#Natalie suffering at the hands of Shauna out in the wilderness

[belovaballerina]

Blood is Spirit

Yellowjackets: Lottie Matthews x fem!reader

Rating: Explicit (Minors DNI)

WC: 1.2k 

Prompt: First and Last Choice for @sweetspicybingo (Beginnings Bingo Masterlist)

Tags/Warnings: Blood (bloodplay), knifeplay, nipple stimulation, fingering, oral, cutting/injury/wound, dark urges, references to cannibalism, spoilers if you haven’t seen up to episode S3ep7, reader and Lottie are 18

Summary: You assisted Nat, and meet your fate at Lottie’s hands, luckily for you, she would never truly harm her favorite girl

Lottie’s lips were a bruise against yours—sharp, blooming, and painting your mouth a swollen red. You drank down her power, basking in it as you shivered beneath her hands, which were currently stripping away your dirty clothing. You loved how she towered over you, reminding you of a goddess, and you loved how she would have to stoop down to kiss you.

“I…I’m sorry…I only wanted to help…,” you sniffled as hot tears burned the rims of your eyes.

“Shhh, I know. You and Nat wanted to show mercy,” she soothed, stroking your hair with one hand while the other kneaded your flesh, “Which is what I’m doing now. Shauna and some of the others are ready to rip you and Nat apart.”

Your lower lip trembled. Coach Scott didn’t deserve to suffer; he should have been let go and allowed the wilderness to decide his fate. But Akilah had sworn he was the bridge home and the quell for his blood simmered down, though you were certain Shauna was itching to slit his throat and was just pissed Nat beat her to the punch. You and Travis allowed Natalie to slip into the pen and prove that you weren’t all a bunch of heathens lost to the wild.

One of her fingers circled your pebbled nipple, making your rock on your feet as you stood naked inside her hut. She had appeased Shauna by declaring she was in charge, sparing you and Nat a severe fate, and you were grateful. 

“You’ll have to do your best to make it seem like you’re in agony,” Lottie purred in your ear before pinching your nipple.

You yelped loudly in response, twisting your mouth into a smirk.

“Well done,” she praised, “But you’ll have to sacrifice more to appease disrupting the balance.”

“I understand,” you gulped. Nat’s punishment was to prepare Ben’s body, to honor him as Shauna said.

“I’ll let you pick. It will be your choice,” Lottie said, slipping the fur from her shoulders and exposing her golden skin, which glistened in the dim light streaming through the slats of the hut.

You trailed your hands down your naked body as you decided the best area for her to cut—a blood and flesh scarifice. The magazines would insist that you should hate your generous thighs, but they proved helpful in your role as central midfielder and would be another saving grace tonight. You traced your finger down your left inner thigh.

“Here,” you decided, trepidation settling in when Lottie lifted the knife into her hands. You lowered onto the makeshift log that served as a table and spread your legs.

She slipped between your splayed thighs and pressed the blade against your tender flesh. Your fingers gripped the edges of the table as the sharp bite of the knife pierced your skin. Blood bubbled to the surface, leaking down your calf. You gained your bearings, inhaling deeply before letting out a wounded howl for show, hoping it would appease Shauna and her vicious little gaggle of sycophants. Lottie’s breath hitched as she closed her eyes like a phantom wind had run through her.

“The wilderness is pleased with your sacrifice,” she whispered before pressing her mouth to the wound. The bleeding started to slow, and all you could concentrate on was the feeling of Lottie mouthing the wound. Once one has consumed human flesh, feeling grossed out basically goes out the window. You intertwined your fingers through her dark hair.

“Devour me, Lottie,” you whispered, your voice swirling around in the phantom wind that caressed you and Lottie.

She pulled away from the wound on your thigh and moved her mouth closer to your core. Her tongue splayed against your slick flesh, lapping gently at you. The metallic tang of your blood and the sharp bite of the taste of you mingled on her tongue, making Lottie shiver as her fingers dug into your hips. Her tongue swirled inside you, making pressure bloom through your lower belly and a soft moan spill from your parted lips. One hand left your hip, sliding up your torso and gently massaged your breast before fingers curled over your chin, then between your slack mouth. You drew in her fingers, suckling on them as they muffied your moan.

You could feel Lottie’s hunger as she devoured you. The flick of her tongue against your clit sent a jolt through you. You closed your mouth around her fingers, your teeth scraping against her flesh as pleasure racked your body, and you toppled into an orgasm. Lottie resembled a feverish wolf as she licked her shiny mouth clean, ruby droplets clinging to the corners of her lips.

“Do you want more?” you whispered, reaching out to cup her face, thumb smoothing over the contours of her cheek.

Her lower lip trembled, dark eyes blown wide as she gauged her response.

“It’s your choice. I’m giving freely,” you added, tracing your thumb over her lips and feeling the blood drying on your thigh.

She drew the digit between her lips, and you hissed as her teeth sank into your flesh just hard enough to make you bleed again. You would feed your voracious love tenfold if it pleased her. The others may not understand, but you did. You understood her.

