#Na Jaemin au

[heartseungs-archive]

written in ink | n.jm

genre ➳  historical au (early 19th century), fluff, angst, strangers to lovers

pairings ➳ professor!jaemin x fem!reader (ningning and karina are mentioned)

word count ➳ 15.3k 

warnings ➳ mentions of alcohol, mental illnesses and disorders

info ➳  second installment of batc! surprisingly, this was the one i started writing first, but it took a while to figure out how i wanted to end it. click here to read the other works :)

The oak doors of the Provost’s office are no less intimidating than they were five years ago, towering over any students who find themselves bold enough to meet him.

Even now, Jaemin finds himself swallowing nervously before knocking, even if he is the university equivalent of a teacher’s pet. This meeting would determine everything for his future classes and his research funding. Psychology already had little backing compared to the other departments - Jaemin refused to let it languish away under him.

“Ah. Professor Na. Sit down, please.” The leather armchair is comfortable, and costs much more than the one he has in his office - the benefits of being the Provost reach far and wide, Jaemin supposes, even to the furniture.

“I called you today for something important. As you know, our university has a limited number of scholarships available for the faculty each year.”

Jaemin feels eagerness rise up at the thought of being one of the few professors selected to receive the scholarship in mention, which would provide money - plenty of it. He’s young, though, and the odds are not in his favour when measured up against the eminent figures who have been here for decades.

Still, Jaemin hopes that graduating with first-class honours and being the youngest professor in the history of the university counts for something.

“I do have good news. And bad.” Jaemin doesn’t like the sound of that. He knows the alteration of language is meant to soften a certain blow or some demand that will be required of him. The drumming of Mr Lee’s fingers indicates nervousness, and so does the number of times he’s cleared his throat.

After all, Jaemin is no stranger to the study of human behaviour. He waits, because there is nothing that Jaemin can do now other than listening.

“The admission board looks favourably upon you and wishes to give you the scholarship.” Jaemin waits a little longer.

“However, -” There it is.

“Due to your age, we understand that you have not yet had a full-length research project completed. However, it is a provision under the scholarship.”

Jaemin looks at Mr Lee questioningly. Both men in this room know that full-length research projects take at least half a decade, and Jaemin has barely been teaching for two years. He finds the irony of it amusing: without the scholarship, Jaemin does not have the funds to complete his research. Yet, he cannot get the scholarship in mention without his sixty-page paper.

“You’re doing well in your career, Professor Na, and there’s always the next cycle of scholarships. A little bit more waiting, I’m afraid, but waiting comes with an academic career.”

Jaemin knows that he has time. More of it than others, in fact. But the ambition in him refuses to die down, to keep sailing on this high in his career and see how far he can reach before he falls. Modern Icarus, he presumes, the sun replaced by his name in publications and award ceremonies.

“When’s the deadline for the research paper?” Mr Lee evidently does not expect Jaemin to actually take interest in the offer, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Counting today, a little over a year. But-”

“I’ll do it. I would appreciate it if you submitted my name for confirmation, Mr Lee.”

Despite the doubt on his face, Mr Lee nods, showing his agreement. Before Jaemin can regret his statement, he stands up from the comfortable armchair and leaves the room.

“Na Jaemin, you’re insane. Absolutely, utterly insane. Studying psychology has turned you mad.”

“Shut up, Lee Donghyuck.” The boy in question is stretched out on a chaise, leather shoes dangling off the end. In his waistcoat and rumpled dress shirt, Haechan is exactly who he looks to be: a debauched bachelor of high society, indulging in weekends of endless alcohol and dancing.

“He’s right.” Renjun speaks from the corner of the room, where he’s curled up in a chair near the fireplace. Jaemin looks to Jeno for support, but the man simply shrugs from where he’s standing at the doorway.

“You may be the brightest among the few of us, but even I know a year won’t be enough to complete it. Most definitely not by your standards.” Despite Jeno’s lack of support, he still knows him the best.

Jaemin could definitely half-ass a project for the scholarship-it would cut his work by a third, maybe even half. Yet, he would never be able to live with it.

“The line between genius and insanity is so fine. Sometimes I think Jaemin teeters so very close to the latter.”

“That’s your last warning, Donghyuck, before I take the red wine in your hands and pour it over your mother’s favourite carpet,” Jaemin snaps, levelling a sharp gaze at him.

Haechan sits up, a look of faux horror in his face. The jester may fear few things, but his mother’s wrath is one of them. The other being the occasional obsessive daughters of businessmen from the trail of women he leaves jilted.

Nevertheless, this is what makes up Jaemin’s days. If not busy in his office or teaching students, he spends his time with these three other men, who provide sufficient socialization to keep Jaemin from being deemed a social pariah by his overbearing mother. Childhood friends who he met from dinner parties, when their parents had sent them off in favour of gossip and hors d’oeuvres.

The scholarship money is paltry compared to the wealth of their four families combined, and the inheritance that Jaemin will receive eventually. His father would likely not hesitate to fund the project either, but the idea of using money that is not yet his leaves a sour taste in Jaemin’s mouth.

Maybe that’s why Jaemin still uses that broken armchair and forces himself to sleep in the cramped dorm room given to tenured professors - he’s always wanted to prove something. Whether to himself or to the superiors at university, he’s not entirely sure.

The clock strikes two, and the party outside shows no signs of ceasing. After all, it is the weekend, and everyone outside has too much time and money to spend.

”Well, I suppose it’s time for me to leave. I’ll see all of you next week.” The boys nod their farewells, and Jaemin takes his coat from the butler.

He narrowly avoids crashing into someone right as he turns the corner.

Jaemin pauses briefly to take in the appearance of the person before him. Your hair is tied in a chignon and decorated with a studded headband. In your hand, there is a glass of sparkling wine.

If anything, Jaemin thinks you look like the female version of Renjun. But Renjun’s sister is much, much younger.

Evidently, Jaemin’s silence has caused you to grow impatient, and you stride past quickly. Jaemin watches the agitation of your gait as you walk towards the room he had just left. Perhaps he was wrong about the sister part. You definitely fit the bill of a revengeful ex-lover.

“Lee Donghyuck, you owe me money. Hand it over, you cheat,” is the last thing Jaemin hears that night when he leaves the hallway.

Jaemin discovers exactly who you are two weeks later when you arrive in the form of three sharp knocks on his door.

“Come in.” It’s likely to be a student, he thinks, and Jaemin sighs because he’s told them countless times of the ever-present consultation schedule that they can fill in at the administrative office. Yet, every evening, there’s that one anxious student pacing outside his office, hoping for some morsel of knowledge before the final exams come around.

His friends aren’t known to be the type to knock either, unless for some sort of prank. The long day is wearing on him much more than expected, and he silently hopes the session will be brief.

However, Jaemin’s pretty sure you’re not a student. One, because he’s a good professor who makes an effort to know all his students. Second, he’s pretty sure none of the female students go around campus in cocktail dresses.

“You’re Jaemin, aren’t you? Donghyuck’s friend.”

“That would be me. Any reason you’re in my office at eight on a Friday evening?” Jaemin tries not to show surprise at your knowledge of Haechan’s real name, the one he uses for close friends.

Whether Haechan’s prospective creditor or jilted lover, however, Jaemin has little interest to find out why you’ve extended his working hours.

“You need money. I have it, and I need you to do something for me in return.” Definitely a creditor, then. Perhaps this was your job. Lending money to noblemen, and charging exorbitantly high-interest rates. In your defence, it was a smart way to go about things.

But something caused Jaemin to pause. A creditor wouldn’t be the worst way to go, especially if he could pay you after the scholarship funding had come in.

“What’s the interest rate?” This time, it’s your turn to look confused, before realization settles in. Compared to your imperious demeanour from the previous time, you look almost sheepish.

“I’m not a moneylender. Haechan just needed funds to buy something for a friend. Honestly, this deal is more for me than it is for you.”

Jaemin continues looking at you, motivating you to explain.

“I’ll fund the research, and help you with it. In return, I want to be able to attend on-campus lectures. And I want my name as an assistant author on the publication.”

“So this is a bribe?”

“Not a bribe. Think of me as an investor. I contribute, and in return, I get a stake in the research.”

“You’d be better off in the Business faculty then. The applications for enrolment open in December this year. ”

“You know every woman the officers admit to this university is done only to the bare minimum to fill those statistics. I’ve been trying for the past three years. I can show you my applications.” The desperation in your voice fills Jaemin with a sense of shame somehow - he, star student and youngest professor. Would his life have been different if he was you?

Jaemin’s well-aware of the discriminatory policies employed by the admissions department - it doesn’t help that most of them are elderly men who remain rooted in the old traditions.

Jaemin hasn’t seen a female Psychology student before, because the only degrees truly open to them are in education and nursing. Essentially, you’re contracting him as a tutor, besides the partnership on the research.

He looks at your attire, and it makes sense to him now - you must be a weekly attendee of Donghyuck’s raucous parties. He grabs his coat, and you move, as if almost to physically stop him from leaving until he agrees to your demands.

“I’m willing to allow you to attend lectures for free. However, I’m unaware of your qualifications, even if you’re Donghyuck’s friend. Send me your applications, and I’ll think about it.” You look surprised at his agreement, and even Jaemin is - he’s not one to entertain many demands, and he works better alone on research. He shouldn’t even be considering it, and yet.

You smile gratefully at him, just as the clock ticks half past eight. “Oh, I’m running late. Here are the applications, and other information. I do have to leave now, but my mail address is in the file. Thank you so much, Jae- Professor Na.” You stumble over his name, but before Jaemin can react, your purse is in your hand and your coat over your arm.  The door closes with a final resounding thud, leaving the room silent once again. The quiet now feels empty, and Jaemin glances towards the coffee table you had just been at a few seconds ago.

You came prepared, obvious in the way the bundle of papers are neatly arranged in a file and labelled. Jaemin picks it up, only to be greeted by a picture of your profile. You look much younger in the photo, still starry-eyed with excitement. L/N Y/N, twenty-one years of age.

He wonders whether the repeated rejections from the university admissions dulled it, instead replacing the excitement with steely conviction. He must have been a last resort of sorts, a lucky strike in the dark at pursuing your aspirations before they fizzled out completely. Jaemin can imagine the officers receiving your file and pushing it back to the return address unopened, explaining the pristine condition.

Maybe he doesn’t owe it to you to look through, but Jaemin feels like he does. A glance at the clock, and Jaemin rubs his eyes tiredly. It seems his working hours will be extended, after all.

You’ve never been very good at billiards.

You’re not sure why Renjun requested it instead of cards, considering the both of you make a good team against Donghyuck and Jeno. Now, however, you are losing terribly, and the debt Donghyuck owes you is slowly dwindling.

With him, however, it’s always one person owing the other. You’ll simply have to beat him in bridge later. Renjun makes eye contact with you, and you shrug. The victor is obvious, and it can be seen with every teasing lilt of Donghyuck’s voice.

Jeno can only smile silently as he scores, but you think that might be worse. The black ball rolls to the corner of the table and drops in, with Donghyuck letting out a cheer.

Just then, Donghyuck glances at his wrist. Decorated with a flashy Patek Philippe, it’s both annoyingly ostentatious and eye-catching. A perfect fit for the owner, you suppose.

”Well then, I suppose it’s time for me to leave. Y/N, you owe me six thousand now. I also accept payment in the form of wine, though six thousand won’t be nearly enough for a good bottle.”

Your brows lower in a frown. “Aren’t you staying for bridge?”

“And lose ten thousand dollars to you? No thank you. Jeno can do it if he wants.” Donghyuck smiles sweetly before exiting the room, and you’re half tempted to chase after him.

“Don’t bother. He’s off to find the love of his life.” Renjun says offhandedly.

“You mean the love of the week, Renjun.”

Jeno shakes his head, and you look at him curiously. “They’re not in a relationship. It’s his best friend. Every week, at twelve, he’s off.”

For someone like Donghyuck, who chooses when time moves and when it doesn’t, the punctuality is pleasantly surprising. You think back to the way he started to get slightly more jumpy and nervous as the clock ticked nearer, and a fond smile finds its way onto your face.

He must really be happy. You briefly wonder what it’s like, to look forward to the sight of someone so earnestly.

Then, your mind gets drawn back to the present. “We need four people for bridge. I can try calling Jisung, but he might be busy.” Renjun says.

“I’ll go get some more champagne. Anything else you guys want?” Renjun and Jeno shake their heads, and you prepare yourself to confront the din of the ballroom. From a corner, the string instruments of the band carry across the high ceilings, and couples dance in circles. There are at least a hundred, maybe even more. You suppose that’s why there are parties every weekend. Renjun’s huge estate would feel much too empty with just him and the occasional visitor.

You’re too busy admiring the lacquered walls and mahogany detailing, that it’s too late when you realise you’ve bumped into someone. You gasp, mainly because you’re shocked, but also because the champagne in your hands has ended up on the floor.

And on Jaemin’s clothes, unfortunately.

“I am so sorry,” you stutter out, but you’re at a loss even as the servants rush over and clean up the mess you’ve made. However good a partnership you’ve offered him, you’re quite sure it’s all gone now. You definitely wouldn’t offer someone the same mercies, especially if they spilt champagne all over you out of their own idiocy.

Yet, Jaemin breaks into a radiant smile. “It’s alright.” He says, and you’re not sure what to believe. Perhaps he’s maintaining politeness, especially in a room with so many eyes.

“No, wait. Please let me pay for the suit. It must be expensive.” Judging by the look of the fabric and the way it’s tailored to Jaemin’s figure, it will cost a pretty penny to compensate. Jaemin shakes his head, shrugging off the now-damp jacket and passing it to a butler who immediately heads down the hallway. This is Renjun’s house, after all, and Jaemin is a familiar face to the staff.  The jacket will be laundered promptly and delivered to his house before the week is over.

“It’s genuinely alright, Miss L/N. I came to find you, so this is just as well.” A sense of resignation overtakes you. No wonder Jaemin’s being so kindly. He must be here to reject your offer of a partnership. You’re glad he agreed to the lectures, but the thought of having to see him afterwards during lessons feels mortifying.

The short conversation with Jaemin in his office was much more revealing than you had hoped. You must have looked desperate, and maybe that’s why he took pity on you.

However, you refuse for that to be the only impression he has of you, and instead paste a smile on your face.

“Let’s go somewhere quieter, then.”

The chilly night air is welcoming, and you’re glad you wore a longer dress tonight. On this balcony, you can see the entire expanse of Renjun’s family estate. He’s always been the proudest of the gardens, and rightfully so- an endless expanse of green stretches out, decorated by carefully maintained flora. In the far distance lies his personal arboretum and workroom, where he does most of his painting.

“Mr Na, if you’re here to tell me bad news, now seems like a poor time. Monday would be much more fitting.” A low laugh cuts through the hushed atmosphere, and you almost feel proud.

“Then I am glad that this is good news.” Your sharp intake of breath can be heard on the silent balcony, and you peer at him, willing him to continue.

“I read your applications. And your essays. It was surprising. The quality…the insights made…you’re leagues ahead of my best students and most of the peers I had. And…”

The compliment settles down into you, a kernel of warmth despite the low temperature. You incline your head in thanks. “And?”

Jaemin looks hesitant of his actions, and you can tell he’s thinking very hard about how to word something. One second passes, and then two.

“I think I could benefit from having your contributions to the research.”

There is complete silence for a moment, and then you huff out a laugh. However, it comes out more as a relieved sigh.

He agreed. Na Jaemin, the top student on the honor roll and the youngest Psychology professor in the history of the university, has agreed to take you on as a partner in his research.

For some strange reason, his approval means so much more than anything the interview officers could have said to you. Even if they had accepted your application, it would be nothing compared to what Jaemin has just told you.

The corners of Jaemin’s mouth rise up slightly, and you’re sure he can see the happiness on your face.

“Looking forward to working with you, Miss Y/N L/N.” Jaemin’s palm is warm against yours as he shakes your hand, and you can’t help the sense of hope that fills you.

“Just Y/N is fine.” You’re determined not to disappoint him, to show that you were worth the chance.

“Please address me as Jaemin as well, then. The first lecture is at nine on Monday. It’s quite late, so I’ll leave you to enjoy the party. We can discuss the specifics after.”

Just as he is about to leave, however, a thought comes into your head, and a grin inevitably makes its way onto your face.

“Jaemin!” You call, and he turns around. The name flows nicely, and it’s easy for you to say, almost familiar. Under the chandelier, his eyes sparkle brightly, even as hints of fatigue creep at the sides.

“How good of a hand are you at bridge?”

“Metempsychosis. Can anyone tell me what that means?” Immediately, multiple hands are raised, and Jaemin looks at the students appraisingly.

He tries not to let his gaze drift to the corner of the room where a woman is seated, fountain pen in hand. Your entrance into the room had drawn plenty of eyes in the morning - the Psychology department had never seen a female student before, and the confident uptilt of your head only served to further emphasise that.

Fortunately enough, university students were one of the most self-contained populations to be found. They asked few questions about others and more about themselves, which meant there wasn’t the danger of news of your presence getting around to the admission officers. Not that they would have cared much - after all, security wasn’t particularly strict on the campus.

Jaemin points to a boy with curled black hair, signalling him to reply.

“The transmigration of the soul. Reincarnation after death, essentially.” Jaemin nods. “Very good. I know the majority of us here likely don’t believe in reincarnation, but Plato did, and that’s why we’re here now.” This draws a few laughs from his audience, and Jaemin smiles.

“However, we aren’t here to discuss life after death. I want you to think about the soul. What is it, in relation to the body? Where does its importance lie?” The hall falls silent, and Jaemin sees students flipping through their notes, as if hoping an answer will descend from the sky.

This time, his gaze falls on you and your raised hand. “Y/N. Would you like to contribute?” Jaemin’s equal parts torn between diminishing your presence to prevent unnecessary attention, and the desire to hear your opinion.

To you, Jaemin’s piercing gaze is unnerving, even from far away. It almost makes you doubt your answers. Pull yourself together, Y/N.

“The soul is the source of our life and mind. Our body is nothing more than a physical vessel of flesh. Our soul makes us human.“ You had done an essay analysing Phaedo the previous season, and its core arguments remained clear in your head.

“A classic argument by Socrates. What makes up a soul, then?” Jaemin smiles slightly, and you recall. He’s read your essay, and he knows your exact thoughts. Does he wish for you to share it with the class?

The students are staring at you now, slightly more intrigued.

“The tripartite soul theory. Our physical desires, intangible passions, and our need for truth. More simply put, what we want, what we love, and what we think,” you state, eyes fixed on Jaemin’s expression. His barely-there grin turns much more obvious, and it makes you feel pleased with yourself.

“Very well said. The link between psychology and philosophy is much closer than many of us think, despite one being a science and the other an art. That brings me to the assigned readings for this week, which will delve more into the tripartite soul theory that Y/N mentioned, among others. I’ll see everyone next week.”

The students shuffle out of the lecture hall, nodding at Jaemin in greeting as they leave. Many of them look at him with barely-concealed admiration, despite only being a few years younger. It almost makes you envious.

“That was…a good lecture. I enjoyed it.” Your compliment comes out hesitantly, but you mean it sincerely. Jaemin’s a much better presenter than you imagined, and you found yourself laughing at his well-placed quips more often than you didn’t. The students are lucky to have a lecturer like him, compared to the grumpy, stone-faced ones the university is so well-known for.

“Thank you. I would offer for you to be my teaching assistant, but it would be better not to push our luck for now. I trust my students, but not too much. Shall we head to my office?”

You follow Jaemin down the winding halls of the faculty building, the sunlight streaming in through the arched windows. When you reach his office, your face is slightly red, and Jaemin notices it.

“Sorry. My office is a little far from the lecture hall. Also, I tend to walk a bit faster when I’m alone,” Jaemin apologises, and you shake your head. It’s not entirely his fault that he’s almost a head taller than you, and one step of his is twice of yours.

However, you’re grateful for the cold glass of water that he passes to you. Jaemin clears his throat, causing you to glance at him.

“Here’s what I have so far. Take a look, and tell me what you think.” The file is heavy in your hands, and Jaemin’s signature scrawl can be seen on the first page.

The title causes you to let out an incredulous laugh. Jaemin arches an eyebrow, almost concerned, and you realise he may have taken the laughter the wrong way. “Is it very surprising?”

“No, not at all,” you rush to clarify. “I just…can’t believe that someone would actually want to research into the exact same field.”

It’s bizarre, really, considering how much you thought your ideas would be scorned. The idea of cognitive function being a scientific field of study isn’t yet accepted by many, and would be unlikely to gain any sponsorship.

You had expected Jaemin to propose studies into behavioural psychology. Pavlov’s dogs and conditioning. It was soaring in popularity within academic circles, and seemed to be the only research done these days. Yet, each of the experiments conducted seemed to become crueller in nature, aimed at publications to shock the public. That was where the money was, after all.

Jaemin feels a sense of relief at your words. His nervousness was unnecessary, after all. When he had first compiled the file, he wasn’t sure how you would respond. After all, cognitive psychology had barely been recognized as a legitimate field of study. Perhaps you would think he was dragging you down with him.

“Memory and perception. They differ from person to person, and I want to find out why,” Jaemin states, and you nod, barely able to contain your excitement.

‘We’ll have to plan out the methodology, of course. There was a report published about long and short-term memory by an American doctor. Of course, it’s not entirely verified, but I think it’ll be of great help.”

Jaemin watches as you stride across the room, throwing ideas out whenever they come to mind, with a faint smile lingering on his face. Each one of them is written down carefully in his notebook to ponder over later, once you leave.

“And I was thinking, maybe if we- oh, I got carried away.” Your rapid footsteps pause and you feel your face turning red. Jaemin, polite as ever, had been listening to your rambling without interruption.

“It’s quite alright, Y/N. I genuinely enjoy listening to your ideas. Please don’t hesitate to share them.” You can tell Jaemin is being earnest from the way he looks at you, pen in his hand. The feeling of having someone listen to you and value your contributions feels slightly foreign, but the feeling it brings is definitely one of happiness.

By the time the both of you are done with a tentative outline, the sun is close to approaching the horizon, and you rub your eyes blearily.

“I think we’re done for today,” you barely hold back a yawn as you say it, and Jaemin tries not to laugh at your appearance.

“We’re running on quite a tight timeline, but I think we’ll make it. Would meeting four times a week be alright with you?” Jaemin asks, and he allows you a few seconds to consider.

“That works. I’ll see you on Thursday, then. Have a good evening, Jaemin.” As you leave, you wonder what time Jaemin will finish his work. The last time, he had come to the party after midnight.

Na Jaemin intrigues you at every turn, and you wonder what you will discover about him next.

“Where were you today?”

The tune you’re humming under your breath quickly stills to a halt, and you almost trip over the marble floor of your hallway. Looking at the ceiling, you curse your luck. Of all the days that your father had to be home early, it had to be today.

“I was with a friend,” your voice comes out shaky, and you hate yourself for it. Turning around, you steel your nerves for his interrogatory glare.

“Are you messing around with that stupid boy again? Donghyuck?” Your father’s tone is accusatory, and his disapproval of Donghyuck is evident. Donghyuck’s parties are the talk of the neighbourhood, often for bad reasons among the older generation, and good among your peers. it definitely doesn’t help that you can often hear the commotion, considering his estate is less than two miles down.

“I wasn’t with Donghyuck today, for a matter of fact. And he isn’t stupid,” you defend. Donghyuck may be brash, and playful, but he is your friend.

“That boy is a good-for-nothing and will drink himself to death one day. You’re a proper lady and should act like it. Stop going to his parties, and stay at home.”

“And what? Stare at the pretty wallpaper until I’m driven to insanity out of boredom?” You bite back, glaring at your father. He’s never been particularly supportive of your attempt to obtain a degree and proper employment, still stuck in the yesteryears of his childhood.

“You foolish girl. You’ll realise it when your reputation is ruined.” Your father’s voice is full of venom, and you try not to flinch at his harsh words. Instead, you stride resolutely down the hallway and close your bedroom door with a harsh bang.

Fatigue overtakes you properly now, combined with emotional exhaustion. When you’re sure you’re alone, you allow your shoulders to droop slightly, shrugging off your coat. The quiet night air provides a source of comfort as you settle onto the ottoman at the foot of your bed. You’re not sure when it became like this. When your home became an unfamiliar place and your family turned hostile. Your mother is sweet to you, but she is also docile to your father, which you supposed has worsened it so much more.

That night, you lie down in your bed, turning Jaemin’s words over and over in your head, almost as if you’ll discover a new meaning behind them. They soften the harsh blow of your father,  acting as a balm against the invisible bruises of his words.

Teaching assistant.

The idea seems almost impossible to you, and yet. A job doing what you loved, and having the time to do your own research, undisturbed. An official position that would make sure no one could question what you were doing at the university.

And Jaemin. Having him as a colleague would be enjoyable, to say the least. He made a good partner. Maybe if you were patient enough, you could even become an associate professor.

You didn’t dare to verbalize that thought, for it felt a bit too out of reach. For now, at least.

“We’ll have the salmon filet and the beef rib as well, thank you. And three glasses of Chardonnay.” The waiter nods, taking the menus off the table.

“Wait, Renjun, Jeno, look,” Donghyuck points across the street, outside the window of the restaurant.

Across the street is you, in a light pink dress, and what looks to be a stack of books. Next to you is a man whose back looks awfully familiar to Donghyuck, and he can’t place it exactly. Until he gasps dramatically.

“That traitor. He said he wasn’t available for dinner today. But he’s out with Y/N. What the hell are they doing together?” Donghyuck’s pretty sure the both of you aren’t acquainted, and he’s not sure what exactly to make of it. There aren’t many explanations for the both of you to be seen alone with each other, unless…

“Oh, they met a while ago. Jeno and I played bridge against the both of them,” Renjun casually drops this piece of information, and Donghyuck stares at him. This must have happened after he had left.

The wine is served, but Donghyuck doesn’t take a single sip. Instead, he watches very carefully. The moment he sees you leave the store, Jaemin quickly takes over half the books from your hands. You walk on the inside of the pavement, Jaemin at your side.

A knowing smile appears on Donghyuck’s face as he watches the both of you approach the exact same restaurant where he is seated in.

“You look a little creepy, Donghyuck. Stop it,” Jeno mutters, as he sees Haechan’s face.

“I have a very good idea. But I need the both of you to help.”

Renjun looks over at Donghyuck suspiciously, and with valid reason. He’s not entirely sure what Haechan has planned, and whether it’ll turn out well or an absolute disaster. “What is it?” Renjun asks.

“I’ll tell you guys later. Jaemin! Y/N! Over here!” Haechan shouts as the both of you near his table. The familiar baritone of Donghyuck’s voice rings out across the restaurant, and you turn to him, immediately making your way over.

While you’re engrossed in talking to Renjun, Haechan meets Jaemin’s eyes. Liar, he mouths across the table, and Jaemin simply rolls his eyes.

“What are those books for?” Jeno does the task of asking the question on Donghyuck’s mind.

“Oh. Well…” You cast a glance at Jaemin, not entirely sure what to say. You’re not sure how much he wants to divulge to the three of them about the project, considering it isn’t exactly the most conventional arrangement.

“Y/N’s working with me as an assistant researcher and author. It’ll be a joint publication.”

Renjun hums quietly under his breath, taking in the information. “Y/N, are you sure you want to work with this guy? He doesn’t understand the concept of working hours.”

“Jaemin’s a great colleague, actually. I almost feel bad for not working as hard as him, considering he still has to teach.” You’re quick to speak for Jaemin, and it makes him light up visibly.

Jeno watches as Donghyuck’s grin gets inevitably wider the more he watches the both of you interact, and he realises that the boy has found a new occupation of interest: matchmaking.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Y/N,” Jaemin mutters under his breath, soft enough for you to hear but not the other three men at the table. He knows that he’ll definitely be the subject of Donghyuck’s incessant questions and meddling, but he rather it be later than sooner.

For now, he is content with watching as you crack jokes with Renjun and make Donghyuck the subject of said mockery. While your confidence in front of his students is admirable, you become witty and lively in the comfort of people familiar to you, and Jaemin finds himself enjoying the sight more than expected.

The street is still busy despite the late hour when the five of you finally finish dinner. Your feet are starting to ache from the stiff satin heels that you’ve been walking in all day, and the heavy, leather-bound books only serve to make it worse. Donghyuck hails two cabs, one for the three of them and another for you and Jaemin.

“Night out?” The driver asks once both of you are settled in, flashing a friendly smile. There is white hair creeping at the edges of his beard, and two sun-weathered hands gripping the steering wheel.

Both Jaemin and you nod, and you decide to look out the window, watching as the scenery outside changes from the city centre to the suburbs.

“You know, you really didn’t have to come with me today to get the manuals. I could have saved you the hassle,” Jaemin says, and you turn to him. In the dim glow of the streetlights, his profile is shrouded by shadows, his features somehow softened.

“It really wasn’t an issue. Besides, you spoke so fondly of that bookstore, and I can see why now.”

“They have one of the biggest collections on psychology, and the most frequently updated too. Though the medicine and history shelves are also very extensive.”

“It’s a pity we were short of time today, then. Maybe next time you can show me around,” you suggest, and Jaemin nods his assent. It almost feels like a promise.

Somewhere along the way, the jam-packed buildings turn into carefully manicured garden hedges, and the driver goes up the familiar winding path leading to your home.

Jaemin alights from the taxi and is at your side much quicker than you can comprehend, opening the door for you. “I guess this is it. Good night, Jaemin,” you say, smiling up at him. He inclines his head slightly, passing you the books. You’ll have to finish reading most of them by next week, but instead of dread, you find yourself looking forward to the days you spend in Jaemin’s office working on the project.

Once back in the taxi, Jaemin watches as you disappear into the foyer of your house, books in hand. He only turns his head back once the lights of your family’s estate fade away.

“Your sweetheart?” The driver’s voice jolts Jaemin out of his reverie. It is a perfectly innocent question, and yet catches him off guard. Jaemin vehemently shakes his head. “Just a colleague.” He sees the driver smile in the rearview, and Jaemin thinks it reminds him awfully of Haechan’s grin.

“The both of you would make a handsome couple,” he comments, and Jaemin chooses to remain silent. Objectively, Jaemin does find you beautiful. Any person with two working eyes could likely deduce that. But he’s barely known you for two months, and worked with you for even less. The idea of developing feelings for you, or anyone for that matter, seems like a rather bizarre idea.

More than that, he admires you for your talent and the ideas you contribute during the many discussions. You’re not just a colleague and an assistant, but a friend whose presence Jaemin feels rather comfortable in, no less than the trio he so often sees. He can’t help but think that the project would have been unlikely to come to fruition without your help and that perhaps you, Y/N L/N, came at the exact right time.

“Now, what has been keeping our Y/N so occupied that she can barely meet us once a week?” Karina levels her gaze at you from above her cup, expecting an answer. You do feel slightly guilty to have cancelled on both her and Ningning repeatedly over the past few weeks, simply due to the fact that you had chosen to sleep in after burning the midnight oil.

“Employment. I’m not sure if the both of you have ever heard of it,” you remark drily, though you know it’s untrue. Despite what may seem to be lives of leisure, Karina and Ningning are two of the hardest-working people you know. One is a famous actress, the other running a leading fashion house.

“Did you finally get a job at the university?” Ningning asks, overjoyed on your behalf.

“Sorry to let you down, but it’s not yet permanent. I’m working as a research assistant for this one professor and attending lectures on campus.”

“Who’s the professor?” Karina is curious, and you’re sure she plans to do some poking around. After all, several of the elders in her family are long-standing alumnae of the university, and she knows most, if not all of the prominent faculty members. Except for your colleague, however.

“He’s quite young. Na Jaemin,” you mutter, already expecting her surprised gasp.

“You’re working with Na Jaemin? First-class honours student Na Jaemin? My grand-uncle kept waxing lyrical about him a few years ago. He’s rising so quickly through the ranks, they think he might just become Provost before the decade is over,” Karrina informs, and you can’t help but feel a sense of pride for the way she speaks about Jaemin. He would make a good Provost, you think. At least he wouldn't stop female students from being admitted, and definitely would not have been suspected of embezzling funds for personal use.

“Is he scary? Academics can get that way. I suspect most of them have a screw loose, actually.” Ningning interjects, and you look at her, amused. The previous winter, Ningning had been involved with a famous Arts professor from a rival university. Needless to say, the both of them had not ended on the best of terms.

