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miorrtae · 10 days ago

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NF 13

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I barely had time to close the door behind me before I heard Jisun’s voice cut through the quiet.

“Where the hell were you?”

Jisun was standing in the middle of the living room, arms crossed, her expression unusually sharp. The calm, patient demeanor I was used to seeing from her was nowhere in sight.

I froze, my hand still resting on the door handle. “I—uh—I was out. Why?”

“Why?” Jisun’s voice rose slightly, a mixture of anger and disbelief. “Because we’ve been looking for you for hours! You didn’t answer your phone, didn’t tell anyone where you were—you just disappeared without a word!”

I sighed, stepping further into the room. “I needed some air. I wasn’t trying to make it a big deal.”

“Well, congratulations, because it turned into one,” Jisun snapped. She took a step closer, her voice trembling slightly, as if her frustration was barely contained. “Do you even know how worried we were? We thought something happened to you!”

“I didn’t mean to worry anyone,” I muttered, guilt creeping in as I avoided Jisun’s piercing gaze.

Jisun threw her hands in the air. “That’s not the point! You don’t just leave like that. You’re part of this group, and we rely on each other. And on top of that, I had something important to tell you!”

I blinked, my brow furrowing. “What are you talking about?”

“Did you even know we had a concert coming up?” Jisun’s voice cracked slightly, but it was sharp, cutting through the silence. “You’re the leader. How do you not know this stuff?”

“Do you even understand how huge this is for us? For all of us? And instead of celebrating together, you were off doing… whatever it is you’ve been doing with Taeyeon.”

I stopped, my heart sinking at Jisun’s words. I could feel the weight of my title, but it was hard to juggle everything. Being the oldest wasn’t easy, but being the leader? That was a whole different kind of pressure.

“Jisun, I understand why you’re mad,” I started, my voice calm but firm. “But I’m the leader, yeah, and I know I should have known about the concert. But that doesn’t mean I’m always on top of everything. We all make mistakes. And right now, I’m doing my best to make sure this doesn’t fall apart.”

Jisun’s eyes softened for a moment, but the anger was still there, simmering just beneath the surface. “You’re the leader. You’re supposed to keep us in line, to make sure things don’t slip through the cracks.”

I exhaled sharply. “I know. I’m not perfect. But I need you to trust me, Jisun. I’m doing my best, and I’ll fix this. I promise.”

There was a long silence as Jisun considered my words, the tension in the room palpable.

Finally, Jisun let out a frustrated sigh and uncrossed her arms. “I just want to make sure we’re all on the same page. We’ve got a lot riding on this concert. I just don’t want to fail.”

“We won’t,” I said, stepping closer to Jisun. “We won’t fail. We’ve got each other. And I’ve got this. But I need you with me, Jisun.”

Jisun didn’t answer immediately, but she gave a small nod, still not fully convinced, but willing to give me the chance to fix it.

“Good,” Jisun said, turning to leave but pausing in the doorway. “Because we’ve got a lot to plan, and this concert isn’t going to prepare itself. Be ready in the morning. We’re going to have a full meeting about it, and you’d better be there on time.”

I nodded silently, watching as Jisun walked away. Once the room was empty, I let out a heavy sigh, the weight of the evening pressing down on me. A concert was a huge deal—something we had all been working toward for so long. And yet, I had almost missed the moment completely because I couldn’t handle my own thoughts.

I sat on the couch, my head tilted back as I stared at the ceiling. The room was quiet, but my mind wasn’t. Jisun’s words echoed in my head, and every time I thought about how I’d left without telling anyone, the guilt crept up all over again. I rubbed my temples, trying to push it all aside, but it lingered like a shadow.

My phone buzzed on the couch cushion next to me. I ignored it at first, assuming it was one of the group members still upset with me. But when it buzzed again, curiosity got the better of me. I picked it up, and Taeyeon’s name flashed across the screen.

I hesitated for a moment, debating whether to answer. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to Taeyeon—it was the opposite. Maybe it was because she felt like an escape, and right now, I wasn’t sure if I deserved that.

Still, I swiped to answer. “Hello?”

“Hey.” Taeyeon’s voice was calm, steady, and instantly soothing. “Did you make it back okay?”

“Yeah,” I replied, leaning back into the couch. “I’m home.”

“Good,” Taeyeon said, her voice softening slightly. “I figured you’d be back by now. I just wanted to check in. You sounded a little off earlier.”