“I can hear every drop singing,” she moaned after releasing your thumb. You marveled at the indentations of her teeth in your flesh, crimson welling in the deep grooves.

You lunged forward, clawing at her clothes until she was as naked as you. You dipped your head, tracing your tongue over her tawny nipple and delighting as the flesh hardened. Your hand splayed between her taut thighs, stroking her damp flesh. You teased her for a bit, making sure she was dripping before two fingers sank in with ease. Her moan toppled into your mouth as you kissed her, teeth scraping together.

Your fingers worked at a steady pace, curling inside her and making her whine as your teeth dug into her lower lip. Yours were already split open like a ripe plum, unsure of where she ended and you began. Crimson drips swirling together, filling eager mouths and drowning you in sharp ecstasy. You hit Lottie’s sweet spot again, feeling her tremble beneath you as she reached orgasm and drenched your fingers. Your vision blurred as your fingers plunged into her bloody, swollen mouth. You imagined scarlet handprints left on the curves of each other’s bodies, garish marks staining skin and symbolizing the bond the two of you held.

“Are you satiated, my love?” you panted.

“For now,” she whispered against the curve of your neck, her wet mouth pressed against your skin.

You pulled her fur cape over both of you, snuggling and curling under the warmth as your heart slowed its pounding in your chest. Lottie’s forehead rested against yours as she hummed softly, one hand resting on your lower back. Exhaustion settled in your bones, pulling you into the sweet embrace of slumber in Lottie’s embrace. Lottie’s soft voice filled the hut as the lyrics made you shiver. You remembered dancing to that song with her as the bonfire blazed brightly in the night, the starlight catching in her dark eyes.

“I will burn for you, feel pain for you. I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart and tear it apart,” she sang, keeping you close in her arms, her teeth gently dragging over your neck.

You suspected more difficult choices would soon follow, but you would never abandon Lottie. The wilderness would protect you both, that much you had faith in.

[marikamlp]

Natalie's Leadership Analysis

S03E06 SPOILERS!!!

I think Natalie was always doomed to fail as a leader and her downfall was just a matter of time. Yes, she was good with practical stuff. Yes, girls prospered under her leadership, but she couldn't influence the group. Even before the crash Nat was "only a junkie", disregarded and often somewhat bullied by the other girls. But she was also "so completely herself" to quote Jackie. She was always at the core going to stay Natalie and in the Wilderness, that is exactly what doomed her leadership. Nat killed Ben because giving him mercy was what Nat would have done. Keeping him alive would have been what the other girls were doing, solely for the benefit of themselves. The act of killing Ben was a mercy kill and a selfless act that the other girls were not capable of. Because Mist too in some twisted Misty way loved Ben, but she wanted Ben alive because she couldn't take Ben dying, and she was willing to keep him alive despite his misery, unlike Nat who couldn't watch him suffer. And no, Nat never did what was good for her, that's what the other Yellowjackets were doing, she did what was right for Ben.

It is also very important to mention all of the parallels between Jackie's leadership and Nat's leadership. Jackie lacked practical skills that would be helpful to guide girls and she was unwilling to give into the Wilderness and let go of all the social standards, but Nat never had the influence that would make girls listen to her nor did she know how to execute her role and power as a leader. They really are two sides of the same coin. Natalie is clearly uncomfortable in her new role as we can see during the trial. She takes off the antler crown and the antler queen attire, and in the end, during voting, she no longer holds any attribute of the power and is just one of the other girls. She also doesn't seem to grasp the power her words could have. She is the queen, she has the final say, yet she is easily pushed off to the side as Shauna starts screaming and she doesn't do anything, because she never was supposed to be in that position. Lottie pushed her into it, but Nat was never truly chosen by the Wilderness, she was supposed to die, and she tricked the fate even if only temporarily because in the end she was always doomed to die.

Another great example of comparison between Jackie and Natalie and their power and influence is of course, the whole MariShauna fight, which reflects back to the fight Tai and Shauna had back in the pilot during the party. Nat tries to resolve the fight during the feast, giving Shauna and Mari house arrest, but it doesn't seem like either of them listens to it. Neither later, when Nat asks girls to look for Mari, all of them except for Misty disregard her and Tai and Van decide to do it on their own. Shauna doesn't even listen to her in such a simple thing as listening to Van's performance, and Nat seems at a loss how to talk to her and convince her. Jackie on the other hand has no problem putting her foot down during the party and she doesn't even have to look back at girls to know they are following her despite the eye rolls and their reluctance to do it. Same as later with "saying one nice true thing about every other girl", none of them want to at the beginning, but Jackie takes the initiative and they follow. Natalie disregards Jackie's leadership tactics and even thinks such matters as arguing within the group are not worth her impact

But Jackie is herself an example that those things do matter out there as well.

Now with Shauna in charge, I think things are about to go down the rails very fast and a lot of girls, especially those who are opposing Shauna's leadership, will die or suffer. Shauna seems to be immediately after being handed leadership, trying to be the leader she knew Jackie to be and actually use her tactics of calling out to team spirit and trying to make everyone feel needed, as part of the group.

