#NOT THE SUSHI GUY BEING A REAL SUSHI CHEF AND NEVER ACTED BEFORE

[crazykuroneko]

‘IWTV’s Assad Zaman & Eric Bogosian on Season 2’s Satisfying Conclusion

[orihara-infobroker]

There’s this guy I work with. Let’s call him Lazy McDickbag. He is, as the name says, lazy. He is also a homophobic, transphobic, piece of shit. He likes to spend his time bragging about stupid shit like how he used to get into fights when he was younger or how many girlfriends he used to have before he got married. Real class act sort of guy. Makes me want to punch him every time he opens his mouth. He is constantly late for work and unless Manager-san is there to watch him, he half-asses everything and spends more time talking than working. He’s been working there for a few months longer than I have, which is close to four years.

None of us sushi chefs like him. Most of the kitchen staff don’t like him either. Specifically because he has no work ethic. Yet somehow he has managed to last four years without getting fired. Because Manager-san doesn’t see him being a lazy piece of shit. So Manager-san talks to him and tells him he needs to be a better employee but things never change. He just makes sure he’s doing his job when Manager-san is around.

Last year at the annual New Year’s staff party (of which there will be none this year due to Covid T_T ) he was given the Employee of the Year award. Needless to say, the rest of us were not impressed. Honestly I was tempted to ask him if he was sucking Manager-san’s dick to get it. 

 On Thursday (two days ago) he didn’t show up for his shift. He was supposed to open with me. Opening alone is a pain in the ass. There is too much to do for one person. I had to open alone during the first lockdown back in March/April/May and it was not fun. Because I was too busy, one of the kitchen ladies tried to call him but just got voice mail. At 11 - an hour after he was supposed to start - his wife shows up for her shift (yeah, she works there too) and we asked her to call him. He finally showed up at 1130, which is when we open. At that point I was seriously tempted to tell him to just go home because I didn’t need him anymore and I was so pissed I didn’t even want to look at him.

Manager-san actually apologized to me personally for that dipshit being late. Which was, in and of itself, a surprise. Then today I’m on break and Manager-san comes to talk to me about changing the schedule for next week. I’m thinking ‘Oh man I hope he’s not cutting my hours’. Turns out I’m getting more hours...

WELL GUESS WHAT BITCHES?

THAT DIPSHIT FINALLY GOT HIMSELF FIRED! 

I am so happy. This calls for a fucking toast. Except I gotta work in the morning. BUT. Fucking Monday night. Imma open this bottle of sake I’ve been saving. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[purplesurveys]

763

Why did you last feel like crying? My thesis was making me anxious and the songs off of Petals for Armor are still very fresh and are resonating with me very strongly for now, so those things happening at the same time nearly made me cry over breakfast.

How long ago and why did you last feel infuriated? Infuriated is a strong word. I suppose I last felt it when I heard the news of the police shooting a former soldier with PTSD for going out without his face mask on to get groceries. You don’t fucking KILL anyone for not having a mask, you educate them and you fucking give them one.

Do emotions control you or do you control your emotions? Uhhh it really depends. Most of the time I always want to address stuff maturely and make sure my emotions are in check before I respond to anything; but there are also times I’ll give myself a treat and allow myself to be petty, letting my emotions control me.

Do you keep your friends secrets/private information to yourself? Some secrets will make it to Gabie, but I mainly tell her only because she’s so forgetful and will forget most details in the next hour. I don’t tell her much more personal secrets, like if someone came out to me.

What negative quality do your friends bring up the most? We don’t really have talks where we talk about our negative qualities; my friends and I do have similar talks, but instead what we do is we’ll raise events in the past where one of us may have annoyed another and be like, “I actually didn’t like when you did/said this or that before.” I’m lucky to have good friends who can be honest and mature about this kind of stuff.

What quality do you think you have that others don't think you do? You’d have to ask them first. I don’t always keep track of how people think of me.

Do you often "jump" to conclusions? Only when I’m expecting a worst-case scenario to happen. I like to always expect the worst so that the actual outcome doesn’t disappoint me as much.

Do you find being alone with strangers scary, interesting or indifferent? It ranges from wary to completely uncomfortable. I never find the prospect of being surrounded by strangers ‘interesting.’

Do you think you know a lot about the world? Definitely not. I’m incredibly young and I know very little outside of my home and school, so I’m currently holding a weird excitement for graduating and getting a job and finally getting to know the rest of the world bit by bit.

What about the world do you wish you never found out? I don’t think like that. I embrace reality lol give me all the bad, worse, and worst news.