“He’s very sweet, actually. Leagues ahead of the other stuffy old men at the university. He’s a great teacher too.”

“Is he good-looking?” Karina’s sly smile from behind her teacup causes you to narrow your eyes at her.

“Haven’t you met him before?” Karina’s a regular guest at many of the university's forums and seminars. Being the great-granddaughter of the university’s founder exempts her from the open disdain of the Provost towards members of the opposite sex, especially when she’s the one forking out his salary.

Karina had offered you an easy way in: one word from her, and you would be enrolled immediately. Still, it felt like admitting defeat in some way. You wanted to make a career in some way based on your own merit, and Jaemin provided a semblance of that.

“I’ve only seen him briefly. I don’t think he’s attended a single function this year. Maybe he’s antisocial?”

“Or just introverted,” Ningning mumbles, and you smile at her. Karina and yourself have always been the more outgoing ones of your trio, finding it easier to make conversation with total strangers. In fact, the both of you had been the ones to meet Ningning, before realising she had been a mutual acquaintance and solidifying the trio.

Still, you can’t say you’re surprised at the knowledge that Jaemin rarely attends any of the university’s gatherings for the faculty. After all, many of the men there are twice his age, and the atmosphere likely isn’t the most enjoyable. Which makes it even more impressive that his superiors hold in in such high regard, considering how everyone makes it their mission to make powerful connections in circles such as theirs.

“Answer my question, Y/N,” Karina says insistently, and you shrug. “He’s decent, I suppose. Most people would find him attractive.”

“So do you find him attractive?” Ningning is curious now too, almost leaning all the way forward. You make a face at both of them. “What’s up with the strange questions today?”

Karina grins, leaning back, and makes a pointed glance at Ningning. “Please don’t try to play matchmaker. We’re only colleagues. Besides, I doubt a relationship would be something Jaemin is remotely interested in, considering his hectic work,” you warn.

“She even took into account his work schedule. Not bad,” Ningning mutters, trying not to let out a laugh. You roll your eyes, deciding to indulge the both of them temporarily. Despite their teasing and love for meddling, you are sure that Karina and Ningning will not do anything without your knowledge.

Compared to both of them, there hasn’t been much space for romance in your life. Karina’s image was always plastered in the newspapers with whichever actor she was working with, while Ningning had her fair share of encounters with fellow designers and models. After all, you spent much of your time attempting to pursue your career, albeit rather unsuccessfully. While you enjoyed parties and balls, the men you met there were often uptight in the way that members of the gentry were. The ones that you found tolerable remained purely platonic. You think you would rather shoot yourself in the foot than ever be involved with Renjun, Jeno or Donghyuck.

Jaemin was…well, Jaemin. Professor extraordinaire, a brilliant student of psychology, and a friend whose presence you found more enjoyable each and every day. Karina and Ningning see your gradual drift into your own thoughts and remain silent, attempting to hide their grins behind their food.

They wonder if maybe, just maybe, you might have spoken too soon.

Another season passes, and winter is heralded by the bone-white landscape and empty, ghostly trees that make up the campus. Still, you find a strange sort of beauty in it, even if it lacks the warm tones of autumn.

It’s also much easier to appreciate the landscape when you are curled up in an armchair in Jaemin’s office, the fireplace burning brightly and a cup of hot chocolate in hand. Although small, his office is cosy and homely, with dark oak furnishings dotting the room and a plush white carpet in the middle of the room. Over the past half a year or so, his office has grown to be like a second home, considering how much time you spend in it. He’s even given you a space of your own, where your books and stationery are arranged neatly on a shelf.

You’ve grown accustomed to the sight of Jaemin sitting at his desk, fountain pen in hand. He’s often busy marking scripts, occasionally muttering to himself when the paper is exceptionally good, or disappointing. He lets out a noise of disgruntlement, and you glance up.

“Rough essay?” You ask, and Jaemin rubs his forehead, extending the papers in your direction.

“Take a look, and tell me what you think. I know this student is good, but I think they rushed this project. However, I don’t want to completely derail their academic grade and destroy a chance of a scholarship.”

Jaemin waits patiently while you read through the essay, watching as you furrow your eyebrows at certain parts, almost identical to him.

“So?” He asks once you pass the manuscript back to him, humming in thought.

“There’s definitely some obvious glaring flaws. But I don’t think you should discount their entire thought process.”

“But I asked for an essay that looked at the ethical issues concerning psychological research on humans. He stated that there weren’t any,” Jaemin says, now looking entirely confused.

You shrug. “But morality is subjective, isn’t it? Sure, there are common principles that people tend to follow, but what’s ethical in the eyes of a government may be different from the individual person. Is it alright to sacrifice a single person for the common good? Maybe not. But he can argue for it.”

Jaemin pauses then, his expression still frozen as he mulls over your words. Gradually, a grin makes its way onto his face, and you watch as he grabs the pen and scribbles on the manuscript before placing it on the stack that’s already done.

“Thank you, Y/N. I’m not sure what I would do without you.”

“I’m sure you could do plenty. But two minds are better than one, I suppose,” you say, smiling back. Jaemin leans back in his chair, resting his head on his hands. Compared to his usual stiff posture, it’s much more relaxed, and you find your shoulders not tensing as much anymore.

“Out of curiosity, what made you start Psychology?” Jaemin asks, and his eyes are genuine when he looks at you. You’re not entirely sure how to reply, considering no one’s ever asked you the question. Not the university admission officers, not your parents, not even your friends.

Only Jaemin.

“I’ll tell you a story, But you have to promise not to laugh,” you warn, and Jaemin nods.

“I had a very bad argument with a man in a bookstore over a certain literary text. Quite stupid, I know. Seventeen-year-old me was quite hot-headed. Out of the blue, he started arguing that I was wrong because the brain volume of a man was larger than that of a woman.”

Jaemin knows what you made him promise, but the corners of his lips are tugged up anyways. You glare at him. “You promised not to laugh!” He holds his hands up, shaking his head. “I swear, with full honesty, that you’re not the one I’m laughing at. It’s just an amusing story. So you took Psychology to prove him wrong?”

“Sort of. That was my motivation at first. But I think along the way, I just fell in love with the subject itself.” There’s a light in your eyes when you speak about it, and Jaemin can’t help but be drawn to you. You’re so passionate about what you do, and it reminds Jaemin of the starry-eyed first-year student that he was.

Along the way, he doubted whether he had even chosen the right thing to study. Had he been so caught up in chasing success that he lost his passion somewhere along the way?

But collaborating with you seems to light a new spark in Jaemin’s heart, where he finally has someone to share his ideas with. He’s never been able to learn so much from someone in so little time, and you’re capable. Even more than him, perhaps. Jaemin wonders if you know that.

“What about you, Jaemin?” Your question jolts him out of his thoughts, and Jaemin’s breath hitches. You take his slight hesitation for alarm, and wonder if you asked the wrong question. “If it’s too personal, you really don’t have to,” you blurt out in panic, eyes wide.

However, Jaemin shakes his head. “I don’t mind telling you at all. It’s just that it’s not as fun a story as yours. More sad, actually.” He looks rather forlorn, and you’re not sure how to reach out to him. Instead, you sit in silence, waiting for him to continue.

“My grandmother suffered from memory loss. It was very bad, but doctors refused to diagnose her. They tried sending her to an institution to be confined, but my parents decided to keep her at home instead. She passed away a few months later.” he mutters, and you realise that this must be something that he doesn’t tell many people, from the way the words come out stilted. Alzheimer’s had just been properly diagnosed for the first time less than five years ago, and the cases were often few and far in between.

You suppose this must have happened when he was much younger, when the number of experienced psychologists in the city was horrendously low. The fact that he’s willing to divulge this information to you tugs at your heartstrings, and Jaemin suddenly looks terribly alone from the way he’s hunched over at the desk.

Despite all the praise heaped on him and the many accolades, Jaemin’s still young, no older than you.

Suddenly, his motivation for choosing cognitive function as a research area makes so much sense. Jaemin wants to know how people have memories because he knows someone who lost them.

You’re not one in the way of comforting people, but you walk closer to Jaemin’s desk and grab his hands. It’s sudden, judging from the way Jaemin immediately looks up at you, but he doesn’t pull his hands away from yours. You think that’s a pretty good start.

“She would be proud of you if she knew what you were doing now. You’ll be able to help even more people with your research. And besides, we’re partners now. We’ll figure it out together,” you promise, and the dark clouds in Jaemin’s expression seem to clear up. There’s a shine to his eyes as he looks at you, and the atmosphere is strangely peaceful.

“Thank you, Y/N. It means a lot. More than you know.” His voice is level now, and you can tell that whatever thoughts were plaguing his mind have cleared up temporarily. You allow a grin to make its way onto your face.

“It’s getting rather late. If you want to thank me, let’s go out for dinner.”

Jaemin’s eyes immediately dart to the clock, and he stands up abruptly, moving towards the coat rack and passing you yours before shrugging one on.

“My treat, then,” he replies as he holds the door open for you.

“I haven’t seen the both of you in weeks. It’s like you’ve disappeared off the face of the earth,” Donghyuck mutters as he looks at you and Jaemin, a blank expression on his face. You smile sheepishly at him.

“Sorry. We’re really busy with the project. It’s in its final stages now,” you confess, and Donghyuck hums, nodding.

“Speaking of which, Donghyuck, I have something to ask.” Jaemin’s words spark your curiosity, but you continue flipping through the book that you have in your hands.

“How would you like to be one of our test subjects?”

You turn your head to look up sharply at him. Jaemin’s voice is sweet when he says it, and there’s obvious alarm in your eyes. Jaemin catches your gaze, but he doesn’t retract the offer. Instead, he just smiles, and you realise what he’s doing.

Donghyuck ponders over the offer, casting a glance at Jaemin suspiciously, who keeps his expression perfectly blank and innocent.

“Sure. It sounds fun,” Donghyuck replies, and Jaemin breaks out into the widest smile you’ve ever seen. You try not to burst out laughing, using your book to cover your mouth. Jaemin has a concealed sense of mischief that only seems to reveal itself at odd moments, most often in situations involving Donghyuck.

This will be fun, you think.

Two hours later, the test subject in mention is glaring at the both of you from where he sits, pen in hand and sheet in the other.

“You didn’t say I would have to memorise sixteen pages of notes. In the smallest possible font on the typewriter, no less,” Donghyuck states angrily, realising he’s been tricked by the both of you.

“What did you think cognitive function was?” You question, a bemused smile on your face as you hear Donghyuck groan before ruffling his hair in frustration.

“I thought it would be like an interview, you know? Where you get asked different questions and they analyze your answers,” he replies, and you hear a huff of a laugh from behind you. “This isn’t like the ridiculous questionnaires you tick off on the newspaper, Donghyuck,” Jaemin interjects, and Donghyuck eyes widen in offence.

“I will have you know, Na Jaemin, that those questionnaires are extremely accurate. And besides, how would I know? I’m not the Psychology professor here.”

“I’m not a professor either,” you remind him, and Donghyuck smiles slightly. “All three of us in this room know that you are perfectly capable of being one.” Jaemin makes a noise of assent, and your heart soars just a little at the praise.

“Either way, I’m done with your test,” Donghyuck says as he stands up, passing you his papers. You look them over quickly, realising that for all his antics, Donghyuck is actually a lot smarter than he seems.

“You did well,” you mumble absentmindedly, and Donghyuck smirks. “Thanks, I know. I’ll leave now,” he says before leaning close next to your ear. “And have fun with Jaemin,” he whispers almost conspiratorially, and before you can ask him what it means, Donghyuck’s out of the room.

“Are you alright, Y/N?” Jaemin’s voice immediately snaps you back to attention, and you nod quickly. “Oh yes, of course.” Your neck feels awfully warm, and you rub at it, unsure why.

“We know you didn’t need an additional test subject. Did you just want to mess with Donghyuck?”

“Well, I suppose so. It was amusing to see his face when we gave him the list,” Jaemin confesses, and you chuckle under your breath. “On another note, I think we’re done with the first draft.” Your posture immediately stiffens at his words, and you rush over to Jaemin’s desk.

“Really?” You ask incredulously, even though you know Jaemin didn’t have any reason to die. He hands you the bundle of papers that is ten months of hard work and intense research, and you cradle it gently, almost like a baby. It feels oddly momentous, somehow. This is everything you’ve worked for and thought about in every waking moment since that fateful encounter with Jaemin, when the both of you first sealed the deal.

Each word is familiar to you, considering you’ve proofread it a million times, but seeing the research organized and printed out feels oddly surreal. That your work is now tangible. All of your dreams and aspirations are contained within this one little bundle, and it feels precious.

Jaemin looks at the quiet pride on your face as you look through, and he can’t contain his smile either. “I’m going to send it to the university for feedback on the draft, but it’s definitely on par with other competing projects. Once that’s done, it’ll be published,” Jaemin tells you, and you look up at him. There’s an undeniable sense of excitement that pervades you, and the idea of finally seeing it in official print provides a strange sort of thrill.

“Thank you, Jaemin,” you say sincerely, and he shakes his head.

“No, thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you, Y/N.” He’s painfully earnest when he says it, and your heart stumbles slightly as you look at Jaemin. His features seem even more delicate today, his eyes brighter than usual. You’re not sure if it's the heady rush of elation filling you from finishing the project, but you finally understand what Karina meant when she asked you if you found Jaemin attractive.

The thought that Karina might be right scares you, but it’s also exhilarating. You’ve seen Jaemin at his best and in his moments of vulnerability, and he’s been a wonderful partner. Someone who pushes your thoughts in new, unfamiliar directions, who doesn’t hesitate to question your opinions.

You suppose you have to give Karina credit for calling your bluff so early on. Still, now can’t possibly be the right time. The both of you still have some work left to do, and anything now would just be a distraction.

Your feelings will have to wait, but you don’t mind. After all, you enjoy your time with Jaemin now, even if it is occasionally punctuated by the fluttering of your pulse.

It takes three weeks for the panel to review the draft, and another week to give their feedback. The next time you’re in the university, it’s spring, and the smell of fresh flowers invades your senses the moment you step foot on the campus.

You’re poised to knock on the door that’s already half-ajar when you hear muffled conversation from inside. You decide to stay in the hallway, at least until Jaemin’s guest is done.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“She’s my co-researcher, Mr Lee. I don’t think it’s a matter of want.” You immediately jerk up to pay attention, because that’s you Jaemin’s talking about. You know you’re eavesdropping, but you can’t help it. Jaemin’s voice is uncharacteristically harsh, but so is the Provost’s.

“You know that there will be a penalty on credit for not being a solo researcher. You’re already losing out. And to do it with a girl that has no qualifications, no less…Do you know what the panel will think?”

Mr Lee’s words cause the back of your throat to close up, even as you know they are true to some extent. You had been living in a joyful denial, ignoring the realities of the university’s expectations. Still, you stand outside the office, unable to move.

“Even then-”

“Jaemin. Do you want this scholarship or not? Surely she can’t have contributed that much. Just remove her name and negotiate it with her later.”

Your heart drops to your feet at the Provost’s words. Jaemin doesn’t respond, and for some reason, that feels even worse than Mr Lee stepping all over your hopes with a single sentence. You’re scared of hearing what he might have to say, and you don’t think you can bear hearing his agreement outright. It’s painfully silent, only the sound of your ragged breathing filling your ears.

You’re suddenly filled with an overwhelming feeling of loneliness, almost as if you’re unwelcome here. Jaemin’s office is no longer familiar, instead making you feel worse and worse with each and every second you spend near it.

You need air.

There’s a few students you crash into along the way, some of which recognise you. They look at you bewildered, as you run past them towards the exit. Even then, you’re not quick enough to avoid the first tears falling. At least no one saw you, you suppose. You scoff slightly. Maybe they would use the tears as evidence of your fragile emotional state.

As much as you’re angry at the circumstances you’re in, you also feel like a fool. A fool for having pursued this project with Jaemin, for believing that for a moment, it would work out. For believing Jaemin, especially.

You had your head in the clouds, and now you were crashing back down to Earth in a rapid descent.

You’re not sure why you thought his acceptance would be enough, sufficient for you to reach your goals. It never had been. And judging from his lack of a response to the Provost, you’re about to lose that too.

You can’t even blame him, which you suppose is the worst part. For all you knew, you might have been deadweight this past year. Jaemin would be better off choosing to remove your name, and it would make his life much, much easier. It was a smart decision. You couldn’t possibly take that from him. After all, he deserved the success, the scholarship. You weren’t even a student. What did it matter, in the end?

Still, you’re not sure if you can ever look at Jaemin without being reminded of what you’ve lost. It’s not his fault, but he is a living, breathing reminder of everything you’re not, and every moment you have to live with it might just be a new type of hell. You’re not just going to lose a valuable partner, but a friend too. And perhaps, he might have been more. You don’t know, and you don’t think you want to wonder about the what ifs, because it might just break you even more.

You had promised yourself that if this didn’t work out, you would give up. Give up and do whatever your father wished for you to do. It’s painful, but you’re at the end of your rope. Pursuing another foolish daydream would just simply leave you even more empty. Even then, the bitter taste of defeat refuses to leave your mouth, even as you force your feet to take you towards the arched gates of the campus grounds.

Leaving the campus feels strange, especially since you’re not sure when you will be able to come back. The red brick walls, mulberry trees, stained glass windows - they’ve become as familiar to you as your own home.

So has the dark oak furnishings and lush carpets of Jaemin’s office, but you’ll have to forget about that now.

Jaemin waits for you that entire afternoon.

You’ve never been late, only early or punctual. He checks his schedule twice, just to make sure he’s gotten the correct day. He runs down to his mailbox twice and asks the office, just to see if you left a note for him.

Nothing. It’s like you’ve disappeared, though Jaemin knows that’s not possible. Something must have come up. But even then, as he thinks of all the possibilities, it only makes him more anxious. He quickly scribbles a quick letter and seals it with wax, and he feels a little calmer once he has your address written down and the letter mailed.

I’m sure everything’s fine. She’s likely busy, he tells himself.

He gives it two weeks and six missed lectures before he starts panicking. He’s not a particularly antsy person, or someone who overthinks. At least, that’s what he likes to think of himself, and what most people believe of him. He’s calm and reserved. Jaemin can’t help but worry a bit more when it comes to you, however.

He doesn’t give himself time to regret an impulsive decision, as he hails a cab to bring him to your address. It’s only when he’s standing on the porch, finger on the doorbell, that he hesitates slightly. What if, for whatever reason, you don’t wish to see him?

“Jaemin?”

The sudden appearance of a voice behind him causes Jaemin to jump, but the sound is gentle and familiar. He turns around to see you in a robin-blue sundress, a book in hand. Jaemin’s relief is palpable on his face as he sees you, and he immediately descends the steps, closing the distance between the both of you. However, you retract from him, as if stung, and Jaemin is at a loss.

“Y/N. I didn’t see you for the past two weeks, and I got worried. Forgive me for showing up so suddenly.”

The hesitancy on your face has shifted to an uncomfortable apprehension directed at Jaemin. “I suppose we couldn’t avoid this conversation forever. I’d prefer another place, however,” and you turn, walking away, seemingly for Jaemin to follow you.

There’s a feeling of fear that clings to Jaemin, however, at your words. You’re uncharacteristically cold, tone and expression void of your usual exuberance. Whatever you have to say to Jaemin has to be important. He just hopes it isn’t bad news.

Even then, his mind goes into overdrive, thinking of the worst possible options. Maybe you’re leaving the country. Maybe you’re sick. He doesn’t like any of those options.

Jaemin’s jerked out of his thoughts when you gesture for him to take a seat. The both of you are in a garden, assumedly your family’s. The gazebo provides a welcome respite from the midday sun, and Jaemin watches as you sit opposite him.

The distance feels too far, somehow.

“If you have anything on your mind, Y/N, you can tell me. We’re friends. You know that,” Jaemin assures as he meets your gaze. However, you quickly tear your eyes away from him, fiddling with your hands in your lap. Jaemin can tell you’re nervous, but he’s not sure why. The book is forgotten, placed on the corner of your chair.

“I don’t want to study Psychology anymore,” you mutter, and Jaemin has to wonder if he’s heard you right.

You’re someone even more passionate about the subject than Jaemin is. How-

“I’m just not interested. Not enough to pursue it further,” you say candidly, and Jaemin’s head is spinning, attempting to wrap his head around the reality of the situation. It takes a few minutes for him to collect his thoughts, and the next time he looks at you, his eyes are piercing, uncomfortably so.

“You’re lying. I know you, Y/N,” he replies, and the way you tap your foot on the ground confirms Jaemin’s doubts. He’s familiar with the habit- did you forget you told him that was the way people caught your untruths?

“No, I’m not. How dare you-”

“For God’s sake, Y/N, the book you’re holding is a manual by Carl Jung.” Your eyes quickly dart to the book, cheeks burning with shame. Even then, Jaemin’s tone isn’t accusatory, just truthful.

“If this is because of the university-”

“I heard your conversation with the Provost, Jaemin. Every single part of it,” you confess, your voice getting increasingly shaky as you lose your grip on your composure.

“You’re my co-researcher, Y/N, I told him that,” Jaemin continues, and you wipe a hand across your face absentmindedly.

“I don’t want to be a burden to your career, Jaemin. We both know you deserve the funding. Just remove my name,” you breathe out, and Jaemin immediately shakes his head. He finally realises why you’ve disappeared these two weeks.

“Y/N. Look at me.” Jaemin’s voice is insistent, and even though your eyes are still tear-stained, you listen to him.

“Do you know what I told Mr Lee?” You shake your head.

“I told him that you were indispensable to my research. That none of it would have been done without you, and I would rather abandon the entire thing than not credit you,” Jaemin says, and you exhale sharply. “I told him that you were smarter than some of my best students, that it was the university’s loss for not letting you in.”

You don’t dare to believe what Jaemin’s saying, especially after each moment of the past two weeks. Your eyes inspect his face for a hint of dishonesty. And yet, Jaemin’s expression remains completely honest, his eyes calm and trusting as they look at you. It makes you want to place your faith in him, that maybe this will be enough.

“And what-what did Mr Lee say?” You’re trembling and nervous, but it feels good, almost.

A knowing smile makes it’s way onto Jaemin’s face, and his eyes fill with something else. Fondness, you realise. And barely-concealed excitement. “He said he would review your application again, and allow me to endorse it with the admissions department.”

You realise Jaemin is talking about your application to become a student, and you’re filled with pure, unfiltered joy as you look at him and realise that what he’s saying is true. That after four years of doubt and confusion, it just might be possible.

Jaemin seems to sense the thoughts running through your mind, and his smile only gets brighter.

“So, will you come back to the office now? The edits aren’t going to revise themselves, and I need a better brain to help me with them.”

You immediately let out a small laugh. “I feel a little foolish now,” you confess. “It seems like a lot of it was overthinking.”

Jaemin’s eyes soften imperceptibly. “It wasn’t foolish at all, Y/N.” Jaemin’s presence is comforting, you realise, and the lack of his companionship has been made all the more obvious by your deliberate distancing.

Having him here, with everything worked out, makes it feel as if your life is no longer off-kilter.

When you burst into Jaemin’s office two weeks later, you’re smiling from ear to ear. He looks up at your abrupt arrival, immediately standing up when you stride over to his desk, acceptance letter in hand. “I’m a student starting next week,” you exclaim excitedly, and Jaemin has never seen you this cheerful before.

Truthfully, the admissions board had already informed him that you would be accepted- after all, he was one of the people that had to review your application. Even then, Jaemin tries to look surprised, a cheerful expression on his face. It isn’t difficult, considering how contagious your joy is.

“I have to go off now, but I just- really wanted to share it with you. For being the one to make it happen,” you say softly.

“You did this by yourself, Y/N. I helped because you deserved it.” Jaemin watches as you take in his words, as your smile softens into something more gentle, more tranquil. It’s an expression that he rarely sees on you, and it feels precious.

When you turn to leave, Jaemin’s filled with a strange emotion. It’s almost like a sense of longing as he watches you disappear out the door. Even though he’s sure that the both of you are now close friends, and he’ll see you on campus regularly, the fact that the both of you will no longer have your weekly meetings feels disappointing, somehow.

The feeling lingers with him even at dinner, until even Donghyuck notices. “You’ve been down all day. What’s on your mind?” Renjun looks up from his food expectantly, and Jaemin runs a hand through his hair. It’s made even more suspicious by the way he is unable to muster an appetite. Both Renjun and Donghyuck had cast him suspicious glances when he had only ordered a bowl of soup.

“Where’s Jeno, by the way?”

“You know he’s in the military. Don’t try to change the topic,” Renjun points out, and Jaemin sighs.

“It’s just that the research project with Y/N is over, and-”

“You want to continue seeing her, but you’re not sure how? You feel strange without having her presence around you?” Donghyuck says, and Jaemin blinks at him. Once. Twice. Donghyuck’s right on the spot. Uncomfortably so.

“Well, yes. I guess so,” Jaemin mutters, and Renjun conceals his laugh with a sip of his drink. “See, Renjun. I told you. I’m always right,” Donghyuck says snarkily, and Renjun rolls his eyes. “Want me to remind you of what happened at the party last week?”

“What happened last week?” Jaemin asks, and Donghyuck shakes his head vehemently. “Nothing. Anyways, this is about you. How do you feel about Y/N, Jaemin?” Jaemin doesn’t like the way Donghyuck’s looking at him, as if he knows something he doesn’t.

“I can’t place my finger on it, but something like admiration? She’s capable, more so than me. Intelligent, but she’s able to make the other students laugh easily with her comments. Detailed, especially when she’s checking things,” he immediately responds without a second thought, and Renjun looks at him properly now, mirth in his eyes. “You and Donghyuck are much more similar than I expected.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “Renjun is just being annoying. What he’s saying is that you like her.”

“I like Y/N plenty. She’s a good colleague. If I didn’t, we wouldn’t be working together for over a year.” Donghyuck makes a noise of disbelief at Jaemin’s words, and casts an incredulous glance at Renjun, who simply shrugs. “Don’t make that face at me, Donghyuck. You’re even worse. You made her cry, remember?”

Donghyuck falls silent at that, miffed. Jaemin turns to Renjun for clarification, and the boy looks exasperated, almost as if he’s not sure why he’s the one has to manage the both of them.

“I’m not sure if you’ve realised, Jaemin, but you’ve changed a little the past year. You’ve stopped locking yourself in the office as much, and you seem happier. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but it seems like it’s because of Y/N. And for you to have these sorts of emotions…I don’t think it’s just friendship you’re looking for,” Renjun clarifies.

Donghyuck mutters a ‘finally’ under his breath, but Jaemin barely catches it, stuck in his own thoughts. He thinks about each time you’ve dragged him out to meet the others, until he started doing it of his own volition. About how Renjun, Jeno and Haechan showed up at his office more often, and he no longer wanted to chase them out.

And then he thinks about what Renjun’s implying. That he might have feelings for you, feelings that extend beyond friendship. He finds himself not scared off by the thought, but instead, it fills him with an unfamiliar sort of hope.

The thought of a relationship was an alien concept to him. If it had been mentioned to him a year ago, he would have shrugged it off in moments. Of course, he had people express their interest, sometimes not so subtly. He was decently attractive, after all, and had a good family. But a relationship had never been in the cards for him.

However, you made him want to imagine the possibilities. That when it came to you, he wouldn’t mind being something more, beyond just colleagues and friends. Partners, in every sense of the word. It explains the strange nervousness that overtakes him each time you look at him, or ask him a question. It explains the peace that flooded him that night in the office, when he divulged secrets he had never been willing to tell anyone, all because he trusted you inexplicably.

“I wonder how you’re even a Psychology professor, when you can’t even recognize your feelings from a mile away,” Donghyuck teases, and Jaemin allows a small smile to make its way on his face.

He knows now, and that’s all that matters. The only thing left is to figure out what to do with the weight of his newfound realization, and Jaemin hopes you won’t muddle his mind even more than you already have.

There’s a frenetic energy in the lecture hall this morning, one that you can’t help but get caught up in as well. Jaemin seems to be pacing around more than usual, his words coming out at a faster pace as he scribbles on the chalkboard and everyone tries to catch up. It’s definitely not something serious enough to warrant concern, but you wonder if there’s something on his mind the past week.

His schedule has been full with meetings held by the department, and yours with the coursework required of a university student, especially since you started slightly later in the semester. It’s left you to only be able to see him during lectures, often a friendly smile as you come in and take your seat before he begins teaching.

Distracted, you press your pen nib down a little too hard, a feeling of dread coming a little too late once you hear the sound of it snapping. Ink blots out over your paper, and you curse under your breath, frantically scooping the rest of the papers away. Ruined notes aside, you won’t be able to remember the rest of the lecture in detail later. You’re worrying your lip, when a hand extends in your vision.

“Here. I have an additional one for emergencies,” the voice next to you is low enough to not be heard by the rest of the students, and you turn your head to see a man who looks slightly younger than you, round glasses perched on his face. “Thank you,” you whisper back, fingers brushing over the smooth black lacquer. It’s a much better pen than whatever you’re using, and you suppose you should consider investing in better stationery.

“The name’s Hendery, by the way. It’s nice to meet you.” His tone of voice is surprisingly casual, and it takes a while for the name to land. Hendery. You recall that he’s the student Jaemin mentioned, the one who submitted a lacklustre essay that was out-of-the-norm. He’s one of Jaemin’s favourite students, and you suppose you can understand why. His notes are in a neat script, books arranged neatly and his suit perfectly ironed.

“Y/N. It’s nice to meet you,” you reply, and he grins affably, just enough to catch you off-guard. Most of the male students here choose to ignore you, or have awkward grimaces when you nod your head in greeting. It’s rather refreshing.

“Professor Na showed us one of your essays once in class. I’ve never gotten the chance to tell you how much I enjoyed it, and I referenced it in one of my assignments. You can have the pen. I wanted to return the favor,” he adds, and you pause for a while, before smiling back at him and returning to your notes.

“Hendery. What was the main research method of Structuralism?” Jaemin’s voice rings out suddenly, and you dart your head down, attempting to look occupied. It’s not the most honourable thing to do, but you rather not be on the receiving end of failing to answer Jaemin’s questions.

“Experimental studies, Professor?”

“Introspection. That’s what differs it from other schools of thought. Do take better focus next time.”

“Sorry, Professor.”

You feel bad for Hendery. The boy only wanted to extend a helping hand. Still, you know he’s in Jaemin’s good books, and from the way he waves to you, smiling, as he leaves the lecture hall, allows your shoulders to sink in relief.

You’ve made a new friend of sorts. It feels nice, even though you’re used to remaining alone while on campus. Today, however, your schedule is noticeably free, both Ningning and Karina out of the country for business trips. This leaves you to rush down the staircase, attempting to chase after Jaemin before he gets swept up by another meeting.

You call out his name, and the man in question turns around sharply, causing you to skid to a stop and narrowly avoid crashing into him. “Whoa, careful there,” he mutters, and you let out a nervous laugh.

“Did you need me for something?” There’s an unreadable expression on Jaemin’s face. One that you can’t exactly decipher, and you respond with a shaky grin. “No. I just wanted to see you.” The words escape too fast for you to process their weight, leaving your cheeks to redden slightly.

It’s oddly honest, and from his sharp inhale, you’re not sure if you’ve been too forward, despite the nature of your relationship.

“How has work been?”

“Good. Busy,” his voice is terse, reminiscent of the tone that he uses with students, and it causes you to frown slightly. “Will you be going to Haechan’s party this weekend?” Infuriatingly, Jaemin only shakes his head, and you’re left trailing after his footsteps, wondering if you’ve done something wrong.

The walk to his office feels shorter than you remember, and you wonder if it’s because you haven’t been here in too long. The man in front of you still remains frustratingly silent, causing your thoughts to swirl in worry.

“Jaemin. We’re still partners. Talk to me,” you bite out, and he looks up at you, wide eyes no different from that of a deer caught in headlights. He nibbles nervously at his lip, and your eyes inevitably drift down at the motion, before you step closer to him.

“Look, if I did something wrong-”

“You did nothing, Y/N. Believe me when I say that,” his voice is audible, even as it cuts you off abruptly. It’s the longest sentence you’ve heard from Jaemin all day, and you try not to let out a sigh. “Then what is it?”

