#NO LONGER BEEFING WITH THE GAYS GOD WILL HANDLE THAT | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

uas-fics · 5 years ago

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Title: Capturing Bigfoot's Heart With A Macrame Net

Summary: Tweek saw Bigfoot last weekend! This weekend he is going to catch him and prove he’s not crazy. It was all going well, too, until Tweek gets himself stuck in his own trap. He’s sure he’s doomed — until help arrives in the most unexpected way: Bigfoot himself.

Rating: T

Ships: Creek

Others: For @creekcrew‘s Creek-Week 2019, enemies to lovers.

Y'all can blame Griffin McElroy for this.

Read one Ao3 ---

Tweek opened his arms and dropped his haul on the counter. Fishing line, rope, a swiss army knife, bug spray, bear repellant, everything he would need on his one and only trip to an outdoor supply store. The cashier looked up with a bored expression. She yawned.

"Going camping?" She asked. Her tone indicated her query came more from obligation to her job than actual curiosity.

"Hunting," Tweek corrected as she scanned the swiss army knife.

The woman frowned. She turned and craned her head to look at a sheet of paper tacked up to a corkboard behind her.

"Nothing is in season. It's spring. That's illegal." The woman set down the rope without scanning it. "Come back in November when the season starts."

"No, it's fine. I checked with my friend. He's a conservation officer. It's totally legal to hunt the animal I'm after any time of year." He stole a quick glance at her name tag. "Really, Trisha, it's fine! I'm not really 'hunting,' either. More...capturing. It's for science!"

Trisha cocked at an eyebrow at him but picked the rope back up. "What animal are you even talking about?"

Tweek grinned. "Bigfoot."

Trisha dropped the rope with a start. "Excuse me? Bigfoot?"

"Bigfoot. The Sasquatch. The hairy man of the forest. I saw it last weekend." Tweek tried to keep his nerves in check. Everyone else called him crazy when he told them about his bigfoot encounter. Trisha didn't know him, so maybe if he spoke professionally and calmly, she would think he was sane.

"And you're going to catch him," her voice sounded dubious, but she didn't accuse him of making it up, "with a rope?"

"Yeah. I'm setting a trap this weekend where I saw it," Tweek told her. "Near the lake, on the north side. I think leaving some beef jerky out will attract it, since I saw it take a package when it ran off."

Trisha hummed. "And how do you know you didn't just see a bear? Bears go out in the woods sometimes."

"I know what a black bear looks like, and they don't walk on their back legs."

"That wasn't the kind of bear I meant." Trisha chuckled at the frown across Tweek's face. "I'm kidding. It's ok, by the way. My brother is gay, so I can make those jokes."

Tweek opened his mouth, then shut it with a shake of the head. "No, it's really...I saw bigfoot, not a hairy man or an actual bear. I really did, and I'm going to catch it to prove it."

Setting the last of the items in a bag, she hit a key on the cash register. The total popped up on the digital display.

"If you do catch bigfoot, will you hurt him?"

Tweek handed her his card as he spoke. "I don't want to. Even just having a hair sample or clear photo is enough."

Trisha thought about that as she ran his credit card. While the receipt printed, she handed his bags over to him.

Their fingers touched as he took the plastic handles. She met his eyes.

"If you do see bigfoot, be careful." Her tone was dead serious and her eyes demanding. "He might be more dangerous than a normal bear."

Tweek swallowed and took a step back. He nearly tripped but awkwardly right himself. She never took her hard stare off of him.

"Y-yeah. I will. T-thank you?" Tweek stammered before making a beeline for the door.

"And you're sure," Tweek looped the rope around itself, "it's totally legal?"

From the other side of the phone, Stan sighed. "For the love of God, Tweek. Yes. You can 'hunt' bigfoot in our state without a permit. We're Colorado, not Washington. That said, if you bring a firearm into my forest and shoot something that isn't Bigfoot, I have the United State's Forestry Services on my side and will come and skin you alive."

"I don't even own a gun!" Tweek countered. "I'm taking a swiss army knife and a can of bear mace."

"With how noisy you normally are, any bear would go running." Stan laughed. "If Bigfoot was real, you're not going to catch it with beef jerky and a macrame net."

"Will too..." Tweek muttered under his breath, pulling the knot tighter.

"What did you say?" Stan shuffled on the other end. The humming of a microwave filled the background.

"Nothing..." Tweek held up his net and winced. He'd messed up some knots and the diamonds were uneven. Sighing, he began to pull at the rope. "You know, I don't get why you don't believe in Bigfoot. You're in the spookiest parts of the forest all day. You have to know there are things out there!"

"I know there are weird things out there. Demons and ghosts exist, but Bigfoot doesn't. Neither does Nessie or aliens or the Mothman." The clinking of a plate against the counter could be heard. "Those are made up."

"But ghosts and demons aren't?" Tweek rolled his eyes.

"I've seen ghosts and met a demon."

"And I've seen bigfoot!"

"Not the same."

The microwave beeped three times before Stan opened the door. With a chant of 'hot, hot, hot, hot! Hot bean burrito!' Stan dropped something onto his plate.

He sighed. "Look, Tweek, just don't bother getting your hopes up about actually proving Bigfoot is real. People have been trying for a lot longer than you with a lot of better equipment. If they can't catch it, then you can't either."

"I can catch him this weekend and I will!" Tweek tossed the net aside, too frustrated to continue. It landed over the top of his dwarf lime tree, knocking petals and dead leaves to the decorative macrame pot cozy.

"If you go this weekend, you'll have even less of a chance. It's going to rain hard on Saturday morning," Stan mentioned around a full mouth of his dinner. "If it's like a deer, it'll hunker down until the rain stops, and you won't be able to track it."

Tweek paused in hauling himself off the floor.

"So you think I should start looking on Friday instead?"

"I don't think you should look at all."

"Fuck you, Stan." Tweek reached for the phone as he stood straight.

"Talk to you later, Tweek."

Tweek dropped his phone back onto the coffee table. He looked over at his net draped across the lime tree and pursed his lips. What if Stan and everyone else was right? Maybe Tweek wasted his time planning to catch Bigfoot.

"No! I saw him. I'm going to get him!" Tweek shook his head and walked over to pick up his net and bring it to the table.

---

Tweek wrung his hands together in his apron as his dad wiped the counter and his mom went over the day's receipts. He took a breath.

"I need tomorrow off. I'll work on Sunday," He blurted out before he could talk himself out of it. His parents looked up from their respective tasks.

"Why do you need tomorrow off?" His dad threw the towel over his shoulder.

Tweek chewed his lip. He couldn't tell his parents he was going Bigfoot hunting. They wouldn't let him off for something like that. There was only one thing they would be totally ok with him taking the day off.

"I have a date," he lied. "I'm meeting him for a walk in the forest, and I figured going in the morning would be best so we could picnic before it got too hot. Late fall heat is the worst, right?"

His mom perked up. "A date? Do you have a date? That's wonderful, sweetie! What's his name? Where did you meet him?"

"I, uh, I don't know?" Tweek looked down at his feet. "Stan set me up with him? It's a blind date. He, that is my date, works in the forestry service, too. He's more comfortable there in town, but works nights in the forest house to watch for...wildfires? Yeah. He watches for wildfires."

That sounded so stupid. No way they would believe that! Why didn't he just call in sick tomorrow morning! Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid--

"Well, of course, you can take the day off, son." His dad beamed. "You need to get a boyfriend. Be easier to continue the family name if you have a husband to adopt with you."

"Or use a surrogate," his mom added.

All the blood in his body rushed to his face. His family might have been supportive of Tweek being gay, but they still expected him to give them a grandchild and keep the Tweak name alive. Tweek didn't even know if he wanted kids, but he didn't get a choice. Why they didn't have another child instead of dumping the entire responsibility of it on him?

"It's easier to raise a child with another person, too. Right, dear?" His dad winked at his mom, who waved her hand in pleasant dismissal at him.

