your hand to rest lightly on your bandaged abdomen, and let your gaze flicker up from the monitor to the door, sweeping around the room until they land on a familiar redhead.

"Nat?" you call out before you can help yourself.

Her head jerks up as if she's been yanked, and when her eyes meet yours it's as if a part of her is restored. She's across the room in a heartbeat, her hands darting up to touch you— and then stilling, shaking, over you.

You give her a smile, and suddenly her hands are cupping your face, her soft lips are on yours, and you prop yourself up on your elbow to run your fingers through her hair. You gasp as she nips your lower lip, and she takes the opportunity to search your mouth. It's not consuming, not passionate and overtaking in the way you're so used to with Natasha, but rather soft and undemanding, filled with so much love and hope and relief.

When you finally break away, you pat the bed beside you, moving up so she can lie next to you. You wrap an arm around her waist, tucking your nose into her neck and just inhaling her familiar scent as she finally feels herself relax after days of worrying, of panicking, of not knowing. And then, your lips press gently to her neck and words are spilling from her mouth, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, please forgive me," words so foreign that you stop in your tracks and pull back slightly to look at her.

"Nat. You don't have anything to be sorry for. That was the Red Room. Not you. Do you hear me?" You feel her soften against you as her lips meet your hair.

"I— I don't know what I would do without you." She says your name so softly, so full of love, that your brow furrows against her neck.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me, love." You press another kiss to her neck as her arm encircles you, pulling you gently into her side even more.

"I know. I wouldn't have it any other way." Her voice is soft, quiet.

She rubs your back, sings to you, which is a rarity, as you fall asleep— and when you're finally sleeping peacefully, she tips her head back beneath that bright white light, and lets her eyes close, tears tracing their way down her cheeks as she exhales shakily.

She has you. She has you, and she knows it's going to be alright.

[peachyteabuck]

i am your salvation // natasha romanoff x reader

summary: a prequel to old school (make me drool) and good behavior. reading those isn’t necessary to read this

a commission for @smuttyficwhore 

pairing: natasha romanoff x reader

words: 2265

content warnings:  heavy md/lg, forced age regression, manipulation, drugging

ask box / masterlist / ko-fi

Bunny’s head is fuzzy. Her mouth feels dry and her lips heavy like cement, body unable to move as she sits at Natasha’s feet. Her head rests against Natasha’s knees, mouth half open as she attempts to sort her thoughts into an order that makes sense. Every time she tries, though, it’s like she’s trying to put a puzzle together with gloves made of lead, and every puzzle piece is from a different boxed set.

“You okay, little one?” Natasha asks, smoothing her hand over Bunny’s hair. After a long pause, Natasha sighs. “Have you eaten at all today? Are you drinking enough?”

She stay quiet, attempting to hide her face in the fold of her large sweatpants. No, she hadn’t. She’d been staying with Natasha for the last few weeks while her apartment was being fumigated for something – rats, termites, some invasive vermin she can’t remember the name of – and she had been home enough that she always initiated meal and snack times. Without the smell of eggs and waffles waking her up in the morning, she’d completely forgotten to eat. And, apparently, drink.

Slowly, keeping her forehead pressed against the warm fabric, she shakes her head.

“Oh, darling baby,” Natasha sighs, leaning down to look at her failing to hide. She was reading on the couch before Bunny interrupted her and places her thick book aside with the sticky note she’s using as a bookmark keeping her place. “What did I say? You can’t just not eat, love. Let’s order us some lunch.”

She watches from her position on the floor as she fishes her phone from the pocket of her sweatpants. It’s been raining since late last night, raindrops beating at the windows with the occasional thunder and lightning combination dropping the temperature and her desire to be fully awake. It had been easy for Natasha to nudge her awake with small, feathery face kisses before leading her into the living room and letting her sleep on a thick, pink mat on the floor (the couch was really high and she liked to spread out in her sleep, so it really only made sense).

“What do you want, love?” she asks, scrolling through what she’s guessing are various food delivery apps on her phone. For whatever reason she finds herself unable to say anything, stuck looking up at Natasha with large, wanting eyes. “Anything in particular?”

Bunny stays silent.

“Alright,” Natasha says with a small smile, moving a single finger towards her face to boop! at her nose. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head, I’ll order for you.”

She lets her mind wander as she scrolls, watching through the window as two birds flitted around a ceramic bird bath she’d watch Natasha install before fall had set in. The little water left had iced over, and the only animals that Bunny could see were the occasional plump squirrel hunting for the scraps she occasionally threw outside when they went on walks around the large property.

“Hm, this looks good,” Natasha mumbles to herself. A few minutes later you hear the familiar chime of an order being placed. Whatever Natasha picked for me is going to be good, Bunny reminds herself. Whatever Natasha picked for me I will like.

Natasha speaks again, grabbing her book and phone. “Alright, let’s go set up lunch for when it arrives.”

She gives her a small nod and follow her into her massive kitchen, sitting in the same chair she sat in that morning when they had breakfast together. The dining room and kitchen are both huge, Natasha’s minimalist style and eye for interior design apparent even in a space she rarely uses (as she doesn’t enjoy cooking all that much, and certainly doesn’t enjoy cleaning (the meals Natasha and the others eat together are often catered, with a particular personal chef coming in and hired help cleaning up afterwards). But she made certain exceptions for Bunny, like now, and the younger woman was especially appreciative of Natasha going out of her comfort zone for her.

“Are there any special requests?” Natasha asks, gesturing to the large cabinets. Bunny was known to be picky, and she wanted to respect that. After a few seconds, Bunny points.

“You want to eat off a big girl plate?” Natasha asks, following Bunny’s crooked finger to the large ceramic plates stacked on top of each other in the cabinet. She nods. “No, no. Your princess plate is pretty and plastic so you won’t break it baby.”

She’s confused – she’d lasted this long without needing any sort of special dish or silverware, why now? What’s changed? But she says nothing, worried that if she makes any sort of fuss she’ll upset Nat. She’s done so much for Bunny, so why would she question her? Especially now that she’s bought her lunch.

Bunny watches as she brings two plates to the table she sits at (one ceramic, one plastic), placing them onto the table before going to grab silverware. In a moment of relief she can’t explain, she unclenches her jaw just a tad when she sees regular silverware on her plate. When she realizes there’s only one knife, though, her protestations are cut off when Natasha’s phone vibrates loudly on the table.

“Oh!” she says, surprised. “Bunny, our food’s here!”

She leaves for the front door where the food’s been dropped off, leaving her in her silent shock near the table. It’s probably fine, right? she wonders as she sits down, wringing her small hands under the table. Natasha’s always been protective, looking for me when I needed her. She helped you when your car broke down right before finals, when your backpack was stolen and you needed to replace your laptop and phone and expensive textbooks. She even helped you get a passing grade in that one class you knew you needed to graduate but was only offered once an academic year. She’s always been so good to you, even when you first met and she paid for your groceries after she found out your cupboards were bare. You should be more grateful, she tells herself. And stop second guessing everything she does. She cares about you – way more than anyone else ever has. Don’t second guess her.

By the time her nervous internal soliloquy has ended, Natasha is pulling various paper containers out of a large brown paper bag. Putting each box on either Natasha’s left or Natasha’s right, she then opens each, revealing the food inside.

Indeed, she picked out some of Bunny’s favorite comfort foods: two grilled cheeses, some fries, a small cup of pickle slices, and a container of fruit punch. Damn, she knows Bunny well.

Natasha plates the food silently, moving everything into their corresponding plates and bowls, going to the fridge at one point to grab the ketchup for Bunny’s fries. All Bunny had to do was sit there, watching as her food was plated and prepared. When Natasha comes back, ketchup in one hand and another knife in the other, your heart barely races as she sits down near you.

“Let me cut your food up for you, sweetheart. You’re too little for such big bites. You could choke!” Natasha cuts up the grilled cheese with her own knife and fork into bite-sized pieces that she moves into a small section of Bunny’s plate. She furrows her brow, confused, because she’d always eaten her grilled cheeses with just one slice down the middle…but again, who was she to question? Natasha’s older than she is, and richer, too. She obviously knows better.

Natasha preps the rest of the plate for her too, the plastic dish large enough so that her fries, the grilled cheese, and the large dollop of ketchup aren’t touching. Even the little slices of pickle remain in their own little pile. It’s not bad, she does in fact not like when the juices from her pickle (or, often, pickles) each other foods…but this seems a little extreme. She’s about to say something before Natasha tuts her, grabbing a fork and stabbing it into one of the pieces of Bunny’s food.

“C’mon, angel,” she coos. “Eat up, I don’t want you to have a big old tummy ache later when the kitchen is closed.”

Bunny scrunches her face up, but eventually takes the fork in her own hand and takes the bite. Though she does it begrudgingly, Bunny clears her plate easily, munching lazily as goes back to reading her book. Sometimes she’ll laugh and read parts from it, even though she doesn’t understand all the words she’s using. She likes the shorter books about tree homes and time travel that are short, but Nat likes big, thick books about the military or history. It’s boring, but she likes the way Natasha looks when she’s focused, so she doesn’t say anything about that. Instead, she munches and watches her eyes as she eats her own lunch – a salad (gross) with cheese that smells bad and grilled chicken with iced tea (the unsweetened kind that made her face scrunch up when she gave her a small sip), her book kept open with the large salad bowl as she occasionally flips the page.

Bunny sits in silence, eyes either on the empty plate in front of her or Natasha. It takes awhile for the other woman to finish her food, as she chews every bite thoroughly and often pauses when reading an especially riveting passage. When Natasha is finally done eating she silently clears the plates, putting them in the sink for her maid to take care of later.

“You want to nap, baby?” Natasha asks as Bunny stares down at where her empty plate once laid.  

“Mm-mm,” she replies with a small shake of her head. Bunny isn’t tired, she’d slept in that morning and dozed off a few times while watching that movie earlier before Natasha was reading (it was boring, and dark, and had no doggies in it). She wasn’t really tired, so why would she nap? “’M not sleepy.”

Natasha gives a small laugh as she clears both of their plates, putting them in their proper places in the dishwasher. “Oh no, it’s nap time, baby,” she says, her words tinted with a small scoff. “Even if you’re not sleepy, you’ll be sleepy later and I don’t want you to get fussy.”

Bunny can’t find a reason besides the lack of tiredness to deny herself slumber, and has never been good at arguing with anyone (and especially not Natasha, who always seems to know best), so she backs off. “O-okay,” she mumbles, so soft she’s not even sure she said anything.

“Alright, baby girl. Let me prepare you something to drink and then we’ll go nap, okay, sweetie?” she says more than asks Bunny, who gives the older woman a small nod. She watches as Natasha gets a travel cup with a straw, facing away from her as she fills it and mixes one of those drink packets into it (Natasha says she’s worried about Bunny getting sick now that it’s getting colder outside).

When Natasha turns back, Bunny gets up to follow her into the bedroom they’ve been sharing. Natasha’s bed is large – the largest Bunny has ever seen – and mysteriously always made. Natasha gets in first, sitting against the numerous large pillows, somehow carrying her book, Bunny’s drink, and her phone without spilling anything. “Come sit with me, princess. Come lay in my lap.”

Bunny does as she’s told.

“Here’s your bottle, baby,” Natasha coos, gently nudging the straw into Bunny’s mouth. “Here, I’ll hold it, don’t worry. We don’t want it to spill on your clothes, do we? Just put your hands on your tummy and relax.”

Natasha gives Bunny a small kiss on her temple, cooing and murmuring small, sweet praises into her ear. “So good for me,” whispered right before “Keep drinking, love.” It’s nice, peaceful. Her arms are warm around you, and the rhythmic rising and falling of her chest soon puts you to sleep. Natasha smiles into Bunny’s hair, smelling the baby shampoo she’d used when she bathed Bunny earlier.

