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stardustincarnate · 4 years ago

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DANCING IN THE DARK // Light Yagami x Reader

word count : 4992 genre : fluff, crack summary : it’s your birthday, and the yagami siblings have prepared some tricks up their sleeve.

a/n : made this for my birthday last year because why shouldn’t i and honestly light is my comfort character. also i keep on saying this but the internet needs more light fluff fics :) and for anyone reading this on their birthday, may you have a wonderful day! <333

"Happy birthday [Y/N]! Thanks for inviting us!"

"Oh Sayu, behave yourself!" Sachiko scolded her daughter who was running in circles around you before hugging you. You shook your head, implying that it's alright. You were close with her anyway. "Happy birthday [Y/N]. We hope you'll like these small presents we got you."

"Thank you! But you shouldn't have.. Really." You blushed. They only clicked their tongues friskily. "Hah! Though that's nothing compared to what Light got you!"

"Oh, where are your parents dear?"

"They're in the kitchen preparing and.. stuffs. Come on in you two before it starts—" You barely even summoned the rain, but there it went, an immediate, hostile rain invaded the city just as you had expected. They quickly stepped inside and before closing the door, you checked it there was anyone—someone in particular— who'd come running to your doorstep. But there wasn't.

"Mr. Yagami's still at work?" Sachiko nodded. "He'd be here by dinner time. I told him to go straight here."

"I understand." You replied meekly and shifted your gaze to the window. "How about Light? Where is he? Is he coming?"

"Of course dear! Why even ask? That boy wouldn't miss it for the world. He should be here in some minutes. He said he was gonna pass somewhere before heading here."

Before you could reply, as if summoned at the mention of his name, came Light casually barging in the front door. You thought he looked more like a thief rather than a prince coming to see his damsel who's not really in distress.

A thief drenched in the rain, that is, holding a bouquet of roses and nicely wrapped boxes of different sizes. He sure got you a lot of presents.

"Light! What did I tell you about bringing a raincoat?" Sayu huffed.

"Haha I said I'd be quick though— and it's fine.. Hello there [Y/N]. Good evening." He ran to you, handing you the presents and bouquet before hugging you tightly, the rainwater on his clothes permeating on yours. Of course you couldn't properly hug him back since your hands were occupied. You merely gave his cheek a peck and he whispered, "Happy birthday [Y/N]," before pulling away with a grin.

"Thank you Light! Although I really appreciate your gifts, what I don't is this." You pointed to your clothes with your lips, looking at them. His grin widened. He anticipated this to happen. "You are soaking wet."

"Yeah. I'll go change clothes. Be right back!"

"It's raining cats and dogs! You're gonna get even more drenched!"

"I already am so that won't matter when I enter the house."

You watched the siblings continue to quarrel. You sighed fondly and handed Light an umbrella. "There ya go. Though you really should've brought an umbrella or raincoat first."

"I'm sorry then, Ma'am." He chuckled. "You should go and change too." And with that, he headed back to his house, three blocks away from yours. Sayu snorted. "I thought he was incapable of being a dummy. Guess that can't be helped."

"I heard that!"

You giggled and put down the presents before going upstairs to change clothes.

Surprisingly when you went down he was already there. Guess you took too long to change. He seemed to be having that kind of conversation with your father. On the other hand, your moms were talking and laughing to themselves. You had no plan of interrupting either of their conversations so you went to Sayu who was idly playing with her hair, sitting on the carpet. As expected, she was full of topics—mostly just about girly stuffs which you didn't really mind— especially her continuously fangirling to that TV actor, Hideki Ryuga. And, well, you actually were too. It wouldn't kill you to fangirl sometimes, right? It went on like that for about some minutes.

A hand being suddenly placed on your shoulder was enough to startle you. You turned around, gazing up to see Light whose brow was raised.

"Oi oi Sayu. Don't brainwash her into joining you and your addiction to that TV star."

"I'm not brainwashing her! I mean, who wouldn't fall for Hideki Ryuga? Right [Y/N]?" She squealed.

"Precisely!" You winked. Light heaved a sigh dramatically as he sat beside you. "Psh. I am more handsome than him, and [Y/N] can attest to that."

"Who says I can?"

"I— whatever. Can't believe you'd choose that actor over me." He huffed and looked at you with disdain.

"Of course I will! Any girl will dump her boyfriend for Ryuga—"

"Hmm. Are you really older now? Or just a thirteen-year-old trapped in that body?"

"Hey! What makes you say that?"

"Nevermind me. Go and join Sayu in her silly fangirling and keep your childish mode activated." He rolled his eyes and was about to stand up, but you clung to his arm and began to act like a cat by playfully rubbing your head against his cheek— which was odd to say the least. He gave you a dubious and irritated glance.

"Oh! Is my Light jelly? My my, you look like a girl on her period, which is kinda adorable."

"Cut it out! Do you mean to say, you on your period?"

You slapped his arm. "I don't act like that during my red days! I certainly don't!"

"Oh yeah because you act way worse than that."

"Augh. You're just jealous! Come onn saaay it! My babyboy is jelly~"

"Good Lord, would you mind cutting it out? If admitting it is gonna make you stop then yes, I am jealous."

He was internally dead. Seeing his reaction made you laugh maniacally (c̶o̶u̶g̶h̶s̶ ̶k̶i̶r̶a̶ ̶l̶a̶u̶g̶h̶), even getting your parents' attentions.

"Talk about being childish, hah! Babyboy got jealous over an actor~ Ah, you are so adorable that I might even squeeze you to death!"

"Shut up. You're no fun."

"Oh, but you're enjoying this, aren't you babyboy?"

"One more of that ridiculous nickname and I swear I'll kill you."

"BABYBOOOOY~~"

"Shut up, or I'll shut you up!"

"I dare you babyboy!"

He looked severely annoyed when he glared at you and leaned his face closer to yours. He looked like he was going to eat your face rather than kiss you, but then—

"EHEM!"

There went Sayu, whose presence was completely forgotten by the both of you.

"Oh. Would you mind leaving us alone? We need privacy. Kids aren't supposed to see what's next."

"No way! You're taking her all to yourself Light! That's no fair."

"Fair enough since I'm her boyfriend."

"And I'm her bestfriend?!?! You're just her boyfriend. Bestfriends come first before boyfriends!"

Sayu rebuked, clinging to your other arm and pulling you away from Light. He had no rebuttals and only clung to your other arm, keeping you away from Sayu who was also determined to get you away from him. You already knew where this was going.

'Good Lord' you mentally sighed. And yup, there they went, playing tug of war, with you as the rope.

"I came first, so get your ass away from us, Light!"

"You get your ass away from us!"

"No you!"

"HOW ABOUT YOU TWO STICK YOUR DAMN ASSES TOGETHER AND GET THEM AWAY FROM ME?? For the love of heaven, stop!"

"..Err...Sorry." The two Yagamis murmured and let go of you. You three soon heard a chuckle coming from behind. It was your mom.

"While you guys wait for the food, why don't you try out the karaoke? I'm sure you are great singers. Hmm my [Y/N] may be an exception though."

You whined at your mom's comment. You stood up and Light grabbed your arm before Sayu could, giving her a sharp glare. "She's gonna stay with me, got it?"

"Hmph. Fine then. Enjoy it while it lasts, big brother."

She pointed her fingers from her eyes to his before playfully winking at you. You grinned and shook your head as you made your way to the sofa. You had no idea that their exchanged glares had a double meaning to it.

After they finished picking song numbers and it was your turn, Light secretly handed Sayu two eggs, telling her to be careful in handling those.

Yup, he had five eggs—no not including his own and certainly NOT the number of his own—hidden inside his jacket's pockets the whole time.

You three had made it clear that you were the first one to sing even though you were all fully aware that you suck at that. They innocently looked at you when you glanced at them. You eventually entered the numbers and just as you were about to murder your first notes you heard a loud CRACK! You thought something fell somewhere in the kitchen, but then the second CRACK! came. It felt like something fell on top of your head. And you were right.

But you were already too late when you saw egg shells falling down your hair. And they weren't the only thing—

"What in the nine circles of hell is this?! Oi—" CRACK! CRACK! and CRACK!

The last one missed but by the time you were already a mixture of skin and eggs. The worst part was that one yolk was dripping on the right side of your face, and your mouth was opened due to shock at the same time so some of it got inside your mouth. You absolutely hated the smell and worse— you were sticky! You looked at the siblings who then burst out laughing. The adults were too.

"Now that's what I wanna have for breakfast." Light quipped.

"SHUDDAP! Were you guys all on this?!"

They didn't respond. You walked towards the siblings who were now slowly backing away. You scowled and raised your hands, about to touch them, but they scurried away, with Sayu using her brother as a shield.

"I am so gonna get you two! Sayu, why must you betray me?"

"It was Light's idea!"

"Hey no—" The three of you continuously ran in circles in the living room, with them (mostly just Sayu) screeching and frantically flailing every now and then the closer you got.

They were terrified of the egg monster that you were.

"Don't be mad [Y/N]. Did you know that eggs will do wonders for your hair? At least you don't need to go to the salon now."

"I know but it wasn't only my hair! I am so gonna get you, Light, you little ass!"

"Welp there you go [Y/N]! He's all yours!"

Sayu halted and tripped not only her brother but you too since you were accelerating too fast. Light fell on his chest, and you fell on his back, the gooey substance dropping to his jacket. And to make it worse, you nuzzled his hair with your yolk-covered one. He squirmed, panted, and whined ridiculously.

When he regained his strength he immediately wiggled you away from him. He stood up and removed his jacket, but the smell still lingered since his hair and nape were also covered with yolks and egg whites.

"This wasn't part of the plan.. Sayu..."

"Hehehe."

You dramatically threw your hands up and wheezed to get their attention.

"This is very unfair. I just changed clothes and now I definitely need to take a shower to get rid of this yucky smell."

"I may have to as well."

"Are you implying that we'll shower together?"

"Of course not! Unless you want to— but on second thought, no way! I'll go back home and return—"

"Nope, you're not going anywhere. I had it worse than you! You can easily wipe it away."

"But the smell—"

"You'll have to live with that until the party's over, mister."

You glared at him and walked upstairs to straight-up take a shower that took about thirty minutes. Even though you used as many shampoos as you could, there was still a slight smell left. You honestly weren't anticipating that.

As you languidly made your way downstairs you heard the clicking of metals, indicating that they had already started eating without you, the fucking birthday girl. Mr. Yagami had also arrived. Guess you really took too long and missed some tea— if there ever was.

Light glanced at you and gave a smile of mischief. You raised your middle finger but quickly hid it when your mom glanced your way.

No other choice but to sit beside your stinking boyfriend since it was the only vacant seat left. And you couldn't help but laugh when you saw the egg remains there.

"Let's properly start dinner then." Your dad announced. "Huh? I thought you guys had already started."

"We did. But it wasn't official. Of course we won't officially start without the birthday princess~"

"What difference does it make? And really, dad?"

After the prayer you eventually started eating. Just looking at the food already made you feel full and you were sure that you'd soon look like a pregnant woman after eating all those. Of course, there also had to be some entertainment otherwise it wouldn't be a normal dinner for you.

"Few visitors, huh?" Light elbowed you. "Obviously."

"Why didn't you invite the other neighbors?"

"Do I look like I'm close with those vivacious people?"

"Of course not." His grin somehow irritated you. He's doing this on purpose.

You puffed your cheeks. It was true though— you only had limited visitors this year, specifically the Yagami household. Let's just say that they're the only benevolent family in the neighborhood. You weren't really acquainted or interested in befriending your other neighbors and their kids since first of all, they're literally kids. And even though some of them were at the same age as you and Light, you couldn't really vibe with them. You had lots of friends though, but their houses were too far from yours. You could've had invited them too but it was raining cats and dogs. They might get stranded and you weren't really a fan of sleepovers. They did greet you via text earlier. Although, it was still rather saddening.

Both your parents shifted the topic to your university lives, the rankings and all that stuffs, including reminiscing old times, but they weren't comparing. It was all good to them.

"As expected! Your son is number one as always." Your mom smiled to Sachiko. Your dad then butted in, "Oho, I heard [Y/N] once swearing to beat him. Would you let that happen Light?"

"No way." He chuckled. You shook your head. "Watch me do it."

"I've been doing that for years."

"Tch. I was always first but then you stole the spotlight. Be thankful I don't hold a grudge on you." You jested. Him and your parents chuckled in unison.

"The spotlight isn't the only thing I stole from you though."

"Wow, you are capable of being cheesy too?" You coughed to apparently hide your smile and avoided your parents' sly looks. "Yes yes, you stole my heart too Mr. Know-It-All. You were supposed to be my rival but you cursed me."

"Did not. My charms were only being effective."

"Tsk."

"Wow, you two might be the smartest couple I've ever seen! But you know my teacher once told me if two smart people were to collide then it'd be chaotic." Sayu butted in.

"Why is that?"

"Because they'd keep on contradicting each other with their own beliefs and when they get into arguments it'd be super long but very logical. She also said it's not good because there's no contrast between them. They're already perfect and too much perfection isn't good."

They may be some truth to what she said. You and Light exchanged glances, mentally communicating.

"There's a bit of rivalry. Sometimes. And it's rather fun." He replied. You nodded in agreement. "Besides, we're not entirely perfect. Look at your brother, he's very meticulous in mapping out scenarios and good at speculating probabilities. He's the school prodigy. But that school prodigy has a secret. Wanna know what? He dances like a withered vegetable being shaken up in someone's hands." You, except for him, all giggled. But he had a comeback of course.

"I can dance, excuse me. Hiphop just isn't my style. And you know what? Not only does [Y/N] destroy a song's purity, she can never be a match for any sports for me."

You harshly stepped on his foot, earning a loud groan from him.

Dinner went smoothly. You felt like you didn't need to eat for at least three days, however there were still some desserts to eat. The conversation regarding each families' personal matters continued with you being quite invested in it. Then eventually, the 'most' awaited part arrived—they actually saved it for last—wherein they sang you a happy birthday as you made your wish. Who knows what it was? Only you know the answer to that. You blew your candle and they clapped happily. It made you feel like a kid but it was fun. And then you continued to eat. Cake, ice cream—and there were a lot more. For some reason you also requested a bag of potato chips.

And you already felt bad for the horrors your toilet was about to see.

It was the karaoke's time to steal the spotlight, again. You only watched them sing, although a bit out of tune they were clearer better than you completely murdering those notes. You tried ushering Light to sing but he irritatedly responded a no to you for the nth time. There were only two times you heard his singing voice— and damn, he really is a talented man. But it wasn't exactly his main forte so he refused to do it again.

"Let's get drunk too!" You jested, looking at your parents who were now acting like drunk and cheesy teenagers. Welp they had some drinks.

"[Y/N], you know I don't drink." Light shook his head and sighed, sensing an incoming annoyance at the way you were acting.

"Oh? If that's the case then mind you explaining to me why you're still alive because-not-drinking-would-lead-to-dehydration-which-apparently-leads-to-your-death-if-not—"

"You know that's not what—"

"Let's get high on caffeeeeeine insteaaad!! One cup of bullshit and the other crappuccino!"

Your parents glared at you. Your boyfriend was beginning to get highly concerned. "Why is she like this?"

"Perhaps too much coffee is really unhealthy, that's why, son."

"Whaddaya mean coffee? She didn't even drink any! All she drank was milk! Eight glasses every other day! Blame the milk!"

'What did I do to deserve this?'

He thought, and there you went again with your maniacal laughter. If Light and you hadn't known each other he'd definitely think you're a complete psychopath.

"Oh dear! Did I just say that? God, why did I do that? Liiiiiight..." You shook him. "If I ever start acting like that again please stop me."

"You are acting lke that right now. That's not cute. You're not even drunk."

"Quit being a killjoy, I'm enjoying my 'drunk' state. This is an experiment."

"What the hell? You are sober yet you're doing things worse than people who aren't do."

"But it's honestly fun."

"I can't blame you for being so irritatingly childish since it's your birthday, but it's time to stop that. Stop it. Get some help."

"Stop me then. You're the good guy here."

"How can I stop someone so crazy?"

"They say a kiss on the forehead can stop someone doing crazy stuffs.."

"You're only making that up."

"So what if I am? I speak facts. So, go on, please."

He pressed his lips together and thought about it. It was barely visible but you were sure that he's blushing.

"HAHAHAHA! I forgot my babyboy can't kiss without feeling so yucky about it."

"Hush."

"Psh, don't bite on me mate! I'll do the honor then." You were already kissing his forehead the moment he thought about running away. You weren't able to hold back a smirk as you did. He was grimacing the whole time, but he was actually enjoying it. But of course, he'd never let it show.

To 'annoy' him more, you butterfly pecked your way to the tip of his nose. You pulled back at least an inch or two from his face. And to your surprise, he pecked your lips.

It was so light that you thought it felt like hair on your skin. Thankfully your parents and Sayu—or maybe not Sayu—were too busy to give a damn about it.

You wordlessly sank back, face the reddest it could ever get.

"You stay still now."

"Heh... How about one mor—"

"Absolutely not. That's a kiss worth for three months. We had a deal back then, didn't we?"

"I'm starting to regret that deal."

"It was your idea."

"Let's disregard that deal."

"Nope. I gave my word. You did too."

"Oh come on!"

"'Kissing is a waste of time,' you say."

"I take it back!"

"You don't." He chuckled. You elbowed him and groaned.

You then were idly eating more of the chips as you watched your parents dance shamelessly. They began to coax you and Light to do the same because it was your special day after all. You and Light had different opinions about it. And, he was in.

"Why not? Afraid of your true skills being exposed?"

"Why should I be afraid to expose talent? Heck it's just not my liking. Besides, didn't we already dance?"

"Yeah but that was last year on your 18th birthday. You danced with other guys too. So maybe, maybe— just maybe, I only want to solo you right now."

"Wha— pfahahahaha! Did you just say that? Say that again!"

"Ah? No. Nevermind. Forget it."

"Awe sorry. It's just rare to see that side of yours. Hmm, how can I refuse now?" You pressed your lips in order not to laugh at the way he looked, as if he was regretting everything he did in his life. You stood up and offered him your hand, in which he refused to accept since it was his job to do in the first place.

"Oh! But I don't wanna dance here. Let's go to my room. I have an idea." He merely nodded. "Mom, dad, we're just going to go upstairs! In case you'll wonder why we suddenly disappeared."

"Can I come with you? I don't really want to dance or sing with them." Sayu jumped at you. You shook your head and Light spoke on your behalf. "Kids aren't allowed. Let us have our privacy this time."

"—Sorry but he's right. I do have some games you can play for you to pass the time. Or books, over there if that piques your interest. Don't worry, we'll be back quick to make sure you won't be lonely."

"Alright! Thank you!"

"Ah but why not join us here?" Your mom frowned.

"We have some business to do in my room—" That came out vague, but it was too late. Your mildly drunk dad had already replied, "Don't forget the protection, okay?" Leaving you, Light, his parents, and your mom to have that 'What the fuck?' look on your faces.

You two raced to your room nonetheless, quickly locking it. He was surprised to see how much of a mess it was. Mostly just the bed and the heap of completely random things on top of your cabinet. If he's a neat genius, you're the untidy one.

"Do you ever seriously clean?"

"Why clean it when it'll just eventually turn into a mess again? I can work perfectly fine in this state."

He shook his head and picked up a pillow and the bedsheet lying on the floor, but you stopped him before he could lay his hands on your one-hell-of-a-mess bed.

If you two ever do get married someday, the marriage would certainly include a lot of chaotic things and arguments about the chaos you've bestowed upon your damned house.

"I didn't bring you here to be my personal cleaner. Stop that."

"I'm actually doing you a favor???"

"We have other business. Cleaning is uninteresting. As your girlfriend, it's my duty to stop you investing yourself in such a boring activity."

"You're not really much of a good influence, are you? Fine. But I'm gonna do it once we finish anyway."

You snorted and opened the curtains to add a slightly relaxing view to the scene.

The rain hadn't stopped, still hostile and loud. You were lucky your room had a nice view of the streetlight. Though it would've looked better at dusk— more romantic to a lovers' liking when they dance as the sun sets, coating the sky in a mixture of lively, serene colors, with the streetlight slowly coming to life and they wouldn't realize it because they're lost in their own world.

You smiled at the thought. You wanted to do that with Light even though you knew you would never say it out loud— or who knows?

While your boyfriend was looking at the window, you turned on your lamp and the purple LED lights you had hanging on the walls and turned off the ceiling light. The room was then turned to a dull purple one. But it looked better than before—if you were to ignore the tangled mess on your bed of course, in which case was thankfully barely visible now— and at least to set a specific mood.

"Outdoing ourselves, aren't we?"

"Yes, well.. doesn't it look more.. romantiiiiiic to you?"

"Maybe. All that's missing now is the music. And maybe roses too, hmm? But it's alright. I have the prettiest rose here already."

"Oh my God. Are you really Light Yagami, or just a spirit who had taken over?"

"Shut up. I thought the word romantic was never in your dictionary."

"Ah, but I have a lot of words in my dictionary, so you'll never know, my dear." You winked and took one rose out of the bouquet he had given you. You handed it to him. "There goes your rose."

He cringed, but he was smiling too. He tucked your hair behind your ears and placed the rose on top of it. Now all that was left to do was to play the music.

"Hey Light. We're gonna regret being this overly romantic one day, aren't we?"

"Probably. And all that cheesy stuff. But who knows? We may or may not end up like our parents and continue whatever this saga is."

"Yep. But I also think we'd regret it more if we don't grab the chance to do it."

"Well said, [Y/N]."

You grinned and went on to play the music on your vintage gramophone. Needless to say you were quite the quaint one. And Light knew well of this.

"Shall I have this dance, my lady?"

"Why, I thought you'd never ask."

You hid a smile as well as he. You loosely wrapped your arms around his neck. His hands were on your waist and you two slow danced, the rest of the world falling away. You thought whenever someone would say it, they're just exaggerating. But you were wrong. It really did feel like it that it might have been the closest to heaven you'd get.

Wise men say

Only fools rush in

But I can't help falling in love with you...

His eyes were locked on yours. This time, he wasn't holding back anymore. He was feeling the moment just as you were. And who cares if your movements weren't completely in sync with the music that was barely audible due to the rain?

Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin?

If I can't help falling in love with you...

The smile you were hiding broke out when he pulled you closer. It was definitely a rare event so you had to savor it. Slow dancing in the dark, just like old lovers.

Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes

Some things are meant to be...

You might've had already ran out of steps halfway to the song. You two stood still, bodies pressed with you looking up at him. He rested his forehead against yours. Your faces were so close that you swore you could already feel his lips against yours.

Take my hand

Take my whole life too

For I can't help falling in love with you...

And at that moment you really felt that you wanted him to take your whole life. You couldn't dream a world without your Light anymore.

To your surprise, he cupped your face and kissed your forehead, his lips lingering there for a while as your bodies merely swayed to the rhythm of the song.

You love this man. He's not entirely perfect, but he's the best for you. He's your match. He's your lover. He's your rival. You were his, too.

"Psst, Light. I love you.." You whispered, pecking his cheek.

He stared at you with amusement, his adorable smile growing wider.

"I love you too."

"Even if you smell like shit right now..."

"You too. But did I complain?"

"Oh shush." You laughed. His arms tightly embraced you, and you rested your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes and smiling to yourself as you two continued to lightly sway your bodies. He as well closed his eyes, leaning his cheeks against your head.

He considered this moment to be one of the bests where he's genuinely happy.

And outside, unbeknownst to you, stood a lonesome fellow under the streetlamp, drenched in the rain, a wistful smile on their face as they looked up to witness a moment like that from you two, wishing that one day they'll get to do that with someone too.