You’re genuinely worried now, eyes never leaving Jaemin’s figure as he paces across the room, fiddling with his fingers slightly. There’s a strange look in his gaze as he refocuses on you, something like a mix of longing and hesitation. It makes your breath catch in your throat, and you’re unable to move from where you’re standing. The both of you are standing directly opposite each other now, and you would laugh if it wasn’t for the situation itself, considering how it’s almost identical to your first meeting with Jaemin.

“I would like to think that I’m a clear-headed person, Y/N, but I think I may be going a little mad.”

You furrow your eyebrows at the strangeness of Jaemin’s words, unable to decipher their meaning.

“I felt…jealous. When I saw you with Hendery. I know very well it’s ridiculous. But it seems the green-eyed monster doesn’t seem to pick targets.”

You’re bewildered at this point, understanding Jaemin’s words well enough and yet unable to grasp any coherent meaning to them. You’re not sure if you can believe what you’re hearing. If you’re hearing it right, or tunnel vision is causing you to interpret Jaemin’s words in an entirely different light.

“You were jealous of…?” Your voice trails off into silence, a question dripping with anticipation as you look at Jaemin, the room heavy with tension. You think your hands might be shaking, but you can’t be bothered to check.

“Jealous of him. I know you’re your own person, and you’re entirely free to be with and love who you want. But seeing you smile at him makes my heart seize in this terrible way like some sort of lovesick fool, and I’m not sure if I can go on like this without telling you.”

There’s a stricken expression on your face at Jaemin’s barely coherent confession, and he runs a hand roughly through his hair, truly panicking now.

“What I’m saying, Y/N, is that I think I may be in love with you. No. I know it. And it makes me a nervous wreck around you, but I understand if you don’t feel the same way-”

Jaemin barely gets the words out before you’re crossing the distance in two quick strides and standing right in front of him. It makes his breath hitch and his heart palpitate wildly, even as you lean imperceptibly closer. The way your simple actions affect him is barely understandable to Jaemin, and he’s not sure if there’s anything in his knowledge to explain it.

Yet, Renjun had put it forth so simply for him, as if the answer was plain as day.

Love. It was love that made Jaemin miss your presence, that made him think of you daily and cause a lump to form in his throat at seeing you and Hendery. It was love that made Jaemin want to hold on tightly and never let go, to follow you to parties and wherever else you asked him to.

“Are you…about to reject me?” He asks nervously, and you feel your gaze soften as you look at Jaemin. Your colleague, your equal match, your friend, your partner. In everything.

And that’s how Jaemin receives his answer. It’s you grabbing his tie and pulling him down towards your height before planting your lips on his firmly, hands eventually winding around his neck. It’s a few seconds before he seems to realize it, but when he does, Jaemin’s quick to return the favour, holding your waist securely to close the distance between the both of you as much as he can.

The way Jaemin moves his mouth against yours leaves you breathless, but craving for more. He’s passionate, so different from the usual, calm side that he presents. Even then, the way he holds you to him is gentle, as if you’re made of precious glass.

Jaemin kisses you like he’s been waiting to do so forever, and you don’t think you’ll ever get enough of it, even as you finally pull away for some much-needed air. You feel faint when he leans his forehead against yours, noses bumping slightly and causing you to let out a soft chuckle. From this close, you can smell his cologne, a clean scent that reminds you of clean laundry and spun cotton.

You blink slowly before opening your eyes, and it causes him to smile, doe-brown eyes crinkling faintly.

“I suppose that was a yes?” He asks, tone successfully returned to playful, and you pull back to look at him incredulously. ��“Of course it was a yes. What kind of person do you think I am?”

“A person who has my heart in the palm of her hand. It’s a dangerous position to be in.” The straightforward confession sends blood rushing up your cheeks, forcing you to look down, away from his piercing gaze.

“Jaemin. I-” you stumble over your words, unsure of what you want to say to the man before you. You’re not sure what you would do without Jaemin, but you do know there’s a lot more that you wish to do with him. “Love wasn’t in the cards for me at all. You and I both know that. But I’m glad that I have this. That I have you.”

There’s a look of quiet happiness on Jaemin’s face when he tilts your chin up to look at him, a gentle slant of his lips that lights up his features. He doesn’t need to say anything more, not when there’s so much that has passed between the both of you.

Jaemin’s scared, of course. That one day your memories or his might bleed out like quicksand, leaving the both of you strangers. But if he doesn’t take the chance, he’ll never be able to recall the feeling of having you by his side, and the idea of that is much more terrifying.

He will love you more than he will remember you, and it will be enough.

[neocitybooty]

Say Yes. [M]

Genre: ABO, SMUT, ROMANCE, READER X MEMBER

Warning: Unprotected sex, SMUT, oral, dirty talk, profanity, some horror (?)

Summary: You are offered a choice that would change your life as you know it. 

Word count: 5.2k 

Currently playing: Lips- NCT 127 

A/N: Jaemin brainrot has led me here.  Can you believe??!? He is working so hard to climb higher on my bias list and it's working!! fhjdgjkdshgkja Please enjoy and interact. I will now retreat and continue working on my ongoing stories. 

“He’s been staring for the past 20 minutes. What a creep.”

“They always get like this around this time of year. God, I hate this so much.”

“This is supposed to be our busiest day. I won’t make rent if we get our hours cut again”

“Customers keep leaving. We are about to be in some deep shit. It will be a dog’s fault, once again. I like them better when their muzzles are shut. Fucking mongrels.”

“Shhh, he can hear us!”

You stared back at the very obvious Alpha seated in the booth near the entrance of your family’s restaurant.

He finally stood and started to walk to you. He was incredibly handsome. He couldn't be older than 25. He stood at about 5’10 with silver hair. He wore the widest smile you’d ever seen on any male. Human or werewolf.  You took a step back, flashbacks of what an Alpha’s fangs could do….started to play in your head.

“Hello.” He said. His voice was nothing like what you were expecting. And his eyes.... They lit up once he noticed that he had all of your attention, the wide smile never leaving his face.

“I didn’t mean to scare you or your coworkers.” He looked past you, to the concerned women behind you with worried expressions on their faces. “I come in peace.” He looked back at you and raised both arms.

You shook your head and took another step back.

“Please leave.” You said in a quiet voice and nodded towards the door. “You’ve scared all of the customers away.”

His smile drained from his face but he made no attempt to leave. He frowned and stepped closer. You, along with the rest of the staff, gasped in unison.

He chose to ignore them and kept his focus on you. “I can pay everyone for the week.” Your eyes widen. “But only on one condition..”

The smile returned as his eyes turned a fiery red. “You come with me.”

“Do not go with him!” Your younger brother said from behind the counter.  Nobody dared to come any closer but your brother was always the bravest out of the bunch.

The young alpha looked at your younger brother and tilted his head.

“There’s no need to worry. I promise to bring her back. Alive.” He said as his gaze shifted back to you, his jaw now clenching. You couldn’t see any other reason for that other than him gradually losing patience.

“You guys. It’s okay. I’ll go.” You said as the Alpha put his hands in his pockets and flashed a smile at you.

“Payday is this Friday.” You told him in a low voice.

“Just give me the bank information and I’ll have one of the Betas take care of it.” He said with a smirk. “Now. I think it’s time for us to leave. Don’t you agree?” He nodded towards the door.

You nodded in response and walked around to the back to grab your things. You came back to the front and left the front door keys on the counter.

“Please close up and go home. I will be fine.” You said as you walked to the door where the Alpha held the door open for you. He watched your every move and bit his lip as you passed him and went into the bright, spring day. He followed you outside and let the door close behind him as the chimes collided into each other.

You turned around to look at him, but said nothing.

“Yes?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Who are you and what do you want with me?” You asked him.

He stared at you and began to laugh.

You looked at him with a look of confusion. Did he think you were joking?

“I don’t know if you know this, but you’re supposed to get the guy’s name before you leave with him.”

You wanted to slap that ridiculous smile off his face. Of course he found humor in your panicked choices. Alphas never have to worry about their safety. The perks of being at the top of the food chain. You had six employees that would’ve ended up dead in an instant had you made one wrong choice. Finding out the Alpha’s name was last on your list of priorities.

“I am sorry but there were more important things for me to worry about…” You said as you folded your arms.

The Alpha reached out and gently unfolded your arms with both hands. Your jaw dropped as he placed both arms at your sides. He let his hands linger on your wrists before fully letting go..

“You really shouldn’t do that. It makes you look very unwelcoming.” He then said, his eyebrows meeting together in the middle of his forehead, paired with a crease. “My name…My name is Jaemin.”

He then slightly nudged you to the brick wall to your right as a sudden influx of people started making their way onto the sidewalk. The daily lunch rush.

“Okay, Jaemin. I’m assuming you already know my name.” You started.

“Yes, I do.” Jaemin responded. He was towering over you and simply observing your features but you felt as if the air was being pushed out of your lungs.

“O-Okay, so what do you want from me..” You finally got out. You had a very strong feeling deep in your gut about what he was possibly after. Coming to a human infested city when he could be enjoying his time with his pack somewhere deep in the woods..

Jaemin didn’t respond. Instead he grabbed your hand and led you to his car. You scoffed underneath your breath as he opened the passenger door to the very expensive sports car. But you got in and waited quietly as Jaemin entered through the driver’s side and started the car.

You said nothing for the entire drive and Jaemin allowed it. You watched in the rearview as the skyscrapers became smaller by the minute. You could pinpoint the exact spot in which the land turned into werewolves territory. The trees were healthy, the houses were huge, and the roads were lonely. You said nothing as Jaemin pulled into the driveway of the biggest mansion you’d ever seen. Made of…wood.

Jaemin stopped the car and the two of you looked at each other in silence. He smiled as he unbuckled your seatbelt. You then opened your door and he exited the vehicle, as well. You shut the door just as Jaemin appeared by your side. He grabbed your hand and led you to the front door. He opened it without unlocking it and brought you inside. You gasped and quickly put a hand over your mouth.

There were so many of them. Were they all Alphas? No way. They all looked at you as soon as the door opened but said nothing. There had to have been at least twenty of them. You involuntarily squeezed Jaemin’s hand, out of fear.

“Easy. Your heart is going to stop beating at this rate.” Jaemin pressed his ear as he spoke to you.

“A human?” A voice said from your left side. You quickly turned to see a very tall male walking towards you. “This is what we have been smelling?”

The look on his face was complete bewilderment. He ran fingers through his hair and chuckled to himself. “Do you know how much danger you’d be in, if it were any other Alpha that got to you first?

“Alright, Johnny. That’s enough.” Jaemin motioned for the taller male to cool it down. “I haven’t told her anything.”

Johnny mouthed “O” and stepped away slowly. The others in the house made no attempt to speak with you. Instead they returned to their previous conversations. Jaemin shook his head as he brought you to a spacious and beautifully decorated room. He closed the french doors and looked back to face you.

“Spill.” You said without missing a beat.  

“I chose you as my mate.” He looked at you with a straight face.

“Come again?” You asked him, unsure of what you’ve just heard.

“You heard me right the first time. I really don’t like repeating myself.” Jaemin replied with an eyeroll.

“And how exactly are we supposed to mate?” You asked him.

“Oh….. I don’t actually know. Maybe you can tell me how babies are made.” He shot you a mocking smirk with a raised eyebrow.

You nodded as a subtle smile formed. Just for a brief second, you’d forgotten Jaemin was an Alpha, but he reminded you quickly.

“I see..” You turned your back to Jaemin and walked towards the regal bed in the middle of the room and sat down at the edge. “What does this mean for me?”

“It means you are receiving an opportunity that many humans can only dream of.” Jaemin slowly walked over to you, his boot heels thumping against the wooden floor.

You watched Jaemin as he slowly made his way to you. He was calm and alluring, but above all, he was a mystery.

“Do I even have a choice here?” You asked Jaemin as he sat next to you.

He bit his lip and tilted his head but you could still see the smile form on the side of his face. He truly had never experienced a single worry.

“Oh humans…” Jaemin began. “Of course you have a choice. I can’t mate you without your consent. But I know you will choose me. You see….There are some factors that are in my favor.”

“Oh?” You could feel yourself falling deeper as he continued to talk. There was something about the way he enunciated his words and the tone he used to speak to you. It was much different than when he spoke to the Johnny character downstairs.

“Tell me. How much success have you actually had with human males? Can’t be too much, because I know you haven’t been touched in months. Your scent is all female. Not a single trace of male.” He stopped and sighed deeply. “I would never neglect you. I would never leave you. And I would make sure you never lacked anything you truly wanted. Now….does that sound so bad?”

You gulped at his words and he finally looked over to face you.

“You should also understand something about how we Alphas operate. Usually….among werewolves…The Alpha picks up the scent of an Omega and that Omega eventually becomes his mate. But things are a bit different with humans. If one Alpha has picked up on your scent, well that means so have many others…”

“Excuse me?!” You blurt out. “What do you mean by that?”

“It means exactly what I said. It was only going to be a matter of time before you found yourself with quite the werewolf problem.” Jaemin laid on the bed with an elbow propped to keep him on his side.

“So basically it’s you or whatever the fuck is out there looking for me right now.” You said, beginning to bite your nails.

“Hey.” Jaemin shook his head and pulled your hand away from your mouth. “There is no need for the nerves. Let’s just be grateful that it was me that found you.”

“I am never going back to my family, huh?” You ask quietly.

“Being an Alpha’s mate isn’t a prison sentence. My goodness.” Jaemin rolled his eyes. “You’ll be able to see your family as much as you please.”

“Oh.” You said, a bit embarrassed. Maybe you’d read one too many books about Alphas.

“I am getting really tired of being patient with you.” Jaemin muttered underneath his breath.

“Excuse me?!” You responded to his sass, unsure how anyone else dealt with him.

Jaemin said nothing but instead, began to lightly stroke your arm. His fingers were hot. They weren’t that hot when he touched you a few minutes prior. His eyes were focused on your skin and you could see him bite his lips in admiration.

“Jaemin?!” You said as he started to trail kisses up your arm.

“So pretty…” He finally reached your neck and began to suck as he pulled you closer to him by your waist.

You froze as you felt your panties become soaked. Jaemin hiked your skirt up over your hips and let it bunch on your waist before lifting you up and placing you on top of him.

“I need to be inside you.” He half groaned. “I need it.”

He then grabbed the back of your neck and kissed you deeply. Tongues fought for dominance as you began to leak through your panties. A deep growl grumbled in Jaemin’s chest once the scent reached his nose. He finally broke the kiss and looked at you with lust crazed eyes.

Jaemin was now breathing heavily. His hold only grew tighter around you as he started thrusting up.

“You’re so wet. I can feel it on my thigh.” He said reaching into your shirt. “You’re just as much of a cock slut as Omegas, aren’t you?” He said into your ear as he massaged a nipple between two fingers.

“Oh my…” You breathed as you felt a hard bulge at your core.

Jaemin kissed your neck and hummed. You felt him smile as he inhaled your scent once more. “Gonna fuck you so deep.” He started to rip your blouse open, the buttons flying in every direction.

You squealed as he shoved his entire face into your cleavage.

“God, you feel so fucking good.” Jaemin’s eyes fluttered and closed as he took a bud into his mouth and started to suck on it gently. You moaned softly and finally gained enough courage to touch him.

Sharp ridges could be felt underneath the silk button up he wore. You let your hands roam to the smooth skin on his collarbones and to his chest until you reached to the point where his shirt held together with three buttons.

You hesitated for a second but started to undo his shirt. Jaemin noticed and let the nipple slip out of his mouth with an obscene slurp. He looked up at you with red eyes again and gave a toothy grin.

“You’ve been nothing but skeptical since the moment we’ve met but now look at you.” He let you continue to undress him and pulled his arms out of the sleeves once you were finished unbuttoning his shirt.

“My Alpha is calling out to you. He’s very excited. Gonna fuck you until you’re begging me to mate you.” Jaemin rubbed your thigh as he hummed. He smiled when you slightly trembled at his touch. “Are you scared?” He said with a smile as he lifted you and placed you on your back, letting you melt into the soft pillows.

You shook your head no, afraid you’d only confirm Jaemin’s theories. “So it’s not fear that I’m hearing.” Jaemin said as unbuttoned your skirt and pulled it off of you.

Before you could respond, he took both of your legs and spread them and pushed them towards your shoulders. He lowered himself until he was facing your core.

“Jaemin, no!” You screamed.

He paused and sat up with a confused look on his face.

“You said you couldn’t do this without my consent. Well..you don’t have it.” You sat up and grabbed the blanket to cover yourself.

Jaemin placed both hands on his thighs and sighed. “You are truly something.”

“I’m not- I’m not ready.” You stutter.

“For sex..” Jaemin raised an eyebrow. “Or for sex….with me.”

You threw him a look of indifference and he moved off the bed. You didn’t know why but you felt a pang of disappointment as he put on his silk button up and started to button it up.

“Here.” He opens a door and you can see that it is a walk in closet. “Change into something. Dinner should be ready soon.”

“At 3pm?” You ask him.

“We are werewolves. We eat once a day.” Jaemin said before walking out the door and shutting it behind him.

You sat in silence as you tried to gather your thoughts. Was he angry? He sure didn’t seem like it, if he was. Your stomach started to growl, so you quickly got up and half ran to the closet.

“No way.” You gulped and walked deeper into the closet. The closet seemed to have belonged to a woman. A woman that wore your size. A woman that had your same exact style. You pulled a maxi dress off a hanger and pulled some underwear from a built-in drawer.

Within minutes, you emerged from the closet feeling brand new. You had on a pair of dry underwear and you were out of your work clothes.

The aroma of a feast filled the entire hallway as you made your way to the circular staircase. The entire house was booming with bass filled laughter from Alphas and it only grew louder as you descended down the stairs. Once you reach the bottom, you hear someone clear their throat. Jaemin is waiting for you at the side of the staircase and he’s wearing the warmest smile.

He reached out his hand and for the first time that day, comfort led you to take it. “I thought you’d be mad at me.” You said softly, a bit intimidated by the amount of eyes on you.

Jaemin wrapped an arm around your shoulder and squeezed. “I can’t be mad at a human for experiencing human emotions, now can I?” He said into your ear before giving you a peck on your cheek.

Truth was, you were terrified of going all the way with Jaemin. How much of your life would change once you fully immersed yourself into a community full of werewolves? How likely were you to be accepted? What would truly become of your family?

“Still can’t believe you really turned out to be a human.” A deep voice said from behind you. You turned and saw a new alpha eyeing you and Jaemin. You froze, afraid this meeting would take a turn for the worse.

The Alpha looked at Jaemin and then looked at you. “Nevertheless, you are beautiful. Jaemin has always had a tendency to follow beautiful things.” He took a swig of his beer and stepped closer. “Just so you know, we all know just how scared you are. You don’t have any reason to be. You’ll find out soon enough.” He tapped Jaemin on the shoulder before leaving.

“That was Jaehyun.” Jaemin said as soon as the Alpha disappeared. “He’s very friendly. As are the rest of us. Here, let me show you around.”

You felt your mood change as Jaemin held your hand and led you through the numerous lively bodies in the mansion.

When you arrived earlier, you only saw males but now there were also females as well as young ones. One of them ran to you and sniffed your hand without warning.

“Oh!” You exclaimed, completely surprised.

“Jisung, we talked about that!” An older Alpha came running after the young child.

“Sorry, dad! I just wanted to say hi.” The child said. He looked very apologetic and reached out both hands and lowered his head.

You looked at Jaemin and the Alpha with a confused look on your face.

“Grab both of his hands, if you forgive him.” Jaemin said into your ear.

You instantly grabbed the child’s hand and told him it was okay. He jolted up with the most adorable smile you had ever seen. Was he? Was he already an alpha? He looked like nothing more than a young boy.

“In case you were wondering, he is just a regular boy. The only difference between him and a human child right now is that he has more strength and a stronger sense of smell.” The Alpha, who you assumed was the father, said while seemingly reading your thoughts.

“Oh. I-uh.” You started to say.

“My name is Doyoung.” The Alpha smiled and extended his hand. You quickly shook his hand and told him your name.

“So nice to finally meet you. I hope you enjoy the dinner.” He gave you a warm smile and rubbed Jaemin’s shoulder before walking away with his child.

You immediately searched for Jaemin’s hand and he laughed. “Relax. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jaemin had only shown you the first floor of the mansion when you told him you were hungry.

“I guess I should feed you, huh?” He said, leading you to the kitchen. You weren’t sure how you even lasted so long.

You reached the dining room and felt your nerves go haywire. All eyes turned to you once you entered the room.

Some of the werewolves smiled and waved and it calmed your nerves a bit. Jaemin pulled out a chair and you sat down quietly. You were moved by his gesture but you tried your best to not let it show.

“Everyone seems so much nicer now.” You whisper to Jaemin.

“They weren’t sure who you were before, but they are now.” Jaemin said calmly.

“Oh…” It dawned on you that you were the only stranger in the entire mansion. You hadn’t taken into account how the others viewed you.

“Well how do they know so much now?” You asked him as the serving dishes began to get passed around.

“Oh, I told them while you were changing.” Jaemin said as he poured some wine into his glass.

“What did you tell them exactly?” You looked at him with widened eyes.

“I told them that you were the human I chose as my mate.” Jaemin responded nonchalantly.  

“Oh wow.” You said. “And they just accepted it?”  

“Of course.” He looked at you with a confused look. “Why wouldn’t they?”

“I mean….I’m not one of you.” You said in a soft voice.

Jaemin sighed. “That doesn’t matter. We are more alike than you think.”

“Well I am seeing that now…” You trailed off.

“Eat up. You said you were hungry. I don’t want you to starve.” Jaemin said, now digging into his food.

-

Thirty minutes later, you were finished with dinner and people were leaving the house.

“I thought everyone lived here?” You looked at Jaemin.

He looked at you and laughed. “Now, what would make you think that?” He asked.

“Everyone was here when we came earlier. And this place has like ten thousand rooms!” You said in a hushed whisper.

“That is true. But they only come to keep me company. It'll only be me and you most nights…”  Jaemin said with a smile.

“Oh… I didn’t realize. You actually live alone.” You said, feeling a bit embarrassed. It all started to make sense.

Jaemin lived alone in a community where being alone wasn’t the norm. Word spread that he had found a potential mate and everyone decided to show up and see who it was. Your introduction as well as your presence was important to them. Jaemin wasn’t the enemy that you made him out to be. He was just trying his best to not make this any more nerve wracking for you then it already was.

“Can we go upstairs?” You asked Jaemin.

“Are you okay?” He said, his voice laced with concern.

“Yeah, I just want to be alone with you.” You tell him as you wrap an arm around his neck.

Jaemin stood up and waved to the few guests that were still sitting at the table. You did the same and they smiled back. On the way to the stairs, you saw Doyoung holding a sleeping Jisung in his arms, while talking to a few other Alphas.

Once in the room, you walk a few steps and then turn to face Jaemin.

“I’m sorry.” You blurt out. “I passed so much judgment. I don’t know anything. You have such a beautiful community standing behind you. Your home is amazing. There is nothing that you lack. What I am trying to say is…. let’s do it. Jaemin, let’s be together.”

Jaemin looked at you in awe. The smile slowly formed and by the time it reached his eyes, he was directly in front of you and you reached out to caress a cheek.

“I was sure you’d choose me.” He covered your hand with his own and bit his lip as he looked down at your own.

You felt your breath hitch as he lowered his face and pressed his lips onto yours.

“Do you want to try again?” Jaemin asked once he pulled away.

You nodded a few times and Jaemin kissed you again. This time he removed the straps from your shoulders and let your dress fall to the floor. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he lifted you up and wrapped your legs around his waist as he walked you both to the bed.

He laid you down and started to unbutton his shirt. He practically ripped off his shirt and threw it across the room. You wrapped your arms around him as he lowered down to kiss you again. He pushed his clothed boner into your core and you gasped.

“I know it feels really big but I can make it fit, I promise.” Jaemin said seductively in your ear. He rose again and this time he started to undo his belt.

“Jaemin, wait.” You stopped him again.

He froze and looked at you. But he didn’t say anything.

“Let me.” You sat up and went for Jaemin’s belt. He let you undo his belt as he softly rubbed your neck.

“I love how eager you are. We are going to have so much fun together.” You smile at him before you pull his hard cock out from his jeans. It was huge. Your mouth watered simply by the sight of it and you quickly became mesmerized by the birthmark on the side of his shaft. Determined to show that you were cut out for the job, you kissed him deeply.

“Shit...” Jaemin said, but then whimpered softly as you swiped your thumb across the tip, spreading his precum around. You hadn’t a clue how you were going to manage his entire length but you started with the tip and gradually worked your way down, opening your mouth wider so your teeth wouldn’t get in the way. You felt him successfully slide down your tongue as his abs flexed from his sudden intake of breath.

You opened your eyes to meet Jaemin’s, only to find him already gazing at you. He smiled widely and bit his lip once your eyes met. “Deep-throating on the first night…hmmm. What am I going to do with you?” He then held your head in place as he thrusted further down into your mouth, making you take his entire length. You gagged as tears formed in your eyes and spit spilled from your mouth.

“You look even prettier with tears in your eyes.”Jaemin chuckled. “Now keep that mouth open wide. I wanna fuck your throat so more.” You obeyed and he thrust in deeper with an elongated grunt. You continued to gag as you felt tears stream down your cheeks, his hardened, thick cock repeatedly hitting the back of your throat. You gasped loudly once he finally pulled out his entire length.

“Awww, you poor thing.” Jaemin tsked as you wiped your mouth in a frenzy of heavy breaths. “Let me make it a little easier for you.” He got off the bed and stepped out of his pants and briefs, before coming back to you and laying you on your back. He traced a finger along the outside of your soaked panties and mouthed a slow “Wow.”

You tried to close your legs, too consumed by the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment. Jaemin stopped you from closing your legs with his hand and smiled at you as he laid on the bed and rested between your legs. His face was right at your core and he draped one of your legs over a muscular shoulder. “You can’t hide that mouth watering scent away from me, pretty.” He said before kissing the inside of your thigh.

He slowly peeled the panties off of you and threw them across the room.

Jaemin looked at you and smiled once your eyes met his. He held eye contact with you as he dragged his tongue from the bottom of your wet folds to your already throbbing clit. You covered your mouth with both hands before any sound escaped as Jaemin began to suck on your bud. He removed your hands from your mouth as soon as he noticed what you were doing. “I want to hear.” He said before bringing his attention back to your glistening core. Within moments, you were a screaming, withering mess as Jaemin started to make out with the most sensitive spot. A familiar sensation started to boil in the pit of your stomach and you grabbed a fistful of the Alpha’s hair.

“I’m close! I’m so close!.”Jaemin immediately stopped and pulled himself away. You groaned in disappointment but instantly stopped once you felt Jaemin line himself up, readying himself to enter. A low growl rumbled in his chest as he pushed himself in. A half lidded smile appeared on his face as he went in deeper. It wasn’t long before tears formed in your eyes again.

“They say pain is pleasure, baby.” He said, wiping a tear from your cheek. “You must love this cock.”

You nod rapidly while gasping as you struggle to accommodate his entire shaft. “Yes, Alpha! I love it so much.”

Jaemin’s smile grows wider as he finally finds his rhythm. He lowers himself to your ear and licks the outer shell. “Rub your clit while I fuck your tight hole.” He mutters in your ear.  You follow his order and start to rub on your bundle of nerves while Jaemin continues to plunge into you. He quietly chuckles to himself as he watches your eyes flutter close, leaving only the white showing, as you moaned loudly.

Jaemin watched as your face scrunched together and admired the soft breaths you let out before taking a breast into his mouth and gently sucking again.

“Alpha!” You screamed, the overstimulation becoming painfully unbearable.

“My princess, you are just so sensitive…” Jaemin groaned in your ear. He took both of your hands and locked them above your head in one hand, his thrusts going deeper than before. You felt your legs begin to shake as he slowly but surely began to near your spot.

“Do you like the way my cock stretches that pussy?” Jaemin asked, looking deep in your eyes once you opened them.

“Yes!” You blurt out.

“Can I mark you as my mate?” He asked, his eyes now glowing red.

You gasp but only mutter a strained “yes” as Jaemin finally hits your spot.

Your heart stops for a split second as you see fangs appear in the place of Jaemin’s human-like teeth. Before you can say anything, there is a splitting pain in the side of your neck. A blood curdling scream can be heard through the entire mansion as Jaemin sinks his fangs inside of your skin.

“That took much longer than expected.” Johnny said to Jaehyun as they finished up the last of the dishes.

“And they say humans aren’t a challenge.” Jaehyun chuckled and opened the front door for him and Johnny.

They locked the door from the inside and went home to their mates, leaving you and Jaemin to enjoy the mansion alone on your first night as official mates.

[yueisyum]

Can I ask for a short smut pleaseeeeeee? This is an idea from Jaemin's live. Like he was putting lip balm on you and decided to kiss you to transfer the balm and ended up having a make out session which also ended up having sex hehe.

Woah 😮 that’s actually so cute-

“Hey, y/n,” jaemin calls, he’s sitting right next to you but still out of your line of sight. The hotel has been quiet ever since you too got back from down town. Instead of doing dining crazy, you both decided to sped some quiet time together. you look up from your phone, placing it on the hotel bed, then look up to your boyfriend. You find yourself faced with jaemin, who’s mouth is… shinny? Glossy?

“What the heck is on your face?” You question, your brows wrinkle together and your try not to make such a stank face. he’s been sitting next to you for almost an hour, so your confused as to how he’s done this without you noticing. “I put too much chapstick on, com’er” he quickly explains. he leans in, lips puckered and eyes closed. When he doesn’t feel your lips on his, he peeks and he’s met with your palm. “I can see that, you look like you’ve just eaten a tub full of fried chicken” you giggle.

He rolls his eyes, but you can tell he’s trying not to smile. “Let me give you some-“ he tries to lean in again, but it’s too late, you’ve already decided to mess with him.

“Are you trying to say my lips are dry?” You pout, still avoiding his advances. “Y/n, come here.” He sits up now, climbing over you. “Or is this all an excuse to kiss me?” You turn your head away from him. And you swear you hear a growl leave him. The smug look on your face was unavoidable. “Baby…” he calls, but you don’t dare move. After another moment of him staring daggers into your cheek, he Huffs.

His hand finds your jaw, and turns your head to him, forcefully. But he doesn’t Lean in to kiss you just yet, because your giggling your pretty little head off. So instead, he just smiles. After a moment of your fit, you open your eyes and look at him.

“Are you done?” He asks, a fake annoyed expression on his face. You’d describe it as pouty.

“Mhm” you bite back a smile, allowing your eyes to find his lips. The look you give him, makes him week. “Oh? Now you want me to kiss you? After all that?” He asks playfully. You wanted to keep teasing him, only because he just looks so cute right now.

“Jae… the chapstick is basically on your chin-“

But alas, he wouldn’t let you, instead he connects your lips to his. The chapstick effectively coating your lips.

Phone and chapstick long forgotten, you lean into him, holding his face in your palms. The sudden desperation makes him smile. Grabbing ahold of your thighs and pulling you down the bed a bit. Your head hits the pillow and your back is now fully pressed into the bed instead of the headboard. “Are you in the mood?” He mumbles into you, his hands grabbing at the skin of your upper thigh.

How could you not be in the mood- you’ve been in the mood since he walked out of the bathroom with that stupid tight, black t-shirt, hugging his arms-

“Are you?” You ask, breathlessly when he pulls away. His knees on either side of you, feeling up and down your body. He only laughs at you question, because you already knew the answers. “You think we can skip prep?” He finally asks as he climbs back over you. “Jaemin, lips please!” You whine, he’s used to this behaviour, so he finds his lips back into yours. Earning a satisfied moan from you.

You can hear the handling of his pants buttons, trying to get himself free as fast as possible. Then, to your utter despair, he pulls away. “You want me to eat you out baby?” His tone was flirtation but at a whisper. A dangerous smile on his face. “You already look like you have” you giggle out. Making jaemin deadpan to you. “That’s a no then? Okay” he shrugs, pulling away- teasing you with the same smile as before. But you know he’s trying to hide it. “Guess you’re not in the mood”

You don’t break, not until he begins re-buttoning his jeans.

“Wait!”

“I knew it, my pretty baby wants me and my chapped lips?”

“Don’t ruined it-“

Not proof read. All the other request are long, so I tried to get a quick one out!!

