#N like I really really can't be diagnosed as a black trans person if I want to someday receive are from the doctors who haven't

[fridayplanet]

ik the tboy dog metaphor is overplayed but genuinely I should probably be on stronger medication more consistently I feel like I'm one incident away from being out down

[werevampiwolf]

Also, people can change from how they were raised. My parents are low-key white supremacists (low-key in that they'd say they weren't if you asked, but if you read them some talking points with no context, they'd agree with them). Consequently, I had to unlearn a lot of things once I got old enough to understand what was going on (and was allowed to access outside information, because I was kept extremely sheltered and isolated for most of my childhood). I did need people to give me some level of patience and space to possibly mess up as I learned. I'm not talking about saying the N-word or something; that's not something I ever liked. I'm talking like "wow, you're really pretty for a [insert thing here] girl" or asking to touch someone's 4C hair. I wasn't taught as a small child that that was rude, and was actually taught that things that were a lot more "macro" than microagressions were okay, so I had to learn where the line is. I like to think that I would have still powered through in learning not to be how I was raised if people were constantly jumping down my throat for every little thing, even though I was trying my best, but I can't actually say that for sure. I'm only human, after all, and I was just a teenager at that.

(I'm not exaggerating on what my parents are like, either. My parents made me promise when I was 8 (in 2004) that I would never date or marry outside my (white) race, and my parents still defended that the last time I brought it up, because "no one wants mixed babies.")

And I'm also a disabled trans queer who's also a leftist, and the only person I've ever been in a relationship with was mixed race. You obviously can date a person of color and still be racist though (also see "i have a black friend"), but my point is that even though I didn't keep the agreement, I can't change the fact that I did still make that agreement in the first place. Though I don't blame myself too much for that particular incident because I was 8; I wasn't even really conceptualizing dating in anything but the broadest of strokes yet (and I ended up being demi ace). Also, I really wouldn't have had the option to refuse, and doing so would have put me in danger. I didn't know it at the time, but my mother had already planned to kill me a few years prior for being "difficult" (AKA having autism that they refused to let me get diagnosed with). I'm pretty sure the only reason she didn't was because she wasn't sure she'd be able to overpower me without help from my dad, since I was always big and strong for my age, and my mother has had a severe back injury my entire life.

This isn't just a me patting myself on the back either. My point is that people can actually change, but you do need to let them. You don't have to forgive them, but no one is ever going to get better if they feel like they're not allowed to. They may be taking a real risk by even considering "disloyalty". You think neo-nazi groups let you just walk away and become a leftist without a fight? They don't. And even if they're not putting themselves in physical danger, it's still very isolating to leave behind your friends and family and start over. (I never had to leave a neo-nazi group, though I know someone who did, but I have experienced the isolation from leaving everything behind.)

Just... try and be patient with those who are fighting with you, who are still learning but are trying their best.

Never forget that acceptance of far-right ideals (ie tradwives, terfs, casual racism) in liberal spaces is a huge part of why today’s radicalization is so widespread and unquestioned