"I know, Dad," Tweek replied flatly. One day he would have to tell him this whole area of conversation made him uncomfortable, but not right then.

"You know, the 'Tweak' name was almost lost, son. When we came to America from Europe--"

"Great-great-great Grandpa Peter changed our name to 'Week' so we wouldn't be associated with the 'Tweaks' from the old country, but grandpa Tweek changed it back," Tweek recited the family story that he had heard a thousand times before.

Great-great-something-th Grandma Tweak was murdered back in Europe, and the family left that town, traveling around a generation until they caught a boat for the United States. The first Tweaks over changed the family name, until Grandpa Tweek got into a fight over with Great Grandma Lily because he didn't want to follow in the family tradition of pharisaical work, so he changed the name back to 'Tweak' and even changed his first name to another spelling of it and opened a coffee shop.

Then, years later, Richard Tweak had a son that he named after his father and fifteen years after that the family coffee shop was bought out by a Starbucks.

Despite his less than interested reply, his dad still started into the family lore for the umpteenth time. He finished with a tangent about how Grandpa Tweek's brave move proved how the Tweaks both valued traditional values and modern ones and that was why they made the best coffee.

"So, I'll take tomorrow off and work on Sunday?" Tweek cut in.

His mom nodded. "You may."

Tweek nodded back then made a beeline to the storeroom. The moment he shut the door, he slumped down and let out a sigh of relief.

---

It was Friday morning, and Craig was tired but amused. He sat amongst the thick foliage of a tree, hairy legs pulled to his equally hairy chest as that weirdo ran around the forest floor with a net.

The weirdo would set the net down in one place, start to pile leaves over it, only to stop and shake his head before pulling the net from the leaf litter and taking it to another spot and repeating the process.

Thus far Craig counted the weirdo moving his net from place to place five different times before finally nodding to himself and taking more rope from his pack.

Craig came to the conclusion he was setting up traps, but he didn't know for what--until he watched the weirdo dig around his bag and produce a king-sized package of beef jerky.

That weirdo came marching around the woods last weekend, loudly talking to himself about nature being healthy so long as a bear didn't eat him alive. He blocked the quick way home, so Craig waited while the weirdo sat down, crossed his legs, and played some sort of guided meditation on his phone.

Once the weirdo finished he stood up to take something from his backpack, only to dump everything out. Craig watched with great amusement as the weirdo scrambled to pick it all up before heading back towards the trail.

What happened next, Craig refused to take the blame for. His mom sent him with a bunch of "healthy" foods this month under the excuse that she worried about his sodium, so the moment the scent of beef jerky — teriyaki beef jerky, at that — came to his nose, he couldn't stop himself from hurrying over to pick up the fallen snack. Dried and canned fruit and vegetables could never hold a candle to jerky.

He had just started chewing when someone gasped behind him. He spun around in time to see the weirdo's blond chestnut-like hair poke out from behind a tree. Holding tight to the jerky, Craig took off and luckily the weirdo didn't follow.

With a snort, Craig shook his head at the weirdo as he set the jerky in the middle of the trap. Realizing he didn't open it, the weirdo tiptoed closer to the middle of the net. In a blur of yellow and greens, one of his traps sprung and the weirdo found himself swinging from his ankle in a snare trap.

His hands waved around wildly as he tried to stop himself from swaying back and forth. The weirdo groped towards his ankle in a desperate attempt to free himself. Craig snorted a laugh into his paw.

Wow, this guy was a real winner! Gets stuck in his own snare. That what he gets for thinking Craig could be so easily captured.

Seeing as his entertainment current dangled like a wild animal a foot off the ground, Craig saw no point in staying around any longer. He climbed out of the tree and lowered himself to the ground. Taking his long coat from a nearby tree branch, he pulled it on, shoved his paws in his sweatpants pockets and walked towards home. He readjusted his hat, pulling the brim to shield his face.

One weirdo trying to find him was more than enough. At least he was lucky this weirdo was incompetent. He really thought a rope and a net could catch someone like Craig? Craig was nearly six-and-a-half feet tall — a trait surprisingly thanks to his red-haired giant of a father and not his mother's cursed genetics.

If he was swept up in a trap, he could just use his stupidly long arms to escape, if the trap could even get him off the ground.

The weirdo sobbed loudly, his voice carrying through the trees.

"It's not fair!" He wailed. "I just-I just wanted to prove I'm not crazy! Now I'm going to die and everyone will think I'm just making it all up again. I'm so stupid...stupid and going to die..." His cries trailed off into softer mumble that Craig couldn't hear until the weirdo blurted out, "Who will water my plants and take care of my parrot?! They'll all die too! I'm a terrible plant and pet parent..."

Craig stopped. He squirmed, tapping his fingers against his sweatpants.

"Don't do it, Craig. Don't fucking do it," he muttered to himself, even as he turned around and stalked towards the weirdo stuck hanging in the air.

---

Tweek tried to blink the tears away but failed. It was all too much. If he didn't catch bigfoot today, he could have handled that disappointment. If he at any other time sprung a snare trap on himself, he could have handled the embarrassment. But both of those feelings at the same time? Not a chance.

He sniffled, defeated and alone. No one would come out this far into the woods. He was going to starve or be eaten alive by bears like some flesh pinata! Worse yet, his plants will wilt without him there. Ok, the golden pathos by the window in the self-watering pot might be ok for a while, but his lime tree, lucky bamboo, peace lily? They were going to suffer and wither away!

And his parrot, Kiwi, what about Kiwi? He was going to be lonely without Tweek to talk to, then he'd run out of birdseed in a day or two and water not long after that. The plants could die in silence, but Kiwi would go out with a racket. Maybe his noises would bring the neighbors to call the landlord and he would help save Kiwi and the plants.

Oh, who was he kidding? The landlord didn't do anything. That's why the rent was so cheap.

Tears rolled from the corner of his eyes down his forehead to his hairline. Sniffing up the mucus in his nose, Tweek swung himself up. He reached for the rope but couldn't bend forward enough.

He couldn't reach the rope and his knife fell out of his pocket on the net trap, so what escape did he have?

His lip quivered. How was this fair? All of Tweek's life was an uphill battle: His parents using him as a free labor since he could walk, school kids teasing him for being different in ways he couldn't ever help, being the only gay kid in a little hick town, believing in thoughts and ideas that no one else around did.

His parents wondered where on Earth his anxiety disorders could have come from, but Tweek knew it was all that pressure constantly crushing him under its massive weight of grief and doubt and worthlessness.

And now, just as the cherry on top of the world's worst sundae, his attempt to prove himself and get a confidence boost backed fired and let him hanging from a tree.

Tweek didn't even mean to set off the snare trap. He was being careful to step around it so he could open the jerky. This was what he got for trying to be clever, he supposed glumly.

"Hey, need some help?"

Tweek spun himself around best he could see a person standing near a tree in a long overcoat and wide-brimmed hat that shadowed his face.

"I-uh-" Tweek hiccupped a sob. "Yes. Please, get me down."

The person nodded. "How?"

"Cut-urk-cut the rope. There is a knife there near the beef jerky." He added as the person walked towards the jerky, "be careful. It's a net--"

The net trap sprung, sending the knife flying up over the person's head. Unlike Tweek, the person didn't get pulled into the air. The net tangled around his legs and the person fell forward. His weight kept the trap from fully closing around him, but it did ensnare his limbs.

Swearing the person flailed around. He attempted to keep himself from falling by planting his massive foot down through the net until he pulled his body back, leaving his coat left with the beef jerky bag in the trap. His hat flew off, exposing a hairy face with a pig snot with tusks.

With the net around his leg, he twisted and went down. He threw his hands forward to break his fall.

"FUCK!" He shouted, holding his hand to his chest.

Tweek's mouth gaped. "You-you're--Bigfoot?!"

Bigfoot glared at him. "No shit, dipwad! Fuck, dammit..." He clenched his hand before holding it out. A long gash opened across his large, bear-like paw.