But in the end, she's still Shauna. Shauna suffered so much that she has partly lost her core self from before. Unlike Nat, who was always going to be herself no matter what anyone else thought, which means she also in the end cared more about Ben than losing her status. And I don't personally think Shauna will be a good leader either. Though she will be a brutal one, willing to do anything to survive, like with Allie's leg. We know they didn't tell Jackie because she would have been against it and Nat was against it.

However, both Jackie and Nat had to fall because yellowjackets are like a bee hive. And other queens need to die so the other bees survive. "It's not brutal, it's nature"

[baked-potatoes-rule]

The tape, Ben, the woods, and the true horrors

When Shauna,Van and Taissa play the tape, they are reminded.

Obviously episode 6 gave us quite the bite to digest and I’m sure many of us still feel their stomachs churn. 

Other people have already done great breakdowns on Natalie,Misty and coach Ben and I doubt I can contribute anything more. We know this is a defining moment for both. Something that is going to mark them for the rest of their lives, along with everything else they did out there. I stand by the initial thought that I had the moment Ben asked Natalie to kill him. It was an act of mercy. They both loved their coach and they both wanted to alleviate his suffering. 

Voices of the past and how the Yellowjackets never left the wilderness.

If I have to pick one moment that will stay with me from episode 6,that would be the feast dance. The real horror and dread lies underneath the ground they walk on. The Yellowjackets feel at home. The wilderness has grown roots inside of them and there is no coming back from that.

And we see it. We see it during the feast when they eat. Lottie hears and watches all of her teammates closely. They are eating and they are content. 

Natalie and Mari are quietly talking while they eat. Natalie with a new found hole in her soul and Mari,surprisingly likeable this season.

We then see Van and Taissa. Eating and concluding that yes, Taissa was in fact right. They are both smiling. 

Shauna is smiling too (been a good while since this one happened). She is merrily munching on Ben’s flesh and she seems surprisingly content. Content because she finally got what she deserves. To be the one on top. To lead. To be seen. 

Misty is sitting on her own, eating and mourning in her own way. In a way she is content too. She will forever carry a piece of Ben with her. Just like Shauna will forever carry a piece of Jackie with her. (A piece?Jackie is still her other half,even in death)

And then we see Lottie,leaving her plate aside and saying “This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.” What does she mean? Now with Ben gone,there’s no bridge to go back home? And suddenly she starts hearing again. Maybe this was exactly what was supposed to happen.

And then they start dancing and singing. It is in them. “It’s inside all of us,” Lottie told Shauna during Doomcoming. 

And then...

Travis and Akilah have been awakened from the trance-induced dance. They look like they don't believe what their eyes are seeing. "Is this real?"

Lottie yells, "No!". It wasn't supposed to happen that way. Lottie doesn't really seem like she wants to go home and looks upset as their ritual has been interrupted. Someone has entered their bubble of reality; someone else is walking on their sacred ground.

Natalie and Mari are in shock. This is too much for Natalie in one day. With Ben's blood on her hands still fresh...can this really be happening?

Taissa looks like her soul just left her body. Because what is happening and who are these people?

Van looks hopeful. One can easily say she is the most eager to get out of the wilderness and go back home.

Misty is in pure shock. She is frozen and there is a feralness in her eyes.

And then there's Shauna, who looks like she just had the kid she despises show up at her sleepover party. "Who are these people? We're finally going to be saved! But what about me leading? Is that how long it lasts for me? Can I ever win? Can I ever have anything for myself?! Also fuck- Ben's head! Our party decoration! We have been discovered and we are totally fucked. These people have to die."

Okay fine...maybe I exaggerated a bit on the last part. We don't know that, but we wouldn't be surprised.

It feels as if someone walked into their home uninvited. Witnessing things no one else is meant to see.

The last thing they probably expected is someone finding them mid-cannibalizing their coach and doing their little dance in their forest dumplings costumes.

They aren't really ready to go home. At least some of them. Lottie...Misty...Shauna...Tai?...

I wonder if there's a part of them that misses it, in the adult timeline. Or at least part of their time in the wilderness.

Where Shauna could unleash the beast inside of her and pour all of her pent-up anger without having someone stop her...

Where Lottie didn't need her medication and was free to see and hear and connect....

Where Tai and Van could love each other and not be judged about it by the cruel society...

Where Misty was needed and she was finally a part of something instead of being ostrasized...

Where Natalie found purpose and she finally felt "useful"...If only her dad could see her...

Did they ever go back home?

Yes. But a part of them stayed there and they brought part of It back with them.

Nothing is more haunting than their bond with the wilderness.

[novelconcepts]

There’s a line from American Gods I keep coming back to in relation to Yellowjackets, an observation made early on by Shadow in prison: “The kind of behavior that works in a specialized environment, such as prison, can fail to work and in fact become harmful when used outside such an environment.” I keep rotating it in my head in thinking about the six survivors, the roles they occupy in the wilderness, and the way the show depicts them as adults in society.