[mrkis]

the way life goes — behind the writing

[ 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗚𝗜𝗥𝗟𝗦 𝗜𝗡𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗥𝗔𝗠 𝗣𝗢𝗦𝗧𝗦 ] ! [ 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗚𝗜𝗥𝗟𝗦: 𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗨, 𝗠𝗜𝗪𝗢𝗢, 𝗠𝗖 ] !

𝗔|𝗡: the last instagram post for the girls. thank you everyone <3

[writtenbymkl]

me working on my jaemin mini series while i have other unfinished work:

i’m actually pre-writing every chapter until i finish it, that way, i’m not procrastinating and never finish it. guys i promise this will be my first series i ever finish 🏃‍♀️ can’t believe jaemin will be the first member to my finished fics/smaus 🧎‍♀️

[strrykais]

1-800-hot-n-fun [na jaemin]

when a random number messages you because he found it written on a bathroom stall … (pt .2 exclusive) (pt .3 requested)

nct dream masterlist

[shuafiles]

Hii!! Could you make dream texts where they are jealous that their girlfriend is close to another nct member?

nct dream texts: jealous of another member

CONTENT | no warnings, just fluff/crack :D sry if its bad :(

[ohmygs-blog]

finding out the dreamies texted their ex.

(had a request for some angsty texts & this has been sitting in my drafts for awhile now!!! so i hope you guys like <3 )

[wichu-wrld]

NCT DREAM — them having a crush on you and how they act whenever you are around

from wichu-wrld: finals are done yay! so expect a bunch of posts from this day on :) requests are open!

pairing: fem!reader x nct dream

MARK LEE

he would just say the most random things to you, especially if he really wanted to join the conversation. he tried once but failed (he was embarrassed and sad.) he would stutter and laugh uncontrollably just so he could see you smile. every time he comes home from school, he would immediately regret the things he did for you but gaslights himself that seeing your smile makes him forget all of the embarrassing things.

HUANG RENJUN

suddenly, he's acting cute around you ?!?!?? cuteness comes naturally to renjun, but when he's with you, it's a different side of cuteness. he lets you play with his hair, and he lets you hold his hand; he is enjoying every moment of it. he would take really cute pictures of you and post you on his stories, tagging you, of course.

LEE JENO

he tries to act tough. he has a bad boy aura to him, but that's only when YOU are around. he's nonchalant and just stays quiet for most of the time, and this really intimidated you... i'm talking about you, unable to approach him when you need something from him, you needing his friends to talk to him, but he realized that and he starts talking to you, making you feel like you two are getting close. because of this, you started liking him, too.

LEE HAECHAN

teasing is his way of showing how much he likes you. he likes it when you get annoyed because he's going to make up for it by buying you lunch— which is every day. you already knew he likes you the moment you realized that you're the one getting teased by lee haechan, but you are NOT really sure. whenever you are around, he always finds his way to sit next to you and "accidentally" let your hands touch each other. this man texts their gc after the day... he goes crazy; sending long vms, excessive use of reaction pics whenever his friends sends pics of you and him.

NA JAEMIN

HYPER JAEMIN AROUND YOU! he doesn't let anyone stop him from expressing his feelings for you. he has been crushing on you since 10th grade, you guys are now in college, 2nd year. he tried his best to uncrush you, but every time you appear, he fails lol (this is me). he becomes so hyper, as in full battery jaemin. one time he confessed to you through NGL. you knew it was jaemin bc of the way he types, but you fr thought he was messing with you.

ZHONG CHENLE

as the yap master of the group, chenle doesn't speak that much when you are around. he gets tensed up when you are around. you, knowing that chenle is a talkative boy, are quite surprise how chenle gets quiet, and you think he has always been like that, until you accidentally eavesdropped during their conversation in the study hall, and only heard chenle's voice.

PARK JISUNG

if he gets shy around you, then imagine how shy he even got when he started having feelings for you. whenever he sees you walk towards him, he starts running away, and this leaves you confused af. his hands become sweaty, and he stutters whenever he's talking to you, so sometimes he just stops talking. but he did think of gathering some balls to actually talk to you.

© wichu-wlrd 2024

[hannie-dul-set]

❥ HOSTILITY — na jaemin.

p — NA JAEMIN x gn! reader. g — suggestive, stageplay! au. w — making out, swearing, reader tells jaem to k himself, reader spits on jaem's face and he does something...questionable. 438 words.

note — this got the most votes in the poll so here's another one where jaemin is an asshole and a weirdo bcs for some reason y'all seem to enjoy it as much as i do 😭 i'm p sure that my vampire jaem fic will be trapped in gdocs hell for long time, so take this as compensation. tagging — @alwayswithjaemin @cerealdreamwriter @tyongff-ff.

“i fucking hate you.”

na jaemin’s lips are hot on yours, a sickening flame that you want to tear yourself away from. “i hope you drop dead.” his shirt wrinkles in your fist and you groan into his mouth. “fuck you, you’re the worst.” a squeak escapes your lips when he pulls on your hair. you’re about to cuss him out but he cuts you off with another kiss.

“i get it—” he huffs, “—you can’t stand me—” teeth gnashing, tongues wet, “—but do the both of us a favor—” hungry, animalistic, “—and look at me like you wanna fuck me instead of wanting to bury me alive unless you wanna repeat this scene over and over again, yeah?”

to the eyes watching from below the stage, it may seem like a passionate moment between the characters you’re both playing, but to you it’s a set designed by hell. you want to strangle him when you wrap your arms around his neck for a breather. you want to twist a knife into his throat instead of leaving a nest butterfly kisses. 

“good,” he whispers, a wet trail from your earlobe to your jaw as he places a heavy hand on your hips straddling his lap. “last one. close your eyes.”

“eat shit.”

you throw yourself off him with a gasp when he bites hard on your bottom lip, teeth scraping against the swollen muscle and you look at him with so much abrasion and repugnance that he only laughs.

“alright, good job! let’s have a water break. be back here in ten!”

you hate na jaemin with every fiber of your being, and you won’t let him off so easily for nearly making you bleed. a nasty sound erupts from your throat. your spit lands on his cheekbone when he ducks down to grab a water bottle, which consequently drops back on the floor with a loud noise. you snicker. he’s looking at you like he wants you dead. you attempt to shove past him but jaemin yanks you back by the wrist with a staggering strength and you warn him with a sneer.

jaemin’s grip tightens around your wrist. you’re sure it’ll leave a bruise. he wipes your spit with your own two fingers and puts them in his mouth. his teeth sink into your skin. your fingers burn against his tongue. “what the fuck is wrong with you?” you exclaim after pulling yourself out of his hold.

“my bad,” he mocks, a smug look on his face. “thought you were aiming for my mouth.”

“fuck you.”

“save it for the play.”

“go kill yourself.”

“after you.”

HOSTILITY. © hannie-dul-set, 2023.

[ryozakidesu]

Yours, Inevitably - l.jn

2/4 diary of the heartbreakers

summary: ➸ ♡ To say that Lee Jeno is pretty would be an understatement. The man's gorgeous. One thing he uses to his advantage, going through college getting girls he spots his eyes on. But there's one he just couldn't get. His brother's bestfriend. You can continue and avoid your feelings for each other, but eventually, it'll happen. You were someone that stayed, a constant in his life. You might not know it, but for the years you've known Lee Jeno, he slowly became yours, inevitably.

"I should've known it was you, because no one else made sense."

GENRE: Angst, Fluff, Humour, Smut

WARNINGS: Minors DNI, Explicit Sexual Content, Language, Slight Alcoholism, Mentions of Drugs/Weed, fuckboy!Jeno, brothersbsf!reader AUTHOR's NOTE: Holy shit, it's done! I was about to pull all my hairs off for this one :// but i can finally say that it's all worth it! I hope y'all are still here. And I really wish y'all would like this story. Enjoy reading!

WC: 18 k (I tried my best)

DISCLAIMER: This story is purely fanfiction. Only the names of the Idols are used, and does not reflect on them in real life. There's no way in any shape of form that they are like this in person, because I MADE IT UP. I don't personally know them. DO NOT STEAL / TRANSLATE / MODIFY. This is my work and I don't appreciate people stealing it. Thank you.

Enjoy reading! -ryo

Lee Jeno is a phenomenon.

Jeno, on the other hand, likes to think he’s just a pretty boy who kinda knows how to dribble.

Maybe he’s not bad in the actual learning part too, maybe he did get an award for the research paper he did on Biochemistry last year. Maybe he won MVP on three consecutive basketball tournaments, making history in his school as the only player to excel in both the sports and academics.

So yeah. He’s a textbook definition of an A-list student that you would totally see in one of the frames along the halls of this very school in about thirty years, with the trophies and accolades he made during his time here.

You wanna hear what’s even more annoying?

He’s hot. And he knows it. Please, he’s so undeniably gorgeous it's starting to hurt.

Unlike his friends, Jeno keeps it on the down-low. Which was surprising because he had every right to be cocky and brag about all of his achievements but he’s the least show-y among his friends.

In Jeno’s defense, he likes to let his performance do all the talking.

Words on the street says he fucks like an incubus, but talks like an angel. He’s proven to be hung, emphasizing the word proven, based on the girls he had walking side to side after he spent a good, long night with them.

But despite all of that, he’s pretty cool and quiet most of the time.

Which is even more attractive. According to a study based on no-actual-facts, girls tend to like the quiet ones more. Especially when they look like a greek god that managed to escape mythology and then learned to be a legend in basketball instead. In simplified terms, girls like Lee Jeno.

Naturally, of course, girls are all over him. That's something really common between the four of his friends, and you're not shocked that Jeno sleeps around-- because he just can. Girls will literally faint in front of him if they could, just to get his attention.

“Don’t make a sound,” he whispered, desperately trying to finish while a girl, known as Jennie, was bent over the counter. His hands covered her mouth, and to be frank, he just want this to be over with.

And of course, in typical fashion, Jennie is also a name most of the students are familiar with. Cheerleading captain, arguably a girl that’s expected to be with him. What makes it so easy, is that this girl is obsessed with Jeno.

Meanwhile Jeno, had no indication of being tied down. He likes hanging out with her sometimes, sure, but the girl’s way too much for him. Jeno likes being lowkey, despite being one of the most famous guy in campus, Jeno preferred to be outside the spotlight.

A couple more thrust, his eyes closed, mind far from the girl bent over in front of him who’s just desperately wanting to pleasure him, Jeno finishes. He murmured a curse, and as soon as the feeling of cumming washes off, guilt starts creeping in his veins as Jennie smiled in satisfaction as she fixes her uniform.

“God, you’re still so fucking good,” Jennie put her hands around Jeno’s neck, biting her lips in hopes to seduce the cold man in front of her.

“Come on, my brother’s gonna be here soon,” Jeno shrugged her hands off, fixing his shirt. He did not even get the chance to take it off, Jennie just went and got what she wanted as soon as she enters the apartment.

Don’t be mistaken tho, Jeno liked having sex, more so with a girl like Jennie. But Jeno’s consciousness can’t help and tell him that he’s stringing along this girl, knowing full well he’s not even one bit interested in pursuing a relationship with her.

Jennie never really cared about what he thinks tho, so that kinds of shaves a bit off of his guilt.

“Call me, okay?” Jennie tried to give him a kiss, but he’s fast enough to dodge it.

Jeno sighed as he walked the girl to the door. And in some wicked timing, his brother opened it, his step stuttering as he saw Jennie, but never minded the fact that the girl is walking side to side. Jisung, his brother, have seen this situation way too much before that it doesn’t shock him anymore.

Another footstep followed behind Jisung, You, not even sparing a glance over him, walking behind his brother. You looked bored, giving absolutely no interest over him or Jennie. He never really got bothered about it before. He’s just wondering when you started ignoring his existence like this.

You were nothing like the girl he witnessed growing up all these years.

The sweet smiles you used to offer him were all gone. The once cute little y/n that he knew were long gone. But what can he do, that’s just how it goes. Right?

People change. And you weren't an exception. But deep inside, Jeno has this unsettling sensation that hunts him at night. This isn’t you. You used to light up the room whenever you walked in. You used to make him believe in butterflies and rainbows and shit, but now, you’re just… there.

Jeno often wonders. But that’s about it. He’s way too much of a pussy to actually read through your chapters that led into this character you have now. So Jeno, the ever so nonchalant, settles in being curious– not concerned in finding answers.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

You were twelve, when you met Jisung.

At first, you’re confused. There’s a new family that moved in next door. It was a common occurrence in your neighborhood, really. In your very-long life experience of twelve years, you’ve seen countless families moving in and out. So you question in your pretty little head why your Mom is way too excited about this next one.

Turns out, the family that will be moving in is your Mom’s best friend. You were twelve, you did not care about your Moms friends like that. Apparently, they’ve been best friends ever since they were five. They just kept in touch all these years.

“I'm Jisung,” the little boy, an inch taller than you, reached out his peculiarly large hands at you.

You felt your Mom nudge you a little bit, so in annoyance, you accepted his hand. “Y/n.”

Both mothers shrieked in excitement, but you were busy trying to examine this boy's hands.

Little did you know, that handshake would lead to years of friendship that you’d forever cherish, no matter how annoying this boy with freakishly large hands is.

“Who’s that?” You ask, still helping Jisung to count all his pokemon cards. You point outside their house, by the courtside next to their pool.

Jisung looks, but rolls his eyes after. “That’s my big brother, Jeno-hyung. He’s obsessed with basketballs.”

Your little twelve year old eyes sparkle, watching the boy shoot hoops around the court.

“Ew, you like boys?!” Jisung, disgusted.

“Your brother isn’t a boy, You’re a boy. He’s a man.” You sigh dreamily in sight of Jeno, making Jisung gag.

“He’s old, like, fourteen. Please, he’s a loser! Playing with balls all day,” Jisung says as he waves his hands in an attempt to distract you from his brother.

“Oh well…” you didn’t let it falter your adoration towards Jeno.

And before you could even watch him longer than you wished, Jisung’s mother called you two in for clubhouse sandwiches, and she made banger sandwiches so you really had to follow up to the kitchen.

You were fourteen, when you realized you had a crush on Jisung’s big brother.

“That’s bullshit, the paranormal movie is full of crap!” Chenle, your new found friend, complains as soon as the movie ends. His high pitched voice woke you up, not even realizing you had slept halfway through the movie.

“Dude, it’s from CCTV footage. It’s definitely true!” Jisung counters, and you just want to go back to sleep again.

The Paranormal Movie was mediocre, and maybe you were just a sceptic, but ghosts just doesn’t do it for you. “Most of these horror films really just depend on jumpscares to be scary.”

“Oh, coming from Miss Little poopy pants over here,”

The room went silence over Jisung’s attempt at a clapback, you and Chenle looking at each other before breaking into a laughing pit.

“Poopy pants? Really?” You say, refusing to believe that Jisung still used that term as an insult.

Jisung, obviously flustered, resorted in grabbing two cushions, one at each hands and started throwing them at the both of you.

“Just get the freaking potato chips downstairs.” Jisung says, specifically to you.

“What? No! I’m not going down there!” You say, as you bury yourself further on Jisung’s bed.

“Because you’re scared?” Chenle, in a mocking tone. You flip him off, to try and cover the fact that you are scared because it’s night time and the lights are off.

“No, ghosts aren’t real. Why can’t Chenle go?” You whine even more.

“He already got the drinks, and this is my house so what I say goes!” Jisung grabbed your wrist and pulled you out of the bed.

And because you like proving your point that ghosts aren’t real, you let out a grunt, stomping your way out of Jisung's room.

Your way down the stairs goes smoothly, the light still being on. But as soon as you turn to the dark kitchen, that’s when it creeps in. Yes, you do not believe in ghosts, but you’d be fooling yourself if you say that being alone in the large empty kitchen didn’t scare you.

“Oh, god.” You whisper to yourself, as you desperately find the chips cabinet. Rummaging through as quiet as possible, but also trying to find it as soon as possible.

But when a noise from the table interrupts the creepy silence, you can’t help but yelp out a scream.

“Oh my gosh!”

You turn your head towards the table, just to find a cute little cat that had lost its way through the big surface.

“Thank God it was just a little cat,” you say in relief, but as soon as you try and step closer to it, a name being called from the stairs can be heard.

“Bongsik-ah!”

So it has a name. Bongsik.

A figure walks down the stairs, obviously, being Jeno.

You immediately fold into yourself, biting your lip as soon as he enters the kitchen.

“What are you doing down here?” He says as he carries the cat off the table and on his chest. It took a couple of seconds for him to look at you, and he smiles.

“Y/n-ie. Do you need something from the kitchen?” His soft voice snaps you from the trance, as he helps you with the chips you were trying to get from the upper cabinet. His body was so close to you as he did so, that you swear you can feel his heart beating.

“Y-yeah.. Just those chips. Thanks.” Your entire demeanor changes when it comes to him.

“Here you go,” He says softly, you wonder if he intentionally talks to you like that, or it’s just how he talks. A little bit inside you likes to believe you’re special and that he does this only to you.

“Thanks, uh– new cat?” You say in the most casual tone you could ever produce.

“Yep, a rescue. Mom brought it home the other day. Jisung freaked,” He chuckles as he looks at the cat, snuggling in his chest.

You awe in sight, wanting to pet the cat but you hesitated at first.

“You can pet it,” Jeno moves his body to yours, to allow you to pet Bongsik. You did so, and when the cat purrs at your touch, you gasp in awe.

“Hi Bongsik,” you say in a whisper, intended for the cat only. But you can feel Jeno smile at you.

“You can visit her everyday, not that you’re not here everyday, but she’s gonna be here starting now..”

“She’s adorable,” you say, still petting the cat in his arms.

“I love cats, any pet really. But cats just really bring out the inner softness in me, y’know?” Him being this close to you feels weird and intimate, but it's not like you hate it. Your heart is practically doing jumping-jacks right now.

You use him focusing on Bongsik as an excuse to look at him, even just a glance.

You get a closer look on his face, the mole he has under his left eye, the thin lips and his perfect nose. In the two seconds you allow yourself to take a peek, you convince yourself that you had his features memorized now.

You can just feel that it’s just gonna live with you forever.

Because as he takes Bongsik away and starts walking back up the stairs, you make a big-girl realization that you do have a crush on Lee Jeno.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Jeno was woken up by the sound of his phone ringing. It was his brother, Jisung, calling in the middle of the night asking for his keys.

“What do you need my car for?” Jeno, frustrated as he grabs his keys from the night stand.

“My car broke down and Y/N really needs to get home.” Jisung on the other line also sounded like he just woke up. Jeno curses under his breath.

This wasn’t the first time he heard his brother in trouble with you being the main source of chaos. It’s always the same thing. Either you’re black-out drunk, or one of your boyfriends has dumped you on the side of the street.

Over the years, you had changed so drastically it almost gave him a whiplash. You used to be so careful and so paranoid about drinking, waiting until you turn 18 to get a sip of alcohol. And when you did, it’s like you never stopped.

So despite Jeno’s interrupted slumber, he gets up and leaves his shared apartment with his friends, just to wait outside his building for his brother. And surely, just like every other time this has happened before, he finds Jisung standing there in the cold.

“I need my car tomorrow, in pristine condition. One scratch and you’re done,” Jeno, tossing the car keys to his brother.

Jisung didn’t bother to answer, depicting the reality of brotherhood. But before Jisung could leave, Jeno turns to him.

“What happened this time?”

“She’s really–”

“Drunk?” Jeno finishes his sentence, as if he had seen this before. Jisung sighs in agreement.

“--yeah, and Chenle’s drunk too so he can’t drive her back to the apartment.”

“What happened to her? She isn’t really like this, at all.” Jeno dared to indulge in one of his curiosities.

“I’ve been asking the same question, hyung.” Jisung ends the conversation without really answering Jeno’s question, which frustrated him more.

Because of course, nobody really knows what happened. It’s a question he needs to ask you, directly. Only if you didn’t spend the last few years avoiding being on the same vicinity as him, then maybe he could actually talk to you.

“Three seconds left on the clock, Lee, for the three.. He shoots… and bang! Lee Jeno has done it again!”

Jeno thinks it’s getting way too easy for him. Winning at this point just felt like a routine for him. The new normal, it’s just how it goes around him now. Everytime the other team makes a mistake of letting him have the ball, the game ends with Jeno taking home the win.

Honestly, it’s getting pretty boring and predictable.

“That’s my fuckin’ man!” Yangyang, one of his teammates, excitedly hugs Jeno as he entered yet again another victory party for his team. It’s his second one this semester.

“Okay, dude, chill.” Jeno pushes the very drunk Yangyang away, afraid of getting thrown up on.

As he sinks his feet deeper into the party, he starts getting loose. The alcohol hitting the tense spot in his body, reminding him that fuck it, he’s the man of the evening. This party is for him. So why not have fun, right?

The music starts to sound less chaotic and more tolerable, and the people start to get blurry. Weed and alcohol really does the trick, Jeno thinks.

“Jeno, the man of the hour! That game was lit!” Jeno’s not sure who’s this man, but nevertheless, he still smiled at him and let him dap him up. He blabbers more and more about Jeno’s career path in professional basketball but just like always, Jeno just dismiss it.

It’s too early to plan for the future. He’s enjoying what he has now and content on just thinking about what happens today.Tomorrow is tomorrow’s problem, and he can’t be bothered to be bothered about what his future brings.

Some people likes to think they know what’s best for Jeno, and sometimes it does make sense, Jeno getting to the professional basketball league, in tune to what he does best now. But fuck that. Jeno doesn’t want to be in a box full of other people’s expectation of him.

“Jaemin’s not here?” Jeno finds relief to hear Renjun’s voice, one of his very few trusted people. In some way, knowing Renjun was here by his side, it made him feel that he’s okay.

“Yeah.. he’s still locking himself out.” Jeno answers.

Jaemin was his best friend first, and he knows Jaemin well. And for the first time, he knows Jaemin really do need time for himself. This isn’t something Jeno could fix, he knows when to step away. So he lets Jaemin be.

“Haechan?”

Jeno saw Haechan earlier but he’s not sure where he is now. That’s just how he is. He’s probably in one of the rooms upstairs, on his way to ‘pound town’ in Haechan’s terms.

In typical Jeno fashion, he tolerates some annoying congratulations for a bit, give fake smiles and forced handshakes before finding his way to escape the crowd. Although it’s difficult because again, this party is thrown for him and his team, he still finds a way.

And that way has a name. Yunjin.

“Ah, Jeno,”

At the back of the party, there's a huge backyard, large enough that if he’s with this girl fucking around at the very end of it, he’s sure no one will notice. His hands roam freely against the girl, letting her know his full intention. Not like she has no clue, the hands up her skirt gave her enough hints.

“Hmm,” Jeno hums, just to satisfy the girl’s pleas.

But before it gets further, a rustle of the grass made him stop his tracks.

Someone’s here.

“Wh–what happened,” Yunjin was confused as to why he suddenly stopped.

Jeno furrows his brows, and tries to look at whoever was on the back of the big oak tree.

“Sorry! Sorry– fuck, carry on, please!”

The familiar pitch of voice made Jeno move away from Yunjin. He knows who it is behind the tree. And he suddenly has no interest in going home with Yunjin.

You stumbled out of your hiding with a bottle of alcohol on your right hand, your left trying to pathetically cover your eyes as you tried to walk.

Jeno hates it. He fucking hates how drunk you are right now.

“Oh shit, Jeno!” You peek at the gap in your fingers that was covering your eyes, to see him looking at you with a mix of emotion you can’t make out. He’s not angry, but he’s definitely not amused.

“I–,” you burped, “I’m not here..” you followed with a laugh, finding all these hilarious.

“Don’t mind me!” you laugh again.

Jeno murmured a curse. “Yejin, I’m sorry but I need to go,” he says in finality, not even waiting for the girl to answer as he walks straight in your direction.

“It’s Yunjin! Ugh!” The last words he hears from the girl before she stomps away.

He shakes his head as tried grabbing your arm, to help you at least find a stable balance. He grabs the alcohol out of your grasp harshly.

“Hey, what the fuck!” You whined. You tried to chase the bottle, but with his hold on your arms, you failed to do so.

“Y/n, please, fucking stay still. You’re very drunk!” He says in a strict but stable voice, not wanting to rile you up even more.

“Give me it,” You whined again, much softer this time, and with no attempt at grabbing the bottle.

He looks at your struggling figure, eyes almost closing as you stumble against his hold.

“Ah, fuck it,” he curse one more time before propping you off your feet, carrying you in a bridal style.

“Hey, get me– Oh my gosh! Help!” You yell, but followed with a giggle, which made the people around you think that the situation is not something to be worried about. And they know you and Jeno, so him carrying you just makes sense.

He hates this version of you. He hates how this character you have is so far from what he knew you from. He hates that you find comfort in drinking, partying and sleeping with other men. He hates that whatever happened, it completely changed you. He hates that he cares.

“What the fuck are you staring at?” Jeno can’t help but to lash out at some people who gives him and you a judgemental look. He despises people who judge you.

He finds an empty room upstairs, and he puts you down gently. You dress is up to your waist now, so Jeno pulled it down. He opened his phone to text his brother to let him know you’re with him. He knows Jisung will be worried at your whereabouts. He also texted Chenle, to make sure that they know you’re safe.

He grabs a clean washcloth out the bathroom, and soaks it with cold water.

“I’m not… I am drunk.” You say, swaying your head left to right as you lay in the bed, trying to grab at whatever’s the softest around you.

He sat a foot away from you, but still reached his hands to your face to gently caress you with the soaked towel. This might help sober you up.

Speaking of being sober, Jeno entirely forgets that he’s also intoxicated. For some reason, he sobered up. Seeing you in this state made him think that he needed to straighten up and get you out of here.

“What the fuck are you doing to yourself, y/n..” he says under his breath, as he gently brushes the towel on your face. Seeing you deep in sleep now, he sighed.

You used to be so bubbly. You were sweet as honey, as bright as the sun. He still remembers how your eyes lit up every time you would talk to him. As he looks at you right now, it’s still the same features, the soft ones he grew to know, but he knows that once you wake up, you’d be a stranger again.

He sighed in defeat, and stood up. He was about to get water for you, before the door opened.

“Jeno,” It revealed Qian Kun, a man he heard is your boyfriend. Not sure about the boyfriend part, but he’s sure that he hangs out with you a lot these days.

Kun was his senior, basically the smartest man on this campus. Famous for his 5.0 GPA, this Kun guy really is a genius. He used to get notes from him, back when he was writing for his research paper. He had no idea how you two met, but it’s really not his business.

“She was in the backyard, drunk as fuck.” Jeno says, looking at your peaceful figure.

“Alright. I’ll take it from here,” Kun says, walking past him, around the bed to get to your side.

He can hear Kun murmur a pet name as he caresses your hair. Jeno felt the need to roll his eyes.

“Next time, keep an eye on her. If you can’t handle her, maybe you shouldn’t be with her at all.” Jeno didn’t care if he sounded harsh. He needs to let Kun know that you need to be taken care of properly.

“You don’t know her, Lee. So I suggest, keep your mouth shut and mind your own business.” Kun snapped back, standing up to look back at Jeno.

“Oh, I knew her long before you did. But I agree, she’s your business. I just hate to fucking deal with it because you can’t fucking seem to do it yourself.” With that, Jeno walks out the room.

And even if Jeno sounded secure, he can’t lie and say that leaving you with another man didn’t affect him, even just one bit.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Looks from other people don't budge you at all.

They can stare at you, even whisper some bullshit about you, you really don’t give a shit. There’s nothing they can say that you’ve not said to yourself.

“You really should take it slow with the alcohol, y/n.” The first thing Jisung said as you sat down beside him. You rolled your eyes, and looked at him.

“Not you too,” You say rather exhaustedly.

“Especially me too. I’m your bestfriend and I’m just worried.” Jisung wasn’t the type to give out unsolicited advice, a serious one at that, therefore you sighed.

“It’s college, Jisung. We’re supposed to have fun.”

“Not to a point where other people have to take care of you.” That came out rather harsher than what Jisung had intended, but you really need it. You know it too. You just refuse to believe it.

“You don’t have to take care of me.”

“If not me, then who? You’ve been passed out drunk for the third time this week, y/n. I don’t know what definition of fun you have, but I think it’s not this.” Jisung was scarily serious now. You blink to try and process the seriousness of the situation.

You gulp, realizing that Jisung isn’t in the mood for your snarky comments right now. “Alright, damn. I’ll take it down a notch..” you say and look away from him.

You can’t blame Jisung for acting like this. You know that you’re spiraling down, you just refuse to accept it. In your head, this is just how college life goes. You get drunk, have sex and maybe a little bit of homework here and there. In your head, this is how it should be.

In a fucked up world, it is. But your world is already fucked up. So in a way, it just makes sense. To you.

“You have to get better,” Kun’s words rang in your head.

“This is the best I can, Kun. Chemistry isn’t really my thing,” you turn your homework down at Kun’s table. You were here after class, hoping to get help from Kun.

Despite popular belief, Kun isn’t your boyfriend. You’re too fucked up to commit into a relationship, no matter how good Kun is. Matter of fact, Kun is just the perfect man for that role. You can see yourself going straight with him, like your life might just take a turn for the better.

However, no matter how evil you see yourself as, you’re not that evil to give Kun the burden to have you as a girlfriend. You can’t do that to him.

And you did clarify that to him before sleeping with him. That whatever you have, just had to stay that way. He can’t expect something more. Surprisingly, he agreed. Qian Kun, the guy that has so much credentials because of his undeniable intelligence, the guy who rejected Harvard and Stanford, agreed to have a stupid set-up with a girl that’s one step away from actually losing it. Why?

You have absolutely no idea.

“I’m not talking about your homework, my love.” He says, sighing. You know that sigh very well.

You look at him, your eyes stoic as they can be. “We’re not having this conversation.”

Kun closed his eyes as he let out a deep breath. “You need to have this conversation. Lee Jeno had to carry you upstairs, in front of everyone last night. You were so drunk that you threw up all over yourself and you think that’s okay?”

Oh, so that’s what happened. He had to rescue you. Out of all people, of course it had to be him.

“Look, Kun, I didn’t come here to be judged. I was stupid for drinking that much, I know. But it’s not gonna happen again.” You say matter-of-factly. This is the second time this day that you had to promise to someone that you’ll be drinking responsibly. You feel like everyone is ganging up on you.

“Okay, sweetheart. Okay, calm down.” You didn’t know you were standing up until Kun pulled you from your wrist to sit back down.

Kun smiled at you and kissed your forehead, before sliding your homework back in front of you again and clicking his pen. “Let me see your answers…”

You’re glad he decided to drop the topic, but before you could even say thank you, an aggressive knock on Kun’s office got both of you to look up.

“Y/N! I know you’re in there! Qian, open your fucking door!”

You widen your eyes. “Fuck, it’s Yeonjun!” you say, standing up and grabbing your purse.

Kun looks at you, before looking back at the door. You can tell he had a very concerned face, but as soon as another man’s name fell out of your lips, he knew right away what situation you’re in. He pinched the bridge of his nose due to stress, and stood up.

“What is it this time?” He asks, not that he needed to.

“He’s just… Ugh, I told him we were over!” You say, feeling bad that this situation is happening in front of Kun. The knocks are turning more aggressive.

“Y/N, you slut!” Another loud bang from the door.

“I’ll deal with him.” Kun says. You immediately shake your head in disagreement.

“No! I’ll go. You don’t need to–”

“I’m not letting that man harass you, y/n—”

“No, Kun. I’m not letting you deal with my problems anymore.” Before Kun could even say anything, you opened up the door to see a very angry Yeonjun.

Kun rushed to your side, but you didn’t let him get in contact with Yeonjun and slammed the door shut.

“You’re gonna ghost me and you think that’s funny?” Yeonjun seemed to calm down, seeing you in front of him.

There’s quite a crowd that’s forming in the hallway, some have their phones out, some whispering whilst looking at you two. Not that you care.

“Let’s talk outside—”

“Yes, you’re coming with me after I punch that–” Before Yeonjun could even finish saying it, you looked him straight in the eyes, pointing at him.

“You’re not touching Kun,” you say, full of conviction. If there’s anything you could do for Kun, its that you will protect him from getting tangled with your mess.

You pulled his wrist to get him out of the building.

At the end of the day, there’s one thing that could shut these kinds of men up. It’s getting real easy, one thing you do for them and they’ll behave like a dog. It’s getting laughable, really.

So you shut them up. By doing what you do best.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

You were sixteen, when you got your heart broken for the first time.