"Jeez!" Tweek flailed. "You're hurt! You're bleeding! Let me down! I have a first aid kit! Ohmigod! What if you get an infection? They'll cut your hand off and it'll be all my fault! Please, please, let me down!"

Bigfoot paused and stared at him, his strange face wearing an unreadable expression. Slowly, he reached for the bloody knife then stood. He took a step and winced, but didn't speak. While holding the bleeding paw to his chest, he went to the rope and sliced through it.

The ground hit Tweek's cheek, hard and cold. He yelped, falling over himself. After blinking the stars from his eyes, he scrambled on hands and knees towards his bag. Throwing protein bars, rope, fishing wire, and a flare to the ground, Tweek pulled the first aid kit from the bottom of the pack.

Bigfoot slumped to his knees next to Tweek.

"That is a whole ass first aid kit," Bigfoot commented.

"What, do you think I'd go into the woods with just a box of bandaids?" Tweek opened the kit.

As Tweek pulled the rubber gloves over his hands, Bigfoot shrugged, "I thought it would be one of the pocket ones."

Tweek unscrewed the top to the antibiotic cream and held out his hand for Bigfoot to offer up his wound. He squeezed the cream along the gash. He probably should clean it first, but he didn’t have any water he hadn’t already drunk out of and didn’t think Gatorade would be the best way to clean a wound.

"I would never come so unprepared." Tweek set the cream down to take up the gauze. "What if I fell and broke my ankle?"

Bigfoot scoffed, "Yeah, well, I think I hurt mine in the rope."

Tweek gasped, pulling the gauze tightly. "What?!"

Bigfoot yelped, jerking his paw back as Tweek dumped the first aid kit onto the forest floor.

"Ah no! shit!" He swore. "The ice pack! There should be an ice pack thing in here? Where is it? Did I forget to take it out of the freezer from last time?"

As he frantically researched the first aid's kits contents, Bigfoot began to snort, then burst out laughing.

"Fuck. You came to catch me and put me in a zoo or kill me or some shit, and now you're freaking out over me being hurt? The hell kind of guy are you?"

Tweek frowned. "I never wanted to put you in a zoo or kill you. All I wanted was to prove you're real, but you got hurt because of me. What else am I supposed to do?"

"Run away screaming like everyone else in the world?"

This time, it was Tweek who laughed. "I'm told I'm not like everyone else. It's why I'm out here in the first place — to prove to everyone else you are real and I'm not crazy."

Bigfoot raised his eye ridges up in surprise at Tweek's earnest words. He hummed and looked down at his wounded paw. Finally, he took a breath.

"If you can help me get home, I have an ice pack there."

Tweek flinched, nearly dropping the container of cotton balls. He turned his gaze over to Bigfoot. "Would that make it up to you?"

Bigfoot nodded. "It would."

Quickly, Tweek threw the medical supplies into the kit. He had to crunch a box to shut it but didn't mind. He scrambled to shove everything back into his pack before picking the net up in his arms. After holding it for a moment, he shook his head and set it over a tree branch like drying clothes over a line.

With a little guidance from Bigfoot, Tweek hauled him to his feet. Tweek's legs bowed under the weight, but he took a breath and powered on carrying Bigfoot through the forest.

---

"My name is Craig." Craig told the weirdo after the weirdo erroneously referred to him as 'Mr. Bigfoot.'

"That's a very...normal name?" The weirdo gently shouldered Craig around a log that they couldn't step over. "I mean! I didn't expect bigfoot--a bigfoot--to...urk...um..."

Craig eyed weirdo for the millionth time. He liked him. Most people Craig knew weren't earnest and didn't admit when they'd messed up. Most people Craig knew would have run screaming or killed him. The weirdo blew his expectations out of the water.

"I'm not really bigfoot bigfoot, you know." Craig watched his expression carefully as he went on. "I'm cursed, actually."

"Cursed?" He frowned. "It's not contagious, is it? I work at a cafe. I don't want to wear a whole body hair net."

Craig snorted before realizing the weirdo wasn't joking.

"No, of course not," he said and the weirdo sighed in relief.

"So, why? What caused it? Wait, err, am I allowed to ask that? Is that rude?"

"A little," Craig admitted, "but I started the topic, after all. Turn here. My home is at the next bend. I'll tell you all about my stupid family curse when I've down a few aspirins."

---

"No one expects a monster to live in a cozy cabin!" his dad used to say, but only when Mom wasn't around since she would glare at him for calling their son 'a monster.' Looking at Tweek's awed expression, though, Craig had to agree with his dad’s assessment.

As Craig threw a couple of aspirin in his mouth, he watched the weirdo sink down into the ancient floral couch to take in the one-room cabin. Craig sucked a pouch of Capri Sun to down the pills while the weirdo crossed his ankles, picking up the lacy doily on the coffee table.

"My grandma decorated it," He answered the unasked inquiry about the frilly decor. "Grandad use to use the place when the curse happened to him. She wanted to give it a 'homey touch.'"

Finishing off the juice pouch, Craig attempted to overhand toss it into the trash can near the stove but missed.

He went to stand and flinched, having forgotten about his ankle. The weirdo jumped to his feet to put the pouch in the trash before stooping down to readjust the ice pack across Craig's ankle.

"Um, thanks?"

"No, this is all my fault. I should help however I can," he told him without standing up. He perched on his toes, looking at the swollen, hairy ankle and giant foot.

"The curse," he started, "you said it was a family curse?"

Craig nodded. "Yeah, my great, great, great, great, great grandfather pissed off a witch and she cursed him."

"A witch?" The weirdo rested his wrists on his knees. "How?"

"He had her burned her at the stake."

"What?!" The weirdo fell backward. "He killed her!?"

"Yeah. He was a trained doctor. Apparently, she was offering free medical care so people weren't going to him, and he accused her of being a witch. So he was, technically, right. Before the set the fire, she cursed him." Craig took a breath then soberly quoted, "'Be a beast upon the outside that is on the inside, a month a season, foul man and his sons and sons and sons until repentance is spoken and a kiss be given from my line to yours.'"

"What does that mean?" The weirdo asked. "I'm confused."

"It means once a month every season, every man born on my mom's side of the family has to look like this." He held out his paws, glaring at them. "The only way to break the curse is to tell the witch’s descendants that we're sorry for what our ancestor did then hope one of them forgive us enough to want to kiss one of us."

The weirdo righted himself, sitting cross-legged. "Do they not forgive your family?"

Craig slumped down, crossing his arms. "We can't even find them. They moved after the witch died but before the first month of the curse. My grandad tried to track them down but..." He shook his head.

"But?"

"But he lost them when they left for America." Craig leaned his head back and shut his eyes. How many times had he heard Grandpa complain about that? More than a thousand times, probably.

'We were so close! How could they just disappear?' He'd say. Grandpa search for that family until the day he died. Craig never bothered. He wanted the curse gone, but he wasn't going to waste his time as a normal human grasping at straws to find this mysterious family line that might not even exist anymore.

The weirdo leaned forward. "Are you sorry? For what your grandfather did?"

"I can say with one hundred percent honesty that I am sorry that my grandfather got a woman killed because she was a better doctor than he was. We kept some of his journals and the guy was a dick." Craig scoffed. "He would lie to people about what they were sick with so they would keep coming back. He deserved this curse. I don't."

The weirdo hummed and looked at Craig's ankle again.

"It's a clever curse," The weirdo mused under his breath. "You can't fully live as bigfoot but you can't fully live as a person either."

"Yeah, it sucks. I can't keep a job or a boyfriend or an active social life," Craig ticked off on his fingers, "and I hate it." When he noticed the weirdo frowning at him, he added, "But at least I have a nice place to crash during the months I'm cursed. Mom always sends a bunch of supplies."

At the reminder of Mom's all fruit and veggies supplies, Craig reached out for the pack of jerky. They lapsed into silence as Craig ate. The weirdo wore a contemplative look, his eyes rolling around to take in the cabin as he thought.