Because in the wilderness, as in prison, they’re trapped—they’re suffering, they’re traumatized, they’re terrified—but they’re also able to construct very specific boxes to live in. And, in a way, that might make it easier. Cut away the fat, narrow the story down to its base arc. You are no longer the complex young woman who weighs a moral compass before acting. You no longer have the luxury of asking questions. You are a survivor. You have only to get to the next day.

Shauna: the scribe. Lottie: the prophet. Van: the acolyte. Taissa: the skeptic. Misty: the knight. Natalie: the queen. Neat, orderly, the bricks of a new kind of society. And it works in the woods; we know this because these six survive. (Add Travis: the hunter, while you’re at it, because he does make it to adulthood).

But then they’re rescued. And it’s not just lost purpose and PTSD they’re dealing with now, but a loss of that intrinsic identity each built in the woods. How do you go home again? How do you rejoin a so-called civilized world, where all the violence is restricted to a soccer field, to an argument, to your own nightmares?

How does the scribe, the one who wrote it all out in black and white to make sense of the horrors, cope with a world that would actively reject her story? She locks that story away. But she can’t stop turning it over in her head. She can’t forget the details. They’re waiting around every corner. In the husband beside her in bed. In the child she can’t connect with across the table. In the best friend whose parents draw her in, make her the object of their grief, the friend who lives on in every corner of their hometown. She can’t forget, so she tries so hard to write a different kind of story instead, to fool everyone into seeing the soft maternal mask and not the butcher beneath, and she winds up with blood on her hands just the same.

How does the prophet come back from the religion a desperate group made of her, a group that took her tortured visions, her slipping mental health, and built a hungry need around the very things whittling her down? She builds over the bones. She creates a place out of all that well-intended damage, and she tells herself she’s helping, she’s saving them, she has to save them, because the world is greedy and needs a leader, needs a martyr, needs someone to stand up tall and reassure everyone at the end of the day that they know what’s best. The world, any world, needs someone who will take those blows so the innocent don’t have to. She’s haunted by everyone she didn’t save, by the godhood assigned to her out of misplaced damage, and when the darkness comes knocking again, there is nothing else to do but repeat old rhymes until there is blood on her hands just the same.

How does the acolyte return to a world that cares nothing for the faith of the desperate, the faith that did nothing to save most of her friends, that indeed pushed her to destroy? She runs from it. She dives into things that are safe to believe in, things that rescue lonely girls from rough home lives, things that show a young queer kid there’s still sunshine out there somewhere. She delves into fiction, makes a home inside old stories to which she already knows the endings, coaxes herself away from the belief that damned her and into a cinemascope safety net where the real stuff never has to get in. She teaches herself surface-level interests, she avoids anything she might believe in too deeply, and still she’s dragged back to the place where blood winds up on her hands just the same.

How does the skeptic make peace with the things she knows happened, the things that she did even without meaning to, without realizing? She buries them. She leans hard into a refusal to believe those skeletons could ever crawl back out of the graves she stuffed them into, because belief is in some ways the opposite of control. She doesn’t talk to her wife. She doesn’t talk to anyone. It’s not about what’s underneath the surface, because that’s just a mess, so instead she actively discounts the girl she became in the woods. She makes something new, something rational and orderly, someone who can’t fail. She polishes the picture to a shine, and she stands up straight, the model achievement. She goes about her original plan like it was always going to be that way, and she winds up with blood on her hands just the same.

How does the knight exist in a world with no one to serve, no one to protect, no reason propelling the devastating choices she had grown comfortable making? She rechannels it. She convinces herself she’s the smartest person in the room, the most capable, the most observant. She convinces herself other people’s mysteries are hers to solve, that she is helping in every single action she takes. She makes a career out of assisting the most fragile, the most helpless souls she can find, and she makes a hobby out of patrolling for crimes to solve, and when a chance comes to strap her armor back on and ride into battle, she rejoices in the return to normalcy. She craves that station as someone needed, someone to rely upon in the darkest of hours, and she winds up with blood on her hands because, in a way, she never left the wilderness at all.

How does the queen keep going without a queendom, without a pack, without people to lead past the horrors of tomorrow? She doesn’t. She simply does not know how. She scrounges for something, anything, that will make her feel connected to the world the way that team did. She moves in and out of a world that rejects trauma, punishes the traumatized, heckles the grieving as a spectacle. She finds comfort in the cohesive ritual of rehabilitation, this place where she gets so close to finding herself again, only to stumble when she opens her eyes and sees she’s alone. All those months feeding and guiding and gripping fast to the fight of making it to another day, and she no longer knows how to rest. How to let go without falling. She no longer wears a crown, and she never wanted it in the first place, so how on earth does she survive a world that doesn’t understand the guilt and shame of being made the centerpiece of a specialized environment you can never explain to anyone else? How, how, how do you survive without winding up with blood on your hands just the same?

