#Naruto has been overcooked- he's so done with Sasuke-

[britishassistant]

But I Like One Piece (6)

It has to come to a head at some point.

She knows something bad’s going to happen when the teacher tells them they’re going be fighting one another in pairs in the center of a taped-off square. Winners either force their opponents out of the square or put them in a position where a killing blow could be struck.

Their classmates stand around the edge to watch and cheer.

Chopper’s Rumble Balls. This couldn’t scream “blood sport” any harder if they were in a cage arena and betting on the matches.

Though she thinks she does spot some money changing hands...

First up is Shikamaru vs Chouji. Shikamaru promptly declares it a drag and flings himself out of the square at Chouji’s first blow. Chouji looks worried right up until Shika rolls onto his side for a nap. Then he just looks exasperated.

Then Chouji’s set against Hinata. They’re both too hesitant to really hit each other, but eventually Hinata manages to get him to step out of the square through speed and disorientation.

Hinata versus Kiba. Kiba versus Ino. Ino versus Fuuka. Ino versus Shino. Shino versus Sasuke. Sasuke versus Sakura. Sasuke versus Mori, Ami, Yosuke, an endless number of civilian kids he effortlessly beats in one or two blows, using moves that don’t look like the Academy kata they’ve learned.

Sasuke versus Naruto.

She shoots him a thumbs up and a grin as he goes into the ring. He beams back, returning the gesture before focusing.

The pair of them make the silly-looking “Seal of Confrontation”.

Naruto takes up the opening position for Strong Fist style.

Sasuke, with his hands in his pockets, snorts dismissively.

“Begin!” The teacher yells.

Uchiha fakes a punch like the one that dropped Mori, before going for the sweeping kick that knocked Ami and Junko on their backs.

Naruto doesn’t balk at the feint and neatly hops over the sweep (Gai-sensei’s training makes you good at dodging), jabbing a quick palm strike into Uchiha’s chest.

Sasuke stumbles. He’s frowning.

So’s the teacher.

This isn’t the way they expected this to go.

She grins, fiercely proud. Good.

Uchiha’s style is fast. The teacher is right that it’s technically flawless, leg perfectly straight with every kick, stance perfectly solid for every punch. He’s clearly been trained in this from a young age.

But he’s skinnier than he used to be, and his lunchboxes are pathetic. It’s simple, easy-prep foods, under or overcooked rice and ragged tomato slices, which aren’t bad, but shouldn’t be the only foods he’s eating if he wants to have strength and energy.

Naruto’s still got some kinks in his form he’s got to work on with Gai-sensei, overbalancing here, not defending there. But he can take his opponent’s blows, and his own land with all the force of a freight train, mixing up Strong Fist, Academy style, and what looks like street brawling.

Naruto’s also been eating well-balanced diet for as long as he’s known her, which may not count for much in the long term, but it’s counting here.

Because, as much of a prodigy as Sasuke is, it’s slowly becoming apparent that he’s on even ground in this fight, and may even be losing.

“Come on, Naruto!” She yells, as he manages to kick Uchiha’s ankle out from under him and—

FWEEEEEEET!!

Kiba and Akamaru yelp as the teacher keeps blowing a whistle until he’s red in the face, yanking Naruto away from his opponent by his collar.

“I said we would be sparring WITH ACADEMY KATAS, Uzumaki!” He roars. “If you can’t keep to SIMPLE INSTRUCTION, you’ll be spending the rest of the MONTH in DETENTION, do you hear me?!”

Naruto’s looking stunned and frightened, like he’s not sure what he did to merit this reaction. “B-but—”

The teacher drops Naruto with a dismissive, “Disqualified. Match default to Uchiha Sasuke.”

“But that’s not fair!” She howls. Chouji’s holding her hand tight, probably so she doesn’t do something stupid like try to break this hypocritical farce of an educator’s kneecaps.

Kiba points at Uchiha. “He’s been using non-academy techniques since his match with Bug-boy! How come you haven’t pulled him, huh?”

The teacher sniffs. “Sasuke is advanced in taijutsu and can be trusted not to seriously damage his opponents. Uzumaki is too violent and out of control to be trusted—only once he masters the Academy Three will he have the discipline to avoid reckless stunts like this. And if you’re done shrieking, Ketsugi, get your behind in the ring.”

Her ears burn hot. She wants to hurt somebody. She wants to hurt them badly, for even being witness to Naruto’s ill-treatment. It’s not a nice feeling, hot and roiling in her belly like bile.

Don’t act out aggression violently. That’ll just give the masks ammunition and they’ll hurt you. Remember what Okaa-sama said. If calming down is impossible, escape the situation.

“Sorry.” She can’t stop herself from snapping. “I’m not disciplined enough to avoid breaking your sheltered little prodigy.”