Do you know first aid? We had a) health classes throughout high school that taught us first aid and b) a couple of first aid seminars for NSTP in college. Our final exam in freshman year was for each of us to demonstrate CPR to a mannequin. But for some reason, I still haven’t gotten basic first aid down to a T. I think because I’ve never had to use my learnings in an emergency situation, I always end up forgetting them over time.

Does the sight of blood make you feel sick? Oh my god fuck yes, especially my own. Gabie’s nose also bleeds all the time and I always have to excuse myself because I can’t handle the blood, but it also makes me feel like shit that I can’t even help my own girlfriend lmao. I find it so weird because I’ll have no problem watching pro wrestling which has so much more legit blood in it.

Does your first name have an L in it? It does not, but my second and middle names do.

Middle name have a C in it? No. My last name does. You’re always one name off hahaha.

Last name have a R in it? No, but my first does. Catch up bruh.

Do your initials spell a legitimate word? If so, what? No.

The word above, does it have any connection to you at all?

Do you prefer classic rock or nope alternative? I have no idea what nope alternative is but that’s a hilarious typo if it’s one. I do listen to alternative music, but nothing classic rock.

Do you like Kings of Leon? Just their songs that went on to become popular. 

How about The Script? Ah no, was never a fan. I don’t get the appeal of their songs, but they’re so wildly popular here I can’t even begin to tell you just how much. They’ve been to Manila 4 or 5 times, which is already essentially equivalent to a million times when it comes to international acts coming to the Philippines. A lot of artists come here, but very very few come back.

Does crying make you feel better? It doesn’t make me feel better, but it does serve as a nice release.

Do you know a girl called Becca? Yup, one of Rita’s older sisters.

How about a guy called Gregory? Not that name exactly but the Spanish/Italian version, Gregorio. We called him Greg. He was a super brief member of our org but he ghosted us not long after he passed the application. 

Does someones background effect whether you'll be friends with them or not? Background effect made me imagine different auras that people would come with if that we’re possible, like stars or hearts hahahaha. ANYWAY it would definitely depend on what aspect of ‘background’ we’re talking about. Someone’s ethnic or racial background wouldn’t bother me at all, but if they just came out of prison for raping someone I wouldn’t want to be around them, especially if their behavior is still a bit off.

How about their religious background? I preferably wouldn’t want to hang out with anyone who’s a devout, by-the-book Christian because our beliefs would wildly clash and they’ll just ruin any conversation. I wouldn’t even be able to talk about my girlfriend, for instance.

If someone admitted cheating in a past relationship of theirs, would you trust them? No.

Do you drink tea and/or coffee every day? I used to drink coffee everyday this quarantine, but I had to stop because I was starting to get headaches often. I drink it probably 2-3 times a week now.

Did you ever want to be a cook as a kid? Not really. I don’t think I ever said “I want to be a chef like my dad,” or something along those lines as a kid.

How about a fashion designer? No.

Do you wish that magic was real? Not really. I’m fine with the fact that they’re all tricks, it actually makes it more entertaining that way.

What food would you love to wipe off the face of the earth? Eh, at least one person likes each kind of food and I wouldn’t wanna rob them of their joy.

Can you use a bottle opener? I haven’t even tried using one.

Do you own a cheese grater? Yup.

What time will it be in 38 minutes time? 7:18 PM.

What day/date will it be in 11 days time? It’ll be May 21st, a Thursday.

Have you ever owned a pet fish? Yup, just several goldfish as a kid.

Do you prefer fire or ice? Ice.

Do you rap along with rap songs? If I memorize the verses then yeah I can’t help but rap along.

When happy, do you become more talkative? I think so. I get very chatty when with Gabie so that’s probably why.

Bowling or sailing? Why? Bowling, only because I’ve never been sailing. I bet if I were to sail, I’d prefer that, though. < Yup, exactly this. Bowling is fun though!

What colour is your kettle? The one we have is silver. I don’t have my own.

How about your microwave? It is black.

Do you prefer sitting in the front or back of a car? Most of the time I’m the one driving, so that makes me pick front by default haha. When I’m not driving though I really prefer sitting at the back as I rarely get to feel like a passenger anymore.

How about in a train? On the bus? I’ve only ridden a train once but wasn’t able to form an opinion about it. When it comes to the bus, it’s always fun being at the back haha especially when I’m riding with friends.

Do you care about politics? Yes, but my concern is mostly for our own. I’m not up to speed with other countries’ governments; I only know enough to form a general opinion about their highest leader, like how Trump is a piece of shit.

Obama or Bush? Obama.