When the silence grew too awkward, Craig asked, "So, did you believe in 'bigfoot' before you say me last week or did you always believe?"

The weirdo jumped from his thoughts. "Oh! Of course. All my friends said I am crazy for believing in Bigfoot and aliens and ghosts. But I was right about one of them, so maybe the rest are real too."

"Well, of course, aliens are real. You'd have to be really dumb to think we're the only planet with sentient life in the universe." Craig tossed another piece of jerky into his mouth. "Ghosts are probably real too. There is too much evidence of them to be completely fake."

"Thank you!" The weirdo threw his hands up. "That's what I keep telling people! What about Nessie? Do you believe in the Loch Ness Monster? What about Mothman?"

---

Craig tilted his Capri Sun as he spoke. "Clearly the Fresno Nightcrawlers are aliens."

Tweek scooted a little closer on the couch towards him, his knees nearly touching Craig's side. If it bothers Craig, he didn't make a protest for Tweek to move back. That was fine with Tweek. He really liked Craig, bigfoot cursed monster or not. Once he accepted Craig's weird appearance, he found Craig to be one of the best conversations he'd had with a long time.

"They have to be. No animal could walk like that," Tweek agreed. "The weird way they walk is probably because of Earth's gravity. I think their home planet must have higher gravity."

"What do you think they came here for? To study us?" Craig reached into a bag of banana chips. He held out the handful to Tweek. His fingertips brushed the gauze across his paw. Instead of picking up the chips, he slowly dragged his fingers off the gauze onto Craig's leathery pad, lingering against the warm skin, before he took the chips from Craig's paw.

Craig closed his paw around the rest before dropping it to his lap. The tips of his furless bear ears burned red. Tweek smiled softly. That was adorable.

"I think they're here just to check us out. Earth is a very interesting place," Tweek threw a chip in his mouth, "don't you think?"

Craig nodded. "Yeah. Really interesting. Just like you..." He furrowed his brows a moment. "I don't know your name. I never asked."

"You didn't?" Tweek scrunched up his face in thought. "You didn't."

"I guess I have to ask now." Craig flashed a smile, showing off his tusks and teeth. "What's your name?"

Tweek took a chance and moved close enough that his knees touched Craig's side before leaning until he was close enough to be completely in Craig's personal space. Craig's smile wavered into an embarrassed expression for a second before it returned more pleased than before.

"My name is Tweek." Tweek introduced himself in a low voice.

The smile fell and he started shaking his head. "'Tweek'?"

His face flushed with embarrassment, Tweek scooted back until there was a couch cushion between them.

"Yeah, um, it's a dumb name. I was, eer, named after my grandpa. His name was Tweek, or it was when I was born, or ugh! His name was Tyler Week, then he changed it to Tweek Tweak, since 'Tweak' was our name back in the old country--I mean, before the family came to the US, from Europe--because," Tweek realized then he was rambling, but couldn't stop himself now, "he didn't want to be a pharmacist, which is what the family had been for generations. Grandpa Tweek wanted to be a coffee shop owner."

Tweek covered his mouth to keep him from talking any more when he noticed the wide-eyed look on Craig's face.

"'Tweak'..." Craig repeated slowly. "It can't...no. That's impossible." He shook himself.

"Sorry," He muttered, "I, uh, I know 'Tweek' is a weird name, but it is my real name. I swear. I'll get out my driver's license."

"Where in Europe did your family come from?"

"Huh?"

"Where in Europe did you family come from? What country? Or do you know why they left?"

Tweek tilted his head. "Um, I think it was...um, Belarus? Ukraine? Somewhere in Northern Europe. Once my great something-th grandparents came here, they tried to distance themselves from the 'Tweaks' in Europe, so they didn't talk much about it, or that's what I was told."

Craig looked at Tweek like he just solved the biggest secret of the universe. He beamed and grabbed Tweek's hands in his own.

"You can break the curse!"

"I can what?!" Tweek nearly choked on his tongue. "What are you talking about?"

"The witch's family? Their name was 'Tweak'!" He squeezed his hands.

"But-but-but I can't do magic. I'm not a--" The word caught in his throat. This couldn't be possible. If Tweek's family was the same in Craig's story, then his murdered grandmother was burned at the stake for being a witch.

"Maybe it got diluted? Your family stopped marrying other witches after one of them was burned. Tweak isn't a common name. My family couldn't find them after they left Europe. Yours changed their name when they left. You don't think that's a coincidence?" Craig looked into Tweek's eyes.

"A lot of families changed their names, and, um," Tweek floundered. "You really think I might be able to lift your curse?"

Craig nodded. "Yes. If you accept my apology and kiss me, it should break it. I can live normally." He paused then added, "And not to brag, but I am told I am very handsome. You're missing out on seeing my good face, just saying."

Despite himself, Tweek snorted a laugh. With a breath, he pulled his hand from his paws and dropped his palms on Craig's arms.

"Ok, if my 'magic' was diluted, I don't know if it'll work, but we can try," Tweek offered.

Craig planted his paws on either side of Tweek.

"I apologize for my ancestor and what he did against your family," Craig apologized, leaning in closer to Tweek.

Tweek moved his head to the side, muttering, "I forgive you for what happened." His eyes flicked up once more to Craig's monstrous face. Nerves twisted his gut. He wanted to be the right person. He wanted to be the Tweak with the magic kiss to fix Craig.

Before he could psyche himself out of it, Tweek kissed Craig. His lips were chapped and oddly cold, but the massive paws lifted to his sides were warm enough to make up for it.

As Tweek squeezed Craig's arm and leaned in deeper, the door to the cabin swung open.

"Hey, Craig, some guy is coming to hunt you this weekend. Being the best little sister I am, I...see you already met him." the shop clerk from the outdoor store froze with one foot in the air.

They gasped and pulled back from each other. Tweek could feel the tips of his ears burning while Craig gently pressed the bear-like claws of his paw protectively into Tweek's side.

"Trisha!" Craig snapped. "Haven't you heard of knocking! Damnit!"

"How was I supposed to know you were going to seduce a man who literally bought a knife to gut you with from me!" Trisha stomped her foot.

"I wasn't going to gut him!" Tweek tried to interject, but Craig and Trisha ignored him.

"You still need to knock. I could have naked."

"I've seen it all before. Are you that desperate for company! Mom told you to bring your pet with you."

"A, I don't want Stripe to see me like this. It would scare him. B," Craig gestured to Tweek. "His name is Tweak, like the witch? There was a reason for this kiss, you butt-sniffing brat."

At this Trisha paused to give Tweek a critical eye the moved her gaze to Craig.

"Doesn't look like it worked," she commented dryly. Craig glanced down at himself and winced.

"Sorry," Tweek apologized, slipping his hand from his arm.

Tweek didn't know how many more Tweaks there were in the world, but whoever the right Tweak was, they were a lucky bastard, Tweek decided, wishing Trisha hadn't shown up. He really wanted to kiss Craig again or keep kissing him as the case may be.

"It's fine. I shouldn't have been so sure about it." Craig raised a shoulder. "Thanks for helping anyway." Tweek felt Craig's soft gaze on his face, but he couldn't look him in the eyes.

Trisha looked between then. She rolled her eyes, shouldering off her backpack.

"So, I brought some Sonic," Trisha took out a paper bag, "but only two orders, so, like, you have to share, because I am not giving up my tater tots."

As she dropped the Sonic bag on the table, Tweek started to stand up. He didn't look at Craig's face. He couldn't stand the disappointment he would see if he did.

"I should get home, actually. I--"

"It's going to storm. You'd either not make it to your car," Trish commented idly as she took out a foil-wrapped burger, "or you'd be driving in heavy rain on shitty roads. You might as well stay the night."

Craig grabbed his wrist. "You should. Safety and stuff."

Tweek squirmed, unsure, before accepting the invitation and sitting back down with his side nearly touching Craig's.

---

The smell of cinnamon and apples filled the cabin. Craig poked his nose out of the sleeping bag.

