#My bag got taken away and I feel like I've lost an intrinsic part of myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jupiter--dream · 2 months ago

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(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)

Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq

I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq

#I mostly talk to my partner #But they've been more absent lately and like they have their own life #But the second they're gone I realize I don't talk to anyone that much #I used to have someone else I spoke to daily; it was an awful friendship though and it took a lot of struggle to end it #But god; just qwq; I'm so tired of everything qwq #Honestly I'm disappointed in how upset it makes me that my partner is more absent because I know it's bc they've found a game they're into #And have been playing non-stop #They'll come telling me that they've done this and that and I'll be struggling HARD and will try to mention it at some point but #But like I wanna leave them their space to be excited but I just #Look. Look the NPD is getting to me; and I know these are not kind or fair feelings but #But I hate it here; I don't care about their game; I don't care about what they've done;#All my brain focuses on is that I've had a shitty fucking day and everything's gone wrong and they weren't here #Because they were fucking playing #And I know that's not fair for MANY reasons and that voicing all that would make me a massive asshole #And that at its core; it's more of a matter of never going anywhere; not having people to hang out with;#Not leaving my house nor talking to that many people #I feel so lonely and so fucking hollow qwq #My bag got taken away and I feel like I've lost an intrinsic part of myself #And to top it all off; I had today's exam and the project I'm doing #And my dad screaming and my period coming and all the things I have to do and how much I yearn for friends #Yet when I'm with my friends I can't wait to be alone #Man; just #I didn't wanna go this far; and I only say it here because no one's really gonna read it;#But I genuinely just wanna kill myself at this point #There's no point nor reason #I'm trying hard to enjoy life but nothing goes my way #I have so many things I want to do and nothing fucking goes my way #I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq #I feel like if I cut myself I'd be even more pathetic; I wouldn't even be met with sympathy; just. Disappointment #It's been a while since I last self-harmed in a way that was visible

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