“Such a good little one for Mommy, aren’t you?” she says quietly, setting her book aside to full take Bunny into her muscular arms. “Such a well behaved little thing…you know when I first saw you I thought you were going to be so much harder to break, but look at you…it’s only been, what, eight months? And you’re taking what’s pretty damn close to a sippy cup without much prodding. Princess took ages, the little brat. Doll was probably broken pretty instantly but I don’t quite enjoy Bucky’s methods, if you know what I mean…” she gives herself a little laugh, thinking of how she saw Bucky’s basement when he’d called her and said he found the one. “You’re my one and only, Bunny, and even if what Bucky does worked for him, I never want to see you hurt like that…you’ve been through enough…”

She sniffles at that, remembering what you’d told her about your life before college, and even in college. She would never let you feel pain like that again. No matter what it took.

“But don’t worry, Bunny,” she continues. “I’ll always be here to keep you safe. To keep you warm on cold days and cool on warm days. I’ll buy you any paci or stuffie you want, any clothes you want, too. And I’ll do this for the rest of time. As long as you’re with me, you’ll never have to worry about anything ever again…”

[harksness]

Sleeping Habits

Kinktober (now Hoevember) Day 4!

A/N: The short, curly red hair is my favorite Nat hairstyle. I just think it suits her the best compared to the other ones. I'm not biased bcs I also have short, curly red hair I promise. But I hope you all enjoy!! I'm hoping to have the last few out very soon. I'll be able to be more reliable with my uploads once I finish college next month.. I'm sorry about the delays 😭

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Smut! Somnophilia. Less kinky more soft n sweet.

Moments like this are too few and far between.

Typically, you come home after a long shift to a cold bed since Natasha is often away on some top secret mission. But here she finally is- snoozing soundly and keeping the bed warm as she waits for your return. You smile as you watch her sleeping form, the redhead completely enraptured by slumber with a peaceful aura surrounding her and her features calm and content. 

A bit of pride swells in your chest at the realization the Black Widow feels safe enough with you to let her guard down and truly sleep. In the beginning of your relationship, she’d stay awake or would be woken up by the littlest sound or movement on your end, but now when you sleep together it seems as if it's the only time she'll let herself completely succumb to slumber and fully rest. Sometimes she even sleeps so hard that she drools a bit and snores softly. You lean against the doorframe to your shared bedroom as you slip off your shoes as silently as possible.

You approach the bed, admiring how beautiful she is. Her curled locks are an absolute mess, sticking to her cheeks and splayed out on the pillow beneath her head. Her features are relaxed and lips slightly parted as she lets out soft puffs of air.

The blankets have long since been kicked from her body in response to the intense summer heat, and you've never been so grateful for such miserable weather because it allows you to admire her beauty. Your eyes trail down her pale skin that’s illuminated by the moonlight, your gaze catching on her moles and freckles, trying to commit every detail to memory. She’s wearing nothing but a tight black tank top that has ridden up to show the soft flesh of her lower abdomen and a pair of black underwear.

You suddenly remember a conversation the two of you had the last time she was home about trying something new in bed. An internal battle wracks your brain momentarily as you go back and forth, torn between excitement over trying this for the first time and feeling guilty over possibly waking her from her much needed sleep. 

Natasha also bet you that you couldn’t do this without waking her up. That she would catch you before you even started pleasuring her. Her keen assassin senses are just too sharp, she insisted, but now you’re determined to prove her wrong.

That thought ends your internal debate. 

You swallow hard as you approach the end of the bed. You count yourself lucky that she’s already laying on her back, legs spread just a bit. She really can be a bed hog sometimes. You and Clint once joked about that at a late night Avenger’s party, Tony and Steve eagerly absorbing every detail about her unexpected sleeping habits so they could tease her about it later.

You carefully raise one leg, resting your knee against the end of the mattress and sinking your weight into the plush bedding as slowly as you can manage. You listen to her breathing, focusing intensely on her features for any sign of her having woken up. You cautiously move your other leg onto the bed. 

Once both of your knees are balanced on the end of the mattress, you carefully lower yourself so that your face is in between her soft thighs. You hold your breath as her own breathing hitches before returning to normal. You let out a controlled sigh of relief, scared of waking her up.

You raise a hand and softly ghost your fingers over her underwear, biting your lip eagerly when you feel how wet she is already. Another hitch in her breath and another pause from you. Once again, when her breathing regulates you continue your movements, ensuring that your touch starts out as light as it can possibly be. 

Your gaze is constantly flickering from her slumbering features to where your fingers are against her. You increase the pressure, now softly grinding your fingers into her.

No sign of her being awake yet.

She lets out a soft moan that’s all breath and clouded in sleep. That’s how you are positive she’s still sleeping, Natasha is usually quiet and controlled when you have sex, but with her mind hazy she obviously can’t control her volume. It's music to your ears.

You press down a bit harder, now being able to find a rhythm and search for the spot that will give her pleasure. You don’t press down too hard yet, though, hoping to slowly get her accustomed to your touch so that you don’t wake her up right away.

You can feel her growing wetter with each drag of your fingers. You take your time, softly toying with her and teasing her as you begin grinding your fingers up into her more firmly, a soft sigh leaving Natasha's lips.

Your eyes flicker up to her features. She’s still asleep. You count your lucky stars at that.

Carefully, you pull her underwear to the side. You make sure that your movements are still slow and cautious, determined to keep her asleep for as long as possible. You lean in, and lick softly at her wet folds. It's gentle and cautious, the tip of your tongue just ghosting over her.

The strokes of your tongue become more firm as you lick broad stripes through her folds. You drag your tongue from her entrance to her clit, deciding to try your luck and softly, oh so softly suck on the little bud before slipping your tongue lower and toying with her entrance.

Her soft sighs have become more regular, and your heart swells. You’re reveling in Natasha’s sweet noises. You'll need to do this more often, you think to yourself as your eyes slide closed and you get lost in the feeling of her. You’ve missed her, and being able to express your love for her like this. 

The frequency of her content sighs should have you alarmed and being more cautious but you don’t care anymore. You’ve already won the bet, you just want to hear more of her. 

You slip your tongue inside of her and she lets out a breathy moan before threading her fingers into your hair. You immediately freeze, your eyes snapping to hers. She’s looking down at you with traces of sleep still on her features.

“Oh, don’t stop on my account..”

Her words are slightly slurred, eyes half lidded. You heed her words and continue your movements, desperate to please the woman above you. 

Natasha’s head rolls back as you press your mouth against her more firmly. She sighs, running her fingers through your hair as she lazily rolls her hips against your face.

The redhead hums in pleasure, grabbing your hair more tightly and pressing your face into her. You moan, the noise muffled because of how your mouth is occupied. She takes control of you, and you’re quick to give her what she wants.

She’s letting out breathy noises, her eyes closed as she wraps a leg around your shoulder, continuing to fuck your face. Again, you moan into her at her desperation.

You guide your tongue in and out of her, swaying your head from side to side to make sure your nose brushes her clit.

“M’ close..”

She mumbles out, pressing her heel into your back and trying to have you as close to her as humanly possible. Everything around you is Natasha and you don't know how you ever went a second without her. You wrap your arms around her thighs, enjoying the feeling of her soft skin in your palms as you get lost in her.

You double your efforts, not caring if you suffocate right here and now. You’d die happy.

You’re licking at her desperately, your tongue growing tired as you meet the desperate roll of her hips against your face. You persevere through the fatigue, however, wanting nothing more than to see her writhe in pleasure for you again.

Her grip on your hair makes your scalp sting in the best way as she pulls you closer, her leg tensing around your shoulder as she sits up a bit, leaning back on her elbow. You’re in heaven watching her. 

Watching as the usually stoic and controlled woman loses herself is hypnotic as she heaves for air, red curls sticking to her neck and forehead as her face contorts in pleasure, the buck of her hips against your face becoming more frantic. 

You watch with wide eyes as she moans once more, her thighs and hand tensing in a death grip around your shoulders and in your hair as she snaps.

Your fingers are softly biting into the flesh of her thigh as you watch her ride out her pleasure, continuing to roll her hips against your mouth. You help her drag it on for as long as you can, meeting the frantic movements of her hips. You absorb every little detail, how her eyes squeeze shut and the soft noises she makes as she gets lost in pleasure. Her grip on your hair slowly loosens, her leg wrapped around your back relaxing. 

You lean back on your legs, leaving one hand softly gripping her thigh. You can’t find it in you to completely pull away from her, wanting to be touching her in some way or another as you heave for air, wiping your lips and chin across the back of your hand. 

You squeeze the flesh comfortingly, tracing random patterns onto her skin with your thumb. Natasha’s chest rises and falls below you as she catches her breath.

She tilts her head forward, meeting your gaze. A suggestive smirk overtakes her lips as she watches you, raising a hand and reaching out for you. 

“I think I should apologize for underestimating you..”

You return her smirk with one of your own as you lean forward, and she grabs your shoulder and guides you so that you’re leaning over her. You grin down at your girlfriend. 

“Well.. If you insist..”

Natasha threads her fingers into your hair once again, guiding you to meet her lips halfway as she crashes her mouth against yours.

[marvelouslytrekking]

Ya’aburnee

Pairing: Natasha/reader Summary: You have the gift of prophecy, you don’t truly see it as a gift though, especially when you get one that tells you of your own demise.  Word Count: 3738 Warnings: Angst, major character death, endgame (which does deserve a warning lol) A/N: So I am obsessed with Halsey if you didn’t know and their new album is just amazing and I am in love. Anyway when listening to the last song on the album Ya’aburnee, the line “You will bury me before I bury you” stood out to me and I immediately thought of a scenario where that would be literal. So I had to write it. Also to write this I had to rewatch Infinity War and Endgame so I tortured myself for the art..... Anyway enjoy! And remember Feedback Fuels my soul

Being able to see the future was always more of a curse than a gift. You can’t think of any time that it has ever been anything but painful. But the worst part was the way your powers gave you the future. It couldn’t be as simple as dreams that depicted the future, it didn’t come to you like a movie or anything so convenient.

You never knew how to describe your ‘gift’ to others, you would just have moments where you just felt like you knew something, and then it would turn out true. Sometimes it was as simple as knowing someone would get you food, other times it was knowing that someone was going to die.

You should have known that at some point you would learn of your own demise, you had seen so many people die and been unable to stop it, you don’t know why realizing you would die took you so off guard.

“Are you okay?” Natasha was always the most perspective to when you had a prediction.

“Fine.” You tried to lie. You knew lying to a superspy wasn’t really going to go well but it was enough for her to leave it for a conversation that you would have not in front of others. The longer you had had your powers, the more you had learned to interpret what they actually meant, it didn’t really ever mean changing the future, that wasn’t something you had mastered yet, but sometimes it did mean having more time to prepare for major events. This one, this one didn’t make any sense. ‘Natasha will bury me before I bury her’ logically if you died first, you wouldn’t be able to bury anyone after that. It had to just mean that you were dying first, right?

“Are you going to tell me now?” Nat asked almost as soon as you were alone. You sighed, how do you tell the woman you loved that you were going to die before her, probably soon but you really didn’t know that for sure.

“I- um I think I finally got the prophecy I have dreaded the most.” You told her without meeting her eyes.

“What do you mean?” She asked, note getting what you meant by that.

“Nat, I am so sorry, I think I am going to die soon.” You finally just let it out.

“No.” Natasha shook her head. “I won’t let that happen.”

“I don’t think you get a choice.” You said sadly. You wished you could protect her from this but you didn’t know how.

“What was it exactly?” She asked, you knew she was going to try to figure it out and avoid it, even though it had not worked for you yet.

“It was just one sentence. You will bury me before I bury you”

“That makes no sense,” She frowned.

“I know.” You sighed, “I think it just means I will die before you.”

“But that has no time frame. We may have years.” She tried to rationalize.

“We might. But so far all my predictions have been within a few months at most.” You reminded her.

“Let me know if you get any others that tie to it.” She pleaded, “We will figure this one out.”

“I will but, Nat, I think we need to be prepared for it not to work.” You tried to convince her. You didn’t want this to consume her, you wanted to know that she would be ready to say goodbye when the time comes while being able to enjoy the time you had left.

It wasn’t often that a prediction brought you to your knees, they could be painful or scary but most of the time, you were able to just push the emotion away. Realizing that half of the universe was about to be wiped from existence in an instant had your knees collapsing. Natasha was at your side before you hit the ground.