Blair or Brown? I don’t pay much attention to UK politics. < This. But the royal family, that’s a different story HAHAHA

When did you last cook something from scratch? I *helped* my dad bread chicken several few weeks ago, if that counts.

What things make you jealous? I don’t feel jealous a lot, but when I do it’s usually just FOMO.

Are you offended easily by non politically correct language? Sure, especially if the people using them aren’t willing to be educated.

Do you think the censors/fcc go a bit too far or are just right? Can’t relate.

Do you feel hungry, thirsty, sleepy or none of the above? I’m hungry since it’s time for dinner. I’m just waiting for my dad to finsh up cooking.

What's your I.Q?   I dunno, I’ve never had it checked.

What's your Mum's Mum called? How about your Dad's Dad? I call both sets of grandparents the traditional Filipino way, Lola for my grandmas and Lolo for my grandpas.

Do you prefer crepes, pancakes or waffles? Waffles > pancakes > crepes. I’ve never even had crepes before.

Do you have ice-cream in your fridge right now? Yeah I think so. We always have enough supply of it in the freezer because both of my parents love their ice cream.

How about chicken nuggets? I think we do but it hasn’t been touched in a while since my dad has preferred preparing real food throughout the quarantine haha.

Do you eat fish often? Yes, both cooked and as sushi. Fish is a huge part of Filipino cuisine because duh, we’re surrounded by water. My family will typically have tuyo, danggit, or dilis (kinds of sun-dried fish) for breakast and you can always find a fish dish or two at birthday parties, whether on its own or relleno (stuffed).

Have you ever taken a martial art? Which one{s}? I haven’t. There was a time I wanted to, but I didn’t pursue it because I thought I was too thin and unfit to try it out.

Do you know anyone who is scared of you? Probably.

What person who has died would you bring back and why? Nacho. It wasn’t his time yet.

Do you like watermelon? I like some watermelon-flavored stuff like popsicles, but I don’t eat the fruit.

Can you remember the month of your first kiss? January 24, 2015. Couple steps ahead of ya.

Do you make friends easily? I make acquaintances easily, but I choose who to let into my inner circle. I’d make more friends if I wanted to, but I just choose not to.

What makes you different from everyone else? I honestly don’t know. My interests are pretty common and I haven’t had anything super unique happen to me.

I give you a piece of paper. What do you draw/write on it? Practice my alma mater’s penmanship, which is always my go-to when I’m asked to write anything haha.

What pictures or photos are up in your lounge? Is this a Myspace thing? Lol I don’t really have my photos ‘up’ anywhere on my social media; my accounts just show the latest ones I uploaded.

Do you like purple and white patterned things? It wouldn’t be the first one I’d choose, no.

Do you know anyone called Pipa? No, but my sister went to school with a Pipay. I think her full name was Piper.

I say purple, you think... My great-grandmother. She loved purple and had it everywhere in her home.

What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? I don’t know. I’d rather people who know me answer this as they might be able to come up with different answers, and it’d be interesting to see how they see me.

Do you like being complimented or does it make you uncomfortable? It’s nice to be recognized but overall I’m shit at accepting them. 

Does the description of your starsign correspond with your personality? My astrology-believing friends tell me that they match, but I don’t believe in astrology so I don’t think about it all that much and mostly think of it as coincidence.

Do you have a photo album? Yeah my mom was big on albums from when my siblings and I were infants to when we reached pre-teen years. Each of us have two photo albums.

What artists’ paintings do you find the most beautiful? Monet’s.

What about the most disturbing? I find it more sad than disturbing, but I’ve always been affected by artists who made self-portraits as their health was deteriorating over the years.

Have you ever gone to a camp or summer school? I attended a summer sports clinic for swimming when I was 9.

What was your favourite cartoon as a child? Spongebob. Fairly OddParents was a very very very close second because it was just as funny as Spongebob.

What was your biggest fear as a child? Introducing myself. I always got bullied for my name and got called a tomboy/boy for it more than once, so I was conditioned to be nervous whenever I had to introduce myself and say my own name.

Would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater? Fly, so I can travel anywhere hah.

What about invisibility or mindreading? Probably invisibility. There are stuff I’d discover in reading minds that I think I’m better off not knowing and I find it a tad bit invasive than being invisible.

Do you like what you see in the mirror? Sure. Just not so much these days since I never get to dress up or fix myself up anymore.

Which stereotype do you dislike the most? Offensive ones.

Can you remember all your past teachers names? There’ll be some grade-subject combos I’ve forgetten about by now, like I no longer remember my 3rd grade English teacher for one. But my memory in general is still quite impressive and I remember most of my past teachers.

