#My 25th bday is this month and only 1 friend can make it because of distance/weekday timing/working adults life/etc.

[herawell]

If anyone could leave some comments on my fics/edits/etc. I would be much obliged <3 <3 <3

[swiftgronmasterpost]

Winter 2013 - The Beginning of the End and Dianna’s Private Tumblr

January 4, 2013 - Haylor Breakup

Taylor and Harry publicly split and leave us with this iconic picture:

January 10, 2013 - People’s Choice Awards

Haylor is done, Harry is back in the UK, but Taylor shows up with a hickey anyway.  (Dianna is in LA at this time.)

Some time this month Taylor writes How You Get The Girl which is about obviously someone who comes back to get the girl.  She references “standing in the rain” and “a long six months.”  It’s hard to know if these details are more “fanfic” or actual autobiographical details.

This six months may actually refer to the end of bearding for a while (because it seems like Swiftgron did reunite in Paris in early October.)  Exactly six months after Taylor started dating Conor Kennedy would be January 25th, 2013.

As for the rain...

It rained twice in LA this month according to weather reports on the 21st and on the 23rd:

Dianna is in LA at this point and has started a private Tumblr blog under the name whosirmesir (we verified it was hers over on @swiftgron-get-married - and you can click here for more on that if you’re curious and actually I did an entire podcast episode walking people through it if you’re like like to listen to an in depth breakdown of it click here for apple OR click here for spotify OR click here for google.  

I also recommend searching the whosirmesir tag on @swiftgron-get-married​ because we’ve logged a lot of interesting moments and connections to Taylor (quotes, art, and other items that tie DIanna and Taylor together.)

On the private tumblr on January 25th Dianna reblogs this:

It reads “i think we’re just gonna have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that...”

This is also the time period it is rumored that Dianna proposed to Taylor.  I’m not sure what to make of these rumors.  I have not been able to get anywhere near confirming them.  It’s entirely unsubstantiated - but I explored the rumor further in this blog post (click for link.)  And also on the podcast (will link just a bit down in this post because it relates to something else we’re about to discuss.)

February 4, 2013 - Dianna recommends “Far Nearer” by Jaime on twitter:

The lyrics are essentially:

“I feel better when I, you feel better when I I feel better when I have you near me

You Me You I do, I do, I do“

repeated over and over again

February 9, 2013 - Neruda quote on Tumblr from Dianna

Dianna posts a quote to Tumblr.  The translation is, “I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.”

It’s worth noting that Taylor namechecked Neruda in the Red album booklet.

February 10, 2013 - The Grammys

Dianna wants to make sure everyone is watching:

And Taylor posts:

“Look what happened! :)”

She won for Safe and Sound:

And she performs her circus themed rendition of WANEGBT (where she mocks Harry Styles on stage making fun of his accent when she sings the “so he calls me up on the phone” part of the song even though this song was written before she was even with him.)

The only other time Dianna tweeted about the Grammys was when Glee was involved the year before.

February 14, 2013 - Achele breakfast and The Inside Source at Glee Tweet

According to a Facebook user Cory, Dianna, and Lea have breakfast this morning (or around this time):

Later that day Taylor posts the infamous tweet:

The Glee Episode “I Do” airs and there is no Taylor song included.  However Dianna and Naya’s characters hook up:

After the episode airs Taylor deletes her tweet.

As always I’m not entirely sure what to make of this but to me it boils down to three possibilities:

1.  The fandom seems to think this proves that Dianna purposefully tricked Taylor into watching her “hook up” with Naya on screen.  It’s completely possible that that’s the case but I think the next two options make a bit more sense.

2.  It was a simple misunderstanding or a joke gone wrong.  Taylor had a song earlier on that season of glee (Mine sung as a breakup song by Naya) and I have been told another song of Taylor’s was marketed for another glee episode later that spring.  Perhaps someone got their wires crossed and misinformed Taylor.  

3.  Other nefarious parties:  

a.  It’s possible that Lea was behind this - she publicly had beef with Taylor at one point and she had been with Dianna that morning.  Maybe she met up with DIanna, heard about Swiftgron being happy and back together and got a little jealous and decided to prank Taylor.  

b.  Ryan Murphy also seemed to despise both Dianna and Taylor around this time.  He was also famous for stirring up drama with Gleeks on twitter and generally sewing discontent (particularly surrounding wlw ships and fans).  Ryan seems to have a problem with women/lesbians in general.  He treated Brittana as a couple horribly on Glee as well as their shippers.

He very publicly shaded Taylor in season one of Scream Queens and said in an interview that Dianna ruined Quinn for him because he said she made her sympathetic. 

Not only that but in season 3 he destroyed her character - he made her have a mental breakdown - he had her try and steal a baby - he had her get hit by a car - and a huge plotline in season 3 was Quinn begging Rachel (Lea’s character so Dianna’s irl ex) not to marry Finn (played by Cory - literally the guy Lea chose Dianna over - this is like...emotionally abusive if you ask me.)  After season 3 Dianna only appeared in 8 episodes of the remaining 55 after being in every episode and the top third billed of the cast in the first three seasons.

Furthermore in a show called The New Normal there was a bitchy actress character named Brynn who he wrote as high maintenance and unpleasant and then killed off.

So yeah...seems fair to at least consider that Ryan or Lea who publicly had problems with both Taylor and Dianna may have been trying to create problems for Swiftgron.  One last note about Lea - there was not a single Achele interaction for the entire year of 2013.  The most we got was Dianna liking a tweet about Lea’s album in December 2013 and when asked about one another in interviews they would vaguely say they were still friends.  No tweets to one another, no birthday messages, no candids, no hang outs.  Lea’s book was also written around this time and does not make a single mention of Dianna - her former roommate and “best friend” even though she spends plenty of time talking about others on the Glee cast.