#light x reader #light yagami x reader #death note x reader #death note x you #light yagami x you #death note imagines #death note fluff #character x you #my comfort fic lol #sayu yagami

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adorethedistance · 4 years ago

Text

City Slicker, Cowboyfriend - Owen Joyner x Reader

JATP masterlist

Warnings: Swearing, nerves, mentions of covid.

Words: 2163

Summary: You’re starting to have doubts about moving all the way to Norman until a shopping trip to Ikea turns into the meet-cute you’ve been waiting for.

A/n: This isn’t a request or one of my Valentines day fics, this is just something that I have had stuck in my head ever since Owen posted this on IG and bc I’m facing total writers block with my other pieces I cranked this one out in a few hours to get the ball rolling again. Hopefully. Enjoy this totally unproofed, fluffy madness!! (Because who doesn’t need more Owen content in their life?)

There are perks to moving and one of them is undoubtedly: shopping. For furniture, home decor, kitchen utensils, whatever! Granted, shopping alone can be tedious and, for some, like pulling teeth, thus, I’ve enlisted the help of my best friends Leila and Chelsea. I didn’t even have to bribe them to come because everyone loves getting lost in Ikea. It’s one of the best things about the human experience.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been in an Ikea,” Leila says to no one in particular as we walk through the onslaught of staged bedrooms.

“What?! Are you telling me you don’t get meatballs and lawn chairs on a weekly basis?” My exaggeration makes Leila laugh as she steps into one of the display kitchens. Looking between me and Chelsea she asks,

“What would you do if I turned the handle then a jet of water sprayed out?”

“Die, I guess.”

The three of us continue through the faux house displays and past the mattresses despite Leila’s urge to jump on every single one. As we walk through the section of different lighting features, I sigh with a frown as I think about college. I changed my bachelor’s to an associate’s so I could graduate in two years. Chelsea’s parents moved out here at the end of our senior year in high school, and she moved with them to study in Norman. Leila in turn went to Arizona for an athletic physical therapy gig, leaving me to face college alone in L.A.. In the two years the three of us were apart, we missed each other more and more, and after determining which of the three states we lived in was cheapest, we packed up and headed East. Covid kind of delayed our plans. But after a few months, I picked Leila up from Arizona and together we chased open job opportunities into Norman, Oklahoma. The three of us found an apartment space to live in together and thus, we ended up in Ikea on this fine Sunday afternoon.

Snapping back into reality I see Leila standing directly under a light that’s hanging very low from the ceiling. Once standing directly underneath it, she pulls down her mask and opens her mouth, rising to her toes to eat the fixture.

“Leila, don’t you dare fellate that light bulb! You’re gonna get us kicked out.”

I swear I’m practically their mom when it comes to behaving in public. Figuring they can’t hurt themselves in the college dorm section, I lead them quickly through it and into the giant furniture warehouse section. On the far wall, I see a large poster of a couple smiling brightly behind Chelsea, but I don’t bother to read the text. Leila and I spot the poster at the same time, and the imagery jogs her memory.

“Chelsea, how’s Hunter? Haven’t heard from him slash about him in like a week,” she asks about Chelsea’s boyfriend of a year.

“Oh, yeah, he tore a ligament in his wrist.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, I guess he moved it wrong or something and put too much stress on the area that it just tore. He was moving hay bales into the horse stables.”

“As opposed to the chicken stables,” Leila judges under her breath, which makes me snicker as a result.

“I still can’t believe you’re dating a literal cowboy,” I interject, “Like, I know we’re in Oklahoma, and he’s from Tennessee, but we saw Texas on the way out here and that’s cowboy country. Norman seems more...” I trail off in search of delicate phrasing.

“Just barely marry your cousin territory, but still downing chewing tobacco whilst driving a lifted truck?” Leila hits the nail squarely on the head.

“Yeah, that sounds about right-” Before I can continue giving my thoughts on Norman, I cut myself off at the sound of laughter behind me.

“Sorry. We weren’t trying to eavesdrop, that was just really funny.” When I turn around, I see a guy roughly our age dressed in all black with bleach-blonde hair, speaking through light, broken laughter.

“No worries,” I dismiss the apology as we pass by one another, and out from the dressers section. The three of us continue into the different sections, and come to a stop once I see we’re exactly where we need to be: dining room shit!

“Cowboy boyfriends aside- oh my gosh: cowboy boyfriends. Cowboyfriends,” I say getting lost in my new terminology. Both of my friends share a mix of laughter and gasps and my ingeniousness. “Anyway. Cowboyfriends aside, how is Avery?” I ask Leila who begins blushing madly.

“She’s really good. We were just making plans for our three year anniversary, which reminds me to tell y’all I’m flying back to Phoenix to surprise her.”

“Awwww,” I nearly tear up and the sweet image of Leila and her girlfriend reuniting, “Y’all are so cute. Both of you and your partners. You know, being the only single friend in this group has made life suck a lot. Y’all are so happy and in love and not dead inside. Honestly? Get fucked both of you.” Despite my harsh words, the three of us break into a lighthearted conglomerate of laughter.

“We’ll find you someone… eventually.” Leila pretends she also can’t hear the last part of her sentence despite being the one saying it.

“I know, but I don’t think it’s in the cards for me to find love in Norman. I don’t need a cowboyfriend, and we’re not gonna find a true city slicker here either.”

When I finish my statement, I see our blonde friend seems to have followed us. I observe he comes to a stop in front of another guy in a flannel with a shopping cart. The way they jump into conversation with one another parallels the animated body language Leila, Chelsey, and I share. I continue to watch their exchange as Chelsea speaks up.

“Maybe you need someone right down the middle.”

“Yeah, like a guy who drives a truck but uses it to transport Ikea furniture instead of a whole ass tree that he’ll carve into a chair.” A small laugh escapes my lips, at both Leila’s statement, and the scene ahead of Blondie pretending to strangle his friend over something. I’m snapped out of my nosy yet endeared stare as a third guy appears. He’s a sandy blonde with billowing locks tucked under a trucker hat. And he came from behind me and my two friends to place something in their cart which keeps his back toward me. When he turns back around, my mind goes blank. Any thoughts of shopping for dining room chairs has left my mind. He is wearing a face mask, but he has such nice eyes that he could have a giraffe snout under the mask for all I care. I see him look up from the shelves, directly into my eyes. We stay locked for a moment before he breaks away and turns to his friends. I slowly turn to my friends too who are both giving me the exact same look of excitement and conspiracy.

“He’s really cute,” I sigh out with a laugh, swooning much louder than I’d have preferred.

“He has a face mask on,” Leila points out, her expression dropping from excited to cynical.

“Still! I can just tell.”

“Girl, what are you doing? Talk to him!” Chelsea whisper-shrieks.

“Shhh, I cannot take you anywhere!”

Glancing back at the handsome stranger, we connect eyes once more and I feel my face heat furiously as I realize he was already looking at me. I’m the first to break; I consult my friends for the best course of action and as I’m turned 180 to face them, Chelsea starts pretending to hyperventilate excitedly. Leila looks over my shoulder for me, discreetly surveying the other trio in the dining chairs aisle.

“Don’t look now, but he’s talking to his friends and looking between them and you.” I can hear in her voice she’s trying her best not to smile despite wearing a face mask.

“Should I give him my number?”

“Yes!”

“What are you waiting for?”

“I’m nervous! What if he’s gay?”

“Will you just get over there? I promise you a gay man would not be wearing what he’s wearing right now. Maybe a lesbian,” Leila adds for good measure.

“You guys are freaking me out, I need you to leave so I know you’re not judging my flirting.” I shoo my best friends out of the aisle as inconspicuous as possible. Kinda wish blondie would’ve done the same because when I turn back around, the other trio hasn’t moved and the only one looking at me is the one in all black. He quickly averts his eyes though and I take one last deep breath before walking over to the stranger. I tilt my chin up ever so slightly to fake a sense of confidence that I unmistakably don’t have right now.

“Hey.” Really, Y/n? Hey??

“Hey,” he greets back breathily. Why is he nervous? I’m the one who gets to be nervous! Man, he’s really cute. I can’t fuck this one up. I’m not doing so stellar right now. Perhaps you should say something else, dipshit?

“Uhm,” I should’ve scripted this. “I just wanted to say that-” You’ve got this. Don’t be a bummer. “I-uh, I think you’re really cute and I was wondering if I could give you my number?” My speech is slow, each word deliberate in spite of the fact that I feel like I’m having an out of body experience right now. I’m not the one in control of the words that are coming out of my mouth.

Upon realizing why I walked over, blondie’s friends take the question as a sign to leave and less than inconspicuously back away from the two of us. Trucker hat spares them one last glance over his left shoulder and judging by the look flannel gives him, they were definitely talking about me in their team huddle.

“Uh, yeah. I was gonna ask for your instagram- if you have one, that is.”

“I’m cool with both.” The two of us reach for our phones and unlock them with anxious hands. I move to hand him my phone with instagram open, and he trades me for his which has a new contact open. I type my name and put my favorite heart emoji next to it after triple checking the number is correct. Wow, you’re just so ballsy today, Y/n!!!!! I give him back the phone, scanning the instagram account he’s just opened and followed for me. I hear him exhale a little harder as a small laugh and can only imagine it’s from the stupid heart emoji.

“Owen,” I say in a hushed, endeared voice, fully not intending to say it out loud. “You have a million followers?! Oh, you’re an actor. OH… You’re an actor.” I really don’t need to be speaking my entire thought process right now in the middle of this Ikea. Exhaling a small laugh of my own, I see we already have a small bunch of mutuals, one of which is… Chelsea??? Looking up from my phone I turn around to see Chelsea and Leila watching the interaction from around the corner of one of the industrial shelves.

In the flurry of scattered likes, I see him find my account and follow me back. I accept the request, nervous of what he thinks of me without a face mask on. What do I think of him without a face mask on? Going back to his account, seeing his entire face is even better than just his eyes. I was right, Leila: he is cute.

“You’re really pretty,” I hear him almost sigh as he combs through the grid of my account. The comment makes my heart beat all the much faster and I finally look upward to get a glimpse of Owen in the flesh. Still as beautiful as the last time I checked!

Sparing a quick glance over my shoulder, he looks back down at me and laughs,

“I think your friends got tired of waiting.”

“I think yours did, too.” The other members of our trios come back into the aisle we had kicked them from more or less two minutes ago. We connect eyes once more and stare longingly, wordlessly at one another, so lost in each other’s beauty our friends have to break up the staring contest of infatuation.

“Y/n?” I hear Leila behind me.

“Uh, well, I have to get back to chair shopping, but- text me later?”

“For sure.”

“For sure,” I mimic his voice.

“Guess I’ll see you later. Y/n.”

“Yeah.” And with that, we’re pulled apart by our respective best friends, through the vast expanse of the Norman Ikea.

“What was that?” Chelsea asks, excitedly linking arms with me.

“I don’t know I- Wait, you have some explaining to do!”

***

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13 @kaitlyn2907 @itz-jas @crybabyddl @kcd15 @kinda-really-lost @calamitykaty @morganayennefertyrell @n0wornever @dream-a-little-bigger-x @mrstodorooki @vicesvsvirturesfanfic @curlybrownhairedboys @amazinggracy @kaitieskidmore1 @asdfghjkl-fanfics @ghostlygreenbean @juliefromaustralia @merceret @jemimah-b99 @ifilwtmfc @thesweetestsinner @imsydneywalker @lovesanimals @thebloodthirstyvampress @bumbleberry-pie @losers-club6 @tefilovesreading @dmcfarland1@joynerxmercer @kexrtiz @talk-on-the-street @phantompogues @konciousdreamer @sunsetcurvej @warmnesss0ul @lilyjoyner

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writes-eat-sleep-repeat · 5 years ago

Text

Seeing Red

Prompt: PMS days

Pairing: Spooky x Reader

Warning/ notes: Major fluff. Not grammatically correct. Currently on my menses which inspired this one shot. Hope it can comfort other spooky lovers during their time of the month. Enjoy ;)

Summary: Spooky takes care of his girlfriend when she’s on her menses. Just him and her!

Word count: 2063

As you opened your eyes you peered through the curtains of your room and noticed it was a rainy day outside in LA. The sky was somewhere between a light gray and the cusp of a white. They kind of color that hurt your eyes if you stared at it to long. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes you rolled over on your back and instantaneously felt the stinging in our stomach. It was day two of your menses. They worst day of them all. often you thought about what it might feel like to get shot and came to the conclusion it couldn’t possibly be any worse than this. While you laid back staring up at the ceiling you heard your phone vibrate. Looking over all you could mutter was “shit” 8 miss calls and 15 text. You looked at the clock on the nightstand to your left 10:00 am. Opening the text you scroll to the top and began reading

‘Hey mama’-3:15 pm

Missed call 3:30 pm

‘Hello’-4:00pm

Missed call 5:00 pm

‘Y/N’-5:30 pm

Missed call 6:00 pm

‘Y/N pick up the phone’- 6:30 pm

The calls and messages entwined like this for the next couple of hours until you guess your boyfriend finally fell asleep. You cant believe you slept for basically 19 hours straight. Aside from a few bathroom and water breaks where you had to use all the power you could muster up to complete those task, you somehow forgot to check your phone. Throwing your arm over your face to block out what little light was peaking through the window you could hear your roommate/ best friend Rebecca getting ready for work. BUZZZZ someone rang the doorbell. You heard him before you saw him. Out in the living room talking with you bestie, ‘where is Y/N’ he asked her. Oh no. He sounds pissed.

You laid frozen with your hand over your arm wanting the earth to swallow you whole. ‘She’s not feeling well’ you heard Rebecca respond. You always avoided Oscar on days like this because you were afraid to get mad and finally scare him away with your crazy . He burst into your room bringing the bright light from the hallway with him. You felt the irritation slowly building. Removing your hand with a sigh you look over to your right at the door. ‘Couldn’t pick up your phone’ he asked with a particular edge to his voice that brought out your annoyance to what seemed to be instantaneously. ‘I was sleeping’ you said letting acid seep into your voice. ‘For a fucking day’ he yelled. That’s it, you thought sitting up it bed which was followed by a gush of blood below causing you further annoyance.

“I’m not dealing with your shit today. 1. I spoke to you yesterday afternoon and its only 10 am meaning it wasn’t a whole fucking day. 2. Becca told you I wasn’t feeling well and instead of coming in here and asking if I’m okay you choose too come in here and yell at me like your my daddy. 3. Your not my daddy 4. My hormones are all over the place and I literally feel like i am dying so unless you plan on helping and not being an ass I suggest you leave.’ Oscar who you never ever send away looked more hurt than even mad that you yelled at him. He never took that kind of disrespect from anyone being the gang leader he is. ‘Okay, well.. what’s wrong? ummm... how can I help?’ he asked. ‘ you cant’ you replied. “Y?N...” ‘I have to go to the store and get some stuff.’ You swung you legs of the bed and tried to stand up only to be meet with crippling pain. Before you could even fully bend over to hold your stomach Oscar was there pushing you back onto the bed. ‘Your not driving like this’ he said. ‘Tell me what you need and ill get it for you’ he finished. ‘ you cant, ok its personal girl stuff’ you replied shyly. ‘ I didn’t ask you what it was. I said to tell me what you need’ he sternly answered. After writing a list that and handing it to him he said he’ll be back in 15 minutes. You took this time to take some pain medication and crawl to the bathroom just barely managing to take a shower while he was gone. Rebecca poked her head in to let you know she was heading out so you knew it was time to leave the shower so you could let Oscar back in. Standing in your room trying to figure out what to wear you decided on a pair of black leggings and one of oscars hoodie that you stole from him. You just needed to be comfy. As you were pulling the hoodie down over your head you heard the door buzzz. Heading out the the front door you pulled it open to find Oscar with 4 shopping bags. He walked past you to the kitchen and put them on the counter. ‘What exactly did you buy Oscar I only asked for a pack of pads and a soda” you asked quizzically, with what you were sure was a confused look on your face.

‘Well you said always overnight but they had 2 different kinds and I didn’t want to call you so I got both and then i got you some Advil, i mean I don’t know if that works for that kind of pain’ he said gesturing towards your stomach ‘but, i got it anyway and the lady at the store said it was good and suggested i get you something sweet and I couldn’t decide on one, so i bought one of every candy and...’ he didn’t get to finish his rambling because you walked over to him and kissed him lovingly to interrupting, he responded by holding your neck firmly in place and meeting you with the same level of passion. Pulling away for oxygen you looked up into the liquid brown eyes of Oscar Diaz and all you could say is ‘I love You’. “Go sit down mama I’m making breakfast” was his response. “Ummmm...I kinda wanted ice cream for breakfast’ you said. ‘Ice cream is not breakfast. No wonder i cant get cesear to eat any real food’ he teased you. Knowing you looked after the younger Diaz while he was locked up. ‘Hey. I eat real food but today my a baby maker wants ice cream so, I eat ice cream’ you joked. Walking over to the couch in the living room knowing he will never let you eat the ice cream first.

Settling down under the black throw that was on the couch you began to flick through Netflix trying to find something to watch. Settling on a romantic comedy. It wasn’t t long before Oscar walked over with your plate in hand. You couldn’t help but laugh as he approached you in Rebecca’s -queen of the kitchen-apron. Your attention then turned on the intoxicating smell drifting off the plate in his hand and settling in your nose. Homemade fluffy pancakes, eggs and fried salami (Oscar knew you weren’t a bacon person). He handed you the plate and placed his on the coffee table before heading back to the kitchen to remove the apron and grab your drinks. By the time he returned you were already half way through your meal. As he sat down to begin his meal. You were full and much more happy, you still couldn’t escape what you could only assume to be a stabbing taking place in your stomach but this is as happy as you were gonna get. You were content. Watching Oscar eat you eyes drifted to the santos tattoo on is neck and dirty thoughts began popping into your head. Just filthy thoughts, scooting a little closer to your man you kissed it midway him bringing some eggs to his mouth. He paused looking at you from the side through those long eyelashes with a lifted eyebrow.

That put your hormones in overdrive, you wanted him now! ‘ I liked the breakfast’ was all you could manage. Shaking his head he returned to his meal. You kissed his tattoo again, then licked it and then began sucking it. You hadn’t realized Oscar had put his dish down when he lifted you onto his lap. You were face to face, sitting on his lap you noticed he was a little hard. Biting your lip and now staring at his lips thinking of all the possibilities you could do with his mouth he smiled. Damnit the dimples. At this point you couldn’t blame the full wetness on the blood. Ugh, why did you have to have a period. ‘Hi’ he said still smiling. “Hi” you smiled back, clearing your throat “ummm... I really, really liked the breakfast” you continued. “I appreciate the gratitude and the delivery of it but, I don’t think you should start something you cant finish right now in your current state” he replied. ‘Oh’ you answered climbing off of him bringing you knees to your chest. You know his rejection was well placed and he was right but with your hormones all over the place it hit you harder than you expected. ‘Hey, hey he said moving it closer to you. You know I would do absolutely terrible things to you Mi amor, but your not at 100 right now and I don’t want you feel like you have to have sex for me to stay. Okay? He asked. ‘Yeah, umm.. that wasn’t for you but, Okay.’ nodding you moved over to curl up next to him as he finished his meal. Peaking up at him every now ad then you started thinking about how you both had changed.

You knew Oscar essentially Your entire life. Your dad’s were cool and so Oscar spent a lot of time in your fathers auto shop learning, since your dad never had a son he welcomed the apprenticeship. You were no tomboy and completely against anything other than reading. It wasn’t that far fetched you and Oscar began dating in high school. You remembered the first time getting your period and trying to explain what was happening to him; you not even knowing yourself. ‘So your bleeding’ twelve year old Oscar asked. ‘Yes’ you replied. ‘From your Vagina’ he whispered. ‘ yes’ you whispered back. “So... why does this happen?’ He asked. ‘Well my mom said when you are growing up it happens when you don’t have a baby. I think’ you replied. ‘So, your body is hurting you because you don’t have a baby?’he asked. ‘Ummm... yeah, I guess’ you answered. ‘So why not just have a baby? Said Oscar ‘ I asked that too, my dad said because he’ll kill me. So I guess I’m suppose to just suffer in silence’ you answered.

The memory bought a smile to your face and a small giggle escaped your lips causing Oscar to glance down quizzically at you now cuddled up next to him with your head on his shoulders. “ I was just remembering the first time I got my period and you thought having a baby would be the answer to all my menses related problems” you answered his unspoken question. ‘It still could be’ was all he replied shaking his head’ Smiling, most likely remembering the memory too. ‘I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier’ he continued. ‘It’s just being me...well people... its hard...-I know’ you cut him of. ‘Being you is hard and you not only have to think about you but the gang as well , Cesar....Me. I know you, your head goes to the worst possible scenario automatically. I know how worried you get. I should have checked my phone. I’m sorry too” you said pecking him on the cheek. With a quick nod of the head he returned his attention back to the screen. He wasn’t a man of many words. You two watched movies for the rest of the night. There were far and few instances when you had Oscar to yourself. When he was Oscar and not spooky. You relished these moments, these feelings and saved them for times when being is girlfriend seems less than ideal. For tonight, it’s enough to just cuddle up with your man and watch a movie.

#spooky diaz #oscar spooky diaz #on my block #oneshots #omb imagine #oscar #oscar diaz #spooky #spooky x reader

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let-it-raines · 5 years ago

Text

@dorisquinn I accidentally posted your ask before it was ready, so I had to delete that. Haha. But I will answer it now!

This is decidedly not exactly what you asked for. That maaaaay be coming a little later on since I got another prompt with some more specifics on that. This does, however, involve Killian, Jace, and some baseball introductions.

found on ao3 | here | if that’s more your cup of tea!

-/-

October 2023

“Killian, where are we going?”

“I can’t tell you that, love.”

“Because you’re being obnoxious.”

“No, because I’m surprising you.”

He hears Emma scoff, and he reaches his hand over to place it on her knee, squeezing before leaning his palm against the rough denim.

“Swan, I packed everything we need. I even made some brownies for you. Plus, you and Jace are both wearing appropriate clothing, and we don’t have to stay for the entire time.”

“The entire time?” Emma hisses before looking up into the review mirror to see Jace in the backseat. He’s been sleeping since they put him in the car seat, and since he always sleeps when they drive him, Emma really shouldn’t expect him to wake up anytime soon. “Where are we going?”

Killian sighs and looks over to Emma, flashing her a smile, before threading their hands together and bringing her hand to his lips. “There’s a fall Little League I heard about last week. They’ve got games today.”

“I thought Little League happened in the spring.”

“Aye, it does, but this is a league specifically for fall. It’s for the kids who pretty much eat and breathe baseball.”

“Oh, so you.”

His nose scrunches up. “Yes, you could say that.”

Emma shifts in her seat and runs her thumb over his knuckles. It’s always so soothing when she does that. They could have stayed home today. It would be so simple and wouldn’t have required them to change out of their pajamas, but he wanted to do this. He wanted to take Jace to this game and to have him see kids playing instead of professionals, even if there’s not a chance in hell that he’ll understand what’s going on.

“I like that about you, you know?”

“You like that I’m obsessed with baseball?”

“I like that you have something you love so much.”

He squeezes her hand and turns on the blinker before switching lanes. “I love you far more than I love baseball.”

“That’s rom com level cheesy.”

“You know I have a track record for that.”

“It’s honestly a miracle we’re together because I am not a fan of cheesy.”

Killian scoffs and shakes his head. “You say that you’re not, love. You do this thing where you scrunch up your nose and scowl, but afterward, your lips tug up and compliment the pretty blush on your cheeks. You like it.”

He hits the breaks as the light in front of them turns red. Emma leans over and kisses him, lingering a few seconds more than a quick kiss would require. “I will never admit that.”