“Stop looking at my brother, you weirdo.” Jisung threw a pillow towards your position on the couch.

The soft object hit you right in the noggin, earning a grunt as you pulled your eyes off of him.

“Bitch. It’s not my fault he’s getting hotter by the day. Damn,”

You were busy staring out the pool area, where Jeno and his friends are hanging out. You were at Jisung’s place, spending your summer in the most boring ways.

Good thing Jeno’s gorgeous self is here, entertaining you. He’s so pretty, you could just eat him up.

“No he’s not. He’s a nerd!” Jisung fights back, earning a smirk from you.

“Says the one who's summer plans are to play league of legends until he becomes a ‘Challenger’ .” You retort, cranking your neck back to where Jeno was.

You recognize his friends, of course. They’re starting to gain popularity in the school, especially when Jeno got on the basketball team.He’s been working out a lot, gaining extra muscles, toning his body to get even hotter. If that’s even possible.

“Eugh, Jisung, y/n’s drooling over Jeno-hyung again.” Chenle enters the conversation, with a soda in his hand and plops himself on the couch.

“I am not drooling!”

“I got something you can drool on.” Chenle’s awful snark earns a hefty punch on his shoulder from you, the boy laughing in a high-pitch tone that makes it even more annoying than it is.

“Anyways, I think he likes me too.” You sigh dreamily, remembering the things Jeno does to you specifically.

He always carries your bags for you. He’s always the first person to welcome you into their house, and the first person to ask if you’ve had breakfast yet. He offers you rides to school when he sees you walking, and he always asks how your day has been. He’s so charming, so nice and you just can’t help but give at least a little bit of malice into it.

I mean, there has to be something, right?

“Oh she’s crazy. She’s fucking insane!” Chenle dramatically gasps, and points at you like you’ve committed a crime.

“That is seriously concerning, y/n. The level of delusion– my god.” Jisung joins in, as he pauses his game to look back and judge you.

“You two are just haters. Get off my ass!” You flip them off, with two hands, each one gets a middle finger from you.

“Look, y/n, we’re just sparing you from getting your little heart broken. Jeno-hyung does not like you.” Chenle’s tone becomes more serious this time, but in your head, he’s wrong. If Jeno didn’t like you, then why would he get out his way just to walk you home whenever you leave their house way too late?

“Seriously. You guys, I really think he’s the one for me. I mean, I can’t really think of any other reason as to why he’s so kind to me, y’know?”

Jisung looked at Chenle as if he really cannot believe what he’s hearing from you. Chenle shakes his head left to right, disappointment spread all over his face.

A set of laughter broke your conversation as you three faced out the pool side, to see Jeno and his friends now actually playing in the pool. Jeno then went on the edge, the ones in front of the back door where you were looking from, and pulled himself out of the water.

The trinkets of water dripping in his hair was one thing, but his wet body being revealed in front of you, the perfect curve of his shoulders down to his small waist, and the veins in his arms definitely woke something up in you.

“Yeah… I’ll confess to him tonight.” your voice almost sounded strange, like you were in a hypnotic state, still mesmerized by Jeno.

“Jesus christ, y/n–” before Jisung finishes, Chenle interrupts.

“Dude, let her. This is her canon event.”

You had no idea what that means, and you’re not interested to know. One thing’s in your mind, Jeno will be yours by midnight.

9:56pm

It’s like the heavens planned it all out for you.

Jeno’s friends all left, as to your surprise, because you thought they’d at least spend the night. Jeno had always offered to let his friends stay, but this time, he asked them to leave before 6. Which is odd, yes, but this all favors you in a way.

Chenle and Jisung still visibly opposed to your idea, and you’re sure they had reason to think its not gonna work out, but it’s not like it matters to you.

Whilst the three of you are in Jisung’s room, you can hear the TV on the lounge area. Their parents are out of town this summer, something about a cruise, so that means, it has to be Jeno.

In your mind, it’s the perfect timing. It’s deep in the evening, the moon’s out, and there’s never been an opportunity where you’re brave enough to actually confess.

Your heartbeat notches another tempo, as you leave Jisung’s room, much to the two’s dismay.

Before you could get to the lounge area, you’d have to pass the kitchen first.

A couple more steps, your feet turning cold, but you still managed. But before you can get a glimpse on the couch, your name was called.

“Y/n?” It’s him. Fuck, it’s him!

Okay, so he’s in the kitchen. That’s fine. Take a deep breath, You just gotta talk to him!

“Jeno,”

You took a step closer to where he was, and he’s looking extra delectable with his white shirt and grey sweatpants. Not that there’s been a moment where he didn’t look good.

“Are you going home? Ask Jisung to walk you home, I kinda—“

“Jeno, I want to talk to you, actually.” Now your voice trembles, and you’re starting to feel nervous.

“Oh, okay. Sure, what’s up?” Jeno looks to be still oblivious to your anxious state. He puts down the wine that he was holding, and turned to you completely.

You gulped, finally looking up to his eyes. He had a shadow of smile on them, but was still curious on what you had to say. You're mere two feet away from him, yet his musky scent still invades your nose.

God, all of that can be yours.

“But you’d have to say it fast because I have—”

“I like you. Very much.”

The deafening silence engulfs you, and only the sound of your heartbeat was prominent. Him, on the other hand, eyes wide, mouth ajar.

“—and I know this is so sudden but I’ve liked you ever since we were kids. I’ve always thought you were cute and nice to me!” You tried to fill in the silence, because every second that passed with him not saying anything kills you.

Another second passed, and your nervousness is long gone, because it was replaced by an impending doom.

“Y/n, look, I really appreciate it but… I-I’m just being nice.. I have to be nice. You’re my brother’s best friend—”

Fuck, shit, fuck! This cannot be happening!

“Oh, my, god!”

A high pitched voice behind you tores the tension in the air, and when you looked back, you saw Eunmi, with an amused look in her face, then covering her mouth with her hands.

She let out a laugh, as if he finds all of this ridiculous.

All of a sudden, you can’t breathe. Your heart was about to explode as you looked back at where Jeno was, seeing two wine glasses behind him. The movie in the background, still playing.

And it all just stops.

“That’s so cute!” Eunmi screeched, before walking towards Jeno and snaking her arms around him.

“Babe, I was wondering why it’s taking so long, you didn’t tell me this girl is pouring her heart out to you! Awe,”

You can feel your eyes warming up. You had so much left to say. But your voice can’t be found. The heart ache was too loud for you to even utter a word.

And in the end, all you could say was, “I’ll.. go home.”

Then you were gone, every step with every tear drop, and although you expected it to hurt, it still surprises you how painful it was.

You’re glad he didn’t run after you. You can’t be more pathetic than this, but it would kill you for him to witness your vulnerability.

Jeno was your first love.

And then Jeno became your first heartbreak.

With all the smiles he brought you, you never thought he could cause you so many tears.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Is it wrong to be this young and this tired?

You look at yourself in the mirror, analyzing every inch of your body. On the contrary, you don’t hate what you see. You’ve worked so hard to attain the body that you have now, and you’re satisfied where you’re at.

But there’s an empty feeling in your stomach that never left, and you can’t seem to figure out what it is. It’s always been there.

“Get back to bed,” You hear a disgruntled sound from the bed, and immediately your smile fades. You’re pulled back to reality, one that you hated to be in.

“I’m going home,” you say, before grabbing your clothes and putting them back on.

You don’t know why you do this, but you wait before walking out the door, for a sliver of a second to see if the man on the bed even attempts to ask you to stay. And just what you expected, he didn’t.

Sometimes you wish you’re worthy of being asked to stay, but who were you kidding.

There’s a deep routed scar that you’ve been trying so hard to cover. You like to think that the antidote that you have for it works, but the way you’ve been stuck in the same situation all over again says otherwise.

You thought you were healing, but the truth is, you just stopped feeling.

All your life is ahead of you, they say. But yours feels far behind.

You don’t really know where you went wrong, you thought if you became pretty, everybody would like you. You thought that if you agreed to sleep with them, they’d appreciate you. You thought that if you change your entire personality, they would start to see you.

Where did you go wrong? You dyed your hair blonde, you worked your body to achieve the hourglass figure and you even went ahead and let every man that looks your way to have you. Isn’t that enough?

See, this is why you hate being sober. You hate being alone with your thoughts, because it drowns you. You start thinking of things that overwhelms you to the point of tears, and you hate crying. You’ve already done too much of that before.

So why does everybody hate you for drinking? If that’s the only escape you know? It isn’t fair.

“I’m losing my mind,” you say, biting your nails and jerking your knees in frustration.

“Jesus, you’re like a crack addict without crack for a day.” Chenle says as he looks at you.

“She hasn’t had alcohol in a week,” Jisung says as if he’s proud, smiling at you.

You roll your eyes. You’ve been trying to stray off alcohol ever since Jisung and Kun asked you to. You ought to at least try, because you owe them that. On the latter part, if it didn’t work, and you spiral out, you can at least say that you tried.

“Ah, fuck it.” You say, but before Jisung freaks, you clarify, “I’m just gonna smoke for a bit, grandpa.” You say and dashed out of his dorm, down to the parking lot.

It’s winter, and the snow has already covered the streets. The cold was always your favorite season, it gives you reason to just stay inside and cuddle up in your cozy room.

You open up a new packet of cigarettes as you stand outside basking in winter air. It’s especially windy today, you thought.

The heat of the smoke traveling through your lungs was refreshing. It rivals the coldness of the wind, creating a balance that hits you just right. A perfect combination of sensation to combat the numbness in you.

Before the light hits the filter of the cigarette, you hear a screeching sound to your left.

It was a car, no, it was his car.

You mentally curse, throwing the unfinished stick to your feet and stomping on it. You frantically try to walk back up the building, but as you hear the car door slamming, you take a deep breath.

“Smoking’s really bad for you,” Jeno says, walking towards your direction.

“You basically run off of weed and gatorade, Jeno.”

Although you did try your best to keep walking, Jeno catched up in a couple of steps. You stood together waiting for the elevator.

“Is Chenle upstairs, too?” He starts.

“Yeah. Congrats on the game, Jeno. Sorry I had to ruin your night,” you followed it with a slight laugh, hoping to lighten the mood.

“Nah, it’s fine. Didn’t wanna stay in that party anyways,”

The elevator finally dings open, you hesitate to move at first, but when Jeno enters the lift and looks at you, you take this as a sign to walk in with him. So walk in you did.

“Kun took care of you, right?” He asks. You badly wanted to look at him, but you chose not to.

“Yeah.. he’s a great guy.” You silently say, not feeling good about the conversation.

“Hm,” he paused. The suspicious tone made you look at him, anticipating what comes out of his mouth next.

“I saw you walking out of Yeojun's dorm last night tho.” He says as if it was nothing, as if it was a little detail he had to tell you. But the underlying idea behind his statement was obvious.

You hitched your breath. No, y/n. Fight back.

“What can I say, I’m booked and busy.”

“You’re— that’s not something to be proud of, y/n.” He states as if he’s running out of patience, now looking back at you.

You smirked wider, “Oh don’t be a hypocrite, Jeno. You do the same damn thing,”

He grunts in frustration. “Yes but you’re different, y/n!”

8… 9….

“Different in what way? Because I’m a woman? And this isn’t what women do? Don’t give me that bullshit,”

“Fuck that, you know that’s not what I meant. I’m just protecting you from what people think about you.”

10… 11… 12…

“Jeno, I want you to listen to me carefully.” You took another step closer to him, looking up to level your face with his. “—whatever you heard about me, I want you to times it by a million, and when you think it’s bad, make it worse.” You whispered.

You tilt your head to hover your lips on his ear, “And guess what, who knows, maybe they’re telling the truth.”

And as soon as the elevator hits the 15th floor, you walk out without looking back.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

You were a lost cause.

Jeno thought he just needed to accept the fact that you’re just never gonna be the same.

He doesn’t know why it bothered him so much, the fact that you’re not letting anyone help you. It never bothered him before, and so, it shouldn’t bother him now.

It’s not his fault that you turned out to be this way. It’s not his fault.

So he distracts himself. Both in ways of basketball and women.

He tried to go back to his old ways, back to where he’s safe. He was doing fine, before you plagued his system. Plus, it’s not like he didn’t try, he damn did try.

Maybe this version of you is the real you. Maybe this is what’s meant to be.

“Holy fuck,” Haechan eyes the woman who walks out of Jeno’s room, obviously checking her out. Jeno just rolled his eyes and spread his arms around the back of the couch. Dragging a long hit of the weed he seemed to never get run out of.

“That’s the third girl this week, Jeno. Are you trying to break my record?” Haechan scoffed, as if proud of his friend.

“I’m not trying to break anything, but if you want, I’d gladly break your nose.”

Haechan put both his hands up, taking a step back because out of all of them, Jeno’s the one who could really do it. And he’s not trying to risk his beautiful face.

“Dude, this is bad.” Renjun was the second one to comment, following Haechan. He looked at Jeno’s state, and he can tell something’s not right. There’s something bothering Jeno, and Renjun can’t exactly tell what.

He had an idea, but he’s sure as hell won’t tell it to Jeno’s face.

“What? I have two weeks before the game. I need to relax.” Jeno says, ignoring the concern in Renjun’s face.

“And this is relaxing to you?” Renjun grabs an empty bottle of beer, one of the many that’s scattered all over the place.

Jeno didn’t answer, letting a sigh out of his lips and closing his eyes. He can’t think straight right now, or in the past week. He had been sleeping with different girls, to the point where he ran out of bed sheets to use. His room stinks of sweat and axe body spray, and he can’t seem to be satisfied, at all.

“I don’t know, Junnie. Just… leave me alone.” At this moment, Renjun can’t help but sigh. It's these kinds of moments where he knows that Jeno needs someone. Where the one month gap in their age really shines and Jeno needs his older brother, Renjun.

He puts down the plastic bag of trash and sat beside Jeno. “Look, Jeno. I’m not gonna sit here and ask you what this is about, but this is starting to look really sad. Jaemin is already down, and I don’t need you broken too. I can’t handle Haechan by myself,” Renjun, in an attempt to lighten up the mood.

“Junnie, just let me be, okay? I swear.. this will pass.”

“I sure hope it would. Because you can’t fix someone if you’re broken yourself. That’s just plain dumb.”

He grunts, and cursed deeply because he know’s Renjun’s right. But how can he, when it feels like he’s stuck? When has everything, but he feels like he’s got nothing? He has a great future ahead of him, he knows that, but why does it feel like something’s missing?

Girls, money, fame. What more could he want?

In a split second, Jeno regrets asking himself that question. Because he feel like he knows the answer, but he really doesn’t like it.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

“Lee Jeno, what the fuck was that?!”

Yangyang pushed Jeno, but instead of fighting back, Jeno just shook his head. He raked his fingers across his hair as he sat at the bleachers.

Thank fuck this isn’t the actual university game. Because if it was, they’d for sure lose the first quarter and Jeno will have his first ever loss written on his otherwise squeaky clean reputation.

“Don’t fucking yell at my face.” Jeno’s voice thundered.

“Five hundred dollars are at stake, and Minho would not let us live if you lose against him, Jeno.” Yangyang’s voice was a lot more controlled, but still angry, nonetheless.

“Man, I don’t really care.” Jeno let out an unenthusiastic chuckle, drinking out of his tumbler.

“What?” Yangyang feels like he’s mistaken. Lee Jeno doesn’t care if he loses? In a basketball game, that is? Oh he truly thinks the world has turned upside down.

Before he could even ask his friend again, Minho starts shouting from the other side of the court.

“What, Lee Jeno? The magic doesn’t work now, doesn’t it?” Minho yells, earning a laugh from his teammates.

“Fuck you! Games not over, bitch!” Yangyang yells back, full of confidence but looked back at Jeno, worry splattered in his face.

“Dude, I swear, we need to put that son of a bitch back in his place!” Yangyang angrily whispers.

“I’m gonna sit this one out, Yang–”

“How about we bet on that y/n girl?! Your brother’s friend, right? Heard she spreads it open to just about anyone who looks at her funny!”

Without even thinking, Jeno’s fast on his feet, and his vision turns red. His fist curled up and his logical thinking was out of the window. His vision is straight at Minho, and his only thought is to knock this bitch out.

Yangyang couldn’t even process anything, as he watches Jeno’s eyes darkens and before any of his teammates could even try and stop Jeno, his fist already connects with Minho’s face. The boy fell down, immediately knocked out, and chaos between both teams ensues. But Jeno didn’t stop.

He’s not letting Minho get up.

“Jeno, slow the fuck down.” He heard a concerned voice at the corner of the nearby club he went to. His feet dragged him here after the incident, wanting to drown himself with anything that could take away his mind from everything.

One shot, two shots, three shots, four.

“I’m paying you, Doyoung, aren’t I?” Jeno says, rolling his eyes at the older man in front of him.

Doyoung was another person Jeno trusts. Besides the three idiots back in his apartment, Doyoung is also the one Jeno’s comfortable with.

“Yes, but I don’t want to report an alcohol poisoning inside my bar, Jeno.” Doyoung can tell Jeno’s done for the night. Slumped over his counter, he forces the shot glass out of Jeno’s hold.

He signals one of his co-bartenders to take over the bar for a bit, before dragging Jeno’s body out of the bar. He notices the bruising at the boy’s hand but he didn’t say anything and drove Jeno home.

“I don’t want to go back to my apartment, Haechan’s there with a girl,” Jeno mumbled, slowly getting more and more sober as the fresh air wakes him up.

“Where’d you want me to bring you then?” Doyoung asked.

“I don’t know… fuck.. just, bring me back to my brother’s.”

Thankfully, Doyoung knew Jisung’s apartment. He’s close with both of the brothers, often being mistaken as a brother as well. But after graduating, he just naturally went off and did other things.

Doyoung huffs as soon as he successfully brought Jeno in front of Jisung’s apartment, however, another problem was that Jisung isn’t answering the phone.

“Jeno, I really can’t stay here with you, I just sneaked out of my shift,” he explains, but Jeno just dismissed him and nods. Doyoung knocks at the door before he left, making sure that if there was a person inside, they’d open the door for Jeno.

Jeno wasn’t as drunk as earlier, that’s for sure. What’s left is the pounding headache plus the fact that no one’s opening the door for him.

Out of sheer frustration, he kicks the door, strong enough to make a banging sound but not hard enough to damage it.

“Fucking Jisung,” he murmured to himself, almost turning his heels to walk out, but before he could, rattling on the other side of the door can be heard.

Jeno sighs in relief, but seconds after it opened, what greets him almost knocks the breath out of his lungs.

“Shit, Jeno.” Your soft voice matched your soft expression as you look at him with obvious shock.

Jeno, on the other hand, didn’t want to extend the painful awkward silence.

“I-Is my brother there?” Stuttering was never Jeno’s thing. Until this moment, he thinks.

“He’s… he’s like, I think at a girls place somewhere… fuck, I think her name’s Jieun or some shit..” Your eyes take turns in blinking, but still standing straight— conflicting the idea that you’re drunk. Well, at least not y/n drunk.

“Then why are you here?” He didn’t know why, but his hands automatically grabs the door knob to swing the door more open to see if you’re inside with somebody.

He just needs to know you’re alone.

“I crash here sometimes… when I’m locked out of my apartment.” You shoulders where slumped, words were coming out slow. Jeno can tell you’re not sober.

He can’t say shit because he’s not in an exactly sober state as well. So he just proceeds to walk past you to enter the dorm.

Technically, Jisung’s place is his place too. Their parents fixed it up for the two of them but Jeno chose to stay over at his shared apartment with the other boys. So he can do whatever he wants to do.

The entire place reeks of weed, and the floor has two empty bottles of Soju. He almost threw up, he hates Soju.

“Jesus fucking christ, Jisung.” He murmured as he picks up the trash, forgetting that you were standing behind him baffled.

“I’m sorry about that…” Of course it’s yours. Of course you’ve been drinking again. Fuck him for thinking that it’s his brother’s fault. Because it’s would always be you.

Jeno stays quiet. He’s not in the best mood to even look at you. Everything that’s been happening to him recently is because of you. He hates that he blames you, but he can’t just think of someone else.

“Jeno...” Your soft voice calls for him again. It took everything from him to ignore you, and walk back to the kitchen and throw all the trash away.

He’s hanging by a thread, and he starts to realize it’s a bad idea to stay here for long.

He takes a deep breath and walks towards the door, but before that, he felt a tight grip in his arms.

“Jeno.. talk to me.” The sultry voice you had did not go unnoticed, and Jeno couldn’t help but stop his tracks.

Don’t break, Jeno.

“Jeno.. please look at me.”

He forces your grip out of his arms. It kills him, so much to hear you like this.

“I’m leaving,” He managed to say, however, his feet says otherwise. He’s standing still, not even another step out the door.

“You’re not, please. Just… just look at me.” Jeno heaves, his hands turning into fists as he tries and compose himself.

Just this once.

He turns his heel and immediately surrendered. The moment he let his eyes on you, he already lost the game.

“Why don’t you want me?”

He gulps. He bit his lip to stop himself from saying anything, because he doesn’t trust that he’s not going to say something he’s not ready to say.

“You’ve had so many girls.. Jeno, why not me? I’m…” You paused, you look left to right as if you’re finding words to say. “..I’m better than all of them.”

“Y/n—“

“No! Fuck it, Jeno! There’s no fucking reason why you won’t fuck me! It doesn’t make any fucking sense!” Jeno hears ringing in his head, the string of patience threatening to snap.

“Why? Explain to me fucking why you would fuck all those bitches and not me? I swear.. Jeno, I’m good— fuck that, I’m the best—”

“I’m so—”

“Ask half of your team.”

In that note, the last thread he was hanging on to snapped. You want him? Fine. Take it.

He grips your arms and drags you inside of the room, and in his peripheral view, he can see your demeanor changes. Now, your eyes are mischievous, and your lips turning into a smirk.

“You want to fucking play that game? Fine, I’ll fucking play with you.” Jeno almost growls, letting you sit on the bed as he slams the door shut.

“Strip.” He orders, in the most dominant voice he has.

You bit your lip as you look up at him. Slowly discarding your clothes one by one, but not breaking eye contact with him.

His eyes were dark. So dark that you can’t tell anything that’s on his mind. His jaw tightens at the sight of you almost stripped off of your dress.

“I’ve been so fucking patient with you,”

The dim lights shone at his back, as he craned his body down, standing before you. Nearing his face unto yours, the mirror on the side of the bed depicted something out of a dark fairytale, a silhouette of a beast trying to tempt an angel.

But in reality, the angel had already fallen. Deep and hard. The beast didn't even have to do anything.

"Tell me you want me," he says.

"I do, Jeno. I really want you," And as of this moment, you lost the battle you've fought for all these years.

"All this time, huh? You're still lusting over your best friend's brother?" Now, his tone was slightly teasing. His once gentle hands on your cheeks turned possessive, his grip getting tighter.

"Dirty, dirty, dirty little girl. Bet when you fuck those boys, you think of me, don't you?" His thumb on your lower lip, parting it softly.

"This is your chance, y/n. Tonight, I'm yours. Just tell me the words," his whispers turned deadly, as his own lips are almost touching yours.

"J-jeno.."

"Pretty, pretty, pretty..." His words spit like venom. Every movement of his lips gave you a tease, your entire body burning with desire.

Your mind was under his control, and you completely and utterly surrendered to him. He's not yours— you're his.

"—Please," you finally choked out, and like a green light, Jeno kissed you with hunger, pushing his entire body weight onto you forcing you to lay down on the bed.

“I thought you won’t beg anymore?” The cockiness in his voice would usually prompt a reaction from you but you don’t care anymore.

This time, his hips close the distance between your bodies, maneuvering his knees to position between your legs. Careful not to crush you, he kept balance of his weight as he pushed his hip further, creating a slight friction between your clothed core.

After what it seemed like forever, his lips traveled down your neck, and almost immediately you can feel that he's gonna leave a mark. You'll definitely leave with a painted neck.

His hands expertly went under your dress, grabbing your breast, squeezing them ever so slightly. It doesn't take a full minute when his hands went around your back and unclasped your bra like it was nothing. All while he was focused on kissing every part of your skin.

Of course he's good at this.

Just then, he pulled away but only to pull your dress up and completely undress you. He took his time looking at your exposed body.

"You're so fuckin' perfect," he mumbled more so to himself as he admired you. He leaned in again but this time his mouth landed on one of your breasts, sucking them deftly.

"Shit, Jeno," you can't help but moan his name, grab the back of his head to level yourself. You pulled his hair, and you didn't know if he likes it, but with the way he groaned gave you a hint that he does.

As he keeps himself busy, his hands go down to your clothed core. Goosebumps ran down your body as his middle finger traced your slit, already feeling the wetness you've desperately hid before.

"So fuckin' wet, and all for me. Am I right, baby?" He whispered, you answered with a whiny 'yes' that it almost sounded like a stranger.

"Lemme' take this off," he quickly pulled down your panties, only to be welcomed by your soaking wet core. Jeno was ravenous, like he's been starved all his life.

The room was dark, only a dim lamp providing some light, but the wetness in your pussy glistens and reflects, that Jeno swore he's never seen something so beautiful. You're beautiful, and he's gonna make you feel just exactly that.

You can hear his belt buckle, him swiftly taking all his clothes off.

"God, I can never get used to how fucking pretty you are, my pretty little baby," he mumbled again, to himself.

"Who was the last guy you fucked, baby?" Jeno asked, catching you off guard. He was pumping himself as he looks at you, and you never thought he would ask such question.

"Wha-- why? I don't kn- probably—" Your speech cut off when you looked down at his moving arms, to see all of him.

You've heard rumors. You knew he was packing. But good God, he's so fucking big. Almost knocking the breath out of your lungs. You're starting to get worried if it would fit.

"Doesn't even matter.. everyone else doesn't count. Just me.”

He then pressed his finger down in your core, finding the clit right away. Rapidly circling his finger, and a wave of pleasure started to form. "Oh fuck--," you moaned.

He dove down to kiss you, this time passionately. Much softer than before. Only for you to feel his finger entering you that you went crazy. Not long before he added another,pumping it swiftly in and out. He moved away from your face to watch your expression. And he fucking loved it.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum-" you whispered.

"Go on, baby." Jeno, encouraging you even more, fingers going faster.

"Shit.. oh my go-" and then it hit you, your first orgasm of the night. Jeno's face was all you can see, and his fingers was all you can feel. Your brows furrowed, mouth agape, you felt like you can't control your body. Jeno's lips was also parted, as if he gains pleasure from watching you reach your climax.

"Good girl," he groaned.

"Need more, Jen. Please," begging was never on your vocabulary, until now.

"Shh, no need to beg, baby. I'm more than willing to give you all," his sweet words acted as an aphrodisiac, igniting the fire in you. As if you needed him to be even more sexier.

Because it was dark in the room, your sense of touch is heightened. Every touch lingered, and its as if you were touch deprived your entire life. Jeno brings out your true colors, and you're not mad about it.

"Make you feel good," he whispered more praises, and you can hear him pump himself as he aligned his length onto your aching core.

"Oh my god," you can't help but gasp, the stretch overwhelming you. You've never taken someone this big before, and it fucking felt like its your first time. Not in a painful way, but because you've felt a whole new sensation.

"S' wet, baby, fuck, you're choking me," in a low groan, Jeno slowly bottomed out. He sits fully inside you, and you can feel every single inch, every single vein. It felt so raw, and so right.

"Hmm, fuck, fuck you feel.. fucking hell. S' good." You never expected Jeno to be this vocal, and you weren't complaining. You always thought he didn't like being vocal, but damn, were you so wrong.

"Jeno.." you moaned, and you can already feel your impending orgasm. Its just that good.

Before Jeno could even find a pace with his thrust,, he pulled out. Your eyes opened in confusion, from the abrupt emptiness.

"Fuck this," Jeno was fast on his feet, you wondered where he was going, but before your mind settles on a conclusion, you were blinded by bright lights.

"Need to see you properly," he reasoned, before he went back to the position he was before.

With the lights on, you can now see his perfectly lean body, toned abs and the sweat beading on his sideburns. He looked so hot that you could cum right there and then.

"So fucking beautiful," Jeno never failed to compliment you, as he stares at you before sliding it in again. For the second time you gasp, but because he slid it in so swift that you didn't even get a second to breathe before he pounds.

"Oh, fuck, Jeno!" you squealed, your entire body rocking back and forth with how rough he was.

His hands grabbed your left leg and hooked it in his shoulder, all the while he kept the fast pace of his thrusts. You can see his face twist, him biting his lips and looking up. His expert thrusts made his abs flex everytime. The sight was stunning, and for a second there you were lost. You can't believe other girls had seen this before you.

The orgasm you fought so hard was out of your control now, and you knew you weren't gonna last.

"Jeno, I'm gonna cum," you tell him, and he switched his position in no time. "Together. Cum with me," he muttered.

"Come inside, Jeno. I need it so bad," you were slurring words at this point, so barbaric with the feeling.

He unhooked your leg and leaned forward. Your body now pressed together as he wrapped your legs onto his waist, his hands finding your neck, holding it steady as he touched his forehead with yours. His piercing eyes were hyper focused on yours.

"Eyes on me, baby. Fuck, please," he moaned, his tempo going even more rapid and desperate. Both of your mouths was wide open at this point.

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck!" he stilled, as you both reached climax. He emptied himself inside you. You can't help but moan in a high pitch as orgasm washes over your entire body, an intense wave brought you to euphoria, and you never wanna leave.

"Damn," he whispered, almost in disbelief on how it felt to be with you. Still giving you everything he had, every single drop.

"Jeno," you called out once you relaxed, hoping to get him back to his senses.

"Wait- just.. shit." he managed to mutter despite his weak state. He's still wrapped around you, tight as if you were disappearing. Not to mention he's still balls deep.

A solid minute has passed when he decided to pull out, both of you hissing at the feeling. You felt so empty, and he felt so bare.

And when Jeno closes his eyes, he accepts defeat. You’ve successfully broken him.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Sooyoung, Minnie, Hoyeon, Yoonah.

So far, those are the names that you gathered.

It doesn’t take a long time to figure out what Jeno likes, based on the girls he’s been with. They’re all hot, popular with the boys, and if not the same age as him, they’re older.

The other common denominator is that they all have experience. When Jeno started sleeping around, you would only see him with women who’s expected to be with him. Like those women who knows how pretty they are, who’s aware how to handle a man like Jeno.

So when you finally turn eighteen, you did not waste time.

“Do you think I look hot in this, Ji?” You ask innocently, looking at your best friend through the mirror you’re standing in front of.

He barely looks up from his nintendo switch, and when you make eye contact, the look of disgust on his face makes you roll your eyes.

“Your freakin’ ass is hanging off that skirt. You look like a…” Jisung turns his head towards Chenle on the other side of the room, playing on his playstation.

“…hooker.” Chenle finished the sentence for him. You hide a smirk.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, thank you!” You did a curtsy, before grabbing your purse.

“Wait, where are you going?” Chenle asked as soon as he paused the game to see you walk towards the door.

“NCU is throwing this party for the new basketball team, got an invite from Jungwoo.” You gave Chenle a wink, knowing it would annoy the heck out of him.

“What?! Why do I not know about this?!” You flinched when Chenle says the first word in the highest octave possible.

“Probably because we’re not in NCU’s college department yet? The party’s exclusive for college students, dumbass.” Jisung says boredly, bringing his attention back to his nintendo.

“Except I got an invite, you losers didn’t!” And just for extra annoyance, you stick your tongue out to mock them.

Chenle only huffs, but takes his phone out of his pocket.

“Invited or not, I’m going. I’m sure your broke ass would take up a free ride to the party,” He says as he waits for someone on his phone.

“And how do you plan to enter the party, dimwit? You don’t have an invite,” Jisung asks.

“I’m Zhong fucking Chenle. That’s my invite.” He smirks, grabs his keys and your wrist. You flew a kiss towards Jisung and left his apartment.

Booming music, strobe lights. The bass vibrates through the wall and honestly, this is way too extreme from what you expected. This is the first real party you had attended, where you’re specifically invited.

Jungwoo was someone you knew, from one of your girlfriends. He’s three years ahead of you, making him a year older than Jeno. And to be frank, Jungwoo didn’t peak your interest at first. But when you knew that he’s in Jeno’s friend circle, you figured that maybe, you do like Jungwoo.