She stomps over to Naruto and helps him up. His palm is trembling in hers as she leads him away, ignoring the Uchiha’s insulted look and the teacher’s yells.

They’ve both had enough of the academy for today.

Bread is excellent for venting anger.

She’s probably overworking the dough, but better that than doing something she’ll regret later. Like kicking the stupid teacher as hard as she can between his stupid legs.

Naruto’s despondently fiddling with Habu-san’s leaves.

“I wouldn’t have hurt him.” He murmurs. “I’ve done it with you an’ Lee an’ you two haven’t been hurt, right?”

“No, we weren’t. But you would’ve beat him. Pass me a bit?” She washes the rosemary off, muttering darkly as she pats them dry. “He didn’t want you to win and make his little teacher’s pet look bad.”

Naruto’s brow furrows as she folds the rosemary into the dough, placing it in a bowl and covering it with plastic wrap and leaving it aside for the first prove, setting the timer for an hour.

“You’re really mad, aren’t you? You’re not even doing the singy thing.”

She stops in the midst of washing her hands. “Singy thing?”

Naruto shrugs. “Yeah, when you cook normally, you do this thing. Like you’re singin’ but there’s no words an’ the sounds are all weird. Like this.”

Then, in quiet, heavily accented English he croons, «An’all the roads we have to walk are WINDing, an’all the lights that lead us there’re BLINDing, THERE are many THINGS that I Would LIKE to SAY to YOU—»

She covers his mouth with a wet hand, because if she has to hear Naruto sing any more of that song she’s gonna either crack up or melt into a little puddle of shame on the floor. “Yes, I get the idea, thank you Naruto.”

Then she shrieks because he’s licked her hand and seizes his shirt so he can’t escape as she wipes off the saliva off on his cheek, before he grabs her other arm and rubs his face on it.

They end up wrestling until the timer shrills that it’s time to take the bread out and knead it again.

She has to rewash and dry her hands before she can touch the dough.

“D’you wanna talk to Gai-sensei about it? He could always go and kick the teacher’s a—butt until he lets you use Strong Fist.”

He shrugs, gaping at how the dough has doubled in size. “I’unno. Maybe I’ll ask him to drill me on the Three?

She blinks, eyebrows raised.

Naruto shoots her a cheeky grin. “He did say I could do whatever I wanted once I mastered it.”

She snorts gleefully. “Do it. See if you can beat everybody using just that.”

There’s a comfortable silence as she kneads, then stretches the dough to see if it has the proper consistency, before folding in more rosemary and putting it back in the bowl for the second prove.

“He felt really light. When I was fighting him.” Naruto says slowly. “I think he could...y’know...”

He wraps his hand around his wrist, where his thumb and pointer finger can no longer touch.

She hums. “You think I should feed him.”

Naruto nods rapidly, giving her his damn puppy-eyes again.

Technically, Uchiha’s got food in abundance. She sees it when they run by the worn down compound on Gai-sensei’s laps in the morning, bags of rice and fruit and vegetable baskets and freezers waiting outside the complex for its sole occupant to collect them.

The problem is that he obviously has no idea what to do with all of it.

And despite said lack of expertise, he still refuses all of his fangirls’ offers of lunchboxes made with their feelings and lives off of rice and tomatoes. It’s probably a pride thing. Sanji would—

Wait. Pride.

She removes the dough from the second prove, scores its top and sprinkles some salt over it, covering the baking tray with foil and sliding it into the hot oven. “I have an idea to feed him.”

Naruto cheers, leaning forward eagerly.

“We’re going to have to eat the ‘fire curry’ tomorrow.”

Naruto slumps down, exuding betrayal from every pore.

She makes four servings of chicken tikka masala.

Three for their plan, and one for Lee.

She’s not going to make one of his favorite foods and then not have a portion ready for him. That’d just be cruel.

He’s horrified when Naruto recounts what happened in the spar, puffing up in indignation when he hears of the stolen victory and baseless favor bestowed on his opponent.

She’s never seen Gai-sensei look so stony-faced as when he hears what the teacher said about Naruto being violent and lacking discipline.

He does his usual tears of joy when Naruto asks about drilling in the Academy Three, yelling for all and sundry to hear about, “the BLOSSOMING of your YOUTHFUL WILL OF FIRE!!”

But they’re close enough to see it’s more playacting than his usual dramatics, his expression subtly determined and scheming as he makes them run through Academy kata.

Otou-sama makes them both promise to come to him or Gai-sensei if the teacher tries anything like this again, drumming his fingers on the hilt of the bokken he always carries.

This is despite the on-again off-again debate he’s been having with Okaa-sama since last night over whether Hokage-sama and the Village Council will take it poorly if he attempts to intercede on Naruto’s behalf.

At least they both agree to trust Gai-sensei to act for them if they can’t intervene, even if they both end up blushing that deep beetroot shade and staring off into the distance at the mention of him.