Eventually the light turns green, and he keeps driving them toward the fields. It’s a little further away than he was expecting, but then again, traffic was absolutely horrible getting out of Manhattan. He’s not supposed to be doing this. Technically, he’s supposed to be reviewing tape for the ALCS next week, but he knows the techniques of the Astros well enough to know what he’s got to do. Really, he should have an ice pack around his shoulder and should be in bed, but he wanted to do this.

He needed to do this.

The parking lot is full of cars, all of the fields already have games going on, and Killian quickly pulls in a spot near the back of the lot before he and Emma get out of the car.

“Would you rather get the kid or the bags, sweetheart?”

“Bags. He’s going to be mad if you wake him up.”

“Should I just undo the car seat then? Let him sleep?”

Emma hits the button for the trunk to open. “I would.”

Killian nods and quietly opens the door to get to Jace only to find him awake, his eyes sleepily opening until Killian is looking into a pair of blue eyes that look far too much like his own.

“Well, hello,” Killian sighs, reaching forward to undo Jace’s straps. “You woke up just in time, lad.”

“Dada,” he sleepily says. The kid’s got three words down, which Killian is pretty sure means he’s going to be a genius, but that particular word will never get old. “Dada, Dada, Dada.”

“Hi, Jace. Mom and I are going to have you watch some baseball with us. I know you can’t be tired of that, right? It’s not like you watch games all the time, is it? You’ve probably been inside Yankee Stadium more than a lot of the rookies.”

“Dada.”

“So articulate.” Killian keeps undoing Jace’s straps until he’s free of them and can stretch his arms out, releasing a small yawn, and then curling himself into Killian when Killian picks him up.

“Did you wake him up?” Emma asks.

“He was awake. Do you want to trade since we don’t have the car seat?”

“Nah, this is fine. Lead the way, Captain. I assume you have some kind of game plan.”

“I kind of figured we’d wander around, check out a few different games.”

“We can’t just aimlessly wander at a park with a bunch of kids. That’s what creeps do. We’ll look like creeps.”

“We will not.”

She motions toward him. “You have on a baseball cap and sunglasses and dark clothing. You are going to look suspicious.”

Killian pushes Jace up on his hip. “The baby makes me look significantly less creepy. Plus, you. You help.”

Emma shakes her head and rolls her eyes before grabbing a small knit hat out of the bag and tugging it down over Jace’s head. “We can wander if you get me a hamburger and a hot chocolate from the concession stand.” “Deal.”

After he gets Emma her food, even if he does remind her they have brownies, they begin wandering around the fields. It’s colder than he thought it would be, the wind picking up and blowing around the bleachers, and Killian makes sure that Jace is covered at all times. He keeps squirming, wanting to get down and move, but considering he’s not walking yet, Killian isn’t going to put him down on the concrete. Later, they’ll put a blanket down and let him crawl there, but the kid has got to chill.

An eleven-month-old obviously listens when someone tells him that.

“My mom used to do that.”

“Hmm?”

“The woman sitting in the top corner of the bleachers.” Killian points toward a woman sitting down with a sign at her feet next to a cooler he’s sure is full of snacks. She’s wrapped up in a blanket, and she’s sitting away from all of the other parents. “My mom would always sit away from the other parents because they were always losing their shit over a bunch of seven-year-olds playing a game. She said between them and my dad, she just needed a place to breathe.”

Emma exhales next to him, a small white puff of air appearing, and if the sun doesn’t come out soon, they’re going to have to go home sooner than he anticipated. But then she’s leaning her head onto his shoulder and resting her hand on his knee, and everything in the world feels right for a moment.

“Did your mom practice with you? Or was she just your biggest fan from the bleachers?”

“If I asked, she would.” Killian grabs Emma’s and traces his finger over her rings. “She preferred to read with me or to play soccer or something. The only time we really talked about baseball was when I brought it up or when she and Brennan were arguing over how hard he was working me. Of course, that didn’t truly start until after she’s passed, so she missed the worst of it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Tis okay, my love. It was a long time ago.”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean it sucks any less. One day Jace will be telling someone all the ways we screwed up, too.”

Killian scoffs and shakes his head before turning to kiss Emma’s temple, breathing her in. she smells of a warm vanilla, and he’ll never tire of it. “We’re definitely going to screw up, but we’re nothing like our parents, Swan. It’s not going to be the same.”

“No, no I guess not.”

“I know not.”

Emma laughs and presses their hands forward, releasing his to clap for Jace so he’ll start crawling back toward them. “I’m pretty sure Jace is about to eat grass, so we’re obviously doing a great job.”

“Darling, I think every kid eats grass at some point. Kids come from two people having sex, so it’s not like there’s really a test to see if you’re qualified.”

“Oh my God.” Emma shoves his shoulder and lets go of his hand until she’s leaning forward and grabbing onto Jace. “Your dad is ridiculous, kid. Do you know that? He’s absolutely ridiculous.”

“For saying how the reproduction system works because I – ”

“Excuse me.”

Killian quickly turns from Emma to look up at a young boy standing above him. He’s in a dirtied-up uniform, dirt marks on his knees and scuffing up his cleats, and his jersey is far too big for him. The timid smile on his face, however, seems far too small for him.

“Can I help you?” Killian asks as he tugs down his hat.

“Are you – are you Killian Jones?”

Killian smiles and moves his hat up. “Aye, I am. And may I ask, who are you?”

“Henry.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Henry. Do you want me to sign your ball?”

The kid nods, basically thrusting the ball and the marker into Killian’s hand until Killian is signing the ball while asking Henry about his team and what position he plays. The boy gets a little more talkative, the nerves waning off, and Killian gets it. He does. He never likes to think too highly of himself or think that he’s some big deal, but he’s living the dream. He’s living the dream that ninety percent of the kids here are going to dream of for at least one moment in their lives, and it’s fucking awesome.

It’s…

“Can I tell all of my friends that you’re here?” Henry blurts out.

“Oh, I, uh – ”

“I’m going to take Jace to go watch that game over there,” Emma tells him, nodding and smiling. “You go ahead.”

“Swan – ”

“They’re kids,” Emma whispers. “It’s your favorite. I don’t mind. Go make their day. Henry, you can tell your friends.”

His smile finally matches the size of his face. “Awesome. I’ll be right back.”

Henry sprints away to a group of kids in the same uniform as him, and Killian quickly turns to Emma as she stands and picks Jace up. “Swan, we can leave right now. We don’t have to stick around.”

“Twenty-nine, you came to a ballpark in New York full of kids who are obsessed with baseball. You were obviously going to get recognized despite you’re not so sly disguise. The only people you don’t mind signing autographs for and taking pictures with are kids. Jace and I will go hide out somewhere else, and it’ll be like we’re not here so there aren’t a million and two pictures of him online.”

Killian nods and rises to his feet as well, leaning forward to glide his lips over his. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Jace takes the opportunity to make some kind of unnatural noise then, dimples popping up in his cheeks, and Killian’s heart decides to do some kind of unnatural beat to match his son’s noise.

God, he might be the luckiest man on the planet.

“And Jace either loves your or hates you. I can’t tell.”

“It’s love,” Killian assures her while tugging down Jace’s beanie. “It’s definitely love.”

“Whatever you say, Jones. I think your fan club is on its way over.”

“Wish me luck.”

Emma salutes him and then walks away as Killian hears Jace start screaming out the word “ball.”

He wouldn’t be the son of a baseball player if one of the three words he knows wasn’t ball.

“Yep, ‘ball,’” Emma tells him. “Your daddy plays baseball, and he does it really, really well.”

Killian signs autographs and takes pictures for thirty minutes. It could be longer than that, but he starts losing track of time as more games end and kids keep coming over. Some of them have absolutely no interest in him, actually probably despise him and everyone on the Yankees, but that’s fine. He gets it. Sports are intense, and as long as no one is making any actual threats toward him or his loved ones, Killian is here for a little antagonistic taunting.

(Actual threats happen more often than he’s comfortable with, and while he and Emma have always been private, they are much more so with Jace and the information they share about him. People are bloody insane, and Killian isn’t going to ignore the possibility of harm.)

Eventually, though, once his hand starts to cramp and his cheeks hurt, Killian finishes signing balls and jerseys and taking pictures and politely excuses himself, telling everyone that he’s got a game to prepare for. It’s true, but not entirely. Mostly he wants to get back to his family, get in the car, and go home.

He wanted to be here today, wanted to watch all of these kids have such joy for the game that has defined his life, and he wanted to feel it somewhere outside of the mound.

His shoulder has started hurting again, is an absolute pain in the ass, and Killian has done everything to make it better. It’s not every day and not every game, but it is happening far more often than he’d like it to. It’s happening when he wants to pick up his son after a game and when he’s got his shoulder wrapped around his wife.

It’s happening.

He doesn’t want it to.

And somewhere in the back of his mind, Killian knows that this season won’t be the end. Next season, however, if he can’t pick Jace up without much pain, he might have to hand in his glove. He’s got All-Star games and three fucking World Series Championships, which is more than he could have ever dreamed about. He’s got friends and family and…Emma.

He’s got the love of his life who he shouldn’t even be with.

He’s got the love of his life who he can’t tell these thoughts to, not yet. They’re not supposed to keep secrets from each other, but he’s going to for now, until he knows for sure.

Asking her out all that time ago was complicated, but it worked out for them.

She should have slapped him, refused to talk to him again, and then filed some kind of order against him when he asked her out on television. That was still an asshole, misogynistic move, and every time Killian sees something similar happen, he hates himself for doing that and for possibly encouraging other men to do it. He didn’t…well, he didn’t mean to cause any harm, but he still did, didn’t he?

Emma’s forgiven him, though, and at the end of the day, even with all of the awareness he tries to bring to the problem that keeps persisting with men not taking female reporters seriously, Emma forgiving him is what matters for his personal life.

Emma forgiving him and sticking by his side while he does obnoxious things like drag her out in the cold to go to the little league fields.

“Hey,” Killian whispers when he walks up to the two of them, “you guys ready to go?”

“I think my fingers are icicles.”

“So that’s a yes?”

“That’s definitely a yes.”

They’re able to get out of the park fairly easily, moving away from the crowds and getting into their car, and before Killian knows it, Jace is asleep in his car seat while Emma has her hand in his once more.

Like clockwork.

“Are we going to be those parents who drag their kids out to little league games when it’s not even little league season?”

“Technically we already are.”

Emma laughs and taps her thumb against his hand. “You know what I mean.”

“Aye, I do. And I imagine that if Jace or any other kids want to play baseball during the fall, we’ll be out there, coolers full of snacks and signs tucked under our arms.”

“You’d definitely have to be the coach.”

“Would I?”

“Twenty-nine. C’mon. You would be the first one signing up for it.”

He would. He knows it. If Jace wants to play, Killian would be beyond thrilled to be the coach.

“Sweetheart, if Jace plays baseball, I’ll be the coach. If Jace plays tennis, I’ll be the coach. If Jace is on the debate team, I’ll quiz him. If he is into art, I’ll be at every art show and every class. If he’s into something else entirely different, I’ll be there. I’m always going to be there.”

Emma’s hand squeezes his before he brings her knuckles to his lips once more.

“Killian, are you okay?”

“I’m perfect.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he says. It’s a lie and the truth all at once, but for right now, just like this, he’s going to lean more toward the truth of things. Today’s not the day to be figuring everything else out. “I am.”

-/-

@bluewildcatfanatic @killianswannn @dorisquinn @onepunintendid @authorarsinoe @stunningswan @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury @superchocovian @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings @carpedzem @tornadoamy

#catch me if you can #cs fic #cs ff #cs fanfic #captain swan fic #captain swan ff #captain swan fanfic #captain swan #catch me if you can prompt

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rtonart · 5 years ago

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My thoughts on sally face episode 5

I know I said I would have this out the other day, but this weekend kicked my ass and I needed more time to get all my thoughts out. So here it is, it’s a bit of a doozy just a heads up. I’d like to put a bit of a disclaimer here with this post: I do not want to, nor wish to start fights cause trouble, or invalidate anyone's thoughts or feelings on the newest episode. I just want to get my thoughts and feelings out there. I’d love to have an open discussion with everybody about this series as a whole, and see where most people stand on how you feel about the ending. There seems to be a lot of divide amongst the fans, and I’d like to know why you feel the way you do, some either loved the ending some absolutely hated it and some like myself just kind of felt empty after it was all over. Also, heads up spoilers. Spoiler free version: The ending felt hollow at first, and it still does even now, because of how rushed it all felt leading up to it. Even with the epilogue it just doesn't feel like this story is really over, maybe that's what you were going for, it seems like that to me, I feel like we haven’t seen the last of the Sally face crew. If it is however, then that just sucks, I knew there wasn’t going to be a truly happy ending but it could have ended much better than this. There was so much untapped potential, I hope Steve learns from this and whatever he decides to do next, he takes more time with thinks it through and things go better. You really are very talented Steve, I just think you need to pace yourself next time. Spoiler filled version: So for this section, I’m gonna talk about the things I liked about this game, and the things I didn’t. I’ll also be pointing out all the questions I personally have from this episode, and previous episodes Let’s start off with what I didn’t like, and I’ll end with what I did like here goes. What I didn’t like and questions I have: Let’s get the biggest thing out of the way right now, Steve, you did your characters so dirty especially Maple, Neil, Travis, Larry, and Ash. I’ll put them in their own little sections, and go from there when I get to them for now, here are some of the questions I have in no particular order. What happened with the red ball? I remember in the second episode I believe, Sal was talking to Jim’s disembodied head from the other side, and Jim said “The red ball, don’t forget the red ball” Why was that so important? What would the red ball have done? Why did he need to bring it? And why did you just drop it in episode 5? Why was Maple overtaken by the demon when she was out with her parents the night of the incident? By all accounts she should have been okay, she was even shown in court when Sal was on trial totally fine. What happened between then and now to change her? I wanted to see her join Ash, and Neil and get revenge on the cult for taking her baby, her husband, and her friends away. But you just went and made her go crazy that was super disappointing. How big is this cults reach? Supposedly it’s Travis’ dad who tried to murder Sal as a child, then Diane sheilded him from the gunshot dying in the process. Okay, cool, fine, except that was in Jersey, when Sal was a little kid so like how old is Travis’ dad? Was that really Travis’ dad? Or do all the cult leaders wear that dog mask? And how did their reach spread so far, it seemed like this was only happening in Nockfell. But now you’re saying that they’re so powerful and evil, that they not only single handedly wiped out a majority of a group of people, they’re just going around murdering children by the dozens, and can cover it up completely okay, sure, why not. What happened to all ghosts in Addison apartments? Did they all disappear into the void, like Larry when the tree house was burnt down? I was wanting to see if they come back to help Sal while he was a ghost. What happened to the bodies of the dead that weren't taken away by police IE Dr Enon and Larry. Why when it was all said and done, when Larry vanished Sal was just like, “We’ll maybe, probably, see him again one day who knows.” Everyone in this episode just seemed off to me I can’t stand it. I believe those are most of the questions I have, that I can think of off the top of my head, that seemed like the most important to me. Let’s get onto the characters, I don’t want to make this too long but we’ll see how it goes. Jim Johonson: Jim seemed so cold and distant, and unusually out of character to me personally, like you’re this all knowing, all seeing being. You can see just how much not only Sal, but your wife, and your son have suffered, and all work it took to try and fix things and you just kind of brush it aside and don’t really do much in the grand scheme of things. Ash: Ash got a raw deal, she is living with the guilt of betraying her friend, which at the time she had good reason to. He did murder an entier apartment complex, she was doing so good, and working so hard, up till the point she felt like she failed not only Sal, but herself and her firends. That she decided to off herself right there and then, without a second thought, I mean, it worked out in the end but jesus, it didn’t have to come to that. She could have I don’t know willingly let Sal’s soul into her body so they could fight the cult?

Larry: I’m actually pretty mad with what happened to Larry, like, are you serious? He went on this whole adventure after his second death, and became an all seeing ghost wizard like his dad, and I thought, “Oh cool, he’ll get to live forever now as a spirit just like his dad, nice, now they can-” NOPE. Dead. He did get to help Sal till the battle was over but really? We could have had a whole second section of the game going through his journey. Neil: It hurt to see all the crap he went through, not only did he lose his boyfriend for god knows how long to this cult. But he gets captured and murdered along with Maple trying to save him and stop the cult. When he kept saying, “My Todd” it hurt my heart, I just wanted them to at least be happy if nothing else, him Ash, Todd, Maple, and Travis deserved to at least come out of this together, messed up, but alive and able to move on. Travis: You did Travis so dirty it isn’t even funny, I honestly thought he was going to end up being a bigger part in all this, what with the bathroom scene the partial confession about all his problems to Sal, he was a really interesting character and I wanted to see him overcome at least some of his problems, and be a major part of the gang but that didn’t happen. How long was he apart of the cult? His entier life? Tala Grey: She seemed super interesting at first, and I was into the backstory and the notes about her, and her family, but at the same time this was one of the things that confused me the most. Why add her, and her backstory about her ancestors, this late into the game if you ultimately weren't going to do anything with it? I know that section went on a while, I’m sorry, I didn’t think this was going to go on as much as it did, my gosh. I’m almost done, I promise if you’ve read this far thank you. What I did like: The music is on par with all the tracks from the previous episodes. The various alternate realities, this retroactively means everyone's AUs are cannon, which is always fun I say go ham everybody. The art Steve is getting better and better with each episode I just really like seeing improvement in people it warms my heart. The gameplay it was a bit glitchy at times, but it was fun beating cultist asses. The moment when Sal was in the car with his dad, on the way home with his prosthetic and he says, “I picked pink because it’s mommy’s favorite color, I hope she’ll recognize me with it on.” Made my heart hurt, it was so sweet and sad, I love that sweet boy so much. Baby Larry in that picture with him and his grandma. Old man ghost wizard Larry is my everything now, he’s amazing and I love him. Diane being a good, loving, protective, mom is valid. The claymation world, and rubber hose world were my most favorites and those were great. And finally the line, “Eat my ass, you red eyed bitch.” made me laugh so hard I about peed myself while playing. I liked that they were able to put an end to the cult if nothing else. Episode 5 was a mixed bag for me personally, just taking more time to look back on it, while I did have fun with it, it was simply too much, too soon, too fast, just as things felt they finally got going it had ended and it just felt hollow to me overall. Steve I hope you never stop creating, be it by making music, art, or games. I want you to hear what your fans have to say learn from it. You can do some incredible things and I want to see more from you in the future. If anyone read this far, thank you, and I’d love to hear what you all have to say if anything.

#Sally face #Sally face episode 5 #Sally face spoilers #Spoliers #Sally face episode 5 spoilers

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ellewritesathing · 5 years ago

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So Close - S.S III

Summary: The universe has a funny way of putting the things you want right in front of you, but just out of reach. Stiles and Y/N have been best friends ever since Scott brought him home, but when Stiles realizes that he might want to be something other than best friends, she leaves to go to some fancy private school up North. Now that she’s back though … maybe he’s got a shot? A Teen Wolf AU in which the reader has always been so close to Stiles and yet so far.

Prologue - S2E1

Part 1 - S2E2 + S2E3

Part 2 - S2E4 + S2E5 + S2E6

Part 3 - S2E7 +S2E8

Wordcount: 3.6k+

A/N: So Tumblr is being weird and won’t let me use part of this GIFset by teenwolfedits from Raving but here’s one of Stiles and the mountain ash so!! Anyway, feedback and constructive criticism are always welcome. Hope you guys like it!

After your fight with Isaac, you’d gotten out of the car and started walking without a particular destination in mind. A small part of you kept hoping that he’d come after you and make some grand gesture to make everything better, but he never did. Neither did Scott or Stiles, so clearly they weren’t as worried about you as they’d pretended to be. With the sun setting, though, you knew you had to go home. Being alone in Beacon Hills was dangerous enough, but alone and in the dark?

You unlocked the front door as quietly as you could and tiptoed into your room. Once your door was closed and you were faced with both familiarity and unawareness, you curled up on your bed and sobbed. You couldn’t go back to the pack after how you ended things and you’d completely ruined what you had left with Scott because you were too stubborn to listen. Although you’d been lonely since coming back, this was the first time you’d felt alone.

The creaking of your bedroom door caught your attention and you quickly wiped away your tears and sucked in a breath, turning so Melissa couldn’t see your face. “Mom, I’m fine,” you lied with a faltering voice. “I just watched a sad movie and with my hormones-”

“Can we talk?” Your muscles tensed when you heard Scott’s voice. You nodded and shifted again, listening as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. The edge of your bed sagged under his weight and he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I lied to you,” he started gingerly. “This all started like two months ago and I haven’t been able to slow down since. And then you came back and I- I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want you involved in this. Any of it.”

You bit your lip and turned to get a better look at him. You took in his tired features as you formulated your response. “Scott, I was already a part of this long before I came back,” you confessed. “Two months ago I was attacked in the woods behind my school. I wasn’t bitten, but it did change me. The reason they kicked me out is because I completely withdrew myself from everything. I spent days locked in my room, not leaving to go to classes or eat or anything.” You took a shaky breath. “The only thing I did was draw them. All over my body in harsh lines, on the walls in deep gashes, on my books-”

“I didn’t know.” You looked back up to see the exhaustion in his face betrayed by disappointment in himself. He didn’t know you were hurting and yet the first time the two of you had spoken you asked if he was okay. “I didn’t help.”

You reached forward and held his hand. “It’s not like we were completely honest with each other,” you said gently. “I thought you’d think I was crazy.”

Scott chuckled under his breath and squeezed your hand. “There’s nothing you can say that would make me think you’re crazy,” he smiled. “Can you show me what they looked like? The ones that attacked you.”

You looked down again but nodded. You went to your desk and pulled out one of your old books - they were too damaged for the school to take back. You watched as Scott worked his way through the pages, taking long looks at each of the different drawings. You wondered if he felt the same fear looking at them that you did.

“You’re pretty good at this,” he said a little breathlessly. “But you shouldn’t have had to go through that. I should’ve protected you. I should’ve-”

You leaned over and closed the book. “What could you have done, Scott? I was like two hours away and you were human. You couldn’t have protected me even if you knew what was going on.”

“I know now,” Scott urged hopefully. “And I can protect you now.”

You rolled your eyes at his determination to protect everyone. “Okay,” you conceded eventually. “But this time I get to protect you too, deal?”

“I don’t think that just because you can beat up Stiles means you can protect me,” his joke made your heart stop. You’d hurt Stiles. “But it’s a deal.” After a few seconds of you not answering him, he added, “He’s okay, you know. You should talk to him.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me,” you shook your head. That made him roll his eyes.

“Yeah, he does,” Scott told you. “He spent the whole day complaining about-” he shook his head and took a breath before looking at you. “Tell him what you told me. He’ll understand.” Reluctantly, you nodded and he put a hand up to squeeze your shoulder encouragingly. “Get some sleep. It’ll be okay.”

You watched as he got up to leave. You weren’t going to tell him but you had to. “Uh, Scott?” you blurted out. “I- I’m not with Derek anymore.”

He looked like he was going to ask why but decided against it. Instead he said, “Oh. That’s, uh, that’s good to know,” with a goofy smile. You returned it and watched the door come to a close when he left.

---

So it turned out that the reason no one on Team Scott came looking for you was because everyone was too busy kidnapping Jackson - a terrible decision that never would’ve been acted on had you been part of the team, or at least that’s how you pointed it out to Scott before leaving for the police station that morning. Your leg bounced as you waited, and you were out of your seat as soon as you heard Scott and Melissa arguing. You stopped a few feet away when you saw Stiles and tried to give him an apologetic smile, but he didn’t return your gaze.