Do you like talent shows? Which ones? I wouldn’t tune in to them religiously but I do love Golden Buzzer compilations from America’s/Britain’s Got Talent.

Have you ever failed an important exam? In what? Only in high school, and it was the more advanced math/science subjects that I really could not start to care for, like chemistry and calculus.

Do you find people taller than you intimidating? Kinda? Filipinos are very tiny people so whenever I meet a foreigner I always have to crane my neck all the way up and it does scare me a little bit hahaha.

Do you think you are better than people of a different country/background? Not at all.

What's your favourite thing about your country? I suppose the tourism side of it is wonderful. We’ve always been known for our hospitality, our tour guides are always so friendly and funny, we have beautiful beaches and islands, and Filipinos are generally a nice people and very easy to get along with.

What's your least favourite thing about your country? The colonization, the government, and people who continue to glorify the government as if they can’t do anything wrong.

Who is your favourite bzoinker? I have several favorite survey-makers but I’m too shy to mention them on here lol.

What websites do you have bookmarked? I have soooooooooooo many bookmarks.

Do you use bows and ribbons to decorate your gifts? I’ll stick a bow on a Christmas gift if I have one, but otherwise no. < Same, I only get real decorative for Christmas.

Do you listen to the same type of music as your parents? What type is that? Not at all. My mom is really into cheesy 80s and 90s love songs and I just can’t imagine myself listening to those on my own time lmao. My dad doesn’t have much of a music taste.

What TV show scared you as a kid? Mr. Meaty. What the fuck was that. < HAHAHAHAHAHA this fucking show. That was such a mess; I never understood it but I found it so hilarious. Anyway, I don’t think I was scared of any show as a kid.

Family Guy, The Simpsons or South Park? Why? The Simpsons. Family Guy’s jokes can sometimes go too far, and isn’t South Park just blatantly offensive? The humor in The Simpsons is just right for me.

[lodestarslagoon]

AHS Apocalypse 8x03 Live Stream

SPOILERS UNDER CUT

Oh I thought the opening scene looked like the Dinah, Coco, Mallory descencum. Damn Michael...

Night Vision of the soul? Tell me about your powers!

Lol, spoiler, entitled, helpless. 

OMG COCO! Fire Mallory lol

“Something Dark”

DAMN CALL HER SHALLOW!

Og again? He knows Dinah?

SHE’S NOT POWERFUL ENOUGH?!

DINAH IS A WITCH!

MICHAEL CONFIRMED IT!

Ish

Dinah is in the sanctuary!

Evil soul?

Oh nvm, it’s Andre.

Unless Dinah is Andre’s son...?

God this is one opening scene of mind fuckery.

I want Dinah to use some powers

Mallory’s made for that world?

Mallory should want to leave.

Ew what an ugly close up to Michael.

Oh Mallory has a darkness..... Unfun.

MALLORY PUSHED HIM BACK

MALLORY IS A WITCH!

OMG MALLORY PYROKINESISED MICHAEL!

That’s right Mallory! Call his ass right back out!!!!

OMG MY THEORY THAT DINAH MALLORY AND COCO R WITCHES ARE RIGHT!!!

THEY DID DESCECUM WHEN THE OTHER 3 WALK IN!

BEST OPENING SCENE IN AHS HISTORY!!!

I swear the opening theme has been changing scenes every week.

ITS COMMERCIALS AND I AM SCREAMING IN EXCITMENT STILL THAT MALLORY, BILLIE LOURD, AND DINAH, SAME NAME AS BLACK CANARY, ARE WITCHES!!!

I still wonder if Coco’s a witch based on set pics Ryan Murphy released.

I am so excited to find out how Dinah knows Michael.

Adina Porter came out and said the scripts made her mind twist and turn, and well I hope it’s true cause it’ll be interesting to see a strong black witch since Angela Basset is too busy with 911 to come back as Marie.

Omg Michael’s doing a spell, ritual.

I wonder if it’s Tate father of devil father.

OHHHH It’s a scrying!!!

He thought he destroyed them all?

Michael did the witches?!

HE DESTROYED WHO? THE WITCHES?!

I cant with this fucking shit. Omg Witches need to ocme and take hsi ass back.

Boiling blood is actually kind of a cool effect.

Am I the only one whos still scare dof Michael’s demon face that happened earlier?

Oh yay the snakes are still around.

Ave Satanis... “Awaken Satan” right?

Kathy Bate’s voice is so distinct.

Her own self made costume is adorable.