"You actually know how to make this off the top of your head?"

"Before Starbucks bought out my family's cafe, I baked muffins every day."

Oh, that's right. The cute weirdo Tweek stayed the night sleeping on the couch. Craig snuggled back down deeper into his sleeping bag than he already was, enjoying the warmth and listening to the conversation near the stove.

As Trisha mocked her brother for not knowing how to make pancakes--that was a lie--Craig wondered if he could get away with taking her wallet and switching all her cards around without her noticing.

He needed to get brotherly revenge for both mocking his expert pancake skills as well as taking the cot. Tweek was the guest. He should sleep on the cot, not her. If not for the crochet blanket hidden under the couch, one of them would have had to sleep without any covering.

Craig nearly offered to let Tweek share his sleeping bag but stopped himself before he could make the night awkward. He didn't think asking Tweek to sleep next to him, in and of itself, would make anything weird. He had a hunch Tweek like him as much as he liked Tweek. With Trisha there, however? He shelved the idea.

After a couple of seconds of debating Craig decided against messing with Trisha. He'd get her back in the future when the possibility of backfire and making himself look like a loser in front of Tweek wasn't there.

With a sigh, Craig wriggled out of his sleeping bag. He stood, careful not to put too much wait on his ankle, and looked towards the stove.

Tweek and Trisha wore matching grimaces with a muffin in each hand.

"These taste, ah..." Trisha stuck her tongue out.

"You can say 'bad.'" Tweek dropped the muffin in his hand to the stovetop. "I think I messed up with the powdered buttermilk--or maybe it was expired. Hand me it."

Trisha reached into the cabinet over the sink. As she handed the powdered buttermilk to Tweek, Craig commented, "It's probably just bad. All the powder milk tastes disgusting."

Trisha's jaw dropped. Tweek's hand fell limply to his side while his face went the color of a tomato. The powdered buttermilk fell to the floor. It bounced once then rolled towards Craig. He raised his foot to stop it and nearly fell over himself.

The massive hairy foot he had lived with for four months every year of his life, and should have lived with for another two weeks, had shrunk and shed back down to its normal size. Heart pounding in his ears, Craig held out his arms then felt his face.

No thick layer of wiry hair. No bear claws. No pig snout. Just normal, human, features.

"Oh...oh my..." Craig blinked hard. "I'm..."

"You're an eight! Shit dude!" Tweek blurted out. "You said you were handsome, I didn't know you were this good? Why didn't you warn me better?"

"An eight?" Trisha scoffed. "He's a six and a half at best."

Craig opened his mouth to make a smart remark at his sister but stopped when the first tear rolled down his cheek. He blinked again before giving up and running over. He pulled both Tweek and Trisha into a warm bear hug.

Trisha fake gagged, "Blech. Gross. PDA from my brother." but patted his arm with a smile anyway.

Tweek kept quiet, but his eyes never left Craig's face. Everything from the collar of his shirt up glowed with a blush.

Craig squeezed them then took a step back. "Ok, sorry, had to, um, had to get that out of my system." He wiped his cheeks on his wrist, his completely human wrist.

"So--" Tweek's voice cracked. "So does this mean I am magic?"

"I guess so." Craig ran a hand through his hair, enjoying how soft it was compared to the stiff wiry bristles he used to have. Feeling slightly more composed he added, "maybe it was the magic of love at first sight."

He winked, Trisha rolled her eyes, and Tweek laughed.

Tweek leaned against the stove, his hand brushing the muffin he dropped. He looked at it then back up at Craig and Trisha.

"Even if I helped, I still did try to catch you yesterday, Craig. I haven't really made up for that, but do you think taking both of you out for breakfast is a good start?"

Craig didn't even have time to speak because Trisha threw her hands up and shouted, "Yes! Oh, thank God! I thought I'd be stuck here eating dried fruit sandwiches all weekend."

"Well, the sister as spoken." Craig raised a shoulder then reached out and took Tweek's hand. "Let's go."

Tweek beamed at him and squeezed his hand as Trisha went to gather her thinks.

“You know that I lied to my parents so I could get the day off yesterday,” Tweek commented.

“Oh? What did you say?”

“That I had a date in the forest.” He scooted a little closer to Craig’s side. “So, I was wondering, would you mind pretending that I came to meet you?”

Craig grinned, unable to help himself. “Are you asking me on a date?”

“If you want to go on one with me.”

Before Craig could answer with an enthusiastic agreement, Trisha threw open the door. The scent of rain and wet leaves filled the cabin with a cool breeze.

“You two can get all goo-goo eyed and stuff later. It’s a long hike back to the car, and I’m doing it on half a bite of bad muffin. You have ten minutes to get clean clothes on or you’re walking all the way to town.” She spun around and started off into the crispy morning.

Craig rolled his eyes and offered an apologetic smile at Tweek. Tweek hesitantly dropped Craig’s hand and took a step towards the door.

“I’ll wait outside with your sister.”

Craig gripped his hand, already missing the warmth of Tweek’s in his grasp, but nodded.

“I’ll be quick and grab some granola bars on the way out. We can eat them on the way to the car. While we discuss this date of ours.”

---

AN: Not gonna lie. I really had to stop myself from just continuing writing the last scene becuase of all the fluff. x3

#south park #creek week #sp creek #Craig Tucker #tweek tweak #trisha tucker #one-shot #fanfiction #bigfoot au #I can not believe I actually used that tag'

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angryhappyhat · 5 years ago

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In a somewhat surprising, but not unprecedented, turn, the show opts to draw from a significant turning point in its source material to deliver a dramatic cliffhanger. With yet another rescue party out to retrieve yet another of the protagonists, the audience would be forgiven for believing the series to be stuck on a loop. Sometimes patterns build to something bigger, though, and that appears to be the case here. The show has always prided itself on its ability to parallel past events and draw attention to the significance of their similarity to the current circumstance. All three protagonists have come together, finally, tensions still high and conflict unresolved, but no more so than it has been at other lulls. This is the time for banter and jokes and meaningful glances, reconciliation and a completion of the reunions of the previous episode. But all of that is cut short by, quite literally, the wrath of God. And it stings.

3P Reviews Series: Preacher

Spoilers: YES

Audience Assumptions: I’m kind of assuming you’ve been following the show, but do what you like. Oh, also some pretty substantial book spoilers too, so you’ve been warned.

Season Four

Episode Six: The Lost Apostle – *****

Part One: If You Look Closely, You May Notice This Season Was Filmed in Australia

There’s that motif of ominous planes again. By the end of the episode, we know what it’s all about.

Tulip and Cassidy have arrived in Melbourne to rescue Jesse, because it just wouldn’t be Preacher unless one or more of the protagonists was in dire peril and needed rescuing. Initially, they just want to find him so they can continue to support his inane God quest, but after a bit of Australian humor, they come across Eugene and realize he’s being held captive by the Saint. To what purpose, no one is quite clear for a while.

Despite his evident desire to do Jesse in, the Saint stays his hand to march Jesse across the Outback (because how else would they travel?) to the Lost Apostle. The place Jesse was going anyway.

The Saint reveals his plan en route: he wants Jesse to kill God. Flawless, buddy. I can see no point where this could go wrong.

Jibes aside, here’s another of those classic moments where the fate of the characters is revealed to them long before they’re ready to accept it. In summarizing the books compared to the show, the main difference has always been show Jesse’s desire to find God for peaceful reasons. The books make no pretense of Jesse having a beef with God and going after him out of anger, but the show’s version is deluded by his faith. He wants to know what’s going on, he wants to know his place, he wants to help God in some way, because that’s how he reconciles his beliefs with the sudden knowledge that his god has abandoned him and everyone else. He holds onto the very persistent idea of a benevolent all-knowing god who loves all Christians and would never do something like this without a reason. He’s skeptical enough to want to know that reason, rather than accept events without question, but he has a very particular idea for what God should be, and he’s reluctant to give it up.