“Then no computer,” Melissa said, snapping your attention back to the two of them. Scott argued that he needed the computer for school and she looked around as she thought of a new punishment. “Then no, uh …” her gaze fell on Stiles. “No Stiles.”

“What?” Stiles whined, rushing forward to argue. “No Stiles?” He came to a sudden stop when your mom pointed a finger and raised her voice.

“No Stiles!” she yelled. “And no more car privileges. Give me your keys.” Scott began searching his pockets as she held out her hand, but he wasn’t quick enough. “Give them to me!” she repeated. It hurt to see her frustrated like this. She wasn’t even this mad when she got the call to collect you from Willow Creek. You shrank into the corner as they continued to talk.

“Okay, you know what, um …” Melissa’s voice was quiet as she spoke as gently as she could. Frustration replaced with guilt over her outburst. “We’ll talk about this at home. I’m gonna go get the car.” She gave you a smile as she walked past, but you could see her heart was breaking.

“I’m the worst son ever,” Scott declared while moving closer to Stiles. You did the same, though without the added commentary.

“Well, I’m not exactly winning any prizes either,” Stiles confessed, gesturing vaguely to where Jackson’s dad was berating Noah. You bit your lip as you caught Scott’s eye.

“I’m gonna go smooth things over with my mom,” he said cautiously. “You guys, uh, you talk.” Subtlety wasn’t his specialty.

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Stiles exhaled, looking over at you for the first time since your argument. You smiled but he looked away again as Scott retreated, saying that he’d tell Melissa you’d be a few minutes. “So what did you want to talk about?” he asked, clearly not in the mood for another confrontation.

“More of an apology than a talk actually,” you corrected lightly. You were fiddling with your hands and avoiding eye contact. “I was upset that you guys were shutting me out, and I-I lashed out. I hurt you and you’ve gotta believe me when I say that’s the last thing I ever wanted.” You stopped to take a breath and still your shaky voice. “And I’m sorry. I felt so alone and they- they gave me a place where I fit. It’s not an excuse and I get if you don’t want to see me again but I-”

“Stop.” Stiles put his hand over your shaky ones, stopping your fidgeting. Old feelings bubbled to the surface as he continued, “You’re gonna unravel that whole sweater.” You smiled and listened to him take a deep breath. “Look, I mean, yeah, you messing up my shoulder didn’t make me feel great but … how could you think I wouldn’t want to see you again? Y/N, you and Scott are my best friends.”

“I know but Scott didn’t literally twist your arm to get his way in an argument,” you said pathetically and shrugged your shoulders.

“No, but he did try to kill me,” he replied. “Like more than once.” He used his other hand to scratch his head. “He also, uh, made out with Lydia for this weird power thing.”

You pulled a face and tried to stop yourself from laughing. “He made out with Lydia?”

“Hey, don’t laugh!” he pointed a finger at you and then moved his hand to his heart as he feigned offense, which only made you laugh more. “My nine-year-old self was heartbroken.”

“Mm-hmm,” you hummed, smiling up at him. “I’m sure it took many juice boxes and sleepless naps to get over, huh?”

“Yeah, something like that,” Stiles said quietly, looking down to see his hand still covering yours. He took a breath and pulled it away, taking his warmth with it. “I guess we should head to school.”

“Yeah, I guess,” you echoed. You looked up at him again. Something was different. “You’re sure we’re good?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he smiled. “See you at school.”

“See you around, Stilinski.” You touched his arm lightly and added, “Take care of yourself, okay?”

“God, Y/N, I’ll see you in like half an hour at school. Relax,” he laughed and punched your shoulder playfully, making you roll your eyes and mumble something before walking off. As you did though, you turned to get another look at him. He was watching you and sent you a little wave before you rounded the corner and went to find your family.

---

“Wait, so what’s my job?” you asked. Deaton had already given Scott the ketamine to sedate Jackson and put Stiles on mountain ash duty, but he hadn’t said anything to you.

“You could, uh … run interference,” Scott said, looking at Deaton and Stiles for confirmation. They didn’t answer.

“Interference,” you repeated, folding your arms over your chest.

“You know, make sure everything goes smoothly and everyone knows what they’re doing,” Scott explained what he meant while simultaneously giving you absolutely no information about what you actually had to do.

“Make sure Erica and Isaac don’t kill anyone,” Stiles clarified, making you roll your eyes.

“Yeah, ‘cause I have the necessary skills to keep them in check,” you mumbled. You checked your attitude when you met Deaton’s eye, he didn’t say anything but it made you realize that at least you were a part of the team this time. “Okay,” you agreed. “I’ll run interference.”

---

The plan changed pretty much as soon as it was in motion. Allison had told her dad about Jackson’s murderous tendencies, so the hunters were there as well. Scott got Derek and Boyd to keep them occupied and trusted Isaac to sedate Jackson so he could help with the fight. Despite everything you’d been through with them, he and Erica refused to let you get close to Jackson, and it’s not like you could do anything to the hunters, so you ended up with Stiles and the mountain ash.

“Is it always like this?” you asked teasingly as you walked along the inner arc of the boundary Stiles was creating. Outside was surprisingly quiet considering the rave inside, gunshots and growling breaking through the night occasionally.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Stiles answered with a sigh. “Hey, does it look like this bag is getting empty?” He brought it closer to his face to take a look, but before you could answer, he’d poured what was left into his hand. “Crap, crap, crap, cr-”

“Stiles,” you interrupted. “Calm down.” You put your hands on his shoulders and shook him lightly. He was looking straight at you now and looked extremely freaked out.

“Calm down?” he repeated. “Y/N, there’s like fifty feet of ground to cover and I’ve got like three sprinkles of magic fairy dust left!” He took a deep breath. “You know what? I’ll call Scott. Scott always knows what to do. I’ll call him.”

He started fumbling for his phone and you moved your hand to catch his wrist. “Stiles,” you said gently. He stopped moving. “You don’t need to call Scott. You’ve got this. Plus, he probably won’t answer anyway.”

“Y/N,” Stiles repeated, mimicking your tone of voice. “We don’t have enough mountain ash. Scott will help us.”

“Stiles!” you sighed exasperatedly, dropping your hand. “This is your job. It’s all on you. You’ve gotta believe you can do this. Scott believes you. Deaton believes in you. I believe-” You were cut off by him pressing his lips to yours. The hand that was still on his shoulder moved up to cradle his neck, your fingertips lightly covering his jaw. “What was that for?” you breathed after he’d pulled away.

“For believing in me.” Stiles sounded more surprised than you did that he’d kissed you. He cleared his throat and looked down at the mountain ash. “I, uh, have a thing to do. So I’m-”

“Yeah, say no more,” you took a few steps back. You watched him turn and take hesitant steps away, and you moved your hand up to your lips. That was … odd. Kissing you was a frantic action, but the actual kiss was soft, tentative. A small moment that went on forever. You were probably reading into it because you used to have a crush on him, but this was Stiles. Stiles! And after everything you’d been through-

Your train of thought was interrupted by his cheering. “We did it!” He clapped and jumped on the hood of a car in his excitement, setting off its alarm. You winced and held out your hand for him to take as he ran over. He grabbed your hand and pulled you forward as he ran to meet Erica and Isaac at the rendezvous point.

---

Stiles opened the storage room door and immediately put his hands out defensively to block your way in. The sudden stop made you walk into him. “Uh, no, no, no!” he exclaimed when Erica almost attacked him. “Just us. It’s just us.” You peered over his shoulder before the two of you came inside and caught Isaac’s gaze. Stiles told them not to freak out as you turned to close the door behind you.

Turning back, you looked over to where Jackson was passed out on a metal folding chair. It didn’t even look like he was breathing. “Is he okay?” you asked, aiming a finger in his direction.

“Well,” Isaac exhaled and walked closer to him. “Let’s find out.” He raised his hand up with his claws out and moved to slice Jackson’s chest, but he caught Isaac’s forearm and tightened his grip. You rushed closer when you heard bone cracking and saw Isaac begin to twist down. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him back to the group. He sat on a crate and you moved your arm up to his shoulder, using your other hand to examine his injury.

“Okay, no one does anything like that again, okay?” Stiles warned, waving his finger around to emphasize his point. You rolled your eyes at him and rubbed Isaac’s back gently. The two of you hadn’t really spoken since you broke things off, but you’d made a silent agreement to look out for one another. Stiles didn’t know about that, though, and just noticed how close the two of you were again.

“I thought the ketamine was supposed to put him out,” Isaac groaned, still very clearly in pain. Your comfort couldn’t do much to ease his suffering.

“Yeah, well, apparently this is all we’re going to get,” Stiles exhaled. You looked up to see him looking at the two of you and pulled your arm back to your side. Was he jealous? “So let’s just hope that whoever’s controlling him decided to show up tonight.”

As if on cue, Jackson’s eyes flew open. You sucked in a breath and pointed to Jackson to make sure the others saw it too.

“I’m here,” Jackson told you all. His voice was distorted and deep. “I’m right here with you.”

Despite your protests, Stiles moved closer to him. “Jackson, is that you?” he asked.

“Us,” Jackson answered. “We’re all here.”

“Are you the one killing people?” Stiles’s voice was just above a whisper. Erica moved closer towards you and Isaac.

“We are the ones killing murderers,” he corrected. His blank stare at the wall creeped you out, and when Erica was close enough you reached out to hold her hand.

“So all the people you’ve killed so far-”

“Deserved it,” Jackson snapped.

“So we’ve got a little rule book that says you only go after murderers,” Stiles started cautiously.

“Anything can break if enough pressure’s applied,” Jackson replied.

“Okay, so the people you’re killing are all murderers, then?”

“All. Each. Every one.”

“Well, who did they murder?”

“Me,” Jackson growled.

“Wait. What? What do you mean?” Stiles asked, voice rising slightly.

“They murdered me!” Jackson yelled. Isaac stood up and moved closer to you and Erica as Jackson started shifting. “They murdered me.”

“Okay, maybe we should try upping the dose?” you squeaked out, pulling Stiles closer to where the three of you were huddling. You held onto his shoulder protectively.

“We don’t have anymore,” Isaac answered, holding up the empty bottle as evidence.

“You used the whole bottle?” Stiles asked, clearly annoyed with him now. You were about to tell them not to argue when Erica started patting Stiles’s arm frantically and pointing to Jackson. He stood up and hissed at you.

Stiles started stammering some words, but you pushed him and Erica towards the door. “Go!” you yelled, pulling Isaac forward and shoving the others. “Go! Get out of here!” You all ran out and Isaac slammed the door behind you, the four of you flattening yourselves against it to keep Jackson inside.

“Okay, find something to move in front of the door,” Stiles huffed. Wedged in front of Isaac and behind Stiles, you began to look for something but couldn’t see anything. It didn’t matter much anyway, because before you could say anything, Jackson burst through the metal wall and into the nightclub.

“Okay,” you took a deep breath and felt everyone collapse a bit more into each other. “It’s okay. We’re all okay. We’re okay.” The four of you gathered yourselves and shared a look before immediately splitting up to find Jackson. Stiles grabbed your hand and the two of you ran to the front of the building.

The two of you were arguing over the best way to handle it when Derek strode up. “So we kind of lost Jackson inside, but it’s-” Stiles started telling him as you looked up at Isaac and Erica staring down at the mountain ash. They couldn’t cross it. They were trapped in there with Jackson. “Oh my god!” Stiles exclaimed. “It’s working! Oh, this is-”

“Stiles, ne quiet,” you warned. You were worried about them and you didn’t even know where the others were.

“You need to break it,” Derek rushed out.

“What? Why?” Stiles questioned.

They started arguing, but as soon as Derek said that Scott was in trouble, you bent down and broke the boundary. He looked at you briefly, for the first time since you’d left the pack, before running off to save your brother.

---

Derek took Scott to Deaton so Stiles drove you home. Neither of you were talking about what had happened, and you fiddled with your seatbelt to pass the time. When he pulled into the driveway and killed the engine, there was no avoiding it. “So, uh,” you exhaled. “The whole kiss thing-”

“Was super out of line,” Stiles interrupted, making your heart sink. He regretted it.

“Yeah, yeah, totally,” you lied, nodding your head.

“It was a one-time thing-”

“We were both freaking out-”

“It’ll never happen again,” Stiles finished.

“Right, never again,” you echoed before actually realizing what you’d said. He never wanted to kiss you again? You were quiet as you thought, and Stiles didn’t say anything else. “Well, I should, uh- I should head inside,” you started.

“Yeah, Melissa’s probably bugging out that you guys aren’t home yet.” Stiles’ attempt at humor meant he was at least as nervous as you were.

“And Noah probably really wants to see you after hearing what happened,” you nodded, unbuckling your belt.

“Yeah, uh, not so much,” Stiles mumbled. You weren’t sure if you were supposed to hear that, because he looked surprised when you asked why. “He got fired today. Because of me.”

“Oh, Stiles, that’s really rough,” you said sympathetically. You started reaching for his hand but stopped over the armrest. “Do you know why?”

“His son having a restraining order filed against him didn’t reflect well on the county,” he sighed. The way he said it must have been word for word what Noah had told him.

“I’m really sorry, Stiles,” you whispered. “I hope it blows over soon.”

“Yeah, me too,” he said, more to himself than anything. He looked at your hand and then up at you after a second. He didn’t make another move. “Have a good night, Y/N.”

You smiled. “You too, Stilinski.”

Part 4 - S2E9 + S2E10

#stiles stilinski #stiles stilinksi x reader #stiles slow burn #stiles stilinksi imagine #mccall!reader #so close #teen wolf #teen wolf au #teen wolf rewrite

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storytime-hoe · 5 years ago

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Tough Love Ch.1

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x O/C

Summary: Story picks up during season three as the group goes into Woodbury to rescue Glenn and Maggie from the Governor. However, they pick up another prisoner of Woodbury, Emma (O/C). She is a thief who fears friendships after her hard losses. She stays on the move, studying communities from afar and then robbing them blind. She has stayed alive this way for a while until the Governor catches her in the act. Now she finds herself with the group from the prison in a mission to kill the Governor for what he has done to her. She plans on stealing supplies from the prison group after the Governor is killed, but she might be growing a little too close to the groups members, especially one man in particular: Daryl Dixon.

Warnings: Slow burn, language, usual twd violence, mentions of abuse/rape

Authors Note: This is my very first fan fiction so please don't be too mean about it. I'm trying… sort of. I am a little rusty so sorry if this sucks. But like this chapter is a slow start but it will get better I promise. Leave some feed back because I would like to improve my writings. Thank you for reading!

I never thought I would reach a breaking point. I always had something to fuel me, to keep me going. Even when my mom died I got through it because I just knew that I had to. Back then it didn't matter how much pain I was in or how tired I was or how depressed I felt, I kept going fucking no matter what. There was a purpose to keep going back then though, someone I was responsible for: my little brother. I would've done anything for him. But when the time for him to go did come, all I did was nothing.

Once my brother was gone I felt a curtain of darkness consume me. For a while I teetered on the line between giving up and seeing how much I could take. But the second I laid eyes on the Governor I think I tumbled head over heels towards giving up.

I held out against the abuse I was put through in Woodbury for as long as I could. I spent weeks shivering in the small shit room he kept me in. The damn Governor used to come in everyday. I became trained to hear his heavy footsteps entering my room. The moment he came in I could anticipate what he intended to do with me that day. Sometimes he just got his anger out on me through beatings. Other times he liked to grope me or make me take off my clothes, letting himself run his slimy hands over every fucking part of me. The day he did more than just run his hands over me was the day I felt myself become drained of my worth. I felt like I was nothing.

I prayed for the end. I wanted more than anything to be taken away from under the control of the Governor, no matter how my freedom would come about. He had broken me, as much as I hate to admit it. But, I had been through hell and hell changes you. It changes who you are and who you would've been. I would never be the girl I once was. I was torn apart from the inside out. I didn't trust anyone anymore; he made me the cold hearted bitch I am today.

I felt like a pitiful animal, huddled up in the empty room, holding onto myself as if that could protect me. My body shook and muscles spasmed from time to time. Blood was starting to crust over and dry onto my lip from my nose. However, the last beating I had taken was not from the Governor. He had ordered his henchman, Merle, to try and get information about that fucking prison from me. The thing was, I didn't have any.

The Governor always suspected that I knew more than I let on. I was a damn snake, that was for sure, and I knew everything about Woodbury before they even knew about me. It made sense that he would assume I know about his rivals at the prison too, but I hadn't gotten to them yet. Woodbury had enough valuable things for me to take at the time.

That's what I do. I stop by communities that people have built up and I scope out everything about them. I learn the ins and outs; I memorize everything about the place from the faces of the people to the sewage systems underground to the amount of provisions they have. When I find an opportunity, I strike. I come in secretly and take what I need to survive. However, I never take more than I need or too much so that they won't pull through from the loss. I pat myself on the back for that. It's nice of me to be thinking of others. It made me feel like I wasn't a total asshole.

I went on thousands of looting missions and had never been caught before, or if I had I was always able to slip away or talk myself out of any real trouble. I was sly as a fox back then. But the day I hit Woodbury, the precious Governor was supposed to be out. I had everything planned perfectly. He was to go out at sunrise with his men to inspect the pits they kept of Walkers. He had a schedule to keep to and he always did, but not that day.

I should've accounted for his whore. I never should've let it slip up. But he stayed in with her passed time to go on his run. He was still in Woodbury and I had no idea. When he found me in the pantry I was too in shock. I tried to shake the bewilderment that he was there. He looked pissed, but he locked away his angry demeanor and quickly talked to me like I was a wild horse that he was trying to tame. The thing is that I was too stubborn to be tamed.

I attacked him with the only weapon I had, a small knife. He knocked it from me after I put up a hell of a fight. I was proud that his nose was gushing blood by the time he had me restrained. His buddies came in after hearing our ruckus and I was knocked out cold. I must've been captive in Woodbury for weeks. I barely had anything to eat anymore. My muscles, which were at one time toned and impressive, were weakening.

The Governor hadn't come to me in a few days. Merle would come in and give me a small tray of molded food, but that was it. He used to stay and talk with me sometimes, just to get some stuff off of his chest. He would talk about his little brother and how they got separated a while back. I felt bad for him at first, but when he came in one day and told me how his brother was seen in the area, I ridiculed him endlessly for being too big of a coward to go after him. Merle liked his happy little life in Woodbury; he had it all here. So when I called him out for his bullshit he got mad and eventually our little chats came to an end. I wasn't surprised, slightly disappointed, but not surprised. I could almost be content with life when Merle would sit around with me and talk about how much his life has sucked. Even if I did hate his guts, anything was better than being stuck alone with my own thoughts to haunt me.

I held the thin shirt I had to me. My pants and shoes had holes worn into them. My hair was so tatted and dirty that I probably looked like a wild animal at a glance. I hadn't cleaned off in a month probably, maybe more.

I was sniffling in the corner, waiting for it all to end, when I heard the gunshots. They were close. Too close. There had to be a fight in Woodbury. My mind immediately thought of the group at the prison that the Governor was so desperate to get information about. They were here, attacking. Everything in me hoped they would put an end to the Governor, but another part of me hoped they didn't. I wanted to kill him for myself.

Multiple shouts echoed outside of my door followed by a spray of gunshots. I flinched before ducking my head down between my legs and hunkering with my hands over my head for protection as dust and pieces of the cheap room I was in rained down on me.

I thought about calling out to them, thinking they might help me, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't trust them, even if these people were against the Governor, they might come in and treat me worse than he has. I couldn't risk facing another person like the Governor, or someone who might be worse. I hated myself for being afraid and I hated the Governor for making me think this way now. He made me an untrustworthy monster and I hated the power he had over me, how he had snuffed out any fire in me, how he had caged my soul and thrown away the key.

Just then the door of my room was kicked open with a terrifying force. My heart hammered in my chest. I shook in the corner, staring at the ground and not at whoever was entering, afraid of what I might see. I heard the movement and clicks of their weapons. I knew what was probably going to happen, I just wanted it to happen already. I was ready to go. I couldn't fight anymore. I was done and ready to join those I left behind. I was ready to join my family again.

"Another one of his hostages." The gruff voice was full of disappointment and had a long southern drawl to it.

I still refused to look at the people who were in front of me, but I could feel that there were only two of them present. The figures inspected be from behind their weapons.

"Where's Maggie and Glenn?"

"Do you know where they keep any other prisoners?"

I didn't answer. I didn't know the answers. Just shoot me. Please shoot me.

One of them grabbed my shoulders roughly, attempting to shake me from my vacant state. I looked up into his face for the first time. He wasn't like the Governor, I could tell instantly. He didn't fake anything like the Governor does. He wore no mask of who he really was. He wasn't a bad person, though his actions would say otherwise. He wanted answers; he was eager to find his people. His soft eyes pleaded with me almost, as if they could will the answers from me.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out, only strangled sounds of my dry throat. I shook my head to get the message across that I had no idea where his friends were.

A look of grief and anger washed over him. He released my arms and stormed away, back towards the other man in the room.

"We jus' gonna leave 'er?" The other man asked, his crossbow still pointed at me cautiously.

The first guy stopped in the doorway and ran a hand over his curled hair, thinking about what my fate should be. "Bring her. She might know a few things about this place. Anything can help."

My stomach lurched at the command. They only wanted me for information just like the Governor did and I was willing to bet they would take the same actions against me to get it. I was being used one after the other. I would've cried if I had any tears left in me.

The guy with the crossbow looked at me through his scope. Shoot me.

His fingers twitched around the trigger that would release the arrow into my skull. Kill me.

He lowered the weapon slightly and looked at me with an understanding. I felt the pull of his gaze like a magnet. I couldn't stop myself from looking him in the face. His squinted blue eyes bore into me as I silently pleaded for him to save me from this shit-show. I didn't want to walk out of Woodbury, I wanted to be put out of my misery right here and now. He could tell what I was asking for. I was miserable and he knew that. That's why my heart broke when he grumbled for me to get up.

My brain screamed to sit still. But my legs found the strength to work and I was following him out of the door in seconds. I wanted to sit in my room, refuse to go, then maybe he would've killed me, but I was not risking staying around to chat with the Governor in the aftermath. I had to choose what I thought was the lesser of two evils.

The stranger with the crossbow led me out into the smoke and chaos that now filled the hall. The first man I spoke to was running for the exit with an injured guy hanging from his shoulder. A young girl followed quickly behind them. Looks like they found their friends, Glenn and Maggie.

I followed after them into the streets, having no other choice. We rushed inside a building where Glenn was dropped to the ground. Each breath he took looked to put him in pain. He didn't have a shirt on, and he held his arm cradled against him. Not to mention the blood that covered injuries on his swollen and badly bruised face. I knew who did this to him without a second thought, and Glenn confirmed it too.

"Daryl," he breathed out in pain as his little girlfriend Maggie wrapped a shirt onto him. "This was Merle."

The guy with the crossbow–Daryl–looked at him in almost disbelief.

"He threw a Walker at me. He was going to execute us," Glenn continued, his face a scrunched up picture of agony.

"My brother's the Governor?" Daryl growled out and took a few aggressive steps closer, visibly hungry for more information.

My eyes widened at the statement. Brother. This was Merle's brother that he had talked so much about? Are you fucking kidding me? I almost couldn't believe it. The thought actually almost made me laugh. Merle was a douchebag through and through, but this guy didn't seem too bad at all. Sure he gave off the usual strong headed vibe like Merle, but he wasn't the creep that checked out every pair of tits that passed him. And when he first looked at me in that room, I felt a sense of calmness. The only thing I felt towards Merle was disgust, and occasionally a bitter hatred.