I let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, well, it’s been a night.”

“Jisun?” Taeyeon guessed immediately, a knowing edge to her voice.

“Yep,” I confirmed, exhaling heavily. “She was mad. And honestly, I don’t blame her. I just got up and left without saying anything. Apparently, everyone was looking for me.”

“Sounds like they care about you,” Taeyeon pointed out, her tone gentle but firm.

I grimaced, the guilt flaring up again. “Yeah. Jisun said the same thing. And the worst part is I missed something huge because of it.”

“What happened?” Taeyeon asked, her curiosity piqued.

“We’re booked for a concert,” I said quietly. “Our first big one as a group. They wanted to celebrate, and instead of being there for it, I was out watching the sunset.”

“With me,” Taeyeon added, her voice soft but pointed.

“Yeah,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “With you.”

The silence on the line stretched out for a moment, heavy but not uncomfortable. It felt like Taeyeon was giving me space to process, but it only made the tension in my chest grow.

“I’m sorry,” Taeyeon said suddenly, her voice cutting through the quiet.

I frowned. “For what?”

“For being part of the reason you weren’t there,” Taeyeon explained. “I should’ve asked if your group knew where you were. I didn’t mean to pull you away from something that important.”

“It’s not your fault,” I said quickly, my voice firm. “I made the choice to leave. I just… I don’t know. I needed to get away for a while. I didn’t think it would turn into such a big deal.”

“It’s a big deal because they care about you,” Taeyeon said gently. “But I get it. Sometimes you need space. It’s hard, balancing everything—your career, the pressure, the expectations. I’ve been there.”

I closed my eyes, letting her words sink in. “It’s just… a lot sometimes. You know? And tonight, being out there with you, it felt like I could breathe for the first time in weeks.”

Taeyeon was quiet for a moment, then said, “I’m glad I could give you that. But you’ve got to find a way to take care of yourself without shutting people out. It’s not easy, but it’s important.”

“I know,” I said softly. “I told Jisun I’d do better. I just hope she believes me.”

“She will,” Taeyeon reassured. “She’s upset now, but that’s because she cares. Give her time, and show her you mean it. Actions speak louder than words, right?”

I nodded, even though Taeyeon couldn’t see it. “Yeah. You’re right.”

The line went quiet again, but this time, it felt less heavy.

“For what it’s worth,” Taeyeon said after a moment, “I think you’re doing fine. You’re figuring it out as you go, just like the rest of us.”

“Thanks, Tae,” I said, a small smile tugging at my lips.

“Anytime.” Taeyeon’s voice softened again, almost like a whisper. “And for the record, I had a good time tonight. Even if it got you into trouble.”

I chuckled softly. “Me too. It was worth it.”

Taeyeon laughed lightly. “Well, next time, let’s not make it so dramatic, huh? I don’t think my heart can handle being the reason your member wants to strangle someone.”

“Deal,” I said, my smile widening.

“Alright, get some rest,” Taeyeon said, her tone shifting back to something more practical. “You’ve got a big day tomorrow. Concert prep. You’re gonna be fine. I know you will.”

“Thanks, Tae,” I said one last time before hanging up.

I sat there for a moment, staring at the screen, the weight of everything still lingering in the air. But for the first time tonight, I didn’t feel quite as overwhelmed. Maybe things were starting to make sense again.

__________________________

The tension from the evening still lingered in my chest as I climbed into bed, but the conversation with Taeyeon had eased the weight just enough. I stared at the ceiling, replaying everything in my head—Jisun’s anger, the concert news, the guilt that burned every time I thought about how my group had been looking for me.

But Taeyeon’s voice stuck out the most. The way she calmly told me we were figuring it out like everyone else made the storm in my mind quiet down, if only for a little while.

I sighed, rolling onto my side. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had let my group down at a critical moment. This was supposed to be our shared dream, the thing we’d all worked for tirelessly. And yet, when the big announcement came, I was somewhere else entirely—wrapped up in my own emotions, seeking solace with someone who wasn’t even part of the team.

Still, Jisun’s words were clear.

The morning sunlight spilled into my room, pulling me out of a restless sleep. For a moment, I stayed in bed, letting the warmth of the light soothe my nerves. Today marked the start of something big. I couldn’t afford to mess it up.

