#My Headache Wins Bob-Ben the War

[randomfoggytiger]

React: "Return to Me" (from the POV of Someone Averse to RomComs, Part V): My Headache Loses the Bob-Ben War

Thank you, Tumblr Tyrant, for letting me upload the next part.

Part V picks up with sneaky Grandpa Marty picking out (without telling Bob) a nice, cellphone-less young man-- relatively-- to meet his granddaughter; and Bob integrating into the man card club to learn more about the waitress-- without telling Grandpa Marty-- who turns out to be said granddaughter. And Grace had a failed date with an ex-priest and she feels survivor's guilt and her friend Megan/Bonnie's life is cherished chaos and she knows her grandfather's friends are setting her up with this handsome, unknown man, yadda yadda yadda. Let's go!

For those keeping score: I'm still very mad at Bob and am still calling him Ben. But I have a headache now so I might just give it up and call him Bob permanently.

**Note**: This is not edited because I have a headache and it's the weekend.

In the Restaurant After Hours

After a very awkward conversation where Grace accidentally embarrasses herself (saying pajamas instead of phone), she dips to grab BEN's phone, rejecting his offer for help.

...He then, the sneak, asks the men if he should go; and underplays his amped reaction when they all cheer him on.

“And there ya go,” concludes Grandpa/Marty. 

Outside, Grace catches--FINE, the headache wins-- Bob staring. Bob doesn’t realize she’s panicked about him seeing the scar; and doesn’t think she looks “ridiculous.” 

“It’s a lovely… hat.” 

The phrase of a man who’s never seen shower bonnets or overnight hair coverings for extremely curly hair. 

Minnie/Grace is stumbling over her words again, doing the very wise decision of slowing down and softening her voice the more mistakes she makes. It’s an embarrassed maturity rather than the loud exclamations and overly apologetic nature of a younger girl (which is fine; but we’re in maturer romance territory, baby.) 

I’ve gotta put my biases out there-- and I can get away with it because this is fiction-- *ahem*...

I’m glad Elizabeth is dead. 

All hail the reign of Grace. 

(It's not a very mature thing for me to say; but I have a headache-- a baby one that Advil will kill ASAP but still-- so I'll be as unnuanced as I want.)

Bob’s charmed and assures her he’s fine with “this”; and he thanks her for the very good dinner she “bought” him the night before. 

Grace’s charmed. 

Bob’s surprised Grace planted all these flowers. 

“Yeah. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, you just let it grow.” 

There’s Grace’s theme. *finger gun noises*

Now it’s Bob’s turn to embarrass himself by calling a garden "a... garden."

She lets it slide with a smile, less polished at batting away awkward moments--

I’M SORRY WHAT DID BOB SAY. …”yOU SMelL gReaT”?!?!?!?!?!

BOB. BOB YOU JUST SAID AN AWKWARD THING WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF, NAY, TO ME RIGHT NOW. bob I have a headache what do you have to say for yourself

Bless you Bonnie, you saved it with Minnie/Grace’s deadpan “It’s the flowers.” 

Auuuuuuuuuuugh…! Grace, acccckkkkhhh, you bungled it by trying to explain away why the smell is the flowers but not THAT particular flower but it’s the other flowers-- 

Grace… honey, sweetie, shower-cap-representation, whoop whoop-- look: I need a romance as devoid of awkward moments as possible, okay? I am a highly sensitive creature that is absolutely destroyed by cringe of any sort. It hurts me. Do NOT give in to The Bob Powers, I beg of you. You’re doing amazing, sweetie, so far, by keeping your voice level, monotone, and flat. Keep it up it really helps; but I thought we needed this chat because I FELT A HEARTATTACK IN MY TOES, GRACE. IN MY TOES. 

I have pointers for you, BOB, but I don’t think you’re listening to anything but the roaring in your ears right now. 

This face--

me too, Grace, me toooooooooooooooo. 

The silence while Bob is scrabbling with the quiet plastic and feeling the awkwardness is perfection. 

Bob sees a painting and Extroverts his way over there-- “Did you paint that? …Where is this? Europe?”

“Could be.” And then she follows up his “beautiful” remark about wherever it is by saying “I guess I paint places from my dreams.”

Bold move. Long live Queen Grace. 

“Bet you can’t wait to go to sleep.” Perfectly chummy and means every word. Perfect follow up. 

The Grace Software has updated from charmed to smitten. 

She’s pulling a serious face. 

Now he’s pulling a serious face. 

“Would you go out with me?” 

Only you, David Duchovny, could deliver that line with such innocent vulnerability. Hats off to you, sir. 

“Yes?” 

That’s great, too-- a yes at him and a question at herself. Nice touch, Minnie Driver. 

“Is that a question?” (Bob doesn’t like not knowing what that means.) 

“No! It’s a yes-- yes!” 

“Tomorrow night?” he pitches. 

“YES.” Love Grace/Minnie’s determined yes. 