"He's not the Governor," I offered, my voice a croaking mess from not being used in so long, and they all turned to me, making me shift uncomfortably. It was the first time I had spoken in days and I barely recognized my own voice as I did. "Merle's his right hand man. The Governor's an even worse piece of shit then him, believe it or not."

Daryl seemed torn as he paced around, his mind whirling with mixed thoughts and emotions. "Does he know I'm with this group still?"

"He does now," Maggie said, the venom dripping from her words. Looks like she hated Merle almost as much as I did.

"Rick, we told him where the prison was. We couldn't hold out." Glenn's face twisted with pain again.

"Don't be sorry," Rick said and got up to glance out the windows, his eyes flicking around wildly, surveying the area. "Can you walk?"

Glenn nodded as he was helped to his feet by Maggie.

Daryl swallowed hard and stepped towards the door, ready to take off into the streets again. "If Merle is 'ere I need to see 'em." The eagerness in his voice was unmistakable. My heart lurched out for him. I knew that if the brothers' positions were switched, Merle would be sprinting out of here without a second thought for Daryl.

Rick put a hand on the door to stop Daryl from leaving without thinking clearly. "We need to get out. We are in hostile territory."

"Maybe I can talk to 'em. Work somethin' out."

I shook my head. There was no way Merle loved Daryl like he claimed to if he stayed back in Woodbury all this time knowing his brother was a few miles out in the prison. I felt obligated to tell Daryl that, to help him out and make him realize that Merle was not who he wanted him to be. Daryl was the first person to look at me like I wasn't scum on the bottom of their shoes. When he found me, his gaze might've been filled with sympathy for me, but now our positions were switched. My heart broke at the sight of him distraught over his brother, someone he loved so much, when Merle would never feel the same.

Good thing was that I didn't have to be the one to talk him out of it. Rick did the job for me. "You're not thinking straight. They are hurt and we need to get them back. If we run into Walkers or if the Governor catches up to us? I need you. Are you with me?"

It was strange how much Rick looked to care about Daryl. He was the kind of brother that Daryl deserved, not Merle. I hoped he could see that. I don't know why I cared so much about people I didn't know. Maybe I was feeling that my own brother could have, or should have, found someone better than me? If my brother found someone like Rick to take care of him maybe he would still be alive.

Daryl gnawed on his bottom lip with hesitation. I could see him debating in his mind what his next move would be. He glanced at the floor and back up at Rick. I stood behind Rick's shoulder silently. When his eyes flicked over to mine it was almost as if he were reading my mind again. It was a mistake to go after Merle right now and we all knew that. I was relieved to hear him mumble an agreement to Rick as he looked back down at the ground.

Rick nodded back at him and turned to me sharply, pressing a bowie knife in my hand with a cold look of warning to stay in line. I stared back at him blankly, not letting him read my emotions. Daryl tossed out a smoke bomb and the streets of Woodbury became a sight of chaos and gunfire in the matter of seconds.

People were dropping dead from gunshots that looked to have come out of nowhere. The rush of being out in a fight and danger again coursed through my veins. With each breath I felt a part of me returning; it gave me hope. I felt almost okay again. Maybe the Governor hadn't shattered me completely.

Despite how weak my muscles felt from the amount of time I sat dormant in a cell, I was overtaken with an urge to get revenge. My skin flushed with the anger I felt towards the Governor and, even though I didn't know everyone in Woodbury, I hated them all too. Walkers were flashing across my sight of vision in the clear patches in the smoke. I stood still and watched it all happening around me, drinking in the screams of the falling.

A Walker spotted me from within the smoke and he was slowly coming for me. My sweating fingertips felt around the handle of my knife. Part of me wanted to let the Walker eat me, but I was too stubborn to go down this easy anymore. I refused to be taken down by a Walker. I stared it in the face, daring it to come closer. It did, inching towards me and snapping its teeth in my direction.

It was close enough for me to reach out and touch it when its head exploded all over me. I didn't even flinch as the blood and rotting insides of the creature coated the front of me and the blood ran down my face from my hair. My eyes focused on who was behind the Walker that had killed it. I was shocked to see Rick, who had been so harsh to me earlier, had gone out of his way to save me, not that I needed saving. He held out a colt python in which were his means of killing the Walker. He had a crazed look in his eyes. His head tilted ever so slightly and I found myself looking away from him and for Daryl to save me from his mad friend. However, the archer was nowhere to be seen in the midst of chaos.

"Rick!" Glenn yelled from on top of a truck just before he jumped down to the other side of the wall.

Rick turned his attention away from me for only a second so he could respond to them. Soon enough he was glower at me again. The look he gave me told me this was not someone I wanted to mess with. His crazed eyes were message enough that he would do anything to protect the ones he loved. I understood that. There was a time when I had the same look and feelings as he did. That was a long time ago, back when I still had people to care for and vice versa.

"We have to go. You're coming with us."

Everything about him made me want to run, but I found myself nodding at him. He said before he would need me if I could tell him all I knew about Woodbury. If I could help take Woodbury down I would, even if it meant working with a fucking maniac.

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reveriesofawriter · 5 years ago

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jvn recap

a post mainly for @authenticrage

first of all he was 20 minutes late, which gets funnier about halfway through his set

before he came on, the stage was lit up like a rainbow it was lovely

this venue has pretty high def cameras and 2 big screens to either side of the stage so people farther back can see better and the second jonathan walked on he looked at himself on that screen and went from cute confident performer to absolutely feeling himself and then throughout the show he kept getting distracted by how stunning he looked on the screens he was like I can never do a show without these again

he opened with a gymnastics floor routine complete with flips that I don’t know the names of but they were very impressive

right after that he went backstage to do a costume change and take off his dance belt which I learned about for the first time and aerial has some painful crotch moments but I can’t imagine doing all that with a dick it just sounds very ouch

there was a guy soz can’t remember his name who came and did a short stand up set while jvn was changing and probably brushing his hair (bc it looked gorg when he came back on stage def not how mine looks after a class) anyway this guy was gay too and at first he was funny and people kept laughing so I’m sure he kept being funny but I hate talking about puking and stuff so he was going on about his 21st birthday and his first visit to a gay bar with his friends and I went from laughing to trying not to be disgusted, but he said something about having the height of a top but loud bottom energy and that just stuck out to me as a joke that I would not have laughed at even like 2 years ago and kinda snapped the whole night into a particular context for me

so he goes and jvn comes back and he’s wearing this skirt and wonderful heels and like I said before being a full on model for the cameras, he gave a full 30 minute history lesson on the US women’s gymnastics team at the olympics in 1992 which I learned was the last time that the summer and winter olympics were the same year, after that they moved them to every 2 years, and he was talking about this gymnast who he looks up to so much and then a couple weeks ago he discovered she was a republican and he was so sad about it

he made a joke about the venue looking like a megachurch and then said joel osteen was waiting backstage to talk to us and in any other setting I would have been nervous like what if they’re about to pull a kanye but no I have full faith in jonathan if no one else

he stepped sidestage into a little theatrical changing tent while his cat did a weather segment on the big screen it was very cute

he said (exact quote bc I wrote it down Immediately): “entertainment doesn’t change you, it makes you more of who you already are” and I was like OOOOOOOHHHHHHH, he was quoting an entertainment lawyer at this place where he used to do hair where this lawyer was getting her hair done and this other celebrity he didn’t name went and bleached her own hair to pieces and then threw a fit and yelled at the hairdresser who did nothing wrong and called tmz on herself as she walked out

and then he said he is more himself and what he has always been is Late (see first point) so much that they used to tell him the call time to set was 30 minutes before the actual call time and he would still be like 10 minutes late, but he swears he’s getting better at getting to set on time

also the second quick change he came out wearing these gorgeous pink and black boots with like 4 inch heels if I found them in my size I would buy them on sight (not that I could afford them lmao)

he talked about how in his 20s he used to be mostly just into sucking dicks but then you get to a point when the number of dicks you’ve sucked has a comma and you start to think maybe you want a deeper connection maybe you want to know more about these guys like what’s your favorite book where do you like to go for brunch what’s your name (I lost my mind)

he talked about his childhood and one time where he was at his brother’s soccer game and he was under the bleachers with one of his friends whose brother was also playing soccer and teaching her how to do a front flip over a bar or something and she ended up breaking her wrist so his mom had to watch her brother while her mom took her to the hospital, the game was still going on and he was dancing and being his little 6 year old queer ass self and all these dads in the stands were starting to get mad so his mom said if he sat down and stayed quiet she would get him 2 things from the department store so that happened and he chose a 4 pack of flavored lip balms and a 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner, they got to the motel room where they were staying for the duration of the soccer tournament and his mom yelled at him for eating one of his lip balms and so little jonathan decides to take a bath, he fills the tub with bubbles and ten minutes later his mom is banging on the door standing beside an angry hotel woman saying he overflowed the tub and collapsed the ceiling of the first floor and now the building isn’t structurally sound and they need to evacuate, so he manages to not get his lip balms or 2 in 1 confiscated as they grab their things and run out of the building (this other kid is still with them) and they pile into the car and an hour into the drive back home they get pulled over because they were hella speeding and by then his mom is like ugly crying because she’s so stressed and the cop looks over at jonathan sitting in the passenger seat smearing yet another lip balm all over his face and eating it and the cop looks at his mom and says very pointedly it looks like she has her hands full (as he said, a combination of white privilege and homophobia) and let her go without a ticket

he ended the set with a political rant about how we flipped more seats at the last midterm than anyone expected and how everyone needs to vote next year and compared the political journey of the country as compared to a pairs skating competition and the amount they improved from one year to the next and said we have potential to make a positive change

and then when the house lights came up after he got a standing ovation he walked to the edge of the stage and started talking to people in the front rows who walked up to say hello and I just thought it was so endearing

basically he was larger than life and wonderful and beautiful and dare I say iconic 100/10 would want to be his friend and listen to him go on tangents forever

#i also learned that i'm watching too much unhhhh bc instead of laughing half the time my instinct was to screech #i had to stop myself from yelling like a crazy person #like @self can u just laugh pls

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lovemesomerafael · 5 years ago

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El Amor Todo Lo Puede Chapter 53: After The Storm

For @thomas1340, who has been waiting a LONG time

Chapters 1-50 Chapter 51 Chapter 52

Laura had very quietly asked Sonny Carisi to take her to the airport, and asked him not to tell anyone. She had said her goodbyes to everyone else. She really couldn’t do it again. And she had a particular question she needed to ask Sonny.

One lone tear streaked her face as, for the last time, she locked the door of the apartment she’d shared with Rafael. She’d almost made it without crying. She would have been OK, except for the hollow sound the door made in the apartment as it closed. That hurt. It sounded like her heart felt.

Sonny took her suitcase from her and they walked together to the elevator.

The pain on Sonny’s face reflected her own. She wanted to comfort him, even as he tried to comfort her. “I wish I knew what to say. I don’t know how to help. I want to, so much. But I don’t…”

“I know, Carisi. And you are helping. It’s just… gonna take a long time.”

They were silent all the way to Sonny’s squad car, parked directly in front of the building with the emergency flashers going. Today was hard enough without getting into it with some flunky about fucking parking.

When they had buckled in, Carisi turned to Laura. “You said there was a question you wanted to ask me.”

“Yeah, there is.” She took a deep breath. “I need to know, Sonny. Would you tell me… when you pray… is God still there?”

The question, and the lost, frightened look in her eyes, broke his heart.

“Yes. Laura, yes. And He loves you. And He loves Rafael. And He’s got you. I don’t know much, but I know that.”

“I’m so mad at Him, Sonny! I’m so mad at Him for letting me waste so much time when I could have been with Rafael, and then taking him away as soon as we found each other.”

“I know. Me, too. And that’s OK. God can handle us being mad at him. If you’re mad, be mad. He knows, anyway.” Sonny blew his nose loudly enough to make Laura grin through her tears.

“And one more thing-” he began.

“Don’t tell me it’s His plan. I hate His fucking plan! His plan sucks!” Laura’s anger, always near the surface these days, flared. Sonny wasn’t bothered by it. He shared it.

“You’ll see Rafael again. You’ll be together again. He’s not gone. He’s just gone from here.”

“OK.” She couldn’t say more than that at this point. She didn’t know what she believed. But she heard Sonny say it. And she listened.

“So the reason I asked you to come get me so many hours ahead of my flight is, I wondered if you would, um… go to Mass with me? I thought maybe I could hold onto you and you could believe for both of us.”

“I’d be honored.”

“St. Augustine’s has a Mass in half an hour.”

Sonny nodded and pulled the car out into the street.

*********

Date: September 15 1430pm From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: Hi from Stockholm

Hi, Peter,

Hope you will recognize my name after so long. If you delete this, I deserve it. I got your cards and emails, and I don’t know the words to tell you how much I appreciated them. You’re so much better of a friend than me. Sorry I didn’t write before. I’d rather talk to you than pretty much anyone else, I just haven’t really been talking to anyone for a while. Except my Mom, of course. That shit doesn’t fly with her. And Lucia, of course, because… well.

I hope I told you how much it meant to me that you came to New York. I don’t really remember much that week. So if I didn’t tell you, I knew you were there and it mattered.

Don’t know whether you heard this, but I’m in Stockholm, of all places. Liv helped me find this assignment and here I am, trying to learn how to pronounce letters we don’t even have in English and words that, between you and me, are really longer than is entirely appropriate.

I’m OK. I like it here. My job is all computer geekery all the time. It’s interesting. Do you believe I’m a fed?! We’ve been working on this one case for seven months, and they finally made the arrests this week. The only downside is they don’t let me beat anyone up.

A friend from work, Maiken, is showing me Stockholm. So between work and exploring with her, I have enough to think about other than my sorry self. Thank God, most people here start learning English in grade school, so my hellacious rudimentary Swedish isn’t so much of a handicap. Maiken taught me how to swear (no surprise I learned that first) which comes in handy sometimes on the Tunnelbana (subway to us).

I know I’m not worthy, but be merciful and write me back. I want to know how you are. I ask my idiot brothers but they suck. They only remember the scores of the games you go to. I hope you wear a disguise when you see them so no one associates you with them.

Love you.

Date: September 15 1450pm From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: Re: Hi from Stockholm

Sunshine,

So great to hear from you. I can’t stop smiling. And here I am writing you back immediately. What a sucker. So glad you’re doing OK but you’re too far away. I was mad when you left the country, but I know short of leg irons there’s no stopping you.

I’m good. Got a promotion. Yay, me. Mark asks me why I bother having an apartment, then answers himself it’s where my clothes live. Weekly, he says this and expects me to laugh. My life.

I miss you, Sunshine. Please tell me when you’re coming home. Or tell me when I can come see you.

I love you, Peter

Date: September 15 1510pm From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: Re: Hi from Stockholm

Hi, Peter,

I’m writing you back right away, too. Who’s the sucker now? Congratulations on your promotion! Mark’s joke sounds so much like him. I miss him. I miss you.

Would you really want to come see me here? I told Maiken about you and she wants to meet you. Beware: she has the messiest love live I’ve ever encountered. It’s like Game of Thrones, except with - no, it’s pretty much Game of Thrones. You have been warned. But she’s cool. She shows you amazing places to eat and teaches you how to swear in Swedish.

I can never figure out the time difference, but I think we can text if you want to. There’s some shit you have do on your phone (technical phrase) but I can look into it if you want.

Love, Laura d/b/a Sunshine

Date: September 15 1520pm From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: Re: Re: Hi from Stockholm

Sunshine,

No I don’t want to fucking text, I want to hear your voice! Give me your number or call me.

Peter

Date: September 15 1620pm From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: Re: Re: Hi from Stockholm

Peter,

Rawr tiger. I called you but you didn’t answer. You should have my number in your phone now, though. I also texted it to you. Call me but only if you’re going to be nice because I’ve thought about you a lot and in my thoughts you’re nice. I have no idea how it works, if we can just call and it’s like in the US or if we’ll get a massive bill but I don’t care. I heard your voice on your message and now I can’t wait to talk to you. Even if you’re not nice.

Love, Laura

Date: November 18 0953am From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: Flight Info

Sunshine,

My itinerary is attached. Looking so forward to seeing you. Your family is pissed that you’re going to be with me for the holidays instead of them. I pretend to feel bad.

I want to bring you a present. What should I get you?

Love, Peter

Date: December 8 2120pm From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: St. Thomas!!!

Hi, Peter,

Here is a picture of me and Maiken. I’m the one on the left. So you’ll recognize me. Holy shit, I’m going to see you in two weeks!

You mentioned my family is pissed I’m spending the holidays with you. You have ignored my question (twice) about how Katie feels about it. She must be some kind of fucking saint if she’s not tearing you limb from limb. For the millionth time, she can totally come! I don’t want to cause trouble for your love life and I’m dying to meet her.

Love, Laura

P.S. For my Christmas present, you have to be in all the selfies I want. I know how much you hate them but you are wrong. Terribly, dreadfully, completely, utterly wrong.

Peter: Just landed. See you when you get here.

Peter: Checked in. Place is nice.

Laura: In line in customs. WTF. I brought like 2 bikinis and a dress. Do I really need to be behind the family with 9 kids who are apparently emigrating here and brought everything they own? There may be livestock. I’m about to lose it. For real.

Peter: DO NOT lose it. If you cause an international incident and make me miss out on those bikinis I will not be happy.

Laura: Can’t help it. I’ve been on a different continent from you for over a year and now we’re on the same tiny island and I’m trapped in bureaucratic hell. I’m not the most patient person.

Peter: Indeed. Really?

Laura: FU 😊

It was after ten p.m. when Laura finally arrived at the hotel. She intended to check in, get to her room, take a quick shower, and then let Peter know she was there. She didn’t want to be hagged out after over a day travelling when he saw her for the first time in over a year. She should have known. As she dragged her suitcase wearily across the rough tile floor of the lobby to the hotel’s check-in desk, she caught sight of Peter as he stood up from a wicker settee across the room.

For a moment, she just stood staring at him as he strode across the lobby toward her, smiling so hard it looked like it hurt. Or maybe she just thought that because her own smile was painfully wide. Sweet merciful heaven, he was so fucking beautiful! Everything about him was gorgeous, including his too-short hair and the truly heinous flowered board shorts he wore. She dropped the handle of her suitcase and let her carry-on fall to the floor as she ran toward him and leapt into his arms. He instantly swept her off her feet and she wrapped her legs around him, squeezing him with all her limbs as hard as she could. Both laughed and cried.

The desk attendant was becoming a little uncomfortable the longer they embraced, laughing and wiping tears, saying all the stupid things people said when they met after a prolonged absence. Americans, she thought. Give me some nice, polite Japanese people anyday. And these two looked a little old to be behaving like this, anyway. Her eyes widened when, many minutes later, the woman came to the desk and checked into her own room, separate from the man’s, and not even adjoining. Affair? But no, no one was joining them; they each had booked a room for only one guest. Whatever, the desk clerk thought. The day I understand the weird shit tourists do…

While Laura showered, Peter relaxed on her balcony, sipping a beer he’d brought from his own room. It wasn’t long before she appeared, toweling off her wet hair and wearing an ankle-length cotton halter dress in a very colorful print.

“You should have warned me about that dress,” Peter said, holding a hand over his eyes. “I woulda worn my sunglasses.”

“I got two words for you, hotshot. Those shorts.”

“Where’d you get a dress like that in Sweden?”

“Amazon. Like the entire rest of the known world.”

Their conversation went on like that, light and happy and easy, while Laura combed her hair and they sat watching the waves. Even at night, there was enough light to see the rocky shoreline in front of their balconies. Laura was exhausted after travelling for over a day, but didn’t want to miss one second with Peter. Eventually, she simply couldn’t sit anymore and said that she needed to stretch out.

“C’mon,” she said, “We can talk in here.”

In a very short time after they laid down on her bed, she under a sheet with her head on the pillows, he on top of the sheet with his head at the foot of the bed, they fell into a deep sleep. Peter woke during the night, and thought about crawling in with Laura, but decided it was best just to grab a pillow and stay where he was. There was no chance he would go back to his room, alone, when he could be here with her.

The next day, they hurried through breakfast so that they could catch a dive boat leaving for a sheltered bay perfect for amateurs. They snorkeled all day, exploring the bay and pointing at colorful fish, taking underwater selfies (which Peter said were the only thing stupider than selfies on land but tolerated all day long), and enjoying the sun and warm water. They had been smart enough to bring sun guard shirts, since both were coming from cold climates and had no tans at all. By the time the boat landed back at the pier near their hotel, they were both too tired to think about trying to shower and get dressed to go out for dinner. They settled for stew chicken from a street vendor they passed on the walk back to the hotel.

An hour after they returned to the hotel, Peter heard Laura’s knock on his door. She had showered and just knotted her wet hair at the back of her head, and was wearing a cool, cotton wrap dress that actually belonged to her friend Maiken. When Peter opened the door, he was wearing those damn board shorts again, and nothing else. As always, Laura immediately noticed his trim, muscular torso and his lovely, brawny arms. Tonight, though, she hoped he was planning to put on a shirt.

They sat on Peter’s balcony in the cool evening breeze, looking at the pictures they’d taken that day. There were some beautiful shots of the schools of yellow and purple fish, some of sea turtles swimming near them, and several very cute photos of the two of them. They’d also taken pictures of each other, some of which were very good, and some of which they teased each other about.

When they had tired of the pictures, they sat, side by side, sipping drinks and watching the moon come up over the water.

“I could live here,” Laura noted.

“You don’t like Stockholm?”

“I like Stockholm a lot, but it’s cold most of the time. I love this warmth.”

Peter sighed contentedly. “It really doesn’t seem like Christmas.”

“It doesn’t.”

He looked over at her. “Which, I’m guessing, is the point?”

Laura didn’t look at him. She took a long drink of the passionfruit juice she was nursing. “I don’t want the holidays. Can we leave it at that?”

“Sure. I want to hear more about Stockholm.”

Laura didn’t know whether Peter gave two shits about Stockholm, but she loved him for changing the subject. He was actually quite interested in her new life, but he also knew that this was only her second Christmas without Rafael, and that the two of them had gotten engaged on New Years’ Eve. Peter understood why Laura would need to ignore the holidays for a while.

They talked about a lot of things as they sat there, sometimes sharing stories about their work, sometimes talking about the Parkers, sometimes showing eachother photos and goofy internet memes on their phones. At one point, Peter scrolled past a picture of himself and a woman, sitting at a restaurant table clinking cocktail glasses and smiling. He had his arm around her.

“Wait, wait! Go back. Is that Katie?” She asked.

Reluctantly, Peter scrolled back and handed Laura his phone. “Yeah, that’s Katie and me on my birthday.”

“Wow. She’s a knockout.”

“Yeah.”

Laura handed Peter back his phone. “What?”

“Nothing. She’s beautiful. Yes.”

“Hmmmm. Not detecting a lot of enthusiasm there. ‘Nothing. She’s beautiful.’” She mimicked.

“I don’t really want to talk about Katie. Can we leave it at that?”

They looked at eachother and Laura shrugged more casually than she felt. “Of course.”

A silence descended, during which Peter absently flipped through pictures on his phone and Laura looked out at the waves and the moon. After a few minutes, Peter held his phone out to her and showed her a picture of the two of them huddled under a blanket at a Chicago Bears game, snow falling thickly on their hats and on the rowdy crowd around them. They chuckled.

“That was so damn cold,” Peter said.

“My toes hurt so bad when they thawed out. I thought I had frostbite.”

“Good game, though.”

“Great game. Worth losing a couple toes. How many years ago was that?”

“Don’t ask me that. I turned forty last year. I don’t like to think about how long ago stuff was.”

Another silence.

“Peter?”

“Hmmmmm?”

“I would like to have one minute of serious conversation, and then no more for the rest of our time here. You game?”