“What is it?” Panic was written on her face as she scanned your own trying to figure out what had happened.

“Something big is coming.” You told her, “The entire universe. Half of it will be dust.”

You could tell she had no idea what to even say, what does one say to that. Especially when the better part of their life had been spent trying to keep the terrors of the universe at bay. She had been part of the team meant to protect the earth, and you had just told her half of everything, including beyond earth, was going to be wiped out.

“We will figure out how to stop it.” Natasha shook her head, trying to convince herself.

Natasha’s phone rang just then, “Hello,” She answered immediately. The only one with the number was Steve, which meant whatever was coming was probably already here. “We are on our way.”

“What’s happening?” You asked, even though it seemed unimportant since you knew the outcome.

“Vision is in trouble.” She told you, quickly gather your things. You joined her, packing as much as you could into your dufflebag. The quinjet was waiting for you when you made it to the randevu spot.

“It’s good to see you,” Steve smiled at the two of you as you boarded. You just gave a small smile back. Natasha felt it better not to say anything right away, hoping you would know more shortly.

“Have you had any predictions lately?” Steve finally asked you after Bruce had filled you all in on everything. You could tell he was hoping for you to say that you either hadn’t or that it had been that you defeated him. The latter was unlikely, in all the years you had had this ability, never were the predictions something good, always the bad, always the heartbreaking.

“If what Bruce is saying is true, that Thanos’s goal is to wipe half the universe out, then I don’t think you want me to answer that.” You told him truthfully.

“Well that’s not reassuring.” Sam muttered.

“I don’t think this is one we can win. Half the universe turns to dust.” You finally told them. You realized that this is probably how you die as well, but there was no need to add that.

The debate on how to stop him started immediately. Vision thought the best idea was to destroy the stone, something Wanda could supposedly do, but of course no one was going to agree to that. Then suddenly Bruce has an idea and you are all heading to Wakanda to try and save Vision, and stop Thanos.

“Nat, can we talk?” You asked softly in the back of the quinjet.

“What’s up?”

“I think this is it.” You told her quietly.

“Did you have another prediction?” She asked concerned.

“No, no, this one is just a feeling.” You sighed, “if half the universe does turn to dust, I don’t think I get out of it alive.”

“Well good thing we aren’t going to let Thanos win.” She told you.

“We will try. But if we don’t, I just need you to know how much I love you, I need you to promise not to blame yourself. If this ability has taught me anything it’s that destiny is something that you can not change and that if something is meant to be that is what will happen, just, remember that please.”

“I am not losing you.” Natasha shook her head. You could tell that she was trying to keep her emotions at bay but she wasn’t fooling you. You sighed realizing that this wasn’t something you were going to get through to her, but you had at least tried and were able to tell her how much you loved her one more time if something did happen.

“Stay here with Wanda and Vision.” Natasha told you.

“No, I am going with you.” You frowned, she never benched you.

“Please,” You nearly heard her voice break. It hit you, she was trying to limit the chance of you being hurt.

“Okay” You finally agreed. You caught a look from Steve, like he knew there was more that you hadn’t said but he wasn’t going to ask, not now.

“And someone get this man a shield” T’Challa called out and suddenly everything went to chaos. Shuri was focused on trying to fix Vision, while you and Wanda waited anxiously.

“Oh shit, Wanda!” You said noticing the large saw-like vehicles break through the ground.

“I’ll be back” She said, quickly leaving to help on the battlefield leaving you to watch from afar. You breathed a sigh of relief when she diabled the destructive ships, but the sigh premature celebration when suddenly you realized that someone was here trying to get to Vision.

You were easily tossed aside as you tried to stop them from getting to him. “Vision no!” You yelled as you watched him take him out of the room through the window. With vision went all your hope of changing fate.

“If this is my destiny I will go out fighting.” You decided, taking the fastest route to get to the action. As you were running towards the fight with Thanos, you felt the familiar pull of a prediction, though this one felt different, like this one was urgent, like this was trying to change everything else.

“The head! Go for the head!” You screamed as you watched Thor descend with an axe in hand. But you were too late, you watched as the axe landed right in his chest.

“You should have listened to her and went for the head.” Thanos said before he snapped his finger, and suddenly disappeared into thin air.

“Where did he go?” Steve asked, looking around frantically.

“Steve,” You heard a strained voice come from Bucky as he turned to dust, his gun dropping to the ground where he had once been.

“Natasha!” You rushed to her side, realizing you were soon to follow.

“This is it, I am so sorry.” Your hands barely made it to her before they disappeared.

“No, no, I can’t lose you. Not you,” She nearly sobbed, as she watched you turning to dust in what felt like slow motion.

“This was my destiny. I-” your last words were cut off as you dissolved into nothing more than dust.

“So let’s get them and use them to get everyone back.” Carol said, as if it was the most obvious thing.

“Just like that?” Bruce was skeptical of the plan.

“Yeah just like that.” Steve agreed.

“I think there is a chance this could work, and if there is, we owe it to everyone not in this room to try it.” Natasha said, it suddenly dawned on her, you prediction hadn’t made sense at first but suddenly it did. “Wait, I think this will work.”

“Where’s the sudden confidence coming from?” Rhodey asked, he was all for trying but wasn’t sure why she was so certain it would work.

“She predicted her own death. We hadn’t told anyone because it didn’t seem relevant, and honestly we were both confused. It was that I would bury her, before she buried me.” Natasha began to explain her thoughts. “But for that to make any sense, she would have to come back. Her predictions always came true, no matter what we tried, so I believe that this will work. We have to be able to get her back.”

“Even so, how do we know it is going to end any differently than before?” Bruce finally asked, after a moment of silence.

“Because before you didn’t have me.” Carol pointed out.

“I used the stones to destroy the stones.” Thanos explained. Natasha tried to wrap her head around what that meant but it felt impossible. She was a master at her emotions and yet the thought of never getting you back had tears forming in her eyes. She wasn't going to be able to save you and she didn’t know how she was meant to live with that.

“We have to tear this place apart, they have to be here somewhere, he’s lying.”

“My father is many things, but a liar is not one.” Nebula said solemnly.

“Thank you daughter, perhaps I treated you too harshly.” Before anything else could be said, Thor’s ax was raised and with one fast sweep, the blade took off the titan’s head.

“What did you do?” Rocket asked in disbelief.

“I went for the head.” Thor said, almost as if he was in another place entirely. He made his way out of the hut, leaving everyone else to try and comprehend what had just transpired.

5 Years Later~

“I know it sounds crazy but-” Scotty continued to ramble on.

“Scott- I get emails from a racoon, nothing sounds crazy anymore.” Natasha cut him off.

“Well who do we talk to about this?”

It was obvious that there really was only one person to talk to. Tony. He was the only one who could pull it off if it even was possible. It was a long shot, Tony had made a life for himself, he didn’t really want to be bothered, he had made peace with what had happened. But Natasha hadn’t and she refused to stop until you were back.

“I’ve got my second chance right here and I can’t roll the dice on that.” Tony told them. “If you don’t talk shop you can stay for lunch.”

“He’s scared.” Natasha sighed as they walked away. She understood, but she also couldn’t help but be disappointed.

“So what, we give up?” Scott asked, frustrated.

“No, we just need someone with a big brain,” Steve suggested.

“Bigger than his?”

“Hey, hey look at me? Are you okay” Natasha rushed to Clint’s side as he reappeared.

“It worked,” He said, lightly tapping her with a baseball glove.

Now that they knew time travel worked, they had to figure out where best to get the stones from. They only had enough Prym Particles to make one round trip each, which meant that their plan had to be perfect. No room for error.

“Wait guys, if you pick the right year, there are three stones in New York.”

“Shut the front door.” From there the plan was hatched, every detail figured out. Who would go where and how they were going to get the stones.

Thor and Rocket were going to Asgard to retrieve the Reality Stone. Rodney and Nebula were heading to Morag to get the Power Stone. Natasha and Clint were heading to Vormir to retrieve the Soul Stone, while Tony, Steve, Bruce and Scott would head to New York.

“Wow, under different circumstances this would be totally awesome” Clint said as they made it to Vomir and were looking at the planet from the spaceship. Natasha couldn’t help but think how traveling in space had always been a goal of yours.

Hiking up the side of a mountain wasn’t exactly what either of them expected when they were chosen for this stone, but nonetheless they made the climb. They also didn’t expect to find someone else on the planet, someone who knew them. Someone who told them that only one could leave with the stone, that they had to lose what they loved.

“He’s lying,” Clint tried.

“I don’t think he is.”

“Cause he knew your dad’s name?”

“I didn’t” That seemed to silence Clint for a moment.

“If we don’t get this stone millions of lives don’t come back.”

“I think we know who it has to be,” Clint finally agreed.

“Yes,” Natasha agreed.

“I have a feeling we are thinking of two different people.” Clint sighed.

“It has to be me. It’s what she predicted.” Natasha told him. It made sense now. To bring back the one she loved she would never even get to be back with her. Her life for yours and billions of others didn’t even seem like a hard choice to make.

Clint didn’t think the same way. He felt that he should be the one. The last 5 years had been rough on him, and he felt this was his way of making up for what he had done.

It wasn’t surprising that they couldn’t agree on it, the fight to see who would sacrifice themselves was desperate. One where they were each trying to save their best friend while still knowing the result was their own demise.

Clint thought he had won, he had jumped off the edge, but Natasha was faster. Soon he was caught, hanging from the ledge, gripping onto Natasha. He was desperate to try and find a way to switch their spots but she was good, it wasn’t something he could undo.

“This is my destiny,” Natasha assured him, “It’s okay. Just, tell her I loved her.”

“No!” Clint yelled as she kicked off the wall, there was nothing he could do, she was ripped from his grip, falling to her end before he could think to do anything.

You blinked your eyes, looking around it seemed like you were right where you had died, though it was different, less evidence of a battle, it was quieter too. Was this what heaven was? You had to be dead, there was no other explanation, your prediction said you would die and you had, you watched yourself disintegrate.

Before you knew it, Wanda was helping you up, you were reunited with those who had been fighting with you. “Where’s Nat?” You asked as you looked around.

Your question was left unanswered as a portal began to open up in front of you. You were needed for another battle, it had been 5 years and Thanos was back again and you had to make sure he didn’t get the stones again.

All you really cared about was getting Natasha back but if you had to fight first, you would. As the portal opened to the battle, you realized just how much they needed the help, but help was exactly what they got. You tried to search for her with every alien you took down, but you weren’t able to find her. It wasn’t that concerning, it was a big battle, she had to be somewhere.

It wasn’t often that you had a prediction right before it happened, but you could feel the pain that was about to come, you realized that even if you won, you were about to lose something big. Then before you could even try to process that, you saw it, Tony with all 6 stones, he snapped his fingers, and collapsed as all of Thanos’ army turned to dust.

The aftermath was chaos, everyone had finally grasped what had happened. That they had been gone for so long and you all had to deal with what had transpired during the five years you were gone.

“Clint!” You yelled when you finally saw him. You had been searching for Natasha with no luck but if anyone could tell you where she was it would be him.

Clint turned to you, and the look that he gave you made your stomach turn. “I can’t find Nat,”

“I-” Clint paused, he had no idea how to break the news to you. “She’s not here.”

“Where is she?” You didn’t understand. There is no way Natasha would have skipped out on a fight this big.

“I am so sorry.” Clint started, it was starting to dawn on you what he meant but you didn’t want it to be true, your head was shaking, trying to tell him no, he was wrong, whatever he was about to say wasn’t true. “I tried to stop her, it should have been me, but she just had to do it. She said it was her destiny. She thought she was fulfilling your prediction. About you burying her.”

“No!” You broke, you couldn’t have lost Natasha. You had thought that you had more time, you woke up in Wakanda and thought that surely you were destined to have more time with her. You didn’t want to lose her before you even got her back. “She can’t be gone. She had more time. I need her to have more time.”

“I know, I am so sorry.” Clint’s own voice broke. He never wanted it to be her. It should have been him from the beginning.

Tony’s funeral was a beautiful ceremony, one that he deserved. He had managed to save the entire universe from Thanos. You wished with everything that you could have gotten Natasha back, Bruce had told you that he had tried, when he first snapped, he tried to bring her back but it did not work.