“Hey,” Someone from behind you whispers on your ear, making you whip your head. You saw Jungwoo, head hangs low just to whisper. He displays a playful smile as he hugs you.

But before you could even tighten his embrace, Chenle took a protective stance, putting his arms in between. “Woah dude, chill out.”

Jungwoo chuckled, putting his hands up. “Zhong, calm down,”

You immediately give Chenle a look of confirmation, “I’m good, Le.”

“Just making sure.” He says and steps back. He patted Jungwoo’s shoulder in a sense that he’s good. Chenle has always been protective, in literal terms. Jisung however, is protective in a motherly kind of way. In short, Chenle’s fights, Jisung nags.

“Why don’t you talk to Jaehyun? Heard he’s interested in taking you in the team.” Jungwoo says making Chenle widen his eyes, a breathless ‘really?’ coming out of his lips and Jungwoo nods. You pushed Chenle to go find the Jaehyun guy and before you know it, you’re alone with Jungwoo.

“He’s really into basketball, huh?” Jungwoo, sounding amused.

You on the other hand, start roaming your eyes around the room. You’re here for someone, and you need to know if they’re in this party, or else this would be a huge waste of time if he’s not here.

“Yeah, he basically worships Stephen Curry.” You looks at him, to at least try to entertain the boy.

“Mm-hm.” The way his hands crawl into your waist so naturally was a shock to you, but you don’t say anything at all. He starts walking and with his hands attached on your body, you can’t help but walk with him.

“So.. where’s the team?” You really did try to prolong the moment you’re with Jungwoo, but you just can’t stay still without confirming if he’s here.

“They’re upstairs. Some of my teammates doesn’t really like hanging out with too many people.”

“How about you?”

“I was waiting for you, pretty.” Jungwoo flashes a smile, someone could argue his most defining feature but then again, you have your sights on someone else.

True to his words, Jungwoo brought you upstairs, where it’s more intimate with a few people. There’s a lounge area in front of a bar and that's where you spot the certain someone you’ve been looking for.

And as expected, he has a girl with him.

“Hey, guys, uh– this is y/n.” Jungwoo awkwardly introduces you to everyone, including Jeno who at first was shocked at your presence, but soon enough replaced with a certain tension in his eyes.

You did a small wave, still shy at the amount of eyes on you. These people are legends on campus. They’re basically the school’s pride and seeing them acknowledging you was amusing. And Jeno, like the perfect man that he is, just fits right in.

“Hi, I’m Juyeon,” He extends his hands, so you, a person who doesn’t like leaving people hanging, gladly accepts it.

And everyone else follows suit, except Jeno. He was looking at something else, not even the girl he’s with. He’s fixated at his beer can, looking at it very seriously.

“Jeno?” Jungwoo asks, questioning why the boy didn’t acknowledge you.

He looked at Jungwoo, and he was about to answer but you did it for him.

“We know each other. I’m friends with his brother.” You smile at Jungwoo, and he seemed to understand it so he just lead you to the empty spot on the lounge.

They started talking, but your attention was on Jeno. You realized that this is his crowd, quickly you found that he’s very different in front of other people. He’s more talkative, that’s for sure.

But your eyes also catch the soft touches he graces the girl beside him. The whispers he gave, the smiles and subtle kisses on the side of her head. His arms around her and the jokes he tells just for the two of them.

It has been years since he rejected you, yet the pain still stings.

You took your eyes somewhere else, made easy as Jungwoo starts to caress your shoulder. He leaned below, matching your face. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you smiled at him. You weren’t, but you’re obviously not gonna tell that.

He hands you a shot of what you assume alcohol, with his eyes anticipating your next move. This is the first time you’re drinking without Chenle or Jisung around, and you’re unsure if this was okay.

But with everybody starting to look at Jungwoo’s waiting hand, the shot clearly for you, you start to panic. There’s no way you’re gonna embarrass yourself in front of these seniors.

So you suck it up and took the shot. You’re not sure, but you got a glance from Jeno that tells he’s not happy with your action.

The taste of the alcohol was strong, but somehow your throat didn’t burn. Yes, you definitely felt it heat up your taste buds but not bad enough for you to hate it. It’s like a sensation that hypes up your system.

And so, with your new found information, you were more confident in taking shots now. And exactly that you do.

But with the amount of liquid going in, it has to come out. So you excused yourself to the bathroom to pee. You assured Jungwoo you were okay, because heck yeah, you’re fine.

Not until you actually stood up. Good thing you didn’t stumble, but shit, your world is spinning.

You bee line straight to the bathroom and relieve yourself. It took a couple minutes before you finished washing your hands, and as you walk out of the restroom, you were met by a figure clearly waiting for you to finish up.

“J-Jeno,” you muttered, moreso in surprise.

“Y/n what the hell are you doing here?” He whispers, angrily of course.

“Jungwoo invited me!” You whisper back, leaning on the door behind you to balance yourself.

“Where’s my brother? Chenle?” He looms over you, and all you can think about is his luscious lips, mere inches to yours.

“They.. Chenle came with me, Ji stayed home..” You answer, despite being in a trance. The entire place is spinning, but not Jeno’s face. It’s there, in front of you.

“I need you to find Chenle and go home.” He says in finality, expecting you to follow. You knit your brows, as you take in offense over what he’s doing.

“What? I’m invited here!” You whined.

“Find Chenle. Now.” The growl in his last words made you slightly intimidated, not to mention his eyes burning holes into your own.

God, he’s so handsome.

You don’t know if its the vodka, or just plain recklessness that gave you the idea of just tipping on your toes and try kissing Jeno.

It made perfect sense in your head. Your hands cupping his cheeks obviously caught him off guard, but before your lips touch his, his reflex of pushing you off was unfortunately faster.

He shoved you harsh, causing you to stumble and almost losing your balance.

“What the fuck?!” He yells.

Your heartbeat went quicker. Everything started to process. Jeno looks so mad, he huffs and wiping his palm against the part of his face that your lips had touched.

“I-I’m s-sorr—”

“I have a fucking girlfriend, y/n!” He spits, words felt like daggers through your chest.

“Jeno, I’m sorry. I was out of—” Your eyes start to burn.

“Are you that desperate? I rejected you already, didn’t I? I will never look at you different than being my brother’s best friend, y/n! So stop this fucking delusion while I’m being nice.” Jeno points his fingers at you, making you flinch a little bit.

“Jeno, please.” Your tears are now slowly flowing. You attempted to grab his wrist to make him stay and listen to your apologies but he swiped it off like he’s disgusted to be touched by you.

“No, y/n. You’re like a sister to me. It disgusts me to even think of being with you romantically. So please, know your fucking place.”

With that, he walks out and leaves you broken.

You don’t understand. You did everything by the book. You looked pretty, you knew how he liked girls. You made yourself into his fantasies and he still can’t see past the fact that you’re just his brother’s bestfriend.

You take a deep breath between the sobs, calming yourself down. You felt horrible. You felt so sick and embarrassed. You felt so fucking desperate and pathetic that you just want to numb yourself of the pain.

You grab your chest, having difficulty breathing from crying too hard.

This is way more than a broken heart.

You’re no longer consolable, and there’s just no way you’re going back there with your makeup now ruined.

Are you that hard to want?

Are you that hard to need?

The tears don't stop as you walk out of the party. Gladly, everybody’s wasted so nobody noticed you ugly-crying.

As you turn to an alleyway, you shoot Jungwoo a text saying you got sick, and Chenle saying you got an uber home.

With your 7-inch heels on your hand, in the cold street, you walk in shame.

Bare feet on the sidewalk, shivering, that's when you noticed a bar.

Your feet prompted to enter, so that you did. You were going to drown the pain, and there’s nothing in your mind except alcohol.

You hoped that it would ease the pain.

And it did, the effects of it giving you a temporary memory loss. This was the numbing you needed.

The sensation of alcohol gave you solace, and for a while, your thoughts melted into nothingness.

Staring at the shot glass in front of you, you made a promise to your eighteen year old self.

That if Jeno doesn’t want you, you’ll make it your life’s mission to make everyone else crave you. You don’t need Jeno.

You’ll never be rejected again.

And just as soon as you felt like you can breathe again, your phone buzzed.

[2:34am] jisung: y/n, come home, quickly. it’s your mom.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

It was odd to say the least.

This has been what you’ve wanted for so many years. You prayed— and begged the heavens for Jeno to finally take you, to prove that you can get him.

And now, you’ve proven your point.

But why does it feel… strange?

Yes, it was the best sex you’ve had, and it might be the only one that could make you feel that way. It was mindblowing, it was everything and more.

Isn’t this the goal? For him to actually step over that line of being your best friend’s brother?

What else did you want?

Honestly, you don’t know anymore. Hence, you sneak out of the apartment in the middle of the night. Jeno was laying on his stomach, the comforter covering his lower half. His back muscles spread across the sheets and you take the art in. He really is sculptured to perfection.

You managed to put on your clothes and walk out of the apartment building. You find yourself in a nearby convenience store, walking through the isle finding something you didn’t know. Your mind is blank and empty.

These are the times where you wished there was someone to guide you to what you should do next. Because you have no idea. You’re confused, and you need direction.

These are the moments where you wished your mom was here. She would know what to do.

For a while, when you were with Jeno, you felt warmth you’ve always been trying to find from somebody else. With Jeno, you actually felt like sex wasn’t only about pleasure, but it’s also about being able to express unspoken feelings.

Sex wasn’t something you just needed to get over with. It felt amazing, It was perfect.

But it clicked too, that you know yourself was the only one who really appreciated it. Jeno— was in for the satisfaction. He never needed you like you needed him. You talked him into sleeping with you. You were begging for his touch.

You pushed him to a point where he just snapped and gave you what you’ve been desperately chasing him for.

And for what? Probably for you to stop. He was throwing scraps at you because he’s tired of that one girl who keeps chasing his tail. He just gave in, expecting you to finally give up.

Then it hit you. Your fourteen year old self, your eighteen year old self and your twenty-two year old self still has something in common.

You realize, that all the hard work, the wall you desperately tried to build was a fraud. Because at the end of the day, you never lost feelings for Jeno.

No matter how many people you’ve been with, it’s still gonna be Jeno for you.

That makes you laugh. In both ridiculousness and despair. Hopelessness felt eerily familiar.

Silly you, for thinking you’ve moved on.

Jeno is inevitable. And you’ll learn to accept it too.

As you reach up the isle and grab a bottle of Soju, a hand stops you.

“My love, are you okay?” A soft voice that you haven't heard in a while.

“Kun,”

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Jeno knows he’s royally fucked.

He gave into your trap, and you’ve successfully defeated him. All his morals, his beliefs, and the logic he stands on was out the window.

He knows you planned it out too. This was your way of taking revenge on him, when he repeatedly rejected you years ago.

He tried to keep his distance, because he promised.

And he takes his promises seriously, especially when it involves you. And he felt like he broke the one thing that’s keeping the promise he made a couple years ago.

You weren’t supposed to end up in his bed. You weren’t supposed to still want him after everything he’s done. You weren’t supposed to even be involved with him. He’s supposed to stay wherever he is, on the sidelines, silently protecting you.

But it’s all been done. You and Jeno did it, and it cannot be reversed. And now that its happened, there’s not much he can do. He has to hash things out, he has to fix everything.

Because no matter how many women he had before, no matter how many times he tricks himself, he had always felt like it wasn’t what he’s been searching for.

And when he finally had a taste of you, he’s afraid he’s gonna want more. And he’s afraid that he’ll never feel the way it felt with you. He’s horrified that what happened opened his eyes with what’s the truth.

And when he felt the other side of the bed cold, he opens his eyes and you’re gone.

Yeah, this is just a game for you.

But for him? Oh, he’s eternally fucked. The shame, the guilt, and everything in between creeps up. And not of you, he’ll never—ever be ashamed of you. He’s guilty about the fact that he let himself get carried away.

Out of frustration, he hits his steering wheel as he drove. He can’t believe he just did that.

He was drunk, you were clearly not in the right state of mind. Even if you were, he was still drunk. What happened was fucked up, both for him and for you.

He takes a deep breath before pulling out his phone.

He carefully types, calculating everything he needs to say.

[7:35am] to: y/n

hey. dont say anything to my brother. it was a mistake, i was drunk. i don’t really like you like that.

He sent it quick, afraid he’d delete it if he hesitated longer. And just as he did, he felt his whole chest stiffen.

Because once again, he lied. Both to you, and to himself.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

You woke up through the sounds of your phone ringing. It was the next week after the whole thing happened with Jeno, and you’ve not craved anything but sleep.

Kun never asked questions. Which you’re thankful for, but you can’t help but feel bad.

You ghosted the guy, again, but he welcomed you into his apartment with open arms like nothing happened. His smile was there, the warmth of his embrace still the same.

Before you could even say anything about your guilt, he’s quick to tell you that it’s okay. He’s with you because he wants to. Although you can’t give him what he wants the most.

In a perfect world, if you weren’t so fucked up, you’d be with Kun, no questions asked.

You were lucky it was the weekend, and you’ve got no class. So you just laid on Kun’s couch, binging away, rotting in the cushions. Kun doesn’t mind, he says its better than you going out and drinking.

Which is true, plus you just can’t physically get yourself back up and doing what you do before, after what happened with Jeno.

Jeno, Jeno, Jeno. Fucking Lee Jeno.

It’s like a curse, following you all throughout your existence. He’s like a ghost stuck in your hip, a burden you’d beg to get off of you. There’s just no way you’d have to carry these feelings towards him until your seventy, right? Jesus.

Your head whips at the door when you hear it open, not expecting Kun to come home so early.

He’s not here ‘til 7, right?

“Oh, you’re still here.”

Well, you’re right. It’s not Kun. It’s his lovely roommate Ten. Note the sarcasm on the lovely part.

“Yeah.” You backed down to the couch.

If there’s anyone annoyed at your presence, it’s definitely Ten. You think he harbored the anger and disappointment Kun should’ve had with you— like some sort of anger translator.

“Your roommate must be overjoyed having your place for her own.” He says, with feign casualness in his tone.

“She’s doing fine,”

“I mean, at this point, you’re gonna have to pay your share with the rent.” He scoffs as he puts down his bag harshly on the counter.

You let out a deep breath, reminding yourself that this is also his place. You’re not in a position to return his attitude because you, in your own thoughts, are aware that you’ve overstayed your welcome.

“Kun says its okay–”

“That’s–” Ten’s voice in a high pitch, but quickly calming himself down. “--that’s because Kun can’t say shit to you. I don’t know if you noticed but my friend is literally insane for you. And of course, you like the attention.”

You can’t help but look at him, your mouth slacking due to disbelief of what he just said. You bit your lip and paused, not wanting to say things without thinking about it first. Again, you're not in a position where you’re purely innocent in this situation.

“What do you want me to do? Tell me. I’ll leave right now.” You managed to calm your tone, avoiding any more discussion.

“What I want you to do is to be straight with Kun, y/n. I know you’re used to being a player, but Kun isn’t. He agreed to your situationship because you weren’t ready. You ghosted him for a few weeks and still he took you in even tho I fucking knew it was a dumb decision because he’s just hoping to be with you again. If you’re not planning to be with my friend, then just fucking make your decision. I know you’re not that cruel to string him along. He’s a good person, y/n.”

His sudden outburst caught you off guard, but every word he said was like a slap to you. Every sentence was nothing but facts, and you knew deep inside that you were in the wrong. That Ten was right. Kun is way too good for you. He does not deserve this.

You felt your eyes starting to warm, for a hundredth time. You nod in agreement. However, you can tell he wasn’t finished.

“He’s not your back burner, y/n. And I’m not saying this to you because I have a problem with you, but I’m saying this because he’s my friend. At first it was fine, but when you treat him lesser than what he deserves, I just feel like you’re being.. really selfish. It’s clear that you have your eyes on someone else. But please, Kun doesn’t do this type of shit. He’s way too naive. Poor guy thought he did something wrong.” The last sentence hits you the most, thinking about Kun probably did think that he’s the one to blame.

You sniff, nodding along Ten’s statement. “I will… I’ll talk to him.” You quietly say. Ten just looks at you before sighing, walking towards his door. As soon as his door closes, the front door opened.

“Sweet cheeks, what’re you doing?” Kun asks, seeing you standing on the doorway staring at nothingness.

You immediately wiped your tears and looked at him with a smile. “Really sad netflix movie,” you excused. Kun doubts, but chooses to stay silent. He walks two steps in front of you before giving you a warm hug like he does everytime he sees you at his apartment.

You gulp, gathering courage to actually start the conversation.

“Uh, Can we talk?” you nip at the bottom of your shirt.

“Of course, princess,” The old nickname he had somewhat felt like an assurance that he’s still the same. It lifted a bit of weight in your chest.

You sat in one of the chairs, not knowing what to do. This place was once your safe haven, now it just feels strange knowing what kind of situation you are in.

“So, uhm, I want to apologize for.. essentially cutting you off. It’s just that, uh, I’ve been–”

“You’ve been with Lee Jeno, right?” he asks, a ghost of a smile still present in his face.

“Well, yeah, but also, I didn’t know that I had that much of a relevance in your life so...” you say, honestly.

“Darling, you were everything.” he pauses. “--but I know that I’m not what you need, or what you wanted. And that’s fine. You don’t need to feel bad, it’s just how it goes.”

“But I’m here, and I promise you, that you don’t need to feel responsible about how I feel. I’ll be fine.” He smiles, like he used to, but this time you know it’s fake.

“Kun, you’re too good for me. You deserve more than me.” Your eyes start to water, but Kun never lets it drop. He caresses your cheeks for what it feels like the last time, before nodding at you.

“I know, baby.” He leaned closer, lips slowly grazing yours. As you felt it, the instinct of kissing back was swift, but Kun did not give you the chance of doing so as he pulled away.

“Don’t kiss me back, please,” he mumbled, before caressing your face for what it felt like the last time before turning away.

And just like that, you lost the man who was ready to give you everything for a man who can’t even spare you a glance.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Jeno is still out of his mind.

He had flunked out of practice, only attending a couple times out of the two weeks that he needed to attend. Barely even there, just standing and basically lifeless in the court.

His coach and his teammates already feel less secure because of Jeno’s state of mind, especially when he’s supposed to be the team’s captain. He feels like shit, truly, and he knows he should be focusing on the game. But how can he, when all he can think of is you?

His coach gave him a hard talking but even that can’t seem to shake him up. His willingness to play disappeared like it was nothing.

He’s pretty sure the entire team hates him now, and if only there’s time to replace him, they’d definitely do it, but finding a replacement, with his skills, is basically impossible. Moreso in limited time.

As soon as he enters his apartment, he throws his bag on the floor and tunnels through his room to lock himself in there. But as soon as he entered it, he was shocked to find his brother laying in his bed.

“What’re you doing here?” He asks, confused.

“Just want to know something,” Jisung says, slowly sitting up. He looks up his brother, standing in the door frame. Jeno couldn’t read his expression, but its pretty clear that he’s not happy.

“Did you sleep with y/n?”

Jeno didn’t know how to react, his eyes widened and for a while, he had nothing to say. But in the end, he knew this was bound to happen. If not you, it would be him spilling the information to his brother.

He didn’t need to say anything, and he knew the silence is more than enough for Jisung to conclude.

“She really likes you, you know? I just–” Jisung paused, “--I just don’t know why you’d sleep with her when you don’t like her back. You know she likes you, hyung. What, is this like an ego thing? She’s y/n, hyung. You know she’s different.” Jisung honestly just sounded confused and tired. He’s not angry, not upset, he comes off like he just wanted proper answers from his brother.

“Dude, just get out.” Jeno dismissed, which pissed off his younger brother more.

“Oh fuck you. You can’t even hold a conversation with your own brother? And if only it’s not y/n, I wouldn’t even waste my time. But it’s her. You know her,”

Jeno took a deep breath. “I like her too, Jisung. No, fuck, scratch that. I fucking love her.”

For a minute, it was silence. Jisung then took the initiative to talk,

“Talk to mom, hyung.”

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Jeno was sixteen, when he realized that he likes the way you smile at him.

He saw you run down the stairs and straight to the kitchen. You were at his brother’s room, for a sleepover with his brother and Chenle. He was lounging on the couch, and he didn’t bother to turn on the lights. He likes to lay in here at night, cuddling with his cat, Bongsik. He can’t let the cat into his room because of his allergies, so he just settled on the couch.

Because Bongsik was alerted of your presence, the cat follows you to the kitchen. Jeno, of course, followed in pursuit. He can still remember the cute expression you had when you discovered Bongsik on the table.

He smiles at you, struggling to get chips from the cabinet. Naturally, he grabbed it for you. You had asked if Bongsik was new, and he answered yes.

“Yep, a rescue. Mom brought it home the other day. Jisung freaked,” He chuckles as he looks at the cat, snuggling in his chest.

He can see you almost begging with your eyes, wanting to pet the cat. So he let you. Surprisingly, Bongsik, who’s usually grumpy, purrs as soon as your hands come in contact with it.

You were so careful, and Jeno almost wants to chuckle at your meek attempt at staring at him.

A slight smile on your face was something Jeno noticed, from a close distance. He surely did not expect you to be this soft and angelic, but he thought to himself, that your smile is something he’d like to get used to.

Jeno was eighteen when he made his first mistake.

He had invited his friends over at his house. He had made some really cool friends, and he even got this girl he’s been trying to get with to tag along. Jeno feels nervous, of course, he wants to impress them.

Besides Jaemin, Haechan and Renjun, he also invites some people from the basketball team he’s trying to get into, and some girls that are part of the circle. And of course, the girl he had liked, Eunmi.

His friends encouraged him to make a move tonight, and for some dumb reason, he thought it would be romantic to bring out wine. So he went to the kitchen to do so, but got surprised when a soft voice called his name.

It was you. Your shy demeanor, and your avoiding gaze startles him but he can’t help but smile. You’re so cute.

He clears that with whatever you were gonna tell him, make it quick because someone’s waiting for him. But as soon as you open your mouth to say the next words,

“I like you. Very much.”

He feels like his feet are frozen. His heart starts to race and if only he wasn’t leaning on the counter behind him, he would definitely stumble. His grip on the wine glass tightens. He doesn’t know what to do.

The next words just came out, and he instantly regrets it.

“...I-I’m just being nice.. I have to be nice. You’re my brother’s best friend.” In a split second before Eumi interrupts the conversation, he can clearly see the pain in your eyes. The initial shock of the fact that he’s rejecting you was prominent in your face and he just wanted to take every word back at that point.

But before he could even utter another word, Eunmi decided to take over. You then quickly walked out, but before you can turn around, he sees a teardrop, and by then, he’s sure he’s made a mistake. He can’t believe he just broke your innocent heart.

Eunmi is no longer in his mind, his friends no longer his priority, the entirety of the night, you plagued his mind. He wanted to run after you, and apologize. But what exactly is it for? It’s not like he was rude. He was calm, but still, you were visibly upset.

Jeno blames himself, until the night ends, he shoots his brother a message to ask you if you were okay. He needs to know.

Jeno was twenty when he breaks his own heart for the first time.

He can’t believe his eyes. He doesn’t know which emotion he should feel, the anger that slowly builds up upon seeing you entering the party with Jungwoo, or the adoration to seeing you looking that good in your mini dress.

You had walked in with the confidence he failed to notice before, with Jungwoo’s arm around your waist. He clenches his fist, but soon he gets caught in his own mind when his girlfriend of two weeks leans over to him.

The train of thought he had was still there, however, he was forced to pretend like everything’s fine. Although he can’t look at you in the eye, when he can certainly feel your gaze time to time.

What he can’t absolutely avoid tho, is his eyes on Jungwoo’s touches. Since when did you let a random man touch you like that?

More so, a man like Jungwoo? Much older than you, and he doesn’t remember Jungwoo and you ever be in the same vicinity as each other. Why are you so comfortable with him already?

Green doesn’t suit Jeno. So he tries to focus on the girl beside him. But mentally, he counts the shots that was given to you. Too many, and if the situation is different, he’d take those shots and shove it up Jungwoo’s ass.

But as soon as you stood up, his quick reaction was to follow you.

All he can think about is you getting out of here.

“Find Chenle. Now.” He groaned, despite his anger, he doesn’t like yelling at you.

What you did next was unexpectable.

You had tried to kiss him.

His reflex was to push you, and that, he did. His demeanor changes, and everything that falls from his lips after that was a blur to him.

One thing’s clear, the look in your eyes. You were so defeated, but Jeno didn’t let it affect him. He was blinded by anger, and the fact that you’re so drunk that you’d kiss just anyone. Not to mention a man that has a girl! What has gotten into you?

“Are you that desperate? I rejected you already, didn’t I? I will never look at you different than being my brother’s best friend, y/n! So stop this fucking delusion while I’m being nice.” Lies after lies after lies.

He was completely out of his mind when he said that to you.

And when you cried in front of him, he felt his own heart break. Every tear is equivalent to a stab right through his chest.

Right there and then, he wanted to beg for your forgiveness. Say that everything wasn’t true, that he doesn’t think you were desperate. Hell, he would kiss you back if you’d let him.

But all those hope was thrown away when you left. Because what’s left was this strange, terrifying feeling that somehow, this was the last straw for you.

And Jeno despises himself for causing you pain, over and over. He curses at his own self for being so coward.

“Hey Jen, how are you?” His mom’s voice was enthusiastic as ever. Even over the phone, he can hear the smile in her face.

He thinks he should be honest. “Not good,”

“Aw, is it your practice? Don’t worry darling, just a few more months and you’ll be graduating!” He smiles at his mother’s sweet voice of anticipation, he can just imagine the tiny claps she does.

“No, mom. I—“ He closes his eyes in frustration. “I have to talk to you about something,”

“What is it? Is it your brother? About y/n?” Her tone changes, now sounding concerned.

Jeno curses mentally, because of how quick his mom mentioned you.

“It’s about y/n,” he says lowly, testing the waters for a bit.

He hears a deep sigh, “I called her a week ago and she’s been real distant from me, Jen. Anything I should know?”

“Mom,” He almost whines. He just wants to spill it out.

“What? You’re worrying me. Is our y/n okay? God, she’s been out of control, hasn’t she?” The concern is now intensified, and Jeno thinks he should just spit it out. But his tongue can’t seem to say it.

“She.. she’s fine.”

“Good gracious, okay. I thought something had happened. Her mother must be frowning at me from heaven right now. Still remember your promise to your Auntie, right?”

Bingo. The very reason as to why he can’t just say it. Why he can’t just be with you already. It’s because of this god forsaken promise that he made.

“You need to be a big brother to her, treat her as your sister. She has nothing but us now, Jeno.”

He almost cries, he just wanted to yell. He felt as though he failed his mother, your mother and you. He shouldn’t be feeling this emotion towards you. This harbored feelings are forbidden. He can’t. He just… can’t.

He lets his eyes get warmer, gripping in his phone harshly. He takes a huge, deep breath.

“Mom, I love her. So much. I- I can’t… I can’t keep on hurting her and pretending that I only look at her as a sister.” He pleads, finally letting it known. There’s no turning back.

Silence was deafening on the other line. Every millisecond, he can feel his heartbeat race.

“Jeno, we’ve talked about this.”

“I love her, mom. I do, I really do.” He cries, for the first time in a long time.

“She’s your sis—“

“She’s not! God, she’s your best friend’s daughter, I know that but I’m not her older brother. I’m a person that truly loves her. I have loved her for so many years but I keep on h—“

“Jeno, hush, darling. I understand… but she’s our family. If all these feelings get old and you decide you don’t love her anymore, who will she turn to? Not us, darling because at the end of the day, we’re your family. I’m just… worried about her, she has… no one to turn to if this all blows up.” His mother’s response, despite the rise of emotion, was still calm and soft.

“I won’t, mom. Please, just let me love her. I can’t keep hurting her, mom, It kills me.” Jeno never begged this much. Just for you. His only exception.

His mother pauses, way too long, before finally breathing out again. “Okay, darling. I trust you. But please. I beg you, not to hurt her. We’re all that she’s got.”

Jeno whips his head up, baffled as to how easy she agreed to him. A little to no persuasion, and it didn’t even take ten minutes.

“What? J-just like that?” Jeno questions in disbelief. Years of yearning, years of hurting you, when Jeno could just do this early on?

His mom, regardless of the moment, managed to let out a breathy chuckle.

“Darling, you’ve proven yourself over the years. Me and your Dad had an inkling that you have a special admiration for Y/n ever since before. Its just unfortunate that her mother had to pass, and had asked us a favor— more to you, to look after Y/N like your own sibling. And when you agreed, I felt like it’s just how it goes. But years of seeing you pretend to not care about her, and seeing you struggle to cope with your feelings, I knew then that you were serious.”

“Me and your Dad realized that our eldest, really, has grown up to be a man. And seeing you still have the same passion and the same feelings towards her until now, says that you’d stop at nothing at this point. So what’s the use of preventing you?”

And with that, Jeno was free. Free of constraint, of guilt and control over his own will and feelings.

Like a baby, Jeno falls asleep with tears in his eyes. In complete satisfaction on how things went. Now, his only problem is getting to you, and begging for your forgiveness. Wishing by then, you’d still want him.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Jeno didn’t waste his time. As soon as the morning comes, he’s fast on his feet. He wants to talk to you, he wants to clear everything up. He had tried to text and call, but he quickly realized you blocked his number.

He called his brother next, but Jisung also has not heard from you since yesterday.

It wasn’t until 5pm that he couldn’t find you, he started to worry. None of your friends know where you are, and you’re not in your apartment either.

He contacted every possible soul that could even have a hint on where you’re at, but none of them knows.

He feels like he’s running out of time, running out of momentum.

And just as soon as he was about to call for help, he received a message.

[5:32pm] unknown number

she’s at dreamscape hill. she likes going there to ease her mind. take care of her, please. -k

He didn’t care to ask who it was, he just prayed that whoever sent him this message was right.

And off to dreamscape hill, Jeno goes.

He can barely catch his breath when he arrived, heart pounding at his chest. It was past sundown when he found you sitting at the bench, on top of the hill.

It’s you. He’s sure it’s you. To the curves of your shoulder, to the waves of your hair. Call it creepy, but he spent years looking at your back, from afar, forbidden to even glance at you when you’re close. So yes, he’s a hundred percent sure that it’s you.

He’s a few feet behind you, when he noticed the earphones you had on. Probably why you didn’t hear the ruffling of the twigs and leaves as he walked closer.

And in divine timing, you look back at your shoulder, looking straight at Jeno’s eyes, as if it made sense why he’s here.

Slowly, you pull the earphones out.

“What’re you doing here?” You ask, almost a whisper. But the city in front of you gave him enough silence to hear every breath you take.

“Finding you,” he answers. He struggles to keep his words straight, the thumping in his chest causing him to stutter.

You blink thrice, seems like you’re still processing Jeno’s answer.

“Why?”

Jeno took a couple step, and finally he sat beside you. he looked forward at the cityscape. He took note of your body language, it seems to him that you’re starting to get nervous.

“To tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took this long for me to find you. I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry for making you cry. I’m sorry that I wasted years, and I’m so sorry I lied.” Jeno says every word with great diction, in perfect pace and clear voice. He wants you to understand every word that he says.

He hears you let out a huff, as if in disbelief. His heart went even more faster, scared on what you might say.

He’s never anticipated an answer like this before. He never had to grip at his own knees in nervousness before. He can’t even look at your expression.

“I think we’re past that, Jeno.”

This is what he’s afraid of. He might be too late, he might fuck this up. Nevertheless, he’ll never regret trying.

“I know that I’m years too late but you need to understand—“

“I don’t need to understand nothing. What I need is to just live my life, love my life. I have spent years yearning for you, let me love myself too. I think I’ve loved you since I met you, Jeno. I just mistook it for curiosity. Everyone else isn’t you, and turns out that’s a huge problem for me.” Jeno can hear you smile, and when he finally let himself take a look, he softens.

You’re smiling like you used to smile. You’re smiling like you again.

“That’s because we thought we could alter fate, and tell me I’m batshit crazy for believing but I can prove to you that we’re just… soulmates, y/n. Y-you’re meant for me as much as I am for you.” These are some words Jeno never thought he would use. The things you make him do.

You chuckle again, while shaking your head. Do you find it ridiculous? Do you think Jeno is joking? Are you finding all of these insufferable? God, Jeno wished he could read you.

