#My mental health issues will always hold me back to some degree and I'll never be normal but like...

[mrfoox]

Let's take a moment here to just.... Think about myself again.

5 years ago I could never see myself living on my own, working at any capacity and much less feel happy

Guess who's doing all those things? Yeahhhhhhh

I laugh everytime I say it out loud but I am basically living my dream life. Only a few things off the mark

[nuoyipeach]

No Doctor Could Help When I'm Love-sick

Park Sooyoung X Nakamoto Yuta

warnings!: slight violence, mature scenes, mental health issues

tags: @yutahoes

"I'm off to work, don't do anything stupid." Sooyoung announced as she bent to put on her shoes. As she finished and stood straight, a pair of hands wrapped around her waist, a body suddenly clinging on to her making her sigh.

"Skip today."

"And who's gonna pay for the bills?" she answered sarcastically.

The man chuckled, and brought his lips closer to her ear. "If you'd let me go back to work, then maybe I could help out."

Sooyoung moved out of his hold and grabbed his face, looking worriedly at him. "I'd rather work my butt off for you to stay at home than that." she scowled. "You promised me Yuta, you'll never think or speak of it..."

She knew Yuta since college, and they became close friends, and she fell in love. After graduation, he disappeared, but her feelings didn't, and during her internship at the hospital she found him again.

In the psych ward.

She found out from Johnny, a mutual friend, he started doing odd jobs around the town to earn extra at the beginning of his degree, but through one ended up doing some dirty work for a mafia. He left before they could drag him in anymore, but the deeds had been done, he had blood on his hands, and the trauma lead to several nights where he couldn't sleep, the image of his actions floating in his mind. And then he lost it, he played with knives, the weapon he used, almost hurting the people around him, and in the end his friends had him admitted into the hospital.

She asked permission to join in on his treatment, and it was through that process she found out he loved her too, evident of all the times he scratched her name into whatever he could find (including his arm).

Yuta was stubborn, he yelled at the doctors every day, always the same thing that he couldn't be cured. But one look at the woman he crushed on and he felt better. He wanted to get better for her, and his improvements convinced the doctors he was OK to be released.

Though his dangerous habits of playing with knives and anything sharp remained, Sooyoung lived with it, she trusted he wouldn't hurt anyone or anything, and also made it a rule to never speak of his past. And he lived by it. Every day she'd go to work, he'd stay home finishing the list of chores she'd leave him. She found that he would keep himself busy by trying to please her, and used it as an advantage to keep his mind off of anything dangerous he might think of.

Smiling back at her, he moved forward and kissed her, and Sooyoung wasn't one to reject his affection. They pulled away and she brushed his hair down with her fingers. "Get the list done, OK? I'll be back soon today." she pecked him once more before going to the door, turning back for a quick second. "I love you."

That made Yuta feel even happier than ever, hearing those words from her were the only thing better than being with her. "I love you too!" he cheered causing her to giggle before she finally left. He turned back to the apartment and sighed. "Alright. Let's get this list done, she'll be so happy."

>>>

Sooyoung froze on confusion hearing the person on her phone.

"I assume you're his emergency contact from the bracelet, he's currently admitted to the ----- Hospital psych ward."

Yuta was in the same hospital she worked at, as a psych patient, again. Instead of answering she simply ran off from chatting with her coworkers and headed towards where she knew patients were kept. She walked around, heart in her throat from fear and worry, trying to find any sign on him, until she heard some male voices yelling.

Following the voices she arrived at a padded room, where she saw 4 male staff trying their best holding Yuta from escaping, and one more trying to get the knife out of his grip. "Stop! You're hurting him! It only makes things worse!"

The doctor in charge turned, confused by Sooyoung's presence especially after noticing her tag saying gynaecology. "I'm his wife, and I've treated him before." Sooyoung explained. "Don't use force, tell them to leave the room and let me in, I know what to do."

The doctor looked sceptical, but nodded and called the men out from the room. The moment Yuta felt free he dropped to the ground, breathing heavily for a few second before looking towards the soft walls. "Yuta..." If it wasn't for the familiar voice, he would have started stabbing them immediately.