He looked out to sea. “One minute.” He made it sound like one minute of having bamboo under his fingernails.

“Are you OK?”

He looked over at her, surprise on his face. “You’re the one who… Yeah, I’m OK. I’m supposed to be asking you that.”

“Don’t lie to me, Peter Stone. I’ve known you too long. I’ll tell you how I am if you’ll tell me how you are.”

“Sunshine, I’m fine. I just don’t feel right about talking to you about some other woman. And, to be honest, turning forty kind of kicked my ass. I’ll be OK. If that’s the worst problem I have, I’m doing pretty good. OK?”

She looked hard at him for a moment. “OK. But you can talk to me if you want. And, for the record, you’re a seriously hot old guy. I’d hit that.”

Peter couldn’t help but laugh. Only she would say something like that to him. Only she could. “Well, thanks for that. Now you. How are you? Really?”

“I’m… OK. I feel like I’ve been frozen and I’m kind of thawing out around the edges, you know? I don’t really want to, but that’s what seems to be happening.”

“You’re too young not to.”

“Fuck,” she said, with some bite in it, then sighed heavily.

“You’re going to be OK, Sunshine.”

“Yeah, I guess. Someday. But not today. And not tomorrow.”

Peter reached out a hand and she put her hand in his. Their fingers entwined.

“You’re my best friend, you know,” he said, looking out over the moon-dappled sea.

“You’re my best friend, too.”

“Can the minute of seriousness be over now?”

“Hell, yes.”

Again that night, they eventually moved to stretch out on the bed to talk, and fell asleep next to one another. This time, Laura was the one who awoke in the night. She was cold from being uncovered in her thin, short dress, and crawled under the covers, resisting the temptation to cuddle up to Peter.

*************

The rest of their time in St. Thomas was spent lounging in the sun, sightseeing, kayaking, swimming and snorkeling. They were surprised to find that the most fun they had wasn’t in the ocean, but ziplining through the rainforest canopy. Peter’s favorite picture of the trip was one that an attendant had taken of them, wearing helmets and harnesses and laughing their heads off.

True to their agreement on that second night, they had spoken about most aspects of their current lives, but hadn’t tried to tackle any subject more difficult than annoying coworkers. The front desk clerk who had checked Laura into her room would have been very confused by the fact that they never spent one night sleeping apart, but never got more intimate than the hug they’d shared that first night in the lobby.

#law & order svu #law & order: special victims unit #rafael barba #raul esparza #chicago pd #chicago fire #chicago med #chicago justice #philip winchester #peter stone #I Will Stand Alone Loving On Peter Stone If I Have To

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grilledkatniss · 5 years ago

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IDK if you care but..

So the new Taylor Swift documentary is out on Netflix. I just watched it and I have some very personal thoughts on some subjects. Okay, one in particular. If you’d care to read on just know this is not a subjective review or anything, it’s just some thoughts I’ve not yet finished processing on a subject that hits too close to home.

I’ve always been skinny. Very.

The kids in my class would call me anorexic and malnourished. I was the sick looking kid with an apparent eating disorder all through middle school. Why did middle school kids think that was funny? I don’t know man, 10 year-olds are stupid as fuck. But it’d get to me. I would lose sleep over how apart my knees were from each other, over how no hat would ever really fit me and how my thigh could fit in between my tiny hands, how much my ribcage was showing.

But it wasn’t only kids. My mom would teach in high schools and sometimes when I was not feeling good enough to go to class she would have to take me with her. And I would wear baggy pants cause I thought they would hide my chopstick legs more than regular pants, right? Wrong. The teachers would look at my mom like she was some kind of monster that wasn’t feeding us right, asking if I was awfully sick of if I had some sort of condition.

This problem came along when we moved to a different province and I started high school. But it was mostly in my head, like some kids would comment on it, not in a bitchy kind of way, but I was always extremely self-conscious about my arms and legs. I would wear sweaters even during summer which would earn me some spiteful words from my classmates when the teacher would refuse to turn the ceiling fans on unless we were all in our uniform shirts. I would get suspended for wearing the gym class pants literally every other day instead of the regular uniform skirt. I remember I didn’t want to go to prom cause I’d have to wear a dress.

In fact, I think growing up everyone thought I was a bit of a punk tomboy or whatever because I’d wear black longleaves and long baggy jeans even during summer break, and maybe I was a bit of a tomboy at SOME point but, deep down I would always want to wear dresses and skirts and pink tank tops, and get my hair pretty and maybe wear some makeup.., it’s just that I knew it’d all look really bad on a stick figure-like-body such as mine, and that wasn’t something I was particularly interested in.. also I thought looking interested in “girly” things would cost me some imaginary “cred” so, yeah, that’s on me.

One day I was at a friend's house (my soon-to-be certified psychologist friend, remember her?) and she starts playing Blank Space for the third time in a row, watching pictures of Taylor Swift instead of working on our ethics paper due the next day, and she goes “She’s so pretty... and tiny.” And while I was thinking of maybe making some stupid remark like “she’s super tall actually” she goes “like you! See? She’s skinny like you and wears the hell out of those dresses”. I wore the uniform’s skirt to class the next day.

But I remember this other time when I was coming back from physical therapy, where they’d have me work out like a mad person, walking home through the longest imaginable road, full of energy and endorphins flowing n shit, feeling the healthiest I’ve ever been and thinking to myself:

You know, it’s kinda true. Taylor Swift is super thin as well. She’s like me. And she’s confident and strong and girly and pretty. I can be strong and pretty too.

and then a guy stopped me, asked me if I could share some of my water, and then asked me out I KID YOU NOT, this random dude just shows up out of nowhere when I’m feeling great comparing myself to none other than Taylor Swift, stumbling over his own words trying to flirt with me. Man, I was ecstatic! I’ve never seen that guy before, and never saw him again after that. Now I can see how it was actually creepy as hell because on top of it all he was older and I was 17 at most, and he, like literally came out of a bush and chased me for half a block to talk to a skinny little girl in her high school gym class uniform.

This comparison changed my mindset completely. I even went to prom in a red dress like the one Taylor wears on the cover of her Speak Now deluxe version album. I mean, I still wear pants all through summer but it’s mostly because a) my legs are 8 times whiter than the rest of my body and in desperate need of some tanning and b) I.HATE.SHAVING.

I thought she was genetically prone to being underweight just like me. “That’s why she owns it, it’s so normal for her she never mentions it. No one calls her anorexic or malnourished. She was able to naturalize it and look great doing it! She looks so pretty in shorts!”

See, it truly is 100% a genetic thing. My grandad was scary thin, then all of his children were super thin, my uncle would wear shirts to the pool because he was so self-conscious about it, my mom got married weighing 41 KG (that’s like, what, 90ish pounds?), one of my sisters and I are terribly skinny too.

And then I saw she'd gained some weight. She was looking curvier and had bigger boobs and a bigger ass and damn those legs. She'd grown out of it. She did it. And I started to think back and man! My older cousins were walking sticks growing up and today are these big buffed bros, and my other cousin has a curvy model body, my other sister grew out of it too. I'd grow out of it eventually!

It never occurred to me that she might actually have an eating disorder.

It's come full circle I think. I don't know, I guess I'm just bummed out that the only person that I could look up to and would make me feel normal and healthy and even pretty, was, in fact, going through the opposite type of insecurity and had become what these mean 10 year-olds would call me. She was sick after all.

And I know I have no right to feel scammed. I shouldn't feel this way. But while I was looking up to her for hope and feeling like I could relate, she was starving herself. She was being self-conscious about that extra fat that I yearned for.

I’m glad to know she’s now healthy and happy and can last a whole concert without feeling like throwing up, and that she probably gets her period more regularly now. And I’m sorry she felt like she had to compromise her own health because of some bullshit beauty standards and camera angles, and I know A LOT of people go through the same thing and man it just sucks.

But I thought she was like me.

But you know what, that made up notion got me through high school and I’m happy I had her to relate to then, even if it was just... some misguided assumption I came up with to make myself feel better. I’m still a bit insecure about how skinny I am and even though I work out and eat way too much and yet I have a really fast metabolism and the fat goes to all the wrong places and whatever, I’ll grow out of it someday. It’s okay. I guess it all just put things into perspective but I don't know what that means going forward because it doesn’t alter the facts that I already know to be true. It doesn’t cancel out her talent nor my love and appreciation for her, for what she was to me then and what she means to me now. It’s just an added layer of strength in her favor.

I’m glad Taylor was able to manage her eating disorder and got healthy and is now happy. And she’ll always be my high school companion and her music will always be great. Nothing’s really changed. I simply know something now (know something now) I didn’t before.

#personal #awkwardifying life #rantology #taylor swift #eating disorder #this is really irrelevant #i love her #the banana doesnt have a head #ts

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stitch-n-time · 5 years ago

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Evidently the man-thing is fed up and angry at his parents.

They have purposefully worked to exclude me from all family gatherings, holidays, meals out, etc. for a full year. The last time effort was made was literally last Christmas, when they conceded to my work schedule enough for the man-thing and I to do a quick meal and presents before I went to work the night of Christmas.

Between then and now, I have offered to cook the meals, alter my sleep schedule, take days off (if they are not a double pay day because fucking double pay), meet them places by driving separately and going directly to work after, etc. I’ve asked if we could move plans up a couple of hours, back a couple of hours, to the next day (because regularly scheduled days off), to a previous day, etc. I have absolutely bent over backwards to try to just be able to attend something as a member of the family.

The man-thing has noticed this. A lot. And it’s been building. A lot. He finally tore into the family over the dinner table at Thanksgiving. I guess they decided I was good enough to make the rolls, but not good enough to participate.

See, I had called his mom on my way home from work so we could figure out what time everybody was going to gather and eat. This was like 4 days beforehand, so kind of last minute as it was. “Well, I was thinking about 1,” she says.

“That’s a little late for me. Like I should have been in bed for hours at that point. Can we possibly move it up to noon? 11 if we really pushed it? That way I could come and still get some sleep.”

“Well... I don’t know... We have to schedule around B and D and what they’re doing with D’s dad since he lives out on the coast and...” bla bla bla bla. You see where this is going. “But I’ll get ahold of B and ask her and let you know.”

They moved the time for dinner. To 3. I normally get up between 5 and 6. This is a problem. Either way, I make the damned rolls and send them along to the family dinner (sans the person he’s spent almost 9 years with), only to find out the person they scheduled dinner around made other plans. He didn’t show up. At all.

The man-thing found THAT particular tidbit out and was hoppin’ mad. He told me days after the fact that he nearly got into a fistfight with his dad over it, because his dad was gloating over the whole thing.

FAST FORWARD TO THIS MORNING

It’s 3 days before Christmas. I asked him to get plans from his mom last night, since I’m supposed to be making the desserts for the “family” dinner. Sounds... kinda familiar. Yeah.

He gets up this morning after I get home from work, and I ask him what his mom said.

Y’all... She has no concrete plans. “Well, I have to get together with B and plan things out with her.” “I don’t know when we’ll get together and eat.” “We’ve got family coming into town (they arrive today sometime) and I have to accommodate them.” “I don’t even know when we’ll be going to mass. If we’ll be going the night before, or what time on Christmas day, or what.”

Sounds really fucking familiar. And it seems he thinks so, too. Since Christmas is one of the busiest days of the year at work, and the idea is that I get off work and go visit his family, then get some sleep, and go back into work Christmas night to buckle down and have another few hours of back to back calls, this is concerning.

Evidently concerning enough that he has told his mom in no uncertain terms that either she gets her shit together and ensures that things are scheduled in a way that I can participate, or he’s staying home. Away from them. Because forcing isolation on me is really souring the way he looks at them, and is causing a huge rift in the familial relationship. Which is, in turn, pushing him away.

It hasn’t been pretty, folks.

.... but since I’m making the cheesecake, I get the good stuff anyway. And they can suck it.

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nicomacheannothing · 5 years ago

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My birthday textwall...

Well, my birthday was yesterday. Unfortunately, it was also sort of one of those days. It wasn’t all bad, but having an off day on your birthday does suck a bit. 😓

I overslept. That’s kind of what kicked off the unfortunate-ness. I didn't oversleep by too much, I was still out the door on time, but it was enough to make me rush around. When Austin texted me to let me know he was on his way to pick me up, I wasn’t even dressed yet. I had to take the dog with me too, so it was a mad dash to get everything together. Not the end of the world, just irritating. As I ran out the door though, I walked past the kitchen and noticed what looked like an unexpected cake sitting on the table... I didn’t have time to check it out, but this will become relevant later. So I have the dog and I’m rushing out to Austin’s car and I find out that he overslept too. Like REALLY overslept: he was out of bed and out the door in 15 minutes. He was going to be editing with a client yesterday and had to be on time. He was frazzled as heck. When we got to work, he immediately got started on what he had to do. I was still a little frazzled too, but I figured that a rough morning was just a momentary blip and that things were bound to get better. I was wrong... Context: Alanis Morissette is going on that 25th Anniversary tour next year; everyone is talking about it haha. Austin’s mom, Leslye, is a huge Alanis Morissette fan and I mentioned to Austin that getting her tickets to the show in Detroit would make a good Christmas gift. Austin thought it would be cool to go as well, along with Mady and Julius, if they were interested. Ok. We decided to just talk to Leslye about it rather than making the tickets a gift. 6 people going to a concert requires planning. Presale tickets became available yesterday, so Austin and I talked to Leslye the night before to figure out how much she wanted to spend, etc. We wanted to know exactly what we were doing because we planned to snap up the tickets as soon as they went on sale at 11am.

Like I said, Austin was going to be editing with a client at that time. I asked him if he wanted me to buy the tickets so that he wouldn’t have to stop in the middle of the edit. He said “no, I think I can do it. [Client] should understand”. I swear that’s exactly what he said. Austin is really picky about his entertainment experiences anyway, so I figured he’d want to pick the seats, etc. Once that conversation was over, I just stopped thinking about the tickets... Then, at noon yesterday, Austin runs into my office from the edit, freaking out. He said that he totally forgot about the tickets and that he meant to set an alarm to remind him, but he forgot to do that too. Then, he started barking at me saying “This shouldn’t have been on me, this shouldn’t have been on me!” implying that I had somehow unfairly saddled him with the responsibility of buying the tickets. I felt terrible. I was half hurt that he was yelling at me and half guilty that I didn’t just set my own reminder anyway in case he forgot. But he told me he could do it! Idk, I just felt like I had let him down in some way...

We didn’t end up getting presale tickets. The actual sale starts in a couple days, so we might still be able to go. We looked at pictures of the venue, and the general admission lawn might not be so bad. The client we were working with might even have a connection that can help us... but Austin was so upset I really couldn't forget about it for the rest of the day... 😢 The ticket drama cut into our lunch break and so we were only able to grab McDonald's. The client wanted to eat with us. She’s nice, but she chews with her mouth open and she’s a Trump supporter. She kept saying weird things during lunch like throwing shade at people who are pale and/or skinny? And then she kept talking about how Trump was a hero for coming in and “draining the swamp”. Of course, I just had to smile and nod cause she’s a client. That, and she kept saying weird things like that and then offering to do really nice things like inviting Austin and I to use her cottage in the summer if we wanted a vacation? It was a very emotionally confusing time. 😕 The rest of the workday went by normally. I went back to Austin’s house, put on my new Killstar dress to get ready to go out. Austin got me a small gift: a little Kylo Ren lego guy and an electronic hand warmer, which was very thoughtful. It really seemed like things were going to get better. BUT IT’S TIME FOR MORE CONTEXT! I think I mentioned in a previous post that my brother wasn’t going to make it home my birthday week. He won’t be able to make it home at all until the 23rd, so my parents and I decided that we would just do birthday stuff without him. Tuesday (my actual birthday) is a really rough workday for my mom and she often isn’t even home until late, so we decided that we would go out to dinner and do cake and presents on Saturday. This was also going to work out because Leslye and Jerry wanted to take me to lunch, but couldn’t because of the client edit. They decided to take me to dinner instead. I double-checked with my dad Monday night to make sure that Saturday was still the day we were planning on doing birthday stuff. He said that was fine. Before going to dinner with Austin and his parents, we had to swing by my house to drop off the dog. When I got there, my mom was unexpectedly home. Crap, I felt bad that she was there and I was about to go to dinner without them. I thought about inviting them last minute, but they were already eating pizza when I got home. Crap! When I walked in, my mom asked if I had seen the cake. Um, no? We always do cake and presents together for birthday celebrations in my family. We have since I was born. Since we were celebrating on Saturday, I wasn’t expecting a cake on Tuesday. But my parents got one. A full-sized, fully decorated cake that I knew I would have no time to eat. That, and it wouldn’t be good on Saturday. If we wanted to celebrate normally on Saturday, my parents would have to get another one. We always but a particular type of cake from a local bakery and it’s delicious but expensive. There was no way I was going to be able to finish this one. It was really cute too, decorated with little dogs and cats. And like... Austin was waiting in the car for me as I stood there in the kitchen, so I felt like, not only was I running out on my parents, but I couldn’t even properly show appreciation for the cake and card that they got me. I felt so devastatingly terrible and confused. I didn’t know what to do. I just started feeling worse and worse knowing that Austin was waiting for me while I tried to figure out whether or not to just take the cake with me or leave it at home or what? I left the kitchen and went into the bathroom. I almost had a panic attack, but didn’t. I decided to just suck up my feelings and I took the cake with me. It needed to be refrigerated, but it was cold outside, so it would be ok to leave it in the car while we were at dinner. I cried in the car all the way to the restaurant because I felt horrible like I screwed everything up. Dinner was ok. The food was REALLY good. We went to HopCat, so I got to have some good beer and their super awesome fries. I wanted to try to suck up my feelings again and just let things get better. Then, I was a little cold, so I put my jacket on. Austin asked me if I was cold and if I had brought the hand warmer he got me with me. I told him that it was at home with my bags. I was rushing out and it was still wrapped anyway! Plus, my shoulders were cold, not my hands. It didn’t matter though, he got all annoyed and I just started to feel horrible all over again. I really just felt like I was screwing up everything for everyone no matter how hard I tried. Austin and I went back to his house after dinner... but I just felt like shit. I really, really wanted to just force myself to be happy, but I couldn’t. Austin and I just laid down on the floor of his living room and I grabbed some leftover punch that his mom had made for the party. I just drank some of it out of a mason jar and we listened to The National. That was the best part of the day, tbh. I realized that that was all I really wanted to do, just drink and talk and hang out. I really wish that Mady, Julius, and Shelby had been in town so maybe we could have just gone out and chilled. 😕

Austin and I also put his Christmas tree up! That was good too, even though I wasn’t exactly in the mood. We did it differently this year and used ornaments that Austin had received as gifts every Christmas since he was born. It was cool to see them all, especially the ornaments that he made himself as a kid. We ate some cake as well, ftr. 😋

So yeah, I guess everything turned out ok, but it was a pretty unfortunate day overall. I don’t really even feel like I had a Birthday. I guess they can’t all be happy. *shrug* I’m still kind of sad, but I’m trying to focus on the positive stuff. It was nice of my parents to get me a cake and dinner was good. I do really like Austin’s presents. And he got me tickets to see Star Wars when it comes out! Plus, I still have dinner with my folks on Saturday. Maybe the actual fun parts of my birthday are just going to be uhhh stretched out a bit. 😅And I have Christmas to look forward to. That’s what I’m going to go with. Sorry about the text wall, just had to get all this off my chest. I have more t write about for sure, but that’ll be for tomorrow. Back to work for now!

#personal #personalblog

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lightsandlostbells · 6 years ago

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Skam Italia season 2, episode 3 reaction

Thanks to the people who read and left comments on my previous recaps, especially the one for episode 2! I appreciated hearing from you ❤️

I wrote some stuff about this episode. I don’t have much of a preamble, except the usual: I make comparisons to the original show because I’m interested in the remakes as adaptations, I don’t have 100% positive things to say, if you want to just enjoy the season and not see criticisms, avoid this.

Episode 3

Clip 1 - Dudes being dudes

Martino is sitting on a couch overlooking the city, for … reasons. I don’t know why he came here specifically to brood. Is this his special place? Is this a boy squad hangout? It’s certainly got a nice view.

So the other boys made it to Emma’s, it was just that Martino skipped out. Then they have less reason to be mad at him, to be honest; yeah, it sucks that he blew them off, but they made it to the party.

Elia throws a ball at Martino when Martino is clearly not paying attention. Dickhead!

Dudes, he didn’t even lie to you? He ignored you. Which is not great but if a friend ignored me when we had plans, I would be worried something happened to them. Of course the thing that happened to Martino was an attractive boy feeding him garbage noodles, but still.

Martino finally lies to the boys in a more active way, spinning them a story about fighting with his mother and getting anxious, which is certainly believable knowing his home situation and is likely drawn from his real experience. In the original, Isak also uses his mom as an excuse, although he lies less blatantly than Martino does. Isak lies more than Martino overall, I think, but in that case, he sort of vaguely alluded to there being “stress” with his mom, without going into details, and Jonas was able to pick up on what he meant without Isak having to say more, and Mahdi was able to pick up that there was something more serious going on even if he didn’t know the exact situation. This time, Martino’s lie is more fleshed-out, and Giovanni is vocally supportive and claps Martino on the shoulder. (I guess it’s possible that he knows Martino is lying and is covering for him, but he’s playing it pretty sincere. He knows Martino’s family life is difficult so he probably buys it.)

This is why I had to laugh at some comments I read that were like “Giovanni is able to read Martino when Jonas couldn’t read Isak.” Lmao, no. There are plenty of times when Jonas could pick up on Isak’s mood and situation without it needing to be spelled out to him.

Anyway, after the situation is ironed out, we get an anecdote about Elia’s lack of success with the Argentinian girl, telling the story of ... putting Luca in a suitcase? He is petite. Martino laughs with the boys and all seems okay for now. The dynamic has been restored.

Again, all the chasing of the Argentinian will have been for nothing as she is a lesbian.

Elia kicks a ball at Martino as punishment, because Boys Will Be Boys. Then again, I’m sure Martino prefers balls flying at him to having to arrange another party with the girls.

Clip 2 - Gay test

Martino arrives home with some food. The fridge looks pretty empty, so I guess they aren’t keeping on top of groceries. Or this is Martino taking care of it because his mom can’t.

Then his mom enters, and he says he’s going to cook for her. So he’s being nice to her, which is sweet. Mom is too tired and needs to lie down after a long meeting.

It seemed like Isak’s mom had schizophrenia or schizotypal disorder, correct? She had delusions and was actively sending him Biblical texts that were confusing. But we haven’t see any of those from Martino’s mom - I don’t think there’s been any hints that she’s been seeing things or believing in things that aren’t real. So far it seems like she’s dealing with depression, mainly. Apparently she is holding down a job. (I’m wondering what the reasoning was behind this change, and honestly, I suspect that they didn’t want to deal with depicting stuff like psychosis on screen, now that the mother character is visible rather than existing via text message.)

I’m curious how this relationship between Martino and his mom will play out, because a) we have not seen a single clue that she might not accept his sexuality - I mean it’s definitely possible that it will come up, but there are no warning signs like how Isak’s mom sent him hellfire and brimstone texts, so is there supposed to be anxiety there on his part? b) he’s clearly not estranged from her the way Isak was with his mom - so what’s the climax of that relationship going to be? It was a big moment when Isak came out to his mom because it was not just her accepting him for being gay, but sealing a rift in that relationship overall. Of course I’m sure it will be lovely when Martino comes out to his mom, but his sexuality doesn’t feel like a huge issue separating them so far. There are obvious issues in this relationship, but he’s also trying to reach out to her and make dinner, they’re capable of some connection even though they’re also heavily struggling and Martino often seems frustrated and wants to get away from it all.