I did a podcast episode on both the proposal rumors and the inside source at Glee tweet if you want more extensive takes on that!

While I’m not entirely sure Dianna had anything to do with this tweet Taylor references this date (2-14-13) by putting it on a dollar bill as a serial number in The Man music video:

At any rate Taylor deletes the tweet and replaces it with one about her dancers:

Dianna tweets 9 hearts that day (I don’t know if that’s significant but if they were together from March 2012 to July 2012 and then October 2012 to this point it would mean 9 months together...)

February 19, 2013 - Sad Charlie Brown Tumblr post from Dianna:

February 27, 2013 - Fitzgerald quote

Taylor listed this as a quote to live by in an interview with Marie Claire a few months later.

I’m not sure if it’s important but Dianna is very quiet this winter and spring in terms of showing up at events, parties, even being papped out on the street compared to other years around this time.  She seems to disappear a bit.

February 27, 2013 - Taylor gives a bday shoutout to her Fiddle player Caitlin:

“Happy Birthday to my magical friend, fiddle extraordinaire @/caitlinbird” 

March 12, 2013 - Weird tweets from Dianna “One of those days.”

March 13, 2013 - It’s the first day of the Red tour (is that why Dianna had questions?)

About the Red Tour - the last act of the tour seems to be circus themed which may have been inspired by Dianna’s 26th birthday the previous year and really interestingly Taylor has a white rabbit, which is a reference to Alice in Wonderland (Dianna’s favorite piece of media ever) follows Taylor around stage during the WANEGBT performance as she’s dressed up like a circus ringleader:

March 18, 2013 - Dianna goes on a Girls HBO rant (we know who also loved Girls the show and its creator Lena Dunham (Taylor))

End of March - Lena and Ashley show up at the Red Tour backstage

Conclusion - Swiftgron is on but completely underground.  Dianna is blogging and tweeting romantic things about missing girls, Taylor’s interests, and secret love, all while watching Taylor perform at the Grammys and encouraging others to tune in.  Something weird happened with the inside source at Glee tweet but who knows what.  Dianna seems a bit restless and emo while Taylor leaves to go on tour.

Click here to keep reading!

[pastelpastryblog]

DEAN  scenario- What on earth did I do to deserve this?

Requested: Dean looks like the guy you see at the gas station at 3am after the club that you trynna fuck but you cant tell your friends cause they gonna judge you. Sooo many bad but good decisions. Someone should make a scenario out of that lol. via @icygrrlnat by @otheruponrother I really hope that you like this scenario. It was a bit hard to make but I hope it turned out good for you :)

Word count: 3,473

Genre: Angst,Mature, strong language, suggestive content

*Wednesday*

Its F/N birthday in 2 days but I really don’t want to go out clubbing with her and the other girls. The past 2 months has been very rough for me. Whether it is my personal life and my professional life, both was rough for me, but this week has honestly been the worst of it all. My high school bully, Yucky hyuky…. I mean Kwon Hyuk, has now been appointed as my new supervisor since June and he has been putting me through hell. He always tells me to do the team’s dirty work and he always takes his anger out on me when someone else in our team messes up. All the women at work find him attractive and they all flirt with him. If only they knew him personally. I also feel so depressed lately and Friday and Saturday are my only days off this week, so I want to spend my day in bed, and have my phone switched off because I also don’t want to go out with my co-workers Friday, because they are all going to watch Kwon hyuk perform at an event. I honestly don’t want to be reachable. Like honestly, what on earth did I do to deserve this type of treatment from him. Like, the only bad thing that I have ever done is have a crush on yucky hyuky when I was like what? 16? 17?

My friends never let me live down the fact that I had a crush on a school bully that looks like he bathes in mud. All my friends hate him because he used to bully them too, but not as severe as my bullying. He was known for being the first guy in our grade that lost his virginity, was always fighting the older boys of our school, known for sleeping around with the older girls from different schools and older women from universities. He was also popular for leading on the girls in our grade and giving them false hope. He even had an affair with one of his girlfriend’s mom. There even were rumours of him having an STI or an STD, and him getting a married university lecturer pregnant but those rumours could be fake. But in other words, he was a full-blown hoe, a dirty one. If you were associated with him, you automatically became a dirty hoe by association, so everyone that had morals, tried to stay away from him because he was trouble.

~2 days later, Friday~

It is F/N birthday today and they all pleaded me to come and celebrate F/N 25thbirthday. I really didn’t want to, but then I remembered that she always comes to my birthdays, even when I don’t do anything on my special day she manages to bring me a birthday cake and a present. So technically, I HAD to go out. We pre-drink as we get ready, and we have a pre-party before the turn up at the club. We all dolled up for our girl’s 25th. Everybody looked like they could be in movies, while I opted for a lowkey option, a black strapless pvc bodycon dress, off the shoulder denim jacket, and black barely there heels with a small black clutch bag. I even wore makeup for the first time in months, a light Smokey eye with dark plum lips and I even took my messy bun down and straightened my hair. Basic but cute.

~

It’s 1am right now but we have been in the club since 10pm. Some of the girls are drunk, and some are one more shot away from being completely drunk, like myself. I guess hanging with my girls is like therapy to me. I get to just let loose and have fun, I feel like I deserved this. I deserved to not think about my love life, debts, my bills and my demon supervisor. This club is too lit and so are the people that I am surrounded with, the birthday girl is getting all types of attention because she looks beautiful with her face full of glam makeup and her sparkly dress and her figure 8 body shape. Its so good to see everybody having fun and enjoying themselves. 30 minutes into sitting and sipping our drinks at our VIP booth that we had reserved for the bday girl, the DJ stops the music and announces that an upcoming R&B singer is about to hit the stage so me and my friends head off to the stage to see the show but for some reason I see my co-workers, so I try to hide from them, but they see me and I get approached by them.