You left Tony’s funeral, you went right from his to a cemetery, one where you had given Natasha a gravestone. While your prediction had mostly been true, neither of you had actually had a body to bury. You had turned to dust, and she was left at the bottom of a cliff on a planet you could not make it to, so instead you did what you could, you gave her a tombstone, somewhere you could visit, and somewhere where her life could be honored. While Tony might have saved everyone Natasha made it possible for an everyone to be saved.

“You know I have never hated my gift more than I do now.” You let it out into the open, telling Natasha how you felt. “I had always known that I would eventually have a prediction that would destroy me but this is much worse than I ever could imagine. And then I think about you, you spent 5 years holding out hope, thinking to one sentence to believe I would come back. And I did. I came back for you Nat. But you left me, please do leave me.”

After spending the rest of your evening there, just talking to the stone, not sure what else you do, you finally got up and headed back to your car. You had been filled in on what Nat had been doing the last 5 years and now that half the population just reappeared, you figured her job would be needed now more than ever. You couldn’t think of a better way to honor her, then to keep up the work she had been doing while you had been gone. Maybe you would hold onto some hope that she would come back as she did for you.

[jbbarnesnnoble]

Look Me in the Heart

Summary: [Mel Edit: I goofed and didn’t put the right summary. I am a fool]

You and Natasha have been together for several years. You want forever, and she’s pulling away. 

Features/Warnings: Angst;

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff/Reader

Notes: This is a request from last year that I finally got inspiration to finish. As always, I’m opening to revisiting fics! 

Request:  “Could I request a Natasha x fem!reader fic please? Like one where Nat x r have been together for years but for the last year or so, R has wanted to get married but Nat keeps saying she’ll never get married. Nat doesn’t pay much attention to her anymore. One day, R, Yelena and Nat meet and Yelena pays a lot of attention to R, making her feel real good and making her blush and giggle every time Yelena compliments her/flirts with her. Nat gets annoyed and calls r out once they’re home (1/2)(2/2) They fight and r tells Nat all she’s been feeling lately. Alone, unloved, just there to be a fucktoy for Nat and nothing else. Nat promises her they’ll get help and they’ll fix their relationship, that she’ll try harder and make an effort. Thank you so much :) xx”

Word Count: 1942

Your fist connected with the bag in front of you. It felt good to release the tension that had been building from everything. Fury was on your ass lately about your mission reports. Steve was on your ass about slacking in your training. And you had been stressed by Natasha’s lack of communication.

You and Natasha had been together for several years, since you’d joined the Avengers, just before the fall of SHIELD. You knew what you wanted, and it was forever with her. The topic of marriage was one the both of you danced around. Last time you had brought it up, she brushed it off. You knew you could live without getting married, but it was something you wanted with her and something you’d wanted for some time. You wanted to be on the same page, to know if it was something to put on the shelf. You’d be okay if it wasn’t something she wanted, you just needed to know and an answer was never given. 

“What’d that bag ever do to you Rose?” Sam asked. You jumped a little before looking over to where he was leaning against the wall. You hadn’t seen him come in.

“Everything, Jack,” you joked. It had been a running joke between you and Sam since a mission gone wrong on the water that evoked the infamous scene from Titanic. You both fit on the door. 

“What’s really wrong?” he asked. You sighed. Sam could read you better than anyone, barring Natasha. It was why you two were frequently partners on mission. You worked well together, seamlessly moving from one mission to the next. 

“It’s relationship woes. We had a...disagreement before she left on her mission. I brought up the big M again,” you explained, moving to sit on the bench as you grabbed your bottle of water. Sam sat down beside you. 

“Eventually you two do need to have that discussion. Is that all that’s bothering you?” he asked.

“I feel like she’s pulling away. You know how my last relationship went,” you told him. He let out a light laugh before speaking.

“Your ex was a piece of work. I know you. And I know Natasha. Natasha is the furthest thing from your ex. Have you told her how you feel?” he asked. You felt your cheeks burn with embarrassment. You hadn’t brought it up. You weren’t sure how. You didn’t want to appear clingy. It was one of your fears when it came to voicing your feelings. 

“To paraphrase Jersey Shore, I don’t want to appear like a stage five clinger,” you grumbled. You glared as Sam doubled over with laughter.

“I thought you hated that show,” he said when he caught his breath. You looked anywhere but at him. You hoped Bucky wouldn’t murder you for what you were going to say.

“I’ve been binging it with Barnes and Rogers when we have free time,” you admitted. At that, Sam had completely fallen off the bench laughing. You shook your head at your best friend. If that was the price you had to pay to end the conversation on your relationship issues, you’d pay it. Even if it meant facing the wrath of Bucky for letting Sam know that bit of information. 

You both left the gym, headed for the living room. You knew Natasha was due back that day and that she was bringing Yelena with her. Yelena had met up with Natasha and Bucky on the mission. You liked Yelena, when she’d come around. She had her own room at the compound, but wasn’t formally an Avenger. She liked the freedom to come and go as she pleased. Tony was more than happy to offer her a place to stay. 

You were in the middle of watching a rerun of The Nanny with Sam and Steve when the trio arrived. The three of you had just placed the pizza order, knowing the others would be in and out. You stood up and walked to Natasha, who placed a gentle kiss on your lips. 

“I’m going to go shower before dinner gets here. Save my seat for me?” she asked.

“Always,” you replied. Bucky and Yelena both took their leave as well, all three of them in need of a shower after their debrief with Fury and Hill. You saw the look Sam gave you and just shook your head. Natasha was most affectionate after a mission. But by the end of the evening she’d be shrugging you off. It was a cycle that you had grown used to. You weren’t sure when things had changed. 

Dinner arrived along with a freshly showered Natasha who sat down beside you, one hand on your thigh, itching for the contact. But you knew by the time dinner was done, Natasha would no longer be beside you. That she would come to bed after she was sure you were asleep. Unless she wanted to relieve tension. You felt more like her personal fucktoy than her girlfriend some days. A body to warm her bed and get her off. There were no bedtime conversations. There was no cuddling. No moments that belonged to just the two of you that didn’t involve sex. You hated it. 

You stood and stretched some time after you finished dinner. You felt Natasha’s eyes on you. You knew it wouldn’t be long before she followed you to the room the two of you shared. For once, you were going to turn her down. You set about your nightly routine, taking a quick shower and brushing your teeth before pulling on pajama pants and a tank top. You weren’t surprised to see Natasha lounging on the bed when you entered the room. 

“I missed you baby,” she murmured as you sat on the bed. She knelt behind you, bringing one hand around to trail up your stomach to your breast. You rebuffed her attempt.

“Not tonight, Nat. I don’t think dinner sat well,” you lied. You heard her huff and bit your lip in an attempt to hold the tears at bay. You heard her get under the covers and wondered where things had started to go wrong before getting under the covers yourself, your back turned to her. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Yelena was joining the two of you for breakfast in your room. Room was an understatement. Each Avenger had their own kitchenette and living space with a separate bedroom. It was really like a small apartment. Most times though, the team could be found in the common spaces unless they wanted time to themselves or they were off compound on missions or visiting friends and family. 

You were making pancakes. Yelena had volunteered to help. Nat had left on her morning run and had only mentioned that Yelena was coming over before she left. You felt at ease with the blonde. You doubled over in laughter as she smudged flour on your face after saying you had a spot of flour on your nose. Neither of you had heard Natasha come in until you heard the thud of her water bottle on the counter, startling you.

“Sorry, am I interrupting something?” she asked, glaring at Yelena. 

“We were just making breakfast, Nat. It’ll be done soon. Why don’t you go grab a shower?” you said to her. With one last glare, Nat stalked from the room angrily. You sighed.

“She loves you, you know,” Yelena said softly. 

“Sure doesn’t feel like it sometimes,” you muttered. You set about setting the table, pouring coffee for Natasha, made just like she liked it. Breakfast was tense. Yelena threw a couple flirty comments before Natasha’s glare made her stop. She knew when to stop. The tension ramped up throughout breakfast, even as Yelena engaged Natasha in conversation. After breakfast, Yelena excused herself when she sensed the tension had only grown, making an excuse about having promised Wanda she would spar with her. You steeled yourself for the fight that was brewing. 

“Seems like you and Yelena are getting on just fine,” Natasha said, her tone even and her eyes cold. You scoffed.

“Yes, Natasha. We are. I figured you’d want your sister and I to get along,” you replied as you began picking up the dishes to bring into the kitchen. 

“I didn’t mean flirt with her! I know that look,” Natasha said. 

“It was harmless,” you told her. 

“Was it? Because it seems to me that you want to be anywhere except with me these days,” Natasha argued. You laughed. Truly laughed. 

“Oh that’s just rich coming from you. Natasha we rarely share a bed anymore. When we do, it’s a quick fuck. It’s like that’s all I’m good for anymore. Being a warm body,” you cried. Natasha paused. Surely that couldn’t be true. She tried to think about the last time the two of you had gone on a date. The last time you two of you just spent time together. She was drawing a blank. 

“I’ve been busy,” she said weakly. She knew it was a poor excuse. You’d been busy too. But you always made time to see her. And she would just brush you off. Natasha wasn’t so sure she could salvage the situation. She had never been on the receiving end of the disappointed look on your face. She didn’t like it. 

“What are we Natasha? Anytime I bring up marriage you skirt the subject. Say not now. Later. When is later, Natasha?” you asked. You wanted answers. You knew this was going to be a make or break conversation for your relationship. You hoped it wouldn’t be a break. You weren’t sure you could handle losing her, not like this. 

“You know how I feel about marriage,” Natasha replied. 

“Do I? You always deflect,” you said, your voice lowering. You knew the pair of you were on a collision course with the point of no return. You were desperate to reign in your tempers before that point. 

“You want to marry me? After everything I’ve done, everything you know about me?” she asked. Her voice betrayed a vulnerable side of Natasha you had never seen. A softness you had never heard in her voice before. 

“Of course I want to marry you! I want to shout from the rooftops that Natasha Romanoff is mine! My wife, my love. But that doesn’t matter, Nat. As long as I have you, I’m happy. Married or not married, as long as you're mine,” you argued. The two of you stood for a moment, looking at one another. You wanted nothing more in that moment than to feel her arms wrapped around you. She stepped toward you, gently taking the dishes from your hands and placing them on the table beside you before bringing one hand up to cup your face.

“There is one thing I know for certain in this life. I don’t want to live it without you by my side. I haven’t been fair to you lately. I shut down instead of talking to you and it took until now for me to realize how close I’ve come to losing you,” she whispered, her voice breaking. You took her other hand in yours, squeezing it gently. 

“Then we’ll talk to someone. Because Nat. I don’t want to lose you either,” you replied. You weren’t sure how long the two of you stood there, embracing one another in a way you hadn’t in so long. There were still discussions to be had. But they could wait. For now, you took comfort in one another, knowing that come tomorrow the real work would begin. 

[o-flairegan]

Tried my hand at a Natasha Romanoff/ Reader fic. This was definitely a new writing experience but was fun. I do hope to turn this into a series.

Also uh dont read this at work.

[coyotesongwriting]

Darkest Before The Dawn - Ch. 4

Summary: Nat confronts you about your cover story

Word Count: 802

Author’s Note: I basically wrote this for myself, but I hope it helps you too. If you  find yourself struggling, reach out a hand. There’s always someone willing to help pull you back. This is the end of the story, so thank you for reading it if you did. 

Warnings: Talk of depression, suicide

Chapter 1

(Солнце means small sun/sunshine)

By noon, you were back in your room and showered, the scent of chlorine having finally been scrubbed from your hair. You’d slipped into your favorite pair of pajamas following the shower and now you sat in front of the mirror, slowly combing through your hair. As you combed your fingers through your damp hair, you soon found yourself lost in thought. A knock on the door drew you from the trance you’d slipped into.

“Come in!” you called, watching the door in the mirror.

The door opened and Nat stepped in, shutting the door behind her. She took a seat on your bed and studied you silently for a moment. Your eyebrows drew together, puzzled, and when she patted the bed next to her you got up and sat next to her.