It’s fitting, then, that the Saint would be the one to decide God needs to die, rather than the reverse. He has reason for it, and much as he dislikes Jesse, Jesse’s just some person in his way. He needs Jesse for something, though. Or, more likely, he needs Genesis.

So that’s the reason for these two hiking across the Outback together. They’re at a stalemate, the Saint unable to kill Jesse because he needs him and Jesse unable to kill the Saint full stop. To pass the time, they talk. One can imagine the Saint isn’t much for conversation, but Jesse, not too eager to get on with murdering his deity, tries to reason with him. He tries to save him in that Christian sense, going on about redemption and how this doesn’t need to be the way things go. That they should trust God because He knows what He’s doing, and it’s worthwhile. In response, the Saint murders an entire family in cold blood.

Part Two: The Conference

Sneaky set designers fitting that snow globe in surreptitiously. I see it, and I applaud. If they actually get the Alamo setpiece in, that’ll be a setup running since the very first season (just take a look at my review of Monster Swamp).

On the other hand, little details like that can make the outcome seem disappointing if it doesn’t come to fruition. Adaptations generally offer little risk, but where it does exist is in the details. Unthinking mimicry like in the recent live-action Disney films can lead to a domino effect where parts of the story no longer work without modification. A good story is like a house of cards, and the more interconnected it is, the more little changes disrupt the rest of it.

On the whole, I’ve been impressed with how Preacher has handled extensive alteration of its source material while still adding homage to the original. However, the weak point is frequently this homage. The show wants to be a bit indulgent, and I’m more than willing to enjoy it as a fan of the books. But after the initial appeal of recognizing a reference fades, its contribution to the whole often comes into question.

For instance, the end of the world. The series teases impending Armageddon through the Grail, inching steadily closer to it with some bizarre choices involving nuclear tensions between, of all countries, Australia and New Zealand (neither of which are nuclear powers). That scene involving the New Zealand MP that I said was pointless? Turns out I was wrong.

On some level, I love how ridiculous this subplot is. It fits the show without taking away too much attention from other subplots. But the thing is, by this point in the story, the Grail is more or less obsolete. Starr’s still here, getting his penis eaten by a dingo. Featherstone’s still here, at least until she squirrel-suits out the window. She actually gets a decent bit of an arc, asking Starr to at the very least execute her personally when she’s failed him, and dipping when he designates the assignment to Hoover 2.

To be fair, the Grail subplot is in pretty much the same position after Book Four. Promises of the end of the world diminish into a pissing contest as Starr, losing valuable body parts left and right, uses up all of the Grail’s good will and resources trying to get revenge on Jesse. Its counterpart in the show has a similar tone, and it wouldn’t be unreasonable for the show to set up a different outcome where the world does perish, while still keeping an absurdist tone.

Unless, for instance, the show also wanted to divert to a more character-driven narrative focusing on the relationships between the protagonists or give Jesse some sort of climactic resolution with God on a personal level.

You can have Jesse face God, Cassidy, or Starr at the Alamo, but you can’t give him all three.

The problem here is that of the three big subplots coming to a head — Jesse’s personal quest, the protagonists’ interrelationships, and the end of the world — the latter is the weakest. The former subplot is the most unique to the series, and seems to be where it’s heading. I’m fond of the middle one for character potential and depth, but it requires the most time to play out, and while the show seems interested, I don’t know that it has the necessary framework this late into the series. The latter subplot is the obligatory one, and the one no one seems overly interested in, but it’s still there, trucking along. And as much as I’m on-board with it as a side-hobby, we only have three episodes left. Something has to be cut, you can’t be that fucking greedy, show.

I’m not going to lie, I’m also less enthusiastic about Jesse’s confrontation with God than I should be. I think it’s because this quest has consistently taken him away from the other two protagonists, so I’m projecting my frustration of the weaker parts of the second and third seasons onto it. There are a million things the show could have done differently to give the payoff more appeal, particularly if it had spent more time showing Tulip and Cassidy’s relationships to religion as a contrasting point. It exists, and seems to be a sore spot for both of them. The interconnection between this plot and the character plot works in the first season with both Tulip and Cassidy going to Jesse’s sermons and helping out around the church to spend time with him, but it pretty much fades after that. The bottom line is, if the show wants to throw the climaxes of the three main plots together, fine. They just won’t have anything to do with one another, and I foresee it being a bit of a mess.

We’ll see, I suppose. I can’t help but think back to the latter half of the previous season and how disconnected and unnecessary the Allfather, Les Infants, and Angelville subplots ended up. They all had resolutions, sure, but poor Tulip was stuck without anything personally compelling to do in that final episode, and as fun as it was to see her fight Nazis and give God what-for, I do feel like the show could have made her contribution to the story more integral. Same with Cassidy. As satisfying and resonant as certain scenes have been, they mean a lot less if they don’t fit within the story you’re trying to tell.

Also, where did my gay content go, show? You promised me homoerotic subtext and text, goddamnit!

I don’t think I can blame references to the books as the sole cause of weaknesses in the plot, but there are enough moments to point out and make it look damning. Toscani, Masada, Allfather, Eccarius, the angel, Tulip nearly dying, Jesse losing his powers, the end of the world — hell, even the entire Grail, really. If the show had cut the Grail entirely, what, story-wise, would we lose?

All of these elements have their merits, and the showmakers have done a damn fine job of making them entertaining. I do wonder, though, if the show knew how many seasons it would be getting from the start, would it have gone about them the same way. Maybe. Maybe it would have gone to greater lengths to ensure that the fan-pleasing moments were better integrated into the story.

For all my misplaced ire, though, I can at least point out one major plot point lifted directly from the books that, even with a new set-up and slightly different context and its scene playing with the panels in the graphic novels almost a story board, works. Other than the Coffin, I mean.

And that’s the setpiece for this episode: the one where Jesse dies.

Part Three: Foreseen Consequences

Do you know when the last time the three protagonists were in the same room together was? It was Season Three, Episode Four, The Tombs. Specifically the moment where Tulip bursts in on Jesse trying his darnedest to murder Cassidy with a stake. The time before, the last the three of them had a conversation together, was two episodes earlier. I don’t say any of this as a complaint. In fact, despite my previous complaints, this episode, and its ending sequence in particular, almost justify the amount of time spent keeping these characters apart. Now, finally, they’re reunited. Fucking finally.

And then it’s gone.

This is the turning point in the books. It’s probably the single most important thing that happens in the series. Unlike in the show, most of the main characters in the books rarely spend more than a few chapters separate from one another. Up until this point, the record is about half a book, and that’s often not by their choice. Jesse has flaked out on Tulip to save Cassidy before, and Cassidy has gone off and been kidnapped or waited for the young-uns to rekindle their love for one another, but beyond that, they’re usually no more than a few hours in-world from regrouping.

When Jesse falls out of the airplane, it’s sudden, unexpected, and leaves the team shattered. He’s not technically dead, as we soon find out, but he might as well be for all the other two know. They think he’s dead, and everything spirals downhill from there. His absence comes at a bad time, exacerbating tensions between the other two that have been building for the last few chapters. Tulip doesn’t want to be left alone with Cassidy, Cassidy likewise is wary of being left alone with her. But they both love Jesse dearly, and they need support for their grief. Him dying where and when he does makes them to stay together long after they should have parted ways. Tulip turns to drugs and alcohol, and Cassidy turns to abusing her, twisting the tragedy of the situation to his advantage.

After this point, the story becomes much more about Tulip and Jesse reconciling with what Cassidy has done to them. The latter remains something of a nuanced character, if still a tremendous asshole. One of the major throughlines that remains up to the end of the series is that as duplicitous and vile as Cassidy has been to Tulip, and as jealous as he has been of her and Jesse’s relationship, at the end of the day, he does still care about Jesse very much. The situation isn’t orchestrated, he’s not intent to off Jesse to get at his girl, and though he lies about Jesse’s last words being for her, his assholery is a domestic sort, and it exists alongside the character’s few better attributes. One of those is his willingness to go to the ends of the world for Jesse.