“hey Y/N, what are you doing here? I thought you didn’t want to go out “

“Hi, um…. its my friend F/N birthday today so were celebrating here. Why are you guys here? I thought you guys were going to see Hyuk, I mean Mr Kwon perform somewhere. Did you guys not go?”

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, UPCOMING R&B SINGER, DEAN” says the DJ.

Oh boy…….

“yeah we ARE here to see Mr Kwon, DEAN is his stage name.”

“Ooh, he’s starting. Bye Y/N see you at work”

“We’ll tell him that you were here, say happy birthday to F/N for me. Bye!”

F U C K.

“Erm, wait. Is that fucking Yucky Hyuky on stage? Says friend #1

“WTF, isn’t that Hyuk? The dirty one from school? Hes trying to be a singer now? Wow” says friend #2

I honestly did not expect to see this beautiful demon slut here. I came out with my girls to have fun, to forget about all the shit that is troubling me. Not for me to hear his angelic voice.

Pause. Did I just call this man beautiful? Angelic voice? Pfft. As if!

Seeing Hyuk on stage was, well… different. He is very charismatic on stage and he looks and sounds like he knows what he’s doing, which is a great thing for him I guess. I don’t know why but seeing him on stage is kind of making me feel some type of way and I really don’t like it. 30 minutes into his performance, while me and my girls standing in front of the stage, I notice that Yucky Hyuky kept looking in my direction, but I kept brushing it off. Maybe he was looking for the other co-workers, maybe he’s trying to identify and remember my girls, maybe he’s thinking of more ways of ruining my work for me tomorrow. No way is he staring at me because he thinks I’m cute. It can’t be. But for some reason, this look was one that I have never seen before. It was a soft yet sexy look. I don’t know, maybe the drinks are hitting my brain right now.

So, at this point, me and the girls split up to do our own thing while still being on the dance floor. I was vibing to hyuk’s music with a drink in my hand, while also ignoring the long stares that he is giving me from across the stage. All of the sudden, I get bumped into. Somebody accidently spills a drink on my dress (thank God, it’s a pvc dress so no damages were made), I turn around and I notice that it is my ex-boyfriend, Juno. I froze, I didn’t know how to react, so he just pulled me by my hand and took me out. He takes me to the unisex bathroom starts wiping the drink that he spilt on my dress.

“I’m so sorry for spilling my drink on you, Y/N. You look beautiful by the way” he says as he looks me up and down while licking his lips.

“why are you doing this to me? And what do you want from me?”

“I’m just trying to get you clean Y/N, I spilt my drink on you. Did you expect me to leave you like that?”

“spilling a drink on me is nothing compared to what you put me through. “

“I just wanted to check up on you, to see how you’re doing”

“You broke my heart, you damn idiot. How do you think I’m fucking doing?”

“look, I’m sorry Y/N. I didn’t mean to hurt you. “

“Save it Juno. You used to cheat on me whenever I wasn’t around, especially when you went on tour. Then you cheated on me with your so called “best friend” Hyorin from college and got her pregnant. Whenever Hyorin did something bad, you would always stick up for her and put the blame on me instead. Whenever I would confront you about it, youy would always say that shes been your friend since day 1, so you had to do what you did. You never had my back. The reason why I am in debt is because of you. You made me feel horrible about myself by body shaming me, always lying to me and you were just verbally and mentally abusive to me. So, what do you mean by saying that you are sorry and that you didn’t mean to hurt me. You are not sorry, and you definitely meant to hurt me. You knew damn well what you were doing, Juno”

“Y/N, look, I’m so- “

“Oh, shut it Juno. You know damn well you don’t mean it. What? You’re Sorry? You didn’t mean to hurt me? Are you fucking kidding me right now? You’re only apologising because I look good tonight. You’re only apologising to me RIGHT NOW because you want to take me home and get in my pants. But guess what Juno? That can never be me. Not anymore. I am not falling for your bs again. You are the worst. Thank you for ruining my night Juno. Have a great life, bitch.” I started to walk off and then I turned around to him again and I say “Oh, I forgot something. Congratulation on your baby by the way, and tell your side bitch, oops, I mean tell your baby moms that I said hi”

I walk out of the bathroom and leave Juno in there, but I notice that Hyuk was standing outside the bathroom, but I don’t care. I don’t care if I’ve missed him performing his last 4 songs. I don’t care if he finished his performance. I don’t care if he heard us.  I don’t care if he thinks that I look stupid right now. In fact, since when did he ever think I was not stupid? I don’t care at all.  I need to get out of this club asap. I head back into the VIP booth and I grab my purse, go to the bar one last time and I get two glasses of henny and a shot of Vodka and I gulp it all down in one go. After that encounter with Juno, I really needed that.  After I finished my drink, I leave without finding my friends anything because I didn’t want my girls to fight Juno. Its F/N special day after all, no need for her day to get ruined by me.

~

I get out of the club and I walked to the nearest gas station so that I could wait for my uber there. I get a notification on my phone and the Uber driver says that he will get to me in 55 minutes. So out of nowhere, tears just start falling down my face. I was having such a good day today but out of nowhere, I see my co-workers from work, hyuk, my ex and now my uber basically cancels on me. How can my life be so messed up? What did I do to deserve this?  