The teacher glares at them when they walk into class.

She glares right back, and it’s only because Naruto’s holding her hand that she doesn’t immediately flip him off again.

Surprisingly the teacher doesn't make any mentions of punishments for their skiving yesterday, though he looks like he wants to.

The Uchiha is also glaring at them, but in a slightly more considering fashion.

They need to play this carefully—too little, and he may not even approach them, and Hinata might end up with a competitor for her stalking. Too much and he’ll wise up to what they’re doing, which will probably make him deliberately avoid them because he feels slighted.

So she leans over to Naruto and whispers, “His hair looks like a duck’s butt.”

Naruto snorts a little too loudly, glancing over and away not-quite-quickly enough not to be obvious, snickering as he takes his seat for class.

She mentally fist pumps as the Uchiha catches the looks and laughter but not the words that caused them, bristling like a wet cat.

Ino sends her a calculating look, and she smiles innocently back before focusing on the lesson.

At lunchtime, Naruto waits until after they’ve carefully reheated the curry and are on their way back to the classroom to begin complaining loudly about how it’s too spicy, and she and Lee are secretly robots for being able to eat it.

She falls into the swing of the argument, projecting her voice so anybody could easily hear her say that this isn’t even the spiciest curry she can make (it isn’t), and that Naruto doesn’t really have anything to complain about with the huge serving of sour cream she brought along for him, dulling it down for his delicate tastebuds.

They’ve no sooner re-entered the classroom than the Uchiha stands, striding over to them.

“Fight me.” He says to Naruto.

Naruto blinks, the picture of bemused innocence. “Now? But it’s lunch.”

She rolls her eyes dismissively. “Leave it Naruto. He’s just a sore loser who’ll run to the teacher when you win again. Let’s eat.”

He steps in front of her, blocking her path. “I am not.” He grits out, brows furrowed. “I could’ve won yesterday, if not for the interference.”

Oooh, someone’s bitter.

She pretends she’s Sanji looking down on Zoro, channels that disdain into every aspect of her posture. “What? You and your basic white rice lunches? Please.”

“Yeah, everyone knew I was gonna win yesterday.” Naruto boasts, cocky façade not quite hiding the slyness in his eyes. “You’re just lucky Mizuki-sensei likes you too much to let you lose.”

“I bet he couldn’t even stomach my curry.” She says, faux-conspiratorially.

Naruto shoots her an affronted look. “Only robots can eat your curry.” He says. “Even I can’t handle it.”

“Sasuke-kun could do it!” Ino improvises, flouncing over uninvited. “He can do anything better than you can, Naruto, isn’t that right Sasuke-kun?” She flutters her eyelashes at him.

She holds her breath. This wasn’t part of the plan. If this tips him off...

Uchiha Sasuke eyes Ino, then turns away from her with a dismissive huff. “Whatever. I bet it isn’t even that spicy.”

“Care to prove it?” She challenges sweetly.

“Gladly.” He growls back, ignorant of the discreet thumbs up Naruto flashes Ino.

Turns out Uchiha actually can handle spice a little more than Naruto can.

That’s not saying much to be honest.

His face has turned a healthy pink as he eats, despite the face that she gave him the portion with rice.

He’s refused all of Naruto’s offers to share the sour cream so far, intent on finishing it as is.

He’s also picky, pushing the red peppers and onions to one side as he eats.

Maybe she should feel bad for pointing that out and telling him it sounds like he’s trying to say he can’t do it when he grudgingly admits that he doesn’t like them, but she’s on a mission here.

He’s not going to get his vitamins by leaving anything behind on his plate.

Plus this way when they plot their next avenue of attack, she can tailor the meals a little more so he doesn’t fuss as much.

Eventually he finishes his meal.

He then seizes Sakura’s juice box and chugs it without so much as a by your leave. Not that the girl seems to mind, given how she promptly swoons and collapses into Hinata’s lap.

Ino pouts, despite sitting in the coveted next-to-Sasuke-kun spot.

“There.” He says, panting like he’s run a marathon. “I did it. Fight me.”

“Okay.” She replies. “But if I win, I get to look in your kitchen.”

He squints, a look of offense crossing his face that’s so comical she has to fight not to laugh. “Not you. Naruto.”

“Okay.” Naruto says. “But it’s gotta be on Monday after school—it’s Ichiraku’s night tonight and ‘m seein’ Jiji this weekend. Also if I win, Mayu gets to look at stuff in your kitchen.”

Uchiha Sasuke shoots him a look of profound betrayal. “...Fine.” He eventually concedes. “When I win, Ketsugi’s not allowed to force me to eat her cooking again.”

The poor boy, she muses to herself, as she and Naruto shake on it with him.

He could’ve stood a chance if he hadn’t stipulated that.