All six of these girls found, for better or worse, a place in the woods. All six of them found, for better or worse, a reason to get up the next day. For each other. And then they go home, and even if they all stayed close, stayed friends, it’d still be like stepping out of chains for the first time in years. Where do you go? How do you make small choices when every decision for months was life or death? How do you keep the part of yourself stitched so innately into your survival in a world that would scream to see it? How do you do away with the survivor and still keep going?

They brought it back with them. Of course they did. It was the only way.

[softantlers]

who would you say out of the girls are the most tragic?

god, they're all so fucking tragic. idk if i can even answer that. 😭

i guess... if i really had to answer? the ones that seem to get no fucking peace imo are lottie, nat, and shauna.

may surprise you when i say shauna, but it doesn't come from a place that's over-sympathetic to her as much as a place that recognizes she probably didn't need to end up this way. barring the plane crash, it truly is miserable how much shauna's life would be different. yeah, she might have a falling out with her best friend about fucking her boyfriend, but jackie wouldn't be dead. her baby, if she chose to keep it, also wouldn't be dead. (and if she didn't, that'd be fine too.) imo i genuinely think shauna is a bad person, but i don't know if i consider her to be an inherently evil person. she's a cocktail of maladjustment that didn't need to exist--the trauma of the wilderness literally frankensteined her together & said "go fuck shit up." like at the end of the day, she's still a teenage girl, and i wish she wasn't suffering so badly. (of course, i have stronger opinions and less sympathy about how she behaves in adulthood and what her obligations are there, re: see a fucking therapist babe, but as far as the teen timeline goes, i'd say she breaks my heart.)

and then lottie & nat are so fucking sad, i could write a goddamn dissertation about them. lottie loses years of her life to institutionalization and still dies in the midst of unmanaged delusions. even in death, it's not clear that her team ever truly saw her and understood her role in the wilderness, or even appreciated it. she becomes the scapegoat for all their sins & it's obvious she begins to hate and distrust herself, even when she's well. she doesn't know any peace.

on the other hand, natalie's life was difficult even before the crash. she finally finds purpose in the wilderness & suffers so profoundly in service of the other girls. she does her absolute best to drag them home, and when she gets home, her life continues to be miserable. the briefest glimmer of peace we are even for sure she has was like--what, a fucking week at lottie's commune? like goddamn, someone get that girl a blanket and hot chocolate and stop exposing her to the horrors.

[cerise-fille]

DRABBLE-fic; oc: anka arthurs × natalie scatorccio, ankanat, 🩻🎫; s2 timeline.

—☆

the nightmare began with winter. it came with soft snow that dusted branches of trees, and cold body of jackie near the porch. the message was clear.

nothing is gonna be "alright".

and nothing was.

anka didn't find it surprising, she never felt fond of winter, but now? oh now it was fierce hatred. the cold became stronger with each day, she never felt warm, her throat was always sore, and her stomach painfully twisted from hunger.

she still had to take care of everyone, especially pregnant shauna. and anka did, because she needed to be sure, because she couldn't fall asleep anymore until every each one of the group was inside.

she never cried for jackie, that's true, but she was mourning her in her own way.

and even so, all of that? anka could bear it, at least for some time. there was no hope in her chest, but there was simple logic that one day the winter will end, and it will get better.

and then they eat their captain.

smell of roasted flesh, one that makes anka want to throw up and feel a hungry knot in her stomach at the same time; loud chewing feels the air along with howling wind; the cold bites her skin; the disgusting taste of vomit lingers in her mouth as coach ben helps her back inside the cabin after she emptied her already empty stomach over the porch railing.

she said nothing in the morning, but her gaze became sharper.

and weeks passed by slowly, each day a torture. anka felt that cold lodged in her bones, not letting her stay warm even near the fire.

everything was bad. all anka could pray for is for things not to get worse.

but of course they did. because nothing ever happened in her favor, because shauna's cries filled the cabin, because anka couldn't let akilah or misty do that, because bloodwasalloverherhandsbecausebabynevertookasinglebreathbecauseankafailed-...

she takes a sharp breath, but her eyes sting with unshed tears.

anka's hands are shaking, but not from the icy water. she scrubs them with a rough cloth, trying to scrape the dried blood off her skin, possibly along with the skin itself.

part of her knew that none of this was her fault, part of her knew she did everything she could, and if it wasn't enough, it wasn' her fault.

but the other part was trembling, the other part tried to peel off her own skin with rough cloth of rag, until they bleed, the other part tried to get the blood from under her nails, the other part was already bleeding inside.

and the other part was louder.

so anka doesn't really notice when first tear spills out of her eye, when after first one follow the second and third, until her shoulders are shaking in a silent crying.

it feels like hours, before the door creaks, and natalie comes in with a pile of bloody rags in her hands, stopping in her tracks as she notices anka.