Its been 20 mins and I’m still at the gas station crying. But this time I’m crying, curled up in a ball on the side curb and I took my heels off because they were hurting my feet. Out of nowhere, a car pulls up, but I had no energy to look up. Someone finally opens the car door and yells my name. still crying and still not looking at who the person is, I feel someone’s big, warm hands putting my hands away from my face and I notice that the person is Hyuk. He then goes inside the gas station store and comes out with a packet of tissue paper that he just purchased. He approaches me and doesn’t say anything. He just wipes away my tears with the tissue paper and out of nowhere he picks me up and puts me in the passenger seat of his car. We get in the car and he covered my legs with his jacket and places the packet of tissues that he bought for me on my lap. The car ride was not silent at all, because all I did was cry and sniffle. I cried so hard that I ended up falling asleep during the other half of the car ride.

I wake up when I feel Hyuk placing me on something and covers me with something warm and fluffy. I get up and I see that I am in a clean yet modern studio apartment.

“where am I?” I ask.

“you’re at my house, so don’t worry. But are you okay?” he asks me as he is taking pillows and comforters out of his wardrobe and placing them on his sofa.

“I’m a bit dizzy and I have a pounding headache. I feel a bit nauseous too, I think I’m going to vomit. Are you moving the bed?” I say as I sit up from his bed as I place my arms around my stomach.

“No matter how hard a situation is, you should never drink that much for you to be feeling the way you feel right now. How much did you even drink?”

“A lot”

“that’s very irresponsible of you, Y/N”

He quickly runs into his kitchen and gets me a bottle of cold water and some pills for me to take, while he got himself a Jack Daniels bottle.

“here, take it”

*giggles* “thanks” *giggles.

“Don’t ever drink like that again and wonder off yourself. what if a creepy man was to put you in his car instead? Do you know how dangerous that could have been?

“Wait. Since when did you ever care about my wellbeing, Mr Kwon? And why do you look so sexy tonight?”

“Since forever. Huh, wait what? Did you just call me sexy?”

“huh? What the fuck?” I chuckled as he looked at me.

“Look, when I was on stage performing, I was so shocked to see you in the crowd. I was not expecting to see you because you told all of us at work that you had other plans.”

“Great, this whole situation is going to get me in trouble on Monday isn’t it? I’m getting fired” I sigh.

“No Y/N, when I was performing I kept staring at you because you looked beautiful today. In fact you look beautiful every day and – “

“Look Yucky Hyuky, you still are the same, aren’t you? Are you saying all of this just to get my hopes up and laugh at me at the end? You used to do that to all the girls in our grade. I had a crush on you for like 2 years but thank goodness I didn’t confess to you or you would have embarrassed me in school”

“Y/N, did you just say that you used to like me?

“I used to but then I hated you but seeing you on stage kind of changed my hate for you. It kind of made me have a crush on you again”

“Y/N, I think its time for you to go to bed, you’re still drunk”

“No, I really mean it, Yucky. I was the ONLY girl that you never asked out as a joke or led me on. That made me feel really weird and top of that, you used to bully me for no reason!”

“the truth is that I have always had a crush on you. I have always had a crush on you, Y/N.Infact, I still do. I made you feel that way because I thought that you would never ever like me and you are just to good for me. You made me want to be a better person so that I could finally approach you, but I was unconfident and scared of being rejected by you and that is why I started to sleep around with a lot of girls, it was to get my mind off of you, but it never worked. You have always been on my mind. When you joined the company, I was really excited to see you and I wanted to show you an upgraded version of myself, but you didn’t like me from jump which is totally understandable for the way I have treated you in the past. My immaturity got in the way, and I messed up again. I am really sorry for making you feel worthless and miserable. This information may not fix what has happened between us, but I just really wanted to get this off of my chest. I really hope that you can forgive me.”

“Wow, I don’t know what to say”

After hearing all of this, I honestly know how to react. Like should I be happy? Should I cry? Be angry at him? Like what should I do?

So, I ended up getting out of the bed and walked past him on his sofa so that I could go into the kitchen and throw my water bottle in his recycling trash.

While you were in the kitchen recycling Hyuk’s bottle, Hyuk had just finished his bottle of Jack Daniels. After hearing your confession to him, he really wanted to get another bottle in the kitchen. You finally finish sorting out his other bottles, so you start walking back to the bed, Hyuk was walking towards the kitchen to get himself another bottle. Without looking were you are both walking, you both bump into each other pretty hard, so hard that you tripped, and he caught you in his arms.

While still being in this awkward position, Hyuk would not let go of me. He was looking into my eyes and he was giving me the same look that he was giving me at the club. I honestly don’t know what it is about that look, but it drove me crazy. So crazy that I got closer to his face and kissed him on his lips. His lips were very plump but also tasted bitter because of him drinking the Jack Daniels earlier on. He kissed me back and out of nowhere we were making out in the middle of his studio apartment.

You and Hyuk both started to get carried away while making out and before you knew it your hands started to wander on his body. You started to unbutton his silk shirt, while he was taking off your jacket, your hands caressing his chest while he unzips your dress. Both just left in your underwear, Hyuk pushes you on the bed while still making out and says “we don’t have to do this Y/N. I’ll fuck you if you let me”. You nodded in agreement to what he said to you and you proceeded to let him do what you wanted him to do to you.

~ 8 hours later~

“Morning, Y/N”

“morning Yucky-“

“Okay, can you quit calling me Yucky Hyuky now? All of those rumours of me having STD’s and STI’s are fake. Same goes to the one about me having multiple babies by older or any woman at all.”

“I am so sorry, I’m just so used to calling you that. I didn’t mean to hurt you by that”

“its fine Y/N. Look, I’ve been thinking. Do you want to go out on a date with me? I want to make you my girlfriend”

“Yeah sure, I would love to go out on a date with you. “

I ended up going on a few dates with Hyuk and me and him ended up becoming boyfriend and girlfriend after 2 months of dating. I was ashamed of telling my friends because they all hated him and because of all of the things that he has done but because he became my boyfriend, I can’t hide him. I ended up telling my friends about everything and for some reason, they reacted more positively but it took them a few months to fully approve of Hyuk. Mine and Hyuk’s relationship improved throughout the months and my friends were always supportive of me too. Honestly, what on earth did I do to deserve this?