The tricker treatgiver is a famous actress I remember her from places.

Wasn’t Kathy Bates in Rosemary’s baby?

Go Young Kathy Bates! Slap him.

Oh shit, she’s a good fighter!

Oh she’s an agent. This makes sense.

Can we have Kathy Bates in Spy 2? 

Can someone inform Melissa McCarthy and 50 Cent Piece to get Kathy in on this?

Oh everything happened on Halloween in Kathy Bates’ life. Nice.

Okay as nice as robot Kathy Bates’ life story is, can we get back to the witches?

I still swear Mallory and Coco are connected because they’re witchy powers keep them together.

I am so validated by this knowledge they were witches.

Awww Venable showing support for Kathy Bates is actually touching.

Omg Venable being so adamant on Michael is very interesting.

“That’s Outrageous”

“If you die here, Justice dies here” Really? you’re the sadists here!

“Kill everyone!” Jeez Kathy, these methods are nice.

“ You’re mean and self invovled enough to survive anything, and I’m a robot”

Oh is this guy the Coco husband who screams “You bitch?”

Someone saw a leaked pic that he appears again I think.

I was a finalist on top chef omg hahahhaa

Omg, he is very good “tracking” her for a year.

No one sees the figure approaching behind him?

I wonder where this guy got the gun.

Wait I guess we know officially that the apocalypse did actually happen.

How come these people can breath fine without pain like the people Michael claims he saw.

mother with kids^

OMG ANOTHER WITCH BREACH?!

STEP FORTH WITCHES PLEASE!!!!!

MADISON I INVOKE THEE!!!

They teleported in already I bet.

Ugh.... Why can’t we just reveal the witches already.

Anyone have any guesses where Michael did the ritual? I am very curious? How do people not notice things that happen in this place?

Apples... cause they’re fucking for Adam and Eve aka UCLA and Jail Girl

lol a nurtition blog!

Oh Venable happy enough to try the red delicious.

Vine providence? Wtf Kathy Bates....

Before they die? Don’t you just kill them anyways?

“Not a bad apple in the bunch?” Is that symbolism for they all deserve to go to the sancutary?

WHERE ARE THE WITCHES?

I could honestly care less about Coco’s husbando bf guy.

How can he breath the air and not the guy in the mask?

This Nuclear fallout is making less and less sense to me.

Less sense than where are the witches of all things.

I ownder how Coco will react ot seeing him.

MALLORY STARE AT THE FIRE AND INVOKE THINGS PLEASE!

Oh another Gray got a speaking line.

God I have a lot of thoughts tonight.

Celebration and Comradery?

Wait the only saved Asian is a Gray....

Victorian Masquerade Ball.... @holypancakes is about to blow it!

What are they going to be able to make in this bunker.

Omg Coco, and Gay Evan Peters destroying Mallory is so relatable and sad.

Omg Stew!!! I love how they love Stew.

“I don’t wanna rub it in for the ones who don’t get picked” lol

“No offense Mallory” BAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAJA

These 1v1′s is hilarious.

OMG WHY THE FACE AGAIN :’(

Oh Mallory’s coming out of the broom closet!

Oh they’re laughing at him.

NO MALLORY ITS NOT THE BLAST!

OMG DARK PHEONIX! Shit thats so meta, with Quicksilver right there lol.

Coco commanding shit. 

I know she probably won’t but pleas Mallory do something.

This is such a Cinderella point.

Shit Coco is kind of getting a little far right now.

She totally had a point with Evie’s room.

OH IS THIS WHEN MADISON APPEARS IN THE BEAK MASK TO DINAH OR WHOEVER IN THE TRAILER?!

I know it’s not confirmed but we all know that mask was the same Madison wore for to scare Zoe in Bitchcraft.

LOL “Sweet horses”

Lol Mallory has to introduce her.

LOL THAT BOO

FX WTF DON’T U FUCK UP THE PICTURE AUDIO NOW!

Oh shit Venable knows the Ghosts situation.

I mean if it’s been 18 months, this has happened before.

I wonder how many monologes Sarah Paulson has this season.

WHAT MUSIC WILL PLAY I WONDER?!

No idea what this symbolizes honestly.

Oh UCLA’s wire crown is actually creative.

OMG THE FOG IS ROLLING IN WHICH MEANS THE WITCHES CAN COME!

Madison is not that tall, so idk who that could be.

Mr. Langdon doesn’t seem that tall either.

Is Coco dying? Damn....

I still pray it’s Madison, but still.

Wait Coco got into Harvard?

I hope it’s like by real merit. Not money.