“Eight o’clock?” Little flippant shrug-- time doesn’t matter, isn’t important. 

“...Yes.” Ahhhh, bringing it all home, Minnie.  

“Pick you up here?’ Smiles. 

“Yes~!” Smiles and a lilt. 

“Alright, you’re a very difficult woman.” 

…siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. Bob. Look, you’re an extrovert, I get it. But I don’t think-- 

FORGET IT. 

He’s finishing up out there and she’s taking her pic in and finding her phone. 

Oh, look, the old men-- they’re ditching the game so the young lovebirds can be alone. 

I applaud you, Bonnie. 

THEY JUST SHOVED THEIR FRIEND THROUGH THE DOOR BECAUSE HE JAMMED THEM ALL. 

Bless you, Bonnie. 

Grace's “...Grandpa?” gets a "we're not back here" type of response.

Grace just sneaked out and biked over to tell Megan/Bonnie she met someone. Adorable. 

…Why is Bob monologuing to a gorilla about his attraction to Grace-- oh, I get it. Monk is last tie to dead wife, got it, got it. 

I remember DD talking about this scene, sharing fake fries with the gorilla (and how struck he was with its gentleness and eating until it was full then politely declining. Great story.) 

“Building you a great place.” 

“Megan~~~! It’s a first date~,” Grace teehees over her friend’s matronly advice. 

Suuuuuuuuuuuure, girlfriend. 

I love this quote from Megan/Bonnie so much I will put it in: “...and you know how it is. You’re out with a guy, and you find him attractive and then suddenly everything they say sounds brilliant. [A woman's] Hairy legs are your only link to reality.” 

I mean… proooooooooooobably true. At least, it works for Grace. 

Date time. 

Minnie slipped up that she’d never been on a plane; and has to make up an elaborate lie about her grandpa’s health since she was fourteen. The seeds are sewn for the 3/4 misunderstanding, I see. 

We’re getting into family backstory. This is Level 4 friendship. 

Her mom died of heart disease. 

Uh oh spaghetti-o, this is hitting to mutual home-ios. 

Extrovert jokes about not letting her have two scoops. 

My dude, she JUST got a healthy heart a year ago; don’t make it hyperventilate so soon. 

Bob’s smiling up a storm over showing his date the construction site. Points for Bob, that’s cute. 

Nope, not construction: the city from a different perspective. 

You know a girl likes that special “see the world through my secret, hoarded hidey-hole” view. 

He’s also delighted to upgrade the date to coat sharing and modestly disclaiming all praise. “I had help.”  

Yeah, Megan/Bonnie was right. Hope Grace/Minnie heeded her warning. She’s a goner otherwise. 

Eyyyy, she got The Coat ™ naturally without the “sick girl” stigma attached to it. She’s so happy. 

“Elizabeth and I were married by the time we were twenty--”

I wasn’t expecting that; but then again they seemed like a highschool sweetheart situation so it makes sense.

Ahhhhhh, so DD was playing Bob as more innocent? because that was the point-- first time romance revamped: neither have had an adult first date. Got it. 

Hand holding: unlocked. 

Grandpa’s shuffling around in the yard, DON’T. DO. IT. you two. For me. 

WAIT, is Grandpa going to realize she hasn’t told Bob-eo about the heart transplant? 

More veiled “new life” illusions. 

Bob gave her his jacket so he can get it next time. That’s smooth… but Bob, you’ll need it. Bob. Bob. 

BOB JUST GOT SMACKED FOR TOUCHING HER BLOUSE--

Oh yeah, the scar thing. 

..Am I even watching this movie?? WHY is any of this taking me by surprise? Okay, get in the game, focus, focus, focus. I know-- it’s the headache. That’s why the name recall and the… the “the” is off. 

“Ahhh--" (Grace is the one yelling, btw) "I’m-- I’m so sorry! Did you see anything??”

“I wasn’t looking!”

“No, I know-- it was because I had a heart... a heartwarming dream about you.” Bringing that dream convo back from earlier. …Wait. 

Grace is going to stick by this story so hard Grandpa better get outta there because those crazy kids are suddenly going to be acting out non-existent dreams. RUN, MARTY, RUN. 

“It must have been a nightmare.” 

Amazing. 

I CALLED IT, GRACE IS COMMITTING TO THE BIT.

Grace, this man has been out of action for a YEAR be prepared before you pull a red flag before a respectful but still very much alive bull. 

Bob wants to gossip about the dream. This is such a Bonnie Hunt moment-- from the limited amounts of moments I now know about her work, this is the epitome. 

“NO, no, I--”

I take my earlier warning back: this man’s head is going to explode long before he scares the daylights out of Grace’s new heart. 

Yup, she committed-- laid a big smacker then yeeted off through the gate. 

I think Bob’s gonna need a repair man out, stat. 

He'll be better in five business days-- just in time to slough Charlie off again the next weekend.

Tumblr's being a meanie again, so I'm ending this part here.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!