The end.

[cheskalagran]

BYE 2018

This year has got to be the year jampacked with EVERYTHING. I might have the same motivation to write now but i gotta try for my future self. (bcos yaknow everything that I dont write eventually gets forgotten and i have no way of remembering, it just turns into a blank patch in my mind lyk 2017 lol) whatever happend to 2017??? i was scrolling through this blog and i didnt find any 2017 posts lol what??? was i in a trans or??? idk i have no memory of new year 2017. well i dont want that to happen to 2018 because theres just so much that happened so here it goes.

JANUARY- I started the year in qc.

Jan 2- I saw Mamsh for the first time in uptc. We bought my very first film roll. n Agfa Vista 200 in Satchmi.

Jan 7- i put my first film roll in. took a few shots. oh and im back in marinduque

Jan14 to the end of the month- im just in duque doing normal stuff i guess idk. More MSC days. I was really stressed about being irreg. lol

FEBRUARY-

feb 2 i went to Manila for the opening of Arts Month. IT WAS SO GREAT I NEVER FELT SO ALIVE IT WAS WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED, to live each waking day to be exposed to art. agh fun tyms. i spent 5 days in Bayview and everyday i went to luneta park for workshops and other shennanigans. While this was all happening i was also shooting for our Trends and Network (?) (subject) video. Reg was my partner in this video we were supposed to put a vissual on a poem our prof gave us.

feb 3

first time to eat yellow watermelon.

went to a baybayin writing workshop and learned how to write baybayin yay

saw autotelic, better days, sud and ben and ben that night

FEB 4- still there

feb 5- attended poetry night and saw mike coroza. saw mamsh again today and we went to national museum. It was the last day of arts month.

feb 6- i went home to duque

Feb 7- i edited my footage

~idk what date but hahaha the video i edited got 75 loooool but our prof gave us another chance to edit the shit.

feb 14- mundo- iv of spades was released. idk how this is relevant to me lol but yeah it was released on this day.

feb 17- UP fair that i wasnt able to go to. Finals week is near im so stressedt

feb 20- im editing the video again. we made a storyline instead of just putting vissuals on the poem.

feb 21- the stress was getting to me. i havent been sleeping bcos of finals and editing so i cut my hair short. the shortest it has been, they said i looked like hannah baker

~idk what date but i finally passed the video and we got 85 thank god for that curve lol~

feb 24- Im back in Manila. first time to ever play with the orchestra in a place which is not marinduque. Played in Makati along with Sta Isabel peeps.

feb 26-

Went to bgc--- to the overrated Venice grand canal place to be exact.

Saw Alex Aiono live.

Bought a new Murakami book (Wind Up Bird Chronicle) that i havent still finished until now

feb 27 to march- marinduque ++ more MSC things

March 29

practiced a viola piece for auditions sa ust but hey its 2019 and i didnt end up auditioning

Moriones festival (holy week)

Watched Baconaua a film by Joseph Laban shot in Mdq. the plot was also mdq related!!! and also socially relevant at present. its kinda about drugs--- well it is about drugs.

april 7- went to ust for enrolment

apr 8- went home na ata i dont even know

apr 13 ICON MANILA DAY1

went to manila for yfc’s 25th anniv!!!!! AAAA ICON 2018~ FULL BLAST

bRO THE THEME WAS MUSICALS AND THEY PERFORMED DISNEY AND THE GREATEST SHOWMAN THEMED THINGS HUHU MY HART IS HAPI

yfc reunion yey

APR 14 DAY 2 - FIREWORKSSS AND TALKS

APR 15- DAY 3

LAST DAY

GOT AN ICON DAVAO SHIRT

NASA ICON RECAP VIDEO AKO

APR 16 ARRIVED IN MDQ FOR FINALS

APR 19- SURVIVED FIRST DEFENSE

APR 23- FINAL DEFENSE

APR 26- SHELLY’S DEBUT

APR 30- FOUND OUT I DIDNT PASS THE UPCAT YO

MAY 3-

GRAD PHOTOSHOOT

SAGALA

MAY 8- 18TH

MAY 10- SURPRISE BDAY CELEB BY THE BEACH T^T gots a new laptop yey. got another murakami book from fiel. got a cool shirt from dem. got my fav necklace (which means so much to me since it has so much connection to who i am--- its a Sta. Claire/ St. Francis pendant from Rome.) Lola passed down a family heirloom to me--- her watch. <3

MAY 11- woke up after last night’s celeb for Graduatioooon.

May 11 to 19- stayed at home and watched movies and shi

May 20-

watched Musika sa Isla’s concert. first time that i sat out since i was so busy huhu.

Went out with Reg and went kayaking

May 21 and onwards more of doing nothing and watching movies and shii

May 29- went out with sum frends i havent seen for so loooong: isa, franz, angge, ira

Jun 2- went out with the fam and tita pina to the beaaachhh

Jun 15- My first provincial Shout!!! YBB LAGUNA!!!

Jun 18- went to shannon falls!!!! hiked and swam with the fam ++ dream favor fam

Jun 19- end of Prov Shout huhu went to amoingon with the YBB laguna team. swam some more in the beach.cried A LOT. said goodbye to fwends huhu

Jun 20- left duque for good

Jun 22- went to ust to settle thingz, dorm hopping

Jun 23- went to ust again

Jun -Jul scrabble, movies, wine, milktea, mc do and a couple of city thingz. Prepared for YCOM acad. long distance organizing with yasu huhu.