"arthurs?" nat's voice is hoarse and low, even exhausted, with a note of confusion in it. her eyes look at anka closely.

natalie never saw anka like this, not really. anka was always steady among them, the same no matter what wilderness threw on them. nat liked it.

but this?

this was anka arthurs falling apart, breaking into small pieces or shattering, call it whatever you want, but the truth of what she saw right now?

it was a girl of nat's age who suffered and needed anything to hold on.

it takes natalie a few moments before she moves closer, leaving bloody rags on the floor.

"anka," she says quietly and almost softly. she was tired of this shit herself. she knew how anka felt.

anka doesn't look at her sharply shaking her head, and her voice quiet and raspy.

"what is it?" anka's words are harsh, maybe even a bit too harsh. her shoulders are tense, her grown out even after haircut black messy hair hides her face.

natalie fights the urge to roll her eyes and sighs. she reaches for anka's hands, firmly pulling them out of icy water. anka almost doesn't feel the touch at all, but she complies.

"your hands are fucked up enough, stop it..." natalie mutters grumpily, snatching the rag from anka's bony and thin hands that all red from the cold and skin irritation. and then she pauses, hesitating.

what now?

natalie swallows and after another small pause wraps her hands around anka, pulling her closer in an awkward embrace.

anka doesn't even resist, just lets her head rest on nat's shoulder. her hands hang limply along her body for a few moments, before came up, clenching nat's sweater with her numb fingers.

natalie slowly caresses anka's shoulder blades, trying to soothe.

it's suddenly feels nice, holding anka, feeling her body leaning on her own. awkward, yes. but also... comfortable.

"it will get better," natalie murmurs quietly and hoarsely, not really believing herself.

that draws unexpected snort from anka, hoarse and low, rather humorless one.

"well, that's bullshit." anka rasps out, not looking up at natalie. her voice muffled with nat's clothes.

natalie hums and after a moment shrugs.

"yeah, it is."

they're falling silent, but this time the silence is almost peaceful, anka's shoulders do not tremble anymore.

anka feels how her fingers regain warmth and sensitivity, tightening her grip just a bit.

and none of them said anything else.

—☆

• hurt/comfort, huzzah or smth....

• anka has a fear of blood but in the wilderness no one couldn't care less about it. usually, anka is able to push the messy injuries on misty to deal with with anka's instructions, but with really serious ones anka can't lose this little of control she has over the situation. little control freak, duh.

[yjposting]

Longish ramble theory thing ahead

Thinking about how every character so far died after they stepped out of their designated role/what was known and familiar to them, let me elaborate. Laura Lee for instance has never really been someone to take the initiative, we watch her get shushed and her opinions ridiculed nonstop. When she announces that she's gonna fly the plane nobody opposes her apart from Ben who still doesn't succeed in getting her to give up. She dies. Jackie is the team leader and we watch her seriously struggle with that in the Wilderness until finally her fight with Shauna happens and we see her accept defeat and quite literally leave the cabin abandoning the team and her leading position. She dies. Natalie has always been an addict, drugs, alcohol, sex and toxicity in general have been a constant presence throughout her life. We watch her suffer and battle with it and eventually we get to see her start to recover and heal for real this time. She dies. Even the Martinez brothers. Javi was the baby of the group and as such he was the one that should've been (and was for the most part) taken care of and protected. He dies by trying to take care of and protect someone else. Travis is a bit difficult cause he's such a fuzzy character to me as a teen all the way up to and including his death. I suppose that if we assume Lottie's story is correct, he basically went from a guy who was always at the mercy of the girls in one way or another to dying accidentally and by his own hand. If the show were to go down the path where everyone is meant to die it would be interesting to see how (and if) their deaths play into this theory at all.

[sc4torccio]

@oupires asked: ☜ + the one in s3 where she realizes they’re doomed to spend another winter in the wilderness 🤭

out in the clearing, overwhelmed by the smothering anticipation of the scientists' planned arrival, waiting, given the hour, felt nearly akin to standing on a cliff face, waiting to leap. like wild signalfire, sending butterflies fluttering in the dark, festering pit in natalie's stomach. worse, though, and against her better judgment, remained the fact that a blossom of hope had nestled itself quietly behind the jutting rungs of her ribs: a seedling that felt like it could drift away at any moment. she couldn't let it. not while more than half of their splintered faction craved a way out of their living hell of a wasteland. not when they'd wanted an end to the ritualistic violence, the persisting pressures of surviving, and the chaos of nature's ungovernable power; the madness that, over time, they'd whittled into some twisted version of meaning to make the losses they'd endured that much less senseless.

nat's fingers uncurled and dug into the sleeves of her jacket, her searching gaze shifting along every tenebrous break in the trees she could half make out. akilah and mari's whispers, murmured between themselves, hardly broke her engrossment in the lulling, still darkness. there was a quiet excitement in their voices; something almost more frenzied than that that seemed to walk a razor rope between anxious and wanting.

through the cacophony of the wilderness' fauna, natalie thought she caught the sound of twigs cracking; the susurration of dried grasses and tree roots rustling under the near - silent tread of infringing footsteps. she turned, then, as the shadowed silhouettes of two intruding shapes emerged through the trees — and in the stretch of a heartbeat, the length of time it took to read the defeat on melissa's face for what it was, to absorb the discontent on gen's, any smouldering hope they'd flinted into being amongst themselves evaporated into nothing.

natalie could hardly take it in, at first. could hardly reckon with the perplexity in akilah's eyes, or the way mari's face fell.