BITCH YOU WERE TRYING TO BE AN INFLUENCER U NEVER MADE IT!

Analingus omg Coco.

Coco’s about to die sigh.

Coco can you not....

Short tongue and sensitive gag reflex. sigh this show.

Oh shit Brock I forgot he was around lol.

HOW DARE SHE INVOKE SUSHI!

Brock doesn’t look happy.

NOOOOOO COCO!!!!!!!!

SOMEONE VITAL VITALUS HER!

WHERE IS MISTY?!

BRING COCO BACK!!!!

COCO WAS SEEN IN OTHER SET PARTS AND SHIT!

Lol festivities and your gun. Bitch, has no clue who Michael is.

So many snakes.

I wonder how bored they must be that this si so thirlling for them.

I wonder how many times these peopl have bobbed for apples. I think it’s harder than this I think.

I also think it’s weird UCLA and Jail Girl are so calm right now about all this. They were about to be murdered last week. I don’t knwo how I could deal with these people.

I wonder how bad this mass suicide will end up.

Oh Gay Evan Peters sis howing signs.

Mallory might be immune?

Oh nvm she threw up.

Oh UVLA had blood on Jail Girl ew.

Gay Evan Peters looked so fake.

I wonder what it’s like to act this scene.

Okay so where is Misty to bring everyone back?

Literally we know Misty is in the first 5 episodes since the trailer promos only filmed the first 5 episodes at time they made it. I thought she’d be in later.

Misty being team Michael would make so much sense based on what we just saw. 

“Oh Venable you think you killed everyone? HA! Watch this,” Michael shows Misty who dances around and brings everyone back.

“And here’s the trick” hahahaha

I’m still waiting for Michael to bring Misty in.

I wonder when they’re going to realize Coco’s like head stabbed.

Oh shit he’s just open about the laptop being there lol.

I think this is funny, let alone Michael.

Oh shit, she passed the test!

I wouldn’t do that either.

NO SCARY FACT IS COMING BACK :’(

Oh wait she’s on his side duh #HailSatan

OH SHIT!!! CONCILUM!!!!

BE THAT WARLOCK MICHAEL!

I know why she did it.

Michael’s monologe right now is so confusing.

Not what he’s saying, but how interested I am.

Where is the witches?

Someone from his childhood?!

The Beautiful Boy? I’m still confused by this.

Okay so this song is so calming over these corpses and bile.

Brock is around doing what right now?

OH SONG CHANGE?!

THERE IS A HOUSE IN NEW ORLEANS?!

Oh no, it might not be?

OMG THEY’RE COMING!

THEY’RE HERE!

OMG I BET THEY ARE!!!!

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

THEY’RE IN MY EYE SIGHT!

I SEE THEM!!!

I’M DYING!!!!

I AM CANARY CRYING ALL OVER THE PLACE RIGHT NOW!!!!

OMG MY EYES MY HEART MY LIFE!

I CAN’T HANDLE THIS OMG YASSS BRING THEM BACK!

BRING BACK MALLORY AND CO!

FIND OUR SISTERS YES!!!!!!

I KNEW IT COCO IS A SISTER!

YASSSS RESURGENCE! 

Madison looked happy to see them back.

OMG YES MADISON KNEW! SHE GOT THE LAST LINE!

AHHHHH SHE GOT THE LAST LINE!!!!

i am so happy!!!!!

[sometimesrosy]

The Carriage House, chap 3 : Just Lots of Pretending

rosymamacita

Chapter 3 Read on AO3

Summary:

Look. This Fake Marriage thing is getting complicated. It ain't easy at all.

Clarke and Bellamy settled into the carriage house easily, since it was usually just them, going about their daily business, with a few encounters with Vera, but fine, that was okay. They knew this was the game and it didn’t cross any lines. An arm around her shoulders. A peck on the cheek. Really they just acted slightly more intimate than their normal relationship. It was easy.

They got ready for school in the morning, sharing the bathroom in turns, he’d make breakfast for her because otherwise she’d eat a pop tart or something. They’d walk to work, since the school was so close, and go their separate ways until lunch where she’d bring him his favorite sushi from the deli, since she had the period before lunch off, and the lines were shorter then. Then they’d meet with Raven to plan or discuss classes and finish the day with the students. They wouldn’t walk home together, usually, always having different plans scheduled, or various after school commitments. They didn’t do EVERYTHING together.