Jul 25- went home to duque for YCOM Acad!!! My first and last event as a the provincial YCOM head. cant believe we actually got to put this together huhu sml

Jul 26-28- finally had face to face organizing with the pcg. practiced songs and hosting.

Jul 29- YCOM ACAD NAAA. a lot of hard work paid off in this event. a lot if crying again. said goodbye to friends again.

Jul 30- left for Manila first thing in the morning

Aug 1- First day dorm life

Aug 2- Start of freshmen week. Freshmen pol sci orientation

Aug 3- ROARientation

Aug 4- got very drunk with batch mates uuuhhh which was wrong cos its just the first day and i probably made out with someone???uhhh

Aug 6- Tomasino na ako event. Saw Ben and ben and fourplay mnl

Aug 10-

went to cinemalaya with reg,kly and paul. was supposed to watch liway but ended up watching school service. bumabagyo rn hahahaha.

first time to ride the lrt loool

Aug 11-13- spent 3 days alone in qc aHAHAHA they were in cebu

~Lol kinda  dated a blockmate or whateva at this time uuhh~

Aug 17- parents visited manila, we went to intramuros

Aug 20- kuyas bday

Aug 21-saw reg and we watched another cinemalaya entry: Madilim Ang Gabi. sobrang slow paceeeedddd but ya it was about ejk. #SupportLocal

Aug 22 and onwards- A LOT OF READINGS

Aug 28- bar hopping with 7wonders

MORE STUDYING

Sep 5- saw Sud again in ust. org week ata??

MORE STUDYING

~kinda stopped dating that blockmate na~ ahahah

MORE STUDYING

Sep 21- saw shelly, aira, and fiel at Happy T. met someone but never talked again after that nyt. slept at fiel’s

MORE STUDYING

Sep 28- YFC GA

Sep 29- WENT TO SHE’S ONLY SIXTEEN’S 10TH ANNIVERSARY WITH MAMSH BROOOOOOO (XX: XX Makati)

ang bandang shirley

lions and acrobats

mellow fellow

rusty machine

oh flamingo

sandwich???

i forgot the others huhu

IT WAS WILD I LOVE SENA

OCT 4-5- PRELIMS ((no sleeping starts))

Oct 10-pre lims. got rly unexpected close friendships. slept at dean’s.

Oct 20- Island with shelly, ira, dean and sum binilde friends. met sum ppl. slept at mark’s

MORE STUDYING! ! !

~kinda started talking to someone i actually like~

OCT 29- FINALLY WENT BACK HOME TO DUQUE HUHU

OCT 29- went to the beach with reg trisha cavite peeps and kuya francis. saw kent kuya jm and jayson at kuya karl’s

OCT 31- inuman with friends i havent seen for so loooooong, drew, ira, pam, josh, angge

UNDAS- made my term paper about islam huhuhuhuhuhu d y i n g

NOV 3- went to the beach with yfc people huhuhu yasu mat ninyah and others. quest ang gracenote were there at villa aplaya also ahahaha

NOV 4- haaayyy left duque again :<

MORE TERM PAPER MAKING

NOV 14- first meeting of that ~someone~ im talking to. went to rou bourbon. agh i actually like this guy can u believe it

NOV 16- saw ~that guy~ again. went over to his place and met his dog

MORE STUDYING

Nov 23- saw ~ that guy~ again// study date

MORE STUDYIN BCOS FINALS IS NEAR IM DED

Nov 29- adventures with dean and mia at 3am. smoked a lot this month brOo i was ded more studying

Dec 2- mom visited me huhu lord tnx

Dec 3- Agape

Dec 8 onwards- FINALS WEEK a lot of smoking//very very very ded at this point

Dec 13- SURVIVED FINALS AND WENT OUT WITH 1POL3

Dec 15- i was high with kuya and claud

Dec 17- drank with kuya and claud

Dec 19- i was high

Dec 20- mom and micha and pau arrived

Dec 21- PASKUHAN with micha <3 ~the guy~ i was talking to ditched me lol. the dating thing was “paused” looooooool things started going downhill again but paskuhan was so fun!!!!! huhhuhuh definitely made me feel things. saaw ransom collective and spongecola <3 mia and chad r now together. micha slept in my dorm

Dec 23 and 24 and 25- christmas shenanigans in ateneo.

Dec 24- cinco ako sa nstp. i died seeing this

Dec 28- BANDERSNATCH!!!!!!!

Dec 29- went to bulacan for Kuya Oyo’s wedding cute couple

Dec 30-31- STAYCATION with the fam

DEC 31- went home and welcomed the new year. smy prof hasnt still replied for the cinco he gave me.

yaaaaalllllll 2018 was rough. a lot has happend. and im difinitely not the same person anymore. whats worse is that im kinda disappointed of what i turned out to be. :/ things are just sad. i havent been able to pick myself up until now. idk if im just in the right place or in the right time or with the right people but all u i know is that things could be in a much better place. i just hope that 2019 would put things in a better place. i cried a ton shit of tears this year. cut a few scars.left a lot of people. so much new things. it was my wildest year so far. Living independently alone, surviving college and the city life--- it was very different from what Im used to. but hey i survived and im proud of myself for that.2018 u were painful---so painful.  U made me try so hard and fail so hard at every aspect. I tried to maintain ties with friends even though it wasnt rly my thing. It was so hard for me to maintain connection agh but at least i still tried. Acads wise, I tried so hard to study for that one major prelim exam and i failed--- for the very first time, i failed a major exam. I tried to love--- yup--- thats totally not me--- i tried to date people. but lol things rly just dont work out sometimes. it be lyk that sometimes. ako pa yung dinitch HAHAHAHAH lol

the first half of the year was so fulfilling a lot of fun times. Never have i ever felt lyk i knew myself so much. everything i did was everything i wanted to do. For the first time i felt lyk i was turning out to be who i wanted to be but surprise everything turned around at the second half of the year.

it  made me feel lost it made me feel alone. its 2019 and that feeling hasnt changed. still a ton shit of anxiety. god Every holiday season i try my best to get in the holiday spirit but hah this year no matter how hard i try i wasnt just feeling it.  everything feels so static i dont wanna be like this anymore. The second half of 2018 made me feel like im the wrong place am i in the wrong place i dont know.