" what's wrong? " she asked, all the same, the low hush of her furtive whisper wobbling a little. they'd been perfectly tight - lipped, careful not to let a word of their plans leak into camp where they might be discovered. but nothing had ever been quite so simple as holding onto a secret. " something happened, " melissa offered, that answer alone enough to carve out the flourishing, flowering hope from natalie's chest in one swift motion. " hannah shoved a knife through that guy's face. "

the subsequent denial in akilah's voice cut through any dented, rusting resistance nat still felt against any reality in which this was her life, and theirs, for the foreseeable, miserable forever. " I'm sorry, what? we're not going? "

" no, shauna knows. "

nat's heart stilled for a second, before it dropped in her chest like a weight around her ankles in freezing, ice - encrusted water. her extremities almost seemed to lose their feeling, the edges of her vision tunnelling into dusky, pernicious black.

that they wouldn't be going home tonight didn't seem possible, given how far they'd gotten. but the narrow window they'd planned for had slammed shut, without warning, cutting off their fingers at the callused knuckle. they wouldn't be leaving this place — the minuscule patch of the wild, untraversed world that'd already taken coach, jackie, javi. instead, they'd go back to their camp where brutality reigned above empathy. back to the huts they'd crafted and lined in deer pelts that scarcely kept out the rain. back to the animal pit that still stank of torture and human decay, and to coach scott's head, where it rested on the end of a hand - crafted pike: a terrifying portent of just how little humanity still existed there. back to the endless void that lead nowhere but to suffering.

a single tear beaded down nat's cheek before she could make any motion to stop it, to stifle it and lock it away into dormancy with every single one she'd shed for coach. for shauna's lost child. but when the others started to trail off, to make their slow, subdued sojourn back to their huts, like nothing had ever happened, an undammed flood of them started to rise behind her lashes, glinting a cold, blurring sheen. for a moment, she could almost pretend that she could still will them away — that the rolling, towering tidal wave of disappointment that'd crushed the air out of her lungs and rendered her fingertips completely insensate, despite the encroaching cold, could still subside somehow. that maybe there'd be another opportunity, somewhere in the distant, far flung future.

that if they survived long enough, there could still be another night like this. another knife. another plan.

that flickering, naive flame of short - lived consideration flared and shuddered out the instant nat dared to let herself appraise it, like someone had nipped at it with unfeeling fingers. only it hadn't been some punishing, outstretched hand that'd passed in front of natalie's glassy, thousand yard stare. it had been a single flake of glittering white, then another, and another — a shimmering, fine flurry, not dissimilar to the deluge that so often featured in the preludes to her worst recurring nightmares. a sudden and portentous icy draught. a huff of shaking breath that, for the first time in months, she could see as it condensed and misted into a fog in front of her very eyes.

the breath nat let out escaped at the crux of a despairing whimper, through cold - bitten, quivering lips: a shivering plea to the cold, lifeless sky, chased by a flash flood of rolling tears. a chest - rattling sob that no one would ever hear. winter was on their doorstep, unannounced, and there was nothing she could do to keep it out. nowhere to run. no way to escape it. six days trek through the woods with a man she wasn't sure she'd have trusted her bandana with might've saved them — even shauna, even lottie; but it was too late. the plan had crumbled, the knife nat had handed to hannah the key to its unravelling. and the snow that'd started to permeate the overhead canopy of fading, wilting green settled on her shoulders without permission, without inhibition, while she looked up into it: a gossamer dusting of it that endured, no matter how hard she shook in her loud, childlike anguish.

they were doomed. they'd only survived last winter by virtue of jackie's corpse and the barren, mold - infested cabin, out by the lake; by the ravenous, animal skin of their teeth. it hadn't been luck that'd seen them through exposure and starvation. just perseverance. just deranged, unstoppable desperation. this time, the notion of rescue dangled itself above it all, out of everyone's withering reach. it'd a been a pipe dream, as fragile as bone under eighty tons of falling steel and composite carbon — and natalie couldn't shake the thought that the loss of it had all but rendered laura lee's death a meaningless one. that ben's death had been for nothing. that jackie's remains had been desecrated for nothing. that she'd let javi thrash in the ice and bleed out in the snow for nothing.

that when the height of winter set in, the rest of their deaths would be meaningless, too.

[dovebuffy92]

Yellowjackets Season 1 Spoilers Below

Yellowjackets Season 1, created by Ashley Lyle & Bart Nickerson, is a brilliant American drama that jumps through time while exploring female trauma and friendships. The television show flashes between the present day and nineteen ninety-six when a New Jersey high school girls’ soccer team crashed into the Canadian wilderness on the way to a national tournament in Seattle. A handful of remaining teammates who survived nineteen months in the wilderness had to do horrific things. Naturally, they don’t want anybody to know what happened in those woods. Today, the now-adult women are attempting to figure out whose blackmailing them.