The actual scene plays out much like it does in the show: the door falls off, Jesse falls out, Cassidy grabs him, Cassidy starts to burn up in the sun, Jesse realizes Cassidy can’t pull him to safety, and Jesse commands him to let go. It’s not a long scene, but it’s beautifully paced out, largely visual with just a few words between the characters, most of them yelling. The situation is appropriately frantic, and the cartoon style sells it. Expressions are exaggerated, the panels are all different angles and sizes, Cassidy is mostly campfire by the end of it, and the medium of the graphic novel allows every single panel to have an impact. You don’t even see Jesse fall or hit the ground, you just see a smoke trail falling away from the plane. Tulip remains unaware for most of it, only realizing that someone has fallen out after the fact, and not knowing who. Her rushing back to see ends that issue of the comics with these three panels:

It’s difficult to replicate that level of expression on film. The simplicity of the lighting and background allows the panel to draw a razor’s focus on what’s important. Panel position and the mere fact that all movement is implied allows the individual frames to stand out. This scene, as written, only works in comics.

So the show doesn’t even try to do it that way.

Certainly the actions are the similar. After the trail goes cold, Tulip and Cassidy stumble upon God’s RV (He needs somewhere to store His motorcycle and dog suit), whereupon they find that Jesse is headed to the Lost Apostle. They run across him, stage a quick rescue, and keep going for the rock. Once they get there, God strikes at the plane. The door comes off, Jesse falls out, Cassidy catches him, then catches fire, and Jesse makes him let go. The main difference from a script standpoint is that Jesse tells Cassidy to tell Tulip to read his letter (as opposed to telling her he loves her), and there’s no need to explain to Tulip what happened. She was in the cockpit of the rinky-dink aircraft just a few feet away.

The season knows it’s been leading to this, and it’s ensured the audience knows too. It plays a little bait-and-switch with audience members familiar with the books by having him survive an earlier plane crash on the way to Australia. Now, not only does the show call into question the reality of everything Jesse had done between Masada and Melbourne, it also makes this event seem inevitable. He’s been heading for this plane, and the ground below, since the start of the season. This was always going to happen, manipulated by God and the screenwriters alike. It’s not a spur-of-the-moment mishap.

That doesn’t relieve the other characters of guilt over it, though. The show does a solid job of layering the series of things that go wrong on top of the foreboding imagery leading up to the accident, such that the precise cause of death isn’t entirely clear. Not all of these lines of reasoning are satisfying — for instance, it takes a healthy dose of suspension of disbelief to accept that Tulip wouldn’t realize until the last minute that maybe her finding a convenient post card in God’s RV wasn’t a coincidence. Or that they would come across an airplane that could stay in the air in near-junkyard condition. Or that God could send a sort of fire storm toward said plane with the only consequence being its door flies off.

Much as the effects could stand a bit more budget and workshopping, I’m inclined to say these moments of disbelief actually add to the scene in the intended way. It’s all to do with how Tulip and Cassidy respond. They’re both glad to see Jesse once rescued, but their interactions are brief and superficial. Cassidy makes a joke about The Big Lebowski, because of course he does, and Tulip gives Jesse a bit of a cold shoulder for abandoning him. That’s pretty much all of the conversation they get to before God attacks the plane, and from then on, Tulip is stuck struggling with the controls to ensure the plane stays aloft. The part with Cassidy and Jesse is probably the most consistent with the books, but as the former has no confessions about hitting on Tulip, there’s no real added weight of feeling obliged to save him to redeem himself. He’s just holding onto him because Jesse’s his friend.

The visuals of the scene are less impressive than those in the book. The most Cassidy catches fire is his arm, and, well, it’s not like his fingers are falling off or the plane is spiraling away from a nuclear explosion or anything. Jesse just falls out of the plane because it’s a piece of junk and God’s a petty asshole. We even see him fall. Hell, it’s one of the things the season opens with. We’ve known this was coming, and it’s even played like a joke. Like that’s the way he gets to the Lost Apostle, by falling from a great height and landing in a puff of dust like a cartoon character.

Perhaps it’s because the scene is so much more mundane that the ending hits an effective blow. The episode ends with a few shots of Tulip and Cassidy glancing at each other and then off into space, not a word between them. They both look exhausted and teary-eyed, but they hardly emote at all. They just kind of sit there, stunned, Tulip still flying the plane, like it hasn’t fully registered to them what’s happened. And if you’ve ever been in a dire situation before where something horrible happens that you’re powerless to stop, that feeling might be familiar. Distress sometimes has a delayed response, to the point where you’re not even sure if you’re grieving properly because you don’t feel right. What it leaves you with is this unusually quiet head that ensures you hear every unbidden thought that tells you what went wrong with perfect clarity.

The show doesn’t give us much indication of what’s going on in the protagonists’ heads after Jesse falls, but beyond the simple shock of losing him, you can imagine there’s plenty of guilt. Guilt that Cassidy didn’t close the door properly, guilt that Tulip couldn’t evade the attack in time, guilt that Tulip couldn’t help, guilt that Cassidy couldn’t pull him back in, guilt for picking an airplane on its last legs, guilt for bringing him into a trap, guilt for not realizing sooner, guilt for not making the most of the few minutes they had left with him, guilt for letting him run off on his own, guilt for not joining him sooner, guilt for screwing things up every step of the way with the stupid accidental affair that both of them are kind of embarrassed about anyway. It doesn’t really matter if these were avoidable events or not — that they all feel avoidable is what really matters. Cumulatively, they put all of this pressure on the characters that the audience can empathize with because that’s what we would be thinking of under the circumstances.

It’s a different effect than the books have, not necessarily worse or better. I think I prefer the delivery of the scene in the books for general enjoyment, but I’m curious to see where the show takes this. These are different characters, and whether the show wants to hit certain plot points from the books or not, what it does will be all its own.

Series Breakdown Rating:

Characters and Character Development: 9 Aesthetics and Style: 8 Creativity: 8 Overall Plot: 7 Subplots: 8 Sum: 40/50

Out of the Blue – Preacher, Season Four, Episode Six In a somewhat surprising, but not unprecedented, turn, the show opts to draw from a significant turning point in its source material to deliver a dramatic cliffhanger.

#Blogging #Characters #Comics #Graphic Novels #Horror comedy #nerd stuff #Preacher #Preacher show review #Reviews #story #TV recaps #tv show reviews 2019 #Writing

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takerfoxx · 8 years ago

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“The True Meaning of Christmas” Thoughts

Disappointing reception aside, I still really liked this story, and it’s worth talking about. So let’s jump in!

Like I said earlier, the premise for this special was actually recycled from the original idea I had for A Very Nineball Christmas, in which the various members of Team Nineball would try to explain the true meaning of Christmas to one another, with each explanation being more outlandish and inaccurate than the last. This was scrapped for reasons that I no longer remember, and the plot of Daiyousei's gift-hunting adventure was used instead. I always had an idea of writing a sequel that recycled the original idea, but it never materialized. However, when I was about ready to call the whole Christmas special thing quits on account of not having any ideas for another PMMM story, I realized that that old idea could be easily adapted into a PMMM setting, so the decision was made.

I knew from the get-go that I didn't want to make it a Resonance Days story, since the show's original setting worked just fine. I also knew I wanted it to be post-Rebellion since Nagisa was perfect for a sort of Little Timmy character for the other characters to try to explain things to. There were some changes to canon though. Everyone's still contracted with Kyubey in this version, even though the end of Rebellion implied that Homura had resolved to take care of the remaining Wraiths herself and would certainly not want Madoka anywhere near another contract. This was ignored to keep things at least somewhat familiar, as delving too far into what-if's would just distract from the story I was trying to tell. Granted, I did indulge in that little deviation with Madoka's vague Christianity, which, as I mentioned, just came from the particular English subs on my copy and doesn't seem to appear anywhere else, but it didn't change too much and stayed within the bounds of acceptable deviation, so it was kept.