“What’s going on, Nat? Is everything okay?”  you asked curiously.

“I should be asking you that. I know you didn’t forget to file a report - we do them together, remember?” she waited for your answer, her eyes searching yours.

For a moment, you considered keeping the lie going, but when you met her gaze you decided against it.

“I asked Steve to pull me from missions.” you offered, wondering if she’d push it farther.

“How come?”

“I’ve been really down lately. Everything’s just been so hard and the other day I woke up and realized I don’t really care if I’m alive tomorrow? Like I’m not going to race out and y’know, but I’m also not sure I would care if I was dying?”

“Oh, Солнце” her voice was soft as she placed her hand on your thigh, “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” you tilted your head slightly.

“I should have noticed you weren’t feeling well. I didn’t mean to make you fight alone.”

“Come on Nat, that’s not your fault.” You bumped your shoulder against hers.

The flash of a soft smile lit up her face for a moment, “Well I’m here now. You’re not in this alone. No matter what your head says, this isn’t a battle you’re fighting by yourself.”

You swallowed heavily and looked down at the quilt you kept on your bed, thoughts racing through your head. Nat’s hand found it’s way to your chin, and she gently turned your head to look at her again.

“What’s going on in there?”

“It’s nothing - don’t worry about me, it’s fine.” you tried to smile, but it was more of a sad grimace.

“I’m a spy. You can’t really think I’d believe that lie. Tell me what’s going on, please.” her voice was soft, but strong, and you knew she wouldn’t let this drop.

“I feel guilty. You guys don’t need to worry about me, I’ll be okay. I didn’t mean to worry anyone, and you don’t have to help me. I don’t want you to feel guilty for not realizing it or feeling like you’re not helping. I don’t want to be a burden. My mind, my problems” you sighed.

Her hand moved to cup your cheek as you spoke, and her eyes hardened, her voice remaining soft as she spoke, “You could never be a burden. Ever. You’re one of us, and I will always be here for you because I love you - and the same goes for the rest of the team. You’re a part of this family, and if you weren’t here we’d be missing a big piece of us. You’re always here for the rest of us, no matter what. You’re always quick to comfort one of us when we need it, or help out when Clint catches the flu. But I’m not just here because of the things you do for us. You’re amazing, and I love you. I’m here with you because I want to be here with you, not because you’re a burden. And you’re not getting rid of me - I’m going to stay right here with you until you’re feeling better, no matter how long that takes.”

By the end of her speech, tears were flowing down your face. You weren’t sure who instigated the hug but you found yourself wrapped in Nat’s arms. Her grip was firm and you found yourself thanking the universe for giving you her. As you stayed in her arms, you couldn’t help but feel like maybe there was a chance to win this battle.