[l-ttlemx]

hi college, how r u

O M G. He’s dating a fat ass hipster chick! I hate her stupid guts.. he probably likes her because she’s old.. she’s probably like 25! I mean she’s got a head start! Like I didn’t know there was good music til like two months ago.. hey this really burns.. 

An excerpt from Scott Pilgrim, because I realized there’s always a line or scene from Scott Pilgrim that has served as my inner mood board for all of college so far (only the O M G part was my mood, not the rest). I actually fuck with college soooo much. I’ve been video blogging every day of college so far [idk if I’ll ever edit it], and so much has happened that I always seem to miss some things also. Anyways, here goes nothing in attempt to make an updatez on college [like anyone even reads this shit lmfao]:

Days 1 - 8 of college were a hassle because I was sharing a car with my dad, so I would go to school til 1:10, go back home to pick him up and drop him back off at work in SL by 3, go back to school by 4, and stay til 7:50. I was lucky if I got to eat at all. I couldn’t find parking my first day it was horrible. I have Katrina and saw her, John, and Fernando several times. I only got a glimpse of Shey like twice. That was the warmest hit on my arm ever (bc that shit hurted lmfaoo). I think I’m good at making friends here. I like how I’m good with conversation now, I hope I never go backwards. And I have no obligation to hang with the friends I make all the time or anything so that’s nice, like I’m making friends and hanging out with people on my own terms and I think that’s so sweet. – I have been late to every college class I have so far, at least once. – I met some peoplez in my classes but I’ll only write about the ones that seem cool or worthy. 

Aasha - the best friend I’d made during orientation. Aasha is the fucking girl, I’m so happy I can mess around with her like it’s nothing. She is so funny also. She reminds me of Nyla but not really. freshmen

Christine - the German exchange girl that I met at fitness training. What a coincidence, I just asked her a simple question if we were in Room 202 and it turns out I was the first American friend she’s made since she got here. 3rd year

My english teacher real af. And she likes me. I love her.

Omar - cool gay roommate friend, Wallace Wells. So funny. From Patterson like Ate Ysai. He’s so cool and musically inclined.

Trevor - the plug I met. Of course the fucking person I turn to to ask for help with math homework would be a weed dealer. He added me on snap, he’s pretty cool. 3rd year.

Joey - damn, no one’s hit on me since.. bitch i don’t know. LOL like I knew there was some tension when I came to lab and I felt some kinda energy from him. But he just came up while I was taking notes on the diagrams and shit and starts complimenting my drawings. We were just talking it up and then he straight up asks if I have a boyfriend. Like I think that’s the first time anyone outside my family has asked if I had a boyfriend, besides the lady at the mall trying to flatter me into buying hair serum. BOII he seems cool but I’m not about relationships n shit. freshman

Kristin - nursing major that v cute and works hard in my fitness class. 3rd year

Day 9-10 I will literally vlog walking back to my car on campus after every day, no shame. LOL I have Kaz now, I love him so much. I love my family. I miss Nat. I’m so so so thankful for John and Katrina. Extra thanks to John because when I’m with John at school, it feels a little extra more at home. Ethan started CYO already, I have yet to see him play yet (so excited). I love studying, especially in the library. I’ll always be a library gurl. The people in my bio lecture aren’t as irritating as they were the first week. First week was like 1st day, Mama’s bday, Bibam’s bday, Thor’s bday, Matt’s bday, the 25th, Dad’s bday, the 27th, and so forth. I got Kaz on Sept. 30. Praying for October #librababies

[hillariekoenig15]

HALF WAY POINT!

Well it has been quite some time since my last blog but honestly you haven’t missed out on too much. After the holidays things really mellowed out. So let me catch you up on what’s been going on the past couple months!

I started the year off back at Nansei, which quite honestly was a drag. I constantly didn’t have classes and it was just very boring.

January 10th- We all went back to school for the first time in 3 weeks, except for Ashley who went back Friday. I was half expecting my classes to be canceled per usual but I actually had some classes! Then after work Ashley and I went to our Japanese class where we did Calligraphy! It is traditional in the Japanese culture to practice your calligraphy at the beginning of the year and writing down your resolution for that year. It was really fun! Mine says “Will”. Natsuko asked me what my new year resolution is this year and I said, “to find my path or my way” and that reminded her of the saying “If there’s a WILL, there’s a WAY”. So, we decided on the Kanji for “Will”. :D

Ashley’s bday was the 11th so that weekend we decided to go see the new Star Wars movie which was a lot of fun!

On Saturday, January 28th, Madi and I headed for Tokyo to see the Guns and Roses concert!  It was a lot of fun. They could learn a thing or two from American concerts though.. They only had 1 booth to buy shirts from making the lines outrageously long. Then they had minimal food stands so the lines were crazy long there too! And to top it off they only had 1 drink with alcohol...beer...it was awful..lol But overall a fun experience!

The three of us went to Yokohama the weekend of February 4th for the Chinese New Year Festivities! It was a great weekend! We first went to go see the Big Buddha in Kamakura, Saturday morning.

Then we went to Cosmo World for lunch and rode the Ferris Wheel!