He slowly turned as the door shut, and saw the figure of his wife. She had taken off her white coat, a reminder to him that she was here as nothing but his wife, and walked closer to him. She sat on her knees in front of him and cupped his cheeks to make him face her, and saw his eyes soften once they made eye contact.

"Let me." she spoke softly, taking the knife from his hand and tossing it aside. His tears started, and like a child he moved into her embrace, crying into her chest. "It's OK, it's OK. Talk to me when you're ready. I won't leave you." She hugged him, kissing the top of his head every few seconds.

Sooyoung peeked and saw the doctor had switched off the tint from the window, his and the attendees faces in awe at how she managed it so well. It wasn't even in her department, yet she was quicker at the job than him.

Slowly Yuta moved out of her hold and looked at her. "I went out because we ran out of eggs... this man tried to harm a woman... I tried to stop him but then he tried to stab me... that knife is his... I grabbed it..." he showed his bandaged palms, tears forming in his eyes again.

Sooyoung held his hands and caressed the bandages, noticing him hiss softly at the pain. She held his face again and spoke softly. "I'll get your report, and we'll go home together. I'm not leaving until you're discharged." she kissed his cheek before getting up, pulling him to stand with her and sat him on the bed. "Be good, please." she pleaded, and he nodded.

As she left the room with the knife, the doctor stared at her still in shock, and before he could ask she was already answering. "I've known him many years, he's like this because of severe trauma. And yes, call me crazy, but I married him even after. I still love the man he was, and he still is that man, when he's not triggered." She put her coat back on before reaching for the report, filling in the contact section. "I'd like for him to get discharged soon. The longer he's kept here the worse his condition will get. I'll be waiting here until then. And if you'd like, I will consent to sending you updates on him for a certain period, but trust me as soon as he's home, give him two days and he'll be normal again."

That was a half lie. He'd be normal, but his normal wouldn't be considered so by the doctors considering he still plays with sharp objects. But Sooyoung knew he meant no danger to anyone, as long he wasn't triggered by anything.

In two days Yuta was home as promised, and the first thing the couple did was take a shower together. Yuta sat on the shower bench while Sooyoung washed his hair since his hands still had fresh wounds. He wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned his head against her tummy while she washed the suds off his hair, smiling at the way he moved into her touch when she combed through it.

"Alright mister, my turn." she pushed him out only to see him pout.

"Can I watch?"

Sooyoung scoffed and laughed at him, but nodded as she turned away to wash herself this time. And all Yuta did was really just sit and watch. Whenever Sooyoung would walk around partially or fully naked, he would simply stare and smile, as if eyeing the most beautiful artwork he had seen.

And she loved that about him, the way he would just stare at her as if its the first time seeing her like that, sometimes throwing in random compliments about any and every part of her.

Like he did now in the shower. "My wife has such a sexy back." he blurted, causing her to laugh as she turned back to him shaking her head. "I wish I could help you wash up today..." he said more softly, sounding dejected.

Sooyoung turned to him and smiled, cupping his cheeks in her hands. "The moment your hands heal and you can touch water and work with them, we'll take a shower again together before anything else, OK?". He pouted with a nod, and they soon finished their shower.

She helped him to bed, caressing her fingers through his hair as he laid his head on her chest while she watched the TV in their bedroom. Yuta was quick to fall asleep, snuggling into her which caused her to chuckle. She looked down at her husband's face, sleeping peacefully, the sweetest man she's known. There was nothing but innocence in this man (maybe except for when they're intimate) and it hurt her, a sudden wave of sadness crashing over her mind as she wondered how could someone like him get into a situation like that.

She turned off the TV and scooted down a bit, pulling him closer as he unconsciously followed, nuzzling into her chest. She played with his hair as memories of what everyone around her had said came back when she was marrying this man.

Her family. You're doing so well in life, why are you taking in this kind of a set back. He's psycho, he'll destroy you, why him?

Her friends. We know you love him, but do you really think he's worth it?

His family. Are you sure? We won't blame you if you want to leave him.

His friends. We haven't given up on him, but why are you trying to accept him the way he is? He should fix himself for you.

There's a reason she keeps limited contact with everyone. No one deserves to know what they're going through, whether good or bad.