But he kind of liked it when he got home and there was Clarke, cozy on their couch, doing her grading in front of the tv or reading a book, and there was dinner on the stove waiting. If he got home before her, he’d make dinner. They almost competed, sometimes, over who could make the best food. He said he was the best chef, just to tease her, but he was not sure that was true. Then they’d watch something on tv and say goodnight. He’d collect his clothes for the next day from her closet and go to bed.

He never actually had managed to move all his stuff out of Clarke’s room and into his room, although he’d hung up his white curtains and made the bed and pulled one of the cozy chairs into the corner so he could read before bed. He rationalized it by saying that if Vera showed up, well, it would look like a guest room, but really he was just too lazy and Clarke had been right. His closet was tiny and once he’d hung up his coats and dress suits, it was nearly full. It was easier just to leave his clothes in the big room.

For some reason, Clarke kept folding his clothes out of the dryer and putting them back in her closet. He’d asked her why, and she’d said something about sensory something or other and how she liked the warm clothes and folding and the scent of the softener. She babbled for a bit on that and then glared at him with that look that dared him to challenge her and, hey, if she wanted to fold and put away his laundry all the time, fine. He had more space in his room for books, which made it look more like a library than a bedroom, to be honest. Also good for if Vera stopped by. Good for the ruse.

And sure, being around Clarke was slightly maddening, especially when she woke up in the morning all sleepy and grumpy, with her shirt falling off her shoulder and she leaned into him as he poured coffee into her favorite “because I’m the teacher, that’s why” mug. But Bellamy also knew that who they were to each other was just partners, roommates, friends. Close friends, but just friends. And without the nagging of his asshole friends, he could accept that.

Besides, it was the very next week after they moved in that the end of the school year panic started to set in. They were too busy working to worry about their fake marriage, as they prepared for finals and state tests and projects and portfolios and evaluations and performances and even the search for a new interim assistant principal, since Diana Sydney had defected to a school in the suburbs where she would be paid twice as much and the kids were all rich and shiny. Fine. Good riddance, she was awful and said she supported their inner-city students, but in the end, always looked down on them for the struggles they went through and because their test scores weren’t high enough. He was glad she was gone, but that meant he was on the committee to interview new candidates, and he was damn sure he wouldn’t let them hire some elitist conservative in the guise of a liberal. He still fumed about Diana Sydney, and Clarke would crack open a bottle of wine and sit with him on the couch and listen to him rant.

It was easier. It was frighteningly easy to slip into being roommates with Clarke Griffin. At least, once their asshole friends went back to their asshole lives. Sure Raven was around every day, as their co-teacher, but not only did Raven prefer to focus on work and teaching and the kids, but she also got bored fast, and this “fake marriage” between he and Clarke was going nowhere. Raven was a professional, also. She didn’t mix her pranks and teasing with their job at school, which was education and pedagogy. Not fake marriage.

It was slightly more difficult to deal with their fake marriage when they went out to their bar, where Miller bartended and stood amongst his bottles and glasses smirking at them and making snide comments about love and marriage and settling down. He did it more when Bellamy was alone. When he’d gone down early to save their favorite bar seats, while Clarke was helping her kids with their art portfolios and Raven was fighting the other science and math teacher on the direction their department should go.

So Bellamy was alone in the bar with Miller telling a story about something his idiot patrons had done the night before when Clarke stormed in the bar.

She stalked up to him and poked him in the chest with a sharp finger. “What did you do!”

“Uh oh,” Miller said, “Wifey’s mad. Someone’s sleeping on the couch tonight.”

“Shut up, Miller,” Bellamy growled.

“You idiot!” She shoved his chest this time with her whole hand. She was strong.

“Do you mind?” He turned to Clarke, getting pissed at her manhandling. He didn’t get to handle her in ways he might like, so she didn’t get to handle him, either.

“You’re damn right I mind. You hired Vera’s nephew as our new assistant principal.”

He blinked. His anger drained right out of him. “What are you talking about.”

“Roan Isley. His mother was Vera’s estranged sister. She kicked him out of the house and Vera took him in. He’s one of her kids that she always talks about. You absolute idiot.”

“No he’s not. He didn’t say anything to me.” It couldn’t be.

“Oh yes he is. He was taking a tour of the school and stopped by my room to see the kids’ portfolios being assembled. He said he’d told Vera he was going to stay in the city because he was hired at our school. And SHE told him that her new tenants were working there.” Her eyes were wide. He felt his own eyes growing wide. “Bellamy. When he met me, he told me he’d already met my husband. I of course looked at him like he was crazy, and he said, “Oh Mr Blake, the history teacher.’”

Bellamy swallowed heavily. “What?” The word barely came out.

“Bellamy. There were KIDS in the room with me. Bellamy.”

