#MyBubbleTheVoid

[mybubblethevoid]

Everything is based in force of will to change your life, look at all the anime and shows. The protagonist might be weak and struggle a lot but they fight and never give up until the end.

What do you do if you don't have that? What do you do when everything is a chore? What do you do when you just don't like anything?

I hate eating, I hate talking to people, I hate going out, I hate working, I hate existing. I don't wanna do anything, how am I supposed to fight to get better when everything in me just ask why? For what?

No matter what I'll always be this imbecile. Literally can be having a good normal day and still feel empty and hurting in the end. I'm just so insecure. I don't like that I like people, that I want them to like me so much.

I just wanna fucking stop feeling like this, I don't wanna fight. I just wanna stop.

[mybubblethevoid]

I wish I wasn't such a fucking coward and just died.

[mybubblethevoid]

Today is another day my brain is killing me, nothing out of the ordinary, to be honest. He does this all the time.

It's just that the karate exam is coming up, and everyone is planning on seeing it, I'm scared I'll just make a fool of myself. Like I've been doing my best at training, and I really wanna make everyone proud. Maybe it's just better if someone hits me so hard I black out.

I'm also feeling extremely insecure about this lady I've been going out with. Sometimes, I feel like hey maybe there's someone who would want to date this idiot, but then she keeps talking about how other people on TV are hot and she has a crush on them. Which is something stupid to be jealous about, but idk wish I had more signs to whether we are on the same page.

It's just I'm me, I'm an idiot, I get quiet out of nowhere sometimes, I get easily confused, sad and say a bunch of nonsense. Today talking to her I felt like I made a fool of myself, was really uninteresting. I feel constantly that I'm at a lack of words with literally everyone and the most boring human ever. I lack energy.

I really like this girl but sometimes I wish she wouldn't have texted me. I'm a horrible "friend".

[mybubblethevoid]

The last day's have been really exhausting. It doesn't matter what I do or how much fun I have during the day, in the end I always feel like I have a big black whole in my heart consuming everything and only leaving this numbness.

I'm training really hard at karate, but I just don't have the stamina for it or the flexibility. All my exercises always feel off and look horrible. I'll have an exam soon, and I just feel like I'll embarrass myself.

Then there's this girl I'm crushing on. She is really nice and sweet, but I just don't think she is interested in me at all, even if my friends insist I have a chance. I'm just not in shape, I dress and am very ugly. Like my sister said, there's no way someone would fall for someone who looks like me.

It doesn't matter what. I'm just a complete failure, and I'm just really tired of feeling like shit. I've been considering all the options to just dissappear and stop suffering, stop existing, but they aren't hard to accomplish successfully, especially cause I'm a baby with pain.

I just want to feel like a normal person, be just normal or anything else but me. Most day's I can't even cry anymore, it's just the pain in my chest while I look at the ceiling wishing really hard to not wake up tomorrow.

I'm just exhausted...

[mybubblethevoid]

Tumblr is a place I always kept secret from pretty much almost everyone cause it's the place I let myself just have a moment of weakness and just let me show how much fucking depressed I am. Twitter is the main social media I use but it's a place of fun mostly.

I'm thinking of using this place to reflect more on my feelings and maybe share my dramas. Especially cause this is a place where I live in a bubble, just me and the void. Idk. I just wanna try having a place where I can just talk to the void without feeling like being an attention seeker and worrying my friends.

Why a social media and public space? Idk I'm a gen z share on the Internet is on my DNA. XD

Anyway just lately I've been in a weird position where I just feel like I'm going crazy. I have some amazing time interacting with friends and doing cool activities just to pause for a moment and feel like the world fell in my head and all I can do is feel like everything hurts and I suck.

I've been more social than ever in my life always doing something with someone, but ig I'll always be someone with a short social battery. I need to find quiet times to just let myself cry and isolate for a but while listening to music.

I always have this urge to immediately answer and be there when people call. There's nothing too wrong, but I definitely have to respect my brain when it says, "Katie, u need a break."

I really want to get better and stop being this vegetable I've been for pretty much all my life. I wanna be a better friend who isn't so much addicted to the phone, I wanna try getting the nice lady and maybe be a good girlfriend, I wanna try doing better. Honestly, I just wanna try being happy or at least hurt less on a daily basis.

If for someone reason anyone reads this and can relate a little, I wish u all the best and let's both work hard to get better!