Yuta knew she saw him the way no one else did, or ever would. What he did was just a facade, she knew inside he was a scared man. And the recent accident was proof of it. He didn't harm anyone, yet harmed himself, and resisted whoever approached him aggressively.

She noticed all this, and knew exactly how to love him. She knew him, inside and out. Even when his psych evaluator questioned her as a doctor, she'd say the same thing.

Love is love, it's the best medicine, yet an incurable disease.

Sooyoung kissed his hair before closing her eyes, hugging him tighter, and whispered as she drifted off to sleep. "I love you Yuta. No matter what you're going through, I'll always love you."

>>>

another rushed ending😓 haven't been able to fixate endings recently despite having all the plotlines figured out hhhhh

also I know lovesick means smthg different, but that's why I named it love-sick heh I just liked the title too much🙂

[yoificfinder]

Hello! Thank you so much for running this blog, it’s been really helping me out. I haven’t been feeling great these past few days and was wondering if you have any recs for fics that you have found lifted your mood? Silly, fluffy, or just a fic that is immersive and really takes your mind off things? Sorry that it’s not specific, I am sure anything would be fine. I’ve been loving all your other recs too!

Hello nonnie, I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I think we're collectively feeling varying degrees of sadness these times, moreso for people with pre-existing mental health issues, due to the pandemic. Personally, it's been this way for me for more than a year now because of a devastating loss and I think I'll never be the same again. I just hope that things get better as time passes. And I try to get all the happiness I can, however fleeting it may seem, from things (and people) that make me happy.

So for my go-to fics, please check out "personal favorites" in the masterlist since all the fics and authors I love are all there. But for something more specific, I'd definitely mention:

Just Hold On (We're Going Home) by @kiaronna - This is the YOI fic I've reread the most (like, more than 10 times) because for me, it's just so perfect! I come back to it every time I want to feel a certain way because hnnng All. The. Feels!!! Tbh, angst comes up more than fluff in me with this one. I cry literally every reread. Don't get me wrong, it's not that sad and it definitely has a lot of fluffy/funny scenes but Idk, the feelings it evokes in me... Hurts so good!! (There's this particular scene/line that just really gets to me.) I think it's also because of the catharsis I feel every reread (since I always have a good cry but it has a perfect resolution) that this story has a special place in my heart.

on growing; by @crossroadswrite - Another one that I always come back to when I want to feel happy. It's a kid fic (Yuri as a toddler son of Victor is gold!) so lots of family feels but there's also friendship, romance, love of oneself, one's work/passion, and fandom--basically also all the things that made me love YOI itself! This fic is really funny too, it makes me laugh out loud! But there are also certain moments that are really serious/deep, it keeps you on your toes (and might make you shed a few tears). I'd also be remiss not to mention the A+ social media posts. In short, this fic has everything and I love it!

Winter Song by proantoganist (I'm so sad that she deactivated her social media accts edit: she's back as @proantagonista) - This is one of, if not my most favorite YOI fic! It's a canon fill-in-the-gaps fic then continues beyond canon events and I can't gush about it enough!!! The writing--characterization, plot flow and pacing, and prose--just !!! (sorry if I'm incoherent and this is just really full of exclamation marks but I feel like I can't articulate enough how much I love this fic.) If you love YOI, then you should definitely read this fic.

The fics above are more on the lengthy side so if you want instant gratification, I also recommend these collections of one-shots:

Drunk on You by kiaronna - A collection of Victuuri soulmate AU one-shots and every single one is 👌👌👌

Three Prompts AU Collection by rinsled05 / @dreaming-fireflies - Ficlets of integrated prompts/AUs (e.g., serial killer, fairy, culinary); this is full of originality and creativity

I hope this helps, dear nonnie. I'm really glad this blog and my fic recs can help you in some way. ❤

(P. S. Writing why I love and recommend these fics is such a good exercise and feels more personal since I normally do my usual format of reccing fic with just the title, author, rating, word count and letting the summary speak for the story. Can't do this for everything tho so I'll be back to regular programming. Just know that the fact that I recommended something in this blog means that I really enjoy(ed) it, can guarantee that it's good, and would love for other people to discover or be reminded of these gems too.)