“We are not soulmates, Jeno. This is not some divine intervention, and shit, this is not fate. I wanted this. I knit the threads of my destiny until it spelled your name. I love you intentionally, Jeno. It’s not the stars and the heavens that brought us together. I did.”

Jeno was speechless. He could not utter a single word, he felt like he had no right to dictate you about what you feel. He’s ashamed, because what you said was right. You made him feel this, because of your desire for him, you made him fall. And damn it, he fell hard.

“It’s like you filled my lungs with flowers, although they are pretty, it made it hard for me to breathe. That's how much I wanted you.”

“Y/n, I will apologize to you forever if you wanted me to. Just… just please, let me have my chance.” Jeno begged like he never did before. He let his emotions out, and all for you. Because you deserve it. You deserve the real him.

Slowly, he felt your hand on his clenched fist, instantly letting it loose. He took the opportunity to lace your fingers together. It felt right, like your hand always belonged intertwined with his.

“If I took this chance with you, that would be the knife that would slit my own fucking throat, Jeno. And you know what’s funny? I’d probably apologize for bleeding in your shirt.”

“So let me have this time for myself, Jeno. And just like the old saying, time will tell. And if we find each other without even looking, then that’s when I’ll believe in that fate you were talking about.”

As your grip in his hand loosens, he felt like this was the first and last time he’ll get to hold your hand. He wanted to be selfish and not let you go, but he knows he’d be cruel to do that.

So he didn’t move. “I’ll see you around,” you say.

“I’ll find you,” he whispered, to you, to himself, and to whoever who’s listening. Let it be the heavens, or the devil in hell. He whispered to anybody, because he knows he’ll do it, and he wants everyone to stand witness to this promise.

“Sure you will,”

And in every step you made, as your body slowly walks away, you took his heart with you. Its yours, anyway. He’ll just have to find you to have it back.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

“Lee Jeno! Lee Jeno! Lee Jeno!”

The screams from the bleachers never seemed to falter, only getting louder each time.

The band is on full blast, people running around down the court as soon as the last whistle of the game went off.

Jeno had won the much awaited game against the SKU, with a whopping 73 points under his belt, making it the first time in his school’s history to earn that many points, by a single player, in one game.

This just solidified his reputation, being named the greatest player that had ever stepped foot on this campus.

And to make this game, even more legendary than it already is, it’s the last game of the season before Jeno graduates. So he’s literally going out with a bang with this one.

His teammates celebrated the win, begging Jeno to go the the victory party. For the first time, Jeno refused to attend a victory party. Much more, a victory he made happen.

He walked past the girls that’s lining up to take a picture with him, immediately walking straight back to the lockers.

He shoots a text at Renjun, informing his friend that he’ll head home, instead of attending the party.

He was about to turn to his locker, when his name was called by a familiar voice.

Jeno looked back, and to his disappointment, it’s Jennie.

“Why haven’t you answered my calls? It’s been months, Jeno! You can’t just..” Jennie couldn’t even finish her sentence, stomping her feet like a toddler.

Yes. It has been months since he blocked every girl that he had ever slept with.

Three months, thirteen days, and twenty-one hours, to be exact.

“My team’s gonna be here soon. You don’t want me to embarrass you in front of them, trust me.” Jeno’s threat was casual, but he’s serious enough for Jennie to take the hint.

“B-but, Jen, it's me.” Jennie’s voice turns softer, making Jeno cringe at the tone. She then tried to touch his shoulder, but Jeno was quick to dodge.

“Exactly. You’re you, Jennie. And I don’t like you.”

The girl was aghast, to say the least. Her mouth wide open in disbelief. Taking Jeno’s advice, albeit with offense, she stomps her way out of the lockers.

Just as he said, his teammates started flocking in, with his coach holding the trophy. He lost count on how many pats in the back he received after the game. The repetitive congratulatory messages are starting to grow old.

“Are you really not coming? You’re literally the man of the year, dude. Everybody’s gonna be looking for you!” Sungchan, one of his teammates says.

“Nope,” Jeno says with a pop.

“Come on, this’ll probably the last victory party you’ll ever have!” Yangyang joins in, but Jeno just shrugged his shoulders.

“Sorry, dude. I got a thesis paper due in two days.”

A plethora of complains, grunts and ‘what?!’s came pouring in after his statement, but Jeno stood his ground.

Jeno was serious. He needs to study for his thesis paper, and pass it on time. His professor expects him to match his academics to his basketball career, and he doesn’t want to disappoint.

Before the commotion gets even more wild, and before Jeno gets kidnapped into attending the party, he swiftly bids farewell to his coach, the only person that mattered to him. His coach just shook his head and gave him a nod, before letting him go.

“You did well, kid.”

Jeno heads through the parking lot. He had been stopped by students every ten seconds therefore his usual 4 minute walk to his car ended up being 30 minutes.

He starts up the engine, but before taking off, he checks some of his messages.

[8:43pm] dong(yuck!): congratulations, lebron ‘lee jeno’ james! the game was so cool dude u look good throwing balls lol btw im staying at my girls hauz. also ur welcome. also enjoy. lolz

[8:54pm] jaemjaem: dude that game!!! ur on FIRE my guy!! pls pls apply for nba so i can watch courtside with kanye west :D im out rn and i wont be home til tmrw. ur welcome ;)

[8:59] jisung: great game couldve been better tho… anyways… wrap it b4 u tap it!!!

[9:02pm] injunnie <3: game was lit. didnt understand shit abt the game but u did good. im spending the night @ my moms so u better make it worth it, lee jeno.

Jeno’s breath hitches, and before he could even question the hints his roommates are giving him, another ping notifies his phone.

[9:04pm] unknown number: hi. im at urs. can we talk?

Jeno knows not to speed, but tonight, he swears his tires didn’t even touch the concrete. He is flying off the highway.

With sweaty palms, he enters the security code to his door. Hands shaking, he opens it up and with the sight of a woman’s shoes on his doorstep, he takes a deep breath.

“I hope you don’t mind, it was Jaemin’s idea to let me in without telling you. Uh, so if you’re not—“

“Y/n,” he gulps as he takes in your figure, standing in the middle of his kitchen.

“Yeah.. it’s me.” You smile tightly, shrugging your shoulders.

Even though Jeno was ready to leap and drown you in his embrace, he stood his ground. He’s still not sure why you’re here, and until you say so, he’s not moving. The last thing he wants to do is push your boundaries.

“What’re— what are you—” He feels stupid. Stuttering like a five year old in front of you.

“Figured we could talk. Jisung and Chenle got sick of me moping around so they made me—“

“I hope you’re not being forced to talk to me. I told you, I’ll wait. No matter how long,” The sincerity laced in his voice was prominent.

“I promise you, I went here in my own will. Two idiots just talked some sense into me, and Jisung told me about the promise you made my mom years ago.”

Then there was silence. But this time, it wasn’t deafening. It was peaceful. Its as if you two are finding serenity in each others presence and just the way you stare at each other already says the words your mouth couldn’t speak.

But Jeno cut it short. “Does this mean..”

“I want to try, Jeno. I want to experience this with you. Slowly, at our own pace. I want to go on dates. Carnivals. Watch netflix. Everything, with you.” There's a tinge of shyness in your voice, and Jeno just wants you to scream it out. You don’t need to shy away from him.

“Everything, with me. At your own pace. I’ll accept everything you can offer,” He assured your worried mind.

You nod gently. “I want to feel loved without feeling like I’m begging for it,”

Jeno shakes his head vigorously, “No, baby, you’ll never beg to be loved, ever again. I swear in my grave.” He takes one step closer.

“I’ll trust you and risk getting my heart broken again, but I really hope you won’t.”

One more step closer “I will never. Baby, you’re it for me. I didn’t know it before, but I should’ve known it was you, because no one else made sense.”

You nod again, biting your lip. “When I visited my mom, I told her about you,”

“Yeah?” Jeno asks, in a sweet tone, taking another step closer.

You smiled at him. “I bet she would trust you too,”

“I will not break her trust. Not again,”

He watches carefully as you raise your hand to cup his cheeks, his reaction was to lean into your touch. He takes your initiative as a signal, but still takes his movement slowly.

You gulp, looking up at him. “Can you love me now?”

“Oh, baby. I have loved you since forever. It just took me time to realize it.”

And then, as you tiptoe to match his height, he feels your lips on him and he swears that you taste like heaven.

Jeno didn’t remember how long you talked that night, but somewhere in the midst of your laughter and smiles, he decided that he would destroy the world for you.

Because you might not know it, but in every universe, in every lifetime, and in every story, Jeno has always been completely, madly, and inevitably yours.

A/N: From the bottom of my heart, I apologize for making you guys wait this long. I promise, it just happened to be my worst year ever :'(( but at least she's here! I just wish this could at least be worth it. Tune in for the next part (I promise, it would NOT take this long lmao)

taglist: @cutiepeas @legbouk @hyuckissed @bockhyun @hibernatinghamster @shookyungsoo @sundamariis @sharkipoonis @ohmykwonsoonyoung @carelessshootanonymous @glamourizz

[neocitybooty]

Culture Things. [M]

Genre: Dystopian, AU, SMUT, non-idol, angst, fluff

Pairing: NCT x OC

Warnings: Oral sex, bodily fluids, rough sex, multiple partners, unprotected sex, dirty talk, voyeurism, threesomes, thigh riding, spitting (don’t ask), fingering, anal  

Word count: 2.4k

Summary: Zennie’s dreams of entering the walls are finally coming true. But she is about to also inherit a group of men who all have one common goal in mind.

A/N: I AM BACKKKKKKK <3 Life has been a bit hectic for me. A lot of transitions going on rn. But I am glad I am finally getting around to posting this chapter. This was a fun one to write but I took longer to tweak this one than usual. I really hope y’all enjoy it! I feel this is the true beginning of the story. Everything begins here fr so be sure to pay careful attention to the events that take place in this chapter hehe. But I'll stop rambling now. Happy reading! <3

Chapter 4. 

“What is going on?” Zennie looked at Jeno, looking for an answer. Hoping he would be honest and tell her the truth.

Jeno sighed and just shook his head. “Let’s just wait for Taeyong.” He said quietly.

Renjun rubbed Zennie’s shoulder softly and gave her a sincere smile. “I don’t want you to worry. Everything will be okay.”

Although she wasn’t certain why, Zennie couldn’t shake off his calming aura so she nodded and quietly waited for what was next. Chenle had run out of the room to privately call Taeyong and he returned after a few minutes.

“Taeyong is on his way.” He said as soon as he walked back into the room. “Zennie.” He looked at Zennie. “Xiaojun and Yuta are going to escort you home.”

Zennie made a noise of disapproval. “I should get to stay.” She protested.

“It doesn’t matter what you think you should do.” Chenle said with a sigh. “ Taeyong said you have to go. So please…don’t make this difficult.”

Zennie hopped off the seat and looked at the Neos. “You guys seriously need to grow a damn backbone. I only have hope in Jaemin!” She made a face at them and proceeded to leave the room. Jaemin bit his lip and smiled to himself but knew better than to follow Zennie.

Once she reached the door, Zennie saw Taeyong just barely walking in.

She immediately gave her best pout. Not expecting her to still be there, Taeyong looked flustered but it quickly turned into concern.

“Zennie…” He started, putting both hands on her shoulders.

“Please, let me stay.” Zennie whined, looking deep into his brown orbs.

Taeyong rubbed her shoulders and pouted back.

Goodness, this man can’t be human. Zennie thought to herself at the sight of Taeyong’s ever so perfect face.

“One day, I’ll tell you everything. But for now, I just need you to trust me.” He then cupped her cheeks. “Would you rather I send Sungchan to come get you?” He said quietly so no one around would hear.

Oh my GOD? How the hell did he pick THAT up?

“I- I-” Zennie started to stutter, struggling with the realization that Taeyong was well aware of her crush.

“It’s okay Zennie. Just know that Czennie is very into gossip.” He said with a small laugh.

“She’s literally a computer.” Zennie said.

“Um, that’s not what she is.” Taeyong said and laughed again. “But here…” Taeyong nodded at Zennie and spoke again. “Czennie, call Sungchan.”

She heard the phone ring and then Sungchan’s voice sang in Zennie’s ears. She felt herself instantly become giddy.

“Would you mind coming to pick up Zennie? She will be leaving her schedule for today a little early.” Taeyong said, not breaking eye contact with Zennie.

“Of course,” Sungchan said over the phone. “She’s with the Dreamies, right?”

“Yes, she will be waiting for you at the door.” Taeyong said with a smile.

“I’ll be there in a few.” Sungchan said. And with that he hung up.

“You’re welcome.” Taeyong said before releasing Zennie’s cheeks and walking away to find the other neos.

-

A few minutes later,  Zennie heard a familiar voice.

“Hey.” She looked up and saw Sungchan. He stepped closer with his hands in his pockets and his hair still visibly wet. He was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt with a pair of all black sneakers. Zennie was embarrassed at how weak she felt in the knees.

“H-hi” She said to him with a small wave. She smiled at him, despite trying to keep it cool and collected.

Sungchan peered at her face but then smiled back. “Let’s get you home.” He took his hands out of his pockets and pulled Zennie into an embrace. Zennie was caught by surprise but she hugged him back.

On the walk back, Sungchan shared a lot about his family, how he was one of the Neos that joined after the grand opening of the site, his role among the neos, and his take on the way of Neo Culture Technology. Zennie barely spoke. Completely obsessed with his voice, she decided she could listen to him speak about things most important to him all day.

“Zennie?” Sungchan interrupted her daydream as he waved a hand in front of her face. “We are here. Are you okay?”

Zennie sighed and looked at him.

“What do you think?” She said with a shrug.

“I- I don’t know what to say..” Sungchan scratched his head.

“Kiss me.” Zennie said, not caring who heard her. “Just fucking kiss me. Quite a few of your peers also break rules. I promise.”

“Zennie.” Sungchan started. “You’ve got to stop. You don’t even know what kind of guy I am.”

Zennie raised up her arms and scoffed. “We both know you’re the kind of guy that I want. Don’t even try to sway me.”

“And what kind of guy is that?” Sungchan bit his lip and looked down at Zennie.

Instead of responding, Zennie gulped and stared at the tall man.

Sungchan ran his fingers through his hair and laughed to himself. He then stepped forward, causing Zennie to move back without thinking. She stopped herself once she realized.

“Truth is…” Sungchan leaned over and said in Zennie’s ear. “I’d break you. And I’d enjoy it.”

He then slowly backed away and smiled at Zennie, his hand reaching up and caressing her cheek.

Zennie looked at Sungchan, unsure if she was still breathing.

“Get inside and don’t bother me unless it’s important.” He dropped his hand and started to turn to walk away. “Czennie, please open the door for Zennie. She is arriving  early from schedules. I think she might need some rest.”

“Of course, Channie.” The doors slid open.

Zennie wanted to barf. This damn ai was going to be the end of her.

Too nervous to challenge Sungchan, Zennie walked into her place and waved at Sungchan. He gave a cute smile and waved back before walking back into his day. Zennie sighed and was in her room before the door finished closing.

She lied in bed and thought about what she would do next. Was there any outcome in which she would be successful? She pulled out the handbook and skimmed through the pages. She reread the chapter about the Neos. Then she noticed something. There wasn’t much information about how they became Neos. It seemed like they just came to be. All that was written was that Taeyong and Johnny were the start of everything and how they operated.

“Hmmmm.” Zennie picked up her phone and called Jackson. He answered.

“Hey!” He said. It seemed as if he was waiting for her to call.

“Jackson!” Zennie exclaimed as soon as she heard his phone.

“Are you good?” He asked, his tone laced with concern.

“Jackson, I need your help.” Zennie.

“Holy shit. You lasted maybe 48 hours?” Jackson laughed on the other end.

“Ha ha. Very funny. Are you going to help me or not?”

“Oh of course! Anything for you, your royal highness.” Zennie could hear the smile in Jackson’s voice.

“I need you to do some research on Neo Culture Technology.”

“You literally live inside the same walls as the Neos. What can I find out here in the Multi world?”

“Jackson.. I know you know people that know things…” Zennie said softly, remembering that Czennie could very well be eavesdropping.

Jackson sighed from the other end. “Okay.” He finally said. “Give me a few days. And please….don’t do anything. Just stay chill and don’t let anyone deem you suspicious.”

“Um, duh. I can do that.” Zennie said with a scoff.

“Right..” Jackson said and then hung up.

Only a second had passed when Czennie chimed.

“Mark is at the door, Zennie. I am letting him in.”

Zennie gasped and practically jumped off her bed. “Czennie, I AM THE PERSON THAT LIVES HERE!” Zennie shrieked at the ai, feeling insane.

“Zennie?” She heard Mark call out. Czennie had indeed opened the door for him. Zennie rushed out of her room and met Mark in the kitchen. He was not in uniform. He was not in uniform.

“Before you say anything else.” Zennie gave Mark a curious look. “Who is with the rookies? If you’re here right now..”

“They are either at home or doing whatever it is they want to do today.” He said softly. “I felt the day was already off to a rough start. Might as well give everyone a day off. May I?”

He pointed to the stool at the long island and Zennie nodded. She couldn’t exactly kick him out when her entire home system seemed to care more about him than her.

“Are you here to talk about what happened earlier today?” Zennie asked Mark before he could say anything else. He raised his eyebrows in surprise and sighed.

“I am very embarrassed. I’m usually not like that. I’ve just…hmm. I’ve just been feeling a bit…off lately.” Mark said, twiddling his thumbs.

“Do Taeyong and Johnny know about your little secret?” Zennie said, amused with Mark’s demeanor.

“Oh, I’m sure they know by now. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but Czennie isn’t the best with secrets.” Mark averted eye contact as he slightly smiled. His rising cheek bones gave him away before he could fully turn his head.

“Is there something you find funny?” Zennie asked Mark as she folded his arms.

“I mean..so you and Sungchan, huh?” Mark turned back to Zennie and rested his chin in his palm. “I honestly thought it’d be me and you. You don’t think I’m at least a little cute?” He gave his signature smile.

Of course, I do. All of you bastards are fine as hell. Zennie thought to herself. But she was never going to admit that to Mark. Instead, she waved his statement away.

“It’s not what you think.” Zennie replied, keeping her cool.

“Czennie said you two kissed.” Mark said.

“She said WHAT?!”

Mark leaned in a little closer and whispered, “I told you she’s not good with secrets.”

“Mark, we never kissed. She made it up.” Zennie said, shaking her head.

“Yes, because an ai has a reason to lie.” Mark said with a smile. “But umm. I just wanted to come and spend some time with you…”  

“What’s the catch?” Zennie raised an eyebrow.

“There is no catch..” Mark said with a short shrug.

“Yes, there is.” Zennie responded shortly.

“No, I just want to get to know you a little better, that’s all.”

Zennie started pacing back and forth, with a hand on her hip.

“Do you think you could help me with something?” She finally asked.

“Name it.” Mark immediately responded.

“Why do you all operate like some kind of cult? Why does Czennie treat you like royalty and the rest of us like peasants? And lastly, is it all of you that have this thing with scents?”

Zennie thought of the times her scent was mentioned despite her never wearing any kind of perfume or spray.

“Um, first of all. It’s a brotherhood.” Mark corrected Zennie. “And second, Czennie treats you fairly, I'm pretty sure. And third, maybe you just smell good. I smell you right now actually.”

“No, she does not. And uhhhh… okay?!” Zennie made a face at Mark.

“Okay okay. I can’t answer your questions but I can point you in the right direction.” He gave Zennie a look before he continued. “The Visions have a lot of knowledge about Czennie. You’d have to talk to them about anything related to her. Or Taeyong and Johnny. Doyoung and Taeil would be next in line after that.”

“Who are the Visions?” Zennie asked Mark, more confused than when the conversation started.

“You met them! How could you forget? Yangyang, Xiaojun, Ten, Hendery…The others left earlier in the night.”

Zennie gasped. How could she forget? They were very lively in comparison to the other Neos. They were among the first to get drunk, too. They seemed like the type to share the information she was looking for.

“Where can I find them?” Zennie asked Mark.

“Thinking about other men while you’re hanging out with me. You sure know how to make a guy feel special.” Mark joked.

“Mark please, you know it’s not like that.” Zennie said with a slight head shake. “Soooo…would you mind walking me to the Visions? I have no idea where they stay.”

“Oh- I mean-” Just then his phone chimed loudly in his pocket.

Oh, fuck.

He pulled it out and read the text message.

“I um, I have to go but you can always just ask Czennie.”

“I’m not going to depend on her.” Zennie crossed her arms as Mark stood up to leave.

She looked at his firm ass as he started to walk towards the door. He looked back and she immediately turned her head.

“Okayyy, but don’t say I didn’t try to help you. I’ll see you around, Zennie.” Mark said with a wink and with that, he left.

She looked at her phone and decided she would continue with her plan. “Czennie, please open up maps on my phone and navigate me to the Visions’ main base.”

“Sure thing, Zennie.” Czennie said almost immediately. Zennie’s phone lit up and a map with directions appeared.

Okay, maybe she does have some right to be a brat. Zennie thought to herself. She then went to her front door and put on her shoes. When she opened the door, Jaemin stood in front of her, still wearing his white lab coat.

“Um, hi.” She said quietly.

Jaemin widely smiled at Zennie and stepped into the dorm. “Czennie, sleep.” He said loudly, his eyes never leaving Zennie’s. He slipped out of his shoes and walked further into the dorm.

Zennie looked around as Czennie powered off. “What are you doing?” She asked Jaemin.

“Finishing what I started.”  Jaemin said before his lips crashed onto Zennie’s. The movement was so fast that Zennie fought to keep her balance as her arms flailed. Not sure what to do, she finally pushed him off, once she found some grounding.

“Jaemin!” She said, out of breath.

“C’mon Zennie. I know you want it… just as bad as I do. No one has to know..” Jaemin closed the space between them and caressed Zennie’s cheek. “Your skin is so soft… Your lips are so inviting...” He let his thumb gently glide across Zennie’s full bottom lip. He kept his gaze on her lips as he seemed to enter some type of trance.

As much as Zennie hated to admit….She did want him. Just as much, if not more than she did before. Jaemin stepped away slowly and closed the door behind him, making sure to lock it. He started to loosen his tie and walked back towards Zennie. He wrapped an arm around Zennie, pulling her into him so she could feel his hard rock cock rubbing against his leg.

“Oh, God.” She gulped and grabbed onto Jaemin’s wide shoulders. He bit his lip and then kissed Zennie again, pressing her closer into his body as he felt her melt into the kiss. They naturally pulled away for air but Jaemin continued to give slow pecks in between, his lip balm transferring onto Zennie’s lips in the process. Zennie let him continue to kiss her and she finally kissed him back, thoughts flooded with recaps of their time together earlier in the day.

“One kiss just wouldn’t be enough for me, pretty.” Jaemin said in Zennie’s ear. He kissed the outer shell of Zennie’s ear and started to guide her toward the couch. The scent of Jaemin’s cologne danced around Zennie’s nose as she felt hands climb underneath her shirt. “You won’t need this.” Jaemin tugged the shirt over Zennie’s head and threw it across the room.

Zennie pulled on Jaemin’s loosened tie until it came completely unraveled. He grinned when she started to unbutton his shirt. “A bit impatient, aren’t we?”

Zennie gulped once his shirt was fully unbuttoned. “Wow.” She let her hands feel his hard chest and then lowered down to his abs. It wasn’t easy to see through his clothing but bulging muscles met Zennie’s fingertips.

“Why don’t you go a little lower?” Jaemin took one of Zennie’s hands and unbuttoned his pants, with his free hand. Once his zipper was down, he led her hand directly into his briefs. “Oh fuck.” Jaemin whispered, followed by a sharp intake of air, as he felt a warm and soft hand wrap around his eager cock.

Zennie licked her lips and slowly started massaging the tip with her thumb, smearing precum around the surface. Jaemin’s cock felt hot to the touch.

“It helps if you know…” Jaemin said in a husky voice.

“If I what?” Zennie tilted her head and continued to massage the tip gently. Jaemin slowly closed his eyes as his eyebrows met together in the middle. He bit his lip as he slowly groaned.

“Make it wet, princess.”  Jaemin said softly. His voice laced with lust as he gazed at Zennie through half closed eyes. “I know you feel how big I am. You’re just as excited as I am, aren’t you?” He then lifted Zennie’s chin and kissed her deeply, inserting his tongue at the first sign of an opening. He let himself become completely consumed in the kiss as the aroused woman slowly stroked his needy cock. He returned to reality at the sound of Zennie moaning after he started to suck on her tongue.

He finally pulled away and looked at Zennie. “Are you okay?” He looked at Zennie as her eyes

fluttered open, her mouth still positioned to receive more of Jaemin’s affection. Jaemin smiled and looked at Zennie’s lips, his eyes sparkling in excitement. “It’s just that I really like kissing…” He let a thumb slip into Zennie’s mouth. “And kissing you makes me so fucking horny.”

Zennie started to softly suck on Jaemin’s thumb as he watched with a crazed look in his eyes. “Wooow, such soft and pretty lips, princess.” He said while licking his bottom lips. “Please let my dick feel them too.” He pulled his thumb out and took off his shirt, letting it drop to the floor.

“Oh wow.” Zennie’s eyes widened at the sight of Jaemin’s arms. “I’m not complaining but… this will take some getting used to.”

Jaemin smiled and nodded as he let his arms reach around her back and unclasped her bra.

“Fuck.” Jaemin took a step back and looked at Zennie’s bare chest. “Even more beautiful than I imagined.” And with that, he pulled his pants and briefs down and stepped out of them. Zennie looked at the ground as a slight hint of embarrassment hit her. She couldn’t put her finger on it but something about Jaemin made her feel…timid.

Just one sentence and she was putty in his hands. Sungchan had the same ability but Zennie knew he held himself back for the sake of maintaining his image.

But Jaemin…he knew how to wield his power and he was going to use it to get what he wanted. He took off his socks and stroked himself slowly as he walked back to Zennie. He wrapped an arm around her waist and buried his face in her neck. He inhaled obnoxiously before giving her a painfully slow kiss in the same area. He moved Zennie’s hand back to his throbbing member without a word. She gasped once she felt the warmth in her hand but Jaemin only hummed and kissed her again. He then gently pushed her down to her knees.

Zennie looked up at Jaemin as she licked his shaft from the bottom to the top and inserted his length as far it would go. She gagged as his cock hit the back of her throat and pulled all the way back, gasping for air.

“Ahhh that is such a good girl.” Jaemin breathed out, his cock twitching mid sentence. He gently cupped Zennie’s chin with one hand, gazing as he watched his cock disappear and reappear again as Zennie’s head bobbed back and forth. He groaned when she gagged again, sending vibrations throughout his entire body. With tears streaming down her face, she opened her mouth wide and let her tongue glide along the bottom of Jaemin’s shaft.  “Fuck, baby. I can’t cum without feeling your pussy wrapped my cock.”

He then groaned and held Zennie’s head in place and he thrusted forward, letting his balls reach her chin. He shook as pleasure rumbled through his body and moaned softly.. “Yes, baby. Keep your mouth open just like that.” He breathed as he gave another slow thrust. This time Zennie closed her mouth around him and moaned.

“Oh, fuckk.” Jaemin quickly pulled out. “I need to feel you. Zennie. I need to be inside you.” He pulled her up and laid her onto the couch.

He traced a finger from Zennie’s chest all the way to her navel and smiled. He then gently took off Zennie’s shoes and socks. Next was her pants and underwear. She gasped as he pulled both off and threw everything across the room.

“Jaemin, wait.” Zennie said before Jaemin could make another move.

“Hmm?” Jaemin said with a smile.

Zennie’s heart fluttered and she closed her legs. Jaemin's expression shifted to worry as he rubbed her legs gently. “What’s wrong?” He cooed.

“I’m really nervous?” Zennie finally said.

“Why is my beautiful princess nervous?” Jaemin slowly parted Zennie’s legs and settled in between, lowering himself until he was face to face with her. He bit his lip and looked at Zennie’s lips again. “Will another kiss make it easier for you?”

Zennie wrapped her arms around Jaemin’s neck and nodded.

“Of course baby. Just focus on me, okay? I’m going to make you feel so good.” He then pressed his lips against Zennie’s. She quickly returned the kiss and could feel Jaemin smile into the kiss. He reached down and lined up his cock while keeping Zennie preoccupied with the deep kiss. He sunk deeper as he slowly passed the wet folds.

“Oh my-” Zennie broke the kiss and gasped as Jaemin slid in deeper. “Fuckkkk.”

Jaemin closed his eyes and bit his lip, nails digging into the couch and cock pulsing between wet and warm walls. Zennie involuntarily clenched around

“You feel so good, baby. I love the way you wrap around this cock. You’re taking it like such a good girl.” Jaemin’s head dropped into the crook of Zennie’s neck as his thrusts sped up and gained more force. Her entire body jerked with each thrust as he placed both hands on the sides of her head.

Zennie’s moans eventually turned into screams.

“Jaemin!?!”

She felt as though she was going insane. This was the same man that took her around parks and took pictures of her and nearby butterflies. He was gentle, cute, bold, and affectionate...

Now he was the reason for her screaming and scratching his back. “Yes, baby. I’m so fucking close. Can’t wait to give you all this cum. Would you like that? Want my entire load, hmmm?” He muttered in between breaths.

Zennie choked and couldn’t get a response out as Jaemin plunged deeper. She simply nodded and bit her lip as he pushed her knees to her chest.

“Fuck this feels so good.” Jaemin groaned as he pulled out and thrust in hard. Zennie screamed and shook as he hit her spot.

“Jaemin, please. Please, right there!” Zennie finally shouted.

“Oh I’m cumming. I’m fucking cumming!” Jaemin moaned.

The lights began to flicker and a lightbulb exploded in the kitchen. Zennie jolted but Jaemin didn’t react. He moaned softly and wrapped Zennie’s legs around his waist. “Gonna fuck you full of cum.”

Zennie felt her heart beat faster between her self destructing home and Jaemin’s hard cock pounding into her mercilessly.

Glass shattered in the background as more lights began to flicker but Jaemin still wasn’t reacting.

“Jaemin.”  Zennie started.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck!” Jaemin squeezed his eyes shut as he released into Zennie. She arched her back as she felt his hot liquid fill invade her walls. He groaned as his cum continued to ooze into the warm hole.

Jaemin’s phone began to ring from his pants on the ground as he rested on Zennie. He ignored it. Zennie looked at Jaemin and ran her fingers through his black hair. He panted and let his eyes close, still reeling from his release.

Once his breathing steadied, he opened his eyes and looked at Zennie. She smiled at him and then giggled.

“Are you happy you broke the rules?” Zennie asked him in a sing-song voice.

“So happy that I’m going to keep breaking them.” Jaemin whispered and kissed Zennie softly. He pulled away and smiled widely. “Do you wanna go again?”

Jaemin’s phone rang again. He rolled his eyes and propped himself off Zennie. He walked over to his phone and answered it as Zennie watched his bare ass.

“Oh… yeahh.” She heard Jaemin say. “I got distracted. I’ll be back in fifteen.”

He then hung up and walked back over to Zennie. Before she could say anything, he kissed her deeply.

“They are getting suspicious. I have to go.” Jaemin said. And with that, he started getting dressed.

Zennie sighed but didn’t protest.

“Okay.” She said softly.

“I’ll call you for our second round.” Jaemin flashed a smile and winked at Zennie as he zipped up his pants. Zennie continued to watch him as he put on his shirt and stood up just as he was about to put on his tie.

“Oh wait! I can help.” Zennie started to tie the fabric. Jaemin smirked and gave her a peck. Once she finished, he grabbed his labcoat and rushed to the door. Right before leaving, he blew Zennie an air kiss.

Zennie finally exhaled and dropped to her couch.

She was already anticipating round two.

[yueisyum]

Look alike ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ⋆

genre ꕤ idol au, strangers(kinda) to lovers,

pairings 𖧷 Idol Jaemin x drunk reader

Warnings ☽ mentions of alcohol, sexual tension to the MAX! 🚨SMUT/⚠️ Building Arousal, fat dick jaemin + too much stamina jaemin😏 Overstimulation, Use of nicknames, degrading, and praising. Revealing of identity. (Jaem is very condescending 🤭)

Note: this is a continuation of the teaser, so if you haven’t read it yet, you can find it (here) If you find any grammar or spelling errors, please let me know. If you have any questions or recommendations, my requests are open! Please enjoy😚

Tags list

@nominsgirl @c-ms1ut @carelessshootanonymous @toroufriteh @baek1-1 @syhdluv

…

“Please” you whimper.