The actresses who performed as the teenage and adult versions of the plane crash survivors found a way to create characters who felt like the same person at a different time in their lives. As a result, Yellowjackets balances fostering mystery and a grounded story. Shauna (Melanie Lynskey &Sophie Nelisse), Taissa (Tawny Cypress & Jasmin Savoy Brown), Natalie (Juliette Lewis & Sophie Thatcher), and Misty (Christina Ricci & Sammi Hanratty) suffer from trauma in different ways throughout the series.

Two Actresses Establishing One Character

Even though some of the female characters are performed by two actresses, they feel unified and radically different because they represent the characters at distinct periods of their lives. Some of their similarities are “surface” level. For example, both teenage Shauna, performed by Sophie Nelisse, and adult Shauna, acted by Melanie Lynskey, are skilled butchers.

Though some of the other similarities are more to do with the “soul” of the characters, both adult and teenage Misty have obsessive darkness in them that Christina Ricci and Sammi Hanratty capture perfectly. Misty was the team’s equipment manager.

Teenage Misty’s crush on assistant coach Ben Scott (Steven Krueger) leads her to drug his soup with psychedelic mushrooms. She accidentally doses all the surviving plane crash victims during their “doom” prom. While adult Misty’s obsession with keeping her “teammates” safe leads her to kidnap private investigator Jessica Roberts (Rekha Sharma) and imprison her in the house’s basement.

Taissa’s Trauma

The variances between the characters reveal the different stages of trauma they are at in the story. The teenage versions of the character have not fully felt all the trauma that affects adults. Adult and teenager Taissa is knowledgeable and ambitious.

Still, the grown woman is full of emotional cracks from her time in the wilderness. Both teenage and adult Taissa struggle to sleep, but there are several marked differences between the way it’s shown.

Teenage Taissa struggles to sleep after almost losing her girlfriend, Van (Liv Hewson). The most significant difference is that adult Taissa has a wife and son. She starts to crack up when she runs for the state senate.

At night she enters a fugue state where she stares at her son from a tree and draws weird symbols on their large home. The blackmail and pressures from the political race bring Taissa’s trauma to the surface.

Now that she is safe, the demons are coming out. Teenage Taissa needs to keep her wits to take care of her injured girlfriend Van and help them all survive. She can’t afford to sleepwalk. The “safe” lives that most of the grown women find themselves in allow their trauma to surface.

Mystery Without Confusion

Yellowjackets Season 1 leaves a lot of questions unanswered. But never to the point where the story is confusing or hard to follow. So many television shows that rely on almost labyrinth-like plots are hard to track. Creators focus on creating these elaborate stories that constantly surprise their audience but confuse everybody enough to take them out of the story. The prime example of those television shows is Lost and Dark. But Yellowjackets never falls into that trap.

The fundamental way that Yellowjackets keeps the viewers keyed into the story is by grounding the plot with the four leading women and letting the audience into some essential secrets right away. The pilot revealed that the surviving teenage girls’ soccer team lived alone for nineteen months by forming a ritualistic tribe with Misty as one of the leaders.

The girls became cannibals. The television’s mysteries ask why, how, and what turned these high-achieving teenage girls into cannibals. Even the questions around whose blackmailing Adult Misty, Taissa, Shauna, and Natalie are linked to why they formed this odd religion based on the girls eating other humans.

The close bonds between these four characters help viewers understand their logic, and the flashback storyline explains this bond further. For example, adult Taissa comes to Shauna for comfort after discovering that she has been sleepwalking. However, she doesn’t trust herself to sleep without Shauna.

There are flashbacks to teenage Taissa telling Shauna that she blames herself for Van’s accident because she convinced her to hike away from camp to find help in the same episode. She feels afraid to go asleep. Teenage Shauna stays awake with Taissa to protect her.

Instead of unwinding this grand conspiracy, the story focuses on understanding these characters and their motives. Season One ends with even more mysteries that need to be solved. Hopefully, this means there will be more Yellowjackets in the future.

Last Thoughts on Yellowjackets Season 1

All the adult versions of characters suffer from trauma that has damaged their lives in one way or another. Natalie is a recovering drug addict with no family. Taissa suffers from destructive sleeping walking, banishes her family, and is a workaholic. Shauna lives a double life. Her husband is Jeff Sadecki (Warren Kole), who dated her deceased best friend and soccer teammate Jackie (Ella Purnell), leading to their marriage being full of secrets on both sides.

Finally, Misty continues to act out her psychopathic fantasies in the name of protecting her “friends.” Why do you think these women have refused to work out their problems before now? Is it out of guilt? Are they just ashamed or scared of their secret? A combo of both?

Let us know your thoughts on Yellowjackets Season 1 in the comments below.