Then we went to the Red Brick Warehouse. There was a Strawberry Festival going on so we stopped to get some strawberries.

Then we went to Chinatown to see the New Year Parade. That was really fun!

We also got our palms read, which was neat to learn. I’m paraphrasing but the guy read on my palm:

-You are a traveler

-I will work until I die. So even once I retire I will still work/volunteer

-I will be 90+ yrs old

-In my past life I was a man. I have the heart of a man but emotions of a woman now.

-I’m very loving and care for others even when most don’t. He said some good professions would be a doctor or nurse…

-I will have a strong love in my 20s and marriage in late 20s

-I will have two children; boy and girl

-I’ll take care of my family; good mother

-My sign is Water; Loving

-I go my own way: independent

Then we went back to the warehouse for ice skating to end the night and our weekend!

On Monday, February 13th, it was my first day back at Minami since before Christmas! I seriously love it here. The students aren’t too shy to say “Hello” and all my teachers greet me with so much excitement and genuinely express that they missed me. I feel like an outsider when I go to Nansei.

I found out that CYC sent cards back for Valentine’s Day and so my 1st grade Teacher and I put them up in the hallway!

On Saturday, February 18th, Kazumi had invited me over to her house to see her doll collection and to take me out to lunch and to a museum. I hadn’t seen her in so long I was so excited! I went to Kazumi’s at 12:30. Grandma talked my ear off although I only caught a few words here and there. Lol Then Kazumi, her friend, and I went to a Sushi-Go-Round. It was so yummy! I loved it.Then we went to this museum where there was a collection of dolls over 1000 years old. It was pretty neat.

On Sunday, February 19th, Natsuko had invited the 3 of us to a traditional Japanese Tea Ceremony, which is a big deal. It was so fascinating! There was a lot more talking than a normal tea ceremony because they had to explain to us all the specific movements and sayings and then explain why they do that. Regardless, I could see how this ceremony is very peaceful and serene. Typically there’s minimal talking and you really engage with your 5 senses. You also typically wear a kimono. It was really cool and I’m happy to have experienced that.

On Saturday, February 25th, the 3 of us went skiing! I love skiing so much! The process before skiing took forever! We had to fill out this sheet that was all in Japanese and we didn’t know where we were going or doing ever… Lol But we got it figured out and after 2 hours we were finally skiing. Lol We skied for about 2 hours and then decided to head out.

Monday, February 27th, 200 DAYS! Let the countdown soon begin!!

On Friday, March 3rd, my volleyball team and I went out to dinner for Sato’s bday! It was actually really good for a traditional Japanese restaurant! Lol

After dinner I met up with Ashley and Madison at The Vault to celebrate our 200 days in Japan! :D

On Sunday, March 5th, Madi, Natsuko and I went to Midorigaoka Park to hike the trail there. It was awful. I haven’t hiked since last November.. Lol BUT the views were amazing and totally worth it! Time to start getting ready for Fuji!

Okay, that is all for now but I have some exciting weekends coming up so enjoy these stories and be ready for more blogs!

School Stories-

- In one of my 1st grade classes at Nansei we did an activity that included “Rock, Paper, Scissors” which is how they decide anything around here. Lol But I learned it in Japanese and it goes like this,

“Saisho wa gu Janken pon!” and if you have the same gesture you say “Aikodasho” and change gestures!

- At Minami, at the end of Valentine’s Day my principal came up to me and was like “Today is special day. You call home early!” I looked confused and thought to myself “I’m single I don’t need to call anybody at home and also it’s like 2am no one is awake.” So I said, “No one is awake” He looked confused and said again, “You call home! It’s special day!” I was so confused. He finally called a teacher over that knows a little better English and she explained to me that he was saying “You can GO home” Lol and I wonder why I’m single on this special day… LOL #sorryimawkward #single4lyf

- In my 3-3 class my teacher told me that one of my students got accepted into her High School of choice and is choosing an English program. I congratulated her after class but I kind of got the feeling that I wasn’t suppose to say anything… I learned later that I was okay and she already knew… thank gosh… I’m so awkward… Lol Then she invited me to lunch so that was exciting! I was hoping more students would try and engage but she was the only one. That was okay though! I still was happy!

- At lunch, one day, my student was trying to explain the word pollen/allergies and just knew flower, nose, sneeze. But she kept saying “Nose” “Flower” and I just couldn’t put 2 and 2 together because in Japanese “Nose” and “Flower” are the same word so I was very confused what she was trying to get across. We eventually got it though. Lol

- I gave tests to my 1st graders. It was a speech test so they had to converse with me for 1 minute about one of these topics: Family, Food, Hobby, or Last Sunday. A lot of the students chose food. Lol And their starting sentence would be “I like food. Do you like food?” I had to hold back as hard as I could my natural sarcastic instincts as it would go right above their heads and confuse them. It was funny though. Some others were,

Me: “Do you like fruit?”

Them: “I like Hamburger.” ...okay good to know...not a fruit but okay movin’ on. Lol

Me: “No, I don’t like udon”

Them: “Do you like udon” … I just answered this… Lol

Me: “Did you eat breakfast?”

Them: “I like sushi!” ...For breakfast?... Lol

Side Stories-

- During Volleyball Sato, my Japanese friend who let me be on their team, brought her two sons, one of which I teach. In P.E. they are practicing Basketball but he only plays soccer so isn’t very coordinated at basketball. So whenever I wasn’t playing volleyball I was helping him practice his shooting. It was a lot of fun. And I found out a week later that he did great in P.E. the next day and talked me up to his mom and dad and was so happy, which makes me happy. :) - Couple weeks later found out my friend from Volleyball, Sato, is being relocated due to her husband’s job. I’m very sad. :( It’s the beginning of many dreadful goodbye’s.