Mami's story was sort of tricky. I wanted her to handle the family aspect given what happened to her parents, but unfortunately, the whole happy family at Christmas thing isn't the sort of thing that fills pages. In fact, originally it just had the one page and ended with her going downstairs and finding her parents waiting for her. But as the other stories kept getting longer and longer, I realized I had to beef hers up at least a little, so the whole bit with the arrows and the snowballs was added. Personally I would have liked to have done more, but even that bit of stretching was hard enough as it was, so I just left it.

Now, before I get to Kyoko and Sayaka's stories, let me just take a moment to comment on those two. See, it's no secret that they're my favorite PMMM characters, and I ship them oh so very hard. But the funny thing is, despite writing one of the biggest and certainly the longest KyoSaya fic running currently for the last four years or so, I realized during this story that I had never really written an actual interaction between them. Everything in Resonance Days was all Kyoko and Oktavia, and to date they had never hooked up. They did in Walpurgis Nights, but again, that's Ophelia and Oktavia, not Kyoko and Sayaka. Close, but not quite the actual thing. So this was the first time I ever got to write Kyoko Sakura and Sayaka Miki in a scene together that wasn't a flashback or a dream. And since this is my story and I do what I want, I just went ahead, killed the subtext, and made them straight-up gay for each other. And let me tell you: it was fun, especially since I got to get rid of Kyoko's cynicism and Sayaka's holier-than-thou attitude. As a result, I got a pair of wonderful goofballs that just bounced off one another beautifully. Getting the same chemistry out of Kyoko and Oktavia is always kind of difficult, since there's usually a melancholy note that dampens it. But this was just a delight, and I hope to be able to do something similar in the future.

Okay, let's get to their own stories. I had Sayaka cover Santa Claus, since she's the energetic, fun-loving one even in the original series. And because it's her, I had her butcher it terribly and turn it into her own weird fantasy where she coos over Nagisa (which she totally would) and eventually turns it into a cheesy Sailor Moon-esque show with skimpy outfits and Homura as the evil queen. Because she totally would. That one alternated between being fun and breezy to surprisingly difficult. It's easy to parody something that you are very familiar with, but seeing how I never watched Sailor Moon, I got stuck sometimes. It's easy for me to do silly. I am great with silly. But intentionally cheesy is another kettle of fish, and it proved to be more difficult than I expected.

Anyway, of course Kyoko would handle the Nativity, given her religious background. This story was probably the easiest of the bunch, since I already knew the Nativity story backwards and forwards. But what kind of held me up was exactly how to approach. I'll get into a little more in depth about my own feelings toward Christmas's religious aspects a little later, but even so, if I had her recite the actual Nativity story like Linus did in Charlie Brown Christmas it wouldn't have worked at all. For one, if you're going to go that route, you have to go all in like Peanuts did, and that just wouldn't have worked. It would've stuck out like a sore thumb, taken attention away from the rest of the story, and since I don't personally adhere to the religious aspects of Christmas, it would have felt fake and forced coming from me. Believe it or not, I personally feel that the lighthearted, irreverent parody I went with instead would have been less disrespectful instead, since it was made clear that it was just Kyoko having some fun, the other characters interrupted her constantly to tell her how much she was screwing up the story, and it never directed insulted the source material. Even so, while it was funny and the easiest of the stories, it was also kind of uncomfortable, as even though I don't go personally see Christmas as a religious thing, I don't want to disrespect those who do. That's just not me. So that was a bit of a tightrope to walk, but hopefully no one was offended.

All right, moving on to the next two. Again, it's weird to think about, but even with Walpurgis Nights being a thing, this was the first time I actually had a story that included Madoka and Homura. It was the first time they ever got lines. And that's just weird. For Madoka, I just copied how I did Gretchen in WN, but Homura was…well, I've been doing cold, sarcastic, and contemptuous characters for a while, so she was surprisingly easy to write for. Madoka's story had some issues going in though. I knew I wanted her to cover the romance thing, but like I've mentioned before, that sort of thing just doesn't come easy to me. Mami and Charlotte is pretty easy at this point since I've been developing their characters for so long and worked really hard at making their relationship believable, but this sort of cutesy one-off…well, it took some work and lots of rewriting. It kept veering into Homura almost guiltily confessing how she had brainwashed everyone, and obviously I couldn't include that, so for once I actually had to stop a scene from taking its own path and write something safer, which is not something I do often. I also had to figure out a way to explain why Madoka was sharing such an intimate moment with everyone when she hadn't even admitted that she and Homura were dating, and also find a reason why Homura wouldn't stop her. As such, the whole gimmick of her accidentally transmitting the memory to her soul gem was thought up. For that I feel it worked pretty well. I also got a kick out of the whole bit where Madoka is all embarrassed about coming clean, while everyone else is like, "Yeah, no shit you're gay." It was sort of difficult to think of an explanation for why she and her parents would skip out on having Christmas morning together. At least her totally not canon religiousness came in handy for that.

Anyway, things got darker during Mami's little emotional episode, though Homura did help turn things around. Funny thing is, I always loved the Homucifer twist in Rebellion, since it was a wonderfully dark way to take things, no one saw it coming, but it made perfect sense in hindsight. But I also acknowledge just how messed up Homura became and the many unfortunate implications there are concerning the extent she took her brainwashing of everyone else, especially seeing how she essentially erased Madoka and Sayaka's friendship. But those were implications for another story and I wanted to keep things light, so I just went a vague acknowledgement that this was indeed Homucifer and went for a more optimistic interpretation of her actions and left it at that.

Obviously Homura would be the one to set the record straight at the end, given how few fucks she's giving these days. And of course it would be a dry, Spock-esque recital, complete with her quoting Linus's famous line. Now to do this scene, I had to go back and do a little research of my own. I already knew that it wasn't actually Jesus's birthday and a lot is borrowed from ancient pagan holidays. And I had a fair idea of where Santa came from, and knew about Japan's own Christmas traditions. But a lot surprised me. Turns out Christmas has a really gnarly, and sometimes downright bloody history. Thank God a lot of it is no longer done, but things like caroling and gingerbread men come from some twisted sources. Also, I had heard about the connection between Odin and Santa, but this was the first time I had it confirmed. Turns out there's a lot of old Norse traditions sticking around, which is weird and really cool. But anyway, I felt it was a nice way to end things, with the confirmation that since Christmas has a really weird history that borrows from several dozen sources, everyone's reasons for celebrating it are equally valid.

Now that being said, let's get personal for a moment here. For me personally, Christmas is a weird time. Part of it is due to how I always have to work on it, and Christmas shifts are always pretty stressful, so that's a big bah humbug. And it gets harder to figure out what to get people every year. Further to the point, I was actually raised in a Christian household, so for many years the whole Jesus's birth was really important to me. But as I got older and learned more about the holiday's history I got more and more disillusioned with that bit. I mean I didn't come to have a problem with Christianity itself and certainly never had an issue with anyone who chose to celebrate Jesus's birthday on Christmas. But watching such dumbness like the War on Christmas and people getting all worked up about such things like "Taking the Christ out of Christmas" and moaning about secularization and all that when it was never actually Jesus's birthday to begin with…well, I didn't like it, let's just say that. It just seems like a dumb hill to die on, and seeing people I know and love still carrying on about it just really bothers me.

But even so, while I may be more cynical about Christmas these days, I can't deny that there's just something special about it. I still remember looking forward to it every year, the excitement of giving and receiving gifts, family all getting together and having a great time back before my aunts starting fighting, and just that feeling in the air. I still love Christmas music, Christmas decorations, and just that overall Christmas feel, and while I do like my job, getting my Christmases back is one thing I am really looking forward to once I finally leave.

So I guess right now my feelings toward Christmas are mostly in line with Homura and Sayaka's. There is something weirdly special about it, and it should be a fun day. And all the reasons for celebrating it are equally valid. So let's please stop with the dumb arguing and just have fun together, okay?

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