Martino is chilling and eating dinner. He sends a message to Emma, saying that things were stressful and he’ll tell her about it, he heard her party was great, etc. He’s very friendly and natural. Not coming on in a performative way, not seeming regretful or like he doesn’t want to have this conversation. And Emma texts him back in what seems like a not too much of a confrontational way? She calls him an asshole but it makes Martino laugh, he’s not stressed about it. Also, putting the “asshole” in parentheses makes it seem softer, not like a serious insult but a humorous aside. I don’t know if that holds for Italian, though.

Okay … are they seriously leading into the Gay Test clip like this? Really? Really? Look, I get that Martino and Isak are different characters, but why is so much tension being sucked out of the narrative?

Isak was lying in bed at 3 am staring at the ceiling, miserable, dealing with insomnia, and reading Bible texts from his mom, and he went and did the gay test out of desperation. He really, really had hit a low point and wanted to work out the issues gnawing at his brain. And it sucked because he had gotten his hopes up for Even, but Even was apparently taken (by a girl) and Isak thought he was reading too much into it. That much Martino can identify with. But Martino has absolutely not shown the same level of inner struggle as Isak. I mean, this clip is taking place at a reasonable hour, he seems in a reasonable mood, just eating and watching TV, laughing at Emma’s message. His mom’s condition earlier was not great but it wasn’t terrible. This doesn’t seem like a low point.

Again, Martino isn’t Isak, but then you have to ask why is he getting Isak’s scenes? For every single clip that has been adapted from Isak to Martino, you have to consider: what’s the point of this scene in Martino’s journey, and why was it recreated rather than deleted or altered to fit his particular characterization or story? It’s not unfair to ask these questions, and it’s not unfair to question whether this scene fits the narrative they’ve been building, or discuss how changing the details of a scene affects the tone and purpose. I’m not saying this clip has no place in Martino’s story, or that you can’t tone it down somewhat, but it’s just weird how the setup for a clip like this one gets dialed down, because the setup is a huge part of its emotional effect, and presenting it more casually makes it feel far less necessary to the story.

Martino looks at Emma’s picture with some fondness and types in “how to get turned on by a girl if you’re gay.” I guess I can rationalize this as Emma being friendly and cute and wouldn’t it be so much easier if Martino could just go out with her instead of wanting to be with Niccolò? But yeah, the internalized homophobia has not landed.

Martino starts with how to get turned on by girls if you’re gay, rather than googling to see whether he’s gay or how not to be gay or something else. (Isak took the gay test first and then googled that bit about getting turned on by girls. Though I don’t think Isak actually was unsure about being gay or not - like. He knew.)

Here’s the thing - this is a horrible thing for a gay kid to look up regardless, instructions on how to be straight are always shit. But because Martino seems like he’s in a pretty stable (even good or amused) mood prior to this, because of the way we lead into the scene, this search seems more like …. really fucking misguided, rather someone dealing with a lot of pain. Like this isn’t something Martino is pressuring himself to do because he’s feeling like shit, it’s an idle web search.

An idle search that takes him to a gay test! Not the same as the one Isak took, though. I think the questions do lean on stereotypes on what gay men like/do, though it’s less obvious than Isak’s quiz? What kind of cuisine you like, for example - answering like vegetarian/vegan food would probably make you “gayer” than liking Italian or Mexican food, because vegetables are for weaklings and meat is for men men men men manly men. There is a moment where Martino appears to debate and says that he sees a vagina rather than a snail in an ambiguous image, so I guess that’s him trying to make his answers appear straighter.

The quiz says Martino is exclusively heterosexual. Martino does not seem too impressed with that result.

Lmao, that ridiculous cartoon of the Kinsey scale.

Clip 3 - Martino makes up with Emma

The boys are playing table football. Martino and Giovanni are on a team against Elia and Luca and they lose, so they must crawl under the table. Martino has to endure some creative punishments in this episode, doesn’t he? All at the hands of Elia.

I’m not terribly judgmental about character wardrobes or anything like that, especially since I don’t know what the fuck is trendy for The Youths in various countries, but is there a reason Martino wears so many shirts buttoned up all the way to his neck? Is that supposed to be an example of his repression, or is that just his personal style? I’m serious.

Martino sees Emma and goes up to her. She does not seem happy to see him, sooo … I guess she really was mad at him? His reaction to her texts seemed amused, so I assumed he read them as her not being 100% serious? Okay, guess not.

Isak was very, verrrry slick when he did this part with Norwegian Emma. It was all part of his heterosexual facade, it was a performance he had done many times, and there was a noticeable contrast between how he had acted with Even in the last episode (shy, vulnerable, gradually becoming more open and unguarded, silly, comfortable). In fact, you could even see a huge difference with him seconds before with Vilde, when he was flustered and unable to get out of hosting the party even though he absolutely doesn’t want to, and how he sees Emma and takes a moment to consider and re-calibrate, so that he’s in fuckboy mode when he talks to Emma. It’s so artificial that it’s alarming and builds up dread. Martino seems newer to this. He’s a lot more genial; he’s cute but his attitude is honestly not that far off from what we see of him in other contexts. Sure, he’s flirting with a girl, but there’s so little sign of discomfort, or any indication that he has to switch into a “mode” to flirt with a girl, that it again lowers the level of narrative tension and inner conflict. He pretty much went from hanging with the guys -> seeing Emma -> going over and talking to Emma seemingly effortlessly, not showing that there was any kind of debate in his mind about what he should do, or psyching himself up to speak to her. He just does it.

Again ... I’m sort of like, what is the point of having Martino take a gay test and make move on Emma when there are so few indicators that this is causing any sort of stress for him? I mean, I think they want us to read stress into the situation, but the way the scenes are being staged, they’re drastically minimizing that effect.

Emma gets a text from the radio group, asking for a bluetooth mic for the party on Friday. Emma wants to go and wants Martino to go with her. He seems happy, Emma seems happy, she’s no longer mad. For now.

Giovanni seems proud of Martino for making a move on her, though we don’t hear him say anything.

If they wanted some actual narrative tension in this scene other than what was in the original clip, then they could have had the boys spot Emma and ask Martino if he was going to go apologize or talk to her, putting him in an awkward spot where he felt like he had to, and where we could see some heteronormative pressure at work with the boys egging him on, feeling like he couldn’t say no.

Clip 4 - Boys watching girls in the gym

This fucking scene. First of all, I heard that the actress playing the Argentinian is apparently like 14 or 15 in real life?????? Is that fucking true?? Can someone please confirm that? Because if that’s true, that’s creepy as fuck. It means we have all these 21- to 26- year-old actors cast in a show celebrated for casting actual teens, except for this one girl who’s getting objectified and perved on by the male characters (played by actors in their 20s) Great! Fuck off!

Even if that’s not the case ... blech. I can’t fault Skam Italia entirely for male gaze here, because this scene exists in the original and showcases girls’ bodies. And well … male gaze is the point of this scene. But I will point out that the original scene did not show any stationary close-ups of a girl’s ass. Gross.

The straight dudes drool over the girls. Luca’s filming it because of course he is, Boys Will Be Boys. Nothing weird about a guy filming girls without their consent!

There’s like … one shot of Martino looking mildly not into it, so uh, maaaaybe they should have emphasized that more? Just a thought. Isak looked completely out of it, bored out of his mind, very clear in his body language and facial expression. Plus the boys are watching a sports game, them watching and cheering has a different context (rather than just applauding hot girls for being hot, more or less). Martino is even shown cheering, so this is at least somewhat engaging to him, even if not because the girls are hot.

I mean, the point of this scene was to demonstrate Isak’s lack of interest in the girls compared to his friends. This scene is filmed in a way more straight-forward cheesecake-y way, like Bessegato didn’t get that the original wasn’t celebrating those lithe female bodies and actually had a purpose in establishing the main character’s mindset.

I saw an idea that maybe they should have been watching a men’s sports team with like, sweaty shirtless dudes, and have the camera compare the neutral/bored reactions of the other boys to Martino clearly thirsting, and I like that twist on the scene. Especially if the comment about the dance teacher being too gay (or whatever it would be) comes as a result of trying to make up for checking out the dudes, hoping his friends didn’t notice, or even just checking himself for letting himself stare when he’s supposed to be attempting heterosexuality at this point in the narrative.

The gym teacher comes up and is like, hmmm, so you just happen to like volleyball, huh? He roasts them a bit, which makes him my new favorite character.

He pats Giovanni on the stomach and is like, you’re flabby, you gotta get in shape because girls like fit guys. It’s a friendly casual interaction and Giovanni is amused.

So the gym teacher is gay, as it turns out from dialogue. Which is pretty cool! The boys know him and his boyfriend.

Then Martino is like, you should press charges against him, he comes up here and touches your belly. Giovanni is like, WTF.

There is a persistent, horrific stereotype about gay men being sexual predators and pedophiles, which is awful. Completely. It’s a great idea to dismantle that belief and to educate the audience. But Martino’s comment doesn’t have much to do with his personal journey. We have not seem him struggle with being seen as a creep, or thinking gay men are predatory, or anything. I guess there’s when he thinks Filippo might be trying to pick him up? But overall, not a concern of his. If there’s something I forgot, let me know. Isak’s comment about the dance teacher flowed directly from the gay test (and his internalized homophobia) which was all about judging gay stereotypes and non-masculine behavior.

Now I do think you could say that’s why he’s reluctant to sleep in the same bed as Giovanni, and has some kind of reaction to hugging him, but the problem is that this reaction is conflated with his actual unrequited romantic feelings for Giovanni - like there are multiple reasons why Martino might react that way and not want to sleep in the same bed as him, and not all of them have to do with a fear of being seen as predatory. Sometimes it’s about getting distance from a crush who doesn’t like you back, or even just being afraid to give away his crush/sexuality without it specifically being about interpreted as predatory. But OK, I will accept this explanation even if I think they could have expressed this more clearly - maybe it would’ve been illustrated better if Martino also didn’t want to touch Elia or Luca, two guys he isn’t shown to be attracted to. In any case, they should have drawn a clear link between the gay test or whatever Martino found online (like instead of the gay test, they showed him looking at some kind of website or forum or social media where guys talked about feeling uncomfortable with gay men touching them, or thinking gay guys are pervs/molesters, or something relevant to this conversation) since that was the impetus for Isak/Martino saying dumb shit in this scene. It also would have been amazing to build up Martino’s insecurity about touching his friends as part of his anxiety over coming out, especially how that manifests in a more physically affectionate culture, and then to have his comment about the teacher clearly be a form of massive projection.

There actually WAS a conversation in season 1 at the cabin, where Elia made a joke about Martino not getting any ideas and touching him, and Martino saying that he was the last person he’d have sex with. That would have been very good to include in this season, or a similar moment, to build into Martino’s mindset and where he pulled out that comment. Because it doesn’t surprise me that he would have that idea about a gay dude being predatory, since it’s unfortunately a commonplace stereotype, but because this is a fictional narrative, you need to build up those themes and ideas.

To heap on some more unpopular opinions, I didn’t feel like Giovanni demonstrated himself as a Woke King after this scene, not that he said anything wrong, but that what he said didn’t seem to have much to do with his core values and more with personal relationships. It’s hard to explain, but it relies more on this one gay dude being an OK person rather than challenging a stereotype at its core. Giovanni is defending him because Mr. Boccia is okay and didn’t do anything wrong, rather than because he thinks gay men should not be labeled as predators just for touching their students. Like Jonas wasn’t all, “Who, the dance instructor? Fred? I know him, he’s my cousin’s boyfriend. He’s cool, he bought me some beer one time.” He was like, “Why are you dissing people for being gay? Are you just pointing out people are gay? WTF?” That cuts to the heart of Isak’s problem rather than singling out one counterexample. Giovanni doesn’t have to be a perfectly educated mouthpiece, either, I just wanted to explain the difference in how I viewed him and Jonas in these scenes. I mean, I’m sure he’ll be kind and supportive once Martino comes out to him. However, it’s less an indicator of Giovanni having some core non-homophobic principles and more like he’s fine with this one particular guy who is gay. Hopefully that makes sense.

But to be more positive, on that note, I think it is good that there’s at least one gay man who Giovanni is OK with and seems to like and respect, and that Martino can see that. There are obviously differences between how teenagers view gay peers vs gay teachers, because the adult would be “safe” and wouldn’t/shouldn’t be pursuing him, whereas teenage boys might think their friends have gay cooties and are coming on to them, but Giovanni isn’t a total 100% homophobe based on this encounter. (I don’t think Giovanni will have a problem with Martino being gay at all, to be clear, just speaking hypothetically.)

Niccolò comes up, obviously. The look he gives to Martino is good. Tension, wahoo!

He gives Martino back his earbuds and says he left them on the bus. I’m legit baffled that the boys are so suspicious of this? Martino took the bus to go home from school, after he left the boy squad, so he could have left the earbuds on the bus then. Or him being like “I was on the bus with my mom” - not that unreasonable? All he told them was that he had a fight with his mom, he didn’t say where that fight happened (Isak was wearing the hat when they left school so it made no sense to say he left it in the cafeteria, and Jonas realized this). I guess Martino and Niccolò were just acting weird enough to notice?

Giovanni sized up Niccolò so he probably suspects shit is up.

Luca gets bonked on the head by the volleyball, and the gym teacher is delighted. More of this guy, please? I like him. I wouldn’t mind if Martino has a heart to heart with him instead of the doctor. Except Martino has not been shown to have insomnia so either he’ll develop it midway through the season or the meeting will be about something else.

Clip 5 - '80s party

The girl squad is doing karaoke. Emma is singing along. Martino is sitting there not having a good time, staring blankly at something. Not singing.

He does have a pair of very small sunglasses. I don’t think Martino tried at all with the theme except for those sunglasses. Those look just like his regular clothes.

Martino and Emma talk about music briefly, and it turns out Emma likes the same kind of music Martino does - she mentions Apparat, and there was an Apparat poster-art-thing in Martino’s room. So unlike Isak and Emma, who outside of sexual orientation were also just like … not on the same page as people, Martino and Emma seem like they could fit together, were it not for the little fact that Martino is gay. I’m not sure there’s been a big indication that Italian Emma is that bad (until like a minute or two from now, with her comment about gay people). They could have played this moment a little more so Martino’s reaction is more wistful, like … oh, here’s this beautiful girl who shares some of my interests. If I were just into girls, this would be so easy.

Martino sneaks a glance over Emma as Niccolò walks in. Niccolò looks like he dressed up for the theme, at least? No version of Even is not going to dress up for a costume party. Not on my watch.

I don’t recognize his burgers shirt, is that a reference to something and I’m just blanking?

Lmao Martino just launches at Emma the second Niccolò turns around to look at him, he’s ridiculous.

I do like the part where she’s like either you’re underestimating me or you’re shy, and when she asks him if he’s shy, that’s when he kisses her. Even though he didn’t hear a word she said.

Niccolò comes over right away and places himself right between Martino and Emma, so there’s at least one way he has out-desperated Even. He slings an arm around both of them. Bold!

“Elio” is not a reference to Call Me By Your Name (well, I guess it could be that, too) but to Elio Germano, an actor - I looked up that guy and I can kind of see the resemblance? Not a big one, but in some pictures, I get it.

Martino, stop being a buzzkill and go sing a shitty song with Niccolò. The point of karaoke is to make an ass of yourself, no one cares.

In response to Martino not wanting to do karaoke, Niccolò asks, “Are you afraid of showing your hidden homosexuality?” - yeeeeeah, I’m kind of like, WTF, why did he mention it there? If Martino is closeted, then why bring it up when they’re not alone? Since Niccolò has a strong suspicion that he is gay, isn’t he just putting Martino on the spot? But Martino seems unfazed, I guess.

Now we have the famous educational moment where Niccolò calls out Emma for generalizing. Niccolò takes his arms away from Martino and Emma when he’s getting serious.

The focus of this scene is more on Niccolò and Emma than how Martino reacts. In Skam, this scene was really fucking important for Isak because Isak had ideas about how Gay People were supposed to be. That they were all a certain thing. That “gay” had a definition besides being attracted to only the same gender - that’s why he complains about why the dance teacher has to be so gay. The dance guy isn’t “so gay” because he’s showing attraction to men, but because he’s displaying a set of mannerisms associated with gay men. (I mean, it’s completely beside the point, but “so gay” dance teacher could have turned out to be banging half the dance chicks since Isak’s statement is based purely on stereotypes.) The gay test he took earlier in the week fed into these notions that Isak had because it was based entirely on generalizations. Not only is that how gay men act, but it’s how other people see men if you like certain things and act a certain way; if you act like that, they assume you are gay, and if you’re gay, they assume you act like that. So Isak hearing about how wrong it is to generalize, especially from Even, the guy he likes, is really goddamn important. It’s Even is throwing him a lifeline. Gay people are not all one thing and we shouldn’t think about them in stereotypes, even when they’re “nice” ones. That’s why the focus of that scene has a lot to do with Isak’s rapt attention, because this scene plays a specific counterpart to how we saw Isak behave that week.

However, this scene here? It’s a nice lesson for the audience to hear, but what does it have to do with Martino’s mindset that they’ve set up in this episode? At this point, Martino has not been shown to have any of these beliefs about gay men, as far as I can recall. The most is him wondering why gay people always assume everyone is gay in the scene with Filippo, but that has little to do with mannerisms. Not only that, they explicitly changed the dialogue in the dance chicks/volleyball scene to be different - it’s not Martino being like “Does that gym teacher have to be so gay?” It’s him basically accusing the gym teacher of being a pervert for touching a high school boy in a friendly way. Sooo … why didn’t they change this dialogue to reflect that? This is a clunky version of how it might play out, but what if, after Niccolò sits down and has his arm around Martino, and makes his latent homosexuality comment, Emma made a joke like, “Haha, you better not get too close, Niccolò!” And Niccolò was like, “What’s that all about?” Emma could say something like, “You know, because he’ll try to make a move on you,” and Niccolò replied, “Errrr, just because a gay dude gets close to another guy doesn’t make it inappropriate.” Then that would actually tie in to an earlier scene. But that’s obviously not the only way it could have played out. My point is, why didn’t they follow through this scene with something consistent to Martino’s story thus far?

Then again, this whole thread during the episode feels inconsistent. It’s easy to follow the story logic with Isak: takes a gay test revolving around generalizations about gay men’s personalities -> tries to distance himself from those generalizations about gay men’s personalities -> hears that it’s wrong to make generalizations about gay people’s personalities. Martino this week: takes a gay test with some generalizations (I think they were present but not as blatant as in the test Isak took?) -> makes a comment about the gym teacher basically calling him a molester -> hears that it is wrong to make generalizations about gay people’s personalities. I guess he learns not to generalize gay men as molesters? But really, vastly different, it’s not very cohesive, and Martino was not shown to be very affected by Niccolò’s dialogue. So again ... why is it here?

Also, there’s something kind of … weird about Niccolò lecturing Emma on making generalizations, because Niccolò just did the same thing, sort of? He joked that Martino didn’t want to do karaoke because he was afraid of showing his latent homosexuality, the generalization being that karaoke is a thing that gay guys do. And I get that it’s a tongue-in-cheek comment, ha ha Martino, get over yourself (and a loaded statement about his own suspicions about Martino), buuut is there a reason why, on the surface, Niccolò can make a joke about what gay people like or do or are (ha ha, liking karaoke is a sign of homosexuality!) but then Emma can make another statement generalizing about gay people and he’s like … excuse me? Yes, obviously there is a difference between them in that Emma is a straight girl (from what we know) and Niccolò is a guy who likes guys (although I’m going to assume he’s pan like Even for now), and I’m not defending what she said, but it’s a sloppy juxtaposition to have in the same scene. One’s more “neutral” and one’s “positive” but they’re both generalizations.

One thing you could get from this scene is that Niccolò has feelings about defending gay people and may be not straight himself … which should be blindingly obvious at this point.

Then Niccolò is like, “I know pretty boring gays,” which is kind of funny in the sense that he’s teasing Martino, but also, still putting Martino on the spot. Martino is nowhere near as receptive to that comment as the latent homosexuality one. I guess Niccolò just went too far.

Emma thinks this topic is boring and has Martino go dance with her. At least they show Niccolò sitting alone looking dejected when they get up, which is a dead giveaway, but a nice little moment.

People dance. This red light is very striking and all but the downside is that it’s hard to see Martino’s face (or most faces in the crowd). That might have worked if they wanted to inject some ambiguity into the scene, like did Niccolò look over to Martino while kissing his girlfriend, or was that unintentional? Is Martino imagining it? But it’s pretty clear they want it to be straightforward, so I wish we could have seen their emotions more clearly. (I feel like the lighting on this show is often a disservice to the actors, but that’s something to talk about at another juncture.)

I do like the song, though (“Self Control” by Raf) and the lyrics seem pretty fitting, about losing self control to someone. Martino is kissing Emma but can’t control himself from looking over to Niccolò. There’s also the comparison between the day and the night, perhaps related to how Martino is living for the “night” aka these moments he gets to be in Niccolò’s vicinity. Also it’s an ‘80s song, so it’s appropriate to the theme of the party, obviously.

Eva does seem to notice Martino making out with Emma and isn’t totally cool with that, like I think she’s going WTF in her head? I know his secret? Does not compute???

Federica is also sad because Martino is kissing another girl. Aww, poor girl. She came so close, or so she thought! Don’t worry, hopefully Kasper is coming.

Fede sees Silvia’s phone ringing. It’s Silvia’s mom, so they put the music on pause as Silvia talks to her mom. Silvia is adorable when she greets her mom, lol.

There’s a part where Silvia tells her mom she’s with Fede and Eva, which I thought was interesting as it excluded Sana. So maybe her parents have an issue with Sana (or rather, Silvia having a Muslim friend)? Eva looks at Sana after that, but it might just be “holy shit what’s happening?” rather than “why didn’t she mention you?”

I’m too lazy to check but is that one girl with the glasses standing behind Eva and Sana one of the theater kids from the first season?

I do like seeing Eva go into action mode and tell people what to do! What a boss.

There’s the blue haired girl from the earlier clips again, dressed like Madonna. WHOOOO ARE YOU, WHO WHO, WHO WHO (no really who is this girl)

The sudden cleanup is the means of getting Martino and Niccolò alone together, to take out the trash.

Is Niccolò dressed as Marty McFly? Did he read my post?? (don’t take that too seriously, lmao) Or is that another character/celebrity? Or just generic ‘80s style?

Their chemistry in this scene is the strongest it’s been yet. Them just standing there before the conversation starts is a really good moment. (Surprise, having a smidge of tension and some variety in their interaction does a lot for their dynamic!)

Niccolò has the nickname “Colino” based on something from middle school, so he and Maddalena go back a while. They got together when they were 16, and supposedly they’re like siblings. So it seems like they might have a foundation of friendship, and could go back to being pals after they break up, maybe? Or perhaps they’re just growing too different for that, even.

Niccolò is like JUST SO YOU KNOW WE’RE LIKE SIBLINGS. WE HAVEN’T HAD SEX IN TWO MONTHS. I mean, I get what he’s trying to say, but “I haven’t had sex with my sister in two months” is not a thing I would expect to hear from people with normal sibling relationships.

Also, two months would be the beginning of school, no? When he saw Martino?