With Steve, Clint, Bucky, Nat, and the rest of the team by your side was there anything you couldn’t take on? Sometimes all you needed was a reminder that you weren’t fighting alone, and if the last few days had proved anything it was that you had people who loved you and would stand by you until the bitter end. With them, there was no way you’d lose this battle - no matter how long it takes.

~~~~~

If you need someone to speak to, but don’t feel comfortable reaching out to friends and family try the suicide hotline.

USA - 800-273-8255

[c-aptainwidow]

Songfic with lyrics from DONTTRUSTME by 3OH!3 Natasha Romanoff/F!Reader warnings: smut, language notes: I only used the lyrics from the first verse because, imo, it’s the only part of the song worth listening to a gift for @starkhauss!

You’ve been out on the town for most of the day, chasing down leads, wrangling supplies for the office, and delivering gallons upon gallons of coffee. Your boss yelled at you on four separate occasions, you’d bumped into a fax machine and spilled coffee all over it, and you made it all the way home only to find that you were completely out of Crown.

Shit.

You change into something a little more comfortable to suit the absolute shit day you’d been through - a black dress with some tights underneath. It was something that you figured would be basic enough to get people to leave you alone while you sit at the bar. The bartender slid you another Crown on the rocks - the third for this evening - and you nod solemnly. You don’t pay a lot of attention to the outdated music on the jukebox or the guys around the pool table; however, you raise your eyebrow when a woman with brilliant red hair sits a few stools down from you. You signal the bartender, who smells like the breath of a last cigarette when he leans in.

You subtly motion to the mysterious woman and ask, “So who’s she?”

He shrugs. “Says that she’s an actress, but I don’t believe her. She ain’t got no meat.”

“What do you mean?”

The bartender swaps your empty glass for a taller glass of water. “She’s got money from her parents in her account, flashes a credit card a lot. And drink all that water before you order another one. Trust me; your future self won’t have that bad a hangover.”

You nod gratefully and try to forget your trust fund back East that your own parents had set up for you before you had moved here.

The woman had stood to dance to some song that couldn’t weave its way into your mind, because the only thing that managed to nestle into your memories was the way she moved her body to the beat. You weren’t sure how long you had been staring, but it suddenly became very clear that she had caught you, and that she was eyeing you as she continued her movements. Something about the hunger in here eyes sent a wave of heat through your body, coming to rest between your legs. She must’ve sensed that in you, because she confidently made her way over to you and leaned in, whispering in a slightly husky tone.

“Wanna get out of here?”

---

Your tongue normally stayed pressed to your cheeks in an attempt to keep yourself from saying something you shouldn’t, but it’s been a while since your tongue has been on the inside of some other girl’s teeth. It wasn’t something unfamiliar to you, but it’s never been before the third date, and certainly never been before learning her name.

Feeling her hands roaming your body quickly pushed that idea from your mind, especially when she started pulling up your dress. The two of you had been picked up by her private limousine, the windows tinted so deeply that - even with you passing streetlights - you couldn’t see a damn thing. If you were being honest with yourself, you couldn’t even begin to care about where you would end up with this stranger. What mattered to you at the moment was that a beautiful woman was taking the time to run her fingers over every inch of your skin, finding all of the right places. Eventually you had arrived at your destination, as she took your hand and lead you through a massive building, the bright lights giving your buzzed brain a hard time. The hallways were winding, and though you were sure you were being led in circles, you and the mysterious woman had made your way to her bedroom.

She had guided you to the bed and had started to strip you down when you noticed some framed pictures of a guy that seemed to be a big part of this woman’s life. Again, she had caught your eyes wandering, and she smirked.

“He gonna have an issue with this?” you asked genuinely. The woman shook her head. “‘Cause if your boyfriend’s got beef, you tell him I’m a vegetarian, and I ain’t fuckin’ scared of him.”

She laughed. “Relax; he’s just an old friend of mine.” With that, she peeled off your leggings and began kissing your thighs, glancing up to watch you slide your dress over your head. You took a deep breath and laid back into the memory foam mattress, feeling the woman’s breath against your panties. She paused for a moment. “You good?”

“...I’d be better if I could know what name I should be moaning.”

She raised an eyebrow and smiled. “Oh, I don’t know. You don’t like the mystery?”

“My name is [Y/N],” you offer.

“Good to know. Just let me take care of you, and moan Natasha if it feels good.” With that, she returned between your panties. She was slow and careful with her motions, taking the time to rub your thighs ever so lightly with her fingertips as she worked at your arousal through the fabric. You bit one of your knuckles to stifle a loud moan once you felt her thumb rubbing against your clit. She took that as a hint to peel your panties down your legs and slide them off, her mouth immediately reoccupying your soaked core, choosing to wrap her plump lips around your clit and suck delicately on the bundle of nerves. You were almost afraid to reach out and touch her, so you reached down and held out your hand, and she took it, entwining her fingers with yours.

Her free hand was used to slip two fingers inside of you, starting at a slow pace that curled into your g-spot before speeding up, the movements of her tongue syncing perfectly with the curls of her fingers. You had taken the knuckle out of your mouth long ago, and were now whimpering uncontrollably. It’s been a long time since anyone has taken care of you like this, even longer since it’s been this good. Your grip on Natasha’s hand tightened a bit as you reached your limit, your core clenching around her fingers as you came, covering her mouth with your fluids. She continued her work as you rode out your orgasm, stopping once your chest was heaving and your body relaxed around her.

She crawled onto the bed next to you and allowed you to lean into her, your head resting on her chest. “You really seemed like you needed that.” You could only nod as you balanced out your breathing. She laughed softly, and it sounded almost melodious to you. “I’m glad I could help you out, then.”

“Y-you need me to help you with anything?”

Natasha smiled gently. “Not at the moment. You take a minute to cool off, yeah?”

A few moments of silence fell between the two of you, and it was peaceful. Well, as peaceful as it could be for you being fucked by a complete stranger. Natasha had turned her attention to tracing little patterns over your stomach and arms; the feeling was something you greatly accepted.

“So, uh, you really an actress?”

“What?”

“That’s what the bartender said.”

She shook her head. “I mean, he’s not far off.” You gave her a clearly confused glance, and she chuckled again. “Ever heard of the Avengers?”

[peachyteabuck]

intentional destabilization // natasha romanoff x reader

↪ summary: natasha loves you, it’s just a shame you don’t know she exists yet. 

↪ pairing: natasha romanoff x reader

↪ words: 753

↪ trigger warnings: stalking, fingering, masterbation, thrusting machine, definitely yandere. 

↪ notes/other: this is for @syntheticavenger​‘s 5k writing challenge. congrats!! my prompt was “Natasha Romanoff - maybe yandere. Situation is perhaps she has a crush on the Reader.”

She met you at the club.

More accurately, she met you while you were working at the club; while you were pouring drinks and arguing with servers and customers with equal zest. You were a little spit fire, picking fights with anyone and everyone with the guts to challenge you. You wore the same thing to the bar each time: black skinny jeans, non-slip sneakers, a simple necklace with your first initial, and a shirt donning the bar’s cheesy logo. Certainly it wasn’t the most flattering thing you’d ever worn, but Natasha still thought you were the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen.

Plus, you take absolutely no shit from anyone. You refused to be pushed or bossed around by a single soul – including the older woman who signs your paychecks and the even older man who tip you the most. This is especially true on the night in question, where she watched you threaten to break the fingers of an uppity business school graduate who assumed your smile was an invitation to flirt.

She decided then that she needed to have you all for herself.

Unfortunately, you’re a lot smarter than Bucky and Steve described their targets, and even you getting off shift in the wee hours of the morning couldn’t overcome your brutal survival instincts. Over a few weeks of following you home, you never took the same path twice. You didn’t listen to music when you got off shift, you always carried pepper spray and a noisemaker; not to mention the sharp objects on your keychain, or the self defense classes you took on your days off. Once Natasha stepped on a twig and you immediately moved under a streetlamp and called a friend who came to pick you up and drive you home. She’d known from previous research that you kept your windows locked and your door propped closed with some safety device. You also kept your blinds closed and lights off, a factor that disgruntled her in the beginning.

The difference between then and now, though, is the difference in any good love story: several expertly hidden government-quality spy cams she swiped from Stark’s weaponry stash.

Slightly dissatisfied but without drive to break into your apartment while you’re home, Natasha calls it a night and drives back to her own secret apartment located less than a block away.

It’s the same layout as your place – same leasing company, too, who built several buildings around the city about a decade ago. She’d done her best to decorate it just like you did yours as well; the only differences being where you had pictures of you and friends, Natasha had blank spaces she planned on filling with images of the two of you (and a mid-century end table you picked up from the street that Natasha couldn’t find anywhere no matter how hard she looked, but she’s choosing not to consider that).

Sighing in defeat, Natasha climbs into bed, and reaches under her pillow to grab one of her most prizes possessions.

It’s the large black vibrator she purchased after seeing it on your nightstand, holding it in her hands for a moment and imaging your own wrapped around them, holding it to your own dripping pussy as she holds you in her lap.

She imagines fat pleasure tears staining your cheeks lips trembling and brow furrowed as she held you.

“You’re so pretty,” she’d murmur in your ear as your legs jerk. You’re not tied down, yet, because she loves to feel you under her. She loves you trapped by her, for her and her only. “Such a pretty little girl for me.”

You’d cry out as the dildo – attaching to a thruster – continues to fuck into your sensitive pussy.

“S-so much,” you’d moan out, eyes glassed over and unfocussed.

And Natasha would just smile, and press the vibrator harder to your swollen clit.

And when you’re done – when you’re babbling and exhausted and breathing so hard you’d think you just ran a marathon - she imagines holding you close to her afterwards, cooing and comforting you as you wept and fell into sub drop. She leaves you for just a moment to grab your favorite snack and water, bringing both things to your lips even as they shake.

“I love you,” she’ll murmur as she presses kisses into your temple. “I love you so, so much.”

Natasha comes with a scream, whole body twitching as her heart pounds against her ribs and blood thumps in her ears.

[volklana]

Just Wanna Look Good For You

I’m so sorry to the nonnie who requested this fic and had to wait so long. I really hope I did your idea justice and that it was worth the wait. Please let me know and thank you so much for your patience x

Title comes from this song.

Request: Reader is watching a video (for whatever reason) where someone is twerking or doing the whip or something and Nat walks in and asks what she's watching and is like "you call that dancing" and then sexy dancing follows and sexy angst? Borderline smut?

Warnings: Some flirty banter and sexual talk. 

Words: c.830

“No! No, move your hips more!”

“I am moving my hips Sam!” you snapped.

“No, you’re not moving them fast enough!”

“I can’t do this!” you scoffed, throwing your hands up in defeat.

“Do you want to dance sexy or not at this party?” Sam questioned and when you nodded reluctantly, he sighed “Right then, watch the video one more time and actually pay attention this time.”

You inhaled deeply, why had you thought Sam of all people would be able to help you perfect dancing sexily?

The crappy dance music began playing again and you listened to the instructor bark out instructions and Sam barked out some of his own telling you to place your hands on your hips and follow the instructor.

You were trying in vain and Sam was moving around the room critiquing your feeble attempts, as the music continued to blare.

You and Sam continued to bicker but both of you whirled around quickly when the music was suddenly shut off and you turned to see your girlfriend stood looking at you both unamused.

“Wilson you have two seconds to remove your hands from my girlfriend’s back and tell me what the hell is going on.”

Sam immediately dropped his hands from you and took five steps away in the opposite direction.

“Nat he’s trying to teach me how to dance,” you sighed exasperated, and suddenly all annoyance was gone from her face and she was smirking beautifully.

“And you… you call that dancing?” she laughed motioning towards the screen.

“Nat,” you whined straightening up,  “I knew you would tease, this is why I didn’t ask you.”

Natasha’s face fell a little, and Sam took this as his opportunity to duck out of the room.

“Baby,” she soothed stepping towards you, “You know you can come to me for help with anything?” her voice betrayed the hurt laced behind her words “I’d never mock you.”  

“It’s just I’m doing this for you, I wanted to surprise you at the party. You always know how to move your body and I just come across as awkward and graceless.”

“You know you don’t have to try for me,” Nat soothed sweeping a strand of hair behind your ear, and then her hands were winding around your waist and she was pulling you close until you were chest to chest, “Let me show you,” she whispered voice seductive and playful, and then she was spinning you around the floor, and you tried to focus on her face but your throat had gone dry and you couldn’t focus on anything except the feel of her arms around you, the scent of her perfume and the heaviness of your breath as it hitched when she suddenly dipped you, exposing your neck to her, to which she gently pressed her lips to before pulling you back up and grinning at the affect she still had on you.

“See,” she smirked “All you need to do is follow my lead.”

“What if I’m tired of following your lead?” you smirked back and she quirked her head in acknowledgement of your challenge.

“Well then you take control,” she smirked and you reached up to press your lips to hers backing her into the wall and she smiled into the kiss.

When you broke apart she was still smiling.

“What you just did there, you go ahead and bring that to the dancefloor tonight, and you won’t be disappointed.”

You smirked, letting her slip out of your embrace and watching her saunter out of the room.

“Oh and y/n,” she called over her shoulder “Fire Wilson, he wouldn’t know how to be sexy if it came up and bit him on the ass.”

You huffed out a laugh and then she turned to face you “But more than that, you don’t need anyone to teach you how to be sexy, you already got that down girl.”

“You have to say that,” you teased and she huffed a short laugh.

“I do, but I don’t mean it any less!”

“I’m gonna wear that dress you like by the way and do my hair up real nice. Gonna look so good for you”

Natasha groaned like you were killing her, because you were, and you knew it.

 As you danced with Nat, grinding up against her, you watched her glossy eyes turn darker as she leaned in to whisper in your ear.

“Let’s get out of here,” she ghosted her lips along the base of your neck.

“What’s wrong? Are you not having a good time?” you decided to tease and she almost whined.

“I am about thirty seconds from tearing this dress off, would you rather do that in the comfort of our room, or right here?” she demanded and then you were letting her easily drag you across the floor and out into the elevator, sharing a knowing smile with Sam as you passed.

[marvelouslytrekking]

Hi, could you write a Natasha x reader where Natasha is trying to get the reader back after breaking up with her (or a gender neutral reader) over something stupid? You can decide if it's a happy or sad ending and no worries if you don't want to do this, it's just a suggestion.

Word Count: 713 Warnings: a few swear words, break up, A/N: Usually my drabble requests are suppose to be from this list. But I was really feeling this prompt so I wrote it lol. Hope you enjoy! Also I did not go with a happy ending... 

You had packed your belongings in a haste, barely paying attention to what you had thrown in your suitcase. If Natasha could break up with you without so much as an explanation than you could leave without much of a trace.

You didn’t tell anyone where you were going. You knew it wasn’t fair to the others but you couldn’t risk them telling Nat. You needed the time to yourself and you knew that they wouldn’t give you that if they knew where to find you.

You found yourself in the first apartment that would let you move in that day. It wasn't the nicest place but it would do for now.

As you sat in your new apartment you couldn’t stop thinking about how emotionless Nat was when she told you she was done, that she wanted you to move back to your own room.

You had thought you had become good at reading her, knowing what she was feeling even when she didn’t want you to. But not then, or maybe she really didn’t feel anything for you. Was your entire relationship built on a lie? A few days ago you would have immediately said no, that Natasha loved you, but today? You couldn’t be sure of anything.

You found yourself collapsing on the musty bed that had been left from the last tenets. Normally you would have been repulsed by the idea but you couldn’t find it in you to care about the dirty mattress you were laying on.

The next few days went by the same, laying around and questioning everything that had happened in the last few years with Nat.

You finally made yourself do something. You decided that if you were going to live in this apartment you wanted to do some deep cleaning first. You poured all your anger and frustration into the task of getting the space clean. You were sure it looked better than it had in many years. You had even found the motivation to leave the apartment and get a few decorations for the apartment. You also found yourself buying a couch cover so that you didn’t have to stare at the hideous pattern that was on the one sitting in your studio apartment.