By the time I made it to the kitchen, the apartment was alive with movement. Jisun was already at the table, a tablet in hand and a coffee mug close by. The rest of the group moved around her, the energy buzzing with excitement and purpose. The air felt different—charged, like we all knew the stakes and were ready to rise to the occasion.

“Morning,” I said tentatively, grabbing a seat across from Jisun.

Jisun glanced up, her expression guarded but not cold. “Morning. You’re on time. That’s a start.”

I bit back a sigh of relief. It wasn’t exactly forgiveness, but it wasn’t outright hostility either. “Yeah. I’m ready to dive in.”

Jisun’s sharp eyes studied me for a moment before she nodded. “Good. Because we’ve got a lot to cover.”

As the meeting began, I forced myself to focus. Details about setlists, choreography, and stage setups came at us in rapid-fire succession. It was overwhelming, but I didn’t dare let my mind wander. This was my shot to prove I was all in, that last night was a fluke and not a sign of things to come.

By the time the meeting wrapped up, my head was spinning. But the determination in the room was contagious, and I couldn’t help but feel a spark of excitement despite the lingering guilt.

After a long and grueling day of practice, I was finally able to escape the studio. My muscles were sore, and my mind felt like it was on overload with all the preparations for the upcoming concert. As I made my way back to my room, I tossed my things aside and flopped onto the bed, grabbing my phone instinctively. It was the first moment I had to breathe, and I found myself wanting to hear Taeyeon’s voice again.

I quickly dialed her number, anxiously waiting as it rang. A few moments later, her familiar voice answered.

“Hey, you sound tired,” Taeyeon said softly, her voice carrying a calm warmth.

“I am,” I replied, letting out a long exhale. “Practice was intense. But I’m glad it’s over. How about you? What’s going on?”

“Same here,” Taeyeon answered. “It’s been a busy day, and I’ve got more stuff to handle. But, you know, it’s all part of the job.”

I could hear the weariness in her voice too, but it still wasn’t the reason I was calling. There was something else lingering in my chest.

“Hey, um,” I started, hesitating just a little. “Are you gonna be able to come to the concert? I mean, I don’t know if you’ve got stuff going on… I just thought it’d be nice if you were there, y’know?”

There was a long pause on the other end, just enough to make my stomach twist with uncertainty. Finally, Taeyeon spoke, and the words felt like they cut through the air a little heavier than I expected.

“I… I’m not sure yet,” Taeyeon said, her voice quiet. “I’ve got a lot of things on my plate right now, and with the schedule, it’s tough to make any promises.”

I felt a little pang in my chest, the slight disappointment creeping up before I could push it away. I tried to mask it with a nonchalant tone, but it was hard to hide.

“Oh,” I said softly, trying to sound casual but failing. “I get it. You’ve got a lot going on.”

Taeyeon must’ve picked up on the shift in my tone, because her voice softened immediately. “Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you,” she said gently. “I really want to come, but I just can’t say for sure right now. There’s a lot happening, you know?”

I paused, biting my lip as I processed what she said. “I know. I just… I really wanted you to be there. It feels like you’ve been a part of all this, and it’d mean a lot.”

There was a silence for a few moments, and I could almost hear Taeyeon thinking. When she spoke again, her voice was full of sincerity.

“I know it’s important to you, Y/N,” she said softly. “I really wish I could give you a definite answer right now, but things are a bit up in the air. But if I can make it, I will. I promise.”

I let out a breath, trying to shake the feeling of disappointment that lingered. “Yeah. It’s fine. I understand.”

Taeyeon didn’t let it go so easily, though. “No, it’s not fine. I know it matters to you, and I’ll do my best. I want to be there for you. For all of it.”

My heart did a small flip at her words, and I couldn’t help but feel a little lighter. “Thanks, Tae. That… that means a lot.”

“I’m glad,” Taeyeon said. “And hey, I’m really proud of you, okay? For everything. You’re doing great.”

I smiled at the warmth in her voice. “Thanks. That helps more than you know.”

“Anytime,” Taeyeon replied. “Now, get some rest. I know you’re tired. Big day tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah,” I said with a yawn. “I’ll try. You too. Take care of yourself, alright?”

“You too, Y/N. I’ll talk to you soon.”

As the call ended, I lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. There was still that lingering feeling of uncertainty in my chest, but hearing Taeyeon’s voice, hearing her care, made the weight a little easier to carry. I closed my eyes, hoping the concert would be the success we all dreamed of—and that Taeyeon might be there after all.

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