“Clarke.”

“The KIDS heard him say that you were my HUSBAND.”

Bellamy clutched at the bar. Miller plopped down two shots of god knows what in front of them. ‘You guys are fucked,” he said. And he didn’t think that was a grin on his face, but yeah, it kind of looked like a grin. Holy shit.

Bellamy tossed down the shot and closed his eyes. Nasty shot. Miller was a jerk. But he pushed the shot glass towards Miller and he filled it again. He wasn’t always a jerk. He tossed that one back too. “The kids already have been trying to set us up and figure out if we are dating and pushing us to…we’re fucked, Clarke. The kids heard. We have to be married at school too, now.”

Clarke took her shot and Miller filled it up again. He leaned across the bar. “Actually, you’re not going to play married at school. That would be too simple. What YOU’RE doing is pretending to be married while pretending not be married to cover up that you’re pretending to be married so you can get an apartment when you’re really pretending that you don’t want to be married in the first place.”

Bellamy stared at him not really able to put all that together. “Shut up, Miller.”

Clarke took her second shot. “Shut up, Miller.”

“Well at least you guys got one thing right. You’re fucked.” Then he smiled. “I’ve got to call Monty and Jasper.”

Fuck.

***

It was a small school. Clarke and Bellamy tried to head off the rumors by coming clean with Roan “Call Me Roan” Isley. Well. Not really coming clean.

“Listen Mr Isley—“

“Roan.”

“—Roan. Listen. We’re not actually married.”

Clarke grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand towards her chest. He swallowed. “We’re engaged,” she said. “But the real estate agent said Vera wanted a married couple.”

Bellamy gritted his teeth. “Clarke,” he warned. He didn’t think he could make it if he had to pretend that he was married to her at school, too.

“Bellamy,” she warned back, tightening her lips. “Marcus already knows we’re not married. He agreed to the ruse if it makes Vera happy, and she’s happy.”

“But we’re not married,” he repeated. As if the phrase could salvage this travesty. “And we are not a couple here in school.”

Roan crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at them.

Clarke yanked on his hand again and he stumbled into her, grabbing onto her hip to keep his balance. “We don’t want our personal business to interfere with our work and our students are far too interested in our personal lives. It’s best if we keep things quiet around the kids. Otherwise that’s all they’ll talk about. They are already far too invested in our love lives.”

For once, that was something that was true. Not only had his students been trying to figure out his sexual preferences and who they could hook him up with, but they also had been none too subtle about hinting that they thought he should be with Clarke herself. The rumors about them had been going around the school pretty much since they started working there. He thought it was just a factor of having two relatively attractive single teachers who were friends and the hormonal adolescent obsession with romance. They were just platonic and the kids refused to see that.

“So, when you’re in school, you’re just colleagues.”

“Yes. Exactly. And talking about our relationship and living accommodations is something we don’t do. The way Bellamy and I feel about each other is not a part of our classrooms and we’d like to keep it that way.” Clarke smiled and nodded, because he understood. Of course he understood a lie. But sometimes it was best to let Clarke do her thing and let her get things to work out. Because it was a lie that hurt no one.

Except Bellamy himself. And he’d made peace with that. He got more out of it than he lost. He loved his home and he loved… he suddenly felt like the bulletin board was very interesting. Clarke was still hanging onto his arm and he had his hand on her hip. He dropped it. “It’s not professional.”

“I understand. I’m sorry if I misunderstood.”

“Thank you Mr Isley—“

“Roan.”

“Roan.”

The new assistant principal left. “See Bellamy? Everything is all fixed.” Clarke turned to him and smiled, so sure that she’d dealt with the problem. But Bellamy knew kids, and he knew the way their minds worked. And he was certain this was not over.

And that was how the student body began a campaign to get Mr Blake to fall in love with Ms Griffin. Or to admit that he was in love with her. He was sure the student body was split even odds on whether they were actually married or desperately in love with each other and tragically separated.

It was never ending, relentless, throughout the end of the school year, throughout their dramatic reading of Julius Caesar and their in class political debates. Throughout the art show and portfolios and test prep. Bellamy had never been so relieved to get to summer break, just to get away from the increasingly obvious attempts to throw Clarke and Bellamy together in romantic situations.

Sometimes it felt as if all of lower Manhattan was conspiring to make Bellamy face how he felt about Clarke, and it was just not something he was ready to deal with. Not when what he already had with her was so great. He didn’t want to lose that. He would lose everything. So it was a pure relief when school ended and he could take a break from all the adolescent cupid wannabes.