There was a knock on your door. You paused, you held your breath hoping it would be Bucky or Sam, stopping by as friends to make sure you were okay. You knew that staying under the radar would be hard but you felt like it should have lasted more than a few weeks.

Your heart clenched when you looked through the peephole. You saw Natasha standing in front of your door. You start to walk away from the door, just because she decided to show up with flowers, didn’t mean you had to open the door.

“I know you’re in there.” She said through the door, “Can we please talk.”

“No.”

“I owe you an explanation.” She tried.

“I don’t care about what you have to say.” You told her. “Please just leave.”

“I messed up,” She stated. “I was just trying to protect you. I didn’t realize you’d disappeared. I miss you so much.”

You ripped open the door at that point. “You wanted to protect me? Natasha that is such bullshit. I am a trained agent. I don’t need protection. I can handle myself just fine. And how does breaking my heart protect me?”

“I-” Natasha paused, she was shocked with the anger you held. You could tell she was expecting you to forgive her but you had no intention of doing anything of the sort. “I just, I didn’t want you to get hurt. There was a threat made on your life directed at me. I thought if we weren’t together, you would be safer, then I got back and you were gone and no one knew where you were. Not even FRIDAY could tell me anything. I was terrified I had lost you.”

“You have.” Was all you said as you shut the door. You waited until you heard her footsteps slowly retreating until you broke down crying. While you refused to forgive her, it didn’t mean you didn’t love her and this felt final and you weren’t sure you were prepared for that.

[jbbarnesnnoble]

Dark

Summary: Natasha gives you exactly what you need after a long week. 

Features: Smut; Domme Natasha Romanoff; consensually video-taped sex; blindfolded sex; 

Kink: Blindfolded

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff/Reader; Background Polyamorous!Avengers

Notes: Kinktober has become more of a “whenever the fic gets done-tober” 

Word Count: 1548

Darkness engulfed you. The tick, tick, tick of a clock met your ears. You weren’t sure how much time had passed as you knelt on the floor, a pillow beneath your knees. Natasha was still somewhere in the room, that much you knew. 

You were fresh off a mission, out of the med bay. Bucky had retired for the night with Wanda and Bruce. You knew their evening would consist of taking care of Bucky. It had been a rough mission, one that saw you injured and the objective nearly failed. Tony had retreated to his personal residence with Pepper. Steve, Sam, Clint, and Thor were dispatched on another mission, halfway across the world. But they weren’t who you needed. No. That was Natasha. 

Stressful missions saw a night of gentle care and relaxation. Missions where you found yourself terrified, where things went south and out of your control, were the nights where you needed to realign. Willingly ceding control rather than having it yanked from you. Knowing that at any time, you could put a stop to what was happening and it would stop. Those were the nights Natasha took over, or Steve. Occasionally Bucky. It came down to who needed what, a beautiful dance to which you each knew the steps. It came with a practiced ease, being able to read the needs of one another. 

“Such a good girl, aren’t you,” Natasha’s voice cooed as she walked in a circle around you. You held back a shiver from the anticipation. 

You felt her trace a finger up your back. You sucked in a breath as she did so. Natasha was a musician and you her favorite instrument. She knew how to draw the reactions she craved from you. The soft moans when she was getting you warmed up, the high pitched noises when she pushed you over the edge, over and over again, and the raw, unsuppressed moans when you truly let go and let yourself just feel. Those were her favorite. She wouldn’t be satisfied until she got you there. 

“How far can I push you, hm? You deserve a reward, being so good for me. Tell me, did you touch yourself this week?” Natasha asked, her voice low.

“No, ma’am,” you said, your throat feeling dry. 

“Did Bucky touch you?” she asked.

“Yes ma’am,” you replied. 

“Did you cum?” she asked.

“No ma’am,” you replied. You could feel the heat radiating from her body as she circled you. You and Bucky had been gone for a week. The first half had been posing as a married couple at a ritzy resort, one that had a nebulous underbelly. You knew what Natasha had told him before the two of you departed. It was a punishment from the last time you and Natasha had been together. Bucky had no issues being on board with it. 

Normally, you didn’t condone deviating from the mission when in the field. But when the mission called for you to play the part, you weren’t going to complain. Bucky had brought you to the brink over the course of the week more times than you could count, leaving you in the perfect state of frustrated wanting for Natasha. 

“Perhaps I should record this for him. After all, he did the work of getting you so worked up this week. He should be able to see the pay off,” she said as her lips brushed the shell of your ear before trailing down your neck. Natasha enjoyed leaving her mark. 

She pulled lightly on your wrist, helping you to your feet and then to the bed. You could feel the towels beneath you. Tony had tracked down some of the softest towels you had even felt, a sound investment for the Avengers team. Every room had a seemingly endless supply of the towels stashed away. Natasha moved your hands so they were above your head before gently pressing between your thighs to get you to open up. 

You knew better than to move from where she positioned you. You heard the familiar buzz of a vibrator. She dragged the toy along one thigh and down the other, deliberate in her movements. She was going to drag it out for as long as she could. You felt her move between your legs. With your vision restricted, you felt everything more. Her breath against you as she took in the sight of how soaked you were, the light vibration of the toy, hovering above where you wanted it most. 

“Look at that. Soaked, just like I knew you’d be. I can’t resist a taste,” she said, moments before you felt her mouth on you. Her tongue delved between your folds, savoring the taste of you as she moved from your entrance to your clit, taking her time with the delicate bud as she pressed the vibrator into you with ease. You resisted the urge to arch off the bed as you let out a loud moan.

“Tasha, Tasha please, please,” you cried out. You could feel her smirk against you. She pulled you to the edge and pulled away. You whimpered at the loss of contact. 

“Does my sweet girl want to cum?” she asked.

“Yes, please Tasha, please let me cum, I’ve been so good,” you replied. 

“Hmmm, not yet,” she replied as she increased the intensity of the vibrator, dragging it along your slit. Your hips moved at the contact, drawing a light swat to your thigh in warning from Natasha. She pressed the toy back into you, leaving it there as she moved away. You heard the tell tale sound of her getting her strap on ready. You wondered what she would choose. She had a vast collection to choose from. 

“Open,” she said as you felt her press the tip of the toy to your mouth. You felt her press it half way into your mouth. Swirling your tongue around the head, you narrowed it down. It was one of the ones that could make such a mess.

“Enough,” Natasha said as she withdrew it. She pulled you to your knees and turned you so you were at the end of the bed, facing the wall with the mirror. Though you couldn’t see it, you knew it was there. You spread your legs wordlessly as she moved behind you. You gasped as you felt her press into you. Natasha let out a moan of her own.

“Going to make a fucking mess out of you, baby. Going to fill you up, fuck you so good you’ll feel it for days,” Natasha told you. You were lost in the sensation. The room was filled with the sound of your moans. 

“Tasha please, gonna cum, gotta cum,” you moaned.

“Do it. Cum for me, baby. Let everyone hear you,” she replied. You could tell she was close. Your moans increased in pitch as she removed the blindfold. She made you look in the mirror. To the side you could see the camera set up. She wasn’t lying when she said she was going to record it. Her fingers found your clit, drawing you over the edge of a blinding orgasm, a week in the making. You could feel her release inside you, the feeling of the lubricant feeling almost like the real deal. You were seeing stars. 

As you came down from the high of your release, Natasha placed a fresh towel under you with practiced ease, having you lay back on the soft pillows as she grabbed a chilled bottle of water and prepared fruit from the mini fridge. You had missed the bowl of water sitting with a clean washcloth beside it.

Natasha held the bottle to your lips as you drank from it deeply, before offering you the fruit. As you munched happily on the fruit, Natasha dampened the cloth, wiping between your legs with a practiced, gentle ease.

“I think a bath is in order. I got some new bath bombs while you were away,” Natasha said. You smiled at her.

“I think we should try them out,” you replied. The two of you headed for her bathroom, where FRIDAY had already begun filling the tub. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky wasn’t surprised to have the notification from Natasha. A new video to the collection. Stark had enhanced security on an offline intranet that was practically impenetrable. They knew there was still a risk, no matter how small. He chuckled at how scandalized the world would be if the cache of videos and photos ever made it to the public. There was quite the organized tagging system. 

“They didn’t invite you?” Steve asked when he entered the kitchen. Bucky had spent the evening meditating with Wanda and Bruce. He wasn’t as keyed up as you were when it came to the sexual frustration of the week. No, he had simply needed a chance to refocus and relax. 

“They did. Just wasn’t what I needed tonight,” Bucky replied as he poured some cereal in a bowl. 

When you and Natasha emerged sometime later, you looked far more relaxed than you had on the way home. You sat down on the couch between Steve and Bucky, settling in to watch whatever it was they had on. A perfect ending to a long week. 

[such-fun]

I Deceived Myself [Natasha Romanoff x Reader] One Shot.

People were asking for fluffy Nat stories. I’m giving you angst. So sorry about that.

Title: I Deceived Myself

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff/Reader

Summary: Your lies have finally caught up to you.

Your movements were frantic, grabbing everything you could and throwing it into a backpack on top of your bed. You knew you had to move fast. Your superior had given you a heads up only moments before the attack on the Triskelion and time was of the essence.

 In the back of your closet, behind the attic access panel, was your go bag. It had all your basic supplies: clothes, money, IDs and passports. Everything you would need to get out of the country and as far away from this mess as fast as possible. Your backpack held your laptop, a few precious flash drives and files. Your eyes fell to the 3x5 photo lying on the table beside. With deft hands you snagged it, folding it in half and slipping it in your coat pocket.

 You probably should have left it in its usual place on your nightstand. Looking at it would only cause you pain from now on. You had been so happy, you both had. When you saw the picture Clint had snuck of the two of you curled up on the sofa in Tony’s tower, you asked him for a copy. You never had it framed. Nat always said that personal items could be used against you if they ever fell into the wrong hands.

 But what happens when the wrong hands happen to be your own?

 You zipped your pack and threw it over your shoulder, grabbing your go bag and rushing into the living room.

 She was waiting for you.

 Nat’s gun was drawn with expert aim, but her finger still hovered next to the trigger.

 You paused, eyes wide, at a loss for words. Her face was hard, studiously emotionless, and you envied the ease of wearing that façade. She always had been a better liar than you.

 “And here I thought I was the most talented double agent,” she said in a raspy murmur, bemused.

 “You didn’t want to see it,” you whispered, slowing placing your bag on the floor and letting your pack drop to join it.

 “How long?” Nat demanded.

 “Forever,” you revealed, licking your lips nervously. “It’s all I remember.”

 “Your mission?” she inquired sharply.

 “If you read my files then you already know—”

 “Tell me,” she interrupted you smoothly. She always was the picture of grace under pressure.

 “To get close to the team, earn their trust, and report any Intel to my commander,” you admitted. People liked to believe there was freedom in the truth. But the truth can be just as oppressive as any lie.

 “Rumlow?” Natasha spat.

 “Rumlow,” you confirmed. “You and I—we weren’t—”

 “We weren’t anything,” she stopped you. You wanted to take a pleading step forward, but even the tiny sway of your body in preparation made Nat tense and tighten her grip on her gun.

 “If anyone should understand, it’s you,” you argued. “You know what it’s like to grow up like that, with no control over your life.” Years of pent up frustration built in your chest and you felt like were going to explode. “We’ve both done horrible things. But we aren’t monsters. I’m not a monster.”

 “I’ve made mistakes,” she agreed with a tilt of her head, “too many. But we aren’t the same. I had someone who believed in me, who took a chance on me, and I made a different call. You had someone who believed in you, and you did nothing.”

 You couldn’t deny her accusation, it was true. Nat had always been brave. And you had always been scared. Scared of Rumlow and Pierce, of the Winter Soldier, of HYDRA. It felt like an endless list. But if anyone could have saved you, it was Natasha Romanoff. But you were terrified.

 You loved her, but you didn’t trust her. Trust never came easy for spies. So time went on and the lie only grew and festered. It was time to reap what you had sewn.

 “How does this go?” you wondered, dropping your hands slowly to your side.

 “I bring you in,” Nat said coolly, “you’ll be interrogated. There may be a trial, depending if the government feels like making an example out of you. You’ve never killed anyone, so you may not be executed. Then again, the penalty for treason is death.”

 You never thought, in your wildest dreams, that Natasha would be discussing your possible demise so dispassionately.

 Your fate was in her hands. The earlier frustration you felt simmered and you found yourself feeling oddly numb. You couldn’t handle prison. You had spent too many years in HYDRA’s care. The pain, the torture, the utter loneliness; you couldn’t do it again.

 And you wouldn’t let them parade you around for a trial that was more show than reality. They would drag Natasha into it. They would pick apart every detail of your relationship until they twisted even the most pure moments. You couldn’t do that to her.

 “I’m sorry,” you said with a hitch in your voice. Nat raised a curious brow. “I can’t do that.”

 You had always been a little bit faster than her. Your hand found the gun tucked into the waistband of your jeans and you had her in your sight.

 The bullet entered your chest, but you didn’t feel pain. You were too resigned, too weary to feel anything other than a calming blankness. You caught a flash of shock and maybe regret on Nat’s face even as her finger remained on the trigger she had just fired.

 You dropped your gun; it had done its job, as your legs slowly gave out on you. Her aim was as good as ever. It wouldn’t be long now.

 Your vision became hazy, but you could make out her blurred form approaching you slowly. It took all your strength to move your hand, resting it on top of your coat pocket, feeling the reassuring shape of the picture beneath it.

 Breathing was difficult as blood filled your throat. Anyone who says dying is peaceful is a liar. It was terrifying and awing and inevitable.

 Natasha knew when the life finally left your body. There was an unnatural stillness that was impossible for a person to recreate.

 She supposed she was in some state of shock. The combination of your betrayal and now death sending her reeling. But her training was thorough. This was hardly the first time she had been confronted with death and disloyalty.

 Her eyes fell to your hand, the one you had struggled so ardently to move, and she found herself moving it gently to the side and reaching into your coat pocket.

 When she noticed the folded picture, her brow furrowed, curious. Opening it, her heart skipped a beat at the sight of the two of you. You had been so in love. Or had you? She felt the need to question every aspect of your relationship now, and she hated you for that.

 She folded the picture back up and hesitated a moment before slipping it into her jeans pocket. She needed to focus. There was protocol. She had to call…someone. She wasn’t sure whom. SHIELD had fallen, Nick was playing dead, and Steve was unconscious in a hospital. But she’d figure it out. She always did.

 Natasha was strong. She was immovable. Natasha Romanoff didn’t cry, but she couldn’t ignore the telltale burn in her eyes.

 After the collapse of SHIELD and the leak of classified information, she would need to go into hiding. She had grown to like the life she had. In the tower she had friends, love, a sense of stability that she had lacked in the past. Everything was gone now.

 So she did what she does best, and disappeared.

[coyotesongwriting]

Confessions - Ch. 1

Chapter 1 - Vegas

Story Summary:   You’ve never been able to deny Nat anything, so when she asks if you can take the long way back from your mission in Los Angeles you agree. The problem is, you’re hopelessly in love with her and she has no idea. How are you going to survive a week alone in a car with her?

Word Count: 2883

Author’s Note: I needed a cute happy fic with no real angst and I feel like Nat deserved it 

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters so don’t sue me please. I just really like them haha

“Pleaseeee [Y/N]!”

With a groan you threw yourself back on the motel bed, trying desperately to zone out Nat. Ever since you’d found your way back to the cheap motel you’d been staying in for the last week, she’d been begging you almost non-stop to take a road trip back to the tower. 

“Nat, no. You know we have to get back” you buried your face in the pillow as she collapsed onto the bed next to you.

“Please? My birthday’s this weekend and it would be so perfect.”

You picked your head up from the pillow and raised one eyebrow, “I seem to remember we had a party and all of that for your birthday about four months ago.”

“Yeah, alright. But, I have an idea. If I can get both Fury and Steve to give us the time off, then can we?” her voice was pleading as she shot you her best puppy dog eyes.

You never could say no to her, but when she gave you that look you knew you were done for. Normally you’d have jumped at the chance to spend some time alone with her in a car, no one looking over your shoulder, no mission hanging over your head. Lately though, you’d come to realize that your crush on Nat wasn’t just a crush. Nope, you were head over heels for her, and you hadn’t even realized until Clint of all people pointed it out to you just a few days ago. 

“Fine. If they both agree, then we can drive back, okay?” you sighed dramatically, focusing on the fact they would likely shoot her down and you’d be off the hook. 