He smirks, keeping his eyes on your lips.

You, in fact, cannot smell the stupid fried chicken on his breath…

Liar.

But your not sure you care anymore. He smells like cologne, light cologne, and that new clothes smell. (You know what I mean) It was intoxicating. He was so close to you now. His lips where less then an inch from yours.

“Y/N! I found the charger-“ Shihyun stood in front of the door with her arm in the air, the charger dangling in front of her face.

FUCKKKKKKKK… WHY!?

You turn your head to her and give her a look. She narrows her eyes before realizing the position you’re currently in. “Holy shit- nevermind, forget it- go back to what you were doing!” She waves to…. What’s his name? Then slides back inside. The guy next to you nods his head and lifts his hand to say hello.

Awkward ….

You gnaw at your lip for a moment before turning back to him.

“Sorry, should we-“

“Do you wanna-“

You both giggle and you close your eyes to curse yourself for being so awkward. He drops his head against your shoulder laughing. And you wrap your arms around he shoulders naturally. “You go first” I suggest when he lifts his head back up. He watches for a moment. Your hands are resting at his shoulders and his hands are propping himself up on the bench. “No you go first” you roll your eyes. And he smiles. Another beautiful smile.

“I’m sorry, that’s Shihyun. She’s a little slow…” you cringe at the thought of her trying to act like she didn’t just see what she saw. You didn’t want to say what you were going to, not when you’re already almost shaking at the thought of bringing up sex with him. Instead, you just look at him, waiting for a response. “She’s watching us” he says simply- not looking away from you. Snapping your head to the door you see her peering through the window. Her hot breath and hands smudging the glass. She ducks down instantly after you see her, probably falling over in the process, You giggle uncontrollably.

“She’s drunk” you can’t stop laughing, covering your mouth to hide your smile.

•••

“Y/N! I found the charger-“ Shihyun stood in front of the door with her arm in the air, the charger dangling in front of her face.

When you look over at the drunk women at the door he lets his head fall in disappointment.

Fuck, I was so close-

“Holy shit- nevermind, forget it- go back to what you were doing!” She makes a face toward you and then she waves to him, Then slides back inside quickly. He makes sure to nod his head and lifts his hand to address her. He then waits for her to leave. But she’s doesn’t. He can see out of the corner of his eye, a figure through the glass door. He tries not to laugh and looks back to you to see if you’ve noticed your nosey friend. He’s watching you think, and biting at your lip. You don’t know what to say now; and he’s finding it hilarious. He tries to help you:

“Do you wanna-“

“Sorry, should we-“

You both begin at the same time.

He laughs at that. He thinks it’s ridiculous that he can’t keep himself together. He hasn’t drank anything; Why is he laughing at everything? He finds himself in the crook of your neck. He can smell your perfume; simple and euphoric. He can smell the alcohol too but it’s starting to grow on him. Your arms wrap around him and he almost died. Your touch is so soft, and addicting.

“You go first” your voice was almost a whisper. He lifts himself off of you to see your face, he feels flustered when making eye intact with you. Your eyes are so beautiful. He doesn’t want to ask anything from you, if you aren’t comfortable. And he doesn’t want to risk scaring you off with the mention of taking you back to his place.

“No you go first” he refuses, keeping his eyes on yours. You’re fluster too.

you roll your eyes and he waits for you to answer. Your fidgeting, or shaking? He makes sure to take note of that.

IS SHE COLD?

SCARED?

“Sorry, she’s a little slow”

you cringe, probably at the thought of her trying to act nonchalant. “She’s watching us” he says simply- not looking away from you. He watched you Snap your head to the door once again. But this time He turns with you. You both see her peering through the window. Her hot breathe and hands staining the glass. She ducks down instantly, most likely falling over in the process.

“She’s drunk” he turns to you when you say that, your voice sounded high pitched and airless. You cover your face from him again, hiding your laughter and your smile. He hates that, hates when you do that-

“Oh my gosh-“ you kept going. And he can’t help but beam at you.

You were ecstatic, giggling at your friend. You look so fragile, so beautiful, so… perfect. He’s smiling, why can’t he stop smiling!?

“I should probably go get her back to the group”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine” he grips your thigh. Can’t have you leaving him not yet. You look at him, shocked at his sudden change in tone. “Let me take you to my place” he asks, Well not really. It was more of a statement or demand?

“Your place?”

“Yes, my place… Do you trust me?” He watches your chest rise and fall. You’re just looking at him. Definitely contemplating the question. He finds it cute but it also turns him on.

“Should I?”

He thinks for a moment. Well… he is keeping his identity form you… does that count as lying? Is he a liar? God this is frustrating. What will you do if he tells you the truth?

“Depends…” it’s all he could muster up. But you didn’t look upset with his answer.

•••

You’re not entirely sure this is how you planned on spending your Friday night, but your not complaining. His car smelled new, it wasn’t the cleanest, but your remembered that he was at he club with his friends. So they must share a car. And the bottle of beer in the cup holder must be his friends too.

He keeps his eyes on the road. His forearms are on display for you, should his arms really be turning you on? Probably not. But they do. You can see each and every vein, and when they flex every time he makes a right turn.

Should you have told everyone you were leaving? You told Shihyun, she was drunk out if her mind… she might forget to tell yejun and the others. You’ll text them, and keep your location on. Just in case.

Is he playing music? It’s nice.

Who is this song by?

NIKI? It’s a good song. I’ll need to remember that name.

He has good taste.

You are freaking out…

Did you shave? Yes. Yesterday.

When was the last time you washed you hair? Yesterday… maybe?

When was the last time you cleaned your belly button- what?

Should you brush your teeth before you two- wait what if you’re not going to have sex?

What if he just wants to hang out?

Should you ask him for his name?

Ok you texted Yejun. Everything is fine.

His hands are big…

Stop looking at his hands-

Why are you so nervous!?

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

He takes a couple quick glances at you. His eyes are soft and his voice is low and gentle.

“What?”

“Are you nervous?”

“No” you shake your head and laugh. Yes you are, you as so nervous.

“Do you want to get food?” When we stop at a light, he turns to you completely, waiting for my response. “No I don’t want to get bloated” you respond, covering your hands over your stomach.

What if you already are!?

Are you? What did you eat tonight!??

“Don’t be ridiculous, what do you want? What are you craving?”

You.

“Ramen? I don’t know- I’m not hungry. I feel Iike if I eat I’ll throw up. And not because I’m drunk.” You explain, looking out the window to avoid his eyes. He laughs shaking his head. When the light turns green he takes a left. “Your so cute”

You feel giddy when he says that, the compliment was so natural. God you’re not going to make it. “Don’t boast my ego” you try to joke and he laughs. So you relax your body and watch he road ahead.

•••

You were being quiet, too quiet. He wondered if you were started to regret coming with him. Would you tell him if you were? No. You’d probably be to embarrassed to admit that. Fuck! What if you changed your mind!? He really needed to focus on driving, but all he can focus on was the way you were shifting in your seat. But he’s glad you were able to joke with him.

When he pulls into the parking spot he hops out of the car, and runs around the front to open yours. You step out with a cheeky smile. “Are you just doing this because you want me in your bed?” You ask, tilting your head at him. He makes an exaggerated offended face. “No! I would never! I’m doing this for a good yelp review” he teases while closing the car door behind you. You snort and try not to trip in your heals.

•••

His apartment complex looks expensive. The elevator was modern and the music was even classical properly some shit like Beethoven. You wouldn’t be surprised if there was a fountain situation in the lobby.

There wasn’t, but they could definitely fit one. The hallways were lit with modern lights, and the ground was clear of trash unlike your dorm building.

When you made it to his apartment you notice immediately how big it was. It wasn’t bougie or overly fancy but it was big. For one person? You started to feel self-conscious, the thought of someone like him being interested in you? You walked in with him, your short dress and light limp- people probably think your an escort!?

“You’re rich! People are going to think I’m a gold digger! Or a hooker-” You turn to him. Hes placing his things down on the counter and sliding his shoes off. “I live with my friends” he chuckles and makes his way to you. You nod with an ‘oh’ as you continue to look around the living area. It’s surprisingly cleaner then you’d expect. And you look like a kid at his first time at a Olive Garden or something “You should take your shoes off, it doesn’t take a genius to know your feet hurt” he says from behind you. You turn in surprise, he’s really close, and you almost knock into him from the action.

“Right.” You grab at his arms to steady yourself and slip out of your heals. The feeling of air on your feet felt good-

what if your feet smell bad..

what if he thinks your feet are ugly!?

Is he looking at your feet now!?

Yes he is?!

Why is he looking them!?

Are your toes too long!?

“Aww they’re red” he mumbles, keeping his eyes towards the ground.

“I’m sorry?” Your brows pinch together, and you tilt your head in confusion. He looks back up to you. His arms pull you into him with a soft grin, Your chest is pressed into his.

“Your feet, they’re all red. Do they hurt bad?” He coos, the question making you oddly fluster-er.

“Can we not talk about my feet? This is embarrassing” you let go of his hands and back away. “You’re embarrassed?” He asks with a cheecky smile on his face. He brings his hands to yours and squeezes them. Then he pulls you towards him once again.

“I think so.”

“You think so?” He try’s not to laugh, but he can’t help it.

“Stop responding to everything with a question! You’re making me nervous!” You press your head into his chest in embarrassment, your hands grip his to ground yourself.

What is happening to you!?

You were fine before!!

•••

“Sorry” Jaemin chuckles at your shyness, he finds it cute, but he knows that will end up being a problem later. “Can I kiss you now?” He asks. He tries looking down at you but your face remains pressed into him.

“If you promise to stop teasing” you mumble into his chest. Your small hands squeeze his. He’s starting to think he has a size kink. Or maybe it’s it’s just you.

“I promise to stop teasing, for now” you laugh into his frame before lifting your head to look at him. Taking your heels off made you lose a couple inches on him.

“So… I can kiss you?”

“Stop asking me and just do it please”

So he does, he bends down to kiss you. Your lips are soft, and they pucker a bit, he can’t help but smile. The back of his neck feels hot, and he can feel your hands shaking a bit. the thought of you not truly knowing that he is really Jaemin is clouding his mind, and the over bearing feeling of guilt swallows him. He tries to pull away but you chase his lips, tilting your head to deepen it even more. “Hey” he calls, and you lean back, dropping your feet, which were on their toes to reach him. “Hm?” You tilt your head again and he wants to kiss you again.

“There’s something I should tell you” you stare at him Patiently. Jaemin runs all the scenarios in his head.

1. You could slap him across the face for lying.

2. You could freak out and run off

3. You could think he is lying

4. Or you would be totally okay with it.

He’s hoping for the latter.

“Hey? You okay?”

His eyes refocus on you. You pull your hands away from his, and it almost stings. “Is it really serious? Are you a virgin or something?” You ask him and he laughs nervously.

“No no, I just lied to you. About who I was”

“You never actually told me who you are…what are you like the amazing Spider-Man?”

“I’m scared that if I tell you, you’ll run off. And maybe punch me-“

“What!? What is it?”

“I’m-“

He stops when he hears a knock at the door behind him. He turns slightly to face it. You lean over to watch the door as well.

Perfect.. no really. Who the hell could possibly be at the door right now!?

“Jaemin! You left with the car and the keys! What the hell!? How did you expect us to get home?- hold on, I think Jeno has a spare key!” You both hear the voice through the door. It was muffled but very clear.

Oh.. right.

“Jaemin!? Jeno!?” He turns back to you, your face was full of shock and confusion. You just look at him, frozen in place.

SHIT

“I was trying to tell you-“

“-You’re na jaemin!? Holy fucking shit- I almost threw up on na fucking jaemin!?” You turn away covering your mouth, your voice was shaky.

Was that one of his scenarios?

No..?

The door began to click open and he had to think fast.

•••

Your body was being lead into a room. It was dark with only a small lamp providing a smile light. You couldn’t really focus on any of that though.

NA JAEMIN!?

HE IS NA JAEMIN!?

You almost threw up on him…

He could smell your alcohol breathe all night…

He had to carry you- are you heavy!?

Is that why he was asking all those questions about if I would ever sleep with hi-

NA JAEMIN WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU!?

Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy fucking-

“Stay here, I promise I’ll explain- let me just deal with my friends” the guy- jaemin* put his hands out in front if him. Telling you to ‘stay put’, then rushed out of the room, closeting the door behind him.

What the fuck-

Why didn’t he just tell you who he was? How could he expect to go out to a bar and think no one would recognize him? Why wouldn’t he just tell you he was actually jaemin? Why does he want to sleep with you!? Why couldn’t he bring up that fact that he’s NA JAEMIN!?

You find yourself pacing around his room. He wants to have sex with YOU… you want to have sex with him- but what if he doesn’t like it… would it be awkward now!? Shouldn’t you be angry. Why aren’t you angry? You need to sit down.

Shit- your shaking and your breaths are getting shorter and shorter- your freaking out… AGAIN!

•••

“Wait- your telling me she’s in your room now?” Mark asks, his face was full of shock and amazement.

“Yes”

“And you didn’t tell her who you are?” Jeno adds.

“Yes”

“But you were about to? then we came- and accidentally revealed it before you did? and now she probably thinks you weren’t going to tell her? And now hates you?” Heachan adds, trying to sum it all up.

“Dude what the fuck?” Chenle kicks him in the shin and Haechan whines.

Jaemin sighs and places his head in his palm. “Yes…”

The boys all think for a moment. The silence was killing him. “Would it kill you to disagree?”

“Dude, she doesn’t hate you, she’s probably just freaking out” mark tries to explain and the rest nod.

“Exactly! And having her wait in your room like she’s a patient, probably isn’t helping” renjun agrees.

“Fuck-“ jaemin quickly threw the remote he was fidgeting with and bolted to his room.

•••

The door flew open which caused you to jump slightly. There he was… na jaemin.

“I’m sorry” he shut the door behind him. Leaning up against it to watch you sit at his bed. You aren’t sure if he’s apologizing for hiding his identity or scaring you with the door. You both stare at each other for a moment. Your still in shock and he’s probably trying find the right worlds… so you decide to speak first.

“So you’re actually jaemin?” Your hands lay in your lap, they are shaking and a bit cold.

“Yes”

“And I thought you were just a look alike this whole time…” you mostly talking to yourself now. He tries not to laugh and nods his head, he looks away to avoid your eyes. “Yeah”

“And YOU want to have sex with ME?”

“Yes? Aren’t we getting off topic?-”

“-This is really embarrassing!” Your lips quiver and you cover your face. You sensitive bitch.

“I’m really sorry. you just- I mean, no it’s not your fault. I was just scared that.. I don’t know, but when you said that you wouldn’t sleep with jaemin-“

“-You mean you?”

“Yeah- yeah me; I got scared, I thought that if I told you who I was, you would run off.”

“…I probably would’ve…” you tried to laugh but it came out dry.

“Exactly! And I really, REALLY, did not want that to happen.” He pushed himself off the door and made his way towards you.

You just look at him then look away… you could bare the fact that you are in his room, on his bed, and he’s is apologizing to you about something you aren’t even mad about.

What the heck do you do!? He joins you on his bed, but he keeps his distance.

“…So I just didn’t say anything, but I swear I was about to tell you, before those idiots came back”

•••

You think for a moment longer, the both of you sitting in silence. Na Jaemin apologizing for wanting to be with you?.. holy shit

“Im very upset” you announce. You couldn’t be mad, even if you tried. But why not have some fun?

“Im sorry” he repeated. He seemed genuine and it doesn’t seem he like he realizes your not actually mad. He tries to maintain eye contact while spewing a abundance of apologies.

“I don’t think I can forgive you Jaem” you shake your head, trying your hardest to hold your facial expression. You reached out for him and you squeeze gently. Trying to make it obvious that you just playing a part. The thought of having na jaemin in your hands was driving you crazy. Your mind repeatedly taking you back to the bar where he was holding you thighs and carrying you and- and you almost threw up on him.

Your mind will never let you hear the end of it, however now…

Now you have the upper hand.

•••

“I don’t think I can forgive you Jeam” you added, your voice sounded playful… but your words are the opposite- and why are you giving him that look-

Oh

OH

“M’sorry y/n” he leaned in uncontrollably. Your little smirk drawing him closer to you.

God- he likes this side of you. Jaemin’s eyes remain on yours. His heart pace quickens and he swears he can feel goosebumps. The sexual tension between you two came out of nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

“You’ll have to make it up to me…”

“How can I do that?” He asks, his hands grab yours and squeezes lightly.

His lips are almost on yours now. His eyes are hooded and his breath matches yours.

He was about to close the distance when you turn away. “How about we watch one of your face cams!” It was sudden and unexpected… but deserved. You hop off of his bed and make your way to his computer with a huge smile on your face. He drops his head in disbelief.

This is his punishment… he deserves this.

•••

Are you still unbelievably horny? Yes

But are you proud of yourself for teasing him? Yesser

“Really?” You hear him ask from behind you, and you fight back a giggle.

“Maybe… make a wish? I like that one” you take a seat at his chair, and he remains seated on the bed.

“Do you?” He asks, you can hear him shuffling around then lets out a sigh.

“Yep” you respond in the most upbeat, nonchalant way you could. Clicking around his already opened computer to YouTube. Your innocent behaviour was almost laughable. Teasing him, by not giving him what he wants? And he’s playing along!? You might die. “So how does that sound? Make a wish?”

“Mhm” he hums with a tight lip smile.

You search the video you want to watch and then smile in shock.

“You’ve already seen them?” you laugh. The mouse is hovering over a face came video of himself, but the red line indicates that’s he’s already watched it the whole way through. You continue laughing and glance at him. His smile grows wider when you look at him. His smile is breathtaking.

“What? It’s called monitoring, and I like to read the comments. wanna read all the crazy stuff fans wrote about me” he shrugs, continuing to look at you and not his monitor. He seems as if he couldn’t care less about it.

“-your lying!?” cocky motherfucker.

So your telling me he reads the comments!?

You hear Jaemin get up from his seat and hover behind you. Then, he bends down so his face is next to yours and his hands lean against the desk so he can maneuver the mouse. Kinda like how teachers hover over frustrated students in a classroom… but he’s not a teacher and this isn’t a classroom, and your horny not frustrated. Or maybe you are?

Jaemin takes over the mouse and clicks on one of the face cams, and you lean back into the chair.

Jaemin was only able to keep it together for 45 seconds into the video, Standing there impatiently.

“Do you really want to be doing this right now?” He turns his head to you, and you turn yours to lock eyes with him.

Holy shit he looks so good in this lighting, and why does he have to look at you like that!? The smirk that slowly appears on his face is a reminder that He’s a literally and idol… why aren’t you freaking out like a mad man!? There’s no way your still drunk right? so why are you able to hold your ground like this!?

“What would you rather be doing?” You ask with an innocent face.

“You” Jaemin grabs the chair you’re sitting in and spins you to face him completely, and away from his computer. he leans in, his lips searching for yours again.

Oh

you weren’t surprised by his response necessarily, you kinda thought he would say something like that, but you didn’t really think of how you would respond.. now your just staring at him, flustered and frustratedly horny.

You turn back to the computer before he could get too close. Your not giving in that easy. “Wait, shh this is my favorite part” you put up your finger to his lips to ‘shh’ him, then watch the screen quietly. Jaemin rolls his eyes and grabs at the arm rests of his chair.

“Y/n” he spins his chair once more.

“Yes?”

“Don’t you want the real thing?” He flashes a look at you. A look you’ve seen before… on tv? At a concert? In a music video? Who knows but your thighs push themselves together in response, and you’re fighting to keep your composure.

“Hmm… I don’t know, the real thing doesn’t seem reliable” you tease with a smile. The song was still playing in the background, you wanted to keep watching but it’s long forgotten.

“I am reliable, I promise”

“Promise?” You laugh at his seriousness, bringing a hand up to cover your mouth, trying not to allow any giggles to escape.

“Promise” Jaemin reaches to remove the hand covering your mouth, then pushes his lips into yours. You DID tell him to stop asking to kiss you. This wasn’t quick and desperate, it was slow and sensual. One of his hands grab at your thigh and you almost moan into his lips. You place your hand over his and squeeze.

•••

You taste so fucking good. The alcohol on your lips is driving him crazy. There is absolutely no way your lips are naturally this soft. His body was getting weak and when you brought your hands to his, he nearly lost it.

Jeamin pulls away and contemplates how he should continue.

“Jaemin” you call out after a moment

“Yeah?”

“Please make it up to me”

No more contemplating-

He grabs a hold of your hand and brings you to your feet with a tug. Then he pulls your waist towards him and kisses you like you two only have 20 minutes left to live. He feels you grab at his shoulders and you lift yourself onto your toes to reach him.

Cute

Jaemin slowly lifts his right hand and slides it up your body slowly, to cup your tits through your dress. As his hands move, you lift yours and wrap them around his neck. When your feet give out and you fall back you your original height, Jaemin bends down to chase your lips. you allow his tongue into your mouth he almost cums right then and there. Instead he pulls away. “So, we are having sex tonight?” his eyes focus on your for an answer.

“It IS on my bucket list” you joke with a shrug. Jaemin pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue. He drops his hands to your hips again and asks; “Sleeping with an NCT member is on your bucket list?”

“No, sleeping with YOU is on my bucket list” you joke. He can’t find it in himself to look away from you.

“Ohh I see, so you planned this?” He teases.

“Oh yeah! All down to the YouTube video and everything” you agree sarcastically. Your features playing along in the conversation. When you both finish a mini laughing fit, you both take a moment to look into each other’s eyes. “Now that that’s out of the way, can you go back to touching me? Please?” you pull him closer. he tried to hum in response but it came out as a low groan. He doesn’t even care if he sounds like a perv anymore.

“Fuck, y/n.. can I take you to the bed?”

“You don’t have to ask- Jaemin!?”

You were cut off when he bends to lift you by the back of your thighs, then he turns to sit you on his bed. when he lays you down and begins to climb over you, your dress was rides up your thighs. Lifting every move you made. You look so fucking gorgeous, he wondered what you taste like- He wants to taste you- he needs to. He sits up to get rid of his shirt, revealing his toned stomach. Then he moves back to hover over you.

“Um- what- how do you want to do this?” He asks, his right arm was holding him up above you, and his left was playing with the hem of your dress. “What do you mean?” You ask, doing that thing he now loves about you. He’s finding it hard to understand that he’s just met you tonight, and that you haven’t know each other for years.

“Do want me to be soft? Rough? Vanilla? Are you okay with biting”

“Too many questions jaem-“

“- I need to know y/n”

You sigh and think for a moment. “What are you usually like?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like with other girls? Are you rough with them? What does your definition of rough mean?”

“Now your asking too many questions” he laughs and you join him.

“I don’t care. Just remember I’m not made of glass, sound good?”

“Yes ma’am” he smirks and places a peck to your lips before he raises his head. Jaemin beings to lift your dress up your thighs then your waist. You slightly lift your upper body to allowing his to completely pull it off of you.

You are so fucking beautiful- he almost forgets to breath. Your underwear is simple but you still look so fucking sexy in it. He can see your chest rise and fall, and the curve of your boobs form on top of your bra. He finds himself kissing at the area, sucking and leaving marks all over your chests. Soft moans leave your lips when he travels to your neck, and you leg spread for him unintentionally. His crotch is pressed against your heat. He groans when your hands come up to grip his hair.

•••

His body grinds into yours.

“Jaemin” you moan out, allowing his hands to find his shoulders.

“Hm?”

You gasp when he finds the perfect spot on your neck. The grip you have on his hair tightens, and you squeeze your eyes shut.

Why are you so sensitive right now!?

“Please hurry” you plead. He lifts his head to glance up at you.

“We just started, you this needy already?”

“Already? I’ve been waiting since we left the bar-“

“-god” he lets one big breath out and connects his lips to yours. His jeans continue to grind against your soaked underwear. Jaemin’s hands run across your body, squeezing and caressing anywhere he can reach. Those words made him Farrell; there is nothing he loves more then when someone is bold about their needs. “Are you okay with me taking off your bra?” He mumble against you lips. “Not made of glass remember?”

“Right”

Jaemin’s arms lift you with ease, his hands finding the clip at the back of you, undoing them in a swift motion. Then he throws it somewhere near his desk. You know you shouldn’t feel insecure, but when he just stares at your chest you feel a chill flutter through your body.

•••

He can’t trust himself. He’ll cum too fast and embarrass himself. Grinding into you already has him close, and he hasn’t even taken his cock out of his pants yet. When he pulled your bra off your chest, they bounced back into place. Plump and full, He might actually die a happy man tonight. “Y/n”

“Yes? Is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?” He notices the panic in your voice and curses himself for starring too long. He probably caused you to overthink. You hands cover your chest as you watch him and wait for his reply. “No no, I’m just… very sensitive right now. And I’m not sure I’ll last long” He tries his hardest to search your face for a response before you actually speak. Your features seem to relax and you smile to him. A smile that his him melting.

“Oh. That’s okay, I’m not sure I can either-“

“No like I’m serious-“

“Me too” you laugh at his expression. He just smiles. He’s worried you don’t actually understand he’s trying to say. Globe of your hands lift to cup his face, you skin is just as song as your smile.

“Can I-“ he goes to ask if he can remove your underwear now, but then he’s reminded of your earlier complaints. So instead he leans back, and begins to unblocked his jeans. Then he slips his fingers onto the band if your underwear and drags it down your legs. Your legs close unintentionally.

“Your so beautiful” he then leans back on top of you. “I’m going to make you feel good, I promise” his lips find your neck again. “But we are going to need to stay quiet, because the members are in the other room-“

“What?! They will hear us?” You push him off your neck to look at him. “Are the walls thin?”

“No, they’ll hear you and yes” he corrects you with a chuckle, he can’t help but lean in for another kiss. “You can be quite right?” He mumbles into your lips and you simply hum in response. Then when he pulls away you whisper a yes with an eager nod.

He doesn’t believe you, but you seem pretty confident. “Alright, we have all night, let’s not waist it”

ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ

“Jaemin!” You moan, your hips are lifted off the bed as he pounds into you. You let it slip, you didn’t mean to be so loud. He chuckles when your hands come to slap over your mouth. Your whole body jolts with every thrust he hits you with. He gave you plenty of time to adjust to his size, but the stretch is still tingling. His cock kisses you cervix almost every thrust.

“I thought you said you can stay quiet?” he continues. His hips slamming into yours at a cruel pace. You can’t move your hands, you know what will happen. You were doing so good, but this is the umpteenth round, and you’re hypersensitive- everywhere. Your body feels numb but your feeling everything ten times more. Your head is spinning and your legs are spasming.

“It’s too late now love, they’ve most definitely heard you. Might as well continue yeah? Move your hands.” he teases. His voice is strained and breathy. His hands travel from your hips to your face to forcefully remove your hands when you shake your head: no. Now that your mouth is no longer covered, tense moans leave your lips. “I can’t c-“

Jaemin cocks an eyebrow with a smirk.

“Can’t what?” His hands are still holding yours, when he leans down so your noses touch. When you hesitate, he places a little kiss on the corner of your lips. “You can tell me y/n/n, don’t be shy” You tighten your lips and look away from him. He chuckles but he’s pissed. I don’t need to remind you how much he hates that. He slows his thrust to a stop and waits for your answer. You whine and try humping yourself on his cock. But if course, he won’t let you. Grabbing at your hips and holding them to the mattress.

“Come on princess, I won’t judge you. I can’t help if you won’t tell me what you need” Jaemin coos at you. You hate to admit it, but his words made you clench around his length. He groans at the feeling, but tries his best to stay patient. “I can’t cum anymore” you finally reveal with a moan. He wasn’t even moving but you felt another orgasm nearing. Everything was fluttering and giddy, you felt as if you were going insane. “No? Are you sure? Is that why you were trying to fuck yourself on my cock like a slut just now?”

“s’too much jaemin” you try to argue but he’s already began moving again. Slowly thrusting into you. “You can say all you want baby, but your pretty little hole is telling the truth” jaemin lowers his head to your hear, you can feel the smirk on his lips. You don’t know if you want to moan or slap him. his hips slowly slide out, until just the tip remains, then he slams into you. His previous pace begins again, and you can only throw your head back into the pillows. “You hear that?” He asks, his hands now holding at your legs. The sound of skin slapping fills your ears, and you can’t help but be embarrassed. His hands gripping the back of your thighs, surly it’s going to leave a mark.

“Your slutty hole is telling me you want me to cum inside of you, you want that princess?” You can only moan in response. You muscles are flexing a and your back arches of the bed. You nod eagerly instead. “Yeah? Come on, use your words princess” his body is sat up, meaning he can see every part of you. Was that freaking you out? Yes.

Was it also turning you on? Yes.

“Yes please”

You just barley manage. A soft laugh leave his lips as he continues to fuck into you. His cock was twitching inside of you and you knew he had to be close. His eyebrows furrowed together, his mouth hung open and his abdomen was flexed. “Fuck! My pretty little whore. Wants me to cum inside her? So fucking cute” he coos again, this time his grip on your thighs tighten and he’s sounds a bit whiny. ��You are so beautiful, you feel so good”

That was it for you, his hands released your thighs and and interlocked his fingers with yours, then allowing his head to fall into your neck. He thrust where staggered and uneven, he was fitting into you. You were spasming and twitching everywhere. Your toes curled and eyes squeezed shut as your umpteenth organs hit you. The feeling of him shooting his release inside of you made you moan again.

Taking a second for your breath evens out again before he speaks.

“We still have all night” he begins, he starts kissing at your neck while you’re still trying to remember your own name. “Jaem-“ you try to warn, you can already feel him growing hard again. Isn’t he sensitive or tired!? The jaemin you know from social media and tv wouldn’t have this much fucking stamina.

His cum on your stomach from the last couple rounds, has become sticky; You’re light headed, and your body is going limp- but even all of that can’t push you to deny him.

“You asked me to make it up to you, thats exactly what I’m doing. Can’t you do one more baby?” He lifts his face to look at you, his right hand caressing your cheek as you lean into him.

“I’m sensitive”

“Even better. I only have a couple hours left, I’m not waisting them” kissing your lips between every thought. Jaemin begins slowly thrusting into, holding eye contact while doing so. The feeling of you tired walls being fucked again was driving you crazy. Especially since you haven’t fully come down form your last orgasm. “Fuck- jaem”

“s’good?” He chuckles when your eyes roll to the back of your head.

You moan louder when he kisses at your nipples.

“Good. Just one more”

[mrkis]

the way life goes — behind the writing

[ 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗡𝗘𝗢 𝗧𝗘𝗖𝗛 𝗧𝗪𝗟𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗨𝗗𝗘𝗡𝗧 𝗜𝗗𝗦 ] ! [ 𝗜𝗡𝗖𝗟𝗨𝗗𝗘𝗦: 𝗠𝗜𝗪𝗢𝗢, 𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗨, 𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨𝗡, 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗢, 𝗗𝗢𝗡𝗚𝗛𝗬𝗨𝗖𝗞, 𝗬𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗬𝗔𝗡𝗚, 𝗝𝗘𝗡𝗢, 𝗝𝗔𝗘𝗠𝗜𝗡 ] !

𝗔|𝗡: made these due to the sudden inspiration and motivation i have for writing the final part. idk what's going on, but please enjoy. also, these student ids are not going to be realistic because they feature their instagram handles and photos that probably aren't allowed to be used as ids. it's just for fun.

[hhie]

GENUINE MISTAKE _ short series smau

jaemin x reader strangers > lovers

notes: just flirty jaemin

part 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

from 인: saw jaemins ig pic and i just had to HAHAH so here’s a mini series

[thatsatricky1]

𝐍𝐜𝐭 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 | 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐩𝐢𝐜 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮

|| 𝐓𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐬 ||

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Nct Dream members x F reader

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Fluff, Humor

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @rotinyzen @wonyoungmywife @snflwrhaerecs4u @thegreenlynx @serinebsblog @delululi @bubusebu @hanniehq @bunnychui @molensworld @morkiee @marvelahsobx @kaciebello @kgneptun @bluedbliss @officiallyjaehyuns

(If you want to be tagged in my Nct Dream writing/works comment, inbox or message me)

Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed. Don’t forget likes, reblogs and comments are always encouraged and help keep writers like myself motivated to continue our works.

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