The motive behind Niccolò’s story about Maddalena’s medical condition is very different from Even’s. Isak was very closed off and not really having it when Even started talking to him about dating Sonja for years and not being able to break up with her. He was shutting him out. That’s why Even started spinning that story about her aluminum leg, to get a reaction out of Isak and to find an opening. Martino, on the other hand, is very receptive to Niccolò from the beginning of this conversation, smiling and laughing, giving eye contact. Even when Niccolò mentions Maddalena, it’s not like Martino totally shuts down; he seems amused or perhaps reassured when Niccolò says they haven’t been having sex. So Niccolò making up this shit about his girlfriend comes across as a lot more random. Like he’s doing it just to fuck with Martino for a laugh. And he keeps going even when Martino tells him he’s full of shit (this scene goes on for about two minutes, twice the length of Even’s story). It’s not inherently wrong to change to tone of the scene, but it does make it much less fraught because there aren’t as many stakes with this conversation. They’re already more or less on the same page, or at least Martino is willing to be.

Even also had so much more vulnerability when talking about this, like … we actually saw that he felt hurt or upset talking about how he couldn’t dump Sonja. Niccolò felt so much more casual and matter of fact, which is fine, but it all feels at odds with his probable situation, because so far we’ve seen he really wants Martino and is putting himself out there. He’s not subtle. Here he’s just like, yeah, can’t dump her!

I do think that there’s some of the same subtext here as in the OG, with Sonja’s fake leg standing in for Even’s bipolar disorder; Maddalena’s hairy condition is meant to be Niccolò’s mental illness. Now she keeps it under control, she’s getting experimental treatment, etc. All things that could apply to Niccolò, perhaps.

It’d be something if Maddalena was in med school because Niccolò’s mental illness made her want to help others, or research bipolar disorder, or something like that. It’s different from Sonja seemingly being bored with her life (and perhaps channeling her energies into taking care of Even), but a nice adaptation. Even if Niccolò wasn’t her motivating factor for going to med school, it’s a potentially interesting way to show that she feels the need to “fix” people.

Skam Italia keeps doing this thing where they pull back the damn camera in a scene, away from the characters, far enough or from an angle so we can’t really see their faces (and in a way that doesn’t reveal anything compelling about their body language). They do it here and it isn’t the most egregious example, but having seen it happen in later episodes, I’m more alert to it, and a lot of times it undercuts the emotions of a scene - again, a disservice to the actors. There are some times where it really took me out, to be discussed when they pop up. I guess they do it just to add some contrast to the closeups of the characters? And I’m all for more contrast, but that’s not really what I wanted, lmao.

The pinky touching moment is great! It’s a thing that’s theirs rather than Evak’s (I guess it might be subbing in for the great hole in the sock moment from the script, but it’s still different). They’re smiling and looking at each other as they lean again, very unlike Isak and Even (when Isak couldn’t even look at Even) but it is consistent with the general vibe of their relationship so far. (Although it is kinda ehhhh that they just ... dropped all of the tension from inside the party, Niccolò’s comments on the couch, staring at each other across the room while kissing girls, and then went back to the comfortable friendly vibe almost immediately, as if none of that mattered too much in the narrative.)

Ohhhhh my God they’re interrupted by the WHOLE PARTY running out and like, that is amazing. Instead of Noora it’s fucking eeeeeverybody.

Although they’re smiling at each other as they run off and it’s cute and all but WHERE IS THE TENSION. Even from the perspective of them being friendlier and more smiley at each other, 1) they almost got caught by other people, and not just anyone, but people they know, including their girlfriends (well, Niccolò’s girlfriend and Martino’s date) and people who could talk or gossip about them, so why does this not cause any kind of alarm 2) this has changed things. They almost kissed. Show that it was some kind of big deal, like even something as small as Martino lingering a moment behind the rest of them, needing a moment to process what just happened, taking a deep breath? Smiling to himself, if you want to keep it lighter? What’s the actual difference in tone or Martino’s reaction in this scene to something like the boy squad running from the police in episode 1? Except he actually seemed concerned about getting caught by the police.

General Comments/Social Media

Emma and Martino have way more of a rapport in their texts than Isak and Emma did. She actually seems to have a sense of humor.

She says she’s found his look-a-like, and Martino is like, “Don’t say Ron Weasley,” and ahaha THAT one I do not see at all. At least not if we’re talking Rupert Grint/movie Ron. I could maaaaaybe see movie Fred and George, though. Maybe. If I squint.

Martino was also open about going to Silvia’s party, which makes sense, but also he didn’t have to hide it like Isak did. Isak was just lying all over the place in his season.

Martino also names the Luca/Silvia ship “Lulvia.” I don’t know if that will actually happen. If it does, I think it’ll be like a random Chris/Kasper-esque makeout at the end of the season.

Tbh my favorite thing from this episode might have been Silvia searching for her cat before the party on Instagram. I crave that sweet sweet Margot content.

I’ve seen all the episodes aired so far, and there are some elements that I think have been handled decently, others not so much. Later episodes have some parts that I like better. Unfortunately, this episode showcased of the weaknesses of this season, which would be, in a nutshell: lack of tension, weak depiction of internal conflict, lack of focus for Martino’s POV and character trajectory.

I know I sound cranky and overly negative in this recap. Part of it is that I’m somewhat exasperated because I feel like this episode showed that to a degree, Bessegato doesn’t like … either get what Isak’s struggle was about, or he doesn’t have a clear vision for Martino’s struggle, or he does but the storytelling is not tight enough to make every scene count. Isak and Martino don’t have to have the exact same internal conflicts, but there needs to be some consistency, and so far Martino’s arc is a weird mix of stuff that doesn’t always fit what we see of him, but is there because it happened to Isak. Either just do a straight-up close recreation of Isak’s struggle, or figure out exactly what Martino’s different conflict is and write a more focused story guided by that.

The other part is that there’s ~problematic stuff in this show that’s getting on my nerves, and constantly hearing that people need to suck it up because IT’S REALISTIC is wearing down my patience. I don’t expect characters to be perfect. The original Skam characters are not perfect. The remake characters are not perfect. But there’s a difference between (for example) racism and sexism that are included intentionally as part of a narrative to make a point, and racism and sexism that seem to be unintentional and go unremarked. And when racism and sexism repeatedly go unremarked, it starts to feel like the show is normalizing it.

Particularly about the boy squad’s behavior, including videotaping Argentina and the later catfishing, because there has been a lot of debate recently about that ... I would love for there to be a point to all of that? It would be great if their creepy-ass behavior was called out later in the season, and if this turned out to have been a point about toxic masculinity and shitty straight boy behavior. If it was all building up to something, awesome, I will give Skamit the respect it’s due. But right now? I don’t get why I should give the show the benefit of the doubt. It’s already shown its ass on racism, and there have been scenes that have jumped out at me in terms of male gaze, some of the more blatant feminism in S1 was watered down from what I remember, etc. So I can’t actually assume that the boy squad will totally be called out in the end.

Honestly, if you’d asked me to guess what some of the potential weaknesses of this season could be, I would not have guessed a lack of tension.

I believe part of the objective was to show a gay teenager in Italy falling in love with a boy and not having it be the end of the world. And that is absolutely a noble goal, and something many Italian teens can benefit from. But I have to say - I never thought Isak’s season was like, emotional torture porn just because it had conflict? It balanced the fluffy romantic content with the angsty sad stuff and was better for it. The fluff was more valuable because we saw what a triumph it was compared to the angst, and the angst was more valuable because we saw exactly how much we were losing when the fluff was gone. Isak’s severe internal struggle made every little bit of character growth that much more powerful. I’m not saying the story has to be an emotional roller coaster from clip to clip, but yes, stakes matter, especially when you’re doling out a story in 3-5 minute increments every day or two.

I do think they’ve somewhat increased tension in this episode, some of it with the boy squad, and some of it with Martino’s mom not being great, but there’s also the matter of internal conflict that is supposed to be fueling many of these scenes, and that’s where it’s falling flat. Skam’s a character-focused show - I mean, each season is about living in a different character’s head - so frankly, they should be milking the f u c k out of his inner struggles.

I’ll also say I definitely didn’t have this problem with S1 of Skam Italia. I thought Eva’s story set up her clear struggles from the beginning and kept some tension going throughout the season. She and Martino have different problems, certainly, but it’s not a case of Skam Italia being “softer” overall.

I've heard counterarguments in the tags about the lack of tension, suggesting that there is tension inherent in the story due to it being about a gay teenage in Italy, but respectfully, I can’t agree with that? Then this storyline makes even less sense, like if the level of tension due to homophobia in Italy is so great that it’s embedded that deeply, how do you explain Martino’s unfazed or casual reactions to events, such as almost being caught kissing Niccolò (multiple times, if you include later episodes)? It feels contradictory. But overall, it’s a constructed fictional narrative; some of the responsibility does fall on the show itself to establish its stakes.

Anyway, if there is cultural context I missed, feel free to let me know!

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

#skamit reactions #skam italia reactions

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yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy · 6 years ago

Text

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND Chapter 3

aaaaaahhhhhh, do you know how LONG and HARD I had to look for that picture of Jon Campling?! Like the man keeps his hair to the small of his back. His hair is more glorious than mine. But seriously, that’s like the closest picture I can find of him to what I invision in my head, now just imagine the hair being cut and styled how it was in Kingsglaive but with a lot less gray, like more black in his youth because remember- he doesn’t have a ring sapping his youth and strength, he just has kids, draining his youth with their shenanigans, it’s debatable which is more tolling and taxing on him. That super yacht is actually the Serene, it’s glorious and I’m totally diving into the fantasy aspect of this fic because this is me indulging myself. Pry it from my cold dead hands.

My apologies to everyone who has familes touched by drugs (including mine but thankfully not in my immediate family) and heads up because this touches on that a little.

Yo- @the-immortal-marshal GURL. I had to pull the trigger. I had to. I’m sorry. And I’m just...so sorry. For all those reading this and going...why are you sorry? It’s fine? JUST WAIT. It’s not going to be fine for long. A storm is a BREWIN.

AO3 or below and Tumblr- keep being cool and keep this under a cut. Be a Bro man. Don’t let me down.

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND

Chapter 3

“So let me get this straight, you got this super yacht for going on one date with an Arab billionaire?” Crowe asked as she drank her super-food smoothie with extra ripe pineapple as the group sailed to the Caribbean.

“Uh huh- granted it was a week long “date” spent in Dubai at the demand of my mother but yeah.” Sylva nodded as she sipped her own drink with a smug grin.

“Damn,” all the girls exclaimed.

“Oh and my super jet? That came from a Russian billionaire, when it came to the states, it had a case of beluga caviar in a secret compartment in the hold to get it past customs. I ate so much of it because it was only good for two weeks, I thought I was going to be sick and couldn’t eat it again for months. And that was another week long “date” spent in Moscow also at the demand of my mother.” Sylva revealed.

“Holy fucking shit.” All the girls giggled except for Selena, Luna and Stella who just shook their heads.

“Hey, I’m not saying my parents pimped me out, but they totally tried and I can only hope my mother is rolling in her grave now. So if anything I’ve earned both putting up with those guys for as long as I did and the moment I got back from Moscow because Dubai and Moscow were consecutive weeks and before Dubai I spent a week between China and Tokyo going on even more “dates” with even more billionaires but that is besides the point. Anyway, my point is, I came home in the jet and drove straight to Regis’ house and fucked him so hard neither of us could walk straight to make up for my three week absence and nothing pushes you towards your true love quite like spite for your own gold digging parents, in particular my mother, it makes me so happy to see you wear her most prized pieces girls.” Sylva cooed to Selena, Luna and Stella as Selena giggled and touched her necklace as her own grin grew as Lunafreya and Stella just shook their heads and touched their own jewelry too. Between Sylva, Lunafreya, Selena and Stella they had divided up Agnes’ jewelry between them with Sylva getting the vast majority of it but Agnes’ favorite pieces that Sylva hated because she always felt her mother loved them more than she loved her, went to the three younger girls and Samantha as well to spite Agnes- with the promise that none of the girls would ever sell or give the jewelry away, simply pass it down to the next generation because the Anders line rightfully died with her and Sylva would be damned if the Nox Fleuret line ever would.

“So if any of you think that your parents are being unreasonable, or impossible, at least your parents aren’t nearly as bad as mine were.” Sylva cautioned all the girls.

“That’s so fucked up.” Crowe just shook her head.

“Well, what’s worse, your parents or Tredd’s mother?” Stella posed as Sylva and the other girls grimaced and hissed.

“Ooh, yikes, that’s a tough one.” Sylva had to admit. “How is she doing?” Sylva asked Stella.

“Well the day after Tredd proposed, Ted went looking for her and found her strung out at a crack house and put her into rehab that’s also a psyche ward, so it’s touch and go. If they can manage to get her on the right meds and with the right therapy, it’ll help but I don’t know if she’ll take to it or not.” Stella sighed tiredly.

“But she also has to want to get better for the right reason. Does she know about your trust fund? Because I’m worried that will be the only reason she gets better.” Sylva cautioned.

“Oh that worries me too and so far Tredd has forbidden his dad from telling her and won’t tell her either, he doesn’t want her around me and he’s mad at his dad for finding her to begin with. I think he would rather she die of an overdose than be a thieving leech on him and his dad again.” Stella answered. “I think for Ted, he sees me and Tredd together and doing well and it reminds him of what him and Shyanne used to be and he wants that again and misses that.” Stella ventured.

“If he’s that lonely there’s a lot of women he could be introduced to.” Sylva reminded her niece.

“Oh I know, Tredd and I both have offered but he’s not having it, it’s all or nothing with him.” Stella shrugged.

“Well here’s to hoping she stays off of meth, crack and alcohol.” Sylva clinked her glass with Stella’s as the two shared a meaningful look.

“Same.” Stella snorted a laugh.

“I heard my name.” Tredd pointed out as he came up behind his fiance and stole a sip of her drink as he laid a hand over her shoulder and fingered her necklace teasingly as if he was itching to take it off of her but Stella knew that Tredd was only teasing- that he actually wouldn’t do such a thing. Part of his asshole behavior in the beginning had been bravado to cover up his own insecurity because he felt he knew that she was too good for him and if he was an ass enough, it would drive her away. Much the same way Stella liked to be a brashy bitch to drive nice guys away because she, deep down, didn’t think she deserved them even though her behavior spoke of entitlement, she was surprisingly not and once they both saw each other for what they really were and cut through each other’s bullshit, it only helped them fall in love with each other even if they felt they still needed to put on a show for appearances, when they were alone and by themselves with each other, they felt safe enough to be vulnerable with each other and really show their true colors and realize what a pair they made and how they were actually good to and for each other.

“We were talking about your mom, Mom was asking about her.” Stella said as she gestured to Sylva.

“Fucking bitch.” Tredd grumbled before he really started sucking Stella’s drink down.

“Why don’t you get your own if you like it this much?” Stella teased him.

“Because I’m not a pussy, but it’s really fucking good.” Tredd answered as all the girls rolled their eyes.

“Well I hope your mom can make a recovery and sobers up.” Sylva offered sweetly.

“Yeah you’re the only one.” Tredd played off. “So anyone want to change their bets on Lil Mama?” Tredd asked, quickly changing the subject.

Meanwhile Cor was meeting Clarus for a drink after work.

“You gotta help me.” Cor pleaded as they both sat at the bar as Clarus raised a curious brow.

“With?” Clarus asked warily.

“You gotta let me go on a drug bust or serve a warrant or something. I’m going insane.” Cor confessed. “I haven’t left my desk in months, I go to get coffee from the shop down the street and I fantasize about some idiot knocking over the joint while I’m there or I go to the bank and I fantasize about someone robbing it while I’m in it. Like I’m looking over the bar and hoping someone gets drunk and will start a fight right this second.” Cor revealed and Clarus could only shake his head as Sylva’s words washed over his head.

“Well part of being settled down means actually liking the peace and quiet.” Clarus teased and Cor just whimpered and laid his head on his folded arms.

“Gradual peace and quiet! Not all at once!” Cor argued and Clarus just snorted a laugh and continued to shake his head. He could practically hear Sylva’s sing song tone of ‘I told you so’.

“Fine, if something comes up, I’ll let you know.” Clarus agreed.

Meanwhile back at home Ada eased into bathtub, she had splurged and got a little island getaway candle and a bath bomb and a sugar scrub for her skin and a deep hair conditioning mask and next to the bathtub sat a drink made out of some tropical blend juice spiked with whiskey, it was the closest to a tropical drink she could manage and enjoyed her night in alone. She dropped the bath bomb in and watched it swirl and dissolve in the hot water as she sipped her drink as she breathed in the scent of the little candle next to the tub. While she felt jealous of all her friends, at least she could do this for herself. Being furious with Cor over New York had only lasted a couple of days and it was broken by some amazing makeup sex before she groaned when she realized she forgot to pick up her birth control from the pharmacy again. She had been late getting it last month and now she was late getting it again this time. She had such a fickle memory lately.

She quickly shrugged it off and just as the bath bomb fully dissolved, her phone went off and she huffed and got it and saw all the pictures of Crowe and all her friends back on Sylva’s yacht before Crowe sent another picture of another ultrasound picture. She could see Luche in the background, talking with Tredd, Libertus, Nyx, Ravus and Pelna and smiling and still looking handsome as ever while Crowe was with all the girls, Sylva, Stella, Selena and Luna all wearing diamond necklaces and drinking proper island drinks. It wasn’t fair. Ada felt tears prick at her eyes before they fell from her eyes and down her cheeks. She sniffled and turned the phone off and tried to get back into the groove of her bath as she washed her hair then put the deep conditioning mask on it and then shaved her legs and underarms before scrubbing her skin with the sugar scrub then when she was done with that she took a foot file and tried to take off all the calluses from her feet. Being a waitress and being on her feet all the time meant her feet were tired and achy and often blistered if not callused.

When she was done the candle’s scent overpowered her nose and she blew it out before she started chugging her own drink again and before she knew it the drink was gone, the water was turning cold, the candle was out and her hair needed to get rinsed and instead of feeling refreshed, she felt even more frustrated...with everything. She laid back and rinsed the conditioning mask out of her hair and once she was done she sat back up and drained the tub and got out, putting a towel around her and got dressed and went to bed early after plugging in her phone again. Baxter jumped up on the bed and snuggled with her as she fell asleep.

In her dream she was back in the tea shop with Luche sitting across from her, pouring her a cup of tea, in a suit again and looking particularly handsome while she felt raw and compromised internally.

“I’ve missed you.” Luche finally said.

“You’ve been too busy to miss me.” Ada gently argued as she took the tea cup and drank from it again, the warmth of the tea cup warming her hands as the tea and his presence seemed warmed her soul.

“No I haven’t, it’s impossible for me to be too busy to miss you.” Luche countered with a gentle grin as he picked his own tea cup back up and sipped it.

“Are you sure you’re not missing something really important back at the office right now?” Ada questioned.

“Nope, I don’t deal with anything that’s life or death, whatever is there can wait until whenever I get back, you’re way more important than any paperwork I could do.” Luche insisted, his gentle grin turning reassuring and Ada felt warmed by the sentiment and she could tell he wanted to say more but forced his mouth to stay shut and let her have a moment of peace but part of her wanted to hear whatever he would say.

“What?” Ada asked, hoping that would help him say whatever he wanted or needed to stay.

“I’ve only ever wanted you. So anything I can do to spend time with you, no matter what the cost is- is something I’ll always do if it’s for you.” Luche finally spoke, his voice dropping to a low murmur so that he wouldn’t draw attention to them. But the look in his eyes brought tears to hers. The words were eating their way out of her throat as she stood as Luche did the same and came into his arms as he hugged her tight.

“I’ve only ever wanted you too. I love you.” Ada heard herself sniffle into his chest as she felt so safe and warm in his arms again. Like nothing could hurt her, like nothing could even disappoint her either.

“I love you too, let’s get out of here.” Luche proposed and Ada nodded before he kissed her and then Ada woke up with a start which woke Baxter up who started licking her tears away just as Cor came home from the bar and Ada quickly got control of herself again.

“Hey, you’re still up.” Cor grinned when he came into the room and noticed her sitting up in bed and petting Baxter.

“No, you woke me up when you came home.” Ada teased with a grin, praying her face didn’t betray her.

“Oh I’m sorry.” Cor apologized as he stripped out of his clothes and put his badge and his gun on the bedside table before he crawled into bed with her. “Well I’ll help put you back to sleep then.” Cor offered as he brought her into his embrace. “Wow, your skin is really soft.” Cor noticed as he smelled her hair as he kissed the crown of her head and touched the small of her back.

“Thanks, scrubbed it during my bath.” Ada smiled, pleased that he noticed and rewarded him with a kiss and soon that kiss led to another and a touch led to a caress and before either of them realized they were having soft, sweet sex with each other and when they were done, Cor noticed a little bit of blood on his shaft.

“Did you start your period Love?” Cor asked as he got a tissue to clean himself off with.

“Oh, I must have.” Ada blinked in surprise. “I feel like it’s early.” Ada muttered to herself as she got up and got a pad into her underwear.

“Well it’s always better to be early than it is to be late.” Cor joked and Ada laughed.

“I know right?” Ada grinned as she climbed back into the bed to rest and relax and really fall asleep.

Meanwhile back on the yacht.

“Why were you girls talking about Shyanne?” Tredd asked as he helped take the necklace off and put it away so himself and Stella could get ready for bed.

“Oh Mom was telling us the story of how she got the yacht and the jet.”

“Because her mom was the baddest pimp of them all, yeah.” Tredd nodded which got Stella to laugh.

“And she was telling us to be grateful our moms are nothing like that.” Stella added.

“And let me guess, you just had to drag Shyanne into it and go- ‘actually no, Tredd’s mom is much worse’.” Tredd surmised.

“Sorry if I embarrassed you.” Stella apologized softly as she hugged him and held him tight as he in turn clung to her and kissed the crown of her head. “I can promise you that I’ll never touch any of that.” Stella swore. “And just because she’s that way doesn’t mean you’ll ever be that way. I know we would beat the shit out of each other if we ever tried.” Stella lightly teased which got Tredd to crack a grin and huff a laugh through his nose as he continued to just hold her for a long while.

“So would you draw me like one of your French girls Jack?” Tredd teased as he let go of her and playfully tried to put the diamond necklace on himself which got Stella to crack up laughing.

“Yes I would.” Stella cackled.

“Show it to me when you’re done!” Crowe teased through the wall as Tredd jumped and panicked and threw the necklace back into case as Stella nearly went to her knees she started cracking up as she heard Crowe cackle a laugh too.

“Fucking go to sleep! Your knocked up body needs it!” Tredd spat at the wall as Stella was in tears and literally had to go to her knees, holding her sides and laughing her ass off as she could only imagine Crowe was in a similar state on the other side of the wall as Tredd got the necklace and made sure it wasn’t damaged before he put it back properly. “Or do I have to fuck Stella against that wall again?” Tredd threatened.

“Go to sleep! All of you! God!” Luche yelled through the other wall.

“Shut the fuck up and keep fapping!” Tredd yelled back at Luche.

“Fuck you!” Luche groaned before Tredd picked Stella up off the floor and pinned her to the wall between their room and Luche’s and started fucking her hard just to prove a point before Luche groaned again and left his room to go find refuge somewhere else but every room he passed he could hear every other couple being intimate which only made him more frustrated before he got to the couch in the main lounge and collapsed onto that before pulling a throw onto himself as he continued to grumble to himself, if Ada was here and back with him, he wouldn’t give a fuck because he’d be fucking her against the wall too. This wasn’t fair. Everyone else was with the love of their lives and he was in a constant state of anguish because his was still with someone else. Maybe he should have pushed Sylva to introduce him to her nieces. But at the same time Ravus kept reassuring him that if he was patient enough, that Ada would come back to him. He just had to be patient and endure this for now. He could do that. He had to. Now he understood what Ravus felt like when Selena had been with Pelna. If Ravus could wait for Selena, he could wait for Ada and they’d be just as happy too.

#Magic and Mracles and BEYOND #aaahhhhhhhhh

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