~~~~~

The next morning you were woken by a very excited Nat, they had approved your time off and today you’d get to start your road trip home instead of taking the flight back you’d been expecting. You hadn’t really believed she’d be able to get permission with all of the new problems Hydra had been causing, so the reality of the situation hadn’t hit you until the two of you were climbing into the Subaru Crosstrek she’d rented. You were going to be alone, in a car, with the woman you’d just realized you loved, for a week. It was hard enough hiding your feelings from her on a daily basis, but now you’d be together nonstop. 

Nat’s excitement was infectious and you hadn’t been on the road for twenty minutes before you were singing along with her to whatever was on the radio. As you sang along, you tried to convince yourself that just because you now knew you were in love with her it didn’t mean anything had to change. Above all, the two of you were really close friends and you wouldn’t risk losing that or her by speaking up unless you knew she felt otherwise.

It wasn’t until you’d been driving through the desert for an hour that you realized you had no idea where you were even going. When you turned to ask her, the question faded from your lips at the sight of her. She drove with the window down, the warm desert air rustling the hairs that had slipped from the messy bun she’d put her hair up in. You were too distracted by the way the sunlight seemed to dance across her to notice when she glanced over at you.

“You okay over there?” she asked, a playful smile lighting up her face as she kept her eyes on the road.

“Yeah, uh, sorry. I was just realizing I don’t actually know where we’re going right now?” you laughed. 

“Vegas. What better way to kick off our trip than a little bit of debauchery,” she smirked, glancing away from the road just long enough to wink at you.

“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” 

The drive passed quickly, miles seeming to fly by in the blink of an eye. You took turns playing songs - well, technically you played all the songs but Nat was telling you what to play on her turns and at one point you basically made a competition to see who could come up with the best new lyrics. You both refused to admit defeat, claiming you’d been the winner. You’d eventually had to change the subject to keep the peace.

Before you even knew it, you could see Vegas in the distance. In the daylight, the city looked like a completely different place than you were used to seeing. You’d passed through Vegas quite a few times on missions with the team, but you’d never been able to come solely to have fun and you were excited to see what the city had to offer when you weren’t working undercover. 

You studied the people on the sidewalks as you drove down the strip, “So, how thought out is this trip?” 

“What do you mean?” Nat asked curiously.

“Well, I mean you knew you wanted to come here first. Do you have destinations in mind for every night? Hotels?” you’d always been a bit of a planner, it’s what made you good at your job, but that meant the idea of not having a set plan slightly stressed you out.

“Oh I have a plan, but it’s a secret,” she explained as she pulled into the valet parking area of the Bellagio, “You’ll just have to trust me.”

“I always trust you, Nat” 

“Well, that’s not true. Remember the time in - “

“Shut up! That was one time” you laughed, throwing a chip at her before you climbed out of the car. 

Inside, Nat checked you into a hotel room she’d apparently had time to book at some point while you looked around. In the years since joining the Avengers, you’d gotten used to spending time in fancy places but you never forgot the tiny midwest town you’d grown up in. 

During the ride up to the hotel room, you turned to Nat, “Let me know how much I owe you so we can split everything.”

Nat merely smirked and held up a black credit card, “Don’t worry about it. Tony’s got us covered.”

“Does Tony know he's footing the bill?”

“Not yet.” 

Nat had booked a room with two queen-sized beds overlooking the fountain, and you claimed the bed closest to the window. The air conditioner was closer to that side of the room and Nat wasn’t a big fan of the air blowing on her while she slept. It was a routine you’d fallen into years ago on your first solo mission with her. In less than a month you’d stayed in 12 different rooms, so the two of you were more than comfortable in a hotel room by now. 

As soon as your bags were put away, Nat led you from the room. Your first stop was the hotel bar where your drinking began. Whenever you tried to ask her what the plan was or where to next, she merely ignored you. By the time you finished your first drink, you’d given up and accepted your fate. 

For an hour and a half, you drank in the bar, trading stories of missions you’d shared with the others, tales of life before the Avengers, anything and everything that came to mind. There was never a dull moment, no awkward silences as you spoke. After your third drink, Nat looked down at her watch and paid the bill.

“Come on, it’s time for the next activity. We have a schedule to keep to.” Before you could protest or even question her, you were being pulled out. You’d tried to protest when you ended up in a trendy boutique.

“I have clothes. I don’t need anything, and this place looks insanely expensive.”

“Come on [Y/N]. You expect me to believe that when you packed for a mission in the desert, you packed for Vegas nightlife? Besides, Tony’s paying, remember?” 

“Nat -” she cut you off with a raise of her hand before you could even get started.

“Just try some stuff on, okay? Give it a try” her voice was a half step above a plea and you sighed before giving in.

It took almost two hours for you both to find the perfect outfit. When Nat had stepped out of the fitting room in a skin-tight little black dress you’d forgotten how to speak for a moment. The neckline accented her curves perfectly, but what really got you was the dip of the back. It came to a stop only an inch or two above her butt. When she turned in a slow circle in front of you, you suddenly found the idea of not crossing the line and telling her how you feel very difficult. 

You’d stammered out a compliment and when she went to find the perfect necklace to pair with the dress, you’d shot Clint a quick text.

‘I think she’s trying to kill me’

It took a long moment before he responded

‘If she really was trying, you’d be dead.’

After you picked out the perfect outfit and you had both paid using Tony’s credit card, you made your way back to the hotel room. 

“Be ready to leave in an hour and a half, okay?” she warned you as she headed towards the shower.

“Do I get to know where we’re going yet?” 

“Nope.”

“Then how can I truly get ready.”

“Just shut up and get ready for a night out” Nat laughed, throwing a washcloth at you as she shut the bathroom door.

Exactly an hour and a half later, the two of you were climbing into a taxi out front. Apparently, the first stop of the night was going to be dinner at EDO Gastro Tapas & Wine. It was a quick drive to Chinatown and when you strolled in, you were greeted by a gorgeous mural on the back wall. You weren't sure when she had the time, but Nat had made reservations at some point as when you walked in, you were immediately seated.

“When did you even have time to make all these plans?!” you chuckled as you took a seat across from her.

“Do you even know how long I’ve been planning this trip?” Nat smirked, as she took a sip of water. 

“No, no I guess I don’t” you laughed, “So how long?”

“Longer than I care to admit” she winked.

The conversation flowed smoothly and before long you’d ordered drinks and their 10-course tasting menu. You both had tears in your eyes from laughing so hard about Clint’s latest prank on Sam by the time the first course arrived. 

“I love the idea of making Tony foot the bill for our trip, but I do feel a little bad” you admitted over the third course.

“Would it make you feel any better if I told you that Pepper’s the one who told me to use the card and has made all the reservations?” 

“Wait, really?” 

“Yeah, I mean, I knew where I wanted to go but she’s the one who made all the calls and all that.” 

“We gotta make sure we get her a really good souvenir then.”

Nat raised an eyebrow playfully, “We’re going to use her money to get her a ‘really good souvenir’?” 

“Shut up” you chuckled, “When you put it that way it sounds really bad.”

“Just pointing out the truth!” 

Dinner flew by, and you had to fight so many times to not reach out and take her hand. Her laughter was infectious, and as she spoke you hung on every word. After you paid for dinner, using Tony’s card, of course, Nat called another taxi and away you went to your next destination.

Your next stop was a show called Absinthe at Caesars Palace. The crowd was a fascinating mix of people, and as you walked in you studied the performers. As you walked in, you saw women dressed as burlesque dancers, men in traditional circus outfits, and a variety of people in revealing clothing.

“I have to ask, what in the world are we doing here?” 

Nat turned to you, her face lit up in a smile. “Okay, so I found out about this show in the New York Times. They said ‘Imagine Cirque du Soleil as channeled through The Rocky Horror Picture Show’ and I’ve always wanted to go but I never got the chance.”

Nat’s hand found it’s way into yours and she pulled you along, dragging you to the front row seats. Your heart stopped when her fingers linked with yours and you felt your pulse began to race. It was different this time, her touch. It was different than her touch when you were in the field. There, every move every brush of fingers was calculated. Now it was a spur of the moment, her touching you because it was she wanted, not because she had to. It wasn’t just a job, not this time.

When you sat and her fingers slipped from yours, you felt immediately like the loss of the sun. Your hand started to follow hers like a flower chasing the sun, but you caught yourself right before they caught up. When you sat though, you sat together, close enough in your seats that your thighs brushed one another. 

The show was fantastic. Many times you found yourself almost doubled over in laughter with Nat, other times gasping when it looked like someone was going to fall and get hurt. All too soon, it was over and you were climbing out of your seats. For 90 minutes, you’d been in constant contact with Nat so when you stood, you couldn’t help but mourn the contact at first.

You didn’t even get the chance to ask where to next before Nat pulled you deeper into Cesar’s Palace. As you went along, you guys talked all about the show and shared your favorite parts. The way her eyes lit up when she spoke left a smile on your face you couldn’t help but love. 

As she led you through the doors of Omnia Nightclub, Nat turned to you “Okay, we have to be back to the room by 3am okay? We need to be on the road by 9 - it’s a 7-hour drive.”

“3am, Nat?! A 7-hour drive after this? Are you insane?” you laughed, weaving your way through the crowd to the bar.

“I never said this road trip would be boring, did I. No, we have a lot to do and only 10 days to do it!”

Three drinks later you were both on the dance floor, pressed together by the swirling crowd. Over the thump of the music and low hum of the crowd, you heard a woman call out for someone to stay away from her. 

When you turned, you found a woman being hassled by a nearby man. Apparently, he wasn’t taking no for an answer, and he had his hand wrapped around her upper arm. She tried to pull away from him but his hand didn’t let go. Nat and you immediately began to work your way over to her, and when Nat grabbed the man’s shoulder and forced him to let her go, you led the woman away from him. 

While you helped her find her friends in the crowded room, Nat made sure the man wouldn’t be an issue again after kneeing him in the groin and removing him from the club. You didn’t see the full extent of his injuries but as he left, he cradled his hand in his other and you could tell from the look on his face he was in quite a lot of pain. When the woman reassured you that she was okay and thanked you for your guys’ help, you headed towards the bar, Nat following you.

“She okay?” Nat asked, sliding into place by your side and ordering a drink.

“Yeah, she’s fine. She said she’s gonna be okay, she’s back with her friends now,” you ordered water, sobered up after the incident. 

By the time you left the club an hour later, Nat had had a few more drinks and was slightly drunk. Nat nestled into your side as you walked, and your arm draped over her shoulder, holding her tight to you. She rambled as you made your way back to the hotel room, and you listened as she told you all about how Clint had messed up the last mission they’d gone on together. 

When you got back to the hotel room, Nat stumbled into her pajamas and brushed her teeth while you stepped into the bathroom. The smell of Vegas clung to you, and you wanted nothing more than to wash the smoke scent from your hair and skin.

As you collapsed into your bed, you turned to see Nat passed out on hers. Her hair was spread out around her and she curled up into a ball, half asleep. With a low groan, you got to your feet and tucked her under the covers. When you crawled back into bed your mind just kept wandering back to what the rest of the trip was going to bring. How were you going to survive this without telling her how you felt? 

~~~~~

Next Chapter -> (releases 7/22/20)

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[avengers-fics]

Nightmare

natasha romanoff/reader: you have a nightmare and she's there to wake you up and comfort you

The sheets were all over the floor from the writhing you had been doing, and sweat poured off your skin like somebody had the heat on in the summer. Whimpers of pain could be heard from your room all the way to the other side of the avengers compound. Being fairly new to the team, nobody knew the depth of what was going on in your head during the night hours. But it was painful to hear you screaming out like you were being stabbed incessantly, and it was time someone came to help. Everyone was terrified of being hurt by you while you lashed out, especially with the super strength you had running through your veins.

Natasha decided it was time for her to help, and she rolled out of her own bed quietly before walking through the hallway to yours all the way at the front. She took notice of how clean your room was when she opened the door, except for the sheets that were now on the floor from the nightmare that had you in it’s clutches. Nat decided to take immediate action and jump on top of you to stop all the movement, and hoped to wake you up. She sat on your stomach and pinned your arms at your sides with her knees to prevent you from moving anymore than you were. Your breathing started to slow, and she put her hands on your cheeks.

Your face was sticky in her hands, but she didn't mind, all that mattered to her right now was getting you out of the nightmare. “Hey, y/n, c’mon honey.” Nat whispered, in hopes of waking you up. It was slow, but you were finally coming around and getting your bearings. Nat flopped down beside you now that you were awake, and she didn't let go of your hand. “You were really going crazy tonight.” She looked over at you and it was like she wanted to know, but had a soft look in her eyes that said you didn't have to share if you didn't want to. It was rough having to see those horrible memories all over again, but you were thankful for Natasha finally stepping up to help you through it.

“Can you stay with me,” You looked over at the woman in your bed, “Please…” Your voice was barely above a whisper, but Natasha heard you loud and clear. She nodded her head and held her arms out, welcoming your body to her chest. Nat pressed a small kiss to your forehead and pulled her arms tight around you. Something told you that you were finally going to be able to sleep through the night in her arms, at last.